Massive Magazine Volume 02 Issue 06 by Massive Magazine

THEVOICEOFMASSEYUNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ISSUE 06/ 2013 FLUME ANIMAL TESTING CHILDHOOD BLOODLUST ECSTASY

FEATURES 18 Who to Pick a Bone With? The Psychoactive Substances Bill

22 Ecstasy: It’s Bad but I Don’t Care

26 Preventative Botox: Age Defying or Pointless Needles?

28 Childhood Bloodlust

33 Photo Feature: By The Wayside

40 Adventures of a Solonaught

42 Off with their Heads: Getting Rid of the Royals

46 Hollywood – Funded by You?

50 Hemp

52 The Adventures of Dick Hardy

56 Flume: On Top

REGULARS

THE BACK

Letters

Columns

In Short

Reviews

Local Notices

Geofff Deathigan

EDITOR

Morgan Browne editor@massivemagazine.org.nz 0800 MASSEY ext. 62136 ART DIRECTION & DESIGN

Sean Walker seanvictorwalker@gmail.com 0800 MASSEY ext. 62064 ADVERTISING & SPONSORSHIP

Jacob Webb advertising@massivemagazine.org.nz 027 894 8000 WEB MANAGEMENT

Adam Dodd adam@massivemagazine.org.nz LOCAL CAMPUS REPORTERS

Albany – Tasmin Wheeler tasmin@massivemagazine.org.nz Manawatu/Extramural – Rachel Purdie rachel@massivemagazine.org.nz CONTRIBUTORS

Tasmin Wheeler, Rachel Purdie, Sasha Borissenko, Brigitte Masters, Yvette Morrissey, Morgan Lee, Yasmine Jellyman, Jimmy Jansen, Charlie Mitchell, Hazey Gray, Dick Hardy, Dylan Gowan, Josh Berry, Paul Berrington, Callum O’Neill, Anna Tabrum, Claydan Kirvan-Mutu, Local Food Network, Rhianne Todd, Emelby Rown, Daniel Austin, Belle Gwilliam

ISSUE 06, 2013 EDITORIAL

It’s starting to look a little like summertime. Well, almost. With August now fully underway and only a couple of months ‘til Christmas, the excitement is mounting. Soon we’ll be stashing those puffer jackets back into the depths of the closet where they belong, and rocking out the stubbies. Those long university and workless days are replaced with long, hot nights, days of sun, and a couple (or a lot) of beers, with the only troubling thought in your mind being whether it’s cheaper to shop at Pak’n’Save or Countdown. My advice? Enjoy those long, hot days. Drink plenty on those long, hot nights. For they come and go far too quickly. It sounds cheesy, I know – but sometimes happiness really is in the littlest things. I sound like a wizened old bag, but what they say is true – university life may be hard, but once you’re out in the ‘real world’ with a full-time job, it’s all downhill from there. Some are lucky to find the jobs they love, others are still working in that same job they had during university. Don’t let the upcoming summer break and those New Year’s plans shatter your concentration.

Work hard, for you will all reap the benefits at the end of your degree; which may or may not change your life. It’s true what they say. If you love your job, you never work a day in your life – and I can vouch for that. Yeah, we’ve said it before, but why don’t you come write for MASSIVE? You never know who you could meet, what you could learn, or where it could take you. Maybe you’ll get paid for your story? It might even get you a job, and dare I say it, #YOLO. Enough of the crack talk. This issue, MASSIVE looks into party pill testing on animals, ecstasy, preventative Botox, discusses the Royals, and interviews musician Flume. We hope you enjoy reading. Feel free to contact me with any suggestions, feedback, or comments – your feedback is always welcome, as it’s the only way we can continue making a magazine that you want to read. Stay classy Morgan Browne - Editor

ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS

Harry Culy, Brodie Nel, Ash Nel, Iain Anderson Sean Walker PUBLISHER

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ISSN 2253-5918 (Print) ISSN 2253-5926 (Online) Disclaimer: The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages in MASSIVE magazine do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, Albany Students’ Association (ASA), Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA), Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA), Extramural Students’ Society (EXMSS) or the MASSIVE editor.

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This publication uses vegetable based inks and environmentally responsible papers. The document is printed throughout on SUMO Laser, which is FSC® certified and from responsible forests, manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems. MASSIVE magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

LETTERS

1984 > 2013

Dear Editor, Eleven words: If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear. Simple as that. This trendy obsession with privacy is truly bizarre, considering it’s coming from the generation who instabook and yologram every moment of their menial lives. Are they worried that someone at the GCSB is going to eavesdrop on them while they talk to each other about their swag and their iPhones? I shit with the door open. I get changed by the front counter when I shop for clothes. I mention the size of my penis on my resume. Why? Because I have nothing to hide, thus I am fearless. Surveillance is fantastic because it leaves people to live honest lives, and catches out criminals before they can disturb the peace. How many murders were there in North Korea last year? Very few. How many terrorist attacks occurred in East Germany? Probably none. Clear evidence that a surveillance state is the way to go. Anything is possible these days. I’ve heard that there are people on the internet who digitally molest children. They literally reach into their computers, and molest people on the other side of the screen. Do these so called “privacy advocates” think this sort of behaviour is okay? Are they themselves digital child molesters? I’m not saying they are, I just think it’s interesting that they haven’t denied it. Protect the children. Support the GCSB bill. Sincerely, Chuck Dragon CAN’T MAKE A JOKE HEADLINE FOR THIS ONE BECAUSE ABUSE IS NOT THAT FUNNY MOST OF THE TIME

Dear Editor, I just wanted to say thank you to Anna* for speaking out about domestic violence in the last issue of MASSIVE. For some of us, it is easy to think it doesn’t happen, but it surely does, even among our own campuses. It isn’t easy to walk away from a situation like that, and hearing Anna’s story was a great reminder to us all to look out for one another and notice the signs. I have been in an abusive relationship, so I understand how it can feel.

My door is always open, up at the ASA office in the Albany Campus, to anyone, female or male, who needs to talk. Alternatively, Shine helped me too, 0508-744-633. Tayla Rea, Women’s Welfare Rep, ASA HOLD THE GRINDER, YOU’RE FINE ENOUGH ALREADY

Dear MASSIVE I would like to enquire about a new employee at Tussock [Massey Wellington]. You know, the tall, dark, handsome fella from the Americas with his super hipster glasses. I think you ought to get one of your (equally babe’in) reporters to scout him out and write up a wee profile on his delicious self. He deserves a little credit for enticing me to venture to the over-priced, under macaroni and cheese-d pathetic eatery that is our university cafe. Yours cordially, Anonymous

Love from plagiarised)

Southern-loving

gal

(lyrics

MOTHER NATURE HATES FAGS

Dear MASSIVE Now I’m not normally one to complain… But on the Palmerston North campus the other day, I went outside the library to enjoy some sun, however I got pretty sad and peeved when I saw what must have been over 50 ciggy butts in the tree box next to the bench I was sitting on. To make it worse, a smoker came and had a smoke (nothing against that, it is your choice) but he blatantly put his butt in the tree too! I don’t mind if you want to smoke on concourse (which by the way is actually a smoke-free zone) but please don’t ruin the plant life. We have a beautiful campus so can we please keep it that way? Cassie Van Der Hulst

PROBABLY AT MASSEY, GENIUS

Dear MASSIVE Where’s another Massey Market? The last was a million years ago and it was freaking awesome. I managed to grab me a pair of Doc Martens for $5. The ambiance was pretty fabulous, also. From, Wondering STUPID QUESTIONS, STUPID ANSWERS

Hey, Where do you get your Red Bull from? The Red Bull you give away. From Hamish Dear Hamish From the Red Bull fairy, who fetches it from a Red Bull well. Love, MASSIVE REAL LOVE COMES WITH ORIGINAL LYRICS

To my fave mag, MASSIVE, you a song, you make me wanna roll my window down, and cruuuuuuuise. Down a back road blowing stop signs through the middle of every little hometown, with yoooou.

EVERY LETTER WINS

MASSIVE welcomes letters of all shapes and sizes. They should be preferably emailed to editor@massivemagazine.org.nz although they can be dropped into any students’ association office. The editor reserves the right to edit, abridge or just plain bastardise them and can refuse any that are in bad taste or defamatory. EVERY LETTER WINS! All letters receive a prize courtesy of MASSIVE magazine. This month, it is a Peoples’ Coffee and Red Bull prize pack. Email the editor to arrange collection of your prize.

MASSIVE IN SHORT

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MASSIVE IN SHORT THE BIGGEST TOPICS, SMALL.

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE EQUALS HEALTHY GRADES

DANIEL AUS T IN

Many students during semester time become less concerned with their eating and lifestyle habits. They tend to eat any food that can be bought nearby,

release of energy to keep you going through the day. Dr Wham stresses the importance of breakfast for students in order to increase their studying performance.

“Energy drinks contain lots of caffeine, or components similar to caffeine, and are likely to make students feel irritable especially around exam time.”

such as hot chips, sweets, and candy bars. But the nature of the human body means that it needs good nutrients for top performance. Maintaining healthy habits is an important part of the learning process and studying success. Classes require students to participate in discussion and to be well-focused. In order to achieve that, students should consider what they eat and drink, how to overcome stress, and try and engage in physical activity. These help to keep us alert and perform at our best. Be careful what you put inside your mouth. Having food that contains high levels of fat in the absence of fresh fruit and vegetables may impair your performance and long term health. Be aware of the danger of too many sweets. Students tend to eat sweets because they are tasty, and easy to reach in vending machines full of sweet bars and chocolates. They are high in sugar, calories and fat, which do not provide sustained energy. The sugar may boost your energy for a short period of time and then leave you depleted in energy. A recent Massey University/Westpac survey checking Massey students’ financial health, found more than a third of university students considered their diets were affected by a lack of funds. Go for green! Fruits and vegetables are your best friends to get healthy. When you feel the urge to eat something sweet, instead, have a banana, orange, strawberry or any other yummy fruits. Massey University Institute of Food Nutrition and Human Health senior lecturer Carol Wham says sweets aren’t enough to keep students going. “If you choose a chocolate bar instead of a healthy sandwich for example, you may miss out on a sustained

Healthy breakfast, such as cereals that are high in fibre, fruit, and dairy foods charge you with energy and to start your day, she says. “First thing to do is to make sure not to miss out on breakfast, so that you get energy and carbohydrates, particularly complex carbohydrates that sustain energy release”. An example of an ideal breakfast would be food such as high fibre cereals, with protein like low-fat milk or yogurt, an egg on toast, or a fruit smoothie. In your lunch, avoid eating too much as this can make you feel sleepy and inactive. Remember, whenever you eat, leave some space in your stomach. Keep in mind that a healthy and light lunch will increase your performance in studying. A healthy lunch might include: wholegrain bread or toast for a sandwich, chicken breast, light tuna or salmon with brown rice and vegetables, fruit salad or yogurt, kidney beans with rice and vegetables, ham with low fat cheese, or hard-boiled egg with salad. If you choose rice or pasta, try wholegrain pasta or brown rice as it has more fibre which makes it a healthy option. Do energy drinks help? During exams, lots of students consume energy drinks to try and help their mind and body be more active. Students canvassed by MASSIVE used varying amounts of energy drinks. Viki Yuan says, “I normally have one bottle of energy drink whenever there is any test or exam.” Jingsong Zhou: “I consume one 500ml bottle of energy drink before every exam.” Wafa’a Bader: “I had two bottles of energy drink in my last exams.” While Priscilla McIvor says she has, “just one can a week during exam time.” Energy drinks can affect students negatively. Dr Wham says avoiding stimulants such as energy drinks helps students relax.

Snack between exams Healthy snacks between lectures, exams or meal times may improve your mood, boost your performance, concentration, and energy. According to the American Dietetic Association, adults who eat a small snack in the afternoon are likely to get through their tasks more quickly and efficiently. Go for healthy snacks such as: fresh fruits, low fat yogurt, nuts and dried fruits, hummus and crackers, and popcorn. But eating healthily is not enough on its own to gain higher grades. Physical activity also must be considered to boost performance. Always keep in mind the equation: eating healthy and physical activity can help improve your grades. Why is exercising important? The benefits of physical activity range from personal fitness, maintaining a healthy weight, reducing stress, achieving better sleep, and increased concentration. Sometimes, stress is overwhelming at study time and during exams. The ideal way to eliminate stress is by doing physical activity you enjoy. Exercise stimulates the brain to release endorphins, which makes you feel happier, empowered, and kicks your stress away for up to 24 hours. Exercising on a regular basis helps keep depression away. And your productivity and concentration during study will be improved, because regular exercise will help you sleep better. Regular physical activity will increase your attention, focus and performance in class. You will gain confidence and self-esteem as a result of feeling better and healthy. A healthy lifestyle is your first aid in exams to gain healthy grades.

MASSIVE IN SHORT

CHICAGO A MUSICAL: VAUDEVILLE

TA S M I N W H E E L E R

Playhouse Theatre production Chicago is a story of murder, greed, corruption, adultery and treachery that reviewers have called “absolutely brilliant”. MASSIVE talks to lead actor Massey student Rachel Adams about what it is like to be in productions that consume life and study. How long have you been doing theatre? Since I was 7. Mum wanted me to do singing and dancing classes as I was always doing my own productions at home. As soon as I started singing and dancing classes, I was put into plays and shows through Auckland Children’s Musical Theatre. What was your favorite part about this play? Having the leading role of Velma Kelly and working and meeting a whole group of like-minded people. What have you taken away from this experience? Good memories and great friendship like every production I am part of. Do you find it hard juggling university and the production? It can be very difficult at times but it is worth it

when you are doing something you love. Being in the play didn’t feel like I was at work. It felt like fun times with good people. Has it affected your university grades? Yes, it is hard as I am giving all my energy to my performance, and an unbelievable amount of time goes into rehearsals. Then you have a show almost every night of the week and, on your nights off, you are rehearing. So study definitely takes a hit while I am in a production. What is next for you? I am auditioning next week for Mamma Mia and then, over summer, I am moving down to Christchurch for my first professional theatre role where I will be playing Betty Sing in The Mikado with Courthouse Theatre. What is your best advice you can give other aspiring actors and actresses? You will get a shit load of no’s but my advice would be to keep going for it if you really want to be part of the theatre world. Meet people, network with people, because that is how I get all my roles through word of mouth and people I know.

MASSIVELOVESGIVEAWAYS As usual, we’re here with a free fix (or two) at the ready! Find us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ MASSIVE.magazine for more weekly freebies. WIN A DOUBLE PASS TO SEE FLUME LIVE! CHOOSE FROM AUCKLAND OR WELLINGTON!

We have two passes to the Flume concert in both Auckland and Wellington to give away, thanks to La De Da! To enter, email editor@massivemagazine. org.nz with FLUME GIVEAWAY in the subject heading, and your name, number and preferred concert (Auckland or Wellington) in the text to be in to win. Competition closes September 25, with the winners contacted by phone. Tickets are strictly not for resale. WIN A CRATE OF RED BULL!

We have a couple of crates of traditional wingsy goodness at the ready – that’s 24 cans per crate! To enter, email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz with RED BULL GIVES ME WINGS in the subject heading, and your name, number and city of residence in the text to be in to win. Competition closes September 10, with the winner contacted by phone. Terms and conditions apply.

LUCKYCULTURENOTSOLUCKY:ANTI-EGALITARIANISMINNEWZEALAND

BRIGIT TE MASTERS

There is a new tertiary educated ruling class in Australia and New Zealand that has a superior attitude that they think they are better than everyone else. Nick Cater, chief opinion editor at The Australian, thinks that this new ruling class is threatening New Zealand and Australia’s tradition of egalitarianism. Cater’s explains in his bold and provocative new book, The Lucky Culture and the rise of an Australian ruling class, about Australia’s national identity and how it is threatened.

These questions are good questions to be asking. It seems a lot of politicians these days are coming straight out of university, heading straight into politics without getting actual “real world” workforce experience. How can their views be strong enough, be respected enough and, most importantly, be experienced enough for the country’s social and political debates without ‘real world’ experience? There are, of course, politicians who have had workforce experience prior to politics. Luckily our

disparity of wealth. “Egalitarian in my book, as it works in Australia, and very strongly in New Zealand too from what I have read from history and culture, it actually encourages you with the idea you can go out and make a difference each day for yourself and your family,” he says. “[That’s] because there are no institutional barriers to success. What you achieve or what you desire are your own personal failings.” Instead of being characterised by equality of

The book argues that, since the 1970s, a new tertiaryeducated class of people has emerged. Cater claims it forms “a new ruling class” that genuinely believes it is better equipped, intellectually and morally, to tackle the problems facing society. Its members’ views are now influencing public debates from climate change to housing, poverty alleviation to genetic engineering, and aspiration to even the notion of progress itself. Though his book is written in an Australian context, many of Cater’s observations have importance in other countries, including New Zealand. His questions are as relevant here as they are on the other side of the Tasman: These questions are: Are we witnessing the emergence of an exclusive political class with little experience outside of university and politics? What does this mean for our social and political debates? And are we losing our egalitarian spirit?

prime minister is on that list, along with formerbroadcaster Maggie Barry. But it is those who have been in parliament their entire working life who pose a threat to New Zealand’s egalitarianism spirit. These politicians include the likes of Jacinda Arden, Jamie Lee Ross, and Bill English. In his book, Cater is not afraid to tackle many sacred cows head-on. He takes on the environmental movement, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, the human rights’ industry, cultural producers and, an increasingly remote political class, the renovators, the technocrats, and most of all, the group he terms “the bunyip alumni”. Cater says this new ruling class of bunyip alumni “better understands the demands of the age” and “their presumption of superior virtue tempts them to look down on others and assert the right to rule”. Cater’s view of egalitarianism is not about wealth. He says egalitarianism actually encourages inequality, a

outcomes, abilities or wealth, egalitarianism, he says, is exhibited by morality and manners. Cater says we all tend to regard each other as basically equal regardless of formal skills and/or qualification: I might have the skillset of handyman but may not have the skillset to practise law or become a doctor. Essentially, the punter is as good as the politician. “Egalitarianism is the quality of social state and social manners. It means in New Zealand you ride in the front of the taxi and not in the back and say thank you to the bus driver. “We do this because it doesn’t matter what your occupation is, as long as you are living honestly, you deserve equal respect because there is no room for social pretension.” What do you think? Write into MASSIVE and tell us if New Zealand egalitarianism culture is under threat because of this new ruling class.

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STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATIONS TO MERGE

Y V E T TE MORR ISSE Y & R ACHEL PURDIE

Massey students’ four associations seem set to be merged into a single association by the end of next year. The merger, presently under discussion by the student groups, follows a suggestion from Vice Chancellor Steve Maharey, University Registrar Stuart Morris and Communications Director James Gardiner, after VSM struck in 2011. The Massey University Students’ Association, Albany Students’ Association, Massey Wellington Students’ Association, and the Extramural Massey Students’ Society met under the governance of Massey University Students Association Federation in July to discuss how a merger could be beneficial for students. MUSA President Steven Christodoulou says the initiative is a good idea and will encourage student

engagement. “It is the best thing the associations could do. Students want MUSA, but they don’t want to participate [with MUSA]. I think if the associations merge, students will get a stronger, focused and more direct system.” Asked if there would be any job losses if the move were to go ahead, he said: “At this stage there will be no job losses.” There would be only one student president. However this was a voted position taking place annually. There would be elected representatives from each campus, but a smaller executive. MAWSA President Charlotte Webb also says a merger would be in the best interest of the students. “It would be a positive move forward for the associations. It would help to achieve a national

standard of the representation of, and services for, the students.” This raising of the standards would include services such as orientation events. While still catering for the differing demographics, it would also be a cohesive delivery of service by the associations. EXMSS President JV Chapman recently posted on her society blog that a proposal had been put to her, however it had been rejected. MASSIVE understands that at this point, contrary to a recent Manawatu Standard article, the idea of a merged association, was still only under discussion. A merger is “very likely” for the associations, excluding EXMSS, according to a current student president. The future of EXMSS is yet to be known. The merger is planned for January 2015.

