Massive Magazine Wellington Issue 02 2018

Est. 2012

Wellington | Mar/Apr 2018

02 Marijuana: Friend or Foe? Nursing School dealt another blow Work some wig magic

01

Simon Says: National Party announces new leader

Provide course feedback — let’s hear the good, bad & ugly.

FEATURE

Speak to your Class Rep. Don’t have one?

Volunteer!

Find out who your Class Rep is or volunteer by contacting studentvoice@mawsa.org.nz

Editorial

Cover Image: Luca Rosseels

Hi guys, I hope everyone is settling into university life ahead of the first mid-semester break for the year.

This week we continue to tackle some of the issues students are facing here at Massey.

If you are a student on the Manawatu or Albany campuses, you may be aware of some of the changes being proposed to College of Science.

Massey University’s College of Science’s ‘Strategic Positioning Document’ which contains proposed structural changes to the college, which would come into effect by 2020.

These include cutting the Bachelor of Engineering degree from the Albany campus.

The school has also proposed changes to some Bachelor of Science majors, such as combining Earth Science and Geography majors and packing Genetics, Microbiology and Biochemistry majors into one.

Forums were held at both campuses earlier this month and students have been encouraged to give their feedback. Make sure if these are changes that are going to affect you, you get in touch with your students’ association and pass on your thoughts.

We are taking a small break now, our next issue will be on stands on Monday, April 16.

Nikki

Fletch, Vaughan + Megan Weekdays 6am - 10am

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E V I S S A M

Features

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Simon Says: The rundown on National’s new leader Nursing School chaos Nga Whare Tauira The walls are alive Ultimate break up guide Educated Maori: ¯ The achievement gap Medical Marijuana Bill Work some wig magic

Column

Humour

36 42

Good cop, Bad cop Asstrology

09 10 15 38 41 43

Pinch of Politics On the Line Shower Thoughts Lit Fam or Shit Scam Booked in Cool Beans

Managing Editor:

Assistant Designer:

Nikki Papatsoumas

Luca Rosseels

(04) 866 7419 ex. 101

assistantdesigner@mawsa.org.nz

Design/Layout:

Wellington Reporter:

Aria Tongs

Jamie-Lee Bracken

(04) 866 7419 ex. 101

wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Regulars 06 44 45

Contributors: Te Paea Hoori Kasharn Rao Natasha Tziakis Lydia Hill Taryn Dryfhout Phoebe Holden Nic Little Jack Mayo Laura Macdonald Victoria Saunders

Local News Puzzles Hot or Not

Kalum Murray Peri Miller Emma Rzepecky Todd Murray Mackenzie Dyer Emma Pearce Leilani Baker Zoe Jennings Felix Desmarais Pip Clark

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LOCAL NEWS

Students and staff are being encouraged to keep an eye out after a recent spate of incidents involving strangers.

Reported incidents involving strangers on campus Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Unknown men lurking on Massey’s Wellington campus have been frightening staff in a string of recent incidents.

In the past month, staff have reported three incidents involving unidentified men on campus.

Massey Wgtn Students’ Association Manager (MAWSA), Sarah GrantWang says she has been confronted by two men when arriving early to work on sep-

MAWSA & Massey

arate occasions.

She says in one incident a strange man was hovering in the bushes.

“Security were very helpful and escorted me to my office,” she says.

“If I walked past this person into the concealed pathway where there are more trees and bushes I think things would have been different,” she says. “So, I decided not to put myself at risk.”

In another incident in February, an intimidating male stopped a staff member who was on her way to work

early in the morning.

This incident was reported to Massey staff who passed it on to the University Police Liaison Officer. Morning security guards and custodians have since been more closely monitoring certain areas of the campus.

MAWSA President, Emma Pearce, says she has seen men lingering around campus too and on occasion has called colleagues to escort her off campus.

Pearce says the university’s Health and Safety Committee are aware of the incidents

and that she would love for MAWSA to create a campaign regarding students safety on campus.

She says all students should call security if they feel unsafe.

“Staff need to make sure that students are aware that we have security around campus to help.

“It’s essential for every student to know the phone number to call should they ever need help,” she says.

Massive Magazine contacted Massey University for comment, but they did not respond in time for print.

Monday 15 March Flax & Fern, Massey Uni 11.30am — 130pm Donate your clothes for the swap before Fri 19th March and get a free ticket!

More info on MAWSA’s Facebook

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LOCAL NEWS

MAWSA President Emma Pearce at the Don’t Guess the Yes campaign launch.

Students targeted in latest sexual violence prevention campaign Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

A campaign which hopes to raise awareness around the prevention of sexual violence against university students has been launched in the capital.

The ‘Don’t Guess the Yes’ Campaign was officially launched in Wellington on February 23.

The campaign is a partnership between Wellington Police, the Sexual Abuse Prevention Network and the Wellington City Council, alongside students from the Massey Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA) and Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association.

MAWSA president, Emma Pearce, says organisations

approached Massey and Victoria Universities after recognising university students were most at risk.

Pearce says it’s sad to hear that students must constantly deal with the issue.

She hopes that this campaign will educate students about sexual violence, so it will be prevented in the future.

“Everyone I know either

has a story or knows someone with a story.

It’s important for students to be aware of the issue and know that they’re not alone,” says Pearce.

“People want changes in our community to happen.

People aren’t along in this – there are people out there who are trying to make a change and this campaign is just the start of that,” she says.

Q. What do you think of new National Party leader Simon Bridges?

Beda Bellegue

Rachel Hema

Louis Tobin

“It’s time for some new faces like him. I don’t know much about New Zealand politics but there’s lots of younger, new faces so I think that’s good.”

“I think that it’s good that he’s young and Maori. ¯ I think it’ll be good as it might encourage more Maori ¯ and young people to get involved in politics. It’s good to have that representation.”

“In terms of personality he’s largely the same as English. In terms of a person as the face of National they’re not shaking it up. I hope there’s some good critique of the current government, that isn’t petty.”

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NEWS

Marae construction is set to be completed in the coming weeks.

End in sight for marae construction Jamie-Lee Bracken

wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Construction of the Te Kuratini Marae - which has sat half-finished for over two years on the Massey Wellington campus - will soon be coming to an end.

The $1.8 million revamp of the marae began in 2014 and while work was set to be completed in 2015, construction has continued to stall.

While the end is in sight, with the marae expected to be officially opened in the com-

ing months, students say they are disappointed at the length of the project and the lack of communication surrounding it.

Massey Wellington Students’ Association Maori ¯ executive, Bryah-Rose Rauhihi, is thrilled that there will be a marae on campus, but says the communication between the university has been horrendous.

“It’s not good enough the way the university ignored us.

“It’s meant to be for us.

We want updates on how it’s going and when we will be

able to use it,” says Rauhihi.

Rauhihi says the Marae is an important symbol of growth and awareness of Maori ¯ student attendance and success.

“This is the beginning of advocacy for a fight against a low completion statistic and for inclusive studies of Maori ¯ culture.

“We are learning, we are educating ourselves and we are sharing our kawa and our culture willingly,” says Rauhihi.

Massey Communications Director, James Gardiner, says the opening date is

being finalised, and it will be opened in conjunction with Matariki.

“The University is currently in the process of finalising the opening date with key stakeholders including Mana Whenua, the artistic group and the construction firm,” he says.

“With the marae very close to completion the opportunity to coincide the opening with upcoming Matariki celebrations, marking the Maori ¯ new year and a new era for Massey University is an exciting possibility.”

From Massey to the New Zealand sporting stage Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Budding young sports stars at Massey now have a chance to compete on a national stage.

The annual University and Tertiary Sport New Zealand National (UTSNZ) Championship kicked off earlier this year.

The competition sees athletes from universities across the country take place in tournaments against each

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other, all competing for the National University Shield.

The Women’s Sevens event as part of the tournament has already taken place, coinciding with the HSBC World Sevens Tour and the Massey team came out in second place.

This places Massey University second on the Shield Points leaderboard after the first round.

Massey Wellington Sports and Recreation Manager, David Driscole says this an

exciting result and looks forward to further competitions later in the year.

He says he is now looking for talented athletes to put their names forward to represent the university in upcoming games.

From Basketball to Table Tennis there are many sports to put your hand up for, says Driscole.

He says these tournaments are a stepping stone to representing New Zealand at the World University games.

“It’s good to go and represent Massey and compete against other athletes from New Zealand universities and hopefully go on to represent New Zealand on the world stage,” says Driscole.

He says students should contact him if they’re interested in joining a team.

For information on events and to register interest, contact d.driscole@massey. ac.nz

COLUMN

Join Massive’s Natasha Tziakis as she dissects New Zealand politics and offers her sharp and savvy opinion in this fortnightly column.

Simon Bridges was elected as the National Party’s new leader at the end of February. Since then, as expected, there has been a lot of debate around who he is and what he stands for.

Before his political career, Bridges was a Senior Crown Prosecutor at the District and High Courts in Tauranga. He completed a BA in Political Science and History at the University of Auckland.

But if you have been following the news, Bridges credentials aren’t really what’s being questioned.

