Massive: Issue 12 'Queer'

ISSUE TWELVE A

MONDAY 27TH MAY

ETITA

NATIONWIDE DEMAND UNIVERSITIES CUT TIES WITH ISRAEL

MASSEY STAFF COVER UP 'HONOUR TE TIRITI’ AND ‘FREE GAZA’ TAGS

STUDENTS PONDER THE STENCH OF THE POND

STUDENTS LEFT SHOCKED AS MASSEY VACATES AUCKLAND BUILDINGS 07.

TOKEN STRAIGHT: A QUEER AUTHOR'S PERSPECTIVE TAKATĀPUI: THE FORGOTTEN QUEER NARRATIVES IN MĀORI HISTORY

A SHE-MALE'S GUIDE TO DATING WOMEN

THE STRAP: A CHILD OF DIVORCE 18.

HEARTBREAK HIGH: THE FRIEND I NEEDED WHEN I CAME OUT AS BI 21.

DISTANCE STUDENTS ACCUSED OF AI USE 07. A POEM FROM GOODBYE, FOR NOW. 22.

TĪWAE

23. THAT'S COOKED: CHAPPELL ROAN

SEXCAPADES

OUT OF CONTROL

AHUATANGA PANGA

Massive is largely funded by Te Tira Ahu Pae and the student services levy, however, remains editorially independent.

Disclaimer: The views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the editor.

NZ Media Council: Those with a complaint towards the publication should first complain in writing to the editor editor@massivemagazine.org.nz

If unsatisfied with the response, complaints should be made to the NZ Media Council info@mediacouncil.org.nz

EDITORIAL

Kia ora folks! I’m Natalya, a second-year Game Dev student, Massive sub-editor, and guest editor of the queer issue.

My job at Massive involves reading through all your horny sexcapades, Fergus’ sex advice, and writing your juicy horoscopes. But despite all the haunting articles I read and edit every week, being offered this guest editor job is an experience I won’t soon forget.

It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon on campus, and I was wearing my go-to outfit of cargo pants, crop top, button-up, and silver rings. I had barely crossed the threshold of the Massive office when I was cornered by our beloved editor and designer.

Editor Sammy looked me up and down, “I, um, don’t want to assume… but are you–”

A hesitant Sammy was interrupted by designer Bella lunging across the room and drop-kicking her out of a nearby window. I rushed valiantly to Sammy’s aid (I wanted to keep my job, thank you very much). But as I rolled up my sleeves to swan dive after her, I was stopped by an outstretched hand. Bella, in an eerily accurate queer parallel of the iconic Uncle Sam’s We want you! poster, stared me down with a pointed finger.

“You’re queer, right?”

The way they framed it sounded more like a statement than a question. I look down at the aforementioned combo of cargo pants, crop top, button up, and silver rings.

“What gave it away?”

We looked outside to see if Sammy was okay. To our surprise, Fergus the Ram caught her below the window and carried her bridal style back to the office.

As we watched the duo, Sammy staring up lovingly at the ram of her dreams, Bella and I locked eyes with a shared thought: What is going on with straight people?

This is the queer issue after all, so we needed to give Sammy a common queer experience to bring her down to earth.

We locked her in the closet.

ISSUE TWELVE 27 MAY 2024

STUDENTS NATIONWIDE DEMAND UNIVERSITIES CUT TIES WITH ISRAEL

WORDS

BY SAMMY CARTER A SHE/HER

University students across the country protested the Israeli genocide against Palestinians in Gaza last Thursday.

In a joint media statement, students demanded that universities “Declare and recognise Palestine as an independent and sovereign state.”

As well as “Disclose and divest all partnerships with Israel.”

Their final demand was for universities to “Denounce anti-semitism, Islamophobia and all forms of discrimination.”

Protests were held at Massey University Manawatū, University of Canterbury, Otago University, and Waikato University. Victoria University and Massey Wellington students had a combined protest, as well as AUT and University of Auckland students.

Students at the University of Canterbury held an encampment on Tuesday last week, following University of Auckland students on May 1st.

After 27 hours, Canterbury students secured a commitment for scholarship opportunities for Palestinians and the university agreed to bring a motion for an academic and cultural boycott of Israel to its academic board.

The students' statement continued, “We refuse to be silent or complicit in genocide, and we reject all forms of cooperation between our institutions and the Israeli state.”

“We call on our universities to take all steps to meet our demands and to abide by the guidelines of the movement for Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions.”

“The universities of Aotearoa must recognize these acts for what they are: a gross violation of human rights and an affront to the very essence of humanity.”

Massive asked Massey University if it was willing to meet students demands. A spokesperson said, “As is appropriate for a university, Te Kunenga ki Pūrehuroa Massey University has not taken a single position on this issue.”