WHAT THE...?

E M E L B Y R O W N F I N D S T H E A N S W E R S T O F O U R Q U E S T I O N S T H AT P U Z Z L E D H E R . WHERE DO SNAPCHATS GO? Everyone seems to want to know the answer to this. Snapchat is an app designed for Android and iPhone, where users take photos and send them with a time limit of how long the picture will be visible. The creators deem Snapchat to be 10 times faster than standard MMS image sending. They also promise that snaps will “disappear” after the timer set by the sender has expired. But do they? The Daily Beast reports, “A digital forensics company discovered that the app actually saves the images to

WHAT DOES “HOOKED UP” ACTUALLY MEAN? You’ve probably either used or heard the phrase “I hooked up with him/her last night”, or maybe even a “bro… me and Shaniqua totally hooked up last night!” This slang is often misunderstood, ranging from hooked up, as in met or caught up with someone, hooked up as in stuck your tongue in their mouth, or hooked up as in did the dirty (sexual intercourse) with them. But what does it actually mean? After consulting several different sources, it was difficult to place a finger

dates back way earlier to the Roman baths or Medieval England outhouses. Regardless of exact origin, the meaning is nevertheless the same. In the sad, dirty days before the wondrous toilet paper, a person in an outhouse stall would, according to many historians, use a stick with a cloth wrapped around the end. This cloth would be used to wipe after urinating or defecating, and the stick with the cloth would be placed back into a bucket of water, ready for the next person to use. The saying “to get the wrong end of the stick” literally

a hidden folder on the phone called RECEIVED_ IMAGES_SNAPS. A file extension called “NOMEDIA” keeps the images from being viewed, but the Decipher Forensics team has found a way to take the files off the phone and change the extension, making them viewable again.” In simple terms, the pictures don’t disappear and, if you really, really wanted to find one that you or someone else had received, you probably could. Snapchat has also enabled screenshots, so if the receiver is quick enough, they can save the image permanently. Decipher charges $300 to $500 to extract the photos. 3NEWS reported recently that a student’s racy picture was screenshotted in July and subsequently shared on the Victoria University Facebook page. Embarrassing. Perhaps think again before sending a picture of your hoo-ha or willy over Snapchat - unless you want the world to see it.

right on this ambiguous little saying. Urban Dictionary seems to agree, with two definitions: “to make out with someone” and “to have sex with someone.” So which is it, Urban Dictionary? Make up your damn mind! Online Slang Dictionary says it means to “do more than make-out, but not coitus”, or to hook up as in “get the drug hook up”. Conclusion: We feel it’s best to not use the term “hook up” at all, unless you want to start a lengthy debate about the word, or to be pried for further information. To answer our own question: nobody seems to know.

meant grabbing the stick by the cloth end, and getting dirty hands. The term nowadays means that one has misunderstood a situation – preferable to have literally grabbed the wrong end of the stick!

WHERE DID THE SAYING “YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG END OF THE STICK” COME FROM? There are multiple suggestions as to where this saying first originated. Some say it comes from the outhouse days, before flushing toilets were invented, others say it

WHAT IS THE LONGEST TIME SOMEONE HAS EVER STAYED AWAKE FOR? The Times reports: “The Guinness previous record was for 11 and a half days, or 276 hours, set by Toimi Soini in Hamina, Finland, between February 5 and 15, 1964.” According to the Museum of Hoaxes, Soini’s record was removed from the Guinness Book of Records in 1989, but not because it wasn’t true. The museum says: “It was deleted on the grounds that it could encourage records harmful to health and was unverifiable because of the claims of insomnia sufferers.” Eleven-and-a-half days. And you all thought that assignment all-nighter was hard.

MASSIVE IN SHORT

EXTRAMURALPRESIDENTEARNSMORETHAN$30,000OVERHONORARIUM

MORGAN BROWNE & Y VET TE MORRISEY

The Extramural Students’ Society president is earning $34 an hour, over twice as much as any other Massey student president and $30,000 over her honorarium, as provided for in the society’s constitution. MASSIVE has seen a copy of the yet-to-be-released society budget that estimates the student president, Jeanette “JV” Chapman, is earning more than $53,000 for her part-time position, more than any other staff member in the society except for the student services manager, who also works as the society’s advocate. On top of the $23,000 honorarium Chapman receives for her services as president, she had a newly co-opted executive approve $10,000 for media and communication, $10,479 for group advocacy, and $9521 for office operations service delivery. Chapman has responded that she is not an employee

“I think it strange that she is being paid a significant amount of money to oversee the management of people when she has admitted she has no idea what a number of those people do on a day-to-day basis, and at best only makes token efforts to rectify the situation,” the affiliate said. Chapman would not answer whether or not she was taking money from the media grant from the university. Asked whether media grant money from the university had been accessed for other purposes, she said, “an allegation is not a fact”. She would not disclose who wrote the reports to the university regarding the expenditure of the grant. In regards to receiving wages for other roles within the society, Chapman said: “I daresay I have more expertise in the area of business and management than

“For me, holding the position of student president is for the love of it, more so than it is for any financial gain.” Another society affiliate approached by MASSIVE said Chapman did not undertake her position for the love of it, but believed she did have “a heart for students”. The affiliate added that society staff were “very fearful” for their jobs because Chapman was the agent of the employer, and had told them not to speak to the media. MASSIVE put multiple questions through to the university about their responsibilities in ensuring the grant money is spent for its allocated responses. The response from Massey was simply “Massey University takes its responsibility for delivery of students’ services seriously. We carefully monitor all our contracts and agreements for performance and

of the society and that any additional costs going to her above the honorarium is an “allegation”. She also said she is not a staff member of the society, but the “dulyelected president of EXMSS and that gives me the authority to take on the role”. According to the current society constitution, the president shall be paid, on a quarterly basis, an honorarium set by the executive committee at the beginning of her/his period of office. An affiliate of the society approached by MASSIVE, who did not want to be named, said Chapman “shoulder-tapped” people she knew to join a co-opted executive board, after she removed the majority of the original executive members, including the vicepresident, earlier this year. Chapman declined to comment about these allegations. The removal of the former executive happened after it wrote to her with concerns about her performance, and attempted to convene a meeting to discuss them. The original executive was made null when it was

the other student presidents.” Massey University Students’ Association president Steven Christodoulou, however, said this was hard to believe. “The presidents from Albany Students’ Association, Massey Wellington Students’ Association and Palmerston North Massey University Students’ Association all have the ethic to work together as a team for a better outcome. We do this for the students.” Christodoulou, who is paid a $22,500 honorarium, said he saw no reason why Chapman should be earning more than her honorarium payments. “In my view, unless the president’s wages are fully disclosed, there should be no additional payments other than those approved by the students. “The president should be there for the students and the honorarium payment is not a wage.” Acting ASA President Arlene Frost agreed. “As I do not receive an honorarium or a wage, I do not think that $53,000 is appropriate for a student president. “I believe that it is important to recognise and compensate students for their time and efforts, but it

compliance. The students associations are independent entities. The university is always happy to provide advice and support but the students associations are independent entities.” – Assistant Vice-Chancellor External Relations, Cas Carter. Chapman’s position is part-time and, according to the president’s job description on the society’s website, “normal hours of work are five-and-a half hours per day, Monday to Friday”. The president is to be paid a fortnightly honorarium with a base of $18,000 plus $500 to $6000 based on experience. An allowance of up to $5000 is given for a personal computer and study costs. The total package should not exceed $31,000. Included in the president’s role is an expectation they will provide group advocacy, yet Chapman is getting paid $10,479 from the Service Level Agreement that that society has with the university, in addition to the base remuneration for the president to do this. MAWSA president Charlotte Webb receives no more than $24,000 per year, and the Albany Students’

revealed the society’s 2012 constitution was not registered under the Incorporated Societies Act. A 1997 version was the most recently registered, meaning all executive members had to be voted in via a postal system. The original executive was voted in electronically, as per the 2012 constitution. The 2012 version has since been re-registered. Chapman was issued a written warning for her behaviour by the original executive. The affiliate said Chapman described two out of the three co-opted executive as “good friends”. The affiliate also stated Chapman had, on a number of occasions, expressed a lack of knowledge of the base operations she was managing, that society staff were consistently ignorant of where she was, and that she had regularly failed to attend weekly meetings where the society team discussed their activities.

needs to be within reason. I would question whether $53,000 would be classed as within reason.” Acting MAWSA President Charlotte Webb said there was a moral issue to consider. “There is a moral issue in terms of the value being gained by the association in return for the payment. “Any remuneration and honorarium, or consultancy payments should be subject to formal approval processes. These processes exist in our association and it is not just for accountability, but also for transparency in being able to report the use of funds to the student body.” A student president was elected by the students to represent the students, she said. “They are not selected as a paid employee based on their professional merits like the [society] staff are, therefore the honorarium should not be reflective of market rate wages.

Association president is not currently paid any honorarium or wages at all. Stephan van Heerden, former ASA president, worked for over a year without payment. Money distributed by the university under Service Level Agreements is collected from students with their fees for the provision of services to students. The university accounts for what this collective amount goes towards in each Annual Report. As part of funds for media under the ministerial directive, the university pays a media grant to the society for its media and communication costs. The media grant for the society is supposed to go towards providing web support to the other three associations. The ASA currently do not receive web service from the extramural society. The extramural society budget is due to be released at its Annual General Meeting in September.

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WORLD DOMINATION: A HOBBY

BELLE GWILLIAM

Ever since I was a wee lass I have dreamt of one day taking over the world. I would dress up as super villains, some stolen from Digimon and Butt Ugly Martians. Others I dreamt up myself, hitting the streets, grabbing people’s ankles under park benches and pretending to be handicapped to embarrass my mum when she wouldn’t buy me candy. All the kids wanted to be Batman or Superman or Helen Clark, but I was going to be Rascal, ruler of the lands. For a while I dropped my dream, making way for my design degree and my part time job at the university bookshop, but I came to realise I needed a hobby - and Rascal was re-born. Did I have a bad upbringing or something? Admittedly I was not popular in primary school but I would never let that affect me as an adult. Why would you even bring it up? I don’t even care that you wouldn’t let me play with the cool kids. So do I want to kill anyone that gets in my way? Not really. I’m talking, filling people’s shoes with juice or putting people’s stuff in jelly, not killing someone, that’s way too scary.

I’m a Super Villain from a kids show not a murderer. But I may start an army. I mean, why not? So why does this concern you? Because I want you, to help me take over the world. Hobbies are no fun when you are alone and hey, there must be other rascals out there with the same passion I have. Of course, I wouldn’t let this get in the way of your study and if something came up I’d try not to get offended. What do you think? What would your Villain name be? How would you do it? What would your costume look like and what would your catch phrase be? Email me at Rascal.United@gmail.com your ideas. I’ll acknowledge everyone and anyone with the same passion I have. Maybe together we can fill your flatmate’s shampoo with mayonnaise or, maybe, start an army if there are enough of us. The aim is world domination and once we’ve achieved that, well, nothing. Who wants that responsibility? It’s all about the journey anyway.

MASSIVE IN SHORT

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ALBANY LOC AL NOTICES

RE-ORIENTATION

For the first week back into semester, the Albany Students’ Association and Student Life put together a fun week for students actually back at school. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday guaranteed a free lunch and some tunes to listen to over the lunch period. MASSIVE was out on Clubs’ Day manning the sausage sizzle and having some yarns to a diverse group of students. There were competitions and prizes on tap and activities for students to engage with and connect with one another. In addition to their work with re-orientation, ASA pulled off a pajama party at Albany Village and Valley Bar. The party that took place on July 18 was initially planned to happen at The Ferguson, however, less than a week before the party was planned, The Ferguson reportedly pulled the plug on the event leaving the ASA to sort out a lastminute alternative plan. When MASSIVE asked The Ferguson about what had happened, they declined to comment. ASA acting president Arlene Frost said she was happy the way the event turned out in the end and “couldn’t have asked for a better result”. THE STORY MINT

The Story Mint CEO and founder Suraya Dewing will be conducting a free writing workshop on August 14 on campus. Hosted by the Massey Association of Communications Students, this event will be beneficial to any student, writer, or lecturer, as there is always room for improvement. The Story Mint, launched on April 13, has grown enormously in a short time frame. A publishing company that works with writers from concept to publication, it is a new, innovative form of publishing that has seen people all around the world donating their time and expertise. Based at the Ecentre on

Massey Albany Campus, its community of writers and readers provide feedback and encouragement to all members, whether bloggers, essay writers, students or creative fiction authors. Dewing will be going through examples of work volunteered by members of the MACS group to analysis and improve. There will be refreshments and a chance to speak with Dewing after the workshop. Details of the event will be given on the MACS Facebook page. ALBANY STUDENTS: A CUT ABOVE

An ex-builder’s brainwave to make a dust-free fibre cement cutter has landed him a $5000 study bursary at uni, and a place on the Ecentre Sprint programme to develop his idea further. David Mountain, a Bachelor of Engineering student on the Albany campus, won this year’s Go Innovate! competition with his invention that makes cutting sheets of fibre cement less dangerous, dusty and noisy. The judges felt his invention was “truly innovative”, with nothing like it currently available. They were also impressed with a video he produced of his prototype in action. Mountain said, when he was a builder, he was always looking for better ways to do things. “That could be frustrating for the people who I was working with who just wanted me to do what I was told,” he said. “But this is a product that I would definitely have loved to have had when I was a builder.” Mountain, who had always wanted to be an inventor, said taking out the Go Innovate! competition had been an emotional experience. “It’s quite emotional for me because, when I was 18, I didn’t think I was smart enough to be an engineer. So this is the realisation of a dream for me,

to be able to design something and see it turned into a real product. I want to spend my life doing this kind of stuff.” He was looking forward to working with the Ecentre to develop his product further and was open to partnering with a major construction company in the future, he said. He was confident that his design could also be adapted to cut sheet steel products. Encouraging more students to get involved, Ecentre chief executive Steve Corbett said it had been “a buzz and an honour” to judge the competition. “This competition is the best use of your time while you’re at university. You learn so much and there are so many people willing to get in behind you. It’s a real part of the Albany campus that you should embrace and be part of,” he said. Now in its fourth year, Go Innovate!, run by the Business Student Group, is open to any Massey Albany student with an innovate idea with real business potential. The competition aims to foster innovation and entrepreneurship, while helping students to build cross-college relationships and connections with the local business community. ASA BALL

The yearly ball will be held on Saturday, August 24. This year the Albany Students’ Association has a team of dedicated students mixed with University staff working together, planning an evening to be enjoyed by all. It is hoped to have a live band followed by a DJ to take you dancing into the early hours of the morning. Tickets will be cheap and will include a light supper and entertainment for the night. There will also be a cash bar for those wishing to indulge a little. For more details about the ball, check out the ASA Facebook page. Tasmin Wheeler

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MANAWATU LOC AL NOTICES

STAY SWEATY, PALMY A new club on the Massey Manawatu campus founded by five aviation mates has students getting hot and steamy – literally. The Massey Spa and Sauna Society, founded in May, encourages “a friendly and social environment for students to sit in a sauna and share thoughts on world peace and life’s big questions”. The idea to form a club originated when Max

SEXUAL HARRASSMENT – A PALMY PROBLEM? Palmerston North Women’s Health Collective is concerned about an apparent growing attitude that young women are to blame for being sexually harassed. Spokesperson Jean Hera said some people still seemed to believe women were bringing the behaviour on themselves. “There is still the perspective out there that women

MICROWAVE MISCOMMUNICATION With a gale blowing through the concourse on campus, and the rain drenching me the minute I step outside of the library, I battle my way across to the dining hall, my trusty can of soup in my hand. Mouth-watering at the thought of warming myself up from the inside out, I turn the corner to the microwaves and am stopped in my tracks – the stainless steel bench stares back at me, empty of any microwaves. With no

Hanna and his mates attended their first sauna at local swimming centre, the Lido. “Six of us thoroughly enjoyed the social setting and tranquility of the sauna. The idea just sprung into mind to get more people involved and potentially score a cheaper deal for us,” Hanna, now Vice-President, said. The club already has an impressive 54 members, who enjoy sharing unclothed tales on Sunday evenings. Some of the most interesting stories came from old, wrinkly men, Hanna said. “The more wrinkles, the better the stories and generally, the hairier the balls.” The stories were endless. At a sauna it was impossible to avoid hearing such numbing adventures, Hanna said. Although sauna-ing may sound like a fairly safe sport, it has, in at least one incident, proved fatal. In 2010, after the death of one finalist and the near-death of another in Finland, the World Sauna Championships were disbanded. Vladimir Ladyzhenskiy died from third degree burns after enduring temperatures above 110C.

shouldn’t dress in a way that encourages this and that they should not walk home alone,” she said. According to an online survey by StopStreetHarassment.org, the most common forms of harassment are leering, honking, sexist comments, and being followed. Over 20 per cent of respondents said they were assaulted. A Police report released in April says there were 58 sexually related offences recorded in Palmerston North last year. Student Sarah Moody, 22, said the belief that women were to blame was clearly wrong. “Most of the time [I’ve been harassed] I’ve either just been walking or stationary. I haven’t done anything. I’m just there.” Being harassed made her feel like a “bit of an object”, she said. Student Lisa Swinbanks, 20, said she was harassed 4 - 5 times a week. Once she was walking to UCOL when she was harassed by a group of men in a car. “They told me to ‘come here’ and were kissing in my direction… I just kept

money to purchase food, I slowly back away, thinking about what I would do to make it through the day, while my stomach growls angrily. This unfortunately was not a one-off occurrence. The microwaves provided by the Massey University Student Association were removed during semester one. Palmerston North is not the warmest of places, and contemplating bringing salads and sandwiches for the rest of the semester is not appealing in the slightest. A lack of communication as to who was accountable for the cleanliness of the microwaves was the downfall and the reason for why they were removed. Although MUSA president Steven Christodoulou says health and safety standards were never broken, he believes it was just not good for the students. After all, who wants to heat their food in a dirty microwave? The service provided by MUSA had come with an assumed responsibility of the three parties involved - Massey, the students and MUSA - as to who would maintain them, Christodoulou said. “Well that’s the thing, nobody really knew – they

Hanna said the club had enlisted an experienced health advisor to ensure the safety of members was never compromised. Sauna-ing was beneficial for students’ health, particularly when it came to curing hang-overs. “After extensive personal experience, we can all vouch for the wondrous abilities of a sauna to rid us of the aftermath of a well endured evening,” he said. “We have the safety and wellbeing of our fellow students closest at heart and are therefore on a quest to spread the cure among the campus.” Another benefit is the large discount members get on admission into the Lido: members are entitled to a discount of over 50 per cent ($4 off-peak, $6 peak). The club meets at least once a week, but Hanna said, “there’s nothing stopping students from sauna-ing any other time of the week with a group of sweaty friends!” Yvette Morrissey

walking… “One of the guys said ‘we’ll follow her’… They followed me until I met up with a guy friend… I was really frightened.” Cleaner Terri McMeikan, 21, said street harassment was a really big problem” in Palmerston North. Anti-harassment organisation Hollaback, launched in Wellington in 2011, is the only group in New Zealand combatting street harassment against women. Its website has a forum where women can share their experiences with readers, with tips for bystanders to help women being harassed. Hera said bystanders often ignored street harassment. “[Bystanders] put the problem onto women rather than the perpetrators.” The Women’s Health Collective said it was sure more could be done by the council and police to prevent sexual harassment on Palmerston North’s streets. Rhianne Tod

assumed that they would be cleaned by somebody – hoping the reliability would fall onto Massey.” Good news is on the way however, with the microwaves’ imminent return. Students will now be responsible for their cleaning, with Christodoulou believing a simple paper towel placement before heating, or a quick 10 second wipe down afterwards is surely manageable. Cleaning products will be provided. Christodoulou says, “if they “don’t get kept clean, they will get taken away again – that’s a promise”. “As your president, I will go down there once a week and make sure they are kept up to a clean standard.” Rachel Purdie

