Massive Magazine Issue 21 2021 by Massive Magazine

issue

SEPTEMBER 20/2021

Table of Contents 06 10 14 18 20 22 26 30 32 34 36 37 38

News Exiled from Tinder Select Your Player Get a Flat Fish Centrefold Uber Boober Cottagecore ASA Elections Culinarylingus Sexcapades Snaps Horoscopes Puzzles

EDITOR Caroline Moratti

PHOTOGRAPHER Callum Parsons

SUB EDITOR Jamie Mactaggart

ILLUSTRATORS Tallulah Farrar, Sara Moana

NEWS EDITOR James Pocock STAFF WRITERS Cameron Taylor, Elena McIntyreReet, Ari Prakash, Mason Tangatatai, Michael Freeman DESIGNER Micah Davis-Rae

CONTACT/SOCIAL

editor@massivemagazine.org.nz Facebook/massive.magazine Instagram/massivemagazine www.massivemagazine.org.nz

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Got a letter to the Editor? Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to rant, flirt, complain, whatever x

Massive is registered under the New Zealand Press Council which allows our readerS to reach out to an independent forum for resolving any complaints you may have. Massive is also a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association. The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, ASA, MUSA, MAWSA, M@D or the Massive Editor. MAWSA is

an independent organisation that publishes Massive. Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@ m a s s i v e m a g a z i n e. o r g. n z. Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz.

Editorial

I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE I missed the shit uni food, there, I said it. I know, it surprised me too. All this year I’ve been bitching about it. Going into the role of editor, I made it my personal mission to better the food quality at Massey, or at least add the tiniest bit of variety. It frustrated me, the banality of it all. You know the story. I wanted teriyaki chicken on rice. I wanted hot curries and dumplings and avocado on toast. So yeah, I was a bit of a cunt about the whole thing. Unashamedly so. I really wrote a lot of features and editorials about it all, shouting out into the void, hoping for an answer back. But huddled up in my bed in lockdown, left to my own cooking, I began to fantasise of the food I could eat on campus. Of the vending machines, with their never-ending supply of Diet Coke. Of a lukewarm sausage roll, a sweet little caramel slice to accompany a rainy afternoon. Tussock does this delicious little thing called a “cheeseburger”. I put cheeseburger in quotation marks because to me, it’s far more mysterious. They bundle these bad boys in so much tinfoil, one could be forgiven for thinking that an alien had taken a shit on your plate. But yowzer, is it delicious. It’s probably the only thing on the menu that’s not dry, and for that, I love it. A moist little delicacy of meat and cheese, a wee bit of tomato relish. Wrapped in bread. Perfection in a bite. It’s not fancy, it’s not complicated. It’s just an honest, working-man’s $4.70 cheeseburger. They don’t even add pickles (even though honestly, it would be a welcome addition) or mustard, so the burger is left to rely on its bare bones. And boy, it delivers. Massive is back on campus as I write this, and so far, the cheeseburger has yet to make an appearance. But I’m patient. I’ve waited four weeks for it, after all. I can wait a little bit longer. Because I know, it will come. Like all good things. That’s how much hope I now carry for the world. All through lockdown, I ate toast. I did not touch an oven, nay a frying pan. I ate toast and grew to hate toast, as one does. The idea of hot food, of sizzling meat and goey cheese and crispy pastry, now has me in raptures. Even if, sure, it sits out on a cabinet for hours. I don’t care. I missed the shit uni food and I’m sorry for being such a cunt. I’m a changed woman. Bring back the cheeseburgers and let’s party. x Caroline

Letters to the Editor

EMAIL EDITOR@MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ TO HAVE YOUR SAY

An email we received following the MAWSA election debates, where we asked the co-president candidates what iconic duo they’re most like. They didn’t answer during the debate, but promised a response. A few hours later, we got this email: we would be Phineas and Ferb lizzo as Phineas and me as ferb what iconic duo are you and Micah? thank you, Fiona Lu

Dear Massive, PLEASE put your crosswords online, I am going crazy in lockdown. Need some serotonin that comes from de-coding your shitty puzzles. Please pray for me (and upload!) Yours, Cross-wordsmith

(MAWSA candidate for co-President) Editor’s response: Haha amazing!! Bless. Me and Micah would be Garfield and Odie. Me as Garfield (hates Mondays, loves lasagne), Micah as Odie (basically just looks like him, what more can I say).

Massive, I sent in a sexcapade about fucking my flatmate during lockdown. Just thought I’d update everyone on the situation and say that now WE’RE DATING!!! I KNOW!!! The motherfucker saw my sexcapade and said he didn’t realise I saw him as more than a hook-up. We had a big deep and meaningful, and now we’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Isn’t that fucking crazy? Cheers guys xxxxxxxx

Is there any way we can do a Met Gala at Massey? Just wanna get dressed up, badly interpret a theme and get drunk with friends ):

MASSIVE NEWS

“No one’s running for President” and other uncontested roles: A look at student election season so far CAROLINE MORATTI

NATIONAL NEWS

Election season for the students’ associations is well underway, filled with uncontested roles and missing positions. ASA has only received two candidates, who are gunning for three positions between the two of them. Currently, ASA has five board seats, consisting of a President, Vice-President, Cultural Officer, Welfare Officer and Education Officer. In this election, no one is running for the position of President or Education Officer, leaving some students “worried” and “sceptical” at how smoothly things will look next year. “President is like a big position, right? I’m just not sure why

ASA hasn’t delayed the elections more until they found a candidate, or encouraged anyone from their current exec to run again,” one student told Massive. The role of ASA President is 30 hours per week, with an annual honorarium of up to $26,500, and is “responsible for the overall leadership” of the association, as well as engagement with external bodies such as the University and other student associations. Quite simply, they’re fucking important. ASA President Ben Austin says he’s “not disappointed at all” at the lack of candidates, saying, “We understand that [Covid-19] has thrown a huge spanner in the works and respect students’ decisions. I would have preferred to have more candidates to fill a few more roles though.” “[Covid-19] has been tough on everyone as well as student associations around the country.” He adds that ASA would normally do a lot more on-campus advertising, but due to lockdown they switched to more online promotion “as well as promotion in Massive Magazine” (lol). NEWS

Under ASA’s constitution, a candidate can only hold one position. So, with Angelo Fray running uncontested for Cultural Officer, and Marizaan Zwart running uncontested for Vice-President, it looks likely that the position of Welfare Officer, that both candidates are also running for, will remain unfilled. If a candidate has been nominated for multiple roles and wins a majority vote for more than one role, the candidate may select their preferred role within 24 hours of the final voting results. ASA has promised a by-election next year in March to fill the empty roles, but that still leaves a large space of time from when the current exec departs their roles, typically at the end of the year. “It feels messy, as an outsider,” one student says. “Like I’m sure they tried their best, but still, it’s far from ideal. There’s going to be a lot of work over summer that I’m not sure can be left to just two people, especially if they’re new to the role.” However, Ben promises that ASA has some plans in place “to ensure that there is the required continuity” which will be announced at the SGM later this month. In Wellington, MAWSA has closed nominations for their executive, with voting soon to take place. All the roles have at least one candidate running, but only one position is contested between two candidates for students to vote for. As one student says, “They all seem like cool people, but there’s not really much choice, it doesn’t feel like much of an election.” Tessa Guest, President of MAWSA, admits that options were restricted due to lockdown but “we worked really hard to engage with students in this time”.

