Massive Magazine Volume 1 Issue 8

THE VOICE OF MASSEY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS - OCTOBER 2012 - ISSUE 8

PLAIN PACKAGING - AIDS - FASHION WEEK - SPECTRES www.massivemagazine.org.nz

CONTENTS ISSUE EIGHT Three million and two hundred sixty four thousand pages. That’s how many pages of MASSIVE have been through the press this year for our eight editions. Incredible really. It’s a good thing we pay extra for FSC certified paper Now at the end of 2012 we can see how this MASSIVE beast evolved.

It first started out of its cave with wobbly, newborn legs, timid to the daylight and bleary-eyed to the sun.

But soon, fed by the weight of paper through the press, the beast evolved.

It learnt from its mistakes, grew some claws to defend itself, and has now evolved into something unique within the marketplace. It is difficult to think that just a year ago, it didn’t exist. Just an idea afloat in limbo moving with the breeze.

Those responsible for this evolution are one in the same with whoever is reading this editorial now, or flicking through the pages. Without the readers, the writers, the photographers, the illustrators, and the storymakers, there would have been no MASSIVE magazine. Your support and hard work throughout the year has given MASSIVE the ability to grow, evolve, and become something for students, by students. Looking at the comments of the ASPA judges I could see how far we have come and how strong we have has become in just 240 days. Here’s to next year.

Now it is time for me to hand over the reins as Editor. I believe, and MASSIVE believes, that in order to maintain a relevant student publication, the editor needs to be a student, or recent graduate. Given that I collected my degree this year, it’s time for me to make room for the next up-and-coming editor. I’m keen to see the direction it takes under its new stewardship.

It’s been a hell of a ride, from Magneto to MASSIVE, and I would like to offer one last thanks to everyone who helped us produce this magazine and get behind the vision.

Oh, and thanks for all the fish.

Matt Shand, MASSIVE editor

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REGULARS 04. IN SHORT 18. WELLINGTON NOTICES 20. ALBANY NOTICES 22. MANAWATU NOTICES 26. LETTERS 66. COLUMNS 68. REVIEWS 70. COMIC 72. PUZZLES

FEATURES 29. THE GHOSTS OF CARLILE HOUSE 32. TOBACCO - THE PLAIN PACKS 34. A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION 40. TRIUMPH FROM TRAGEDY AT FASHION WEEK 44. DRUGS V CONDOM: SANITY OR SUICIDE? 46. BAHRAIN: ISLAND OF CONTRADICTION AND OPPORTUNITY 48. SWINGS AND ROUNDABOUTS 52. CHELSIE PRESTON-CRAYFORD MAKES A MOVIE 54. MILLS AND POON: THE CLIMAX

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT 58. MASSEY’S GOT TALENT

60. ‘FRESH MEAT’ STAR GRABS HER CHANCE

SPORTS

62. NRL WRAP UP 64. MARY, A FISH IN WATER

EDITOR Matt Shand editor@massivemagazine.org.nz 04 801 5799 ext 62068 DESIGN, LAYOUT & ART DIRECTION Cameron Cornelius allstylenotalent@gmail.com 04 801 5799 ext 62064 ADVERTISING & SPONSORSHIP MANAGER Jacob Webb advertising@mawsa.org.nz 04 801 5799 ext 62069 027 894 8000

CONTRIBUTORS

Miriam Richdale, Daniel Austin, Annabel Hawkins, Olivia Marsden, Blake Leitch, Matt Shand, Yvette Morrisey, Morgan Browne, Georgia Forrester, Mike Ross, Jimmy Jansen, Alex Sorensen, Shelly Venning, Sarah Burton, Abigail Leggett, Jack Biggs, Yasmine Jellyman, Daniel Hargreaves, Claydan Kirvan, Dick Hardy, Jenna Talia, Paul Berrington, Olivia Jordan, Andrew McLeod, Cameron Cornelius, Trent Pedley, Jae Hee Lee, Amelia Jenkinson

PUBLISHER WWW.MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ ISSN 2253-5918 (Print) ISSN 2253-5926 (Online)

This publication uses vegetable based inks and environmentally responsible papers. The document is printed throughout on SUMO Laser, which is FSC® certified and from responsible and Well Managed Forests, manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems. MASSIVE magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

FEATURE

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Jenn Tamati - English Teacher, Poland

“I used to think I was going to have a straight foreward life. I thought I was going to know exactly what I wanted to do with myself, be good at it and enjoy it. It turned out it wasn’t that simple. So I decided since life threw a wrench into the works, I would too. That’s when I packed up and flew to Poland for a Gap Year with Lattitude Global Volunteering.

I arrived in Warsaw with 30 other volunteers not knowing what to expect of the next 5 months. I wasn’t sure how I was going to teach English to Polish speaking youths (who were considerably close to my age). When the time came for everyone to depart to their placements it started to settle in that I was in a strange country thousands of miles from home and was a bit overwhelming. It’s something you just have to take as it comes. I met my host family, was introduced to the school, began assisting with lessons and everything slowly but naturally fell into place. I

never would of thought, but I really enjoyed teaching. By the end of my placement I was not only holding classes on my own, but relieving for teachers (not just from the English department).

The culture was amazing and everyone was really interested in mine. I was constantly asked to do the Haka, which I politely refused, but made up for it by singing a Waiata to 200 confused but appreciative 12-15 year olds. I picked up enough of the language to get along without a student or member of my host family translating, and still enjoy throwing a few Polish phrases around back home.

In terms of what I learnt about myself , it was a bit like re-organising my room. I rummaged through everything I had. Threw out the things that were no longer important, realised the things that were.

Discovered some things I forgot I’d even had and was surprised they still worked. On my return home I came back with a fistfull of experience, a headfull of amazing memories and a long list of friends from all over the world who I was excited to one day revisit.

I could go on and on and tell you every detail of every place and person I connected with on my Overseas Gap Year but its not going to change the fact you are still sitting here reading this. You could know every fact and statistic about a culture but there is no higher understanding than being immersed in it. You thought you knew everything about yourself but you’ll see the real you when confronted with situtation you’ve never encountered. There is a big wide world out there. Go see it for yourself.”

Mariah Hommelhoff – Community Worker, Fiji

“I was 17 and eager for a challenge. My first day involved a rugged, bumpy, muddy trek in the jeep through the landscape of Ovalau Island. I was dropped off outside the school which was positioned right in front of the ocean, and I was alone! The kids all ran out and took my hand with great smiles and full of excitement, already calling me ‘madam’ while the other kids carried my backpack with a wheelbarrow to my room. It was all very overwhelming and surreal. They started me with Class 1 and 2 straight away! One month ago I was in school, now I’m the teacher.

Everything is new and exciting, you learn to adapt and change your lifestyle, any materialistic item that was once important to you is now easy to live without, and your perception of the world

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completely changes. All that matters to you are the new friends you make and the family back at home. Once you can say ‘Bula Vinaka’ and drink kava at full tide you’re already a part of the family.

I kept a journal through my adventure in Fiji and this was one particular entry that I can always relate to: “It’s evening turning into night and I hear the familiar sounds of the village; scraping coconuts, pounding of the kava, the last few machetes chopping through the plantations, the final truck dropping off market ladies while villagers stop to say ‘Bula vinaka’.

You can hear the loud beats of the lali drum as the community start to gather for church. The distant echoes of farmers yelling ‘moce’ to his neighbour and the buzz of the surrounding jungle, mosquitoes are coming out and the sun is turning the sky pink. The waterfall is still overflowing from the morning’s rain as everyone gathers to rinse out the last of the washing.

Mothers are rounding up the kids for their evening ‘sili’ (bath) while they still run around in the mud with the soccer ball. My host family and I just had our ‘wee’ fruit under the mango tree, baby Brian is squirming and we all go in to have ‘masu’ (prayers). Dinner is served - cassava and rourou leaves and my host mum yells “kana” (food). Fiji is a challenge, the village of Rukuruku changed my life and, beyond some of its rough exteriors, it is a magical place of family, generosity, community and rich culture.”

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IN SHORT

MASSIVE VICTORIES AT ASPA AWARDS MASSIVE magazine received high accolades at the recent Aotearoa Student Press Awards (ASPA) for 2012, taking home a myriad of awards ranging from feature writing, to design, to photography.

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he ASPA awards are an annual awards ceremony that recognises the achievements, and talent, of student journalism and publications. The awards are sponsored by Fairfax Media and Massey University to promote student journalism and emerging talent. MASSIVE would like to thank all the writers, photographers and illustrators who took out awards on the night, as well as all our contributors who have helped give MASSIVE magazine a great first year. Without your contributions we couldn’t have made MASSIVE what it is today, and we look forward to continued success next year.

BEST PUBLICATION – HIGHLY COMMENDED Contributors: Everyone!

Judge Tim Pankhurst: “Outstanding design, sensational covers, terrific content, strong advertising. The merger of 3 mags into one has paid off. Some good journalism that would sit easily in mainstream publications.

Fessed up to their typos. Jenna Talia, an interesting concept/correspondent.”

BEST DESIGN – HIGHLY COMMENDED Contributors: Cameron Cornelius (designer) and all our photographers and illustrators.

Judge Hadley Donaldson: “Strong and consistent design. Pleasant and never over-busy or amateurish. Not as adventurous as some of the other publications.

Really, really well curated in terms of artistic contributors.”

RUNNER UP – BEST ORIGINAL PHOTOGRAPHY Contributors: Sarah Burton, Steven Buck, Dayma Otene Judge John Selkirk: “Skateboard photo well composed, works well in black and white, Portrait of woman well lit, helps with subject looking away, effective. Photo of building appears to have a Photoshop effect but acceptable in its context as an illustration but such manipulated images should be used sparingly I feel.

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UNPAID NEWS WRITER- HIGHLY COMMENDED Contributor: Yvette Morrissey Article: Communication Lacking over Study Materials Judge Alan Samson: “An important story for students about their university’s changed methods of distributing course notes: everything now is electronic. “ Judge Kevin Norquay: “University tries to save itself money and students wind up paying, is a cracking yarn. This is helpful to the audience, and indicates ways the system can be improved, and the rights students have.

It is the perfect student magazine material, to my mind. It even offers solutions.”

BEST FEATURE – OVERALL WINNER Contributor: Jamie Christian Desplaces Feature: Fracking: The Deeper you dig the darker it gets Judge Paul Elino’s: “An outstanding entry.

This is an absolutely compelling and challenging article that is the result of persistently asking questions, chasing down official information that is buried or classified and probing behind officialdom’s answers. It is written in a clear and revealing way. The messages that come out of this investigation should worry residents of some parts of Taranaki and mainstream media should be doing a lot more to expose what’s gone on.”

BEST FEATURE - RUNNER UP Contributor: Max Bell Feature: Reality on Depression Judge Donna Chisholm’s Comments: “Max Bell’s two part feature on depression was savagely honest but delicately handled, using many of the skills of a short story writer to add structure and keep the reader riveted.

The layout was simple and understated and all the better for that. This was a compelling, well-told story that didn’t need typographical bells and whistles.

BEST FEATURE WRITER – OVERALL WINNER Contributor: Matt Shand Features: Class of 1995, Extreme Makeover: Student Association Edition, Trespassing on Heritage.

Judge Paul Elilo’s comments: “The breadth of Matt’s portfolio of subjects shows his ability to handle a variety of topics. His piece on saving Erskine College was first class, highlighting the ironies present as various parties stake a claim for the high ground. Matt’s work is of a high journalistic standard.”

Judge Donna Chisholm’s Comments: “A strong portfolio of well-written, deftlystructured and well-researched stories made Matt’s entry a standout. His authoritative analysis of the “saving to death” of Wellington’s Erskine College brings fresh insights to a vexed debate, while The Class of 95 is a darkly reflective piece on his own growing up which will resonate with many readers. Matt has the ability to use a range of techniques to breathe narrative life into stories that might otherwise lack the urgency and compelling tone to pull the reader through to the end.”

BEST COVER – RUNNER UP Contributors: Tien Hee, BMD, Cameron Cornelius Judge Hadley Donaldson’s comment (issue 4): “I actually remember this cover very well seeing it around Wellington at the time of its release. It caught my eye a number of times.

It’s a fantastic illustration and I’d like to give it first place, but I feel it’s important the cover have a bearing on the contents of the issue in some way. In terms of the competition, it is #2, but it’s #1 in my heart.”

Judge Julian Petit’s comments (issue 5): “A bold cover that shows a deep faith in the evolution of the MASSIVE brand. Illustrative design is still a strong part of that identity, matched with laconic coverlines that demand resolution by getting inside the mag.”

BEST COMIC – OVERALL WINNER Contributor: Thijs de Koning Judge Adrian Kinnaird: “Solid narrative storytelling, with a really individual art style.”

MASSIVE ARTISTS, ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Cover Art – Jordan Debney www.eyerupture.com An unnatural collective for the obscene and vile artwork of a human otherwise known as Jordan Debney. Other than polluting his insides with the caffeinated beverages that fuel his mental being, he’s disrupting more sane-like human minds with pieces of repulsive artworks that give a purpose for continual existence.

This obsession for a constant need to turn something beautiful into the form of a grotesque creature, usually a creature, which in its abnormal form is barfing every organ the cruel creator’s mental instability had given him More of Jordan’s work is featured on this page.

Mills and Poon: Dick Hardy and Jenna Talia Artwork Jacob Sparrow jacobsparrowsrighthand.tumblr. com Jacob studied illustration at Massey, graduating in the class of 2010. He approached MASSIVE last month to illustrate articles and did a spectacular job on the artwork for Fish out of Water. This month he returns to MASSIVE to illustrate one of our popular features, Mills & Poon, and has done a stunning job illustrating the story and bringing the characters to life. Check out some of his artwork online, and if you ever have any need of some freelance illustration work email: jacobsparrow@gmail.com Chelsie Preston-Crayford Makes a Movie Photography Sarah Burton sarahburton.co.nz New Zealand Fashion week Photography - Nic Fletcher The Ghosts of Carlile House Photography - Morgan Browne

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IN SHORT

STUDENT ELECT Ben Thorpe More Popular than PussY THE WELLINGTON STUDENT ELECTIONS HAVE drawn to a close with Ben Thorpe resecuring his position as student president by beating the campus cat, Pipi, 81-26. Despite the victory, the elections reflect a dismal turn out by student voters, and not even the addition of a joke candidate could inspire voters to spend a minute to tick a box.

This low turnout resulted from all positions being uncontested so there was next to no campaigning from candidates and no real incentive for people to actually vote since all positions were guaranteed.

Wellington does score points for allowing their joke candidate to actually run, as opposed to Albany’s campus cow, Nicki Moo-Naj, being removed from the ballot without warning or notification. This prevented there being any doubt about Thorpe’s ability to out-politicise resident animals.

Running against the popular campus attraction that is Pipi was actually a tall order for returning President Thorpe, who was worried about the pull the ‘cute little fluffball’ would have with students. The internet has also proven cats to be one of the most popular animals in the world with many gaining celebrity statuses. But in the end Thorpe’s charisma, and acumen won out again and he was elected without a single ‘no-confidence’ vote.

Given the lack of campaigning from candidates, it was hard to know what the objectives of each candidate was for this year aside from which biscuit they would rather be. Their performance will be assessed in the pages of

next year’s MASSIVE.

BEN THORPE Student President 81 Votes

PIPI THE CAT Student President 26 Votes

CHARLOTTE WEBB Vice-President Welfare 74 Votes

LUAREN PARMENTER Vice-President Education 76 Votes

SARAH KILNER College of Creative Arts Executive 90 Votes

ASHLEIGH MORRIS Humanities, Social Sciences

79 Votes

ISSY THORPE Business Executive 79 Votes

JIMMY JANSEN Science Executive 72 Votes

JASSIYCA SALADURAY International Executive 79 Votes

EMILIA SA’U Pasifika Executive 83 Votes

TYLER DIXON Maori Executive 77 Votes

and Nursing Executive

Gordon-the-Dinosaur Runs for Palmy Presidency Several years ago Gordon-the-Dinosaur was a big man in Palmerston North. He would spend his days showing off his impressive DJ skills (aided by clawed fingers to allow for easy ‘scratching’), run for local office, play a mean game of Frisbee, and chug down beers at student bars. However, after a bad turnout in the local office elections, he went into recluse. With the exception of a late night radio show on Control, he has hardly been seen But not anymore.

Gordon is making a play for Student President and is hoping the students will back his campaign for the top job.

MASSIVE was unable to get comment from him beause as we lacked a translator capable of speaking dinosaur but he seemed very enthusiastic about making the campus more accessible for creatures with stunted arms, and increasing campus culture…or he could have just been hungry.

Manawatu’s election was still underway as MASSIVE went to print. See their results online at massivemagazine.org.nz

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DUMB POLITICAL OUOTES

TIONS BOVINE BALLOT BANNED THE 2012 ASA ELECTIONS HAVE BEEN TALLIED and your representatives have been elected, and there are a few new faces in the mix.

Unfortunately, just 137 students voted which is a penetration rate of less than 2% of the Albany student body. Some last-minute encouragement at the Spring Fling Fair helped.

In the only contested position this year, Stephan van Heerden retained the presidency over former Recreation & Clubs Representative Jonathan McDonald in what has been described as a landslide – 82-48.

With the addition of already being a trusted president, the re-election could have come down to only a few things: van Heerden’s realistic view of the “fledgling” ASA, and a promise for “the best time at Massey”, and the student association’s survival.

Liz Clemm has now taken command as the new vice-president, bringing with her experience and maturity. James Collins, after being Men’s Welfare Representative for 2012, has taken on the mantle of Recreation & Clubs Representative for 2013.

His “ultimate goal would be to facilitate and organise ongoing and frequent competitions and events” which would provide a muchneeded boost to the students’ association.

Tuafono Teio has returned for her second term as International Representative, while Tayla Rea is entering her first as Women’s Welfare Representative.

The new roles of College of Education Representative and College of Sciences Representative were claimed by Hazel Gray and Hal Smith Stevens respectively. Stevens finds his role especially important considering he feels there is “an apparent lack of awareness amongst my peers in regards to the student association and the role our representatives should be playing in our journey as students”.

It remains to be seen whether the VSM bill will truly put an end to student associations and, unfortunately, with so few voters it is difficult to see if progress can be made to reinvigorate the ASA. However, these people are putting a lot of time and effort into ensuring it will not end on their watch.

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STEPHAN VAN HEERDEN

Student President

LIZ CLEMM Student Vice-President

“When I meet with world leaders, what’s striking - whether it’s in Europe or here in Asia...” - in Hawaii, Honolulu, Nov. 16, 2011 Barack Obama “In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed.” - on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people.

Barack Obama

HAL SMITH STEVENS College of Science Representative

TUAFONO TEIO International Representative

“First of all, I don’t see America having problems.” - George W. Bush, interview with Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics, Beijing, China, Aug. 10, 2008 “Amigo! Amigo!” - George W. Bush, calling out to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi in Spanish at the G-8 Summit, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008 ‘’I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.’’- Mitt Romney, using an unfortunate choice of words while advocating for consumer choice in health insurance plans (January 2012)

HAZEL GRAY College of Education Representative

JAMES COLLINS Recreation and Clubs Representative

“For seven and a half years I’ve worked alongside President Reagan. We’ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We’ve had some sex...uh...setbacks.” - George Bush Sr. “PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air.” – Mitt Romney on strapping his dog to the top of the car.

TAYLA REA Womens Welfare Representative

NICK-MOO-NAJ Student President

‘’Before we get started, let’s all say ‘Happy Birthday’ to Elvis Presley today.’’

- Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), while campaigning for president in South Carolina on what was actually the anniversary of Elvis’s death, Aug. 16, 2011 (Elvis was born on January 8) ‘’I’ll introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life.’’ - Mitt Romney, introducing his wife Ann while speaking at factory in Youngstown, Ohio, March 5, 2012 (He quickly corrected himself, saying ‘’I didn’t mean weight’’).

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IN SHORT

DISCOVER THE GODS OF GAMING

FEATURING OVER 100 PLAYABLE GAMES, TE PAPA’S latest blockbuster exhibition celebrates the work of the world’s most influential videogame designers. Including Peter Molyneux, Warren Spector, Tim Schafer, Hideo Kojima, and more.

This exciting exhibition showcases some of the most groundbreaking games ever made across arcades, consoles, PC and mobile platforms.

Presented in three sections, a spectacular live gaming universe has been custom built to allow visitors the opportunity to experience and explore rare original game artwork, revealing interviews with game designers and large-scale interactive displays.

