Massive Magazine Manawatu Issue 06 2018

Est. 2012

Manawatū | May/ Jun 2018 | 06

Royal Wedding: Markle’s Sparkle

2018 Budget – Not too many surprises Fashion Week with Gemma Cornish Unpopular Opinion: The Met Gala’s Catholic imagaination

Cover Image: Luca Rosseels

Editorial Hi everyone, This is the last issue of Massive Magazine for this semester. Thanks to all the artists, illustrators and writers who have made the magazine what it is. A big thank you as well to all our readers.

This issue has a fashion theme – we dissect the royal wedding and the Met Gala. Te Paea Hoori also speaks to Massey graduate Gemma Cornish about iD Fashion Week, which took place in Dunedin earlier this month.

Another Massey grad graces the pages of Massive this issue. Our Wellington reporter Jamie-Lee Bracken speaks to Craig Guy, who is appearing on TVNZ’s Colour Junkies. You can check out the interview on page 28.

See you all next semester, Nikki

E V I S S A M

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Massey’s response over Stream issues 2018 Budget: No big surprises Royal Wedding: Markle’s Sparkle Fashion Week: Gemma Kornish Say no to single use plastic: what are the alternatives?

Unpopular Opinion: The Met Gala Interview: Craig Guy PC wars: The environment vs. Health and Safety

Column

Humour

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Good Cop, Bad Cop Horoscoping you out

09 10 35 30 38 41 43

Pinch of Politics On the Line Unlonely woman Shower Thoughts Lit Fam or Shit Scam Booked in Cool Beans

Managing Editor: Nikki Papatsoumas editor@mawsa.org.nz

Media Manager: Sarah Grant-Wang 04 9793763 ext. 63763

Design/Layout: Aria Tongs massive@mawsa.org.nz

Manawatū Reporter:

Assistant Designer: Luca Rosseels assistantdesigner@mawsa.org.nz

Bethany Reitsma manawatureporter@mawsa.org.nz

Regulars 06 44 45

Contributors: Lydia Hill Kasharn Rao Emma Rzepecky Peri Miller Zoe Jennings Leilani Baker Melissa Ng Jack Mayo Eden Shearer Mackenzie Dyer

Local News Puzzles Hot or Not

Te Paea Hoori Todd Murray Zoe Hannay Gina Nguyen Natasha Tziakis

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6-week Meditation and Buddhism course Starting Monday 11 June at 7pm

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LOCAL NEWS

More water fountains, fewer plastic bottles Bethany Reitsma manawatureporter@mawsa.org.nz

Back: Alannah Hoskin, Phoebe McNab, Ace Pilgrim, Front: Amanda Houlahan, Rebecca Brown Five students tasked with taking an environmental action for a course project are petitioning for more water fountains to be installed on campus.

Amanda Houlahan, Ace Pilgrim, Phoebe McNab, Rebecca Brown and Alannah Hoskin are aiming to get more water fountains because those on campus are few and far between.

“We wanted to make them accessible, so that if you’re rushing between classes you can just quickly fill a reusable bottle rather than buying one on the way to class,” says Brown.

The students put together a petition.

While their initial goal was to gain 100 signatures, they have exceeded expectations, collecting just over 500 signatures at the time of printing.

“We had people leaving comments on the online petition, past Massey students, even someone from Spain chimed in,” says Houlahan.

As well as online signatures, the students have spent time going around campus and getting people to sign the petition.

“We’ve been going into classes and getting the word out,”

says Hoskin.

“We approached Massey’s facilities management, the MUSA President, and the chair of the building levy committee,” says Houlahan.

The students say they’re amazed at the amount of support their project has had.

“Because there’s been so much interest around it, it’s something we can definitely achieve,” says Houlahan.

Brown says the project fell together easily, and the support from lecturers and students surpassed expectations.

“I couldn’t have asked for a better team to work with,” says Hoskin.

Another goal the group has is to get information about the water fountains on the Massey app.

“There’s no info on Massey maps or websites about where water fountains are on campus,” says Houlahan.

“The Massey club Roots and Shoots had started a petition for water fountains in the past and they’ve also contributed massively to this project,” says Houlahan.

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LOCAL NEWS

Concerns that increasing rents on social housing will affect students Bethany Reitsma manawatureporter@mawsa.org.nz MUSA is backing the charge to fight back against market rents being put on social housing in Palmerston North.

There are fears among Palmerston North’s students that a proposed increase in rent will have a negative effect on student housing, which is already limited in availability, as well as on other groups such as pensioners and the disabled.

The Palmerston North City Council has proposed that an increase of up to $17 a week on their social housing be introduced.

Kevin Rylie from the Manawatū Tenants’ Union says that the¯ council sets the standards for landlords in general and introducing market rents will affect students through this example.

“People are worried about this, there’s a fear factor there.

“The city council should be leading the charge for affordable housing. For students, this will affect people around them, grandparents and pensioners…it’ll affect students in the future if not now,” he says.

“We just want a fair go for pensioners and the vulnerable.

“It’s not the New Zealand way. It goes against our sense of justice, of what’s fair. The rents will go up as people leave, and those coming into the housing will be paying more.”

Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA) President Ben Schmidt has been working with the Manawatū Tenants’ Union as well as alongside MUSA to fight against market rents.

“Students can ring or email their councillors to make their views heard. It’s as easy as jumping on the Palmerston North Council website to find their contacts,” says Schmidt.

“We are working hard behind the scenes to lobby councillors and maintain pressure.”

“MUSA strongly oppose the council’s proposal to charge market rent on their social housing for the vulnerable in our community,” he says.

Schmidt says that while market rents may not affect students directly, it will have a negative effect on the wider city.

“We need to remember that students aren’t just high school leavers and for students or potential students living with disabilities on the supported living benefit, this change will likely cut into their basic needs.

“It sends a message to private landlords that the council doesn’t care about affordable housing, and we are highly concerned about the flow on effect this may have for students.”

Q. What are your top tips for getting through study week?

M

Aaron

Leola

Lorna

“Get lots of sleep, don’t study too late, eat well and you’ll be good.”

“Drink green tea. Get outside every hour, take a walk.”

“Treat it like a normal work week and try not to procrastinate.”

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local news

Maori wards debate heats up on campus Bethany Reitsma manawatureporter@mawsa.org.nz Around fifty people turned up to a public debate on Māori wards at Massey earlier this month in the MUSA lounge.

The debate was organised by students Jamie Fowler, Charlotte Stock and Benjamin Davis for a community engagement project on cultural relations.

Fowler says that the topic of Māori and Pakeha relations was relevant to their group project.

“We all realised we didn’t know much about the issue of Māori wards and thought it would be a good idea to educate ourselves and other students around this issue.”

The group invited speakers from both sides of the debate to present their views.

Horizons Regional Councillor Wiremu Kingi Te Awe Awe and Green Party candidate Teanu Tuiono represented the pro Māori wards position.

Hobson’s pledge advocate Don Esslemont and author Mike Butler represented the opposition.

The debate was moderated by philosophy lecturer Bill Fish and opened with a summary of the issue.

The wards were developed by parliament with the aim of giving Māori an opportunity to be more involved at a local level.

After the council proposed introducing a Māori ward, a petition against it was put forward by Hobson’s Pledge in February 2018.

Each side briefly introduced their positions followed by some guiding questions put together by Fowler, Stock and Davis.

Tuiono said that Māori wards would be a positive thing for Palmerston North.

“It’s crucial to have Māori voices in a Council setting.

“The issue is treaty based, not race based. It’s about pushing back against the politics of division,” he said.

For Butler and Esslemont, introducing wards would increase divisions between Pakeha and Māori, if they were to vote in different constituencies.

“It’s already possible for Māori to become councillors without a specific constituency,” said Butler.

Both sides agreed that the issue was about the community being on the same page, but opinions ran high with each side accusing the other of discrimination.

“It’s wrong to treat people differently based on background,” said Esslemont.

The debate ended with an open floor for questions and an opportunity to mingle and meet the speakers.

The students were impressed with how the event went.

“None of us have organised and hosted an event like this before, but there was a great turnout,” says Fowler.

“We’ve learned a lot about the ethical issues around this,” says Davis.

“It was fairly straightforward getting in touch with the speakers too – we got in touch with the Hobson’s Pledge group and with Kia Kotahi Mai and they were happy to help us out.”

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New app encourages health and wellbeing for Maori and Pasifika students Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz A new app which aims to lower the risk of disease in the Māori and Pasifika communities will be trialled on the Massey Wellington campus.

The app called OL@ OR@ was developed by the National Institute for Health Innovation (NIHI) in April 2016 and was created as part of the Healthier Lives National Challenges to focus on health and wellbeing.

The NIHI then partnered with the Fono, a Pacific non-profit organisation, South Waikato Pacific Trust and Toitangata (Māori) who helped co-design and trial the app within local communities.

Community Research Coordinator, Emily Hughes, says the NIHI identified that healthcare wasn’t culturally tailored to Māori and Pasifika people.