board meeting, scheduled for October 11, where they’ll ask for expressions of interest in nominations. “We can only call for elections through our AGM or an SGM so we are yet to set a date,” they told Massive. The positions up for elections in M@D’s two-year cycle are Vice-President, a Māori seat, and a new Pasifika seat. Other positions, such as M@D’s Co-Presidents, will retain their seats for a second year. “We are looking at bringing in rainbow, Pasifika, and disability voice[s] but are unsure on when these will be brought in through the election rotation, and if we opt in the rest on a one-year term instead of M@D’s typical [two-year] term, or, consider creating portfolios for some areas and positions for others,” the Co-Presidents say. For MUSA elections, nominations opened last week at their AGM, and will close on September 21. The campaigning period will run from Wednesday 22 September until Tuesday 12 October, with voting taking place between 1315 October.

Massey increases support for Albany students over lengthy lockdown Still no grade bump for Massey students, though :/ JAMES POCOCK

ALBANY NEWS

Tessa says she’s “absolutely” disappointed at the lack of contested roles. “Our student executive is democratically elected, and that process is dampened when roles aren’t contested.” However, she believes that this outcome is “just a reflection of the current time we’re in. It’s incredibly difficult and scary to commit to an opportunity like this when you’re stuck in lockdown, and probably don’t even want to think ahead of the next day. I really empathise with students in this.” The country went into lockdown shortly after nominations opened, so MAWSA opted to do social media advertising for the roles, including Instagram livestreams and ‘a day in the life’ of different executive members. Despite the lack of nominations, Tessa says she’s “relieved and really excited” for the candidates they’ve received, who she describes as “capable, passionate and enthusiastic”. “I have no doubt that we’ll end up with a strong 2022 exec at the end of this. I’m also glad to see no unfilled roles. Next year will start strong with a full team, and they’ll be a force to be reckoned with.”

No minimum grades on individual assessment items and no compulsory assessment items are among “a number of supports” Massey has in place for students challenged by another long lockdown.

As for the Distance and Manawatū executives, only time will tell how their nomination processes will go. M@D said that, due to Covid-19 lockdowns, they are behind schedule in announcing their AGM, which they hope to do at their next

A Massey spokesperson said these conditions will be in place unless they are specifically required standards by a professional body, and students will still be expected to pass their course (sorry BCom students). NEWS

“We recognise COVID-19 has impacted nearly every component of daily life and will mark assessments this semester accordingly,” the spokesperson said.

Massey has made the decision to keep learning ‘mostly’ online for everyone where possible for the rest of semester despite being in Level 2.

The Impaired Performance/Aegrotat process is also making a return from last year’s lockdown. “We are using the Impaired Performance/Aegrotat process as this is more accurate and equitable than a so-called grade bump,” Massey says.

Campuses still opened under Level 2, with facilities like the library and recreation centres and student services free to use within certain safety measures.

Some students are unhappy about the lack of a grade bump, saying they find the impaired performance process “unclear”. One said, “Like supposedly they mark your work less harshly, but there’s no solid system between professor to professor. I’d rather just have a bump of a percentage of 5% or something, like what my mates at Otago and Auckland had last year.” Last year, 3,446 students signed a petition asking for Massey to give students a 5% grade bump, to no success. Last year, Auckland spent 33 days in Level 4. At the time of publishing, Auckland will have surpassed that number this year, but yet support remains “lacking” for students academically. Meanwhile, the fees freeze for students in residential halls who had returned home over lockdown was lifted on the Manawatū and Wellington campuses on September 9 for Level 2, the Massey spokesperson says that it is still in place for Albany halls until a reduction in Auckland’s alert level. “The halls all have required protocols in place to make sure residents are safe and well cared for. We encourage residents to speak with a halls staff member about their specific circumstances if they are considering permanently relocating.”

‘Mostly’ no internal classes under Level 2 JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS

A Massey spokesperson said the measure was taken after consultation with the student associations and student representatives, and with the updated Government guidance around the Delta variant of Covid-19 in mind. “At Alert Level 2, the Government’s advice is ‘reduce’ and at Massey (in Wellington and Manawatū as Auckland remains at Alert Level 4) we are wanting to reduce risk, as well as provide students with consistency. In following Government guidelines, we want to ensure our approach is the safest one for our staff and students that need to come to campus,” the spokesperson said. They said that the decision to lock in this approach for the rest of Semester 2 was to give students clarity and certainty for the rest of the university year, and to minimise disruption to learning and teaching if alert levels shift again. “We’ve had lots of positive feedback from both students and staff who appreciate the ability to continue to learn online, and come to campus when needed for their learning with the appropriate controls in place,” they said. Massey said the decision had to take into consideration the diverse make up of students across all cohorts. “We are aware of students feeling anxious about returning to campus in the Covid-19 environment, so we are doing our best to strike a balance and keep everyone safe during this Delta outbreak.” An internal student whose classes are all online now told Massive that they didn’t get the point of it and they were concerned that they now weren’t getting their money’s worth. “I just feel like we if we can’t come into physical classes on campus, then what are we paying for? Will courses that cost more internally be reimbursed, since they’re all basically distance now?”

Extra hardship funding may go to Massey students Not too much, the Government has to keep giving tax exemptions to landlords too :) JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS

Some extra aid from a recent top up to the Hardship Fund for Learners may be coming to Massey students soon. The Government decided earlier this month that $20 million more would be enough to soothe the struggling student masses. The gesture disappointed both NZUSA NEWS

and parliament’s go-to young person Chlöe Swarbrick, who views it as another inadequate response to the issue of students struggling with income under lockdown. “Inequities are rampant in Hardship Fund for Tertiary Institutions. From how it’s allocated, the application process, to the fact that just 5% of students would be able to get support anyway,” Swarbrick said on Twitter. To date, the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) has not shared how it plans to distribute the meagre funding to tertiary institutions. A Massey spokesperson said that when this becomes clear then they will be able to begin working on how to use the money. “Once we know how much TEC might be providing and any funding conditions, we will be considering additional initiatives in collaboration with student representatives,” they said. According to Massey’s spokesperson, Massey’s scheme budget has cost the University more than its initial TEC funding and they have coughed up $500k of their own funding to cover the rest. “Massey has received more than 3,000 applications for hardship grants, and almost $600,000 of hardship support has been granted to students – either through grant payments or loan devices. Further grants are still to be processed and we expect to pay out somewhere in the order of $1-1.5 million worth of support,” they said.

