Massive Magazine Issue 06 2021 by Massive Magazine

MASSIVE

ISSUE 06

THE DRUGS ISSUE

MARCH 29/2021

Table of Contents

14 06 News

12 Opinion

14 Sussing Drugs

18 Snorting myself silly

22 Pain Killer Review

26 Sober students

28 Bath Salts

31 Beings I’ve Met on Acid

32 Sexcapades

33 Columns

38 Puzzles

39 Horoscopes

editor: Caroline Moratti

McIntyre-Reet, Rimu Bhooi, Liam McGuire Ari Prakash

contributors: Ruby Talley

sub editor: Jamie Mactaggart

designer: Micah Davis-Rae

culture editor: Liv Redman

photographers: Callum Parsons @callumoparsons.nz Liam McGuire

contact: editor@massivemagazine. org.nz Facebook/massive.magazine Instagram/massivemagazine www.massivemagazine. org.nz

illustrator: Tallulah Farrar

read online: issu.com/massivemagazine

news editor: James Pocock staff writers: Cameron Taylor, Elena

Got a letter to the Editor? Email editor@ massivemagazine.org. nz to rant, flirt, complain, whatever x Massive is registered under the New Zealand Press Council which allows our reader to reach out to an independent forum for resolving complaints you may have.

Massive is also a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association. The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, ASA, MUSA, MAWSA, M@D or the Massive Editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive.

Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@massivemagazine. org.nz. Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response from W, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@ presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz.

CAROLINE MORATTI

Let’s talk about drugs. This week Massive decided to do a drugs issue because, well, why the fuck not. The truth is, a lot of students use drugs, recreationally or otherwise. Whether it’s grinding your teeth to gear, watching Planet Earth with your mates and a spiff, or laughing your balls off on nangs, drugs are intimately intwined in student culture. It’s our responsibility to open up the discussion. Drugs are fun. They are! God, sometimes I deeply wish Coca-Cola never discontinued their infamous cocaine recipe. The times that me and my mates have gotten fucked up are some of the most memorable moments of my life. They’re nights full of laughter, love, and often a dangerous quantity of Night ‘n Day wedges. Honestly, sour cream just really hits the spot sometimes. But Massive doesn’t want to shy away from discourse. Because as fun as they are, drugs also addictive, dangerous, and deeply ground within racial persecution. I’m fully aware that I can write an editorial all about smoking weed out of apples, and the only repercussion I’ll face is an awkward

phone call from my parents. The fact is, I’m white and privileged as fuck, and my drug experiences could be, and are, very different from many other Massey students. It sucks that the weed referendum didn’t pass last year. There have been some small wins like drug testing at festivals, but even that was done hastily and organisers weren’t able to prepare for major festivals such as Rhythm and Vines. We need more drug testing and more drug education in schools. We also need laws that reflect these realities, and that stop unfairly and disproportionately prosecuting Māori and Pasifika communities as a result. In this issue, we want to explore all sides of drugs, whether that’s students who choose sobriety, students who love painkillers, or students that have had, well, interesting encounters with their drug dealers. We also had a writer snort some McDonald’s El Maco Shaker Fries Seasoning, just because, lol. University is famously a time for exploring your limits and having fun. Stay safe, test your pills, and look out for your mates. And always - always - ask for extra sour cream.

Letters to the editor So hey, I placed an order for a t-shirt through your website back on the third. Aside from the confirmation, I haven’t received any updates. Just wondering if by chance anyone could clue me in on the status of that. [11 minutes later] Hey, wrong massive magazine page. Disregard the previous message. Cheers Editor’s reply: We might do T-shirts sometime this year! Come back! I’m lonely. Dear Editor, Thank you for existing Massive, where else would all the pent up angst of the student body go if it weren’t for you? Caroline’s article “O-Week? More like No-Week” in issue 5 said “...with president Ben Austin noting that, in lieu of the event, the annual Sex Quiz was held on Wednesday 17”. Who knew that was the replacement for O-Week? I certainly didn’t and I know that Uni isn’t a bloody soup-kitchen

handing out friends but fuck me, that’s just not good enough. This year has been an absolute shitshow already with more than enough lecturers damn near crying on zoom calls because students don’t have the balls to speak and a quiz night at a shit dive bar about sex is supposed to make up for it? Yeah, fucking nah. I don’t want to speak for any other students, but this has been the most loneliest, isolating fuckfest (I wish) of a time since my high-school lunch breaks in the shitter hiding from the cunt who wanted to fuck my shit up because I was gay.

But that’s not what I wanted to sit here and whinge about, what I wanted to whinge about is the absolute and utter void of communication from any form of life at Massey, the ASA or the clubs.

Look, I get I’m supposed to be an adult and all that shit (I pay GST on my $10, 52% rice wine, that makes me an adult right?) but can somebody, anybody make contact with the students? Especially the stone age luddites like me who don’t use social media, because I’m going insane sitting

in the library, going to lectures, shitting in the library, getting average cabinet food at the cafe while reading Massive, sitting in the library, sitting in traffic, drinking myself to sleep and then doing it all over again. Maybe I’m the only one at Albany campus like this, maybe I’m just a lily-livered

pansy bastard (...Dad is that you I can hear?), but fuck me am I struggling to drag myself to campus. I feel about as welcome as a porcupine in condom factory so far. Sincerely, Tits on a Bull

OPENING HOURS: LUNCH 11:30AM - 3:00PM (MONDAY - SUNDAY) DINNER 5:00PM - 8:30PM (MONDAY - SATURDAY) @phomonz

62 Dixon St, Te Aro, 6011, Wellington

MASSIVE NEWS

Wellington Marae finally set to open It’s been a delay of five years, but at least it’s here CAROLINE MORATTI

WELLINGTON NEWS

Massey’s Pukeahu Campus Marae in Wellington is set to finally open after five years of delay. The marae formally opened on Saturday, but discussion by the Marae Management Committee still needs to be undergone to decide the kawa and tikanga under which the Marae will operate. Raewyn Rasch, Director of Māori @ Massey, says that this process is expected to take “about a month before the marae will be available for use” and will decide how the marae can be used and booked. “The opening of this marae is very significant for Massey and an exciting step forward for Māori students and staff and the entire Pukeahu campus community,” she says.

Work on the marae started in 2015, with the project originally expected to finish in mid-2016. Rasch says that the original schedule was “somewhat unrealistic given the complexity of the project” and says that the project has faced a “variety of issues” including the liquidation of the main contractor, personnel changes and Covid-19. She notes, however, that these delays have a “silver lining” in that the completed project “will deliver far more than originally envisaged or planned – both in design, campus impact, whakairo (art works) and usability”. According to Rasch, in late 2020, the Senior Leadership Team assigned additional budget to enable the completion of the project. She says, “There is no doubt many people have worked extremely hard to see the project through and the Marae Completion Group believe what has been delivered will truly become a vital place for Māori students and staff, a warm and vibrant heart [of] the Pukeahu Campus community and a strong connection to mana whenua and the local community.”

NEWS

Anonymity not provided under Massey’s new complaints process Want to make a complaint against someone? Cool, but they have a right to know your identity. JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS

New Student Disciplinary Regulations (SDRs) are being rolled out after implementation last year, which don’t allow for anonymity in the complaint process. In order for the complaint to be processed under the new regulations, the complainant must be identified, including to the person who the complaint is about. Included among the clauses of the new SDRs is 8.4(a)(i), which states that the person undertaking the investigation into a complaint must notify the respondent of the complaint of the identity of the complainant “as soon as reasonably possible”. In the previous policy, only complaints considered Level 2 Misconduct and above called for the complainant to be identified. The new SDRs mean that all complaints will require the claimant to be identified to the respondent. A Massey spokesperson says that this clause is in place because a respondent to a complaint has the right to know the identity of the person who has made that complaint against them. “Anonymous complaints are not considered in law as providing the person who is the subject of the complaint with a full and fair opportunity to prepare and respond to the complaint. Therefore, while the University recognises that a person who makes a complaint may wish to remain anonymous for a number of reasons, in order for the regulations to be consistent with the principles of natural justice, that person must be identified in order for their complaint to be processed under the regulations,” they said. Students that Massive spoke to weren’t aware of the new changes, but one said that “if that means what I think it means, that sounds terrible. People wanting to make complaints against sexual predators have a hard enough time as it is. This just seems one more thing to complicate the already fucked process.” The spokesperson from Massey added that the University is mindful of the interests of both parties and points to a clause which states the relevant staff should endeavour to assess the risk to and protect the interests of the parties. “In this regard the regulations clearly state that the University will not tolerate any retribution or threat of retribution taken against a person who has made a complaint, including any victimisation or undue pressure. It should also be noted that the Student Counselling Service and [the] Student Advocacy Service are available to a student who makes a complaint against another student.”