It’s his bloodline. Bridges is the first National Party leader with Maori ¯ heritage. But, journalists and media companies are now arguing over whether Bridges is ‘Maori ¯ enough’.

Bridges’ ‘Maoriness’ should not be debated. This is ¯ a huge win for New Zealand and our Government.

The leader of the National Party is a Maori ¯ New Zealander, and this is a fantastic way to point the National Party in a new and fresh direction.

It’s safe to say there may have been kids at school who thought they couldn’t have a political career because most of parliament is full of stuffy old white men. We now have a female Prime Minister who is pregnant and a Maori ¯ opposition leader. Ardern and Bridges are making politics cool.

Politics is a minefield of tactical play, but instead of immediately making Bridges’ seem a villain by questioning the validity of his heritage, it would be cool to try and give him a chance first.

When questioning Bridges about his whakapapa, Mihingarangi Forbes, a journalist from The Hui, asked what I think is a very important question.

“Will you return to Waitangi?”

Aside from the nit-picking over what quantifies as Maori ¯ or not, Forbes really got to the core of what I believe that type of questioning is implying. “Will you use your Maori ¯ heritage to your advantage?”

Bridges’ replied with, “I potentially will. It’s not a no, let’s put it that way”.

I look forward to the next year’s Waitangi Day. Jacinda Ardern shone this year, proving how down to earth she really is, tongs at the ready behind a barbecue. It’s going to be exciting to see what Bridges will do especially with his plans around honouring the Treaty of Waitangi and trying to right the wrongs regarding the Treaty, something I believe has systematically been ignored for decades by our government.

Bridges’ family comes from Ngati Maniapoto, which is in the Waikato/Waimoto region. It’s kind of close to Waitangi which could prove some cultural insight and a different viewpoint to what the previous National Party leaders have held.

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COLUMN

ON THE LINE Writer: Leilani Baker This fortnightly column stays true to its name by discussing all things sports including controversies on and off the field. Whether you enjoy a causal brew whilst watching the rugby, or your inner demon emerges when the football comes on, this column is dedicated to you, the sport-lovers of Massey.

From the return of an oiled up Tongan flag bearer, to an awkward nip slip on the ice, the recent Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang did not fall short on entertainment value.

President of the International Olympic Committee (IOC), Thomas Bach himself insisted these games were a testament of how sport makes the world a better place. For once geological tension was fogged as North and South Korea played nice, the two countries putting their differences aside to participate.

And we can’t ignore New Zealand’s triumph. Teenagers, Zoi SadowskiSynott and Nico Porteous ended New Zealand’s 26-year medal drought, both bringing home bronze.

But sadly, it wasn’t all celebrations with Russian athletes causing controversy yet again.

Russian curler Alexander Krushelnitsky was stripped of his bronze medal after testing positive for banned heart drug meldonium.

Not long after, Russian bobsledder Nadezhda Sergeeva tested positive to angina medication containing

performance enhancing properties.

Ironically, Sergeeva had earlier posted on a picture on Instagram wearing a sweatshirt with the words, ‘I don’t do doping, I am ZASPORT’, referencing the official clothing of the Olympic Committee.

I mean, come on though was anyone really that surprised? After the doping conundrum at the Sachi Games in 2014 where drug-filled Russian athletes dominated the podiums, it’s a wonder how any Russian athletes were allowed back. Twenty-five Russian athletes were caught doping at the 2014 Winter Olympics. As a result, 11 medals were stripped from the Russian team.

Athletes were allegedly given ‘cocktails’ containing three drugs of banned substances. Russian authorities were rumoured to have been threatening drug testers and even swapping out tainted urine to avoid failed results.

After the illegal doping scandal in 2014, the IOC “banned” Russia from this year’s Winter Olympics. However, the ban still allowed Russian athletes with a clean history of competing to participate in Pyeongchang. The

Pass or Play: We look at some alternative sports played around the country you may want to try: Most of you may have stumbled around an ice skating rink at some point in your life. But after watching the graceful strides and epic flips of skaters in the Winter Olympics you may want to give figure skating or ice dancing a go.

Random Fact: Ice dancing is not the same as figure skating.

Ice dancing is thought of as ballroom dancing on ice and is the only routine where skaters can use music containing vocals.

Figure skating, on the other hand focuses on jumps and spins.

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Russian Olympics Committee was also charged $15 million and its athletes competed under the Olympic flag and anthem instead of their own. Some might call this a mere slap on the wrist really, after the chaos they had caused in the previous games.

And all this didn’t stop two Russian competitors from having illegal substances in their system, leaving many athletes and spectators fuming yet again. Five days after her failed test Sergeeva was re-tested and passed.

However, for curler Alexander Krushelnitsky, his future looks bleak.

Are the IOC continuing to brush this issue under the carpet?

President, Tom Bach says he doesn’t think the games were tainted by the Russian team, as there was no official Russian team. It seems the spineless Olympic Committee will lift Russia’s poor excuse of a ‘ban’ soon, utilising future competitions to weed out drug cheats. A frustrating and disrespectful cycle for athletes who earn their spot on the podium fair and square.

Ponder that: Something sport related to ponder on for the week.

Finally! An Olympian us students can relate to. Red Gerard became the first medalist for Team USA at the Winter Olympics. But he almost missed his race. Gerard over-slept after watching Brooklyn Nine-nine on Netflix until late. After sleeping though his alarm his roommate woke him. He forgot his ski jacket so called upon his trusty roommate yet again. All was forgotten as he took to the slopes taking the gold medal. A true inspiration to student athletes all over the world.

FEATURE

Simon Says

The rundown on National’s new leader Writer: Laura Macdonald I could almost hear Winston Peters’ gravelly voice telling the nation, “I told you so”.

Bill English had just resigned from the National Party and quit politics altogether, less than six months after Jacinda Ardern beat him in the general election. It was the ultimate adult tantrum.

English was flanked by half of his small army of children and wife Mary, as he delivered the news at a press conference, his southern voice box often trembling or cutting out altogether with emotion. While he went misty-eyed and pondered his new future (which will likely involve a lot of tinned spaghetti pizza) we all started to wonder who would take the reins from him. We would have to wait a few weeks, but for now the consensus was that English and his weird jogging vlogs would not be missed.

At the end of February with my eyes glued to One News’ Facebook live-stream of the media conference, I watched more successful journalists than I, wait in the bowels of parliament for National’s new leader to parade into the room. Six minutes later, it was the Tauranga MP with the peculiar accent that emerged triumphant. Simon Bridges stood up to the podium, ready to address the media from out of the side of his mouth. Paula Bennett stood by his side, glancing enviously at the podium, while fellow party member Amy Adams was probably crying in the toilets out back.

Bear in mind that I was watching this unfold on Facebook with hundreds of other New Zealanders, who were not as passive as I was to the situation.

Bridges hadn’t even cleared his throat before a tide of ‘haha’ reactions flooded the screen.

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FEATURE

As is common political custom, the entire speech was a shit-slinging fest. Undermining Labour was that itch that Bridges just had to scratch, describing their government as ‘muddling along’, at least three times. In doing this, the angry reactions from Facebook users – the modern-day villager with a pitchfork – started to descend.

And while he looked at home referring to the Green Party as Jacinda and Winston’s poodles, his inflected o’s and i’s seemed less certain when called upon to describe his own policies that he would put in place. He made a few bland, watery comments about continuing to ‘build our team of talented MPs and getting ‘out and about and talking to and listening to New Zealanders’. But when called upon again to go into more detail about his policies, he joked, “it’s only my first day!”

This kind of response was acceptable when I short changed a customer on my first day as a cashier at Rebel Sport. It was not as well-received from a man who was in a position to potentially be running a country in a few years’ time. Facebook users were in uproar, with ‘sad’ and ‘angry’ reactions popping up faster than Judith Collins can crush cars.

He also pulled the ‘Maori’ ¯ card as soon as he could, in the desperate hope he could beckon them over into the left-wing camp currently dominated by a demographic of rich, old and white supporters. He fondly recalled his grandmother’s upbringing on a marae and how he was bursting with excitement at being New Zealand’s first Maori ¯ leader of the National Party. He said he hoped Maori ¯ were proud of him. A fellow Maori ¯ Facebook user

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commented, ‘ur not tru maori, ¯ fuk of!!’ on the live feed. This was not going well. A common theme in the comments section of this feed was that Bridges was simply a carbon copy of English. Dry sense of humour, tendency to pronounce certain vowels differently, bland taste in ties – tick. Controversial taste in pizza toppings is yet to be revealed, but we do know a bit about Bridges’ opinions on important issues. Following in his predecessor’s footsteps, he voted against gay marriage, owing it to his Christian values. He also wants to raise the drinking age to 20 and doesn’t agree with the legalisation of marijuana for recreational use. This won’t earn him any support from university students. He sponsored a Private Member’s Bill to increase penalties for animal cruelty back in 2010, but then in 2013 he endorsed the offshore drilling bill that could compromise the safety of marine life.