is a weekly payment that would be available to all students – no matter their age or what they study.” NZUSA National President Andrew Lessells said that while the current support of the $20 million to the Hardship Fund for learners is welcome, it isn’t enough. “We need more than an ambulance at the bottom of the cliff. There needs to be accessible income support for every student in Aotearoa,” Lessells said. A study conducted by NZUSA in partnership with Te Mana Ākonga and Tauira Pasifika in 2020 estimated the cost to the Government of implementing a UEI as about $2.5 billion more annually. For reference, the total Covid-19 support for tertiary education planned for in the 2021 budget was $1.4 billion. “We recognise that this is a bold ask, but when our students are struggling to survive, we need bold action. Across Aotearoa thousands of students are considering dropping out because they can’t afford to live. If we want New Zealand to have the skills it needs for the future, we can’t afford to fail them,” Lessells said. The model proposed by NZUSA would increase the base student allowance to $75 per week. “We want to work with [the] Government to make sure students can afford to survive. But they need to listen to the voices of students that are crying out. The Minister needs to wake up to this reality and help us,” Lessells said.

NZUSA call on minister to provide Universal Education Income JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS

The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) are continuing their push for a temporary Universal Education Income with an open letter to Minister of Education Chris Hipkins. According to NZUSA, “A Universal Education Income (UEI) NEWS

EXILED FROM TINDER

N BY ILLUSTRATIO FARRAR TALLUL AH

WORDS BY CAMERON TAYLOR

During lockdown, I faced the impossible: I got BANNED from TINDER. I have no idea why, maybe my bikini photos were too spicy or maybe some fatphobic fuckwits decided to report me just for existing. Whatever the reason, I was pissed. One of my favourite spaces for male validation and lockdown boredom was swiped from my pretty little fingers. I couldn’t even start a new account with another number because Tinder was tracking my goddamn IP address (fan behaviour, if you ask me). Now if you didn’t know, once you’re banned from Tinder, you are banned for LIFE. They don’t offer a formal appeal process at all, which is total bullshit. Massive conversed with a handful of people who found themselves caught in the same situation, to discover the

background behind their Tinder bans, how it affected their dating/sex lives, and their thoughts on not being able to appeal for their account to be reinstated. One common theme that sprung up when asking about the reason for banning was sex work. Dora said “I got banned cos I told someone what I do for work which is Only Fans…. Tinder must not want us making bank from men on there.” Josie and Rachel suspected they got banned for having OF in their bios. Sarah had similar reasons, quoting “I’m a sex worker, so I think people were reporting me. Sex workers can’t date, apparently.” For Aliyah, she had no idea why she got banned, telling Massive, “I wasn’t going against

FEATURES

“I PUT A FUNDRAISER IN MY BIO AND SAID IF THEY DONATED, THEY COULD TAKE ME OUT ON A DATE. I’M ASSUMING TINDER MIGHT HAVE SEEN IT AS ESCORTING OR SOMETHING.”

any of the rules and was being myself, but they decided one day to sign out everyone and not let me sign back in. Then they banned me with no explanation.” Erin, on the other hand, thinks she got banned because “I put a fundraiser in my bio and said if they donated, they could take me out on a date. I’m assuming Tinder might have seen it as escorting or something.” Generally, though, throughout all examples, most of the interviewees weren’t 100% sure why they got banned. They were simply going off what they believed might have been the reason. All those interviewed said that being banned affected their dating and sex lives hugely, especially during lockdown. Sarah felt that Tinder was “literally the only way to meet people… my dating life is nonexistent now.” For Aliyah, having her Tinder banned meant she was a “lot lonelier… with lockdown and a new city, it’s hard to connect with people.” Dora also experienced a similar situation, saying “I feel like I can’t meet people (on the internet or in real life), especially because of this lockdown! But especially because Tinder is easy access to people in your area. There’s

other dating apps, but mostly everyone’s on Tinder, so we don’t get the choice.” Like Dora said, there ARE other dating apps. However, the general consensus was that the other apps simply weren’t as good as Tinder. Aliyah tried out Bumble and found it “10x worse. There’s not as many people on there and I find it a lot more annoying due to girls having to start the conversation, and I’m terrible at that.” Erin also tried out Bumble and said “there’s the added pressure of replying within 24 hours, and I’m too busy to be checking Bumble that often”. She also tested out Hinge but found “it just had a lot of white men on it, and they aren’t my type”. Dora also made the comment (not naming specific apps) that “because I’m 21, most of my age group aren’t on other dating apps… there’s a lot of 28-40 year olds.” Josie said she didn’t try other apps in fear “of being banned again”, while Sarah on the other hand did indeed get banned off of all the other apps she tried. When discussing opinions on Tinder not having an unbanning process, there was a FEATURES

lot of passionate points made from all those interviewed. Rachel came up with the idea that “you should at least be able to submit an appeal to have them look at it again. Or you should be banned for a week/month or something, not for good.” Aliyah believes an unbanning process is necessary, especially because “they don’t even tell you why you were banned”. Dora and Sarah, both sex workers, were upset at how Tinder denied them human connection. Sarah noted that with all the lockdowns and declining mental health, Tinder “could be all someone has to receive any form of human interaction”, pointing out that Tinder “has a responsibility to take reporting and banning more seriously, and actually do some form of investigation”. In Dora’s case, she was upset because she believed the reason she got banned was “so fucking unfair on sex workers…. I think everyone should get a second chance.” Like Sarah, Dora also wants Tinder to revise their bans and “give people a trial so they can get a yes or no to getting their accounts back… everyone deserves human interaction.”

Tinder claims to be all about connecting people with others, helping people to find love online. However, by banning people without explanations, not properly reviewing their reports, and not even giving those banned a chance to redeem themselves, Tinder is harshly cutting more and more people off from opportunities of human connection. It’s unjust to ban someone from an app without giving them a reason why, especially when people can just report you for no reason. How are people supposed to improve their online etiquette otherwise? More mahi needs to be done around refining their banning systems, unless they want to keep losing customers. They also need to accept that sex workers are just as deserving of human interaction as everyone else, and they should not be shunned from the dating world based on their choice of career. If you want Tinder to shape up and sort their shit out as much as I do, SPEAK UP NOW. Send those long argumentative emails, call them out on their Instagram, do whatever you can. BOYCOTT TINDER 2021, let’s make it happen. FEATURES