Both the complainant and respondent are understood to have the same rights and cannot be compelled to answer any questions put to them in an investigation, according to Massey. Massey University Student Association’s Education Officer Alex Johnston says the SDR revision happened last year after two long rounds of consultation with the student associations, students, and staff. “They are in effect now already and the Massey staffers at the top are just putting them in practice now. The procedural enacting of the regs is still being rolled out to the affected staff members who are academic officers of their colleges,” he said.

Covid tech access fund set to return, but not as we know it Devices look to be on loan rather than for students to keep

JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS

The government-run scheme to enable access to technology for students during the Covid-19 lockdown last year is due to return very soon, but concerns about the accessibility for distance students, alongside the loaned nature of devices, have been raised. Albany Students Association President Ben Austin says he is not certain when the new fund will be implemented but believes it may work differently from existing support systems. “From my understanding there is already a small one in place where the student has to come to an association or staff to get a referral. The current system has the opportunity for students to keep the devices whereas the new one funded by the government will be devices on loan for a period,” Ben says. Massey@Distance Co-Presidents Jax Watt and Jacalyn Clare say the course hasn’t been explicitly offered to distance students yet, possibly due to an assumption that NEWS

they were already online and would not need aid. “We know there are students who had limited access to technology due to [Covid-19]. Children and parents alike studying from home may have put pressure on internet access or constrained the ability to study due to the whole family using one device, or as they study from work or public libraries,” they say. They add that there is a chance the initiative may not reach distance students due to the lack of wider advertisement and limited capacity of the service. “While we commend the University for offering continued solutions for students finding it difficult to access technology, we are concerned that these services were not explicitly outlined to most distance students due to the university not having the capacity to handle so many students all at once,” the Distance co-presidents say. Associate Director ITS Application Services Jacqui Hofmann says the ‘Technology Access for Learners’ scheme has been extended and Massey has agreed to participate. “We are waiting on some clarification from the Tertiary Education Commission on how we can best use the funding to help students as the scheme is only extended to the end of June at this stage. As always, we will communicate with students as soon as possible.”

Exec pushes for free busses for students Massive is willing to suck dick to sweeten the deal. CAROLINE MORATTI

WELLINGTON NEWS

MAWSA President, Tessa Guest, says that “having our say in this plan was a priority for us, because it’s one of the biggest issues our tauira face. It’s clear that a huge portion of our cohort travel to uni via public transport but, to be honest, there are endless issues within a system we need to rely on daily.” One of the major asks of the document included free busses for full and part time tertiary students and community services card holders. In their meeting minutes, MAWSA notes that it’s “likely that we’ll get 50% rather than 100%, but it’s still helpful to be ambitious in our asks”. Tessa says, “Wellington students have fought in huge ways in this space already, which got us the 25% discount for off-peak hours on busses, and a 25% discount for 10-trip train cards. But that’s obviously not enough. Students in Wellington pay some of the highest rent prices in Aotearoa, and have been forced out of the city. On top of that, parking is limited and expensive, so public transport is often the only option. We need drastic and urgent changes in fares in order to keep getting to campus.” MAWSA also asked for more frequent busses and trains, “particularly at night and during weekends, so students don’t get stranded on campus for hours at a time, or end up waiting alone at bus shelters late at night”. Other asks included better disability access, adequate information and safe shelter, alongside full electrification by 2030. Only time will tell how successful a small group of baby politicians are, but God bless them all the same.

Former tenant of MUSA flats fights for more support Non-students hike up electricity prices in student association-owned accommodation, leaving students feeling stuck JAMES POCOCK

MANAWATŪ NEWS

A former tenant of a MUSA-run flat in Palmerston North says that the flats do not feel like an environment made for students and that MUSA support for students in the flats is lacking.

Massey’s Wellington student exec is pushing for free busses for students, alongside an increase frequency, capacity, affordability and reliability of bus and train routes. We love to see it. MAWSA submitted their asks to the Greater Wellington Regional Land and Public Transport Plan on 19 March, with plans to submit orally in late April.

Food technology student Milli was a tenant of a MUSA flat with one other student and two young professionals last year. She says that after returning from lockdown last year, tensions began to rise in the flat over how rising utility costs would be shared. “They wanted us to pay more towards power because they were using more. For example, one of the professionals would go and have really long hot showers, and the other one in the winter would have her heater on full, I’d go in, and it’d be a bloody sauna and they’d be in their singlets. And NEWS

leave. Despite their conflict, she was unwilling to potentially ruin her fellow tenants living situation. MUSA General Manager Craig Black believes this would be unlikely to occur, but Milli says the property manager said it could happen too. “It’s not safe for a student coming in, because you might get abused by professionals who have money, and on the other hand you’re also not safe because anyone at any point can end the agreement. These MUSA flats are nice, but they should be just for the students.”

here I was, barely using my heater and having under fiveminute showers. In the flat meeting they said ‘we want to put the price up’, I was like ‘I’m not keen on that, I’m doing my part, if you want to use more power, you guys pay more for it’. They said I can leave if I have an issue. It got pretty hostile; they were pretty much verbally abusing me at one point. One of the chicks got their mum on the phone and they were talking about how they can get me kicked out,” she said. Felling stressed from her university work and flat situation, she contacted the property manager and MUSA asking for advice and putting forward her issues with professionals being able to live in student accommodation. “My main thing was with professionals in the flats. I wrote in my email ‘I feel part of the reason for this is due to professionals residing in the MUSA properties with more expendable income which some of us student really just do not have.’” “I contacted MUSA and said, ‘I’m not feeling comfortable living here’ and asked what should I do? I don’t have money to pay for two rents, I don’t know if I’ll find another place. MUSA came back and pretty much said ‘sorry to hear that’ but they didn’t really try. I got a three-sentence reply, when I sent a massive email, so I was quite annoyed that happened. They said all I could do was apply for $500 assistance.” The MUSA advocates initial reply read “As signatories to the tenancy agreement, each tenant has equal responsibility for payment of the rent. If any individual tenant leaves a tenancy, 21 days’ notice is required, and the entire tenancy comes to an end for all parties in the tenancy agreement. All other disagreements are for you to work out as flatmates and are not under MUSA jurisdiction.” “I was like ‘what the fuck’. This is not how you should be replying to a student,” Milli said. Milli also found concerning to see that her flat mates’ tenancies could be put in jeopardy too if she decided to

In Black’s second reply to Milli, he says, “I understand your point of view regarding non-student tenants, this aligns with MUSA’s general stance. There are times when students leave MUSA properties, and the remaining student tenants are not able to find student replacements, so a non-student tenant exists. In MUSA’s engagement with Ray White as the property managers, we have agreed that where possible, tenants should be students. Any existing tenancies are protected by tenancy agreements and cannot be dissolved unlawfully by MUSA.” Milli and her friend who also resided in a MUSA flat with professionals both wrote complaints to MUSA and spoke at the most recent general meeting after being invited to by the current MUSA President Fatima Imran when she heard their concerns. According to MUSA, 85% of the tenants in flats they run consist of students, but Milli says she knows of more than one MUSA flat that is entirely occupied by non-students and have been for multiple years. “I know for a fact that there are whole MUSA flats of professionals. I’ve got mates who I have flatted with who have never been students and they’re all in there and they’ve been there for years. There is another one on McGiffert. All professionals, and they’ve been there for two years as well. They are MUSA flats, why isn’t there some sort of check to make sure that students are getting in? I know for a fact that Sam the property manager had a list of students that wanted to get into MUSA flats. But he wouldn’t even get notified if a person was coming in. No one was getting notified. I think there is miscommunication between everyone.” Milli believes that the demand is there to support a system where only students are allowed into MUSA flats as tenants. “Ideally, there should be a system where only students are getting in, either you have to give your ID number or whatever. I would love to go back to a MUSA flat if it wasn’t for the what I have been through. It’s really hard to get a flat in Palmy now, prices have gone up on average.” She says that another reason the flats should be for only for students is because they are funded in part by student levies. “Who is paying for them? Students are paying for them. Anything that gets broken gets fixed using student money, NEWS

so why are non-students in there? It just doesn’t make sense at all.” She is hopeful the current MUSA Exec can work towards making meaningful changes “At the moment they contract Ray White to do the property managing, but they are thinking maybe they will hire someone from MUSA to do it so it’s more controlled and they’re going to think of a system where it is mainly students occupying the flats.” Fatima says that she will be doing something to address student concerns with MUSA flats this year. “I am at the stage where I am researching and understanding what the flats are and how they operate. Once MUSA has done that, MUSA will take appropriate action to help relieve this issue,” she says.

Council puts forward proposal to close town an hour earlier

period closed in Dec 2020.” This suggests there may be a miscommunication within the Council about what is happening with the proposition. It is unclear whether or not MUSA as an organisation will encourage the students at the Manawatū Campus to make public submissions. If you are a student or young person in Palmerston North who is unhappy with town potentially being closed an hour earlier, be sure to keep an eye on the Council news in the next couple of months for the opening of public submissions. The student culture within Palmy has the ability to influence the Council’s decision greatly.

