Massive Magazine Albany Issue 10 2018

Est. 2012

Albany | September 2018 | 10

FREE SPEECH VS HATE SPEECH, WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE? Massive Magazine talks to Don Brash Noisy works rattle Massey’s Wellington campus Lit Fam or Shit Scam: Wish

Cover Image: Luca Rosseels

Editorial Hi everyone, We are on the home stretch now with just six weeks of classes left for 2018.

That also means only three issues of Massive Magazine left for the year.

In Auckland, the Albany Students’ Association has elected its new President for 2019, Meity Carlman. Carlman is the first female President in almost a decade and is also an international student. It is fantastic to see some diversity on the Albany campus and it will be interesting to see what Carlman brings to the role.

Student elections are currently in full swing on Massey’s Manawatū and Wellington campuses. You can find a full list of candidates on page 30 of the magazine and there are also instructions on how to vote.

Unfortunately, in the ASA elections this year only just over 100 students took the time to vote – it would be really cool to see more students engaging on the Manawatū and Albany campuses. Remember these students will represent you throughout 2019 and it only takes a quick minute to vote, so make sure your voice is heard. Student politics isn’t always glamourous but just like any elections it’s really important to have your say!

Nikki

facebook.com/massivemagazine @massivemagazine massivemagazine.org.nz

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Features

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Massive talks to Don Brash Free speech or hate speech?

Behind the scenes at Massey’s halls of residence 1080 Musa 2019 Election Candidates Mawsa 2019 Election Candidates Where me at?

Column

Humour 11 36 46

New News Good Cop, Bad Cop Horoscoping you out

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Pinch of Politics On the Line Unlonely woman Shower Thoughts Google vs. God Lit Fam or Shit Scam Booked in Cool Beans

Managing Editor: Nikki Papatsoumas editor@mawsa.org.nz

Media Manager: Sarah Grant-Wang 04 9793763 ext. 63763

Design/Layout: Aria Tongs massive@mawsa.org.nz

Albany Reporter: Mackenzie Dyer albanyreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Assistant Designer: Luca Rosseels assistantdesigner@mawsa.org.nz

Regulars

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Contributors: Peri Miller Chris Glavovic Lydia Hill Christina Kirk Wilson Aria Tongs Kasharn Rao Leilani Baker Emma Rzepecky Natasha Tziakis Todd Murray

Local News Reviews Puzzles Hot or Not

Chantelle de Boer Zoe Jennings Ellis Diepraam Star Wilson-Jennings Kim Ngan Nguyen Simone Borgstede

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local news

Meet Meity, your new ASA President.

Mackenzie Dyer albanyreporter@mawsa.org.nz

ASA’s 2019 President, Meity Tang Carlman.

Meity Tang Carlman, a dancer who followed her father’s Navy adventure to New Zealand from Malaysia, is the new face of the ASA. After six years of having a male engineering student in the president role, and seven years of having a guy, Meity brings diversity to the table as a female international student studying Communication Management.

If you were to compare your leadership style to a public figure, who would you chose?

I’m not sure if there is one in New Zealand that I know about yet, but there is one from home. She was my dance teacher for the longest time who has now become a very public artist and

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choreographer. It is just the way she knows how to be strict at times, but also knows how to come down to your level. I find that really interesting, that she manages to have the teacher and student respect, but can still connect with her students. I like that a lot and have been trying to do that in my role as a residential advisor [at Te Ohanga Village] and when I was a dance teacher. She is someone I look up to.

What kind of dance did you teach?

Ballet, I learnt ballet for 15 years, and was teaching for about five or six years.

local news

Do you still do it now?

Nah, I had an injury that made me have to stop.

At the ASA election debate, there was a theme throughout from all the candidates of engagement and inclusion, and in your words, really creating the “diverse-group-laughs-ongrass” setting. Do you think this is something that ASA can influence?

In the long run yes, but I don’t think it will happen in a year. It is just because the Albany campus has got used to this kind of culture, and I get it, people do part-time work, and there are mature students who do not have time to stay around on campus. That’s fine, because we are so used to this culture, change is not easy for us. But, you can’t have change if you don’t know what it looks like. So, I want to promote engagement as much as I can, so we can at least know what it may eventually be like.

I would like to do it in a year, but I am very aware this may not happen.

So, what do you think is within your reach to change this year?

I think what we can do is start with class advocates and clubs.

Clubs get a lot of sign-up, but not a lot of participation. I’ve been a class advocate and no one has ever come to me with a problem, and even when the problems are there, I have to go to them. Even then sometimes they don’t tell me anything.

So, I want to use the class advocacy role to change class culture first, and then clubs to change club culture, and then the two will come together for the overall goal of campus engagement.

Hopefully [laughs], I’m very hopeful.

As you know, Jason was the President this year. What do you think he did well, and what do you plan to do differently?

I have big shoes to fill. I think was Jason did well was he made ASA a team, you could see it. Think it can be hard to get that dynamic for a group to work together well, I know that from my experience as a residential advisor. I feel like he is able to listen to everyone’s perspectives. I worked with him on the ball committee and he was able to delegate the work because he knew everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. That’s a key point of leadership, knowing your team for the best outcome.

I think I want to push the leadership training for the exec to the beginning of the year, not in the middle, so we can have a good team from the get-go. Then before we start working out what we need to do to be good at the jobs, we can get to know each other as friends, because if you do not like a person, it becomes hard to respect them as a teammate. So, what I will do differently is get everyone to know each other right at the start

but on a very basic level, and on a very human level. From there, we will build into being a team.

The ball this year has had great reviews. Will this be your ASA’s big event, too?

Yes, because I see balls as a way to celebrate your achievements for the year, not just the fancy dress up and the photographs and the food and everything… but it’s also a celebration of your accomplishments for the year. It is not only a great opportunity to promote the culture of togetherness but to make the ASA known, because as Jason said at the ball, all people know ASA for is the green people who do barbecues, that’s all I knew them for last year as well. So, yea, the ball will be a big thing next year, because in the end, people should know that we do what students want. Not in a way to get recognition, but more as saying hey, we exist, and we do more than just barbecues.

This leads into the large amount of behind the scenes work that comes with this role. How do you plan to juggle the work load with uni, friends and family?

Family life is not too bad, I’m away from them anyway, so my family is one or two-hour skype call a week and that’s it, family is all done. I think I will just do what I do with my role as a residential advisor, make sure the students know I’m there, but also knowing when to disappear when I have stuff on.

And for the nitty gritty questions…If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Imagine Dragons, I Bet My Life. I don’t know why but I love that song!

It’s a shame about their new album, but we don’t need to talk about that.

I went to see them earlier this year, so I checked the set list to make sure my old song was on there and it wasn’t… but on the night they played it. I got so excited I cried.

Pineapple on Pizza?

No! I have this debate every week with the other residential advisors. No. If you could make one thing from Malaysia catch on in New Zealand, what would it be?

I think the spice and the chilli that we have. I went to New World for the first-time last year and they had the chilli I have at home.

I took it to dinner every single night and still have two bottles in my fridge. For someone who grew up with spice, New Zealand food can be torture!

Meity will begin her role as ASA President in mid-January 2019.

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ASA Ball 2018: The year students got their money’s worth Mackenzie Dyer albanyreporter@mawsa.org.nz

ASA Ball was a success.

The Albany Students’ Association’s (ASA’s) floral themed ball at the end of August was an undoubtable success, with the night exceeding the expectations of attendees.

After two years of the event being below par and leaving students feeling ripped off of their ticket money, the 2019 ball committee and ASA team ensured that this year was an exception.

Organisers created a beautiful promotional photoshoot that was consistently filling the Facebook feeds of students, so the night was fully sold out.

The floral theme left no corner of the room untouched from the petal path into the event, the full flower backdrop, and bunches of hanging roses from the roof above every table.

ASA President Jason Woodroofe confirmed that over $1000 was spent on real flowers for this décor, which included daffodils and tulips.

An extra perk, guests got to take these home, making for very fragrant bus trip back to campus.

A selling point for the event was the buffet dinner that was included in the ticket price, even though the entry fee was cheaper than the last two years.

Despite the cheap price, the food was a flavoursome feast with a good amount of options including curry, lasagne and a huge honey infused ham.

Filling the stomachs of guests must have been the trick that got everyone up on the dancefloor, which remained full until the nights end at midnight.

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This was also kudos to the DJ, who had a perfect balance between club jams, 2000s anthems and kiwi classics.

While he did hit a low by playing Baby Shark, he assured the crowd that this was a request.

Even when his set was interrupted by awards, something that tends to be a dragged on experience tainted with awkwardness, Woodroofe and ASA Vice President Venya Patel kept the room hyped up an engaged for their short and sweet prize giving.

The prize for the best dance moves went to an exceptional back-flipper, and the best dressed award was championed by a gentleman in a snazzy floral jacket.

They even had an award for the person who found a golden chicken wing under their chair.

To top it all off, the committee had a professional photographer taking the photos, amounting in several Facebook albums for attendees to sift through.

This is worlds away from the blurry photos and Facebook apology that came after last year’s ball, where many students’ dress up efforts were left uncaptured.

The only reoccurring complaint from this year was that the drink prices were too high at $9, however the larger beverage selection compared to previous years was appreciated.

It is safe to say the ball committee and ASA have set the bar extremely high for next year, creating a fun, vibrant and extravagant event that reflected a true end of semester celebration.

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Did we care about this year’s ASA Elections?

Mackenzie Dyer albanyreporter@mawsa.org.nz

The Albany Student’s Association (ASA) executive team has been announced for 2019, raising the question of how many students were engaged in this year’s election.

ASA elections have a reputation for not capturing student engagement, which usually results in a low voter turnout for choosing who is in charge of representing the student body.

The Massey Memes for Carpark Fiends Facebook page took a jab at this by posting a “who would win” meme between a van and liquid, with the caption “more votes than the ASA election”.