She says this is concerning especially in these communities where the levels of obesity and non-communicable diseases are significantly higher.

“Many of the available resources on health do not focus on holistic models of wellbeing for Māori and Pacific, which indubitably has reduced their effectiveness,” says Hughes.

She says the app hopes to change this and reduce risk of disease by encouraging behavioural change.

It has several features including group or individual goal settings, recipes, gardening and help resources, motivational messages and ways to track your steps and share posts with whanau and friends.

Hughes says the trial phase aims to get people using the app and giving their feedback that will be forwarded to the NIHI. All participants will get the app for free and receive a koha at the end, depending on the numbers they recruit.

The Fono hopes the app’s trial will have 1000 participants and although targeted at Māori and Pacifica groups, Hughes says many different cultural groups have been involved in the trial anyway.

Hughes says it’ll be great for Massey students to be involved in this research as it is so important for Māori and Pacifica communities.

“If we can empower people to believe they are worthy of good health and are capable of achieving it, then we are undoubtedly more likely to have positive health outcomes,” she says.

If you are interested in registering as an individual, or if you have a group that is keen to take part please contact the NIHI team at olaora@auckland.ac.nz. They will then direct you to your local community coordinator.

FEATURE

Join Massive’s Natasha Tziakis as she dissects New Zealand politics and offers her sharp and savvy opinion in this fortnightly column.

Jacinda Ardern and Grant Robertson spoke confidently as they proudly delivered the Budget earlier this month and rebutted against the duo that was a shouting Simon Bridges and a very enthused Paula Bennett. A lot of Kiwi media outlets have been reporting on how this Budget is a “health win” for New Zealand, but there seems to be an unevenness of funding in one of the crucial parts of the Budget which will have big impacts on our future to come.

Labour’s original campaign to become the leading government lacked policies that would directly look after the Māori people of New Zealand, and this year’s Budget reflects that.

The Treasury website states that the Budget has an allocated $99 million “for the promotion of Māori language and culture through direct funding of broadcasting services” and that there is only $18 million set aside for Māori to advise and support “decision-making by Ministers on government policy matters”.

The way I understand this is that there will be more Te Reo used on our broadcasting services, which is great don’t get me wrong, but that there is next to no funding for Māori voices to be considered when deciding on nation-wide policies. It almost feels like a faux win. In the media it will seem as though Te Reo, and by extension Māori, are valued and promoted.

But the actual policies being decided on that

affect every New Zealander won’t really take Māori perspective into consideration. This is especially important as Māori Television reports that out of the “120 seats in Parliament, 29 of those belong to members of Māori descent,” which further demonstrates the inequality of representation.

Māori focus and prosperity are crucial for New Zealand because for too long Māori have been ignored, or worse, used as mere token pieces.

As said before, this Budget has been touted as a huge health win for New Zealand, but I’ll disagree with that as only $6 million dollars is being used to specifically support the physical and mental wellbeing of Māori. Suicide and serious mental health concerns affect Māori largely, with 50 per cent of special mental health patients/cases seen by the DHB from January 1 to December 31, 2016 being and identifying as Māori. With these dire statistics, I’m shocked that there is such a small amount of money delegated to Māori mental wellbeing.

The National Mental Health Services have a budget of $68 million dollars, although where this money will be spent in this sector hasn’t fully been released yet.

For Pakeha New Zealander’s this Budget seems like a huge win, but if we properly look at the percentages of where the funding is going, it’s not a win for anyone. Māori and other minority ethnic groups have been severely left behind. If we don’t look after all members of our society through policy and funding, then there might be even greater losses to come.

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COLUMN

ON THE LINE Writer: Leilani Baker This fortnightly column stays true to its name by discussing all things sports including controversies on and off the field. Whether you enjoy a casual brew whilst watching the rugby, or your inner demon emerges when the football comes on, this column is dedicated to you, the sport-lovers of Massey.

Am I right ladies?

Gender-equality in sports. It’s obvious we don’t yet have it otherwise it wouldn’t pop up on our newsfeed all the time. But, I have an optimistic outlook on the future of genderequality in New Zealand sports.

Many were thrilled by New Zealand Football’s announcement earlier this month. Equal working conditions for both the All Whites and Football Ferns.

A national first and hopefully the start of many gender-equal movements in New Zealand sports.

The three-year agreement grants equality in three areas. Pay and travel parity, equal prize money, and equal rights for image use.

But are female athletes in New Zealand receiving fair treatment overall?

In April, I was scrolling through an article about Black Fern Sevens player Michaela Blyde and was disappointed to find it was framed in a manner more suited to cover a member of the Kardashian family.

Rather than focus on her outstanding performance at the Commonwealth Games, the journalist writes about Blyde breaking down after hearing about her boyfriend, Adrian Ross’ serious ankle injury.

“An emotional Blyde, who was consoled by her mother, was devastated for her partner,” the article said.

At least female athletes are gradually getting more media coverage, right?

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Auckland University lecturer and former sports journalist Toni Bruce disagrees, saying the coverage of female athletes in New Zealand has hovered around 10 per cent for the last 30 years.

Massey University’s Sarah Leberman supports that argument.

"So many days I read the sports section, and all is see is men, men, men,” she says.

Whether we like it or not, females are a sporting minority. Just like other sporting minorities they receive minimal funding, coverage, and recognition.

Yet, many forget there is criteria that must be met in the sporting world.

"So many days I read the sports section, and all is see is men, men, men,” Media coverage is given to the sports which serve the public interest. If people won’t care, it won’t be covered.

Funding is similar. High Performance Sport New Zealand fund teams based on their performance, international context, and potential.

But it isn’t all bleak. I strongly believe 2018 has been the turning point for women in sport.

Slowly we are seeing female athletes in our newspapers, female sports reporters on television, and now athletes are starting to get pay parity.

The Commonwealth Games in April were a watershed moment for gender-equality.

It was the first time in the history of major sports-festivals that there were equal number of male and female events.

The equal working rights recently announced

by New Zealand Football is another leap in the right direction.

The road to gender-equality in sport sure is a long one, but we are getting there slowly.

Pass or Play Floorball. A sport that has rising popularity in New Zealand. Floorball is a type of field hockey with five players and a goalie. It is an indoor game played in three 20 minute periods. The game is fast-paced and gives players the ability to do some pretty epic tricks. Great for an ex-hockey player, or someone fast looking for something new.

Ponder that “FEDERER” can be typed entirely with the left hand.

feature

Massey’s response over Stream issues “isn’t good enough” Writer: Emma Rzepecky Students say Massey University’s slow response over continuing issues with the Stream site isn’t good enough.

These issues come after the disastrous release of the Student Management System (SMS) at the end of 2017, which caused issues surrounding enrolments for new and existing students.

The Stream site is another tool of the Massey University online environment. It acts as the primary point of contact between lecturers and students of Massey University.

Through Stream, lecturers post readings and relevant course materials and it is also the platform for handing in assignments.

Technical and user issues have continually occurred on the site since Massey rolled out a university-wide implementation of the new layout in 2016.

Marketing student Nick Davies describes the new layout as confusing and hard to find necessary information on.

“It’s not horrible, just horribly unnecessary and just a complete downgrade from what it was before,” he said.

“It seems like they’re changing something for the sake of it to look like they are progressive in their new website.”

Students say issues include confusion over where items are posted on the site, glitches with the assignment handing in processes and classes disappearing off Stream for days at a time.

The new site is not keyword-searchable, as the pages are all disconnected, which makes it more difficult to find information quickly.

Another student complained they couldn’t find the print resources section of Stream at the beginning of term due to the confusing layout.

They say it delayed getting their resources for the beginning three weeks of semester one.

Troy Aitken, a third year Public Relations student, says the issues with Massey’s digital learning environment could affect enrolments.

“I don’t know that the new site improved upon the areas that need to be improved,” Troy says.

“If Massey wants to be seen as a top-notch university, they should definitely have a top notch website.”

Lecturers have also complained about the delay between forum announcements on the site and notification emails being sent to students.

One lecturer, who did not wish to be named, says it took 24 hours for a forum announcement email to be sent to students.

Emma Pearce, President of MAWSA, says Massey University have only begun to consult students about the issues occurring on the Stream site this year.

“Following a huge amount of student backlash, Massey has had meetings from the beginning of this year to discuss issues with student representatives which is great, but this needed to be done earlier,” she says.

“Student representatives have expressed the need for a public apology from the University but a small comment that was given in a Massive article isn't good enough.”

James Gardiner, Communications Director for Massey University, says the new theme has been slowly introduced since 2016.

He said it was the same process that other institutions have used for approximately three million users worldwide.

“We value the feedback we get from students and staff regarding the online environment and endeavour but have not been made aware of any particular issues for which an apology has been sought,” he says.

“We are more than happy to work with students to address any specific concerns that are having a negative impact.”

