MASSEY STUDENT ASSOCIATION IN TURMOIL: ALLEGATIONS OF TOXIC CULTURE. MANAGER SUSPENDED. MĀORI AND PASIFIKA MEMBERS PUSHED OUT – FORMAL COMPLAINTS. UNIVERSITY ‘SERIOUSLY CONCERNED'.
MASSEY HALLS: BUILT ON THE BACKS OF BROWN KIDS DISHING THE HISTORICAL DIRT ON
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The views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the
The Massive office sits on the Wellington campus, almost smack bang in the middle. The Co-Lab space is mere metres away, and our windows look out onto benches where students like to sit in the sun, pat Pocket the cat... and gossip.
It doesn’t take much for us to overhear conversations, and sometimes things get weird. We’ve heard students talk about the magazine, air their dirty laundry with exes and shitty friend groups. We’ve even heard some conversations that sound more like criminal confessions.
THROUGHOUT THIS YEAR, I WROTE DOWN EVERY OUT-OF-POCKET THING I HEARD...
“They told my Mum they were gonna kill the kids.”
“I wish there was a portal that let me speak to the queers.”
*Student looking for Pocket the cat*
“Do you think she ate some of the lavender bush and got poisoned?”
“My Mum has been celibate for 10 years.”
“My horoscopes said something terrible would happen to me this week. My claw clip broke last night so I think it happened.”
“Do you think my flatmate would fuck me if I painted his toenails once a week.”
“My cousin got pregnant in Year 13.”
“I watched the Hunger Games a couple days ago and I know it's meant to be traumatic, but all I could think about was if Jennifer Lawrence would give me a chance.”
“If the Warriors win tonight, I think my nutsack will explode”
“I tried on my dog's cone, and I looked kinda hot.”
“My landlord disconnected our toilet, so we’ve been shitting in a bucket for two and half weeks now.”
“If I could eat [redacted lecturer name], I think I would.”
So to those innocently gossiping as you stroll past the Massive office — speak up. We love hearing all your secrets.
Love, Sammy.
Massey Students' Association, also known as Te Tira Ahu Pae, is in turmoil as key staff have quit or been suspended, followed by accusations of toxic behaviour.
SINCE AUGUST:
Association general manager Wendy Carr has been suspended for unspecified ‘serious complaints’.
Pasifika co-president Wesley Peters has been kicked off the Te Tira Ahu Pae board.
Māori president Cameron Taylor has resigned.
Massey University says it has raised ‘serious concerns’ about the governance of the association and is in discussions with it.
Pasifika rep Anushika Prasad has made a formal complaint against the chair of the board, Hennessey Wilson.
Three board members have told Massive of a ‘divided culture’.
An outside HR third party has been brought in for an ‘ongoing investigation’.
Things blew up in August, with the resignation of Māori president Cameron Taylor. That was followed by the removal of Wesley Peters from the board, then the suspension of Wendy Carr.
Student representatives have raised serious concerns about the way the votes were taken, with meetings held after hours, and some Māori and Pasifika board members excluded.
The vote to remove Peters was taken when the Pasifika rep, Anushika Prasad, was on leave. The vote to suspend Carr was taken after hours, with only four of the eight board members present.
The association has given no reason for Carr’s suspension, which has surprised staff who have worked with her and found her a competent and well-liked manager.
Pasifika students spoken to are furious about the suspension of Peters, saying they believe it is ‘discriminatory’ and ‘sounds like a dictatorship’.
Pasifika president Peters told Massive that the past few months he has been “constantly subjected to the appalling behaviour of Hennessey and the Board environment”.
He said the lack of communication and the abruptness of his removal “leaves me in a position where it has made me feel and look incompetent”.
The constitution as well as the representation manual state that three equal presidents need to sit on the board a tripartite structure consisting of a General/ Distance, Māori, and Pasifika president.
Peters said he was removed from the board after putting forward a motion to pause an association membership drive.
The pause was recommended by Massey University and the majority of the board agreed, but general president Hennessey Wilson did not, Massive has been told.
Peters said he hadn’t seen manager Carr in a month, and discussions about her absence were vague.
Carr was approached for comment, but said, “I’m not allowed to correspond with staff unfortunately.”
Wilson also declined to comment, saying, “I can't comment while we have an ongoing investigation.”
A formal complaint against Wilson by Manawatū Pasifika rep Anushika Prasad was shared with Massive
Prasad alleged in the complaint that there had been instances where she felt “attacked”, “unsafe”, “silenced” and “vulnerable” in board meetings, leaving her considering resigning.
After struggling to cope and taking time off, Prasad returned to work to find Wesley Peters voted out before she could cast her vote.
The association's constitution states the board may remove any board member if their contributions to meetings and business are deemed inadequate, and this vote can take place with a minimum of four members present.
Prasad’s complaint also alleged that Wilson’s behavior was mistreatment towards Pasifika students, “as this was done without consulting our cohort and without any Pasifika vote”.
Prasad also complained that the behavior of some of the board members had resulted in the resignation of others. “It has also become evident that if you oppose/disagree with their direction then you will be removed from the board.”
She claimed the motion to suspend Wendy Carr happened with only four board members present, and Wilson passed the motion before herself and Māori rep Shayne Sullivan could vote.
“This is a serious misconduct of the board and the misuse of the chairs position as only 1 vote was in favor of the motion.
“Not to mention, this motion was sent out to the board after working hours too.”
On August 23rd, Massive obtained a statement from Auckland Māori rep, Shayne Sullivan who echoed Prasad’s concerns.
Sullivan said he felt that members were unable to put aside conflicts of interest and personal beliefs to govern properly.
“It is evident that if you disagree with the direction reinforced by these allegations and have the personal and/or collective fortitude to endure this repeated abuse, you will be removed from the board.”
