Basic Witch

A humble review brought to you by a local Witch-about-Wellington, reviewing the places and things that will help you develop your pagan practices, revel in your arcane knowledge, and ascend to your highest self. This summer I’ve struck out to enjoy many of the wonderful things our city has to offer this season, like celebrating the solstice at the Island Bay drumming circle, shoplifting at Third Eye Cuba Street, and bumming a durry off the mangled ghost that haunts the bucket fountain. Here are some of my highlights and lowlights.

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

Fleetwood Whack at Gardens Magic

5 stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

This Fleetwood Mac tribute band, made up of local lead singer Hyacinth McKinnon and an assortment of feral animals on percussion, made a splash at Gardens Magic when they snuck into the soundshell after the evening’s act had left the stage. While some critics described the performance as “deranged” and “upsetting the children”, I thoroughly enjoyed their eclectic sound. If you haven’t heard Rhiannon played by several stoats on xylophones, you haven’t really heard it!

Event: book:

Notable Wellington Graves – Jedediah Carpenter

5 stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

With over 83,000 graves in Wellington, how is a witch to know which are worth the walk, or even which is which? Jedediah Carpenter (ironically, an undertaker) covers all the must-see hotspots for notable witches, criminals, hangmen, and politicians. You can consider this your own guided walking tour of our beautiful city. Or, if you’re one of those gifted with the Sight, you can consider it a meet-and-greet lineup!

One Fat Bird, Karori

2 stars ★ ★

False advertising— ZERO fat birds. Pizza OK. I am seething with rage.

Restaurant: Place:

Zealandia

1 star ★

The wildlife here was so mean to me. Tieke accused me of necromancy. Tuatara called me a h*g. Only witches can say that! Clearly, they didn’t learn their manners from the staff, who politely pretended not to notice me communing with the animals.