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FEATURE

2018 Budget: Not too many surprises Writer: Nikki Papatsoumas Earlier this month the new government announced the Labour-NZ First Budget. This was the first Labour budget in a decade and wasn’t full of too many surprises. So far, the new coalition government has come through on many of its election promises and the Budget was an extension of that.

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But, let’s take it back a step. What is the Budget? The Budget, like any you might come up with at home, is an account of money the government is receiving (think taxes) and payments the government is making. Only the government is dealing in billions of dollars. As part of the Budget the government decides what areas money needs to be spent in and which don’t.

Budgets will also either run a deficit or surplus. Finance Minister Grant Robertson has managed to run a $3.8 billion surplus this year.

In his Budget speech, Robertson said the 2018 Budget laid the foundations for New Zealanders to have better lives in years to come. “This starts with making sure that all New Zealanders have access to the high quality public services they need and deserve – such as health, education and housing,” Robertson said.

When you break down the Budget it certainly seems as though health, education and housing shine through as the holy trinity – it is where the 2018 focus of the Budget lies.

What’s in there for students?

As most of you may be aware, Labour stayed true to its promise of offering first year free tertiary study. As well as this both the student living allowance and loan were increased by $50 a week.

According to the budget student loan borrowing was $151 million lower in the first three months of this year compared

to same period last year.

New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) President, Jonathan Gee, said that’s $151 million less going towards the $16 billion national student loan balance.

“The Government is on the right track, but they need to work with us and show us their plan to genuinely create a barrier-free education for all New Zealanders,” Gee said.

“Let’s not forget that during the 2017 general election, this government promised to restore postgraduate student allowances and restore student loan borrowing for those studying long courses beyond seven years of study.

In terms of education, the government has announced a $1.6 billion injection into education as part of the budget.

This will go towards early child care and schooling, support to high needs students and building more classrooms.

But keep in mind Labour delivered on its election promises for tertiary students so far.

Winners As mentioned above education was a big winner. Health also came out a big winner with the government committing $3.2b to health hospitals and district health boards. GP visits will be free for anyone under the age of 14, and $20 to $30 cheaper for community service card holders. In his Budget speech Robertson said rebuilding the health system was a

top priority. “Health will receive a huge boost in new operating funding with $3.2 billion more over the next four years,” he said. “This begins the journey to rebuild a health system that has simply not been given the resources to meet the demands of population growth and an ageing population over recent years.”

The government has also promised to build 6400 state houses. “In December’s mini-Budget we allocated $2.1 billion for our ambitious KiwiBuild programme to deliver 100,000 long-overdue affordable houses built across the country, including 50,000 in Auckland over the next 10 years,” Robertson said in his Budget speech.

What does the opposition say?

The National Party have come out swinging (as the opposition party tends to do after the Budget is released).

In a statement Opposition Leader Simon Bridges said this was a Budget that’s taxing more, spending more and borrowing more. “Labour spent the last nine years calling everything a crisis, yet today’s budget provides no new solutions to back up their claims,” Bridges said.

They’ve dressed it up with rhetoric like ‘starved for funding’ and ‘deficit support’ but the truth is even their health budget is underwhelming and commits less each year than National did in the last budget.”

For more, check out Pinch of Politics over on page nine for Magazine’s Natasha Tziakis’ take on the budget.

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FEATURE

Markle's Sparkle Writer: Nikki Papatsoumas & Aria Tongs

Last weekend a prince and a movie star were married.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle exchanged vows in front of a worldwide audience. You might not really give a shit about the royal wedding. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But however, you look at it Meghan is now a member of the British royal family. She is also biracial and is the first American divorcee to marry into the British family in more than eight decades.

The pair’s union is a milestone and the lead up the glitzy and glamourous wedding has been anything but boring. We break down the royal wedding for all of you who may not be up to date.

Markle’s sparkle Thirty-six-year-old Meghan Markle was born in Los Angeles. Her mother Doria Ragland is African American and her father, Thomas Markle is Caucasian.

Since Prince Harry and Meghan announced their romance, Meghan’s race has become a hot topic (even though it shouldn’t really matter, I mean c’mon, it’s 2018). Many say her diversity will paint the British royal family as more inclusive.

It is also interesting to note that Meghan is the first American to be officially engaged to a British royal. King Edward VII abdicated when he became romantically involved with Wallis Simpson (also and American divorcee). While they were married in France, they never had an official engagement.

Meghan has worked as an actress (you’ve probably seen her on Suits) however, when she became engaged to Prince Harry in 2017 she announced her retirement from acting. Earlier this year she deleted all her social media accounts.

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MASSIVE

The venue

The guests

The wedding was held at St George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle. Some fun facts:

As everyone has anticipated, the guest list was jampacked with Hollywood a-listers, royals and diplomats alike. What we really missed was the highly speculated Spice Girl reunion at the royal event – instead, we had David and Victoria Beckham looking only half miserable without their exclusive ensembles. Even James Cordon seemed to drop his comedic persona to take on the image of your token Englishman, wife in tow. And we must mention the presence of Harry’s ex Chelsy Davy, for this is British entertainment at its finest, what must she be thinking? The American presence was definitely felt as well through the likes of Oprah Winfrey, George Clooney with his wife Amal, and what seems to be a large portion of the cast of Suits (including Meghan’s onscreen husband Patrick Adams, such fun).

1. It’s OOOOOOOOOLD. Construction of the chapel began in 1475 by Edward IV. It was completed in 1528 under the reign of Henry VIII. 2. It has a capacity of around 800.

3. More than a dozen royal weddings have taken place at the chapel. Prince William and Kate Middleton were married at Westminster Abbey.

4. The gothic style church is open to the public, mostly on a Sunday for services.

" Let’s just say that Meghan’s dress and glow was definitely worthy of Prince Harry’s lip bite at the altar. Swoon."

The dress The hype around this wedding dress is unparalleled, more so than Kate’s even, simply because Markle had less pressure of subduing to traditions and had room to give her own American twist to her big day.

However, this was not the case. Instead, she opted for an off-the-shoulder, three-quarter sleeve length dress, epitomising modest modernity. Though, with the lack of ‘hollywood’ in the design, the pure lines and a bateau neckline combined created the image of American beauty – simple, understated, yet elegant.

The beauty was in the details. All 53 Commonwealth countries were represented in the floral embroidery on her five-metre train, and her crown was once owned

by Queen Mary, on loan by Queen Elizabeth herself.

And with ties to the late Diana in Meghan’s bouquet, and later on in her ‘something blue’ aquamarine ring, the whole event came together spectacularly, with the handsome couple gleaming. Let’s just say that Meghan’s dress and glow was definitely worthy of Prince Harry’s lip bite at the altar. Swoon.

Besides all of the celebrity guests, what more could we expect than the Royal family bringing their all to the ol’ stomping ground. Dressed in all her regal glory, we had Queen Elizabeth II, who donned a spectacular outfit of lime green – only to be outdone by the bride, of course. Her daughter Princess Anne seemed to be commemorating the late Hugh Hefner – may he rest in peace – in her robe-esque gown of red and black, a bold choice. Kate also drew some attention from her cream ensemble. Dare she be competing with Meghan?

If you were to leave the jury up to the world wide web, the stand out of the whole service was guest Paster Michael Curry. Not only did he shake up the traditional wedding sermon of ancient parables and proverbs, but according Twitter, woke up the rest of the world and enlightened us all of ‘the power of love’. Note the side eyes from Kate and Zara, but regardless of them, that speech was lit.

Another question that was raised during the ceremony was Meghan’s choice to have no bridesmaids to open up the aisle – rather, opting in for the cutest flower girls and page boys ever to be seen. From the wide variety of characters in those hallowed hall, we at Massive thought there was plenty of bridesmaid potential; Serena Williams, Oprah, even Elton would have done a grand job in the highly respected and important role in his iconic rose spectacles.

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FEATURE

procrastinate and educate

Check Checkout outeverything everythingMassive Massivehas hasto to offer offerfrom fromthe theconvenience convenienceof ofyour your lecture lecturetheatre theatre––mid midlecture. lecture.

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massive

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FEATURE

N O I H S A F K E E W

ri on o o H a e a Te P ish n r o C a m Gem

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MASSIVE

It’s crazy to think that recent Massey graduate Gemma Cornish nearly didn’t apply to show at iD Fashion Week. The Wellington-raised designer was one of 43 emerging designers from 19 countries selected to present at the prestigious fashion showcase in Dunedin earlier this month.

At just 22, Gemma is already stockpiling some serious accolades. Awarded Apparel Magazine’s Most Commercial Collection, a designer spotlight on Vogue Italia’s website, and numerous television features.

I recently caught up with Gemma to ask her about the experience and find out what was next for this upcoming designer.

When asked about her graduate collection POP, Gemma described it as a “return to her roots” after a period of exploration and experimentation throughout university—something she recommends for all aspiring designers. The four look collection features neoprene creations in zingy colours. The collection is an homage of sorts to a life-long love of summer and an array of fond beach memories.

