ASSIV
MASSIVE
8
9 may 2022
Editoral
3
News
4
Features The Secret Scandal of Grass Lawns
12
Mastering the Walk of Shame
14
Playing Sport After High School
18
The Great Escape..ism Balancing Act
20
Columns Worst of the Worst
28
Sexcapades
29
Massey Confessions
30
Te Reo and NZSL
31
Solicited Advice
32
Horoscopes
34
Snapchats
35
Puzzles
36 38
Presidents Column
Editor - Mason Tangatatai
Designer - Marie Bailey
Sub Editor - Jamie Mactaggart Feature Writer - Aiden Wilson ’tbeMagzin,syvoldchmpruf eatosdrwCuncilhPeZtNgsMav eE sandopir,blfwAt.ThvcPSu Mme etMasynprdihgofvc g.nzemaior@svdtyqucPlp U
News Editor - Elise Cacace
News Reporter - Sammy Carter
Illustrator - Kimi Moana Whiting
Culture Editor - Elena McIntyre-Reet
Feature Writer - Mia Faiumu
Illustrator - Sara Moana
Feature Writer - Lily Petrovich
Photographer - Amelia Radley
AT’S IN I hated writing before I unearthed this ancient technique. Believe it or not, but I’ve always hated writing. If war is hell, creating trashy magazine stories is purgatory. Writing is a long expanse of mental strain and boredom, at the end of which you’re either lifted into the light or, more likely, plunged further into darkness. Many writers feel the same way. The most common explanation for continuing in the profession is that we hold no other employable skills. The second most common explanation is that while they hate writing, they love people reading their mahi. I can relate to both of those reasons. What often goes unspoken, is that the feeling of satisfaction I get after writing lasts roughly four seconds before it’s quickly replaced by the anxiety of next week’s deadline. This cycle of short lived relief and self-loathing has been my reality throughout the first eight issues of Massive. But, just last week when writing the most mundane of stories (that never made it to print) I discovered a trick that dampened the pain. While I was working on this story, my mind refused to formulate sentences. My fingers were left hovering over my crumby keyboard, waiting for a neuron of direction that was never coming. In an act of desperation, I turned to the cob-web ladened notepad and thought “I can write on that”. This was a life-changing epiphany. Online my process is stiflingly slow. After a couple of sentences are written my mental resources are completely exhausted. This forces me to spend the next 30 minutes testing out various procrastination techniques. Once mustering the energy to return to my doc, I’ll painstakingly edit the terrible words stupid me stupidly typed out. On paper, everything is different. I write what comes to my mind, cross it out, then rewrite it. I scribble out a paragraph, decide it needs to
go elsewhere in the story, then draw arrows to that position. If something needs to be added I place an asterisk on the page and write it in the margin. The end product is trash, but it’s an invigorating process that shows me the creative journey my words have taken. Writing by hand can help bypass that inner critic. It also helps that it’s much harder to edit on the page than on a Word doc, as the ease of editing on a computer allows a writer’s inner critic to assert itself, and strangle their more easygoing creative self. In short, for people like me, writing by hand is a way of tricking our brains into ignoring the self-loathing that taunts us at every turn. For all the aspiring writers reading, take a hasty trip to Whitcoulls. Dash past the literature you only wish you could write, and pick up a trusty red 1B5 Warwick exercise book (or Warehouse Stationery if you’re feeling risky). Writing in that book may be less efficient when you’re facing a tight deadline, or writing a shorter article like this one, which, in a slice of bitter irony, I wrote entirely on a computer. This ancient technique won’t stop writing being hard or timeconsuming. But if you’re facing a blank page, and the thought of filling it makes you shiver with dread, writing by hand does make part of the process a bit more manageable. Chur, Mason
9 MAY 2022
MASSIVE NEWS
WHAT’S GOING ON? WEEKLY NEWS UPDATES
Premila Morar: fashion superstar Elise Cacace (she/her)
Massey University is no amateur when it comes to producing highly talented and inspiring young professionals, and fashion superstar, Premila Morar, is the most recent example of this. Currently completing the final year of her Fashion Design degree, Premila has already made a big leap into the world of global fashion. Her most recent success is having her exquisite, handmade yellow jacket featured on the cover of Vogue India. Like most big artists, Premila comes from humble beginnings. “I grew up on a farm in Pukekohe, a country town in South Auckland,” she says. “Since I was a young girl, it’s always been fashion.” On the topic of her recent Vogue India achievement, Premila says, “It’s always been my dream to have my work in fashion magazines, but I never expected it to happen like this.” “It all started with London-based creative, Anita Chibba, who is originally from the same town as me in Pukekohe. Anita is the founder of the platform ‘Diet Paratha’ which celebrates South Asian creative talent worldwide. Anita saw my Insta post about my yellow jacket and asked if she could wear it for a shoot she was doing for Vogue India.” “I honestly have Anita to thank for making this dream come true.” This achievement didn’t happen overnight though. Premila’s creative
4 / Karere
9 MAY 2022
MASSIVE NEWS talent and recent success stems from a lifelong dedication to the fashion industry.
attire. Asides from university, Premila also finds her inspiration in everyday life.
“I’ve wanted to be a fashion designer for honestly as long as I can remember! I’ve always loved dressing up from a very young age and loved all aspects of fashion as a whole, ranging from catwalks to shopping to everything else in between.”
“My inspiration comes from anything and everything, from Instagram to music. I always pick something I’m passionate about, and then everything grows from there.”
