Massive Magazine Manawatū Issue 02 2020 by Massive Magazine

Massive

The Care Issue

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Contents NEWS

FEATURES

Massive’s got the scoop on what’s happening on (and off) Massey campuses nationwide.

Front and centre, our features investigate and probe at the issues or topics of the moment. Have a gander.

ARTIST FEATURES In each issue we shine the spotlight on a talented student and their portfolio. It could be you in the next issue!

OPINION This is the spot for all creative writing, thought pieces and anything else that makes you cock your head.

Laura Macdonald

HUMOUR Take a break from assignments, lectures and flat dramas. Have a giggle - or an eye roll - at our Humour section.

REGULARS The classics - The Unlonely Woman, Suffrage, Salivate, Blind Date and the rest all live on these back pages. We understand if you skip straight to them.

Casey Sheard

editor@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3765

Image credit: Sarah Saunders. Altered by Massive.

Harry Weise

Massivemagazine.org.nz ISSN-2253-5918 (Print) ISSN-2253-5926 (Online). This publication is printed using environmentally friendly inks and paper, the paper which is FSC© certified and from responsible forests, is manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems. Massive Magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

massive@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3765 Caitlin Barlow-Groome manager@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3763 Dani Molloy (Albany) Aryaman Parulkar (Manawatū) Tyler Hambleton (Wellington) Chantelle de Boer, Tess Patrick, Tui Lou Christie, Connie Sellers, Todd Murray, Bella Bolter, Tessa Guest, Sarah Saunders

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This Massive Magazine subject to NZ Media Council procedures. A complaint must first be directed in writing, within one month of publication, to the Massive Magazine email address. If not satisfied with the response, the complaint may be referred to the Media Council P O Box 10-879, The Terrace, Wellington 6143. Or use the online complaint form at www. mediacouncil.org.nz

The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive Magazine do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, Albany Students’ Association (ASA), Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA), Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA), Extramural Students’ Association, or the Massive editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive. Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@mawsa.org.nz. Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response from Massive, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz.

Editorial Who cares? There are hundreds of answers to that question and not one of them is ‘nobody’.

But when you live hours from your family, your flatmates are riding you about cleaning the bathroom and lecturers keep force feeding you assignments, it’s easy to sometimes feel like nobody cares. I assure you that somebody does, they’re likely just consumed by the daily drag of being an adult (80% of which is spent in a vicious cycle of buying groceries then eating them, and wearing clothes then washing them). This means the only person left to actively care about you on a daily basis is you. My self-care routine, for example, involves screaming in my car on the side of the road and assuring my mum that I don’t need counselling. Yours, however, should probably look a little different. Dani Molloy has those bases covered on pages 16 and 17. If you think you need a little more TLC than a piece of fruit and some sunlight provides, Massey’s student health and counselling services go pretty hard. They provide subsidised GP visits and free counselling, as well as offering impaired performance/aegrotats if shit hits the fan before an exam. They’re pretty good at drop ins if you need them, too. I, for example, once went into anaphylactic shock after mistaking codeine for panadol - shout out to Health and Counselling on the Manawatu campus for deflating my face. In a nutshell, there’s always someone out there that cares. Try and stockpile a few close friends, family members and mental health experts that’ll empathise when you’re down. Just don’t include that boy from City Court who wants you to come over for cuddles to cheer u up haha ;)

–Laura Macdonald

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News

The Digital Plus strategy will see many courses taught online. Credit: Laura Macdonald

By Tyler Hambleton Massey University has announced ‘Digital Plus’ plans to streamline courses across campuses in a move to “future-proof” the university in years to come.

ultimately cut costs within the three to five year timeframe of the Digital Plus framework.

high quality”.

MUSA president Stefan Biberstein released a statement highlighting the students association’s position, saying, “The associations believe that the absence of consultation with the student body and its representatives in the preceding two years, is a fundamental failure of managerial responsibility at the highest level.”

The move towards Digital Plus and a more online based learning environment will see students who are based in Wellington having to either travel to complete their courses or make the shift to an online learning platform.

made by Massive.

This notions plans to downsize and

that is both financially sustainable and of

Thomas also mentioned in the staff forum in late February that Digital Plus Within this period, Massey will appoint is here to stay and that the university will This means that face-to-face teaching certain subjects to what they are calling not be diverting their direction on the and learning may cease to exist at certain ‘anchor campuses’. This will see the controversial framework. campuses as the university works towards centralisation of staff around the country Thomas could not be reached for to two or potentially one main hub. a more online based learning platform. comment, despite numerous attempts A petition has also been set up online by a group of Albany based scientists, which challenges Chancellor Michael Ahie to ‘immediately withdraw the discussion document to minimise damage to Stefan also commented on this shift Massey’s community, reputation and saying, “To save money, they’re either income.’ going to have to force staff to move, fire The petition also calls for a restructure MAWSA president Jacob Paterson them and also force students to move or within Massey’s senior leadership team agreed with Stefan saying, “This is a big quit to continue their degrees.” and at the time this story went to print the university decision and Massey hasn’t Massey’s Vice Chancellor Jan Thomas petition had garnered 5,100 signatures. consulted students, where this is a huge said, “All of the work we have been doing impact to its students, their courses and in the last few years is coming together in livelihood, that is not acceptable.” a way that will position us well for a future

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The 2020 ASA Executive. Credit: Stephanie Greenfield

By Dani Molloy

government’s fees-free first year policy and the introduction of the ‘Thursdays in Black’ movement which raised awareness for the issue of sexual health violence on Provided this notice is not rescinded tertiary campuses. in the next 12 months, the ASA will no NZUSA’s funding decreased significantly longer be Associate Members of NZUSA after the passing of the Voluntary Student Membership bill in 2011. This bill meant from 2021 onwards. Current ASA president, Dallin Niuelua, that student association membership stated that the ASA “didn’t undertake this was no longer automatic for university students and that students instead had to process lightly.” voluntarily choose to be members of their Niuelua explained that the 2020 Executive university’s student association. team had lots of meetings over the and also included last year’s executive team in The passing of the Voluntary Student Membership bill caused NZUSA to the process. rely heavily on their full members and NZUSA is a collective of student associate members for funding. associations that includes both ASA and the Manawatū campus’ student This year, the cost for the ASA to be association MUSA. NZUSA facilitates associate members of NZUSA this year pro-student campaigns that advocate for was $6,000. This cost is expected to the collective concerns of New Zealand steadily increase each year. Earlier this year, the Albany Student Association (ASA) submitted a 12-months’ notice document to the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA).

“We’re all under very, very tight budgets. We don’t get money from the university to pay these fees. They are coming out of our budget and fees have been going up every year.” “We feel that money could be better spent elsewhere, for the students on the ground. The money can go towards better events and we can put more into our advocacy work in order to help students.” While full members and associate members of NZUSA possess voting rights at the NZUSA’s Annual General Meeting and can voice their opinion on what NZUSA’s future goals should be, Niuelua felt that a lot of these goals occurred, “behind the scenes.” “It’s more the long-term the stuff that they do – like they’re playing chess and we’re playing checkers,” he said.

“Our job is to help make the student “It was no longer financially viable for the experience the best it can be for Albany Some of the organisation’s previous ASA to stay members for many reasons,” students. The ASA has the students’ best interests at heart.” successes have included the Labour said Niuelua. students.

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The Wellbeing Hub has taken over the space opposite the library. Credit: Laura Macdonald

By Laura Macdonald Massey University’s Student Health is in the final stages of launching a centre on the Wellington campus that will focus on promoting and improving student wellbeing. The centre, dubbed the ‘wellbeing hub’ has taken over the Bennett’s bookshop space opposite the library and will boast sensory features like coloured lighting, calming music and custom furnishings.