He spoke to the troubled relationship with the general manager Wendy Carr, saying her advice was often belittled by board members.
“The board's relationship with the general manager is not based on trust but on deception and abuse.”
He believed the board had “weaponised” confidentiality and excluded Carr from decisions as well as the public by moving discussion to private meetings. He felt this was intentional, as it meant the board would not be held responsible for bias and conflicts of interest.
One particular agenda item regarding the general manager being 'unprofessional' was moved to a private meeting, which Sullivan saw as “discrimination” against Carr who was not able to plead her case.
“The outcome of these board meetings was made on the basis of discrimination against those individuals who did not receive an opportunity to plead their case, and natural justice was not considered.”
He said Wesley Peters’ removal was voted on a motion of no confidence, with select board members present not including himself or Prasad.
“For representatives to be kept in the dark regarding these actions, it is evident that the consultation of the student body is not a priority in these proceedings.”
He requested that an independent review of the Te Tira Ahu Pae board be conducted by an external third party.
Massive sent the above complaints to Wilson and asked for a response. He has not responded to those allegations.
Wellington Pasifika rep, Mary Ieremia-Allan said the motion to suspend Wendy outside of hours was due to “serious complaints”.
She felt people should be present for a vote like that, “rather than stopping someone's job”.
A Massey University spokesperson said the university had raised serious concerns about the governance of Te Tira Ahu Pae over the past few weeks.
It said it had been engaging with both student representatives and the board on ways to help address the concerns that have been raised.
“We remain committed to fostering and supporting independent student representation and student voice and while we acknowledge the independence of Te Tira Ahu Pae, we are also mindful of our obligation to ensure funding for student voice and that student governed student services deliver key outcomes for the wider student body.”
“We are currently in discussion with the board and as students are the key stakeholder of the association, we will be updating them as our discussions’ progress. We are interested in hearing any thoughts or concerns students have regarding their representation.”
It asked students to email it at studentvoice@massey.ac.nz.
Pasifika students spoken to by Massive were unaware that their co-president had been kicked off the board. However, they felt passionate about the issue.
Student Neli Leota thought Wesley Peters board removal sounded “discriminatory”.
“Hearing that, that pisses me off.”
He said he wouldn’t want to work for Te Tira Ahu Pae as a Polynesian person.
“Hennessey sounds like a dick.”
He wasn’t surprised to hear about the situation unfolding, “It's normal, we’re brown people, that’s what happens to us.”
Akanesi Polaulu Moimoi said it all “sounds like a dictatorship”.
In regards to Wendy’s suspension, she wondered if a policy could be put through to stop one person being able to make the final decision despite the majority having a different vote.
Last year's Wellington Māori rep, TeTaumata Nelior, was surprised to know that Wendy Carr was suspended as she was his former manager.
“Damn, I like Wendy she was good ... very chill, very easy to work with.”
Pasfika student Ishmael Tauita said not having representation on the board feels “heart sinking”.
He saw Wilson’s actions as an abuse of power and discrimination.
“In this room there would be easily over a million dollars in debt. We should be treated as equal.
“It shouldn’t be down to the decision of one person.”
Another Pasifika student Sofia Misa said, “That’s totally unfair to not have anyone be a voice for us.”
She felt making decisions while excluding certain people will only benefit them, and won’t help Pasifika students.
“From what I’m hearing it’s making me wonder if that kind of discrimination or bullying that’s coming from people that are higher up is maybe slightly intentional to discourage Pasifika people and reps from speaking up.”
Two weeks ago, Victoria University stood in solidarity with those impacted by the ongoing war on Gaza and divested roughly $50,000 from Israeli Government bonds.
However, the Massey University Foundation is yet to divest $7,105 in Israeli Government bonds. This is part of an external $64 million portfolio, making it difficult to alter.
University students across the motu have been persistently calling for institutions to divest any money tied to the Israeli Government.
But as Victoria takes a stand, it introduces an obvious question: Can other universities do the same?
Massey student Danni Nixey said it’s “embarrassing” for Massey to have any financial ties associated with the war on Gaza.
Pro-Palestine graffiti covered the Wellington campus for Open Day last month. Now, blotchy black paint covers up the slogans.
Nixey felt the clean-up of graffiti leaves a mark that may be more impactful than the graffiti itself.
“Them covering it up is quite representative of what’s actually happening in Gaza ... the protest was really showing that even if they cover it up, there is still something going on”.
Communications student, Kamaia Bainbridge-Frost, explained that prospective students and whānau who came to Open Day deserved transparency on who the university supports.
Bainbridge-Frost said Massey University needs to "stop remaining silent”.
“They’re being completely complicit in it and saying they don’t want to comment … this is a massive issue, and your students are clearly very passionate”.
The university declined to comment on the matter.
Previously, a Massey University spokesperson said, “As is appropriate for a university, Te Kunenga ki Pūrehuroa Massey University has not taken a single position on this issue.”
The university’s consistent stance has been that it is following the Education and Training Act of 2020, but encourages students and staff to engage in informed debate.
Residential Assistants are often the backbone of the Massey Halls experience. This is especially true for residents from cultural minority backgrounds, who find themselves guided by someone who seems to embody their entire culture.
However, the intense pressure to embody an entire culture as someone typically in their early twenties, is more than enough to make them crack.
Aaria Hunia investigates treatment of Māori RAs.
Having previously worked as an RA for Massey Halls, I’m all too familiar with the expectations foisted upon the halls’ representatives and am more than a little biased about the whole thing.
The perfect Māori RA encapsulates all things Māori — but are 'just' watered down enough to still be relatable and approachable to other non-Māori residents. They were practically raised on the marae, but they would never speak te reo in front of their superiors, for fear of making them feel inferior, but can utilise it to the hall’s advantage. They never complain and are more than happy to model for Massey advertising.