Although Facebook is hardly a reliable source, the comments and reactions to the live feed of that press conference did serve as an interesting indication of the public feeling towards National’s new leader. Although the grammar was a little off with some comments, the overall view was that this was a no-change leadership. National has ended up with another religious, socially conservative, middle-aged male leader who gets a concerning kick out of scorning a pregnant woman’s ideas and lacks the vision to shake up the party’s current stagnant policies. But at least we can make fun of his accent, right?

MASSIVE

Bridges Breakdown: We break down where the conservative National Party leader stands on a few political hot potatoes.

Marijuana Bridges is against marijuana being legalised for personal use and did not support Swarbrick’s bill (you can read more about that on P30). Bridges says he has never smoked the wacky backy citing alcohol as his drug of choice.

Abortion According to The New Zealand Herald, Bridges has concerns that Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern intends to review abortion laws. He says, “it should be rare safe and legal, and I think the emphasis there is on rare”.

Same sex marriage Bridges voted against same sex marriage in a 2013 referendum but has since back tracked on his comments. He told journalists at his first press conference as National’s leader, “I voted against it, but the law is working, and I wouldn’t change it”.

Drinking Age In the past Bridges voted to raise the age for purchasing alcohol to 20 saying it was, “what the vast majority of New Zealanders wanted”.

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FEATURE

Nursing school dealt another blow Writer: Nikki Papatsoumas

Massey’s troubled School of Nursing has had a further blow, with its Head of School the latest in a long line of staff members to step down.

Annette Huntington has returned as the school’s acting head after former Head of School, Mark Jones, left in late February.

Nursing school staff say Jones left just two days after handing in his resignation to senior management.

His resignation follows those of the Associate Head of School, the Director of the Bachelor of Nursing programme, an associate professor, two senior lecturers and two professional clinicians, all in the latter part of last year.

Jones is just the latest to leave the school on the back of redundancies and course changes which left many staff and students seeing red.

Last year, Massive Magazine reported that 8 of 11 staff members from the school on the Wellington campus were leaving.

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Staff members say that with three more staff set to leave from the Wellington campus and two more from the Albany campus by the end of the year, the future of the school is not looking bright.

However, while many staff are furious about recent changes at the school, one staff member has contacted Massive saying she is excited by the direction the school is heading in.

According to staff from the School of Nursing, who wish to remain anonymous as they are concerned they would get into trouble for speaking to media, Jones questioned and challenged many of the changes being arbitrarily imposed by the senior leadership team.

These included cutting students' clinical placement hours and shifting some courses online.

According to staff, the speed and rapidity of the changes have not allowed for adequate consultation with staff, students, or employers

and for this reason, are threatening the quality of the nursing programmes offered.

Current plans to reduce students’ clinical placement hours as well as changing the model for their support in practice, are based upon cost savings and likely to reduce the quality of students’ education, says the staff members.

They say further, permanent and experienced full-time teaching staff are being replaced by clinicians on parttime short-term contracts and Jones fought to resist these changes.

They say Jones’ integrity was great.

“He had strong values, placing the quality of students’ experiences foremost, and was determined to make the School of Nursing a leader in education and research.

“We are very sad at his sudden departure.”

Jones was appointed as Head of School following Annette Huntington’s wish to step down. At the same time, Pro Vice-Chancellor

FEATURE

Professor Jane Mills, an academic nurse from Australia, took over the head of the College of Health which the School of Nursing is one part.

Staff say that Jones was then immediately faced with an expectation to significantly reduce spending.

They say that messages coming from senior management were deeply confusing.

“On the one hand the Vice Chancellor described us as a very high performing school, and on the other the Pro Vice Chancellor was saying we had to make enormous changes as a result of the previous year’s overspending.

“Jones’ efforts throughout last year were also con-strained by the control of his authority by the Pro Vice-Chancellor’s office.”

Staff also report that the quality of the course is now at great risk of being completely eroded unless drastic action is taken immediately to recruit permanent staff.

They say an increase in workload due to reduced staffing will enormously limit the ability to provide individualised feedback and support to students.

“Our model of education and support for students in their clinical placements is highly valued by hospital and community nursing staff and the envy of other nursing schools.

“Our students have a very high success rate in securing new graduate positions as registered nurses. The PVC seems intent on undermining quality and our previous good reputation.”

Most staff are now working excess overtime, some putting in 60 to 80 hours a week of work extra to ensure students are OK, they say.

They report that they are not sure how long staff, teaching and administrative, can sustain this effort.

Associate Professor Karen Hoare, who is also a Nurse Practitioner, says the school is “thriving” and she is excited to be working alongside Huntington.

She says she is confident that under the leadership of the new Pro Vice-Chancellor, Massey University’s reputation as a researchled School of Nursing will reach great heights.

As well as this, Hoare says two senior academics have joined Massey from the University of Auckland last July and have taken up key roles in the School of Nursing.

“I came to Massey after nearly 11 years of a joint appointment between the School of Nursing and the Department of General Practice and Primary Health Care at the University of Auckland because of the opportunities that working in the country’s only national School of Nursing offered,” she says.

Massey’s Communications Director says claims from staff are unfounded.

“The School of Nursing has made a strong start this year, with an increase in undergraduate student enrolments (210 compared with 202 last year).

“Post-graduate student numbers are also projected to be up on last year following midyear entry.

“Professor Annette Huntington, one of New Zealand’s leading nurse academics, has agreed to lead the school while a search is conducted for a new head,” he says.

He says recruitment of new staff is also going well, including a Professor of Nursing, an Associate Professor of Nursing, an Associate Professor of Health Sciences and two highly experienced Clinical Lecturers.

“Interviews will be conducted shortly for new

lecturer and senior lecturer positions.”

Gardiner says the School of Nursing will continue to revise its qualifications in order to ensure the best possible use of teaching staff resources and technologies that provide high-quality, accessible, contemporary programmes.

“Students, staff and external stakeholders will continue to be consulted about any proposed changes.

“If a self-selected group is seeking to undermine confidence in the school, they should perhaps reflect on their own motivation and the potential negative impact their comments and claims may have on students as well as on colleagues who are firmly committed to providing a first-class educational experience.”

The School of Nursing has dropped out of the latest Quacquarelli Symonds (QS) World University Rankings.

Massey University no longer features in the QS World University Rankings by Subject for 2018: Nursing, having last made the list in 2017.

This year the University of Auckland is ranked 41 and Auckland University of Technology (AUT) is ranked 51-100.

The QS World University Rankings by Subject are based upon academic reputation, employer reputation and research impact.

Massey’s Communications Director James Gardiner says the data reflected in the latest QS subject ranking has no connection with the issues raised by staff because it was collected in the year prior to March 2017.

“Rankings move around from year to year and there is a firm commitment – and every likelihood – that Massey Nursing will again return to the top 100 in future rankings.”

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FEATURE

Nga whare tauira Photographer: Emma Pearce

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FEATURE

* Have a flat worthy to photograph?

Whether if be filthy, trashed, or you would like to capture it’s aesthetic for the sake of it, email us at massive@mawsa.org.nz

Nestled in the seaside suburb of Island Bay is a group of students from Massey Wellington and Victoria University cohabitate in harmony.

Emma says the flat is quaint and perfect because it’s just a stone throw away from the beautiful Island Bay Beach. “My flatmate thought it would be hilarious to stack up the toilet paper, so I can’t reach it. Most of my flatmates are over 6 ft tall, it’s become a bit of a running joke to change the toilet paper around, we don’t know who is doing it.”

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s l l a w e h T e v i l a e ar FEATURE

Writer: Mackenzie Dyer Illustrator: Luca Rosseels

We are students. Irresponsible boozers who leach off government and parental money while getting three years off real life. No matter how untrue it feels for some of us to read a sentence like this, in the world of renting, this is certainly our brand.

From a business point of view, you can see how this makes sense: assume the worst of the group applying for your property so it’s not a shock or a cost when something goes wrong. Because students are guaranteed to not look after the property, why should they live in houses where money has been invested into things such as insulation?

Students are probably too lazy to air out the house anyway and too cheap to use a heat pump. If they get sick, it probably just highlights how accustomed they are to mummy looking after them and only proves they haven’t learnt how to do it themselves yet, right? Wrong, so very very wrong.

While it has been humorous to poke fun at the “did you just assume?!” war cry of 2017, this year I got a slap in the face of how much the student stereotype sucks, all thanks to mouldy housing. Wind-back the clock a year from now. My four flatmates and I

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MASSIVE

have moved into a large Mairangi Bay house with a renovated kitchen, decent section and a deck that was graced with a view of Rangitoto Island. We were all positively shocked and wondered how a group of second years managed to land a place this flash smack bang in the zone for Rangitoto College, New Zealand’s largest high school with a pretty glowing reputation. We were half expecting a pokey, un-kept place, so this tidy house with its renovated kitchen was a nice surprise. The wondering ceased as soon as winter hit, when the walls began to breathe, with copious amounts of mould.