They were right. The meme was liked 312 times, and the ASA election just scraped over 100 votes.

Most roles only had one person going for them, which may have discouraged people from voting.

This included the President position, where winner Meity Tang Carlman’s only opponent, Michael Daly, was disqualified.

Because of this, only one person who went for a role missed out.

A debate was organised by this year’s ASA before election week to incentivise students to vote, which was hosted by Massive’s own Nikki Papatsoumas.

Around 20 people came to view this event, which was held in the courtyard outside student central.

The candidates were very friendly towards one another and shared a vision for increasing campus engagement and diversity.

Carlman, a Malaysian international student, summed this up during the self-promotional part of the debate, saying “you know when you see the university promotional photo with a bunch of diverse students laughing on the lawn? That doesn’t happen. I want to make that happen”.

“As an international, I know how hard it is to make friends here. We have to work for it. I think that gives me an advantage that domestic students don’t have.”

The now Vice President, Nur Sabrina Idayu Abdul Latif (Sabrina), is also from Malaysia and shared this vision, calling for more events for different cultures without ditching the barbeques.

The new executive will start work mid-way through January 2019.

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Massive is the student magazine for all Massey University students.

This year we need even more student contributors to fill our pages. If you would like to contribute in any form, please do get in touch.

We’re keen as.

we want you*

llustration writing photography opinion

editor@mawsa.org.nz massive@mawsa.org.nz

*Well, Pocket specifically.

We only semi need you.

In the nicest way possible.

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COLUMN

Join Massive’s Natasha Tziakis as she dissects New Zealand politics and offers her sharp and savvy opinion in this fortnightly column.

Why should you care about politics? The New Zealand political system doesn’t seem to prioritise students and the issues that are directly affecting them. It’s easy to become very disinterested with the whole idea of learning about and becoming involved with politics.

In an unexpected turn of events Phil Twyford, current Housing Minister, has put forward a proposal to change, abolish, and reform a 'suite of rental law changes'. This may seem like a bunch of fancy words that don’t benefit students at all, but this reform impacts students the most.

The main changes this proposal, and Twyford, are hoping to make include a law change introducing a limit on rent increases, stopping no-cause terminations, and a ban on ‘rent bidding’.

This proposal is currently a discussion paper for consultation and wouldn’t come into law until 2020, but that’s only 18 months away.

The essence of this proposal is to increase economic security for tenants and to level the playing field against landlords.

Some of you may remember, and could have been affected, by prospective tenants trying to outbid each other at the beginning of this year. This meant that it put people without a large amount of extra money at a disadvantage as other people were outbidding them. For example, a flat could have been listed as being

$500 per fortnight for three bedrooms and Group A offers that price, but Group B with the same credentials as Group A offer $650 to the landlord to try and ensure that they get the flat.

Twyford’s proposal would completely ban this so that tenants are chosen for their personalities, records, and references. I think this is an amazing proposal as it shows the government listened to the stories that were coming out about rental problems. It also kind of demonstrates, at least with this instance, that the things negatively affecting students are of concern to the government.

The proposal also argues for rent increases to be made only once per year and to stop ‘nocause’ terminations. This would mean that tenants, if following contracts correctly, will have increased security knowing that their rent can’t go up every six months and that thy can’t be kicked out for no reason.

This proposal does not cover people who damage the property, are late on rent, or any other violations to the contract. The proposal is meant for the majority of us who rent and to give more security in where we live. Another point within the proposal that has been mentioned is that there could be an increase of properties allowed pets.

It’s exciting to have a government that ii listening and paying attention to the issues students face as it encourages more participation within politics, which leads to a more robust democracy.

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ON THE LINE Writer: Leilani Baker This fortnightly column stays true to its name by discussing all things sports including controversies on and off the field. Whether you enjoy a casual brew whilst watching the rugby, or your inner demon emerges when the football comes on, this column is dedicated to you, the sport-lovers of Massey.

Religion vs Sports The sporting world and the religious world seem pretty separate. You may not know that NBA star Steven Curry is Christian, or that golfer Tiger Woods is Buddhist, probably because it doesn’t affect their careers.

But for Muslim athletes, particularly female ones, there are many barriers which make playing sports difficult. From hijab bans to Ramadan, Muslim athletes must undergo strenuous battles before even stepping foot onto the pitch.

When you hear the word ‘Muslim athletes’ who comes to mind? Maybe Sonny Bill Williams or Mohammed Ali. But what about female athletes who identify as Muslim?

In a lecture recently, I was challenged to look at pictures of women athletes and identify which were Muslim.

The correct answer was all of them.

What many don’t realise is traditional Muslim communities don’t believe women participating in sports is acceptable. There is the belief that running and jumping in front of men jeopardise a women’s dignity.

Opinions are devided amongst Muslim women who partake in sports. Some feel it is totally acceptable for Muslim women to play sport in any circumstances. Others are unsure about competing in front of mixedgender crowds.

You may be wondering how there can be such a divide between what is and isn’t acceptable. Muslim religion is closely tied to culture, so where you reside and what community you are involved in directly affect your beliefs.

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There is an increase of Muslim athletes challenging these traditional beliefs and competing at international events. Sadly, often it’s only the athletes who wear the hijab that are given media attention.

For example in this year’s Olympic Games, a female beach volleyball match between Egypt and Germany was labelled the “clash of civilisations”.

As you can see in this image, it is clear why the conversation was sparked. This hijab vs bikini conversation praised sport as an equaliser amongst cultures.

What many didn’t realise is the second

Egyptian teammate Nada Meawad is also Muslim but because she didn’t wear the hijab, she gained little media coverage.

Shockingly, up until the 2012 Olympics female volleyball players were obliged to wear bikinis or a one-piece swimming costume - a rule which some regarded as a transparent attempt to make the sport sexy. So, the fact either of these women are competing testify to the changes we are seeing in sports.

It is evident there are ongoing battles for Muslim athletes which many in the western world fail to comprehend. Events like this volleyball match highlight an increasing acceptance for Muslim women to partake in sport which is something to be celebrated.

However, the sporting world must learn more about beliefs and how to effectively cover Muslim athletes without glorifying anything or causing offence.

SATIRE

he alth and we llbein g Writer: Chris Glavovic

An expanding awareness of health and well-being seems to be more and more prevalent as the world becomes increasingly obsessed with body image.

There are gyms on every street corner and people posting workout routines and healthy eating habits dominate most forms of social media. The New News encourages aspects of health and wellbeing. For instance, one of the team members at The New News always brings a salad to work—they certainly wouldn't do that if we promoted unhealthiness and not-well-being. This week we will be reviewing some of the latest health trends, as well as exploring the wellbeing scene — how fun-tastic.

Medicinal marijuana, a glass of red wine before bed, psychotropic drugs — sounds like one hell of a night. For real, though, these crop up all over the internet whether you search for it or not.

There seems to be so much contradictory research surrounding these topics that it is hard to know what to believe. Below, we compiled some conclusions drawn from hundreds of hours of research: • Medical Marijuana is often prescribed to reduce nausea and ease chronic pain — sounds like something a healthy dose of Panadol and Sealegs could do just as well...

Do we really want to be injecting dangerous marijuanas into people?

• Wine is just a fruit juice variant — 5 plus a day, right?

• Xanax is one of the most frequently prescribed anti-depressant psychotropic drugs. It is also often misused.

Xanax gained a reputation on the street for being a cool drug to take on a night out. I bet most people don't realise that the drug is actually

harmful when taken incorrectly— like Ritalin, or Preparation H. Of course, Xanax is not to be confused with Lil Xan—a rapper/singer from California. Summary: Psychotropic drugs seem to cover up problems— not solve them. Also, they are lowkey scary.

Moving on. Let's talk diet. Replace Coke with Diet Coke. Replace sugar with Equal.

Replace Mud Cake with Gluten-Free Mud Cake — it's simple! Let us take a look at Instagram — social media's equivalent of Jenny Craig — and see what we can learn.

Matcha powder, soy milk, ab crunches, planks, bulking, shredding, blah, blah, blah... Where would one start? Well, you have heard the terms, now let us speak with the experts and connect the dots.

The New News interviewed one of those guys at the gym who constantly comments on your form yet remains at the same mediocre size and tone consistently. He said, "you know, it's all about balance. I have been bulking since about six years old. Now that I am 22, I am ready to start cutting — curls actually work better if you move your arm like this — but yeah. I am pretty much in peak physical form. I gym about 13 times a week. Today is arms, fingers, calves and toes, so I'll be feeling it tonight, amirite?" After that he punched our reporter playfully in the arm and took a huge swig of his protein powder concoction which was described as "equal parts creatine, BCAA's, fat burner and pre-workout—for that ultimate f*** me up”. He smelled weird.

The New News was also lucky enough to land an interview with a local celebrity—a woman who runs an inspirational/fitness Instagram with over 2000 followers. We caught up with her to talk more about

routine and well-being. "Well-being is a state of mind," she said, "it's about yin and yang, the balance of harmony and discord". We asked her about specific routines and things one can do to maintain healthy habits and live positively. She said, "I do yoga. I run. I like to knit, as well. You just have to find something that makes you feel good, d'you know whatta mean?" Amazed by the knowledge she had on the subject, we asked her about influencing factors.

"Well, nature is probably up there—I love the trees and the little puppies and stuff... Kylie Jenner is pretty amazing.

God... he taught a lot, as well.” Following the interview, we couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with self-love and care.

Fitness and well-being is completely about mind over matter, it seems.

The New News is here to educate and provide comfort for those in contact with various afflictions. We want the best for our readers, so take refuge in the knowledge that we have gained looking into the daunting world of medicine. The world can be tough and unrelenting, but so was Alexander Fleming, the man who invented penicillin. Thanks to people like him and WebMD, we can rest assured knowing that we are safe, and well.