Arcade Heroes focuses on the seminal arcade games of the late 1970s and early 1980s; Game Changers explores the work of the most influential game designers from the past 30 years; and

Indies will reveal how independently produced games are leading the way in game play and aesthetics.

Game Masters offers the rare opportunity to play Yu Suzuki’s full-body 1980s arcade games, including Out Run; take a dance challenge in Alex Rigopulous and Eran Egozy’s Dance Central 2; test yourself in a four-player version of Firemint’s Real Racing 2; and be immersed in a 3D display of Tetsuya Mizuguchi’s Child of Eden.

Also coming soon is the amazing Game Masters publication, which includes designer profiles, essays and over 100 images from your favourite games. Purchase from Te Papa Store.

Game Masters is at Te Papa from 15 December 2012 until 28 April 2013.

THOUSANDS OF REPONSES TO REVIEW IT (Distance Education Association of New Zealand) conference, in Wellington. It was also recognised at the International Conference on Information Technology in Education, held in Greece.

The results from the latest Review It survey for semester 1 papers are now online at Reviewit.net.nz.

The student-run survey collected more than 3400 responses for semester 1 papers and these have now been collated and published to help students find out about how others felt about papers they are thinking about enrolling in.

‘Peer-to-peer surveys are pretty rare,’ says Murray Kirk, who runs the survey, ‘And it’s nice to see Review It gaining some recognition beyond Massey.’

Earlier in the year, Review It won an award for best poster at the annual DEANZ

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‘The pleasing thing is seeing how students are using the survey results to inform their own study choices,’ says Murray. In June, the Review It website attracted 27,414 page views and users who accessed the site spent an average of just over 6 minutes each reading the results.

And it gets better. All those who do complete at least one survey go into a draw for one of four iPod shuffles.

A PLASTIC CARD… THAT SAVES STUDENTS MONEY?!?

A Plastic Card… that Saves Students Money?!?

So there’s something new for students kicking about on New Zealand streets and the fact that it will save you money makes us think it’s something for you.

It’s small, it’s green and it’s better at getting in the pants of students than any other ‘playa’ we’ve met on campus.

Some say it’s helped more students around the world than Red Bull at exam times, others say it’s more plastic than Paris Hilton’s face…

The phenomena we speak of is ISIC – The International Student Identity Card, your shortcut to premium student discounts and benefits across NZ and around the world!

The ISIC isn’t just your average piece of plastic, though. Flash this baby around and chances are you’ll be able to get a great discount at one of the 126,000 (that’s 354.972 for the maths geeks out there) benefit locations all across the world. And, yes, that even includes Aotearoa.

So then begs the question, is it for you?

Well, this is a personal choice but if you’re an average poor student living off 2-minute noodles like the rest of us, we say - you bet your sweet arse it is!

We’re talking discounts on food, retail, travel, computer gear and other lifestyle benefits from brands like Microsoft, Hells Pizza, STA travel, Habitual Fix, and Jeans West just to scratch the surface.

And if you find yourself in Tokyo after a big night out (don’t say it couldn’t happen) – the best part is that it’ll work there too.

Congratulations to the winners from the latest survey: Paul Denny from Auckland Amy Hulena from Levin Fetah Mukhtar from Wellington John Willingham from Palmerston North

Don’t let the name fool you, it’s for all students so if you’re a full-time student at Massey you’re eligible to apply.

The Review It survey for semester 2 and double semester papers will open in late October so keep an eye on your inbox for the invitation to review your papers.

MASSIVE magazine has nine ISIC cards to give away (three per campus). For details on how to win a free ISIC card check out our Facebook page.

Join over 4.5 million student cardholders around the world and get ready to flash (preferably your ISIC).

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IN SHORT

TOOTHFISH COMES TO TOWN

LINCOLN ROUTED BY INVINCIBLE MASSEY RUGBY, AND NETBALL, SOUADS

When pushed on the subject, Photospace Gallery owner James Gilberd expressed some anxiety about the upcoming Toothfish exhibition, which is due to open at Photospace on Friday October 12. For one thing, he has never actually met the ‘international’ street artist (or artists) who operate under that banner. For another, Toothfish has some oddball idea about paying people to take some of the artworks away from the gallery. This would, Gilberd says, appear to be bad business, and perhaps to be taking anti-Capitalism too far.

“I heard about Toothfish from an artist friend in London, who organised a Toothfish exhibition earlier in 2012. This friend had never met the artist either. All he can now tell me is of dealing with a person wearing what looked to be a mask made from a horse’s skull. The artist refused to remove the mask, which was hampering communication, and she even denied that it was in fact a mask.

So, Toothfish is not your average street artist. Whatever Toothfish actually is, its posters have appeared all over the world.

Many depict animals as righteous gods of nature whose wrath we all should fear.

Toothfish itself claims not to be human but some sort of creature/s called into existence by the nightmares of our collective unconscious.

The most recent poster, which covered walls in Luxembourg, London, Paris and Wellington, features massive dollar signs and the word SOLD! Other posters have also addressed what Toothfish calls our “skewed value concepts”, and at its show at Photospace – October 12 to 30 – Toothfish is putting its money where its toothy mouth is. Much of the work, which includes prints, posters and primitive masks, will be for sale in the conventional way; but there will be a number of works that Toothfish will pay people to remove from the gallery! The first three people to twig the new value system can walk out with a work and some crisp, new banknotes if they remove the art from the gallery straight away and promise never to bring it back again.

No wonder the gallery owner is feeling a bit like he’s fallen down a rabbit hole.

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MIGHTY MASSEY’S RUGBY TEAM STEAMROLLED over the Lincoln Lightweights and secured the LA Brooks Trophy and MOG shield for the mantelpiece on September 22.

The Massey team, dubbed Massey the Merciful/ Merciless (depending on who you ask), also worked hard to keep the Lincoln’s team ego intact by keeping the score at 11-7 so it seemed like Lincoln had a chance.

As a Massey forward said later: “We felt really sorry for them. They were all sombre at the dinner before the match so the lads decided to try and make it close so they could all go home with their head held high. No one likes a whitewash.

It may have been a bit obvious, though, because no one on our team has ever dropped the ball, missed a pass, missed a kick, or been penalised before, so Lincoln may have known something was up.”

However, a Lincoln spokesperson disputed the claim, saying their team was hampered by the time zone difference between Christchurch and Palmerston North.

“I mean, the boys had almost three hours of travel affecting them with only a couple of days to get acclimatised to the harsh Palmerston North conditions. Even the All Blacks would have lost in those conditions.”

Other Massey spokespeople described these comments as “bollocks”.

The netball was a much closer affair.

Massey Vice-Chancellor Steve Maharey officiated and immediately set to work to give some kind of advantage to Lincoln to keep it close. He did a remarkable job, managing to keep them in the match into well into extra time by issuing more than 3,649 penalties against Massey, with the score tied at halftime, and Massey leading by a mere 36-34 at fulltime.

As one expert said “If it wasn’t for Maharey’s excellent refereeing it would likely have been 175-0.”

But Lincoln students, staff, and supporters did not leave the day empty-handed. Although they lost the rugby and the netball – and the debate – the supporters won the men’s tug-of-war which was held as entertainment at halftime in the rugby (pending drug testing results).

Joking aside, it was a great day for both campuses with very close matches for the big crowds to enjoy.

The annual fixture, hosted alternately, has growing popularity and is now linked with a Young Farmers Club exchange between the universities.

The LA Brooks Cup was contested from 1952-66 and revived after a 39-year hiatus. Netball was added last year. Students participating must be studying an agriculture qualification and must not be representative players.

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IN SHORT

MASSIVE Overflow: Cool SHIT we didn’t have room for

Sometimes in publishing there just isn’t enough room to put all the artwork and photography you want into each edition. Sometimes a story doesn’t come in, leaving an illustration surplus, or there isn’t enough room to print all the photos provided by our cameramen/women. This page recognises some of the stunning work that couldn’t make it into print. Thanks for all the hard work guys.

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GUARDING AGAINST BURGLARY Miriam Richdale

magine coming home after two weeks of a relaxing student break to find things are not how you left them. Imagine slumping your bags down in your room, heading to your laptop to check Facebook and noticing your laptop isn’t there. Imagine looking around your room and noticing your iPod, your camera, and your jewellery are also gone.

Imagine progressing wildly through the house to find your Xbox and DVD player are no longer in their rightful place. Imagine being robbed.

Over the past mid semester break this imagination became a reality for a number of Massey students living in popular student areas including Ada, Morris, and Ranfurly Streets, with at least 14 cases of burglary reported to the Police.

The cost of the stolen property goes beyond the price of the product. The thieves were targeting small electronic goods such as cameras, iPods,

laptops, and also jewellery and alcohol. For many students, their jewellery and the content stored on these electronic goods is often highly sentimental and irreplaceable.

For Massey student Olivia Davis, being robbed has become routine. Her flat down Main Street has been broken into three times this year with all break-ins taking place in the afternoon or evening. She says: “It’s definitely intrusive.

Your personal space is invaded and it’s kind of sickening to know that they would have been watching us, waiting for us to leave.”

Despite lock-up procedures, the burglars still managed to break in by picking the lock, smashing a window, and using a crow bar.

Even her flatmate who had contents insurance was at a loss when the insurance agency became suspicious after her third claim. “It’s really irritating that people can just strip you of stuff you own, and that you’ve earned when they have no right,” Olivia says.

+ The advice that the Police and Neighbourhood Support offer students on how to avoid their house being targeted by thieves is as follows • Lock your doors. Even students who live with a large number of people should be in the habit of locking the house even if someone is planning on arriving home shortly after. With a number of the houses being targeted at night, sometimes when students are home, locking the house at night is also a good idea.

• Be aware. Students should be weary of people hanging around the neighbourhood, either in cars or on foot, who may doing surveillance to see who is home and when.

Taking note of their registration or what they look like can be helpful in the case of anything happening.

• Keep your place “lived in.” Students should ensure their flat looks lived in by doing small things like collecting mail and opening and closing curtains. It’s often over the semester breaks when these things aren’t done that flats are burgled.

Constable Mark Gilberd suggests asking a trustworthy neighbour if they can do these things for you, and perhaps even park their car in your driveway while you’re away.

Another idea could be to have a friend come and house sit.

• Party smart. When hosting flat parties, students should be aware of who is in their flat and make sure they know all the guests.

Don’t be afraid to ask people who they know in the flat. If your rooms can be locked this is also a good idea. When everyone heads off to town they should ensure the house is locked up. Constable Gilberd recommends assigning the sober driver to lock-up duties.

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• Landlord talk. Beyond students’ control are things such as alarms, safety latches on windows, and copies of keys that have been made in the past. Students worried about being targeted should talk to their landlords to negotiate on any of these things. Often, if you are good tenants, landlords will be open to suggestions.

At the end of the day, though, all measures can be taken but none will prevent a determined thief, as Olivia and her flatmates experienced. This is when it comes down to students to ensure they take serial numbers of expensive electronic items, hold onto receipts, back up their work, photos, and music, and take expensive and personal items with them when they go home for the holidays. For those who can afford it, taking out basic contents insurance can also be a good idea.

Palmerston North Police support crime stoppers, the 100% anonymous phone line.

Anyone who knows about burglaries, is suspicious of anyone’s behaviour, or has information that may help the police, can call 0800 555 111. Crime stoppers cannot trace or record phone calls, and the information is passed on to the Police with no record of who you are. As a caller you will not have to appear in court or make a statement.

The fear of being robbed can be substantial, as can the disappointment of losing all your personal items. As a student body, everyone needs to be aware. Look out for each other, question things that don’t feel right, and never hold back on reporting suspicious behaviour.

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IN SHORT

STUDYING IN NZ AS AN ESOL STUDENT Daniel Austin

H

hen I decided to enrol at massey, I found the university system completely different to what I was used to in my home country. My first challenge was how to understand all the course material.

In my home country, we used to memorise all the course material and it didn’t matter if we couldn’t understand it as long as we could write it all back down onto test papers exactly the same. It was very stressful to actually re-learn how to comprehend course material in my first year at Massey. This showed after my first fail mark for a test. I had gone into the exam with a head full of memorised content but no idea what they actually meant. This did not go well. Failing this exam caused more stress and confusion about how I could cope with the New Zealand education system. I went to the Study Learning Centre and to them some of my problems that I could not understand the material then I might fail or withdraw from the university.

My biggest challenge as an ESOL student was 16

during my first classes. I didn’t have any idea about what the lecturer was talking about.

His English was too fast and the Kiwi accent made it even harder. I felt I was wasting my time attending lectures because I couldn’t understand anything. I was too shy to ask the lecturer to clarify or explain things and I was scared to talk in front of the class with my weak English. I talked to him after class and he encouraged me to ask him during or even after the lecture when there was something I couldn’t understand.

Most ESOL students find university papers very difficult to understand because we need to translate a lot of words just to understand the context. During my first year I spent hours translating just one page of material.

As my English improved during my stay in New Zealand, the time needed to translate pages decreased. This made my first year at university the hardest. Even though they were all 100-level papers, it took a lot of effort to read and write, and most importantly focus on

the objectives of the paper.

The New Zealand style of writing assignments was also foreign ground and challenging. In Saudi we didn’t have to write 1000 or 2000 word essays in our own language, let alone in English. I had trouble even constructing paragraphs correctly, and referencing and submitting assignments through Stream was a mystery.

In some of the papers’ tests and exams, such as media papers, the given time was two hours to write two essays of 1000 words each. I was shocked in my first experience of this. I was wondering if it were even possible to write 2000 words in just two hours. I remember that in one of the exams my hand didn’t stop writing for the whole two hours that was given to us. I felt so tired after the exam and my hand was numb.

I had to seek help and found it through the Student Learning Centre. This is one positive thing about being an ESOL Student Massey offers support to help us through papers and university life.

They advised me to read more sources related to the topics, and read them more than once.

They also encouraged me to study with my classmates sometimes called “group study”.

I took their support into consideration and worked on it. I learnt how to search for books in the library and asked some of my class mates to study together. I felt a lot of relief to see my next exam result come up as a passing grade and I felt confident I could continue my education in New Zealand.

In my second year at university, my grades continued to increase and this gave me the confidence to even go for an A grade in my final year.

I have talked to many ESOL students and they said they took two papers which helped them in their current studies. They were Academic Writing in English for Speakers of Other Languages, which helps ESOL students in writing academic essays forms, and English for Academic Purposes for Speakers of Other Languages, which is helping a lot with oral presentations, note taking and reading skills.

I also struggled to study guide on time. But over time, catching up with classes and study materials improved. The good thing about New Zealand education is that the learning environment is flexible and exciting.

Whenever I finish a paper, I got a lot out of it. Sometimes I put a lot of effort into assignments and lectures apart from the translation of many words and reading a context more than once to gain better understanding.

Many ESOL students say they don’t like to participate and talk in lectures and tutorials because they are too shy to speak. But don’t be shy. Talk to us if you see us. Coming over and saying hello can go a long way to make us feel more welcome and maybe we can even work in a study group together.

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WELLINGTON NOTICES

GIRL POWER AT MASSEY – A RECAP

A NOTE FROM THE WELLINGTON EDITOR INTERNS

We hope you’ve enjoyed keeping in the Welly loop with the local section this semester. We’ve tried to spice it up with yum stuff and cool stuff, and use this space as a place to showcase what’s on offer in the area, within the depths of the student pocket.

Have a rad summer; get amongst the sun and the courtyards and have a few cheeky brews on the side, wherever that may be.

The upcoming four months off uni can be the best opportunity for ample adventure outside the realms of the uni-work-home triangle, so enjoy!

WOMEN ARE AMAZING. WE ARE AMAZING COOKS, amazing mothers, amazing friends, and just generally amazing looking.

We bring our own unique set of skills and insights to the world and the workforce. The world is a richer place as a result of the differences between males and females and the way we complement each other. But stats show that women often settle for second best and constantly underestimate their abilities.

Women’s clubs began emerging in the early 1920s in a move towards self-development (and most likely as a time to escape for a cuppa and some prime gossip time).

Following a similar train of thought, the Women’s ACE (Achieving Career Excellence) leadership programme run on campus this semester cultivated an environment of inspiration and support for students within the university to help realise their potential and chase their dreams, however crazy they may seem.

The programme consisted of two-hour sessions run over five weeks by lecturers Dr Elspeth Tilley and Anna Brown. A group of talented, driven ladies were selected from different threads of the university, from business to creative arts, to partake in the programme.

We were exposed to the realm of possibilities for our individual careers. Success is measured differently depending on the individual, but it is something every woman deserves to accomplish.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT As the evenings get longer, Harriet Lowe looks at a Wellington courtyard that is waiting for you to immerse yourself in, as you enjoy a cold beverage.

Keep turning the pages of MASSIVE as it changes editorial hands next year. It’s at the forefront of student media and an awesome platform for the Massey student voice. It’s a collaborative effort and something we’re stoked to have been a part of. Signing off, Bel and Liv FUN WITH VENN

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Sometimes it requires a little encouragement and the wise words of an older generation.

Each week we enjoyed the insights and knowledge of successful New Zealand women. This included Ministry of Women’s Affairs director Pamela Cohen and Massey’s own Dr Ruth Tarrant, a senior lecturer from the School of Psychology.

They shared the experiences of their personal career journeys and gave advice on how to thrive as a woman in the workforce.

We also did a bit of soul-searching of our own.

We engaged in various exercises to define our own leadership style and decided that great leaders lead through the ability to inspire others.

We identified our strengths and embraced our weaknesses to be developed and enhanced.

It was a real privilege to interact with a varied group of talented females and share tea, cake, gossip, and career advice. Let’s continue supporting each other in our successes, whatever they may be.

The courtyards of Wellington’s restaurants and bars seem very New York to me. I don’t know why, having never been to New York, and the rate at which my student loan is increasing it will be a while before I get there. But red brick and an eclectic garden have a certain New York je ne sais quoi. Fortunately, there are places around Wellington where you can channel your inner Yankee through the simple act of drinking beer.

Spend your summer months roaming the city, quenching your thirst with good beer in good courtyards.

ARTHUR’S With the dong of the doorbell, Arthur’s takes you back through time with its charming décor and on a sunny day a secluded courtyard awaits you out the back. There is no red brick here, only red corrugated iron which has a distinctly Kiwi feel. Perhaps it is the sound of traffic and the beeping of pedestrian lights from the Cuba St-Arthur St intersection that makes this little courtyard seem like a secret garden in a much bigger city. Old beer bottles line the fence and there are potted herbs, tulips, and what could be a garden shed. Arthur’s is the brother establishment to Martha’s, just around the corner. It’s more masculine in a darker sort of way – there is tartan, tea pots and cosies, a hanging painting of a Rottweiler, and ‘Arthur’ the deer, wearing the McLeod’s family tartan, that greets you above the front door. The beer list is shorter than LBQ and is mainly comprised of MOA and Tuatara beer.

Share a larger bottle for $12.50, or simply have a tap beer for $8. This is the sort of place I can imagine wiling away a few hours on a summer evening. The staff are friendly, it’s relaxed, and there are blankets and hot water bottles for when the cool sets in.

CLUBS FEED

MASSEY MARKET A SUCCESS

NURSING CLUB

The Nursing club is currently organising a fund-raising event for The Breast Cancer Foundation through a Pantene-sponsored event called ‘Beautiful Lengths’. This event invites women with ‘virgin’ hair to cut a minimum of 8 inches and donate it to make wigs for women in need. Alongside this the club will be doing a ‘Pledge me’ page to raise money for the foundation. The fundraiser is being held on 16 November at 12pm. If you are interested in partaking, feel free to contact the club via masseynursing@ gmail.com.

MUBS Massey Brewing Society brewed its first batch of beer at Mata Brewery, a New Zealand brewery that focuses around creating original, unique, Aotearoa flavours.

The batched brewed was 1000L of NZ I.P.A, which will be launched in three weeks.

EXPRESSIVE ARTS Wednesday 17 October, 7pm: Expressive Arts students from the creative writing and media practice papers present an evening of readings and screenings, showcasing work from the last year. At this event the winners of the MASSIVE magazine Expressive Arts Competition will also be announced.

The show will take place in the Theatre Lab, 5D14.

KOKIRI NGATAHI

The Iwi Creativity Exhibition was a successful night, showcasing some of our talented students, exploring their heritage and culture through art.

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THE MASSEY MARKET, THE FIRST OF ITS KIND, kicked off during week eight in the light and delight of the Te Ara Hihiko, the new College of Creative Arts building. Infused with spring sunshine, live music, free Red Bull, and saussies, Massey turned it all on for the punters.