The opening of the wellbeing hub is part of Student Health’s health promotion strategy, which involves working towards erasing the stigma behind mental health. “The premise is that mental health isn’t embarrassing; it’s a deliberate move to have it down in the main foyer so that people can just pop in and it’s not seen as a ‘hide in the corner’ type of thing,” said Radovanovich.

thinks the hub will be “a great focal point for students.” Because of the other two campuses different layout, Rivers says they haven’t yet considered where a similar wellness centre might work.

“But I would certainly hope that we can explore that in the future; but in the meantime Wellington students get to be the recipients of a new space and hopefully Campus Operations Manager Leanne Student Health is hopeful that the the positivity that comes out of it will help Radovanovich says the hub will also wellness hub will be open in the next few us do something equally as positive on the host a range of workshops on stress weeks and are waiting on final lighting to other two campuses.” management, anxiety, transitioning, be installed as well as custom furnishings Student Health currently supports to be created. meditation and more. students by offering subsidised GP “Plus there’ll be time during the day where it will be just chill, and it’s just a place to get students to be calm; there’ll be beanbags, lot of cushions, there’ll be colouring and mindful things that people can actually do – have some playdough, whatever!”

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“[It] will be a prototype, we’re not rushed in opening it because we want to make sure it’s got everything that we need in there. The hope is that we’ll then move onto the other two campuses.”

visits, free counselling, online self-help resources and more.

For more information on Student Health or to enrol, visit the clinic on the third floor of Block 9 or call 04 979 3030 (extn Wellness Services Manager Terry Rivers 63030).

By Matt Shand – Massive Magazine Founding Editor 2012

A vital piece of Massive’s history was lost late last year when designer Cameron Cornelius, the graphic designer and artist who named the publication, passed away after a battle with a rare illness. This is a small tribute to a talented designer, artist and human being.

added the unintentional, but kept-for- Warhammer having been a fan of the art humour, emphasis on the “Ass” of the style in the hobby. Often he talked about setting up a Necromunda or Mordheim masthead. His motto of the day was “All Style, No game between the Massive Magazine Talent” but he always did sell himself desks when we had downtime. short. Happy to let others take the Unfortunately, there was never time. But he did realise his employment dreams and limelight. Outside of his graphic design talent was land the job. I was happy for him, and not his personable talent to get the best out surprised he found success.

“The magazine can be whatever it wants, so long as it’s cool,” Cam had said around of someone or the best out of their ideas. 2011 as the bones of this new student And deliver sharp-witted jabs whenever magazine were being put together over needed. many late nights. Most of the innovations that showcase “There is a lot at Massey that the art, and not just writing, stemmed from magazines do not get to show off. Like the this passion. He would try and pair arts, creativity and talent. It’s Massive.” artists up with writers to illustrate works. He was right. And the name stuck. After Magneto Magazine, Wellington’s Suddenly this weird resistance movement precursor to Massive, did some famous, to fight voluntary student membership- street-artist-alumni a solid favour, it was inspired cutbacks by expanding instead of his idea to get them to do the cover art retreating had its name. which led to the infamous “White Cover” Once we said it, everything clicked. It was from BMD. real. It was happening. It was going to be This led to some competition in the street bold, different and boundary-pushing. It scene to land a cover. was going to be Massive. But not without Again, his advice was: “Do whatever you much more work from Cam. want. So long as it’s cool.” When we needed a logo, like yesterday, As the year wrapped up he talked he made one. Oakland Raiders font after about wanting to get work working for an NFL team he liked. The time pressure

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In 2019 he returned to New Zealand ready to take on a new challenge at Weta Workshop. We can only wonder what works of arts he would have given life to during is time there. Cam, thank you for all your humour, style and talent when we were putting this Massive beast together and keeping everyone creative. You had a knack of getting the best out of everyone and anything. You never sought attention for your work and endeavours, but I hope you will forgive this one piece of publicity and praise for the work you did and the creativity you inspire. Massive would not have existed without your input and it was all the better for knowing you. Like everyone you met. Vale.

TIPPING POINT

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Skips lined up at Southern Landfill in Brooklyn, Wellington. Credit: Tyler Hambleton

New Zealand thrives off its clean and green image in terms of tourism and more. This is ever more prevalent within the more progressive Wellington region. But hordes of tourists and New Zealanders alike ascend on the city each year and the effects they have on the capital’s infrastructure may be felt in years to come. The Southern Landfill is almost at tipping point and is expected to be full by 2024; the city council plans to extend it are almost in full-swing. As consumers who are keen to minimise waste, we must be critical of how well New Zealand based businesses really manage their waste - otherwise the power will continue to reside in the latter’s hands. We’ve all seen the blue, yellow and red bins located around the city within eateries, at train stations and at other various locations. I’m sure we’ve all also misused these bins, sometimes on purpose and sometimes on accident. If the general public misuses these different bins then businesses and corporations around the greater

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Wellington region most likely misuse their own too. This issue is present on board KiwiRail’s Interislander ships. The ships carry travellers from the port of Wellington to the picturesque port of Picton. Whilst travelling on the Interislander, tourists get to experience New Zealand’s scenic offerings at their finest. However, they don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes and below the deck. We sat down with an employee of the company who chose to stay anonymous due to employment concerns. The source observed the wrongdoings of the supposed clean and green New Zealand company who states the following on their website; ‘We are working to establish waste reduction targets across the business and identify real opportunities to minimise waste to landfill and support the evolution of a circular economy.’ The source, however, said, “There was expired food, which was wastage. There

was also food that was a couple days out that was fine for consumption; they just threw it straight in the trash. There’s no real recycling process for the food wastage, it’s all into landfill.” Our source also commented that the majority of food products were either fully wrapped in plastic or partially covered with a cardboard box and a plastic ‘window like’ element. When reached for comment, a spokesperson for the Interislander disagreed with our source’s claims. However, they did mention how their ‘organic’ food waste has in the past been dumped into the Cook Strait. On the bright side, local Wellington business Garage Project has created roles to combat wastage and more. The company splits their rubbish into separate bins, this includes organic waste, recycling, general waste and e-waste. They also use reusable containers for their chemicals, recently implementing a trial with reusable eco-store containers within their Wellington sites.

In turn this would take the strain off our land, waterways and oceans. Larger businesses are in need of an attitude change in regards to sustainability We asked what drove Steve's passion for before this can happen. This attitude change would not only sustainability within the workplace. benefit our environment, but the “For the business we see a lot of well-being of New Zealanders too. benefits to it. It’s good for our staff, who’re happier working for somewhere Our future generations are working to reverse the effects of global warming that is more sustainable. They see already, so why not give them a head we’re making an effort, we convey that message loud and clear. It helps, it’s also start! We sat down with the sustainability ambassador Steve Almond to see how the business differs to others in the capital.

becoming part of our brand”.

He also highlighted the potential for Garage Project to make more of a difference in years to come. He said, “We’re getting bigger, so it is easier to make some changes. If you’re small and you start when you’re small you can continue to grow in that way”. If more businesses in Wellington and around New Zealand implemented similar strategies towards a more circular economy, we could see organic waste and general waste diverted from our landfills, along with creating jobs across multiple industries.

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So, wherever you get the chance to recycle, use organic bins and separate your rubbish on a whole, take the chance. If you notice your workplace is operating in an unsustainable manner, complain to your bosses; silence doesn’t drive change.

SELF-CARE SCAM

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With a bath full of bubbles and a bottle full of bubbly, it’s easy to feel like you are the epitome of self-care. Even if you haven’t handed in an assignment all year, or eaten a vegetable since 2019 – you’re wearing a Lush face mask so you are a self-care queen!

critical skill in a university student’s life as second-year psychology student, Claudia Christensen, explains.

