Massive Magazine Manawatu Issue 01 2018

Est. 2012

ManawatĹŤ| March 2018

01 Is our Future Vegan?

Nursing school staff apologise to students 01 Portal plagues Massey students

FEATURE

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*Less sugar than regular full sugar carbonated soft drinks

Regular Chicken Pita Honest Fizz Can or Charlies Water

235 Cuba St, Palmy 06 3587482 755 Main St, Palmy 06 3576771 palmy@franchise.pitapit.co.nz T& C’s – Only valid in Palmy, student ID required.

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CLUBS & SOCIETIES

sports | cultural | arts social justice | academic networking | recreation| faith and more.

Manawatu– - www.musa.org.nz/clubs Wellington - www.mawsa.org.nz/clubs Albany - www.asa.ac.nz/clubs 11

Cover Image: Luca Rosseels

Editorial Kia ora everyone, This is the very first issue of Massive Magazine for 2018, exciting times!

Massive Magazine hits stands every fortnight during term time. Our writers and contributors hope to keep students up-to-date with relevant information through the magazine.

Whether its news, features, humour or horoscopes, Massive has something for everyone.

One of the university’s biggest faux pas in recent years surely is the new online enrolment system, Portal. The system has left students locked out of courses and unable to access StudyLink money as they have not received enrolment details. Some lecturers say course numbers are lower than last year, due to issues with the system.

If you have been having any problems with the online system head along to your student association or student contact centre on campus. Massey staff are busy working to solve all enrolment problems and are here to help.

Until next time, Nikki

CONTENTS

E V I S S A M

Features

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Portal Plagues Massey students Your Flat Nursing School staff Apologise Is our Future Vegan?

Freshers Five Step Guide to Palmy Interview: SACHI The Recipe to Instagram Fame Be Prepared on a Budget

This publication is printed using environmentally friendly inks and paper, the paper which is FSCŠ certified and from responsible forests, is manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems. Massive Magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

Column Regulars Humour

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Good Cop, Bad Cop Asstrology

Managing Editor: Nikki Papatsoumas (04) 866 7419 ex. 101 Design/layout: Aria Tongs (04) 866 7419 ex. 101 Assistant Designer Luca Rosseels

09 10 38 41 43

Pinch of Politics On the Line Lit Fam or Shit Scam Booked In Cool Beans

ManawatĹŤ Reporter Bethany Reitsma manawatureporter@mawsa. org.nz

06 44 45 46

Contributors: Natasha Tziakis Leilani Baker Taryn Dryfhout Laura Macdonald Mackenzie Dyer Jack Mayo Kasharn Rao Emma Rzepecky Peri Miller

News Puzzles Hot or Not Calendar

Lydia Hill Deme Scott Nick Little Felix Desmarais

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LOCAL NEWS

New exec raring to go for 2018 Bethany Reitsma manawat ū reporter@mawsa.org.nz

highly driven to do the right thing for our students, whatever it takes,” he says.

“We’re kicking off the year with free food from Just Zilch and a new International Buddies programme.”

“We’re going to campaign for later bus hours, empower science students to have their say on our College of Science changes, and be a voice for all students on enrolment issues.”

After a year as Equities officer, Juliette Hendry is more than ready to step into MUSA’s admin role on the exec.

“My role consists of writing and taking minutes, organising the team for meetings and a butt load of emails,” she says.

“As a personal goal, I’m super keen to kick off rest home visits by students this year—for the benefit of both lonely elderly people and homesick students," she says.

Massey University Students' Association's (MUSA's) Executive team is full of ideas for engaging students on campus this year.

With a mix of both MUSA veterans and some fresh blood the team is gearing up for 2018.

"I’m also planning on looking over some ancient MUSA policy to ensure everything is up to date in 2018.”

Callum Goacher volunteers for Radio Control and is now getting even more involved as the Education Officer for 2018.

Ben Schmidt fills the role of President after acting as the Welfare Officer last year.

“My role on the exec involves creating a better learning environment for students, and representing and supporting them when there are changes that affect them.”

“This year I’m loving working with such an active team. The whole exec is

Goacher hopes to kickstart some new ideas to grow MUSA’s engagement

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with students. “I’m working to begin a mentoring programme from the ground up, as well as having more happening on concourse for students during breaks.

“Growing the students’ awareness of MUSA and interacting with them will be the most exciting part of the job this year.”

Bachelor of Science student Kyle Fitz is this year’s Equity exec.

“My role in equities means I have an awesome opportunity to empower minority voices, making sure all voices get a say on campus.

“My main goal for this year is to help everybody achieve their potential here at Massey.” Ngahuia Kirton brings her drive and energy to the role of Welfare Officer this year.

“It’s my job to ensure that our Massey students are healthy and happy—that they’re living somewhere warm and safe, they can access physical and mental health support, they have a range of affordable and healthy food options, and they’re supported throughout their studies.”

“I’m excited to strengthen our relationship with our sister association Manawatahi, to make sure that our Māori students’ voices are being heard,” she says.

“I’m also hoping to ramp up our life skills workshops that our fantastic President Ben started last year and get more students learning essential stuff like how to change a tyre and do your tax return.”

LOCAL NEWS

Q. How do you survive O-Week?

Rebekah Bachelor of Communication “Meet lots of people and participate in as many O Week events as you can!”

Keeley Bachelor of Science

Ben Bachelor of Engineering

“Familiarize yourself with the people in your programme—go to your programme welcome.”

“Be friendly and talk to people!”

Boys in ball gowns: O-Week op-shop popular with students Bethany Reitsma manawatureporter@mawsa.org.nz

A stall from Palmerston North’s St Vincent de Paul op-shop was a huge hit with students at the Manawatū Midweek Market during Orientation Week 2018.

Shop manager Toni Bidois says there’s a lot of competition for op-shops in Palmerston North, but Vinnies keeps its prices low rather than putting a higher cost on vintage items. St Vinnies, whose Palmerston North store is located on Rangitikei St, is one of the oldest charities in New Zealand, having been run for 150 years now.

“We’re selling a lot of furniture to students now,” says Toni. “Vinnies is the place to find cheap good quality furniture for your flat.”

She says it’s very well worth their while coming out and setting up a stall on campus.

“The students really got some good bargains today, we had a whole rack of coats out there which will be great for them come winter.”

Toni says there’s also a growing interest in op-shopping among boys these days.

“We get groups of boys coming in on Saturday mornings together, and when we come to campus it’s not just the girls who are interested in picking up some vintage clothing bargains.”

The stall was perfect for students looking for the perfect outfit for the Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA) Op Shop Ball.

“People are wanting something a bit more outrageous than the stereotypical ball outfits. I’ve pushed many a guy into a ball dress,” says Toni.

“Op-shopping makes you look like an individual, not just like everybody else.

It’s more sustainable as well which the students love.”

“We’re always looking for volunteers and we hope to be able to come to Massey’s Midweek Market more often.”

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Students struggle to find flats in Wellington Nikki Papatsoumas editor@mawsa.org.nz

Students across Wellington are being forced into bidding wars to secure flats, leaving many with no choice than to find short-term accommodation with friends or family.

College of Creative Arts student Dylan Healy was told last December his lease would not be renewed for 2018.

Despite having viewed more than 15 flats over the last month and having a good rental history, he still has not been able to find a place to live.

“There are just generally more people than there are flats available,” Healy says.

He has now been forced to stay with family friends in Porirua and travel into the city every day while he continues to look for accommodation.

Even worse, Healy says potential tenants are being forced into bidding wars as landlord’s hike prices.

“The biggest fuck off was a Lyall Bay flat we looked at which was going for $180 a room.

“We applied and got an email back a few days later saying another group had offered $200 per week but since our group was very well presented the landlord asked if we could match the price.”

He says after emailing to secure the deal he received a call from the landlord.

“She rang me and said the other group

A new home away from home Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Massey Wellington has opened the doors to a brand new residential hall.

The new hall named Kainga Rua, which means ‘second home’, or ‘home away from home’, was a former hostel and has this year been transformed into student accommodation for Massey students.

Residential Operations Manager, Priscilla Brooking says Kainga Rua on Taranaki Street, was established in response to the need for more student accommodation in Wellington.

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had raised their offer to $210 and asked if we could match this.

“I told her we weren't prepared to get into a bidding war,” he says. “She was obviously making us play off against each other, so she could make the most money.

"She didn’t care who we were and that we were ‘well presented’.”

Healy says he now hopes demand will slow as university starts.

“I’d be a lot more stressed if I was like others out there who don’t have other living arrangements but it is still a shitty time to be after a flat in Wellington.”

According to the Trade Me Property Rental Index, Wellington’s median rent jumped 6.7 per cent in December to $480.

