MASSIVE Issue 6, 2023: The Animal Issue

The Animal Issue

Cover by Eden Laing

Pocket’s Address

Welcome to the pets and animals issue.

It seemed appropriate that I, Pocket the MAWSA cat, take over as the editor of this publication. I have been informed it is supposed to be for this week only, but I have my sights set higher than that. When the editor Leila’s back is turned, I am making major editorial moves. I plan on revolutionising student media as a whole, if I can fit it in before my next afternoon nap.

Since it is the animals issue, I have decided to craft my editorial into a fine learning opportunity for the slavering, uneducated masses (not you, dear reader. I have been informed that as the editor, I should never speak poorly of the reader, so this is not about you; you are good-looking and of normal intelligence.) The great and noble history of animals is not often included in the school curriculum (speciesism, really, it brings the whole animal rights movement down), so it is in my paws to give you a rundown of some special animals that have made contributions to the fields of medicine, art, and science.

Balto, Togo, and the sled dogs of the great race of mercy, 1925

While I dislike dogs as a personal maxim, I have to admire the dedication, fortitude, and physical prowess of these Alaskan sled dogs. In the winter of 1925, a potential outbreak of diphtheria in Nome, Alaska, threatened the lives of many of the city’s young people. The only serum that could stop the outbreak was in Anchorage, and the only plane that could transport it quickly was iced over in the Alaskan winter. Officials decided to transport it by sled dogs, through high winds and low temperatures, in a journey that would cover over 1000 kilometres. Over the next 5 and a half days, several teams of mushers and dogs passed off the diptheria antitoxin to one another, through the harsh conditions, totalling around 150 dogs and 20 mushers. The last leg into Nome was (reportedly) led by the quick Balto, who quickly

became a canine celebrity in the news coverage. However, the longest and most treacherous leg was led by the brave Togo, covering around 420 km of the journey compared to Balto’s 89km. Every dog (and human) on the journey played a part in preventing loss of life, and they are all very good dogs.

Congo the painting chimp

Congo was an artist, painter, and chimpanzee who learned to draw in the late 1950s at the age of two. When I was two, I had already mastered expressionist landscape and portraiture and was well on my way to founding the influential ‘feline-futurism’ movement, but Congo was only a chimpanzee and not a cat, so this was indeed impressive. Congo’s paintings demonstrate a basic sense of composition, and an inherent understanding of symmetrical consistence; when a zoologist would mark one side of the paper, Congo would balance the structure on the other half. He also had an artist’s sense of ‘completeness’, refusing to work on a piece once he had deemed it complete and throwing fits if his picture was taken away before he had finished. His work grew mainly aligned with the abstract impressionism style, and three of his works sold at auction in 2005 for over $25,000 USD.

Dolly the sheep

Dolly the sheep was born on July 5th 1996, and captured the imagination of the news media for being the first mammal cloned from an adult cell. Because Dolly’s DNA came from a sheep’s mammary gland, scientists perhaps crudely named her after the well-endowed country singer and cat-lover, Dolly Parton. While Dolly didn’t necessarily do anything special except be born, I have still included her in this list because she did a very good job of being a sheep. Over the six years she lived at the Roslin institute, she had a total of six lambs, made the occasional media appearance, and generally ate grass and frolicked. In her death, she was donated to the National Museum of Scotland, where she became a very popular exhibit. So good on you, Dolly. You did everything we could expect from a sheep, and we thank you.

Enjoy this week’s Massive, dear readers, and I hope you find more inspiration from all the good animals in the pages of this issue, but especially from me.

Regards, Pocket.

What to look forward to

Love drowns out hate as supporters in the thousands show up for the trans community

Claudia O’Neill (she/her)

A sea of pink, white, and blue converged on the rotunda where Posie Parker stood –albeit fleetingly – and was drowned out by chants, banging, and music.

Blue skies were overhead and the smell of sunscreen in the air on Saturday the 25th of March, when thousands gathered at Albert Park to counter anti-transgender activist Posie Parker’s Auckland rally. Parker was escorted away by security shortly after one protestor poured what is believed to be tomato sauce over her head.

A deep sense of aroha was felt by the protestors with many trans individuals and allies commenting on the overwhelming support.

Itai (he/him), one of the trans protestors at the event, said he had never felt stronger than in that moment.

“If you just look at everybody who has come here today, I have never felt more loved, or more part of a community or more like we could take on the fucking world.”

At the same time, Itai said this was the most frightened he had ever been. He said it felt comparable to the beginning stages of World War II where hatred toward trans people was rampant.

“It feels like the government – it feels like everyone is downplaying it. And I think evidence enough of that is that this was allowed to happen.”

Itai said Posie Parker’s visa should have been revoked solely based on how many Nazis showed up to her Australian rally.

“That should be enough evidence that she is a threat to national security. But, you know, laws are laws and there are all kinds of little caveats so I get why they didn’t revoke her visa, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be angry at it.”

Trans ally and self-identified ‘super gay’ Max (he/they) said the week leading up to the protest had been very sobering.

“Compared to a lot of places, New Zealand does feel generally a lot safer. But this is kind of a reminder that you know, anything can happen. No one is safe.”

“But I think it is also very motivating when there are a lot more of us than there are them.” Max said.

Sharing Max’s sentiment, trans ally Ashton (he/him) said the response made it clear New Zealanders stand with trans people.

“As much as some people like Posie Parker would like to claim that the majority of New Zealanders silently hate trans people, you can see how much support there is.”

Trans ally Bonnie (she/they) said she felt a responsibility as a member of the LGBTQIA+ to show up for her community.

“If it’s affecting one part of the community,

it’s affecting all of us. And yeah, it’s just not welcome.”

Another supporter, Sean (he/they) furthered Bonnie’s point.

“Anything we can do to show up for the trans community and drown out hate like this is worth doing.”