Read more: thenewnewsworldwide.wordpress.com/ *The New News analyses the most critical issues of modern society. Leonardo Da Vinci once said, "it is important to read The New News because it'll make you smart—or something..." Keeping with tradition, we inform our readers on a wide range of topics including religion, politics, and ingrown toenails.

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massive Massive Magazine talks to

Don Brash Massey University made headlines last month after a Manawatū Politics Society event featuring former National Party leader Don Brash was cancelled by the university’s Vice Chancellor Jan Thomas.

Brash says he was dumbfounded by the decision to cancel the event and students and the New Zealand public have since labelled the move as an assault on free speech. Media have had a field day with the news and some politicians have even called on Thomas to resign for her decision. After the events of last month Massive Magazine’s Manawatū Reporter Bethany Reitsma quickly caught up with Don Brash for an interview.

When you were first approached by the Massey Politics Society to speak, what were your thoughts?

I was asked to speak about my time in politics, and the notes I’d prepared were quite uncontroversial.

I was supposed to speak Wednesday, I had no word that there might be an issue until late on the Monday and then it was cancelled on Tuesday morning.

What were you hoping to be able to say to students if you had been able to speak?

I would have talked about my time with National from 2002 for four years, about my time in parliament. I’ve been involved in politics but not very party political. Most of my roles have been working with various advisory groups with both Labour and National governments for four years, three of which I was working with the opposition.

What was your reaction when the event was cancelled?

I was dumbfounded... I was amazed and frankly dismayed.

If questions about issues like Hobson’s Pledge and your attitude toward the Treaty of Waitangi had come up at the event, do you think things would have become uncomfortable?

Let’s face it, when Palmerston North was asked to vote on Māori wards, 80 per cent of them said no, so it’s hardly a radical view.

In a statement, Massey referred to you as a supporter of right wing Canadian speakers Lauren Southern and Stefan Molyneux, how do you feel about that statement?

I didn’t support their views, I supported their right to speak. I’d never heard of them till they were banned by the Mayor of Auckland. I thought it was inappropriate for the Mayor to decide who can and cannot speak, particularly since rates are paid by people from across the political spectrum.

What are your thoughts on the debate over free speech and hate speech? And where is the line between hate speech and freedom of speech?

Hate speech is a funny concept, but there is definitely a line. You cannot or should not incite violence against individuals or their property, but it should be possible to discuss issues like religion and ethnicity in a rational way. The Vice Chancellor has done the free speech cause a great favour. It’s been raised in the public consciousness. She’s done us all a favour.

Any message to send to students now?

Free speech is an absolutely crucial component of a democratic society, don’t let them take it off you. As long as you’re not inciting violence against any person or their property, you have the right to speak.

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massive

STEFAN MOLYNEUX AND LAUREN SOUTHERN COME TO NEW ZEALAND FREE SPEECH OR HATE SPEECH?

Stefan Molyneux. Lauren Southern. A few months ago, not many people knew who they were. Nowadays, any mention of the pair will instantly stir up angry feelings and debate.

For those not in the know, Stefan Molyneux is a self-proclaimed philosopher. Lauren Southern, a journalist. I didn’t know who Southern was, but I had always thought of Molyneux as a rightwing talk show host, with topics firmly rooted around politics and alt-right media. These days, Canadians Molyneux and Southern are dubbed white supremacists, alt-right YouTubers and Nazis.

Earlier this year the pair visited New Zealand to share their theories with a paying audience.

Obviously, things didn’t play out that simply. Due to the content of their theories and discussions, Molyneux and Southern were met with a lot of rage by the general public, some government officials even wanting to ban the pair from being allowed to speak at all. In the end, they were allowed, and public protests ensued. However, there event was eventually cancelled when they couldn’t secure a venue.

"Others believe they simply want attention and are at their core racist and elitist."

Seemingly there are two sides to this story, one that claims Molyneux and Southern are outright white supremacists, others claiming that attempts to ban the pair from talking is a violation of free speech. At the protests, there were teams for both sides. Molyneux and Southern are looking for controversy. Some people believe, this is an attempt to wake people up, to stir the political pot until everything falls apart. Others believe they simply want attention and are at their core racist and elitist.

I wanted to get to the bottom of this. There are clearly two sides to the story. To properly make a conclusion, I needed to research both views.

So, I hunkered down. I listened to Molyneux’s speeches, Southern’s outrageous statements. I read about Green Party MP Marama Davidson receiving death threats after she spoke out against the pair, researched comparisons between Southern and Molyneux and Nazi Germany and considered severely one-sided opinions and some outright lies.

After all this, I finally settled on the two core opposing views.

View 1: Those who wish to ban Southern and Molyneux from being able to speak in New Zealand, as they are concerned that their “hate speech” will incite violence.

View 2: Those who believe disallowing the Canadian pair to speak is an impingement on freedom of speech.

There’s a ton of articles out there, some supporting the first view, others the later. But let’s first examine the facts.

To properly understand both views, I first had to understand the core of the Canadian pair’s views, what was it they said that was considered hate speech and racist? Molyneux often makes comparisons between IQ and races. Some people believe we are beyond this discussion, too culturally advanced. Molyneux and Southern both firmly believe multiculturalism doesn’t work. In my opinion, they both (Southern especially) make brash statements without pretext. If they really tried, they could go about their views in a way that doesn’t inspire hatred (but I suppose they wouldn’t be famous then-right?)

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As a nation, we share a larger sense of culture and community, with varying ethnicities and beliefs within that community. Molyneux and Southern do not clearly make the distinction between ethnicity and culture. They believe multicultural and multi-ethnic societies do not work. I strongly disagree with this. Multi-ethnic societies do work, New Zealand has proven that, but multicultural societies do not work because they do not truly exist, as we all share a kind of “New Zealand culture” that has varying differences of background and belief within that.

So, we’ll hear them out. Then we can tear it apart. Molyneux firmly believes it’s important to know the facts. One of his “facts” that IQ differs between races. We know that IQ tests are a rather limited measure of intelligence and not always accurate, and valuing IQ so highly may be counter intuitive as there is no evidence that having high IQ ensures success, in fact studies indicate that in large test groups individuals with higher IQ regularly have lower than average empathy and compassion that are both essential to being a good leader.

A lot of people believe Molyneux shouldn’t even be given a platform to begin with. Marama Davidson told One News, “they are using freedom of speech as an excuse”. Others believe we are simply too culturally advanced, and that we shouldn’t bother listening. Yet it still seems somehow strange. To believe a discussion or idea to be beneath you is almost absurd. To have a conversation about an idea or belief is not to give value to that belief. One can instead tear it apart. We do not need to be offended. To reject an idea on the base of morals rather than reason is to only give Molyneux and Southern assurance of their own ideas. Met with rapid defense, they believe we simply can’t handle their truth.

But that’s not true. We’re just not listening.

I think that Molyneux’s need to know the facts about differences in IQ between races is totally irrelevant. Having a high IQ doesn’t mean you’re accomplished or successful. Sure, most people in high paying jobs (on average) have high IQs, but not all people with a high IQ (on average) are accomplished or in successful jobs. It’s not essential to success. There are variables involved that are incalculable, and race IQ should have nothing to do with him proving the point that “multiculturalism doesn’t work,” as IQ is irrelevant to a person’s success. Molyneux seems to think high IQ is the be all and end all of a human being’s value. With this kind of ideal, he is limiting his audience.

But there are more points that we’re missing here. Not only do Southern and Molyneux believe multiculturalism doesn’t work, but they have also made some pretty harsh claims against indigenous people. I watched the speech that Molyneux planned to deliver in New Zealand, uploaded to YouTube and titled, The banned New Zealand Speech they didn’t want you to hear. In his speech he claims that colonisation is a good

"Molyneux seems to think high IQ is the 'be all and end all' of a human being’s value."

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MASSIVE

thing. He says, “the Māori of New Zealand is actually interesting because they're called the indigenous people but according to significant archaeological research the Māori arrived in New Zealand well just a few centuries before the Europeans… The Māori of New Zealand practiced cannibalism… baby infanticide was very common”. The fact that colonising New Zealand was a “gift” is something I disagree with completely. He also misses the pretext that not all Māori are the same, culture varied within iwis.

This statement of Molyneux’s, in my humble opinion, is paving the road for a eugenics-based ideology. In other words, making judgements on how culturally or technologically advanced a specific ethnic group is, and devaluing their benefit to society based on that.

Of course, he isn’t outright saying we should sterilise all indigenous cultures or kill off everyone with an IQ lower than 90, but it he is opening the stage up for an elitist society that defines individual’s value based on their own definition of “societal value”. And as Molyneux likes to say, “I’m just pointing out the facts”.

Pointing out these facts allows a platform for others to share these views and discuss them when it has otherwise been deemed socially unacceptable.

And Molyneux and Southern aren’t trying to convert new people who are cynical. This could be taken as reasoning for their constant brash statements without pretext or background information provided. What they are really doing is taking an idea and making money off people who want to hear it, people who already believe in eugenic ideology and enjoy it because it affirms their prejudice in a world where eugenic ideology

isn’t socially acceptable.

Of course, these ideas should still be allowed discussion, but I think the real upset here, of people claiming that free speech is just an excuse for hate speech is more to do with their outrageous claims and the general division Molyneux and Southern have caused within our country. Some believe it should be a governmental responsibility in a country like New Zealand to enforce that the kind of ideas Molyneux and Southern spout are not spouted as facts in the public arena. These people have a point. Maybe we should be regulating misinformation? But if that’s the case, why aren’t we doing it already? Misinformation is all over the internet, everywhere. Sometimes misinformation can help us realise the truth behind the lies.

In my opinion, it should be up to the individual to check facts. We have the capacity to decide what resonates with us and what doesn’t. Sure, some people out there are just stupid - we know that already - but we can’t truly regulate stupidity, especially governmentally. If we begin to make barriers on what people can and can’t say, then we become unable to discern situations and ideas for ourselves. For new ideas to be created, and for us to build an ever-improving society, old ideas must be torn down. After researching what it’s all about, whether it is hate speech or an impingement on our freedom of speech, my conclusion is that anybody should be allowed to share their views, just as the rest of us should be allowed to tear their views down.