Meanwhile the number of available rental properties dropped by 70 per cent.

Kate Kurr from Wellington based property management company Manage My Property says bidding wars are not fair to tenants.

“I don’t think it’s ethical. If you advertise a property for an amount you should stand by that.”

On the bright side, she says the number of rentals becoming available is on the rise, so it should be easier for tenants looking to live in the capital.

“The times are a changing and the ship has sailed, less people are showing up for viewings,” she says.

She says both Kainga Rua and neighbouring residential hall ‘The Cube’ will be operated by the same team, but employ their own individual experience.

Students can look forward to music events, sports challenges, shave for a cure as well as many other activities with the aim to foster social connections and relieve transition anxiety, says Brooking.

Brooking says the year is already off to a good start with residents enjoying several activities centered around music, eating, games and movies.

COLUMN

Join Massive’s Natasha Tziakis as she dissects New Zealand politics and offers her sharp and savvy opinion in this fortnightly column.

It’s a well-known fact that people get older, people retire, and the new kids come in and take over.

And it just so happens we are seeing this happen in New Zealand’s government right now.

This means exciting new stuff is could be on the cards, but it also means we are heading into semiuncharted territory.

Bill English, former leader of the National Party, resigned on February 13. A barrage of questions and assumptions were thrown around on social media as the news broke. My favourite question a journalist asked as English announced his resignation was, “are you resigning because you lost to Jacinda?”

I laughed at this question. When politicians resign, it’s often their most recent failings that are put under scrutiny. Not very often do people remember their long-held careers or accomplishments. Yes, English hasn’t always been everyone’s favourite MP, but he’s still had a stellar political career. So, to reduce his 27-year career in government to one election loss is in my opinion, insulting. It also insults Ardern too, minimising the strength and leadership she showed during the election and subsequently over

her very successful first 100 days in government.

It wasn’t a game of rock, paper, scissors where someone can lose without consequence. I think it is fair to say they both put in a lot of hard work.

It seems that the most prolific ‘old-timers’ like English and former leader of the United Future Party, Peter Dunne, are retiring because they are making way for fresh blood, a wave of new and younger politicians.

Having our government body be fluid can raise a lot of questions, questions I believe will be answered in the coming year. Does the existing establishment ever change, or does it just get a new face? And considering the number of millennials engaging in politics, will there be a change in the direction New Zealand is heading regarding social action and law reform?

On Ardern’s 98th day in government, she and the Labour Party announced it would launch an investigation into trying to prevent the abuse of children in state welfare. This starts to answer the first question, because yes, it does seem that Ardern is creating a social welfare focus we haven’t seen in parliament over the last decade. We won’t know whether millennial voting will swing our government until the next general election, which will probably be in September 2020, but it certainly creates an exciting arena for new changes to how our society can operate.

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COLUMN

ON THE LINE Writer: Leilani Baker This fortnightly column stays true to its name by discussing all things sports including controversies on and off the field. Whether you enjoy a causal brew whilst watching the rugby, or your inner demon emerges when the football comes on, this column is dedicated to you, the sport-lovers of Massey.

Are the Commonwealth Games on Their Last Leg? We’ve moved on from Aaron Smith’s toilet rendezvous, the Black Ferns Sevens triumph in Rio, and Team New Zealand thumping team Oracle in the America’s Cup. This year has another stellar line up for us. With the Commonwealth Games just around the corner, the Football World Cup fast approaching, and the odd sporting scandal thrown in the mix. It is going to be one heck of a sporting year.

This year’s Commonwealth Games kicks off on April 4 with the sunny Gold Coast as its host. But will this Commonwealth Games be the last?Originally Durban, South Africa was set to host the 2022 Games. But after funding issues they had to step down. Luckily, Liverpool came to the rescue as the new host for the next Commonwealth Games in four years. However, this has raised concerns about whether the curtains should be closed on the event all together. Hosting the games is becoming an economic burden on selected countries. Some are also arguing the relevance of the event is diminishing.

This year’s games will cost Australia over $2 Billion, almost a whopping $300,000 per athlete. It is expected that 1.5 billion viewers will tune in to watch the games. However, over the years it is evident interest in the games is withering.

With an array of top of the line sports accessible on live television, Commonwealth Games broadcasters are competing to maintain viewers.

In fact, when Stuff asked whether the games should be canned, 55 per cent of respondents said yes.

“A mile away from the Olympic standard giving even average athletes a leg up. The commonwealth is dead. Kill the games too,” one commented.

But I’m with the 45 per cent that strongly believe the games still matter.

The Commonwealth Games are perfectly positioned between the Olympics which prove another outlet for athletes to experience competing on a world stage (almost).

By abolishing the games, we are also removing the opportunity for promising athletes to perform against some of the best in the world. What’s more, the Commonwealth games send important sporting messages to the rest of the world.

This year the Games are responding to increasing discussion about equality in sports. This is the first year there will be an equal number of female and male sports events. Adding to this, paraathletes are becoming more renowned in the Commonwealth. The amount of para-sports doubling since the last games.

Seven para-sports are on show this year including Powerlifting, Triathlon, and the very first wheelchair marathon.

See we need the Commonwealth Games.

By holding a competition without sporting giants like America, the talent and hard work of our Commonwealth athletes are no longer overshadowed. Instead their efforts are acknowledged and rewarded.

Giving athletes the chance to reflect and improve before the Olympics roll around.

Sporting News: What is happening in the sporting world?

Pass or Play: We take a look at some alternative sports played around the country you may want to try...

In the football world the talk of the town is the transfer of Arsenal favourite Alexis Sanchez as he signed for rivals in red Manchester United. This transfer makes Sanchez the highest paid player in Premiere league history earning approximately 350,000 pounds a week!

This week we take a look at Ultimate Frisbee. While most think throwing a disc around is a leisure activity, I beg to differ. The sport has grown immensely across the country in recent years. At the Palmerston North and Albany campuses Ultimate is becoming a popular choice in the social sports leagues. But Ultimate isn’t just a social game. Our national players showcased their athleticism at the U24 World Masters competition held in Perth in January. Some of our very own Massey students amongst the mix. The selfrefereed sport is a combination of Netball and American Football and challenges speed and hand-eye coordination.

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i w p o

e v i s s a m

Massive is the student magazine for all Massey University students.

This year we need even more student contributors to fill our pages. If you would like to contribute in any form, please do get in touch.

We’re keen as.

we want you* editor@mawsa.org.nz massive@mawsa.org.nz

illustration writing photography opinion

*Well, Pocket specifically.

We only semi need you.

In the nicest way possible.

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FEATURE

MASSIVE

Portal Plagues Students BY: Massive staff reporters

Students are fed up with Massey’s new online enrolment system saying working out its countless technical issues is more difficult than gaining a degree itself.

He says students have been enrolled in un-wanted courses and have been locked out of the system and unable to sign up for chosen courses.

Almost a dozen students have spoken to Massive Magazine about issues they have experienced with Massey’s online system.

“I feel a public apology to all affected students and staff would go a long way to heal the wounds, especially since students had these issues suddenly lumped on them without warning, causing so much needless stress.”

Issues include not being able to enrol in courses, application withdrawals and being unable to make payments.

One student was even left 15 credits short of their degree with no explanation.

Massey’s Student Management System, which is used for student enrolments, managing timetables and providing course grades, was replaced in August last year as the old system was no longer viable and had to be phased out.

However, since its implementation there have been major problems at all levels of administration, which includes course grading and scaling across all three of Massey’s campuses.

As well as this, many students have been unable to enrol in courses making it difficult for them to liaise with StudyLink and receive living costs in time for the beginning of semester one.

Student representatives now say they have a complete lack of faith in Massey’s senior staff following an inundation of objections from students.

President of EXMSS David McNab says he has received hundreds of complaints from students.

Massey University Students’ Association President Benjamin Schmidt says the association has received numerous complaints.

Schmidt says despite meeting with the Vice Chancellor Jan Thomas, little has been done to rectify issues for students.

“The university has failed to fully acknowledge the extent of the issues faced by students and staff,” he says.

“Our students are tired of being unable to enrol, of long email response times, and of being denied for student loans and allowances as a result.

“The response of university management has demonstrated a lack of integrity and common respect for students and staff alike,” says Schmidt.

Schmidt however, commends Massey staff in contact centres across the country who have picked up the pieces of the failing portal system.

“The academic staff, contact centre staff, and many others have been working tirelessly to the best of their ability to support students through this.

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FEATURE

“MUSA sincerely appreciates their work and dedication. We are proud to have open and honest relationships with these staff.”

Meanwhile in Auckland, President of the Albany Students’ Association (ASA) Jason Woodroofe says portal is also having a significant effect on Albany students.