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RADIO CONTROL TOP 10 1. FAT FREDDY’S DROP - RUSSIA [NZ] - DAVE’S 3 WORD REVIEW “THEY AREN’T RUSSIAN”

2. GROUPLOVE - WAYS TO GO 3. LORDE - TENNIS COURT [NZ] 4. ARCTIC MONKEYS - DO I WANNA KNOW 5. LADI6 - SHINE ON [NZ] 6. THE NATIONAL - SEA OF LOVE 7. RACKETS - SEPARATOR [NZ] 8. YEAH YEAH YEAHS - DESPAIR 9. KANYE WEST - NEW SLAVES 10. MIA - BRING THE NOISE

MASSIVE LOCAL NOTICES

WELLINGTON LOC AL NOTICES

STUDENTS RATTLED Massey University appears to have got off lightly in last months’ big 6.5 magnitude quake.Among 35 buildings damaged in and about the CBD, Massey’s Adelaide Road campus, which houses the College of Health Studies, suffered a cracked window and lost the cover of a fluorescent light. Massey University communications director James Gardiner said the building was initially thought to only comply 27 per cent with building codes, falling short of

chased by security, has also come to the attention of Tussock staff. Massey student Hannah McKee said the man, looking dirty and unkempt, appeared to be homeless. Massey student Tyler Dixon said via the official MASSIVE Facebook page that Craig claimed to be a music student. “LOL,” she said. Tussock employee Kate Gill said Craig came into the cafe without much money and asking for credit, and could be aggressive. He kept pointing to things that

STUDENTS GETTING ON THE CLUBS BUZZ A re-orientation week gathering on campus of Massey clubs on July 24, showcasing what they had to offer, lacked the excitement of earlier events, students say. Journalism Master’s student Kirsty Lawrence said the clubs’ day “seemed to fall a bit short”. Despite the lack of numbers, there was still a wide variety of clubs on offer, the 23-year-old said. “[But] it’s nice to have a day like this where all the

minimum requirements by 6 per cent. But after a more detailed assessment was conducted, the building was said to comply by 40 per cent. Nevertheless, it was a leased building, and Massey planned to move out of it by the end of the year, he said. After the quake, engineers had completed a full inspection of the Wellington campus, which found damage to be “minimal”. The university was structurally sound, he said, in large part because the buildings were on a “very solid bit of rock”. Officials decided to close the campus on the first student day after the earthquake as a precautionary measure, he said. “We could not be sure of the damage on the Sunday night and needed to make a full assessment when it was light.” Massey has been criticised by some students and staff for the time it took to inform students the campus would be closed on the Monday. MFA student Deanna Dowling said she found the school closure to be inconvenient, but had alleviated the

were well over $4, she said. “He kept asking whether he could pay us back.” He would occasionally intimidate customers, she said. MaWSA president Charlotte Webb said student safety was a priority at Massey Wellington. “We don’t hold it against people for being homeless but, at the same time, we don’t want them intimidating students,” she said. Those kinds of problems were not unique to Massey but were reflective of broader issues surrounding mental health issues in the community. MAWSA informally refuses to give free merchandise to non-students, she said.

clubs can stand together on equal footing and students are not pressured to join the most popular.” MAWSA clubs development officer Anna Hobman said she was worried the weather would turn people away from the event. The whole vibe at a counterpart day in February was a lot better and there had been more excitement, she said. Although the turnout was not as significant as in February, there was really good feedback and “everyone was really stoked”, she said. “People were really interested and I’m really happy about that.” The event had cost no more than $500. New club, the Massey University Young Feminists, were doing really well and had over two sheets of signups on the day, Hobman said. Young Feminists member Izzy O’Neill said the group was a safe place for like-minded people to share and learn about feminism. Fellow member Chelsea Gooch said the group aimed to be really inclusive.

feeling by celebrating with friends. “A group of us were really shaken up. When we found out Massey was closed we decided to eat and drink the blues away,” she said. Among other students shaken up in the quake, Master’s student Mary Nichols said the earthquake was “freaking terrifying”. She had packed her bags and evacuated her home on Willis Street, she said. “My building was rumbling even before it started shaking. I thought I was going to die. “I thought this is my time. I’ve lived a good life.”

fantasy saga. Fine Arts student Robbie Hancock said he was tired of the Lord of the Rings saga. “Not another bloody Frodo film, please Lord, help me,” he said. Hancock was incorrect in his assumption that the movie was Peter Jackson-related. Premier attendee and Massey journalism student Aimee Gulliver said it was exciting to see the likes of Peter Jackson, as well as actors Martin Freeman, Benedict Cumberbatch, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost. “It was a delightful soiree and the free refreshments were scrummy,” she said. The World’s End tells the story of five childhood friends who try to relive an epic pub-crawl but have to save humankind along the way. The film is the third installment of Edgar Wright’s trilogy of comedies, following Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

BUM MAN RUNS AMUCK AT MASSEY A 65-year-old-looking, gray ponytailed man, seen bellowing obscenities from the Massey University entrance E car park last month, has been upsetting students. The behavior of the man, commonly known as Craig, who escaped into a bush near Tasman Street after being

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ACTUAL FAMOUS PEOPLE COME TO MIDDLE EARTH International starlets gathered at the Embassy this month for the self-proclaimed “premier of the year”, The World’s End. But at least one student spoken to was wary of going to what he believed was another epic

“We want everyone to get involved. You don’t have to be a white woman to join.” MAWSA reorientation included performances by Shapeshifter, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, comedy shows, an Andy Warhol exhibition at Te Papa and a student forum on campus. ARTY MASSEY PROFESSOR TAKES ON ITALY Whiti o Rehua School of Art head Associate Professor Heather Galbraith has been appointed Commissioner of New Zealand’s presentation at the 2015 Venice Biennale in Italy. She served as Deputy Commissioner for New Zealand this year, after performing the same role in 2009. The Arts Council will call for proposals from established New Zealand visual artists and curatorial teams to present their work in Italy in 2015.

MASSIVE LOCAL NOTICES

WHO TO PICK A BONE WITH? THEPSYCHOACTIVESUBSTANCESBILL NEW ZEALAND ANIMAL LOVERS ARE OUTRAGED WITH THE NEWS LEGAL HIGHS COULD BE TESTED ON ANIMALS. MORGAN LEE INVESTIGATES WHETHER THE PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCES BILL WILL LEAD TO ANIMALS SUFFERING.

They say a dog is a man’s best friend. For centuries humans have embraced the species “Canis lupus familiaris” - commonly known as the domestic dog. Dogs are trusting and extremely loyal to their human families, but what if we were to exploit this trust? This could be the case: members of the New Zealand public have been outraged outraged by new government legislation that could lead to legal high companies testing their substances on animals, specifically dogs. On July 11, the Psychoactive Substances Bill passed its third and final reading in parliament. After scrutinising the bill, some came out strongly against it, others delighted with it, before, in the end it won the support of 119 members. Only one member voted against. WHAT IS THE PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCES BILL?

The Psychoactive Substances Bill monitors and manage the manufacturing, selling and distribution of legal high products in New Zealand. Companies that supply the public with products will be required to carefully test them, the onus on them to determine whether they are safe for human consumption. The concern is not whether these “legal highs” should or should not be regulated: the decision to use is up to the individual. Rather, the argument centres around the possibility that, with the passing of this legislation and the Health Ministry currently working out testing methods, legal high companies could test their drugs on animals. In New Zealand there are legal high companies that already test their products on rodents. Now many are urging those in power to find alternative testing methods that would not involve animals, even the often-belittled rats and mice.

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The government has given the bill the official tick of approval, but many feel the law was passed without enough public discussion, that there could have been better research and more evidence gathered. The New Zealand Anti-Vivisection Society, which researched the effects of animal testing and secured expert advice, says its views were not given a fair hearing. The society had sent a submission to the National Party members of the select committee, which was disregarded and sent back unread. United Future MP Peter Dunne announced he would form a specialist committee to research animal testing in December 2012, but it wasn’t until May 2013, days before the submissions’ period closed, that he actually received professional advice surrounding the animal testing. He did seek consultation from professionals, however, with the time restrictions, further research wasn’t possible. Anti-Vivisection national office manager Stephen Manson says the society has no opinion regarding the distribution of legal high products. Its worries are that animals might be exploited and tested in the process of companies making the products. “We’re only concerned with the testing aspect as long as they insist on requiring the drug manufacturers to use animals in order to get their products approved for sale.” The society did not support a complete ban as it could lead to more testing on animals, he says. “We did not propose a ban as an option as this would not negate the need for animal testing totally. “In the past, when drugs have been added to the list of banned substances under the Misuse of Drugs Act, animal testing has been done to investigate the possible harm done. For example [recreational drug Benzylpiperazine]BZP had been tested on rats in Otago in the led up to its prohibition. We could

never support calls for a ban when this could be the result.” The legislation of the new bill was impulsively authorised, Manson says. “Passing legislation in a hurry without all the facts is a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately though, in this case, that disaster will be paid for with animal suffering and death.” Many members of the public are disgusted with the new legislation, as a result starting various petitions against the testing of legal high substances on animals. One in particular, “Leave animals out of legal high testing” - prepared by the society, SAFE New Zealand and Royal New Zealand SPCA received substantial support. The petition read: “We, the undersigned, respectfully request that the New Zealand Parliament includes a clause specifically prohibiting animal testing in any proposed legislation aimed at the regulation of Psychoactive Substances (“party pills” or “legal highs”).” With so many against the legislation, many opponents of the bill were certain the government would listen. Green Party member and animal lover Mojo Mathers was given the task of delivering the petition to parliament. In a “Dogs’ Day blog” (May 31) she says, “Many people made a submission to the Health Select Committee on this issue but the chair ruled them all out of scope, so none of their submissions were heard by the MPs discussing the bill.” She supports the Psychoactive Substances Bill, but says she hopes the government will rule out testing any of the legal high products on animals. “The bill does not set out to test on animals, it sets out to recognise the sale of low-risk psychoactive drugs, and requires sellers to provide proof of safety.” Mathers has since submitted an amendment suggesting all testing on animals be ruled out completely. However Dunne and independent

MASSIVE FEATURE

“PASSING LEGISLATION IN A HURRY WITHOUT ALL THE FACTS IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. UNFORTUNATELY THOUGH, IN THIS CASE, THAT DISASTER WILL BE PAID FOR WITH ANIMAL SUFFERING AND DEATH.”

MP Brendan Horan both voted against the Greens’ amendment. Political parties supporting the amendment were: Labour, Greens, Māori, Mana, and ACT leader John Banks. If the legal high companies of New Zealand were to test on rodents and other animals, who’s to say the results would be accurate? SAFE executive director Hans Kriek, says animal testing wouldn’t provide certain results. “Testing psychoactive drugs on animals will not provide assurances that these drugs are safe for humans anyway.” An Auckland family advocating recently for animal rights in New Zealand (the Taylors: Pete, Deanne, Chloe and William), believe other alternative testing methods offer more accuracy. “There are significant biological differences between people and animals and therefore animal testing does not provide a reliable prediction of the outcome in humans.” They suggest the following alternative research methods be used: human cell-based, in-vitro (test tube) toxicity screening, and/or A 3-D in vitro (test tube) human “liver”, which would help understand how the human body breaks down particular chemicals, such as those in legal high products. Animal rights advocate Chloe Taylor says the alternative options are the only way to go. “If these options cost more, increase the price of party pills,” she says. Chloe was the organiser of the July 27 “Orewa Against Animal Testing” march. Orewa marcher Lisa Gibbons, who protested alongside more than 300 others, says she is in disbelief. She cannot understand why the government and those in power will not listen to the people opposing the bill.

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“Humans call themselves the intelligent species but I sometimes have to wonder who on earth decided we deserve such a label,” she says. She believes the legal high companies are just telling the public what they want to hear. After viewing footage of animals being tested elsewhere, she adds: “What upset me the most when I watched it all, was the technicians patting the dogs, being kind to them. “Those dogs wagged their tails affectionately. They’d of course do anything for their human. Unbeknown to them ,they were about to be injected with a lethal dose of a drug.” Legal high companies approached by MASSIVE however, say, even if it was made legal to test on animals, they wouldn’t. On its website the Star Trust, describes itself as: “A non profit, NGO that advocates for regulatory systems which are evidence based and nurture harm minimisation, whilst also respecting an individuals right to access social tonics deemed low risk and sold legally”. Trust general manager Grant Hall says the industry is against using animals. “The industry strongly opposes animal testing and does not foresee it ever happening in New Zealand in regards to party pills.” His organisation does test legal high substances on any animals, he says. But in the Star Trust video, “No Animal Testing” he says: “We demand and in fact we insist that it’s done to the highest ethical standards and that no rodent will suffer”. He goes on to explain that should a rodent perish they will die in, “humane conditions certainly a lot more humane than what you would do to a rat if you found it in your kitchen and obviously a lot more humane than the standard mouse trap”.

He also says: “we suggest any efforts to save animals should be directed at cosmetics’ companies that actually do animal testing rather than a clause in a bill that will never be used.” But that is a different injustice to animal rights. AUTHOR FOOTNOTE

It is obvious that no good can come from testing legal highs on animals, regardless of whether or not a company decides to test on animals - the possibility needs to be completely abolished. No animal whether it be a dog or a rodent should suffer for the sake of a temporary legal high. The possibility of testing on dogs is particularly upsetting. The Valley Animal Research Centre, which closed in December, 2011, tested beagles. Why beagles? This breed is known for its laid back and compliant nature. Through the efforts of protesters and animal advocates groups such as “Helping you help animals”, some of the centre’s animals are starting to finding adoptive homes. The reality that legal high companies could test substances on animals is distressing. However, the public can help. A Facebook page called “STOP Party Pill Testing on Animals NZ” was created in order to organise marches all over New Zealand. If you or anyone you know may be interested in marching for animal rights, you should visit the social media page. Marches were held in New Zealand towns on July 30 in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, Palmerston North, Tauranga, Hamilton, Queenstown, Taupo, Dunedin, Levin, Invercargill, Kerikeri and Timaru. The protesters say they won’t stop until the law is changed.

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ECSTASY:“IT’SBADBUTIDON’TCARE” DEADLY AND ILLEGAL, IT IS HIGHLY SOUGHT-AFTER BY PARTYGOERS, YET WITH LITTLE REGULATION. RACHEL PURDIE GIVES THE LOW-DOWN ON ECSTASY, THE DRUG FAST BECOMING A NECESSITY FOR A GOOD NIGHT OUT ALONGSIDE HIGH HEELS AND DRESS SHOES.

Concocted in garages converted into laboratories, or perhaps designed in a slightly more upmarket stainless steel conversion – one can never be too sure where the drug originates. Unless there at its creation, how can anyone know who made it, what went in it, and how many people were involved in the process along the way? Ecstasy. The street name for methylenedioxymethamphetamine, or MDMA. According to Drug Foundation NZ, it has become one of the most commonly used recreational drugs throughout New Zealand. However, just because it is common, doesn’t mean people are aware of what it actually is. Ingested orally as a pill or crushed up and snorted, the purity of, or the type of ingredients contained in the pills, are always unknown – one can differ from the next easily. A study was conducted in Australia in 2011, where researchers attended a party where people believing they were taking ecstasy, agreed to be monitored. Out of 56 who participated, only half of the pills taken consisted entirely of MDMA. Others contained mixed chemicals alongside the drug, and some contained no level of MDMA at all. So what exactly were they taking? Talking to three users, the attitude towards ecstasy in today’s society, especially among youth, seems to be one of naivety. They don’t seem to know, they don’t seem to care, and they don’t want to know. They have a common goal: to a have a good night. However, ingesting an unknown chemical combination, produced by who knows who, at who knows where, is risky, to put it mildly. The three, one unknowingly because of the influence of alcohol, one an occasional user, and one a regular taker of the drug, all experienced effects that ecstasy brings with it. However, these effects varied among them. One

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cause for this is the diverse chemicals that could have been chosen for this particular “batch”. The Drug Foundation says effects “can depend on a consumer’s state of mind, or psycho-social ‘make-up’”. The reported effects it has compiled include: insomnia, paranoia, and difficulty concentrating, to name a few. This isn’t just the next day – it says the “come-down” from ecstasy use can last several days. Alice, the occasional dabbler in the drug, agrees state of a mind is a big factor. “Not being in a good environment, or being in a bad mood to begin with, can completely change how it feels.” Vicky, the regular user, says she has never been concerned about her safety because she has had control over dosage. “You can be smart about it. Staying hydrated and all that, knowing when enough’s enough.” But when is enough, enough? And how would a first time user know? The simple answer is, they wouldn’t. It is a dangerous gamble, a gamble which some people may lose. This lack of a serious attitude towards a deadly issue is brought into the spotlight only now and again, perhaps when a celebrity is involved, such as with the recent death of Glee actor Corey Monteith, or when something happens locally or nationally that causes an uproar. One such occurrence was a “fake ecstasy” incident, taking place less than two years ago in Auckland. Several were submitted to hospital after they took what they believed to be ecstasy, but wasn’t, yet still resulted in highly aggressive and agitated behaviour. This was not just for one night. The effects continued for two weeks, with sedation needed for the patients throughout this period. For many, this could be the worst thing they would experience from ecstasy.

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OUT OF THE 56 PEOPLE WHO PARTICIPATED, ONLY HALF OF THE PILLS THEY HAD TAKEN ENTIRELY CONSISTED OF MDMA. OTHERS CONTAINED MIXED CHEMICALS ALONG WITH MDMA, AND SOME CONTAINED NO LEVELS OF MDMA AT ALL. SO WHAT EXACTLY WERE THESE PEOPLE TAKING?

Alice recalls a friend’s worst experience – how she hated life, cried uncontrollably, and developed paranoia to the point Alice even contemplated calling an ambulance. Vicky classes her worst experience somewhat differently: “Worst experience I had was when the pill didn’t work and it was the ultimate waste of $50!” This from someone who used to be a regular user, someone who has “done E too many times to count”. The National Institute on Drug Abuse says the popularity of the drug could in part be because of the positive effects experienced. Vicky agrees, saying she takes it because it makes her feel good. “I love the energy and high you get from it. You just have so much of a better time on it. The energy means you can keep going all night.” Lacey, the unwitting user, found out two months later from friends what she had taken. Under the influence of alcohol at the time, she did not even recall she had taken part in a drug dropping. She had been lost, and stumbled into a portable toilet with friends of a friend. They offered, she partook. It could have been anything. They could have been anyone. Lacey considers herself lucky. Her experience is different from the other two users, in that she did not intentionally plan on taking it. She remembers thinking she was literally bouncing around, and that she was at the other end of the North Island from where she was. Vicky, by comparison, was once on such a high that she went out clubbing despite having a broken knee, ending her night at 6.30am, but protesting she wanted to keep the party going. A concerning factor impacting on attitudes towards possession and consumption of ecstasy is that the penalties hanging over it are not hefty. “I’ve never been worried about the illegalities, because the cops seem more concerned about the dealers than the users,” Vicky says. Belonging to the Class B1 of drug classification, the penalties can vary hugely. At one end of an unbalanced scale is the penalty for importing, manufacturing or supplying, for which one can MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ

receive a maximum of 14 years imprisonment. At the other end of the scale, is the possibility of up to three months inside a jail cell and a monetary fine of up to $500. It is not just these consequences users need to be aware of, but also the effects well after a night has ended. Even those who take it seem unaware of, or do not care about, the longterm effects. “I don’t know any information whatsoever; I only know what it’s made of,” Lacey says. Alice: “I know it’s bad but I don’t care.” Vicky, though, knows a little about longer-term, harmful effects after experiencing them herself. “My memory is turning to mush so I have stopped taking so much of it. The shakes and depression are pretty shit too,” she says. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, taking MDMA, “affects the brain by increasing the activity of at least three neurotransmitters (the chemical messengers of brain cells): serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine.” Through long-term use, such as in Vicky’s case, this increased activity occurring repeatedly can have negative effects. Studies show some people using MDMA substantially can experience “long lasting confusion, depression, and selective impairment of working memory and attention processes”. Where do people get this negatively impacting drug, illegal contraband? Vicky says she only gets hers from “friends and family”. That’s because, “Your friends and family won’t sell you shit drugs.” In a twisted way, there may be some level of assurance in buying something illegal from people you know and trust. However, where did they get it from in the first place? It’s a vicious circle, with everyone either left wondering or uncaring. This uncaring attitude of users and suppliers can easily turn into ignorance. And once you are ignorant of something that can hurt you, then you are just hurting yourself. *Names have been changed to protect users’ identities.