This is the self-care façade we are being fed by social media. Instagram sponsorships promoted by Victoria Secret models are convincing followers that a juice cleanse will wash away the emotional trauma that they’ve been suppressing since 2013.

“Getting exercise, enough sleep, eating right and looking after your mental well-being means that you will maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and increase your self-esteem.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Self-care is often a lot less glamourous than Instagram would have you believe. Real self-care means eating breakfast instead of just grabbing a coffee and exercising regularly instead of scrolling through your feed. Real self-care can also mean reaching out for professional advice when everything feels like too much. Learning to maintain your own wellbeing and perform real self-care is a

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“Self-care is an extremely important practice to learn, especially at university because nobody is going to do it for you,” she said.

“So when Mum told you when you were young to go sit in the sun and eat fruit, she was onto something.” Jasmine Rae, a Residential Assistant for Massey University’s Albany campus, frequently sees University students getting overworked and overwhelmed so she chimed in to Claudia’s sentiments. “Self-care is one of those things that a lot of people think they are doing already,” Jasmine explained, “But suddenly, you are so worked up from academic and personal stress that you take a look at yourself and realise that

you haven’t been putting your own wellbeing first.” Both Jasmine and Claudia identified that social media’s inclination towards idealistic self-care images may be doing more damage than good. “In the world we live in today, it is all about Instagram,” Claudia said. “Instagram has given us all of these ideologies about how to take care of ourselves. These ideas involve slapping on that $80 face mask that’s only 15% off with your first purchase.” “Self-care is deeper than your skin. It’s about taking care of your mind, body and soul. It’s about opening up and letting people in,” she continued. “All of these things are what keeps you going at university, especially when times get tough and exams get stressful.” Jasmine also pointed out the importance of seeking professional advice when everything is too much for you to handle by yourself. “Seeing a counsellor or a psychologist

never, ever means you have problems or that there is something wrong with you,” she said. “It means that you have so much pent up that you want to talk to someone who can empathise with your situation.” Massey University’s counselling services are free and a lot of GPs, outside of the University, will be able to recommend cost-effective therapy services for students. Even if you don’t feel like you need therapy, just looking at self-care through the lens of making a daily decision to put yourself first may be a step on the road to real self-care. Self-care, along with many other things, is not what is seen on Instagram. Unfortunately, real self-care is a lot less glossy – but nobody would double tap a picture of me crying in the therapy chair. So while a bottle of wine and a Noah Centineo movie every once in a while is an excellent idea, it’s important to make sure that you’re mixing this in with a healthy fistful of regulated, realistic self-care practice. And please eat some vegetables.

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THE FINE ART OF ESCAPING Picton Edition

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There’s something about escaping the humdrum of daily life that replenishes the soul in a special kind of way. A dose of fresh country air sweetens the lungs, and one’s ears can be blessed by the sound of music that mysteriously seems to drift from the hills. Recently, a few friends and I took a semi-spontaneous trip on the Bluebridge ferry, otherwise known as the Jetstar of Cook Strait crossers. Our destination was the thriving metropolis of Picton, where we were to camp for two nights. University was just around the corner, and we needed one last alluring hint of summer to propel us into the semester. A short trip across the ocean and change of scenery was all it took to escape the perils of minimum wage jobs and Wellington’s rainy summer, and we were smitten with such a swap. The trip had a splendid start, when we met a charming French-speaking boy from Belgium on the ferry. “I want to direct,” the 19 year old aptly stated. He’d already had enough experience in front of the camera as a theatre major in high school, and it showed - this floppy-haired Timothee Chalamet lookalike seemed to have strolled straight off the set of a feature film. But travel was on the agenda before his career dreams were lived out, and New Zealand, infamous for its remoteness was naturally at the top of the destination list. Three hours with our new friend Romaine were spent marvelling at the South Island’s Northernmost Sounds, whilst we continually failed

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to communicate through a language barrier. An especially embarrassing exchange went something like this: “The French language is very beautiful,” Romaine exclaimed, to which I responded, “yes, but very wet!”, referring to the weather that I thought he was talking about. We’d only travelled a mere 100 kilometres from Wellington, and already, our looming commitments were a distant memory. Upon arrival in Picton and a heartbreaking split with Romaine, we began the journey to our D.O.C. campsite, where circumstances rapidly slipped downhill. The heavens had opened, and the grounds had become one big muddy puddle. But hope was around the corner. The rain slowed, and the puddle seeped into the ground. Our tent was up in no time, and we were in for a cosy first night. We had the gas cooker pumping, and even enjoyed some drinks from the luxury of a cooking pot (how was I meant to remember a mug??) We woke up to sunshine on Saturday, and fuelled ourselves with Pictonstandard coffee and ice cream before setting off on the day’s adventures. It was a day filled with many “oohs” and “aahs”, as we traipsed our way through the Sounds, and explored the secluded coves to swim in.

As much as I’d love to say our little getaway ended on a high, it wasn’t smooth sailing by any stretch. We were rudely awakened from our carseat dreams at 5.30 the next morning, and we had to make an absolute break for it to make the 7.30 ferry. The Bluebridge wasn’t kind to us either, tossing us all over the show. Seasickness was in full swing. Alas, we made it back in one piece, rejuvenated by our time out of town, convinced that we were ready to face another year of two minute noodles and last minute assignments. So folks, if there’s anything to take from this, it’s that Picton is well worth a visit for the small town lovers out there. But it’s also that making a break for it is necessary for the soul to thrive, even if it means you have to sleep in a rental car or endure substandard small town coffee. An escape doesn’t always need to be a gals trip to Bali. Get on a bus, be it Metlink or Intercity, or get on a ferry, Bluebridge or Interislander. Heck, hop on a Jetstar flight. Do what you need to to escape from the usual scene, and figure it out from there. Your mind will be all the better for it.

All seemed well in the world, and we drifted quickly into sweet slumber - until, of course, the dreaded rain returned, forcing us quickly out of the tent and into the car, where we slept for the night.

A CULTURE CONSENT OF CONSENT

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Content warning: Sexual abuse “Why didn’t you just tell him to fuck off?” “I don’t know, it’s like I just froze.” This exchange is happening the morning after the night before in countless doorways, living rooms, backyards and drive-thrus across the country. And each person who mumbled their reply is wondering why they let him put his hand between their thighs or heave himself on top of them. It wasn’t rape, they know that. They never said no. So why do they feel so awful this morning? It’s happened to all of us in varying shades of unacceptability; minority groups muted by wandering hands at parties because we’re afraid of… what, exactly? Jody Burrell from Massey’s Student Health thinks it could be down to a cultural glitch. “We’ve been taught that it’s rude to say no; I think we grow up and we want to please people and do the right thing by being very agreeable.” But it can’t just be old-fashioned Kiwi manners that render us helpless against unwanted advances; there must be something else that turns your bones to ice when you feel a foreign flutter of fingertips in the dark. Burrell explains the fight or flight mechanism, which is when the brain releases a rush of adrenalin to help escape a dangerous situation. “You have this reflex inside of you that sets us up to save our own life. And that happens before we can even think about it, it’s this subconscious mechanism that keeps us safe.” So, what happens if you don’t fight the person lumbering over you, but you don’t run away from them either? Jody further explains how the mechanism works in conjunction with modern day anxiety, where the brain mistakes a situation for life and death and releases a shot of adrenalin. In this context, a lot of the time you just freeze. This made sense of why, in the past, I could feel the adrenalin