Trans attendee Chixie (she/her) said she ultimately wanted people to recognise trans lives are human lives and there is nothing malicious about being trans.

“As soon as more people start accepting that and we can live in a world where we’re just allowed to be ourselves and not be sort of politicised, objectified, or you know, even prosecuted for it, then, you know, that’ll be a better world. And that’s what we want.”

Due to this reception in Auckland, Parker’s Wellington rally was cancelled but the associated trans acceptance rally went ahead on March 26th, packing Civic Square with colour and community.

According to the organisers, activist group Queer Endurance, there were over 4000 attendees, making it the largest trans rights demonstration in New Zealand history.

Signs held by Auckland protestors in support of the trans community. Photo / Claudia O’Neill

@pocketmasseycat mystery continues with new clues

Sammy Carter (she/her)

It’s been two years since the mystery of who runs the Pocket Instagram fan account started, and the owner is ready to give us another hint.

Pocket is Massey Wellington’s campus cat, usually roaming the CoLab and running away from pestering students just trying to love her.

Sometime this week, the Pocket Instagram owner will leave one clue outside Co-Lab on the benches. She said you’ll find the clue on a painted rock.

She specified that you can’t hang around and try and catch her— don’t ruin the fun people!

In August last year, I spoke to the anonymous owner over the phone.

We found out that the owner is a girl with short, dyed hair, a now third-year student with a degree that involves cameras, and her wrists click when

she moves them around.

She also cleared up that she in no way works for Massey or the student association.

This time around, I convinced her to play two truths and a lie with me.

She said, “I’m from Christchurch, I have tattoos, and I study screen arts.”

After running the account for almost two years, the owner said, “I’m an old fart like Pocket now”.

But she isn’t as slick as she wishes after she has outed herself to three different people.

She was showing a classmate some work on her phone and accidentally opened her Instagram to the Pocket account.

She said, “They noticed that it was Pocket and said, ‘oh wait, you’re the one who runs the Instagram’.”

She said five people knew altogether, all of whom either work or study at Massey.

As she is now in her final year of her degree, she wanted to pass the account on to someone when she graduates.

She was still debating whether to reveal herself when she graduates or keep it a secret forever.

She admitted that in the early days of the account when people would DM her and ask who she was, she would throw them off by saying it was a group of people.

She also wanted to mention to Massive’s editor, Leila, that she is lowkey salty that she doesn’t get to write the Pocket’s Solicited advice. Pocket has been hanging around Massey since 2014, and while many people have claimed she belongs to them, an owner was never found. When she turned up, Massive editor at the time Morgan Browne was very fond of Pocket and it wasn’t long before food bowls were put out. However, Pocket has caused a fair bit of trouble.

Past staff member Caitlin BarlowGroome told Massive last year that Pocket ran away when she looked after her over Lockdown. She said, “Someone left the door open, and I cried because I thought I lost Pocket.”

She said, “I was yelling to my neighbours ‘we’ve just moved but I lost a cat and it’s my work cat’. Then my partner took me for a walk, and I cried cause I was so worked up that I lost Pocket.”

Nine hours later, Pocket returned like nothing had happened.

Pocket, Massey Wellington’s cat, has been around since 2014.

Photo / Emily Wilson

There’s

a new baby at Wellington Zoo – Is it the right place for it to be?

Tegan Jaggard (she/her)

There is a new baby spider monkey at Wellington Zoo but there have been concerns raised over whether Wellington, and New Zealand in general, is the right place for it.

Spider monkeys originate largely from the tropical forests of Central and South America so the climate is slightly different to Wellington’s but is not too far off compared to other animals at the zoo.

The spider monkey’s natural habitat is being progressively destroyed by deforestation for the purposes of ranching and the construction of roads. According to National Geographic, this has contributed to the spider monkey’s endangered status.

When asked if Wellington was the best place for the new baby, a zookeeper who wished to stay unnamed said, “If they weren’t here, they’d most likely be dead.”

“They’ve been here for a long time, so they’re no longer fit for their natural habitat,” he continued.

Spider monkeys are also hunted and captured for the exotic pet trade, which also largely contributes to their endangered status.

He said the zoo was trying to make the best of the limited space and make it feel close to a natural habitat, with tall trees and plenty of room for lounging.

The zoo’s spider monkeys are in the shade for most of the day, as they would be in the tropical forests of Central and South America.

He joked about the monkeys hiding in the trees, “I give talks on them every day and I’ll see them maybe half of the week.”

He said the zoo had tried its hardest to help the baby and their parents feel as comfortable as possible while they adjusted.

“We’re making sure Mum is healthy and comfortable because that means baby is healthy and comfortable, we’ve been giving her extra food because she’s feeding.”

“Aranyó, the dad, is a little anxious so we’re giving them plenty of space. We don’t even know the sex of the baby yet because they’re still attached to Mum,” he continued.

The general consensus from the zookeepers seemed to be that the zoo is the best place for them. According to National Geographic, the way spider monkeys natural habitat is being treated and the way that the monkeys themselves are treated, captivity is the best solution to conserve these creatures. “It’s never going to be perfect, but it’s better than them being unable to fend for themselves in the wild,” the zoo keeper concluded.

New baby spider monkey at Wellington Zoo attached to mums stomach/ Wellington Zoo, Instagram

One eyed giraffe at Wellington Zoo / Tegan Jaggard

Chimpanzees at Wellington Zoo / Tegan Jaggard

Megan Alexandra (she/her)

High school students can’t agree over if they should be voting, with some saying they are too immature and others saying they deserve a voice. In March, Prime Minister Chris Hipkins delayed a bill to lower the voting age as he believed it would be “doomed to fail”.

He said passing the bill was “an expensive exercise to simply make a political statement and I’m not willing to do that”.

Year 12 students had mixed emotions about future legislation to lower the voting age.