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PREVENTATIVE BOTOX: AGEDEFYINGORPOINTLESSNEEDLES? PEOPLE AS YOUNG AS 18 ARE GETTING NEEDLES TO THE FACE IN FEAR OF AGING, AND THE NUMBERS ARE RISING. SHOULD SOCIETY BE WORRIED? YASMINE JELLYMAN INVESTIGATES.

Botox is becoming increasingly popular among young women as a means of preventing their youthful skin from aging. An Australian study reported in the Daily Mail in May found that the number of women in the age group of 18-35 using Botox, which temporarily paralyzes the muscles beneath the skin, had risen 10 per cent in just one year. More people are getting Botox for preventative reasons, like a new craze for people to jump on the bandwagon. There are also celebrity influences. We see our favourite celebrities do it so we want to do it too. We see images in magazines, making us feel self-conscious about ourselves and we want to look like the people in the glossy magazines. Botox has become very much like teeth whitening. Twenty years ago few people did it but, as it became more widely available and more people knew about it, it became popular. In an interview with fashion website thegloss. com, dermatologist Stephen Bracci said for younger people, the decision to get Botox was usually because they wanted to enhance their appearance – to relax muscles in their forehead so they can arch their eyebrows, or because they wanted to keep their skin looking young. The latter was an issue of prevention: the earlier you start getting Botox the less wrinkling you get later in life. The older you get, the more you’re doing it just to treat those wrinkles; the younger you are, the more you’re doing to prevent them from occurring. While the majority of individuals who get Botox injections are older than 35, doctors say the antiaging treatment is becoming more popular among men and women in their 20’s as well. According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery more than 370,000 individuals (15.2 per cent) between the ages of 19 and 34 underwent this popular non-surgical procedure in 2010. The drug treats migraines, muscle spasms and is most commonly used to treat crow’s feet, laugh lines and other facial wrinkles by temporarily paralyzing the muscles that cause them. MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ

Some doctors say that many of the younger patients getting Botox don’t yet need it to eliminate fine lines and wrinkles. Instead, they’re getting the treatment to try and avoid the wrinkles from forming in the first place. Physicians have had patients that have been getting preventative Botox for more than a decade with great results and few side effects. However, there is no proof that Botox injections can “prevent” wrinkles. Using Botox for preventative reasons doesn’t mean you’ll have to use less. How much is needed depends on the individual, not their age.Botox works by blocking muscle movement. To relax someone’s muscle takes the same amount at 20 or 50. Dosages would not change with age, it would just be more dependent on what worked best for each individual. The drug’s effects are temporary and must be repeated every three to six months for the best results. There can also be other side effects related to long-term Botox treatment. In the Daily Mail report, dermatologist Dr Jeanine Downie says, “while the treatment at such a young age remains a point of debate, studies show that starting early has the advantage of preventing wrinkles from occurring altogether. “If you don’t crease the envelope, you’ll never get the line, you’ll never have the crack or the crease.” Some doctors prefer giving the injections only to women over 30, but the precautions of medical professionals haven’t stopped young women from flocking to get the injections. The Daily Mail says, of 6.1million Botox injections performed in 2012, almost 100,000 were for patients in their twenties. Still, other experts claim the treatments do more harm than good. The president of the British Association of Plastic Surgeons, for example, refuses to give Botox to women under 30. And a review by German researchers, reported in the Journal of Neural Transmission, found that many women who over-use the injections - which cost around $200 per session - are developing an immunity.

Clinical psychologist Dr Nanine Ewing warns that getting Botox at a young age can potentially be damaging to the psyche, if it develops into an addiction. The Daily Mail: “Women who begin that really early can get caught up in needing more and more and continuing to seek that external sense of how am I doing, is this enough.” Bracci says one of the main side effects of Botox is bruising, which typically goes away quickly. Another is droopy eyelids, which generally go away within a few weeks. None of these side effects are permanent. Even after a decade of treatment, doctors see a diminishment in wrinkles, not an increase. It is not just the ladies getting on the Botox bandwagon. While women have long been held to a higher aging standard than guys, it appears that gap may be closing. According to a study in Cosmetic Dermatology, the number of men getting Botox injections has skyrocketed 258 percent over the past decade or so. Lead study author Whitney Bowe, assistant medical director for cosmetic and laser services at Advanced Dermatology P. C. in Ossining, New York, says in a mensfitness.com health report that, “My male patients are much more open and proactive about their appearance-related concerns now. “Male patients who have tried Botox look better, feel better, and believe it gives them a competitive edge. There’s also less of a stigma associated with cosmetic procedures nowadays.” So what accounts for this huge shift? Well, metrosexuality and a quick fix with no downtime for starters, but it appears as though the economy is a major factor, too. “Men feel increasingly pressured to maintain a more attractive and youthful look in a highly competitive job market,” Bowe says. The study points out that a youthful appearance allows men - and women - to generate more revenue than their older looking peers, which is an important asset in a leaner workforce. “And if you are out of

work, it can give you an edge in finding a new job.” MASSIVE contacted several clinics who offer Botox to their clients to ask if they had patients as young as 18 and what they would offer. Vital Face and Vein said, “Botox is an extremely safe medicine when used correctly. It has extensive medical uses and is used in very young children to treat cerebral palsy and other muscular problems. It is used to treat migraines and excess sweating. “Some 18-year-olds habitually frown and some are developing deep furrows that young. It is not common to treat wrinkles in someone aged 18, but we would do so for the correct indications.” Plastic Surgical Masters says the decision to treat or not treat any given individual cannot be based solely on age. “Medical treatment decisions need to be balanced around multiple issues - patient comprehension, motivating factors, likelihood of success, treatment risks, co-morbidities, etc. “Blanket rules, e.g. no Botox to under 30 year olds, will lead to some patients with totally appropriate indications for treatment being excluded. Equally, when there is a low likelihood of impending issues - e.g. an otherwise healthy and normal 18 year old - it is likely treatment represents taking commercial advantage of the patient’s unrealistic fears, and counselling regarding skincare is more appropriate at that time.” The company says there are other, arguably less invasive and less expensive, things that can be done to help delay the onset of facial wrinkles. By the time a patient is in their mid-20s, particularly if they have a family tendency or have not been good to their skin, there are can be early lines starting to show and treatment can be very successful. “Given the fact they have lines, then it could be argued they should have started treatment sooner, i.e. in their young 20s. We are certainly approached on a regular basis by younger patients seeking to avoid facial wrinkles associated with repetitive muscle action, sometimes we treat and sometimes we don’t.”

But such patients do not make up a significant sector of the Botox market in New Zealand and the business had not picked up on a significant rise their numbers. “Frankly, like many things associated with plastic surgery and the fashion industry, I think this is a bit of a media beat-up. It is worth remembering that Botox can also be used to enhance certain facial features, even in younger patients, but this is quite different to using it to avoid wrinkles.” Vein and Skin Clinic: “We don’t have 18-yearolds coming in for Botox. Botox is a medication and should only be given in appropriate instances. So, for example, if a person came in for treatment of a strong frown movement creating a permanent line in their skin or headaches, it would be appropriate to treat them if they are a consenting adult.” Trinity Clinics: “As a professional standard we don’t administer to patients 18-years-old”. In the mensfitness.com’s article, Bowe says there are significant differences in the outcome of injectables in women and men, so males should choose a doctor experienced with male patients. They needed to take into account each patient’s muscle mass, muscle fibre pattern and hair distribution, according. “Although exact dosing regimens do not yet exist, there is widespread consensus that men require higher doses of Botox than their female counterparts,” he says. Bracci, in thegloss.com’s interview, says, “the major advice I have is that everyone has individual likes and dislikes. Try Botox in one small area first, and if you like it, you can try it again. “And don’t worry too much. You’re not making any long term decisions. In the rare cases where there’s a side effect it’s not long term. So if you don’t like it, it’s not going to be forever. “Personally, it makes no sense to me. You can get beauty products for cheaper if you are that worried about it. Age gracefully.”

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MASSIVE asked people what they thought about people as young as 18 getting preventative Botox. Jackson Anderson, 21: “I think 18 is a little young. If an 18-year-old is concerned with wrinkles then, I mean, that points toward mental insecurity, so maybe some sort of guidance would be good. If they really wanted to get something done they would be better off going for [exfoliation] Micro-dermabrasion or [Intense Pulse Light] IPL rejuvenation treatments. Most nurses who carry out Botox would probably not be willing to do much or anything to someone so young”. Stephanie Morrison, 21: “I don’t agree with 18! It’s too young. I also don’t think reputable cosmetic technicians would agree to treat someone so young! However, at 21 I’ve noticed the teeniest fine lines, I hate them and would definitely consider Botox to prevent them from getting worse, but not until I was about 25 or so! I use rosehip oil - I think they are only noticeable to me though, because I am super interested in makeup and stuff like that so I probably obsess about my face when doing my makeup, whereas other people probably wouldn’t even notice unless I pointed it out. “Hence I would still get Botox, but not until I’m a bit older when it becomes more obvious and more of a self-conscious thing.” Robyn Sorenson, 22: “The fact that anyone as young as 18 is even considering Botox is a pretty big indicator of how insecure the majority of people are about their appearance, and how much of an issue that really is. I’d skip pushing them toward safer ways to “avoid wrinkles”, and go straight to working on how much value they put into staying young. “Never in a thousand years would I opt for Botox. Everyone ages. It’s unavoidable. Age with grace and dignity. Every wrinkle is a mark of the life you’ve lived; wear ‘em with pride.”

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CHILDHOOD BLOODLUST IS A MEDIA WORLD OF CONSTANT VIOLENCE TURNING TODAY’S KIDS INTO NIHILISTIC MONSTERS? NURSING STUDENT JIMMY JANSEN COMPARES THE “GOOD OLD DAYS” OF HIS BULL RUSH-PLAYING YOUTH WITH A GENERATION BROUGHT UP IN FRONT OF SCREENS.

A playground is not a place you would expect to hear “I’m going to kill you”. Furthermore, you would not expect to see children charging around with “toys” that could be lawfully classified as shanks. Anyone would think a pleasant day at the park had become Lord of the Flies. Back in the 90’s, which I would consider the “good old days”, where coloured tracksuits were a thing and the Spice Girls were the band to idolise, we used to brutalise each other all the time! Chinese burns, sniffing Raro, the game “Slaps” and, of course, knuckle-pinching the tender flesh of other kid’s underarms – nothing made us squeal more! Games like “Bull Rush” were even promoted in schools! But was it more than a bit of normal “fistycuffs”? Did we threaten each other with death? Surely not… Grumbling, like a cantankerous old man, I continued past the playground with a bitter question on my mind - “when did the delightful youngsters of today become so violent?” Are we inadvertently raising and conditioning a generation of bloody nihilistic monsters? Or are kids just being their beastly selves? Considering all the angles, I thought I would start with the standard argument of every domesticated conservative with too much time on their hands: “it must be the video games.” In order to fully understand this argument, I thought it necessary to clock up several hours of game play. Suffice to say, after casting spells, incinerating enemies and decapitating dragons, I am officially an expert on the bloodlust that is gaming. In saying this, though I am a big boy now, I could not see nor understand the correlation between virtual carnage and realistic child’s play. Despite incredible advances in computer graphic design - back in my day it was 2D Commander Keen or

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Mario - in no way did it simulate realistic murder, death or killing. I am, however, an adult, so I asked an expert 11-year-old. It seemed to him that all bloodshed and simulated killing was simply a means to an end. “If I kill him I get all his stuff.” At the time I couldn’t decide if this dissociative mindset was a good thing or something more sinister. Is it that games, in the eyes of children, are indeed just mere entertainment? Or are they subtly influencing normal social interaction by encouraging manipulation, intimidation and brutality? In a wider context, violence in the media is also indicated by the American Psychological Association, as a casual factor for aggression in children. Whether that is a scary movie with blood, knives, severed limbs and screaming or an unnecessarily graphic news report with explosions, carnage and misery, it does not matter. Nightmares alone are evidence enough that children exposed to this kind of violence suffer, but is it possible to affirm a connection between violence in the media and a child’s ability to discern between right and wrong, violence and compassion, kindness and cruelty? Biologically, violent images and scenes initiate a stress response (fight or flight) thus releasing buckets of adrenaline which is exhilarating! Why else would we watch horror movies and play shoot’em’up games? As a wizened adrenaline junkie I can safely say that while it feels great, this boost undoubtedly inspires aggressive and defensive feelings, but surely, that is not enough to inspire a violent nature? Following along the media vein, it seems the younger generation are being persecuted by a combination of political correctness and media fear mongering. As a child, I loved hearing my father’s stories about playing “war” in the bush with the other

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WHETHER THAT IS A SCARY MOVIE WITH BLOOD, KNIVES, SEVERED LIMBS AND SCREAMING OR AN UNNECESSARILY GRAPHIC NEWS REPORT WITH EXPLOSIONS, CARNAGE AND MISERY, IT DOES NOT MATTER. NIGHTMARES ALONE ARE EVIDENCE ENOUGH THAT CHILDREN EXPOSED TO THIS KIND OF VIOLENCE SUFFER.

neighbourhood boys. “In the good old days” the odd broken bone and squealing child was no big deal. Boys will be boys after all. These days, however, any such behaviour would result in “family meetings”, “sit downs”, “time out’s”, apology letters and other means of guilt-based parenting. Naturally, people want to protect their “little darlings” but has it gone too far? To make matters worse, the media, including bloody movies, the evening news and of course social media, such as Facebook, is laden with hideous violence – even worse when it involves children. The Exorcist, for example, is a classic horror story that toys with the natural fear of corrupted innocence. When children are used in a violent manner to represent or embody evil, it goes against their natural innocence thus inspiring terror in the audience. In a more realistic sense, the news is completely saturated with children experiencing or committing violence. Child soldiers, for example, frequently make the headlines. As do school shootings. The Sandy Hook massacre was a recent atrocity that made international headlines for weeks. While these tragedies are certainly news worthy, they are not exactly new. In the USA alone, school shootings involving pupils date back to the 1860’s. One boy even went to his teacher’s house to murder him after finding out he wasn’t at school that day. In saying this though, the few that commit such acts are far from a fair representation of the youth of today. What is new however, is the availability of this information. The internet and other instant media avenues bombard us with information and fresh bloody news hot of the press. There is no wonder parents are tightening their grip. So that raises a further question – is violence in children increasing? Or is it fear inspired by information overload?

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Speaking of parental involvement, it is undeniable that parents influence their children – you get what you put in. Obviously, while my parents did an excellent job, sadly there are those who get it wrong and those who don’t even try. While I could talk about developmental milestones and child development theories, the general consensus is that if you love you child, tend to it and nurture it, they should blossom. Furthermore, children are sponges to what they are subjected to. Whilst it could be debated whether this includes scary movies and Grand Theft Auto, I was specifically referring to what they themselves see and live with. Serial killers, for example, are not necessarily “born” but more likely a product of their childhood. Eric W. Hickey, who developed Hickey’s Trauma Control Model explains that “early childhood trauma can set the child up for deviant behaviour in adulthood” – whether that escalates into homicidal behaviour is dependent on the trauma. “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent”Isaac Asimov. Therefore parents who are incompetent in some way and subject their child to violence simply perpetuate the vicious cycle. Commit monstrosities and create a monster. Excusing parents, the media, splatter movies and video games for a moment, as I sit here on my laptop, rifling through Facebook, checking my emails and cell phone every five minutes, sending a multitude of electronic messages and tweeting (#yolo), I mourn for the children who are a raised within the bright and buzzing yet completely inhumane social network. As a child of the 90s, I have a degree of insight into my own entanglement in “the matrix”. However, children of the electronic era not only stand to lose what being a child is but what being a human is. How

can anyone expect a child to behave compassionately and humanely when they have never had to? “Passion is all but tender: it is violence upon which you get hooked on by pleasure.” – Isabelle Adjani. Being passionate is what makes us human. Aligning passion and violence as one and the same thing is to accept that humans are naturally passionate and violent. Though we have made huge advances in so many areas, we are still slaves to our emotions. For thousands of years, humans have proven themselves bloody and vengeful – we remain imperfect and that is reflected through our children. While we can diagnose, politicise and seek to control it, we are still humans at the mercy of our own natures. If we want someone to blame for the corruption of youth, we need only look in the mirror. Some say it is the video games and horror movies. Others say it is exposure to violence whether that be physical, emotional, or sexual from parents (bad parenting). In terms of the media, as previously discussed, it presents such unmitigated brutality on such a regular basis it almost promotes it. But can we really say with absolute confidence that it was any one of these things? It takes more than one variable to make a bad egg. Children are simply reflections of their parents and society as a whole. Rather than denying responsibility for this, the most we can do is to know ourselves, accept ourselves and encourage kindness and compassion in our children. Make them aware of humanities limitations so they can actively seek to make a difference to themselves and their world. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” – Mahatma Ghandi. We could all learn from that, children included.

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BY THE WAYSIDE M A S S I V E P H O T O G R A P H I C F E AT U R E : H A R R Y C U LY A JOURNE Y THROUGH THE REMOTE ANTIPODE AN ISLES OF AOTE AROA .

THIS PROJECT (ALONG WITH THE ACCOMPANYING BOOK) WILL BE EXHIBITED AT PHOTOSPACE GALLERY ON COURTENAY PLACE IN LATE JAN 2014. W W W. H A R R YC U LY. CO M

MASSIVE PHOTOGRAPHIC FEATURE BY THE WAYSIDE – HARRY CULY

ADVENTURES OF A SOLONAUGHT “AKIN TO SITTING ON A CUSHION OF LAVA”. SITTING CROSS-LEGGED, 11 HOURS A DAY, HAZEL GRAY EXPERIENCES THE PLEASURES OF VIPASSANA MEDITATION.