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FEATURE

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FEATURE

NOISY WORKS RATTLING MASSEY'S WELLINGTON CAMPUS

BY ISAAC MARTIN

Classes have been disrupted and students and lecturers left frustrated by the noisy works that are rattling Massey’s Wellington campus.

Work began in July to remove earthquake prone concrete sunshades from the exterior of Block 5 on Massey’s Wellington campus. Loud drilling and banging sounds have been heard in class rooms, lecture theatres and the library as contractors erect scaffolding and cut off the sunshades with electric saws.

However, it seems the noisiest of the works is yet to be completed and staff and students are being warned about further disruptions. Scaffolding has now been erected on the north face of the building and on the western face above the Pyramid. In a statement released to staff late last month, the university say concrete supports that hold up the sunshades on the south face of the building will be cut away, starting close to Block 7, and moving north towards Tussock.

“This is probably the noisiest part of the project. Workers are using timetabling information to try to avoid cutting directly outside spaces booked for classes. The work normally takes no more than five minutes per window.” the statement says.

Work on sunshades directly above the Pyramid was completed during the mid-semester break to keep disruption at a minimum.

Oliver Gaskell A Postgraduate Student, says several of his classes had already been disrupted by the noise.

“In one class it was so loud that you couldn’t hear the lecturer speak so it really interrupted the flow of the class and meant that it pretty much had to stop. It makes it quite hard to concentrate for students and staff so it’s pretty inconvenient.”

Rachel Moore A Communications Student, says her class had to leave the room because of the noise.

“We had to take a break after 20 minutes of the threehour class because they were drilling into concrete for 15 minutes straight,” she says. "It was really loud, the lecturer couldn’t talk over it.”

Moore says she thinks Massey University should have notified students about the works.

“Even just an email warning or something. The lecturer knew about it on the first day, but they wouldn’t tell her exactly when and where.”

Students have complained about blocked access points between different buildings. Carpark A has been occupied by a crane winching the sawn-off sunshades away. The carpark will be blocked for the duration of the works. One student says she has had to switch to distance learning because the carpark was no longer available, and she couldn’t find anywhere else to park her car. The library was offering students ear plugs, so they could study amidst the noise.

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Massive Catherine Strong A Senior Lecturer on Massey’s Wellington campus, says classes will be moved if necessary, but she says this isn’t always practical.

“They said if it gets unbearable then they will try to shift classes, but that’s pretty impossible after you’ve already started the class. It’s not acceptable really."

Strong says she is disappointed staff weren’t notified sooner about disruptions.

“We [staff] were only notified the week before. They let us know there was going to be some work, at that stage it was indicated that it may have some disruption, certainly nothing like I experienced the first week of it.

“I’m appalled, absolutely appalled at the timing of this. I’ve been told that they’ve known for years and years that these sunshades were a seismic problem.

Now why they couldn’t have scheduled it during a break, during the summer or at least at a less crucial time for the education process. It’s bemusing and disappointing.”

James Gardiner The Communications Director for Massey University says the sunshades are a seismic risk so work needed to be done immediately and couldn’t wait until the summer months.

Gardiner says the university became aware in April that the sunshades either needed to be strengthened or removed.

“It was a case of getting on and doing the work to keep people safe. The noise and disruption is regretted,” Gardiner says.

“We are working with all the heads of each business unit and academics in Block 5 and surrounding areas to keep them informed of the plan and health and safety issues,” he says.

“If noise is a factor we are able to work with the staff and the contractor to either relocate the class or defer certain work for a period, and staff know how to raise this.”

The removal works are expected to continue until the end of October, with the exception of exams.

MASSIVE

Artist: Kim Ngan Nguyen

OPINION

Writer: Star Wilson-Jennings

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MASSIVE It’s been a big thing lately, mass aerial drops of poison throughout ol’ Aotearoa. In case you’re not familiar, 1080 (said as ten-eighty) is the common name given to the chemical compound sodium monofluoroacetate. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, and I intend to demystify the rampant opinions and actual scientific research that is behind the 1080 debate.

The Department of Conservation (DoC) is responsible for 1080 distribution in the New Zealand wilderness.

And by golly they have copped a lot of flak for their use of the poison in the past half century. You can look at it like this. In the past, native fauna was removed from Whenua Hou Nature Reserve (Codfish Island) in preparation for an aerial 1080 drop on the area to eradicate the Pacific Rat. It was declared a success. The rats did not return and have not since. Even better, Whenua Hou is now one of the few places in the world where you’ll find kakapo in the wild (well, as wild as the critically endangered parrots can be). It has, however, taken almost 20 years for the reptile populations to climb back up in numbers. The Jewelled Gecko, Rainbow Skink and Southern Skink were all once found on Whenua Hou, and while they still are, but sightings are rare.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the controversy surrounding whether 1080 has ended up in our drinking water. This has been a concern for many living in areas of the West Coast of the South Island, where several aerial drops have taken place over the past decade. In 2009, a Stuff article stated that at least two pregnant women were advised to leave the town of Karamea if the scheduled drop was to take place due to the potential presence of 1080 in the water supply. This was, however, the medical opinion of one professional in one town of our one country. That’s not to say it has no validity, but my point is that this is exactly how misinformation spreads - suddenly this potential bit of ammunition became a full-blown fact that skim-readers began to use to enhance their arguments.

Hunua Ranges in 2016, and while water sampled from the potentially contaminated waterways came back negative for 1080, the sample was taken some 24 hours after the drop, whereas accurate samples can only be obtained no more than eight hours after the drop, according to some sources. Research surrounding many of these aerial drops is skewed and favours continued 1080 use, tests showing the lack of 1080 in the water rather than the presence of it.

So, here’s a big question. What about secondary poisoning? An inconclusive study was conducted in 1999 on native ants. The idea was that poisoned invertebrates could be eaten by predatory reptiles or birds, both native and non-native species, thereby causing secondary poisoning. The study, however, had some confounding variables, as there is always the possibility that the ants did not find particular bait forms palatable. To know which forms these are was a key aspect, as it could help localize the poisoned populations; make it only palatable to mammals. There again, we have bats, our only native land mammal, who may also eat the poison if mammals favoured it.

DoC have explained the measured use of this poison on their Fake 1080 News page. They state that by dying the baits green and scenting them with cinnamon, birds are unlikely to consume them while mammals will. They have also reduced their sow rate to 1-3kg of baits per hectare. The Department of Conservation isn’t full of blithering idiots, but perhaps some care could be taken post-drop. They also claim that birdlife has improved in many areas after a 1080 drop, while several public groups claim that the forests no longer sing since DoC began using the poison.

There are huge benefits to the use of 1080 for pest control but bear in mind that Whenua Hou is not inhabited by humans. Yes, rangers and scientists spend stints there for research and conservation purposes, but it is not a residence. Many of the issues lie in concerns about human health in poisoned areas. And there is the potential for 1080 to get into the water supply of rural areas. And if you are one of those people, you’re entitled to bottled water. A bait drop was done on the 27

OPINION In a film by The Graf Boys (check out their Facebook) there is mention of carrot baits used as well as cereal ones. While special research has gone into the development of cereal baits to deter our native animals, a carrot is a carrot. Any hungry herbivore or omnivore would eat these baits – hence, they have not been received well. The lack of control over the distribution of aerial baits (usually cereal) means that they end up scattered across a region. This often includes farmland and waterways as well as native forests. You see the issue here: livestock, horses and companion animals have been reported to have died of 1080-related illness. It is the flippant nature of aerial drops that means baits don’t always go where intended.

Newshub’s Patrick Gower recently reported 75kg of 1080 pellets had been dumped in the Rakiura National Park. He digs and stamps his boot into the moss of a swamp, where underneath the pale green of 1080 baits are visible. This dump was not made directly by DoC, but by a contractor who evidently had no moral compass about the job. After the death of a kiwi on Stewart Island was blamed on 1080, guilt revealed the culprit. Isaac, who worked for Tony Leith at the time, had his small part in the 1080 dump. He felt guilty after hearing of the poisoned kiwi and had to speak out. Note that there was no correlation made between the dead kiwi and this particular bait-dump, but the death was, apparently, caused by 1080 poison. With this incident making national news, 1080 is under much scrutiny by the public and DoC is inclined to take extra precautions with their distributions and contractors.

You need only type “1080” into the Facebook search bar to see a wealth of results showing extremist groups pointing a middle finger at DoC. On these energetic forums and pages, you will find absolute slander of DoC, our government, any individual who supports 1080 and, if I’m being totally honest, a huge amount of misinformation and fear-mongering. Fears expressed on these forums are valid, however few angry anti-1080 posters can back their claims up with evidence. Social media is a marvelous way for humans to inconsequently express themselves and mercilessly tear others down (I know, it’s happened to me), but it is exactly that: inconsequential. Until it’s not. One high-profile example of 1080 terrorism was the case of Jeremy Hamish Kerr. In 2016, he threatened Fonterra and Federated Farmers with a sample of baby formula that had been laced with high 1080 concentrations. Kerr didn’t believe he would be taken seriously, but his

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accompanying letter declared he would distribute these poisoned samples to the dairy giant’s Asian market.

This threat resulted in Kerr’s eight-and-a-half-year incarceration. It appears the New Zealand judiciary system takes such threats very seriously.

Among threats and bigots, there is the sweet reprieve of cold and calculated scientific research. These experiments haven’t stopped since New Zealand started dropping 1080, and the research is ongoing.

But so are the drops, and they have increased with the introduction of ‘Predator Free 2050’ as a goal for this century (regardless of its seeming unattainability for many observers). Whether or not this will have a large impact on native wildlife in a positive or negative way is uncertain, given the facts. Studies point towards 1080 as a solution, and as a potential threat to our fauna.