It was only natural for Premila to end up studying Fashion Design at university, and now in her final year, she has acquired a broad range of skills that have already proven hot across the global creative scene. “I have absolutely loved my time studying Fashion Design at Massey. I have learnt so many new skills and developed new creative ways of thinking which have ultimately shaped the designer I am today. Everyone inspires me, from my tutors to my classmates to the environment.” We can see from the bright colour and distinctive outline of Premila’s yellow jacket that she is not afraid to break the boundaries of conventional fashion
“As a designer, I like to respond to social concerns and be designing for a purpose. It’s more motivating to me to see an area that I could add my creativity to and then work towards it, similar to my yellow jacket method.” The vibrant flare of her outfits and bold, unique designs isn’t the only thing Premila strives to achieve in her work. “Comfort always plays a huge factor for me, both when designing and buying/ wearing clothes. Design-wise, I love an array of bright colours, big silhouettes and garments that represent an intention.” And of course, Premila has her favourite designers who further fuel her passion and enthusiasm for the craft.
5 / Karere
“My favourite designer of all time would be Versace. I love the brand’s ultra-glamorous creations and their use of bright colours. For my upcoming project I am looking into Hussain Chalayan for his out of this world innovation, and Rei Kawakubo for her extravagant avant-garde creations.” “I’m currently working on my fourthyear project, where I’m looking at futurism and how fashion design can mediate the connection between technological advancements and the human body.” If her previous fashion designs are anything to go by, the finale of her project will be something worth looking out for. To keep up to date with Premila’s latest projects and designs, give her Instagram accounts @premilamorar and @morarfashions a follow!
MASSIVE NEWS
Johnny Depp trial-turnedTV show leaves him a winner already Sammy Carter (she/her)
The Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard defamation trial has been just like watching a juicy TV show, and that’s exactly why Johnny has already won. Actor Johnny Depp sued his ex-wife Amber Heard for US$50 million for defamation, after she wrote an opinion piece in the Washington Post in 2018 referring to herself as a “public figure representing domestic abuse”. Since 11 April, a six-week trial has been underway exposing the abuse Amber showed to Johnny throughout their relationship. The trial has been made into a highly publicized show essentially. There are new characters every day, fans watching, picking sides and, as there is with every good show, thirst trap edits of lead man Johnny himself. There are even cliff hangers of big stars speaking in the coming weeks (or episodes) and the ultimate question of who will win? You may as well pause your Netflix subscription now because you can watch the most popular TV show for free. We know the best TV shows are the
OPINION
ones that show the deepest details of a person’s life. With all the dramatic lies and arguments that are kept secret. While Johnny is winning his reputation back, he has given up his privacy. From his text messages to addiction problems, everything has been let loose for us to see. But sacrificing his privacy was worth it. If Johnny didn’t allow everything to be spilled, the trial wouldn’t be so God damn entertaining. By sharing the inner details of his life, it makes people want to watch. Luckily for Depp, his authenticity has been praised, as it is in every good TV show. Before the 2018 allegations, Johnny was seen as Hollywood’s favourite. Funny but handsome, charismatic but clever. He even said in his witness testimony, “It’s pretty strange when one day you’re Cinderella, so to speak, then 0.6 seconds (later) you’re Quasimodo.” But people have very easily jumped back into this Cinderella viewpoint, including myself. While Johnny is suing Amber for defamation, I don’t believe his goal of the case was necessarily to win. Throughout the trial, Johnny has been able to expose Amber. He has shown recordings of her admitting to abuse, had friends testify for him and shown up the franchises, especially Disney, that dropped him. Without taking Amber to court, he would never have
6 / Karere
9 MAY 2022
been able to tell the world the entire story. Not just your classic scandal social media statement, but six weeks of clearing his name and winning back his reputation. However, the illusion of a TV show has made us forget that it’s actually a full-on trial with $150 million at stake. I stopped being entertained when we as the audience, romanticised the court evidence as we would a TV show. My TikTok has been filled with fans saying Johnny is so naturally funny when he tells Amber to “shut up fat ass” and texts his friends “let’s drown her before we burn her!!! I will fuck her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she’s dead.” It gets too far when our romanticised, Cinderella idea of Johnny excuses this behaviour as ‘funny’ when it’s not. Even Johnny saw no humour saying, “I’m ashamed that, that has to be spread on the world like peanut butter.” The trial-turned-TV show is what will leave Johnny a winner, being transparent has gotten our attention and restored his reputation. But we may need to take a step back from the illusion that this is all fiction.
9 MAY 2022
MASSIVE NEWS
Wellington City housing tenants need access to the Income Related Rent Mia Faiumu (she/her)
In April the IRRS 4 All campaign submitted its petition to Parliament requesting universal access to the IRRS for all public housing tenants. This is inclusive of all tenants living within Kāinga Ora homes, Community Housing Providers (CHPs) and Wellington City Council housing. The Income Related Rent Subsidy (IRRS) is a government subsidy that caps tenants rent at 25 per cent of their weekly household income, with the Government topping up the rest. While both Kāinga Ora residents and those within CHPs are eligible for the IRRS, Wellington City Council tenants do not receive this benefit and are required to pay 70 per cent of market rent. This places tenants within precarious situations in which they are not protected from the rapidly rising rents that are occurring across Wellington. This issue of IRRS is something that needs everybody’s attention and deserves to be taken seriously by the Government. By providing the IRRS to Council housing tenants, thousands of lives would be changed for the better to ensure that they can direct their income towards essentials such as nutritious food, warm clothing, and transport. With Kāinga Ora and CHP residents often located next door to Council housing complexes, in similar buildings, it begs to question why we are seeing a discrepancy in access to subsidies between the various tenants. Wellington City Councillor, Tamatha Paul, is a strong advocate for the IRRS and has been involved heavily in the campaign. Tamatha articulates the fact that housing is something that all people deserve regardless of income and that the responsibility is on the
Council to be able to provide that to the people of Wellington. “We accommodate people that have the most need and are the most structurally marginalised,” explains Tamatha. “We provide that on the ethos that everyone deserves a home and especially those with the most need.” “We should provide them with housing because it’s the right thing to do, it’s the best thing to do and there’s so much social good that comes from making sure that they are housed.” Green Party MP, Ricardo Menéndez March, another strong advocate for the IRRS, also recognises that housing is a human right that all Wellington City Council tenants deserve to have access to. “What is exciting is that we’re now pushing the envelope on what people know that they deserve,” states Ricardo. “Now people are fighting for policy interventions that would ensure that they have the security of having a home and not worry about working multiple jobs to survive or needing hardship support from work and income just to make ends meet because the rent is too high.” Currently, the Council is undertaking consultation with tenants to hear their perspectives on council housing 7 / Karere