Woodroofe says ASA has been contacted by students who were unable to complete enrolments and as a result were looking unlikely to receive StudyLink support in time for the start of the academic year. He says ASA is now preparing for a predicted influx of students unable to pay rent because of these issues.

“They can’t sweep this under the rug, students need to be the top priority.”

Massey at Wellington Students’ Association President Emma Pearce says she is also expecting the number of students applying for hardship grants at the Wellington campus to increase.

“I’m concerned about how this will impact students in the long run. I don’t think anyone was expecting the issues with enrollment to be as prolific as they have turned out to be.

“I’m expecting hardship grants will go in the first couple of weeks to students who have struggled to attain accommodation or need to cover money that StudyLink couldn’t issue in time due to issues with SMS.” Massey’s Communications Director James Gardiner says as of February 23, there were 21,636 students who were enrolled.

This number was increasing by 400-450 a day over the past three weeks, he says.

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“We have been sending text messages and emails to applicants in the various stages of the process to either remind them what they now need to do or to let them know what we are doing,” he says.

“We are also have student advice centres on all campuses processing enrolments in person and sorting out issues on the spot.

“This is easing the load on the Contact Centre staff but they still remain extremely busy.”

Gardiner says Massey will continue processing enrolments and dealing with individual issues relating to enrolment into the first week of semester one and beyond if necessary.

“There are always issues – both technical and people-related – with the introduction of a new system.

“They can’t sweep this under the rug, students need to be the top priority.”

“We acknowledge that this has been a frustrating and time-consuming process for many students and the University apologises sincerely to all those who have had difficulties and delays.

“We are grateful to the many staff who been working hard to deal with these issues, w ill respond to affected students on a case-by-case basis and do everything we can to ensure students are well-placed to have a successful first semester and are in no way disadvantaged.”

MASSIVE

Massive Magazine spoke to a number of Massey students right across the country about their issues with the new enrolment system.

Simon Wong

Roy Fernley

Clara Gan

“Once you get the hang and ask around about where everything is located, it is usually quite straight forward. It was my first time enrolling for my papers individually, and I got quite confused with the enrolment system and how it works, the layout for the enrolment and paper selection was a bit unyielding.

Student Central did a great job in helping me enroll for 2018 and letting me know about my requirements and needs. I feel as Massey is a design school the website could be a lot better, in terms of placement, accessibility, and design.”

“Compared to previous years, enrolling was a much more difficult process. I also think losing the visual planner we had with MyMassey was a mistake. With the planner, you could see your degree as a series of ‘building blocks’ showing compulsory and elective courses. You could see what needed to be filled in. At a glance, you could see where you were and what needed to be done to complete your degree.”

“I experienced issues with signing up for summer school courses and paying my uni fees. I found navigating the enrolment page very confusing because sometimes it said I was enrolled and sometimes said I wasn’t. Luckily, my issue was resolved early and I was able to head home stress free. Despite the Massey help team being very helpful and understanding, I feel like more testing should’ve been done prior to launching the new system. I hope to see improvements being made to the Portal system soon.”

Bridget McGechan

Sam Anderson

Isobel Davis

“My experience with the Massey Portal System is different to most people due to changing majors at the end of last year. Fortunately, the Massey Academic Advisors were very helpful and accommodating with my transition.

I was confused at one point halfway through January because my timetable looked to have clashes. All it took was a call to Massey to organise a chat with an Academic Advisor a few days following to sort it all out. Although it took a few days before I could speak with an Academic Advisor when it came down to it the staff were very lovely and explained everything to me in a way I felt confident.”

“When trying to enrol, I was left 15 credits short of a degree with no obvious explanation. I scrolled through pages of the messy layout with no luck. I emailed the Head of Business and the Massey contact email that is supplied on the website. When neither had replied two days later, I called the helpline. I got put on hold three times to be told that they simply didn’t know what was happening with my enrolment. The Head of Business replied and referred my email to another professor, who then told me to email the Programme Support Administrator. She finally shed light on the subject for me and I was able to complete my enrolment, a week after I’d started. It took a lot of effort in the form of emails and phone calls. I didn’t run into any issues when enrolling for the first time in 2017.”

“At one stage I couldn’t find one of the papers I wanted to sign up for neither could the representative I spoke too. I also had a problem with deleting one of my papers that I changed my mind on, after a while a representative was able to fix the problem. Around the time I received my offer of place I also received a false email saying that there was a problem with my enrolment, I spoke to a Massey rep and they couldn’t figure out the problem and didn’t know why I was sent that email. It also took much longer to approve my papers compared to previous years. Everyone I spoke to over the phone was friendly and so helpful. I think the people who I spoke to and that helped me were also still trying to figure out the new Portal, so I definitely think it has been hard on everyone not just us students.”

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FEATURE

Your Flat photography: Deme Scott

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MASSIVE

* Have a flat worthy to photograph?

Whether if be filthy, trashed, or you would like to capture it’s aesthetic for the sake of it, email us at massive@mawsa.org.nz 25

FEATURE Staff from Massey Wellington’s School of Nursing have admitted they should have better communicated changes to its programmes with students.

Late last year Massive Magazine reported the school had taken a severe hit by the university’s decision to downsize on staff numbers, with eight of 11 members of the school set to leave by the middle of this year.

Nursing school staff apologise to students Writer: Nikki Papatsoumas

Staff redundancies came after Massey University sent an offer of voluntary redundancy to all 1000 staff in its College’s of Science and Health at the end of October 2017, to cut costs.

At the time a student nursing leadership group expressed concern these major changes were leaving students with no other choice than to consider moving to other institutions or taking further action.

The students have since met with Senior Lecturer Stacey Wilson and Head of School Mark Jones.

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rounded degree and experience here at Massey.”

Massey’s communication’s director James Gardiner says Wilson and Jones engaged with students and acknowledged they had underestimated the extent to which they needed to fully brief the student body.

“The staff feel they responded openly and directly to questions put to them at the meeting,” says Gardiner.

“Dr Wilson was able to build on the briefing provided earlier by the College of Health Pro Vice-Chancellor Professor Jane Mills, describe the changes to the programme and comprehensively answer all the questions from students.

“Dr Jones noted that it appeared that misinformation had circulated and apologised for this.”

He says staff were pleased that student representatives appeared reassured and receptive of the intent she expressed to provide a quality programme.

Gardiner says communication between The Massey at Wellington Students’ the school and students was not as good Association’s Nursing Executive for as it should have been.

2018, Megan Hammond says following “We hope that has now been remedied the meeting students are feeling but remain open to discussions with any much more hopeful about the future students who are still uncertain of what is of their degrees. occurring and why.”

“We are feeling much more positive we got He says the school now wants to work answers and they finally acknowledged closely with students over the year to and realised they should have involved ensure they are kept in the loop with us and realised we weren’t going to take programme changes. it lying down.”

Student representatives will be Hammond says a major concern last year nominated from each of the campuses was a lack of communication. to engage in a governance group to “They did apologise for the lack of student work with staff on developing quality involvement and communication with indicators of outcomes for students, he us prior to finding out about staff cuts says. through the media. “[Dr Wilson] is keen to engage students “They didn’t really know what was on issues that affect their learning happening at the same time either and and progress toward completing they didn’t want to voice anything to us the programme. that wasn’t 100 per cent,” she says.

“She knows they will have some great “They are passionate about the nursing ideas to make the School of Nursing an degree and ensuring we do have a well- exceptional place to study.”

FEATURE

Is our future vegan?

Writer: Taryn Dryfhout Illustration: Luca Rosseels Vegan, vegetarian, plant-based. Whatever you call it, it’s not a fad. Thinkers as early as Hippocrates, Plato and Socrates questioned whether it was right to consume animal products, and the great minds of the modern era such as Benjamin Franklin, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein all advocated for a vegan lifestyle. However, there has been a recent rise in veganism, and commentators all over the world are predicting a global vegan future.

The Rise of the Vegans Whether you like it or not, veganism is on the rise in almost every country of the world – including New Zealand. In 2002, kiwis who didn’t eat meat made up around 1 per cent of the country’s population - they now make up over 10 per cent.

It is presumed that millennials are the driving force behind this worldwide shift away from the consumption of animal products, but regardless of the reason, everyone seems to be jumping on the bandwagon. Celebrities such as Ellen Degeneres, Lea Michele, Anthony Kiedis, Miley Cyrus, Sia and Ariana Grande have all committed to a vegan lifestyle, as have top athletes such as Venus Williams and Heather Mills. Search data from Google trends shows an extraordinary interest in veganism, especially in Canada, Australia and New Zealand, and there has been a 600 per cent increase in people identifying as vegan in the United States over the last three years.