Prompted by a call by Massey staff for recent graduates to enter their collections into the fashion showcase, Gemma says she nearly didn’t. This was in one part due to her perceived odds, with the event garnering hundreds of entries annually.

Teamed with a computer on the fritz, she frantically got her online application away with just 15 minutes to spare. “I left it to the last day—don’t do that,” she laughed.

Getting into Dunedin on the Tuesday of the fashion week, Gemma had one hectic week ahead of her.

There were fellow finalists to mingle with, Newshub stories to film, and judges to meet—all just on the first day of touching down. Wednesday kicked off at 8am with each designer presenting their collection to a panel of judges and answering any questions they had about their garments and concept.

This was followed by a garment fitting with the runway models, an opening party with all manner

of fashion publicists and journalists, and a private viewing of NOM*d’s latest collection. Thursday was a technical rehearsal, 4pm call time, and at 8pm the first fashion show—which also served as an opportunity for the judges to make their final decisions on the 11 winning collections. By the time the after party on Friday night rolled around (having attended a media lunch, another early call time and another busy fashion show) Gemma recalls lasting about an hour at the party before opting for a good night’s sleep. With the shows out of the way, the last hurdle was a Q and A with the judges and fellow winners. This event presented designers the challenge of having to publicly elaborate on their ideas and processes concisely and in real time. Despite her nerves, Gemma was happy to report that this seminar went off without a hitch.

Likening the experience to a dream, it is apparent Gemma is still a little shocked at just how much momentum the fashion week has created. Her “pinch me” moments included receiving a very positive response from judges and New Zealand designers Maggie Hewitt of Maggie Marilyn and Karen Walker. “I asked [Maggie] for a photo,” she said. “I went to introduce myself and she was like ‘Oh no I already know your name, I love your collection’—I just freaked out, she’s such a hunny, so encouraging! “ So, what’s next for Gemma? The designer is back in Wellington and busy preparing to launch her brand Gemma Lee at the beginning of Spring. “It will be a whole new collection,” she is happy to report.

After a lot of struggle to find a manufacturer able to uphold the sustainability and ethics standards that the brand will centre around, she finally found manufacturers on the Gold Coast who fit the bill.

They are currently sampling a line of wetsuits created from non-toxic glues and Geoprene - a type of neoprene created from limestone that offers the same fabric properties without the harmful ecological costs. The intention is to start the brand

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small, specialising in high quality and innovative wetsuits and eventually expanding to include swimwear and perhaps activewear. The brand will focus on the Australian and New Zealand market primarily, with the hopes to reach further abroad in due time.

You can stay up-to-date with Gemma Lee’s impending launch by visiting gemmalee.nz or following the brand on Instagram at @gemmalee_nz

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FEATURE

Say No To Single Use Plastic

what are the alternatives?

Writer: Eden Shearer Illustrator: Luca Rosseels Most of us down here on planet Earth are consumers and disposers of ‘single use plastic’.

But what in fact is single use plastic? Well let me tell you.

Single use plastic is pretty much any plastic item that you purchase and will only get one use out of before throwing it away or recycling it. That much you probably could have worked out for yourself, but I am here to give you some examples and maybe even some useful alternatives to our never-ending plastic needs. Items such as plastic bags, straws, bottles and wrappers are all prime examples of single use plastic. And where do they end up? In the bellies of whales, strangling turtles. There is even a video out there of a plastic straw getting extracted from a poor turtle’s nose (if you haven’t seen the YouTube video,

search it, it will really get you thinking). Plastic is in the supermarket, in cafes, at events and generally in our homes. Basically, plastic is everywhere and can be difficult to avoid, especially when you’re living on a student budget.

I am about to list a few of my favourite reusable items I have accumulated over the past year or so. The price tag may be daunting but hey, if you add up how much you would spend on disposable plastic versions versus the lifetime of your reusable item, the price doesn’t seem too difficult to justify.

If each of us make an individual effort to say no to plastic in our day-to-day life, then together we can really make a huge difference. Without further ado, here are my all-time favourite ‘ditch the plastic’ alternatives!

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1. Keep cup - I am sure most of you are familiar with the very popular and oh so stylish keep cup. These cups are the perfect alternative to your daily disposable coffee cup from your local and a lot of the time you will get money off your coffee for being a tidy kiwi, how good is that? Keep cups come in three sizes (small, medium and large) and their original range starts off at a modest price of $12. Not bad at all.

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2. Reusable bags - It seems pretty standard, but it is so easy to make a quick stop in the supermarket and need about four plastic bags to haul your groceries back home. Reusable bags are very accessible, with most supermarkets and retail stores selling them. If you can’t afford sustainably made reusable bags from stores such as Commonsense Organics or other local businesses, start yourself off with a reusable bag from Countdown for just $1. One dollar.

That is something we can all add in to our weekly budget. Fold it up and pop it in your everyday bag each morning, throw it in your car or simply cart your wallet and keys around in it, that way you’ll never leave the house without it!

3. Reusable produce bags - If you are an avid veggie-market-goer each weekend like myself, then you will know the hassle of carting around a million and one loose fruit and veg items. In an attempt to ditch the excessive plastic produce bags, you end up getting home to bumped and bruised apples. Not a real motivator to ditch the plastic. This is where the handy reusable produce bags come in! They come in arange of sizes, accommodating to all of your fruit and veg needs, and still remain small enough to pop in to your reusable bag which you then pop in to your everyday bag. Got it? Most organics shops should sell these, but if Countdown is your go to, they stock the Rethink range which retails between $9.50 to $12.50 for a three pack of reusable bags.

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4. Stainless steel straws - Okay, we may not all be straw fanatics here, but for those who are then listen up. I don’t know how else to put it but plastic straws suck. In my opinion, they’re unnecessary and are hurting the wildlife that make their home in the ocean.

But alas, I am on your side! Stainless steel straws last a very long time, can be used for each and every beverage and really give off that enviro-friendly vibe.

Good Housekeeping on Cuba Street in Wellington sell a three pack of these straws and a straw cleaning brush for $6. Otherwise, most organics shops sell them in sets for about $20-$25. Note that price difference!

5. Reusable drink bottle - I have decided to save possibly the most common until last. The good old drink bottle. I see plastic drink bottles everywhere. I do understand the convenience because that was me up until a year ago. Lose your drink bottle?

No worries, it only cost a few dollars and a quick trip to the nearest Fix will see you to a brand new one. It is a hard habit to shake, but trust me, once you have invested in a good reusable drink bottle, you will never go back. Kmart do a double wall insulated 500ml water bottle for just $7. That, and it will keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks nice and cold. What more could you want?

All of these are great ways to begin your plastic free journey. It can seem overwhelming at first but if you narrow down what you would use most and tick one off at a time, then you are doing an amazing deed for the Earth.

So, start thinking about the areas in your life where you could really reduce your single use plastic consumption/ disposal and make those ideas a reality!

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MASSIVE

Artist: Zoe Hannay

opinion

Unpopular Opinion: The Met Gala Writer: Aria Tongs

The fashion event of the year – the time where one woman has the power to determine the A-list of celebrities, stringing them along behind her in the grand scheme of ‘fashion’. This woman, Anna Wintour has – in my opinion – lived past her fashion expiry date, and, instead of working on the event with the Vatican in order to justify the theme, she should scooch over and let some fresh face take over.

Yes, I’m talking about the Met Gala and it’s 2018 theme, Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination which has raised a few eyebrows, including mine.

There are a few problems that I have with the event, and certainly in regard to this year’s theme and line-up.

However, before I dig into the nitty gritty, can we all acknowledge the beauty that is the OTP Lily Reinhart

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and Cole Sprouse and their official appearance (I also acknowledge the fact that by the time this issue is published, this is old news and the normal world has moved on, but nay, not I). Also, I apologise in advance if I miss anything that may be deemed relevant in this conversation, there were far too many familiar faces at this event to keep up with everyone’s justification of their religious appropriation – to put it bluntly.

For those of you who aren't well versed in the 10 commandments from the Bible, here is a quick lesson for you. Amongst commandments along the lines of, you shall not murder, or steal – which seem pretty self-explanatory, even if one isn’t religious – sits, right up the top, 'thou shalt have no other gods before me'.

Now, I’m not trying to be preachy at all, but pop culture is pretty much made up of idols, or in other words, gods. And here, at the Met Gala, we have every tween to 30 year old’s inspiration and idol, dressed as religious figures. Not only is this ‘divine bodies’ theme seemingly appropriating the Catholic faith, but blatantly mocking it.

This has been a reoccurring theme in pop culture throughout the past few decades, note Madonna’s self-crucification on the 2006 Confessions Tour, and Kanye’s famous rhetoric, “I am a god, hurry up with my damn massage”. Celebrities have been up against the Catholic Church since the beginning. And that’s what has kept these celebrities’ names in the mouths of every household. They continuously stir up controversy and challenge traditions and religion. To many people, this wouldn’t have much relevance, nor would it strike them as peculiar in any way. Because of this, I’d like to take the opportunity and flip this situation on its head.