decisions. Throughout this they have stated that every tenant will be guaranteed security of tenure no matter what decision is made by the Government and the Council. Despite this, it is acknowledged that promises from the Council or Government don’t give tenants too much confidence. IRRS 4 All campaign organiser, Joanna Li, explains that for many tenants there is a high level of distrust operating between themselves and the Council. “When you’re in a precarious situation, you have to go through this every couple of years and it can be really traumatic which means there’s a really high level of distrust. Tenants have been royally screwed over in the past. You’re asking people to recount their trauma to you when they don’t know any dividends are going to pay off.” “It’s just not a nice feeling to know that as a council housing tenant your rights for your home are being kicked around for political lobby,” continues Joanna. It is therefore essential to remind ourselves when important kaupapa become part of a political game that these decisions have the potential to drastically change the quality of people’s lives. Enabling council housing tenants’ access to the IRRS would directly improve the wellbeing of tenants by giving them the ability to
9 MAY 2022
MASSIVE NEWS redirect their funds, otherwise spent on rent, towards essential items. “That means they’ll be able to afford to go to the doctors, to the dentist, to buy fruit and vegetables, to keep their power on and to buy the kids school uniforms – all of those important things that they currently can’t afford because they’re paying 70% of market rent,” explains Tamatha. We are experiencing a government that is prioritising private housing rather than providing essential access to public housing subsidies to the thousands of New Zealanders in need, who are currently sacrificing other expenses for rent, experiencing homelessness, or living within motels or backpackers in emergency housing. Rather than investing in social housing that would be accessible and affordable for those that need it most, we are continuing to invest in developments that are out of reach and inaccessible for those most in need. We cannot continue to believe that simply building more houses will fix or alleviate the housing crisis. We are still seeing ordinary New Zealanders being unable to access homes while those who already have stakes in the private housing market are continuing to benefit. “We’ve just got to acknowledge that the private market is unfair and doesn’t cater to the people with the most needs,” states Tamatha. “That’s where public institutions
should come in and provide the most critical and most important and necessary thing which is a home. Not merely accommodation in a motel or backpackers.” To meet growing concerns, the Council have proposed two options for the future of council housing and are seeking feedback through consultation with tenants and the Wellington public on their decision. These options include either funding city housing through increased rates and borrowing or establishing a Community Housing Provider (CHP) to operate social housing. The standard implementation of IRRS is not included as an option at all. A CHP is defined as a community housing provider that delivers public or affordable housing to eligible tenants. This would mean that the social housing service would be independent from the Council with the CHP being in charge of governance and day-to-day management. Once established, new tenants would be eligible for the IRRS while current tenants would have security of tenure but will still be unable to access the subsidy. Essentially, a CHP enables the Council to shift responsibility onto independent groups and removes their accountability to social housing services and their tenants. This is a major issue as tenants will
8 / Karere
lose the ability to seek support from local councillors and will instead have to go through dispute processes with the management branch of their CHP removing the sense of democracy that is currently afforded. “You effectively elect your council which are the people in charge of running city council so at least there’s a level of democracy in that provision of housing,” explains Ricardo. “Whereas with CHPs, the people running CHPs are an unelected board – sometimes there may be a token representation from tenants but it’s not really led by people elected by the broader community.” “It just is adding another layer of bureaucracy into what doesn’t need another layer of bureaucracy,” adds Tamatha Currently, tenants have the ability to hold councillors directly accountable and demand action from them. With various layers of management occurring under a CHP, this same level of accountability would not be afforded to tenants. “What’s the worst that can happen if you’re on that CHP? A tenant complains to you? You’re not going to lose your job over that,” states Tamatha. “But you will if you’re a councillor and you don’t listen and you don’t look after your tenants - you’re out. That’s good, that’s what we want. We want
9 MAY 2022
MASSIVE NEWS
representatives who are accountable to their communities and to tenants especially.” While the Council is currently deciding what direction to take their housing portfolio, the overarching decision of access to the IRRS rests with the Government. Minister of Housing, Megan Woods, holds decision-making authority and currently opposes the introduction of the IRRS to council tenants. With public housing being a high priority for the Minister, it is argued that providing access to the subsidy would jeopardise the Government’s ability to build new public housing. In terms of finances, it would cost the Ministry of Housing and Urban Development $13.2 million per year to give council tenants access to the IRRS. In the grand scheme of government spending, this is a drop in the bucket in terms of budgetary finances. It is therefore hard to believe that providing access to the subsidy would impede on the ability to construct new builds. “It’s just not true. That’s just not how government finances work. It’s a political decision to choose to take money away from new public housing as opposed to other private housing projects,” emphasises Ricardo. Ricardo therefore argues this is an expression of political wealth considering Labour supported access to the IRRS when they were in Opposition to the National Party. There is no tangible reason for not providing the subsidy as access would potentially prevent many people entering emergency housing and it is argued that it would save the Government money overall. In Auckland, there’s been an increase of around 50 per cent of what motels charge the Government for emergency housing with some motels charging almost $2,000 a week for a room. This is costing the Government exuberant sums of money that could certainly be
avoided. Rather than focusing on being the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff, energy could be directed towards more preventative measures that would meaningfully impact the lives of tenants.
all of us to involve ourselves in this important kaupapa. Access to the IRRS for council tenants is something that impacts every one of us as it contributes towards the broader fight of affordable rents for all.
Although, this is a much bigger issue than just cost.
“My aspiration is that we also have a conversation about how public housing should actually be provided much more broadly and ideally groups like students should be eligible to be in public housing as opposed to really expensive rentals or student halls that are actually out of reach for lowincome students,” articulates Ricardo.