In New Zealand, 16-year-olds are allowed to have sex, drop out of school, leave home, and be paid

minimum wage. 16-year-old Lily said, “I don’t see why we shouldn’t be allowed to vote as well.”

The NZ Supreme Court ruled last year that excluding 16 and 17 yearolds from voting was unjustified age discrimination and inconsistent with the Bill of Rights.

16-year-old Nathan said, “A lot of young people are educated these days on the political world and how it can improve our country as a society.”

Whether 16 and 17-year-olds will vote in local body elections is yet to be decided, with councillors debating all over the country.

High school student Amanda said, “Young people are the future, so we may as well decide what changes need to be made.”

Of course, not everybody thought 16-year-olds, at such a young age, should be voting.

17-year-old Piper said, “I disagree with it because 16-year-olds are too easily influenced by their peers and their parents.”

There were also those who weren’t quite sure where they stood.

Student Scott said, “I’m on the fence about the topic as people around my age don’t have the same maturity levels and reach that point at different stages.”

However, he said, “I also believe that young people should have a voice as it is their future”.

With this year’s election coming up in October, teenagers will have to keep fighting for their voice in government.

16-year-olds are “on the fence” about if they should be voting

Students say young people are the future and should get a chance to make change. Photo / Michael Park School

We want more of Fergus the Ram

By Sammy Carter (she/her)

Meet Fergus the Ram, everyone. He’s fierce, fluffy and with those horns, he’s ready for a fight.

Massey University’s mascot Fergus is often forgotten, especially by our Wellington and Auckland campuses. Manawatu, as the agriculture school, seems to hog all of Fergus’ time. But even they don’t get to see him much. He is the face we see every day as we walk into campus and see the Ram’s head at the top of the Massey logo, symbolising our rich agricultural history.

So where has Fergus been? Well, I imagine him bathing under a waterfall in the Manawatu gorge or sipping on a bubble tea at Black Pearl Cafe.

In the past, Fergus has made appearances at graduations, open days, and farming events. He most recently came out of hiding with a guest appearance on an advertisement for the Manawatu radio station, Radio Control.

Radio Control are developing a bunch of shorts for the Massey Alternative Film Societies’ movie screening. The shorts follow Fergus who has unknowingly been unleashed from the tunnels under Massey. Fergus has been stalking Gordon, Radio Controls’ dinosaur mascot. Gordon is yet to notice his stalker but what will he do when he does? We’ll have to wait and see.

In 2018, animal science student Martha Broughton had the immense honour of wearing the Fergus suit to not one, but TWO events. The young farmers club was looking for someone to wear the costume for the Young Farmer Of The Year show in Invercargill, and Martha raised her hand. She strutted Fergus’ curved horns and freakishly big eyes down the Friday parade.

She wore the suit again at the 2018 open day. Martha remembered that there was a shearing demonstration. She said, “One of the boys was pretending to shear me and then I was tryna shear a sheep as well in the costume.”

“It was an attempt; at that stage I couldn’t even shear very well.” She was also attempting to crack a stock whip with the charisma that Fergus demands. Martha said people always enjoyed Fergus the Ram, “people would get photos with me”.

After graduating with her degree in animal science in 2019, Martha had just started a new job as the stock manager on Seven Hills Angus Farm in Pahiatua. She really enjoyed

studying at Massey, “I loved it, learnt heaps and got a real passion for the industry”.

HOWEVER, there is one fairly large downside to Fergus the Ram - his namesake. Fergus has been cursed to share a racist namesake with Massey University. Maybe that’s why he’s been in hiding.

Massey University is named after the infamously racist Prime Minister, William Fergusson Massey. The former Prime Minister made racist comments during his career, including “I am not a lover or admirer of the Chinese race, and I am glad to know that the number of Chinese in this country is not increasing.” The Immigration Restriction Amendment Act was passed during his term in 1920, aiming to limit Asian immigrants. That year he said, “Clearly, we want to keep the race as pure in this Dominion as it is possible to keep it.”

As Massey has in the past claimed to be too busy to discuss a name change for the University, I fear Fergus will see the same fate. Vice-Chancellor Professor Jan Thomas told Massive last year, “The University is not defined by its namesake, but rather the diverse and inclusive community of staff, students and alumni.”

I hope that Fergus can look past his namesake and be his own person. I won’t cancel him for a name he didn’t choose, he’s just an innocent Ram in all this.

Track Superstar: A Tail of Chases

By Molly Richards (she/her)

I’d say it’s an instinct to run when you’re being chased, right? Well, I should be a track superstar. You know, fight or flight response. Now, before you judge me, I’m just saying I’m not about to fight a flock of turkeys chasing me down.

vet. They locked on to me. It was a standoff, and I made the first move. I walked past them; three sets of beady eyes watched me. They didn’t move, I thought I was safe, it was a straight shot back to the car, not too far. I was wrong. Oh,

I discovered the distance of admiration was behind the shield of my house.

Tūī as well. Famously territorial birds, they nested in the trees up the section in my childhood backyard. A real party pooper when they start flapping at you. Their songs were less melodic to me after that. Rather a war cry now, getting the dogs inside was stressful, you have no idea. Between the hawks, ducks, and the Tūī, it was a warzone. On a funnier note, only because it didn’t happen to me but my own mother. If you’ve ever been to Southeast Queensland, you’ve probably witnessed a magpie attack. Well, my mum never knew, and she was chased down the street. I guess it runs in the family (pun intended).

Concluding my feathery friends, I’ll end with chickens. Now usually I’m no chicken but this one was crazy. Bleach blonde feathers flying everywhere, sprinting like a formula one car. Absolutely zooming. Her little legs were clawing the gravel, drifting round corners to close the gap between us. Horrifying.