FEATURES

WORDS BY MASON TANGATATAI PHOTOS BY CALLUM PARSONS

SELECT YOUR PLAYER

FEATURES

Gaming is a polarising activity that many believe is a useless waste of time. However, as Massive’s resident gamer, I’d like to defend gaming’s honour by clarifying the functionality of gaming and addressing the anti-social stigma placed upon the gaming community. “We’ve been training our whole lives for this moment,” my friends joked with me after Bloomfield’s 1pm presser. I was sitting in my tiny Mount Cook apartment, panicky and coming to terms with the reality that I’d be trapped inside for weeks, potentially months. But my friends reassured me that as lifelong video game enthusiasts, the prospect of sitting on a sofa in front of a TV for an interminable stretch would be a breeze. After all we have each other, in a time where non-video gamers don’t. Bounding through the grassy plains, diving into oceans, and chatting away to our hearts content. These are all luxuries in a day of gaming, all happening while others

scrape for an ounce of human interaction inside of their about-to-burst-bubbles. Underlying our wariness and fears of video games is realising for too long they’ve been viewed subconsciously as ‘junk’ entertainment. Like a digital equivalent of hamburgers and fries, they’re alright as a treat in regulated doses, but too much is bad for our mental and physical health. The past year has started to shed gaming in a different light. Far from being a meaningless waste of time, or less preferable form of entertainment, video games, as we have come to realise, offer us an unparalleled creative phenomenon. The ability to forge new worlds and new friendships, explore complex concepts like

FEATURES

“THE GAMING COMMUNITY IS ONE RAVAGED WITH RACISM, MISOGYNY, AND HOMOPHOBIC TENDENCIES, ALL AMPLIFIED BY THE SAFETY OF HIDING BEHIND A SCREEN.”

FEATURES

loss, sorrow and love, or getting lost travelling in far-off lands, is a treasure like no other – especially as we get to do it from the comfort and safety of our own homes.

steps away from this tough-guy façade and create a welcoming entrance for those picking up gaming for the first time – if they want these stigmas to shed.

But even sitting alone for hours, gamers aren’t necessarily isolated. In many cases, far from it. With the rise of social media, gamers have mastered the art of building communities in and around virtual worlds. Gamers don’t just compete with strangers on the internet, but forge genuine, enduring friendships.

While there is no quick or immediate fix, other than not being racist, homophobic or misogynistic, gamers can take steps to being better people without losing their love for the digital world.

In this age of long-haul social distancing and mentalhealth strains, gamers have long had a tool that’s now bringing some relief to those who’ve never picked up a controller before. The explosive growth of gaming during the pandemic has shown that many have found a new outlet for much-needed connection in isolation. New Zealand’s premier videogame developer, NZ Interactive Games, grew an astonishing $120M during 2020’s Covid-19 lockdown. This growth can be pinned down to new communities putting their predisposition about gaming aside - even the weird outdoorsy types started picking up a controller and contributing to the sector’s growth, you know, those people who enjoy hiking and mountain biking – couldn’t be me. So now that most of the country is out of strict lockdown, will gaming continue its uprise as a viable source of social interaction? To me, this depends on the community. The gaming community is one ravaged with racism, misogyny, and homophobic tendencies, all amplified by the safety of hiding behind a screen. This is a part of gaming I cannot and will not defend. With more eyes on gaming now than ever, an opportunity is provided to the community to take

Gatekeeping from within the gaming community is a factor which I believe adds to the already negative stigma. Games like Sims, Minecraft and Roblox are crazily popular videogames that have acted as pathways into gaming for many newcomers. My bet is you won’t catch a diehard gamer admitting these are ‘real’ videogames as they don’t hold the degree of difficulty or complex storyline to qualify. Don’t listen to these ‘gamers’, if you want to spend three hours torturing your Sims whānau, or chopping down pixelated trees with your bare knuckles, do it to your heart’s content! Despite the countless hours of fun and sentimental interaction gaming provided over lockdowns, for many there’s still a lingering sentiment that playing video games is a guilty pleasure – especially so if you’re a grown up. But play is one of the most fundamentally important activities that we can take part in. It’s not just the preserve of childhood. As we continue to live life in shifting alert levels, finding new ways to play – and not feeling guilty about them – is one of the best things that we can do to nurture our own wellbeing. Wellbeing is a concept that was around well before our country went into isolation, and gaming is a tool that has always created social avenues for gamers and enthusiast alike. There is no reason, if the community wants to be more inclusive, that gaming can’t shed its negative, antisocial, waste-of-time stigma and become a mainstream channel of social interaction, learning and most importantly, fun. Pick up that controller, open that laptop, and select your player.

FEELING LIKE SHIT?

GET A FISH. WORDS BY ELENA MCINTYRE-REET Finding and living in a rental can be a bit of a nightmare, you can’t put pins in your walls, or feel safe in the knowledge that your rent won’t rise exponentially after a year. On top of that, the likelihood of finding a place that will allow you to house a furry friend is highly unlikely. However, most landlords are pretty chill with the idea of a fish tank so let’s start with explaining why you should consider setting up a small-scale Kelly Tarlton’s.

3. It looks fucking cool.

Listen, the centrefolds of Massive are cool, but not quite as cool as an angel fish or an axolotl swimming around in a tank next to your TV. You can deck that shit out with ornaments and theme it however you like. Dinosaur theme, 420-themed, whatever your heart desires.

Now that you’ve been convinced, it’s time to break down what you’ll need to 1. A bonding experience for your flat. know before you bring some your new friend. If your flatmates are feuding over dishes not done or your boyfriend Make sure you have a big enough staying over for weeks on end, maybe tank to house your fish. a fishy friend would be a nice way to Gone are the days that you can bring break the tension. Perhaps a simple home three goldfish in a plastic bag and goldfish with the googly eyes which put them in a bowl that you never clean. you could all have a hand in naming People have kind of woken up to the would work. Just don’t make the idea that fish are living things and not name something boring like ‘Goldie’ or something to dump and neglect until ‘Sushi’. Oh, and make sure you strike they die an early death. Goldfish have up a pre-nup with your flat about who a reputation for being low maintenance gets custody of your scaly friend when fish, because they live in cold water. the flat inevitably breaks up. The truth is though, they’re needy little bitches. Goldfish can actually live for 2. Learn a sense of responsibility. up to 20 years if treated right. They Even though fish are creatures who can grow up to 30cm long and need require high levels of care and attention, at least 50L of water each to be happy you can’t deny that they’re significantly and healthy. Essentially, you need a lower maintenance than a cat or dog. huge tank just to house one of those You don’t have to toilet train them or bad boys. Your best option is either pick up their shit, they’ll happily swim go for little cold-water fish or invest in around in it until the next scheduled a water heater so you can get some tank cleaning. Getting into the routine cool tropical dudes. Talk to your local of after another living creature will pet store about what the best option prepare you for when you have your for you is. own place and you’re allowed to get a cat or a dog, in like 30 years when you Cycle your tank. can afford a deposit. Pet stores are pretty notorious for not having great ethics when it comes

to animal care. Luckily, most of them have seen the error of their ways and stopped selling dogs and cats, as well as ensuring that owners are prepared to bring home an animal from their stores. The process of getting a fish is actually pretty lengthy. Once you’ve got your tank and your ornaments sorted, you’ll need to add supplements to make sure the water from your tap isn’t going to immediately kill your new fish. After bringing your tank home, add the supplements as the instructions state. After a week or two, you can bring in a sample of your tank water back to the pet store and they’ll test it. Once the water tests bring back a bacteria level which is safe for your fish, you’ll be able to choose some to take home. The cycling process can take up to six weeks, but it’s the most ethical choice, and also will help you know that you want to be a committed fish owner. Look after them as if they were your own flesh and blood. These fish are your babies now, you’ve got to make sure they’re fed properly, not killing each other, or being killed by your filthy tap water. Clean their tank regularly so they’re not drowning in their own poo and keep your drunk friends away from the tank when you have flat drinks. Do not let anyone pour an Export Gold into that tank, guard it or hide it whenever your unruly acquaintances are around. Basically, we’re all going to die one day, you might as well live life in the company of an ethically sourced tropical fish.