“Even when we talk about the cost that it would have, I think it’s important to also think about all the security that it will give to tenants, the wellbeing that it will give tenants,” states Ricardo. “It’s not just about saving money right, but it also will save people the stress, uncertainty and the upheaval that falling behind on your rent causes in your life.” What’s Next for the IRRS 4 All? On 19 May the Budget will be announced and it will determine whether the Government has listened to the calls of tenants, advocates and the Council. Council’s consultation ends on 15 May with submissions closing on 18 May. To ensure that tenants’ concerns are being genuinely heard throughout this process, the IRRS 4 All campaign is working on important mahi to engage tenant communities. “Essentially, over the next couple of weeks the campaign will be doing a whole bunch of door-knocking around tenant communities to essentially support them regarding submitting to the consultation. Any sort of submission to consultation isn’t the easiest thing to do so we’re doing a lot of that,” explains Joanna. The campaign will engage tenants through door-knocking and support to navigate the submission forms. Through more direct forms of engagement, it is hopeful that more tenants will be able to have their voices heard through the consultation process. This is therefore an opportunity for
9 / Karere
The broadening of eligibility for the subsidy would enable further strides to ensure that housing is viewed as a human right entitled to all – something that should already be a given. The expansion of the IRRS would push us along on that journey and would create immediate outcomes for tenants. It is essential that the urgency of this issue be recognised and afforded the respect it deserves. We are not simply discussing policy setting changes but the livelihoods of real people and their communities. The Government and Council owe it to tenants to support them in the best possible way and it is clear that this is through income related rent subsidies. “Tenants want affordable rents. They want equity with other public housing tenants. They want to stay where they are.” – Tamatha Paul
9 MAY 2022
MASSIVE NEWS
Student exchange provides relief for rising cases of ‘travel-bug’ virus Elise Cacace (she/her)
We have finally reached a point in the pandemic where normalcy is starting to make its appearance again. Mandates have been lifted, borders have been reopened, and Ashley Bloomfield’s daily Covid-19 updates are now a thing of the past. However, this newfound freedom has triggered the onset of another severe and far more robust virus that is quickly washing across the globe. Experts call this virus the ‘travel bug’. It begins with the jitters and a constant daydreaming of far away places, and quickly progresses into bag packing and flight booking. So far, the only known cure is travelling abroad. Much like Covid-19, everybody’s take on ‘the travel bug’ virus is different. Rich suburban housewives and Marine Parade home owners have an alarming survival rate compared to students, whose studies and empty wallets prevent them from seeking immediate and effective relief. However, students aren’t being left totally high and dry. Massey University has recognised the severity of this virus and its harrowing impact on youth mental health, and has devised a plan to ease some of its pressure. They call this plan…
With the easing repercussions of Covid-19 and the rapid influx of travel bug cases, Massey’s overseas exchange programme is looking like one of the best treatment options.
on an overseas exchange for one or two semesters, and even Masters students can complete one month abroad while working towards their degree.
“Student exchange is a great chance to experience life in another country without taking time off your degree,” Massey University writes. It gives students the opportunity to get out and explore the world without having to postpone studying or prolong their university education.
“I was a student overseas in France in 2017 and it was the best experience of my life. Not only did I make so many new friends and explore so many beautiful places in France, but I got to learn some of the language and experience so much of the French student culture – it was wild,” says Olivia Whitlock, ex Massey student.
Massey has exchange partnerships with many universities around the world, in countries such as Brazil, Canada, Chile, China, Costa Rica, Fiji, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Japan, the Netherlands, South Africa, Thailand, Spain, Sweden, the UK, the USA and more. Students can study in their chosen country for up to two semesters, without having to pay any additional international tuition fees. Massey even provides students with the opportunity to earn a grant or scholarship to cover travel costs, and the ability to continue receiving a student loan and allowance while abroad. Both full-time and part-time students studying any subject except construction, nursing, veterinary science and social work can embark
10 / Karere
“Student exchange definitely enhances your independence and gives you so many experiences that you won’t get anywhere else. You get to meet so many people your age, and make connections that you just wouldn’t make through travelling alone.” So, if you feel like you may have fallen victim to the highly distressing travel bug virus, do not hesitate to reach out for help. Send your questions and expressions of interest to studyabroad@massey. ac.nz today, and set yourself up for an adventure of a lifetime!
12 12 / Karere Aronui
The Secret Scandal of Grass Lawns Lily Petrovich (she/they) Background by Kimi Moana Whiting
Lawns are kind of another form of colonial rhetoric and really bad for the planet.
harmful for indigenous species; CO2 emissions from mowing; water waste; and unnecessary urbanisation.
Grass lawns are everywhere: we do not question them. We see the default floor of nature as grass. What if you were to learn that grass as we know it, isn’t actually indigenous to Aotearoa? Don’t get me wrong, there are nearly 200 species of indigenous grass but the grass we use on our lawns is invasive.
I too am a privacy enthusiast, but it is a bit greedy of us to all expect our own private yards. I mean a small patch of grass is desirable but just go to a park? Think about how much extra housing we could have had if we ditched the concept of lawns altogether. It’s estimated that 15-20 per cent of our urban spaces here in Aotearoa are taken up by grass lawns. For a country with an absolutely ridiculous cost of housing, the fact that Auckland alone has 150-200 square metres of grass is a little grim.
So, when did this seedy motherfucker slither its way into our ecosystem? Colonialism of course. When Europeans began migrating here, grass lawns were brought over, and centuries of work went into replacing our diverse forests with naked hills of invasive green.
So, how did lawns grow to be a trend? It started in seventeenth century France and Britain. The aristocrats had a shit tonne of money and slaves. While modern elites venture into space, back then this option wasn’t available. So, instead, they thought a sick way to display their wealth would be to get all of their slaves to hand clip their lands into a plush carpet. Back then, land was crucial to agriculture, and growing your own food was commonplace; these aristocrats wanted a manicured lawn to show how they could afford to have so much land and resources that they could just have an empty space. That was it: It’s like contemporary art that you look at and think ‘I could do something like that’. It’s so bare but the elites just live for it.