Now, I know this is the animal issue, but I have some horrible mentions of the insect variety. I went through a period where the chases were less bird-related and buggier. I had been followed by spiders. They would pop up everywhere, I had a case of apophenia (simply seeing coincidences). The eight-legged fellows who ran up my arms didn’t do well for my arachnophobia. I digress, there was this cute little bumblebee that would chase me at the fruit stall I worked at. Adorable in theory, but this little guy would come out of nowhere. Every day, multiple times a day. It was like it was waiting for me. Regardless, I do miss that little bee.

A kangaroo hopped after me at the zoo once. To be fair I was young, so it felt like a chase. To this day I haven’t been able to go into the Australian section at the Wellington Zoo without looking over my shoulder. Here we’ll get a bit exotic. Jellyfish. Squishy, but we know what happened in Finding Nemo. This jelly came out of nowhere and they’re surprisingly fast. Keeping it aquatic, I’ve saved my top scariest chase for last. I was swimming and this massive fish that will haunt my dreams started to swim after me. Now, I was on the swim team, but all that training didn’t pay off. I freaked out. For context, this fish had a beak and is aptly named a parrot fish. I hate them. I know I said I love animals, but this specific fish was that of nightmares. All I can say is it was out for blood; I don’t know how I survived.

Another quick honourable mention before I run. Goats. Baby goats– adorable little kids. However, square eyes? Frightening. Why do I feel as though they stare right though me?

All things aside, our animal friends are wildly cool, and I respect that. I suppose they’re just making sure I get my cardio in, and I can appreciate that. A reminder: keep an eye out and if you see me running you should too, I can’t say what will follow me next. What fun.

Illustration by Annick Harvey

Should I Get a Pet If I Have Eczema?

Should I Get a Pet If I Have Eczema?

By Elizabeth Chan

Some of us are blessed to already have pets, some of us have unfortunately experienced the loss of our little angels (may they rest in peace), while some of us are still wanting to have one. Meanwhile, some of us prefer to be plant moms or dads instead. But there is a fraction of us who have eczema and/or sensitive skin, who just can’t get our heads around getting a pet because of our skin condition. On top of the tonnes of cute cat and dog videos on the net, I always wanted to be that child in those Christmas movies who gets a puppy for Christmas. The only problem was that I had eczema.

In 2017, my dream was finally fulfilled when I got Honey, my toy poodle, and then crushed when she passed away from a car accident. My heart still aches whenever I think of how she was suddenly taken away from me, but during my entire time spent with her, my eczema did not flare up once. In case you didn’t know, eczema is a skin condition in which the body’s immune system acts out, resulting in dry, itchy, red, rash-like skin.

Scientifically known as ‘atopic dermatitis’, it is a skin condition common in young children, but can occur at any age, according to Mayo Clinic. Fun fact: even former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern had eczema, too. And don’t worry, eczema isn’t contagious. If you have eczema and/or sensitive skin, here are things you should do before getting a pet.

Research, Research, Research

As an eczema sufferer myself, I cannot stress this more: do some research before buying your pet. Other than researching the animal’s personality, look for pets with hypoallergenic fur, like the poodle and schnauzer, for example. Although it may generally be discouraged for eczema patients to have a pet at all in some web results, pets with hypoallergenic fur are mostly suitable. This is because hypoallergenic fur is similar to human hair. Now, I’m all for the “adopt, don’t shop” slogan and that it isn’t always necessary to only get purebred cats or dogs. But, in this case, pick a pet suitable for your skin type. There’s nothing worse than adopting a pet you can’t even interact with because of your skin condition. You don’t want to end up giving it away, as it will not only damage your mental health, but it will deeply affect the animal, as well.

Budgeting

Having eczema or sensitive skin can be expensive for most of us, especially for students on a budget. The only skin products and soaps we can use are more expensive than the average discounted body washes in Countdown. Not to mention the monthly clinical check-ups for those with severe eczema. Although, as someone who has lived in both Malaysia and New Zealand, I would say having eczema in New Zealand is comparatively cheaper than my

home country thanks to discount pharmacies and medical insurance. But, having eczema is still more expensive than having a normal skin type, in general. So, if you’re planning to get a pet, I suggest planning your budget to gauge whether you will be financially capable of taking in a new life companion. For example, how much it will cost to buy a pet with hypoallergenic fur? Since pets with hypoallergenic fur are typically purebred, they are more expensive than adopting one from the shelter. And that’s just the one-off cost. According to Money Hub, the estimated annual cost spent on dog food can vary from $600-$1,500.

In summary, if you can’t afford to take care of a pet now, save up and get one later. Don’t succumb to the peer pressure of getting one right now.

No Cats

Sadly, you read that right, no cats. Though there is a conflicting mixture of results from researching on the web, I wouldn’t recommend getting cats for those with eczema and/or sensitive skin. This is because cat hair tends to get everywhere, and they can also bring in fleas if they were let outside. ‘Nuff said.

Consider Getting Exotic Pets

As much as I cringe at the sight of any creepy-crawly or lizard (one fell onto my freaking face when I was a kid), ‘exotic’ pets like reptiles or amphibians may be your best bet. Or you could just get a fish. This is mainly because these animals do not have fur that can potentially trigger a flare-up. Again, do some research before getting one because their maintenance will be different from cats and dogs. Keep in mind that exotic pets are not as responsive as cats and dogs.

The Final Decision

So, should you get a pet if you have eczema? If you have researched, are financially capable and have the time to commit to caring for a pet, what are you waiting for? Go and get your new life companion a new home!

But, if you do not have the budget or time for having a pet, don’t rush into getting a pet now. I, too, am eager to get a pet, preferably a toy poodle or a schnoodle (it’s actually a real hybrid, a schnauzer-poodle mix). I’m sure that happiness waits on the other side and we just have to wait for the right time to get a pet. Of course, when you can, consult your doctor first (if you are assigned to one) before you make the final decision.