They said Massey University respects the right of students to peacefully protest.

However, “We are mindful of ensuring that our workplace and place of learning and research is safe for everyone.

“We ask that all students, regardless of their views, respect the opinions and choices of their peers.

“We are of course saddened to see the violence and loss of human life.”

MASSEY STAFF COVER UP ‘HONOUR TE TIRITI’ AND ‘FREE GAZA’ TAGS

WORDS BY SAMMY CARTER A SHE/HER

Massey University claims to be a Te Tiriti o Waitangi led institution, despite staff covering up tags on the Wellington campus that say ‘Honour Te Tiriti’ and ‘Free Gaza’.

Student association Manawhakahere (Māori president), Cameron McCausland-Taylor felt the cover up was censoring student voice.

“I don’t feel like they should be allowed to do that.”

This comes as students nationwide protested on Thursday against Israel’s genocide of Palestinians.

Late last year, protesting sparked after the government proposed the Treaty Principles Bill, that would redefine The Treaty of Waitangi.

The tags were seen around campus in February and were covered sometime in April.

Unknown Wellington activists had been tagging the slogans around the city.

McCausland-Taylor said the ‘Honour Te Tiriti’ tags should theoretically honour Massey’s reputation as a Te Tiriti led institution.

She said the graffiti looked small and felt it wouldn’t damage Massey’s reputation.

Regarding the ‘Free Gaza’ tag, McCausland-Taylor personally saw the student association honouring

Te Tiriti and standing in solidarity with Palestine to be intertwined.

“If the university wants to claim to be Te Tiriti led and open all these doors and educate people, then let them express their appreciation for it.

“You can’t encourage those skills and then shoot them down when they don’t suit you.”

Shelley Turner, deputy vice-chancellor university services said, “We can confirm a staff member covered over the messaging, as is normal practice with graffiti/unauthorised artwork.

“However in this instance, we should have considered the wider implications of this action, and would like to apologise for any perceived bias or otherwise.

“We respect the academic freedom of our staff and students and recognise there will be a range of views within our community.”

Last August, a similar case happened when two students were trespassed from the Manawatū campus on open day after chalking 'Save Our Papers' outside the library and science buildings.

The security guard called the chalking “vandalism”.

The university has not made a stance on the genocide occurring in Gaza, a spokesperson saying it has done what is “appropriate”.

STUDENTS PONDER THE STENCH OF THE POND

WORDS BY ELIZABETH MOISSON A SHE/HER

Next to the Palmy vet building is a quiet place to relax, hang out with friends, watch the ducks, and... stare at the rotting of algae.

Microbiology and Statistics student, Teddy Crawford remembered the pond always being eutrophic, a process that results in algae blooms.

“The reason for all those algae is because the growth is no longer sustained by lack of sunlight.

“The pond used to sit in the shade of the Vet Tower and some tress, but since they demolished the Vet Tower, there is nothing stopping the algae from growing like it is right now.

“It unfortunately means that there is not much else that can live in it, or even nice enough to look at.”

2021 graduate Ben Foster said, “When I was at Massey, the pond was never that green and there used to be fish and eels in there to feed.

“But now it is like grass, and I would not be surprised if someone fell in it mistaking it for grass during the night.”

Foster added, “A few years ago someone even crashed their van in there.”

“I also remember it used to be the nicest part of campus. People would say Massey had the nicest campus in NZ, because of the pond and the trees.”

“It was also the nicest place to study as well on the bank next to it, under the Science Tower.”

A Massey spokesperson said, “Grounds staff clean up and maintain around the outside of the duck pond to reduce the amount of dead vegetation entering the pond, as this can encourage duck weed.

“Longer-term solutions for the treatment of the pond are being considered.”

Psychology student, Jess Goodman said, “I love sitting on the little jetty by the pond and watching the ducks, there is this one duck that has a maniacal laugh.”

“However, I must admit that the stuff on the top looks radioactive.”

THE POND IN 1988 VS TODAY

STUDENTS LEFT SHOCKED AS MASSEY VACATES AUCKLAND BUILDINGS

WORDS

BY

YESENIA PINEDA A SHE/THEY

On May 15th, Albany students received an email stating that the university approved the relocation of teaching, research, and services in Quad A, Quad B and the Massey Business School.

The university has made clear its aim to reduce its gross floor area by 50% across campuses.

Deputy vice-chancellor university services, Shelley Turner said the university is exploring options, which could include leasing spaces.

She said changes to timetables in relation to this work are not anticipated for the upcoming semester.

While the newly built Innovation Building was rumoured to be decommissioned late last year, Turner said it was only repurposing some of its space.

“Through this work we aim to create modern, fit-for-purpose and flexible teaching, learning and workspaces for our people.”