We are literally so obsessed with grass lawns that we’ve created plastic lawns. Boo to turfs and terfs. Think about what the purpose of a lawn is. To be soft on our feet? We do in fact have shoes. Honestly grass lawns are just fake bitches. It’s a hot summer’s day, you go for a stroll on your soft ass patch of grass and come out of it with feet that look straight out of acupuncture there are so many prickles. But hey, I get it, lawns are big ol’ part of our picket fence culture; and they are also decent for sports but this use came far after the aristocrats. Just because it’s mostly pointless doesn’t make it bad right?
Lol yeah, got some news for you. If we ignore the fact that grass is invasive to Aotearoa (alongside many other colonised countries, RE: the US), lawns also bring us excessive pesticide use which is
Think about European housing which was largely developed before lawns became a trend in the seventeenth century, in comparison to us here or the US (which has a whopping 40 million acres taken up by lawns), we have super car-centric, spread-out cities because of all of the extra space we use for our lawns; as we were colonised after the lawn became trendy; our cities were literally built with this in mind. Okay this is a whole lot of negative talk, doom and gloom, the usual ‘this thing you think is normal is actually destroying the planet’ tagline. But there is a sexy alternative.
A mix of shared nature spaces and the uptake of indigenous gardens have some really strong benefits. Indigenous gardens, unlike grass lawns, can be a bit of a mission to implement. However, once planted, indigenous gardens are super low maintenance. It’s almost like that’s the wildlife that was designed for this part of the world. Aucklanders alone spend an estimated $131 million a year on lawn maintenance. Indigenous gardens are significantly cheaper because of the simple upkeep. Biodiversity is a huge issue here and urban spaces are honestly really bad for biodiversity, but by bringing indigenous species into our yard we can help bring back our diverse species and bring down carbon emissions. While maintaining a grass lawn emits carbon, indigenous nature absorbs it. At the end of the day grass lawns are a staple of western culture, and I’m sure if you’re a lawn enthusiast this won’t change that. But change happens one step at a time, and a significant step in that process is questioning what we know about the world and why we do things the way we do, because a lot of our habits are really down to history and culture.
13 / Aronui
Mason Tangatatai (he/him)
Photgraphy by Callum Parsons
Mastering the
walk of shame (or for you optimists, your stride of pride guide )
Imagine this. It’s a picturesque Sunday morning. The birds are chirping, old people are on their morning walk and the scent of your favourite cooked breakfast is wafting through the flat. Life is good, except for the fact your head is pounding relentlessly, probably due to the mixture of Vodka Cruisers and pressies you took last night. You quickly realise you’re not snuggled up in your own bed, in fact, you’ve never seen this bedroom before, or the crusty human lying next to you. What comes next is a core memory for many students across the country. The scrambling to find both your socks, the attempt to sneak out without being seen. The journey home is the most embarrassing part of a drunken hookup, but it doesn’t have to be. Here is everything YOU need to know to master the art of the walk of shame. Disclaimer: A walk of shame isn’t shameful because you’re having casual sex. It’s shameful because the yo pros and seniors in your area get to see you at your absolute lowest. We’re talking crusty lips, smeared mascara, unzipped flies the lot! And that is factually both funny and shameful.
15 / Aronui
Things you’ll need:
Confidence The most important thing you need to remember when you’re striding home on a beautiful Sunday morning is confidence. You got some last night, if anyone gives you the slightest of dirty looks, they are most likely jealous, sex deprived and frustrated. Who cares if you hooked up with someone? Sex isn’t something to be ashamed of - embrace the post-sex glow! If your Uber asks what you’ve been up to, or if you are having a good day, be honest. Treat your Uber as a therapeutic experience.
Leaving with everything, and more This is a tricky one. Locating your belongings is essential to completing a flawless walk of shame, unless you want to come back…
Checklist • • • • •
Both shoes. Every item of clothing you entered with. Food. Raiding the pantry is a good way to get some sustenance for the trip home. Phone chargers, it’s just good to have extras, ya know. Leftover drinks, this is a given. You earned them.
As you can see, dignity was left off this checklist, that’s just something you’ll have to live with.
16 / Aronui
Try the late exit If you are so consumed with shame that someone you know might see you and catch on to the debauchery that went on last night, try the late exit. This technique works well when you are cordial with your hook-up. There is always that hope that if you begin your walk past noon, it will look like you’re out enjoying the new day. Onlookers will mistake your heels for Sunday-brunch heels, and your tangled hair will pass for a trendy topknot.
A flatmate to debrief with Arguably the best part of any night out is the dusty morning debrief. It’s important that you have a person in your corner who won’t judge you for the utter filth you’re about to tell them about. This is a therapeutic time to talk about the successes, or failings of last night. To become a master of anything you must reflect and learn from your experiences, this is the perfect way to do so. P.s, this must be done with food in hand. I personally recommend six McDonald’s hashbrowns.
Sneaking out without saying goodbye Want to add an exhilarating rush to your hookup? Time to channel your inner James Bond and slither out of bed without making a noise. If you fail the mission you’ll be confronted with an awkward conversation where you will have to lie about the quality of sex you had last night. This mission also includes dodging any unknown flatmates. Do you choose to accept?
Walks of shame might feel uncomfortable while you’re doing them, but in reality no one gives a flying fuck about who you got under last night. It’s time we shake this silly stigma that has been wrongfully attached to casual consensual sex. To conclude, Massive Magazine has proposed a few new names for the “walk of shame”.
The victory lap, trek of triumph, morning cardio, stride of pride.