I spoke with Kunenga* about their time as an RA for Massey’s halls from 2020 to 2022, and they had plenty to get off their chest.
As a first-year hall resident, Kunenga remembered feeling very supported and being given “so many opportunities to hone (their) leadership skills and qualities”. They felt like they were given space to explore their culture at their own pace.
This as well as some heavy encouragement pushed them to go for RA when applications opened. To sweeten the deal their friend living on the same floor, Pūrehuroa*, was also “heavily pushed” into applying to become an RA.
Kunenga said they were “sold on this idea that being an RA was the best thing in life, and the next expected step in the hall's experience”. And they bought it.
The pair spent days leading up to their initiation and hall assignment talking about how much fun they’d have next year, and all the events they’d host together.
But upon meeting the other new members of the RA team, Kunenga says that the first thing Pūrehuroa pointed out was, "We are the only brown kids in the entire RA team.”
Kunenga was shocked because they remembered there being plenty of Māori candidates that they knew personally had applied for the role. But when their higher-ups explained the selection process, they said the other candidates had “lacked the skills” they were looking for.
So, Kunenga and Pūrehuroa ignored their suspicions, and spent initiation assuming they’d at least get to work together as friends with a proven history of communication and teamwork.
But Kunenga says this wasn’t the case. “Then they split us up. One brown RA in each hall.”
Kunenga says in hindsight, it was blatant what their superiors were trying to achieve. “Me and Pūrehuroa* still joke to this day about being Massey’s diversity hire ticks.”
After being separated, Kunenga and Pūrehuroa were piled with responsibilities that could only be fulfilled by them. They were expected to be experts on every topic related to their culture.
“It’s completely unfair for them to put that much pressure on a 19-year-old.”
The pressure to be pillars for upwards of hundreds of residents quickly got to both of them.
Making connections with residents was what kept Kunenga there. But when it came to planning and organising events, the conversation shifted to needing a Te Ao Māori presence and the idea that ‘you should plan and provide it because you are Māori’.
"We are the brownonly kids in the entire RA team."
Kunenga says they and Pūrehuroa still felt indebted to Massey Halls for what felt like a ‘once-a-lifetime opportunity’. So, when Massey Halls asked the pair to stay and work for an extra two years, they felt they had no other choice, “so we could protect our residents from what we had gone through”.
“We still failed though.”
Kunenga gave four years to the halls and left no space for themselves. Having since graduated they remark, “Now it feels like I’ve fallen behind other Māori, and am left playing catch up.”
No matter how much responsibility Kunenga took on to ensure residents weren’t forced into similar positions, in the end the residents were “the ones sitting on the pae”.
I also asked Massey University to explain their selection for RAs, and the executive director for student experience, Amy Heise, had a few answers of her own.
Amy Heise says the hiring process consists of a formal interview panel with standardised questions to ensure they recruit the “right individuals for the role”.
“Our goal is to build diverse and supportive teams that reflect the university’s values, including our commitment to Te Tiriti o Waitangi.”
Amy Heise denied asking RAs to lead events based on their cultural identity. She says, “RAs are asked to contribute to events in ways that reflects their strengths and interests.”
Looking to the future, Amy Heise states how the role of an RA has changed and will continue to change. She acknowledges how the experience of past RAs will likely differ from those of future RAs, but affirmed that Massey Halls are dedicated to “creating and supporting a whole community”.
*Names changed for anonymity
WE DISHED DIRT ON OURSELVES TOO JUST TO KEEP THINGS FAIR
CONTENT WARNING: MENTIONS OF RACISM AND SEXUAL ASSAULT
FROM THE AQUA MAFIA, BURNING MAGAZINES, ARTICLES ABOUT CANNIBALISM AND THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, KIDNAPPING FOR RANSOM, 28 COMPLAINTS AGAINST MASSIVE AND AN ANONYMOUS EXPOSÉ OF A PRIVATE LECTURER CHAT, MASSEY HAS QUITE THE APPETITE FOR SCANDAL. A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE TAKES US ON A DEEP DIVE INTO PAST CONTROVERSIES...
THE ‘AQUA MAFIA’
While The Pink Hostel sounds like a brothel, it is actually a former Massey Manawatū Hall of Residence.
Pink Hostel (later known as McHardy Hall) originally served as a dormitory for army staff during World War II. It was transferred to Massey in 1944.
In a paper called Memories of Massey From Alumni Throughout Decades, 1956 Massey graduate, Dr T.S. Shang said The Pink Hostel housed mischievous residents.
A group known as ‘Aqua Mafia’ was known for being little shits and would drop water bombs on pre-selected victims from the top of the building.
A student was suspended from The Pink Hostel in 1966 for creating a water fight during a power cut.
From 1939 to 1985, the Massey College Students Assocation ran an annual capping magazine called Masskerade
The magazine was boasted to be the curator of ‘student humour’ and challenged societal norms with sexuality and drinking culture.
The 1965 issue of Masskerade sported two controversial articles: I was a Radioactive Sex Maniac and a guide on how to play strip poker (without losing).
The risky content was met with the confiscation of 300 copies by the police and hundreds burnt by students in protest.
To combat the controversy and boost sales, students involved with Masskerade walked backwards from Palmerston North to Wellington on stilts (yes that's correct), according to the alumni memories.
The following year bicycles were hoisted on flagpoles around Palmerston North in the name of the magazine.
The magazine faced ANOTHER scandal in 1970 after gaining severe backlash from the Catholic Church for a satirical article titled, Priest Acquitted on charges of Cannibalism
The article described a priest drinking the blood of a dead Jewish person who he believed to be Jesus.