Political Science student, Troy Mitchell said, “Between the budget cuts, the elimination of half the Albany campus, the countless classes cancelled, and now this, it’s clear they’re just trying to cut their losses, at least here in Auckland.”

Lizzo Yu, Te Tira Ahu Pae Auckland vice president said the situation was “undoubtably” very negative for students on campus.

“They're busy with final exams and have little time to think about recent developments at the university. So, to suddenly receive a surprising decision in their emails, many students may not check in time and miss the opportunity to question and provide feedback.”

This comes as Massey had a budget deficit of around $40 million last year and is projected to have a deficit of $30 million this year.

Turner said students will receive updates when possible.

DISTANCE STUDENTS ACCUSED OF AI USE

WORDS BY CAITLIN BINGHAM A SHE/HER

AMassey@Distance Facebook thread started a discussion among students who have been flagged for AI use, despite claiming they never used it.

One student who had this issue said their lecturer gave them three options: Admit to using AI and redo the assignment with a grade penalty, provide evidence that the assignment was their own work, or finally, have a meeting with the academic integrity officers.

Massey University uses Turnitin AI to detect students using AI in their work.

Student Andrew Turnbull was curious about AI detectors and submitted an essay to three different platforms.

His AI use ratings ranged from 100%, 41% and 0%.

The repercussions for students flagged by AI detection systems can be severe including reduced grades,

academic probation, or even disciplinary action, according to Massey’s website.

Massey University provost Giselle Byrnes said human judgement is first to determine AI usage, including looking at factual observations, academic judgement, file metadata, clear mistakes and fake content.

“We are constantly monitoring the research in this area to inform our approach and to ensure the tools we use for detection remain fit-for-purpose.”

AI detection tools rely on algorithms that may not perfectly distinguish between human and AIgenerated text, and sometimes produce false positives.

“Where a student’s work has been flagged for AI use, the approach is to give students the opportunity to provide evidence (such as notes and assignment drafts) to show that the work is not the product of AI or to resubmit their work for a capped mark.”

A QUEER AUTHOR'S PERSPECTIVE

Red string and pins have turned my novel-planning pinboard into a conspiracy board of ideas. My friend sits on the floor beside me, picking out coloured whiteboard markers and chatting. I’m brain-dumping about the different character relationships and sexualities when my friend makes an offhand comment that stops me in my tracks.

“You do realise you’ve flipped the ‘token gay’ character thing, right? Are there any cis, straight characters in your books?”

I took a step back and looked over all my novel concepts, works in progress, and my published book. I’ve come to the realisation that I write casually queer, and have to scour my brain to think of any cishet couples or characters in the books I’m writing.

No matter how many genres my current book projects span across, ranging from epic fantasy and sci-fi to contemporary slice-of-life, the one consistency in my writing is that every single story is comfortably, casually, unapologetically queer.

I grew up in a happy family, for the most part. There was no learned prejudice towards the LGBTQIA+ community, but at the same time, I didn’t know it existed. It took me going to high school to learn it was even a possibility. A single Harry Potter conversation opened my eyes.

“Hey, do you ship Remus and Sirius?”

“... But they’re both boys?”

“Are you homophobic?”

“Wait... boys liking boys is an actual thing?”

Within a week, I came out to my friends as bisexual, and the world kept spinning.

But despite this extremely casual realisation, I was in tears when I came out to each of my parents. Scared they would look at me differently, or tell me it was wrong, even though they had never given any indication they would feel this way. No matter how much I tried to deny it, the media and people around me fanned the flames of my uncertainty.

A study by Autrostraddle was conducted and revealed that through 1976 to 2016, 11% of US TV shows featured lesbian or bisexual female characters, and of those, 31% ended up dead and only 10% received happy endings.

For young teens who might be living in less-than-ideal home situations, queer movies aren’t a viable way to learn more about their identity. I longed for that 10% happy ending that felt so out of reach.

But books can be read and enjoyed more privately. It’s an intimate experience, and something entirely your own.

In my debut novel, Second Star to the Right, a queer couple emerges across the course of the book. Two teen girls fall for each other during the strife and conflict of the main plotline. And when the main character realises she is falling in love, she knows it can’t be right. Not because she has fallen in love with a girl, but because she doesn’t believe she deserves to be loved by anyone

My book cover doesn’t scream ‘THIS BOOK HAS QUEER CHARACTERS!’ it doesn’t need to. There is safety in subtlety. I didn’t want any curious queer teens to experience the awkwardness of when my Year 10 English teacher picked up my book (which had been strategically placed cover-down), just to see an illustration of two girls kissing on the cover.