17 / Aronui
Callum Parsons
Playing Sport after Highschool Alana McIntyre-Reet (she/her)
When I was growing up, sport was a huge thing for my family. Most Saturdays my mum would take me to football and my dad would take my brother to rugby. We’d come home all muddy and exhausted and sometimes be allowed McDonald’s on the way home. It was the same all through school. I played cricket, football, ripper rugby, netball and underwater hockey. I was an absolute jack of all trades and a master of none. Once I left high school, I didn’t play again for three years. I didn’t even miss it, I just got on with my life and started wanting to do other things, like binge drinking. When I finally got back into it, I didn’t really care about the games, in fact we lost frequently. I just loved the social side of it, the pizza after the game and the team BYOs, it was just a lot of fun. Social sport is an attractive idea for a lot of people, it’s a chance to move your body without feeling forced to. Growing up, I definitely felt forced to. Not necessarily by my parents, but involvement in sport was such a big thing for my family and all my friends, it just felt like something I had to do. Often, I would pretend to have a sore stomach or a headache so I wouldn’t have to go to my training. I liked the games a lot, but actually training and taking time out of my busy teenage life felt like a real hassle. Cameron played rugby throughout high school, and was in the first XV, he was quite the success story until he broke his leg and his rugby goals took a hit. This isn’t just a ‘I could have gone pro if I hadn’t torn my ACL story’ - he was legitimately good. He still plays now, in a social competitive team called the Mixed Veggies.
Ilustrated by Marie Bailey
“Rugby is a very strong bonding experience where you share a huge sense of comradery with your teammates. It keeps you fit and strong, it’s rewarding because you put your body on the line to get the win. You need lots of strategic thinking which always keeps it interesting. There are not many sports out there where you can throw yourself at your opponents in such a barbaric way and then just get a beer with them afterwards,” he says. Gretchen has a similar mindset, she’s played cricket most of her life and recently moved to the UK to play for a club in Acton, West London.
“I joined an all-boys cricket team when I was five, then I played all through high school and then for reps. When I moved to Wellington for uni I didn’t keep going, it was too overwhelming being in a new place and not knowing anyone. I actually took nearly six years off before I started playing again.” She’s happy she did though, and says playing sport is a huge part of who she is.
“There’s just nothing like the euphoric high you get from playing sport, it’s a part of my identity now.” As rewarding and satisfying playing sport can be, it is just easier to play in high school for a number of
20 / Aronui
reasons. Your parents usually pay for it, your classmates are often on your team and you have a lot more time on your hands. My football fees were around $250 for a season last year, which for a student is a huge hunk of cash. You have to weigh up how much you want to join a sports team, and how badly you want to pay rent. Most of the time, rent wins. A SportsNZ survey from 2019, concluded that after turning 18, New Zealanders spend significantly less time being active. It doesn’t go into details about the specific reasons we tend to move less the older we are. Some people I spoke to had their own reasons for not playing anymore. “It’s just not accessible anymore, it’s expensive when it’s not based in school and it’s hard to find which club to play for, and to balance your time with work, uni, and life,” says Gretta, who hasn’t played sports since high school. Niamh played netball and football in high school, but hasn’t played since. “I’m a total sore loser, I only managed to complete a full game of monopoly without rage quitting at the age of 22. I’m competitive and also my ass is fat now, plus I’m just way to queer to participate in single sex sports,” she tells Massive. Lia played in high school too, and has a pretty similar reason for not participating. When asked why she doesn’t play anymore she simply responded:
“Gay.” If you can find a team, and the funds for it, sport can be a really rewarding experience. You get to meet cool people and let out a bit of aggression. Dani plays for a
Wellington football club, and loves the chance to let out a bit of energy on the field. “It’s just fun, you get to meet really cool people. Plus, if you’re sneaky you get to kick people and you don’t get in trouble for it,” she says. Sports culture is always going to be a huge thing in New Zealand, sometimes it’s problematic and toxic but it can also be awesome. I remember being 11 and getting to stay up until 11pm to watch the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup final and feeling my little prepubescent self actually get quite emotional when we won. Sports culture can be divisive but it can also be unifying, especially when you get to play yourself. When you get out of high school and start playing for yourself and not your school or your parents, it becomes even more rewarding. There are a lot of reasons to sign up for your local sports club, fitness, friendship and an excuse to kick people. Crystal, a footballer in Wellington, has a very specific reason she has decided to continue playing sport.
“The lesbians.” If you’re missing playing sport or just want to meet people and have a run around, ask around at your hall or in your friend group and see if anyone wants to sign up for a social netball team, or a futsal team.
You might meet your new best friend, or perhaps a lover.
21 / Aronui
The Great Esca Aiden Wilson (he/him)
pe…ism Balan
cing Act
Escapism! Also known as Procrastination’s hotter older brother, is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “an activity or form of entertainment that helps to avoid or forget about boring or unpleasant things”. I define it as playing hours upon hours of Halo, going “oh shit! My assignment! It’s due in twenty minutes!” before continuing to play Halo to help my anxiety over not doing the assignment. The astute readers amongst you will notice that this form of study is un-fucking-sustainable as a strategy, and one that I would benefit from ceasing. Yet here I am, with two assignments due on Friday, writing this article as I wait for the next match to load.
FIELD RESEARCH – TOTALLY NOT JUST ME PROCRASTINATING Research hypothesis – playing video games will chill me out. My match has loaded so I will have the results soon… I’m writing this 11 minutes later – we lost 43-50. Yet here I am loading the next one, because I’m stressed about not finishing the article yet, so I want to play to relieve stress. The more I play Halo, the more stressed I am about not finishing. Yet, WHILE I’m playing, i.e., performing my escapist task, I feel fine. Unbothered even.
I suspect this is something a lot, if not all of us, have found ourselves doing at one point in time. Especially under the current circumstances, the need for escapist fantasies is higher than ever.
My research has come to a conclusion – escapism while in the middle of work can be a vicious cycle! You start your activity to relax but then because you’re not working you get behind and because you’re behind you’re stressed so you keep doing your activity but because when you’re not working you get behind… see what I mean?