The brainchildren of the event, third-year fashion student Sophie Deans and friend Rosie Broughton, say they were ‘stoked’ with the day’s success.

“We hope that now people have seen that it works and know what to expect, they can have time to spend the summer crafting some cool stuff to contribute to the next one,” says Dean.

The top stall was awarded to Kate Baxter and Darien Fisher, and best product to Maxine Young. Both prizes were selected and sponsored by vintage fashion boutique Emporium. Despite students fumbling through the dregs of their savings accounts as the semester draws closer to its end, the day made for the ultimate collaboration between staff and students across all colleges, with top selling stall hitting the $800 mark. Deans and Broughton acknowledge the

unprecedented support from staff and Mawsa, particularly events manager Mike Ross.

“It’s awesome that they’re there to help you and your ideas. We can’t complain of having a lack of student culture if there are so many resources available. We just have to put to use our creativity.”

Massey Market’s Facebook page was buzzing with positivity following the event, with one attendee posting: “It was the most successful Massey student culture event I’ve ever experienced. Big ups [to the organisers]!”

The market’s success means it will be back next year in O Week with a stronger focus on getting more of the public along and encouraging stallholders to use it as a platform to showcase their craft, as well as to on-sell quality goods.

Deans and Broughton are also looking forward to using the experience to develop the market to incorporate more live acts, food, and possibly drawing it into the evening for some twilight ambience.

Want to get in on this? Get your craft kit out and get ready for next year. Annabel Hawkins 19

ALBANY NOTICES

BOVINE BUNTED FROM STUDENT PRESIDENCY POSITION

KISSING BOOTH LEAVES A LOT TO BE DESIRED

A kissing booth is a place for silliness and enjoyment. A man dressed as a chicken offering free hugs adds a bit of surrealism to the sameness of everyday uni. And free fruit offers a healthy incentive to attend.

This was the ASA’s plan for Wednesday 26 September – a way to put the ‘fun’ into ‘fundraising’.

The event was certainly successful in bringing a bit of fun to a cloudy day. The best (or worst) love songs of the past 20 years certainly got a few people to smile and crank their stuff.

People enjoyed the free hugs and fruit, and were successfully encouraged to vote in the ASA elections.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t too much money made. Only three kisses were given over the near two hours for a total of $6. Further donations were given by kiss-me-nots, but the total still wasn’t as high as desired.

ASA President Stephan van Heerden understands that the students’ association is “fledgling” and feels this is a reason behind the lack of money made.

However, he still donned the costume of a giant cock and encouraged people to smile and vote. Though this may not have been a monetary success, further involvement by students via such simple means is a step in the right direction.

And, as for the success in terms of fun, maybe it can be exemplified by a student walking through the library with a strategically placed, and yes, free banana.

Blake Leitch 20

THE RESIDENT COW OF THE ALBANY, NICKI Moo-naj, was disappointed with the decision of Albany Students’’ Association management to deny her candidacy for ASA President 2013.

The decision was made by Jacqui Adams, acting General Manager of the Albany Students’ Association’.

“This nomination goes against the rules set by the ASA,” said Ms Adams. “Nicki Moo-naj is a cow, not a real person!”

The rules for nominated candidates include; a valid student identification number, enrolment in at least one Massey University paper and at a minimum of 15 votes for successful nomination.

Miss Moo-naj maintains that she followed the rules precisely. She was distraught at learning of the withdrawal from the election ballot, of which was only brought to her attention after voting had begun. An email was never sent to the supplied address declining her candidacy. “Had they done that,” she says, “I could have entered one of my supporters in my stead.” Miss Moo-naj

is reportedly so heartbroken that she is unable to continue her daily routine, with usual milk production reduced to a stand-still.

“This is discrimination against cows, “said a PETA spokesperson. “A blatant and discriminatory action. ASA ought to be ashamed of their cruelty towards animal rights in the student parliamentary system.” Nicki Moo-naj echoes the sentiments of PETA. “All I wanted was a life outside of the fence,” Miss Moo-naj moos sadly.

“A Presidency position at the ASA would have been a great start in life but, oh well, no use in crying over spilt milk.”

“I believe in karma,” agrees Ms Bonkers. “I hope that the bitter person who disallowed Miss Moo-naj’s nomination and crushed her dreams will slowly choke on their next cheeseburger.”

The election voting concluded on September 26, with Stephan Van Heerden winning with 84 votes. With such a small voter turnout, one has to wonder what would have happened if Moo-naj was allowed to run.

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MANAWATU NOTICES

LIVIN’ LA VIVA IN OCTOBER

NOTICES

MUSA FLATS MUSA have just bought four new flats for Palmerston North students.

MUSA President Alex Jones said they advertised the flats in the Massey student lounge and “within a week and a half they were all gone.”

The new flats are situated on McGiffert St and the thinking behind the flats was to have “nice places for students, not just for families,” said Mr Jones.

The four, four bedroom flats are rented out at $115 per week, per room. This includes a TV, fridge, freezer and microwave.

“We are trying to raise the standard of living for students,” said Mr Jones, “We are helping student welfare.”

The flats also have heat pumps.

Even with the new flats filling quickly MUSA still have several flats available on Morris street, at $80 per room.

For more information on the MUSA flats, check out the Facebook page or visit Pauline Karam upstairs in the MUSA offices.

LECTURER AND PAPER OF THE YEAR Who is that lecturer who you drag yourself out of bed on Monday mornings for just so you can hear his or her words of wisdom? What paper can you thank for inspiring you to take a certain direction in your career?

Now is the time to pay your respects and vote for your favorite lecturer and paper of the year.

Voting is open to October 19, and students are able to vote as many times as they are want.

All votes go in the draw to win an iPod shuffle, so the more you vote, the better chance you have of winning.

Students can vote via the Massive website (www.massivemagazine.org.nz), or any student association website.

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VIVA’S ANNUAL CONCERT THIS YEAR IS TO BE held at the Spiers Centre at Palmerston North Boys High on October 14.

This co-ed Massey choir of 19 talented students will be performing a mixture of contemporary, traditional and Disney theme songs, as well as two soloist numbers under the name “VIVA in concert”.

The songs that will be performed have been arranged by the director of VIVA, Mary Flemmer, a third-year vet student, to suit the voices of VIVA members.

Mary Flemmer believes this year’s concert is going to be even more successful than last year’s, which was held in the Old Main Building. She said that last year it was a free concert held for the sake of it, but this year they want to tell a story through their songs and really “express the emotions” behind the “six part harmonies”. She is certain VIVA is ready for a bigger audience because this time they know they “have a product” that people will be willing to pay for.

VIVA secretary Tessa Pratt, a third-year BA student, says that by having last year’s concert on campus they limited the audience to just Massey students. But having this year’s in the Spiers Centre, one of Palmy’s biggest theatres, they have “taken it up a notch” and are expecting more of the public to join them for an afternoon of musical entertainment.

For the past two years, VIVA has been living up to their slogan, “singing for the music of it”, by aiming to sing “for the audience” and not for themselves. This has led them to receiving performance invitations from Dannevirke and several schools. Also, on September 12 they were part of a flash mob that took place at the Massey dining hall during the Wednesday lunch hour.

What started as a vet choir (Vocally Inclined

Vet’s Association) has now become a Massey choir open to all students and even the public as they realised that Palmy didn’t really have a youth choir. So VIVA has now started to embrace its Spanish meaning of “Life, or long live”.

It is door sales only on October 14, with just $5 for children and senior citizens, and $10 for adults. Doors open at 1.45pm and the concert will start at 2pm.

So, if you want to experience a unique and fun afternoon, join “VIVA in concert” where you will be guided by Mary Flemmer into an emotional world of musical storytelling.

On another note, VIVA is always on the lookout for new choir members and wants to encourage more males to join them in “singing for the music of it”. For more details on either the concert or joining VIVA, go to their website: masseyviva. weebly.com Jae Hee Lee

RADIO CONTROL September saw the return of Palmerston North’s local music festival, Swampfest.

Bigger and better than ever, this year’s edition saw a plethora of events throughout the month, from free workshops on touring overseas to Sunday afternoon acoustic shows.

As usual, Swampfest was a magnificent display of all that the Manawatu has to offer in terms of musical talent. Be it hip hop, metal, indie pop, or something else, Swampfest had something for everyone. Radio Control was fortunate enough to broadcast live from several events, and we were stoked to be able to bring the best of live music in the Manawatu to our listeners. Notable acts included Beneath The Heavens (metal), Benny Tipene (acoustic pop),

Given Names (hip hop/beats), and Robin (hard rock). However, these are just a handful of a fantastic lineup that is definitely worth looking into. Arguably the best part is that it all happens again next year. We can’t wait!

As is the case at this time of year, a significant number of our volunteers begin to move on.

As a result, we’re on the lookout for anyone keen to join the Radio Control family. If you’re around for summer or back in town next year, we would love to have you on board.

As an established and well-respected media organisation, we can offer work experience that will look great on your CV, all in an enjoyable and enriching environment. If you’re game, feel free to hit us up! We’re in the MUSA building off concourse at Turitea, and online at www. radiocontrol.org.nz. Holla!the New Zealand workforce rather than the Australian workforce

“AND THAT’S A WRAP!”

A young, fresh designer from Palmerston North, Korey Skipper, talks about his up and coming label and his journey so far.

KOREY WAS BORN IN OUR FAVOURITE COSTAL town of Gisborne, the home of Rhythm and Vines. He was not always interested in fashion and acknowledging Gisborne does not pride itself for keeping up with latest trends. Korey pounded Gisborne’s pavement as your “typical snot nosed and barefoot child” and his attire undoubtedly suited his look.

Korey is your average university student who is constantly fighting the battle between wanting to look good and keeping up with the seasonal fashions, but on that tight student budget.

“It was one of the last straws seeing a standard yet overpriced tee, which I couldn’t justify paying that price! It was so straight forward to make.”

Korey found himself wanting to learn how to sew, which lead him into thinking, why not aim big and spread the passion for others to enjoy.

Klou’De is tailored for likeminded fashionforward hipsters, who enjoy wearing affordable but quality goods that are made locally.

Klou’De was born from exam procrastination on one of the few days he banished himself to solitary study.

“I was literally leaning back on my chair and gazing into the sky watching the clouds pass by.

In my procrastination induced coma, I started thinking deep about clouds, in a metaphoric sense. Clouds are so high in the sky, untouchable, and literally above anything and everything else, so I went home and jazzed up the name!”

Korey primps himself when need be, whether it is to go to class, or while working around uni hooking up students with Red Bull (coolest job ever!). Korey lives by being able to transform his daily streetware style into nightware, where he can simply throw on a fresh tee or rolled up chino’s and he is looking good for a night out with his boys for a Saturday night on the town.

New Zealand designers like Sly Guild, FiveEach and Lower are Korey’s fashion inspiration when he hits a rut while producing designs. Lately,

Korey has been able to use personal experiences for inspiration, some of which should not be printed.

“It’s so true what they say, inspiration comes at the most random, and sometimes inappropriate times. But that’s the inspiration which has worked for me. A lot of the time I like to just walk through fabric shops and I’ll find myself coming out with inspiration, or with a certain look in mind.”

Since Klou’De began, his vision and youthfulness have helped him to keep well ahead of the trends and enjoys the way our fashion trends are heading.

“New Zealand trends are on parr with the European style. The clothes I have designed were done mid 2010 so I thought I was onto something when I saw the fashion trend move in that direction of late.”

Over the past year Korey has been up and down with investors, which he has found the hardest part of his journey. When he first started looking into starting Klou’De and got a bunch of prototypes together, with thanks to his talented sewist Georgia Whelan, a design student from Wellington.

“I found a local guy interested and sold him on the spot with my sales pitch and where I want to take Klou’De. I talked a lot about my brand vision.”

Anyone who knows Korey knows he is always down for a good yarn.

“The investor was able to give me a small amount of money to get me started, but then he had to pull out due to a change of monetary circumstances, and he had a family to upkeep. It was quite a roller coaster because I was able to get interest so quickly, and I thought that side was done, but then had to set out again to look for investors.”

Korey’s ideal situation would be to get a suitable investor who shares his company and brand vision and to make this a full time gig, he has heard of people crackin’ the dream and being signed with ASOS. To keep up to date with Korey, like his facebook page: KlouDe-clothing-NZ

GLEE HAS FINALLY MADE ITS WAY INTO MASSEY the Fire Club and VIVA will also be performing.

President of the student lead group, Madeleine Gray, says anyone can join: “Pre grad, Post grad, non-students, and students alike, we have members ranging from 18 to 40 years old”.

Glee currently has 16 members who will be performing on stage and another “six who are helping organise things without going on stage.”

Miss Gray “encourages performance in every aspect of life.”

A “Night with Glee” will be their début on a Palmerston North stage on October 26, at the Globe Theatre, after several spontaneous singa-longs throughout the city.

Glee are still looking for new members, crew or stage hands regardless of experience- just willing to help and have fun. Not only are singers allowed to join, but dancers, actors and actresses are all welcome to as well: “if they have something they would like to showcase, bring it along.”

A “Night with Glee” will be focusing on different aspects of performing. It’s also hinted that both

If you are interested in joining contact Madeleine at masseyglee@gmail.com

She has a strong background in dance and was offered a choreography job which she turned down to study.

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

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FEATURE

Get a free ride‌

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Student drivers who take a car across Cook Strait any time during November or February could travel for free. And so you don't arrive hungry, we'll give you one of our choice pies for free too! To find out how you could get your hands on this sweet offer visit: facebook.com/bluebridgeferry

and a free feed!

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LETTERS

LETTERS MASSIVE magazine welcomes letters of all shapes and sizes, They should be emailed to letters@massivemagazine.org.nz though they can be dropped into any student association office. The Editor reserves the right to edit, abridge, or just plain bastardise them, and will refuse any that are in bad taste or defamatory. Pseudonyms may be used.

Hi! I am Melissa Gabriel, an International postgrad student studying at Massey-Palmerston North. I am an avid reader of Massive magazine and I have learned a lot from the myriad of ideas and issues that were showcased in your previous issues. I am however, deeply disappointed and insulted with the pride and groom article by Yasmin Jellyman. It is not the article perse but of the use of the image of Virgin Mary, in replica, holding hands. I am a devout Catholic, and Catholicism, like any other religion holds sacred the image of the Virgin Mary and I felt that the article has put the image to an disrespectful state. I have nothing against gays or homosexuals. I have in fact gay friends as well but a religion was put into a less respectful state in the production of the article.

I don’t see the connection of putting a picture of one of the Catholic Religion’s most sacred image with gay marriage, The image is actually not labelled or captioned but if you show the image to any Catholic, they would associate it with Virgin Mary. I certainly hope that Massive as a magazine that upholds and respects the Religious beliefs of Massey students would be sensitive to these thoughts. My fellow international students who are devout Catholics share the same sentiment with this issue and if you may require, they can send a letter in this regard.

Dear Editor, I wish to make a complaint about the cover of the September issue of MASSIVE magazine. To begin, I believe that the image of a ‘thug life’ Cobras gang member is part of today’s sick, twisted and downright evil propagandist scheme to sneakily persuade us to be criminals. MASSIVE magazine is cool. Therefore you are showing us that it is cool to be a gang member. Young students are naïve and easily persuaded and I strongly feel that this 26

cover art is going to cause the students to take to the streets and be gang members. To make this matter worse, you depicted the cobras gang member as having really awesome and enviable clothes; pretty much attacking the students with your sneaky mind tricks that they will look cool like him if they become criminals.

I am a mature student and it is for a good cause like this that the other mums, aunties and other more educated and not so easily influenced people need to congregate to stop the pollution of the youthful brain. It is brainwashing!

The cobras are renowned to be a criminal gang whom are involved in illegalities such as drugs and violence. Wikipedia is always factual therefore I shall use their description of the cobras gang to highlight my points.

‘In 2009 it was reported that members of the gang had been involved in a multimillion dollar methamphetamine drug ring organised within Paremoremo Prison.’

I feel personally insulted by the use of skull and crossbones image on the gangsta’s jacket too. This promotes that it is cool to die or to kill people. It particularly insults me because I think skull and crossbones pictures belong to pirates, therefore you are also promoting plagiarism by the gangsta.

I would also like to express my anger that Pikachu’s head is hanging from the gangsta’s belt. My children love Pikachu. He only ever tried to be a good Pokemon and it hurts me that his head would be defiled this way. It is ultimately showing the students that it is okay to cut the heads off animals.

So there. I hope that you now feel ashamed for promoting gang members as being role models.

Sincerely Trying to save the children

Dear MASSIVE I’m writing this in the ‘fern lounge’ at the Wellington campus, while a cringe boo couple snuggle and pash in the corner as they pour over hegemonic ideologies. Except one is a nursing student. But they are so in love and in tune with each other they read one another’s text books.

I would like to commend the construction of the grass area outside Tussock (despite the majority of students wanting to turn it into an ice skating rink for winter), where there is ample light and reprieve from Creed blasting through the speakers. Why am I always in Tussock when they are playing Creed? Or Nickleback? Two of some of the greatest musical transgressions of our time.

I would like to thank you for opening our minds as readers. We are busy. We are tired. We are poor. We spend our days flitting between reading intense academic jargon and trashy Stuff headlines. In the limited time we are not private (or not so private anymore) messaging people we secretly like or stalking on face book, we want to read things that make us feel better. Like the

Kardashians. Except you push the boundaries.

You say ‘no’. You teach us discipline-and-reward in making us continue through that 4000 word article on comics and world poverty, because you’ve got our back. Because world poverty or comic art is actually a great conversation starter.

And when one finds oneself in a social situation not lubricated with free or discounted alcohol, such general knowledge gems are actually bloody useful. One could even say the basis for a great pick up line. If you’re lucky.

I would like to thank Massey University for being left field (alt). For not hash-tagging and livetweeting through hyped up student democracy, where election antics get dirty and some candidates give Mitt Romney a run for their money.

Shout out to chilled out student democracy that, as under acknowledged as it is, signs off Twitter and gets amongst.

Thanks for pushing the boundaries. Although sometimes we secretly want some scandal as well. How will Pipi the cat deal with her expected defeat? What was behind the serious lack of fairy lights at the ASPA awards? Did anyone pash a fresher at the ball? What free things can you give me if I don’t drink Red Bull? Hopefully I will be able to read your response to this on the beach in the sun when I win that trip to Thailand. Cheers for that.

Shout out to summer, beaches, bikinis, babes, barbeques. Slash getting the heck out of campus for ample adventure and zen time.

Kind regards, Bel

Horny for Hardy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Massive, I was wondering if you could tell me who Dick Hardy actually is? I realise that his name is not really Dick Hardy but what can you tell us about the man behind the pseudonym.

When I heard the news that he, and that bitch Jenna, would be attending the Albany Ball I raced up to ASA to get myself a ticket eager to finally figure out who he is and meet him.

Amid the mushrooms, roses and Cheshire Cats I thought I had hoped to meet the man and get him away from that awful Jenna, but amongst all the dashing men I couldn’t put my finger on who he actually was. I left the ball with someone, but it couldn’t have been the famous Mr Hardy, it was over way too quick if you know what I mean.

Please help me!

(Name Withheld)

EVERY LETTER WINS! All letters receive a prize courtesy of MASSIVE Magazine.

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17

FEATURE

18

What lies within the ruined corridors of Auckland’s most haunted house? Morgan Browne steps into the shadowy corridors of Carlile and looks at the paranormal.

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arlile House is arguably New Zealand’s most famous haunted house. It sits Dementor-like at 84 Richmond Rd, Grey Lynn, Auckland, and sucks the life, emotion and property value out of the street. An asperous, grey building with its colossal stone tarnished by moss and rust, Carlile House is certainly a foreboding and eerie sight to the beholder. The smashed windows, boarded, indented wooden doors, and high, creepy curvature of the windows also significantly contribute to the house’s general eeriness and do little to welcome the curious ‘guests’ that meander outside on the footpath.

For generations, thousands of young kiwis have grown up knowing of the infamy and the myths surrounding Carlile House. It was built in 1886 and formerly known as The Costley

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THE GHOSTS OF CARLILE HOUSE Training Institution for Orphans. Many myths surround it. The most disturbing is that 43 young boys died from smoke inhalation during a fire in 1912. The fire was supposedly started by a neglected candle which spread to the curtains and ravaged through the dorms, a tragedy in the truest sense. The land itself is tainted by the traumatic events that took place, and the building’s rotted walls will always be scarred by the terror, death and anguish from within.