When most people have their university holidays they opt to stay in their city and work, or if money allows, travel to exotic and isolated corners of the country like Tauranga, Porirua, or Hamilton. They might laze on the beach, take on ocean kayaking or just flop around on their couches at home. Me, I decided to check myself in to something analogous to a prison camp: 4am starts, 11 hour days, no food after 12pm, and no form of human interaction allowed. Why? To reach the source, man. To tap into the universal and collective consciousness of our souls and be thrust into the eye of nirvana. No, not really, but I did go to practise my meditation and learn a new technique. The center is called DhammaMedini, and it’s nestled in the native green recesses of deepest Kaukapakapa. There, volunteers run 10-day meditation “retreats”, teaching the Vipassana discipline - a form of meditation used by Buddha Gautama and taught to students globally by S. N. Goenkaji. I use the word “retreat” cautiously, because the centre is not a place you go to relax or have a holiday. Quite the opposite: it’s the hardest mental and physical work I’ve ever done, and they warned me of this before the course. The day begins at 4am with two hours of meditation before breakfast. Then there is a short break before the morning session: three hours of meditation before lunch. In the afternoon it’s a fourhour session before tea break, followed by Goenkaji’s discourses, and then two more hours of meditation before bed at 9pm. That’s 11 hours a day. The lifestyle is decidedly ascetic, in line with traditional Buddhist teachings. I was asked to observe Noble Silence throughout the course, which means silence of speech, body and mind. Any form of verbal or non-verbal communication with the other students is forbidden. I found myself muttering to a possum on day three and was quickly chastised with a glowering look from an old student. Eye contact is not allowed. Exercise is forbidden outside of the walking track, and only a light stroll is permitted. Reading, writing, listening to music - or playing it - is forbidden. Meals are eaten while facing MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ

the wall, to quash any desire to socialise while eating. When meditation instruction begins, it is all about breathing as a tool to aid concentration. I got to know my nostrils very intimately: the feel of incoming breath, outgoing breath, of differing flow rates through each nostril, and the temperature of it all. For three days I observed this. For those not familiar with the precepts of basic meditation, the idea is to placate the mind, coax it out of its habit of rampantly grabbing at different branches of thought like a monkey in a tree. A less agitated mind that simply observes instead of reacting to stimuli, is the goal. That said, the paradox is that you’re not supposed to actively try to do this. During these three days of respiration meditation (Anapana), of course my mind ran away. Seriously, this mind took me to the farthest reaches of Turkmenistan and back. I came up with all kinds of analogies to try and visualise what I was attempting. In the first, my mind was a feral pit bull snapping at its owner’s attempts to calm it with Scooby snacks. As they progressed, it was pictured as being on a leash, and it would run, but not as far, and would come back to me sooner. Always though, I imagined it as a wild animal. Sometimes with rabies. After three days of slight lack of sleep, lack of food and the pain of pretzelling my body into a lotus position for 11 hours a day, I started to have serious thoughts about going home. I wondered why I traded my holiday for this. I imagined my flatmates at home, playing Tekken, wrapped in cozy onesies while I wrestled with my slobbering pit bull. But then I started to notice something. My mind started to wander into rooms where the walls were thicker and the door was smaller, and the structure was more resistant to intruding thoughts. This is when the second stage of meditation is introduced: sensation-focused. And here is where the real challenge begins. The teachers introduce “sittings of strong determination” (Adhitthana), where you are encouraged not to move from your initial posture for one hour at a time. Here is the mental challenge. I would settle into

my crossed-legged position, back upright, and for the first 10 minutes think, “I’ve got this, no worries”. I started to doubt this mantra when I felt the hot blade of a circulation block in my ass cheek, which quickly escalated into something akin to sitting on a cushion of lava. Around the same time I noticed the burning feeling in my knee caps, and the muscles in my back began to spasm in protest. But I sat through it, simply observing the discomfort equanimously and continuing with systematic rounds of observing other sensations. This is when I threw in the meditation shawl. At the end of the fifth day, the lure of coming home to start all the creative endeavours I had logged was too much. I looked at my list of things to do, which I had illicitly scrawled on the back of my wooden hairtie box with my Swiss army knife (no pens or paper permitted). These things included “get drunk, take dance classes, write for MASSIVE, fall in love and cook more”. Distractions? Definitely, but distractions which were also opportunities potentially being missed every day I stayed at the centre. Maybe that is a superficial way of seeing it, but I left that night and car-boogied all the way home until I saw the bright lights of civilisation, which is when I broke into song. Maybe one day I’ll go back and try again - the Dhamma will always be there. If I’ve painted an overly negative picture of DhammaMedini, I don’t mean to. The work that the teachers and staff do there is absolutely amazing. The centre and its location is beautiful, the accommodations are warm and comfortable, the food is nothing short of a gustatory orgasm, and the teachers are always available to talk if you have any doubts or questions. The courses are run entirely on voluntary donations by students who have completed the course so the next round of students may live equally as comfortably for the next 10 days. But you need to earn it. The work is hard and the course is literally the mental equivalent of hiking Kilimanjaro with a donkey on your back. But if you’re committed, keen to learn and up for a bit of hard core asceticism, maybe consider visiting one day.

MASSIVE FEATURE

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS: GETTING RID OF THE ROYALS SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT KATE MIDDLETON’S VAGINA? ARGUING FOR A REPUBLIC, CHARLIE MITCHELL SETS OUT THE RISKS OF A “JOFFREY-ESQUE, INCESTED-TO-ALL-HELL EGOMANIACAL DOUCHE CANOE” BECOMING KING DOWN THE LINE.

The world’s most famous uterus has vomited up a human-shaped ball of flesh, as a cavalry of journalists, photographers, and well-wishers eagerly wait in a parking lot. One gentleman stands out: he is wearing an outrageous Union Jack t-shirt, complete with Union Jack sunglasses and a pair of uncomfortably tight rugby shorts. As news cameras jostle to get close, he violently exhales, the sheer patriotism of it all taking his breath away. “History is being made,” he gasps, as he reaches above his head to balance the Union Jack umbrella attached to his Union Jack hat. “I’m glad I was here to see this”. An elderly woman, quickly shuffling past the throng, is descended upon by a journalist, whose triumphant grin can most accurately be described as “shit eating”. “I really don’t care”, the woman says helpfully, a revelation that would have inspired a deep existential crisis within the journalist, if he had the capacity to think about something other than Kate Middleton’s vagina. “I’m just picking up my son from the train station,” the woman says. She treads off into the distance as fireworks erupt into the night sky behind her, shards of light bouncing off the journalist’s plastic smile. Just days before little Prince George was driven to his palace for the first time, Psychological Science journal published a study finding that conducting rituals before eating food makes the experience more enjoyable. Off-key singing before eating a birthday cake, unwrapping the newspaper packaging from the fish and chip shop, or obnoxiously instagramming your food before eating it, are examples. The message? “Rituals enhance consumption enjoyment due to the greater involvement they prompt in the experience.” The ritual of childbirth has never been so earthshatteringly magnificent. Who knew the idle rich

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could procreate? Even an earthquake and an X Factor winner couldn’t wrestle the spotlight from Kate and Wills’ successful fulfilment of their biological imperative. “The Royals”, as they are affectionately known to readers of Woman’s Day, have taken to celebrity culture like pigs in shit. The old rituals of the monarchy, like the one where the Queen viciously strikes the most courageous in society on each shoulder with a little sword, proclaiming those who resist her attack Knight or Dame, are of diluted importance in the modern world of celebrity. They are no longer relevant in an age where their sense of importance is non-existent to anyone out of eyesight of their castle. In the Kardashian Industrial Complex we all suffer under, the old rituals are examined through the lens of TMZ and Perez Hilton, then spread around the world. When the Queen struggles to raise her hand to wave at the crowd, it no longer gives a select few the familiar, comforting recognition of an all-powerful sovereign. Rather, it is an empty ritual, whose brittle sense of pageantry is exposed to the millions who can see it. It’s easy to forget this woman’s family is the sole breeding ground for our nation’s sovereigns, with the ability to dissolve parliament, sack the prime minister, and tacitly approve all pieces of legislation through the power of Royal Assent. On TV3’s The Vote recently, property tycoon Sir Bob Jones said: “If Britain disappeared into the sea, no one would notice.” Are the Royals, with their mixture of old and new rituals, the “Happy Birthday” before we chow down on our Constitutional Monarch? Is it time for us to scream “off with their heads” and appoint our own Head of State? Metaphorically of course. Looking at you, France…

MASSIVE FEATURE

WHO KNEW THE IDLE RICH COULD PROCREATE? EVEN AN EARTHQUAKE AND AN X FACTOR WINNER COULDN’T WRESTLE THE SPOTLIGHT FROM KATE AND WILLS’ SUCCESSFUL FULFILMENT OF THEIR BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE.

IN DEFENCE OF THE MONARCHY

The Royals are vital, and perfectly suited to modern society. It’s extremely difficult for young people to get behind the monarchy. Britain, after all, is merely a shadow of the world-conquering, native-oppressing empire it once was. But this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t lease our head of state from them, because the advantages of doing so are numerous. BUT THEY’RE SO ANNOYING!

The fact that the royals have been swallowed into the lurching, life-ruining leviathan that is celebrity culture is a good thing. In fact, it is perhaps the best thing that could have happened to them. Repackaging is a great way to extend relevance, even when it’s that weirdly-forced version sold by woman’s magazines. It’s a good way to gain legitimacy among the populace, who are often more interested in personalities than, you know, Queeny stuff. If we see our parliamentary democracy as a twoheaded coin, where one side is “the Crown”, and the other is government, the fact that all the fawning, celebrity-worship clap-trap is thrown almost exclusively at the monarchy, is ideal. Because of the Queen’s relationship to New Zealand, interest in her family is heightened, and she and her family receive an astronomical amount of media coverage in this country. Woman’s Weekly can only have so many cover stories a year, and the demand for stories about the salacious royals is much higher than the demand for stories about, say, the salacious Brownlee family, which allows the more important arm of our constitutional democracy to be judged on ability

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to govern, rather than ability to make a New Idea photoshoot look something other than horrendously awkward. Countries without this separation tend to suffer from it: in the earlier years of Barack Obama’s presidency, the cult of personality around him was the result of a mishmash of his political ideas and the idealised image of him peddled throughout the media. It was difficult to get a sense of who he really was, because he was constantly seen through a screen of un-reality, one designed to sell magazines and get page views. It reached the stage where the content of his policies was being eclipsed by his almost messianic media image, where people would see what they wanted him to be, not who he actually was. Because there is no separation between head of state and the executive, the guy who orders drone strikes in Pakistan, among other murky sorts of things presidents are involved in, is the same guy who has to visit schools, attend funerals, and do the occasional comedy routine. That’s because he has to run the country and be its figurehead, at the same time. How is one person supposed to effectively do both at once? Obama came under scrutiny for attending a memorial service in memory of the Boston Bombing victims. Some said it was just cynical, political manoeuvering – that he was using the tragedy to improve his public image. The Royals perform this diplomatic function nicely. They travel the world bringing goodwill on behalf of the Commonwealth, give people someone to rally around in times of tragedy, and generally stay out of the way, allowing prime ministers to avoid

having to entertain the country as they lead it. With their media presence, the Royals are in the perfect position to perform this function. IT’S SO UNFAIR!

I mean they get the job by just being born! Yes, they do! And it is very unfair. The “leadership by birthright” principle is clearly archaic, and we would never allow our prime minister to be appointed this way. But there’s something visceral and real about this system that reflects the way society at large is organised. It’s an inalienable fact that privilege by birthright exists throughout society, to the extent that virtually everyone has some form of privilege (except, perhaps, for the dark-skinned, triple-amputee, short, trans-queer, morbidly obese single mothers out there) that elevates them above somebody else. Families, in particular, can gain a potent sort of privilege that can wind its way up through the political spectrum - look at how many Kennedies and Bushes have had disproportionately successful careers in US politics. This is all Bad News, and not the way it should be. But it’s an uncomfortable reality that seems inescapable, and the Royals are its ultimate metaphor. They are the perfect manifestation of the system of oppression the modern world was built upon, where the extent of a child’s future success is dependent on a genetic dice roll, where latitude and longitude are more indicative of someone’s potential than their intelligence or their courage. If we get rid of the Royals, none of this will change. As leaders, they have no desire to overthrow the system, because they are the system’s greatest beneficiaries.

Isn’t it fitting the Queen has - but rarely uses - the power to meddle with the autonomy of our country? She is a constant reminder of how things are, but not necessarily how they have to be. Maybe we shouldn’t pretend to be something we’re not, and wait until we’ve progressed to a point where the royals simply can’t exist any longer, because they need us more than we need them. It would certainly be more fitting. Our future president would likely be someone who wants the job, which is both suspicious and concerning. The head of state should be someone who doesn’t like to see the system messed with, who enjoys and would retain the comfort a parliamentary democracy provides. The royals, then, are the most qualified people on the planet. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS: THE ANTI ARGUMENT

We are a strong, independent sovereign nation that don’t need no queen! The Royals are cancerous, parasitic cretins, who should be fired into the sun. Monarchist arguments often begin by touting the stability of the royal family. Their continued existence is only limited by their collective ability to reproduce, which they have an admirable record of doing. In modern times, they have doubled their ability to do so, because now they view female members of the family as actual people who are not hopelessly unable to rule because of their gender. But the problem with rule by reproduction is you’re stuck with whoever comes sliding out of the birth canal, regardless of whether they are competent. Just because royals in recent times have been relatively well adjusted doesn’t mean we won’t get some Joffrey-esque, incested-to-all-hell egomaniacal douche canoe for a King somewhere down the line. Some people, regardless of how well you preen them for leadership, are just born bad. In the current system, we have to cross our fingers and hope the Windsors will produce offspring that can ably represent us, whereas, under a system where we elect a head of state, we can select someone proven to be virtuous and capable. What if Prince George grows up to resemble a creepy uncle, or having an uncontrollable penchant for public nudity? It’s a dice-roll, and not a risk worth taking. Historically, monarchies are among the least stable forms of government. Families, after all, are a hot-bed for unresolved frustrations, anxieties and in-fighting, which is exacerbated when kingdoms are involved. Thousands of wars throughout history have been

initiated by monarchic governments, among them some of Europe’s bloodiest, including the “Thirty Years War” and the three-and-a-bit times-worse “100 Years War”. This, of course, has little bearing on our modern, constitutional democracies, which are completely different from monarchy as a governmental system. Nobody today would be bothered fighting a war for the Queen, and it’s difficult to imagine her mounting a horse and chopping heads out on the battlefield. The problem is, we grossly romanticise the history of the monarchy. They are part of our “tradition”, royalists say, before linking us to a number of other nations with a shared history. They add we should be proud to be connected to our brother and sister nations, and the monarchy are central to that cohesion. This is a fair enough point. We probably wouldn’t be that close to Uganda, for example, if we weren’t both part of the Commonwealth. Sure, they execute homosexuals, and certain parts of the population burn people alive for practising witchcraft, but we have a shared tradition. The point is, the traditions of the monarchy and other members of the Commonwealth are not necessarily healthy. We like to imagine the whitewashed, “fairy tale” ideal of princes and princesses gallivanting around the kingdom, singing with talking animals and the like, but it’s just not accurate. Beheadings, mistresses, wars and affairs are hardly things we should nostalgically cling to. Why not start our own traditions, where we elect someone with actual merit who can willingly and competently represent us without having to tolerate the bloodstained history of the monarchy, which only serves to remind us just how bad things were when they have had actual power. We’ll struggle to find someone with a completely clean family history, sure. But we should elect someone who attains the role through merit, whose appointment is not wholly defined by the brutality of their forebears. It is absurd that the head of state is appointed through laws of succession limited to one family that has consistently produced rulers with poor moral character. PETERS FOR PRESIDENT

It is common for a royalist to object to electing a head of state. “So you want Winston Peters to be president,” the royalist may snidely say, seemingly unaware that the only election Peters could win is one involving a giant catapult. The reason for bringing this up is because it is widely believed the head of state should not be a political position. It exists mostly as a failsafe, and

will be highly useful if we ever need to get rid of a “too-big-for-his-or-her-britches” prime minister. The problem with the current arrangement is that this simply won’t work, because the prime minister is responsible for appointing the governor general, and can replace them at any time. If there was a constitutional crisis, the monarch and the governor general would be rendered helpless - the GG would be replaced, and the Queen wouldn’t get involved because she is “non-political”, meaning we would all be held captive by a deranged government running around the Beehive getting up to all sorts of shenanigans. Despite all this, we have a history of governors general who can most definitely be described as “political”. Robert Muldoon, a national treasure famous for his excellent decision-making, appointed Sir Keith Holyoake to the post in 1977. This was surprising, because Kiwi Keith had been prime minister just five years earlier, and had been so for 12 consecutive years. It’s easy to see why people, particularly nonNational voters, would be slightly disgruntled at the fact that a National prime minister would appoint the previous National prime minister to a role that is expressly non-partisan. Similar feelings were present when Dame Catherine Tizard was appointed as GG by the outgoing Labour Government in 1990 - Tizard is the wife of former Labour deputy prime minister Bob Tizard. The current system is an excuse for cronyism. When the government appoints the GG, it is inherently a political decision, because it is being made by a political group. If the head of state was elected, they would be accountable to the people that elected them. They would maintain the fine constitutional balance that allows the government to rule effectively, but with limits to the extent of their power. This would be preferable to the almost combative relationship between the PM and the GG, who both currently have the power to dismiss each other, but without the ability to single-handedly prevent an oncoming constitutional crisis. All people in a position of power should be accountable to the people we represent. We cannot vote out the Queen, and London is at least 20 hours away, so most of us can’t be bothered physically removing her from her throne. So let us elect a president! We deserve our own national identity - and a head of state we can protest in person every so often. And who knows, maybe Woman’s Day will go out of business…

MASSIVE FEATURE

HOLLYWOOD – FUNDED BY YOU? WHAT IS KICKSTARTER, AND HOW DOES IT AFFECT US? DYLAN GOWAN EXPLAINS.

Let me paint you a picture. You hear about this fantastic movie, it has everything you could ever want: action, romance, comedy. You can’t wait to see it, there’s just one catch. The movie won’t be made unless you and thousands of other people around the world pledge money towards the Hollywood feature. Would you be willing to pledge money towards the film? Do you think this could be the future of film financing? Earlier in the year I logged on to my Facebook page and, after crawling through my wall for a bit, I came across some news I was very excited to see. A Kickstarter - a crowd-funding site - campaign had been launched for a Veronica Mars movie, and it had reached its US$2 million goal. Veronica Mars is a television show from the mid noughties about teenage detective Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell). I’m not going to try to describe the show, because I wouldn’t do it justice, but it really was a great show and the critics agree (give it a Google search and you’ll see what I mean). It is witty, smart, and very entertaining. Since its sudden cancellation in 2007 after three seasons, fans have been calling for a movie and creator Rob Thomas has tried to get one off the ground to no avail. Warner Bros. didn’t think there was enough of a market for one. Kickstarter was the last hope; and it was incredibly successful, the campaign becoming the highestfunded Kickstarter film project in history. At the end of the month-long campaign a total of $5,702,153

was raised, well above the $2 million goal. The goal was reached in only 11 hours. Now, these fans who pledged weren’t just giving money away for nothing in return. Depending on how much they donated they got an array of rewards. There were stickers, t-shirts, posters, digital downloads of the film and DVD’s. You could even get a personalised phone message recorded by Bell or another cast member, and one person contributed $10,000 for a speaking role in the film. For a variety of reasons I was a bit unsure about whether or not I would pledge money towards the film, one of them being the blindingly obvious. A major Hollywood studio that rakes in billions of dollars a year was going to profit from a film for which they only had to front distribution costs. In spite of my doubts, I eventually gave in and pledged enough to get a download of the script, the stickers, a t-shirt, and a digital download of the film when it is released. The unprecedented success of the campaign has led to questions about whether or not crowdsourcing has a future in financing Hollywood films, and has led others to follow in Thomas’s footsteps. Zach Braff - you know, JD from Scrubs - started one raising money for a new film “in the tone” of his hit 2004 film Garden State, titled Wish I Was Here, which finished at the end of May having raised over $3.1 million. At this point you might be thinking that any old celebrity could start a Kickstarter campaign and rake in the moolah from their adoring fans.

WHAT IS KICKSTARTER?

Kickstarter is a crowd-funding website, launched in 2009, which allows people in the United States and Britain to raise money for projects from people all over the world. Whether they be films, games, novels, art exhibitions - whatever! Just as long as it is a project with a “clear end” that fits into one of Kickstarter’s categories (I couldn’t start one asking for money so I can buy

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myself a new car, so don’t get any ideas!). The backers of these projects get rewards for their donations, depending on how much they pledge. If a project reaches its goal, the pledges are charged to the backer’s credit/debit cards, if not, no money is taken. Indiegogo is similar, but on Indiegogo you don’t have to reach your goal for the money to be collected.

$82 MILLION IN UNSUCCESFUL PLEDGES

$635 MILLION SUCCESSFULLY PLEDGED

GAMES $159.76M FILM & VIDEO $159.46M DESIGN $98.98M MUSIC $86.02M TECHNOLOGY $75.25M PUBLISHING $35.62M ART $27.45M FOOD $26.01M COMICS $20.36M FASHION $19.24M THEATER $19.24 PHOTOGRAPHY $10.46M DANCE $4.55M MASSIVE FEATURE

YOU MIGHT BE THINKING THAT ANY OLD CELEBRITY COULD START A KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN AND RAKE IN THE MOOLAH FROM THEIR ADORING FANS. SOME CELEBRITIES CERTAINLY THOUGHT SO, BUT IT WOULD SEEM THAT THEY DON’T HAVE AS MANY FANS (OR AT LEAST FANS WHO ARE WILLING TO PART WITH THEIR CASH) AS THEY THOUGHT.

