MASSIVE
ISSUE 17
AUGUST 09/2021
Table of Contents 06 10 14 18 20 22 24 26 28 30 31 32 35 36 37 38
News History of Drunkenness Butt-Chugging Maintaining a Social Life Sober Centrefold Stomach Pumping POV: A Typical Night Out Most Dateable Odd Character How to Cure a Hangover Sexcapades Culinarylingus Poem Exec Columns Snaps Horoscopes Puzzles
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EDITOR Caroline Moratti
PHOTOGRAPHER Callum Parsons
SUB EDITOR Jamie Mactaggart
ILLUSTRATOR Tallulah Farrar
NEWS EDITOR James Pocock STAFF WRITERS Cameron Taylor, Elena McIntyreReet, Ari Prakash, Mason Tangatatai, Courtney Hammond DESIGNER Micah Davis-Rae
Got a letter to the Editor? Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to rant, flirt, complain, whatever x
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Massive is registered under the New Zealand Press Council which allows our readerS to reach out to an independent forum for resolving any complaints you may have.
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The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive do not necessarily represent
those of Massey University, its staff, ASA, MUSA, MAWSA, M@D or the Massive Editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive. Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@ m a s s i v e m a g a z i n e. o r g. n z. Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz.
Editorial
BRING BACK THE ERA OF STUDENT BARS There tends to be a lot of discourse about student drinking culture. At Massive, we hear all sides of it, the good, the bad and the ugly. Especially from those who claim we are perpetuating it. Maybe we are. I don’t know, I guess there’s such an anti-student lens in mainstream media, that as a student mag, we want to counter some of that negativity. Celebrate the gross, stinky parts of our culture, piss-stained and all. That’s not to deny that there’s seriously harmful parts of that culture. Sexual violence, domestic assault, and addiction are just some of the flow-on effects from our death-grip on liquor. So how do we actually counter that? Should we ban alcohol altogether? Probably not, given how the prohibition era went. Should we create stricter punishments around public intoxication? Again, not a great idea. Those kinds of regulations tend to unfairly target Māori and Pasifika communities, leading to further harm in our community. Sure, education is a useful tool, but can only go so far. People are going to drink regardless. At the end of the day, we need safe spaces, for both sober and drunk students, to go to. Quite simply, we need student bars. Or, at the very least, better ones. Palmerston North is a recent example of stricter public crackdowns of student drinking, with bars now closing at 2am instead of 3am. Measures like these just drive students to house parties, which can be more harmful than helpful. There’s no supervision around alcohol or drug consumption, crowd regulation, you know, all that fun health and safety stuff. Over the past few years in NZ, there’s been balcony collapses, overcrowding, and even deaths resulting from flat party environments. To counter that, Otago University’s Student Association specifically bought a bar, Starters, so it could be a safe space for students. Auckland University has Shadows Bar. Canterbury University has The Foundry. A controlled drinking environment, where you have bar staff and security looking out for students, alongside some delicious hot food (yum!). If you feel unsafe, you have a sober adult looking out for you. There’re limits on capacity and regulations over building safety. These are the kind of places that Massey needs more of. Massey has a student bar, Ferg’s, in Auckland, but let’s face it...it could be better. Don’t hate me! Just sayin’. Oh, and we technically have Tussock, in Wellington, if you want to count a bar that closes at 4pm in the afternoon. Manawatū just has nothing, as usual lol. Having social areas on campuses solidifies communities, builds connections. Student bars can be a space for clubs to unwind over a plate of hot chips. For first dates and bad flirting and negging over pool tables. For friends to catch up, for lecturers to bitch about marking. You get all the benefits of a safe space, with a cheap pint to boot. Massey used to have these places. We used to be powerhouses of the student bar domain. We even had air hockey tables, believe it or not. But in a rush to crack down on student drinking, we’ve lost these beacons of hope, of stability. Let’s bring these back. I hope, in the meantime, you enjoy our alcohol issue. X Caroline
Letters to the Editor
EMAIL EDITOR@MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ TO HAVE YOUR SAY
Dear Massive Massive, How dare you label people with no sock’s psychopaths? We are a proud, barefooted community. We feel the grass beneath our toes, rub our little nubs in the silky soft sand. Socks are a barrier to our way of life. The condoms of the foot world, if you please. Sure, there’s sensation, but everyone knows it’s not the same. I’d much rather have my greasy, filthy, sexy little trotters out for the world to see, than hidden behind some dumb “fun” socks. P.S. Everyone knows that people with striped socks are the real villains.
I know you’ve been getting a lot of shit for your crosswords and like to be fair you do seem to fuck them up quite a bit like not sure how hard it is to do a quick double check but ANYWAY what i’m trying to say is that when they fly, they soar. i fucking love your crosswords and just want to say how much i appreciate whoever is doing them ❤ keep up the good mahi, never stop but also pls no more fuck ups bc last week i cried during my lecture trying to do it lol
What the fuck is up with last week’s crossword?? Like, that was just messed on up another level. Are you guys okay? Editor’s response: Haha, yes, we fucked up big time. Like,,, I don’t even know how we managed to fuck up that badly actually, it was kinda impressive tbh. This week, we’ve included 2 crosswords just to make it up to you guys! Homemade crosswords always have their own little kooks, it’s just the name of the game. Regardless, let’s all be grateful that we’re not still publishing those impossible cryptic crosswords (they were copy-right free from this random blog, we were young and naïve)!
My flatmate keeps drinking my milk. Dave, can you stop? Please, it’s oat milk. I buy the good, expensive shit too. Just... stop.
Dear Massive, Although Lita shoes were an excellent choice for the ol’ Crusher, I feel like Ta’loafers would be an underrated pick too.
MASSIVE NEWS
Merge decision officially delayed until next year Okay, this just officially got messy. Someone call for clean-up on Aisle 6! CAROLINE MORATTI
NATIONAL NEWS
The organisational merge that would see ASA, M@D, MUSA and MAWSA combine into one association has had consultation delayed until next year, after concerns about the original timeframe being “rushed” to fit in before elections this year. Previously, the presidents were seeking a three-week consultation timeframe, with plans to vote officially on the merge as early as Week 6 of this semester. Last week they even published an opinion piece in Massive claiming “We truly think merging is the best option for our associations,
and in turn our students” with outlined plans for upcoming consultation. Two days later, this timeline was scrapped in favour of a timeline extending out to next year, alongside a proposal of a new MUSAF structure [more on that in the next story]. A representative told Massive, “We were aware that our original plan was rushed, and we want to authentically include students in this process, so we landed on this new structure to facilitate this.” The decision was a collective, unanimous decision made by all of the general, Māori and Pasifika associations, established at a recent hui in Palmerston North. “Woah, that’s a pretty big U-turn from one week to another”, one student told Massive, “I really don’t know what’s happening with the execs right now, it just seems messy.” Another student commented that a “breakdown in communications has ... fostered a lack of trust.” Others though didn’t really care, so maybe we’re just weirdly invested in student politics, and some even praised the NEWS
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move, noting that the initial consultation seemed “really fucking rushed”. Most students that Massive talked to seemed sceptical that, with this recent delay, the merge would ever happen, with one student saying “there’s going to be elections and new executive members who want to do their own thing. It feels unlikely that this very murky proposal is actually going to carry over to next year. It’s just gonna get more and more pushed back.” Representatives from the associations are inclined to disagree, citing that in the new proposed MUSAF structure, three “chair” positions (consisting of a general, Māori and Pasifika chair) have been created, which will consist of existing board members. These positions will exist “specifically to carry over this year’s work” and “allow for exhaustive exploration of the proposition of a merged association”. Overall, MUSAF representatives say, “We haven’t changed our mind. We still wholeheartedly believe [in the benefit of the merge], but we recognise the weight of the changes we would be proposing for a merged association. This decision was made to prioritise transparency and thorough consultation with students, rather than rush a significant decision. We believe this is a reflection of the strength and competence our general, Māori and Pasifika student representatives hold.” In the meantime, the Service Levy Agreement (SLA) merge, that sees funding applications and funds received shared between the general associations, is still set to go ahead in September.
MUSAF proposes new interim governance structure As one plan falters, another one rises up in its place CAROLINE MORATTI
NATIONAL NEWS
After general associations have pushed off ideas of an organisational merge until next year, Massey University Student Association Federation (MUSAF) is seeking consultation on a new proposed interim governance structure. Following consultation, the proposal will be voted on through various executive meetings before the SLA merge in September, in order to allow the associations to properly govern a single SLA and continue organisational merger discussions through to next year. The vote itself will not be decided by students, only executive members. MUSAF acts as an umbrella which connects Massey’s student associations. The current MUSAF structure awards each association one vote each, after a recent move to extend voting powers to the three Māori associations. Overall, there are seven votes in total.
be distributed to the local general student associations, consisting of a general chair, M@D, MUSA, MAWSA and ASA. Seven votes will be distributed to the local Māori student associations, consisting of a Māori chair, Manawatahi, Te Waka o Ngā Akonga, Kōkiri Ngātahi, a Distance Māori rep and two further Māori reps. Two votes will also be distributed to local Pasifika student associations, consisting of a Pasifika chair and a Pasifika rep. A MUSAF representative says this new structure is “to ensure that in keeping with our obligations to Te Tiriti, tangata whenua (Māori) co-govern this association alongside tangata Tiriti (non-Māori)”. Students Massive talked to are in favour of the new proposal, after we patiently explained to them what the fuck MUSAF even is. One student said, “Yeah, sounds pretty mean. It’s good to see Māori and Pasifika voices getting a better seat at the table, what’s not to like?” Another was shocked that, under the status quo, Pasifika associations aren’t currently given votes under MUSAF, saying “I think the new plan sounds great, like something that should have happened a long time ago.” The new structure, if approved, will last for one year. MUSAF reps say, “It is designed specifically to continue the discussions, co-design and consultation of a potentially merged association. It allows time for different options to be thoroughly explored, and there will be a shift to a long-term structure in the year after, whether it’s a merged association or not.” A representative for MUSAF says this proposal was conceptualised over previous weeks, after insider concerns about the “rushed” organisational merge, and collectively agreed on during the recent hui at Palmerston North. As there is no current Distance Māori Student Association, the survey outlines that “the other Māori associations will work alongside M@D to establish this voice in a suitable manner” with voices to be incorporated into the work completed over the next year. The two Māori representatives not tied to a specific cohort will be elected in a way decided by the Māori associations, with the Pasifika representative and chair also to be elected in a way decided by the Pasifika associations. Overall, MUSAF reps say, “This structure will allow your student representatives to thoroughly explore how student voice is represented at Massey, and how our associations can best offer services. Students can be assured that the quality of services provided will remain consistent and strong next year, and elected representatives will be thoroughly equipped.” If you want to engage in the kōrero and have your say, digital consultation can be found via association’s social media channels. MUSAF did not respond to questions as to whether consultation would take any form other than digital.