Let me beat you to it. Yes, we had air-flow going through our house all day every day, did our best when it was raining and made good use of our dehumidifiers (which luckily, while they were expensive to purchase, were reasonably kind to our power bill). Did this make a difference, absolutely. Did it magically create a healthy home? Absolutely not.

Despite ticking all the boxes of what you should do, every week I was still bleaching mould off my walls, roof, wardrobe and picture frames, eventually

having to wash it out of the clothes in my drawers and the shoes in my closet. If you haven’t guessed already, the house had no insulation whatsoever, the magic ingredient that makes all these efforts effective. This was topped off with a large open area underneath half of the house, making our floor an unprotected magic carpet with no option than to soak up moisture from outside.

When we went to our property manager about this issue, we were met with a very dismissive, “oh, yeah”. He was clearly communicating he had heard about the issue many times before and had no intention of doing anything about it.

This was the worst health year I’ve ever had, with each sickness lasting at least a month at a time. With a battered immune system, I became susceptible to other sicknesses beyond what the mould was causing, followed by the textbook decline of work and uni attendance, my grades and bank account going down with it. Quite quickly my aspirations to be interning in the Big Smoke for the summer saw me sprinting home to the Waikato.

FEATURE

So, how were we able to land this place? By being boozing, money bludging students.

This story is far from unique and is not exclusive to the North Shore. In fact, if I compare our situation to Wellington, I should be grateful that I wasn’t living in a tent. Again, while we half expected the grim living conditions, we quickly learned the fine line between aged, rundown houses and unhealthy ones. Even more alarming is the fact that there are children living in mouldy homes, which is infuriating when knowing what it does to the immune systems of young adults.

Thankfully, 2019 will see it compulsory that houses are insulated, and some real-estate companies are beating the rush and insulating their properties before winter hits this year.

Landlords, I have a message for you. While I have never owned a house, I can understand there must be extreme frustration with investing in a property that is not looked after by the people you rent it to, and that a natural reaction to this would be putting in minimal effort, and more importantly, money.

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However, as someone who has lived in a rental property for most of their life, my understanding is that there is supposed to be a mutual respect between landlords and tenants, who, to state the obvious, both benefit. For students renting, the relationship is treated as though the landlord is the one doing all the favours, and because us disrespectful hooligans don’t know how to live, we should be grateful we even have a place. This may tempt house owners into unethical and illegal practices (hello again, Wellington with your ‘how much are you willing to pay’ applications), and make the students avoid addressing genuine issues in fear of being kicked out.

So, landlords, I understand that there are some costs coming your way. But before you go searching for loop holes to avoid insulating or seek student tenants who would feel too afraid to call you out, I’d like to remind you of something. You bought a house, and you have a responsibility to look after it and the people inside. We shouldn’t be thanking you for following your obligations no matter who lives there. Step up, you signed up for it.

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The world hasn’t come to an end, we promise: The ultimate guide to getting through a break up Writer and Artist: Phoebe Holden

Step 1. Mourn I have certainly had my fair share of break ups and each one is always harder and more emotional than the last.

During one of these I was on the phone to my mum, curled up in bed wishing I was dead because my ‘life was over’. She was with her friend who passed on the message, “break ups are awful they always are and they only get worse with age, just wait till your older and it’ll be even worse”. I remember thinking ‘well fuck’ and begrudgingly pulling myself together with a few tactics I will share with you below.

So the world has ended, you’ve been dumped, you’ve been cheated on, maybe you even did the dumping and now don’t know why? The earth has stopped spinning and the sun will never shine again, he/she is gone and so is anything good in this world. Now what?

You’ve gotta do it, and you’ve gotta do it properly. Take it from me, pretending everything is OK and getting blind drunk with your friends is NOT going to help (leave that for a later date – trust me). It sounds dramatic but I think of a break up a bit like a death, your relationship has died and you need to accept that for what it is, you need closure. Take at least one day to not leave your bed, wear your favourite pyjamas and hold your pillows close like a child. DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX and try not to expect a, “I had a brain failure and didn’t mean any of that lets be together forever” text because it probably won’t come. Listen to sad music – go on just do it, its all you want to do and you know it’ll make you feel worse and bring back all those slow motion sunset at the beach memories

but this is a healthy feeling. Get it all out and get it out HARD – my go to is The Scientist by Coldplay and you can find me in floods of tears, slumped in bed moaning “noooo body said it was eeeeasy, no one ever said it would beee this haaaaard” and if I’m really in a bad way 2009 Taylor Swift will make an appearance and of course Leona Lewis (Bleeding Love is a crucial shower ballad).

As I make my way through a playlist of lyrical depression I eventually reach the MIKA turning point. Sporting nothing but slippers and a dressing gown I like to stand on my bed and perform Happy Ending into my hairbrush (it’s very satisfying I can’t recommend it enough).

Once you’ve taken at least one day (don’t be ashamed if this takes weeks) to be alone and have embraced the agonising reality that you are now single, it’s time

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to move on to step two.

Step 2. Self love A breakup is the perfect excuse to treat yo self and to do this you are going to need a few supplies. Junk food and a lot of it. A dreamy candle – go out and loose your shit in Peter Alexander, treat yourself to that stupidly overpriced fire stick. Tea. An Oprah podcast or a motivating girl power movie on Netflix.

Face and hair masks. Spend the day converting your house to a beauty salon, set up all your supplies and ensure you have fresh bedding before hand. Take a long bath, shave your legs, shampoo your hair and perch your fancy new candle on the toilet seat. Watch positive movies, listen to empowering podcasts and curl up in your fresh sheets with your snacks surrounding you like a halo. Have a cup of tea and if you still feel sad, have another one. Put in a hair mask and write a list of exciting goals/ tasks you want to complete this year.

Crank your favourite music as loud as you can and force yourself to have a solo boogie, my go-tos are: Don’t Stop Believing – Journey, Isn’t She Lovely – Stevie Wonder, Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye, Everywhere – Fleetwood Mac, Staying Alive – Bee Gees, Dancing Queen – ABBA and Signed Sealed Delivered also by Stevie Wonder.

Step 3. Talk about it Whether it’s your mum or your sister, your best friend or a work colleague go to someone you trust for some verbal therapy. Let it all flow out, agonise over every detail of the relationship, bang on and on about the same thing until you cant anymore. Ask questions you know they cant answer and vent hard.

It’s embarrassing and it’s tragic but it’s so good to vent, it does wonders let it all roll off your shoulders and leave

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your chest - just moan and whinge like a toddler having a tantrum. Talk to anyone other than your ex and ideally someone who will do nothing but sit there, pat your back and say, “I know its so unfair like your so right and *insert asshole’s name here* is such a dick” Step 4. Recover For me to recommend exercise you know it’s crucial to obey. Nothing not ANYTHING will convince me to work out or god forbid go for a walk or run ‘just because’ HOWEVER I guess something about those endorphin things is legit because putting on my trainers and flooring it as fast as I can around the block to aggressive rap music never fails to help. Make yourself a playlist with a lot of Eminem and ASAP Rocky, shove your phone down your bra and just run till you think you might puke.

Step 5. Celebrate If you have made it to step five you are officially ready to be in public. Now you are allowed to get blind drunk with your friends, buy a new outfit that makes you feel fab. Host pre drinks and listen to all the throwbacks with your favourite pals. Go out dancing; kiss someone hot (don’t have sex unless your 100 per cent that’s going to help, for me it does the opposite and the ‘it’s just not the same game kicks off).

Keep yourself busy and fill your days with anything that brings you joy. Try to keep off your phone, get a new haircut and revamp yourself. Stay away from social media and revenge posts (you’ll regret them and your whole Snapchat feed knows your making sure they know your having SO.MUCH.FUN)

At the end of the day, break ups suck and they always have and always will. Learn from my mistakes and hold your head up, keep your pride and use them as an excuse to give yourself a little loving.

He/she will move on and find someone else and that’ll hurt like hell but you will move on and find someone else too.

Finding out something that broke your heart or being dumped always ends up being for the best.

If you were cheated on, be glad you know and that you didn’t marry this person because imagine that? If you were dumped be hurt and be angry but be grateful they didn’t pretend to like you and make this even harder (hard to imagine but yes it could be a whole lot worse). Don’t push for something that has ended, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you so accept that and do everything you can to move forward. Be kind to yourself and gentle with your body.

Try not to be bitter and keep your chin up, its OK to cry in fact do that all day everyday until you can’t anymore, but once you have stop. Learn what it feels like to laugh until your tummy hurts again and surround yourself with friends and family that make that happen.

Don’t move on too fast and don’t look at anything that’s going to make you jealous or angry. Immerse yourself in positivity, its ok not to be ok but try to remember this is a mere blip in what is going to be a wild ride filled with a lot more blips and a whole lot of good.

Step outside and look around, the sun is in fact still shining and the earth is still spinning. Life is moving on and it doesn’t feel like it but you are too.

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Artist: Victoria Saunders @sensitive_sesame

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Educated Maori:

The Achievement Gap Writer: Taryn Dryfhout Illustrator: Pip Clark

Despite many initiatives to promote success among Maori ¯ students, Maori ¯ are still not achieving to their full potential, and a significant discrepancy still exists between Maori ¯ students, and the rest of New Zealand. Statistically, Maori ¯ are less likely to get into university, graduate from university, or gain employment afterwards.