CULTURE

Uber Boober

Words by Michael Freeman “Oh yeah nah, busy night mate?” How many times you have said those words to an Uber driver while off your face on whatever that evening’s concoction happens to be? Now imagine how many times your average driver has been forced to listen to them. Uber driving is, in my opinion, one of the worst jobs that has been created in the 21st century. It has the bad parts of taxi driving, the listening to drunk people, the constant cleaning of your car and the low pay, with none of the benefits. And on top of that, your boss is an app. That being said, Uber driving is a job with no interview, very low training requirements and the ability to pick your own hours. So, is it an ideal job for a student

trying to work around a busy study schedule, or is it a curse in disguise? I jumped in a few Ubers (sober) to find out. On my travels, which was only around the block a few times, I met a wide variety of drivers who do it for all sorts of different reasons. Steven* was driving in his new 2020 Prius, a pretty common choice in car for some reason. He has a professional job during the day, but drives Uber some nights a week so he can continue to make the payments on his car. He sees Uber as a temporary job, at the end of which he will have a new car. When asked about the other tasks Uber driving involves, he said it

was very simple: Just jump in the car, boot up the app and go. Other drivers, such as Sandeep, also drive for Uber part-time. Sandeep told me that he works full-time at a fast-food joint and drives Uber every night. Neither job, he says, can support his family on its own, so he works hard at both. Interestingly, he also had a business degree from an overseas university. Much like Steven, he said the job was pretty straight forward, but lamented the cleaning he had to do after people had made a mess in his car. Tina drives for Uber and other rideshare companies full-time. She doesn’t have a family to support and lives with her partner, who FEATURES

“BUSY NIGHT, TMA E?” also works full-time. The money is comparable to a minimum wage job she says, but she tries to avoid the busier Friday and Saturday nights, because drunk people aren’t her cup of tea. Tina said her driving experience was very straight forward, as people were normally quite respectful during the hours she was driving. Her worst experience was a young baby being sick in the back of her car, but the mother was very apologetic and at least it was a baby with a small stomach. These three drivers are indicative of larger trends in the pool of Uber drivers. There are those such as Tina who make it their full-time job, those like Steven who are doing it for a bit of extra

money and those like Sandeep, who drive out of necessity. All of the drivers that I met, and most of those who I have ever gotten a lift from, fit into one of these loose categories, and also drive for multiple companies. Drivers say that the latter allows them to pick up more lifts and accept a job from one company while carrying a passenger for another. Have you ever been waiting for a lift when the driver starts going in the opposite direction, or takes a wrong turn on the way to pick you up? That’s because they have another passenger in the car, and have to finish that ride before they get to you. Rideshare companies aren’t massive fans of their drivers doing this, which is

why you’ll sometimes see a driver with multiple phones on their dashboard, as a workaround to the apps’ efforts to stop the practice. While the driver’s perspective on their day-to-day job is insightful, how do the companies which run the services treat their drivers? The word Uber has become synonymous with ridesharing due to their massive initial market share, but Uber as a company is possibly the shittiest of the lot. Their office culture and business practices were put under a microscope after allegations of widespread and accepted sexual harassment came to light, with the CEO Travis Kalanick eventually being forced to resign in 2017. Other internal policies were FEATURES

“Uber drivers are meant to get 75% of the fare for a ride. This is before all the costs which a driver incurs out of their own pocket. These costs include petrol, insurance, maintenance, an infinite data phone plan, cleaning and, of course, tax.” implemented after this scandal to help clean up Uber’s corporate reputation and little has been in the news about these issues since. While Uber has seemingly cleaned up its internal problems, they still act contrary to the public good when it comes to lobbying. Uber, Lyft and other large technology companies spent over a combined $200 million dollars lobbying against a law in California, where

they are based, that would have forced them to treat Uber drivers as actual employees instead of contractors. This law would have forced Uber to pay their drivers more and provide them benefits such as health insurance and paid time off, not just in California but across the world. Sadly, it seems that, in America, throwing money at a problem can solve it and the law did not pass, allowing these

companies to continue to exploit those who make their business possible. On that happy note, is Uber a good part-time gig for a student? (For now, let’s ignore UberEats, as that’s a WHOLE other barrel of eels.) The most obvious issue with being both a student and an Uber driver is the hours that one needs to drive to make some actual money, those being Friday and Saturday nights. If you’re not the kind of person who likes to pilgrim to the altar of dance, drugs and debauchery on one of those nights then you only have a few more hoops to jump through. The biggest hurdles facing those who don’t mind missing out on a party is having had full licence for more than a year, getting a passenger (P) endorsement, being over 21 and having a car which is less than 10 years old. Other things to note about the job include having to pay for your own petrol and having to pay out of pocket if someone vomits in your car, even though Uber charges the rider a $100 cleaning fee. What you really want to know, however, is how much your average Uber driver gets paid. Uber drivers are meant to get 75% of the fare for a ride. This is before all the costs which a driver incurs out of their own pocket. These costs include petrol, insurance, maintenance, an infinite data phone plan, cleaning and, of course, tax. The drivers I talked to said they took home a widely varying amount, mostly dependent on the hours they chose to work, and

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often a different amount each week. They said it was stressful having to worry about all the additional costs that came with driving in their own car, and when their cars broke down or needed maintenance the impact on their earning ability and take-home pay was substantial. The self-directed and self-managed nature of the job was a big positive for all the drivers which I talked to, but they also said it was often hard to find the motivation to go out and drive without external pressure. Sandeep said he had friends who had tried to drive, but didn’t have the motivation to succeed due to a

lack of pressure that wasn’t solely the financial motive. It makes sense that all the drivers that I met were motivated and had the ability to work in a self-directed way, as those who cannot do this would no longer be driving. Our parents and teachers used to tell us that meeting a stranger from the internet was the most dangerous possible thing we could do, but now we summon them to our exact address and get in a car with them. It seems that these days, those who are summoned are taking higher risks than those ordering the ride.