The new proposal sees a total of 14 votes. Five votes will NEWS
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Student groups make efforts to form association for disabled students JAMES POCOCK
WELLINGTON NEWS
Disabled students are one of the groups of students MUSAF is aiming to better represent with its new restructure proposal, alongside mature students, LGBTQ+ students, and parents.
MUSAF merge consultation leaves MAWSA over budget If they think that’s bad, they should see my student loan balance JAMES POCOCK
WELLINGTON NEWS
MAWSA and student-run Facebook group ‘Disability at Massey (support and resources)’ are working hard to establish a Disabled Student’s Association. MAWSA and Disability at Massey have been collaborating with the National Disabled Students Association (NDSA) and their President Alice Mander to achieve this goal. MAWSA Vice President Elizabeth Hodgson said she has been personally working with NDSA and Alice. She mentions there have been talks about what a disability rep/ committee might look like on MAWSA. “Alice will join me to help facilitate as this space is not my place to have my voice leading,” Elizabeth said. She notes they are also working to organise an event for disabled students in the Co-Lab on the Wellington campus in Week 6 or 7 of the semester. “It will be a space for disabled students to discuss accessibility on campus, bring to light any issues they have and come together as a community. There will be food, discussion time, and hang outs galore,” Elizabeth said. There will also be a NSDA event in September for Massey’s disabled students to connect with others from Wellington, which MAWSA will advertise. A Massey spokesperson notes three existing networks of communication for students with disabilities at Massey, one of which is Disability at Massey. The Massey Distance Community Stream site hosts a forum for distance students living with disabilities, impairments, and health issues. Disability Services also communicates with students registered with them about events and opportunities that may be of interest, they said. The Disability at Massey Facebook group was created last year and is run by students Alex and Mhairi. Alex said the group is for neurodivergent and disabled students to connect with one another and share tips and support.
MAWSA’s budget reforecast has revealed a deficit of $25,159 thanks to merge consultation costs, which has now been extended to 2022 despite previous plans to have consultation finished by Week 6 this semester. MAWSA President Tessa Guest said the budget has normally run at a surplus for the last few years. “There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s actually really important for us to use what we have, so we can show that the funding we receive is necessary,” she said. Tessa said at the MAWSA executive meeting that, although there is a deficit, some parts of the forecast will absorb some of the loss. However, she can’t go into specifics due to commercial sensitivity. “Our staff are working proactively to generate more income, and we feel optimistic that this will also soften the blow.” The reforecasted budget is to allow for the potential costs related to MUSAF’s merge investigations. “Costs have largely revolved around travel and accommodation for student reps to attend hui, and remunerating unpaid reps for their time spent working on this, as well as recruiting a staff member to assist MUSAF in governing the single SLA,” Tessa said. Tessa said this expenditure has come after careful consideration and the executive all believe it is important to do justice to the project. “This is a temporary situation we’re in a very comfortable position going forward.”
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Massey’s first sign language club established JAMES POCOCK
MANAWATŪ NEWS
A new home for Albany fale “It is accessible and doesn’t make us feel hidden or undervalued by the university.” JAMES POCOCK
ALBANY NEWS
Massey’s first student-run sign language club has started at the Manawatū campus this semester. Student Teddy began trying to establish the Sign Language at Massey club near the start of Semester 2. They said they were learning New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL) in Auckland and grew to love using it to communicate. “I’m hearing but I have made friends in the deaf community by learning the language and volunteering for the deaf club in Auckland,” they said. There were no sign language classes in Palmerston North until recently when Teddy contacted deaf-led company Merge NZ in Auckland to try and organise some. “Sadly, the intermediate lessons at my level were cancelled because not enough people signed up. I started the club because it’s sad to not see sign language anywhere in Palmerston North. I can’t practice the language so I’m losing it over time.” Teddy said about 30 people signed up to the club at Clubs Day, but meeting attempts have been less successful so far. They have not let this set them back however, and plan to keep persisting with efforts to establish. “I’m a resilient/stubborn person and I refuse to give up! My plan is to hold casual meetings to accumulate a semi regular group of members before trying again to hold an AGM.” It has not been easy for Teddy to get into contact with deaf students at Massey, which they found surprising. They say, “Not a single person I talked to even knew of a deaf or visually impaired person at the uni, which I find difficult to believe.” They plan to get in contact with Massey’s Disability Services to aid with networking for the club. They are especially passionate about the benefits their club could bring to students who hadn’t yet been exposed to NZSL. “I have met multiple hearing impaired/partially deaf students, students with selective mutism, and students with auditory processing disorder who would all benefit from New Zealand Sign Language but haven’t learnt it because it isn’t a necessity,” Teddy says. Casual meetings for the Sign Language at Massey club are held fortnightly from 1-3pm on Wednesdays, temporarily in the MUSA lounge until a booking for the MUSA building’s board room is confirmed. More information about the club can be found on their Facebook page.
The fale in Albany has officially moved to a new home in the Student Central Building earlier this semester. The fale is a communal space on Massey campuses for Pasifika students to use alongside Pasifika staff. It was formerly located on Level 2 of the Quad A building and has now moved to the ground floor of the Student Central Building. The new location was officially opened Wednesday 21 July, where it was blessed by Reverend Dr. Tokerau Joseph, a minister from the Cook Islands. Massey Albany Pasifika Students’ Association President Aniva-Storm Feau said around 40 students and staff attended the opening event and lunch. “Lunch was served by the PSS team, with platters of palusami and hāngi pies (super yum), koko Samoa cupcakes, rice paper rolls and coconut cake. The launch was a great opening for the fale which has been well-utilised since,” she said. Aniva said the old location had many issues which made it unfit for purpose, including required keycard access, no windows, no running water, and a small, cramped size. “It didn’t represent what a fale should; a place of congregation where Pasifika students can find and build community and work/study in a place comfortable and accessible for all. Without a visible, accessible, and functional fale, it became very hard to form a strong Pasifika community here in Albany,” she said. She said the new fale is a big upgrade in many aspects, with room for 15-20 students and staff, a kitchenette, lounge, and desks for study, and it is close to important locations like the library, classes and a café. “It is central on the Massey Albany campus. It is accessible and doesn’t make us feel hidden or undervalued by the university.” Aniva notes that the new space will soon be open until midnight for anyone who wishes to stay and study late as needed.
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lor n Tay rar mero llulah Far a C y b a s T d y r sb Wo ration Illust
AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN, A VIKING AND A COWBOY WALK INTO A BAR... A SHORT HISTORY OF DRINKING THROUGH THE AGES
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When the word ‘university’ comes into conversation in New Zealand, there is one word commonly associated with it: ALCOHOL. It’s no secret that the binge drinking culture in New Zealand is huge, particularly among university students. According to the Salvation Army’s public policy and research study ‘Under The Influence: Reshaping New Zealand’s Drinking Culture’, young drinkers are an especially tolerant age group when it comes to risky drinking behaviour, such as drinking to excess or binge drinking. The New Zealand Alcohol and Drug Use Survey, last ran in 2007/08, also showed that the heaviest drinkers on average were those aged 18-24. However, I’m not here to lecture you on why alcohol is bad or why you shouldn’t drink so much. I love a cheeky bottle of wine as much as the next white girl. What I want to talk about is a short history of getting drunk, shown in a range of time periods and locations around the world, to compare different traditions and viewpoints with our drinking culture in modern day NZ.