This space between Maori ¯ performance and non-Maori ¯ performance, is known as ‘the achievement gap’.

School The disproportionate numbers of Maori ¯ not reaching their full potential within the education system is not just limited to tertiary study, and it does not spontaneously come about in adulthood.

Sadly, the evidence points to schooling as the beginning of this cultural breakdown.

A report in 2012 showed that Maori ¯ children were not up to par with their non-Maori ¯ peers in secondary school, or even primary school. Despite an increase in the number of Maori ¯ students, they are still coming out of school and university worse off than their peers, which may be adversely affecting their adult life and contribution to society, indicated by the alarming unemployment rates for Maori. ¯ Unfortunately, it seems that this might come down to how Maori ¯ are treated, from just five years of age.

An interview on Radio NZ in December of last year looked at a former school teacher, Katrina Lemon, who resigned from her job after seeing Maori ¯ students, “looked down on, judged and underserved by the mainstream school system”. Lemon wrote her Master’s thesis on these issues, and believes that Maori ¯ students are seen as “bottom feeders” at school, and as a result, are denied the

opportunity to connect with their teachers on the same level as non-Maori ¯ students do. There is clearly a persistent stigma attached to Maori ¯ children – one that questions whether Maori ¯ are as able, or as likely to achieve as New Zealand European. This devaluing of Maori ¯ knowledge and low expectations for Maori ¯ students contributes to the ideas that teachers have when they enter the classroom – and may influence their perception of their Maori ¯ students, and consequently, their teaching methods.

It seems that for Maori, ¯ this problem is starting from the ground up.

University Unfortunately, the numbers around university study do not get any better. A recent article on Stuff highlighted the improved NCEA pass rates for Maori ¯ but pointed out that university entrance rates were around 60 per cent for European and Asian students, but only 30 per cent for Maori. ¯ This disparity, at entrance level means that a significant portion of Maori, ¯ and of New Zealand will not even have the opportunity to receive a university education – and the benefits that brings to their adult life, and society. While the rates have increased over the past few years, Maori ¯ still remain the group least likely to achieve in NCEA. Those Maori ¯ students who do get accepted into tertiary study are still not out of the woods – degree completion rates among Maori ¯ sit at around 67 per cent.

Why Is This Happening?

Tertiary student success is crucial for New Zealand in general, and particularly when it comes to Maori. ¯ Ensuring that we have good numbers 27

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of Maori ¯ graduates is imperative for the social, and economic wellbeing of Maori ¯ whanau and communities, and can also provide a model for future generations. Though many Maori ¯ and government led initiatives have helped to promote higher educational achievement for Maori, ¯ we are not out of the woods yet, and the achievement gap cannot be considered in a vacuum, but rather, must be viewed in light of the cultural alienation that has been passed down through the generations.

The current education system was born out of colonialism and whilst Maori ¯ has been integrated into it, it’s largely been done by applying Maori ¯ principles into an existing framework that was not set up for Maori. ¯ Recent studies have shown that something as seemingly menial as mispronouncing the names of Maori ¯ students has more of an impact than we might realise, as does the lack of confidence in Maori ¯ principles that teaching graduates often enter the workforce with. Though teachers are taught Maori ¯ pedagogy, they may not understand how to incorporate tikanga Maori ¯ into the classroom in a more holistic way, including mastering pronunciation of te reo Maori, ¯ and gaining knowledge around Maori teaching values. ¯ According to Senior Lecturer at Massey, Veronica Tawhai, the achievement gap is deeply rooted in New Zealand’s colonial history.

“The curriculum is yet to fully acknowledge or value the Maori ¯ world, and that is that there are Maori ¯ knowledges, Maori ¯ practices, that there are Maori ¯ ways of doing things, Maori ¯ sciences, within the world. There is a huge ignorance across the country as to Maori ¯ knowledges in that the majority of people that I meet do not know that they exist,” she says.

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It’s no secret that the assimilation system that Maori ¯ were placed under by European settlers, saw Maori ¯ as inferior. Our language was stifled, and an education system was put in place which Maori ¯ struggled to conform to, and evidently, still are.

Time alone has not been able to remedy this, nor has modern teaching programs, or the graduates they produce. A report by the Royal Commission on Social Policy in 1980 wrote, “thousands of Maori ¯ are being subjected to a process of schooling that atrophies their potential because the majority of teachers are middle-class and monocultural; the know little of things Maori, ¯ speak only English, do not consider Maori language important, consider ¯ Pakeha culture superior to Maori ¯ culture and hold low expectations for Maori”.

These problems still ¯ exist¯ today and patching a European wound with a Maori ¯ band-aid is not going to cut it. The statistics say it all – Maori ¯ is still at the bottom.

Going Forward As we have seen, Maori ¯ are failing in education, because education is failing Maori. ¯ The education system needs to work harder to align itself with Maori ¯ values and customs. Students need to be celebrated for their strengths and connected to their teachers/lecturers so that the whole person is being considered. There have been enormous gains in Maori ¯ education including the introduction of kohanga reo, bilingual immersion environments for primary and secondary schools, and the establishment of wananga. Maori ¯ achievement has risen as a direct result of these initiatives – the proportion of Maori ¯ with NCEA has risen, as has the number of Maori ¯ university enrolments and graduates. While these advancements are fantastic,

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at the current rate of progress, it will take several generations to achieve equality. It’s too long.

Maori ¯ are still far behind non-Maori ¯ and it’s not good enough.

We know that Maori ¯ do better in an environment that is designed for them – and that cultural detachment has a major impact on everything Maori ¯ do. A recent study undertaken by Nicole Couple at Massey found that cultural disconnection was even a factor in Maori ¯ suicide rates. On the other hand, Maori thrive in Maori ¯ ¯ immersion and bilingual units, and in schools that have programs which shape their curriculum around multicultural teaching, incorporating Maori ¯ Tikanga. This tells us that what we need is broader strategies which bring Maori ¯ principles back into schools – Maori ¯ practices, Maori ¯ language. The ¯ attitudes and Maori part that language plays cannot be underestimated – we must increase the proportion of Maori ¯ teachers, principals and te reo speakers. Monolingualism should never have come about in New Zealand and should be reversed by instituting compulsory te reo Maori ¯ for all students and teachers. This is not a shocking consideration – in Europe, it is compulsory to take languages throughout your education. If we know that Maori ¯ do better in Maori-shaped environments, then establishing ¯ bilingualism within the education system seems like a no-brainer. New Zealand needs to commit to long term solutions for supplying Te Reo teachers and ensuring that teachers have a good understanding of Maori ¯ culture and language, and how to integrate this into their teaching.

schools and universities is undermining the ability for Maori ¯ students to achieve and continues to perpetuate the idea that our education system is not set up to meet Maori ¯ needs. The right to education is universal. We must ensure that our education system – from primary to tertiary - is delivering to all New Zealanders and lifting Maori ¯ achievement so that we do not continue to see this persistent gap.

Establishing principles such as whanaungatanga, and prioritising te reo Maori ¯ is an important part of ensuring a sense of belonging for students, encouraging them to engage in the education system and progressing onto tertiary education. It is crucial that our education system supports the success of all children, and it is in the best interests of all New Zealanders that Maori ¯ thrive and achieve educational success.

Maori ¯ services at Massey Though it’s not always known, Massey provides support services for all Maori students. These can be vital in overcoming some of the barriers that exist between Maori, ¯ and success at university.

Massey’s support services include Maori ¯ language resource and translation, access to Maori ¯ student advisors as well as help accessing Maori ¯ specific scholarships. Campuses also have a Maori ¯ centre where you can go for academic support, course planning, mentoring and workshops, as well as tea, coffee and companionship.

For more information, or to access these supports, contact terautauawhi@massey.ac.nz

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Entry 1: Newton's second law strikes again (and other interesting thoughts):

Isaac Newton is know by many as the bloke who was responsible for creating a few annoying (but albeit useful) laws in Physics. Newton’s first law is a bit more metaphorical than the others, something along the lines of: An object will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external force. This is also known as ‘inertia’.

Many of us at Massey University experience what I call academic inertia. Our academic mind will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external force. Usually this external force is a Stream notification saying you’ve got three minutes and 47 seconds to submit your report (or something similar). Not ideal.

Newton’s Third Law stated that: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Not sure about you, but I recognise this law as karma. There are two types of karma (to my knowledge).

One is good karma, this type is nice. It’s the type where, for example, you might help Grandma Nancy cross the road, and a few minutes later find a $50 note on the footpath. The universe’s way of saying ‘good on ya’. The second type of karma

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is the bad karma. It’s the type where for example, you might be walking out of your three hour lab, slagging off to your mates about your useless lab tutor, and you suddenly get excreted on by a seagull.

Not ideal.