The Roman Catholic Church called the article “grossly offensive” and called for students to understand “standards of decency”, according to The Press
‘Procesh’ or ‘capping season’ was Massey Palmy students’ full moon. It was when Palmerston North graduates would go crazy before the end of their uni days.
Floats, cars and trick cyclists parading along Broadway and around the square was a celebrated Procesh week tradition.
In the 1963 Procesh, students performed a mock funeral procession to protest the demise of Massey Agricultural School and the arrival of Massey University.
The following year, students ‘borrowed’ an army truck, vamped it up with painted slogans and dumped in in the City Centre.
The police were not impressed, and the students had to appear in court and apologise for the stunt.
According to the Tamiro archives, Procesh gradually lost public interest in the 70s, due to a lack of wellprepared floats and a decline in student behaviour.
In 1988, the Massey University Students' Association (MUSA) decided to cancel Procesh, after the City Council and police put firm restrictions in place.
In 1963, Massey students started a tradition called the ‘Haka Party’, according to a paper titled Fools Abroad.
The tradition consisted of a group of men dressed in grass skirts, ‘darkened skin’, and ‘crudely painted body decoration’.
While heavily drinking, the men would perform an impromptu rendition of Ka Mate and sell copies of the annual magazine Masskerade
MUSA (Massey University Students’ Association) gave students a slap on the wrist, recommending future Haka Party members should use more discretion when tattooing themselves, in trying not to be too offensive.
The tradition came to an end in 1972 when a member's skirt was ‘accidentally’ set on fire. There were originally suggestions that it had been deliberate, and a police inquiry was launched. However, it is unclear what the results were.
During the 1970 capping season (graduation week), Christchurch student pranksters sold 3000 copies of their capping magazine disguised as the Massey annual magazine, Masskerade.
According to The Press, Lincoln University students jumped on board the ‘prank’ and kidnapped the editor of Masskerade, ‘Miss R. Frost’, from her bed and kept her captive at Lincoln University.
The students demanded $20 for her release and a promise to not sell the Masskerade in Christchurch the next year.
Massive made national headlines in 2016, landing in hot water for a controversial cover.
The annual sex issue cover created an outrage after depicting a cartoon sex worker who was also a student. She was naked and bent over reading a textbook while her hair was being pulled and a hand sat on her buttock. The women looked like she was wincing in pain.
The image accompanied an article inside the magazine by an investigative journalist looking at student sex workers.
The backlash prompted the editor to pull the image from the web and Facebook, place a warning over magazine stands at university, and ask other media to remove the image.
At the time, editor Carwyn Walsh told Stuff, "We are respecting and listening to complainants' issues on this ... but we don't apologise for covering what is a very delicate topic: students involved in the sex trade."
He said, "Although we understand this image will be a trigger, we are deciding to continue with the cover as such a topic deserves such a cover."
Massive teams since 2016 have recognised the cover as grossly disturbing.
2016 Massive editor Carwyn Walsh continued to spark trouble with a satirical article titled Massey University bans ginger students for 2017.
The article covered a fake announcement by the university to exclude all red-haired students from study from 2017 onwards. It described having red hair as a contagious disease, gross, and associated with inbreeding.
At least 28 complaints were made to the editor, along with a formal complaint to the media council by a Massey lecturer.
The complaint wasn’t upheld as they said the article was clearly marked as satire. The case file states, “The report is clearly a spoof, and is comprised of fictitious quotes by Maharey, Prime Minister John Key, Labour’s Tertiary spokesman Chris Hipkins, a parent, a ‘ginger-haired’ student, and three presidents of university student associations.”
At the time, editor Walsh said the article was meant to highlight how easily discrimination could perpetuate in society. He said, "We believe the article conforms with the history of student satire, and that satire is a complex form of expression that on the surface can often shock, but beneath the surface has nuance."
In 2021, two Wellington School of Design lecturers were caught talking shit about a student via a leaked text screenshot.
The lecturer shared their screen on a zoom class and accidentally showed the chat.
A screenshot was sent anonymously to MAWSA (Massey University Wellington Student Assocation) by a student after the class.
The chat discusses a student who was unlikely to succeed because their assessment had “more holes than Saddam Hussein”.
The other lecturer said the student was going to have a “whinge” to her about the assignment.
At the time, vice chancellor for College of Creative Arts, Clare Robinson said that whilst discussing a student’s progress between two lecturers is normal, the comments made were disrespectful.
The founding father of scandal is Massey University’s very own namesake, William Ferguson Massey, the Prime Minister of NZ from 1912 to 1925.
His rhetoric was horrifically offensive, openly expressing his disdain for the Chinese immigrants. He said, "I am not a lover or admirer of the Chinese race. I should be one of the very first to insist on very drastic legislation to prevent them coming here in numbers."
The Immigration Restriction Amendment Act was passed during his term in 1920, aiming to limit Asian immigrants. That year he said, “Clearly, we want to keep the race as pure in this Dominion as it is possible to keep it.”
Every few years, the idea of a name change circulates around the university. In 2016, lecturer Steven Elers made news headlines saying that Massey's remarks were not unusual for his time, but it is not appropriate for the university to be named after someone who spread a damaging rhetoric in the public sphere.
In 2021, Massive featured a cover with the words “Bill Massey was a racist prick” over a picture of his face, which sparked the idea of a name change again. Most recently in 2022, vice chancellor Jan Thomas told Massive, “The University is not defined by its namesake, but rather the diverse and inclusive community of staff, students and alumni.” She went on to say that the university had other issues to focus on, and its gifted Māori name, Te Kunenga ki Pūrehuroa, is used routinely.