ANCIENT EGYPT’S ‘FESTIVAL OF DRUNKENNESS’ - 1470 BC New Zealand uni students of today tend to use New Year’s festivals, such as R&V, as the perfect occasion to get absolutely hammered and fuck anyone in sight. Ancient Egyptians used the ‘Festival of Drunkenness’ instead. In Alan Boyne’s 2006 NBC News article ‘Sex and booze figured in Egyptian rites’, archaeologists were reported to have found evidence in the ruins of a temple in Luxor, showing that the Festival of Drunkenness consisted of “sex, drugs and the ancient equivalent of rock ‘n’ roll”. Johns Hopkins University’s Betsy Bryan summed up her team’s findings in this iconic quote, used in Boyne’s article. “We are talking about a festival in which people come together in a community to get drunk. Not high, not socially fun, but drunk — knee-walking, absolutely passed-out drunk.” The book ‘A Short History of Drunkenness’ by Mark Forsyth also reveals details about this festival. Enormous amounts of beer and wine were handed around the event, but with very little food in tow. There was only one aim in mind for the Egyptians: sacred drunkenness. You had to be ‘wholly drunk’ to be considered a holy drunk, which meant no food to slow down the process. I always get Macca’s after a night out, so I guess that makes me a flop. The Pharoah’s quote “Let him drink, let him eat, let him shag” meant there was NO room to be frigid. Literally everybody fucked each other, turning into a massive orgy. They didn’t care who saw or what happened, the temple hall was simply filled with
people having sex everywhere. If someone got pregnant to a complete stranger, these children would literally grow up to be heavily praised, gaining automatic entry into the priesthood when they became old enough too. I think a LOT of us would be priests if those were today’s entry requirements. Ancient Egyptians knew how to get fucking rowdy. You could argue that they went even harder than us uni students, making us pale in comparison. Yes, you see the odd couple making sweet love on the street, but it’s not very often you attend a house party that turns into a full-blown sex fest. Food places are also packed to the brim once the clubs close, making us a collective flop of unholy drunks. Take me back to Ancient Egypt, man.
THE ALCOHOLIC VIKING SOCIETY - 8TH-11TH CENTURIES “Alcohol and drunkenness didn’t need to find their place within Viking society, they WERE Viking society. Alcohol was authority, alcohol was family, alcohol was wisdom, alcohol was poetry, alcohol was military service and alcohol was fate.” Forsyth, 2017 We probably all know who Vikings are, but I’ll sum up the Wikipedia definition anyway for context. Vikings is the name given to the seafaring Norse pirates who roamed southern Scandinavia in the late eighth to the eleventh centuries. And man, did they absolutely FROTH getting on the piss. Like Forsyth described, alcohol was an integral part of Viking society. In particular, the tradition of ‘drinking and boasting’ competitions was a key part of the Viking drinking culture. In the 2007 thesis ‘Old Norse Drinking Culture’ by Jesús Fernando Guerrero Rodrìguez, ‘Mannjafnaor’ (a comparison of men) was described as the ultimate competition, consisting of both drinking and boasting. There are a loooooot of elements within these competitions, but Rodrìguez generalises it as “games by which men tried to state their place in society by declaring how powerful they were”. However, one aimed to remain SOBER while drinking. This is because many men would often become too drunk, boasting about things they hadn’t achieved or would not be able to achieve. Wanting to be sober while drinking, though? Sounds like a waste of alcohol to me. If I’m drinking, I either want to be out of my fucking mind, or I’m going home. Does Forsyth’s quote about alcohol make Viking society sound fun? At first glance, yeah, it does. But in reality, this environment made for a violent society in which warriors were made to drink too much too quickly, brag and insult others in drinking competitions, and they were ALL carrying swords at the time. In Forsyth’s book, he quotes
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an unknown poet’s highest praise of Beowulf (after the famous Viking) in the poem literally named ‘Beowulf’ was that he “never killed his friends when he was drunk”. Yup, men have been getting praised for the bare minimum for far too fucking long. We all know THAT guy who gets super fucking cocky after a few drinks and thinks he’s God’s gift to the earth. He claims he’s a beast at beer pong. After he loses ‘cos his aim is shit, he goes on to talk about how he was the “basketball captain in high school, man, no one got as many baskets as me, fucking oath”. Most likely, every other guy listening wants a piece of the action, and they’ll engage in some other meaningless competition to determine who reeks the most testosterone. It usually ends in a fight too, because throwing fists is seen as ‘manly’ in our society. Safe to say that drinking and boasting competitions are still running rampant among the NZ drinking culture for uni students, especially men. Could it be argued that the Vikings started the rise of toxic masculinity? Maybe. At least nowadays, it’s not typical to just have a casual sword on hand.
THE WILD WEST SALOON LATE 19TH CENTURY Luke Barnes’ 2017 Daily Mail article ‘When the West was wild: Fascinating 19th century photographs reveal the brawl-heavy, liquor-filled world of cowboy saloons’ describes the history behind the Wild West drinking culture. Tbh, the most Western movie I’ve watched is the 2011 animated children’s film ‘Rango’ about the little lizard who becomes a sheriff in the Wild West. However, the article does give off Rango vibes, prompting me to explore it further. The first saloon was opened at Brown’s Hole, Wyoming, in 1822. By the late 1850s, ‘saloon’ became a common term for ‘an establishment that specialised in beer and liquor sales’. Saloons began opening everywhere, with most western towns beginning to have more saloons than churches. They were open 24 hours, seven days a week. Alcohol was also HELLA cheap. Beer cost a fucking NICKEL, and two drinks of hard liquor (spirits) only cost a QUARTER. Fuck, what I would give to have a bar in New Zealand with those hours and prices. What a blissful little dream. Forsyth gives a little more background to the saloon era in his book, showing that the opening of saloons was also sparked by the amount of people migrating from the East Coast to the West. The Wild West offered double the wages than the East Coast did. Shit, I’d uproot my life and move too for that cash. But, like most olden day eras, the Wild West certainly wasn’t as progressive as the world we live in now. It was mostly only white men who were
in saloons; a black man might be tolerated, Native Americans were banned by law, and the Chinese were really not welcome because the racist white cunts hated them. ‘Respectable’ women also weren’t seen in saloons. Only ‘saloon girls’ were allowed in, deemed to have been somewhere in between ‘respectable and rentable’. Ahhh the sweet smell of misogyny. However, Barnes tells the tale of how these respectable women got their revenge, helping to start the ‘Anti-Saloon League’ in 1893. This league protested for the prohibition of alcohol in the United States, which led to many Wild West saloons being forced to close their doors. Girl power at its finest. They really said if women can’t drink, the rest of you fuckers can’t drink either, soz. Our bar hours and prices are an absolute joke compared to the Wild West, which has sent me absolutely spiraling. But to be honest, I’d rather spend a little money than drink in that racist, sexist environment of the late nineteenth century. You win some, you lose some. And by that, I mean you win basic human rights but you lose a shit ton of money. What a world.
In conclusion, our current drinking culture amongst university students in New Zealand has its similarities with the drinking cultures of other time periods and locations of the past. For example, men still love to act like Vikings by asserting their manliness through a game of beer pong and bragging about how they peaked in high school. However, we do have our fair share of differences too. We definitely don’t go as hard as the Ancient Egyptians, and anyone who says we do is delusional. Name one yearly orgy that is commonly known and normalised in New Zealand. Exactly, you can’t. The regulations around drinking are also a lot less racist and sexist (don’t get me wrong, there is still a LOT of growth to be done, but at least women and people of colour aren’t banned from bars in our country). I’ve seen ‘respectable’ university gals drink the boys to shame, and it’s a fucking delight to see. The days of white men being the only ones allowed to drink can rest in hell. The next time someone wants to lecture you on our binge drinking culture, refer them to the Ancient Egyptians, the Vikings, and the saloons of the Wild West. I’m not trying to glorify the drinking culture of NZ, because obviously it has its own fucked up consequences that deserve attention and solutions. But, you’ve gotta weigh up the positives with the negatives. Uni students like to drink, okay? Like the Pharoah of Ancient Egypt liked to say: “Let them drink, let them eat, let them shag.”