I have briefly touched on the appropriation of the Catholic faith that the Met Gala displayed, so let’s get into that a little further. Rihanna dressed as the Pope.

Taylor Hill, a Victoria’s Secret model, posed with rosary beads draped around her neck. Sarah Jessica Parker had the nativity story on her head. Jared Leto has always looked like some sort of eccentric Jesus, but hello, blasphemy anyone? The Vatican approved of the theme and exhibit, even lending garments, so surely

these fashion statements aka appropriation weren’t overlooked? The point I’m trying to make is that if this were any other religion or culture - Buddhism, Muslim - there would be absolute uproar. What would progressives be saying if these same celebrities were to pose in hijab or burkas with heaving cleavage and high hemlines? Does this apparent silence around the theme of the Met mean that Catholicism has become washed down?

We have conservatives discussing the event, but no one I’ve seen so far under the age of 30 is partaking in this discussion. I’m not proposing some sort of march against Condé Nast’s artistic director, nor starring in my own protest, “my Catholicism is not your costume,” I’m just missing the conversation around what it means for celebrities to be dressing as religious figures, art and ideals, when the majority of them clearly embody the opposite of who they are portraying. If they were hoping to show respect towards the religion, they have surely failed.

The upside to this controversy, on the other hand, is the awareness of Catholicism, and its history in shaping the world as we know it today – albeit through the interpretation of ‘gods’ Madonna and Kanye. Also, kudos to Selena Gomez. She has always been quite vocal about her Christianity, and when asked about her costume, she explained that her inspiration was from Queen Esther, “since she is such an empowering female figure in the Bible”. There you go, university students.

Time to renew your religious education knowledge, you intellectuals. She continued on, “I hope people know what we’re doing tonight is much bigger than what we wear,” and she’s right. As inappropriate as some of the outfits may have been, it’s again, one of these events that infuriate a minority, and distract us from the bigger issues America, and the rest of the world, face.

The question I really want to put out there is this: What is different about Christianity? It’s a double-standard if anything, that Rihanna dressed as the Pope has been well received, but we couldn’t say the same if that very woman dressed in a bedazzled hijab. And this, has been Catholicism for dummies.

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feature

MEET

es i k n u J n g i s e D contestant

& MASSEY

GRAD

CRAIG GUY Writer: Jamie-Lee Bracken

One of Massey’s own is now a familiar face on our television screens. A born and raised Wellingtonian, Craig Guy is now on TVNZ’s newest show Design Junkies. An exciting opportunity for a guy who chose the creative path to not live in his science savvy brother’s shadow.

Choosing to complete an industrial design degree without knowing what it was turned out to be a smart move for Guy. He graduated with a master’s in industrial design scoring 99 per cent in his final project and collecting the silver medal at the Best Design Awards. He’s gone on to work for Weta, co-founded a design company and now appears on the show. Massive Magazine’s Jamie-Lee Bracken sat down with Guy.

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massive Why Massey? Why did you choose to study industrial design here?

When I learnt that there was such a thing as an industrial design degree a careers expo I did some research and found Massey had the best course in New Zealand. I’ve always strived to be the best I can, so it made sense to go to the university that could teach me the most about what I wanted to learn. Also, being born and raised in Wellington made it an easy transition to make.

How did you end up working for Weta Workshop?

One of my mates had an internship there and was asked if he knew anyone that could work on the paint team for a couple weeks. I put my hand up and once I showed them my skill set and background, two weeks turned into two years.

I hear you have worked on Hollywood movies, which ones?

Nothing super Hollywood but there were a few cool ones that came through while I was there. To name some there was Warcraft, Spectral (Netflix Original), Krampus, and the last one I worked on was The Great Wall. I also did some miniature builds for the Thunderbirds television series which was cool, but I think my favourite thing I worked on would have to be The Gallipoli Scale of Our War Exhibition that is currently at Te Papa. I made all the master models of the giant rifles for the giant people and was part in charge of putting together the cross-section model of the medic ship with one of my now business partners, Nick Dephoff.

Meet any famous people?

No one mega famous but there were a couple. I met Peter Jackson a couple times and met Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters which was cool. There was a rumour one day that Jet Li was getting shown around the workshop, but we never saw him.

Tell us more about your furniture design company Artifactmade?

Artifactmade is a start-up design and manufacturing company I started about three years ago with three others in my industrial design class, Ruben Norris, Evan Thomas and Nick Dephoff.

We were all working in semi related industries but none of us truly doing something we believed in, so we decided to start something ourselves. Our goal was to design and manufacture ethical, sustainable products locally here in New Zealand while having a transparent marketing and manufacture model that allows the customer to understand how the product was made and where all the materials came from. The theory behind this is if the customer is aware of these values and buys the product because of them, as they build a positive relationship with the product (because it also functions amazingly) it will instill these values into the user and they will begin to purchase other products with these same values.

Any tips for our budding designers?

That’s a good question, there’s many I’ve learnt over the years but these three would probably standout as the most important.

Develop a strong design ethos and stand by it - once you get out into the workforce you will find there are many things that will force you to bend or potentially break your principals, it may be clients, your employer or other professionals you work with. And while you will always have to compromise when working in a team if you don't truly believe in what you are designing you will find the result will never be as good and you also won't enjoy doing it.

Back yourself - there's always a fine line between backing yourself and being cocky but I think it’s an important one to tread, if you don't believe yourself and in your work, neither will anyone else.

Confidence is what will get you in the

door and your work ethic is what will keep you there. Don’t be afraid to ask for help - a lot of people who are good or experienced in their field see asking for help a weakness, but it couldn't be further from the truth. You can never know everything as you should never stop learning, if you come up against a complex problem or don't know how to do something, find someone that does and ask them, learn from them and carry that forward.

How did you end up on Design Junkies?

The Design Junkies production crew emailed Artifactmade to see if anyone from the studio would be interested in being a contestant on the show. Ruben brought it up at one of our weekly meetings and joked that he had already entered me without my knowledge.

After talking it through with the team we thought it would be a good chance for some free promo and I was the most obvious choice being the best at the physical making of things and outgoing/ dumb enough to go on television. So, Ruben helped me make a very awkward application video and next thing I know I’m shortlisted and then on the show. Action Bronson said it, “when opportunity be knocking you gotta let that muthafucker in.”

Can you talk more about your experience on the show?

It been a pretty interesting experience so far to say the least, I can’t say I ever thought I was type of person that would go on a reality television show but here I am. The other contestants are all great people and are really talented at what they do, we all got along well, and we wanted to make the show about the design making rather than the usual drama and backstabbing most reality TV shows are based around. On top of this the Warner Brothers crew in charge of the filming were awesome, really helpful, onto it and got us used to what they call television time pretty quickly.

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Column

Entry 6: The dynamics of dodgy dollar bread Many students live on a staple diet of pasta and other cheap nosh. I’m no different. Any sustenance that is reasonably cheap will find its way into my shopping trolley. However, there is one type of cheap grub I’ve always wanted to try. I’ve heard fables of this seemingly majestic dollar bread, however I had never laid my hands upon it.

I’m very partial to a good peanut-butter sandwich. Especially if the bread is of the girthy variety. Recently, due to the painful grunts coming from my suffering bank account, I thought I might invest in some dollar bread. Many fellow classmates have suggested that there is nothing more cost-efficient than a cheap loaf of carbohydrates. As such, I commenced the migration to Pak’n Slave and obtained some dollar bread of the ‘sandwich’ variety.

I decided to test this dollar bread by lathering on some chunky peanut butter. The lathering commenced and holy moly, what a cock-up. The biggest disaster since Dunkirk. The slice of bread was absolutely butchered. Even a bit of lube from the old butter stick wasn’t enough to salvage the integrity of the bread. I was ready to pop a squat, shit on my hands and clap.

A good round of faecal applause would definitely be warranted in this situation.

This really ripped my knitting. Consequently, my opinion on dodgy dollar bread was slightly soured.

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However, I’m not one to be deterred.

After a lengthy chat with my fellow ponderers, I was ready to try again. More out of spite than anything else, I once-again gifted my presence amongst the bread section of Pak’n Slave and made another purchase of dollar bread. This time I obtained dollar bread of the ‘toast’ variety.

Upon return, I began the lathering process. Sweet Guinea pig of Winnipeg, what a moving experience. The majestic bread remained intact, just brilliant. My faith has been restored.

As I’ve now learnt, there is a difference between the ‘toast’ and ‘sandwich’ breads.

The ‘sandwich’ variety tends to be cut thinner to fit more slices into the pack.

Whereas the ‘toast’ variety has a bit more girth. Who would’ve thought? Herein lies the difference between good dollar bread and dodgy dollar bread.