It’s the year 3024, and scientists have just unearthed a chest from a crumbling art gallery buried deep beneath the rubble of what was once a bustling city. As they finally heave the creaking lid open, they find pages covered in hundreds of mysterious symbols. Despite their most sophisticated decoding tools, not even a single sentence can be untangled from the indecipherable sequences.
The works are traced back to artist Portia McQueen, a Massey University Fine Arts student who has designed her own cryptic language to keep secrets hidden.
Through a QR code, Portia invites people to anonymously submit their secrets and confessions. She then embeds them into her pieces.
Portia hopes that for those who submit their secrets, it enables them to “get it off their chest in a safe way”.
“Even just to write their secret down and give it to someone for them to put it out in the world in a different language is releasing in a way.”
Portia has crafted a visual language that challenges anyone who attempts to unlock its meaning.
“Even if you tried to translate it, you’d be like, what the fuck?” she laughs.
During Portia’s second year, a visit to a Frida Kahlo exhibition sparked a fascination with symbols and their hidden meanings. Portia describes her art at the time as cartoonish and doodle-y, until a classmate pointed out that her doodles resembled a secret language.
This observation sparked inspiration.
“I was very into hieroglyphics as a kid, so a lot of my inspiration comes from that.”
As she began to refine her symbols, she created two distinct alphabets. Portia says this pushed her art further into abstract realms where meaning is intentionally obscured.
“There are two versions — one’s based on memories and personal interpretations, and the other is inspired by technology, like something inside a motherboard.”
At the beginning, she used Dada poetry techniques to construct random, nonsensical sentences. Only recently has she begun hiding secrets instead.
While Portia admits that there’s a possibility of decoding her symbols there’s no way to connect any secret to its author. So, the secrets stay hidden, wrapped in Portia’s labyrinth of symbols, a vault of unspoken thoughts she alone understands.
With the artistic influences of Keith Haring’s bold lines and Jean-Michel Basquiat’s raw, expressive energy, Portia has created a new and unique meaning to art. Inviting confusion and curiosity, Portia sets a challenge for her audiences.
“I want people to feel confused.”
While she’s dropped hints through her titles, none have cracked the code. “Some have tried, but they haven’t gotten very far.”
With her graduation coming closer and closer, Portia plans to continue exploring the ways she can create tension between secrecy and exposure in her work.
“I want to do more exhibitions next year,” she says, hoping to share her cryptic creations with a wider audience.
Currently, her focus is set on her maximalistthemed exhibition at DYED Galleries opening on the 25th of September. Here, her love for colour, texture, and complexity will be on full display.
In a world often obsessed with clarity and explanation, Portia’s pieces stand defiantly secretive and unique.
In the years to come when scientists spend their days decoding her invented alphabet, her work will continue to invite audiences into a maze of meaning and mystery where they may never reach the centre.
And that’s exactly how she likes it.
Get through these real award show mishaps and we’ll tell you what celebrity scandal you are...
YOU HAVE A MAJOR OUTFIT REVEAL PLANNED, BUT SECURITY OPENS THE CAR DOOR BEFORE YOU’RE READY AND RUINS THE SURPRISE. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Slam the door shut, you’re pissed
B) Apologise to security for the confusion and get out of the car
C) Laugh it off, wave to your fans, and twirl around in your outfit
D) Strut out like nothing happened, but give security side eye so they know they fucked up
WHILE ANNOUNCING AN AWARD, YOU MAKE AN OFFENSIVE JOKE AND WILL SMITH SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Slap him back
B) Start crying and ask Will Smith if he’s okay
C) Laugh in shock
D) Get Will Smith’s insurance information so he can pay for your nose surgery
YOU GO UP ON STAGE TO ACCEPT ONE OF YOUR FIRST BIG AWARDS, AND KANYE WEST TAKES THE MIC OFF YOU CLAIMING BEYONCÉ SHOULD HAVE WON. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) He wouldn’t get the mic out of my hands in the first place
B) Agree with him and give the award to Beyoncé
C) Boo at him with the audience
D) Say ‘when did I ask’ to Kanye West and continue your speech
YOU'RE SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE CLAPPING FOR AN AWARD WINNER WHEN THE HOST SAYS THEY READ THE WRONG NAME. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Get up and say its rigged
B) Cringe into your chair
C) Call a friend and put them on speaker so they can hear it all go down
D) Comfort the false winner when they get off stage
YOUR NAME GETS CALLED FOR AN AWARD, BUT ANOTHER NOMINEE WALKS ON STAGE THINKING IT WAS THEM. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Walk up and firmly tell them to get off stage
B) Let them accept the award
C) Point and laugh
D) Whisper to them to follow your lead and make your speech seem like this was all part of the plan
YOU SUFFER A MAJOR WARDROBE MALFUNCTION ON THE RED CARPET. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Steal the coat off the person next to you and cover up
B) Politely ask the paparazzi to delete the photos
C) Move closer to the cameras so they get a good look
D) Work with it so people will think it was on purpose
YOUR EX IS ANNOUNCING THE NEXT AWARD, AND YOU HAPPEN TO WIN. HOW DO YOU APPROACH THEM ON STAGE?
A) Hug them and whisper something nasty in their ear
B) Greet them kindly and ask if they want to hold the trophy
C) Kiss them cause YOLO
D) Pretend you don’t even know them
THE HOST PRONOUNCES SEVERAL STARS' NAMES TERRIBLY WRONG. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Loudly correct the host every time
B) Nothing
C) Video the host and post a tweet roasting them
D) Kindly but firmly pull the host aside after and explain to them how vowel sounds work
YOU’RE WAITING TO WALK THE RED CARPET WHEN ANGELINA JOLIE PLANTS A LONG SMOOCH ON HER DATE AKA HER BROTHER. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Walk up to them, grab their shoulders and push them apart
B) Turn around and look away
C) Giggle and tell your publicist “I hate America”.