Globally, the demand for plant milks (soy, oat, rice, almond) have increased exponentially, while dairy milk sales have declined. Google has even modified their menu at employee cafeterias to include less

meat and more plant-based foods as part of a broader sustainability initiative. What started out as ‘Meatless Mondays’, stretched out into ‘Tofu Tuesdays’ and before anyone noticed, this grassroots movement went from maligned to mainstream. Veganism is not just for skinny hippies – though the stereotype is still prevalent. While some might line up for their almond milk wearing yoga pants and wafting of patchouli, the majority of us are regular people who woke up one day and decided to do what we felt was right. For me, this happened over the summer break. One day I was eating trifle at the Christmas table, the next I had gone 50 shades of vegan.

Vegan New Zealand New Zealand income centres largely around income derived from animals. We farm over 30 million sheep, eleven million cows, one hundred million chickens and 800,000 pigs on factory farms every year. While this has made for a strong economy, it has come at a price for our environment and animal life. Deforestation for pastures has led to many bird species becoming endangered or extinct, our rivers have become unsafe to swim in, dairy calves are slaughtered at a few days old and factory farms deny animals their basic needs. We are also paying in poor health - New Zealand is now one of the leading countries for obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

Living in a meat-heavy country, one would assume that veganism is almost unheard of, but this isn’t the case.

New Zealand is changing its tune on its tradition of meat and dairy-laden diets, something which is evident by the increase in meat exports and decrease in local meat sales. A recent online survey carried out by the Sunday Star-Times showed that only 46 per cent of its readers

FEATURE were committed carnivores, with 54 per cent of readers considering a reduction or complete eradication in their meat consumption with some of those having already done so. So, what is behind this change?

Reasons for Veganism One of the biggest reasons for turning vegan is the impact that veganism can have on physical health. This idea is not new – Einstein was quoted during his life as saying that, “nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet”.

“If being concerned about your own health doesn’t convince you, perhaps the health of our planet will.”

Anybody who has watched the myriad of documentaries on Netflix about health will know that veganism (or a plant-based diet) is probably the biggest movement in history to impact the major health concerns that the world currently faces. It’s no secret that obesity has overtaken smoking as the leading cause of preventable death, and in New Zealand, it is rife. Out of a total estimated population of 4.3 million in New Zealand, around 1.13 million are overweight, with an additional 800,000 classed as obese. That means over half of New Zealand is overweight, and studies suggest that a vegan lifestyle could be the cure. Fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts and legumes are all nutrient dense and provide good calorie value. That means you can eat more, but maintain your weight, or lose it, without having to restrict how much you are eating. And it’s not just about obesity – studies have proven that people who follow a plant-based diet can live longer, have lower cholesterol levels and blood pressure, less heart disease and lower cancer rates. While animal consumption has been linked with increased inflammation, fruits and vegetables have been found to have anti-inflammatory properties. In 2015, the World Health Organisation (WHO) classified the consumption of red meat as carcinogenic to humans.

According to WHO, “households should select predominantly plant-based diets rich in a variety of vegetables and fruits, pulses or legumes, and minimally processed starchy staple foods. The evidence that such diets will prevent or delay a significant proportion of

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non-communicable chronic diseases is consistent.

A predominantly plant-based diet has a low energy density, which may protect against obesity”.

Another predominant reason for a vegan diet is environmental concerns. If being concerned about your own health doesn’t convince you, perhaps the health of our planet will. Being a meat eater consequently means contributing to animal agriculture, which is having an impact on the environment and the climate. No industry on earth is responsible for more environmental devastation than the animal industry, and the numbers are staggering. Recent science indicates that animal agriculture is responsible for more greenhouse gases than all forms of transportation combined and tripled, and New Zealand’s huge animal agricultural industry is a major player. The production of methane gas from sheep and cattle contributes almost one-third of New Zealand’s greenhouse gas emissions, making it the biggest single contributor to climate change in this country.

Animal agriculture is also the leading cause of deforestation globally – in the Amazon, 47 acres of rain forest is being destroyed every minute to create cattle pastures. Because meat eating requires such enormous amounts of land and natural resources to support it, it is becoming one of the least sustainable industries in the world, and increasingly so, as the population rises.

And it’s not just cows and sheep – the ocean has been so over fished by commercial fisheries that within 30 years seafood will be a thing of the past. Let’s take a moment to let that sink in: in our lifetime, the oceans could will be fishless. While taking your bike instead of the car, or turning off the lights all helps, the single most powerful thing you can do for the planet is give up meat.

Of course, the most widely cited reason for going vegan is normally to do with animal cruelty. One hundred billion animals are killed for food every year, something which vegan activist Gary Yourofsky calls “The Animal Holocaust”. Vegans reject speciesism, and question the morals in taking a non-human animal life solely so that we can enjoy a certain food group, or have a nice couch, and seeks to reduce the amount of animal suffering which takes place.

Finally, if people don’t choose a vegan diet because they care about the suffering of animals, then it might be because they care about the suffering of people.

One hundred thousand people starve to death every day – most people know this. What most people don’t realise is that there is enough food on the planet to feed

FEATURE these people right now. We could end world hunger tomorrow if everyone gave up animal products. This is because the grain that could be fed to people, is being fed to cows, pigs, chickens and lambs. It takes around seven kilos of grain to produce one serving of beef, meaning we are feeding around 80 serves of food to a cow, in order to produce just one serve… because we like the taste. According to the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, the amount of grain fed to livestock in the United States alone could feed about 840 million people, roughly eleven times the number of people who die of starvation worldwide every year.

When you look at it this way, eating meat, eggs and dairy is depriving someone else of enough food, perpetuating the inequality not just between humans and animals, but between us, and other humans. By choosing a vegan diet, we can help restore the balance of food to everybody on earth.

If countless predictions don’t convince you, then consider the massive changes we are seeing worldwide – decline in meat consumption and sales with an increase in vegan food production and consumption, large chains such as Starbucks and McDonald’s giving into the demand for more humane animal products, larger sections being created in supermarkets for vegan meat alternatives and restaurants adding vegan options, with other predominantly vegan restaurants such as the Revive Café not only being successful as a restaurant, but diversifying into the production of supermarket snacks and best-selling cookbooks. Even Pizza Hut and Hell Pizza have vegan options – a move which arose directly out of market demand. All of these trends indicate a global shift towards compassion and toward ways of thinking about how we are consuming.

We vegans are no longer the freaks….our concerns have gone mainstream.

The solution to these problems is not always popular, but it is unequivocally simple: go vegan. Though humans have eaten meat throughout history, the amount of meat and dairy that we now consume is not sustainable, and it comes at the price of the environment, our health, as well as both human and animal suffering. Shifting toward plant-based consumption is the only valid solution to the problems our generation has created.

Claire Insley, media spokesperson for The Vegan Society of Aotearoa strongly believes that the future in New Zealand, and around the world, is vegan.

Is the Future, Vegan?

Mandy Carter, the Campaigns Director for SAFE sees veganism as the catalyst for our global eating habits, “There has been a significant shift in public perceptions and popularity of meat-free products in recent years, and it’s now easier than ever before to be plant-based. This will only continue to grow, especially, as there is a pressing need for us to reassess the effect our eating habits have on our environment and how we produce food. Vegans now really are the pioneers. I’m entirely confident that eating animals will one day be a thing of the past.”

Veganism, is clearly on the rise – with numbers doubling, and tripling every year. A recent article in the Huffington Post predicts a vegan future by 2050, and an article on Forbes in 2017 stated, “the future of fast food is vegan”. If that sounds farfetched, just consider that 400 years ago, a headline predicting the end of slavery, or same-sex marriage would have sounded farfetched. Didn’t Tupac predict that the United States would never see a black president? Times change, and these times...they are a-changin’.

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“It’s not going to happen overnight, but those changes are coming. More vegan food products to tempt those omni’s who “love the taste of meat but don’t like killing an animal” come into production every month. We see more and more stories of animal farmers who switch to veganism. One day it will reach that critical mass and a new human consciousness will be born.”

By choosing to consume in a way that rejects violence, environmental destruction, poverty and poor dietinduced health problems, we are casting a vote for life for all - for all humans, and for animals. Veganism is a lifestyle which seeks to live ethically, healthily, and as sustainable as possible, and veganism, is most certainly, the future.

“The solution to these problems is not always popular, but it is unequivocally simple: go vegan.”

Vegan Vibes Anyone can go vegan and the amount of information available online makes it easier than ever before. My foray into veganism started with a Netflix documentary called Forks Over Knives.

Within a week I had binge-watched all of the

MASSIVE Netflix food documentaries, as well as several YouTube channels for aspiring vegans.