Meet the Wellington campus cat, Pocket!

By Danelle Mercer

Pocket first started hanging around our Pukeahu campus in early 2014. At the time, Massey Wellington Students Association (MASWA) attempted to find her owners, but they didn’t have any luck. Morgan Browne, who was the Massive editor at the time, was very fond of Pocket and quickly arranged some food for her. Now, MAWSA staff take turns buying food for Pocket.

Over the holiday closedown periods, staff volunteer to check in on her and feed her. During lockdowns, Pocket lived with staff at their home and then returned to campus once it re-opened.

Student Achievement Support Manager James Hollings remembers one chaotic night when Pocket ended up locked in the Co-Lab space.

“Pocket caused a bit of chaos that night, as her movement would set off the alarm. The alarm would frighten her and cause her to run and hide. Security kept responding, finding no one in the building and resetting the alarm. Eventually they discovered it was Pocket who was setting it off.”

Pocket likes to hang around people, so you’ll often find her in offices around campus. However, like most cats, she enjoys her own space and gets a bit grumpy if there are too many people crowding her. We’re sure many of you can relate.

Have you seen Pocket while out and about on campus?

Photo by @magnoliamakes_

Sexcapades

Cream Me Up Scotty

The first summer we got together, my now husband and I went on a luxe summer break to a spa hotel in the famed hot pool retreat of Rotorua. The hotel was decorated with vintage velvet curtains and gorgeous oldstyle furniture, there were spa pools in the garden and lovely room service. We had a sexy weekend away with lots of kissing in the hot pools and rolling around in the four-poster beds. Blissfully peaceful after our retreat, we arrived at his parents’ house, now my in-laws. This was the first time we’d met, and nerves were high as I wanted them to like me. We had a delicious family dinner that night, and his mum and I were exchanging recipes and laughing away. Then later that night, the itching started. Both of us woke up in the middle of the night madly scratching at our skin. I ripped off my nightie (and not in the sexy way), scratching at my chest and belly like a wild animal.

The middle of the night itches continued to wake us for the next few nights. We were so exhausted and confused from lack of sleep that we decided we had to get it checked out. When he came back from the doctor, my boyfriend (now husband) looked very sheepish.

“What did they say?” I immediately asked him. He shuffled about from foot to foot, a brown paper bag crinkled in his hand.

“They said it was scabies.” he whispered. Oh great. I thought. A highly infectious bedbug that we’d now infested his mum’s house with at our first meeting. The indignity of it all. It got worse.

That night, he lured me in the bathroom to have a sexy shower. A few minutes of rub a dub dub and he pushed the tube of anti-scabies cream into my hand. “The doctor said we have to put it in the creases,” he blushed. “We might have to help each other out,” he added.

So here we were, in the ‘honeymoon’ of our relationship, smearing insecticide cream between each other’s cracks in his mum’s bathroom. Moreover, we had to tell his mum and she (mortified) bug bombed the house. You may be surprised to know that the itch lasted a few weeks, and the relationship (so far) has lasted a lifetime.

Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Pocket, I’m a regular at the coffee shop near my work, but the other regulars seem to be on a first name basis with the staff. I want in on that, but I’m so shy! What do I do?

While I need only to exist to be adored, you humans must submit to the mortifying ordeal of talking to strangers before they can love you. A pity really; there’s not much I would despise more. Perhaps having to let a dog eat my wet food (the good stuff with the gravy) might be worse, but not by a wide margin. However, I sympathise with your predicament. In a year gone by, there was one student union rep who seemed unaffected by my presence in the office. This was bothersome, as usually they are all falling over themselves for my attention. While I clearly did not need her affection for my own self-worth, I know that all creatures love gifts and that some humans use this as a means to forge intimacy with others. Deposit a dead mouse on the counter next time you order. A sure winner.

Regards, Pocket

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Which NZ native are you based on your star sign?

Aries Taurus Gemini

Mokomoko, Skink

Losing a tail is very different from losing a leg— this week you’ll work out which is which.

Kakapo

You smell amazing. Musky-sweet, your distinct odour leads other birds of a feather to you, but watch out— it can also attract introduced predators.

Kea

You’re a bit cheeky and you know it, and you know you’ll get away with it too— because of the Wildlife Act 1953.

Cancer Leo Virgo

Pīwakawaka, fantail

It can be tempting to follow other creatures in the hope they’ll flush out insects. Know that you’re just as capable of forging your own path when the environment is right (areas with low vegetation density).

Kākā, bush parrot

People will only see your true colours (orange-red underwings, deep crimson belly and under-tail coverts) when you take flight, so don’t be afraid to soar!

Weka, woodhen

Although people might think you’re a pest when you’re taking food and crops from farms and tramping huts, don’t let DOC move your population. That is your right!

Libra Scorpio Sagittarius

Tauhou/silvereye

Sometimes you can be too critical of your thin, dull eye ring, but hold onto hope. You’re only a juvenile. It is sure to thicken and brighten to a lovely silver hue if you keep up good food choices (aphids, caterpillars, spiders, etc.).

Mustelid

If you live in the phase 2 area of predator-free Wellington (Island bay to Owhiro bay and up through the CBD), it might be time to move house, literally or figuratively.

Capricorn Aquarius

It might feel like you’re just screaming in the dark, but that’s your echolocation. Have faith in your own inner sight.

The trees around you are bearing fruit, so fatten up!

It might be a tough journey out to the ancestral breeding grounds— southwest of Tonga—but let your instincts guide you. Remember you can travel short distances across dry land, a characteristic uncommon among fish.

Pisces

Your house (at the zoo) will be closed this week. It’s up to you if you want to be inside it or out.