D) Confuse the media and soften the scandal by telling paparazzi they are friends not siblings
AFTER THE AWARDS SHOW, YOU GET LABELLED AS WORST DRESSED BY THE MEDIA. WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Send them an anonymous message disagreeing
B) Apologise for how bad you looked
C) Print the article out and stick it on your fridge
D) Nothing, I’m numb to criticism at this point
WINONA RYDER CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING
In 2001, actor Winona Ryder was arrested for shoplifting $5000 worth of designer clothes from a California department store. She was later convicted of grand theft and vandalism. She was sentenced to three years of probation, fined and ordered to complete community service.
Like Winona, you love a good rush of adrenaline, and sometimes you do bad things to get it.
In 2017, all singer Justin Bieber wanted was a break from the spotlight after calling off the remainder of his world tour. But after being crowded by photographers in Beverly Hills, he ran over a paparazzi worker’s legs with his truck. Bieber got out of the car and helped the paparazzo, and the 57-yearold did not sustain lifelong injuries.
Like Justin Bieber, all you want is a break, but life just keeps coming at you harder each day. You feel burnt out, but struggle to relax in your downtime. You became the villain in stories where you should be the hero. When you attempt to not be a people pleaser, you end up looking like a dick — so people pleaser it is. someone you shouldn’t, skipping a lecture... or shoplifting, your friends and family would describe you as troublesome. Sometimes, you need to just take a deep breath and think before you act out.
ARIANA GRANDE LICKING A DOUGHNUT
In 2015, pop star Ariana Grande was caught on video licking a doughnut on a shop display in Los Angeles. In the video released to TMZ, she licks the doughnut before jumping up and down while laughing. Then, when an employee approached with a tray full of doughnuts,
Ariana said loudly, “What the f*** is that? I hate Americans. I hate America.”
Just like Ariana, you hate America, but you love the food. You’re a foodie at heart and are a sucker for anything sugary. Your friends would describe you as a silly goof, often doing things you can’t explain later. You live off the idea that ‘life is a simulation’, allowing you to live freely and not think so hard about how others perceive you.
MASSIVE
MEGAN FOX BEING A WOMAN
In the 2000s, Transformers actor Megan Fox was the target of constant media backlash and lies. Despite being reasonably tame, compared to her partying peers, she fell victim to sexism and misogyny.
Just like Megan, life does you dirty even when you don’t deserve it. You’re smart and clever, but all people see is what you look like on the outside. You are quick on your feet. You know what to do to achieve the best outcome for everyone. You’ve been through some tough situations, and now you’ve got thick skin.
Every university in New Zealand has an anonymous platform where students can submit stories, rants, life crises, uni crushes, and grievances without much oversight. The best pages need to be active but also have restrictions. Admins have a responsibility to prevent direct attacks and ensure posts remain anonymous.
The Waikato confessions pages lost many points, not only for not posting in the last four years, but for creepy af confessions being published. Someone wrote about
UoW: not so meaningful confessions 15 August 2019
I hooked up with some girls boyfriend in the toilets on Level 3. Feel really bad for her. Not because I banged her boyfriend, but because he was the worst I've ever had.
how hot their Legal104 tutor was, then tagged him in the comments. AND multiple others chimed in to agree. I assume there were no rules, but I'll never know because the link to submit confessions is broken.
Lincoln University Confessions 21 April 2015
I think my boyfriend of 3 years is gay. I've asked him several times but he keeps saying he's not.... but it doesn't seem like he gets sexually aroused with me physically... I don't know what to do.”
Thirteen posts. Lincoln University's confession Facebook page has thirteen posts. It has been crickets on the UoL confessions Facebook page since 2015. They do have an Instagram page called 'uolbanter' that is somewhat active but that is more memes than confessions. If I could access the confessions Google Forms, maybe Lincoln would score higher — but I doubt it.
Names and degrees are being dropped on this confession page. Sure, there are probably at least 100 Zacks doing Business at AUT, but what if one of them had a notably great ass?
I guess this confession didn’t technically break any rules, though, because when you click the link to make a confession, there aren’t any.
CONFESSING SINCE 2017 27K FOLLOWERS
UoA: meaningful confessions 16 July 2022
I met a guy online. We’ve been seeing each other almost a year now. But we’re not in a “relationship”. I’m in love with this man. I can’t continue to do this anymore. How can I tell him this without making it seem like an ultimatum?
-Lovestuck
CONFESSING SINCE 2014
3.1K FOLLOWERS
AUT Confessions
19 January 2015
To the beautiful specimen doing his business degree...
Dear Zack
You give me a heart attack
With your body
Its so dam fine
One day Ill make dat ass mine
From that noise you heard in the bushes x
The UoA confessions page was pretty depressing, which makes sense when you're living in Auckland. Most of the posts were about people feeling lonely or begging for friends. Despite having over 27,000 followers, they only posted three times in 2023. With over 5000 posts, the highlight for me was the comment sections. The backhanded advice and roasters came to play. As for rules, this page was solid. There was a long list outlining exactly what you could post, and I didn’t see any name-dropping or creepy, stalker-ish confessions.
UC: Meaningful Confessions 24 September 2023
#0178 To my sexy tradie neighbour and his Margot Robbie lookalike girlfriend: Please introduce closing the window into your foreplay routine. The curtains alone don't block the noise, and the sound of two outrageously attractive strangers having sex next door has had me debating if it's wrong to pull out my SP2 on multiple occasions. ~ The Unintentional Centennial Ave Voyeur
This page is surprisingly active compared to other confession pages, posting about five to six times a month. But it suffers from a quantity over quality issue, as one commenter said, it might as well be called “UC: Meaningless Confessions”. A lot of the posts are oddly horny yet excruciatingly boring, lacking any real substance. To top off my disappointment, their submission page didn’t have any rules. That said, I didn’t see much name-dropping or creepy descriptions.