My advice to future dollar bread investors. Make sure you do your research; dodgy dollar bread is never ideal. Also, as a side note: The lathering of peanut butter within the nether region is generally frowned-upon, especially in the presence of Canines. But, as they say: whatever maintains the buoyancy of your watercraft (floats your boat).

Until Next Time, Todd Not Your Average Ponderer

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i w p o

e v i s s a m

Feature Massive is the student magazine for all Massey University students.

This year we need even more student contributors to fill our pages. If you would like to contribute in any form, please do get in touch.

We’re keen as.

we want you*

illustration writing photography opinion

editor@mawsa.org.nz massive@mawsa.org.nz

*Well, Pocket specifically.

We only semi need you.

In the nicest way possible.

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feature

PC The Environment vs.

Health and Safety Writer: Mackenzie Dyer Illustration: Luca Rosseels It only seems like five minutes ago that farmers were the devil, and a meat-free diet was the only way to save the planet, but here in Autumn 2018, we are back on the bandwagon of despising plastic and plastic bags. Campaigns like Bags Not and New Worlds’ new nifty fold-up reusable bags has bought guilt back into shops everywhere, forcing some customers to defensively blurt, “I re-use them to line my rubbish bin okay!” Despite everyone in the shop using petrol to get there and non-renewable energy to cook the food that they are buying.

Oh, how easily we forget. But, another phase coming in may not be the death of the most popular environmental detriment this time, because your average plastic-free protesting Joe is about to come up against health and safety.

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Plastic, as well as other terrible things like excessive sheets of paper and chemicals, is a great asset to health and safety. As dangerous as it is to say something positive about plastic in this current climate, it is useful, cheap, and revolutionised the way we do pretty much everything. But, once again, we intelligent humans feel that the only way to solve an issue is to passionately hate it for 20 minutes until we get bored and decide to target something else.

I’m not doubting the dangers of plastic, and totally acknowledge that it does not have a place in a sustainable future. However, there are currently no awesome alternatives for many of the things we use plastic for. So, my critique is our haste to make each other feel bad for not instantly responding to

Massive

WARS the latest enviro-fad, rather than encouraging each other to peacefully transition into something else.

But, not to worry about all that “let’s love each other” chit-chat, because health and safety has this PC battle in the bag.

Let’s paint the picture in the battleground where these two armies have no alternative but to clash: the supermarket. You’re working at any supermarket deli, fish or meat department. The environment says you should not use an excessive amount of plastic, and should use biodegradable or paper packages.

Bring in health and safety with pens a-click’n and clipboards a-tappin’. As to not murder the customers, you need a new pair of plastic gloves for every new person you serve. Raw data from this very situation in just a small supermarket shows that, on average, a department worker uses 100 gloves per day while abiding to health and safety. After that, it’s straight into the bin they go.

The environment does not get an entire section in employee contracts like health and safety does, so it makes sense that this is where a worker’s allegiance lies. However, if an approaching customer bats for the other PC team, by crikey you better be ready.

“Hiya! You can probably see that despite the germs all of my food is currently exposed to, there is no plastic in my trolley. Your children in 2050 are totally welcome. Now, be a doll and wrap 100grams of marinated garlic mussels in paper.”

You battle your hardest, but the cue lengthens as the customer taps their foot and preaches as if they’re at the funeral for their favourite turtle who died from consuming a straw. Caving, you hand over

the soppy package before it drips and contaminates anything else.

There is no way you can please both parties. You’re either catalysing climate change or the spread of harmful germs.

While this seems hopeless, we should probably be grateful that both sides even each other out.

If the eco-warriors took over, they might get rid of packaging all together even on meat, because the less people on the earth means less plastic is being used, so let’s kill the majority of people through salmonella poisoning. The carnivores of the population (with their “superior” immune systems and all) won’t even see it coming. Then of course, only the vegans would survive, putting the vegetarians through a rigorous rehabilitation scheme so we finally all eat planet-friendly.

But if health and safety triumphed, they may take the “you must sign an accident form for a plaster” thing to a new level. Before you know it, all employees will be forced to work in bubble wrap to reduce workplace injuries.

Who knows, maybe developing countries will take over the world, as the lands of the politically correct drop like flies.

To prevent this grim future, let’s extend ourselves from channelling extremist behaviour into one fad at a time, maybe try focus on more than one thing at once, or even just respect your fellow shoppers and workers for doing their best within their means. Just because we can’t solve the world’s issues right away, we can all collectively and gradually try.

Consume consciously and shop respectfully New Zealand, we will get there eventually.

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FEATURE “Girls, why are you wearing male clothing? Females should wear clothing that is specifically tailored for your own gender.”

My teacher exclaims in frustration.

“Aren’t you sick of teachers and any person with authority telling you what to wear outside and to school? If your answer is yes then get up off your seats and follow Emma and I outside to protest for the right of our choice of clothing.” I exclaim passionately, looking specifically at the females in the room.

“Us females in terms of the dress code are a bunch of Barbie dolls, just awaiting to be dressed up. The school system and this society treat us like mere objects, distractions, a thing that can be manipulated. It's like this society is conforming us female students into a bubble, that will restrict us from our own individuality. We have come here to get an education, not to be told that us female’s attire is quote on quote ‘distracting’.

This school dress code is disgusting and makes us feel that our sole purpose on this Earth, in this universe… is to impress this society to be perfect… Just like a Barbie doll is, perfect and plastic, a shell of their former selves. So, we are here today, to say that enough is enough! We females are important and precious, this dress code should be destroyed and never be referred to ever again. As a feminist we need change, otherwise what really is our purpose to be here?” I shout with so much passion it could bowl over Trump’s metaphorical wall of bigotry.

“We are not Barbie dolls, we are human beings! Stop this disgusting discrimination in our school environment! Fix the dress code!”

Twenty; Female students are not Barbie dolls for you to play dress up Writer: Gina Nguyen

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COLUMN

the UNLONELY woman Do's and Don'ts

So, let’s talk sex and the do’s and don’ts. I feel like so many guys I’ve got with don’t quite understand what’s acceptable and just plain fucking weird. I find the biggest thing when it comes to sex is communication.

Because let’s be real you need to communicate with people to figure out what works and what doesn’t. For example, some woman like getting a rim job but I for one hate that shit!

I mean I shit out of there. I wouldn’t want to eat your ass mate so don’t go near mine. However, if you do want to do that and you love doing it to your partner fucking ask because that’s a bit different to your usual sex.

I’m not here to tell people what they should and shouldn’t do during sex, but I know for a fact a lot of people would prefer a man or woman to ask if they can lick their ass first instead of just doing it. So weird shit I have come across during sex so far part one because the list is long sis.

First and foremost, sex talk. I’m sorry but I’m not child. I’m not here to tell you how big your dick is, or how badly

I want you to keep going. Honestly, it’s like when a guy is like look me in the eye when I fuck you. It’s like um OK I was already, but now that you mention it I just feel way too much pressure. The moment you tell me to do something I’m already doing it kind of makes me think, like is looking you in the eye is not looking you in the eye? Do I need to start praising your name at the same time? We ain’t no King Arthur babes.

It’s like this one dude wanted me to give him head once and literally turned to me and said quote on quote, “show me what that mouth do”. Nope. Nah ahhh no thank you. Boy bye.

Another weird thing that in all honestly has happened a lot in the last year. I don’t know if guys are starting to get a massive ass fetish, but I feel like it’s happened with 70 per cent of the guys I’ve dated in the last year. Here it is. A finger in my fucking ass. I feel like the most awkward one was this dick head I ended up having a one stand with. Out of nowhere he put a finger in my bum.

Which is cool, but he didn’t ask or give me any fucking warning it just sort of

just happened. It was like the awkward guy that just stares at you at uni but never actually says anything like it’s just there. I said something like is that your finger in my bum to which he said, “yea do you like that?” To which I looked him dead in the eye and said, “naaaaah I feel like I’m going to shit so please take it out”. Honestly it does make me feel like I’m going to shit. Do I look like I want a finger in my bum? Like do I just give off this feel? Every time a guy does it I say the exact same thing and they either brush it off or they laugh about it which either way is cool. I guess what I’m trying to get across to you all is ask.

If I wanted to shit myself I’d go and eat a raw chicken which says a lot because I’m vegan.

So, my conclusion? Number one ask.

Whenever you want to do something out of the standard sex cycle ask. Want a golden shower? ASK. Want to do anal? ASK. Want to put a finger in the butt or lick my asshole? ASK. You can’t just assume these things. If you want to read more like this head to www. theunlonelywoman.com.

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COLUMN

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Hello how are you, it has indeed been a while!

I got in contact with you a few weeks back regarding a Justin Bieber concert. Well I wanted to let you know that your advice is terrible. My girlfriend’s sister ended up not even going to the concert as she was too busy doing some knitting.

So, I sat through a whole concert and now I am the targeting of numerous slurs from the boys.

What should I do?