Some celebrities have certainly thought so, but it would seem they don’t have as many fans - or at least fans who are willing to part with their cash - as they thought. Melissa Joan Hart (everybody’s favourite teenage witch Sabrina), launched one for a romantic comedy, only raising $51,605 of her $2 million goal before she cancelled it after a month and a half. Shemar Moore (Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds) launched one for a romantic comedy, which failed (Moore went on to try again at another crowdfunding site, indigogo.com). Sisters Zosia (SoHo’s Girls) and Clara Mamet (TV2’s The Neighbours) launched one aiming to raise $32,000 for a music video (yes, I know what you are thinking), raising a grand total of $2,783. And most recently, James Franco launched an Indiegogo campaign raising money for three films based on three stories he has written. While he raised close to $200,000, he came up severely short of his $500,000 goal. So, is this the future of film financing? Is it fair? Would most people be being willing to front up cash for a Hollywood movie? Should crowd funding be used by Hollywood? THE EXPERTS

The idea is that Kickstarter and Indiegogo be used by people who can’t have their dreams come to fruition because they don’t have enough money. So of course this has led to outcries from some corners, protesting the use of these sites by these Hollywood types, with most criticism directed at Braff. Ken Levine, a US television producer who has worked on such shows as The Simpsons and Everybody Loves Raymond, decried the use of Kickstarter by Braff in his blog. “The idea – and it’s a great one – is that Kickstarter allows filmmakers who otherwise would have NO access to Hollywood and NO access to serious investors to scrounge up enough money to make their movies,” he wrote. “Zach Braff has contacts. Zach Braff has a name. MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ

Zach Braff has a track record. Zach Braff has residuals. He can get in a room with money people. He is represented by a major talent agency. But the poor schmoe in Mobile, Alabama or Walla Walla, Washington has none of those advantages.” In regards to Veronica Mars, Levine had this to say: “Recently, Kickstarter was used to fund a new VERONICA MARS movie. This is obscene to me. It’s a known television series distributed by a major studio. Are you a big fan of VERONICA MARS? Want to support it? Great. Buy ten tickets and see the movie ten times.” In a follow up post the next day he conceded, however, that Thomas had tried for years to get a movie made and that this was his only shot. Another critic, John Campea of AMC Movie News, while liking the idea of fans being given the power to see what they want to see, takes issue with rich Hollywood asking for money. “I do have a fundamental problem with the notion of multimillionaires and billion dollar corporations coming to people and saying, “Hey, give us the money for it, we’ll keep all the profit...but you know we don’t want to dip into our multibillion dollar pockets to do it” However, others have countered such opinions including Kickstarter itself. In a post on their blog, the founders of Kickstarter state that, “Kickstarter’s mission is to help bring creative projects to life”, and that these projects come under that mission. They also point out how these big projects have pulled in first-time backers who have gone on to support other projects on the site. Scott Moore, of Clevver Movie’s It’s a Wrap also voices support for the Veronica Mars campaign. “I think for something like this, because it’s such a niche type of fan base and movie base and Warner Bros. refused to do it because they were concerned they weren’t going to make their money back, which is typical…if you’re a fan and you want to donate a

couple of hundred bucks because you want to see this movie then you should be able to, if that’s the only way that’s going to happen.” THE RESPONSE

Both Thomas and Braff are very aware of the criticism that has come their way. In an interview at Hitfix. com, Thomas states how he tried to get the film made through traditional means but that Kickstarter was the only way. “We don’t have the means or the access to get the money any other way either. I’ve tried for a very long time to get Veronica Mars made by traditional means. Like those indie filmmakers, I also couldn’t get this financed through traditional channels. “If I could have, I would have. I certainly tried very hard to do that.” And Thomas doesn’t believe they were asking for donations, but instead were “pre-selling”. “I think the way to look at it is, all Warner Bros. is doing is pre-selling the product…We’re asking you to pre-buy the products to prove to the studio that there can be money made. “If they sold you the t-shirt and download later, they’re making profit then. No one cares that they’re making profit then. This just ensures the interest level. And I think Veronica Mars fans have proved there’s enough interest to make this size of a movie viable for them.” In an interview with the makers of the documentary Kickstarted, Braff responds to the criticism that has come his way by stating he is putting an “ass-ton” of his own cash into the film and that he is not in it to make money. “This isn’t a money making endeavour...if I wanted to make a lot of money I would return to a television show ... making a tiny personal art film is not where people go to make a lot of money. “This is a passion project, it’s not about trying to scam anybody.”

THE BACKERS

Now, it’s all very well and good looking at the viewpoints of critics and those involved with the projects. But what about the average guy or gal that is asked to pledge towards these campaigns? I thought that it might not hurt to turn to some of the people, who like myself, backed one of the projects. I posted a comment on the unofficial Veronica Mars Movie Facebook page, like the hip, technology-savvy Gen Y’er that I am, asking what those who pledged thought about it. Of the thousands of comments I got back (I lie, I only got five) it would seem that those who responded think that the Veronica Mars campaign was fair (no surprises there) and that they would have pledged even if there were no rewards (I was surprised by that). Backer Lisa Barrett, who pledged $50, said she would have done so even for nothing in return. “It wasn’t about the rewards - I would have done it without the rewards. It was about my admiration for a product that Rob created, the Veronica Mars series. Hopefully he and Kristen will create a movie that will live up to the series, but I was willing to donate the money without gifts or a guarantee because I felt like Rob is deserving of my money. “I’ve enjoyed watching the VM series many times over and, when Rob asked for money for the movie, I felt like I was paying him back more than anything.” Emma McMillan says simply, “I think it’s completely fair because sometimes, if you want something, you have to make it happen yourself, right?” THE REST OF US

Now, I do realise the people who pledged are probably (okay are) going to be a little bit biased, so what about those people who didn’t? Asking around, I got a few different responses ranging from being somewhat against it, to having no problems at all. Chloe Vincent believes tools like Kickstarter

shouldn’t be used by those in Hollywood as they already have had their kick-start. “I saw that a guy on YouTube had a Kickstarter to make his first album, and thought that was cool. But technically if you have millions of dollars and are already established in Hollywood, you’ve already got your kick-start. “You already know people and have connections and money. It’s a bit greedy really. I thought it was intended for people who are doing their first-ever films or albums, and then they can use the profits to do more.” However, Ian Reid feels it comes down to why they are doing it. “Are they doing it so they can have artistic licence over the direction of their films, or are they doing it because it seems like an easy way to use their fame to earn more money? Control always rests in the one who puts up the money. “Maybe it is a good thing that the viewers are the ones who have a bit more control rather than being told what to watch by film studios. I would potentially pledge money towards either a Hollywood or independent film project, but I would really have to be on-board with what they are doing.” Reuel Baptista thinks it gives the public an opportunity to be involved in the industry but says he is more likely to support independent filmmakers. “I wonder if this might shift support from indie filmmakers to more established filmmakers because pledgers think they’d get more/better benefits for sponsoring those campaigns. “Personally, I’d be more likely to sponsor an indie film as I’d prefer to give such filmmakers a hand, but I’d have to agree with the movie and its message.”

that, like Veronica Mars, have dedicated fan-bases, but I don’t see it as being a viable method of raising money for the average Hollywood film. Especially since a big blockbuster costs over $100 million. However, as far as indie films are concerned, crowd-funding has revolutionised how independent filmmakers can get funding for their films. Many indie filmmakers have found success on Kickstarter with campaigns raising hundreds of thousands of dollars. I can see crowdfunding as having a really positive effect on the New Zealand film industry too and, while Kickstarter only runs campaigns based in the US and Britain, Indiegogo hosts campaigns from anywhere in the world. It isn’t easy to fund a movie in New Zealand and sites like Indiegogo can make it that much easier. Is it fair for Hollywood to utilise crowd-funding? In my view, yes and no. Sure, these celebrities and studios have lots of money but, at the same time, they have as much right to use crowdfunding as anyone else and if people want to pledge to these campaigns, who’s to stop them? After all, they are rewarded for their contributions and they get to see the film they want come to life. But at the same time, is it really fair to go to the public when these studios/celebrities have millions or billions of dollars in their bank accounts? All in all, though there is this part of me that questions whether or not I should have pledged, I have no regrets and I can’t wait for the movie to come out at the start of next year. And of course I can’t wait for my t-shirt to arrive either. If you see a guy strolling around campus with a Veronica Mars t-shirt on, you know who it’ll be.

SO…

So, does crowd-funding have a future in Hollywood? Maybe. I don’t believe it is a revolutionary new way of financing all films. It may be used for TV shows, movies and franchises MASSIVE FEATURE

HEMP EVIL WEED OR THE SAVIOUR OF HUMANKIND? FROM CURING CANCER TO FUELLING CARS - TOGETHER WITH A LASHING OF CONSPIRACY - A CRUSADING GRAEDON PARKER, COMES FIRMLY DOWN ON THE SIDE OF THE LATTER.

George Washington loved hemp. America’s first president was so fond of the crop that he once famously wrote to his gardener, “Make the most of the Indian hemp seed, and sow it everywhere.” But Washington’s interests didn’t lie in smoking hemp - marijuana’s less notorious sibling - but rather in a mass cultivation of the crop for a myriad of interesting and astonishingly useful purposes. Hemp is a strain of Cannabis sativa that contains only 0.3 per cent of the plant’s psychoactive constituent Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC). For those not marijuana-articulate, this means one could smoke a joint the size of a telephone pole and still not feel any degree of “highness”. In fact, hemp is good for almost anything except getting you high: you can eat it, wear it, wash yourself with it and build your house out of it. It’s strong, nutritious, naturally pest-resistant, and will grow basically anywhere. For thousands of years, industrial hemp was a common staple. It was part of our livelihood and was/still is held as a hugely popular resource in many ancient cultures all over the world. Then, in the early 1900’s, this plant was banned and pushed aside. Why did this useful plant get labelled with a criminal stamp? It just so happens that the crop was a threat to many powerful industries at the time, including corporate giant DuPont, as well as various cotton, paper and timber giants. These commercial enterprises had enormous amounts of profit pouring in, which would simply have been threatened if the more sustainable and environmentally friendly option of hemp graced the marketplace. The negative consensus about hemp that many of us know - and loathe - today, began when a gentleman named Harry Anslinger (married to the niece of a DuPont investor and promoted to head of the Bureau of Narcotics after the end of alcohol prohibition) began looking into rumours of the Mexican population smoking the flowers of the hemp plant. Because racism was rampant at that time, Anslinger played on that, using the Mexican slang, “marijuana”, MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ

in place of the word “hemp”. He spread rumours about blacks and Mexicans becoming violent while smoking it and also labelled it as a narcotic. Press baron William Randolph Hearst’s newspapers (the mainstream media of the time, fuelled by the timber industry) spread the slander, propagating stories about the “evil marijuana”, including of people committing rapes and murder while “under the influence”. A propaganda movie released to theatres entitled Reefer Madness portrayed these horrendously inaccurate events happening to young people. This, of course, had the papers selling like wildfire, but they failed to mention the everyday uses of hemp rope, fuel, textiles, food... After the 1937 Marijuana Tax Act was passed, Anslinger ordered hemp’s prohibition, using the excuse that agents wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between it and marijuana, and that the farming of hemp made it too difficult to enforce the marijuana prohibition. During WW2, recognising the beneficial uses of hemp, the United States government put its hemp prohibition act on hold to encourage farmers to grow the crop. It even produced a film entitled Hemp for Victory. This film - check it out on YouTube explained the uses of hemp, and pushed farmers to grow as much as possible in order to aid the war efforts in producing rope, uniforms, parachutes, paper, clothing, and food. YOU CAN EAT HEMP?

Besides being good for clothing and fuel, the seeds of the Cannabis plant make it one of the most versatile and nutritionally dense foods on the planet. The seeds can be pressed into a super food oil, or ground up to create one of the most bio-available and easy-to-digest proteins on earth. Hemp is not only sustainable, but is grown organically, with none of the environmentally adverse chemicals which can be present in animal-based protein powders, such as whey protein. Although it can be a little sandy - as hemp dabblers may have experienced - the optimum hemp protein-to-smoothie sandiness ratio can be mastered

with a little trial and error. Hemp Milk, which is also a derivative of the hemp seed, mixes well with the usual blendable foods like bananas, apples, kiwifruit, kale and spinach. Besides being one of the best sources of protein, hemp seeds contain nature’s optimum balance of 3:1 Omega 6 to Omega 3 oils. These two Essential Fatty Acids (EFA’s) are necessary for healthy bodily function and, seeing as we can’t create these joyous substances, we must seek to incorporate them in our diet. A fantastic way to do this is through drizzling a little hemp oil on some toast, in a smoothie, or having it massaged by a lover or two into our skin. In concept, hemp seed oil’s exceptional concentrations of EFA’s could provide all of our EFA necessities for life, containing the ideal 3:1 ratio of EFA’s (Omega 6 to Omega 3) which are known for their role in preventing heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer, arthritis, whilst also maintaining skin, eye, hair and joint health. This essentially means - to the delight of weed enthusiasts - that they could survive quite happily for the rest of their lives on a diet of cannabis related foods and oils. HEMP AND THE EARTH

Are you wearing socks? A single harvest of hemp can fully mature in 12-14 weeks, yielding between 3-8 tonnes of fibre per acre - four times the amount of an average timber forest. On top of that, an acre of hemp breathes in around 4-times the carbon dioxide of the same amount of trees. Who said hemp wasn’t good for our lungs? Being a “weed”, hemp can grow in just about any climate and soil condition while maintaining an entirely pest-resistant presence - which means there is no need for environmentally harmful pesticides and other chemicals, one of the biggest problems in agriculture today. But perhaps one of hemp’s most impressive uses was evidenced in the clean-up of the radioactive mess from a devastating explosion down at the nuclear power plant in Chernobyl. The process, called phyto-remediation, saw hemp’s uncanny ability to

remove toxic contaminants from the earth, which in turn replenished the soil with vital nutrients. In light of the recent Japanese earthquakes, could hemp also be a viable solution to the seemingly endless amounts of radiation spewing from the damaged nuclear reactors? Dr Masaru Emoto - prominent Japanese alternative medicine researcher and author - played his part in re-igniting the hemp movement with his comment, “Plant a lot of hemp in the land of Fukushima. Hemp’s vibration has the potentiality to purify the contaminated environment made by radiation.” In this steadily and increasingly poisoned and environmentally ravaged world we are living in, couldn’t a little ganja lend a few helping hands right about now? HENRY FORD’S HEMP CAR

Some of Henry Ford’s early cars ran entirely on hemp ethanol. In 1941 he built a car that was also constructed from hemp plastic, which was said to be 10 times stronger than steel. He had essentially “grown a car from the soil”. After World War 2 hemp was eventually outlawed in the US because of the damaging effect it could have on the profits of many powerful industries, including oil, plastic, timber and paper giants. The idea of hemp being used widely had been fuelled earlier by in a February 1938 article in Popular Mechanics magazine which spoke of hemp as a cash crop soon to be worth a billion dollars. Imagine where we would be today had these power hungry tyrants not suppressed the amazing biotechnologies of hemp? Hemp homes Much like Strawbale housing, Hempcrete is the cutting edge of eco-green design, providing a fantastic, sustainable and non-toxic alternative to traditional cement and wooden homes. Hempcrete is amazingly versatile as it can be used for wall insulation, flooring, walls, roofing and more. It’s fire-proof, water-proof, and rot-proof as long as it is above ground. The material, made from the inside stem of the

hemp plant, is mixed with a lime base binder to create the building material. This mixture creates a negative carbon footprint, and is the world’s strongest natural building material, being much more versatile, easier to work with and pliable than concrete. Earthquakes would have a hard time swaying these structures as they are three times more resistant to tremors than regular concrete. Hemp homes are starting to pop up all over the world. “I cannot find a material, which does what hemp does,” Grand Designs’ Kevin McCloud, who has used Hempcrete in many of his British projects, says. There has even been talk of using Hempcrete to help rebuild Christchurch after the disastrous earthquake of 2011, but public awareness of the material remains minimal - this is why the information needs to be shared as much as possible. You would think that if the government and corporations were truly concerned with climate change, and the massive effects it is predicted to have on the planet, they would begin implementing the hemp solution with urgency. But this simply just doesn’t seem to be the case. Hemp/Cannabis is a major threat to big business (oil, fuel, food, plastics, paper, clothing, pharmaceutical medicine, and more) which is why the crop was made illegal in the first place, and also why all of this information has been kept from the public. It is only now, with the power of the internet, that this knowledge has been able to re-surface, and be spread wildly across the web. MARY J & CANCER?

Marijuana - hemp’s more notorious sibling, contains a list of mellow psychoactive substances which are regarded as some of the most potent and healing forms of medicine on the planet. This crop was used for thousands of years before pharmaceutical companies began creating new medicines and drugs which were in turn threatened by the natural healing properties of hemp. There has been scientific evidence that marijuana can shrink and even kill tumours since the 1970s, much of the recent public interest in this research

inspired by a man named Rick Simpson. Because of his success, cannabis has recently been achieving fullon status as a cure for many types of cancers. Simpson has been making cannabis oil and sharing it with friends and neighbours free of charge. In small doses, he says, it makes you well without getting you high. “Well you can’t deny your own eyes can you?” he says. “Here’s someone dying of cancer and they’re not dying anymore. I don’t care if the medicine comes from a tomato plant, potato plant or a hemp plant, if the medicine is safe and helps and works, why not use it?” One may be surprised to find that our bodies have in-built cannabinoids. Human breast milk naturally contains many of the same cannabinoids found in marijuana, which are vital for proper human development. We even have in-built THC receptors in our brains. Because of these facts, one wouldn’t be too silly to suggest this wonderful crop exists to work in synergy with the will and health of mankind. It could be said that the only reason Marijuana/ hemp/cannabis is illegal is because of economics. There are thousands of things the crop can be used for that would put big oil, plastic, paper and profit over people pharmaceutical corporations out of business. Hemp has the power to feed and heal the earth, provide clean-burning renewable energy sources, building materials, clothing and medicines. But most of all, hemp has the ability to empower the people - enabling us to break free from the widespread illusion of government and corporate control to help facilitate the consciousness evolution of every lifeform on this planet. “I wake up in bed in the morning on my hemp sheets, on my hemp mattress, on my hemp bed frame, and I put my hemp slippers on, and I walk across my hemp carpet. I drink my hemp smoothie, brush my teeth with hemp toothpaste, slip on my hemp clothes and drive my hemp car, which burns hemp fuel.” – Education Not Medication (www. facebook.com/Educationnotmedication). Hemp could change everything. MASSIVE FEATURE

DICK HARDY: FULLY LOADED DICK GOES AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS, BUT HIS EVER-PRESENT LIBIDO IS HERE TO STAY. WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR DO NOT WISH TO BE EXTREMELY TURNED ON.

We were playing a drinking game and my head was swimming. I looked across at the two girls who I hadn’t met before. Four friends and I had rented a bach for the week and one of our friends had invited her two girlfriends. One of them was fairly ordinary to look at, but it was the second one who caught my attention. She had an American accent and had that outrageous confidence that often accompanies it. She laughed a little too hard at everything and her accent made her seem super surprised and excited over the mundane but I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. We were all dressed in thick winter clothes, her in track pants and a puffer jacket, myself in something similar. Yet even that left me wondering at the glory beneath. I had been flirting wildly for the whole trip but she had seemed oblivious to my advances. Feeling a little too drunk, I decided to leave the group to their game and resign myself to bed before I did anything embarrassing. The room I had procured was cold and I slid shivering and fully clothed, into the double bed. However, with alcohol wiring my brain, and Miss America in my thoughts, I quickly decided that there was one activity which might warm me up, help me to sleep and satisfy my thoughts of her all at once. I reached between my legs and stirred my member into life, using my imagination to help remove her puffer jacket and track pants. Too cold to be above the covers, I was mid-stroke, pants halfway down my legs when the door burst open. Beneath the thick duvet, I froze like a deer in headlights and hoped I hadn’t been caught in the act.