In Second Star to the Right, there is a lesbian main couple, an aromantic character, a nonbinary character, and a polyamorous throuple. I didn’t put these characters in to fill a diversity quota. They developed naturally in the story. In the same way that we in real life come to learn about our identities as we grow and explore the world.

Whether it’s through a narrative where the characters are casually queer, exploring the ups and downs of identity, or dealing with the prejudice and fear that is unavoidable in some environments telling queer stories is something I do not see myself stopping. I’ll keep searching for that 10% chance of a happy ending, and I’ll do my best to keep the number growing.

I’ll keep flipping the narrative, so that queer people can exist casually. And even if it's just fictional, straight people can be the token characters for once.

QUEER

QUEER NARRATIVES IN MĀORI HISTORY

A few months after I turned 18, I swallowed down the fear that had held me back for 2 agonizing years and told my dad that I liked girls.

To my immediate relief, there was no dramatic outburst or heartfelt confession, just a quiet admission with watery eyes and a few uncomfortable conversations about the continuation of our family's whakapapa.

Like me, many Māori are afraid to be truthful about their sexuality and gender due to some whānau adopting the mindset that early Māori were intolerant of any form of homosexuality and sought to eradicate it.

early Māori to accept all forms of sexuality, and he had not forgotten his roots.

Before the arrival of Christian missionaries and Western ideals, Māori had constructed a culture that was incredibly liberated in understanding the different forms of sexual expression.

While wāhine were expected to remain loyal to their husbands once married, when they were younger and unwed they were free to experience multiple relationships with men and women. Tāne were held to similar standards, and for both genders the word “takatāpui” was used to refer to “an intimate companion of the same sex”, as was defined by the missionary William Williams.

A recounting of takatāpui in pre-colonial Māori culture is found in older retellings of one of New Zealand’s oldest and most famous love stories: the tale of Hinemoa and Tūtānekai.

For those less familiar with the myth, it tells of the beautiful daughter of a high-ranking chief, Hinemoa, and her would-be suitor, Tūtānekai. Because Tūtānekai is of lower status, the match is seen as unfavorable, and her iwi sabotages Hinemoa’s attempts to meet with her lover across the lake. Hinemoa eventually overcomes her obstacles through the clever use of some empty gourds, and the two are happily joined as husband and wife. But before Tūtānekai took Hinemoa as his wife, scholars such as the tribal leader Te Rangikāheke claim that there was another great love in Tūtānekai’s life.

A character by the name of Tiki arises in some versions of the myth and Tūtānekai refers to him as “taku hoa takatāpui”. The phrase “Taku hoa” is used by Tūtānekai and the person telling the story to signify that Tiki is his friend. But by including takatāpui as a descriptor it is clear that the two share a deeper relationship than that of ordinary friendship. Further evidence of their love includes retellings featuring Tiki and Tūtānekai’s relationship being filled with references to the two “stricken with love” for one another and “sick with grief” over losing their relationship to Tūtānekai’s new marriage.

There are many reports of sexual liberation in early Māori that were documented and preserved. However, much of this documentation has been discredited in various forms.

A Māori whānau sending young men to have sex with sailors on the Endeavor, Captain Cook’s ship, was regarded as being a joke by the scientist Joseph Banks.

When Reverend William Yate’s two-year cohabitation with his male lover was exposed, the Māori village they lived in did not bat an eyelid while his English peers disgraced and overshadowed his accounts to bury his contributions.

Myths and folklore, carvings in artwork, and documented accounts all attest to a culture that understood the spectrum that is sexual and gender identity. But with the introduction and domination of Pākehā influences, this understanding was lost.

Tiki became a footnote in Hinemoa and Tūtānekai’s love story, a wingman who helped his friend win the girl. Artworks were dismantled and real-life tales silenced, until we reached the quiet misunderstandings and louder vitriol that some Māori LGBT+ face within their community. People like my dad, understanding and loving towards their whakapapa for what they are, became rarer within our communities.

But recently, another cultural shift has been witnessed. Starting in the 1980s and reaching today, the word “takatāpui” has been reclaimed in a contemporary sense. The word now extends past its previous definition of a single “intimate friend” and is now used as an umbrella term for Māori who are members of the LGBT+ in any way. It has transformed into a word that melds the experiences of being queer and indigenous into one unifying identity. But most importantly, it tells our community, our society, and our country that we are here. We have always been here, and we will continue to be here until the world sees and loves us for what we are once more.

A SHE-MALE'S GUIDE TO DATING WOMEN

Part one: The trade

Have you ever caught yourself stuck between a cock and a hard place? Are you recovering from a nasty case of man-ingitis? If your brains aren’t too fried from short form video content then I suggest you grab your nearest dental dam so we can get to it.