This leaves Newton’s Second Law: Put simply force equals mass times acceleration. Or alternatively, the change in momentum with respect to time. I think this law is a bit more sobering than the others. The one time I’ve uttered the words, “Newton’s Second Law strikes again” was amidst the crumpled remains of two cars which had rather unfortunately, collided at an intersection. Not ideal. (Don’t worry, everyone was fine!)

On a higher note: At the age of 60, Snoop Dogg will be 420 in dog years.

TL;DR: Newtons Laws of Physics are more relatable than you think (also, drive safe!)

Regards, Todd Not your average ponderer

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MARIJUANA FRIEND OR FOE? Writer: Massive staff reporters

When most people think about marijuana they think about rolling up a big fat joint, lying on the couch, watching television and scoffing their faces (cos they’ve got the munchies bro). What some people might not realise is that it has its health benefits too. For many, medicinal marijuana is a way to relieve pain and stress.

Enter the Medical Marijuana Bill, which was introduced and rejected by parliament in January. The bill, which lost 47 votes to 73, would essentially make it legal for New Zealanders who are suffering from terminal illness or any debilitating condition to use cannabis or cannabis products with the support of a registered medical practitioner.

The face behind the behind the bill is 23-year-old Green MP Chloe Swarbrick. Swarbrick inherited the bill from Julie Anne Genter, now the Associate Transport Minister and Green Party Co-Leader contender.

What Swarbrick says she wants people to understand, especially those MPs opposing the bill, is that this is first and foremost a health issue.

Swarbrick reassures critics that it would not be an opportunity for people to ‘cheat the system’. If the bill was to go through at any point in the future it would be closely regulated, she told Massive Magazine.

Swarbrick mentions Grace Yeats, a 14-year-old with a rare brain illness, who has benefited from the use of medicinal marijuana.

“Her mother is having to spend a prohibitive amount, almost $1200 a month in order to get the pharmaceutical products Grace needs,” Swarbrick says.

“Her mother just wants to be able to grow and make it into stuff. We aren’t talking about people smoking a joint on the couch. We are talking about people making it into oils and balms and sprays.”

“It’s about people who are on their death-bed and just want pain relief, about young people who are living a life of chronic pain.”

Sativex is what Yeats uses to be able to eat, speak and walk. It is a cannabis spray which helps relieves the symptoms that render her almost immobile.

According to Harvard Medical School there are over 100 active components in marijuana. THC is the component that causes the “high”. CBD, which can also be extracted from marijuana, is the main component of medicinal balms, oils and spray and causes little to no “high.” Charlotte’s Web, a CBDdominant strain of marijuana, helps relieve insomnia and anxiety, but it also helps control and minimise epilepsy and more.

Famously, former President of the New Zealand Council of Trade Unions Helen Kelly came out in support of medicinal cannabis after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 2015. She died in 2016. At the time Kelly told Fairfax that cannabis was the

best form of pain relief.

“Cannabis is the only thing that gives me relief, it lets me sleep all night.”

She spoke publicly of her support towards decriminalising cannabis and wanted to see medicinal marijuana more readily available and affordable in New Zealand.

More recently Helen Clark has even thrown her support behind the bill, something Swarbrick says she was thrilled about.

“Having more public involvement and different endorsements, like the one from Helen Clark, almost, for a lack of a better word, ‘professionalises’ it,” she says.

“It helps stop it from being a conversation about major stereotypes and to become one about health.”

Since the bill was initially rejected, Swarbrick says she has two plans moving forward.

“I’m trying to create a cross-party parliamentary group, which will, at this point in time, it’s looking very likely that we will have representation from all parties and that will create an evidentiary basis and consensus inside parliament about what good drug law reform looks like.”

The other step is to try and lobby ministers onto Swarbrick’s side. But the biggest step Swarbrick says is connecting more with the New Zealand public around the issue of medicinal marijuana.

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WORK SOME WIG MAGIC Writer and Photography: Te Paea Hoori

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Massive

Tucked away in the dimly lit Fringe Bar, as Wellington’s night scene was just starting to rouse, an eclectic group of participants met with wigs in tow. We were there to learn from Wellington’s very own drag queen and wig styling extraordinaire — Harlie Lux. A hairdresser by day and long-lashed fashion vixen by night, hers is the number you want on speed dial when it comes to all your wig-related emergencies.

Harlie first started dabbling in drag only three years prior to taking out the title of Mx Capital Drag. You may have seen her around, sporting any number of her signature yellow hairstyles.

I had been told to come prepped with my ‘wig kit’.

Having not had the faintest idea of what that could possibly look like, I had a ratchet pink $8 wig from Wise Buys and the contents of two drawers of my vanity table, dumped into a shopping bag.

Luckily for me, I was not the only ‘wig virgin’ in the crowd. Amongst the group was a passport officer, two teachers, and an auditor. The diversity carried through to our choice in wigs. The table was laden with bobs, bangs, and balayage in an array of colours that could have been a fitting homage to the Pride flag itself.

With New Zealand Pride Month in full swing and Alaska Thunderfuck’s This is My Hair stuck in my head, I was ready to see how I could turn my dollar store hair into a fierce new do. So, get your pens out divas, and listen up to Harlie’s hot tips for how you too can work a little wig magic.

plastic counterpart. For just $8 you too can get your hands on a head of hard front, synthetic hair. Lacefront wigs are usually between $20 and $40. And a full-lace human-hair wig can range anywhere from around $200 to Beyoncé-level budgets. According to Harlie, you can find the former in any halfdecent variety store, but for the good stuff you will need to hit up TradeMe, eBay, or AliExpress.

Step One: Get the right wig

Step Two: Stock your wig kit

Wigs come in hard front, lace front or full lace.

The more lace in a wig, the more money it will set you back. The trade-off of this is that the hairs are knotted onto the lace instead of just melted into place. This gives you a more believable look — particularly when it comes to the parting and hairline.

Naturally, human hair wigs can be treated like your own hair. Synthetic wigs, however, require you to be a little thriftier. Harlie’s secret to keeping your false locks lush is a spritz of dashboard shine. You can pick this up at an auto-repair store like Repco. Or, if you’re bougie enough to own furniture that needs polishing, a spray of that will work too. Just be careful not to overdo it! Extra shiny hair can be the first tip-off that you’re faking it. (Granted, neon hair may be a dead giveaway too.)

To tame the shine, soak the wig in fabric softener

Human hair obviously lends itself to a more convincing finish. But it also tends to be more expensive and doesn’t retain kinks or curls like its

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or use a liberal amount of dry shampoo. You’re also not going to get anywhere without a wig net to keep your own strands at bay and a brush to deal with tangles. You can purchase proper wig brushes online but if you want to save some dollars pick up a metal-bristled brush from your local pet store.

Lastly, you will need some scissors, a wig-stand to work off and a shit tonne of bobby pins cause boo, you do NOT want your wig to be snatched.

it is the easiest, plus there’s nothing like a hair flip to get you into character. After that, insert pin’s approximately one centimetre apart, at the nape of your neck and at your hairline. If energetic lip-syncing or heavy head-banging is a part of your night’s agenda, you may also want to invest in some spirit gum from an online Special FX retailer. This is to be used sparingly by your ears and in the centre of your hairline or you will risk looking like a bad Elvis impersonator.

Step Three: Get styling Avoid applying heat directly onto synthetic wigs.

Harlie suggests that the vapour from clothessteamers, irons or a good old-fashioned bucket of hot water will do wonders for taming frizz. This indirect heat can also be used to set or brush out curls. The rest my queens is completely up to you— YouTube will be your best friend when it comes to learning to braid, quiff and pin like the best of them.

Step Four: Wigs at the ready Once your wig is styled and sensational, it’s time to don your wig cap. Braiding and pinning is key if you’re battling hair that is long or voluminous.

According to Harlie, there is really no way to put on a wig glamorously. But holding it in front of you with the hair dangling down and bending into

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Step Five: Sashay away Once your wig is in place all that is left is to assemble a hot little outfit and find an excuse to show off your new look. Thinking of dipping a manicured toe into the world of drag? Keep your eyes peeled for events on Ivy and Fringe Bar’s social pipes. If this will be your first step into the wonderful world of LGBT+ remember: don’t be a dick. There are many a wonderful article on how to do straight allyship right so do your homework and be mindful of the deeper significance performative dress and drag holds to many of its participants.

And who knows? The next award for Mx Capital Drag might just have your name on it. *You can follow Harlie on Instagram at @HarlieLux

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SHOP ONLINE AT http://alumnishop.massey.ac.nz OR VISIT ONE OF OUR STORES Manawatu Shop opp. Dining Hall, Wellington Student Central and Albany Unimart Call us on 06 350 5865 or Email alumni@massey.ac.nz

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Good Cop, Bad Cop

I am approaching my final year of my VCD degree and I want to make sure I get the best marks possible. But I love to get shit face in the weekend with my friends and the thought of putting my social life on hold for school freaks me out. How can I sustain a good school and social life balance?

