Letters to first year me

By Kate Judson

After a stressful return to study as a postgrad journalism student, I realised all I needed to do was think about what I would say to ‘first year me’. I also decided I would talk to a clinical psychologist, and other students around campus on post-it notes.

Over the past six weeks I have been through the rigmarole of moving cities to study at MasseyUniversity for the third time. I packed up all my life into my cousin’s van and paid him $100 and a full tank to use it for the move.

I found three flatmates on Facebook who I had never met. We chose ‘Location, Location, Location,’ over property. It is one of the worst houses on the street but 30 seconds from the beach. Two of us only saw the house via zoom.

When we moved in, we discovered our front door leaked, our garage door was jammed and half open. We have potholes in our driveway. Our toilet window wouldn’t shut - so we had an icy tush on a cold day. The neighbour said sand blows through our windows with a southerly. Our shower broke and was only hanging up by a piece of rope. We have a piece of unplastered MDF board in our lounge covering a hole where a door used to be, as our landlord divided one house into two. Our house number wasn’t even in the postal system. My bedroom is around 2.5m x 2.7m. Yeah, I am into shoebox-minimalist living. #studentlife.

I found it a very stressful transition and had many sleepless nights while getting settled.

The Monday of class, we had a ‘bootcamp week’ and were thrown into the deep end. That was the week I chose to drink decaf— I did not need the extra stimulation. I knew that I had to fight for my health and wellbeing. This was a time when I needed to be proactive and practice selfcare. Some thoughts of encouragement I had to myself were:

“This time it’s going to be different, I am a ‘real’ adult now.”

“Make time for people because they are important, and you need connection. Don’t just focus on work like last time.”

“Okay Kate, you need to remember to be gentle to yourself,” my internal counsellor said.

I recalled the words of my mother, “have a good work life balance.”

My current flatmates offered some advice and said, “don’t let your mind bully your body.”

As I brainstormed my mental health article, my flatmate

Lauren told me her story as a first-year student. When Lauren moved out of her hostel, she left a magazine cut out and wrote a letter with ‘you will get through this’ for the person moving in that year.

I thought, what a beautiful offer of support and way to reach out. How would I encourage first year me?

Me: Kate you have just had one of the biggest changes of your life. Your freedom level has gone from zero to 100. You live with an unknown, eclectic group of people. You know nothing about how to set boundaries yet or have healthy confrontation with flatmates. Give it time— you will.

P.S. don’t just eat Mi Goreng noodles, garlic butter and white bread, otherwise you will gain 10 KG and frequently get the flu. You need good nutrition for your temple. x

I asked Wellington clinical psychologist Dougal Sutherland the same question.

Dougal’s response: “You know what? Most things turn out okay and you would care less about what people thought of you if you realised how little other people think about you. We think ‘it’s all about me’. Actually, the things we think are really embarrassing or really silly/dumb, most other people don’t notice or they go ‘oh yeah I did that’. It’s no big deal.”

“I think the other thing I would say is be kinder to yourself and know that it’s okay not to get things right all the time. That is part of being alive and you never will. It will work out okay,” Dougal said.

I asked others on campus to write a note to first year you.