As (trans) women we love to walk into the same mediocre fantasy made by men, (and I thought we were the traps!). We offer our bodies, our hearts, our minds. And they offer us... normalcy? They offer us a blank canvas for us to project onto so that when we stand back and look at what’s been created, we’ll call it love and they’ll call it nothing serious. Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s the same story over and over, the same characters over and over art school loser with moustache, older man reliving his youth through you, the uni student who’s too shy to show you off in front of his friends. Remember ladies, whenever there’s a trade, there’s a trade-off.

Now, do I think there are good men? Sure, I just don’t think ‘good’ is good enough. We deserve to be able to hold men accountable as our lovers. First, it began with settling in an unhappy marriage, then it became settling for a shitty boyfriend, and now we settle for a situationship we can’t even look back on as an ex.

Men have run our economy, our politics, our bodies. Now they’re rewriting the meaning of romance and we’re not just letting them, but doing the work for them. It seems we are approaching the late-stage capitalism of loving one another, where shame is the secret third partner in our relationships — and we have to either shut the fuck up and cope, or look like the loser who doesn’t know how to pull.

We all commit the same rituals too, scrambling to check Snapchat notifications, leaving out details when telling friends about how different he is, going on dates with women we know will lead nowhere. Now I don’t believe “if he wanted to, he would”, but I do believe “if he wanted to, he would at least try”. As easy as it is to write men off as immature or assholes, they know exactly what they’re doing, and exactly how to get what they want in the least amount of steps. Weaponised incompetence, plausible deniability and willful ignorance do not stop in the bedroom, if anything that’s where these things come out to play as some sadistic kink. You know what they’ve been saying... “Come over and watch a movie with me” is the new face fucking.

So do what you will, pray to your god or do your man-infestations and take his cock down your throat. As long as you give him a sexy little smile when you come up for air.

Part two: I’m a lesbian (and so are you)

I’m a lesbian, that’s all, thanks for reading.

No, of course it’s not that straightforward because why would anything ever make sense when you’re a woman with a penis.

I have spent my life loving women at a distance. I would go as far as to say I’ve been committing the same acts of shame that I’ve just accused men of. I am completely enamoured, completely consumed by the women around me. The thing that terrifies me the most is having a love that compounds on itself rather than being controlled and constricted by a man. Women touch something within me. Maybe because it's me they’re touching, not the thick layer of shame I’ve built around myself to soothe the horrors that men carry.

I've personally hidden being a lesbian for so long, to others, yes, but mostly myself. It’s a scary thing realising the heterosexual dream is built off a series of lies and fantasies and beliefs I’ve never held. I suppose I’ve also hidden this truth out of fear that I’m not lesbian “enough”. I mean I made bisexuality a personality trait of mine from age 12 through to the present. I’ve spent those six years almost exclusively pursuing men and watching women from a distance. I still have a love for men, I still want to fuck your dad, I just don’t think I can continue fooling myself that loving men is something sustainable.

I think we have all been denying ourselves and each other autonomy over our sexualities. We are so conditioned to what it is men want, what it is we tell ourselves we want, that when an opportunity presents itself to love a woman we freeze and things fall apart. Fuck that.

Now, do I regret taking this long to come to terms with my sexuality? In a lot of ways, yes. But I think it runs deeper than just not eating pussy. By centering men I have neglected the female bonds around me. I have subconsciously told myself and women around me that they aren’t a priority and male validation is.

"But if being a tranny has taught me anything, it's that your lover should never have to feel like an experiment or a burden, I will never make women the scapegoat for love that men will not accept."

Men became my saviour and women became my safety net. I regret not giving my all to the women I’ve dated, I regret not giving my all to the women I haven’t dated.

One thing that’s scared me so much about loving women is not knowing what to do. I know how men work, I know what they want, and I’ve dehumanised them enough so that I don’t feel guilt when I Trojan horse them with my need for validation. But when it comes to women, I am truly, deeply afraid of getting it wrong. I will get it wrong. I will fuck up and I will have to chart unfamiliar territory.

But if being a tranny has taught me anything, it's that your lover should never have to feel like an experiment or a burden, I will never make women the scapegoat for love that men will not accept.

Thank you to every mid man I’ve dated who has shown me all I’m missing out on is bad sex and even worse philosophy. I’m excited for this new era, but it means accepting I won’t know what I’m doing all of the time. So, I will sit in humility, shut the fuck up and love until my heart gives out.

Lots of love, Willow

THE STRAP: A CHILD OF DIVORCE

“STRAP FOR SALE! ONLY USED TWICE, GOOD AS NEW. OPEN TO OFFERS. NEED GONE ASAP… REMINDS

A year ago, I met my first queer love. Let's call them Lennox the self-proclaimed ‘dirty non-binary’.