Your final year of your VCD degree? That’s mad, congrats! Now we all love to socialise on the weekends but yeah you are right, it is important to focus on school too. Maybe you could try out making a schedule, to make sure you get enough study during the week, then on the weekends you can get fucked up with friends? – GC

I have just realised that it is O-Week and I have been thinking of some dumb, fucked up things to do with my mates, however I don’t want to dishonour my family if I get caught. How far is too far?

O-Week is the time to absolutely let yourself go!

Who gives a fuck what your family know just don’t get caught. Back in my O-Week, I kidnapped a cat and took a shit on the roof of Bunnings. Strike during the night when all the events are on, it will give you more of an opportunity when no one is around to commit to doing something fucked as. If one of the boys pull you up, they will probably let you off, just depends how fucked the thing is – BC

DISCLAIMER: While our Good Cop and Bad Cop have your best interests at heart when playing Agony Aunt, remember they are no experts. So, if you are after serious medical or legal advice, please consult a professional.

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Lit Fam or Shit Scam?

Zoomy Writer: Kasharn Rao

Welcome back! I’m certain you’ve settled into your studies fairly hassle free by now, and I hope your body is also making a strong recovery from the substances forced into it last Saturday night. People often say anything can happen on a night out on the town, which is not a far stretch.

You could end up attempting to find feeling in your own armpits while sucking face with someone you’ll probably never see or swipe again, filled with energy to take on the world. Or you could end up attempting to find your way home at 3am after realising you don’t have enough money for an Uber because you spent half your weekly living costs on a cheeky McDonald’s feed which you bought to counteract the plummeting in your stomach, having learnt that a quick seventeen shots of vodka is not the boost you thought it was.

That last one is all too familiar, especially to the Uber drivers who must deal with the barbaric ritual of picking up young borderline alcoholics.

You’re all acquainted with the mythic service that is Uber which has saved enough collective bacon to form a meat works. Whether you’re on your way home from a lit night, running severely late for work due to a nasty hangover, or simply can’t be bothered walking to uni because your body hates you, Uber is there.

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immediately dismissed it. Unfortunately, the Kiwi version can often be worse than the already established version.

Take our theme parks for example. Rainbows End floats to mind, which is fun if you’re nine and were lucky enough to be friends with the rich kid in school but compare that to the haunted houses in America where you get locked in a cage, force-fed, and drenched in animal blood for hours.

Sounds lame now, doesn’t it?

America however, has set the bar low, and that’s why I decided to try out our own prepaid transportation service.

Zoomy launched in Auckland in 2016 and has since branched into Wellington. They currently have about 2500 drivers registered. They have a mostly-functional app, and a mostly-functional website.

I was pretty lucky in the sense that I downloaded the app after it had gone through a major fix, otherwise I would have had a whole lot more to bitch about. The design of the app is nice. Simplistic name, minimalistic logo, lack of annoying screen interference such as any drivers whatsoever, Zoomy really took it on board when they said, ‘less is more.’ After signing up, it works pretty much exactly the same as Uber.

But what if I told you there was a homegrown alternative?

Buckle up lads, lassies, and lepidopterans, because you’re in for the ride of your life. Except for when they cancel your trip ninety per cent of the fucking time.

After last issue I wanted to up the stakes, so I intentionally left late for work to see if Zoomy would come to my rescue.

After waiting about eight minutes for a driver that literally wasn’t moving, Zoomy cancelled my trip and informed me there were no other drivers, leaving me with five minutes to get to work. This wouldn’t have been a problem if I didn’t live a twenty-five-minute walk away. Bad start, but my next trip was sack loads better.

I can’t quite remember where I first heard about Zoomy, but like other New Zealand versions of things, I

I tested them with a tricky pick-up location near a set of lights, but the driver upheld the company name and

massive

arrived in nifty time. He slowed down when he spotted me, to let me cross and get in, just as the lights went green. I nearly reached him before the ute behind him kicked up a fuss.

Twelve seconds waiting behind a Toyota Prius apparently becomes a life sentence when you drive a big ute, but instead of politely beeping his horn, the ute driver decided to show off his superior revving skills, almost ramming my Zoomy like a fresher in heat. My driver had to take off, the ute growling after. A few minutes later we managed to reconvene, and I was glad he hadn’t been run off the road by the ute drivers (obviously) very large penis.

The only downside the drivers could think of was that sometimes they get shit customers for one simple reason.

The dropkicks that get themselves one-star ratings from Uber drivers have decided to migrate to Zoomy, since nobody from Uber will pick them up.

One driver told me about a girl he picked up just last week who threatened to accuse him of assault if he didn’t refund her fare. This was of course, after he had dropped her intoxicated ass home, enduring a ride he described as, “a trip through each circle of Dante’s Inferno”. If that girl happens to be you, maybe consider another method of transportation that doesn’t require basic human decency.

Although Zoomy had few drivers about, and took a little while to reach me, the service was always fantastic. Some of them drove Ubers as well, some used to. I learned that they prefer Zoomy for a few reasons. They treat their drivers more fairly and take about 15 per cent of the fare per journey, as opposed to Uber, which takes about 25 per cent.

While Zoomy may not be as readily available as Uber, it has many perks that make it pretty cool. The lower fares, fairer treatment of drivers, friendly service, and local roots are all things to consider, even if you’re as skeptical as I am.

You can take pride in knowing that you’re helping out a local business to expand into other cities and save a dollar or two while doing so.

“...I was glad he hadn’t been run off the road by the ute drivers (obviously) very large penis.”

Another pro tip is if you sign up using the code ‘VICDEALS25’ you’ll get 25 per cent off your rides for the first month (Wellington only, sorry guys).

Zoomy also happens to be cheaper than Uber most of the time, usually by at least a couple of dollars. It’s only a McBite of a difference in price, but often that’s all you need to get home.

In short Zoomy is perfect for the average Kiwi student, so long as you’re not banking on the sole active driver dropping you to work on time. They can save you money, but they can’t save you from bad time management. I give Zoomy a final rating of four out of five missed calls from your boss, therefore it’s Lit Fam!

Next issue - Reaping Rewards 39

REVIEWS

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Movie Review Red Sparrow

TV Show Review Altered Carbon

Dominika (Jennifer Lawrence) is a fatherless Russian woman caring for her ill mother (Joely Richardson). She gets manipulated into the military world of Russian espionage by her uncle (Matthias Schoenaerts) by becoming a ‘sparrow,’ which are people used for their seductive quality to elicit information from targets of the Russian regime. The gloomy oppression felt throughout the film had me leaving the cinema feeling totally disillusioned, not in a classy film noir type of way. The film started out promising, with a wellconstructed scene to introduce the spy element, but it deteriorated fast into a long slog of a spy thriller. It seemed like a whole hour of Red Sparrow was torture and rape, which isn’t my favourite kind of cinema experience to say the least. Add to that the terrible Russian accents and uncertainty of whether they were speaking Russian or English in any given scene and you’ve got a sub-par ‘international’ Hollywood film. I rate this film lowly, because I detest the idea that anyone exists just to manipulate and fulfill needs. Also, my personal taste is not viewing explicit torture and non-consensual sex scenes, but if you enjoy the gritty, dark aspects of humanity this film could be for you - Emma Rzepecky

Altered Carbon is an exciting science fiction television show from Netflix, a pearl among the many weeds on the streaming platform.

It employs a caricature dystopian future of our current political systems - the rich rise to the top, the poor fall hard to the bottom. People can be ‘reborn’ into the skins of those who have died as long as they have access, financially and socially, to the technology that saves their person onto purpose-built hard drives called stacks. There are twin storylines at play in the show. A female cop who is frustrated by the system but working within it, balanced by the tale of a man resurrected with the purpose to work for the most powerful, rich human in the hierarchy and solve his botched death. Especially commendable is the set design, costuming and props, which appear to have been given the budget of a film – very impressive. The show is thoughtful and original while maintaining the key elements of science fiction classics - the question of what if, future technologies and a system built around these concepts. It can be confusing as the pieces are fed in a non-linear narrative and is slow at times, but I’d highly recommend this show, especially to those who love science fiction - Emma Rzepecky

COLUMN

Booked In: Chapter Two Ready Player One

Nostalgia is an interesting thing.

It has, in a way, become a genre.

Ernest Cline’s Ready Player One, for example, is basically an overzealous ode to 1980s geek culture, masquerading as a speculative young adult dystopia. That’s the best way I can possibly describe it.

In the year 2044, human civilisation is on the decline: fossil fuels are done, global warming is not a myth, the economy is shit. The only saving graces are free wi-fi and the OASIS, a virtual reality simulation combining the functionality of the internet and an MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game, just in case you don’t know). Upon his death, OASIS creator, James Halliday, tells the world that he has hidden an Easter egg inside the game universe. The first person to find it, by solving a series of riddles and trials related to 80s pop culture, will inherit Halliday’s multibillion-dollar fortune.

Our protagonist, Wade Watts, is a dedicated ‘gunter’ (egg hunter).

To find the egg, he obsessively immerses himself in all things 80s.

I have seriously mixed feelings about Ready Player One. Overall, it was… enjoyable, if predictable. I’m a casual gamer/computer geek myself, and the idea of the OASIS is cool as hell.