(weasel, stoat, or ferret)

Tuna, Longfin Eel

Pekepeka-tou-roa, Long-tailed Bat

Kererū, wood pigeon

Kiwi

Tales of the Taniwha

By Cameron McCausland-Taylor

The taniwha was a creature of many forms. Supernatural creatures of te ao Māori, taniwha lived in or near the water such as in caves, lakes, awa and the moana. They weren’t typically classed as animals or pets, though sometimes they would take the shape of animals such as reptiles, sharks, whales or octopuses. The pūrakau of taniwha across our different iwi in Aotearoa are rich and diverse, with some being seen as kaitiaki and others seen as terrifying monsters. These taniwha pūrakau exist beautifully across the three regions where our Massey campuses are located. So, if you’re a Pōneke, Papaioea or Tāmaki Makaurau akonga, read on to reveal a taniwha pūrakau in your area and learn more about the legends of the whenua you find yourself on. Or, even if you’re not based in these areas— learning about te ao Māori is hot and sexy, and you should all do it, k?

Pōneke:

The story of the two taniwha, Ngake and Whātaitai, is an ataahua pūrakau of the iwi Te Āti Awa that shares how the two taniwha created Wellington Harbour or Te-Whanganuia-Tara, as well as other landscapes surrounding it. In saying that, it is a loooong pūrakau, so here’s my attempt at summing it up for you, e te whānau.

Before Te-Whanganui-a-Tara was formed, it was a lake cut off from the sea. In this lake lived Ngake and Whātaitai, who were opposites in every way. Ngake was an energetic taniwha who liked to race around and chase the animals in the lake, whilst Whātaitai was a more chill kind of taniwha who liked to sunbathe and dream. Whenever they reached the most southern side of the lake, they could hear the waves of the ocean crashing outside.

Being the cheeky little minx he is, Ngake could not get the sound of the waves out of his head, deciding it was time to escape so he could finally explore the ocean. He made his way to the north side of the lake, coiling his tail into a spring shape, bursting across the lake and over the shore, and colliding with the cliff face. Due to hitting the cliffs with such power, they shattered into hunks of rock and earth, creating a pathway to Te Moana o Raukawa (Cook Strait). He slipped into the sea and was never seen again.

Whātaitai tried to follow but couldn’t quite crack it due to a severe lack of speed and strength. His stomach dragged across the ground, leaving him stranded in Ngake’s gap between the lake and the sea. He lay there for many years,

until a gigantic earthquake lifted him above sea level and caused his demise. His spirit was said to have turned into a bird, Te Keo, and flown to Matairangi (Mount Victoria), where Te Keo cried as they looked upon Whātaitai’s tinana. The point of Maitarangi is still known as Tangi Te Keo (the weeping of Te Keo).

Whātaitai’s tinana turned to stone, earth and rock, and came to be known as Hataitai. Remains of Ngake’s escape are also known as Te Aroaro o Kupe (Steeple Rock) and Te Tangihanga o Kupe (Barrett’s Reef).

Papaioea:

This Rangitāne pūrakau takes place up the road at good old Dannevirke, shedding light on how the Manawatῡ Gorge and parts of the river came to be.

In the bed of the Manawatῡ River lived the taniwha Whāngaimokopuna, who unlike many taniwha was considered a pet by the people of Motuiti, who fed him their best portion of eels. However, one day when the elders were away, the children were left in charge, making the grave mistake of eating the best portions themselves. Whāngaimokopuna was furious, swallowing one of the children and vomiting his remains when the elders returned. Not wanting to deal with the anger of the whānau, Whāngaimokopuna gapped it, going inland to where you could not hear the sea, which is now known as Taikorea. He then made his way up the river, passing through the Manawatῡ Gorge and making his way to where the Tamaki River entered the Manawatῡ, between Tahoraiti and Dannevirke. Seeing that the river took a bend and was wrapped around high hills, Whāngaimokopuna said CBF to travelling all that way, cutting straight through the slopes of the hills. Not only did this create a high cliff for the Rangitāne pā, Raikapua, but it also left a hollow on the south-east side of the river which is now partially occupied by the Mahangaiti Lagoon at Kaitoki.

Whāngaimokopuna kept on swimming until he reached Mangapuaka Stream, following it up to the very top of the hills which was named the Whāngai Range after him. It is said that he still lives amongst the pae maunga, with a mist settling over Raekatia maunga whenever Rangitāne

Illustration by Annick Harvey

descendants from the lower Manawatu take a visit to Dannevirke. This mist symbolises Whāngaimokopuna’s tears, weeping for his old friends at Motuiti.

Tāmaki-Makaurau:

In the Manukau Harbour lived a taniwha named Kaiwhare, who was kaitiaki of the harbour and protected the local iwi. However, Kaiwhare began to wreak havoc on the locals by causing floods, overturning waka, and killing those who fished and gathered shellfish in the harbour. Out of sheer desperation, the iwi began searching for help, deciding that Kaiwhare needed to be killed for his actions.

A hero came along called Tāmure, a man of Hauraki who possessed a magical pounamu mere that could defeat taniwha. A group of men entered the harbour to spear flounder, with Kaiwhare excited for a big kai of human flesh. However, Kaiwhare had no idea that Tāmure was hidden near his den. As Kaiwhare made his way towards the men, Tāmure jumped out and began to wrestle Kaiwhare, clubbing him over the head with the mere.

Tāmure’s brave act did not end Kaiwhare’s life, but it did tame him. Said to still live in the harbour, Kaiwhare now feasts on kōura and wheke instead.

Glossary:

Awa - River

Moana - ocean

Pūrakau - myth/legend/story

Te ao Māori - the Māori world

Iwi - tribe

Kaitiaki - guardian

Akonga - learner/student

Whenua - land

Ataahua - beautiful

Tinana - body

Pae maunga - mountain range

Pounamu mere - a short blunt weapon made from greenstone

Kōura - crayfish

Wheke - octopus

Vet Students Untucked !