Lennox and I were technically only together for four months. This was a classic ‘long situationship turned short monogamous relationship’, if you will. It was my first queer relationship, before Lennox I was a ‘baby gay’ who had only ever been with cis-men.

TOP 3

THINGS

I LOST IN THE DIVORCE:

Two months into my monogamous relationship (yay?) with Lennox, we decided to buy a strap together. Coowning a strap felt like an exciting step for me, like the gay equivalent of… well I don’t know, whatever the fuck a big milestone is for straight couples... adopting a pet?

Lennox said they just wanted something that had the least resemblance to a penis as possible. Fair enough. We found one that came with two attachments. One was a small inconspicuous-looking black dildo, the other was bright pink and penis shaped, head and all. Lovehoney called it the ‘Supersex StrapOn Pegging Kit’. Of all 203 reviews, we found one titled “Great for lesbian sex!!” and we were sold.

When it arrived, we named both the dildos like they were our children. Roxy for the black one, Trisha for the pink one. We displayed them on Lennox’s dresser.

But a couple of months later... we broke up. Something no one warned me about queer relationships is that even a four-month-long relationship can feel like a straight-up divorce.

The Strap. What happened to it? We never had a custody battle. It wasn’t in one of the bags of belongings we exchanged post-break-up. Oh… they kept it.

We broke up five months ago, and only now has this entered my mind. Is it ethical to re-use a strap you co-owned in a relationship with other partners?

I read through heated debates on Reddit over whether you should throw away your dildos after a breakup. I disagree with the majority of these people. Throwing away sex toys, in this economy?! Who on earth can afford that? And if we’re throwing away toys after every breakup, where do they all go? Is there a sapphic graveyard of used and abandoned strap-on dildos? Is there a reselling market?

I decide random queers on Reddit probably isn’t the best sound board for this topic.

I need to talk to my ex.

Lennox and I have just rekindled our friendship… so now is the perfect time to invite them over to discuss the ethics of strap-ons in queer relationships, right?

They’re sitting on my couch in a kilt and New Rocks. I can tell they don’t really know what they’re doing here, and I’m just grateful they even turned up.

“So do you think it's ethical to use a strap-on you bought with a partner with other people?” I ask, wishing I could redact the sentence as it comes out of my mouth.

“Well, yeah… It’s just a material possession,” they say calmly.

We go on to muse over exactly why so many queer people feel weird about reusing toys that were bought in previous relationships. Why is it in general the queer community seems to put straps on a pedestal? It seemed like most of the cis lesbians ranting on Reddit were more upset that their exes were sleeping with other people than they were about the strap itself.

But I do empathise with those who are upset by the thought of it. Their grievances seem to be about how a strap can feel like an extension of their body, and in turn, it becomes an intimate part of their relationship with a partner. Many trans folk find wearing a strap gender-affirming, and it is an essential part of any sexual relationship. While I can’t relate to it, I see why that would hurt. I can’t help thinking about what it would feel like to have an ex take such an intimate part of my identity away from me to use with another person. At least within my relationship to my body and gender identity, a strap only really needs to be an additional tool in sex.

Lennox agrees saying, “Queer sex is queer sex in all of its forms, and it doesn’t have to revolve around using a dildo to help you mimic hetero sex.”

I have one question left for my ex, but I hesitate to ask. Lennox can tell, “I feel like you’re about to say something that you don’t want to ask… go on. I already know what it’s gonna be.”

“Okay… have you… used the strap with other people?”

“Yeah.”

I was holding my breath, but their answer didn’t actually shock me. When I first realised I had lost the strap in the breakup, I felt betrayed. But the more I sat with it, the more I was glad to be rid of it. For me, it was a symbol of my first queer relationship, and I didn’t need to hold on to that.

Lennox and I joke about what would’ve happened had the strap been in my possession when we broke up. They laugh, “Out of anger it would’ve been pretty fucking cool and symbolic of you to throw out the strap.” Bold of them to think I would’ve simply thrown it away setting it on fire would've been much more fun.

One awkward conversation with my ex later, and these are my final thoughts on the ethics of strap-ons: Keep the strap, don’t keep it, throw it away, set it on fire, bury it, or use it with all your future sexual partners. Please god, just sanitise it first. If you bought it, it’s up to you what you do with it. If you co-owned it with an ex… well, you should probably talk to them about it. Because if you don’t, they might just ask you to come over and bombard you with questions about the ethics of strap-ons.

OH, AND DOES ANYONE THINK A USED SEX TOY MARKETPLACE FOR SAPPHICS IS A GOOD BUSINESS IDEA? SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY, THANKS.

literally everyone is queer now. i know that doesn’t make things easy, and i’m proud of you.

the friend i needed when i came out as bi

At 15, I was busy dating my long-term boyfriend while also obsessing over my unbelievably attractive female science partner. One could say I was confused and a bit lonely. Naturally, I made my way to my high school’s Pride Club to find solace.