However, I also have a lot of problems with this book:

•

The first seventy pages or so consist of information dumps.

From a writing perspective, it’s lazy. As a reader, it’s boring.

• The themes, writing style, and characters gear it towards young adults. It came out in 2011, so most of this audience will have been born in the 90s. The excessive 80s references, however, would be more easily understood by an audience twice that age.

• The main character is a knob. I felt some sympathy for him, but he’s still an arrogant moron.

• There are two Japanese characters.

They are cringe-inducingly stereotypical. It’s as if all Cline knows about Japanese people is from 80s Samurai flicks and Wikipedia, which honestly wouldn’t surprise me.

I guess my main problem with Ready Player One is that it was disappointing.

It has so many things I enjoyed, but they were overshadowed by things I kind of hate. Regardless, it has a 4.3/5 star rating on Goodreads, so people who read it enjoyed it. The movie adaptation comes out later this month, directed by Steven Spielberg, who is name-dropped at least twice in the book—fun fact. From what I’ve seen in the trailers, the movie looks drastically different, so I’ll be trotting along to the cinema to see if Spielberg can rectify some of the book’s major issues.

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COLUMN

Music Review Pop 2 / Charlie XCX

You’d think that being a second-year music student, I would know all about the big acts right now. Yeah, not the case. I literally found out about Post Malone four months ago, and my friends weren’t pleased about it. Not surprising since I wanted to rap to White Iverson and harmonise to Congratulations at every party. I didn’t even know who Cardi B was, though I had heard of Bodak Yellow. I’m a lover of Bon Iver, BOY, Sufjan Stevens, Regina Spektor, so it seems kind of foreign and weird for me to listen to Charli XCX, a pop artist with some actual relevance right now. Her new album POP 2 is exactly that - pure pop music at its finest. It’s 10 tracks long, featuring other great pop artists such as Tove Lo, Carly Rae Jepsen, MØ, but also Tommy Cash, an extremely unique Estonian rapper. I feel like the song Unlock It reflects the entirety of the album - it’s bright, with tight, catchy melodies that reminds me of Nerds candy and fun video games.

Charli does use a lot of auto tune, but it’s for an artistic purpose rather than to cover something up. The production on this album is clever and beautiful. I particularly like the production in the song Lucky in how she sings You’re breaking up and the sound literally breaks up like a bad connection. It also has some haunting, angelic vocals in the background (as well as in the song Delicious). This song is more of a slow pop ballad, different to the other bangers on the album. If you classify yourself as a non-pop person, as I used to, please have a listen. I half-promise you’ll like it – Zoe Jennings.

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COLUMN

FROM THE

PREZ

Kia ora, I hope everyone is settling in well to semester one. We’ve had heaps going on here at MAWSA and it’s been awesome seeing everyone getting involved around campus!

The team here at MAWSA have been busy with trainings and we’re now ready for a semester of campaigning, events, and advocacy.

We’ve recently been a part of Don’t Guess the Yes, a sexual violence prevention campaign in collaboration

with VUWSA, the New Zealand Police, Sexual Abuse Prevention Network and The Wellington City Council. Be prepared to start seeing this around campus and make sure you understand what consent means. Talk about it with your friends and whanau.

Make sure if you need anything, that you pop round and we’ll see what we can do to help you out - we’re a friendly wee bunch here so honestly don’t be afraid to say hi.

Emma

COOL BEANS Crispy Salmon Stir-fry Ingredients: • 2 tbsp of olive oil (or any vegetable oil) • 2 tbsp of brown sugar • 2 tsp of minced garlic (or 1 clove of garlic) • 2 tsp of ground ginger • ¼ cup of soy sauce Although salmon is a luxury I look forward to having when I go home, sometimes Countdown can have a mean deal that’s well within the student budget. This recipe requires only a few simple ingredients and the salmon can easy be replaced with a plant-based protein, such as tofu.

• • • • •

1 tsp chilli flakes (or more if ya’ like it spicy) 1 - 2 salmon steaks, cut into equal cubes half a head of broccoli, cut into bite-sized portions 1 capsicum, cut into thin strips 1 medium sized carrot, cut

Method: Combine brown sugar, garlic paste, ground ginger, soy sauce and chilli flakes in a bowl and set aside. Heat a non-stick pan (or wok) on medium-high heat and pour in oil. Place half of the salmon cubes onto the pan to cook, to avoid crowding the pan and to achieve the desired crispiness.

• • • • •

into discs 1 cup of chopped green beans 1 medium sized red onion, chopped a pinch of sesame seeds for garnish finely chopped spring onions for garnish 250g dry udon noodles

Cook until golden brown on all sides, and repeat with the other half of salmon. Place the cooked salmon onto a plate lined with a paper towel to catch extra oils, and cover with tinfoil to keep warm.

In the same pan, combine the soy sauce mixture with the vegetables, cook until softened. After the vegeta-

bles have softened add salmon cubes. Stir the salmon in gently, otherwise due to its’ nature it may crumble under pressure (like myself during hand-ins).

Cook noodles per instruction on the packet, then drain and rinse. Serve and garnish with sesame seeds and finely chopped spring onion.

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PUZZLES

MASSIVE QUIZ

Can you SUDOKU? Was last issue a bit too hard for you? Aw. We’ve put in a super easy sudoku just for you. You’re welcome.

1.

What is someone who shoes horses called?

2.

What is another word for lexicon?

Easy (An easy B- effort)

3.

Who was Henry VIll’s first wife?

4.

What type of animal is Bambi?

5.

Who is Winnie the Pooh’s gloomy donkey friend?

6.

Which French town is known for its mustard?

7.

What is the most famous beer in Ireland?

8.

In which European city can you find the home of Anne Frank?

9.

What is the largest number of five digits?

10.

How many stars feature on the New Zealand flag?

1. A farrier, 2. Dictionary, 3. Catherine of Aragon, 4. Deer, 5. Eeyore, 6. Dijon, 7. Guiness, 8. Amsterdam, 9. 99999, 10. 4

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Hard (Are you an A student?)

HOT OR NOT?

HOT: Straight leg jeans

HOT: Dua Lipa’s yellow frames HOT: Caramilk

HOT: Chrissy Teigen’s Twitter

HOT: Gucci Slides HOT: Kmart Furniture

HOT: Sriracha

NOT: Ice Skating boob

NOT: Kmart clothing

NOT: Simon Bridges

NOT: Salma Hayek’s Oscar dress

NOT: Pretty Little Liars Season 35 NOT: Glitter Boobs 45

Column

Your Asstrology with ASSTROLL the Mystic “Politics is just Scitilop spelled backwards” Can you guess which politician we are referring to for each horoscope? Send through your guesses to editor@mawsa.org.nz and be in to win a kick ass prize.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23

You are a grade A asshole. You say inappropriate things when friends’ pets die and call people snowflakes when you offend them by being an asshole. This week, try to be less of an asshole.

You worship at the altar of relentless positivity, but you have yet to completely prove yourself. Don’t rely on your popularity, though it may seem infinite.

You’re pragmatic, but never lose your optimism.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Children scatter when you approach. They don’t call you Crusher for nothing. Well, you’ll crush anything but a caucus ballot. Ouch.

Oh gosh, what now? Your hometown stinks and you know it. You love to entertain but your true calling may be in public. A usurper, you have big shoes to fill, so good luck with that.

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 You will become a single mother on a benefit, use welfare to crawl out of poverty, become the Minister of Social Development and shit on poor people. Nice one, sweetie.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 23

We’re all sure you’re a perfectly nice person. Maybe a little angry. But that’s probably your strong jawline.

Winners never quit, but sometimes quitters win.

You have a lot to prove. Mind your fiscal hole always use protection. Now we’re into the swing of things, it’s probably best to focus on the working rather than the party.

Who even are you? Even you aren’t entirely sure. You come out of the blue from a sea of blue, so that’s impressive. No one knows you, but you reckon they will. This week, come out of your shell a little.

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You’re flying high this week. Life is good from where you’re sitting (the top). Beware the honeymoon period - and peaking too early.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23

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Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22 You’re a feminist and proud. Positively pregnant with power, you have friends in high places. But remember, it pays to be equitable.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

You come across as fairly robotic, but you have a heart of gold. Blue and gold. Everything will be okay, as long as the market is free.

You could have been a contender. In fact you were twice. Maybe it’s better to go back to what you seem to do best - breeding. Remember to relax and enjoy life, you’re off the meat hook now.

Wednesday Massey Deal!

Any Burger w Crinkle Cut Fries $10 10 Murphy Street, Thorndon 5 Majoribanks Street, Mt Victoria www.thechippery.co.nz Available every Wednesday. In-store only and limited to one meal per ID card. (Normal retail $17.50) 47

ART AND DESIGN STUDENTS • The Art & Design Supplies you need • BEST PRICES • BIGGEST RANGE • Friendly and expert advice • Over 40 years serving Wellington art and design students

COME ON IN OR VISIT US ONLINE

182 VIVIAN ST (JUST OFF CUBA ST) WELLINGTON

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