The tortured souls of the children are fabled to still stalk the corridors. You can feel ghostly eyes peering through the multi-coloured stained-glass windows and you can hear them shrieking and crying for someone to save them from their fiery abyss. The building creaks and groans from the wind which hurls through the hallways, rattling and shaking the

walls. The children’s little hobnail boots are said to clatter up and down the decrepit staircases in the dark of night. Innocent passers-by are forever reminded of those lost children by the dull, gilded letters set in stone on the side of the mansion: ‘Children’s Home: 1910’, with a restorative Latin quote above: ‘Deo Juvante’ – ‘God Resides Within.’

+ IT WAS A STUPID, CLICHÉD IDEA AND ONE THAT most people probably wouldn’t actually do.

But sometimes that type of stupid, clichéd idea goes too far. The idea? Spend a night in a haunted house. Seemed easy enough. Another experience, another memory, another bucketlist item to tick off.

Standing outside Carlile House I was excited 29

FEATURE by the assignment ahead of us. My team comprised of myself, my friend Sam Greenslade, a renowned sceptic, raconteur and all-round good guy, and Natalie Mitchell, the blonde but intelligent, agnostic- anti-spiritualrealist.

The creepiness of Carlile clearly seems to infect the properties around it. House prices in the area are notably lower, and its daunting presence seems the likely cause. The people living nearby also seem a little less comfortable in their surroundings.

Many believe that the chapel built on the site in 1913 was to lay to rest the troubled souls of the orphans who died the previous year and offer a cleansing to the land. Carlile was purchased 35 years ago by the Tongan Development Agency and has failed to lay to rest these beliefs. The Tongan Church congregation inhabiting the chapel continues to ‘watch over’ the house today.

+ IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO US THAT WE WERE HEADED on our own version of Paranormal Activity.

The idea had been planted and was growing on its own accord. We had a game plan: check out the inside of the house during the day first, suss out a safe passage, and locate a suitable series of floorboard planks to lay our heads to sleep. We gained access to the house through a drop-down from a cloakroom door. It was a slow, claustrophobic, painful and tedious effort. Only one of us could fit through at a time and even at the most careful, slowest, gentlest, and timid pace we all still managed to get momentarily wedged in the doorframe.

The tiny glass shards stuck to our shirts and

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uncomfortably clung to our bare skin as we hovered our bodies unnaturally, trying to avoid touching the window base. Creaking yet sturdy, the 100-year-old door was our portal to the outside world. It reminded me of the chalk doors that Ofelia drew in Pan’s Labyrinth that could close up at any moment, whirling up any hope or memory of the outside world as it did.

The building was dank, even with the mid-afternoon sun. Sam, Natalie and I were thrown into a living room (for lack of a better word) of pitch blackness with only a ghostly blue pallor of light to stumble towards.

Stepping timidly on crushed glass on creaking floorboards, we entered the main foyer where we were greeted by little stick figure drawings scribbled on the walls at ankle height with smeary orange crayon.

There were old pillows. There were discarded, used mattresses, and there were strange, ancient bedposts. As our eyes adjusted to the gloom, we could make out an abundance of broken dolls with missing heads and body limbs and scratched-out eyes scattered over the floorboards. I took careful steps to avoid standing on miscellaneous springs, backboards from beds, and broken children’s puzzles.

“I don’t like those little drawings,” I said to Sam and Natalie. “They look creepy as!”

Natalie nodded, wide-eyed. “Yeah, it’s pretty freaky,” she replied, glancing up at the high ceilings and smashed windows. “I get a weird feeling about being in here, to be honest”.

Sam scoffed and adventurously took the lead in meandering around and peering in all of the rooms, many of them with beautiful old fireplaces and panelled mantels.

“There’s sticky stuff on the floor, which I’m

certain is not ectoplasm,” he said. “I think somebody has come here before us!”

“Ew, Sam,” said Natalie tartly. “That’s gross!”

I stared at Sam unamused, clutched to Natalie in one spot, not willing to walk around without leaving her.

“For fuck’s sake,” said Sam, “the only scary thing that would be haunting this shithouse are possible P heads!” The sudden undeniable sound of a young child’s voice and muffled footsteps on the nearby set of stairs cut him off. There was a moment of shared, silent hysteria as we gaped at the empty staircase.

The silence rang in my ears and I felt a wild bewilderment as I struggled to comprehend what I just heard. Had the others heard it too? What little light reflected through years of floating dust cast shadows everywhere, and we were suddenly overtaken by shadow as the walls felt like they were darkening around us.

The realisation of what we had just heard threw all three of us into a panic. Natalie immediately burst into tears and we scrambled for our exit, falling over on to the glass and forcing our way out of the top of the door as fast as we could. Those little glass shards dug into my stomach and legs as if trying to stop me. I pulled myself out. Natalie stood with her arms crossed, sobbing silently as I stared up at the broken window above where the stairs would have been, all too aware of the fluttering in my stomach and the copper taste in my mouth. I could focus only on the growing, contagious fear in my mind, ignoring the bleeding rips in my skin and the swelling contusions on my body from the door frame.

“It was probably just a voice from someone walking past on the path out here,” said Sam, but his face was white and stony and I knew he didn’t believe his own lies of comfort.

The following night I stood again under the menacing and foreboding front of Carlile House. My excited curiosity had been replaced with a sickly sensation of morbid fear as I regretted my idea of inviting the 15 people who stood anxiously behind me to spend the night inside. In the time I had grown my idea I had also watered it down by inviting a whole bunch of Massey Albany students to help me spend the night inside A brilliant idea. Perhaps I should have checked out the house before this mass invitation. Natalie, unable to hold back her fearful tears, told the sleepover army of our journey through the house the day before and successfully managed to scare almost everyone out of the idea.

“We were walking down the hallway and then we heard this little ghost kid’s voice and then we heard footsteps and then we ran out as fast as we could,” Natalie burbled. “Did you actually hear a voice?” “I don’t want to go in there anymore!” “Oh yeah, I forgot that I have to get up early tomorrow, yeah.” “I’m not going in there now!” “I’m so scared!” “Oh my God.” “ No freaking way.” “Oh hell no, fuck that shit!”

Photographs by Morgan Browne

Pussies. It ended up being just sam, my friends James Masefield and Eddie Blackwood, and me. We were rather contemplative as we bundled into the room nearest the exit. “Why don’t we ward off the evils of the house by sacrificing a virgin?” James suggested, looking meaningfully at Eddie as we were settling down to sleep. “Fuck you,” Eddie replied.

All night I stared blankly at the deteriorating ceiling as I lay uncomfortably on a tarpaulin which we had lain out on the floor. A ridged beam of light shone weakly into the room, but the sudden occasional shadow on the ceiling created fanciful illusions in my mind as I kept thinking I saw small child-like figures lurk around me. The ever-present scent of damp and old things swirled unwelcome in my nostrils and my breath seemed too thick in my throat. Sam and Eddie slept peacefully, oblivious and vulnerable to the plausibility of being murdered by ghost children. James, however, tossed and turned frantically next to me, blinking in fear, whimpering and holding on to my arm far too tight for comfort.

“I don’t like it,” he whispered miserably, clinging to the edge of his sleeping bag. I think he was more scared than I was – and I’m a chick. The roof creaked occasionally, jolting me out of my senses and I spent the entire night trembling, of cold or fright I’m not sure which. My imagination became my worst enemy, taunting me and pulling the boundaries of my mind between reality and nightmares. The shadows that flickered on the walls were enough for me to throw my hands over my eyes, but I was fixated on them and couldn’t bring myself to shut my eyes any

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longer than a blink. To this day I have never had a longer or less comfortable night.

As the early chirpings of morning birds pierced the air and the reds of dawn flooded the sky, I arose anxiously, my thought process boggled from no sleep and my body aching from the hard floorboards. James and I woke the others, swept our belongings up, and climbed as quickly as possible through our exit portal to the safe, beautiful, fresh, and tranquil life outside.

Breathing in the crisp air, I vowed to never enter a ‘haunted’ building again. I can, however, boastfully now say that we all managed to spend the entire night in there and lived to tell the tale – even though I couldn’t get out quick enough the following day.

+ AFTER ENTHRALLING MANY OTHERS WITH MY tales of ghostly presence and unease inside Carlile House, I returned a mere year later with some other friends, Jared Lanigan, David Fransen and Alenka Logan.

We walked around the back of the house where a side door was suspiciously and casually open.

Shrugging nonchalantly, we wandered inside to the mouldy aroma and empty darkness that I remembered so well. After teetering up the creaking staircase, we prowled the lengths of the hallways upstairs like gabbling tourists, pointing at interesting objects and furniture which lay around in disarray. The house didn’t seem as scary as I remembered, I thought while confidently striding into new rooms for exploration on my own.

Numerous thumping footsteps and loud, angry voices from the staircase shook me out of my sense of security as Jared, Dave, Alenka and I all grabbed each other and ran together down a hallway to hide from whoever (or whatever) was yelling and thundering up the stairs.

The hallway came to a dead end in a bright, white, empty room. We looked at each other gasping, wondering what was going to happen to us and wondering if we should try to hide.

Eight or nine Tongan boys (presumably from the church next door, as they were all wearing cross necklaces) with brazen eyes and furious faces burst into the room after us, swinging a variety of gnarly and hazardous homemade weaponry. In confusion and fear, we instinctively huddled together in the centre of the room, only to be separated like scattering seagulls as one boy swung a chuck of nails and wood at us, narrowly missing Jared’s head.

They rapidly rounded us up and marched us in single file down the stairs, prodding us with their weapons if we tried to speak. They took us out to the street and a good half kilometre down the road, constantly pummelling us in our backs and head. A few blocks away they told us never return or we would suffer fates worse than death, and let us go.

Perhaps their congregation is populated by crazed, maddened beings, more threatening than Carlile House itself. They must lurk in wait for innocent and curious people who wish to view the beautiful historic remains of Carlile House and then release their violence on to them. Clearly, this haunted house has been possessed by the church. I think I preferred the threat of the ghost children.

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FEATURE

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From December 1, all cigarettes sold in Australia will be in plain packs, making it the first country in the world to take this move. But will it have an effect on how many cigarettes are sold, what effects will a similar law change have in New Zealand, and is plain packaging really going to impact on the smoking consumption among university students? Georgia Forrester reports.

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lain packaging means the removal of all appealing factors on cigarette packets. This includes the stripping of all brand logos, trademarks, colours, and designs on the inside and outside of packs.

If plain packaging comes into effect in New Zealand, even embossed logos and coloured filters on cigarettes themselves will also be removed.

The new generic packets will have a single dominant background colour, the brand name in small plain font, and be dominated by the existing warnings and pictures, though these are expected to be updated and increased in size.

The purpose of plain packaging is to limit the appeal that smoking has for youths. It is estimated that between 4500-5000 people die every year in New Zealand from smokingrelated illnesses. The Ministry of Health website says the Government’s goal is to have an essentially smoke-free country by 2025.

Introducing plain packaging is a step towards this goal. But although this goal benefits those who disagree with smoking, where do we draw the line between personal choice and health and safety?

Associate Health Minister Tariana Turia launched a consultation document for the introduction of plain packaging on 23 July, and this is now being considered by the Government.

Although plain packaging is the current favoured option, the Ministry of Health website outlines other options, such as updating and increasing the size of health warnings without changing anything else.

Judging by a Massey Facebook survey, the majority of people think plain packaging will not have an effect on students.

“I’m still going to smoke the same amount as I always have,” said Nick, a Wellington design student. Another student said “the graphic images on the boxes regarding the harm of smoking would have more of an impact on people.”

Plain packaging is the favoured option because of the impact it is expected to have on smoking perceptions held by children and by decreasing the appeal of smoking among young adults. Further evidence and data will be required from the consultation process

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TOBACCO – THE PLAIN PACKS before the Government can decide on the best course of action.

Though most students who took part in the Facebook survey recognised the health risks of smoking, the idea of personal choice was predominant among feedback. Many said it was more the taste and price, and not the packaging, which influenced the buying of cigarettes. One said that “if someone wants a smoke, they’ll buy smokes no matter what the packaging looks like”.

According to the World Health Organisation, plain packaging is effective in preventing smoking uptake and relapse in three main ways: by reducing the appeal of smoking, increasing the effectiveness of health warnings, and decreasing the misleading perceptions surrounding smoking.

In New Zealand, the average age to begin smoking is 14, and plain packaging is designed to target these age groups by reducing the appeal of smoking and the chances of experimentation.

So will it affect university students? One said she didn’t believe it would make any difference to our age group. “We’re already old enough to have been influenced by the packaging, so taking it away won’t make any difference, surely.” However, for young audiences, plain packaging is an option, and can be seen as “a step in the right direction, if only to help deter the next generation of smokers,” said another student.

+ THE NEW ZEALAND TOBACCO INDUSTRY IS dominated by three companies: British American Tobacco, Imperial Tobacco, and Philip Morris. Plain packaging will have a significant impact on the marketing and brand identities that these companies have developed over the years. Due to consumers carrying around cigarette packs in their pockets and purses, tobacco companies have a form of free advertising. Plain packaging would not only have an impact on how consumers relied on the visual elements of cigarette packs to identify their favourite brand, but also how brands are used as a social status.

Tobacco packaging is also linked to perceptions around smoking and associations with

the strength and taste of the tobacco. Red packs connote strong flavour; green packs, coolness; menthol and white packs, low tar.

Strong brand identities have been formed through the use of visual elements which can influence the appeal of smoking in social situations. One student suggested that “taking any branding off cigarette boxes may take the appeal away from people who use the brand as status rather than being addicted to it”. One of the goals that proponents of plain packaging hope to achieve is to change these misleading perceptions on smoking that are held by young adults.

“Plain packaging will not stop people smoking,” says Imperial Tobacco Company, which believes that people smoke because they choose to do so, not because of the packaging the cigarettes come in. You may have seen anti-plain packet perspectives like this one advertised on television.

There is also the question of the advertising rights of tobacco companies. Imperial Tobacco believes that plain packaging hinders the tobacco companies’ intellectual property rights.

One student said “tobacco companies have the right to advertise how they want. It is their intellectual property and it is up to individuals to decide whether they want to buy it or not”.

In Australia, the tobacco industry challenged the Government over the introduction of plain packaging laws, but the High Court ruled in favour of plain packaging.

There is no doubt that the New Zealand tobacco industry will adamantly fight against this law change here. The big question is this: is plain packaging going too far? Should alcohol and fast food be plain packaged as well because of their negative health effects?

The plain packs New Zealand website (plainpacks.org.nz) counters this, say that “tobacco can’t be compared to any other product. It kills one in every two users and is the only consumer product that kills when used exactly as the manufacturer intended”.

Even if plain packaging does come to fruition in New Zealand, it boils down to personal choice. Whether or not you believe it will make a difference, it will be interesting to see whether the future sales of cigarettes increases or decreases. We will just have to wait and see.

33

FEATURE

Olivia Marsden looks into Massey Wellington’s Externship Programme.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

i

n this day and age, businesses are seeing the experiences of future employees as the determining factor for employment.

No longer is a job guaranteed “as long as you have a degree”. So, degree or not, what employers now want is experience. That’s the one factor that sets you apart from others with the same qualifications. Whether through interning, externing, or volunteering, unpaid work experience could be the defining point that could win you your future job. But is it worth it?

This year the Massey Wellington campus piloted the Externship Programme. This was designed to open doors to career opportunities, mutually benefiting both students and workplaces.

Wellington campus Career Development Adviser Paul Fitzmaurice saw a need to provide students with some work experience before they finished their degree. “We wanted to set this up because employers put so much emphasis on experience, no matter what it is.”

Fitzmaurice explains the concept of an

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externship, highlighting the difference to that of an internship: “External learning opportunities is where the term comes from. Internships typically are for credit for your degree.

Some internships, I understand are paid, most of them in New Zealand are not.” Before gaining a placement, a student must submit their CV and cover letter, participate in two workshops held at Massey, and undergo a formally structured interview.

To date, 31 students have ticked all of the above boxes, undergoing placements at various workplaces.

Second-year communication students Laura Nolly and Ruth Chan are current and recent participants of Massey’s Externship Programme. Nolly is externing at a small start-up company that specialises in providing online psychology assessments.

A good reference is what drew her to participate in the programme. “For me, I didn’t really have anything solid on my CV, so I saw it as a good opportunity to gain some work experience and gain a reference.”

She spoke of the limitations in what she has learnt. “Because it’s a start-up business the marketing is relatively simple. It [the externship] limits what I can learn. If I want to come up with marketing ideas, I can, for example, just use a Google search.”

When asked if she would take up another externship, she said: “I’d do an externship again if it was with a larger company. I feel like you’d learn way more.”

Ruth Chan recently completed her externship at a small social media and marketing company. Her decision to participate in the programme was based on gaining experience from a company of interest to her.

“Being an extern would give me an indication of whether or not this is the kind of field that I would want to be working in in the future.

And even though I’ve learnt many skills in the papers I have completed, for myself I think I would learn more by putting that to more practical use.”

As a market researcher, Chan found this was a worthwhile experience, developing a better understanding of communication. One phone call even resulted in Chan and the rest of the team being on the receiving end of an elderly woman’s own survey.

“The lady was so annoyed about how late we were calling [it was 8:45pm] that after yelling abuse for about 10 minutes and then hanging up, she decided she’d continuously call us with her own ‘phone survey’: ‘On a scale of one to Imgae from O’ The Places You’ll Go! by Dr Seuss

five, how annoyed would you feel if somebody were to call you at 9pm at night?’ was one of her famous questions” Despite such challenges, Chan said she would be open to doing another externship. Her advice? “I think it’s good to get an idea of what different jobs there are out there before you leave university. I would be interested in doing a placement with a PR firm, working in events management, perhaps. That’s probably more me.”

+ WITH THE NOTED SUCCESS OF THE EXTERNSHIP Programme, Fitzmaurice also believed that aside from externing, volunteering was also valuable. “When jobs are hard to find, it’s a useful way of gaining skills.”

Claydan Krivan-Mutu is an avid volunteer.

The second-year communications student sees volunteering as an alternative to externing, which personally works better for him.

“I like making selections myself. And that’s why volunteer work is perfect, because you choose what you want to do, you don’t get assigned into something.” Krivan-Mutu is a ‘Massey Guy’, a student ambassador.

Through a new programme introduced this year, ‘Massey Guys’ such as Krivan-Mutu are put out into schools, expos, and open days to speak of their Massey experiences.

He describes his position as “Instagram-

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mable. You know, happy times. It’s fun… it’s something that I love doing.”

He also writes for MASSIVE as the in-house ‘Guru’. “I wanted to write about shaving vaginas, I wanted to write about small penises – these are pressing issues, and by volunteering and doing something that maybe will definitely benefit my career, you know, I could be a columnist, I could work for Woman’s Weekly.”

Second-year fashion student Matt Hickmott volunteered at a national fashion event.

Ushering there allowed him to be involved inside the industry that he aspires to be a part of.

“I absolutely want to be in the fashion industry.

I absolutely love the environment and I would absolutely do it again, but I’d want a different role next year, without the [volunteer] t-shirt.”

As with any kind of work, there are always things that may not be attractive, and in this case it was the ‘status’ that Hickmott felt he obtained. “I felt like I was looked down upon because I couldn’t go to the shows and was wearing the [volunteer] t-shirt… And they were too small as well. Me, like, oversized.”

Despite absolutely loving the experience, Hickmott felt that he “wasn’t noticed as someone who was interested in fashion”.

“Yes, I was told off by the Head of Volunteers.

He told me that I wasn’t allowed to wear skirts and my shoes were too high. At least I wasn’t wearing denim cut-offs and fake chucks.”

However, he volunteered for the experience

and knew he could only work his way up from here. He saw it as something fun he could do with friends while also benefitting his career.

So what did he learn from his experience?

“Obviously fashion has that stereotypical, not evil, but conniving side to it. But hey, I love it.”

Paid or unpaid, work experience is of value to the student, provided it is relevant to their intended career path. The opportunities that can be gained outweigh the time and effort needed to be put into the work. If an experience is not the best, or is not particularly suited to a student’s intended career path, it can still be valuable in teaching students that a certain job just isn’t for them.

Externing, or interning even, can provide students with the opportunity to be forced outside their comfort zone, pushing boundaries that they may not have done before, whereas volunteers have more control and freedom as to the certain tasks they might be required to do.

But it all comes down to experience. As Fitzmaurice said: “It’s the Catch-22. Everyone they hire they want people with experience, no matter what it is.”

The final verdict? Is it worth it? I think so.