The biggest irony right now, is that this whole piece is taking much longer than it should BECAUSE I’m doing escapism stuff… HOLY SHIT I’M A GENIUS!
But what if we incorporated it into our work… No no… unless…
22 / Aronui
Getting Lost in Stereo Some of the best escapes can even be incorporated into what we’re doing. Talking to some of my friends, I found out they used escapist tactics in very similar ways, creating completely different vibes for themselves which further motivated them to get work done. A running theme I found between them was using audio while they worked to place themselves in a new scenario, escaping from the monotone reality of the everyday and instead doing their work in a more exciting or comfy environment. “If I’m at home, I’ll use YouTube videos which create a ‘café’ setting in the background – they have jazzy background music, the clinking of the register, occasional murmurs of people talking… And for some reason pretending I’m there helps me to stay on task. I think it’s ‘cause the part of your brain that would normally get distracted and make you pick up your phone is being partially entertained.” “I think my biggest escapism tactic is reading fanfiction of comfort media, or listening to music and essentially making myself imagine I’m in different scenarios I’m in sometimes it’s kinda positive procrastination (like project ideas), sometimes it’s spiralling things, or it’s legit like ‘fuck this shit I wish it were *insert fictional related thing I’d rather work on*’ (e.g. charms homework at Hogwarts, hero ethics work for BNHA, or like tutor paperwork for Ciel in Kuroshitsuji).” By incorporating their own interests and fixations into their workload, many of them find it a lot easier to focus, essentially pretending they were in a whole other space while writing their assignments. “I like to listen to dramatic music and just, space out? Like nope, I’m not currently stuck on an assignment. I am running through a castle while this dramatic song play.” ----
23 / Aronui
Escapism isn’t just about throwing yourself into a void where your work doesn’t exist. In the long run, as useful as that is it can create more stress. As students, the idea of sometimes just stopping our work and doing something entirely different is so enticing but can lead to sticky situations down the line. Even while writing this very article, I found myself spacing out and gaming instead, putting off the writing process as well as writing other assignments. Incorporating escapist fantasies into the work we’re doing can allow us to actually get shit done instead of just staring at the page for hours, or running off elsewhere only to come back and have a panic attack. Soundscapes, music, even just background noise can place us in areas where we’re actually able to do quality work. And during a time where going out into the real world can be utterly terrifying, being able to create an escape in the comfort of your own room is perfect.
worst of the worst
movie reviews Every week I’ll be watching the worst rated movies on Rotten Tomatoes so you don’t have to. I’ll be doing one every week until the final issue where I’ll review the worst movie ever made (according to a random article I found). What are my qualifications you ask? I took Introduction to Media Studies in my first year and got a B average, so I think I know what I’m talking about. I’m going to watch each of these movies and decide whether it is rightfully on the worst movies of all-time list, based on my expert opinion.
This week I’m being subjected to another horror movie, because I came up with this silly little column idea and I’m not a quitter. Cabin Fever (2016) is a reboot of the 2002 version which did pretty well in the box office. I wouldn’t say well enough to be bold enough for a reboot, it got 62 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes which is 62 per cent better than what the reboot did. I’m not a huge fan of reboots, and I’m not a fan of horror movies so I don’t see me and Cabin Fever working out. It starts as you’d expect a horror movie to start, with a group of friends who decide to rent a creepy cabin in the creepy woods. There’s also the minor issue of a flesh-eating virus that comes knocking on their door in the form of a forest dwelling man named Bert.
Elena McIntyre-Reet (She/Her)
The thing I didn’t like about this movie is that the plot seemed to move along very quickly, there’s just a lot happening very quickly. The characters aren’t likable, and I think it might be because they didn’t get a chance to be likable because everything picked up really fast. Also, the end is just depressing, I’m not going to spoil this terrible movie that you probably won’t watch. The end though, is just unsatisfying. There are ends that aren’t tied up and you don’t get to feel much empathy towards the characters because in my humble opinion - they suck. Overall if you’re thinking about watching this movie, don’t. Unless you want to get super high and just put something on in the background while you think about life. If you’re super into the whole flesh-eating virus thing, I would recommend watching the original. I haven’t seen it, but I worship Rotten Tomatoes like a god, and I trust the rating of 62 per cent. The director is the same as the terrible remake, but it seems he got it right the first time.
I give this movie a 4 out of 5, 5 being the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
24 / Rangitaki
SEXCAPADES
Rollin around. Last week in town was a movie. Bodies bumping and grinding, sweat flicking from people’s brows into my mouth. Filthy. At 4am I managed to find a girl to go home with, I begged to stay with her because I was sharing a room with my brother who had come down from Palmy. This wasn’t my finest moment. She was fun and flirty, we made out a bit in the uber and muttered some unrecognisable words before we arrived at her flat.
We fucked a couple times, it was mean. She pulled out this impressive trick that she said she learnt from being a gymnast, nothing really stacks up to that now. After putting me in my place she kissed me on my forehead and we nodded off to sleep.
The next morning I woke up dusty as can be, ready to embark on my walk of shame when I noticed something against my leg. She was still fast asleep but I could feel a wet sensation sticking her bedsheets to my leg hair. Lass had pissed the bed,
and it had gotten all over me. Rancid right? I thought this was the extent of the damage but to my surprise she was cuddled up with a pile of steamy vomit. This shit was violently chunky and must have weighed a few kg. I thought it would be noble to wake her up so she didn’t have to lie in her own bodily fluids so I gave her a light tap on the shoulder, nothing. My light tap turned into a little shove, again, nothing. At this point I was getting concerned so I gave her a decent push, when to my horror she rolled directly into her own vomit.
She quickly came to life, threw up again when she realised she was covered in vomit and piss. I sprang up and bolted it out the door. I came home to my brother and told him it was just another hookup.