With so many myths and misleading information out there, I want to share a couple of quick things I’ve learned along the way: You can be a poor student and still go vegan. I didn’t rush out and buy expensive vegan products – I just eat fruits, vegetables, rice, beans and lentils. Buy what’s on special, and what’s in season. Just focus on healthy, whole plant foods that are affordable and you can’t go wrong.

Vegan Recipes If you are interested in joining me and thousands of others in the vegan journey, here’s a couple of the cheapest and easiest recipes I have picked up so far.

Tofu Tacos (serves 1) You’ll need: 3 taco shells ½ cup shredded lettuce ½ package of firm tofu, diced ½ can of black beans ½ packet of taco seasoning Half an onion, diced 1 clove garlic, finely chopped 1 tablespoon oil Heat the oil and saute the onion and garlic until clear and soft. Add the tofu into the pan and sprinkle the taco seasoning over. Cook until the tofu is golden brown. Add the black beans in and stir until the entire mixture is evenly heated through. Line the taco shells with the lettuce and stuff with the cooked mixture.

You don’t need to be fancy. Vegans don’t make persimmon and quinoa salad and pomegranate and rosemary ice cream every night for dinner (I certainly don’t). Everything you need to buy is at your regular supermarket and you can continue to eat vegan versions of all your regular meals. We also don’t live on tofu. In fact, you can never eat it and still be vegan.

Vegans aren’t always hungry and thin. Because vegan foods are lower in fat and calories, it’s okay to eat more so there’s no reason to be hungry, and, I’m living proof that we aren’t all thin.

Cauliflower ‘KFC’ (serves 1) You’ll need: ¼ cauliflower, cut into medium-sized chunks 2 cups oil Salt to taste Wet ingredients: 2 tablespoon tomato sauce 2 tablespoon Dijon mustard ½ cup plant-based milk (soy or oat works best) Dry ingredients: ¼ cup flour 2 teaspoons dried onion flakes 1 teaspoon garlic salt ½ teaspoon black pepper 1 teaspoon smoked paprika Par-boil the cauliflower by dropping the florets into boiling water for two minutes, and then removing from the water. Assemble the wet ingredients, then the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Put the oil into a pot and heat on high till very hot. Once cauliflower has cooled enough to handle, and the oil is ready, dip each floret in the wet ingredients, making sure to completely cover the whole piece, before covering the floret in the dry ingredients. Repeat – into the wet, then the dry before carefully dropping the piece into the hot oil and deep frying. Once it’s golden brown, remove and place on a plate, salting to taste. Repeat for every piece.

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Artist: Emma Pearce

FEATURE

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FEATURE

FEATURE

The fresher’s five step guide to a night out in...

Palmerston nORTH Writer: Laura Macdonald Illustration: Luca Rosseels

So, you’ve chosen to study in Palmerston North. First of all, I’m sorry to hear that. Secondly, I’m sure you’re teeming with excitement, newfound freedom, testosterone and at least three standard drinks right now. As a fourth year and an old hand at nights out in Palmerston North, I’m here to help you channel all that good energy. The steps below are to be used as a guideline only and Massive will not be held responsible for or associated with any subsequent hospital admissions, police charges or Family Planning appointment fees.

between the Bermuda Triangle of bad food – KFC, Carl’s Jr and McDonald’s. Pick up a few frozen Cokes on the way home to mix with your vodka.

You’re in P-Naughty now, so don’t be afraid to paint the walls with green Vodka Cruisers. Or Envy, or Smirnoff Ice, or anything cheap with a high alcohol percentage. The extra caffeine and sugar will also fuel the shapes you cut at The Daily later that night.

Step Two – The Pre-drinks

Step One – The Alcohol The most crucial ingredient to any recipe for disaster is alcohol. If you’re in a rush, pick your poison from Big Barrel on Princess St as it’s the closest liquor store to Massey. It’s nestled in

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By now you would have received at least three lectures from the Residential Advisers about the repercussions of drinking in your rooms rather than the common room. Sure, a fine can be dusted off with courserelated costs and an hour of community service is a mere drop in the pond of punishments. That’s

MASSIVE what you think, anyway, until your two partners in crime get to sit inside and clean gym equipment together while you have to pick up rubbish on the netball courts on a cold July morning with tears in your eyes. Despite the trash fearmongering, I know you’re going to drink in your room anyway.

Just keep your music at a low volume and have somewhere handy to stash your drinks. You’re there for a good time, not a long time.

Step Three – The Party Pre-drinks get shut down by 10pm and everyone gets herded onto the bus. At this point you’ve already lost that friend you promised you’d sit next to on the bus, there’s a girl behind you crying on the phone to her boyfriend at Vic, and a group of boys are singing Wagon Wheel. Town doesn’t start kicking off until at least midnight – what you’re in dire need of is a flat party. An essential addition to your partying toolkit is that friend with an older sibling or a third-year friend who knows where all the flat parties are. But if it’s just you and your fresher friends naively wandering the streets, ears straining for a few bars of house music throbbing from inside a blacked out flat, read on. Ada Street has long been hallowed ground for binge drinking and domestics, but McGiffert Street has also seen a few burning couches and unconscious students in recent years. If everything is quiet on these fronts, sniff out Joseph, Morris, Rolleston and College Streets.

If you do happen to stumble across a flat party that looks to be going off, don’t bust in all doe-eyed and fresh-faced. You will be told in no uncertain terms by a third-year to fuck off back to Massey.

If you really want to blend in, sit on a couch and look disdainfully at everyone that walks past, you might be mistaken for a second-year. Or swap your new high heels for jandals and stand in the kitchen with all the other fourth-years complaining about freshers crashing their parties.

Step Four – The Clubs Hopefully you’re still conscious by midnight. The pulsing LED sign of The Daily beckons you through its doors. The Daily is a graveyard of good songs gone by. You’ll walk in to the sound of Pitbull counting down in Spanish, the DJ frenziedly spinning the decks in a desperate attempt to keep

the song alive. Despite the fact that Wagon Wheel will play at least five times during your stay, the vivid, flashing dance floor should keep your drunken mind occupied for a couple of hours until the bus arrives. If, at some point, you come to your senses and realize the sweaty stranger you’ve been grinding on isn’t actually the pre-vet from Colombo and you’ve heard Despacito twice in a row, duck outside for some fresh air. Dance to a live band at Bubbles, scream a Spice Girls song on Karaoke Wednesdays at China Inn. But eventually, you will be drawn back into the swirling, sweaty cesspool of The Daily. You always are.

Step Five – The Afters The lights at The Daily come on and everyone’s glassed over eyes snap towards the hazy purple Jesters sign in the distance. You’ll be in need of something hot and carb-loaded after sweating all the vodka out of your system over the last three hours. You could spend ten minutes in line at Jesters, only for the guy in front of you to order the last Maharaja pie (after you passively aggressively announced to nobody in particular that you hoped nobody would order the last Maharaja pie). Or, for the more adventurous, you could trek the five blocks to McDonald’s on Princess Street, with at least one friend complaining every ten steps that you’re going to miss the bus home. Lastly, you could risk food poisoning at Golden Takeaways next door to The Daily.

If your annoying friend was right and you have indeed missed the bus home, drop Taxis Gold and Black a line and chew Jane or Hacksaw’s ear off the entire ride home for just a flat rate of $10.

If you’ve somehow misplaced your room key or swipe card or whatever security sorcery you need to get into your hall, wake the duty Residential Adviser. Don’t sleep outside the front door of the hall, and don’t go back to City Courts with that boy for ‘cuddles’ (because it won’t just be cuddles). Eat a banana, drink three glasses of water and go to bed.

Rinse and repeat next weekend.

NOTE: If you’re 17, substitute Step Four for sitting mournfully in your car outside The Daily, or hanging out at McDonald’s wearing track pants at 1am.

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SACHI Sachi is an electronic-pop band who have amassed over four million Spotify plays on their single Shelter. Don’t let their platinum blonde hair or slick style fool you, they are really funny guys who have huge hustle.

Sachi's Nick Chrisp and Will Thomas have just finished back-to-back touring with Alison Wonderland across Australia and New Zealand, with pit stops playing on the main stages of both Rhythm and Vines and Bay Dreams festivals. Massive's Natasha Tziakis recently got the opportunity to chat to both Nick and Will on the phone.

N: Hey, congrats on getting four million hits on Spotify with Shelter.

S: Hey, thanks. Yeah, we are stoked.

N: With all of your touring recently, has that developed Sachi’s live sound?

S: Yeah, well with playing more shows it’s made us want to create a more dancey style of music. Like we design our music for a live audience now and kind of consciously, but also unconsciously, make it more danceable. We always picture it as a live environment now.

N: Has that changed with how you work in the studio?

S: Well we’ve changed how we produce our music now. We work on the vocals and write our music to be played on guitar or the piano first. It’s more stripped back N: Sachi is constantly raising the bar for the music industry. Why did you

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create a downloadable car racing game for the release of your single Ride?