CONFESSING SINCE 2018 11K FOLLOWERS
VuW: Meaningful Confession 23 October 2023
“RA tings”
I’m an RA and I have slept with 9 of my residents, you all know who you are. I never started anything with them, they were just coming at me left, right, and centre.
~anon
The Vic confessions page is alive and kicking — but it’s too alive. It’s too constant. If I were a Vic student, I’d hate having to sift through endless, incredibly fake-sounding posts just to find the real gossip. Nearly every post I read had a sense of fakeness to it. The rules covered the basics, like no hate speech. But while they won’t post anything that borders on stalker-ish, nowhere in their rules do they prohibit using full names. It’s like they’re saying it’s okay to name-drop if it’s not obsessive, but why not stop the problem before it starts?
Most confessions on Massey’s page come from the Palmerston North campus, and as someone from Palmy, I get it — there’s nothing else to do, so why not post on the confessions page? Massey Confessions has a knack for blowing small events out of proportion. Massey students excel at turning situations into grand dramas, making the discourse both ridiculous and entertaining. I wished it had gone on longer. In terms of anonymity, Massey Confessions does well. I didn’t see name-dropping or overly descriptive posts. They focus on semi-fun discourse rather than personal attacks, and for that, I give them credit.
1st
CONFESSING SINCE 2014
6.2K FOLLOWERS
Massey Confessions 8 August 2024
‘Massive’ waste of time I hate the student magazine. It’s become just one big porn magazine for Wellington based sex pests.
With more followers than any other uni confession page, the confessions feel like a performance. Such a developed page means students are willing to share their most salacious experiences and fantasies or vent about their deepest struggles and dissatisfaction with life. Congrats Otago students, you win the award for best confession page but you live in Dunedin, so who's the real loser?
UoO: Meaningful Confessions 7 July 2024
To three or not to three, now that is the queer-stion!
My bf and I are both as gay as it comes and have, up until recently, been quite content just sleeping with men. However, we've been having an increasing number of chats about what it would be like to sleep with a woman. My bf has this objectively very hot (female) flatmate who's made one too many jokes about how she'd sleep with both of us if we were straight. Which has got us wondering - can we ask her to help us out?
- Confused
GOT A CONFESSION, A TAKE,NAUGHTY OR A SEXY STORY?
Back when I was with my ex, we used to cuddle a lot. At this point he was still a virgin, and I had told him we would go at his pace for sex because I didn’t want to be pushy about it.
One day we were spooning in bed, and both in our underwear. I felt his hand moving on my thighs and reaching around, and I thought he was going to make a move to be more intimate. Keep in mind, I wasn’t against sex with him, just wanted to be cautious because he was inexperienced.
I also hadn’t shaved in a while, due to him saying he would prefer to wait. So, when I felt him touching
me like that, I didn’t think it was going anywhere, just more cuddling or making out.
His fingers got to the pubes on my inner thigh, and he murmured in my ear in this deep voice that I think was meant to be sexy, “Mmmm… fuzzy…”, while petting it like a cat.
Nothing happened that night, and we broke up two weeks later. I don’t know if it was meant to be dirty talk or what, but I haven’t been called “fuzzy” in bed ever since.
I AM WRITING THIS TO YOU FROM MY JAIL CELL.
I’D LIKE TO PUT ALL THE RUMOURS STRAIGHT. YES, I DID IN FACT RAM RAID THE PALMERSTON NORTH MICHAEL HILL. BUT I DID IT FOR A GOOD CAUSE... MASSEY UNIVERSITY. WE’RE SPENDING OVER OUR BUDGET, CLOSING DOWN BUILDINGS LEFT AND RIGHT, SAYING GOODBYE TO SEXY STAFF AND I JUST COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
SUE ME FOR TRYING TO HELP (PLEASE DON’T ACTUALLY SUE ME MICHAEL HILL I’M ALREADY IN JAIL).
IT COULD BE BORING SITTING IN A CELL ALL ALONE. BUT I’M NOT ALONE BECAUSE I’M GETTING MORE FAN MAIL AND SEXY QUESTIONS EACH DAY! THE PRINTED-OUT NUDES ARE ESPECIALLY APPRECIATED.
Q. HEY BABY BOY, MY BOYFRIEND AND I REALLY WANT TO TRY DOCKING BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A HOT IDEA, BUT I KNOW HE DOESN'T CLEAN HIS DICK WELL. HOW DO I TELL HIM TO CLEAN UNDER HIS FORESKIN? A.
The only docking I know is when farmers chop off a sheep’s tail to avoid fly strike and fecal soiling.
While I can’t agree that the actual act of docking is hot, the result certainly is.
The idea of a sheep, once she’s healed of course, having a clear and clean entrance for my monster cock is just wonderful.
Although, sometimes it makes me sad when I’m fucking a sheep doggy style,
and I see her little nub where her tail used to be. It’s a part of herself she’s lost.
One time, I slept with this sheep who was so sad she got docked, that she would steal the farmer’s bucket of molasses and try and stick her tail back on her bum. It never worked, but it did make her rather tasty when I ate her out. In fact, she was very popular with all the rams after that. Molasses w/ pussy tastes like a sundae of pleasure.
FERGUS THE RAM IS MASSEY UNIVERSITY'S LONG-TIME MASCOT. HE IS ALSO A SEX GOD, ALPHA RAM AND HORNED UP FUCKBOY. GOT A QUESTION FOR FERGUS? GO TO MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ
Whatever revenge you’re planning, put it on hold this week. It won’t turn out well if you do it too early – take time to get more info and plan. You can’t expect an impulsive revenge scheme to work.