25 / Rangitaki
CONFESSIONS Everyone loves a scandalous confessions page. You’re never sure if what people saying is fake or not, but that’s what make these pages great. Massey Confessions is a facebook page based from the mighty Manawatū. These legends anonymously post unfiltered content from the very students you see in your classes every day. Below are a selection of some of the finest confessions over the summer, with a sprinkle of Massive commentary. Go and give the page a follow, you won’t regret it.
ssive half of Ma Me when BYO :(
staff flake
from the This is
’s lack of ve Massey ro p im y ll ctua thought. This may a o would’ve h W . re u lt student cu
PHOTO 85 Ghuznee St, Te Aro, Wellington www.splendid.nz @splendid.nz
ily
e da er day at th
Just anoth
26 // Rangitaki Rangitaki 26
n page ppreciatio
a daily a becoming
ssion so I lbany confe A n a n e e s air time xo I’ve never deserved thought it
Te Reo and NZSL Words of the week Revitalising Te Reo Māori and NZSL is of paramount importance. Take a few minutes out of your dat to learn and memorise these words.
It’s the least we can do.
Haunga Smelly
H koi Walk
Patai Question
27 / Rangitaki
SOLICITED ADVICE
Solicited advice is a weekly column where an underqualified anonymous guru answers the questions you want answered. This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind.
I don’t like my degree but I’m 2 years in, what should I do? Most people will tell you to follow your heart, but I, not so humbly disagree. Yes, wasting a final year doing a degree you don’t like is annoying, but it’s less bad than wasting the last two years and coming away with nothing. Even if you end up going into a different field, it shows people that you were able to stick something out, and will make for a good example for a job interview when they ask you weird situational questions. Of course though, you know what’s best for you etc., so you should decide and not care about what others think.
How to save money as a student? Spend less. Figure out why you are spending money and what you are spending money on and have a good assess about whether what you’re spending money on is inline with your goals and values. It’s unlikely that your values are spending $50 on Mecca face cream, a $20 121 door charge and your life savings on UberEats.
Is blackmailing ever okay? Yes, if it’s a man.
Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week’s issue. Also, follow us while you’re at it x 28 / iRangtk
Callum Parsons
Horoscopes Capricorn
Cancer
The entire world isn’t against you. Infact, you’re an afterthought for most people…
It’s okay to take yourself lightly every so often. Have a snickers, homie.
Good deed of the week: Thinking about others first.
Good deed of the week: Laughing at unfunny jokes.
Aquarius
Leo
Your relationship with the gym is getting toxic babes! Commit or just let it go altogether. Good deed of the week: Spotting someone failing their squat.
Stop being a yes man. The world will not fall apart if you say no. Good deed of the week: Saying no.
Pisces
Virgo
In the coming weeks you’re going to catch feelings. Stop before it’s too late.
Leaving your dishes on the bench is so annoying you rat. Stop being a shit person.
Good deed of the week: Being honest to yourself.
Good deed of the week: Cleaning your entire flat.
Aries
Libra
Being oblivious isn’t cute, self awareness is.
You lost my respect when you wore jeans with sneakers. C’mon.
Good deed of the week: Apologising when you make a mistake.
Good deed of the week: Dressing adequately.
Taurus
Scorpio
You are all swag humans who need no improving. Nice. Good deed of the week: Just be you.
Gemini
They’re not busy, they just don’t want anything to do with you. Stop chasing. Good deed of the week: Texting the friendzoned boy. 30 / Rangitaki
Being the life of the party must be tiring. Take some time out and rest up. Good deed of the week: Looking after your liver.
Sagittarius
This weekend go out and fuck someone. Sexual liberation, baby! Good deed of the week: Sex.
MASSIVE_MAG MASSIVE
ODA T Y
MASSIVE
Send us snaps to get featured in next weeks edition
reaktime time BB reak
1.
2. 3.
4. 5. 6.
7.
8. 9. 10.
11.
13.
12.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20. 21.
22.
Across 3. 6. 8. 13. 14. 15. 17. 20. 22.
The tank engine dude (6) Fruit that makes you taste better... (9) What is tofu made from (8) New president of ASA (4) What you are doing right now (15) Ex politician/racist speaking at Massey (5) Speaking quietly (7) Name of Massey’s VC (3) Boing (5)
Down 1. 2. 4. 5. 7. 9. 10. 11. 12. 16. 18. 19. 21.
32 / raingtak
Coffee and chocolate (5) Otago’s student radio station (8) “My money don’t jiggle jiggle, it _ (4) Massive’s office is located in which city (10) What to read when bored (7) Snow sports equipment (3) Menstrual cup born out of Massey (2) Tomato sauce (7) Oaty biscuit (5) Student in te reo (6) Te reo for smelly (6) How many Kg’s Kim K lost to fit in Met Gala dress (6) Copy (5)
PRES Word Wheel
The target is to create as many words as possible from the letters within the Word Wheel.
Sudoku
Get Lost
3 / Rangitaki
Amelia Radley
34 / Rangitaki
ENT Jake ASA
Fiona and Lizzo MAWSA
Kia ora tauira, our re-oweek events went well, thanks to students who came along to support! It’s been great to see more students on campus. The university’s mental health day gave us a chance to give kai, our ‘nourishing’ nachos. We are looking for more student volunteers, so if you think this is for you, please come to the ASA reception. ASA also provides amazing support services so please do come and see us if you need some support or advice. If you have any concerns about student issues, please see me at the ASA anytime and I will shout you a coffee! #faresfree #vote #LGNZ
Massey@Distance are getting close to launching a nationwide research project focused on the nature of distance learning in the NZ tertiary sector. We will be reaching out to tertiary students over the coming months to investigate the similarities and differences between internal and distance learning. Collected data aims to be published and presented to the decision-makers who outline the categorisation (and homogenisation) of what ‘typical’ tertiary students in NZ look like - impacting everything from funding to deciding how long it should take a student to graduate (eight years) before being classed as unsuccessful (even if you graduate after that 8-year threshold). So, watch this space!
Jacalyn and Jax M@D
35 / Rangitaki