If you want to know more about the Externship Programme, contact Paul Fitzmaurice at P.R.Fitzmaurice@massey.ac.nz or 04 8015799 ext 6820.

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FEATURE

BRYNN CHADWICK X GANGS

“What Andrew’s doing is quite inspirational. He’s quite productive and forward in his approach to things. He does it well and it inspires and motivates you to do well and do what he’s doing because he’ll be blowing up soon.” Brynn named Andrew himself as his inspiration for the shoot. Brynn’s current works have seen him shooting in a number of areas across lots of different genres. “I’m still trying to find my own style but I want to gain as many skills as I can now so that when my style develops, I have the skill to back it up.”

His website, Brynnchadwick.com is coming soon, but for now, check out Brynn’s work at brynnchadwick.tumblr.com

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

DENI MACDONALD X LULLABY OF BIRDLAND

“My style is quite formal normally, quite structured. Even though I wanted a fun shoot, my style is still reflected in the symmetry of my work.” Deni took a different approach to this shoot, wanting to evoke a dry, cheesy, colourful and cringe-worthy response. “I wanted to bring the life back into the beautiful colours, and the denim.

I love the denim. And because we only had the white background, I wanted it to be about the colours and clarity.” Still focusing on her trademark nudes, Deni says she is still searching for a new take on this genre. “I’m trying to figure out what to do and how to go about it… so I’m definitely still searching.”

Check out more of Deni’s work at denelledotnet.wordpress.com models are: Kyle Schubert and Zoey Radford-Scott

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BEN PEXTON X NADYA FRANCE-WHITE “I dont really give a fuck, I just wanna try something different be famous and make money”

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FEATURE

From the worst of beginnings, NZFW 2012 culminated in a victory for the Massey Fashion Department. Mike Ross talks to Westpac Young Designer Competition winner Jack Hill.

TRIUMPH FROM TRAGEDY AT FASHION WEEK

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ith the opening ceremony marked by a moment of silence for Felicity Wren*, this year’s New Zealand Fashion Week was always going to proceed under the shadow of tragedy for the strong contingent of Massey Wellington students present.

Though the personal impact of the tragedy varied, the students involved in Fashion Week did Massey proud in the way they conducted themselves in dealing with their shock, grief and disbelief while still performing admirably.

This was no truer than for Jack Hill, a finalist in the prestigious Westpac Young Designer Competition, who was a close friend and former flatmate of Felicity’s. For him, a week that began horrifically would end triumphantly.

Hill, as a third-year student competing against Fashion graduates Kerry Wong and Stephanie Bellamy, was happy just to be in the final at such an early stage in his career. Tensions were eased by a sense of fraternity between the three. Regardless of who won, there was a collective acknowledgement that the competition was already a victory for ‘the team’. After all, they had beaten out dozens from around the country to be there, so there just the three

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Massey students all getting to show at the final event of Fashion Week.

Wong’s and Bellamy’s collections were well received, but Hill’s ‘Young Heavy’ collection appeared to be the crowd’s favourite, and when Sara Tetro opened the envelope the judges agreed.

Having developed an interest in fashion while at high school in Christchurch, Hill took particular inspiration from an observation that there are young New Zealand men who will support local designers over international alternatives. He says this has influenced him to “add a sense of national pride” into his print selection. The print in his winning collection was inspired by renaissance ceiling tiles, yet is infused with New Zealand iconography. Hill frames the objective of his approach as being to “challenge men’s fashion in New Zealand while still retaining masculinity and wearability”.

‘Young Heavy’ began life in a ‘special project’ paper. After handing it in, Hill developed the collection further in order to better represent himself in the Westpac Young Designer Competition. It was extra work that paid off.

“Winning this award has been the greatest achievement thus far in my life. It means that

Felicity, 20, died in a road accident in Waikato on her way to work as a backstage volunteer at Fashion Week with a friend. She was studying a bachelor of fine arts majoring in photography in Wellington.

I have a lot more opportunities than I had before I entered Westpac, and I have meet so many cool, fun people that I hope to stay in contact with. The money and the exposure are invaluable and makes setting up my own label seem possible in the future. Before Westpac I had never seen anything I had made on the catwalk or had a show, so going through this process was a great learning experience.”

Hill says he wants his future collections to be clothes that he would like to wear.

“I like it to incorporate the trends I like but not be dependent on them. It’s important to me for my work look original, so it is slightly more timeless than a trend-orientated collection.

It’s important for my work to be adventurous and new but at the same time retain a certain sense of masculinity.”

In fashion, adventure and masculinity can sometimes make for rather uneasy bedfellows, but with the talent and temperament Hill displayed at a trying Fashion Week this year, it would take an adventurous man to bet against him marrying them.

Images of Jack’s Young Heavy collection from the night follow.

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FEATURE

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Photographs by Nic Fletcher

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FEATURE

No one ever thought Aids prevention would become a game of Russian Roulette. Jimmy Jansen looks at HIV prevention and compares a miracle drug to tried-and-true condoms.

DRUGS V CONDOM: SANITY OR SUICIDE? “It’s bad enough that people are dying of Aids, but no one should die of ignorance” – Elizabeth Taylor.

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hen one of my friends announced that there was a cure for ‘gayness’ and that it was called Aids, I laughed. Not because I found it especially funny, but because I laugh at everything.

Though it was meant as a joke, between gay men, I was surprised at how flippant and nonchalant our attitude was. Once upon a time, the deadly efficiency of the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) was argued to be the wrath of God, a form of divine retribution for homosexuals – a punishment for our sins. Though science proved this unknown plague to be biological rather than biblical, HIV was still a death sentence.

So why has society become so complacent?

Why has it become so acceptable to fuck without a condom?

Sure, they can be a bit of a mood killer and they aren’t exactly sexy, but if that flap of latex is what stands between me and a hideous incurable disease, then roll it on! Is it because

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people enjoy the thrill of taking risks?

Aids (in the Western world, at least) seems to have slipped into the background. But how could such a deadly disease just slip from people’s minds?

HIV attacks the immune system directly and systematically destroys the immune response.

If left untreated, the infected person will enter a state of total immune collapse, known as acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (Aids).

Suffering at the hands of opportunistic infections such as the common cold or candidiasis, the infected person lacks the immunity to defend themselves and eventually perishes as an emaciated wreck riddled with cancer (particularly Karposi’s sarcoma) and infection.

Though this sounds dramatic, it was the bitter reality before antiviral treatment was created.

We haven’t forgotten the Black Plague so how could we forget this?

The simple answer is medicine. Advances in modern antiretroviral medicines have significantly reduced mortality in people with HIV.

Nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors, protease inhibitors, and various other drugs are used together to reduce and control systemic viral load and suppress symptoms indefinitely. It’s no longer a biological death warrant. Maybe that’s why people are no longer afraid…

Previously, antiviral medication was available only to those who were HIV positive, but earlier this year, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) released a “magic” pill with two active ingredients: Tenofovir and Emitricitabine, which combine to make Truvada, to be used as a form of “pre-exposure prophylaxis” (PrEP).

Though both of these drugs have been used for some time to treat HIV, they are now being marketed as protection from HIV infection for people who are HIV negative.

Is this the noble intention of a drug company to provide the “ultimate protection” or merely an attempt to sell drugs to healthy people?

Truvada sold as “pre-exposure prophylaxis?”

The student nurse within couldn’t help but question it…

+ OUESTION NO 1: HOW EFFECTIVE IS THIS treatment? The FDA conducted multiple experiments with infected and uninfected test subjects, including animals, with interesting results. Yes, Truvada did indeed provide added protection, but the rate of infection was dependent on the mode of sexual contact.

In instances of vaginal intercourse, Truvada provided up to 75% protection. However, in terms of anal sex, the drug provided a mere 42% protection. Apparently bums are like sponges for pathogens. Condoms have always been an effective form of protection (99.9%).

As a nurse and a gay man, I would not risk this drug.

Question No 2: What are the side effects?

Multiple sources of experimental and experiential data, including the FDA, reported that both Tenofovir and Emitricitabine shares the similar adverse effects to other antivirals, including “nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, electrolyte imbalance (associated with gastro disturbances), dizziness, headache, cardiovascular disease and metabolic disturbances including insulin imbalance, elevated blood fat levels etc”. After reading this, I couldn’t help but wonder if it is worth it? After all, condoms never made me feel that crook.

Question No 3: What about drug resistance?

Previously, antibiotics were dished out willynilly for any old infection. Nowadays, people have come to realise that “cooties” are able to fight back as well. Though viruses are not technically alive they, like any pathogen, are able to adapt resistance to certain chemicals.

In fact, medication adherence for HIV treatment is of paramount importance for this very reason. HIV has shown the capability to develop resistance to antiviral therapy.

Considering this, people with HIV must adopt their treatment as a permanent lifestyle. If they discontinue the course of treatment, the

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virus is likely to come back with resistance and a vengeance. Remember, there is no cure or vaccine for HIV – it can only be supressed.

Considering this, why the hell would anyone start taking prophylactic medication that is not 100 per cent protective? Like people who take too many antibiotics, they are just begging for drug-resistant strains to emerge.

Question No 4: Who is this treatment aimed at? People who likely to consider Truvada as valid option would be those who are at higher risk. This could include anyone, particularly if they are sexually active. In New Zealand, those at higher risk of contracting HIV are sex workers and gay men. No, this is not because they are weaker or deserve it (contrary to what some religious fanatics would have you believe), but simply because these groups are typically more sexually active with multiple partners. Furthermore, for gay men, the “route to go” poses higher risk of infection (like I said before, bum = sponge).

Question No 5: How does pre-exposure prophylaxis pose a problem in Aids prevention? The simple answer is: complacency and ignorance.

If people think they are chemically armed against HIV they are unlikely to use other forms of protection, such as condoms. As previously mentioned, Truvada provides only a percentage of protection, not full cover.

Furthermore, people can be quite stupid when it comes to medication. My old flatmate, for example, used to swig antibiotics so he would get drunk faster (it used to make me cringe).

My point is that though HIV positive people

are pressured by their condition to adhere to the prescribed regime (“do or die”), HIV negative people are not. For Truvada to be effective it must be taken daily and the side effects must be tolerated. Who is going to do that? And the world is full of people like my old flatmate. I can just see all the silly boys now, popping a Truvada on a Friday night and enjoying a “protected” weekend of bareback (condom-less) sex.

+ THOUGH THERE IS NO DENYING PRE-EXPOSURE prophylaxis has enormous potential in the evolution of Aids prevention, considering all of the above why the hell would anyone take Truvada? Yes, the FDA has approved it but to what end? The New Zealand Aids foundation says New Zealander’s have, “embraced” condoms, and what is wrong with that? As long as it doesn’t rip, a condom provides 99.9% protection from HIV and other nasty STI’s.

Though ours is a generation of pill-poppers, and the idea of protecting yourself from the inside could be considered a logical choice, people simply aren’t logical. Though some would adhere to the treatment, for others, this programme is just asking for complacency and reckless behaviour. And who wants to live with those side effects?

Though you couldn’t ask for a better deterrent from anal sex than chronic diarrhoea, stick with condoms. They are nice and easy.

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FEATURE

Alex Sorensen explored Bahrain and found a darker side lurking under the glitzy surface

BAHRAIN: ISLAND OF CONTRADICTION AND OPPORTUNITY

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know I’m in a very different part of the world when I land among throngs of black-cloaked women, their bodies shielded from head to toe, some with faces covered, most with head scarves, and all in a bid to avoid exciting prying male eyes. I felt abnormally exposed in my knee-high skirt and forearms exposed - and I was getting a lot of attention for it.

For the West, the Arabic East is a land of angry protestors, repressed women, or bearded extremists. It’s almost unavoidably the most limited negative perspective one can imagine of a world most have never been to. And I think our unfortunate diet of American media has something to do with it. So, as a media student holidaying in the Island Kingdom of Bahrain, just off the Gulf Coast and a country which still posts armoured vehicles to control the months of violent uprising, I wondered if the Middle East at all resembled this view.

It does and it doesn’t, but you’ll have to make up your own minds. Not having to don a full-

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length black cloak in 45-degree weather, I considered myself more ‘free’ than my Middle Eastern sisters. But after a closer look, it appears these women are pre-judged, and I was comparably dowdy. They were beautiful and elegant, with pristine makeup (of those faces I could see). They wore rocks (plural) on their fingers worth a house deposit and carried upwards of $5,000 on their shoulders. The collision of traditional and modern worlds that is the Middle East is so precisely represented in such an odd collection: the centuries-old back abaya worn matched with a Chanel handbag, iPhone, and Jimmy Choo shoes.

This world wasn’t as simple as my pre-described notions, and I was beginning to see what becomes of land of ancient time when you mix a boom of oil wealth with Western capitalism and give it a few decades to marinate.

The thing with all the wealth is that it belongs to a very small group of people, mostly the royal family. This, mixed with old cultural

values, has created social structures and norms that were highly uncomfortable to me as a New Zealander. As much as we may slander our own country for whatever reason, this one reason makes me proud to be a Kiwi – we believe all people should be treated as equal. Bahrain doesn’t share this view.

+ I WATCHED A GROUP OF SAUDI MEN DINNING in a restaurant, all their bellies unashamedly tumbling over the rim of their trousers. Their fat, greasy hands shovelled meats into their mouths while they engaged in banter and business in Arabic. The waiter approached.

He was lean, dark skinned, possibly Indian or Somali, and he approached the duo with all the respect that excellent service requires.

The men didn’t bother looking up, but one offered a grunt, the other a dismissive hand gesture. The message was clear: ‘Get me the bill’. Though dismissive of the waiter, they did

spend a lot of time smiling at me and my bare legs.

This behaviour is replicated everywhere.

Service people who, by coincidence, all happen to be Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, or Filipino, are given all the courtesy of a street dog, whether they’re in the street, mall, or restaurant. And the races don’t mix. There is a modern form of segregation come hierarchy at work. It sounds discriminatory but everyone seems to follow the rules.

As a Westerner, I was near the top of the pile and afforded certain privileges that other races were denied. Although parts of me, female parts, placed me behind males of my race socially. Arabs are (obviously) ranked No 1 but are within themselves ranked according to religious sect – Muslim Sunni or Muslim Shiite.

Of course, family comes into play and heritage also determines your human value. Though they regard Westerners highly, the culture also ranks countries differently in approximately the following order: Americans/Canadian, Commonwealth, Europeans, Scandinavians, although Americans may drop a few places depending on current politics. Below this are Asians, then Indians/Pakistanis/ Bangladeshis, followed lastly by anyone of African descent. It’s basically a sliding scale of whiteness. As you could guess, poverty falls much along the same lines. So, if you’re a Westerner, you’ll be ahead of the game before you even start – especially if you’re male.

Bahrain is the fastest-growing economy in the UAE, obvious by the sheer amount of construction. In the evenings, groups of weary, dust-covered Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis line up at various sites awaiting the company bus to take them home. And the glorious new highways they built stretch out as solid grey tracks over sand sea and air. Where the aqua-blue sea once flowed, land now sits through skilful reclamation and the sweat of the same workers. Shiny new buildings for shiny new multi-national corporations boast impressive feats of modern architecture. The award-winning Bahrain World Trade Centre has three windmills suspended between twin towers providing 15% of the building’s power.

Where there is a fresh building 25 stories tall, the land around for two blocks remains empty waiting for its turn to arise. And the people are coming from everywhere to take part.

We stayed in Amwaj district, and the area, the size of Wellington city, was entirely reclaimed.

The sea was a playground. Super yachts filled with attractive party goers cruised past the private beaches waving at us.

I was offered and accepted a jet ski ride, regrettably, because my Arab friend then proclaimed I was his girlfriend and tried to convince me to meet him the next night. It was funny though, and I’m sure I made his day as he ‘showed’ off this Western girl to various groups paddling

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in the bays. I wondered what the women on the beach in their abayas thought of me in my bikini – probably very little.

The city is quite simply an adventure. We dined next to real Chinese Terracotta Army statues (on loan) at Bushido, drank tiki tiki cocktails at Trader Vics, and paid less than a quarter what we would in New Zealand for it all. The shopping was exquisite. Bahrain is positioned close to many of the main trading routes and this, combined with a bigger and more affluent market, means commodities are cheaper. Massimo Dutti jeans for NZ$40. Rice and BBQ meat salad for NZ$3. A litre of petrol 24c. Even on a student budget I could afford new clothes and drink Margarita super jugs at a Mexican restaurant. It all felt so glamorous and accessible.

+ HOWEVER, THERE IS A DARK SIDE TO THIS kingdom. Early last year the Bahraini uprising was swiftly crushed by the Al-Khalifa royal family. Decades of disproportionate wealth and rights favouring the minority but ruling Sunni Muslims drove a disenchanted Shiite Muslim youth to rebel. As part of the Arab Spring, and aided by technology like smartphones and social media, protesters stormed Bahrain’s capital in February 2011. And how did the Government react? It shot them and jailed any doctor who treated the wounded.

Scores of lives were lost for Western ideals of freedom and democracy. Whole highways have since remained closed and armoured vehicles still guard key intersections. The Pearl roundabout, which was once a symbol of

resistance, has been torn to the ground at the Government’s instruction.

It’s heavy stuff, but I felt somewhat distanced by it all even while driving past roads that people had died on in the past year. I’m not cold-hearted but the place looked normal, bustling with life. Nothing of the social inequity has changed and nothing excuses the despising way the royal family handled the riots.

However, the Kingdom of Bahrain and its citizens seemed determined to move on and forwards into the future. The Al-Khalifa’s are putting remarkable efforts into modernisation, and even tour international trade shows to promote progress and attract new investment.

I’m not sure if I should feel guilty that I was so much better off than large sections of Bahrain’s society simply because I was a Westerner. But I’d be lying for sure if I said I didn’t enjoy the trip. And there are definite opportunities for educated Westerners migrating there. Even with bearing the interest on a student loan, the Middle East’s lower taxes and cost of living, plus higher wages and higher job availability makes it an attractive option for the future – that is if you can reconcile the darker aspects of their political and social regimes.

I think that maybe this trip was a good lesson in how the world works – there are people at the top and people at the bottom. It’s a world stuck between tradition and modernity trying to work out where they want to be, fast. It’s a world torn between medieval ruling structures and a desire for democracy. It’s a world of extreme poverty and mind blowing wealth. It’s a contradiction and a land of opportunity.

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FEATURE

A story about boys and their dads. Do boys ever really grow up? Even when they become a dad? An investigation of the mysterious relationship between blokes, a father’s love for his sons and ultimately the realisation of what ‘s most important in life, by Shelly Venning, the winner of the R.G Frean Prize in English.

SWINGS AND ROUNDABOUTS

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’ve got it pretty sweet, or so I’ve been told.

I’m a commercial banker, own my own home on the waterfront, and get a leave pass to play cricket every Saturday in summer. The mother-in-law says, “Rob, your leash is too long”, but most of my mates are on their OE or climbing the corporate ladder while I’m stuck here with two boys under four and a grumpy missus.

Take Leg. He’s working in Amsterdam as a graphic designer, has a girlfriend who’s a lawyer and part-time model. Last month he went to Spain where he took part in the Tomatina Festival, ate paella, and got propositioned by a couple of hot Spanish birds wanting a threesome. I went to Whanganui, rode on New Zealand’s only earthbound elevator, ate at a restaurant called ‘Pu Pu Hot Pot’, and shared a bed with Archie Boy and The Frankster. The missus slept on a fold-out couch.

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“Yeah Boi.” Fordy popped his head round my office door then sauntered in and sat down.

His job as press secretary for an MP had ended in redundancy when his boss lost his seat a couple of weeks previously. Enjoying the enforced holiday, he was wearing baggy slate coloured shorts and a yellowing t-shirt. I could smell onion. He was big on kebabs.

About to make a call, I put the phone back on the hook. “Fordy, I’m working.”

“Yeah boi. This’ll only take a minute.”

I looked at him expectantly.

“You think this chick’s into me?” He passed his phone across the desk and I read the text: ‘Hi John. Good to meet u at the party but busy this week. Sorry.’

“That the bird with the hooters?”

“Red, red rubies.” Fordy loved rhyming slang.

“Nah mate”.

“She said it was good to meet me.”

“Yeah, but she’s busy and she’s sorry.”

Fordy put his heavy palm over his eyes and nose and screwed up his mouth. Then he picked up my pen and began drawing on one of the documents I’d been ostensibly working on.

“Mate,” I shook my head, “not on that.” Too late. He’d drawn a cartoon penis. The black ink made a distinctive helmet shape. In the centre he’d drawn an outsized eye from which dashes leapt over the page. I got up and held open the door to my office, standing impatiently while he hitched up his shorts and grabbed his phone. As he walked past I smelt a wet, musty smell like his clothes had been left too long in the machine before he’d hung them out to dry.