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stinging in my fingertips at parties One initiative working hard on such with strangers who smelt like beer and a task is Mates and Dates, run by ACC vomit and letting them kiss me anyway. in Wellington schools from years 9-13. The initiative aims to teach “One thing that’s helpful in that moment is just to take a deep breath – young people how to ‘have healthy relationships based on respect, so breath can help to really bring you negotiation and consent’, ‘identify back to the present moment. Then maybe you’re able to declare your needs inappropriate behaviour’ ‘get help if they, or someone they know, are in more clearly,” Jody said. an unhealthy relationship’ and ‘safely But Jody reinforced that breathing intervene in situations that could lead is not always a clear cut example for to harm.’ consent based responses. The statistics that fuel the reasoning “Sometimes you’re not in control behind the initiative are heartof that response during something breaking. According to their website, ‘1 traumatic,” she said. in 5 female and 1 in 10 male secondary “For example, abuse survivors often school students report unwanted freeze in response to touch because sexual contact or being made to do they have lost the right to control who unwanted sexual things; 37% describe touches their body in the past.” it as severe and 57% tell no-one.’ We also have to remember that “Young people do have sex so if we breaching consent isn’t always the have safe, open conversations then formula of boy hurts girl. Boys hurt we’re setting ourselves up a lot better,” boys and girls hurt boys. Matt’s* first said Jody. sexual experience wasn’t consensual, I think she’s right; the more we talk but he didn’t realise until a year about consent and reaffirm what we’re afterwards. comfortable with, the less we accept “It was this whole really awful, carnal what happens in the grey area when we thing… and I was just like ‘Oh, I guess don’t say no but we don’t say yes either. that’s what sex is, that’s what I have to My conversation with Jody cut loose an look forward to.’” experience I’d tied a stone to and let The fact that he thought being left in sink into the banks of my subconscious a bed that “looked like a crime scene” a long time ago. was normal has to be blamed on a lack I fake laughed and shuffled in my of education. seat and scoffed at how silly I was at Only a few years ago, sex education the time as I recounted it. I’m totally in schools was a scant framework of fine now, like it wasn’t a big deal! I heard explaining the mechanics and not myself telling her in an octave too much else. There was no fleshing it out high. I was frustrated with myself. by expanding on pleasure, or consent. After half an hour of positive talk But new education initiatives are around boundaries, validation and making their way into schools, and Jody consent, I still felt like I couldn’t give Burrell believes we’re making progress. myself permission to say that I’d been assaulted. “I try to focus on the little wins, even the things that are different from my But she told me that what happened to generation to my parent’s generation. me wasn’t okay, and that she was sorry. We’ve come so far, so let’s keep I sat back down at my desk afterwards, working on what we can do on a daily cracked jokes with the boys in the level that changes how we’re making office and tried to swallow the hard it okay for people to come forward; lump in my throat. let’s hold people accountable for their actions and set clear cultural standards We still have such a long way to go. on what is or isn’t okay.”

SARAH SAUNDERS Content warning: eating disorders

For this issue, we’re spotlighting 20-year-old photographer and creative, Sarah Saunders. “Over the course of the last nine months, I've been working on an ongoing series entitled 'Hunger' around eating disorders, and those who have experienced them,” Saunders told Massive. Through collecting photographs and interviews with a diverse range of subjects (male, LGBTQI+, larger people etc), I hoped to raise awareness around the subject and its complexities. I've had an amazing reception to the series, which I published online, and also as a zine.” You can find the rest of Saunders series ‘Hunger’ at: www.thehungerseries.tumblr.com

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Kitty: “It kind of started when I was seven, and I started dancing… It was just like being thrown into a room of naturally skinny white girls. I had a lot of baby fat, and my teachers started suggesting things – it was never like “oh, you need to lose weight,” but “maybe you should go for a run after class.” It just kind of went from there.. I wasn’t losing the weight, so they were just treating me like shit, and not really letting me compete or anything like that.

to be stick thin, white. When I was 14, I lost my cousin to a murder, and I was in my first relationship, which was very emotionally abusive. I didn’t want anyone to know. I wanted to come off as perfect and put together, I felt you had to be that way if you wanted to be accepted as a brown girl.

No one ever really said, “you’re not okay.” After everything happened when I was 14, I started seeing a psychotherapist, and I remember one of them commenting on my eating, but I went to a predominantly white they just treated it like a side effect of school, a lot of the people around me what was going on, rather than a big didn’t have Pasifika or Māori builds. I aspect of the situation… This year, I had was restricting myself heavily… Once a scare with my health, and realised I a week, though, I’d just binge, and eat, need to make the most of my life while like, KFC and Maccas and Pizza, all in one day. I knew something was wrong, I still have it. My only goal now is to be but I didn’t think that was ‘me’, because healthy. Another big tipping point in my recovery was hearing my younger of the representation I saw – you had

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nieces say that they want to model like me when they grow up. It made me realise that they were on track to go through what I went through, so I really want to be a better role model to them. I’ve met big, brown rugby players that have eating and body issues themselves, but because no one’s including them in the conversation, they think it’s just who they are… We need to stop with the stigma that it’s only happening to skinny white people.”

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Stanton: “It started when I was seventeen, and I went and stayed with my Dad in Germany for a month. He’s really into healthy eating and exercise, so every day I’d be swimming and skating, and eating really well. I came back to Hamilton, and went back to school, and I think I’d created this anxiety that I wasn’t doing enough exercise, because I went from doing shit every day to sitting in class doing nothing. That kind of morphed into not eating so much – instead of taking a roll to school, I’d take a salad. It just kept getting worse and worse – I remember sitting outside one lunchtime with an orange, and weighing up whether to eat it the whole lunchtime, because I didn’t want to have the calories… My Mum noticed that I’d lost a few kilos, and she was like, are you all good?

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I told her I was, but it gradually got worse and worse. I gave up on myself – I was really depressed, so sick of everything, and I just stopped eating. I had to go to a crisis team, because I lost 16 kilos in 3 weeks. I felt like absolute shit, I remember just feeling so cold and shivering all the time, freezing my ass off. When I got home, my Mum would try and feed me. At first, it was just like, I don’t want to eat this, but after a period of time I literally got scared of food. When I went to the psychologist, she put a biscuit in front of me, and it actually made me scared. I thought I was fine, I thought I didn’t have a problem, but looking back now, it’s like… holy shit.

have to block it out. It’s like my Mum always says, food is your medicine. The anxiety towards it has become a lot less, and I’ve learnt not to beat myself up about it so much. It needs to be out in the open a lot more, and fully understood. Mental illness is becoming a lot more recognised in New Zealand, and I think eating disorders need to be included in that.”

I struggled with it for over a year… I still struggle with it now, but you just

Meghan: “When I broke up with my ex, I got really into going to the gym. I read somewhere that exercise was a good way to get control back over your body, and I took that to an extreme. At first, I’d just go once a day, and run a lot, but it got to the point where I’d be going to the gym three times a day. I would wait until everyone was asleep and sneak out to run up and down the stairs. I still ate, so people didn’t really notice. I would only really eat around other people. I lost heaps of weight… I had really low iron, I would get sick all the time. I saw a doctor and she diagnosed me with malnutrition. My nails were cracking, my hair was so thin, I had acne all over my face. My doctor was like “I don’t want to freak you out, but if you don’t start eating you’re going to die.” The weird thing was that all the adults in my life were telling me that I was really Massive Magazine | Issue 02

thin, and needed to eat. But whenever I saw friends from high school, they’d be like “You look so good!” I didn’t really think I had an eating disorder… I just thought I liked going to the gym. My friends would have to come with me, in case I passed out on the treadmill. I had pneumonia and didn’t want to go into hospital because I wouldn’t be able to work out there… Eventually, I stopped running so much, and started eating more. I still go to the gym quite a lot, but I do more weights and stuff now. It’s cliché, but it’s not what everyone thinks it looks like… Even if you think you’re complimenting someone on their weight, just keep it to yourself! I used to be like “if I gain weight, I’m not going to look good anymore.” If you see someone and they’ve lost weight… Just shut up, don’t say anything!”