From having to clean the car, an uncertain financial future, and the taking of orders from an app, Uber driving definitely has its downsides. But the freedom to choose your hours and the simple fact that you can be paid to drive attracts many people to the job. If you’re the kind of person who studied during lockdown or spends their Fridays at the library then you might have the tenacity to be an Uber driver, otherwise you better keep hitting those books. * Name changed for privacy reasons FEATURES

COTTAGECORE: Words by ARI PRAKASH Illustrations by TALLULAH FARRAR

ESCAPE REALITY THE COLONIAL WAY FEATURES

I know it’s a Level 4 lockdown, but sometimes it’s during these times that I wear some of my cutest outfits. It gives me something to look forward to in these times. Sad, I know, all dressed up with nowhere to go. But it got me interested in finding out what my style is. My aesthetic? My ideal lifestyle? That’s when I got to thinking about cottagecore. I found that it’s not only a way of looking but a lifestyle too. It contains activities and aesthetics that romanticise an agricultural life, that simple, humble farm aesthetic reminiscent of the English countryside. It harkens back to simpler times when our biggest worries were getting to the markets. Yes, a simpler time when our biggest threats to our sanity were interacting with chickens more than people instead of forced isolation. But this dream about exploring the connection to nature ignores indigenous cultures and their deep ties to the land that predates colonialism. I’m sure you’ve seen some Instagram pics or even accounts featured around idyllic fields, woven baskets and floral prints. They’re all features of cottagecore. Don’t pretend like this is alien or niche

either. I’ve seen the yeast restrictions in the baking aisle - I know y’all are getting greedy with the bread baking. There’s also more encouragement to go for walks (or spread your legs). Simply put, taking time in simple activities has brought a kind of peace of mind. As with many aesthetics, cottagecore seemed to first rear its floral head on Tumblr and gained even more popularity on TikTok. The pandemic made the movement take off even more since it seems centred around home and being at home. I mean, if we’re going to be at home, we might as well be cosy while doing it. It seems that in a world where we feel boxed in, simple activities and nature can provide an idyllic escape or distraction from the slightly apocalyptic world we find ourselves in. So, as the lockdown gets longer and longer (at least for Auckland), the idea of running away into a forest and never coming back is becoming more and more appealing. In the first days of the Level 4 lockdown, Jenny Suo, a New Zealand reporter, went for a four-day tramp without internet and came back to find that New Zealand was in a Level 4 lockdown again. It’s kinda shitty, but at least she had four days of peace. Yet despite the escapism behind it, cottagecore can only apply to a few. The “natural” life that cottagecore presents is very tame and not very diverse. Often the images and videos I’ve seen on Instagram and TikTok do not have people of colour (POC) and can be reminiscent of colonial times. Personally, I like cottagecore but participating in it makes me feel like if my ancestors saw me taking photos in front of a plantation house dressed like a milkmaid, they’d be rolling in their graves. Am I being whitewashed?

FEATURES

“If my ancestors saw me taking photos in front of a plantation house dressed like a milkmaid, they’d be rolling in their graves.”

Do I “fit” this aesthetic? But after a little bit of consideration and research to understand if I’m alone in this or not, living an agricultural life is not only for a European lifestyle. My own family came from a farming background. The lack of POC faces in cottagecore alienates minorities from a lifestyle they used to base their livelihood on. Even in New Zealand, agriculture and farming were a major part of Māori life and development before and during WWII. But they also moved out due to racist laws made by the Crown, which caused the dispossession of Māori land. Sir Āpirana Ngata, a New Zealand politician, was an influential figure in Māori development. He was born in a small Gisborne town now called Te Araroa, his iwi being Ngāti Porou. He was one of the major driving forces behind rural Māori development, which intended to secure the welfare of Māori in a constantly changing world. Ngata was also the first New Zealander - this includes both

Māori and Pākehā - to have two bachelor degrees. Ngata had a BA majoring in Politics and a Bachelor of Laws. To aid Māori development, Ngata searched for land on the East Coast that could be used for dairy farming. With Ngata’s efforts and aid from the Native Land Court, many Māori farmers could buy cows and build milking sheds. This led to the opening of the Ngāti Porou Dairy Company in 1925. The farm was very productive and, at one point, made around 460 tonnes of butter between 1931-32. However, the cotmpany didn’t survive WWII and closed down in 1954. But for a while, farming associated with Pākehā was a major part of Māori life. Even before Ngata’s initiatives, many Māori were sheep farmers. Ngata’s efforts were also replicated by others. For example, by Dame Whina Cooper in Northland (shoutout to my home region). In a world where we’re running out of space, cottagecore promotes the idea of connecting to nature. Yet, not only is this just a fantasy (owning

FEATURES

land in this economy? That’d be a miracle), but it ignores the many POC and indigenous peoples who are still trying to reclaim their land. It seems at times like a dream that ignores the harsh realities of farming life. It often glamorises farm life as an escape from the stresses of the city. That is probably why one of the recent trends among the rich in Silicon Valley was keeping chickens and using them as a “status symbol”. I wonder what they’d make of the Albany chicken wing statue, eh? The most expensive chicken of all. In the end, the meaning of what is cosy can differ. I feel like chaotic cottagecore could be the next phase of pandemic life. Make a sourdough starter that

you forget in the cupboard, learn how to sew swear words onto your pillow, make a flower crown for your flatmate, pet dog, or embroidered swear word pillow. Nothing says cosy like a daisy chain on top of a pillow that says “fuck my life” on it in cursive. Even though cottagecore has a certain “look” to it doesn’t mean we have to follow it. Kimonos with gorgeous flower borders, afros with flowers, sunkissed melanin - I’ll stop before this turns into a spoken word poem. But the thing about images is that we can change what they look like and expand the idea of countryside living and add a bit more colour to it. Even though cottagecore represents an escape from our harsh realities, it ignores the stories of POC and indigenous peoples.

FEATURES

ASA 2022: Meet Your Candidates!

Editor's Note: All the execs are holding elections at different times this year, love that for us! Stay tuned throughout other issues to see candidates for M@D and MUSA once nominations close.

With nominations completed for the 2022 ASA Executive, it is now time for the fun part, campaigning. This will look a little different from previous years due to this lockdown, but we have full hope that these nominees will procure your votes. Unlike previous years, you can vote as soon as campaigning starts. This means that if you know who you want to vote for you won’t have to worry about accidentally forgetting later. We have a very strong candidate line-up this year who will bring a variety of new experiences with a high level of passion. Read their bios down below. Next march, the ASA will also be holding a By-Election for the remaining roles. This gives everyone another opportunity to join the ASA Executive. - Ben Austin (ASA President 2021) ELECTIONS

Marizaan Zwart– Candidate for Vice President and Welfare Officer My name is Marizaan Zwart and I am applying for the ASA Vice President position and the ASA Welfare Officer for 2022 at the Albany campus. I am currently in my first year of my Bachelor of Business with double major in management and financial planning. I would be honoured to be your Vice President or Welfare officer for 2022 and support you in making your experience at Massey memorable. Even though I have only been at Massey for a short while, it has been life changing for me. I want other students to have the same Massey experience that I have. I want to work to support the students on the Albany campus and I want to show the students all the amazing opportunities that are on offer as a student at Massey.