What’s happening with Albany’s Unimart? A year on, the space remains empty

Palmy town was already shit enough. Now this? CAMERON TAYLOR

MANAWATŪ NEWS

The Palmerston North City Council has proposed a closing time of 2am instead of 3am for clubs and bars in the CBD. This controversial proposal has prompted a flurry of opposing views from students and young people. One student says that the decision “sucks. It just feels like the Council is getting more and more anti-student. We don’t have the biggest town life, but what we lack in bars, we make up for our ability to go hard.” Another student, Gia, states that she would be “totally on board” with the earlier closing time. She sees the current 3am timeline as ‘unnecessary’ and doesn’t think students need any more temptation to stay out and excessively drink. Massive also talked to nightclub bartender Olivia, who believed that closing at 2am would encourage people to “go home and drink more, because it would still be considered early”. Through bartending experience, she has noticed that people don’t tend to come into the clubs early unless there is a happy hour special. This means that a 2am close wouldn’t likely prompt people to arrive to town any earlier than they do now. A Council spokesperson said, “Council staff are rewriting the draft local alcohol policy, and that will take some months, and then we’ll call for public submissions.” A Manawatū Standard article covering the plan states the proposed 2am closing time is going through its fourth round of consultation. However, MUSA President Fatima Imran says that when she spoke to the Council, they told her: “This case happened last year and the consultation

BY CAROLINE MORATTI

ALBANY NEWS

Students are left “confused and disappointed” by the continued closure of Albany’s Unimart. The convenience store, which has doubled as a pharmacy and post office, closed its doors after the first lockdown last year, and the space has yet to be filled. One student, Ari, says, “It’s kinda sad that lockdown has caused businesses to suffer. It has a ripple effect too. It makes services less accessible and makes life for everyone a little harder.” Another student notes that they wish there had been more communication about the space, saying “it’s just kind of depressing, and I’ve heard nothing from the Uni about it”. A spokesperson for Massy says they cannot “provide a specific reason for the closure of Dispensary Plus due to this being commercially sensitive. However, I can advise, that Massey has no future plans to replace this with another pharmacy.” The spokesperson says that, to their understanding “Campus Books (next door) is now selling additional items to compensate for the closure”. Great, can’t wait to get the morning after pill from Campus Books instead. That’ll be fun. NEWS

Opinion: Health Education in schools needs to be more drug focused By Ruby Talley Do you remember when you were in school, sitting in health class? You know, the same class where they teach you to put condoms on wooden penises or unripe bananas? The same class where you were taught not to use drugs but how to safely consume alcohol? We’re taught how to pour a standard drink, how to determine our tolerance, and how to help someone who is overly intoxicated. But not how to tell what drugs are clean, how much is too much, and what to do when you experience a bad trip. Now, I’m not arguing against the education around alcohol, rather I beg the question, what about drugs? In acceptance of not being able to prevent usage, why not educate us? Specifically, on how to use it, when to use it, what stuff is good and what stuff will make you “chew each other’s faces off” as my grandmother would say. Let me take you back to my first encounter with weed. My friend, let’s call her Leah, her cousin’s friend’s sister knew a guy who knew a guy that could sort us what one refers to as a ‘tinny’. After the intimidating exchange of a 20 for this deadbeat green plant, I jumped straight on YouTube and typed in “how to make a homemade bong”. I used a needle to poke holes in the tinfoil that sat in the top like a (questionable) cone-piece. After the careful following of the step-by-step process, we had ourselves a very marginal, yet functioning bong. It would have been beneficial for me and the other 34,450 people who viewed the clip, to know that inhaling aluminium-based products exposes you to a number of harmful toxins, which can cause issues localised in the respiratory system and/or the brain. Without this knowledge we smoked carelessly and fearlessly, with our biggest concern being if my mother was going to find out. Leah went first and I followed her. I watched the smoke get thicker and thicker in the bottle, and I pulled as hard as I could with what little breath I had left. Instantly, I felt my eyes start to do somersaults in their sockets and tingles took over my entire body. I remember thinking my blood felt like sparkling water.

(Yes, a high thought.) I exhaled and looked at Leah as she was swaying. Leah wasn’t swaying. I was swaying. Everything was swaying. Leah tried telling me I could be having ‘out-of-body experience’, but she said it in such a casual tone it felt wrong to be scared. Plus, I was 18 with an ego, I didn’t want to be that person who couldn’t handle it. I wanted to be cool. I kept quiet about all the noise that went on in my head, how I couldn’t feel my limbs and how I had no control over my body. So, when another friend of mine tried weed for the first time and broke out into an uncontrollable panic attack, I knew what to do. Not because I had seen it on slideshows in the classroom or been taught by my parents, but because I had been there too. It wasn’t as easy as rolling her over into the recovery position or putting my fingers down her throat. Nor was it a matter of force feeding her carbs and putting her to bed. Our bodies don’t process weed the same way it processes alcohol; therefore, the treatment is different. It takes time, patience and a few doses of reassurance. They need to feel comfortable, if you’re drunk enough, anywhere feels comfortable, even the bathroom floor. But in a bad trip, you’re on high alert and to find where you feel safe enough to ride it out can be a challenge in itself. We don’t get taught about what to do if those moments. We know about the recovery position for alcohol poisoning, but nothing about what’s a safe tolerance of weed, nangs or acid to take. When these trips go wrong, we’re left questioning what the fuck to do. Right now, our best bet is to google ‘wikiHow’ or ring a helpline because the answers aren’t in our textbooks. The real danger lies in us having to rely on the process of trial and error when it to comes to experimenting. It’s time to properly educate our now subtly compromised brains. Education around drugs doesn’t start and finish with the school system. Our elders, such as parents, teachers and health professionals need to be up to date with sufficient knowledge to engage with our youth, and do so with no judgement. In saying this, the execution of educating us all needs to be smart. Because let’s be real, we still binge drink. OPINION

OPINION: ON-CAMPUS STUDENT DRUG CHECKING, WHY THE FUCK NOT?

By Liam McGuire Massey Welly is undeniably a campus full of stoners and gearheads. Head to town, any flat party, or just that poor cunt gurning in his room at 3am trying to sleep after a bad batch, it’s pretty obvious. Not only do students often use drugs, they often use bad drugs. I’m not talking meth here, just drugs that aren’t what you thought you were

buying. From speed pretending to be gear, synthetics instead of buds, for people new to the uni drug scene or even seasoned gearheads it’s a pretty easy trap to fall for. This year, Vic Uni ran free oncampus drug checking services during O-Week. While Massey students were able to participate, why was there nothing on the Massey Campus? The poor

bastard who’s just emptied their bank account on cash for a score will NOT be paying for a bus ticket to Vic just to get a check, not to mention the accessibility issue of the Terrace hill for those without transport. It’s not an easy place to walk to when you live in Mt Vic or Newtown, even from halls it’s a hike. For people with mobility issues and a tight budget, the commute between campuses poses an almost impossible task. OPINION

Drug checking is an incredibly important (and recently legally green-lit) practice that lets people who take recreational drugs know what they’re in for. Even if the drugs aren’t what you thought they were, knowing this, and knowing what precautions to take in case of a bad experience are inexplicably more helpful than gambling with substances. This way the choice is in the hands of the individual, not left up to chance. At the moment, drug checking kits often cost more than the drugs themselves, and are often complicated to use. With testing kits ranging from $10 to over $100, free drug checking services should be an available, accessible event at every campus. They should be at every campus O-Week at least, if not a permanent fixture. So why is Massey behind the ball on this one?

MAWSA Student President Tessa Guest told Massive “I don’t really have any good answers, we just haven’t done it. We did it at Vic because we collaborated [on] our O-Weeks, so it made sense to collaborate [on] other stuff, but we just haven’t.” While yes, it’s commendable that the services were offered at all, drug checking is not something that should be taken at a ‘by city’ approach. Every single university campus in the country should be providing this. Tessa also added “it was kind of the past staff’s responsibility, not ours. We have new staff now, we’re keen, this might be a good reminder for us to do that.” Perhaps next O-Week, or even reO-Week will see Massey-based testing services. We’ll just have to wait, and hold them accountable if this problem continues under the current staffing.

“ I don’t really have any good answers, we just haven’t done it... It was kind of the past staff’s responsibility, not ours.” - MAWSA President Tessa Guest

Finally, on the issue of Vic Uni’s lack of accessibility for some, Tessa seemed to misunderstand a lack of accessibility as a lack of effort on the part of students. She told Massive, “Yeah there’s a hill to walk up, that’s annoying, but if you care, then you probably care enough to walk up a hill. Vic students walk up a hill, everyone has to walk up a hill.” Yes Tessa, we get it, a lot of people can just walk up a hill, but what about those who can’t? Chronic pain sufferers, wheelchair users, or anyone who doesn’t have the time, money or spoons to get halfway across town and back? It’s quite hard to deny that making it easier to access drug checking services for free in a second location will encourage more people to get their shit tested. If you make it accessible for those who need accessibility, you incidentally make it accessible for everyone. So, to the gearheads and gurners, the ket-fiends and stoners, I ask you this: Have you tested your stuff? If not, why? Too spenny? Too far out? Too complex? Can’t be fucked? Whatever the reason, there’s a way that drug testing can be made a whole lot easier, a whole lot simpler, cheaper and closer, we just have to make sure that Massey knows there’s a need for it. Email MAWSA, let ‘em know why you did or didn’t make it to Vic’s drug testing station. Who knows, maybe next sem we’ll start seeing them on campus. But it’s up to you to make it happen, just as soon as you’re out of that K-hole.