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DOIN’ IT UP THE BUTT THE INTRICATE WORLD OF BUTTCHUGGING WORDS BY CAROLINE MORATTI ILLUSTRATIONS BY TALLULAH FARRAR
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First, a classic disclaimer: Alcohol enema can be dangerous. Well, is dangerous. Not doing it is always the safest option. If you’re going to do it, do your research and do it safely. But, as ever, don’t do something just because we wrote a shit article about it. We can’t afford lawsuits! In the past few years, the arse has become a cultural phenomenon. From the Kardashians to Cardi B, our relationship to our rear ends, as we know it, has changed, perhaps forever. We shit, we laugh, we cry. In butts we love. But what about a good guzzle down the ol’ nozzle? Butt-chugging has always been a mystery to me. You know, a derrière drink, a rear-end rump, an apple bottom swig, a tush tip. For those out of the loop, butt-chugging is where you, well, consume alcohol through your ass. The word chugging is just there for creative purposes I suppose, as I’ve always imagined the practice to be a more polite sip than anything else. A hightea delicacy. One fit for only your finest china. Why would anyone do it? Well, in theory, the backdoor entrance to the fudge factory gets you drunk faster. Alcohol goes straight into the bloodstream, similar to how people shelve pills, so it’s hypothetically cheaper and quicker than your standard night out. For people who don’t like the taste of alcohol, or who want to avoid it on their breath (don’t drink and drive, folks), butt-chugging can help with those problems. The practice has been around for a bit now, talked about only in secret backrooms. Or outside of the Massey library, if you awkwardly walk up to students and ask about it (spoiler alert: we did). Let’s be real first of all, the majority of students haven’t attempted this trend. A lot of the people we approached were just like “ew, no” and walked away. We’re not trying to make this seem like the next big thing, only instead find out: is this a thing at all? Luckily for us, some students were more than willing to provide answers. Gina* has butt-chugged only once. “Once was more than enough for a lifetime,” she grimaces. Her technique of choice? A vodka-soaked tampon. “Don’t judge me okay, me and my mates stumbled across it on TikTok, and we were just so curious about the whole thing. So, one rainy afternoon, we set it up.” First things first, important decisions had to be made. “We picked the ass, although I’ve heard of people using the vagina, although I think that’s just riskier for infections and shit like that. One
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of my flatmates already gets enough yeast infections as it is,” Gina laughs. The girl sitting next to her just nods glumly. I wanted to offer her some yoghurt. They poured one shot of vodka into each tampon, reasoning that this was probably enough for a good trial-run. “I didn’t want to go crazy and just pour a shit-ton of alcohol down my ass, I’d done my research and knew the possible side effects. We figured that one shot for each of us was enough to test the waters, tell our grandkids or Massive about, you know,” Gina says. The real trouble, as it turns, out, was insertion. Whilst inserting a normal tampon might be no trouble, trying to push an alreadyexpanded tampon proved taxing. Gina says, “It was just so full! And believe it or not, I haven’t done much ass play in the past, so the idea of sticking something up was already difficult. I remember just squatting over the toilet, grimacing, trying to shove it all in. I was exhausted, my hands were soaked with vodka and.... my juices, can I say that?” [Spoiler alert: She can.] Once in, Gina and her flatmates all felt “various levels of discomfort. My friend Natalie* was in so much
pain, she took hers out almost immediately, but I persevered. Truth be told, I really wasn’t sure how long to keep it in. None of us were! We couldn’t find that information anywhere.” After an awkward 20 minutes, Gina “clawed” it out of her, in what can only be described as a scene out of a horror movie. “There was a bit of brown at the end of the tampon, should I mention that?” So, the million-dollar question: did they get drunk? Gina pauses, thinking. “It’s hard to tell, honestly. We were all just a bit delirious from the whole event of the shoving, and the clawing, that it’s hard to tell if we were slightly buzzed from the alcohol, or from the madness of it all. It was only one shot of vodka, after all.” Overall, she describes the ordeal as “definitely a flat-bonding event, but not one we’d bother with again. We were bored in quarantine but now we can just go out and do proper shots in clubs, so that’s obviously the preferred route to take.” Brian* and his mates butt-chugged at a “wild rager in Palmy one night”. By now the impression that I’m getting is that buttchugging is definitely a group activity, despite it being bizarrely personal (and inside of you). I’m guessing it’s less weird that way. Just bros being bros, right? “First thing’s first, it definitely wasn’t a planned thing,” Brian clarifies. “We were just at this random flat and someone said, ‘yo, let’s do this!’ and we all went along with it for a laugh.” A fair cry from the polite formality of a single tampon, this buttchug consisted of a funnel and cans of beer. “Before we knew it, we were all bending over in a line and this guy started pouring, I think it was VBs?” [Brian later messaged us to clarify that the drink was, in fact, Tui.] As you might have guessed, the whole thing was...messy. “A couple of their guys had removed their jeans entirely, rather than just pulling them down. God, I was so jealous of them, it was definitely the smart thing to do. I’m not even sure how much alcohol went inside of me, it was mostly just plastered all around my lower-half. It got on my clothes, my shoes, everything. I felt like I had pissed myself.” As for the effect of the chug, Brian isn’t 100% sure. “I was already drunk when I did it, obviously, so I did feel drunk, but it’s hard to tell if that
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was from the chug alone. All I know is that I spent the night walking around in damp jeans, smelling like shit. Every time I’d sit down, a little more beer would come out inside of me.” Love that visual for us! Ted* has butt-chugged “at least three times” so is definitely a connoisseur of the movement. He knows the practice intimately, and frankly, I felt privileged that he’d give us an interview. Although he’s done the funnel method, like Brian, he prefers the good ol’ fashioned “glass down the ass” trick of the trade.
“We were all just a bit delirious from the whole event of the shoving, and the clawing, that it’s hard to tell if we were slightly buzzed from the alcohol, or from the madness of it all. It was only one shot of vodka, after all.”
this is really no different”. At the end of “the waterfall”, he describes feeling mildly buzzed, but in a “head spin vape kind of way, like it’s a bit of a weird feeling. Anyway, it gives you a fucking mean hangover. You can’t puke or anything, so you’ve just got to lie there feeling like shit.” That is, after all, one of the dangers of butt-chugging. Normally, when you’ve had a bit too much to drink, a tactical vom (with or without proper tactic) can really do wonders. But by involving the rear-end, there’s no alcohol in your stomach to purge; it’s all in your bloodstream. Butt-chugging can lead to overconsumption, since you absorb the alcohol faster (plus sticking it down your caboose kind of makes it hard to see how much you’re actually consuming), without anyway of being about to flush the toxin out. If you ever end up in this sitch (although, let’s be honest, what about this article really makes you want to try it) then going to hospital is your safest, and only, bet. Overall, it’s clear that butt-chugging is more of a “I did it to tell the tale” rather than an actual method of getting fucked up. Yeah, we probably could have all seen this outcome coming, but it’s always good to ask around, just in case. That’s what proper journalists do, right? Right? Butt-chugging can be deadly, so do your research first, but it’s probably best just to have a nice, cold beer orally. Like normal people do.
“My girlfriend puts up with a lot, bless. I’d been reading all about this on Reddit forums, and asked if she would help me out. Essentially, you just pour wine down the hatch, that’s all there is to it. The hardest part of it is the positioning. I was really having to contort my body, like yoga, for an easy pour and so that the alcohol would go down me, instead of just immediately exiting,” he says. Ted likes to go for a “sharp, fruity white” as his liquor of choice (apparently red stains too much). Yum! On his first time, Ted says he was reaching for a glass of vodka, when he realised that he wouldn’t even consume a full glass of vodka normally, so decided wine seemed “a little safer”. It seems Harold the Giraffe did teach us something, after all. Enough with the small talk, let’s get on with the ass stuff. Specifically, the chugging of the ass. Ted says the pain is “excruciating” but that he does “a lot of dumb shit, so
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CAN I MAINTA SOCIAL LIFE S Words by Micah Davis-Rae Sobriety. What a concept! Sounds like a lifestyle reserved for recovering addicts and those unbearably happy people who say shit like “Why do you need drugs? Isn’t life just one great trip already?” But there’s a third, often overlooked category of people who choose not to booze. You don’t hear from them often - you mightn't have known that they even exist. But you would’ve seen them, whether you realised it or not. They’re a discreet bunch who like to hide in plain sight. They were at that party you went to last weekend, and the gig you saw the weekend before that. They are the teetotallers among us who live life sober because, well, ah, they just don’t want to drink. Cbf mate. Not into it. Yeah, nah. This article is part one of a two-part series. Part two will come out in September, once I have completed six weeks of complete sobriety. That’s right, folks, I’m going dry. If that doesn’t sound like a big deal, then you don’t know me. Six weeks will be by far the longest that I’ve gone without a drink since I was fifteen years old, which means I’ve been drinking like a fucking fish for an entire decade. Quite a sobering thought, really. If this sounds like a quarter-lifecrisis to you, then you’re absolutely on the money.
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TAIN A SOBER?
and wealth inequality. This essentially means that most of the work government, councils and universities have been putting in around liquor licensing are nothing more than band aid solutions. “For young men, alcohol allows them to express themselves in a way that society doesn’t allow them to sober,” Eden says. “Not to mention the people who drink as a way of coping with the shitty hand they’ve been dealt by society.”
Here’s the thing: For about three years now, alcohol simply hasn’t been doing it for me in the way that it used to. At the beginning of my whistle wetting career, drinking was something that I considered to be exciting and rebellious. It gave me the confidence that my scrawny, anxious ass sorely needed. As the years have worn on however, drinking has turned into something of a monotonous bore. To be honest, it’s gotten a little depressing. “Three years!?” I hear you cry. “Alcohol's been depressing you for three whole years, and you’re only just now doing something about it?” It’s true. I could’ve done something sooner, but despite inherent laziness being the root cause for most of my life’s (many) failures, I think there were some other forces at play here. For better or worse, my social life revolves around drinking. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I honestly don’t know what my friends and I would do if we weren’t drinking. Go for a walk on the beach? Play a board game? The last time we played Monopoly, one friend didn’t speak to me for two weeks. Whichever way you crumble the cookie, alcohol is a huge part of student culture in New Zealand. Some say that student’s binge drinking preferences are a part of healthy experimentation; a key stage in progressing into adulthood. Others argue that it contributes to setting a dangerous cultural precedent that influences the way we approach alcohol for the rest of our lives. “Some students could not even understand why you would consider drinking in moderation,” says Dr Kirsten Robertson, an academic from the University of Otago. “For them, alcohol is used as a tool to get drunk. You either drink to get drunk or you don’t take part. Drinking in moderation was seen as a waste of money and unnecessary calories.” Recent Massey graduate, Eden, has observed that that binge drinking doesn’t necessarily stop when graduates leave university. “Some of my friends and peers have left uni, gotten jobs that they don’t really like, and have realised that the world is kind of a shitty place. For some, alcohol has become a total dependency,” she says. Eden believes that New Zealand’s alcohol problem is a symptom of systemic issues such as gender
Current student, Sam, thinks that all of the negative press around student drinking culture is “a bit over the top. Students are going to drink no matter what you do, so you may as well provide them safe spaces to do it in,” they said. Both Eden and Sam agree on one thing: Drinking is at the centre of nearly all of the social activities that students engage in. “Oh absolutely. If you can think of an activity, then there’s at least one student who’s done it drunk,” Sam says. “I wasn’t immune to it at all,” says Eden. “My friends and I probably drank enough to hospitalise a small village during our time at uni.” So back to my conundrum. If I give up drinking, the benefits are obvious. I’ll save money, I’ll save calories, no more hangovers, my nicotine cravings will subside and my sleeping pattern could improve. If giving up alcohol just meant giving up alcohol, a lot more people would be doing it. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? What about my social life? There’s no way I’m going to convince everyone to take part in this ludicrous challenge alongside me. I’m in this shit alone. I’m actually not sure I’m ready for this. I still have eighteen beers to my name. Do I try to drink them all before Monday? Or do I hang on to them, while they look up at me seductively every time I open the fridge? I think I’m going to have a HUGE weekend to mourn the end of my ten-year streak of getting on the piss. My mum told me I need something to replace alcohol. I remember reading somewhere that smokers trying to kick the habit should send a tweet every time they have a nicotine craving. I’m sure that was bullshit, but I need something like that to believe in. My brother, who doesn’t drink or smoke tells me that his vice is cream buns. That’s a no go, as part of the reason I’m doing this is to get healthy. Maybe I need to get into kombucha. I’ve never tried it, and I definitely don’t trust it, but it could be a good place to start. Being honest with myself, like all difficult obstacles I face in life, my only strategy is to wing it. If you're reading this on Monday, August 9, it will be day one of my sobriety. There’s a long road ahead; a road paved with FOMO, boredom, loneliness and excellent sleep. I’ll see you in six weeks' time when you’ll find out whether this borderline alcoholic can survive (or thrive?) in a life free from the booze. Wish me luck, God knows I’m gonna need it.