Henry: “It sort of was almost a long time coming… Early last year, I was at work and looked at myself, and it was like a lightbulb moment for all the wrong reasons. I had never felt so disgusted in what I saw. I decided to make all these changes – I thought it was all so positive, I was feeling really good about myself, and the numbers started reflecting it. I was exercising every day… I thought I was doing all the right things. I was in counselling at the time for other reasons, my counsellor asked me about my eating. It was the first time someone had ever actually looked at me and said “that’s not okay.” That wasn’t an easy thing to think about, and it sort of made me spiral a bit. It kind of went in the opposite direction of then bingeing. I had a breakup as well around that time, and it was just

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fucking chaos. It sort of comes and goes… I went to Europe for 2 months and I came back 25kg heavier than I was a year ago. When I realised that, I sort of slipped into old habits again. I haven’t talked directly to my parents about it – I tried to tell my Dad, and it just wouldn’t come out. This is really the first time I’ve told anyone about it, ever. I think it came from a lot of shame. My brothers are naturally skinny… I almost didn’t feel part of the family, because I was so much bigger than them. It doesn’t matter if people talk about it, I think about it. All the time. I remember as early as primary school, hating my body and wanting to change. It didn’t get aided by boarding school – I was bigger and less popular, so I was

an easy target to make fun of. Food’s always been an emotional support for me… I didn’t like primary school, so Mum would bring me an ice cream when I came home in tears. Last year, I felt like I couldn’t get through things without food. I tried to disassociate it, but that caused more issues. It’s not a goal… I used to think it was glamorous, or an option. It shouldn’t be like that. We need to remove the stigma and sense of shame… I don’t talk about it, because I still feel ashamed.”

TINDER ROULETTE Indian street food edition Aryaman Parulkar

Pani Puri (पाणि पुरी)

I’m full of surprises; I’ve got a hard exterior but once you break through, I’m really just a tangy wet mess that you’re probably going to get all over your chin and down your top. I would apologise but let’s be honest, we both enjoyed it and it's going to happen five more times until you realise you’ve had enough of me. I’ll always get you an Uber after but I won’t be surprised if I hear from you in a week once you’ve recovered *tongue emoji* I’m just trying to be honest here: there’s hardly anything to me, pretty shallow and I crack under pressure but I’m too easy for you not to HMU after dinner *winky face emoji*

Vada Pav (वडा पाव)

Yes I’ve got a lot of love. Yes I am a full woman. What about it? Don’t swipe right if you don’t think you can handle all this good good. I’m not here for you or the patriarchy. You think I’m a lot to handle? Just wait til you add the powder chutney (don’t even get me started with my fried green chilli). If that doesn’t knock you out then I will if you don’t treat me right. You don’t eat my bun then think you’ve really experienced me, so don’t go telling your friends you have.

Samosa Chat (समोसा चाट)

Hey there! I’m probably gonna compliment a lot. Just gonna put that out there real quick. People might call me a snack, maybe even a whole meal but I’m not one for the labels, ya know? I want to get to know you and take you out and show you all the crazy things I can do. At the core of it, I am just a simple samosa but I’ve learnt to love that about myself. I love my mum and she’ll probably tell you I’m a really good hugger. I’m just trying to live my best life and I’d love if you’d wanna jump on that bandwagon with me. Will jam out to Mumford and Sons in a heartbeat. May or may not have all their albums on vinyl.

Bhel (भेल)

Yea so my friends made me get this as a dare or whatever. Dating is a real dumb social construct but I’m always down to be proven wrong. You could say I’m just a collection of random things that someone’s thrown together and ended up working. I come with chutneys but like, I don’t really care if you use them or not. Indifference is my star sign and my horoscope this week told me to continue not giving a fuck.

Treat me like a queen and I’ll blow your mind. Don’t then I’ll The more confused you are when you try and describe me blow your toilet up. Your choice boo *peace finger emoji* to your friends the better, I don’t even make sense to myself. *shoulder shrug emoji* Sev Batata Puri (शेव बटाटा पुरी) I’ve never had a girlfriend.

Pakoda (पकोडा)

DTF. Dom top. Masc4Masc. No fats or fems, Asians alg. I’ve got a lot to offer. I’m here for you so please don’t be afraid to ask. I want to treat you right and leave you satisfied. *eggplants x 3* I’ve got spice, sweet, sour and even a bit of dairy for every Probably gonna hurt but you’ll thank me after. day of the week. I may look like a hot mess but who doesn’t love a bit of a fixer-upper right? I apologise in advance if you’re the 14% of the population that taste coriander as soap; it’s a package deal. I apologise for my brother, he’s definitely overcompensating for a lack of a personality, but don’t worry I got enough personality to give you heartburn *smiley emoji*

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

GIVE A SHIT

Aryaman Parulkar

Poo. Poop. Shit. Crap. Faeces. We all do it. Unless you don’t and in that case I suggest maybe talking to someone about that. Most of the time it goes unnoticed. It happens once, maybe twice, even thrice a day. Any more than that and you’d want to contact your local health professional. You probably don’t think much of it and not that you really should. I would hope you’re eating responsibly and not going ham on gummy bears and V. But that needs to change. People need to start caring about what they’re eating and putting the intestine through. It starts here. The poop revolution. The POOpulation, some might say (trademark pending). Believe it or not, some “concerned” scientist from Bristol, that definitely didn’t have any personal gain, developed chart for the different types of poop; appropriately dubbed the Bristol Stool Scale. Type 1 is shit that feels like you’re literally giving birth to golf ball sized pieces of pumice. If this is you then you might actually be a herbivore if your diet is that fibrous. Type 2 is essentially if you swallowed an entire Picnic bar and it passed through your gut untouched; hard, lumpy and resembling Cadbury chocolate is a big no no. Type 3 and 4 are your ideal poops. These are the ones that you dream of, the ones that have a 100% chance of producing ghost wipes, the ones that you tell your grandkids about during your octogenarian story time tangents when they come visit you at the rest home. Semi-firm, smooth

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and just slightly cracked, like a faecal Sharon Stone, gliding down the redcarpet that is your colon lining. Type 5, 6 and 7 is just a gradual decline into ‘The Shits’. Basically how similar in consistency, colour and smell it is to your expired, clumpy protein shake that you’ve convinced yourself is fine. Forget protein farts, you’re entering protein sharts territory. So what do you need to stay in dream poop territory; the land of Type 3 and 4? Eat some goddamn vegetables you oversized child! Cut out the white bread and spend the extra buck on something with grains. Add some lentils and muesli and other stuff that like that. If it looks like horse food then you’re on the right track. The main point is to get fibre in your diet. There are varying amounts of fibre in everything but the things that will make an obvious difference are fruits and veges. Those monthly visits home where your mother force feeds your French beans aren’t going to cut it, especially when all you’ve been eating this week are cup noodles and you’re pretty sure you saw a whole strand being flushed away.

of it (I’m not even kidding). Give a shit about your shit and treat your colon right this semester. Happy crapping!