OPINION

“PLEASE “PL SE CAN I HAVE SOME

FEATURES

E SIR,

DRUGS?” By Caroline Moratti Whether you’re in a new town, city or country, or perhaps just awkward and friendless, sussing drugs can be a fucking hassle. Let’s be real, the possibility of snitches, though rare, creates anxiety around the whole activity for both dealer and buyer. Meeting people is already hard enough, scoring a joint even harder. Massive spoke to students about their weird, funny, awkward or dodgy encounters with dealers. From meeting in the woods, to Tinder hook-ups and girlfriend collateral, boy did we get some stories. They all lived to tell their tales, and more importantly, get blazed. For many, the internet can be a godsend. One student, Ruth*, met her dealer through Snapchat. “I asked around friends, and that’s just where everyone seemed to get it from.” She admits that the whole operation seemed “very professional, like once I added them, they sent me this beautifully-designed menu of various options in the chat. You could see the different strains, the pricing, fuck it was gorgeous.” Having decided on a type and amount, Ruth messaged the dealer. “My heart was pounding. It turns out, I made a faux-pas by saving the info on the chat, so they immediately sent an angry message. I immediately un-saved it, but I felt like I fucked up the first impression a bit.” If this was The Bachelor, Ruth would be going home in a limousine and a tacky FEATURES

ballgown around now. Thankfully, this is the real world where dealers still want your money, so the relationship was able to be repaired. “They sent a screenshot of a map and a time, which was 11:30pm that night. Oh, and the location was in the middle of the fucking woods.” Scared shitless, but still wanting to get fucked up, Ruth persevered. God bless our youth. She says, “I took a friend, and we headed for the woods. It was freezing cold, and we got lost several times. Finally, we found our rough bearings, and waited for the dealer to show up.” A couple of guys were standing there, who Ruth approached, but it turns out they were also customers, so the awkward waiting continued. Until, finally “a guy just shows up out of nowhere. The transaction happened so quickly, we gave him the money, he gave us the weed, and then we walked away.” Overall, Ruth doesn’t regret her experience, but stopped using the guy as, in her words, “I don’t want to get fucking murdered in the woods”. Stacy* used Tinder for her drug hook-ups, saying, “Since it’s a dating app, there’s more of a chance I can suss for free, okay? Rent is expensive, don’t judge me.” From using the app, she’s scored everything from MDMA to heroine, and says the experience is “mostly positive”. “Of course, there’s always some jerks that just string you along. I turned up to this dude’s flat once, and sat and watched ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ with him. I didn’t want to be rude, but after about an hour of watching Emma Watson’s bad acting, I had to be straight up and ask him where the acid was. Turns out he didn’t have any. I left almost immediately.” Experiences like this, thankfully without Emma Watson, have happened a couple of times for Stacy, but doesn’t deter her from her ongoing journey. “Occasionally I meet a good dealer, and it works out for a bit, but after a while, even if I pay them, they still get a bit frisky, and I move on to the next.” She says weed is the easiest to find via online dating, but the “harder stuff requires more serious swiping. You basically have to swipe on anyone, and a lot of people think I’m joking with my bio. I’m not. If I say I’m looking to find heroine, that’s what I’m looking for, not some sex on a fold-out futon.” Going overseas, whether on exchange or just trying to #findyourself, brings a whole new set of challenges. Mike* describes how he went to Germany at the tender age of 16, along with some mates. In a hostel, they encountered some folks playing pool. “They seemed like pretty cool dudes,” Mike admits, blushing. “Then the conversation turned to marijuana and they

said, ‘we can get you some marijuana’.” They were told the price was 50 euros, which Mike admits seemed “pretty fucking steep, but we [had] no idea how much weed cost. It was our first time buying so we were like ‘alright, where is it?’.” The weed was, apparently, down in a car, and the group was told to hand over the money, and wait for the dealer to return. “I was like, no, no, no, you give us the weed and I’ll bring you the money. My 16-year-old self was feeling pretty bold considering [I was] speaking in a language I didn’t really understand,” Mike says. However, the situation soon took a turn for the worse. “The dealers started yelling at me in German that I didn’t understand, so out of sheer fear and not knowing what else to do, I handed over the money.” So did Mike ever get his promised bud? Sadly no, he admits. “The story played out exactly how I’d expected; they never returned. Five minutes passed, still no drug dealer. 20 minutes passed, still no drug dealer. An hour went by, and they still weren’t there.” At this point in the interview, Mike was near tears, so I left him to deal with his loss of 50 euros (around $84 NZD) alone, privately. Cody* recalls a trip to France with his girlfriend at the time and a best mate. They randomly approached a group of skaters, rationalising that “they’re normally safe and pretty friendly”, which consisted of two guys and one girl. Cody describes using his girlfriend as “collateral” in the deal. “They said ‘we can sort you out, of course, but we have to drive somewhere’, and we looked around and well, there’s six of us. So, no one said anything but it kind of became an unwritten agreement that the two girls would stay and the four boys would go to this sketchy block to pick up the weed.” Luckily, the trade went off without a hitch, the group picked up the hash and returned to “exchange the girls”. Cody admits that, looking back, “it feels a bit silly” but says it felt safe at the time, and his girlfriend was fine with the whole thing. If my boyfriend left me in foreign city as collateral for a weed deal, I’d be pissed. Well, first I’d be happy that in this hypothetical situation I’d actually have a boyfriend (it’s been a while), and then I’d be pissed. But, to each their own. So, the next time you buy a gram from “a friend of a friend”, spare a thought for the poor sods who are out there, desperately looking. They’re amongst us, even now. May they find the solace of a steady, decent dealer. Amen. *Names have been changed, mostly out of embarrassment but for legal reasons too, lol . FEATURES

FEATURES

S n o r t i n g myself silly Massive takes it up the nose

Snorting is never really something I’ve done much of. Smoking, eating, dissolving? Fuck yeah. But snorting has remained an elusive mystery, clouded in coatrooms and dimly-lit bathrooms. All my life I’ve read magazines about glamorous celebrities, white-powdered nostrils in toe. The nose is the final frontier between this dismal existence and a better life. I want to be a fancy lawyer, suited up and snorted up. I want so many things, so badly, and there seemed only one way to get there: up the nose. So, in the name of good journalism, Massive went down the rabbit hole of crushed powders, to find the elusive truth. PSA: Don’t do this at home. I did this so you don’t have to. Please. My anus still isn’t the same. FEATURES

No-Doz

I decided to start off with something simple. The iconic caffeine pills that every student knows and loves. I smashed up a pill, whipped out a five-dollar bill and away I went. I encountered my first problem moments in - the pills weren’t a fine enough powder to snort properly. Little chunks of those devils stuck in my nostrils and fuck, it burnt. I felt gross. Like one of those boys in primary school who suck at the end of their hoodie strings. Greasy, snotty, yet strangely compelling. I stared at myself in the mirror for 10 minutes, refusing to break eye contact. About 20 minutes in, I started to feel it. It was like chugging 10 energy drinks all at once and breaking out in a synchronised dance routine. My heart was pounding more than the first time I had discovered masturbation, my pulmonary artery finger-blasting my right ventricle. In and out, in and out, it was foreplay without end. I felt like I could conquer the world but I also wanted to cry. I pulled out my study notes and spent the next hour on TikTok. Nice.

Ritalin

Ritalin is legendary in the student world for its ability to aid hours of intense study. Around exam time, out comes these little guys, ready to pop, lock, and drop. Yes, it’s semi-problematic to abuse medicine that offers substantial benefits to many, but let’s not examine that today, shall we? Today is a day for snorting. Upon entry into the nasal cavity, it was immediately obvious how smooth the transition was compared to NoDoz. By comparison, this was caviar, silk upon my nostril’s hairs. It went up a delicious treat, a le petit-déjeuner for the senses. But then, nothing really happened. I was feeling a little bit horny, but I’m not sure if that’s just because I was wearing tight jeans and sitting down. The most notable difference I found was, well, I stayed awake until 3am. Which honestly, is big for me considering I’m a sleepy bitch that barely can stay awake past 11pm. But it wasn’t in the hyper, manic way I was expecting. It’s just, well, I didn’t feel tired, so I stayed awake. No work was done, but I chatted with friends over a glass of wine, and had a wonderful time. Is this how Cameron Diaz feels all the time? Unclear. Next time I need a nice cable knit and an ex-husband, to be sure.

a big step, probably in the wrong direction. I went with instant coffee; a) because my flatmate would kill me if I used his fancy filter shit and b) because it seemed the finest coffee power that we had in the pantry. I had to shut my eyes to snort, but I needn’t have bothered. I could feel it, in every facet of my body. I was coffee and coffee was me. The pain up my nostrils was like hot water, cascading every crevice. After a lot of coughing and spluttering, I felt energized for about 10 minutes, then immediately crashed for the next six hours. The headache was... bad. I still wince every time I pass a kettle.