“You going to the test on Saturday?” I asked.

“Nah mate. No bees and honey. You?” I clucked my tongue against the inside of my cheek and winked at him.

“Lucky bastard. You’re sorted, boi.”

That evening when I got home there was a monarch butterfly just inside the cat door.

Steven the fat feline’s latest prey. I called out to Archie who’s fascinated by insects. “Come see the butterfly Archie Boy.” He rushed over and immediately reached to pick it up.

“Careful, it might be alive.” We watched it for a moment, waiting for any movement. The butterfly was lying on its side, wings wedged together. “Looks like it’s dead, Archie Boy.” “Dead like Lucy’s dog, Dad?” His friend from kindy’s dog had been run over the week before and the incident had started a discussion about death.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Archie thought for a minute. “Dead like Grandpa?”

I nodded. “Yeah, Grandpa died when I was a little boy like you.”

He shook his head and looked at me like I was stupid. “No Daddy. Frankster’s a little boy. I’m a big boy now.”

+ MY FIRST MEMORY IS FALLING OUT OF A TYRE swing at a third birthday party. I’d hurt my arm but bawled mostly over the thick brown mud coating on my blue and red checked cowboy shirt. My father had bought that shirt for my second birthday and it finally fitted.

He should’ve been pushing me on that swing but he was dead, killed eight months earlier.

He went to the pub with a mate and died on the way home when the mate’s car ploughed off the side of a bridge. The night my father died our neighbour had arrived on his quad bike with the news. I’d woken up excited and said, “Daddy, bike.” My mother had taken me to her bedroom and sat with me on her lap, still, shocked, and dry-eyed until my Grandpa arrived. Then she’d buried her face in his scratchy jersey and wept.

According to Mum, and Dad’s sister Rose, I’m a lot like Dad. There’s a photograph of me aged six, sitting on a coffee table gaping at the TV, legs spread and right hand firmly wedged down my pants. When it was developed Mum showed Rose. “Like father, like son.” Rose had hugged her and said, “That settles the nature nurture debate.”

After the boys were in bed I noticed the wind was picking up so I went outside and moved their assorted bikes, scooters, and cars off the deck. I leant on the timber rail and stared out toward the sea. The water was turbulent, the colour of charcoal. I was surprised it hadn’t rained already. There was a container ship docked in the bay opposite and as I watched it slowly pulling away from the wharf I thought about Fordy’s visit to my office that afternoon.

I got my phone out of my pocket, cleaned the surface with my thumb and texted, ‘Boss in office this afternoon. Saw your artwork.

Written warning.’ I pressed send then leant back on the railing. There were white caps on

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the water now and the branches in the trees bordering the park near the shore were giving a Mexican wave.

Fordy’s reply was quick. ‘No shit?’

I waited a moment, considering how to reel him in. Then typed, ‘Serious mate. Job on the line’.

‘WTF. Lunch tomorrow?’

‘1pm. Your shout.’ I thought about the pungent onion and how Fordy refused to eat raw fish and added, ‘Fitzherbert Park Sushi.’

He could always order chicken.

It was dark now and the water was just a gaping black line between the lit houses of the foreshore and the lights in the opposite bay. I decided to take a shower, release some tension. It wasn’t like the missus was going to help me out. She was asleep on the couch already, oblivious to the pitchy singing of the final contestant on American Idol.

The missus and I had met on an Intercity bus. She’d been visiting family, a welleducated, pompous bunch in Remuera, and I was heading to a mate’s 21st. I’d gotten on at Taihape and sat in the first vacant seat, next to her. She’d had perfectly straight blonde hair, a superb toned body and had shown a surprising (and never to be repeated) interest in my sporting achievements. We’d spent the next seven hours bonding over our shared love of liquorice allsorts, Oasis, and U2. I’d invited her to my mate’s 21st and she’d taken me to meet her cousin’s. Archie was born three years later.

I try to make an effort. Only that morning I’d been just about to head out the door when I’d noticed her at the sink. She’s started to get back into shape, now The Frankster’s nearly two, and is looking good. Even though her skirt was flared, the spandex fabric skimmed her curves, showing the payoff from her new

gym habit. I’d stood behind her and leant in close slipping one hand under the band of her skirt and caressing her buttock over the silky fabric with the other. She was freshly showered and smelt of coconut and vanilla body-wash. The skin on the back of her neck was smooth and cool against my shaved chin and I remembered how hot she’d looked in an apple green bikini our first summer together.

“Can you not do that!” I’d stepped back quickly. She’d taken both hands out of the sink and flicked them brusquely, the soapsuds landing on a half-eaten piece of jammy toast on the bench. I’d only been trying to make her feel good.

“You’ve got a nice ass.”

“I’ve got the boys to dress, feed, and get to kindy. A load of washing to hang out and bloody Archie’s been drawing train tracks on his wall with my new mascara.”

I’d made a quick exit and been cheered up when the bus arrived just as I reached the stop. As I’d paid the fare, the sun had glinted off one of my silver cufflinks which was in the shape of a tiny steam engine. I’d bought the cufflinks because Archie Boy’s big into trains.

When I’d shown them to him he’d wanted to know which was Thomas and which Percy. He could say the names of those engines before he could say Archie. I’d wondered if his first remembered image will be something to do with trains. Whatever it is, I’m doing my best to ensure I’m in it. I’ve searched my memory for moments with my father, elaboration on the stories Mum told me, but the memories remain buried, like golf-balls in a murky pond.

The sushi tasted old but the sashimi was fresh.

I guessed gurnard. I stabbed a piece with my chopsticks and waved the translucent raw fish in front of Fordy. He turned his head, screwed up his nose and sipped his coke. Then he

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FEATURE burped and said, “Holy shit, mate. They can’t fire you over a cartoon penis.”

“It mightn’t have been a big deal but the boss was introducing me to a new client, a woman, and it was still there on my desk.”

Fordy sniggered loudly and shook his head.

“Mate.”

“It gets worse. The regional manager came in and it was obvious they’d clocked it. The boss pulled me into her office after they’d left and said there would be serious discussion about my future.”

Fordy swallowed loudly and exhaled heavily through his nose. “You sure this isn’t a joke?”

Unusually, he didn’t request I swear or ‘eat a horse manure pie’, a phrase meaning cross your heart and hope to die.

I tried juggling a piece of sushi with chopsticks.

“No joke. My job’s on the line.”

Fordy narrowed his eyes and scrutinized me. I thought about what a tragedy it was that Dan Carter was out of the test due to injury, and hoped this made me look serious and sincere.

“Would it help if I rung your boss, mate?”

I scratched the corner of my mouth considering his offer. “What would you say?”

“Tell her it wasn’t your fault. That I drew the dick on the docs.” We both sniggered and I passed him what was left of the pickled ginger.

I shrugged, “Worth a shot.”

Fordy’s nod was faint but it moved his whole body. I watched his left knee wobble and smirked into my miso soup.

On the way back to the office I checked my phone. There was a text from the missus.

‘What time you home? Archie already asking.’

‘Early.’ I replied. When I leave for work in the morning, Archie and The Frankster rush to the door for a kiss, cuddle, and high five. They stand in the window and high five me again

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through the glass as I walk past. I can hear their high voices calling, “Bye Daddy, Bye” from halfway down the street. The missus says they keep calling long after I’ve gone. When I was Archie’s age I’d sit in the farmhouse window and stare at the rolling hills and dry grass cropped short by the roaming sheep. I’d imagine my father walking towards the house, ducking his head and waving excitedly when he was close enough to see me.

When my mother asked once what I was waving at I said, “Daddy.” She’d put her arm around me and we’d stared out at the barren paddocks together.

Back at work I slipped my phone into the pocket of my suit jacket and felt its weight reassuringly close to my chest. Before I went into my office I checked to see if the boss was in – she was – which was good because I had a favour to ask.

+ THE AFTERNOON DRAGGED. I RAN MY HAND through my hair and I wondered how long it would be before Fordy rang the boss and how long I had before I went bald. I worry about receding and the missus humours me saying, “You’ve got great hair, Rob, you’ll be fine.” She used to run her hands through it and say, “I love you all rumpled and sexy.”

I checked my reflection in the glass of a certificate on the wall and made a note that I needed to trim my eyebrows and the rogue hair protruding from my left nostril. Then I checked my watch, an Omega Seamaster – the model James Bond wears. A carefully considered purchase I’d debated for two years.

It was 2:35pm.

I remembered when Fordy and I had been

flatting together. I’d gone snowboarding one weekend and come home to find he’d put a Post-It Note on everything in my bedroom. A pair of paisley Calvin Klein boxers had a yellow label reading, ‘undies only a gay bastard would wear.’ I’d retaliated a month later when we’d gone on a boys’ trip to the Boxing Day Test in Melbourne, surreptitiously ordering him a vegetarian meal on the plane. He’d been really dark about it, leaning across the aisle and saying irately, “I don’t appreciate that Rob. I was really looking forward to the beef stroganoff.” His reaction had been pure gold.

The boss was standing in the doorway. “Your friend John just called.”

I grinned. “What did he say?”

“He was very apologetic and determined you be cleared of blame. I told him it was the last in a long line of indiscretions but I’d take his admission of responsibility for the artwork under consideration.” She shook her head and tut-tutted as she walked away.

Five minutes later my phone rang, “Rob. I called your boss.” Fordy’s tone was low and sombre. “She’s not happy. You’ll be lucky to keep your job mate, but I told her it was me who drew the dick.”

I put my hand over my mouth to suppress the laughter straining at the back of my throat. I heard the murmured conversations outside my office and a hum on the line as Fordy waited for my response. My eyes were watering when Fordy finally spat out a strangled, “Fuck you.”

And the line went dead.

I got a Facebook notification two hours later – a new post from John Ford, ‘Rob Bennett you Bastard’. Leg quickly commented, ‘Yeah boi’, and Fordy’s uncle wrote, ‘High Five to Rob – well played.’ That made me smile. I wondered if it was something my father might have said. I imagined him standing at the head of a table carving a roast, the family seated and waiting for him to serve up the meat. I’d just told them all about pranking Fordy, and my father chuckling loudly, would stop carving, lean across the table and give me a high five, “Well played, Rob.” A week later, fordy had licked his wounds and agreed to meet me. It was a Saturday morning and the missus was working, so it was just me and the boys. I arranged to meet him at the local park. The kids could burn off some energy in the playground while we talked sport. Fordy was wearing a t-shirt that had originally been black but was now a pallid grey.

It featured a headshot of Obama. He placed a hand on a timber fence rail and I noticed he put it squarely on top of some dried bird shit.

“What mate?” he asked. I must’ve cringed outwardly.

“Nothing. Did you watch the Man U game?”

“Jesus. That should have been a clear penalty

by Carrick. The ref was bloody useless. He’s too young.” Fordy slammed his hand down on the bird shit and loose fragments were

knocked to the ground. I watched Archie Boy hurtle down the slide on his stomach and The Frankster ascending a plastic ‘rock’ climbing wall suitable for kids twice his age. He had no fear that boy. The wind was cold and I crossed my arm over my chest, massaged my bicep and looked back at Fordy. “Carrick’s older than you and was refing a good game till then.”

“Bollocks. Here’s what happened mate ...”

Fordy attempted a replay of the critical moments of the game using his hands and making various kicking gestures with his feet.

I did my best to follow his demonstration but it was difficult watching him and keeping an eye on the kids. Archie was still on the slide but when I looked for Frank he’d disappeared.

“Hold on a minute mate.” I held up both hands and walked around the slide, scanning the playground anxiously. He wasn’t on the play equipment or the mucky patch of grass.

I finally spotted his little blonde head heading down the path toward the busy road. Although he’s only two, The Frankster’s surprisingly fast. I made a couple of quick assessments– the distance between Frank and the road and the distance between Frank and me – and even though I’ve played midfield I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I began running anyway and yelling, “Frank, stop.” Archie got off the swing and watched the action. He was closer than me and though I knew it was asking too much of a three-year-old, I screamed, “Archie, grab Frank.” Archie didn’t move, and Frank, registering the commotion, increased his speed.

He thought it was a game and I was chasing him. I seemed to be moving in slow motion yet everything was blurry like I was in a fast spin.

Damn, why wasn’t I paying more attention.

Fordy was attempting a shortcut to the street by scaling a two-metre fence and was astride the top. Frank looked like he was bouncing, planting one foot emphatically on the ground before taking another step but I still didn’t seem to be gaining on him.

+ I WAS LIFTING MY FEET BUT MY SANDSHOES felt like steel-capped boots. Fordy was climbing down the other side of the fence.

There was a constant flow of cars but the traffic noise was no match for the thundering of blood in my ears. Damn the park only having a gate on one side. As Frank made it to the edge of the footpath I reached out and yelled, “No, Frank, no”, but it was like diving for a catch at the boundary when you’re standing near the stumps. I was powerless to stop him hurtling onto the road.

Instinctively I closed my eyes. When I opened them The Frankster was toppling head-first on to the concrete. He’d tripped on his ‘size too big’ Spiderman sandals. I remembered gently easing them off his feet the night before as he slept and was immensely grateful they were

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his new favourite thing. There was a muffled smack as he hit the footpath and the subsequent silence seemed long and loaded. The Frankster was lying on his stomach and his small hand was stretched out just millimetres from the gutter. Fordy reached him first and placed his palm clumsily on his back at the very moment Frank let out a deafening wail.

I walked over and scooped him up. Cradling the back of his head like he was a tiny baby again I exhaled into the soft fabric of his fleecy jacket and held him tight. I needed to sit down, my legs were shaking and my heart racing. The Frankster was howling as I stroked his hair and gently tipped his head back to check if he was okay. There was a slight graze and a whopping bump growing on the left side of his forehead.

My fingers caught in his soft blonde curls and I had a sudden horrible image of him lying on the road, pale and still, the curls framed with a pool of blood. I shuddered and scanned the park for Archie Boy. He was happily poking a stick in a puddle. What would I have said to Archie if Frank had reached the road? How would I have told the missus?

Fordy was standing next to me. He put his hand firmly on my shoulder and rested it there awkwardly for a second. “Ok mate?”

I met his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, just a bump.” My voice cracked and I looked away quickly.

On the way home, fordy gave a running commentary on the upcoming Olympics and the pros and cons of various members of our cricket team. I inserted, “Yeah mate,” at appropriate intervals but felt like a bystander watching us walking home, a couple of tallish blokes with a pre-schooler on a trike and a toddler in a stroller. How different it could have been. The trolley buses trundling up the

street were menacing, my skin prickled at the sound of distant sirens and when a pushbike whooshed past I was intensely aware of the cool displaced air.

Frank was quiet but happy, kicking the toes of his Spiderman sandals against the footrest of the stroller. I reached down and ruffled his hair, “Right, Frankster?” He nodded vigorously and said “Yep” in his soft raspy voice. I hoped he would always nod that enthusiastically and sound that way.

The missus was home from work and hanging out the washing when we climbed up the stairs to the house. Archie Boy ran to her for a cuddle while The Frankster hung back. “Ello Mummy” he said. She looked up from hugging Archie and frowned when she saw the bump on Frank’s forehead which seemed to have grown and was a smarting red. She sucked in her breath and looked at me questioningly. I glanced at Fordy who made some lame excuse about lunch with his brother and left.

I considered downplaying the whole incident, Boys aye? Instead I picked up Frank and rested him against my shoulder then put my other arm around the missus. “It was terrifying”, I said. “He was running towards the road but then, thank God, he tripped on the footpath and smacked his head. But for a moment there I thought ...”

The missus placed her finger tenderly just above the bump on Franks head. “Mummy kiss it better?”

Frank nodded emphatically. “Yep.” She leaned in and very softly brushed her lips against his bruised skin. She leaned in and very softly brushed her lips against his bruised skin. Then, turning her head, she applied more pressure as she kissed my cheek and, reaching up, gently rumpled my hair.

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FEATURE

Sarah Burton follows the actresses’ path from Underbelly to a flat in Clifton Hill

CHELSIE PRESTON-CRAYFORD MAKES A MOVIE

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large portrait of Chelsie PrestonCrayford as an adorable toddler with pigtails and an inflatable water ring, a perfect Michelle Tanner lookalike, adorns the wall of her mother’s house. “Is that you?” I ask. “Yup, from my first acting job.” Chelsie then proceeds to recite the entire water safety advert to me that she remembers word for word all these years later, ending in the classic line “Have fun in the water, but do what you oughta!”

Chelsie, still adorable, but minus the pigtails, exudes charm and humble confidence as one of New Zealand’s most promising young actresses. You may have seen her in the films Eagle vs Shark and I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and the Australian TV series Underbelly. She recently won a Logie for Outstanding New Talent for her role as the spirited cockney madam, Tilly, in Underbelly.

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But, like any decent Gen Yer, Chelsie likes to dabble in a variety of disciplines. I met up with the daughter of filmmaker Gaylene Preston to talk about her latest venture, writing and directing her own short film – something she’s always wanted to do.

+ IT ALL STARTED A FEW MONTHS AGO IN Melbourne. While in LA earlier this year meeting with agents and going to auditions, Chelsie sent an audition tape back to Australia for a part in a tele-feature that was being shot in Melbourne, The Mystery of a Hansom Cab. She got the part, and when the show ended she decided she was enjoying Melbourne so much that she would stick around, sub-letting a room in a flat in Clifton Hill.

Little did she know that an old friend, Sylvia

Varnham O’Reagan, who she grew up with in Wellington was just about to move in, too.

“Sylv and I went to primary school together, and we’ve always liked each other, but we haven’t ever had the opportunity to spend much time together. So it was a really good moment.”

Chelsie and Sylvia found themselves among a buzz of creative people.

“The first night we moved in there was a thing happening that a lot of the kids in the flat had been involved in called The No Name Club.

And they’d just got together and gone, ‘well some of us are creative and we’ve got all these different skills that we don’t always get to use and so let’s get together and make something and let’s not worry about the product’, which was really the most inspiring thing to me. So that night I said to Sylv, let’s write a film. Let’s do it. We’ve got about five weeks that we live Photographs by Sarah Burton

together and then we don’t know what’s gonna happen, I could go anywhere and she could go anywhere. And now she’s in Bendigo and I’m in Wellington!”

Sylvia was a journalist but hadn’t written much creatively. Neither of them had written a film before. “It was an opportunity to do things we’ve never done. I’d always wanted to make a film, I didn’t really wanna be in it, but I ended up having to. I wanted Sylvia to be in it but she flat refused.”

So, with the ethos of it being about the doing of it and not the end product firmly in place, they sat down and worked out an idea. “We brainstormed the sorts of things that we liked and related to. We liked the idea of representing how we and our girlfriends interact really naturally.”

+ THE STORY IS A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TESS, played by Chelsie. She lives in a flat with her girlfriends and is going on a date that night.

“We were really interested in how, when you’re a girl in your 20s and you’re in a tightknit group of girlfriends, your life is not your own. You lay your life out and it’s knit-picked over and you’re all working out where you sit on things. And often it doesn’t give romance a chance to blossom. It’s a very good thing but it’s often a double-edged sword. It means that you’re not walking in with only your thoughts in your head and there’s a lot of humour and interaction around that.” But, Chelsie says, that is not what it’s all about. “It’s sort of become about waking up.” Sounds intriguing.

The girls eschewed a nicely packaged story complete with predictable ending for the style and feel they wanted. “I was always interested in that mumblecore style where anything could happen at any moment, but it’s not really about the drama, it’s more about the style.”

The main character’s friends in the film are Chelsie and Sylvia’s actual friends, who they chose even though they had little to no acting experience. They even flew two of them in from Sydney and Auckland. “The reason we ended up casting our friends and flying them over was because we wanted a real genuine feeling of camaraderie.” And the result? “They were so amazing. They really blew me away.”

A sense of trying new things out in an atmosphere of collaboration is what this film was all about. A lot of the people involved were doing something for the first time.

The camera crew, the only Aussies involved, were just beginning to set themselves up as a film production crew. Chelsie met one of them because he was a runner on Mystery of a Hansom Cab. “I knew that he had gone to film school so I rang him. It worked out perfectly because they were trying to work out their mojo and we needed a crew. It really fitted into the whole kaupapa of the thing, which

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is we were all doing it to do it. The awesome thing about filmmaking is that it’s all about community.”