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Daring a look toward the doorway, the American girl was strolling through the doorway, apparently oblivious to my situation. She moved with the swagger of intoxication and as she jumped into the bed next to me, I was thankful for the fact that she wasn’t entirely sober. “You didn’t want to play anymore?” I asked her, bluffing through my embarrassment. “Nooo, it kinda died when you left,” she told me. “And my bed was freeeezing! Hope you don’t mind me in yours?” she said in her excited accent and with an alcohol built confidence. It was at that moment that she squirmed closer to me and her hand brushed against my bare leg. “Are you naked under there?” she asked and, without hesitating, she ripped back the covers to expose me. I scrambled for my pants but she had already seen my erection flopping around and she laughed at me. “Wow, what were you doing when I came in!” I had covered myself now but my bulge was still apparent through my pants. I made to pull the blanket back up. “Uh, nothing,” I assured her, and grinned cheekily despite myself, my cheeks hot with guilt. We both knew how foolish that sounded. “Well now I feel bad for just intruding on in here,” she said. “No it’s fine, I’m freezing too,” I assured her. She smiled and breathed the sweet smell of alcohol into my face. I lay there, wondering how the blood that had filled my cheeks in embarrassment had done nothing to reduce the blood in other places. In fact her closeness only seemed to be aggravating the situation. After a while of lying in silence, she reached across to rest her hand on my chest. “Well

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“UNGGHH!” I MOANED. “UHHH..AAHAAAAAHHHHHH!” SHE REPLIED.

don’t let me stop you,” she suggested boldly. “Huh?” I asked, surprisingly shy in this situation, despite the alcohol. “Well, you weren’t finished were you? You’d better make sure you do, we wouldn’t want anything going bump in the night would we?” Her exploring fingers found my nipples and squeezed them. “Are you sure?” I asked, feeling foolish. Her voice was so self-assured and her resistance to my efforts earlier in the week had left me feeling self-conscious around her. “I want to watch,” she whispered in my ear, her accent just about pushing me to the edge with her revelation. Her hand slid the blanket back down to my knees and she pulled my leg toward her. I turned over to kiss her but she put her finger to my lips. “No,” she said. And then, taking my hand, she pushed it down my pants. “I want to watch,” she reminded me. Obliging, I pulled my member free. “I’ve never done this in front of somebody before,” I lied. I had done it before, but not in front of someone I hardly knew. “Well I’ve never had a private viewing either. So get to it big boy,” she said, laughing. Slowly I began to stroke myself in front of her. Her hungry gaze on my manhood only increased the swelling. I slid my leg between hers and she squeezed it with her thighs. The heat between her legs told me of her increasing excitement and I began to stroke faster. “This is so sexy,” she breathed and began unzipping her puffer jacket. I strained to see and she smiled before she began to fiddle with her bra and shirt. Finally she pulled her shirt up to her neck and pressed her warm breasts against me. With my spare hand, she let me fondle her flesh pillows. They were small, perhaps a B cup, but they were smooth and sweet beneath my greedy fingers. Her nipples hardened beneath my palm and I rolled one in my hand as she exhaled into my ear. She began to moan and, as I looked down, I saw that her

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hand was working furiously between her legs. Her rhythm implied she was well practised and she began to pant with the exertion. We continued to pleasure ourselves side by side, each fuelling the other’s desires and pressing our half naked bodies together for warmth. Doing my best to hold out and forcing myself to slow down a few times, Miss America finally started displaying the tell-tale signs of an approaching orgasm. Her hand increased in tempo, her back began to arch, she began moaning noisily into my neck and her legs stiffened out. I remember thinking how impossibly sexy she was in that vulnerable moment. Her body curled until her face was on my chest and it was at that moment that I realised I couldn’t hold back any longer. Flexing my ass cheeks, I exploded powerfully and shot my load all over her face. “Ungghh!” I moaned. “Uhhh..aahaaaaahhhhhh!” she replied, lost in the thralls of ecstasy and yet in obvious discomfort at the events happening around her. Still helpless to her lengthy orgasm, I began laughing as she tried to wriggle away from my onslaught. Suddenly the entire situation seemed ridiculous and I began to laugh uncontrollably as my orgasm resided. Finally she slowed to a stop and began to laugh with me. “You’re a dick!” she exclaimed as she examined the state of her face and hair, covered in goo. That only made me laugh harder. Then she began to wipe her face on me and we wrestled together, finally falling into a laughing, messy heap on the ground. Afterwards, we had a shower together and spooned each other to sleep. It was one of the more unusual encounters I shared with her that week but not the most. This foreign beauty certainly knew how to keep things kinky. But that’s another story for another time, until next time, DH – dickhardy@massivemagazine.org.nz

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FLUME: ON TOP HARLEY STRETEN AKA FLUME HAS UNLOADED A MEDLEY OF MELODIC COMPOSITIONS SINCE STUMBLING UPON A BASIC DJ CD IN A NUTRI-GRAIN BOX AS A YOUNG TEEN. SINCE THEN THE YOUNG AUSTRALIAN’S ELECTRO/CHILLEDOUT BEATS HAVE WOWED AUDIENCES THE WORLD OVER. JOSH BERRY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM TO DISCUSS HIS DRAMATIC RISE TO FAME AND HIS UPCOMING NEW ZEALAND TOUR.

How did the name “Flume” come about? Is there a back story behind the name? It’s one of the Bon Iver tracks. But I also wanted a name that looked, from a typography perspective, nice on paper. I figured that if this project was ever going to be successful then the word “Flume” would be put on all sorts of different things. So it wasn’t just a word that sounded nice, I wanted a word that looked nice, and “Flume” worked for me. Your self-titled album released near the end of last year had an enormous reception here in New Zealand and globally. What and/or who do you credit your success to? The internet. I think that people were ready for a bit of a new sound. I think they were ready for something a bit new, stuff like Disclosure were kind of coming through doing some quirky electronic stuff. That, and the power of the internet. I feel like I’m one of the early internet success stories, like with SoundCloud and Facebook. They’ve really been the driving force behind my career, I mean it’s not like it used to be with advertising, money and a record-label. It has really all been done from my bedroom through a SoundCloud account and Facebook and, yeah, that’s kind of how it worked. It has really worked through blogs like ‘Hype Machine’ and just consistently putting out tunes. It’s cool to see. Who are the key influences that have shaped you into the musician you are today? Well, musically it would be guys like Flying Lotus and a lot of the trance music stuff. I used to listen to

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a lot of trance and just electronic music in general really, stuff like Moby as well. So yeah I think that stuff has really shaped a lot of the music I do. I also like dance [music] and stuff, but I’ve always had this kind of thing with electronic music. The thing is I’ve always been really fascinated by unique sound - unique sounds where you don’t know what it is and maybe you’ve never heard it before and that’s kind of what motivates me, is finding unique sounds and making that work, in a literal context, you know. The first ever show you played was last year, right? It was in November 2011 and was a support spot for a band called New Navy in Sydney. Have you become accustomed to the mayhem that comes with travel and touring? Yeah… I feel like I’ve never really been incredibly comfortable performing – or even just interviews and stuff. My mentality is that I’ve never really liked being a centre of attention kind of person. This whole career has come from me sitting in my room by myself writing music. So standing in front of the camera, and trying to speak to hundreds of thousands of people on Triple J, and all of this standing in front of thousands of people every week to perform – I felt that I definitely got dropped in the deep end a little. I’ve really only actually felt comfortable with it in the last few months and I feel like I’ve finally kind of got the hang of it now. You came to New Zealand for Laneway Festival earlier this year. Was this your first time in New Zealand?

I was over for Rhythm and Vines; I did Rhythm and Vines/Rhythm and Alps and then I did Laneway a little bit after that. Did you have any down time while you were here? No [laughs] mate, I don’t do downtime, no time for downtime! I get maybe, like, two days off in Europe then a month or two off. But usually when I’ve got downtime I’m just like “alright I’m going to sleep” [laughs] and catch up on some rest. We do a very hectic touring schedule, I try and cram as much in as possible so I can get back home and get back in the studio. To wrap things up - you’re playing four shows in New Zealand in October. Which show are you most looking forward to and what can the punters in New Zealand expect to see from Flume? I’m not really too sure to be honest, I don’t really know what to expect. I mean, I’ve done Laneway and Rhythm and Vines and stuff, but I’ve never done combined shows. I’m really just hanging out to see what happens. The shows will be very different to what you’ve seen in the past, there’s a lot more production involved and we’ll have the Infinity Prism and I’ve got a bunch of new stuff to play out. It’ll be quite a different trip.

Flume’s New Zealand tour kicks off in October with four dates in Auckland, Wellington and Dunedin. For more information and tickets visit www.dashtickets.co.nz.

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LONDON

T R AV E L – A N N A TA B R U M

Early last year I got a call. A queenly voice beckoned me. She said, “What say you visit?” It was London. “Okay!” I said. So, in December, off I went. I arrived with a group of friends, smack-bang in the middle of the Christmas merriment. The spirited city dressed up for the occasion in glowing lights and shiny tinsel, and catchy Christmas carols rang out of its every nook and cranny. With the holiday festivities were lots of fun activities. We cruised the South Bank and checked out the Christmas markets: a bunch of beaut food and drink lining the Thames. Hot mulled wine and German wieners (the best kind of sausage) kept us warm in the night air. Nearby, people queued for a 30 minute lap on the London Eye. A standard ride on the giant Ferris wheel costs around £18, unless you intend on hiring a personal capsule and dabbling in a little champagne and canapé tasting on your journey, which is about £900 extra. Note, if you choose to buy your ticket and wait at the bar next door, you might end up paying very little attention to the view on the way round, and a lot of time capturing terribly close pictures of your face. This will probably annoy your fellow passengers. But they’ll probably think you’re Australian. There are many sweet markets around London offering clothing, antiques, food, and drink. Exploring these is a fun, cheap way to see lots of different parts of the city. The Camden markets are quite punky, and the presence of the Roundhouse theatre and other nifty venues offer a sweet musical scene. Liverpool Street and the Old Spitafields markets offer loads of rad vintage threads and provide hipsters with a place to be progressive and non-mainstream, and the Notting Hill markets are just ridiculously cute. Who knows, you may even stumble upon a quaint book shop wherein you meet a slightly awkward but incredibly charming English man that may or may not look like Hugh Grant. Borough market is nestled in a little brick lane right next to the London Bridge station. It offers a range of fresh, seasonal food including roast pork sandwiches, freshly made pies, seafood paella and lots of tasty cakes, fudges and naughty morsels of goodness. Around the corner lies a treasure in the

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form of a coffee shop: Monmouth provides all us Kiwi, coffee-crazed connoisseurs a decent coffee. Beware of the copious amounts of food you will encounter at any of these places, however: you may be at risk of spending all your money on food and drink, and leaving London two sizes larger than you arrived. Sightseeing is cheap and there is heaps of cool stuff to see in ol’ London town. Big Ben, London Bridge, Buckingham Palace, the National Gallery and the Natural History and Science museums are just a few free sights you can hit up. One of the most costly things about perusing around London is transport: the tube/train/ DLR system is super-efficient and fun once you’ve mastered it, though. You can get an Oyster card and load money onto it, or alternatively you can buy single trips, day passes, or week passes for certain zones. Walking tours, however, can be a perfect way to see and hear about the city, as well as burn off some of the “holiday food” and excessive amounts of alcohol you may have indulged in. We followed a witty, ginger man with a delightful Irish accent around central London one morning and he gave us heaps of history and fun facts about the city. It was a free tour but the boy was also a poor, penniless student and so, from the goodness of our tender hearts (which had melted in his sweet Irishy speech), we scraped together enough coinage for him to purchase a well-deserved beer or two. These tours happen daily. If you just scope out brochures at backpackers or the net, you’ll be sure to find one. Outside of London there are neat little villages and awesome castles to be explored, all jam packed with rich history. These aren’t far from London and you’ll get a taste of England outside of the city. We caught buses to Cambridge and to Bath for a night, the tickets costing us £20 return each. The bus ride will give you a chance to admire the beautiful English countryside too. In Cambridge, we were lucky enough to stay in a cosy cottage with friends. One morning, snuggled in blankets and equipped with fresh pastries, we went bunting down the river around Cambridge University. We also visited the pub J. R. Tolkien

wrote Lord of the Rings in, which you may or may not appreciate. The town Bath was established by the Romans as a spa thanks to the natural hot springs in the area. You can still look around the ancient baths today, as well as meander around cobblestone streets and marvel at all the awesome old architecture. For night-time fun, there many options to check out. If you are into the theatre slash, or even if you’re not, you need to check at least one show. The West End is phenomenal and will probably change your life. I highly recommend Wicked, Phantom of the Opera and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. There are so many to choose from though, and it really depends on whatever floats your boat. Tickets can be quite expensive but you can get cheap ones on certain nights: just keep an eye out. London’s night life is so good! There are heaps of pub crawls you can do which are an excellent way of meeting new people and tearing up London town. The Camden pub crawl is especially choice! We were really lucky with accommodation. We slept on a lot of couches and in many random people’s beds - without the random people - thanks to some legendary family members who hooked us up. We did stay in a few backpackers as well, all of which were basic but nice. If you have a place to stay in London then you should totally take advantage of that but, if you are going to backpack, main advice would be to ensure you’re in a fairly central area so you don’t spend all your time and money training all around the show. Also, pack light. It isn’t ideal to lug mass amounts of baggage around with you in the snow, or worse, up and down stairs in the underground station during peak hour traffic. Lesson learned. The time I spent in London was super. Travelling with a group of friends was so much fun and we met so many great people along the way. The English, Irish and Scottish folk we met were all lovely. Lucky for us, Kiwis seem to be loved and welcomed with big, fat open arms in other countries. So, if like me you hear a regal voice on the horizon summoning you to the other side of the world, it is London calling, and you should go.

EATANDREAPWHATYOUSOW F O O D CO L U M N – L O C A L F O O D N E T W O R K

GROW YOUR OWN

If you have an outdoor garden, now is the perfect time of year to plant broad bean seeds or grow a green manure crop. A green manure crop is a bunch of non-edible plants that trap important nutrients then, 6 - 8 weeks after planting, is cut down and dug into the soil, preparing it for spring planting. It’s also a great way to break up soil. Green manure seed mixes can be bought from most garden centres, and often includes mustards, lupins, and grains. Indoors, it’s time to start thinking about what vegetables you will want to plant over summer; tomatoes, squash, and eggplants need to start from seed soon. LOCAL EATING

Winter is the best time to enjoy citrus fruit. At the moment, lemons, limes, mandarins, tangerines and oranges are in great supply, with grapefruit on its way. Also around are lots of brassicas, the “cabbage family”, including broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, kale and, of course, cabbage. Winter in general is a great time to eat lots of greens, and kale has been called a super-food for all the vitamins and minerals it contains, so get it while it’s cheap and plentiful! Try it in this recipe:

KALE, CAULIFLOWER AND WHITE BEAN PASTA

INGREDIENTS

1 medium cauliflower, broken into small to medium-sized pieces 1 medium bunch kale (silverbeet also works as a substitute, but needs less cooking time) finely chopped 4 - 6 cloves garlic, peeled and lightly smashed 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes 1 lemon, zested 3 - 4 Tbs oil (olive is great, canola or whatever is fine too) 1 can white beans (optional), drained. Ricotta is a good substitute. 3 Tbs chopped parsley (or more if you like. It grows wild in the Wellington greenbelt, so keep an eye out when walking!) Parmesan (optional)

METHOD

Break cauliflower into medium florets (this will cause less mess than chopping it). Place floret in a pot with a teaspoon of salt, cover them with water and simmer for 5 to 10 minutes, until just cooked. Strain and let drip in the colander for a few minutes so they dry and cool. Put pasta on to boil, following instructions on the packet. Drain. Meanwhile, heat oil in a pan on medium-high heat. Add garlic and red pepper flakes and cook until the garlic cloves go brown. Add kale and lightly cooked cauliflower, stirring occasionally until cauliflower starts to brown on the outside and kale wilts. Combine pasta and contents of pan in a bowl. Add salt, white beans, lemon zest, chopped parsley and parmesan if using. Stir. Add more oil as needed. Enjoy!! FACT: Some types of kale can grow to up to 2 metres in height!

Find more information at not-for-profit organisation, Local Food Network, online at http://www.localfoodnetwork.org.nz/

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ASK A GURU

S E N S U A L A D V I C E – G U R U C L AY D A N

Dear Guru, I have been in a committed relationship for a year and a half, and have spent the entire time wanting to fuck other girls. I think about other people when we have sex all the time. I have found a girl who really wants the D, and I want to give her the D, but then I’d have cheated on my girl. My question is what is the best way to get cum stains out of my black skinny jeans? Sincerely, Cum Stain. Dear Cum-Stained-Black-Skinny-Jean-Emo boy, Firstly, your question gave me a good laugh. In all honesty, in the words of Russell Brand, my hero, humans are designed to be polygamists - our sole purpose is to populate the world, but religion, culture and all that shit has changed it, and we are now mostly monogamist creatures. This is not a bad thing. Having sex with one person is good. You begin to learn who they are, what they like, how to make them squirm, and tear up yo back (cunnilingus, lick the clitoris), place one finger deep into vagina, do the “come here” motion with that finger… (she’ll die). But, because we are designed to want to have sex with everything that moves, it can be hard and I think we can all admit to fantasising about other people while with your other half. As long as you only do it in your head. But why not be openly honest with your girlfriend? While putting your d in her v, tell her that you’re thinking of her mum, or whomever you are thinking of. It could ruin the moment, or if your girlfriend is into kinky shit, could really make her day. However, if you have been in a relationship for one-and-a half years, you must be in love with her, and she with you. This is what you have to weigh up. Do you stay with the girlfriend who you could ask to poke your bum and she would, or do you go with new girl, who maybe cool and different? If you are in love, you would pick your girlfriend. If you were not in love, you would pick the other girl. If you really, badly, want to put your D in new girl’s V, then pull out a C all over her B then maybe you have to end it with your girlfriend. As with the cum stain in your black skinny jeans,

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warm water and a little bit of baking soda will take the stain right out. Gently blot the area (don’t rub it like you did to your willy that made this happen in the first place), soaking the area affected by your little sperms that are trying to impregnate your jeans, and leave to dry. Dear Guru, So, last Semester I gave a friend a facial in the Turitea Library disabled toilets on Lvl 1. Does this make me a bad person? Does it make her? What about the disabled? Regards, Conflicted. I’ve heard that semen is good for the skin, but jizzing on people’s faces belongs to the pornos. Firstly, go you for finding a friend who wants your little potential children on their face. Secondly, how did this all cum to happen? After hours of study did you just say, “can I put salty cream all over your face?” Or did you walk in on them going to the loo, and thought, ‘perfect opportunity to jizz on their face’? Either way, you’re a lucky person. This does not make you a bad person, as long as she gave full consent for you doing so all over her face. Not only does it not make you a bad person, but it has opened up a potential career opportunity (if you are well-endowed) - become a pornstar, and then you can jizz on anyone’s face all the time, everyday. Does it make your friend a bad person? No. If she is into that, then go her. She could also enter the industry with you, and you could both create pornos named, “Hunny, you’re in my eye”, or since you did it at uni, “Cum-a-demia” (like academia, but with cum instead). However, university isn’t the place to do this kind of thing, and you can get in deep shit if you’re caught doing it - sorry to go all serious on you. Hire out a nice $20 dingy hotel room that is already cumstained and do it there…. you’d find plenty of places like that in Palmerston North! Ooooh… I went there. Dear Guru I’m a student, a 21 y/o dude looking for something real. It seems pretty hard to come across these days. A great wave of dumping with the

excuse “I just don’t feel like being in a relationship anymore” has broken the hearts of about 7 guys I know over the past two weeks. Call me crazy but I’m not really into having sex with someone I just met two hours ago in the club. Do you think I should stay on my course of finding the one or should I just give up and try to get used to going on pussy patrol? Sincerely, This Guy Has Feelings Mate. Looking for love in the club, even though Usher thinks it is possible, is not the best place to find it. However, if you are finding it hard to pick up girls outside of the clubbing arena, jump back in there, have fun, get drunk, grind on anything, and try meet a girl that way. Make it obvious that you want something other then just a 20 second fuck in the club toilet, and get her number, and call her maybe. Pop songs provide all the answers. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? If in doubt, listen to Katy Perry. Guru, I have been treated badly by my ex-boyfriends and I know I deserve better, but now I feel like new people I start to see are just not good enough, what do I do? Cordially, Too Sexy There are 7 billion people in the world today. Your soul mate is out there; so don’t worry about not being able to find the right one yet. But at the same time, don’t feel like the ones you are seeing now aren’t good enough for you. It always seems like the nice guys always come last in the race of winning hearts, and the bad guys are the ones girls fall in love with. You have obviously experienced bad guys in the past; they are selfish, mean and just don’t care. So go for the nice guys, and give them a chance. Initially you’ll want that bad ruggedness, but you’ll soon get over that and realise that some boys are actually really nice, and you deserve to be with them. Apparently, according to Google, the sex is better too. I’m a nice guy, and I always cum last - unless I’m drunk and dolphin-ing and seizure-ing in my girlfriends vagina. Then it’s all about me).