Macca’s El Maco Shaker Fries Seasoning

I had my reservations about this one. Firstly, any spice going up the nose is bound to end in disaster. Secondly, I had once eaten this, and even that wasn’t a very pleasant experience. Honestly, it just felt like pouring cheap taco seasoning on fries, and tasted overwhelmingly of Year 7 camp food. There’s no authenticity, which I’m aware is asking a lot of McDonald’s, but here I am, asking. On the count of three, I inhaled. Fuck! I felt like a white-hot poker was hoisted up my nose. I could taste paprika, onion powder, pepper. MSG, that coying bastard, crept up last, wielding its delicious tentacles of glutamic acid inside of me; cumming, hard. I couldn’t think, I could only react. I locked myself in the bathroom and took the most violent shit of my life. I felt like I gave birth to something, that day. Hours later, still quivering from my insides having turned to molten sludge, I crept into my bed. I felt like the greasy layer of skin of fried chicken, damp and slimy but carrying a potent scent. That feeling stayed with me for days.

Coffee

After two days of snorting pretty pills, the thin lines of coffee on the table in front of me was confronting, to say the least. This felt like taking FEATURES

MASSIVE

A SORE BITCH REVIEWS PAIN KILLERS PSA – I have severe chronic pain; I’ve had all of the below meds and this is purely based on personal experience and preference. This is in no way professional medical advice, lol. If you’re struggling with pain, talk to your doctor. And if you’re thinking you’re addicted to pain relief, you probably are. Again, your doctor knows better than a shitty student magazine. Although, just a heads up, Countdown Pharmacies and Chemist Warehouse will fill your prescriptions for free! Go hard fam.

PARACETAMOL Paracetamol is used to treat different types of pain including headache, migraine, period pain and aches’n’pains associated with colds and flu. It is the most commonly used pain relief medicine in New Zealand. 7/10 for pain relief. Side effects – Rare but if your blood pressure drops or you have an allergic reaction it’s serious. If you overdose, it can fuck with your liver, so follow packet instructions. Accessibility – easy and cheap. Over the counter, without prescription. Very cheap and fucking easy to take. A great regular dosage pain killer, very short-acting. Supermarkets have a limit of how many you can buy, but honestly that’s not a terrible rule.

NSAIDS Non-steroidal Anti Inflammatories are used for short-term pain like when you have an injury or a flare-up of inflammation or pain. I miss the days when these were coated in a delectable pink strawberry(?) flavour. I would pop that shit like three times a day. Do not double up NSAIDs; don’t take Ibuprofen with other less common prescribed ones like Naproxen, Voltaren, Ponstan, Celecoxib, etc. You will OD. You can, however, mix NSAIDs and Paracetamol, leading to the infamous combination of Ibuprofen and Paracetamol that gets me through a Wednesday morning. For endometriosis, I’ve tried of all the NSAIDs, and only Ponstan has made a difference. IBUPROFEN 6/10 for muscle pain relief. Does the job if your pain is below a pain scale of 5. Side effects – meh, I don’t get any immediate ones, but most common are heartburn, indigestion and stomach discomfort. I’ve heard if your stomach is a weak bitch, you can be nauseous, and have diarrhoea, but that’s not a typical side effect. Accessibility – easy and cheap.

FEATURES

GABAPENTINOIDS Gabapentinoids were originally an epilepsy drug. Opioid addictions were skyrocketing so docs started prescribing this first for spinal injuries and then all sorts of nerve pain and even restless legs syndrome. But adverse reactions are substantially higher if you take gabapentin and an opioid lol. Withdrawal symptoms are severe, so talk to a doctor before going on it, please. 0/10 for pain relief. Some find it useful for neuropathic pain, but it’s never helped me. Side effects – way too many to be worth it. Most common are abnormal eye movements that are continuous, uncontrolled, back-and-forth, or rolling, clumsiness, constipation or diarrhoea, difficulty speaking, drowsiness, dry mouth, nausea, and vomiting. Accessibility – moderate. Most doctors will try to put you on this. Gynecologists in particular love to hand this one out. Tell them no.

TRICYCLIC ANTIDEPRESSANTS Tricyclic antidepressants are usually used to treat depression but low doses can relieve some types of chronic pain such as nerve pain. They have also been found to improve sleep and help with relaxation. AMITRIPTYLINE 3/10 for pain relief. Side effects - got me way too fucked up. Most common are tremor, vision problems, increased heart rate, dry mouth, dizziness, fatigue, constipation, and increased appetite. Plus, it fucks with your libido. Apparently as effective as Gabapentin but you get worse reactions to it. Knocked me out in lunchtime in high school. I could barely breathe and felt like I was gonna die. Accessibility – moderate. May induce psychosis and mania so stay away if you have mental health concerns or have bipolar disorder.

FEATURES

OPIOIDS Opioids can be used for moderate-to-severe short-term pain like after an injury or surgery, or for ongoing severe pain. They aren’t super recommended for nerve pain because they don’t greatly improve pain levels or help you to be able to do the things you want to do. That doesn’t stop doctors handing them out to me like candy though. Overall, they clog up your arsehole like nothing else. They can work and make a huge difference, but you’ll probably feel sick and sleepy. Oh, and they’re really fucking addictive. CODEINE 10/10 for pain relief. Side effects – works like a charm but addictive. Most common are headaches, drowsiness, dry mouth, altered vision, shortness of breath, nausea, vomiting, skin rash, constipation, and itching. A fun time for sure. Will knock you out if you take ‘em in the evening. Accessibility – moderate, and still pretty easy to obtain. You’ll need a prescription from your doc to get some. Hospitals will send you home with a bottle full of them though. Careful with regular dosage, because it’s very easy to get addicted. TRAMADOL 7/10 for pain relief. Side effects – It either works magic or makes you feel worse. It’s one of those drugs you have to try once to know if it’ll make the achy shaky go away. Sadly, if it gives you persistent nausea/vomiting it’s probably not the drug for you. Accessibility – easy to medium. Every single nurse/doctor’s first suggestion to me when I go into hospital for endometriosis flare ups. MORPHINE 10/10 for pain relief. Side effects – plug-like constipation (ew), cooked asf and withdrawal is wild. Same as codeine, but there are long term effects to be mindful of. Your body can also become used to it. Accessibility – difficult. Morphine is truly the nectar of the gods. It’s a very controlled substance. They’ll only hook you up with a morphine IV if you are post-operation, or in hospital after a severe accident. Not like a ‘broken arm from skating’ accident, more like a ‘got hit by a van’ accident. I’d know. I got a beautiful red button that I could press every 60 seconds that sent morphine straight into my veins. FEATURES

WEED We all know that unless you green out, having a cone is great for pain relief. CBD is lifechanging for many people. Massive wholeheartedly endorses it. 10/10 for pain relief. Side effects – depends on the person and THC dosage. Accessibility – easy. Weed is easy to access. I can think of at least five people I could hit up right now to get a tinny. CBD is slightly more difficult; green fairies are a godsend. They are folks who are growing their own and sell it to chronic pain sufferers. This is because legal medicinal cannabis is hard to get a prescription for and it costs a fucktonne more. If you need a hookup, ask around, there’s plenty of fairies saving lives out there.

FEATURES

GOIN Why some students are choosing sobriety and what they want you to know By Elena McIntyre-Reet Most of us spend the week trudging through uni, with a ‘Cs get degrees’ type-attitude, waiting for the moment we can crack open a bottle of Cleanskin and forget our ever-growing student loans. Sundays are then normally spent regretting pretty much everything, lying in bed, guzzling your dusty water glass from last week like it’s the actual fountain of youth. Maybe you’re fighting off the inevitable comedown of whatever substance you abused. If you’re someone who doesn’t get hungover this doesn’t apply, and also – I fucking hate you. Believe it or not though, apparently using and abusing drugs and alcohol are not an essential part of the student experience. I literally thought you had to down a goon to be eligible for your course related costs. There are people walking among us, whose Saturday nights are spent tucked in bed after eating a healthy meal, ready to take on the weekend with everything they’ve got. They’re elusive, but Massive wrangled some, and interrogated them about their choices. Billie is a second year Physio student, who tends not to partake in the sinful activities of us mere mortals. Although she’ll occasionally drink or smoke, she apparently possesses the rare ability to not take it too far every single time. She knows drinking makes her anxious and doesn’t want to be a liability so she just doesn’t do it. Which is probably the most self-preserving thing I’ve ever heard a student say.