Angelo Fray– Candidate for Cultural Officer and Welfare Officer Hello! I’m Angelo Fray, and as you may or may not see, I’m not very photogenic. I’m campaigning for the ASA Cultural Officer position, as well as the ASA Welfare Officer position here at Massey Albany. Currently, I am amidst my first year here at Massey University, as a simple English Major. Some might be thinking “This guy for cultural or welfare?” but hear me out. Culture has always been important to me, in both preservation and celebration. My family only really goes as far as my parents in ancestorship, and so the importance of multiculturalism has always been necessary to me. I care for welfare a lot as well. Having that access to multiple sources of help has been paramount to my life. So I hope to be in a position where I can make sure everyone has that access too. I also just wanna do some good.

ELECTIONS

Sexcapades X-Rated Adventures of the Massey Underbelly Is it Incest?

Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story? Email sexcapades@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours xoxox Last year I hooked up with this girl in town. She was cute, flirty, basically the whole package. Brought her back to mine and had a great fucking time (best blow job of my life, if I’m honest). Like really, she treated my dick as if it were a motherfucking popsicle. THAT TONGUE. After all the action, we were in bed together, scrolling through each others profiles, doing some gentle teasing like “oh so you’re a hashtag girl” etc, as we exchanged socials. However, she stopped on one pic of my instagram, and started to smile. “Omg, how do you know this guy?” she asked, obviously excited. I was like, oh, him, he’s my great grandfather. It was an old pic of him, the only one I had really, but I really liked how much I looked like him. So yeah, I’d shared it, I told her,

expecitng the usual reaction of “awh!” I get from girls when I talk about my family. However, instead she went silent. Too silent. “He’s also...my great granddad,” she finally managed to get out. Um, WHAT. Turns out, it was true, although she hadn’t really known the dude, but her grandparents had a photo of him in their house or whatever. Let’s just say, the rest of the “morning cuddles” was awkward. Very awkward. So TLDR; I fucked my second cousin. Only in New Zealand, right? And it was the best gobbie of my life too. Is it bad that I’m still thinking about it? Like...it’s only second cousins, that’s not too bad. Right??? Should I call her?

PHOTO: CALLUM PARSONS

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Culinarylingus Chicken Enchiladas By Elena Mcintyre-Reet I’m an absolute slut for Mexican food, despite its effects on my toilet the next day. The authentic flavours, the perfect spice level and the unique ingredients all make for a perfect date night or takeaway. I’m telling you now, this recipe has absolutely none of that, it’s the most basic, whiteperson enchilada recipe you’ll ever encounter. It’s still pretty fucking good though.

INGREDIENTS: • • • • • • •

2 courgettes 150 grams shredded chicken 1 can Watties tomato sauce 1 teaspoon of cumin 1 teaspoon of chilli powder 1½ teaspoons of garlic (powdered or minced) 1 red onion

• • •

1 vege cube stock 1 cup of cheese 6 white tortillas

METHOD: 1. Preheat your oven to 180° on bake. 2. This first part is weird but stick with me, put the can of tomato sauce in a pot and warm it up over the stove. Mix in your spices and garlic, plus your dissolved stock cube. Add the spices by taste, if you want it more or less spicy, then do as your heart desires. 3. While the sauce is heating, dice up your onion and grate your courgette. Fry up the onion for a few minutes before adding your courgette to the pan and fry that until soft. 4. Your sauce should be ready by now, so add in half of the sauce mix along with your shredded chicken. Mix that through until it’s all combined.

5. Get your tortillas ready and scoop around two tablespoons of mix into each one, wrapping tightly. Lay all the tortillas next to each other in a shallow baking dish. 6. Pour the remaining sauce from the pot over the rolled tortillas, making sure you cover them as much as possible. 7. Sprinkle your grated cheese on top of your enchiladas, and whack those bad boys in the oven. Leave them in there for around 1015 minutes until the cheese is melted and they’re looking a little crispy. 8. Serve with salad if you wanna get them greens in, or don’t. It’s really up to you.

SNIP, SNOP, SNAP SEND US YOUR SNAPS TO GET FEATURED IN NEXT WEEK’S EDITION @MASSIVE_MAG

COLUMNS

Horoscopes AQUARIUS

ARIES

Aquarius: Write that motherfucking novel. Paint that picture. Time is fleeting and it’s time to create something. Fun lil thing to buy: Disposable camera.

Aries: Post a thirst trap this week and ye shall be rewarded. Fun lil thing to buy: Coloured light bulb.

CANCER

CAPRICORN

Cancer: Your life will change this month. Hang in there, kid. You got this. Fun lil thing to buy: $1 bag of lollies from the local dairy.

Capricorn: Maybe take it easy on the green stuff this week? Your head space is all out of whack, bro. Time for some good ol’ fashioned sober mindfulness. Fun lil thing to buy: Cupcake ingredients.

GEMINI

LEO

Gemini: Take a good walk this week, get out of the house! If you’re not in lockdown, do a small roadie. Explore your horizons. Fun lil thing to buy: Sexy sandals.

Leo: You’re going to shit your pants this week. That’s all. Fun lil thing to buy: Baby wipes.

LIBRA

PISCES

Libra: You’ll finally win one of those dumb mini promos from all those soft drinks you buy. Someone’s got a golden ticket! Fun lil thing to buy: Weed gummies.

Pisces: Ummm, this is awkward to bring up but you’re watching too much porn. Yeah. Maybe just tone it back a bit? Let’s not make this a whole big thing. Fun lil thing to buy: Chewing gum.

SAGITTARIUS

SCORPIO

Sagittarius: Kiss lots of girls this week! That’s an order. Fun lil thing to buy: Cherry-flavoured lip balm.

Scorpio: Mmm. You smell that? That’s fire and you’re PLAYING with it, babe. You know exactly what you’re doing. Only stop if you want to, not even the stars can interfere x Fun lil thing to buy: Crotchless underwear.

TAURUS

VIRGO

Taurus: You can talk all the shit you want to about the Met Gala, but you know what? Sure, maybe only a few of the celebrities “understood the assignment” but that doesn’t mean you do. Literally. Start studying. Fun lil thing to buy: Scented highlighters.

Virgo: The thing that you’ve been stressing about for the past few weeks will resolve itself. Relax. It’s going to be okay. Fun lil thing to buy: Candles.