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KING’S A
WatER fall
6
DICKS
Each player starts drinking at the same time as the person to their left, starting with you. No player can stop drinking until the player before them stops.
Maleidentifying people drink.
2
Choose somebody to drink.
7
Last one to point up drinks.
FUCK YOU
HEAVEN
3 FUCK ME
8 J MATE
NEW RULE
SC P You drink.
4
Femaleidentifying people drink.
Create a new rule for the rest of the game.
I EVER
9
Pick a word. Go around and say a word that rhymes with it. First one who can't come up with a word drinks.
Q
Anybody who answers a question to you must drink (until the next queen is drawn.) ). If they respond with "fuck you Question Master" then you must drink.
RHYME
QUESTION MASTER
10 K
Pick a category. Go around and name something in that category. If you fuck up or repeat, drink.
NEVER HAVE
WHORES
Nominate a mate for the rest of the game. They drink when you drink and vice versa.
5
Place five fingers on the table. First one with no fingers left drinks.
CATEGORIES
ADD TO THE CUP
The first three kings donate piss to the cup in the middle, and the fourth king must drink the cup to mark the end of the game.
Gut-wrenching stories from A&E Words by Jamie Mactaggart
CW: Dangerous Drinking
As long as I’ve been drinking, I’ve heard stories of people who have gotten way too fucked and needed to go the hospital to get their stomach pumped. I always thought stomach pumping was a bit of a myth, and it’s true that in recent years it has become less and less common in New Zealand, due to the risks associated with the procedure. Be warned though, stomach pumping is still a very real and scary thing. Massive decided to investigate, as we like to do from time to time.What actually is
stomach pumping? Stomach pumping, medically
known as a gastric suction or gastric lavage, is a procedure which empties the contents of your stomach to stop poisons or toxins from doing damage to your GI tract or to stop the process of said toxins going into your bloodstream. Gastric suctions aren’t always alcohol related, in fact most of them are in response to the consumption of chemicals such as cleaning products, or from overdosing on drugs. Long story short, a vacuum sucks up the contents of your stomach. The process is pretty fucking grim I can’t lie. First, they’ll numb your throat, so you don’t gag on the massive tube about to be shoved inside of you. Don’t worry, they’ll lube the tube up for you, but be prepared - it is not as hot and sexy as it sounds. Tube goes down, suction gets turned on, out the contents come. Yuck, it literally makes me cringe just thinking about it. Nowadays, getting your stomach pumped if you’ve drunk far too much is pretty uncommon. The procedure can be pretty risky due to damage to your bowels if old mate sticks it in too far, or the potential of the tube becoming dislodged. If the tube was to dislodge, there could be (serious) damage to your throat, you could choke on the contents that are being sucked up, or even contract pneumonia. The other trouble with stomach pumping is that it has to happen pretty quickly in order to be effective – once the alcohol has been properly digested none of the vacuums in the world are going to save you from the forthcoming. The more likely outcome will be getting hooked up to an IV and waiting for the alcohol to do its thing. Look, we’ve all overdone it once or twice before, it happens to the best of us. The best advice I can give you to avoid spending a night in hospital from overdrinking is to eat some carbs before going out and drink plenty of water. If you feel like that last drink was a bad call, there is no shame in hitting the toilet for a tacky vom. Knowing when to stop drinking, however, can be the difference between the best night of your life and having a tube shoved down your throat.
What do students have to say about their experience? Talia’s* parents had been quite strict during high school with regard to drinking, so in 2019 as a fresher Talia describes going “a bit crazy” once she was away from her parents for the first time. During this time, Talia and a friend went on an overseas trip together, and what ensued was “the peak of my stupidity”.
She says, “When we went through duty-free, there was a three for one gin deal which we obviously took advantage of. By the time the trip was nearly over, we still had two bottles left. My brain at that time was like, ‘I’m not gonna waste this alcohol’, even though looking back we could have easily bought an unopened bottle with us back to New Zealand.” Talia describes the pressure she and her mate had put on themselves to have the best night ever, and she ended up finishing an entire bottle of pink gin. “That whole night was not smooth sailing, aye. I was already vomming before the bottle was finished, but every time I threw up I told myself I had to make up for lost alcohol by drinking more. So fucking stupid, bro.” After they left the hotel, Talia’s recollection gets pretty foggy, naturally. She recalls not being able to speak the local language, and that it was only by the good grace of a bouncer at one of the clubs that she was taken to the local medical centre. “Yeah, got no clue what really happened, and was pretty freaked out when I came back to my senses. The day after though, holy shit, my throat was so fucking sore. [It] felt like someone had shoved their hand inside me and punched the inside of my neck over and over … I was so hungry as well but had to make do with ice blocks for a while after.” Talia says she’s still traumatised from the incident and feels grateful she doesn’t remember much. “I feel bad for my mate though aye, definitely ruined that trip for her.” Briar*, like Talia, also had a stomach pump in her first year away from home. “I had drunk a bottle of wine and lost all my friends in the hall. Then I saw my friend having a meltdown and throwing up outside, which made me want to throw up.” Briar took herself off to the bathrooms where “I had a meltdown because I couldn’t throw up”, despite her best efforts to get the alcohol out of her system. Having locked the bathroom door, “the RAs were trying to get in the bathroom but I said I would only let my RA in so they had to go and find her”. By the time Briar’s RA was found, she had started throwing up white foam, and was immediately taken to the hospital. “I can’t really remember much of the stomach pumping, but it just kind of felt like you’re gagging, like I just threw up.” The night is a bit of a blur for Briar, who still grimaces at the thought of locking out her RAs while throwing up foam. “For sure that could have been a lot worse. But then again, I didn’t really feel hungover the next day, so that’s a plus.” Sharon* had her stomach pumped when she was 17 years old, after a night of dangerous binge drinking. “I remember snippets,” she admits, “but most of my memory is pieced together by Snapchats that my friends took of me. Isn’t that sad?” After drinking almost a full bottle of rum “thanks to a torturous game of King’s Cup and watching my ex hook up with my mate in the corner”, she soon started dry heaving in the garden. “My friends thought it was a bit funny, at first, like classic me! But when I started coughing up blood, they dialled 111 pretty fucking fast.” The ambulance took 20 minutes, by which time Sharon was passing in and out of consciousness. Arriving at the A&E on a busy Thursday night, a quick assessment was made and a stomach pump was administered. “I was given some kind of medicine to numb my throat, apparently, and then a tube was inserted. It just felt, I don’t know, horrendous. I felt like I was being turned inside out. It was the most invasive thing to have ever happened to me. Then they did it all over again as well!” She woke up in hospital the next day feeling “bruised and battered all over” with an intense headache. “I was discharged but I didn’t eat for a while. I could barely handle water,” she recalls, shuddering. To this day, Sharon has never touched rum again, and says the whole experience has made her weary about drinking in general. “I thank God I was with good, sensible mates. And all the doctors and the nurses, they were really nice about the whole event. I never told my parents though. I hope they don’t read Massive lol.” All of these stories are from young people with little experience drinking, who have inadvertently put themselves at risk from overdoing it. Excessive drinking can be so dangerous, and too often people who are suffering from the effects of overdrinking become the brunt of a joke, or the subject of a Snapchat story, before getting the help they need. As I said before, it’s pretty unlikely that stomach pumping will be the result of ingesting too much alcohol, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other dangers and risks. At the end of the day, looking after each other is the most important thing. Keep an eye on your mates and know your limits, team. If you or someone you know needs support and treatment to reduce their alcohol intake, contact the following places. Alcohol Drug Helpline: 0800 787 797 or free txt 8681 for confidential advice. Māori line – 0800 787 798 Pasifika line – 0800 787 999
POV: A TYPICAL WORDS BY ELENA MCINTYRE-REET
A student night out is a well-known staple of university life. The awkward stage before anyone is feeling their Cleanskin, the debate on the true rules of King’s Cup, the dreaded clean-up when you wake up next to a vomit bucket and the neglected glass of water and Panadol you left out for yourself the night before. Even though nights like these feel routine, for some reason we keep coming back for more. Depending on your budget, deciding what to drink is often where your night begins. If you’re poor, you’ll hunt and gather around your flat for any drinks left over from previous pres. The goal here is to find as many standard drinks as possible. Tonight, the spoils were; half a box of Billy Mavs, one lonely cider and nearly a whole box of Lion Browns (don’t ask). In terms of the recipe for a brutal hangover, this would be ideal, but it’s the day after pay day and you’re feeling fancy. You head down to the liquor store and stroll the chiller, taking in whatever hot new RTD is on special at Big Barrel. In the end, you decide to get back with an old flame and pick up a sugar-free Nitro. Pleased with your selection but confident that it won’t be enough to get fucked up, you head back to your flat knowing you’ll be forced to pre with whatever the fuck goes into a can of Lion Brown. Back at the flat it’s all go, you line your stomach with shitloads of pasta and get dressed, stopping only for the occasional chug of what has to be the world’s most