There is no right or wrong answer, rather 1,080 shades of grey.

Now, this is an opinion piece, so here’s mine: it is perhaps not the poison itself that is the bigger issue here, but the attitude surrounding it. Being overzealous with 1080 distribution makes our wilderness a predator. Monitored use of it could have a very longterm, in-the-distant-future, positive effect on our wilderness – but at what cost? Accidental poisoning is a real consideration. I’m no scientist, but there must be a better way. Perhaps a bit of funding can be put towards alternative methods such as sterilization of predatory mammals – but it’s never so simple. Possums were born to succeed, and for the last century and a half, they’ve done exactly that. It was always going to be a harsh, drastic solution to eradicate our little nation of such excellent and adaptable animals. Then there’s the rest of them. Maybe one day bats will, once again, be Aotearoa’s only terrestrial mammal. We’ll see.

But if we’re being frank here, I’d say people are the more destructive predatory mammals.

What do you reckon?

If you’re keen for some more info, check out www.1080facts.co.nz. There are also plenty of other

Column

Entry 9: Transition to Terra Firma (elusive vans in illusive water) They say that Jesus can travel on water, however Hyundai vans cannot. As demonstrated recently at Massey University.

the driver thought that the pond was concrete! As such, he tried to perform his manoeuvre, and ended up chin deep in the swamp. What a shit show.

Many students were confused when they walked along the path towards AgHort.

Here they saw an odd-looking duck in the Vet Pond. This duck, in the form of a Hyundai van, had descended nose-deep into the moat in the early hours of the morning. My fellow ponderers and I analysed the situation and came across a few conspiracies.

It is hard not to feel sympathetic for the bloke. For all we know, he may have had a shit day at the office and was just trying to ‘pay it forward’. However, it ended in a debacle. This is a situation where I would perform a clean squat, excrete on my hands and perform a round of applause.

Not ideal, Neil.

The suspicious positioning of the van had me questioning what had happened.

Considering the physical properties of the van (white with tinted windows), my brain was leaning towards the stereotypical ‘white van’ scenario, however I quickly banished that thought. Subsequent conspiracies involved kidnapping ducks and delivering drugs to the vet tower.

As we exhausted our collective cranial effort trying to find the reason for our discovery, we were kindly educated by a bystander.

Apparently, the poor driver, who we’ll call Neil for now, thought he would be gentlemen and drive his passenger as close as he could to their lecture/class/ lab. What a nice thing to do! Sadly, Neil attempted to perform a three-point turn by the vet pond. Due to the illusive nature of the vet pond in these dark hours,

Furthermore, Neil had to sustain the embarrassment of seeing his vehicle blasted all over social media by students. His street credit is now nonexistent. Multiple attempts were taken to pull the wagon out of the pound. Finally, a man in stubbies and gumboots turned up and pulled the van out with his girthy crane. After the van was aboard Terra Firma, the crane man with stubbies and gumboots tried to start the van. It gave a pitiful wheeze and remained silent. Not only had it leaked diesel into the pond, it had also released all its horses. A sad day for Neil.

Nonetheless, we live, and we learn, TL;DR: There is always a bigger fish, in Massey’s case, it’s a van.

Until Next Time, Todd Not Your Average Ponderer

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2019 ELECTIONS The Massey University Students' Association Elections are held every year in the second semester to determine the following year's executive team. Here is a list of candidates running for positions on the 2019 MUSA Executive. Voting for next year's elections will open on Monday, September 24. Head to www.musa.org.nz for more information on candidates and to place your vote.

Michael Salmon President

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Kia ora! I'm Michael a third year Bachelor of Science student in genetics and microbiology and I’m complimenting that with a minor in creative writing. When I’m not at Massey I’ll usually be working one of two part-time jobs, roaming the bush, or out with my partner and our dogs, Mellon and Harvey.

While I’ve been at Massey I’ve made a point to be involved in student affairs. I’ve been a class representative, a Massey Guide and am one of the two students on the Sport and Recreation Board. I’ve also been speaking on behalf of BSc students regarding the College of Science restructure. My primary concerns around Massey are student mental health and well-being, and student financial security.

We’ve all chosen Massey, now let’s make it better.

Stefan Biberstein President

Kia ora everyone, I’m Stefan Biberstein and I want to be your MUSA President in 2019. I think I would be a great fit due to my experience in leadership and governance. I’m currently the chairperson of the Eastman Rover Crew, a non-profit organisation aimed at involving youth in community service, social activities and self-development. During my time on the executive, Eastman Rover Crews membership has grown by over 300 per cent. As MUSA President I want to end the question “what does MUSA even do?” through an exciting program of on-campus events and a fortnightly MUSA roundup.

You deserve to know what MUSA has done towards our mission of improving your student experience.

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Gavin Mak

International Officer Gidday, I’m Gav, an Ag Science/ Equine student who’s keen to give different things a go. International students make up about 30 per cent of all students in Massey.

Whether you’re binge-studying for your final, out exploring the great countryside, or completely new and trying to familiarise yourself with Massey I am and will always be approachable and friendly to have a good yarn. Do you know that the Māori name for Palmerston North, Papaioea, is believed to mean ‘how beautiful it is’? That’s right, beautiful Palmy has students from all corners around the globe, a brilliant place to meet amazing people and exchange culture, which is what I’ve always been interested in and dreamed of.

Kyle Jon Fitzgerald MUSA Executive

Dia duit mo chairde, I’m Kyle and I’m a second year Bachelor of Science majoring in genetics and microbiology. I’m an avid comic book nerd and science fiction geek.

It was a privilege to represent you the students for 2018 and I would love to have the opportunity for a second time. This year I have been involved with the launch and running of Thursdays in Black on the Manawatū campus. Also, I have been working in conjunction with the other executives to help make Massey a better experience for all the students.

Youbo Guo

International Officer Hello everyone, my name is Youbo and I am running for the International Officer role. As an international student myself, I understand the hardships and obstacles we go through. I want to utilise my own knowledge and experiences to ease the transition process to university life in this new country and help cultivate a friendly environment connecting students to the community. I would like to make sure all students’ voices and concerns are heard, reaching out to underrepresented communities, and dedicating to create a harmonious diversity on campus.

Ngahuia Kirton MUSA Executive

I’m Nga, a vet student and your current Welfare Executive. Some of you may also know me as Acting President of MUSA, and the student-elected member on the University Council. I am deeply passionate about making student life as great as it possibly can be, which is why I’ve spent the last year campaigning for better living conditions, better support services and lots of free food for students. During my time in the Welfare role I managed to deliver flatting packs to over 200 students and provided more than 700 students with de-stress activities and free food during study week. I would be honoured to have the opportunity to continue to represent, advocate and support you all.

Callum Goacher MUSA Executive

Kia ora! I’m Callum, a third year Bachelor of Arts student majoring in literature and politics. I’ve volunteered on Radio Control for nearly two years, blasting some bangers out onto the airwaves, and yarning about student issues. This lead me to becoming your Education Officer, where I’ve challenged myself to try and solve these issues. Since then I’ve been on many committees, volunteered at events, assisted with Class Reps, and made submissions to working groups in Parliament to push for greater student representation. My skill set has improved immensely, and there is still lots of work to be done in education. I have the passion to continue fighting for students, and the desire to work for a better future.

Allanah Hoskin MUSA Executive

My name is Alannah and I’m currently in my final semester of my Bachelor of Arts majoring in Education. Eventually I want to become an early childhood teacher because kids are awesome! I enjoy being out in nature, listening to music, hanging out with friends, and eating lots of junk food. I’ve been volunteering for MUSA for over a year now and volunteered for Radio Control for a while, which helped me to build relationships with other students and staff.

It also got me more excited about university and the importance of education! I believe in everyone having a voice and having equal opportunities to go out into the world and do something great. I’m ready for a new challenge and an exciting year ahead!

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2019 ELECTIONS The Massey at Wellington Students' Association Elections are held every year in the second semester to determine the following year's executive team. Here is a list of candidates running for positions on the 2019 MAWSA Executive. Voting for next year's elections will open on Thursday, September 20. Head to www.mawsa.org.nz for more information on candidates and to place your vote.

Jamie-Lee Bracken President

I’m a communications student majoring in journalism. I love long walks, a good cuppa and the show Vikings. I’ve learnt a lot about how MAWSA works by being the Welfare VP on the current executive. I really enjoy the university life here and I’m hoping that with your vote I can take on the presidential role which will allow me to me work hard to make a difference for you. I want to improve things that aren’t up to scratch and build on what is working well. I’m passionate about being a trustworthy and honest voice to make sure you have the tools you need to love your time here at Massey Wellington. It’s all about enjoying yourself while getting that degree.

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Charlotte Long President

I am a third year-fine arts student who loves a cup of tea at the end of the day. For 2019 I would love to bridge the gap of lecturers understanding of learning difficulties in the faculty. Also, to keep building on the great work done by MAWSA this year and create a stronger sense of community with the university and Wellington as a whole. I’m passionate about being involved in my local community and have previously volunteered for Wellington Children's Hospital, Zealandia and others. I’m an outgoing and talkative person who is interested in making the best experience of Massey for as many people as possible.

Anna Gilmour

Welfare Vice President I am a second-year nursing student and am thrilled to be nominated for MAWSA Welfare Vice President 2019. Last year I applied for the Nursing Executive position and after not getting the role I decided to take a more active role in the Massey community. I am currently a founder and co-chair of the newly formed club Red Cross Massey Wellington.

Throughout the process of setting up a new club I have learnt many things about myself as a leader and have met so many amazing people along the way. I am a hardworking, committed and enthusiastic, I love meeting and talking to a wide range of people and am passionate about student life and wellbeing.

I am super excited to take on this new challenge and to have an amazing time.