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

But it’s not just what you eat, it’s also what you’re doing with your life. Instead of staying up till 3am playing Fortnite with 13-year-olds that know way too many swear words, you should get off your ass, open your curtains and go for a walk. Exercise is good for you (duh?) so get your blood pumping and your muscles moving. Do yourself a favour and start caring ‘bout your gut. All 7 and a half metres

A Cautionary Tale Bella Bolter

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Take care of your plants -and they’ll take care of you! Elise Cacace

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that at some point in your life, you have tried to grow a plant. For some people it was that one time way back in primary school, whilst for others growing plants is like growing fingernails and their home resembles a jungle. We all know the fundamentals of plant survival; water and sunlight. You can go into all the extra steps like fertiliser and air temperature but I’m not going to do that – just Google it. What less people talk about and what is (in my opinion) far more interesting is how our plants can take care of us, and I’m not just talking about a salad. Many house plants fight colds, asthma, insomnia and other illnesses, as well as tackle mould and purify the air by simply being in your room.

Aloe vera

Lavender

English Ivy

Aloe vera deserves to be at the top of the list as it has a huge number of health benefits that don’t just include it being good for your hair and skin. Aloe vera is one of the rare types of plant that releases oxygen at night, which means that while we sleep the air is being purified helping us breathe easier.

We all know what lavender is and can probably tell from the scent that it has calming and sleep inducing properties, yet there have also been studies showing that the scent of lavender can have positive effects on mood, stress and anxiety - making it the ultimate plant to have in a student flat. Inhaling the scent of lavender is also known for helping reduce your heart rate and lower blood pressure. The antioxidants found in lavender are also used to help treat wounds and skin blemishes and act as a natural remedy for pain.

This plant is essentially a must-have in all Wellington homes as it is a pro at preventing and getting rid of mould. It also thrives in cold, low light environments (which also makes it perfect for living in Wellington flats!) Like the Areca palm, it also cleanses the air of harmful pollutants and has been used to treat asthma and other respiratory problems.

Consuming Aloe vera is also immensely good for your health and is frequently incorporated into drinks and food as it is said to boost your immune system, lower your blood sugar levels and reduce dental plaque as well as treating your skin and preventing wrinkles.

Peace Lily As well as being a beautiful asset to any room, the peace lily is known for improving the air quality in your home by up to 60%. The peace lily also reduces mould growing in homes by actually absorbing the fungus through its leaves and using it as food.

Gardenia The Gardenia plant can be used as a natural alternative to sleeping pills as it emits a great smell that helps reduce anxiety and stress, fight insomnia and induce sleep. When consumed, the Gardenia also acts as an antioxidant and anti-inflammatory that boosts your immune system and fights colds and flus.

Areca Palm Areca palm is quite literally a mini palm tree and is also up there as one of the most effective air purifying house plants. It absorbs harmful chemicals such as petroleum pollutants, which are responsible for causing respiratory problems and allergy symptoms. If you suffer from asthma and allergies, chuck one of these in your room and you’ll surely start to feel better.

All house plants are beneficial for something and come with an edgy bonus of making any room look aesthetic as hell. By introducing plants into your home you will start to pick up on certain improvements to your health – especially if you suffer from allergies and respiratory issues – as well as your mood and productivity. Even if you don’t have a green thumb, plants such as cactuses and succulents are the most tolerable, low maintenance ones of the lot and can survive in literally the worst of conditions - making them perfect for those who want the plant perks without the responsibility. There’s no downside to adopting a houseplant and the rewards you reap are something we can all benefit from.

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Climate

Corner Connie Sellers

When Greenpeace calls, I seldom pick up. I don’t have the money to donate.

I am late on board to the keep-cup game and consequently, my caffeine problem has needlessly wasted hundreds of takeaway cups through the years. On a far-too-regular basis, my showers hit 30 minutes in length. My flatmates don’t thank me when the power bill arrives. The point is, sometimes we put our wants before our needs. But sometimes I need to remind myself that this is part of being human. Nobody is perfect. We should always strive to do better, but also recognise that sometimes it’s not feasible to reach the lofty standards we set for ourselves. Setting superhuman standards for ourselves can be daunting, thus counteractive. First and foremost, climate awareness is not a competition. It is not about who is the most ethically pure, sustainable saint. It’s not about proving yourself as part of the ecotribe and you don’t have to be living solely off organic fruit that graces your backyard — I am a little tired of seeing people preach their raw diets on Instagram as if it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. You don’t need to feel inferior to those who need to virtue signal every good little thing they do on Instagram. There is a clear distinction between spreading

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awareness and gloating about your own saintly morality. The climate crisis deserves better than to be your latest Insta trend. I am sure I am not the only one who has heard that tireless classic, “But if you care so much about the environment and the animals, what about [insert literally anything else here]?!”? Since when was it the case that in order to act on one issue, one is morally obligated to act on anything and everything else? This bizarre breed of absolutism makes absolutely no sense in any other context — nobody thinks that giving $20 to UNICEF means not caring about the Cancer Society. You do not need to justify your sustainability efforts by proving some universal, unbiased approach to ethical living.

the lights when you leave the house and occasionally recycling, then yes, you might want to consider pulling a bit more of your weight. Ask yourself if you have struck a balance between caring and staying sane, then don’t beat yourself up for occasionally missing the mark. What it really comes down to is asking yourself if you are doing enough. Others’ perceptions of your efforts should not interfere with your work. The question then is whether your version of ‘enough’ is… enough.

How about “Me making a change as one person won’t make an impact at all, so what’s the point?”. I am tossing up between this being an excuse or just plain ignorance. The human race would never have accomplished anything of note were we to employ this attitude elsewhere. Attractive as the prospect might seem, we won’t get anywhere if we all sit resignedly in the corner, sulking fatalistically. To be frank, if your idea of environmentalism is switching off

Suffrage Tess Patrick

There’s no better time to discuss politics than a family reunion. With a mother who’s made a career out of activism, an uncle who blindly votes Act no matter what they say and an aunt who still thinks medicinal cannabis is a direct flight to meth-town, it was an entertaining weekend, to say the least. Since it’s an election year, what else was there to discuss? From my 48 hours in Christchurch, I have concluded that boomers care about investment properties, taxes and investment property taxes, in no particular order. This is great, we care about these things too! But my mother always told me to see the positives. Investment properties give us places to live as young, broke students and stricter regulations on our abodes are actually meeting health and safety standards for the first time in, well, forever. Taxes fund our roads, our hospitals, our education and our welfare. As for investment property taxes? Someday this means when we’re academics with less-thanthe-average-tradie to our name, we might be able to afford a house of our own. There are two ways of thinking about things, right?

Here’s the thing. You need more than three years to undo the systemic damage that has been done. Yet the most recent political poll put National neck-in-neck with the Labour/ Green coalition, potentially once again leaving the fate of our country in the hands of everyone’s favourite (read: least favourite) uncle, Winston. But I’m curious as to how representative the polls are of people like you and me. I for one, have never even owned a landline since leaving home seven years ago, let alone voted in a Colmar Brunton poll, and the attempt to predict trends has never worked in anyone’s favour. A hot take on the fundamentals of our political system is looking at the way elections are funded, and just how much we should be taking in donations and from home. A closer look at the system made famous by the Jami-Lee Ross scandal and that Bernie Sanders meme; NZ First Foundation is on the firing line and there’s talks of state funding political parties - but is there any morality in that?

So far this campaign trail we have seen Jacinda reiterate exactly what she is doing for homelessness, despite not keeping up with targets, the Greens Here’s one thing my diverse family could showing they care about more than just agree on: when comparing politicians to the rivers and throwing wholehearted their counterparts across the ditch, an support behind the LGBTQI+ community overwhelming majority of our candidates (as they should), and Simon Bridges look actually care about this country and the like a flog on Waitangi Day. The question people who live in it, despite having remains, will we see the same old dirty different ways of showing it. Labour has politics rhetoric this election year, or will initiated the first of their free lunches in the adults actually keep their toys in the schools, National will scrap the minimum cot and fight with policy, rather than wage increase - because they care about personal attack? We’ll soon see, but I small business owners - sorry, I promised don’t hold onto hope. not to be cynical about it all...