COLUMNS

PUZZLE PAGE! TE REO MĀORI CROSSWORD

COURTESY OF CRITIC AND CIARA WHITE

ACROSS 2. ‘South Island’ i te reo Māori (2,10) 5. ‘Mountain’ i te reo Māori (6) 6. Brand of motukā (6) 9. United States of America (3) 10. ‘Computer’ i te reo Māori (8) 12. ‘Toru’ i te reo Pākehā

13. He aha te mea nui o te ao? 16. Native bird (3) 19. ‘Heart’ i te reo Māori (6) 20. ‘Tuna’ i te reo Pākehā (3) 22. Maunga nui found in Te Waipounamu (6) 23. ‘Song’ i te reo Māori (6) 24. ‘17’ i te reo Māori (5,2,5)

DOWN 1. ‘Children’ i te reo Māori (8) 2. ‘Student’ i te reo Māori (6) 3. ‘Head’ i te reo Māori (5) 4. ‘Island’ i te reo Māori (4) 7. Requested (5) 8. ‘Pō mārie’ i te reo Pākehā (9)

11. Truthful (6) 12. He waiata: _____ mai ngā iwi 14. Nice, mild-mannered (8) 15. ‘Fund’ i te reo Māori (5) 17. Pākehā name for Te Oha-a-Maru 18. ‘Tree’ i te reo Māori 21. ‘Aroha’ i te reo Pākehā (4)

ANSWERS

intable Sudoku25/07/2021 - Sudoku for kids - 07/14/2021

Across: 2. Te Waipounamu 5. Maunga 6. Toyota 9. USA 10. Rorohiko 12. Three 13. He tāngata 16. Tūī 19.

Printable Sudoku - Hard - 07/25/2021

Manawa 20. Eel 22. Aoraki 23. Waiata 24. Tekau mā whitu Down: 1. Tamariki 2. Tauira 3. Upoko 4. Motu

ku -SUDOKUS/WORD Easiest Sudoku WHEEL - Hard 07/14/2021

5 1

1 3

5 3

2 4 1

7 15

6 7

5 42

1 6

6 9 3

7 4 2 2 9

5 1

9 7

8 1

5 8

1 6

Gasoline HAIM 45 7Bleachers

34 6 8

3 Charlie Mallrat

28 76

4 1

29 9

6 1

I Don’t Do This for You Neive 1 Strang

3 82 1

4 7 Daiquiri Mako Road Dying to Believe The Beths

A C

The target is to create as many words of 4 letters or more, using the letters once only and always including the letter in the middle of the wheel.

4 4 94 2

7-letter words: 3 8-letter words: 1 9-letter words: 1

T S

37 aren’t 6 even 8 recent, 3 2 Editor’s Note: These they’re just4shitty songs I like, I’ve really5given up trying at4this point. 1 9

HARD

MASSIVE MAGAZINE TOP 10

18 6

EASY

4-letter words: 24 5-letter words: 12 6-letter words: 3

07/25/2021

COURTESY OF SUDOKU.COOL

7. Asked 8. Goodnight 11. Honest 12. Tūtira 14. Pleasant 15. Pūtea 17. Oamaru 18. Rākau 21. Love

circle the drain Soccer Mommy O Canada Nadia Reid

5 10

Sink or Swim Marlin’s Dreaming There She Goes The La’s

CROSSWORD ACROSS 1. A guy you once dated, but now either: a) want dead, b) are “friends” with, c) hook up with every once in a while or d) have erased all traces that they ever existed in your life (2, 9) 8. A real dilemma in jeans (8) 9. Italian sausage (5) 10. Funnier than funny (9) 11. Fergus, Massey’s mascot, is this animal (3) 14. Having no sex whatsoever (8) 16. An attempt to create a justification for something that you knowingly decided to flake

out on (6) 17. Right wing political party (3) 18. Wife or girlfriend of a famous athlete (3) 21. The devil’s house (4) 22. Synonym for wibble (6) 23. When somebody does or says something that inadvertently indicates that they are not relationship material, and in fact should probably be avoided at all costs (3, 4) 24. A sexually explicit message or image sent by text (4) 26. Inspiration for the ‘save’ icon (6, 4)

DOWN 1. Tried it once this week. Can’t say I’m a huge fan (8) 2. Justin (6) 3. An ape-like creature rumoured to inhabit the Himalayan mountain range in Asia (4) 4. Someone inexperienced and it shows (6) 5. Snot holes (8) 6. When someone is experiencing a longing for one’s home during a period of absence from it (4, 4) 7. Red Muppet character (4)

12. Pixar movie between “Toy Story” and “Toy Story 2” (1, 4. 4) 13. A sandy place (5) 14. “One fine day with a woof and a purr, a baby was born and it cause a little stir. No blue bug, no threeeyed frog - just a feline canine little _______” (6) 15. Mouth drums (7) 19. Father of psychoanalysis (5) 20. Small stone fruit (6) 22. Synonym for wishy (5) 25. Opposite of ‘tisn’t (3)

QUIZ

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1. B) 2. D) 3. C) 4. A) 5. A) 6. D) 7. A) 8. B) 9. A) 10. D)

1. Which designer did Rihanna wear at this year’s Met Gala? A) John Galliano B) Balenciaga C) Rei Kawakubo D) Off-White 2. Tegucigalpa is the capital city of ... A) Paraguay B) Ecuador C) Mexico D) Honduras 3. What is the name of Lorde’s latest EP? A) Te Rā B) Tama-nui-te-rā C) Te Ao Mārama D) Te Ara Tika 4. Williams, bosc and comice are varieties of which fruit? A) Pear B) Banana

LAST ISSUE CROSSWORD ANSWERS - Across 1. Sherlock 3. Costa 7. Rescue 9. Asleep

C) Orange D) Apple 5. Area 51 is located in which US state? A) Nevada B) Utah C) Arizona D) Oregon 6. What is the world’s most expensive spice by weight? A) Caraway Seeds B) Vanilla C) Clove D) Saffron 7. What might you put in a parai? A) Egg B) Laundry C) USB stick D) Firewood

popcorn? A) Otter B) Binturong C) Badger D) Ring Tailed Lemur 9. Lang Lang is virtuoso on which musical instrument? A) Piano B) Clarinet C) Flute D) Cello 10. Which of these middle names is not one of the Kardashian-Jenner sisters’ middle names? A) Noel B) Mary C) Alexandra D) Christina

8. What animal has a distinctive scent mark that smells like

10. Ruins 11. Allows 12. Pitied 15. Pfizer 16. Piha 17. Oar 18. Nui 19. Iced 21. Chooose 22. Layers 25. Tattoo 28. Global 29. Bonsai 30.

Rowan 31. Amethyst Down 1. Spread Your Legs 2. Easel 3. Oversized 4. Clasp 5. Spilt 6.

Epidemeiologist 8. Distraction 13. Iti 14. Inane 15. Pricy 16. Pool Table 23. Elbow 24. Salon 26. Tasty