S: Because it’s different and fun.

People will see that and say, “what the heck?” It wasn’t to impress anyone.

We wanted to design something we thought we would enjoy. We grew up playing car racing games and thought it would be fun.

N: You’ve recently teamed up with HP for their Reinventors campaign. What does collaborating with such a big brand mean to you?

S: The climate of 2018 is about social media collaborations. These companies are partnering up with different social media personas, and they seemed to like us. It’s pretty cool. We were on a big HP billboard and we saw loads of people posting it on their stories and stuff. HP is also a multi-national brand. Like they chose little old us.

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N: What were the inspirations behind the brutally honest lyrics of Lowkey?

S: Just our life experiences. We were in Sydney working with the producer Lindsey Jackson. We drew on shortterm relationships that were kind of sporadic. It was a cool phase for our music to go through.

N: I actually played Lowkey for my mum the other night, and she surprisingly really liked it!

S: Yeah, we do the mum test as well.

We play it for our mum’s and sometimes they go ‘oh’ and we know they don’t like it. But some other tracks they really enjoy.

N: You won the George FM Artist of the Year and Song of the Year awards. What are you trying to achieve in 2018?

S: Well we haven’t gotten a Tui yet, so we are wanting to win one of those.

But we are excited to be doing more live shows and releasing more music.

N: So, you guys had some weird construction outfits at the Vodafone New Zealand Music Award’s last year.

What was that all about?

S: Our friend who is in art school had these LED belts, so we just bought some random stuff from Hallenstines and kind of went from there as a joke.

N: It was quite funny.

S: Yeah, it was.

N: Alright to wrap it up, sum up Sachi’s sound in five words.

S: Wait what? Like five words all together? It could be ‘the sound that goes boom.’

N:No, like five different adjectives.

S: Oh, let’s do one word each.

Okay so it’s: Fun. Dance. Groove.

Shake. Friends.

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FEATURE

UNIVERSITY FAKE CAKE:

The recipe to Instgram Fame Writer: Mackenzie Dyer Illustration: Luca Rosseels

Social media is dubbed as the root cause for many of today’s issues. From declining mental health and biased politics, to destroying the innocence of children and rising consumer interest in tummytrimming teas, the effects of Facebook, Instagram and sites alike are a sprinkling of fairy dust to any student’s, “what’s wrong with the world” essay.

Despite the pessimistic, diluted and obsessive human products social media churns out, do we ever think to delete our online life and retreat to simplistic, present living? The short answer?

No way.

But let’s give credit where credit’s due, because our online wonderland does have its perks. Take Instagram for example, all you need to do is build a following and you have fame at your fingertips. There is even the potential to get paid for posting.

An easy way to achieve ‘Insta-fame’ is through social media’s oldest and most marvellous magic trick. Making the most bland, tedious and mundane of life’s activities seem glorious. Take university for example. When you’re in a stressful week of assignments and have eye-bags

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heavier than a backpack of textbooks, it seems absurd that anyone would buy into any “I love uni” post. In fact, they are more likely to see it as a free marketing service for your education providers.

However, Instagram fame through #unilife is very possible. The method for this deception is common but fool proof, just follow the recipe below.

One cup of... a smart-specs selfie. This is when you see your peers (who you weren’t 100 per cent sure needed glasses) in cute Spec Savers selfie that radiates intelligence, decorated with a caption along the lines of “I love learning”. So, you really aren't blind? Then this step can be completed with 3D movie glasses or an appropriate Snapchat filter.

Two tablespoons of... the colour coordinated studier. These grammers grace us with a post that could pass as an advert for Typo. Study is made to look organised, straight forward and aesthetically pleasing with rainbows of highlighters and sticky-notes. Did the person actually study that day? Don’t know. Do a million different types of stationery improve learning? Also, unconfirmed. At least it looks nice, right?

Massive

Beat in...The cute outfit at a lecture.

What better way to mask the array of multi-coloured track pants that really inhabit a lecture, than to take a picture of yourself sporting an outfit you weren’t wearing to bed the night before. This can include any fashionable clothing, good lighting (of course) and can be appropriately decorated with a handful of books, a satchel and maybe even those specs.

Sprinkle in... a pretty day on campus.

Yes, gaining Instagram accreditation is as easy as pointing your camera at the buildings you see every day, snapping and uploading. Massey’s architecture on all three campuses truly does have some eye-catching qualities (Albany chicken wing, I’m thinking of you) so it’s not hard to get a good snap, making the likes fished from this method an easy catch.

A bigger perk - it doesn’t matter how much of an overworked coffee zombie you look like.

A pinch of… Procrastination station.

This is where you see the #throwback pics to last summer, Snapchat selfies, and Netflix loading screens. This ingredient is possibly the most honest of the lot, because even if people genuinely do what these other posts depict, posting on Instagram is procrastination. Also, what’s more believable? Someone who says they love doing their readings, but support their statement by showing a stapler, hole punch and pencil case (all matching) laid out around their book that is suspiciously opened dead in the centre… or someone who is four seasons and three bags of Doritos deep into Suits?

Finally, ice with #gains. Feeling a bit left out lads? Lucky for you, the affordable student gym prices make it too easy to portray uni as a wonderland where you have all the time in the world to get ripped (and take the mirror selfie to prove it). This facade is fabulous at making people think that the freshman five kilograms goes straight to your biceps, when we all know that hall food and increased alcohol consumption goes straight to other places. Don’t let this step confine you to the mirror protein bars, a boomerang of the gym equipment or even just a pic of your sneakers (which could be taken in your

lounge if you wanted) will also suffice.

For extra flavour, add a takeaway coffee (preferably in a bio-degradable cup with almond milk) and a #lovetheplanet to any of the above steps if desired.

There you have it, a method as easy as making your nanna’s chocco cake. Sure, you could be honest and write, “I’m so hungover,” “I’m stressed to the nines,” or “what day is it even? But where is the glamour in that? So, fish in those likes, portray your life online however you please, and really (like in real life, really), have a great year at uni.

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MASSIVE

Are you longing to find your soulmate Want a free feed? Then we want you! Massive wants lovebirds to sign up for our new blind date column! Who knows, maybe you’ll meet your perfect match!

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FCEOALTUUMRNE

BE PREPARED ON A BUDGET With Cyclone Gita taking a near miss last month it's safe to say it has never been a better time to think about being prepared.

For many students being prepared for an emergency is not high on the priority list. It can be expensive to get an emergency kit together and students have other expenses to cover like paying for a bond, new textbooks and socialising.

Preparing what you can with what you have for an emergency is important, however, and there are a number of things your flat can do, that won’t break the bank, to get better prepared.

The Joint Centre for Disaster Research on the Massey Wellington Campus has put together some tips on how students can be better prepared on a budget.

Let’s have a flat-chat Schedule a flat-chat and agree on a safe place to meet or arrange where you might need to stay if something happens. This is also a good time to locate your local emergency hub* and see if you’re in a tsunami zone.

Time to go shopping Don’t want to put your favourite t-shirt in your emergency clothes kit? Have a flatties shopping spree at the second hand shop and pick up some cheap clothes that you can share between you.

Or have a flattie wardrobe clean out and see if there is anything you can put aside.

Remember, you want things that are comfortable, warm and waterproof.

Invite your neighbours over, you might have a lot in common!

Build your emergency food and kit

Getting to know your neighbours will help you make sure everyone is OK during an emergency, you will be able to share resources and support each other, plus it’s a good excuse to have a flat warming!

Buying food each week can already be a struggle, but remember Rome wasn’t built in a day. Buy a couple of items each week as a flat and store it in a dry, cool place. This will build up your kit over time without making you skimp on the important things like coffee and avocados.

Time to score some numbers Have a copy (both digital and written) of your flatties phone numbers, a work contact for them and one of their family members. This will help you get in touch if you’re not together when an emergency hits.

Build a water supply using your own containers.

It is recommended you have enough water for seven days (or 20 litres per

person per day).

Save your plastic soft drink or old glass alcohol bottles, these are good to use. Don’t use milk bottles as they can have bacteria from protein even after washing!

Ask your family Parents and family often have a bunch of extra stuff they might not be using and might be willing to donate to you such as torches, sleeping bags, radios, blankets etc.

Organise a time to go around and look through things together. This will help you talk through your plan with them, so they are in the know.

The Joint Centre for Disaster Research explores the impacts of disasters on communities and is a joint venture between Massey University and GNS Science, New Zealand's leading provider of earth, geoscience and isotope research and consultancy services.

* An emergency hub is a pre-identified space for the community to coordinate their support efforts during and after a disaster. Hubs are located at local primary schools, community centres and other community gathering spaces.