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Basti Todd

Welfare Vice President Hey team, for those of you who don’t know me my name is Basti and I would like to be your Welfare Vice President for 2019. A little about me, I am English, grew up in France and Italy, moved to New Zealand five years ago to a wee town called Kerikeri, a true gem of the north. I was studying communications last year but just re-enrolled after travelling Africa and America. Uni can be a very stressful time for everyone and I would like to help the students in any way that I can. I would like to listen to your ideas and help make these ideas happen.

Bella Bolter

Education Vice President Hello! I'm Bella, a communication student, Mother, and dedicated member of the Massey community. I would like to earn your vote because I truly believe that one person can make a difference. We have three tertiary institutions in Wellington, and I want to work with you to make Massey the absolute best! I have previous experience as a Class Rep, clubs’ leader and MAWSA Volunteer you’ve probably seen me around campus in bright colours! Please come say hi! I’m often in the co lab and would love to chat.

Elleana Dumper Welfare Vice President

My name is Elleana and I am a second year Commercial Music student. For me, studying in Wellington away from home was a pure choice of growth. Eighteen months on and one matured student later, I find myself seeking the need to create initiatives where others are reminded how remarkable they are, with a practical and full-circle kind of activism which won’t make you cringe. My agenda for Welfare Vice President intends for a more holistic approach to wellbeing. It’s about learning to nourish ourselves from the inside out, and in more ways than one. My campaign to Feed the Masse(y)s will see wider dietary options on campus, the mind’s need for motivating inspiration, and the soul’s need for creative expression.

Nicolette Hurnen

Education Vice President Kia ora! My name is Nicolette Hurnen and I am a creative media production student. This year I have really loved being a class rep and making sure everybody got the best they could from their course. I would really love to take this a step further to make sure everybody on campus can get the best from their course.

There are a few issues I’m keen to look at, the website and stream being one of them and with your help and vote I will do everything I can to make Massey the best learning environment possible.

Jacob Paterson

Welfare Vice President Hey Team! Ko Jacob tõku ingoa. I’m a thirdyear student here at Massey, I teach kids how to swim part time, I spent semester one this year on an exchange in Nottingham and I’m running to be your Welfare Vice President 2019! I will work hard to make our campus fun, safe and connected. I want to create spaces for students on campus where they can feel at home and connect with other students. Let’s reclaim the student lounge, put in place a community garden, organise more free food and get more student events funded and happening on campus.

We also need to have our voice heard on the big issues.

Hine Tihore Māori Exec

Kia ora, I’m Hine. I’m of Ngāti Porou and Te Aitanga-a-Māhiki decent and I am a communication student. I have a passion for photography and love how a good image connects us to a time, a place and each other. Research shows that images and other cultural representations can help improve the success rates of students from ethnic minorities. This is because they help students overcome the culturally intimidating environment of academia by connecting students to the campus. That’s why as the Māori Executive, I would advocate for our campus to work towards better visual cultural representations that more accurately reflect our creative, culturally-diverse campus.

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Bryah-Rose Rauhihi Māori Executive

Hey, I am Bryah and I am running again for the role that I love so passionately. I want to continue this role, because of my love for being an exec and what it represents. I feel people should vote for me because of my huge invested interest in Māori on campus. I want to be to ensure that the wellbeing for all Māori students on the Wellington campus is being upheld. Along with being able to continue to work alongside other amazing students.

Tallulah Farrar CoCA Executive

Hey! My name is Tallulah Farrar and I'll be a third-year design student in 2019. I’m a textiles major, but I also love photography, painting and drawing and have a keen interest in the environment. I spend a lot of my spare time volunteering and running a club on campus, and I really enjoy the feeling of being a part of many different communities. I want to nurture this sense of community within our campus and make Massey a place where everyone feels that they have a place.

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James Harper CoCA Executive

Hi sisters, I’m studying a BFA, you may have seen me having a McDs mukbang in the library on occasion. As a student at Massey I have witnessed the university’s management make unfortunate decisions that affect students and Massey itself. I’m running for CoCA executive to advocate for and represent CoCA students through the bureaucracy of Massey. My agenda is campaigning for further improvements to core papers, supporting the reestablishment of a rec centre, ensure Massey becomes more transparent and further develop a sense of community among CoCA students by running more art and design-based events on campus.

Grace Harriet Needham Communciations/Business Exec Hi! I’m Grace and I want to be your Communications/ Business Executive for 2019. I’m currently my second year of a Bachelor of Communications with a major in Marketing, and loving learning more about the industry – I can’t look at ads the same way anymore. My favourite things are coffee, catch-ups, and cosy socks. For me, there’s nothing worse than looking back on an opportunity that came up and wishing you had done it. Which is why I want to encourage you to vote for me, so I can help you stop wishing, and start doing.

Bridget McGechan CoCA Executive

I’m a third-year design student, visual communication design major. This year I have been on the MAWSA exec as the Education Vice President and I've loved it.

I ran the Class Rep Programme and assisted the President as well as the exec in some awesome projects. Last year I was an RA at the Cube Hall. Overall, it's been super rewarding helping students in many ways throughout my time at Massey. I would love the chance to use my skills to improve student life at Massey even more. I’d be great for the role of CoCA Exec because I am an excellent communicator, enthusiastic and love people.

Hannah Reade Nursing Executive

Hey, I’m Hannah and I am running for the position of nursing executive. I’m originally from Nelson however I chose to switch cities before becoming a fresh little first year (studying nursing). Although it has been a huge change, I have flourished in the opportunities this course has had to offer. I am super driven by the opportunity to improve the university experience for others and would love the chance to do this on an executive platform. I am enthusiastic, passionate and persistent, when I see something that needs to change, I will exhaust all my efforts and resources until I see that change happen.

COLUMN

the UNLONELY woman Boyfriend or fuckboy?

Playing up yea? Is it completely normal in today’s dating that we automatically play up without intending on it? Do we now live in a world where we look at dating as something disposable?

Like a condom once you use it, that’s it. You can technically wash them and reuse them but you never should! So, is this the same concept some people use in dating? After they go on a date or have sex with us do they just chuck us away? Or do they come back and reuse us? Sometimes going for a second time to get that last ounce out of us.

Relationships are so disposable now days. It’s like a disposable cycle. You start dating someone and you have sex and then they fuck off. My question is how are we meant to know the good ones from the bad ones? Because I’m sorry but I never date the same 'kind’ of person. I’m constantly getting lectures from my mum saying how I go for the wrong men. Well I’m fucking sorry Susan but do you wanna tell me how to pick a fuckboy from an actual potential boyfriend because they all look the same to me now days. It’s like even after talking to someone after five months most days. Can they simply dispose you after finally going on one date?

So, let’s call this dude Donald for the sake of this story. Donald and I had met on Tinder of course. We had been talking for a good four to five months.

I mean most days. He was so lovely.

Like I generally enjoyed just talking to him. He was a solid dude. A gold star from me. Or so I thought. So, me and Donald had a great relationship. No not boyfriend and girlfriend. But we talked most days or Snapchatted. We would talk about all sorts. He would even read my columns and he did not judge me. We finally decided to go on a date. Funnily enough we ended up going on a date on my birthday. It was so nice. We went out for dinner, I meet his handsome wee dog, we watched a movie in bed and then one thing leads to another and long story short we both had an orgasm that night. No, we didn’t have sex but there wasn’t any pressure to either. It was just a nice night. The next morning, he made me a green tea and I was on my way. Now what happened after this?

Well long story short I barely heard from him. He said something had happened which he couldn’t talk to me about.

He promised he was still interested in a second date and that I hadn’t done anything. Guess what? He never called.

He then did a back flip and said yea, nah, I’m not interested anymore. I’m sorry but did you not just spend the last four to five months telling me you wanted a relationship. Did you not just spend the last four to five months talking to me most days? Like I’m sorry but what the fuck? How about before you go down on me you tell me this? We now don’t talk. We were going to look at

becoming friends with benefits, but he was shocking at communicating so well I called it off. As much as I still wanted to sleep with him it wasn’t safe to. I mean I still liked the dude and I knew I’d get hurt but worst of all he was so shit at communicating The part that sucks the most thought is the fact that here’s this person I was talking to for nearly half a year most days and now he is just gone. Like that part sucks because I generally enjoyed him as a person. This boy ended up disappointing me a lot because he ended up not being the person I thought he was like at all. I thought he was great guy who had a kind heart but the moment I said no to fuck buddies he completely switched. I think sometimes we have to stand back and really look and see for ourselves that this person is playing up.

We have to look through the bullshit and orgasm that nothing will come from this. Sis it ain’t your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you. Some people just can’t handle you because they don’t deserve you. It’s like once we learn our self-worth and learn what we deserve we can call it.

So, conclusion? The moment you realise your intentions change, say something. Don’t lead someone on. For fucks sakes bloody communicate.

For more like this head to www. theunlonelywoman.com.

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COLUMN

Hello my name is Chonathan. I recently thought I would get my nana some fresh Jordan’s for Father’s Day, so she can be the flyest mother fucker at her knitting group. So, I went on Facebook marketplace and saw some space jam 11’s for like $40, could this be too good to be true?? Well it was, I went and grabbed them with my step sister, and they were full of cat shit.

However, since I’m cheap I gave them to nana anyway, now she is addicted to inhaling cat shit though... what should I do, is this bad?

Why yes, this is quite a prefabricated affair by the sounds of it. What you must do is refer your old lady on to some drug support groups, this may sound a bit intense, but cat shit is a gateway drug and could lead to harder things such as whale shit or even meth. Sort it out quickly - GC

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Why hello my name is George and I have recently discovered I have transformed in to a horse.

Here’s the thing though, when I used to be a human I used to love playing sudoku with the bro Peter, but now I physically can’t play anymore and fuck I am frustrated. Being a horse is phat though, but shit I wanna play sudoku, what should I do?

Hmmm George what on earth shall we do with you, you crusty bell end. I know, let’s get you into harness racing so I can bulk you up with performance enhancing drugs and we can win the fucking Melbourne Cup. We will make heaps of money off you, and then I can spend it on hookers and pies for all of the boys down at the station. I’m excited - BC

DISCLAIMER: While our Good Cop and Bad Cop have your best interests at heart when playing Agony Aunt, remember they are no experts. So, if you are after serious medical or legal advice, please consult a professional.