Sorry for my advice, sometimes we don’t all get things right. If you are feeling down, perhaps tell your friends that them doing this is making you feel a bit bad? You could also try going to see a counsellor and try to talk things through. Also, you could go to KFC and smash a bucket back, that always makes me feel better! - GC

Hey, I have recently won about $2.4 million from a scratchy at my local Four Square. I am too worried that my friends might start using me for my money and not for me. I also have become addicted to buying swan plants from Palmers, to try build my own butterfly sanctuary. What should I do?

You should spend all of your money at the TAB, pick out the most fragile looking horse at Randwick, with the shittiest looking jockey. That way you will no longer have to worry about your money problems, and your mates will think you’re a fucking legend for smashing out such a shit bet.

Save $10 though so you can buy some juices and share them with your mates to enjoy the huge deficit in style - BC

DISCLAIMER: While our Good Cop and Bad Cop have your best interests at heart when playing Agony Aunt, remember they are no experts. So, if you are after serious medical or legal advice, please consult a professional.

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Have a picture worthy of Massive fame? Send it through to massive@mawsa.org.nz 37

Column

Lit Fam or Shit Scam?

The Roxy Writer: Kasharn Rao

I promise you, before this article has ended, I will have ruined your day. I’m feeling a tad malicious as of late, probably due to the overwhelming torrent of numbers and words that is uni. I’ve finally reached the stage where I’m over it. Apparently, every student reaches that point sometime during their study, usually during their third or fourth year. I’m not talking about not enjoying uni, each year has enough stress to snap a two-inch thick rubber dildo, yet we manage to keep on tugging. No, I’m talking about the sudden realisation that you’re ready move on with your life. I’m sorry university, it’s not you, it’s me.

But in these times of pressure, exhaustion, and ‘Having No Idea What’s Going On With Your Life’ ™, finding the little things in life to enjoy can make it all worthwhile. Whether it’s Brooklyn Nine Nine, the 48 Hours Film Festival, or my personal favourite (which we’ll get to very shortly), everyone finds their little escape from what can feel like an ocean of unanswered thoughts.

Which brings us to my favourite escape, a brilliant masterpiece, a milestone in the history of cinema, the finest, most succulent film ever produced.

The Room.

I’m writing the rest of this article assuming that you’ve seen it. If you, for some godforsaken reason, haven’t already seen The Room, then stop reading here, and put it at the top of your priorities list. I don’t care if your assignment is due this Friday, I cannot rest easy

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knowing that humans who haven’t seen The Room exist, and they walk among us like poor unherded sheep.

Go on, I’ll wait for you.

Welcome back, dear reader! I trust your experience was enlightening. Now we may continue.

As a man of culture, I have seen The Room six times.

The sixth time happened to be the best stress break I’ve ever had. My coworker came up with the idea. She told me The Roxy does late night screenings of The Room every month, and suggested we go on a double date. So, I dragged my poor girlfriend along to see this monstrosity. Again.

The Roxy is an art deco theatre situated in Miramar that opened in 2011. It was built on top of the remains of a hospital that burnt down, the very same hospital in which Peter Jackson was born.

I’m kidding about the hospital thing, but the truth is still very interesting. If you go to their website, you can learn about how it was built, what was there originally, and why Lord of The Rings can be a pain in the orc. The interior is stunning, decorated to perfectly enhance the architecture. It even has creepy faces carved into the arches next to the sconces (that’s right, I know words). It also has a restaurant, which I didn’t have time to sample, but is composed of some really talented individuals, so take my word for it that you’ll find something tasty.

massive

Once a month, The Roxy screens The Room, and although I’ve seen it before many times, none of those times were as luxurious as this. With big leather chairs that make you feel like you’re being cosily digested, perfect room temperature that makes you feel like you’re being cosily digested, and a titanic tray full of plastic spoons that are impartial to the feeling of being cosily digested, The Roxy has everything you need for a late-night Room Romp. To this very day, The Roxy still manages to sell out tickets.

My coworkers partner was dressed up as the titular idiot Johnny, played by the soulless, watery eyes of Tommy Wiseau. A nice touch which would soon turn out to be far more impressive and thought out than first perceived.

The movie was fantastic as usual. I swear everytime I see it, it gets better. The shots get more out of focus, the acting gets worse, the spine-kneadingly awkward sex scenes multiply and drag on for longer, and the dropped plotlines grow exponentially. As you may know, a cult tradition is to throw spoons whenever a picture of a spoon appears in the film. I believe the reason for this is that Tommy bought a plethora of stock frames and forgot to take out the stock photos of spoons. Personally, I think it qualifies as vaguely interesting decor, but when the sight of it results in Fire and Brimstone of the spoon kind, it becomes more than just poor set design. It becomes war.

One of the best scenes in the movie is when Tommy

mutters to himself about being falsely accused of domestic violence, cascading into a series of verbal denials, before hurling an empty water bottle to the ground. I swear to you, the timing in which he hurled the bottle in sync with the real Tommy was more precise than a brain surgeon on Ritalin performing microscopic origami with a laser while in a zen trance.

Roughly an hour and a half of shit-talking later, we promised we would come back every month.

I had a fantastic time, and although I’ve been trying to be more critical, so I can achieve what is hopefully an entertaining balance of ‘Lit Fams’ and ‘Shit Scams’, I just can’t bring myself to give The Roxy anything less than 5/5 Mothers With Breast Cancer That People Should Really Start Listening To, therefore it’s Hella Lit Fam.

Oh, and I promised I’d ruin your day before this article is over, so let me inform you that Mark Zuckerberg got off scot free after his congress hearing, and is still saving your private information in a giant cloud server for the eventual day that his people invade our planet and we become slaves to the lizards.

Next Issue - A Hairy Situation 39

REVIEWS

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Movie Review Avengers: Infinity War

TV Show Review 3% (2016–)

Pretty average film. Not worth the hype.

Another identical coin minted from the Marvel coin press. Me? I wasn’t impressed.

Avengers: Infinity War is the first part of the climax of the Avengers arc in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), which you would have heard of unless you have been hiding away for the last ten years. The film is based on a war between most of the superheroes and Thanos, a Titan who wants to do evil things (no spoilers here). It was touted as the ‘best film of 2018’ and an epic addition to the universe. I made the mistake of going on the first day – never have I seen an audience clap so much in a film. Thor appears on screen, clap, clap, clap. Captain America comes on, clap clap clap. I understand clapping at the end of a film (I admit I did in The Deathly Hallows: Part Two), but during? Although it was quite amazing to see fans’ response, it was a bit much to me. Especially for a film that wasn’t achieving anything different or epic. I found myself bored at times during the film, and also wondering who scored the music. It was cheesy, it didn’t fit the mood of the scenes, I just felt uncomfortable. Overall, if you don’t like Marvel then don’t pay to watch this. If you do, you will love it – to each their own.

– Emma Rzepecky

3% deserves much more recognition than it gets. I discovered it myself one lonely, wet Netflix night and binged the whole first season in a day.

It is the first Portuguese-language Netflix series and only the second international Netflix creation yet. But don’t let the subtitles scare you off; this show comes highly recommended. It is a dystopian sci-fi thriller about a future World that is ravaged and diseased. Everyone goes through ‘the process’ at 20 years old to determine whether they are part of the worthy 3% to make it to the Offshore. The premise is similar to that of Michael Bay epic The Island (2005), but with a grittier undertone and without the visual theatrics. The recently released second season is just as successful as the first, involving The Cause, a rebel militant group who attempt to take down ‘the process’. Actresses Bianca Comparato and Veneza Oliveira play opposing characters beautifully, both making you believe their struggle and understand their sides equally. This makes it a tension-filled watch as you constantly question which woman’s morals are worthier. Overall, a television show set to keep you on the edge of your seat and with its twists and turns, I couldn't recommend it more – Emma Rzepecky

COLUMN

Booked In: Chapter Six The Hate You Give

“Sometimes you can do everything right and things will still go wrong. The key is to never stop doing right.”

I love a good quote. This one is from Angie Thomas’ The Hate U Give, which follows sixteen-yearold Starr Carter who lives in the hood surrounded by poverty and gang violence but goes to school in the burbs surrounded by rich white kids. It ain’t easy, but she’s managed to strike a balance—a balance which is completely thrown off when Starr witnesses her childhood friend, Khalil, shot and killed by a police officer.

The bizarre thing about this incident is that it would almost seem unrealistic if there weren’t countless precedents of it happening in real life. No two ways about it, the main draw of The Hate U Give is its relevant, sensitive central issue. It’s reason enough for many to tote Thomas’ novel as a modern mustread. Social issues in the USA can seem a world away from us here in New Zealand, but I would still argue for its importance in the interest of being an open-minded, respectful world citizen.

That being said, The Hate U Give is like that cake you made that one time—the one that didn’t rise, but still tasted good. It was a good recipe, you just didn’t execute it perfectly. The Hate U Give presents an important

issue and important message; thoughtprovoking, heartrending moments; and a vivid portrait of life in the Air Jordans of a young African-American girl told in a compellingly authentic voice. Some great flavour! But it didn’t rise properly, too weighed down by pointless subplots and high school drama which bogged down the central plot about Khalil’s murder.