She’s a self-described ‘flat-mum’ to the boys in her flat. “They’re an absolute drunken mess most weekends but I’m an [emotional] mess 24/7 so it actually kind of works out.” She claims to feel no sense of superiority about her sobriety, but finds drinking culture more than a little depressing. Her mornings are spent pretty much as idyllic as you’d imagine them. “It is pretty satisfying to wake up and go for a run on a Sunday morning, and make the most of the peace and quiet to get some study done.” That genuinely seems like a fever dream to me. Running? Studying? What? Mornings for her flat-mates don’t look so pretty. “They normally roll out of bed at like 1pm, eat noodles and sit in a pool of regret and shame. They’ll finally move at around 9pm, to cook dinner, shower, and study until midnight.” Although she’s got super-human self-restraint, Billie’s not totally opposed to casual drug use. “To be honest, other than weed I’m not interested in drugs, but I reckon mushrooms would be so on with the right people.” Joe has been sober for the past year and a half, after “some pretty heavy binge drinking in my first couple of years at uni”. He says he made the decision after, “a particularly heinous night-out, where I woke up with vomit streaked through my sheets. I just felt fucking FEATURES

’ DRY drained, emotionally and physically, and realised that I didn’t want to keep waking up like this.” Joe reckons prioritising his mental health played a big part, as he was struggling with increasingly worse comedowns from gear. “Once I stopped doing that shit, I felt like I could get my act together a bit. I also had another mate cut off substances for a bit, since he had a bad time with bath salts, so we were able to help each other, together.” We love to see it. Some people would argue that drinking is a pretty essential part of student culture. Billie doesn’t whole-heartedly disagree, but notes that student life looks different for everyone. “There’s more to student life than studying and getting horsed. At the same time, I can’t relate to the part of studenthood that involves being a soldier and powering

“I still eat like shit and procrastinate my assignments, so I feel like a student in other ways.”

through the dust. Getting shit done and then going through another week just to get smashed again at the weekend.” She’s comfortable in her student identity. “I still go out, I live the poor student life and I’m surrounded by people who party hard. I just live the typical student life slightly differently.” Joe says he’s felt like “I’ve done the student thing, so I don’t feel bad about supposedly not living that life anymore. I still eat like shit and procrastinate my assignments, so I feel like a student in other ways.” It’s not all Sunday morning runs and studying, though. Billie admits that always being the sober one on nights out, has turned her into a bit of a counsellor. “It’s sad to see people I know who are only able to open up about tough stuff and their emotions when they get wasted. A drunk deep and meaningful is a great thing, but 90% of the conversations I have with people on weekends would just never happen sober.” Having a sense of clarity on nights out has opened her eyes to how depressing drinking culture can be. “People will literally drink for any occasion. I feel like it also highlights how shallow a lot of uni friendships are when it’s literally all about the piss.” Joe agrees, saying that he feels like a large amount of male mental-health problems is “smothered by a drinking culture. Like, it’s okay if you cry or have a chat with the boys about your ex, but you’re expected to be black-out in order to make those things acceptable. It’s hard seeing mates go through shit, and then see them rely on substances instead of reaching out for help.” Being a student can mean a lot of things. We’re all broke as shit, accruing up massive amounts of debt all to get a degree some of us don’t know what we’ll do with. It’s your choice how you get through it, sober student life sounds like it definitely has it’s perks, but alcohol is also really fucking fun. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, keep sending it, or don’t. The power is in your hands.

FEATURES

THE BATH SALT CRISIS: How Laced MDMA is Ruining the Vibe by Elena McIntyre-Reet We all saw the infographics and the headlines circulating about the increased number of bath salts being sold as MDMA during festival season. Cosmic sold out of their testing kits and some desperate people thought it better to blindly trust the word of their plug, rather than heed the warnings by some of NZ’s biggest drug testing advocates.

MDMA is, in all honesty, a really incredible drug. Comedowns aside, it’s a student go-to for horny sex, declarations of love and dancing for hours on end. But recently students are increasingly finding themselves fucked over, thanks to an rise in dodgy, mixed products. After taking what they thought was MDMA, they find themselves bathing in the saltiest salt, which felt nothing like any gear they’d had before. Has it deterred them from doing drugs? Mostly not, but they tell Massive what went down, and it does not sound nice. FEATURES

Over the summer Holly*, a third year Massey Student, sussed from someone she wouldn’t buy from normally. She didn’t test it but felt pretty confident that the guy (let’s call him Mr. Bath Salts) was legit. Initially, she didn’t notice any difference in the ‘gear’ she took that night. “I thought I was just having a regular gear experience, I was super talkative, awake, happy and having euphoric type feelings. Then shit hit the fan and I started acting completely out of it,” she tells Massive. By the sounds of it, she had a fucking rollercoaster of a time. “I remember speaking complete gibberish and having these manic emotional spells where I’d go from being super aggressive, to anxious and upset, and then I’d be uncontrollably laughing.” Luckily Holly was just at home and not in an unfamiliar environment, her friends helped her into bed. But when they came back to check on her, what they saw was fucking nightmare fuel. “When they came back they found me talking to myself, which went on for two hours. I thought I was talking to multiple friends but really I was in a dark room alone and sounding like a goldfish stuck in a loop. My friend kept having to shake me out of my trance and remind me there was no one there. I don’t remember much, but I was definitely hallucinating a tad.” When asked what the best part of the experience was, she told Massive, “well at least it wasn’t meth I suppose”. Good call Holly, good call. The conversation around bath salts saw a lot of people refer to it as ‘dodgy gear’. “Calling it dodgy gear is an insult to gear. After my salty experience it’s definitely something I’m super cautious about and I would definitely not recommend it to anyone.” Mark* accidentally took bath salts in 2020 and calls the experience “one of the worst nights of my life. I literally wanted to claw my own eyeballs out, I had to be restrained by friends.” He describes shaking, sweating and even contemplated calling 111. “The shit thing is, you take gear in a social setting. My friends were all drunk or high, and they weren’t in the proper state to help. I was at a club when it kicked in, and suddenly the music and the lights were overwhelming. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I was so far from home and had no idea how to get back.” Another student, Claire* said she started “uncontrollably vomiting” for hours on end. “I can’t even describe how terrible it felt. My heart was racing a million times per minute. It was like an anxiety attack on weed, but ten times worse than anything I’d ever felt before.” She had brought the gear from a stranger at a party, and regrets not testing it. “I was drunk and reckless, and testing just seemed like too big a hassle.” Many students have no idea that they’re even taking bath salts, and admits it’s not a consideration they factor into their drug use. Holly says, “When I first started taking gear, I was pretty naive and didn’t have much knowledge about it other than the fact that I really enjoyed taking it. So I definitely wasn’t testing anything, and I didn’t know that bath salts were often intentionally sold as gear. So in that regard, I was just kind of dumb.” Holly has since made sure to not suss from that same guy again. “Mr. Bath Salts and I have ended our entanglement. Thankfully, I found someone who doesn’t overseason my gear.” Both Mark and Claire have also stopped purchasing from their fated dealers, with Claire swearing off gear altogether. “I’d never had a problem with MD before, but now I’m even scared to take anything. It just completely ruined it for me. The vibe is off.” Next time you’re in charge of sussing for your friends, make sure you have a vague idea of what it is you’re buying. Perhaps as a deterrent you can imagine all your mates sitting in a dark room having passionate conversations with absolutely no one. Those poor souls. Test your shit, steer clear of the Mr. Bath Salts. Cut off the toxic people in your life, you know the drill. FEATURES

LIVE WITH US ENHANCE YOUR UNI EXPERIENCE Join our student community: • Regular activities and events you can develop lifelong friendships • Convenience and support get the peace of mind you need to focus on your studies

APPLY NOW MASSEY.AC.NZ/ACCOMMODATION

BEINGS I’VE MET ON Sit back, relax. Melt into the couch, stare into the depths of the universe. With the right chemical additive, the universe will stare back, showing you possibilities you’ve never dreamed of, or perhaps something you dreamed but never dared to remember. My God, the colours! The movement! Acid is a trip, but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that. Take a tab and prepare to be transported to... Beings I’ve met while tripping on acid. 1- THE FACE In a queer flat party full of artists, I found myself frozen in place. The couch had held on to me, kept me hostage with my face pointing to the wall adorned with artworks coming alive one by one. Tiny figures swayed as if seaweed in a tide, but one, one stayed still. The Face. A geometric estimation of humanity, it stared in every direction but always directed at you. Had I been able to move, I am sure the eyes would have followed me. Trapped in place, I stared at The Face, and it stared back. All-knowing but not allpowerful, it sat in silence, judging me for my every secret, but wise enough to know never to reveal them. I felt myself unravelling in its gaze. Until I was pulled back to reality between five minutes and four hours later with a ‘hey buddy, you feeling okay’? If only they knew. 2- THE BFG (BIG FUCKING GEEZER) After sitting with my back to a bass-heavy speaker feeling the vibrations of the entire album of Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”, I decided I needed a dart. Staggering to the smoko area, or at least I think it was, I pulled out a ciggie and lit it. I stared over the city until I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye, a pair of pants started on the ground and towered over my line of sight.