disgusting beer. Tasting notes are piss and the feeling of walking on a sticky floor. On this particular night, you’re lucky enough to know the host of the party so you head in early for the awkward set-up of recycling bins for empties and tinkering with the appropriate volume for the UE Boom. The people of the inner circle have arrived, some still getting ready for the night ahead. We sit around the coffee table and decide to play a drinking game, God forbid we sit around and talk to each other about anything meaningful. We decide to try out that game one of us saw on TikTok. We take turns blowing on a deck of cards until one of us knocks off the final one, feigning disappointment that we have to drink, as if we didn’t come to this event for that very purpose. Eventually we move on to King’s Cup, the Never Have I Ever questions start off generic like “never have I ever had sex in a car”. Eventually, the questions get specific and deeply personal. “Never have I ever had my dad leave when I was four, taking the family dog with him,” kind of vibes. The tension of airing each other’s dirty laundry is broken by a knock at the door. We all stand up, some of us realising for the first time that we are in fact, drunk, and go put dibs on the beer pong table. There’s some healthy debate about the legitimacy of some peoples ‘house rules’ but eventually the game is in full swing and the trash talk has started. Every time someone plays beer pong, they act like they’re Olympic athletes, lining up their CULTURE
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NIGHT OUT
shots with the precision I’m sure their lecturers wish they would apply to their proof reading. One team is crowned the winner and the house is starting to fill up which means it’s time to mingle. Most of the chats start by asking how people know the host, a fair few of the responses are just “I don’t, I’m a plus one”, and you start to wonder whether the host has any friends at all. One of the flatmates is smoking weed in her bedroom and the absolute stoner fiends of this event are sniffing out the source like fucking blood hounds. Eventually there’s six of them in the bedroom, desperately trying to get a puff of some of that goodgood. The house is full now and there’s a huge fucking line for the one toilet. The people blessed with penises are happy as, pissing out the window into some of Wellington’s finest bush. The girls in the bathroom line are best friends now, they follow each other on Instagram and are pointing out to each other which window pisser is the love of their life. In the toilet, someone’s managed to break the toilet seat, so relieving yourself is now a case of precariously balancing over the bowl making sure you aren’t impaled by the sharp bit of plastic you’re squatting over. The party outside sounds like it’s winding down but someone’s found a skateboard and is showing everyone their kickflips.
the golden gates of Courtney Place. In the Uber, we ask our driver about their night, it’s been busy, much better than last weekend, he finishes at 5am. The line to the club is long but you’ve made more best friends waiting to enter. At the front of the line, you tell the bouncer you’ve only had a couple, while confidently handing him your eftpos card instead of your ID. He lets it slide because you’re hot and you enter the club, a remix of Taylor Swift’s Love Story blaring through the speakers for some reason. You form a protective ring with your friends, letting the occasional guy in when he passes the vibe check. Your friends dancing with some guy in an open flannel shirt and a band tee, you raise your eyebrows at her to make sure she’s okay, after an affirmative nod you get back to dancing. Your friend is yawning during a DNB remix of Gangnam Style so you decide it’s time to call it a night. You head to Macca’s and put your order in for a double cheeseburger and a Kiwi Blue water, you’re responsible. When you get outside you realise an Uber 10 minutes up the road is going to cost you thirty fucking dollars. You hop on an e-scooter clutching your McDonald’s back like it’s your lifeline. Zooming past the hordes of drunk people you see your flat on the horizon and your bed is calling you. You sit on the couch, ears still ringing from the club. You munch your burger with heavy eyes and head to bed, room spinning.
We’re all kicked out to town, squinting at number plates trying to figure out which Toyota Prius is our ticket to CULTURE
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WHICH ODD COMPANY CHARACTER WOULD I DATE? Words by Caroline Moratti Odd Company are delicious little RTDs, a treat! Known not only for their plentiful flavour, but the array of characters on each of their cans, Massive decided to ask the big question: which one of these gremlins are my soulmate? Who am I going to grow old with? Have wrinkly, old person sex with? Only one way to find out.
The Fancy One: Gin, Cucumber, & Lime with Sparkling Water Yes. Love her. She is the moment. The turtleneck is a perfect touch of cool girl energy, paired with laidback jeans. The Odd Company describes her as “A flashy night on the town, or a potluck in the suburbs, this little number is here to raise the tone.” Oh my God, my dream woman. But let’s talk about the sunglasses! Lowered just enough to see her piercing eyes, my gaze meets hers across the bar. She’s with her friends, drinking gin and dancing to Billie Eilish. Her hoop earrings and slick, her short bob calls to me, my groins. We make love on a fire escape in the apartment her parents pay for. I try to ignore the flash of rejection when she refuses to kiss me after oral. She studies textile design, or photography. She helps me view the world in a better, sweeter light. She probably has a favourite Sex and the City character (Charlotte). I’m a Samantha so we work well together for the precious few weeks we spend together. In the end, she ends up ghosting me, and will marry an investment banker out on Waiheke Island. It’s a small intimate affair of about 200 people. I wasn’t invited.
The Cheeky One: Vodka, Peach & Passionfruit with Sparkling Water She’s the life of the party, baby! Warm, bubbly with a go-to karaoke song always up her sleeve. Peek the fanny pack? Yeah, she’s prepared to party. Primed with gear, chapstick, chewing gum, everything a girl could possibly need or desire. However, she is the type to, well, be cheeky. She’d send me a nude then immediately fall asleep, or disappear in town for two hours before being spotted in Macca’s flirting with someone she picked up on her *adventures*. I’m not the jealous type, but she might just bring it out in me. No one wants to be that person, you know? The sex, however, would be amazing. Just so, so many sex toys. Vibrators beyond pure human imagination. Dildos longer than my forearms. In the end, her spontaneity and flirtatiousness will be the end of us. I can’t compete with every random she bumps into a club bathroom, no matter how hard I try. The night will end in tears (me) and pelvic thrusting to ABBA (her). CULTURE
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The Party Guy: Vodka, Lemon, Lime & Yuzu with Sparkling Water Urgh. I hate him already. Odd Company describes him as “Lively, fun and a little bit unexpected, The Party Guy is here to turn up the volume on any occasion.” Okay sure, love that, but why does the illustration have to look so...sad? Like honestly, he just looks fucking pissed off and ready to cancel me on Twitter for taking too long in the bathroom (I like to pee, okay). The denim jacket is too normie (listen, make it either oversized or outrageously tight) and the party hat is just...weird. I know it’s meant to be ironic but the overall effect just frightens me. We’d hook up, once. Okay, maybe a couple of times, but that’s all, I promise. He’s a massive prick, but there’s something about his bare walls and mattress on the floor that keeps me crawling back for more. He doesn’t even know where the clitoris is! He’d say something carelessly insensitive in bed about the size of my thighs. Why am I like this? I swear, I need therapy. Anyway, he’d end up rejecting me, naturally. Why am I being rejected in all these hypothetical scenarios. Maybe I do really need help...
The Total Package: Rum, Pineapple & Lime with Sparkling Water Um hello, hottie alert? But also, on second thoughts, maybe not. He looks like a man written by a man. The tight white t-shirt? The glasses that OBVIOUSLY have no lenses in them. And the book being held up as a prop of his “intellect”, urgh! There aren’t even any words in his book!! It’s blank babe, fucking run. Anyway, we match on Tinder. He uses too many emojis, I’m too drunk to care. We hook up in his car because I don’t want to spend more than 30 minutes in his company. I was right to be cautious (too much tongue). 30 minutes was a generous estimate, too. I ask him to drop me off at the nearest Night ‘n Day for some wedges, hoping to never hear from him again. I was wrong. He messages the next day, and the day after as well. Like sure, I get it, ghosting is a bit of a dick move, but it was a one-night-stand, not a 20-year relationship. Just...move on? He doesn’t. His messages go from crying-face emojis to passive-aggressive thumbs up. Eventually, I block him. Good for me.