Roving reporter Aiden Wilson goes undercover amongst Vet students to find out what the actual heck they do.

By Aiden Charles (they/them)

Vet students. The ever-elusive creatures that roam Palmerston North.

Some say they live only on caffeine and their own tears. Some say that they never sleep, instead choosing to hibernate like bears over study break, storing all their energy so they can study 24/7.

Between us, I think people are telling porkies about the Vet students. BUT I NEEDED TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF!

Reaching out to my anonymous source, who risked their life to get me this information, I found out the answers to questions you all didn’t realise you had…

Due to the highly sensitive nature of this interview, our secret source will go by an alias, and totally not their real name.

Elsa is a fourth year Vet student studying on the Palmy campus. Thanks to my incredible journalistic skills (asking nicely) I was able to obtain the hot goss about her area of study.

So, Elsa, you've been a vet student for quite some time now. What would you say the most difficult aspect of studying vet is?

The grind never stops! Even if you need a break, lectures and labs don’t stop for you, and taking much time off means that you are going to be much busier later down the track. It can be really challenging to stay on top of everything!

What attracted you to study Vet?

I grew up on a small farm and knew I wanted to be a Vet since I was little (very cliche, I know), and as I grew up my interests continued to align with this career path. I really enjoyed science in high school and wanted a challenging and hands-on tertiary education which all led me to try out for Vet!

What would you say a typical "day in the life of a vet student" looks like?

Every day has a lot of variation, but usually you have a couple of hours of lectures and a practical aspect, for

example going to LATU (Masseys large animal teaching unit) to work on farm animal skills. In between our face-toface teaching, you can find most vet students studying in the library, consuming unhealthy amounts of caffeine, and complaining about Integrative Case Studies or 120-page CAMPST lectures.

If you had to name ONE key thing you adore about your study, what would it be?

Everything I learn is relevant. I love Vet because it is such a practical course. All my lectures, labs and practicals are teaching me skills I’ll be using every day when I am a qualified vet! It keeps everything exciting and it’s a great motivator.

In your opinion, sparing the most gruesome details, what would be the worst animal to transform into?

Horses because they are fundamentally flawed creatures (fight me, horse girls).

In private, I learnt how fundamentally flawed horses are. It’s kinda scary…

There’s a reason why Vet is considered one of the hardest degrees, and unsurprisingly that reason is because it’s one of the hardest degrees. But there’s a reason for that, that reason being these students will be the ones looking after our pets, livestock, beloved companions, and furry friends. Students like Elsa, who have such a passion for the subject and a love for animal kind are the reason our cats and dogs will get the loving treatment they need when they’re not feeling the best.

So, Vet students, keep doin’ what you’re doin’.

We see how hard you’re working, and while it might not feel worth it now, remember how worth it it’ll feel when you’re saving the life of a family’s furry little guy.

And think about the future fat stacks of cash. That part is a neat bonus too, I guess.

Orlando goes to Uni

By Leila Lois (she/her)

Orlando, the infamous charming marmalade cat of childhood picture books, meets Pocket the Massey Cat, and takes over MASSIVE.

Summer ended and Fresher’s week arrived in no time for Orlando. He slung a khaki backpack over his shoulder, stuffed down his sardines on toast and gulped an oat latte, bounding down the path towards the university campus. His beautiful marmalade coat was just the right coziness to protect him from the Wellington wind and his eyes, like twin green gooseberries, sparkled in the early Autumn sun.

He dashed past the gym, full of nerves for his first semester as a journalism student. Bushy-tailed and bursting with the enthusiasm of an uninitiated junior hack, Orlando couldn’t wait to sharpen his claws on the latest gossip going around campus, and imagined he would be a regular fixture at the student magazine office.

As he reached the tall sliding door on the precipice outside the student union, he took a double take as a slinky, sassy black cat sashayed over the bridge toward him. Hey there, Good Looking, he bashfully thought and stepped to the side to let the elegant feline through. Breathlessly, he tried to make a casual remark to gain her attention, something about did she like fishpaste or where were the bathrooms, but it came out as ‘do you want to have fishpaste in the bathrooms with me?’ and she gave him the stink eye. No sooner had she sidled through the door, than everyone was gushing ‘Oh Pocket’ and ‘Morning sweety pie’ at her, and no one noticed him skulking in the background. She must already write for the magazine, he thought, as she was allowed straight into the MASSIVE magazine office and hopped breezily onto the couch. Meanwhile Orlando shuffled awkwardly at the door, patting down his wild ginger fur and picking bits of fish out of his teeth with his claws.

‘Tell me you’ve got a good pitch,’ Pocket cued him, ‘Or go away...we don’t have all day.’

Chunky Creatures

By Cameron McCausland-Taylor

A kaitiaki of the sea, she soars under the current with my tīpuna on her back, her mauri leaving trails of bright blue amongst the dark.

Across the village, her thick tinana sustains whānau after whānau, allowing generations of mokopuna to come alive.

Black and white, her dangling teats nourish her offspring, and later, the offspring of those who suck her dry for pūtea.

Look at all she provides for us.

Yet, we still get fucked off when someone calls us a whale, a pig, or a cow.

Gingerly (excuse the pun), Orlando cleared his throat and began ‘I’ve an idea...’ he stammered. ‘I’m finding MASSIVE’s ethos a little... hypocritical.’ He added.

‘What do you mean ‘hypokittycal’?’ She quipped.

‘Because we’re supposed to be platforming independent, inclusive, diverse writers and, ugh...’

‘Cough it up.... No, not a furball!’ She shuddered as he cleared his throat again.

‘Well, at the moment, MASSIVE is quite... how do I put it... anthropocentric.’

‘You mean.... speciesist?’ She whispered, as if frightened of her own words. ‘Well, now you mention it... they’ve only given me one measly column, and hardly a byline.’ She scratched her head with a catty look on her face.