COLUMN

Google vs.

God Issue Four: 'the talk' In an ever-expanding global community of acceptance and knowledge, two opinions remain.

Left vs right. Agnostic vs Christian.

Science vs spirituality. But what happens when these opinions collide, and the two sides agree for once? Two students, both alike in career vision and identity, but from opposing upbringings and households, discuss a different topic each issue from both perspectives, ‘Google vs God’.

Profiles:

Google Female

Middle-class family

Studying Design at Massey Agnostic

God Female

Middle-class family

Studying Design at Massey Christian

Get the best of both worlds...

google

god

Waiting a phat 18 years before getting laid was a tough feat for sure - mainly because all my friends had been talking about doing the dirty since they were around 16 and the amount of Urban Dictionary searches I had to do just to keep up was getting exhausting. My mother has never been one for serious life talks, and that was no different for ‘the talk’. She didn’t talk to me at all about sex or anything else involved, and certainly didn’t give me life advice when it came relationships. No wonder I experimented so much when I first tasted sweet sweet alcohol.

Anyway, despite my lack of guidance from both my mother and the big boi God himself, my first time was pretty respectable. It was with a guy I liked, who I’d known for a while (two weeks is a while, right?), and dare I say, was kind of romantic! However, once we ended, that’s kind of where my respectable decision making ended too, at least for a while. I guess you could call what I went on next a rampage? Whatever it was, it was fun, and I came out the other side of it happily on the whip with a bae. I’d strongly encourage everyone to go on a hoe phase tbh - call it research, find out what you like, experiment and get wild babayyy. I say do whatever you want, as long as you are protecting both your genitals and heart.

The only controversial thing in my relationships is my internal fight over whether I should be sleeping with my boyfriend, and future-proofing my life in case my parents find out and banish me from the family. It was my full intention to save sex for marriage until I accidentally slept with my boyfriend when I was 17. I was crushed. But also intrigued. When I had ‘the talk’ with my mum when I was 10, I was blatantly informed that this thing called sex was intended for marriage, and it was never spoken of again. Despite the sincere warning, I am now leading a HannahMontana-esque double life – the perfect daughter, and the perfect girlfriend.

But as much as I would enjoy an ‘unlonely woman’ lifestyle, I just couldn’t do it. Unless I envision myself walking down the aisle towards his pretty face at the end of it, I ain’t going anywhere near his bed – I guess mum said something right. My guilty teen-self did some thorough research, and besides warnings against adultery and sexual immorality – which marriage is the cure of (1 Corinthians 7:2), there is no blatant disapproval of sex before marriage.

Kudos if you can make it to marriage without it, but if not, make sure your partner is truly committed. If you’re concerned, give 0800 PRAYER a call, I don’t want any hurt honeys out there.

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Column

Lit Fam or Shit Scam?

Wish Writer: Kasharn Rao

We walk among giants. Us with our closed minds and puny thoughts, moping about our daily routine, cutting vegetables unevenly and pouring soft drink from the bottle, when the REAL minds are out there, taking dreams and wishes, and turning them into mass-produced plastic gimmicks for our consumerist delight.

Wish is one such mobile shopping app that boasts some of the most incredibly useless junk I’ve ever had the privilege of wasting money on. Wish differs from other shopping apps for two main reasons. The first reason is that its tagline claims you can get many items for free as long as you pay shipping. The second reason is that they must have gained their marketing skills from the Tim And Eric School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, because some of the stuff that it sends me adverts for are completely baffling. I’ve had lingerie, morally degenerate shirts, and once a human tongue.

Other apps stalk your browsing history to decide what to bombard you with but Wish just seems to embody the first-year arts student in the way they just fling shit at the wall and hope it passes.

While I hope the tongue is just a fake prop, and not a freebie from a literal arms dealer, I couldn’t help but explore this strangely enticing app.

Setting some cash aside, I decided I would buy the first 10 items that I was advertised, so long as they were under $5. No exceptions.

The list of that I’m now the proud owner of is as follows: 1 pair of wireless earphones 1 universal wireless phone charger

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1 ‘REAL LEATHER’ wallet 1 deck of gold playing cards 1 pair of round steampunk sunglasses 1 set of polyhedral dice 1 fishnet bodysuit 1 set of silver grills 1 pair of evenly slicing tongs 1 mini upside-down soft drink fountain 1 very interesting watch What I soon discovered was that the ‘free’ items had rather high shipping prices, which meant altogether I was paying about $5 per item. I held on to hope that these items would change my life for the better, and then promptly forgot about them for the next three to four weeks.

The first to arrive were the earphones. Or rather, earphone singular. They sent me only one, and in black instead of pink. Trying it out I soon discovered you needed to be in about a meter radius from your phone in order for them to work, and the sound quality was worse than a Despacito cover by Helen Keller.

Next up was the universal phone charger and the ‘REAL LEATHER’ wallet. I was skeptical about the phone charger, since I knew it was predominantly an iPhone based schtick, but when I placed my Samsung on this simple circular pad, lo and behold, the pad started flashing just like the instructions said it would, and my phone lit up. Of course, it was just my boss texting to see if I could cover a shift, but I had enjoyed the moment in which I thought it had worked.

I tossed the useless thing aside and examined the ‘REAL LEATHER’ wallet. As you might expect, ‘REAL

massive

LEATHER’ really meant ‘PAINFULLY ARTIFICIAL AND REALLY NOT GOOD AT ALL’. I had a nice evening the following Friday when five more packages showed up in my letterbox, consisting of the gold cards, sunglasses, dice, fishnet bodysuit, and silver grills.

The gold playing cards were actually decent. Sturdy, shiny, and reeking of bougie antics, they’d be the perfect addition to a slosh at home with mates.

The sunglasses were cheap and awful, the dice were average at best, and the fishnet bodysuit… Well at least I have something to wear to screenings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The grills were interesting. After molding the plastic in hot water and applying the probably toxic substance to my teeth, I was shocked to discover that while my charisma had been cut in half, my Soundcloud rapping skill had tripled. I’ve now grown some wicked face tats, legally changed my name to Big Slam Kash Soul Punch and created fire beats toastier than any prone bone Post Malone tones.

The last to arrive were the evenly slicing tongs, mini upside-down soft drink fountain, and a very interesting watch.

The evenly slicing tongs are hard to describe. Picture tongs, but with clasps at the end, which are divided by vertical gaps. The idea is you firmly grasp something trivial, like a tomato, and cut down through the gaps, ensuring pristine, even slices of your chosen vegetable/ sacrifice. I too, howl savagely when my tomatoes are cut slightly unevenly, but now we finally have an invention that will save us from utter anarchy.

The mini upside down soft drink fountain requires you

to remove the cap of your soft drink, deftly place the fountain on top, screwing it in tight, then flip the whole thing upside down, where you can then push the tap handle, only to discover that due to the basic laws of physics, liquid will not pour out, therefore forcing you to squeeze the bottle numerous times until it fills your vessel. Apparently, this is easier than just pouring it.

And finally, the very interesting watch. A watch like no other, with numbers scrawled haphazardly over its face, failing to carry any semblance of order. But right in the middle, a neat and tidy quote to live by: “Who cares, I’m late anyway.”

Wish also has a massive hard on for encouraging playful shopping. What this entails is the constant bombardment of little games, such as ‘spin the wheel for coupons,’ ‘buy with a buddy for a double discount,’ and ‘add all this crap to your cart in the next ten minutes and get seriously good discounts like we don’t even care we have children in factories making us this shit for free’.

Wish, you can try to seduce me all you want with your happy jumping golden credit card swipe button, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, tat is tat, and that is that.

I give Wish a rating of 2/5 penguins that died from plastic pollution, therefore it’s a Shit Scam.

Next Issue - YEET

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REVIEWS

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Movie Review BlacKkKlansman (2018)

TV Show Review Insatiable (2018–)

Hands down the best film I have seen all year.

I’m predicting it will remain that way too.

BlacKkKlansman was a great mix of comedy (with plenty of Trump jokes thrown in) but also had a note of seriousness because of the sobering civil rights content that is still affecting people to this day. The scariest part is that it is based on a true story. Ron Stallworth (John David Washington) is the first black police officer in Colorado Springs.

He stumbles upon an ad for the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) in the local newspaper and decides to call them. Therein begins an undercover investigation of the KKK in which white cop Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver) is the face of Ron Stallworth and the black cop is the ‘real’ one behind the phone.

The music and sound editing was great, awesome cinematography and perfect style, it was a banger of a film. It was super comedic with a lot of hilarious political wisecracks that were smart, rather than appealing to the lowest common denominator. Also, every single character was played out perfectly on screen, from the two Ron Stallworths through to the indignantly racist white cops to KKK villain Water Breachway (Ryan Eggold). I highly recommend this film to everyone and hope to see it featured in the next round of awards season. It deserves them all – Emma Rzepecky

Insatiable made me anxious. Hella anxious.

Patty Bladell (Debby Ryan) is the girl who was fat at the start of high school and is now skinny. She was badly bullied and now she wants revenge. At least that was the set up of the show, which didn’t really come across in the execution. Meanwhile Bob Barnard (Christopher Gorham) is a failed lawyer with no passion for his work, but a strangely large passion for being a pageant coach.

The two team up in a weird show that is supposed to be about a pageant team but takes so many turns that it is suddenly going in a completely different direction to what you thought it would be – and wanted it to be.