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COLUMN

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Hi there, I have been living in my flat for the last year and recently I realised I have a crush on one of my flatmates. Should I tell him how I feel or stay quiet about the whole thing?

Help me!

Well in my time I have come across a lot of issues, but nothing as serious as this! My advice is to think about how you feel, think of both the benefits and the negatives of telling them. Remember that you must live with this person and things could get quite difficult with the flat dynamics if you don’t get the answer you hope for. On the other hand, it would be all butterflies and love hearts if they said yes! It is up to you in the end but have a think before you drop the bomb – GC

To put it simply, I have recently moved to Palmerston North for my first year of my aviation degree, however on the drive up from Shannon, I consumed quite a rough fish curry and I have the shits, quite badly may I add.

I need to go, but I don’t want to fuck up the toilet in my twin share apartment in the halls.

What should I do?

Well fuck you are in a shitter of a predicament. You say you’re from Shannon, well there is your first problem.

You’re lucky you are only moving to Palmy, because I don’t think you would be able to adjust to life in a respectable part of the country! Now fish curry. Why the fuck wouldn't you opt for a Butter C, if I were you I would just go shit out your window on to some freshers walking past. You need to have stories like this for the grand kids, start making shit happen – BC

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FEATURE

SCREENSHOT

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Column

Lit Fam or Shit Scam?

Bitcoin Writer: Kasharn Rao

This year is upon us, and already it is shaping up to be a good year. After the shit storm that was 2016, it seems humanity needed a full year to recover. 2017 gave us a new government with very shiny teeth, and new technologies that seem vaguely reminiscent of Black Mirror. For some this was a positive change, for others it’s been kinda meh. Regardless, we seem to have exited limbo, now the world is ready for a year where hopefully none of our favourite celebrities will die or turn out to be sex predators.

to, I promise I won’t be late to the funeral.

Perhaps you are starting your first year at Massey, if so, welcome aboard.

You’ll learn to drop any hobbies or gym memberships in favour of eating balanced meals seven days a week, which you’ll then drop in favour of making rent.

Is Bitcoin Lit Fam, or a Shit Scam?

If you’re going into your second year, I urge you to make looking after yourself a priority, as the step up can take quite a toll. Spend lots of time with friends, leave the house every so often, and try to get some sleep before 4am every once in a while.

That leaves us with the sallow-faced veterans, trudging into their third year with weary legs. Make sure you don’t get attached to anyone or anything or you’ll suffer in every way imaginable. You’re nearly at the end, keep on swimming. For those of you who have a fourth year to look forward

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Or maybe I will be, now that I’m a Bitcoin billionaire.

We’re starting this column off by reviewing the one thing that social media can’t shut up about. I’m not going to go into much detail about how the currency works, because any twat can Google that. I’ll give a brief explanation for the lambs who haven’t heard of it, but mostly I’m here to share my experience with you, and come to the ultimate conclusion.

Maybe you’ve never heard of it. If so, Imagine money, but like, not real. It’s a digital currency that exists outside the control of any banks or third parties, created solely for peer to peer transactions. You buy virtual coins and store them in a virtual wallet.

When you trade with these coins, the exchange is recorded on a ledger that’s not pinned down to one device, so it’s impossible to trace, yada yada.

It all started with a guy who didn’t like the government and decided they should keep their mitts off people’s money, so he created a new currency for online trading.

Why all the fuss? When it first came to be in 2009, 1 Bitcoin (BTC) was worth less than a dollar. One of the first transactions was used to buy two pizzas from Papa John’s for 10,000

BTC. Let’s say you were the seller of the pizza, zoom forward nearly 10 years, know how much that 10,000 BTC is worth in NZD now?

Over $137 Million.

“Damn, how can I get me some of this?”

You think, letting the stress of living in an apocalyptic economy wash away, replaced with dreams of all the smashed avocado you can stuff inside yourself.

Unfortunately, the whole cryptocurrency thing is extremely volatile, like Monday mornings after being woken up at 3am for the past two weeks by the guttural sounds that seep from your flatmates room due to their new hookup. The prices notoriously climb and nosedive, and the whole system is loaded with scammers. Some businesses have been known to shut down completely with no warning, causing mythic losses of money.

Is it worth investing?

I decided I would stake my life savings, which at the time was approximately $5.17 into this snazzy Bitcoin thing, and see if I ended up in Morocco drinking aged wine out of a gold goblet, laughing at the peasants from my castle top sauna (or whatever rich people do these days).

After researching different methods of acquiring Bitcoin in New Zealand, with some genuine help mixed with nihilistic piss-taking from Vic Deals, I came to the conclusion that investing $5 into any cryptocurrency was going to:

massive Cost me over triple the amount in transaction and handling fees, Give some cheeky scammer enough for a snack combo.

Force me into a scheme involving regular payments to some corporate shill (Kind of like the housing situation right now).

Not attracted to my options, I dug further to find an alternative, preferably one that wouldn’t leave me bankrupt.

The first thing I came across was called ‘Advanced Bitcoin Simulator.’

It didn’t cost me any real money, but I became fairly certain the whole thing was some kind of joke when virtualme bit a government regulator then had an existential crisis.

I couldn’t let it end there, so I kept researching, eventually I found an online program that provides you with a faux market based on real time data. This was the closest I was going to get to the real thing, plus I was able to communicate and trade with other delightful sellers such as ‘Adolf Bitler’ and ‘RancidDiddle4.’

I signed up, collected $10,000 of monopoly money, and began investing. The current BTC price was resting at about $10,000. I bought 0.9 BTC, then spent most of it buying other currencies. I don’t know much about economics, other than if you print more money, someone in Zimbabwe has a heart attack. But I know that if you invest in something that will cost more later, you’ll make profit.

I chose Etherium Classic because I heard about it online and love jumping on bandwagons, Stellar because it was currently rising by about 11 per cent, Litecoin because it was cheap and dropping slightly, and Ether because the graph showed a steady growth in price rather than the crazy jagged array that the others had.

I hypothesized that if I sold at the right time I could reap the benefits of the spike that Stellar was having, Litecoin would experience a sudden increase considering it had jumped and dived unpredictably in the past, Ether seemed to reward playing the long game.

With the hypothesis hypothesized and the investments invested, I sat down with a pack of chippies and my girlfriend’s Netflix account and proceeded to play the waiting game.

Flashforward one week, and it’s time to bring up my portfolio.

Oh geez, Rick.

I’ve never been so simultaneously wrong and right. I hit the nail on

“I signed up, collected $10,000 of monopoly money, and began investing.” the head with Litecoin, it jumped up unexpectedly by 25.8 per cent, netting me about a quarter of what I invested in profit. However, it curtailed the complete opposite direction with Ether, which threw its flawless track record out the window and plummeted. Etherium and Stellar remained pretty much the same.

Bitcoin itself had hummed and hahed before deciding it would drop a bit (intended) and stay there.

I decided to take advantage of the profit I had gained from Litecoin, and cut my losses with the other currencies, so I converted it all back to BTC and attempted to sell it. But this program was determined to be irritatingly realistic and made me wait days for my order to process, and in that time Bitcoin shrank faster than National’s collective erection when they realised Winston Peters prefers red velvet to blue cheese.

I ended my adventure with a grand total of $8221. I had lost $1779 to transactional fees, market crashes, and perhaps a smidge of bad economic planning, but I made up for it with a valuable lesson.

Bitcoin is an unpredictable mess that will rob you through fees and doesn’t keep it’s rising prices long enough for you to even get your profit back.

There are other currencies available, but they’re essentially to Bitcoin what Mega-Bloks is to Lego. I’m glad I didn’t stoke my precious $5.17 on this scam because then I’d be starving right now instead of enjoying this crispy value Hawaiian.

I’m sure if you know stuff about money then you could make a buck or two, but to be honest there’s not a lot you can do to control the fluctuations.

We are theoretically speaking about a longer term investment but from what I’ve seen that makes no difference.

The best way to make money from this is simply to have been there at the right time, when it was making its debut and it was cheap as chips.

Even then it was still risky, as your investments could go haywire at any time and your cash could end up goneburgers for no reason. But if you had managed to escape the scammers and the meltdowns, you could be living in Morocco right now. But you’re not, are you? You’re sitting here reading this, because like every hardworking youth right now, you’re out there to build a life for yourself. You’re here to learn skills, make connections, and change the world.

There’s no easy way to success, especially not through Bitcoin. But there is a way, and it’s through allnighters, lots of emails, good times with mates, and having the courage to get out and have a go.

In conclusion, I give Shitcoin a total rating of 1/5 Papa John’s Pizzas, therefore a Shit Scam.