me, but the gigantic creature inside them. Locked in position, I could not look up for fear of what I might see, but the beast had other ideas. The pants buckled at the centre as this being bent its knees, craning down to see me. Horror overcame me. What did this giant want? To inspect me, like a flower to be plucked from a neighbour’s garden? Perhaps it just wanted to talk? Or perhaps it was hungry… I never found out because as soon as this monstrous creature bent down enough for me to see its shape in the low light, it vanished. I guess I’ll never know. 3 - THE WINDMILL GOD It’s my birthday. I wake up at 10am to the sound of banging on my door. After a grumble and an “I’m up”, I was met with the faces of my closest friends. They greeted me with birthday wishes, a box of beer, a bottle of whiskey, a coffee, a 50 bag and a tab each of acid. “We’re going to the beach, be ready in 20 minutes.” Fast forward five hours, high up in the rocky cliffs of Makara, four drunk dumbasses tripping absolute balls stumbled through the landscape until we came to our destination. The base of a wind turbine. We lay on our backs, looking up at the great moving structure, and felt it — a presence. The turbine itself seemed to be alive, a protector, a provider. Hours upon hours, we spent in silence, staring, learning, tripping, until the meaning behind this great being was revealed. We learned, in our state of transcendence, that the earth did not simply revolve around the sun through silly concepts like gravity. It was carried, propelled through outer space by the collective forces of the turbines. Like a mighty sail on a tiny rowboat, we had these beings, and these alone to thank for not simply dropping into the abyss. I’m not sure how much smarter I came out of that trip, but I certainly had a good time.

It was not the pants themselves that frightened FEATURES

Sexcapades I had just moved to the Welly campus at the start of this semester and only had one friend from Auckland here. He invited me to a party and I started adding vodka to my beer to get obliterated (as you do when you don’t know anyone) … Eventually I went outside to smoke a dart and some dude comes and tries to pick a fight with me. I back away and this girl comes out of nowhere. She gives me an instant pair of fuck-me eyes and says, “Do you wanna go for a walk?” I was a fresh lesbian to the capital, and I was after a refreshing summer-romance, even if it meant getting some WAP just for onenight-only. So naturally, I took her arm and said, “Yeah let’s get outta here.” We marched through the city for a bit and had some flirty small talk. Before I knew it, we were sitting on a concrete-slab making-out in what seemed to be a nice field? I didn’t know her, she didn’t know me, what a great way to make a new fuck-friend in the big smoke! She was submissive from the first lip-bite. She put her legs over mine, I put my hand on her neck and nibbled on her ear. She shoved a finger in my mouth and told me she was going to fuck my brains out. I unzipped her

jeans and started playing with her clit to put her back in her submissive place. She let out an annoying (but cute) porn-star moan – This is when it became apparent that it would be me fucking her brains out. I bent her over the concrete slab and ate her out – definitely the hottest sex I’d ever had until I started sobering up and realized where we actually fucking were… I pull my mouth away from her vagina. I read a name on the concrete slab, followed by a date, followed by the words “In loving memory of our precious star, always in our hearts.” We were fucking in a graveyard, on a DEAD PERSON’S headstone. By this point, I was a little freaked out, but like, I still hadn’t had the chance to cum yet. So, we kept going and somehow it felt more spiritual than before. I was disgusted in myself but at the same time… was this fate? After this night, I couldn’t remember your name and I couldn’t find you on the invite list so if this story sounds familiar, please email sexcapades@massivemagazine. org.nz so that we can be in touch and get freaky again! COLUMNS

How to Adult: Cleaning your Damn Bong We all know the story, you go over to a mate’s place for a sesh, and when it comes time to rip a cone, they pull out… A scungy glass piece of collected resin. Brownblack water barely visible swirling in amongst the caked wall of the hooning device. “Probably due for a clean soon,” they say. No shit, Sherlock. Here’s how to get that “tobacco water pipe” (as sneaky retail smoko shops call it) clean as a whistle and hooning like a dream. 1 - SUPPLIES •

A dirty bong (shouldn’t be hard to find)

•

Dr Green’s (If you’re really skint, dish liquid and rock salt, or vinegar and baking soda should do. But if you can afford to spend 50 bucks a week on buds you can fork out for a bottle of Dr Green’s once every few months.)

•

Dish Gloves (that chemical shit is nasty)

•

A large plastic container or small bucket (you don’t want your sink to stink)

•

Paper Towels

•

Skewers

•

A toothbrush

2 - SOAKIN’ Now you’ve got what you need, it’s time to get started, dismantle your cone-piece and pipe from your bong. Rinse them well. Use a paper towel on the lip of the pipe and cone-piece and blow out any blockage or excess. Place them in the container and pour some of that stanky solution in. Make sure it’s enough that when the container is on an angle both the cone-piece and pipe are fully submerged. Swirl it round, getting every nook and cranny for a few minutes, then leave it to soak for 10-15 minutes.

3 - ELBOW GREASE Now that they’re soaked and most of the tough resin is loosened, swirl it some more, get on ya gloves, and get to work. Also, don’t do this on carpet, it won’t end well. Get your skewer and start scraping, cone-piece especially, you want to lift off as much as you possibly can. This’ll take some time and a lot of determination so be patient, it’ll be worth the smooth pull once this is all over. Once you’re done scraping, tear off a small section of your paper towel, ball it up so it’s smaller than the width of the pipe, and push it in. Use the skewer to get it all the way through your pipe. A few passes should clear it. Finally, the big bad bong itself. An old toothbrush is your best bet. Maybe two because they collect resin QUICK. Pour the container of Dr Green’s into the bong to top up the stuff already in there. Get ya brushy brushies and get in there. Scrub, scrape, whatever. Just get that big boy clean. Bendy plastic toothbrushes are best because you can get inside the base of it and angle it around to scrub every surface. If you’ve got a percolator, good luck, you’re not getting into there for a scrub no matter how hard you try. 4 - RINSE!!! After all that chemical shit and collected resin, they’re gonna need one hell of a rinse off, maybe even a little dish liquid first to sterilise. Rinse, double rinse and rerinse. You think it’s clean? Think again, give it another going over. It gets mank in there and you don’t want that in your lungs. Once you’re done, air it out in the sun somewhere the neighbours won’t see. 5 - KEEP IT CLEAN FOR FUCK’S SAKES. Now you’ve done all that hard work you gotta stay on top of it. Having a cone? Solid, but for god’s sake empty the water when you’re done, put some clean water in there, give it a swish, and empty it out again. Yes. Every single time. It’s easier than having to clean the gunk off it in a week’s time. COLUMNS

WEED BROWNIES:

THE STRONG, GOOEY EDIBLE THAT’LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Edibles are a joy and a curse. They can make me laugh like nothing else, but take too many and suddenly you’re sitting in a Subway surrounded by piss. If you’re partaking in a classic weed brownie, remember the golden rule: eat one, and wait. Don’t have another one after 20 minutes of “not feeling it” because that’s how you end up banned from Subway. Edibles can take anywhere from half an hour to an hour to kick in, and even then, they only get stronger during the night. Massive devised a recipe that’s both potent and delicious. There’s nothing worse than a disgusting edible, except perhaps having to UberEats a meatball sub.

INGREDIENTS

DIRECTIONS STEP 1

Preheat your shitty oven to 115°C on bake.

STEP 2 Chop up your weed to small chunks, avoid dicing too fine. Place on baking paper and slide into the oven for about 20 minutes. Be careful to avoid burning, you’re looking for a nice dry, brownish green crumble overall. Oh, and just a warningthis WILL make your entire house stink of weed. Make sure you’re not having a flat inspection or parents’ round.

STEP 3 On low heat, melt your butter in a pot. Remember how good melted butter smells. Carefully mix in the cooked weed, making sure to keep the heat low and the mixture simmering, for at least half an hour, longer if you have the time.

125g of unsalted butter .

STEP 4

Basically, however much cannabis you have/want. I reckon about 1-2 ounces will do, but go crazy depending on your tolerance.

This next step depends on how feral you are. You can choose to strain your butter through a sieve or cheesecloth, to get rid of those bitter flakes of cannabis, or just leave it how is. The unfiltered version may be stronger, but it’ll certainty make it taste worse. That’s a decision I’m gonna leave in your hands.

150g of chocolate. Whittaker’s, Cadbury’s or baking chocolate, whatever floats your boat, add in different kinds of flavours or kinds.

STEP 5

1/3 of a cup of cocoa powder

Add in the chocolate, melt it a bit, then tip the batter into a large bowl. Add in the cocoa, sugar, and eggs in. Honestly, the rest is basically brownie making, you know the drill. Finally, add the flour. Sieve it if you want, I’m not your mother.

1 ¼ cup of sugar

STEP 6

¾ cup of flour 2 big eggs

Accessorize your brownie! Add in nuts, whatever the fuck you want. Freeze-dry raspberries can help mask the taste of weed, just saying.