This TV show grows on you, but it is a slow burner and it is still annoying even after you start to enjoy it. It tries to show every piece of PC content you can think of – from lesbian crisis, to a gay relationship that turns polyamorous, to eating disorders, to depression. And to be honest, maybe the creators’ intentions were good, but all of the above topics are represented in gaudy, ludicrous ways that put even Glee’s (2009-2015) worst plotlines to shame. All in all, entertaining enough but not a show I would watch unless I was writing this review – Emma Rzepecky

COLUMN

Booked In: Chapter Ten The Cuckoo’s Calling

I remember the media mutterings a few years ago — as may you — when it came out that the JK Rowling, author of the beloved, bestselling, millionsearning, movie-adapted Harry Potter series, had sneakily published a detective novel under a pseudonym.

That pseudonym is Robert Galbraith, and The Cuckoo’s Calling is that novel.

It’s also now a television show.

Private investigator Cormoran Strike, a war veteran fallen on hard times, is approached by lawyer John Bristow and asked to investigate the death of Bristow’s adopted sister, supermodel Lula Landry, who fell from her balcony in what was ruled a suicide. Bristow thinks otherwise, and as Strike follows the trail, he begins to agree.

Admittedly, I don’t read a lot of crime fiction — as fun as it can be to follow the carefully laid clues, making up your own theories about who the killer is, until the inevitable conclusion proves you either right or wrong. In my opinion, speaking as someone who reads a lot of fiction if not crime fiction, the reader should be on the same page as the detective protagonist by the time the tell-all denouement comes along. Surely the identity, means, motive, and opportunity wouldn’t suddenly be revealed out of nowhere in a massive dialogue fest towards the book’s end, finally linking together pieces of evidence that were noted but never explained and conspicuously absent from the detective’s thoughts until this point? Surely not! In summary: an interesting mystery, with a

disappointing, reaching conclusion.

Clearly many would disagree with me, since The Cuckoo’s Calling received mostly positive reviews. Maybe I’m wrong in thinking that outlandish revelations are better off foreshadowed rather than coming out of the woodwork at the eleventh hour… except I’m not, but hey! To each their own. To be honest, the conclusion was just the bitter icing on the cake.

The real problem with The Cuckoo’s Calling is that Rowling’s style — sorry, “Galbraith’s” style — just doesn’t work for me. It’s the same formalleaning, almost cutesy, sometimes excessively descriptive writing that worked so well for Harry Potter, with the addition of swearing, and thrice the indecipherably spelled-out accents.

Remember how Hagrid’s dialogue was hard/annoying to read sometimes?

Yep. It’s even worse here.

My personal rule is to give a book a hundred pages to interest me before I give up on it, but I broke that rule with The Cuckoo’s Calling because I wanted it to be good; I tried to like it. I’m usually good at liking things! The actual mystery is intriguing, I will say; and following the clues is always fun.

Rowling’s style, in the context of adult fiction, just isn’t for me - Peri Miller.

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COLUMN

Music Review Ariana Grande Sweetener

I thought I’d attempt to listen to Ariana Grande’s album Sweetener. I wondered if it would be too sickly and mainstream, but I actually… liked it. Who knew? I think it’s this good because of Pharrell Williams’ guidance on the album. He’s a producer and songwriter on the album. He helps to shift her music from being any old generic pop song into something truly engaging and beautiful to listen to. Although, I could hear too much of his influence in here and it felt more like a collaborative album rather than her own. For example, R.E.M sounds too much like a Pharrell Williams song.

However, I think this is probably the best work she has done. Her vocals are so beautiful on this record - you can’t deny that she is one of the most brilliant singers out there. Her vocals on Goodnight and Go are so angelic.

I think Grande has finally found her authentic sound and style, bring in a fusion of old school R&B sounds with the current pop trends. She perfectly describes the album as this - “here is my bleeding heart, and here is a trap beat behind it”.

God is a Woman and Breathin are two extremely powerful anthems. There are a few tracks that I didn’t like though, especially The Light is Coming with Nicki Minaj. It’s very, very repetitive with an overplayed sample in the background.

I’m not completely in awe of this album but I’m not denying it’s a great album.

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COLUMN

FROM THE

PREZ

Welcome back everyone,

I hope you all had a great break (or at least some sort of break) and that you’re ready to smash out the rest of semester!

There is only 67 days left until your all done with exams and free for the summer!

I’m stoked to announce that we have confirmed the election of our 2019 ASA executive! Soon it will be the awesome president-elect Meity (pronounced May-Tea) writing these columns for you

all! I know the 2019 exec are hyped and itching to get to work supporting you guys in any way they can. Please if you have any suggestions for them or things you think they should work on, don’t hesitate to hit them up!

I would also like to thank everyone that came to the ASA Ball on the first weekend of the break! It was a blast as always to put on an event like that, we hope your all had as much fun as we did!

We would love to hear your thoughts and feedback as always, so if you wanna come

COOL BEANS

Chocolate Peanut Butter-stuffed Cookies with Lydia Hill

N! VEGA

Ingredients: 1 ¾ cup all-purpose flour ½ cup cocoa powder (I use Cadbury) ¼ powdered sugar ¾ tsp baking powder ¼ tsp baking soda ½ tsp salt

½ cup dairy-free margarine (I use Olivani) 1 cup packed brown sugar ½ cup granulated sugar ½ peanut butter ½ apple sauce ½ tsp vanilla extract Sea salt flakes to garnish

have a yarn please do!

With only 67 days left it is starting to get dangerously close to exam time! Even though I know your all ready to ace your exams, I’d like to remind you that ASA has your back. We know studying is stressful, so if it’s all getting too much with study, work or life in general please come see us, so we can help sort it all out.

Cheers,

Jason

As we near the end of the year, we all need a bit of a pickme-up to get us through hand-ins and exams. My suggestion is chocolate peanut butter-stuffed cookies. The process of making these decadent morsels will put your mind at ease and the flavour will make the stress disappear (temporarily at least). These are vegan-friendly as well.

Directions: In a small bowl, combine peanut butter and powdered sugar until it forms a paste. Use a teaspoon and dollop even amounts of the mixture onto a tray lined with baking paper and freeze until firm enough to handle. Pre-heat oven to 170C, and line another tray with baking paper. Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt in another bowl and set aside. In a large bowl, beat the margarine and sugars together until fluffy and lighter in colour. Combine apple sauce and vanilla extract and mix until smooth – the apple sauce may cause curdling, but all will be fine. Create evenlysized balls of dough. Split the ball in half, flattening one half in the palm of your hand. Place a dollop of the peanut butter filling onto the flattened dough and top with the other half.

Make sure to seal the filling in properly, and place onto the prepared tray. Sprinkle with salt to taste before putting them into the oven to cook for 11 to 12 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool. Enjoy!

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Puzzles

MASSIVE QUIZ

Let’s test out your Harry Potter knowledge, 10 points to your house for a 100% result.

1. What is the name of the device Dumbledore uses when putting out the street lights at Privet Drive?

2. What position does Harry Potter play in Quidditch?

3. What is Tom Riddle’s middle name?

4. What is Snape’s Patronus?

5. What is the name of Hagrid’s large pet dog?

6. What house does Harry belong to at Hogwarts?

7. What is at the core of Harry Potter’s wand?

What monster lives in the Chamber of Secrets?

8. Who is Harry Potter’s godfather?

9. What is the name of Dumbledore’s phoenix?

Can you SUDOKU? Looking for some mid-semester productive distractions? Massive’s got you hooked up. We don’t have the answers sorry, too bad if you mess up <3 Try completing the top right square first

1. Deluminator, 2. Seeker, 3. Marvolo, 4. A doe, 5. Fang, 6. Gryffindor, 7. A pheonix feather, 8. A Basilisk, 9.

Sirius black, 10. Fawkes.

This is only a medium, so no excuses

GUESS? WHO

Guess who answer: Daniel Radcliffe

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HOT OR NOT?

HOT: Crazy Rich Asians

HOT: Peter Kavinsky

HOT: Maccas fries + icecream

HOT:Spring

NOT: Kim K bikini pics

NOT: Study Break assignments

NOT: KSI vs. Logan draw

humour Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23

Horoscoping you out.

Your ooky spooky Horror-scopes have arrived. Don’t read these before bed.

You’ve heard of snakes on a plane: this week gets ready for snakes everywhere BUT on a plane!

Snakes in your bed, snakes in your shower, snakes in your fridge, snakes in your dumplings!

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23 You are going to reach down beside your bed to turn on your electric blanket and feel a hand grab your wrist… Luckily it will just be your annoying flatmate hiding under your bed trying to stop you from using power to keep the electricity bill down.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

You will be forced to stay the night in the sleep-out after locking yourself out of the flat and will be visited

by Click-Clack-Slide. If you were born on an even day you will live to see the morning and if you were born on an odd day your flatmates will have a nasty surprise waiting for them on the washing line in the morning.

You are going to throw a banger of a party on Saturday night, only to be woken up the next day at 11am by your landlord there for your monthly inspection which you totally forgot about! The horror!

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20 The ghost of twerking David Seymour will haunt your room for the next two weeks until you invest in some sage and smoke his ass out. Literally, get that twerking ass out of here.

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 The Babadook is going to leave you baba-shook when he appears during your weekly existential crisis. Unfortunately, just like Trump it seems like he’ll never leave.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 Remember Annabelle? The doll that used to tear people’s families apart (and not in the way that board games do). Well you’re going to find her at an op-shop and take her home as a joke. Come Wednesday you won’t be laughing.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21 Your eyelashes are going to turn into spiders.

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Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23 Feeling brave this month Libra? So brave that you will decide to say Bloody Mary three times in the uni bathroom mirror and curse the entire floor of the library. Good going jerk, we don’t have time for these shenanigans.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 23 The scariest story of all is weighing very heavily on your mind this week: climate change.

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22 Yours is a horror-scope we can all relate to – mould: It’s coming from inside the house! Last week it was the ceiling, this week it’s on your pillow next to your head. Sweet dreams Capricorn.

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20 Brace yourself: this week not one, not two but four people are going to ask you what you are doing when you graduate, forcing you to come face to face with the terrifying prospect of “the unknown”. By Thursday you will be enrolled in a master’s program.