An Online Shopping Hellscape

By Molly Richards (she/her)

In my experience, online shopping is a hellscape. Let me explain. I acknowledge that there is a time and place for online shopping. You don’t always have access to the shops you want, or you can’t or don’t want to go to them (I understand). In this case, online shopping makes sense, there’s no shame here. I won’t judge you for online shopping, I’ve been there. In my personal experience it began as a convenience thing and because of this, it’s so easy to get sucked into the consumerist wormhole online. You know that little cart in the corner of your screen is magic.

I’ve largely stopped buying stuff online, not to say you should as well but I’ll tell you why I have. Now, I don’t want to come across all high and mighty. I still online shop, just not often. For starters, I hate waiting. That sounds bad, but if I buy something I want it now. I guess that’s me just being impatient, but the stress of waiting for a package isn’t something I revel in. I tell you I’m tracking that pair of shoes down every day until it shows up at my door. It’s all consuming, or should I say it’s consumerism.

If we’re talking clothes, shopping in a store isn’t the only way to go (obviously, this is an online shopping feature). What I mean to say is that I love going to the shop when it suits me. I want to try stuff on and at the same time I hate it. I want to touch the clothes and see how they look when it works out. When it doesn’t, and I hate everything I’ve tried, I don’t want to shop again. That’s why I don’t own any jeans, I hate jean shopping. They never fit right and it’s exhausting. That’s not a problem when online shopping. You like something, you guess the size, and hope for the best. What a dangerous little game. You see how easy it is to get lost. I suppose it’s that excitement of when your haul finally arrives. But have you ever asked yourself ‘why the Hell did I buy that?’ I have.

When I started getting money in from summer work, I thought I’d treat myself. With no time to go out and shop between shifts, I turned to online shopping. I needed some new shoes but naturally that turned into a new wardrobe. I like to think I have great self-control; I get only what I need, usually. However, I don’t know what possessed me to buy that bodysuit. I wonder if I was trying to relive my ballet days. I wasn’t. I thought it would look cool with some dress pants. It didn’t. For starters, it was too small, and then the colour wasn’t what thought it would be. Thinking back, if I had tried it on in a shop, I certainly wouldn’t have bought it. Yet being a naïve online shopper, I was convinced. It was on sale, the model in the picture looked great in it so I risked it. Those ads can get you as well. Got me. You search for a shoe once and you’re done for. I still get ads for cowboy boots now, all trying to call me back down the rabbit hole. It’s scary, the way they tell you that you need it. You want it, you must buy it. It’s only one click away. Wrong. You don’t need that blue bedazzled jumpsuit. Seriously you don’t, just stop.

You know what else is clever, cunning, and terrible for my bank account? Shipping. You might have experienced it. If you purchase a certain amount, you qualify for free shipping. Sounds exclusive, sounds special. Really, it’s when you end up chucking random things you didn’t really want into that alluring cart (*ahem* that body suit). That’s it really; the cart never fills up. You don’t really see how much you have hauled until you hit the check out. By then it’s almost too late. What do you get rid of? The blaring screen blinds you from the truth and your heart drops at the total $ that mocks you blatantly against the white.

Now I’ve never gotten into any pay later systems which is a relief. Paying later isn’t inherently bad at all, again it has its moments and at the same time, its drawbacks. It’s even easier now you can do it online. Slicing up that total cart into easy payments looks like a tempting justification for buying four knit dresses (don’t ask, again what was I thinking?). $19.75 a week for four weeks instead of $79 now? Doesn’t look too bad.

I remember a time our flat would receive a bag, box, or package of online stuff every other day. Getting the door had become a full-time job. It wasn’t me this time though, rather my flatties had become avid online shoppers. With all those 21st birthdays to go to, a dress was needed. I understand. I hadn’t fully recovered from the body suit incident to bother shopping. I was going through my thrifting stage. I marvelled at their trust in the online realm. Speaking of trust, how much can you give these online websites? Now I’m not pointing fingers, but I’ve seen these ‘what I wanted vs what I got’ TikTok videos and it’s wild. Funny to watch, but if that were me (and it has been), I would be super disappointed. Just imagine you thought you ordered a lamp and ended up with a lightbulb. That’s a bit farfetched but the point still stands, you don’t always get what you wish for.

The good thing about online shopping is that you can stick whatever you’re looking at into a Wishlist. Have a think and come back. That helps me find some clarity. If you come back and are like, what was I thinking? Great, you’ve saved yourself some moola. If not, get it, or if you’re unsure, it’s not ready yet. Take it from me who has dodged far too many spandex bullets behind that Wishlist. All I’m saying is take a moment and reflect, your bank account will thank you.