Optional: nuts, freeze-dry raspberries, more chocolate :’)

Grease your baking tray, god you know all this. Bake for about 30 mins at 115°C. Bon Appetit! Stay safe, hydrate lots x COLUMNS

SNIP, SNOP, SNAP SEND US YOUR SNAPS TO GET FEATURED IN NEXT WEEK’S EDITION

@massive_mag

COLUMNS

Presidents’ Columns

ASA: BEN AUSTIN

MAWSA: TESSA GUEST

ASA: BEN AUSTIN

MAWSA: TESSA GUEST

As we are nearing the mid semester break it is time to start thinking about preparing for tests and assignments. The advice I was given in my first year was to not procrastinate anything at all, like many other students, I ignored that advice. I still ignore that advice to this day but I guess it’s the old saying of do as I say not as I do. Pretty much what I am saying is enjoy your time off but make sure you get some study in since it is a “Study Break”. How much study is up to you.

Oh em gee!!! HOW good were all those Pride events last week? I’ve never seen so many trendy rainbow outfits in one day. Ugh, you guys are so cool. Anyways. We’re on the home stretch now, aren’t we! You CoCA folks, you’re gonna absolutely CRUSH those week 6 deadlines. You don’t know it yet, but you will. And I know you’re about to go have a 2 week sleep, but in the meantime, remember that MAWSA’s still got ya back. If you’ve got ideas, questions, queries or concerns about any student-y things, simply drop us a line...anytime! Mucho love 💘

MUSA: FATIMA IMRAN

M@D: JACALYN CLARE AND JAX WATT

Konnichiwa Massey University! One more week until the midsemester break. I know you’re all excited, as am I. However, we should finish this half off with a bang by continuing the grind and leaving less for us to catch up on during the two weeks. For students in their first year, mid-semester breaks are a great time to study for tests coming shortly after we return to class as well as taking some time out to have fun with friends and family. If you’re looking for a good spot for brunch as a study break, Elm Café on Fitzherbert (across from the Esplanade) is a pretty great option.

You may have noticed our lack of contribution in the past few issues which was no oversight on our part. Massey@Distance has been in discussions with Massive about implementing authentic distance student content within the magazine, given we are the invisible majority of Massey Uni students. We don’t want a peer-run magazine to perpetuate that attitude. We’ve since chatted with Massive regarding their processes and whether the magazine was being written in a culturally and linguistically way inclusive of our cohort, given that one of their articles ended with “old people kinda suck”. We had to consider what the almost 60% of distance students in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond, would want. After discussions with Massive last week, we’re happy to be back, but will not hold back on our critiques if we have them. COLUMNS

Puzzles! CROSSWORD ACROSS 1. Applying the least possible amount of effort required (4, 7) 8. The other thing guaranteed in life besides death (5) 10. As alcohol levels increase, the chances of keeping this intact decrease (7) 12. Classic Kiwi BBQ bringalong dessert (8) 15. The seventh sign of the zodiac (5) 17. Coin operated music machine (7) DOWN 1. What you get when you suss MDMA (9) 2. Garden that was Adam and Eve’s stomping ground back in 5/03/21, the 8:24 day AM (4) 3. Caffeine Pills (5) 4 Belgian ice cream brand (6) 5. A female domestic servant (4) 6. The name of a 2013 song by Lorde (6) 7. Someone who discounts scientifically valid medical research in favour of a few 03/04/2021 random blog posts they read (4, 6) 11.3Yummy yummy (5, 5)

Printable Sudoku - Hard - 03/04/2021

Sudoku - Hard

Sudoku - Easy 03/04/2021

2 1

QUICK QUIZ 1.

8 2

4 9

5 9

8 81

4 9

3 3

What’s the name opium poppy? 17 4 6 of 5 the 2 drug that comes 2 2from the 9

2. 5 How long does it take MDMA 8 to reach the brain?

3. What is psilocybin more commonly known as? 9 7 8

4. Ketamine as a tranquilizer on what animal? 1 8 is used 7 2 5 8 5. True a strain of marijuana. 5 or 3 false: 4 Salvia is 6 2 3

3 6

8 4

2 7 5

Sudoku.cool

SUDOKU 9 5

7 6

3 2

2 8

5 3

5 9

1 6

WORD WHEEL 6

5 8 1

13. The guy who knows all too well you’ve had more than three or four (7) 14. Sandwich like cookie (4) 16 An unfortunate event that could not have been5/03/21, realistically 8:24 AM prevented (3, 2, 3) 19. Foreigner, especially those from another galaxy (5) 21. Usually experienced when there is a glitch in the matrix (4, 2)

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1. Heroin , 2. About 15 minutes 3. Magic Mushrooms 4. Horses! But bonus point if you said badgers 5. False! Salvia is a herbal mint plant and a naturally occurring hallucinogen, not a strain of cannabis

Printable Sudoku - Easy - 03/04/2021

18. The second best student magazine in Wellington (7) 20. This much weed will cost you approximately $400 (5) 22. The green telly tubby (5) 23. NZ slang for someone who is being a doofus (3) 24. The Catholic loophole (4) 25. “Ru Paul’s ____ Race” 26. Rebecca Black’s 2011 song (6) 27. Dead skin making a glorious escape from your scalp (8)

3 8

Easy

2 5

7 7 3 6

2 5

Hard

1 69 3

2 4

8 1

The target is to create as many 4 words 2 of64 letters or more, using the letters once only and always including the letter in the middle of the wheel.

1 4 6 82 1 78

6 3

3 4

2 84 3

1 97 7

5 1

A6 S 4

4-letter words: 10 5-letter words: 6

P7 6

6-letter words: 2 9-letter words: 1

COLUMNS https://sudoku.cool/sudoku/printable-easy-sudoku.php

https://sudoku.cool/sudoku/printable-hard-sudoku.php

Page 1 of 4

38 Page 1 of 4

Horoscopes Aquarius:

Aries:

You may have hurt some of the people closest to you, it doesn’t hurt to apologise as relationships can be mended! It’s okay to feel unsatisfied but ensure you’re doing your best to regain that satisfaction – that can mean going out of your way to eat nice food or buying more sex toys to add to your funky collection.

Your birthday has either just been or is coming up, be prepared for a big year. This age in particular is going to be a memorable one. Remember, you don’t need to be the one to skull the most alcohol in order to be recognised at parties. Chill.

Your spirit drug for this week: Lean

Your spirit drug for this week: Weed

Cancer:

Capricorn:

Be careful what you choose to manifest! You do your best thinking when you are next to water so ensure you’re spending some time near the ocean. Clarity is what you’re needing to get at the moment! The confrontation won’t be as bad as you’re expecting.

You’ve been enjoying the ‘little spoon’ life and that’s great! You may have realised that quantity isn’t as good as quality and this is a great time to figure this out. Let your crafty side run wild this week, you’ll be surprised what can be done with your hands.

Your spirit drug for this week: Alcohol

Your spirit drug for this week: Acid

Gemini:

Leo:

You’ve been thriving on stress and it kills people to watch. Your imagination is beautiful, don’t be afraid to bring your fantasies to life! Don’t stress about your assignments as much as you have been or else you’re going to crash in the holidays and be a bit of a bitch to be around.

You have a big persona and some of your decisions have been a little vain of late. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but it can’t hurt to relax a bit. It’s a week of reflection, be grateful for what you have and etmbrace the love around you! Your spirit drug for this week: ‘Shrooms

Your spirit drug for this week: 2CB

Libra:

Pisces:

Don’t procrastinate on this decision for too long, you’ve got the right idea already. You’ve been great at taking into account everything around you, what an open mind you have! Get yourself a nice treat – you’ve earnt it!

You’ve been like an old person trapped in a young person’s body lately. Don’t be such a party pooper! Romance is important to you and that’s great, embrace this part of you! Maybe limit your caffeine as your brain is slowly burning-out. Thank god for the uni break.

Your spirit drug for this week: DMT

Your spirit drug for this week: Codine

Sagittarius:

Scorpio:

You listen with your heart and not enough with your head. It’s not bad to be an emotional person, but don’t let it overtake your logical thinking. You’re attracting the right people, don’t be afraid to give them a piece of your heart. We all know you low-key love Karaoke – get back at it!

You are the most sexual sign of the star signs – unleash! Get an STD check as even the slightest pain in your urethra isn’t normal FYI. You’ve been sharing a lot of yourself with people you don’t need to, learn how to say no. Change your sheets, there are undetectable cum stains that have been there for too long.

Your spirit drug for this week: Cocaine

Your spirit drug for this week: Ketamine

Taurus:

Virgo:

Spend some more time embracing these last sunny days – you specifically need it. I know you’re desperate for a cuddle but learn how to cuddle yourself first. You mightn’t be open to change but try open up a little to this new venture, it’s time to switch things up a bit!

You’ve been over-analysing again. Although you feel like you have’nt got the recognition you deserve lately, the universe has been paying attention and you will be repaid! Your brain runs a million miles a second – take a deep breath and follow your instincts this week.

Your spirit drug for this week: MDMA

Your spirit drug for this week: Nangs COLUMNS