MY FESTIVAL PICKS – WHAT ARE YOURS? F I L M CO L U M N – PA U L B E R R I N G T O N

The New Zealand International Film Festival is a yearly event that features one of the best film programmes that you’re likely to see anywhere. This month I suggest a few films I believe are essential viewing, but don’t take my word for it, head over to the website or grab yourself a programme and get your own list going on. Geoff Murphy’s 1983 film Utu, follows the vengeance of Maori chief Te Wheke, set during the Land Wars and here given the “redux” treatment. It is one of the finest NZ films of the 80s, from one of our most successful directors. Steven Soderbergh is as prolific as ever, following his recent thriller Side Effects, with Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra, starring Michael Douglas as the famed showman and Matt Damon as his hidden lover. Takeshi “Beat” Kitano almost singlehandedly brought Japanese gangster films to a worldwide audience and his latest, Outrage Beyond, is billed as a welcome return to form, following a power-bent cop on the warpath against corporate villains. Another

film not for the squeamish is the highly rated, Heli, whose Mexican director Amat Escalante took out the top prize at this year’s Cannes Film Festival. Mood Indigo sees festival favourite Michel Gondry return to his native France for a typically bizarre film, set in an alternate reality, featuring musings on love and existence. Terence Malick directs Ben Affleck and Rachel McAdams in To the Wonder, his followup to The Tree of Life which, like its predecessor, is concerned with theology and love. Between 2008 and 2009, a group of high school students stole $3m worth of celebrities’ clothes and jewellery, and were garnered the nickname, The Bling Ring. Sofia Coppola’s film of the same name tells their tale while making fun of the cult of celebrity. Anyone who saw Sound of My Voice will already have their tickets to The East, the latest collaboration between Zal Batmanglij and actor Brit Marling, which follows a private investigator going undercover in a terrorist group. On the documentary front, Alex Gibney’s, We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks and Joshua

Oppenheimer’s The Act of Killing are essential viewing for those with an interest in politics, while Ornette: Made In America, Shirley Clarke’s film about free jazz innovator Ornette Coleman, and Nothing Can Hurt Me, which details cult Memphis rock band Big Star, provide music nerds with treats. And if you like the weird stuff like me, the Incredibly Strange film selection is always a highlight. Japanese maestro Takashi Miike returns to horror with Lesson of the Evil, which chronicles a psychopathic college teacher. The Alexandre Aja scripted Maniac, is not for the fainthearted, recently banned by the chief censor, and featuring Elijah Wood in a remake of the 80s cult classic. A Field in England is the latest from Ben Wheatley, with Julian Barrett of The Mighty Boosh in a lead role. Much hyped Cheap Thrills looks set to be an audience favourite, asking the question “how far would you go for money?” Head over to the website for more details on the NZIFF in your city: https://www.nziff.co.nz/

HOW THE GABEN STOLE CHRISTMAS G A M I N G CO L U M N – C A L L U M O ’ N E I L L

So the Steam summer sale happened. Once again the parts of the internet that I frequent were plastered with videos and images of the founder of Valve Software, Gabe Newell, superimposed onto various prophets handing out deals as if they were miracles. And once again, I was disappointed by the “offerings” he had to sell me. Don’t get me wrong, the games are still going on sale for ridiculously cheap prices: I picked up the sublime Just Cause 2 for the same price I would pay for a butter chicken pie at the dairy. But I felt sort of disappointed by the whole transaction, like the time chicken got kind of expensive, so the succulent chicken breast usually found in my butter chicken pies was replaced by horrid cubes of processed bird-meat. It was missing the magic of Steam sales past. Steam Sales used to be true events: you’d buy games really cheap, sure, but Steam had a meta-game

of sorts going on where you could trade in tickets for a chance to win prizes. You’d get these tickets by actually playing the games you had purchased, earning achievements and, generally, having fun. These days Steam sales are the opposite of fun. The “daily” deals aren’t daily at all. Skyrim went on sale at its discounted “daily deal” price at least three times over the course of the 10-day sale. Waking up to check what was new on Steam used to be like Christmas morning. Now I wake up or, more aptly, get woken up by some noisy thing outside, squint at my phone, which is the equivalent of staring into the sun on a hot summer’s day, and then slump back to sleep as I realise the 48-hourlong “daily” deals are games I have already owned for years, or are things that I picked up earlier in the eight-hour-long flash sales that run throughout. Gone too are the fun tickets and achievements. They’ve been replaced by a system of trading cards,

designed only to line Valve’s already filthy rich, independent pockets with gold. To earn trading cards in games you “play” them for a certain amount of time. Of course, this means you can leave them idling in the background as you laugh at cats jumping out of boxes on Youtube. The catch is, you can only earn half of the trading cards of a complete set, the rest you’ll need to either beg your friends for or head to the Steam Marketplace, a Valve controlled trading environment where users can sell their cards for money to spend in the Steam store. Valve siphons off a cut from all sales so they can continue filling their pools with liquid platinum. The worrying part of this all, is that people actually engage in this crazy economy for little more than silly emoticons to use in Steam’s mediocre chat client. That is one of the few rewards completing a set of trading cards can grant you. Gabe Newell has become the Grinch who stole Steam sales.

MASSIVE COLUMNS

PACIFIC RIM C ALLUM O’NEILL

I love giant robots. I sit writing this review at a desk that covered in gundam models posed with impractically large beam-rifles and ridiculous lightsaber shield combinations. When I heard Hollywood was putting its own spin on the mecha genre I was a little worried. Transformers was an intangible mess of fight scenes between near identical hunks of metal; now they were going to ruin my favourite anime genre too? I can, however, gladly say that Pacific Rim not only captures the absurd seriousness of the mecha genre perfectly, but also provides an incredibly unique and entertaining visual experience. In the near future, giant monsters – kaiju - have emerged from the depths of the Pacific Ocean to wreak havoc on the world. Faced with the fact that the human race could all be killed, the world’s governments somehow unite and create giant robots, known as jaegers, to fight off the menace. It’s all very cheesy, but it’s a film about giant robots fighting monstrous creatures: the whole premise is cheesier than a party bag of Cheese Supreme Doritos. None of it really matters. It’s all there to provide

MANIAC (2012) PA U L B E R R I N G T O N

Every now and then a film comes along that pushes the boundaries of morality and taste further out, testing viewers own standards for what should and should not be seen on screen. A remake of William Lustig’s cult 1980 slasher film, Maniac is a new addition to this unique club, taking its audience along for a disturbing and often unwatchable journey into the mind of a schizophrenic killer. Frank Zito (Elijah Wood) runs a mannequin business, something he has inherited from his mother, who also masqueraded as a prostitute. He is mentally disturbed by this and has never been able to form any meaningful relationships. This makes Frank’s attempts at meeting a companion disastrous, firstly killing a woman met on a dating site, before experiencing sexual impulses which manifest into violent murders, in which he scalps his victims, attaching them to his favoured antique mannequins, while using them as a conduit to speak with his dead mother. Into this twisted life walks Anna (an excellent Nora Anezeder), a photographer who wants to use his mannequins as part of an upcoming exhibition. With much difficulty, Frank forms a relationship with her, fighting his impulses, exposing his emotions, with devastating results. Few exploitation films leave you this disturbed.

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justification for the existence of these giant robots, and the spectacle of this film is really where it shines. Everything about the film is fun. You can’t help but smile as you see robots fighting monsters among the neon-drenched streets of Hong Kong. It’s like something ripped out of the twisted imagination of an eight-year-old with a handful of hand-medown toys and a city made of blocks waiting to get destroyed. Unlike the Transformers movies, which are about as fun as watching two empty cans of baked beans colliding in slow-motion for several hours, Pacific Rim takes those cans and makes them do things you thought cans could never do. Another standout feature of the film is its fantastic soundtrack, composed by Ramin Djawadi (Game of Thrones) and featuring guitar work by the legendary Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine). Morello’s signature heavily-distorted industrial guitar features prominently and is a perfect fit for the hulking jaegers and corroding spray as the kaiju wrench themselves from the Pacific. Pacific Rim isn’t deep or moving; it won’t leave you in tears but it will thoroughly entertain you. It’s just bombastic fun and that’s something we haven’t seen anywhere near enough of lately.

Maniac is shot from a first person point-of-view, making the audience witness every single sickening murder through Frank’s eyes. It’s an ingenious piece of technique from director Franck Khalfoun and writer/producer Alexandre Aja, taking the viewer on a voyeuristic journey that will have you hiding behind your own hands or simply running for the door. Wood’s dough eyes cut like razors and the actor is surprisingly effective in this against-type role, making us feel every schizophrenic suggestion by his mother, while also providing a sad empathy to this disturbed individual and his uncontrollable motivation. It’s a brave career move, and a million miles away from the all-American warmth he typically brings to a role. Another strong point is the setting, a dimly-lit, often surreal looking Los Angeles, which we view from Frank’s car as he cruises for victims, like moving through a wasteland. If the film loses a little momentum as the relationship with Anna becomes more complicated, the hyperbolic violence of the finale more than makes up for it, overwhelming even hardy horror fans with its intensity. The musical score is also a revelation, composed by one half of the French band Air with a nod to the likes of Halloween or Suspiria, it matches the surrealism of the imagery perfectly. Certainly not for the fainthearted, Maniac is the sort of film that sneaks up on you, shocking you into submission, making you question just how

UPSTREAM PACIFIC RIMCOLOUR (2013) (2013) 4/5 DIRECTOR Guillermo Shane Caruth de Toro STARRING Charlie Amy Seimetz, Hunnam, Shane Idris Carruth, Elba,

Rinko Kikuchi

UPSTREAM MANIAC (2012) COLOUR (2013) 4/5 DIRECTOR Franck Shane Caruth Khalfoun STARRING Elijah Amy Seimetz, Wood, Nora ShaneAnezeder Carruth,

much you can watch, and then going back for more. Sure the scalping, beheadings, and slashed throats become overwhelming, but this is an exploitation classic in the making, and a film that is as frightening and haunting as the likes of Evil Dead and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Michael Douglas plays Liberace as charismatic, BEHIND THE CANDELABRA PA U L B E R R I N G T O N

Ever-prolific Steven Soderbergh directs this often quite brilliant tale of Liberace and lover, Scott Thorson’s, years spent together in Las Vegas toward the end of Mr Showmanship’s career. Recreating the extravagant world of indulgence in much detail and drawing out perhaps the best performance of Michael Douglas’ career. Scott Thorson (Matt Damon) is a 17 year-old bisexual introduced to Liberace backstage after one of his shows in a Las Vegas Casino. The two soon enter a relationship, Scott employed as Liberace’s “right-hand man”, while the flamboyant showman continues to keep his true sexual identity hidden away from fans. The year is 1977 and, while Liberace indulges in cosmetic surgery, cookery, excessive shopping and bouts of sex, Scott becomes hooked on “the California diet”, a mix of amphetamines and diet pills prescribed by “Lee’s” private physician, Dr Jack Startz (played hilariously by Rob Lowe). The two lovers share a strong, yet strange bond, intimate yet also oddly like father and son, something emphasised by Liberace’s wish to adopt Scott. Eventually the excessive lifestyle begins to poison their relationship, Liberace’s desires overwhelming his commitment to Scott, and the younger man fighting intensified addiction and paranoid jealousy, both unable to keep their dream alive.

THE LOOK OF LOVE LIZ CHANDLER

The Look of Love is a biopic based on the outrageously true story of Paul Raymond, who gained the title of the richest man in England three weeks after his daughter’s death. The story is a retrospective look at Raymond’s life through his own eyes just after the 1992 death of his daughter, Debbie, from a drug overdose, and the excesses that her father’s money bought her. Paul Raymond’s life journey is a rags-to-riches story, which can explain some of his later approaches to money. His journey to success started in 1958, when he opened a “gentlemen’s club” - the Raymond Revue Bar - in Soho, London, quite notorious at that time. The club was so hot that, seemingly, no male could resist it. Along the way, Raymond’s empire grew to include a men’s magazine (which was subject to court injunctions because of its racy content), nude theatre production, and an extensive real estate holding, which was estimated at two thirds of all the property in London’s Soho district. By the time of his death in 2008 his estate was, conservatively, valued at more than £100 million; this estate was still being finalised five years after his death.

camp, an intensely hard worker, yet also driven by a sinister undercurrent in his personality, exposing a huge ego, but also a slight vulnerability. It is a particularly fine turn from an actor so often typecast. As usual, Matt Damon is solid as Thorson, and at his best in the early scenes, where his naivety creates some funny moments. The likes of Scott Bakula and Dan Aykroyd show up in character roles, and the ensemble cast has a lot of fun. Soderbergh adds a satirical element to the story, which is based on Thorson’s own memoir, and this allows a first act full of laughs and virtuosic editing, before more dramatic scenes that come later. His camera lingers over the massive amounts of decadence that surround or adorn Liberace. Huge gold rings, glittering gowns with sweeping capes, a palace full of self-portraits and “Austrian rhinestones”, fill the screen with colour, making the film a visual feast. Perhaps the only point at which the film falters is in the final act where the pacing seems to skip over a few details, but this is countered by a rousing ending and is only a small gripe. For what is essentially a romp through an overlyflamboyant performer’s excessive lifestyle, Behind the Candelabra manages to also examine the up and downs of relationships with some poignancy. While we are welcomed to laugh at the odd world on screen, we are also forced to ask some serious questions and, finally, leave the film with a slight sense of sadness, and perhaps a little bit of glitter in the eye.

Steve Coogan aptly plays the role of Paul Raymond and seems to carry the movie. Other key roles in the movie are played by less well-known actors, including Anna Friel and Tamsin Egerton. Notable is Imogen Poots who portrays Raymond’s daughter, Debbie, the true love of his life. Poots gives a sound performance of Debbie Raymond’s life, Debbie was her father’s business partner, and being groomed to take over his empire. The Daily Telegraph described the movie as “funny and touching”. However, the movie does leave viewers with a sense of pity, at the same time understanding of Raymond’s lifestyle, in which drugs and sex were rife, and in which he spent his final years, after his daughter’s death, as a recluse counting his fortune and finding ways of hiding it. The story is moderately interesting, giving an insight into Raymond’s porn fortune-based lifestyle. The narrative flicks back and forth between 1992 and different parts of his life as Raymond reflects upon his life leading up to his daughter’s death. The cinematography captures a sense of pity for Paul Raymond, at the end of his life having amassed a large fortune based on the porn industry - but without the “love of his life”, dead as a consequence of the excesses of that same lifestyle.

UPSTREAM BEHIND THECOLOUR CANDELABRA (2013) 4/5 (2012) DIRECTOR Shane Caruth 4/5

STARRING Amy Seimetz, Shane Carruth, DIRECTOR Steven Soderbergh STARRING Matt Damon, Rob Lowe

Michael Douglas, Dan Ackroyd, Scott Bakula

THE LOOK OF LOVE (2013) 4/5 DIRECTOR Michael Winterbottom STARRING Imogen Poots, Steve Coogan,

Anna Friel

MASSIVE COLUMNS

CROSSWORD ACROSS 1. Travel document 6. Heroism 12. Hardest 17. Alleviated 18. Devoured 19. Airport building 20. Having healing properties 21. Elastic 22. Brooch clip 24. Fatality 26. Vice, bad ... 29. Fringed cords 33. Movie title music 36. Keepsake 39. Move like a worm 41. Drifter 42. Petite 43. Legendary kingdom, El ... 44. Length units 46. Bleated 48. Israeli lake, Sea of ... 50. Geometric design style, Art ... 52. If not, or ... 54. Irish county 56. Part of eon 58. Ocean phase 60. Jog 61. Cry 62. Gaining entry to 66. Bike rider 67. Weapon, ... missile 70. S African ex-president, Nelson ... 71. Sow’s baby 72. Unlit area 73. Pose for picture

135. Jungle (climate)

31. Sun & planets, ... system

75. Fierce

136. Office reminders

32. Climbing frames

76. Treatment

137. Relabelling

34. Sky

77. Income cheats, tax ...

138. Peru beast

35. News outlets

78. Gave go-ahead to

139. Inches (toward)

37. Unforgettable crooner, ... King Cole

80. Dear ... or Madam

140. Lung inflammation

38. Start (of illness)

81. Paid male escort

141. Insurance estimators

39. Arm joint

82. Jewish scholars

142. Staidly

40. Wedding vow (1,2)

85. Greek resin wine 88. Joys 90. Purify 93. Devil-worshippers 95. Pester 96. 500 sheets of paper 97. Festive occasion 99. Dawn moisture 100. Bunnies 102. Illuminating gas 104. Manipulative person 105. Queen singer, Freddie ... 108. French saint, Joan ... (2,3) 110. Inflexible 112. Artery, blood ... 114. Wears away 117. Types 118. Eminent 119. Aquatic bird 120. Minor hitches 122. Perfumed burning stick 126. Flow-rate gauge 129. Was brave enough 132. Local phraseology

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45. Nursery rhyme, ... Margery Daw

DOWN 1. Asphalt 2. Bush 3. Published 4. Attained 5. High 6. Opals & pearls 7. Proficient 8. Chop cuts 9. Gullible 10. Peruses 11. Famous Ivy-League college 12. Try out 13. Constantly busy (2,3,2) 14. Tremendously 15. Variety bill presenter 16. Cooking herb 23. Opposed to 25. Spiritual glow 27. Hawaii is known as the ... State 28. Conjure up 30. Anyone

47. Barons & dukes 48. Locust relative 49. Julia Roberts film, ... Brockovich 51. Drumming insects 53. Load 54. Dress-up toy 55. Lewdly 57. In addition 59. Biological community 60. Giggling 61. Sink in middle 63. Absurd pretence 64. Nicotine addicts 65. First Bible book 67. Divides into halves 68. Rome’s language 69. Leaf brew pourers 74. Casks 79. Disheartens 81. Bit persistently 83. Support garments 84. Grovel 86. Dejected

87. Single thing 89. Walking slowly 90. Corporate boss (1,1,1) 91. Wool grease 92. UFOs, flying ... 94. Slant 96. This Means War actress, ... Witherspoon 98. Fable writer 101. Foreigner 103. Golfer’s two under par 106. Mountain chain top 107. Young society entrant 109. Conger or moray 111. Records file 112. Graffiti hooligans 113. Speak indistinctly 115. Smallgoods shop 116. Blue-eyed cats 117. Ugandan capital 120. Stomach crunch (3-2) 121. Make amends 122. Notions 123. Throttle 124. Approaches 125. Downy duck 127. Offal dish 128. Football code 130. Wartime friend 131. Actress, ... Thompson 133. Fathers 134. Raw metals

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