But the film really never could have been made without the wider community of family and friends that got behind the project. The entire film was funded by the crowd funding site Pozible. “Pozible was awesome. I recommend crowd funding to anyone.” They kept the funding goal incredibly low at $1500. “I thought, well I have no idea what I’m doing, and neither did Sylv. When we made our pitch we didn’t even have our script, so we didn’t know that we could even back it up.” Hitting their goal after two days was a major surprise.

“It was totally overwhelming. We ended up getting $4500. We got three people who donated $500. That’s the benefit of having so many people involved because everyone has a mum.”

“The money was good because it meant we could actually make it, but the more empowering thing is just to have so much support from so many different people. I never expected to get support from a lot of those people. It was really overwhelming and it really made us want to deliver something.

Even though I was still really fastidious about not worrying about it being good, it gives you a sense of responsibility.”

Keeping to their strict deadline the film was shot in three days. “It was so fast and we wrote it so it would be. It was such a little whirlwind, such a moment in time.”

Chelsie loved working as a team with Sylvia.

“It was great having two directors, especially because I was in it, so Sylv was on the outside the whole time, and we’re a really complimentary team. I’m sort of hot-headed and

quite impulsive, and Sylvia’s quite measured, and what she says she’s really thought about, so it was a good balance.”

The hardest part to film for Chelsie was the unscripted date scene, shot with her real-life boyfriend, musician Timothy Blackman. “He’s really warm and engaging just being himself, but when he acts you don’t see all that stuff necessarily, so we knew that we had to not give him a script.” She describes the awkwardness of the two of them trying to improvise meeting for the first time among a whole lot of extras pretending to eat pizza: “It was quite brutal I think and I felt really terrible about it.”

The film is currently being edited in Auckland by an assistant editor keen to helm her own project for the first time. Chelsie has been flying up to Auckland to oversee the edit. “It’s really cool to realise that it now has its own life – it’s been living in her head now.”

“I was really expecting this to be very, very, very far from what we were aiming for, and I don’t 100 percent know that it isn’t yet because we haven’t finished it obviously.

But I’m quite heartened, I’m surprised, it’s like, that does actually feel a little bit how we wanted it to feel.”

The day of our interview Chelsie is feeling slight trepidation for her newest foray. That night was her first live gig as keyboardist and backing vocalist with her boyfriend.

“I’m called Only Child. Timothy Blackman and Only Child. And I guess I’m called only child because Timothy Blackman and Chelsie Preston-Crayford sounds terrible. “The highlight of my year has been doing things that aren’t acting. Things that I’ve always wanted to do and have never done. And for some reason they’re happening this year.”

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FEATURE

MILLS & POON: DICK HARDY & JENNA TALIA

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llustrations by Jacob Sparrow

Did you meet Dick Hardy or Jenna Talia at Albany’s Alice in Wonderland Ball? If not, this finale of their erotically charged adventures for 2012 gives you both sides of the story and brings the story to its thrillingclimax. Can Dick perform under pressure, or will Jenna will come out on top?

MILLS AND POON: THE CLIMAX

d

onight was the night: the Albany Alice in Wonderland Ball. Tonight, I had a plan. We were having pre-drinks at a mate’s place. My date was a friend of mine but I think she had plans of her own for me. She kept slinking up to me to whisper things in my ear and ‘accidentally’ brushing my hand as the alcohol had its effect. But I had somebody else on my mind tonight. I subconsciously felt for the rabbit ears I had in my pocket.

My date arrived just as I had finished my make-up, which was lucky for him. He came in smelling nice and offering a box of chocolates. He told me how amazing I looked, and we pecked on the cheek in greeting. We walked to the car and he even held the door open for me! Boys, take note! We made small talk in the car, and despite his cool air I was slightly nervous about what the night might bring.

We arrived at the ball and I had had perhaps a little bit too much alcohol, which was bad news. If things were going to go to plan then I had to keep a cool head. We were met at the door by some colourful characters – a white rabbit and a queen of hearts – who took our tickets. We climbed the stairwell, which was dressed up as a black tunnel and where a sign politely suggested ‘We’re all mad here.’ When I thought about what I was going to do tonight, I wondered how much truth that sign had.

When we made it to the top floor, we were surrounded by cards, roses, clocks, and other themed decorations. My date led me by the hand to a table where we met some of our friends from uni. The girls all commented on how lovely we all looked and the boys said their ‘Sup bros’ and did their handshakes.

Everyone looked charming. Among the conversation something caused me to pause.

I noticed Dick Hardy in a group of people sitting on the couches not far away. He was staring straight at me.

Jenna looked stunning. Her date looked like a chump and I knew I had the advantage over

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him. Just as I looked over at her, I caught her staring at me. There was something about that girl – she wasn’t like the rest. Dragging my eyes away from her, my date told me we should go and get some food. Reluctantly I agreed.

My date did not look like a chump. And Dick was the one staring at me. My date tried to rush me away for a photo but I insisted we stay and socialise for a bit, and eventually we got our meals. We bought some drinks and, apart from Dick looking over at me every two minutes, the ball was turning out to be a pretty good night.

Funny how Jenna would have had to stare at me to notice if I was staring first! Anyway, after the meals, the DJ turned up the music and people started to head toward the dance floor. We joined them and pretty soon the dance floor was pumping. Before I knew it, there was a crump battle going on between a guy in a caterpillar suit and one of the braver girls! Things were pretty exciting! Enjoying ourselves, I looked around to find Jenna staring at me again. I knew I should make my move soon. I told my date, who by now had taken the hint that I wasn’t interested, that I was going to the bathroom. I made my way toward the exit and bumped into Jenna on the way. Without saying a word I took her hand and slipped a note into it and then walked toward the door.

Dick bumped into me ungracefully and before I could tell him to watch himself, he put something in my hand and walked away. I looked in surprise at the piece of paper and unfolded it to see a message, ‘Follow the white rabbit.’ I laughed and as I looked back up to find Dick I saw him disappearing down the stairs with a pair of white rabbit ears on his head! He was cheesy but he was good. I told my date I would be back soon.

I walked out of the building, not quite sure where I wanted Jenna to follow me to. I risked a peek back at the door to see if she was coming and my heart was beating like mad

when I saw that she wasn’t. But a moment later I saw her silhouette and I quickly turned and continued walking. Wanting somewhere private, I walked toward the shelter beside the Sir Neil Walters building.

When he finally stopped in the shadows I walked up to him. It was strange in the darkness and I was cold. ‘So what’s all this about?’ I asked him, genuinely curious.

‘Oh, hi to you too,’ he said in mock offense.

‘Well it’s cold, and my date is inside.’

‘Okay okay. Uhh, are you having a good night?’

He sounded nervous and I almost wanted to laugh. We talked briefly for a bit until I asked him, ‘So did you drag me out here for a little chit chat then?’

‘No, I wanted to give you something,’ and he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a little bottle.

‘What is it?’ I asked him.

‘Shit hang on,’ he laughed. ‘I didn’t really think this through,’ and he pulled out his phone for a light. He held it up to the bottle and on it there was a note which said Drink me. I burst out laughing at how far he was taking this Alice in Wonderland theme.

‘I can’t believe you went to all this effort,’ I laughed. ‘You must really want to get in my pants.’

Smiling he said, ‘Go on, drink it.’

Despite the lack of light, things were going well. I don’t think she believed me when I told her to drink it, though.

‘Is this the one that makes me bigger or smaller?’ she asked me. ‘Oh let me guess, this one is for you and it makes you bigger!’ She laughed at how clever she thought she was but I again insisted she drink it.

He seemed adamant that I drink it, but there was some part of me that had my doubts.

How well did I even know him? It was a black liquid inside, although it was hard to see so I suppose it could have been any colour.

‘You drink it,’ I challenged.

He agreed and downed it. Then he held it back up to me and shone his torch on it. Inside there

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FEATURE her legs around me. I pressed slowly into her but she bucked down onto me, taking my full length. She bit my ear (painfully!) and whimpered down my neck.

I loved having his strong arms holding me up, his body pinning me to the wall. Everything about this moment was turning me on. And then he began to pump back and forth inside me, powerfully, and my little toe started tingling. ‘Faster!’ I urged him in what I hoped was a whisper. I squeezed his arms as he impaled me faster and harder and suddenly I began to shake as the most powerful orgasm of my life shook my body.

was another note with small writing running around the sides. It said, Jenna Talia, I’m afraid you are mad, but all the best people are. Will you be my girlfriend?

I was shell-shocked. The infamous Dick Hardy wanted me to be his girlfriend. But I was in no way prepared. He could have given me some warning?

Spontaneity is more my thing, and what did I have to lose? Maybe she should have said yes? She looked at me with dancing eyes and told me she would need a lot of time to think about it, and do people our age even do boyfriend-girlfriends anymore? But then she did something that surprised me. She leaned in and kissed me. And suddenly it was all on. I pressed her up against the wall and let her feel my passion. She clung to me, sliding her arms into the warmth of my jacket and then eagerly into my pants. This girl was an expert.

I’m not sure if expert is the word I would have used to describe the unexpected outburst of lust I had out there in the cold. I let his hands slide up underneath my dress and the idea of being out in the open and the thought that anybody could walk past drove me crazy.

I sucked hard on his tongue and clawed his butt cheeks fiercely. He was a good kisser and he was good with his hands. I couldn’t believe how aroused I was becoming. I suddenly stopped and looked up to see if anybody could see us. Dick, however, seized this moment and thrust his hands into my underwear!

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She squeezed her legs together as my cold fingers surprised her but she didn’t pull my hand away. Instead she rose against me, straining for my touch. My fingers teased her lips and I sucked on her ear lobe. She was humping my hand now, and was moaning softly into my ear. Her hand on my cock was pumping erratically, fast and then slow, as her concentration failed. Who knew asking girls out could have such a drastic effect?

Lost to the world, Dick pressed something into my hand and I scoffed at him.

‘You think you’re that lucky?’ I whispered.

‘Always gotta be prepared,’ he smirked back.

And with that, he freed his manhood and biting the end off the packet, reached down to slide the condom on. His other hand continued what it was doing and, to be fair, I was quite impressed that he got it on with one hand.

Still, ‘You’re wasting your time,’ I assured him. But the way my dress was up around my waist and my panties were pulled to the side, I wasn’t doing a very good job convincing him.

She was pretending she didn’t want the full monty, but she was doing nothing to stop me. If anything, she was becoming more excited. I pressed my sheathed sword to her exposed opening and rubbed it up and down.

She groaned and reached down to hold me.

Stroking me back and forth, she relented and pressed me hard against her. I gripped her ass and lifted her off the ground as she wrapped

She had been telling me to keep quiet the whole time but suddenly she was just about yelling. If anybody was outside I’m sure they would have heard us.

‘Ooooaaaaaaahhhhhhh!’ she exclaimed as her legs and arms trembled all over. The feeling of her contracting around my manhood was incredible and I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer with this much arousal.

‘I’m going to come,’ I whispered. And suddenly, although her eyes were still slightly glazed over, she reached down and gripped my balls . . . hard! She pulled them down and stopped moving on top of me. My impending orgasm was stopped in its tracks.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked her, incredulous.

‘Sorry, but I can’t be just another one of your stories, Hardy. It’s time to turn the tables.’

And with that she scooted down the wall and pulled my still hard penis out of her.

‘But I did have a lot of fun,’ she said, planting an insulting kiss on my lips. ‘I should probably get back to the ball!’ Can you believe her!

I did feel a little bad about leaving him high and dry again, but I thought that in the end I had been rather generous. I rushed back to the ball, but made sure to tidy up in the bathroom first! Dick arrived about five minutes after me, looking genuinely uncomfortable and ruffled but he still managed to flick me a disbelieving smile. As the night ended I walked up to him and whispered in his ear, ‘Well, I have my story, what are you going to write about?’

After the ball, I texted Jenna and told her I knew what I was going to do my story on. I asked for her e-mail address and sent her the first paragraph of this story. She played my game and replied with her paragraph and hence the story you just read was produced!

It was a little bit risky (and embarrassing for me!); it won’t be that hard to figure out our identities, although we did change a few of the more incriminating details. Still, I had fun and look forward to my future escapades with the talented Miss Jenna Talia.

Until next time Dick Hardy. llustrations by Jacob Sparrow

WE ARE PROUD TO SUPPORT THE 2012 AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION AWARDS AND WISH ALL CONTENDERS THE VERY BEST OF LUCK FOR FRIDAY 28 SEPTEMBER.

IT’S SAFER TO BE AT SUMMER SCHOOL Get a head-start on Semester One 2013 by taking up to 60 credits at Summer School.

Classes start 19 November 2012.

MASSEY.AC.NZ/SUMMERSCHOOL OR CALL 0800 MASSEY (627 739) www.massivemagazine.org.nz

ENROL NOW!

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT It is important to encourage a culture of appreciation and respect for those who base their aspiring careers and achievements around the passion they have for their creativity and talents. New Zealand no longer needs to be fed on a culture of Tall Poppy Syndrome. Relish in the talents of your peers – those who study alongside you at the same institution, those who you pass in the hallway, and those who you stand in the line with at the cafe but who you seldom get to appreciate for their hard work due to a difference in what your major is. The quality of work in design and arts being produced at Massey is outstanding. KIlling it at Massey provides a platform on which our artistically minded students can share their craft. Abigail Leggett talks to some of Massey’s talented students.

MASSEY’S GOT TALENT JONO NOTT Age: 19 Degree: Bachelor of Fine Arts Place of Origin: Blenheim

Jono Nott is a fine arts student producing work beyond his years. His youthful yet wise urban art has produced many street art motifs, but upon further viewing, many concepts and sneaky ideologies are to be discovered. Illustrative, figurative, pop-surrealist, Nott’s work is a bit of everything which cleverly pulls together to produce an overall style thread through his works, using stencils and aspects of pop art. Jono draws inspiration from Polish duo Etam Cru, whose sick street art has a ‘vivid-ass’ appeal to it, pieces of which can be clearly seen as a driving factor in his work.

It has a sneaky environment-friendly aspect to it that I love. You wouldn’t necessarily know it straight away, but upon further investigation

I’ve discovered that the majority of his work is created on ‘found’ pieces of material. He’s recycling bits of scrap board and wood to paint his urban masterpieces on, and I’ve found this to be such an endearing aspect to his work and his processes.

Painting with a few mixed mediums, such as oil paint, acrylics, and then using different tools to get his desired effects, such as spray bottles, paint brushes, etcetera, is Nott’s genius way to produce his radical pieces. His work is fun and eye-catching yet old beyond its time, with paint strokes that make you search for further meaning in the wider scheme of the painting. I can see this work transcending the generations and becoming a favourite for

TOM FLAHERTY Age: 19 Degree: Bachelor of Fine Arts Place of Origin: Blenheim Another stand-out example of a fine arts student at Massey is Tom Flaherty. He’s only second year but he’s already producing work that is undeniably of an extraordinary high and mature calibre. He began as a design student but a uni trip to New York changed his whole perspective, and he instead chose to go down the path of fine arts. Something that seems to traverse all of Flaherty’s work is the use of white. “White gives the colours space to breathe”, he says – this and rotating the canvas to get a new perspective on the painting each time helps to give the art a life of its own with a story to tell.

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He says painting the way he does is really just painting an experience by conveying it without words but through oil paints. He says the majority of his choice of colours is due to inspiration from the mountains. He says he draws inspiration from artists such as De Kooning, Jackson Pollock, Joan Mitchell, and Alberto Giacometti.

On the surface, Flaherty’s work comes across as natural and slightly kinaesthetic, but under it all the viewer is lured into an immersive place of push and pull tensions and beautiful paint stroke craftsmanship.

Opposite page, TOP: Two of Jono’s paintings BOTTOM: Two of Tom’s paintings

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

‘FRESH MEAT’ STAR GRABS HER CHANCE Miriam Richdale

A

fter starring in a film about a family of cannibals there was the expectation that upon meeting at Marbecks, Hanna Lani Tavita was going to order a flesh and blood smoothie. Thankfully, to save the awkwardness she got an iced chocolate.

Fresh Meat is a New Zealand film set to premier on October 25. It’s a horror-comedy parody, and is, to all intents and purposes, funny rather than a terrifying human-eating fiasco. It follows the intersection of a dysfunctional gang and a Maori family of modern-day cannibals.

At the centre of the battle is Rina, played by Hanna Tavita. She is daughter to the Crane family and returns home after five years at boarding school to find herself the odd one out in her family. Although a strong and mature character, she goes through the process of finding herself, her sexuality, and where she belongs.

Hanna Lani Tavita is at much the same stage of life as Rina. At 18 years old, Hanna is a first-year student at Massey studying towards a Bachelor of Communication. Her first semester confirmed for her that Palmerston North is a dreary town compared to her home town Wellington, and she initially found it

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hard to settle down. However, after taking the time to open up to student life and all the experiences that come with it, she soon found her place.

Before Massey, Hanna went to Wellington East Girls College where she studied drama, and it was during her year 13 monologue that she was discovered. Fresh Meat director Danny Mulheron had come to watch his niece perform when he saw Hanna’s monologue of the murderer from the play Verbatim. He asked agent Jude Lane for Hanna to audition for the film.

Despite Hanna doing productions all through high school, Fresh Meat was her first film experience. The filming took place at Avalon Studios in the Hutt Valley over two months during her last term of school, where she had time and space to study for her final examinations. “The studios were amazing and so realistic. It’s like having a whole house inside except that it doesn’t have a ceiling.”

Stepping out of the comforting confines of the drama classroom and into a real life environment was something she had to adjust to. Although Mulheron was “an amazing director, the loveliest person, and so easy to talk to”, Hanna still found herself a little

reserved. With the fear of appearing amateur, there were some things she could not confide in him. Overall, though, Hanna loved the experience. “It was such a cool environment, and working with the likes of Temura Morrison and Nicole Kawana was a big privilege.”

She is happy with the finished product, though “there were some parts that I felt quite iffy about like with the girl-on-girl action, but I loved it. Those bits aren’t yuck. It was cool to see the end product, very cool.” Hanna admits it was kind of weird to see herself on screen but reminds herself that “that’s Rina, and you’re you.”

Like most students, her future plans are muddled. Part of her wants to continue with her degree and major in Expressive Arts, another part wants to switch to a degree in psychology. Then there is the other path altogether, the one Hanna thought would never have been possible – that of an actress.

“If it took off that would be the first thing I would want to do with my life,” she says.

However, she is realistic about the difficulties of becoming a fulltime actress and believes that having a degree will be something sound to fall back on.

Either way, she is a bubbly and confident person. Whether she is a one-hit wonder, or New Zealand’s next big thing, she is someone to look out for.

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SPORTS NOTABLE MOMENTS OF 2012 SWEET, SWEET REVENGE 2012 hosted an array of last-minute comebacks by many teams. The Warriors know all about second-half losses. The most amazing piece of revenge came the way of the Rabbitohs and the Roosters. Early in the season, the Roosters staged an incredible comeback to win in the dying seconds with two tries in the space of two minutes. The second time they met, the Rabbitohs somehow pulled a rabbit out their own hat and inflicted an all-out last five-minute assault on the chooks, with Dave Taylor setting up a team try in the final 20 seconds in which the majority of the team touched the ball for a length-of-the field try to Adam Reynolds. You could not write a better script.

MELBOURNE STORM HOME

Jack Biggs

n

he Melbourne Storm have capped off a consistent year by winning the 2012 NRL. The win is the club’s second (legal) win since they joined the competition in 1997. Controversially, they were stripped of their 2007 and 2009 championships due to systematic breaches of the salary cap.

The Bulldogs, who were minor premiers for 2012, were unlucky to come away emptyhanded after a remarkable season under new coach Des Hasler, who has won two premierships with the Manly Sea Eagles, in 2008 and last year. He is the first coach in the competition’s history to take two different teams to back-to-back finals but, unfortunately for him, came up short against the classy Storm outfit who still manage to keep some of the games superstar under their salary cap.

The Storm ran in three first-half tries to one, and both teams were held scoreless in the second 40. The first try came the way of back-rower Ryan Hoffman in the sixth minute after a determined angled run and an outstretched arm across the chalk. Hoffman has been rewarded with Kangaroo selection after a solid year.

The Bulldogs bit back in the 25th minute with a try to Kiwi winger Sam Perrett. A real Kiwi combination for this try, with Krisnan Inu chipping the ball to his compatriot who finished it off in style. The aftermath of that try resulted in an unnecessary push by Inu on the attempted tackler, Slater. Then followed a team-on-team melee which added real spark

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to a fixture that was crying out for it. So thank you, Inu! Doggies front rower James Graham may be starting his 2013 campaign midway through as he will likely be found guilty for biting Slater’s ear. Probably a step too far, James – the Bulldogs is just a team name and nothing to live up to. The bite really marred the fight but the fight did not mar the game, just intensified it.