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Salivate Tess Patrick

Salivate is here to help you get the most out of your measly student meals, while still making the most of your weekend.

My first flat was a mixture of four girls and two boys. A funky loft with exposed brick walls, and if we snuck out of the bedroom windows and crawled along the verandahs, we could get into any San Fran gig for free. Parties were had, eviction notices were served and neighbours were unimpressed with our antics, but it was a learning experience. The most important lesson: 19-year-old boys make feral roommates. They had their own bathroom, with a cupboard under the stairs, so they moved a TV in and only emerged every three days to pick up a stack of delivery pizza. I also learnt

that boys don’t eat vegetables. No matter your major, your hometown or who you went home with during O Week, we can all agree that mac n’ cheese night is the best night of every week. Breadcrumbed (yep) or bacon bits (nope), the humble saucy elbows are a guaranteed thumbs up from any half-decent flattie. But a dish made from white flour, milk and cheese isn’t going to be earning the dietary tick anytime soon. Unless you add veggies. We’re not talking brussels sprouts or broccoli stalks. The solution? Pumpkin. And you can even give mum a call to tell her you ate healthy today.

Pumpkins are a soul-warming complex carbohydrate; they give your body an essential glucose hit so your brain can function and your limbs can move. It’s 2020, we’re not scared of carbs anymore. Especially if they contain essential micronutrients for immunity, such as Vitamins A & C, that you’ll be grateful for when you start to catch a cold next week. We’re giving bonus points because it has more flavour than flour and milk, plus it’s vegan-friendly so you can impress all your art-school friends and stop your housemates from contracting scurvy.

Ingredients 1 pumpkin; peeled, deseeded and chopped

1. Preheat your oven to 200 degrees Celcius.

into rough wedges

2. Chuck pumpkin wedges and onion quarters in a roasting tin, drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt to make the veggies sweat. Roast for 3035 minutes until the pumpkin has softened.

1 onion, quartered Drizzle olive oil 1 tsp dried sage 500ml hot vegetable stock 300g dried macaroni elbows Handful of breadcrumbs if desired Salt and pepper to season

3. Remove veggies from the oven and pulse in a highspeed blender with the sage and hot stock. You can use a hand blender for this step, but remember science, and that hot food in a nutri-bullet will explode. 4. Toss your macaroni into a large, ovenproof dish, and pour over your pumpkin sauce, stirring until the mixture makes a gross, moist sound. 5. Sprinkle over your breadcrumbs, cover the dish with foil, and cook for 25-30 minutes. Remove foil and cook for a further 5 minutes, to make the breadcrumbs nice and crispy. It should be beautiful, tender, and able to stick against a wall (we don’t recommend throwing it). 6. Serve with some olive oil dressed greens and a smile on your dial.

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Shower Thoughts Todd Murray

Entry 1: A modern day guide to asserting dominance

We live in a society. This is arguably one of the most accurate statements pertaining to the social environment that we humans reside in. Within this society, there is a diverse spectrum of people. We have the misogynistic incels, the non-binary objects, social justice warriors, purple-haired feminists, and Tik-Tok creators. The list goes on. In a world where political correctness, controversiality and follower-count determine global dominance, one needs to know how to attain local dominance. If we take a look at the animal kingdom, we can see there is usually a leader, an Alpha. Becoming an Alpha is the ultimate challenge. Usually the Alpha is the biggest, strongest, most foolhardy of the group. In many ways, the same can be said for the human equivalents. One of the ways to challenge status, and ascend social ranking is to assert dominance. Humans have been asserting dominance for centuries, but like many things, these methods change with time. We need to start thinking outside the ball-sack. It turns out that there are many ways to assert dominance in this day and age. Most of which are applicable to all genders. I decided to trawl the internet for some sweet suggestions, and I found the trade secrets of many redditbased Alphas. There is a catch though, these have to be performed in a public settings to achieve the desired effect: • Man-spreading and/or T-posing • Choosing the middle urinal or toilet

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

• Shitting with the stall door wide open • Ensuring you have the loudest (urinary) stream • Fart loudly whilst maintaining eye contact. Bonus points for shitting yourself • Peeing and shitting your pants simultaneously whilst emitting a primal scream As you can see, most of these involve some form of bodily excretion. While these are all stellar suggestions, there was one suggestion that dominated them all. This was “peeing on everything”. If we look at dogs, we see that they pee on everything to mark their territory, and consequently assert dominance. This is directly transportable to humans too. Peeing on your surrounding territory will allow others to know whose ‘property’ they are walking upon. A wise man once told me “A man is at his weakest when his penis is out”. I can confirm that this man is wrong. It turns out pee is the universal medium for dominance and territory. Peeing on your surroundings will let everyone know that you are the Alpha. TL;DR: Don’t let society brand you as a Beta. Urinate on your surroundings to ascend to your true Alpha form. Until Next Time, Todd Not Your Average Ponderer

The Unlonely Woman Is masturbation the cure? Do masturbation and self-care really go together or is it simply a ploy to make us buy the new Satisfyer Pro? In a world where there’s always something new to buy, a job to apply for and a never ending list of ‘to-do’, is there really any time to actually relax and take care of ourselves? I find that we are programmed to think that we must always be busy and that we must always be chasing our dreams. But what if we burn out? What if we get so crazy busy that we constantly feel like we are running on empty? Is masturbation the answer?

thinking about anything at all.

You don’t need to buy the latest gadget for masturbation… fingers work fine but sis if I can recommend anything it’s the freaking Satisfyer Pro 2. I find there’s still such a stigma around masturbation but why is this? I think because of the stigma around masturbation, so often women are embarrassed and will often hold out on really satisfying themselves. But let me tell you this my hunny bun; your To answer in short, yes. I’ve spent my masturbation will not look at other afternoon doing ‘market research’ chicks on a date, your masturbation and what I found and realised was will not cheat on you, it will most something that ordering a pizza definitely not ignore you for days cannot simply fix. I binged watched on end and the best thing yet, is some ‘Sex and The City’ and ordered you control it and often you can get Dominoes but I still felt like I wasn’t yourself off better than anyone else relaxed. So, I thought ok, ok let’s try ever can. Masturbation is such a great smash out a few orgasms and see how way to really explore yourself not just we feel. I locked myself in my room, sexually but also spiritually. It’s kind blasted some slow music, lit a candle of funny because when I do it, I’m not and grabbed none other than my trusty thinking about any dude like at all. I’m right-hand woman the marvelous in the moment, purely thinking about and great Satisfyer Pro. After the first what I’m doing to myself, the release go I was dead like a starfish… I was it’s creating and how fucking sexy it fully relaxed to the bit where I could is being able to get yourself off. If in have slept then and there. However, I doubt, orgasm it out my darling. thought, let’s smash out a few more. By the end of it I felt like I’d run a marathon and also competed in the state champs cross country. Ya sis was exhausted, but most importantly so fucking relaxed and happy. I was lying there with the biggest smile on my face… I walked out of my room and saw the flatties and I was just... happy. The stressful day I had previously did not matter. I didn’t want to talk about uni or work. I simply was just at peace and so content where I wasn’t even

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Poetry Pious Jones, The Outlaw Gunslinger, sharpshooter, good looker, a cracked salt-flat rim on my ten gallon life. My silver bullet smile leaves saloon doors swinging; even the black heart scourge of Small-town would dart away at the rattlesnake timbre of my “Turn and Draw.” Look out! (They hiss) It’s Pious Jones! A cowboy hat for harpy hair, great crow-backed night terror! Prehistoric wingspan and blooming cloak, the colour of LOUD. Screech and dive, my talons like fingers scoop whole schools of fish (or worse) - look out! Hide little ones from Pious Jones. A leviathan, I am in the slippery deep of the bay (slick shadow all cursed curves and coral points). I cruise, ghastly fluid, under kicking pink legs. On the hunt, toil and mischief- my slit throat grin just slim enough to hide my bogeyman teeth, my witch’s cackle. Land, sea, sky- I am KING In cardstock castle, but anti-hero antics can wait. I gather my evil in a backpack (to keep it safe): pearl stringed plastic fangs, band of stuffed thieves in corral, red-tipped gunmetal grey, holstered in my lunchbox. With a shove and a cry, billowed cloak and crumpled old hatPious Jones rests until lunch time.