Instead of finding the support I craved, I was given the once-over by members almost like they were trying to gauge my ‘queer credentials’ based on my Glassons top, Taylor Swift tote-bag, and the photo of my boyfriend on my lock screen. I was made to feel like I wasn’t ‘queer enough’ to be in the club.

I left school that day with a newly tightened ‘straight-jacket’ wrapped around my identity and a case of bisexual imposter syndrome.

I’m nearly 20 now, and judgement of my sexuality still scares me. But the straight-jacket loosened when I watched Heartbreak High

Netflix show Heartbreak High is best described as the Australian lovechild of Sex Education and Euphoria With its array of diverse characters, the show creates a dynamic mix of relatability and contemporary relevance. Thrown into a plot where a hidden sex map is found at their high school, chaos ensues throughout the student body as the characters confront their approaches to love, identity, sex, and social politics.

The characters are flawed, complex, and feel pivotably real. In another series, many of these characters would

have been villainised. But Heartbreak High shows that they, like us, are just a bunch of kids. We’re exploring our identities, learning lessons as we go, messing things up, kissing the wrong person, kissing the right person, and crying about everything.

Within the newly released second season, character Malakai realises he is bisexual after being attracted to the new guy at school. God this storyline really hit close to home. I sat on the edge of my seat, anticipating the Pride Club from my high school to pop on screen and shove a whole lot of bisexual imposter syndrome onto him.

But instead, it was Darren who came to Malakai’s side.

“Literally everyone is queer now. I know that doesn’t make things easy, and I’m proud of you”.

I didn’t realise I was crying until my mum knocked on my bedroom door asking why I was blubbering like a whale. In the days following, the sentence replayed over and over in my head until I started bawling again.

Darren’s words are what I needed to hear at 15. But now, it’s the friend who’s helped me heal. I’m still trying to untangle my bisexual imposter syndrome from my relationship with my sexuality. I still catch myself saying “I’m bi” like it’s a disappointment that needs softening.

But now, the imposter syndrome which dug itself into my identity has begun to retract its claws.

BY KIRAN MORAR A HE/THEY

PHOTO BY SAMSON DELL

I ask you,

Did you feel strong

When you swung at my face?

Did you feel more of a man

By hitting someone

Dressed less like one?

Your fist may have kissed my cheek,

But I assure you

The bruising will heal.

I did not stumble

Nor shed a tear.

And I will continue to kiss boys on the cheek

Better than you.

If this love letter reaches you, Know

I will see you again

In my high heels and plastic hair

And you can throw all the cowardly swings you wish.

And I still won’t flinch.

It seems dumb to write a poem about getting punched. Admittedly, it messed with me more than expected.

Kiran Morar, a first-generation immigrant from Gujarat, India, moved with his family to Auckland, New Zealand, seeking a better life. Amidst puberty, community norms, and cultural adjustments, Kiran grapples with his identity, particularly his queerness.

As a queer artist, writer, and performer based in Wellington, Kiran sought liberation through academics and selfexpression. His journey culminated in Goodbye, For Now. — originally his Massey BFA (Hon) summative project, now a standalone creation.

Goodbye, For Now. delves into the author's journey with identity and relationships as a child of immigrants in New Zealand, navigating the intersections of otherness and queerness. It mourns and critiques family dynamics, explores the complexities of queerness, self-acceptance, and romance, encapsulating the anxieties of being queer and seeking love. It serves as both a lament and a defiance against vulnerability, ultimately a love letter to the author's evolving self and those who have embraced its various iterations.

POEM

CHAPPELL ROAN CHEESCAKE

Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, known as Chappell Roan, is a 26-year-old American singer and songwriter from Missouri. Her campy aesthetic and music is influenced by drag queens. Following her opening for Olivia Rodrigo’s tour and performing at Coachella this year, Chappell Roan has become very popular after almost 10 years in the business. Her songs HOT TO GO! and Casual are favourites among the queer community.

1 TABLESPOON OF THE GAY Y.M.C.A

A GENEROUS SCOOP OF GINGER CURLS

½ CUP OF LIPSTICK (MAKE SURE TO RUB THIS ON YOUR TEETH)

A CHOPPED-UP SUBJECT OF A MIDWEST PRINCESS

A WAND AND A RABBIT

A LICK OF LESBIAN HORNINESS

10 YEARS' WORTH OF SLOW-RISE FAME

A SPLASH OF RED WINE SUPERNOVA

A SPRINKLE OF GLITTER, RHINESTONES, TASSELS

100 GRAMS OF GLUE STICK (USE THIS TO GLUE DOWN YOUR EYEBROWS)

A GENEROUS SERVING OF CUNT

GOT A CONFESSION, A TAKE,NAUGHTY OR A SEXY STORY?

best friend in that classic homoerotic way.