The third try came the way of – guess who?

Billy Slater set up by Cooper Cronk, who is impossible to keep off the score sheet. A bit of good karma for Slater perhaps after nearly losing his ear. Cronk then had the final say of the second half, and the game, in fact. He floated a ball up in the corner to the acrobatic Justin O’Neill who leapt up and beat Ben Barba over the line. The finalists went into the sheds at 14-4 and that’s how it would remain.

Some gutsy Storm defence kept the Dogs at bay in the second 40 even though Barba and Josh Morris began to conjure up some magic with some long-range breaks diffused by none other than Slater. Cronk did the necessities and came away with the Clive Churchill medal for player of the match.

A classy Storm outfit which boasts some of the game’s greatest in Slater, Smith, and Cronk is hard to keep out any year. Their all-round defensive and offensive talent and nous secured the 2012 title for captain Cameron Smith, who epitomises cool, calm and collected like no other sportsman I have seen.

DESSY Most coaches take at least a couple of seasons to find their feet at a new club, but not Des Hasler. He managed to not only take the Bulldogs to the grand final a year after winning it with Manly, but he kept them at the top of the table for the majority of the season. From the get-go he instilled his expectations upon the players and they responded.

WOEFUL WORRIERS After making the 2011 grand final, the Warriors were tipped for big things. Nek minnit … The number of times they led at half-time and lost was just pitiful. You can forgive a team of rookies for trying hard and losing but you can’t forgive such sloppy second-half efforts, which were the turning points in their season. Where was the desire? The coach was shown the door and now star five-eight James Maloney has jumped ship. Oh dear.

SBW Thank God he has finally gone back to his real game.

Okay, okay he started playing well for the Chiefs and All Blacks in 2012, but league is where his skills will be put to better and more entertaining use. Now we only need Quade Cooper to jump codes. Seeing SBW in a Roosters’ jersey in 2013 will be exciting. Just wait till the Bulldogs clash after he controversially walked out on his contract.

ROBBERY OF THE SEASON I have to feel for Johnathan Thurston and the Cowboys who produced results and exciting league all season. The finals game between the Cowboys and the Sea Eagles was the biggest robbery ever. Two tries were awarded that should never have been and it really turned the game for the Cowboys who could do nothing.

Shocking.

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03

SPORTS

MARY, A FISH IN WATER

Yasmine Jellyman talks to Paralympian Mary Fisher about her outstanding success in the pool at the recent London games.

n

n september 14, paralympic world champion and Massey Wellington student Mary Fisher returned home to Wellington from London to an amazing welcome by family, friends, media and fans.

Having spent 10 years training with the Upper Hutt Swim Club, then Wellington’s Capital Swim Club, qualifying in Cincinnati after being reclassified as S11, a week’s training camp in Wales and 10 days competing at London 2012, it has been a long journey but well worth it.

Fisher’s classification is S11, meaning she has a vision impairment. She is partially sighted as a result of a condition called aniridia, meaning she was born without an iris. But this did not stop the now 19-year-old from achieving her goals, and coming home with a gold medal in her final race as well as a world record, two silver medals, a bronze, five Oceania records in her heats and finals, a Paralympic record in one heat and five personal bests.

This how she achieved her medal haul: She qualified fifth fastest for the 100m freestyle final in an Oceania record of 1m 12:01s, but in the final stormed home to win the silver medal, beating the record set in the heats with a time of 1:09:83.

The next day she won her 50m freestyle heat in an Oceania record of 32:19 and was ranked third for the final, where she won bronze, beating her own record with a time of 31:67.

A day later she won her 100m backstroke heat in a Paralympic record of 1:20:89 to be

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top qualifier, and in the final won silver in an Oceania record of 1:19:62.

Four days later she was second in her 400m freestyle heat in an Oceania record 5:32:31 and qualified fourth fastest. In the final she just missed a bronze but smashed her own Oceania record 10 seconds.

The next day she qualified second in the 200m individual medley in an Oceania record of 2:51:90, but stormed home to win gold in the final in a world record time of 2:46:91.

I sat down with her to talk about her journey and where to in the future.

MASSIVE: How does it feel to be home?

Mary Fisher: Oh great. We were away for fourand-a-half weeks so to get back to Wellington and just generally catch up with everyone who I haven’t seen for a long time and just thank them for their support is really good.

M: So how does it feel to have four medals, five Oceania records, a world record, and also five personal bests?

MF: Oh, you know, the personal bests is job done for me, and then the medals and records are amazing and a total bonus and real just tangible things after the amount of time and effort that me and my coach and everyone around me has put in. It’s definitely a bonus to be a medal winner. You always dream of it but every single time you perform you have to put everything you have into it – you can’t do any more than that.

M: What were your goals or hopes going into these Olympics? had something to prove?

MF: With every selection opportunity, were it be like a Wellington representative team or the New Zealand team to the Paralympic games, you really just want to put your best effort into every single event you are competing in.

And for me I had five events over the 10 days of racing, so I really wanted to swim personal beats in all of them and swim really smart, strategic races and show everyone how much work my coach and I and people around me –my flatmates and family – had put in to every single performance.

M: Being on the podium with a gold medal with our national anthem playing, that must have been an amazing feeling.

MF: It was. It definitely went past so quickly and being up there standing in the middle of two amazing swimmers who have previously held that world record and to just break it and put your name in the record books with WR next to it is such a cool feeling. And to hear New Zealand’s national anthem … you know, I had heard it for some other Kiwis beforehand but to hear it and know that it is for your swim that you had just done half an hour or so ago it doesn’t really sink in for a while.

M: Your mum and aunty went to London for your last two races. How was it having family there and knowing that so many people were supporting you from home as well? And what was your mum’s reaction when you won your gold medal, seeing her daughter live in person on that podium?

MF: Well, I didn’t get to see my mum until a couple of hours later, but it was so cool to have them physically in the stadium and there supporting me with all the other friends and family of Kiwi swimmers and the British general public who were very supportive of the Kiwis. And there was the whole process of finishing the race, the medal presentation, and then going through a little bit of a media tunnel. And we all had to do essential drug testing. And after all that I could then go see my family in Olympic Park and to catch up with them was great. It was like having another bit of home with me, it was really cool.

My mum, I think, would have been five feet of immortal energy cheering [laughs].

M: Out of everything that happened at London, what would be your biggest highlight?

MF: One of the best things was being told after a couple of minutes, after thinking ‘did I go fast enough’, that you are the fastest swimmer in the world in that event. And also keeping in contact with my coach back here who was sending texts and things – it was great to have that extra support because before I went away we were training three hours a day and gym sessions and things, and it was just really cool to hear back from him and from my flatmates and friends. There are definitely some texts that I will be saving in my phone.

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39

COLUMNS

NO GOLDS FOR OLYMPIC BEERS

BEER GUY

Daniel Hargreaves loves his hops, malt, water and yeast and writes the blog raise1glass.com. We tricked him into writing about all things beer for MASSIVE. To comment or debate all things beer hit him up on Twitter @ Raise1glass

I was fortunate enough to get back to the UK during the most hyped-up event of the year: the Olympic Games. The hysteria around this event was overwhelming, yet the real madness for me was the ability of major sponsors – one of them a beer brand – to completely disenfranchise the paying spectator.

In fact, Heineken went to the lengths of removing historic handpulls from Lord’s cricket ground and covering the face of Marston’s brand ambassador, Matthew Hoggard, for the duration of the archery competition. (Marston’s an English Real Ale brewery, the worlds largest producer of cask ale.)

I was victim of this at the event I attended – I was asked by a member of the armed forces to remove an Evian sticker from my water bottle.

His task was not preventing security risks but removing any branding that was competition for any of the major sponsors.

After all this I fancied a swift one.

While the prices were absurd, the

most ridiculous thing for me was the suppression of choice. I could have had WHITE wine or RED wine, HEINEKEN, “English Bitter” or “Cider”. The latter two brands were owned by Heineken but unlabelled and not on display. (John Smiths and Strongbow Cider.)

Take the games, though, as a microcosm of the whole market and it starts to look slightly less ridiculous. Multinational companies have long owned and bought smaller popular breweries to add to their portfolio. If you follow the chain back, though, it is incredible just how many varied breweries in far-flung corners of the planet are owned by a select few.

A pint of Murphy’s, Heineken owned; bottle of Cruzcampo, Heiny; the list goes on. In fact, since Heineken and Fraser and Neave own 90% of our Dominion Breweries (DB), you’d be hard-pushed in New Zealand to drink a brand not owned by them.

This might not bother you at all – it’s commercialism, it’s how the

world works. These breweries are pumping out beer that people enjoy, so who cares. To me, though, it limits choice, squeezes out the small guy and weens a whole new generation onto beers that promote a certain lifestyle image.

There are plenty of people that wouldn’t dare to buy a caged egg or touch pork from penned-in pigs. But come Friday night, there is ill concern for their deep-rooted opinions when it comes to a pint.

It’s a question of voting with your $. If you would like to see more craft brewing in New Zealand, more interesting styles at a more affordable price, then support that burgeoning industry. If not then we’d all better get on with getting used to being told what to drink at every other bar and every major concert/event the world over.

It’s ironic that an Olympic Games whose opening ceremony was built around the ‘Best of British’ gave its greatest export to the world – beer – a shamefully minor role.

MOTION SICKNESS IN MISSIONARY

ASK A GURU

Similar to the back of the bus, this is where all the juicy shit is.

Each month we will answer your questions via.

Formspring.me/massiveguruz

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Q: I’ve discovered that I sometimes get motion sickness mid sex when in missionary. It has gotten to the stage where sometimes I need to go to the toilet and throw up. My girlfriend thinks it’s her fault. Is this normal?

A: This isn’t normal. Missionary position is supposed to be the safest of all sex positions when it comes to avoiding motion sickness, so it looks like you are the odd exception. There are a couple of quick-fire things you can do to fix this little problem of yours. Change positions. According to Google, the ladies love being on top (80% surveyed said they prefer it over any other position), and that way she can get the motion sickness and enjoy herself more too. Or eat ginger – it settles the tummy. If all else fails, and you do find that you can’t get rid of your motion/sex sickness then ask your lady friend if she’s into kinky shit. She might like it if you spew on her. Remember to wrap your stick and don’t be a dick.

Q: Greetings Guru. A few nights

ago my new boyfriend stayed and we made intimate love for the first time. He then tried to force himself inside my other hole and I smacked it away. I just don’t feel like we are at that stage yet. What can I do about this?

A: Ew. What a dirty bastard. He should’ve at least asked. First ask yourself whether you want to be with someone like that – he sounds like a douchebag. If you choose to remain with him then you need to be straight up to him and tell him how it is. Say, “if you put your willy near my bum I’ll smack the shit out of it in a non-sensual or sexual way.” He’ll never do it again. Or, if you feel like being a very mean and naughty person, next time you both are having sex, in the midst of it try put a dildo or your fingers up his. Revenge is sweet. Remember to wash your hands if you do.

Q: Why do males have nipples?

A: When we are being formed, we are females first and then as we develop further, nature decides

on whether adding the Y gene or not. If no Y gene is added then the nipples continue to grow and become functional for the female.

If a Y gene is added, the already kind-of formed nipples remain, but are non-functional. Fun fact: if you flick your nipples they will go stiff.

Stiff nips for everyone!

Wanting more of a Guru fix?

Questions are answered weekly and will be posted to MASSIVE magazine’s Facebook page: facebook.com/MASSIVE.magazine

CONCERT FILMS, A THING FROM THE PAST

FILM BUFFED

Paul Berrington seems to know everything in the world about film, and wants you to as well

This month I’ve decided to take a look at a genre that had a golden period in the 1970s, yet has all but disappeared since the birth of MTV and music videos – the concert film.

Perhaps the most famous of all concert films is Woodstock, which documents the 1969 gathering of nearly 500,000 people for the Woodstock Music & Art Fair in the Catskills, in upstate New York state.

Rolling Stone named it as one of the “50 moments that changed the history of rock & roll”, yet it is arguably the film that had the biggest impact, winning the Academy Award for best documentary in 1970, and screening around the world until this day. Nearly everyone knows about Woodstock and the hippie movement that embodied it, with events such as New Zealand’s own Sweetwaters and Nambasa showing the influence the film and accompanying album, had.

Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Who, and Jimi Hendrix are just some of the acts that performed.

Interestingly, Martin Scorsese also did the majority of the editing.

If Woodstock embodies the 60s, another film from 1970 is seen as signifying its death. Gimme Shelter was made by celebrated documentarians Albert and David Maysles (Grey Gardens), and follows the Rolling Stones’ 1969 US tour, specifically the free concert at Altamont Speedway in California.

Tragedy ensues when the Hell’s Angels, employed as security, stab to death a member of the crowd after believing he had a gun and was about to climb on stage. Given that the film was a look-behindscenes, the Maysles decided to leave the murder in their final cut, and although the music is fantastic throughout, it is this killing that has made the film so infamous.

In 1972, George Harrison and Ravi Shankar put on a concert at Madison Square Garden in the hope of raising awareness about Bangladesh, which was suffering from civil war and the Bhola

cyclone. The resulting film, Concert for Bangladesh, is noted for such achievements as getting Bob Dylan and the Beatles on the same stage.

The film and concert helped raise both awareness and much-needed funds for the millions in need. Chris Jones of the BBC described Concert for Bangladesh as a “masterclass” in how to carry out a superstar charity benefit.

Although many fans have questioned the quality of Led Zeppelin’s 1973 performance at Madison Square Garden, which makes up The Song Remains the Same, there is no doubting the brilliance of the musicianship throughout.

Interspersed with the individual fantasies of each member, Jimmy Page’s being particularly humorous, the film captures rock & roll at its primal and destructive best, with drummer Jon Bonham’s 10-minute Moby Dick solo the stuff of legend.

Though it may lack the political punch of the other films here, the music still sounds amazing.

Bean selection matters When selecting beans our approach is simple, we look for the best to make exceptional tasting coffee.

Finding top-quality Arabica beans means going the extra mile, so we establish relationships with farms and estates that care about their beans and farming methods. Each year we visit these growers at origin to spend time tasting each unique crop for flavour, body and aroma.

This way we are continually selecting beans for outstanding flavour in your cup.

This is why our coffee tastes so good.

Brewing at Tussock and Museum Cafés

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59

REVIEWS

RAZORWYRE - ANOTHER DIMENSION Olivia Jordan

ALBUM 2012

I have been following Razorwyre for a few years now and while I knew they were good, I never knew they were this good. As far as heavy metal goes, things don’t get much better than Another Dimension.

For the unaware, Razorwyre has been shredding the New Zealand metal scene since they emerged under the guise of ‘Gaywyre’ in 2009. The band quickly gained notoriety and a dedicated hard-core fan base for their mayhem inducing raucous live shows. A Gaywyre gig was as much about the spectacle as it was about the music. Critical attention was drawn to their speed thrashing sound, true to the traditional ethos of heavy metal. The release of their 2010 EP Coming Out combined with a name change to Razorwyre saw the band taking themselves more seriously and establish themselves as ones to

watch on the metal scene.

After much anticipation their debut album, Another Dimension has finally arrived and it sure as hell doesn’t disappoint. Every one of the eleven tracks is pure, unadultered heavy metal heaven. The opening track The Conjuror (Shaman’s Wrath) is speed metal at its best.

It sets up the albums relentless hard-hitting sound and front man Z-Chylde’s razor-sharp vocals are as impressive as they are diverse.

From the bone crunching riffs of Speed Warrior, to the erotic slurs of Fight Or Be Fucked, it is the skill in which these metal heads wield their axes that really makes Another Dimension worthy of sitting in the upper echelons of heavy metal.

This soaring chemistry between guitarists Chris Calavrias and James Murray is perhaps no better rammed home than on the purely

instrumental epic The Infinite.

The production of Another Dimension is just right and where other metal albums have fallen before it never over steps the mark, leaving just enough of a rawness for this to feel like an old-school classic.

Another Dimension has been criticised by some for its lack of ‘originality’, but that is really missing the point. Razorwyre aren’t reinventing metal, they are certainly reinvigorating it and that’s what makes this band so damn awesome. Another Dimension can hold down its own between Number of the Beast and British Steel. Whilst we all love Iron Maiden and Judas Priest the sad fact is that these heavy metal god’s primes were decades ago, even then New Zealand barely registered on their radars. Ironically, Razorwyre exist right here in our very own dimension.

THE XX - CO-EXIST Andrew McLeod

ALBUM 2012 Label Young Turks

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In 2009, the relatively unknown indie trio that is the xx released a self-titled album that would go on to be widely considered one of the years best. Their songs feature in movies and television series and have been sampled by various other artists. Following the platinum status that came with the album, the British trio had the mouths of their multitude to feed, and if time (and Jamie xx’s solo work on Drakes title track Take Care) wasn’t enough of a tease, their fans were severely suffering from ‘blue balls’ following three years xx-less.

Then came the much-anticipated word - not only was Co-exist announced, but it came with the first single Angels. Rightfully named, the song featured the utopian voice that is Romy Madly Croft, mixed with the subtle production notes of Jamie xx, which re-affirmed my

love for the group. In the following months, their second single, Chained, was released, an amazing song in its own right. However, following Angels, it’s difficult when perfection expects improvement.

I’m not saying their album was downhill from there, but Angels was clearly the Co-exist song that will stand in my “Top 150 Most Played” iTunes playlist.

Another standout was Fiction.

Boasting a strong Jamie xx influence with the temperature-reducing voice of Oliver Sim yearning for an ex-lover who occupied his fictitious dreams of the night. Tides features the flawless in-out lyrical flow of Oliver & Romy, plus a short, simple and beautiful guitar rift.

Sunset, iTunes’ most popular single, describes a simple situation anyone with a now-defunct relationship could relate to. Finally, the bonus

track Reconsider, with its classic dreamy beat and love-lost lines such as “Did you lie awake like I did” nicely rounds out the depressing post-relationship-themed album.

On the critical side, there are definitely some flaws in the album as a whole. It totals just over 41 minutes (including the bonus track), and a lack of adventure as far as unique sound goes. With any sophomore album, a band is faced with a big challenge: proving the band is capable of evolving and maturing while producing something with that unique sound that fans love.

The fact that they avoided the snare that has caught so many overambitious bands reinventing the wheel is a credit to their strength and confidence as a trio and, to be frank, I’m just glad my xx collection now exceeds one album.

LOOPER Paul Berrington

FILM 2012

Directed by Rian Johnson Staring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Jeff Daniels, and Paul Dano

After the complicated seriousness of Prometheus, and knowing campiness of The Avengers, the most compelling blockbuster of the year comes from the mind of celebrated indie director Rian Johnson, whose originality and energy make Looper a film to enjoy on several levels.

2044, and the invention of time travel is a mere thirty years away.

Yet it is already banned in the future, considered unethical and now used only by the Mob, to assassinate, without trace, anybody they need to disappear. Enter, Joe (Gordon-Levitt), a ‘Looper’, who is ready to gun down those sent back.

It’s a dirty job, but one that Joe has adapted to well, since being taken under the wing of Abe (Daniels), a man from the future who has turned Kansa City into his own Police state. Yet when confronted with a

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‘Loop’ of himself, played by -Willis, Joe panics, and the plot thickens, resulting in a thrill ride that makes you have to think at every corner.

While the convoluted plot could be compared to any of the other ‘big’ blockbusters this year, it is the way Johnson pulls things together in Looper that make it so compelling. This is an edgy and sometimes difficult ride, with little out-loud humour. Yet Johnson fills the screen with believable characters and bold set pieces, delivering outstanding drama next to satisfactorily propulsive action. As the narrative reaches a turning point, the final scenes involving Sara (Blunt), and her telekinetically powerful child, Cid, pack a punch with their emotional complexity. Gordon-Levitt is as good as ever as the younger Joe, and Willis continues his tremendous

recent run. Johnson’s characters throughout the film are original and believable.While restraint within the design of the film creates a future we can understand, clearly suffering the effects of globalisation and environmental disaster.

Looper may not be perfect. It isn’t even that original and borrows heavily from Terminator and Twelve Monkeys. What it does show, is how a talented director can make material that in other hands might become clumsy and muddled, into an action film that has soul.

Johnson’s film may be science fiction, but it beats with the heart of the blues. Even the things you miss the first time become justified by second thoughts. Whereas the standard Hollywood blockbuster currently seems stuck in a loop, Looper pushes the boundaries out much further.

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