-Tui Lou Christie

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Nil By Mouth (Waiting Room Blues) Instructions say drink plenty water, twelve-hour-fast nil by mouth but water. Instructions say check your card each time they call a number, even though you have it memorized. My A4 printout bible says have you eaten? Have you eaten? Says press bruises through jeans to make sure they’re still there and pick 3 songs every month to thrash to deathBeing human is a condition. Instructions say this won’t hurt a bit and it won’t and it doesn’t and the shiny people on TV echo on the linoleum. (I pick an arm to sacrifice.) I watch the needle because I am human, and I am human because that is my condition. Says stand on tiptoe just to hit your head on doorways. Instructions say find a girl you like and call her “Holy” because religion is the most powerful thing you can think of. My 12-hour life manual doesn’t specify, but my thumb can’t count the cuts on my lip like my tongue does.

-Tui Lou Christie

The Care Issue

Reviews Tyler Hambleton

Working for Massive Magazine for the past few months has been better than you’d expect. The small office located on Level C even comes with our own in-house cat named Pocket. Pocket is somewhat of a mystery; we often ask ourselves does Pocket have a place to call home? Or does she merely have us for business hours only? The answer is that we’ll simply never know, unless someone reads this and realises that their little polite black cat is sleeping at Massey for the majority of their day. For starters, at least Massive isn’t Salient. Despite their attempts of war we still haven’t clapped back at their backhanded comments. They actually predicted my first feature of the year in one of their editorials, which read, “If we wanted a half-assed article about the rental crisis in Wellington we’d ask a Massey journalism student to write one”. Well guess what, I wrote one for our first issue this year and I’ll rate that shit 6/10 due to the fact that I don’t want to gas myself up too much. If I'm going to write a review of my own employer I have to firstly touch on our editor. Laura reckons she isn’t a horse girl but is undeniably a horse girl, although to be honest she doesn’t seem like one. Despite how often she roasts me to shit about my failed dates and spelling she’s actually pretty sound, on a scale of 1-10 I’ll give her an 8 considering the fact that she didn’t buy me a coffee last Friday when I was broke and stressed due to our impending deadlines. Since I've touched on our editor I’ll also have to speak of our designer. Harry is probably around 6’1 and if a white man could dunk I'd definitely put Harry on my roster. Harry doesn’t really like cricket which I believe is his downfall as he’d probably make a great batter if given the chance. I also heard a rumour that Harry and a certain other member of the Massive team were once somewhat of an item! How fun. Since Harry is the bro and usually has my back within the office I’ll give him a solid 8/10, losing two points due to his displeasure for the sport I excel at the most. On the whole, I'll rate Massive magazine rather highly at 7.5. The content is always rather topical and of late, the staff are rather good looking and if you didn’t read the prior four paragraphs WE HAVE A CAT! I hope you enjoyed my review of Massive, feel free to come up whenever and entertain our orphaned cat, talk some shit and admire Harry’s good looks from afar.

Oh my who would’ve thought it is that time of the year again. Everyone’s winding down from their festival antics and has realised oh fuck, I have no money to pay rent or eat. This means that literally everyone is calling 0800 88 99 00. Well done, you guessed it! Studylink baby, the rat race to get your shit sorted has well and truly begun and by the time this has released I hope that you’ve spent all of your course related costs on your textbooks, equipment and whatever else your heart desires. I’m joking, I hope you’ve spent it all on over priced drinks in town and sketchy molly which your friend said was totally all good the last time they had it. Wow, what an intro! But let us get down to the nitty gritty; seriously, a 38 minute wait time to either book a meeting or get your shit sorted via the phone is rather ridiculous for such a large government department. There is only one Studylink advisor on site in Wellington, which is quickly growing to be one of the largest student cities in this overtly desirable country. I’ve experienced this firsthand in my five years of studying a three year degree. The wait times for meetings and on the phone are ever increasing as the department is swamped with students trying to apply for their studies on a four week summer come down. I’ll give Studylink’s wait times a solid 3/10, their staff a solid 5/10 (much room for improvement here guys). Their meetings are a mere 4/10 as it takes a month to get one and the overall experience dealing with Studylink gets a whopping 6/10! Cause you know what, despite having to pay the shit back you can pay your bills, get on the piss and so much more (we also all know that feeling of when your course related costs hits your account). Shot Studylink!

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Puzzles

The Care Issue

Puzzles

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Across

Down

3. Malleable vessel of alcohol

1. Name of the girl you slept with last night, also a narcotic

5. A premeditated spew

2. Leaves passive aggressive notes in kitchen

10. Something in the magazine you never read

4. This institution bankrolls your time at university

12. Essential technology for a comms student

6. Name of a dry grass and an awful cafe on Wellington campus

13. Name of the cat that resides in the Massive office 14. Nickname for a first-year 15. A dietary staple 17. Liquid required for early morning sustenance

7. Local festival most students will attend in March 8. Notorious female party hosted in Palmerston North during O-Week 9. This student tells everyone at a party to eat white bread 11. Alcoholic prerequisite to entering a house party 12. The annoying student in the lecture is often a ______ student 13. Subject that will be the death of many pre-vet students 16. ManawatĹŤ students love it, Wellington students hate it

The Care Issue

President’s Address

Kia ora The past two weeks have been some of the busiest we’ll have this year at MUSA. The preparations for and running of O-week, Clubs day and Mega market day are a massive undertaking so firstly I want to say thank you to the amazing staff and volunteers that put it together. It was great meeting so many new and returning students for 2020, putting faces to the student body that we’re serving this year is a massive motivational boost for me and the team. On a more serious note, recently the University has released its digital plus strategy. A move to reduce each degree to a single campus and apparently improving digital offerings. What this means for you here in Manawatū is that in the next year, if your degree is anchored at another campus you’ll be forced to move cities to continue internal study at Massey. Here at MUSA it’s our current mission to elevate student voices. The senior leadership team has kept this from students for two years but we are doing everything in our power to get your voice heard and force legitimate consultation with students. If you have any questions, opinions or insights surrounding digital plus and each college’s implementation of the strategy come find me or a member of the team in our office upstairs in the student services building. Have an amazing first semester of 2020 -Stefan Biberstein MUSA President

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

Horoscopes We ran out of time for horoscopes this week so here are your lucky objects based on items lying around the Massive office.

The Care Issue

AQUARIUS

LEO

Lucky object: Fuji Xerox printer

Lucky object: black cat

PISCES

VIRGO

Lucky object: ethernet cable

Lucky object: paperclip

ARIES

LIBRA

Lucky object: Macbook Air

Lucky object: phone charger

TAURUS

SCORPIO

Lucky object: an iron

Lucky object: condom

GEMINI

SAGITTARIUS

Lucky object: Burger King bucks voucher

Lucky object: this issueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crossword

CANCER

CAPRICORN

Lucky object: garden gnome

Lucky object: singular airpod

Blind Date

Massive Magazine | Issue 02

The Care Issue

Massive Magazine | Issue 02