‘What do you say we do a takeover of the magazine?’ He smiled. The editors, Leila and Emily, were out for their morning coffee break at Tussock Café.

‘Now’s our chance, Orlando,’ Pocket said as she sprung up onto the editor’s chair and opened the laptop.

A brief paws for thought and a flurry of typing as Pocket and Orlando began their furrst editorial and came up with the most hiss-terical, purr-fect issue yet, The Animal Issue.

Predator Free Wellington

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

Predator Free Wellington is an initiative taking on what some are calling an impossible task— turning Wellington into the world’s first predator-free capital city. That’s the eradication of all rats, mustelids (ferrets, stoats, and weasels), and possums in the city, introduced species which pose a significant threat to our native birds and other wildlife. As difficult as it may seem, it would be a huge leap forward for conservation, and PFW are already making huge, huge steps.

Why predator-free? What’s so bad about those stoats and possums?

Across the motu, an estimated 68,000 native birds are killed by introduced predators every night. Millions each year. That’s not even mentioning the native lizards and insects that also play a key part in Aotearoa’s ecosystem. Rats, mustelids, and possums also cause a lot of economic damage as agricultural, industrial, and domestic pests, and occasionally pose a threat to human and animal health through disease carrying.

We already have some native species like kākā, kākāriki, and hihi colonising suburbs around Zealandia. By removing predators from this area, these natives can find safe spaces to thrive and populate.

What’s the plan, then?

Predator Free Wellington’s staff is supported by a network of households, community groups, and organisations working towards a common goal of creating a city where our native wildlife can thrive. There are many backyard chapters and reserve groups that make up the conservation effort. Every suburb has a predator-free chapter run entirely by volunteers who work to distribute traps into backyards across the city. The predator-free efforts are also supported by the many reserve groups that work towards the upkeep of Pōneke’s green spaces. It's a special project, as it’s taking the ‘predator-free’ movement beyond off-shore islands like Matiu/Somes Island and fenced reserves like Zealandia, and into an urban, populated area. Over 200,000 people live and work in Wellington, and PFW is writing the script for urban eradication so we can live and work alongside our native taonga.

Thanks to the efforts of PFW, the Miramar peninsula up to the Wellington airport is almost entirely predator-free, with all weasels and Norway rats eradicated, and only a few ship rats remaining. That’s the project’s ‘phase 1’ area, with the

airport serving as a natural boundary. The plan is to move this boundary out further and further, until eventually the whole city is free from these predators. Up next is phase 2, with the buffer running from the CBD down through the green belt all the way to Ōwhiro Bay. This phase will involve over 900 traps and bait stations and brings new complexities with different terrain and population density. It also brings about new excitements, as PFW will begin working with Wellington institutions like Wellington Zoo, Government House, and Wellington Regional Hospital.

How do we know it’s working?

• Norway rats and weasels have been eradicated on Miramar Peninsula (Phase 1) which is a first for New Zealand in the urban context, and Ship rats are at record low levels.

• Research shows a 51% increase in the detection of birds on the Miramar Peninsula since the eradication began. This includes a 550% increase in pīwakawaka (NZ fantail) and a 275% increase in riroriro (grey warbler).

• Kārearea, our native falcon, have successfully bred on Miramar over the last 3 years and other highly endangered species such as kākāriki (red crowned parakeet) and kākā have been recorded on detection cameras for the first time in living memory.

• It's not just about the birds – On Miramar there has also been a 200% increase in tree wētā and anecdotally, increases in lizards (such as the ngahere gecko and raukawa gecko) and skinks.

• Social research has shown that PFW has achieved equitable deployment of traps and bait stations across the Miramar Peninsula landscape irrespective of the socioeconomic context. This is important because it means ALL residents can enjoy the benefits of rat-free homes and increased native wildlife.

How can I get involved?

Become a community ranger for the Phase 2 buffer project. As a community ranger, you'll be fully trained and provided with all the necessary gear to help install, service and monitor devices. If this sounds like something you would be interested in, please sign up using this link: https:// bit.ly/PFWvolunteer

Join your local community trapping group. In total, there are 58 community backyard and reserve trapping groups across Wellington. There is one for every suburb, and one for each major reserve across the city. These groups are

already doing so much for local wildlife, and it is simple and easy to work with them and get involved in backyard trapping. Learn more and find your chapter on the Predator Free Wellington website, www.pfw.org.nz

PFW also holds trap-building workshops twice yearly to boost community trapping supplies, so keep an eye out on their Facebook page to volunteer at the next one.

Learn More

If you’re interested in learning more, there are lots of resources available on the Predator Free Wellington website. Learn more about property pest control, backyard trapping, pest identification, and more at www.pfw.org.nz/ get-involved/resources/

Follow the journey on their social channels. Facebook (www.facebook.com/predfreewelly) Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/predfreewelly/) LinkedIn (www.linkedin.com/company/predator-freewellington/).

Special Thanks

This article was made possible by the work of Eleanor Dewar, Programme Manager of Predator Free Wellington, who generously provided us with the awesome info and pictures we’ve used. In the following pages, you’ll find images of some of Predator Free Wellington’s hard work in our community. Thanks, Eleanor, and thank you to all staff and volunteers at PFW who are working to make our city an amazing place for our native wildlife! Ka pai tō mahi!

Emma Rowell

Ian Robertson

Emma Rowell

Jim Huylebroek

Emma Rowell

Emma Rowell

Emma Rowell

Jim Huylebroek

Hannah Wareing

Ian Robertson

Ian Robertson

Ian Robertson

Emma Rowell

Hannah Wareing

Ian Robertson

Hannah Wareing

Ian Robertson

The Massive Pets

Tails

Smokey

Molly Couper

Poppy

Orlando

Whiskey Daisy Honey

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