To Be Perfect

By Elizabeth Chan (she/her)

I always wanted to be number one at everything. Unlike the stereotypical ‘Asian family’ trope often portrayed in the media, my parents weren’t the ones who pressured me to achieve perfection.

They never pushed me to get straight As. Heck, they were just content that I even passed my assignments and exams. In fact, they’re just happy that I even got accepted into a university, even though it may not be the one everyone else I knew was aiming for.

Instead, the pressure to be on top of everything was something I placed upon myself. After all, being called ‘smart’ in front of my least favourite cousins felt amazing. I loved receiving praise from my teachers and lecturers after slaving away for my essays for two to three hours straight because it felt like I was worth it. The admiration and envy I garnered from my peers felt sinfully bittersweet.

Contrary to pop culture, it felt satisfying to be that perfectionist antagonist who always turned out to be evil and plotted world domination for some reason. Of course, the last part isn’t true. Personally, perfectionism was probably pure narcissism. Without realising it, I slipped into the unhealthy habit of relying on good grades for better mental health.

Once I achieved a record of good grades and began my life at uni, I then started to notice that good grades aren’t everything. Everyone around me was working a part-time job while studying. In fact, no one was aiming to get good grades, they were just aiming to pass their assignments. It was then I started to feel the pressure to get a part-time job since everyone else was doing it.

Even though I usually try to shut out peer pressure, this time, it felt different. It felt as if I would be seen as a person who was only ‘book-smart’, not ‘street-smart’ enough to survive in the working world. Other than that, working part-time had its benefits, like financial independence, finding new friends and, most importantly, making your CV look good.

To maintain that streak of being “the best” at everything, I became desperate to find a part-time job. Pressure just kept adding and adding as I looked at others around me, finding that it was easier for them to find a job, yet I was the only one who couldn’t. Looking back, it was difficult to find a part-time job because there just weren’t that many part-time job openings for students back then, even on the student job websites. In other words, it just meant that it wasn’t the right time to start working yet.

But 2021 me just wasn’t having it and made the mistake of rushing into working for a suspicious food vendor in a mall in Albany. All for the sake of leaving a perfect record for my future jobs. As a matter of fact, describing that restaurant as ‘suspicious’ doesn’t cut it.‘Illegal’ might.

You might think that I’m writing that just to diss my former workplace, but I assure you, I’m not. Rather, I’m writing to spread awareness that there are some companies everywhere in the world that exploit students when given the chance. So, I ended up getting exploited from that parttime “job” by someone who pretended to be my manager. I wasn’t given an employment contract, was deceived, and physically assaulted by my former colleagues. I reported the company to the labour authorities, don’t worry. Because the company was already conducting illegal business by exploiting students (I honestly would not be surprised if they did more illegal stuff behind my back), it wasn’t something I could add to my resumé, in the end. Yet, at that time, I continued with that job because I was naïve, but I also wanted to be seen as an all-rounder in being book-smart and street-smart both to my peers and my future employers. It was then I started asking myself, “why am I striving so hard to be perfect?”

Accepting Imperfection

I guess my perfectionism came from my habit of overthinking, wanting to please others, and the fear of failure. I was always afraid to fail my tests from the moment I stepped into primary school. I just thought that it will be all over if I failed and that I would be seen as ‘stupid’ by my classmates if I had to redo my test.

Even though it never really bothered me to be seen as the “black sheep” amongst the other girls in my class, I began to overthink why I never really fit in during my uni years because I thought I was making the wrong choices. As much as I hate to admit, as the only child, there is a part of me that desires to please others, so I won’t feel abandoned or lonely.

As I write, I still am, unfortunately, a perfectionist. It isn’t something I can overcome immediately, but I did see things through a new light that helped improve my mental health that could help any of our readers struggling with being a perfectionist.

Firstly, see that no one is perfect and neither are you. It’s good to strive for the best, but if you don’t get there, it’s okay. When one door closes, another will open. In other words, flopping a test or not getting a job while everyone else is getting hired doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Of course, you should aim to get good grades and a job, but just try your best in achieving your goals. Nothing in life ever goes as planned, so why should you plan to please others when people and life itself are so unpredictable? Since life is unpredictable, it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure, some things just happen at the wrong time.

Lastly, love yourself. It’s probably a slogan you’ve seen everywhere in commercials, but seriously though, you are enough. No one else is like you.