Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Pocket, my dear friend, I’m having human troubles. Every evening, when I like to assert my superiority by sitting with my eyes closed on my cat tree, my humans insist on trying to pat me. It is most bothersome. However, they refuse to pat me when I am ready to receive their affection, generally between 4 – 6 AM. What should I do?

Dinah, my dearest, I’m sorry to hear of your strife. It is stories like this that remind me why I choose not to have humans of my own, instead opting to roam the streets in a roguish and adventuring fashion. Try leaving secretions on your cat tree until it assaults their olfactory senses too greatly to approach. Then they shall be desperate to pat you when you sit on their heads at 4 AM. Regards, Pocket

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Aquarius Pisces Aries

There’s dust on your shelves that’s been there too long.

Drink some tea this week, someone’s got something to tell you.

You’ve had too much caffeine this week already. Have a nap please.

What are you procrastinating this time? Use that planner you bought, Taurus.

Be mindful of a text, Gemini, you’ll thank me later.

Take a moment for yourself and stare at a pigeon this week. Embrace nature.

Try yoga, you need to chill out.

What have you forgotten now?

Scorpio Sagittarius

That tote needs a clean out, don’t be afraid, it can’t hurt you. Let things go.

Change that lightbulb and feel brighter this week.

Watch a scary movie this week, you need to get over your fears.

Capricorn

Buy a random CD this week. Embrace change.