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REVIEWS

Movie Review Lady Bird

TV Show Review The end of the f**king world

Christine “Lady Bird” (Saoirse Ronan) comes from the “wrong side of the tracks,” which is not just a metaphor, and has a struggling relationship with her mother Marion (Laurie Metcalf).

It’s the classic coming of age high school story with a twist: the pubescent teenage James (Alex Lawther) is an emotionally numb psychopath. And he’s ready to kill.

Dramatic, foul-mouthed Alyssa (Jessica Barden) spots him across the crowded lunchroom as he’s noticeably different, just like her. So they run off together, after punching his dad and stealing his car, of course.

They each have big personalities and find it hard to both fit in the same room. Written and directed by the talented Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird is a charming film that beautifully portrays the roller coaster of ups and downs that is teenage-dom. It discusses issues such as societal class in the United States, sexuality and mental health in a down to Earth way.

The film also manages to deal with the typical teenage experience – from boys to alcohol to family and back to boys again – highly reminiscent of my adolescent period. It is melancholic and realistic when it needs to be, while jubilant at times.

This family is cast with an array of brilliant actors alongside purposeful direction paired with great cinematography, bringing the story to life on the big screen. I’d recommend this film to anyone who has ever been a teenager, but especially to the mother daughter duos that still go to the movies together: it’s bound to make you giggle – Emma

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She’s falling in love, while he’s sharpening his knife intent to kill her; it’s a crazy ride of a season. At a succinct eight episodes, it is a short but powerful watch that says all it needs to. The show starts off bright and comedic but as it goes on, it evolves, becoming bleaker, with a large amount of dark humour and gloomy themes, ultimately ending on a thought-provoking cliffhanger.

It manages to be precisely filmed and superbly acted television, with commendation to the whole cast especially Barden and Lawther who play their characters out perfectly. Besides an aversion to violence, the only reasonable barrier to watching The End of the F**king World is a lack of Netflix connection – and even that is no excuse – Emma

COLUMN

Booked In: Chapter One All the Light we Cannot See

Greetings, fair reader! Booked In is back in for 2018, with your host—me!

(Peri). This year, we’ll be getting up close and personal with books that have received attention at some point in time, whether it be in the form of social media discussion, sales, awards, or even controversy.

First up to the plate is Anthony Doerr’s international hit, All the Light We Cannot See. Set in World War II Europe, the novel consists of short, vignette-like chapters telling the stories of Marie-Laure LeBlanc, the blind daughter of a master locksmith in Paris, and Werner Pfennig, a brilliant orphan in a coal-mining town in west Germany.

The book opens, however, late in the war, during the Allies’ attack on the French city of Saint-Malo to drive out Nazi troops. Marie-Laure has lived there with her great uncle since fleeing Paris years earlier, and Werner is there on special assignment as a radio expert for the German army. The bulk of the novel switches between time frames and perspectives to gradually paint the full picture of the lives the characters have lived, and how they’ve arrived at this fateful day in Saint-Malo.

Trying to describe All the Light We Cannot See makes me realise that it’s a difficult book to describe. Nonlinear and beautifully written, Doerr’s main focus is not on the causal plot line

involving a potentially cursed and extremely valuable gemstone, but on the personal journeys of his two young protagonists. It’s fine by me, since I’m a sucker for character-driven narratives, and I cared about Marie-Laure and Werner right off the bat. I mean, she’s blind, and he’s a prodigal engineer whose only hope of not being a coal miner is to endure Nazi military school.

What’s not to like?

I’m a bit late to the party on this one, since All the Light We Cannot See (great title, by the way) was published in 2014. Since then, it’s received a slew of accolades, including over two years on the New York Times Best Seller list, and the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.

I enjoyed it immensely, and even shed a tear or two—it’s World War II, of course it’s tragic—so I’d say the acclaim is deserved. The descriptive, flowing prose is the focus of much praise. I was impressed by how Doerr handled the challenge of a blind character, building scenes with scents, sensations, and synesthetic evocations of colour.

While I think the expressive prose and nonlinearity may not suit every reader’s taste, All the Light We Cannot See tells an engaging story, and I definitely recommend at least giving it a chance.

I’m glad I did.

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COLUMN

Your Asstrology with ASSTROLL the Mystic “If it doesn’t apply to you, it’s your fault for being born in that sign...”

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19 You will be alive this week. Unless you aren’t, then you will be dead.

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23 You will exchange money for goods and or services at some point this week.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20 You will poop a minimum of six times this week.

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23 You will have a vivid sex dream about Bill English on Thursday night.

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 You will be in a bad mood on Wednesday, in no small part due to reading this and the power of self-fulfilling prophecies.

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23 You will use a pen at some point this week.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 When you see a bird, you will know. Trust me, you will know.

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Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 23 Inside your skull is, among other things, a brain. Well done.

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23 Remember to drink water. As a Cancer, you will need it to live.

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22 You are *such* a Ravenclaw. Or Hufflepuff. Or Slytherin. Or Gryffindor. Omg that is so you lololol.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21 You have class this week. I recommend you go.

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20 You flick through Massive at some point after the publishing date of this issue.

COLUMN

From the

Prez

Kia ora whanau! Ready. Set. Go. The party’s over now and we’re into it. Or is it?

I want to challenge the idea that life stops after orientation. Rather, it’s the starting point for us to give back and change our communities. Class reps are just one way to do that. We’ve all seen the long awkward silence as noone volunteers in class. So why should we care?

Being a class rep isn’t about being popular, being a teacher’s pet, or being that serial over achiever. It’s about changing our leaning conditions for the better, and it’s about making our voices heard.

Class reps make a difference. One legendary class rep even convinced her lecturer to bring hot drinks to 8am lectures for their class. And yes, class reps can also work to improve things like breaks and teaching methods. The free MUSA parties and reference for your CV aren’t too shabby either.

The party is just getting started. Make the most of it, get involved, and become a class rep. Contact Uli at sec@ musa.org.nz to be on board. Always feel free to drop by us at MUSA or to say hi to share your latest thoughts.

Give it heaps,

Ben

COOL BEANS Spanish Breakfast Looking for a way to add some flavour to your day? Want to use up those basic AF potatoes from the night before? Well look no further, this recipe is sure to get you feelin’ spicy.

It’s quick to throw together and can stand in as breakfast, lunch or dinner. Having it as is makes it dairy, egg, gluten and nut free for those with allergies, and can easily be made vegan by removing the chorizo and replacing it with another plant-based protein. It’s also great with a fried egg on top for added protein.

– 2 tbsp of olive oil (or any vegetable oil) – 1 tsp minced garlic – 1 finely chopped onion – 1 finely chopped capsicum – 2 chorizo sausages (I use the Hellers Spicy Chorizo 4pk) – 1 cup diced pre-boiled potatoes (best to use potatoes cooked the previous day) – 1 tsp cumin powder – 1 tsp coriander powder – finely chopped spring onion for garnish

Combine finely chopped onion, capsicum, garlic and oil in a pan on medium to high heat and sauté until soft and golden.

Add in cumin and coriander and mix to coat. Throw in the diced potatoes and the chorizo and cook until potatoes are crispy, usually about 15 minutes, stirring every few minutes or so. Once crispy edges have been achieved, prepare a bed of Spanish greens to place the potato mixture on. Garnish with spring onions and a fried egg if desired.

– spinach

NOTE: Potatoes for this recipe must be pre-boiled and left for at least a few hours, ideally over night to dry out so they can become as crispy and golden brown as possible.

51

PUZZLES

Are you smarter than a UNIVERSITY STUDENT? Clue: The answer is YES. We hope.

Jack tells Jill, "This isn't the $5 bill you left on the the table. I found it between pages 15 and 16 of Harry Potter."

Jill retorts, "You're lying and I can prove it." How did Jill know?

Two men went to a pet store to buy a puppy. The first man paid $10 and the clerk asked him if he would like a poodle, a labrador, or a golden retriever. The man chose a poodle.

The other man gave the clerk $10.

The clerk gave the man a golden retriever. How did the clerk know what the man wanted?

A tennis ball has rolled its way down into a hole. This particular hole is extremely deep and has a sharp bend in the middle, making the ball impossible to retrieve by hand. The ground around the hole is made of hard clay, so digging the ball out isn’t an option.

What could you use to get the ball out?

Can you SUDOKU? One is easy, one is hard. Which is which? We caught you off guard.

Water. Pour water in the hole and it will float to the top for you to get.

Harry Potter, like all other books, has oddnumbered pages on the right. Therefore, pages 15 and 16 are the front and back of a single page, and nothing could have been found between them.

52

The prices for the dogs were: Poodle $8, Labrador $9, Golden Retriever $10. The first man put down a $10 bill so he could chose what he wanted. The second man put down $10, one $5 bill and five $1 bills therefore the clerk knew what the man wanted.

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