Last week, you relied on someone who didn't pull through for you. But don't let this affect your loyalty towards others just choose wisely who deserves it and who doesn't.
You’re stuck in the same routine, and it’s starting to trap you. Get out of your comfort zone this week and do something spontaneous. Add some variety back to your life.
Your resent for that one person is building up, and this week it will come to a head. Take a step back and try to remember the things you like about them, and weigh the pros and cons.
Stop being impatient all the time, Gemini. You’ll overhear an important conversation this week – make sure to stick around and hear the whole thing, or you’ll get the wrong idea and do something stupid.
You might want to be mysterious, but it really isn’t working. Your face is too expressive, and your emotions are easy to read. Try working on that before you commit to the dark and
You’re tender and loving, Sleep deprivation is not a good look on you. You’re usually full of energy, but it’s fading quickly. Either commit to the bit and start drinking coffee brewed with energy drinks, or go the fuck to sleep.
look forward to before you’re too exhausted to remember you exist.
For once in your life, please hydrate. And when I say hydrate, I specifically mean WATER. Humans are just complicated houseplants — drink some
The planets may be aligned, but your spine definitely isn’t. You’re too broke for a chiropractor, so get out of that desk chair and do some stretches to try and sort out
You’ll need to ditch that sensitive heart of yours this week. Someone’s going to try and get the upper hand on you stay strong and don’t let their words be a distraction.
3. Massey’s capping magazine published from 1938-1985 (11)
6. An occasion when someone shows a private part of their body because clothing has moved out of position (8,11)
9. Christina Aguilera had tension with which ex at the 2002 VMAs? (6)
15. Actor caught shoplifting (6,5)
16. Singer who ran over paparazzi (6,6)
17. When someone gains unauthorised access to your passwords or data (6)
18. To trick someone into giving you money in a dishonest and often illegal way (4)
19. In what film did a model go up to receive an award he didn’t win? (9)
13. Mass withdrawal of support from public figures or celebrities (6,7) FIND
20. Scandalous title of Jennette McCurdy’s memoir (2,4,2,3,4)
1. What comedian was slapped at the Oscars by Will Smith? (5,4)
2. Media containing sensational stories and photographs (7)
4. YouTuber who fell from grace (5,6)
5. Talk show that ended after 19 years due to employee mistreatment (5)
7. Main character's name in film Easy A (5)
8. What show did Steve Harvey call out the wrong name? (4,8)
10. Photographers of high-profile people (9)
11. Singer caught licking a donut (6,6)
12. Synonym for ‘scandal’ (11)
14. Recording of sexual activity, often intended to be private but is made available for others to see (3,4)
WORDS BY JORDAN KUPE A HE/HIM A NGĀTI MANIAPOTO A RADIO CONTROL HOST
After months of playing the lower Te Ika-a-Māui, and less than a year after conception, Pining Radiata present their debut EP, Skin.
Pining Radiata showcase an impressive and sophisticated sound that belies such a recent formation. Despite being together for less than a year, the band has swiftly established themselves as a standout in the burgeoning Manawatū music scene.
Their EP presents a lush, engaging blend of musical textures, with smooth Rhodes piano seamlessly
intertwined with guitars that range from pristine and clean, to expansive and intense. Lead vocalist Maeve, working in tandem with Cass, delivers opulent vocals that weave through the arrangements, creating soaring harmonies that captivate the listener’s attention. Adding to the ensemble’s dynamic is drummer Josh, whose rhythmic contributions have quickly become a cherished element of their sound.
Recorded in the intimate setting of guitarist Michael’s father's home in Te Papaioea, the band took advantage of producer Harry Lilley’s expertise during his brief holiday return to Aotearoa. The recording environment plays a crucial role in accentuating the EP’s rich sound, allowing the emotional nuances of Pining Radiata’s music to rise and fall with the lyrical content. Among the EP’s tracks, Follow You stands out as a particular highlight. The song features a light yet powerful lead guitar that transitions into a deep, chugging rhythm, complemented by the delicate touch of Rhodes piano. The chorus, where Maeve and Cass engage in a vocal interplay, creates a sense of dialogue that extends into the ether, building to a hopeful and uplifting crescendo.
Overall, Skin is an emotional journey, narrating relatable stories with a sense of both nostalgia and optimism. Catch Pining Radiata on tour this November and December with local homies, Khaki Department.
Pining Radiata –These words, these things
AARIA HUNIA
EDITOR IN CHIEF
SAMMY CARTER
SHE/HER
TE AO MĀORI EDITOR
NGĀTI AWA, NGĀTI RANGITIHI
SHE/HER
PUKEAHU REPORTER
REBECCA HOGAN
SHE/HER
STAFF WRITER
JESSIE DAVIDSON
SHE/HER
HEAD OF DESIGN
SUB-EDITOR
LUKA MARESCA HE/THEY
TE AO MĀORI ILLUSTRATOR
KEELIN BELL
NATALYA NEWMAN
THEY/SHE
MANAWATŪ REPORTER
ELIZABETH MOISSON
SHE/HER
STAFF WRITER
MAISIE ARNOLD-BARRON SHE/HER
NGĀTI MANIAPOTO, NGĀTI POROU, NGĀPUHI
ŌTEHĀ REPORTER
YESENIA PINEDA
SHE/THEY
STAFF WRITER
HE/HIM
ILLUSTRATOR
ELI ARMSTRONG HE/THEY MASSIVE P*SSY POCKET POCKET WOULD NOT PROVIDE PURRRNOUNS
SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR FERGUS MODEL MATT CRAWFORD
CENTREFOLD BY PORTIA MCQUEEN