The Random One: Vodka, Raspberry & Pomegranate with Sparkling Water She’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but almost too cool, you know? The cowboy hat, the one earring, the sleeve of tattoos. I want to be friends with her but I’m unsure about full-on penetration. And let’s just say the obvious: what’s up with the shoe over the shoulder? Where’s the other shoe? Is she wearing it? Is it a one-on one-off situation? Is she just casually barefoot or wearing socks? What’s UP babe?! We meet at a party and agree to meet up at an alleyway cocktail bar the next night. She confidently mispronounces the drinks list and vapes inside when the bartender isn’t looking. On the way back to mine (I still don’t know where she lives) she talks about what a bitch her ex is. It’s all fine, but next to her I feel like a meek, shoe-wearing mouse. In bed, she’s on top. Obviously. As if that even needed to be stated. The fingering is aggressive, and I’m certain my next-door neighbours can hear us at this rate. The next day she swipes some bread from my flatmates pantry and I never see her again. I wish her well. CULTURE
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HANGOVER H OW TO C U RE A
WO RD S BY C A RO L I N E M O R AT T I
1. Eat a raw egg in the morning. Immediately throw said raw egg up, think to yourself “why the fuck did I think this was a good idea when I already want to throw up” and go back to sleep. 2. Wake up and pour yourself another drink! It’s the hair of the dog, baby! Again, immediately throw up because, what are you actually thinking?? You spent all last night spewing pink gin in the gutter, but give it a good six hours and suddenly it’s your best friend again? Hard pass. 3. Text your ex. The spine-curling, psychological torture of this move will immediately distract you from how physically shit you feel. 4. Text your crush. Ask them to come over. Immediately start panicking because you look like shit and last night’s kebab remnants are strewn across the living room. Oh, and you might have pissed the bed (but only a bit though). The urge to have a shower and have a tidy up in order to seem “presentable” to your love will wake you up and power you through the day. 5. Burp the alphabet backwards. Gets all the gas out. 6. Sleep it off. A classic move, seriously underrated. Feel like shit? Just go back to sleep! Sleep the pain away. In other news, this might also be my approach to depression. 7. Have a hearty fry up. Mmmmm. Sausages, eggs, hashbrown. Don’t forget the warm, buttered toast! You will feel like shit after eating it, but in a different kind of way. Like an “I’ve eaten too much” rather than “I’ve drank too much”. Technically does get rid of a hangover tho! So still fucking counts!!!
8. Pray to whatever god you believe in. Only divine intervention can get you through this ordeal. 9. Gatorade it up! Seriously, this isn’t even a joke. That blue baby juice will get you through anything. 10. Get your flatmate to come in and tell you all the embarrassing shit you did last night. The memories will be so graphic and shameful that it’ll make you never want to drink again. You can’t have any more hangovers if you don’t drink! 11. Go for a 5k run. You will hate yourself but at least you’ll be somewhere other than the bathroom for when you inevitably have to throw up. Variation is key. 12. Hop in the shower! Cry in the shower! Comb the vomit out of your hair! Have an existential crisis and use up all the hot water. 13. Start reading some serious physics books. You know, the big heavy ones. Go on Reddit pages, get more and more involved in the scientific community. Fall in love with Redditor 69ElonDogeCoin. Buy scary metal parts off TradeMe. After years of research and testing, your time machine will eventually be ready. Go back to the night before it all began, and don’t have that final drink. You will wake up blissful and hangover-free, with no memory of the bitter, twisted few years. You will have no memory of your partner, or numerous children you conceived together. Was it worth it, old friend? 14. Drink some water! He he he.
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Sexcapades X-Rated Adventures of the Massey Underbelly Buzzing in the Lecture Theatre
Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story? Email sexcapades@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours xoxox I was having a bad week, okay, so I was crymasturbating pretty much all the time. Like honestly, just all the time. My Satisfier Pro 2 was my best friend, with the man from the dairy my solid no.2 (thanks Brian for serving me icecream and vape juice at 8am without judgement xx) I’d taken to carrying my vibrator around in my backpack, don’t even ask me why. Sometimes the urge just comes to me in the library bathrooms. Last Thursday, I was settling down for a really fucking boring lecture. About 50 people, one old dull white guy, you know the drill. I’d come in late so I was sitting front row, unfortunately. About 5 minutes in, someone’s phone starts buzzing. VERY loudly. Everyone’s just kind of waiting for it to stop, but it just keeps going. After about 2 minutes, our professor interrupts and says “Can everyone please turn their phone off?” My phone was on my desk, on silent, so I wasn’t too bothered. Just kinda annoyed at whoever this idiot is. Another minute passes, and it’s like REALLY. Who the fuck is calling you this much? At this point, the girl next to me nudges me and I realise the noise is...coming from my backpack. Oh fuck. I think you all know what it is at this point.
Fearing for my fucking life at this point, I tentatively unzip my backpack, and sure enough, my bullet vibe is bouncing round the bottom, just really going for it. I don’t even know how she got started, maybe I knocked it? Maybe I’d never even turned it off? Whatever it was, the beast was ALIVE. As politely as I could, I reach inside. The trouble with this lil gremlin is that, she doesn’t have a normal on-off switch. She’s the kind of vibrator where you need to cycle through at least 6 different settings before it turns off. I KNOW. She was $20 okay, let’s not judge. So, I shove my hand in my bag and start pressing the switch as quickly as I can, with the buzzing noise getting louder/more aggressive with as it passes each setting. At one point, just before I reach the last setting, half of my arm shoved in my backpack at this point, I look up and make eye contact with my professor. He knows. I know. Everyone knows. Finally, I reach the off cycle, and the silence is palpable. The rest of the lecture is the longest hour of my life. Could have died of embarrassment. From now on, I’m leaving my collection firmly at home.
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Culinarylingus An Ode to Massey: A COCKtail In honour of the alcohol issue, Massive decided to create an exclusive Massey-themed cocktail. Blue Powerade, for our university colours. Gin, because we grow juniper berries (somewhere on the Palmy campus, find them!!!), Bison Grass Vodka (this was as close to ram-related content we could get. Rams eat grass? Anyway, love u Fergus the Ram), and Nitro because we all need to wake the fuck up. Oh, and some cranberry juice because judging by the amount of scratching in my lecture theatres, some of y’all definitely have UTIs. No shame here babe. To finish, slather some McNuggets dipping sauce around the glass in respect to our almighty chicken wing statue and blow a vape cloud to finish off the look. God, I love this university.
INGREDIENTS: • ¼ cup of Blue Powerade • 1 shot of gin • 2 shots Zubrowka Bison Grass Vodka • 1 glug of cranberry juice • ½ cup Nitro • Sweet & Sour McNuggets dipping sauce • To garnish: a vape cloud PREPARATION: • Combine Powerade, gin, vodka, cranberry juice and Nitro in your most fancy glass. Or a stolen road cone. It mostly just depends if you’re from Palmy or not. • Slather dipping sauce around the edges. This will give the perfect fruity kick to your sip, and layer with clouds of vape. Enjoy!
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*submit your poems or short stories to editor@massivemagazine.org.nz
Blue Picture this: the couch is a blue you can’t describe and everyone is here. We are asking ourselves too many questions and the hesitations fold into the milk-jug tulips. The TV doesn’t work — we’ve tried — so rather the colours are pinned on walls, all garish and bright, as if that might soothe our sea lungs.
We are chipping off all the nail polish and there is no one to stop us. Gagging down whiskey, spots of eczema on pickled legs, I plum don’t know how to do this without you. William Golding yawns on the top shelf. We are alone, and we are boring.
The girls lie on the true-blue couch, the boy on the floor, and we are talking about the things we have seen on the TV in other people’s houses.
STUDENT WELLBEING My neighbour is Hindu. My friend is Baha’i. And my sister’s partner is Muslim. Why do I get stressed trying to make sense of all this?
ENGAGING WITH
RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY INTERACTIVE WORKSHOPS MANAWATU Tuesday 31 August WELLINGTON Wednesday 1 September AUCKLAND Tuesday 26 October Designed to provide tools for engagement and replace stereotypes with information. Explore: • • • • •
bringing your religion to campus what is religious expression the overlaps between religion and identity our own understandings of world religions the relationship between religion and culture
Part 1 of 2 Part 2 of 2
10.00am - 12.00pm 1.30pm - 3.30pm
Facilitator Massey chaplain Ricky Waters Trustee Religious Diversity Centre Aotearoa chaplain.auckland@massey.ac.nz
Limited spaces - book now STUDENTS MyHub.massey.ac.nz | Events STAFF MyHR | Development
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Exec Columns
MUSA: FATIMA IMRAN
MAWSA: TESSA GUEST
ASA: BEN AUSTIN
M@D: JAX WATT & JACALYN CLARE
Kia orana! You might have seen the latest updates on our work, but here’s a summary if you haven’t: •
Executives from the general, Māori and Pasifika associations of each Massey cohort met recently at the Manawatū campus.
•
There, we collectively agreed to consult on a changed structure of MUSAF (Massey University Students Association Federation). This is the umbrella which currently connects the general and Māori associations.
•
Key changes were:
•
*
To incorporate three chairs (one general, one Māori and one Pasifika) to help facilitate discussions and continue the work this year to explore a potential merge of associations,
*
Pasifika voice to be included on the MUSAF board, and
*
The board to honour Te Tiriti through co-governance with 50% of the votes for Tangata Whenua (Māori representatives), and 50% for Tangata Tiriti (general and Pasifika representatives).
The proposed structure is open for consultation right now. You can access the link to our survey via any of the general, Māori or Pasifika association’s channels.
Aside from having a strong structure to govern a single SLA, the core of this proposed structure is to allow for authentic inclusion and consultation with all students on different options for the future of our student associations. Our representatives still wholeheartedly believe that merging our general associations is the best option for students, but we don’t want to rush a decision as significant as this. Thank you for your patience with us in this process. Noho ora mai, Tessa, Ben, Fatima, Jacalyn & Jax.
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SNIP, SNOP, SNAP SEND US YOUR SNAPS TO GET FEATURED IN NEXT WEEK’S EDITION @MASSIVE_MAG
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Horoscopes LEO
VIRGO
You’re not as young as you once were, watch out for those pesky hangovers. Remember, always have a bottle of Powerade in your fridge (the blue kind is best, everyone knows that). You can thank me later x
You WILL lose your eftpos card whilst out on the piss this week. Sorry mate. Better cancel that card now, start using cash instead. Or even better, the barter system!