The Hate U Give made me uncomfortably conscious of my pasty white pallor, especially due to how the black/white division is portrayed: very black and white, with a token Asian.

“You should feel guilty,” the book tells me. “Why?” I ask. “Because you are white,” the book replies. “Oh,” I say, and then proceed to feel guilty for something I can’t control. Yes, I know, that’s what racism does to racial minorities. It’s painfully ironic.

That’s just me and my limited perspective, though. I would still recommend that you read Angie Thomas’ book and form your own opinions. Like I said, it’s good to keep an open mind. At the very least, The Hate U Give helps you understand the side of the story that so rarely gets told or seen. And, as a wise man (Albus Dumbledore), once said, “understanding is the first step to acceptance”.

- Peri Miller.

COLUMN

Music Review Dirty Computer/Janelle Monae

If you try to grab my pussy cat, this pussy grab you back Dirty Computer is an incredibly empowering and colourful album with some deeply personal songs. It has amazing girl power anthems like Pynk, Django Jane and I Got The Juice, as well as some politically driven songs like Screwed that references Trump and alludes to the on-going issues in America. It’s a brilliant album, which is no surprise since Prince worked on it with her before he died, and Pharrell, Zoe Kravitz and Grimes also feature on it. A favourite on the album is the song Pynk - a dancey, girl power song that Grimes helped bring to life. When I find a really great song, it goes on repeat a hundred times, just like my humble bowl of berries and porridge for breakfast, and Pynk is that for me right now. I Got The Juice is another favourite that features Pharrell, a groovy, funky girl anthem where she chants ‘I GOT THE JUICE’ kind of like how Beyonce yells ‘WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS’. It expresses a lot of joy, fun and pride which I love. My favourite, though, is the song I Like That. The lyrics in the chorus say, I like that / I don’t really give a fuck if I was just the only one / who likes that / I never like to follow. I’m not the one to know what is popular and I sometimes feel a bit out of place, so this song is a great reminder that it’s OK to like what you want, even if others think it’s weird. It’s an empowering song.

I think this album is so important. She talks about the issues that women (especially of colour) are facing; issues that really need to be addressed.

She also has a lot of songs on this record that talk about her sexuality and being proud of that.

– Zoe Jennings 42

COLUMN

FROM THE

PREZ

Kia ora koutou!

With exams starting to loom closer, keep on giving it heaps. And at MUSA we have a range of events coming up to help you enjoy the last few weeks.

Our upcoming drag show to celebrate diversity will feature some of Massey Manawatū’s own strutting their stuff, and at the end of May you can look forward to our first ever VC- Student Forum that will give you the opportunity to ask our Vice Chancellor Jan Thomas some of the hard questions. Are you a fan of Jan? Come along to have your say.

speaking to councils and politicians on why we need to make our cities and workplaces a better environment for students. You may have heard of the ‘education conversation’ basically, the government is giving everyone the chance to share their thoughts on our education system. Be sure to jump online and check it out.

All the best as study continues, and don’t hesitate to drop by and say hi to your MUSA team any time, whether it’s going great or not so great.

Ben

Our executive team continues to be a strong voice for students, recently

N! VEGA

COOL BEANS Ingredients: 2 cups of self-rising flour 1 cup of brown sugar ¾ cup of margarine a pinch of salt 4 tbsp soy milk (or water) 1 tbsp cinnamon ½ tsp ground cloves ½ tsp ground nutmeg ½ tsp ground cardamom ½ tsp ground ginger

Spiced Dutch cookies with Lydia Hill

Traditionally called Kruidnoten, these bite-sized cookies are packed with warm spices such as cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg – also perfect for Christmas (not that it’s several months away or anything). The recipe is fully vegan but still has the same amazing flavour. And oh boy, once you cook these your flat will no longer smell like last night’s alcohol abuse and other antics.

Method: Combine the flour, sugar, soy milk, salt and spices into a bowl. Mix until the ingredients are thoroughly incorporated. Add in the margarine and knead until a soft dough forms, it should be slightly sticky. Heat the oven to 175C. Roll the dough into balls. Place them on a baking sheet lined with baking paper and give the balls a soft press (lol). Bake the spiced cookies for 15 to 17 minutes. Let them cool before you inhale them to ensure a proper crunch.

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Puzzles

MASSIVE QUIZ

1. Meghan Markle played Rachel Zane in which legal drama series?

2. With the birth of Prince Louis Arthur Charles of Cambridge last month, how many great-grandchildren does the Queen now have?

3. What was the actual first name of Queen Victoria?

4. As of May 2018, who is eighth in the line of succession?

5. The death of Diana, Princess of Wales, was in which year?

6. Can you give any of the Queen’s two middle names?

7. What is Prince Harry’s first name?

8. Name Kate Middleton and Prince William’s three children. What hospital were they born at?

9. What breed of dogs does the queen have?

Can you SUDOKU? The amount of minutes you spend on these puzzles is the amount of years you lose from your hypothetical royal reign. Don’t mess it up.

5 minutes = -5 years

Giving up = getting beheaded. RIP.

1. Suits, 2. Six, 3. Alexandria, 4. Princess Beatrice of York, 5.

1997, 6. Alexandra or Mary, 7. Henry, 8. George, Elizabeth and Louis, Charlotte, and Louis, 9. Hospital in the Lindo Wing, 10. Corgis

GUESS? WHO

Guess who answer: Kylie Jenner

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HOT OR NOT? HOT: Brooklyn 99’s renewal

HOT: Charlie Puth’s new album HOT: Hawaiian lava

HOT: Weetbix slice

NOT: Week 12 a.k.a dead week

NOT: David Seymour on DWTS

NOT: Katy Perry at the Met Gala NOT: Meghan Markle’s family drama

humour

Horoscoping you out.

Category is: Met Gala Realness - guess which guest you are to everyone's favourite problematic annual fashion event.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23

Your family seems a bit distant at the moment but your friends are stepping up to make sure you always have a hand to hold. Your God wears a durag but you wear latex. Film of the month is Alien.

It’s time for your annual social appearance Leo, and you obviously inspired this whole theme. Remind those ageists and critics why you’re still relevant, because you’re looking regal and life is a damn mystery .

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

You’re finally ready to introduce your new boo to the world. People may not approve but your shared love of AI jokes makes up for it all. Your lucky numbers are 1 and 0.

Your S.O. may have just tried to reduce slavery into a conspiracy theory, but you are still glowing. Did you stone those tights?

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23

You don’t always turn up to the party Aries but your presence can be felt regardless. Things are finally on the mend with your S.O. Nobody will be holy ghosting you this season.

If people didn’t know your name before they soon will Libra. We’ll all be watching what you’re ‘whippin’ now.

Your lucky colours this month are red, white and blue but that lavender suit still looks great.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 23

Feeling defensive Taurus? Whether you’re protecting yourself from a broken heart or the sweaty paws of the patriarchy, no-one is going to find a chink in your armour. You’ll be sleeping in this look so head to Bunnings for a good silver polish ASAP.

Please continue to win academy awards so you can go to more gala events and show people how it’s done you crazy Scorpio! Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before etc.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

You’ve joined the Gucci gang Gemini and you’re feeling closer than ever to a particular friend or loved one. I hope you’re calling each other up to match outfits and hairstyles before hitting the town to look for daddies on motorbikes.

That bun in the oven is starting to look toasty, and so are you. As in hot. You look hot Sagittarius. Don’t let anyone dull your glow by trying to compare you to other rappers.

Being reductive is so 2017.

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23 Feeling your oats as per usual Cancer, especially since your mate the Catholic Cardinal lent you a sick hat. You’re getting thick for the winter and it suits you.

Capricorn, you aimed for preach but landed on reach.

Those wings were not made to fly and frankly you’re getting lost in them. Don’t worry so much about trying to be one of the cool kids. It’s probably overrated, but what would I know…

Answers: Aquarius – Solange, Pisces – Grimes, Aries – Beyonce, Taurus – Zendaya, Gemini – Lana Del Ray, Cancer – Rihanna, Leo – Madonna, Virgo – Kim Kardashian, Libra – Daniel Glover, Scorpio – Frances McDormand, Sagittarius – Cardi B, Capricorn – Katy Perry

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Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

WHAT’S NEW?

Check out the latest additions to the Alumni Shop, New for 2018!

Buy online alumnishop.massey.ac.nz If you’re on campus visit our shops at Manawatü Campus Old Registry Building Albany Campus Unimart & Pharmacy Level 1 Student Amenities Wellington Campus Student Central Block 4 Level A

Regular Chicken Pita Honest Fizz Can or Charlies Water

235 Cuba St, Palmy 06 3587482 755 Main St, Palmy 06 3576771 palmy@franchise.pitapit.co.nz T& C’s – Only valid in Palmy, student ID required.

FEATURE

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