Drink of choice: Scrumpy
Drink of choice: Corona
LIBRA
SCORPIO
Stop dogging the boys. You’ve been on your ass watching shit all week now, go out this weekend. Yes, town is shit, but friends are magic.
Drunk texting is the game, and your ex takes a starring role. Which, isn’t terrible, just as long as you know what you’re getting into.
Drink of choice: Ranfurly Draught
Drink of choice: Part Time Rangers
SAGITTARIUS
CAPRICORN
What a shame you keep passing out before the fun begins. Sure, go hard, but don’t go early. Take a nap before the next party, eat some dinner for once, please.
It will be a BIG week. Fucking hell. By the end of it you’ll just drinking to forget, if I’m completely honest.
Drink of choice: Nitro
Drink of choice: Straight fucking Vodka
AQUARIUS
PISCES
This week you’ll have a lovely little time with your friends. Some piss, some cheese, what could be lovelier? Take lots of photos, celebrate these precious times :’)
Remember: Tactical Voms are your friend. Listen, learn, repeat. Drink of choice: Rum & Coke
Drink of choice: Cask red wine
ARIES
TAURUS
You’re holding back and everyone knows it. You CAN slut-drop, you’re just afraid, and I’m not sure why (jk, I know everything). Go on, get a little low on the d-floor.
Stop smoking weed whilst you’re drunk!! Remember the golden rule: Beer before grass and you’re on your ass, grass before beer and you’re in the clear. Learn it, live by it. Please.
Drink of choice: Gin & Tonic, baby!
Drink of choice: Pals
GEMINI
CANCER
Stop lying to yourself, those cheeky packs of cigarettes you consume on the piss DO add up. But fuck it, we don’t care, just stop lying to yourself babe and relax a little
Watch out for BYOS and those coins. Your mates are getting craftier. Time to level up, bitch.
Drink of choice: VBs
Drink of choice: Cleanskin White Wine
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PUZZLE PAGE! LAST WEEK’S CROSSWORD (AMENDED)
14/07/2021
ACROSS 1. To give precisely zero fucks (9) 4. To be sexually unfaithful either breaking a promise of sexual fidelity or lying about sexual encounters (5) 7. The opposite of head, and synonymous with ass (4) 8. The colour of LOVE (3) 9. If it’s yellow, let it ‘_____’, if it’s brown, flush it down (6) 10. Inserted into the vagina (6) 11. A person who charts the position of the stars in the sky to gain insight into human personality, and draw predictions about the future (10)
DOWN 8. Person with the most Instagram followers (7) 1. Audio processor originally intended to disguise or correct shit singing ( 8 ) 13. Religous day of rest (7) 2. The act of communicating with 15. People who don’t eat this part of their another person subconsciously but not pizzas can’t be trusted (5) physically interacting with them (9) 16. The male gnome protagonist of the 3. Lil Nas X’s latest single ( 8, 4) Romeo and Juliet 2011 remake (6) 4. Sliced cabbage with mayo ( 8 ) 18. If you can ‘____’ a wrench, then you can ‘____’ a ball (5) - Hard - 07/25/2021 5. Describes eventsPrintable which Sudoku happened after all the story has finished ( 8 ) 20. The daddy version of string (4) 6. Where everyone gets a bargain (3, 9)
Printable Sudoku25/07/2021 - Sudoku for kids - 07/14/2021
Sudoku - Easiest SUDOKUS/WORD WHEEL
Sudoku - Hard
4-letter words: 20
5 3
6
4 2
3 7
3
6
4
6
5
8
9
8
7 4 2 7
8
2
4 5
5 3
EASY
3
12 6 4
5 1
99
5
9
6-letter words: 4
1 3
6
8
5
7
88
2 4 1
8
7 15
5
2
6 7
5 42
3
1
3
5
1 6
3
6 9 3
7 4 2 2 9
18 6
6
8
7
5 1
6 4 99.4FM 5 47 10 72 RADIO CONTROL TOP 1
Apothecary Bad Taste
5
8
9
7 Run Weekend Unknown Mortal Orchestra 5
8
7
HIT PICK
every (bass 9 dream is3a nightmare 1 ghost) Synthetic Children
4
7
2 7
8
Overflow French For Rabbits
2 Astronaut Porpoise 5
9
92
1
6 3 1 8
37
3
Pray 8 for Prey 3 DARTZ
2
34 6
FELIX’S PICK
Jujulipps 5 Hillary Banks
Be My Mirror 6 Carb on Carb
9
6
95For Women, 7 Speak Up You Don’t Speak For Me 1 Napkin 5 Unsanitary
HAZEL’S PICK
7
14
8
73
8
3
2
8 6 8
4
1
4 1
V1 4
L3
8
9
4 5 E 3 5 O
N
3
5
Y
9
T
7
L 3
The target is to create as many words of 4 letters or more, using the letters once only and always including the letter in the middle of the wheel.
6
4 39
4
2
7
Old Peel Aldous Harding
8 Holding a Flame Womb
6 2
5
3
9 5
6
1Shady Fat Freddy’s Drop
2
7
I
4
8
8 29MICHAEL’S 9 1 PICK
7
9
9
HARD
8
7-letter words: 2 9-letter words: 1
5-letter words: 7 07/25/2021
07/14/2021
1
12. The word you use when someone clearly has no talent and/or is unworthy of praise, status or limelight of any sort (4) 13. The occasionally blue thing above your head that can’t be touched no matter how hard you try (3) 14. The cute girl from Monster’s Inc (3) 17. The state of having no hair (4) 19. A notice of death ( 8 ) 21. A female knight of a British chivalric order (4) 22. To walk with attitude (5) 23. Rich bald spaceman (4, 5)
5 4 10 7
4Crossing Sulfate
4
2 1
3
8
1
1 Here 2 Comes the Wind Luke Buda
ISABELLA’S PICK Mercury Womb
3
6
4 2
7 CULTURE 6
4 38
CROSSWORD ACROSS 1. A person who – or an entity that – loans money at extremely high interest rates and often uses threats of violence to collect debts (4, 5) 8. Unlickable body part 9. A form of memory loss (7) 10. A form of academic torture that happens twice a year (4) 11. Nickelodeon tv show starring Miranda Cosgrove (6) 12. Achieved without great effort (6) 13. A penny saved is a penny ‘____’ (6)
14. Someone who always wants a hoon on your vape. Also a rough protective crust that forms over a cut or wound during healing (4) 20. The fanaticism surrounding an English rock band in the 60s (11) 21. The ship built by Noah to save his family and two of every kind of animal from the Flood (3) 24. Bubble gum tape (5, 5) 26. Comes out of a lamp when you rub it (5) 27. The OlyWhites are the New Zealand mens team in this Olympic Sport (8) 28. A luxury fashion house based in Florence, Italy. (4)
DOWN 1. Garfield’s favourite food (7) 2. A team of superheroes (8) 3. A group of friends or an event that consists of almost all guys (7, 4) 4. Scared (6) 5. She wakes up in the morning feeling like P Diddy (5) 6. He loves Spinach (6) 7. An award that recognises achievement in the music industry (6) 15. A winged celestial being and a series of teenage spy novels (6)
16. Slang for clitoris (4) 17. The ‘oven’ part of ‘bun in the oven’ (6) 18. A head covering worn in public by some Muslim women (5) 19. Te Reo Māori word that refers to a treasured possession (6) 22. Brilliant leader of non-violent Indian insurgency against British colonial rule during the first half of 20th century. Also means to shit your pants and not care (6) 23. Chocolate flavoured powder (4) 25. A search engine people use to find Google (4)
QUIZ
QUIZ ANSWERS: 1.B) 2. A) 3. D) 4.B) 5. C) 6. A) 7. A) 8. D) 9. C) 10. A)
1. Which cocktail is made from the combination of rum, coconut cream and pineapple juice? A) Daquiri B) Piña Colada C) Hurricane D) Sex on the Beach 2. What does the wine term Spumante mean? A) Sparkling B) Corked C) A beneficial fungus that grows on wine grapes and enhances sweetness and flavor complexity. D) A technique in the winemaking process removing any unwanted particles before bottling. 3. Which country consumes the most beer per capita? A) China B) Germany C) America D) Czech Republic
LAST ISSUE CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: 1. Apathetic 4. Cheat 7.
4. “Alcohol” is a word derived from which language? A) Latin B) Arabic C) French D) Spanish
8. In Greek mythology, who is the god of wine? A) Bacchus B) Semele C) Jupiter D) Dionysus
5. What makes a White Russian white? A) Egg white B) Vanilla C) Milk D) Vodka
9. The shape of modern champagne glasses is said to have derived from the mould of whose breasts? A) Marilyn Monroe B) Madonna C) Marie Antoinette D) Cleopatra
6. What are the two main ingredients of a Snakebite? A) Beer and Cider B) Beer and Red Bull C) Cider and Jagermeister D) Red Bull and Vodka
10. True or False: The freezing point of vodka is -27C. A) True B) False
7. Which city suffered The Great Beer Flood of 1814? A) London B) Manchester C) New York D) Chicago
Tail 8. Red 9. Mellow 10. Tampon 11. Astrologer 12. Next 13. Sky 14. Boo 17. Bald 19. Obituary 21. Dame
22. Strut 23. Jeff Bezos Down: 1. Autotune 2. Telepathy 3. Industry Baby 4. Coleslaw 5. Epilogue 6. The
Warehouse 8. Ronaldo 13. Sabbath 15. Crust 16. Gnomeo 18. Dodge 20. Rope CULTURE
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