One night, I was at a flat party with this hot lesbian chick. I had downed three bottles of soju when she asked me if I wanted to go down on her. I knew I was gay, but I’d never slept with another girl before. So obviously I jumped at the opportunity.

I was eating her out and having the time of my life when who walks in... but my high school best friend. Seeing that my head was down I didn’t notice her walk in, but the person attached to the pussy in my mouth jolted when the door opened.

kissing me. We’d shared a couple of kisses in the past, just friendly pecks here and there. But nothing like this. Then my bestie started kissing the lesbian before taking over and going down on her.

I watched for a while before we started taking turns, and my bestie went down on me too. I never expected my first queer sex experience to turn into a full-blown threesome, but I wasn't complaining.

Eventually, realisation hit my friend and she stood up and left the room without saying a word. We never talked about it again. But when the convo of sexuality came up, she always said she was straight.

Babe... I’ve never seen a straight girl eat pussy like that.

ARIES TAURUS GEMINI

You are unafraid of conflict, and this week it's going to come in handy. Prepare yourself for a confrontation that has been a long time coming.

Stop always texting first, wait for people to come to you. Put that Taurus endurance into something else. You look needy.

You’ve been spending a lot of money trying to make your surroundings aesthetically pleasing. Sit back this week and let others do the work.

You’ve been feeling a magnetic pull to someone recently but don’t give in. They aren’t good for you. To avoid them, study from home and let your phone die.

Being flexible all the time is starting to feel like you aren’t ever getting what you want. If you’ve made a decision, stick to it.

You are going on an adventure this week, Sagittarius. Be prepared by drinking lots of water and always carry snacks. You are going to get hit with those strong headaches you get otherwise.

CANCER VIRGO

You made a bad decision

You love to be the centre of attention – and this week you will be for all the right reasons. Relish your success, Leo.

you one on one.

Last week, you spoke about someone unfairly and it's going to come back to bite you in the ass. Apologise now so you can be guilt free.

Your brain has been working double time trying to process everything in your life. Some brain rotting is needed to charge your mental battery.

You are feeling burnt out and tired. Your deep emotions can be exhausting. Separate yourself from that person who’s taking over your life and things will improve.

DITCH

DITCH IT!

ACROSS

3. A relationship between three people (8)

4. Masc lesbian from The L Word (5)

5. 2005 romance staring Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger (9,8)

6. Cabaret musical about a shoe factory (5,5)

9. Freddie Mercury’s Irish lover (3,6)

11. Auckland gay bar (3,5)

14. “I could eat that girl for ____” (5) FIND

15. Judge on Rupaul’s Drag Race (8,6)

16. 77-year-old British singer, songwriter and pianist (5,4)

18. The I in LBGTQIA+ (8)

19. “Hey ______ lesbian” (5)

21. Latex or penis-shaped sex toy (5)

22. Coming-of-age novel by American writer André Aciman (4,2,2,4,4)

23. Where is Netflix show Heartbreak High based? (9)

CROSSWORD.

DOWN

1. NZ Pride Month (8)

2. What US state is singer Chappell Roan from? (8)

7. Show based in a women’s prison (6,2,3,3,5)

8. US Pride Month (4)

10. “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love ______” (8,4)

12. Gay Kiwi comedian (5,6)

13. Montero Lamar Hill’s stage name (3,3,1)

17. Te reo word used to describe LGBT+ (9)

20. Wellington queer bar (3)

RADIO CONTROL 99.4FM IS A STUDENT RADIO NETWORK STATION BASED ON THE MASSEY UNIVERSITY MANAWATŪ CAMPUS. THE STATION BRINGS YOU THE LATEST AND GREATEST IN LOCAL MUSIC AND ALTERNATIVE TUNES FROM AROUND THE WORLD ONLINE AND ON THE RADIO, HOSTED BY STUDENTS AND COMMUNITY MUSOS.

QUEER PICKS

Papaioea

Maeve – Bound

Persimmon – True Crime

Fouler – Health

ABG x Impress –AABG Gim Press

mouth – crowds

Carb on Carb – I Know the End 2

P.H.F – PONIE (feat. CYBERBULLY)

EDITOR IN CHIEF

SAMMY CARTER

SHE/HER

TE AO MĀORI EDITOR

AARIA HUNIA

NGĀTI AWA, NGĀTI RANGITIHI

SHE/HER

HEAD OF DESIGN

BELLA MARESCA

THEY/THEM

MANAWATŪ REPORTER

ELIZABETH MOISSON

SHE/HER

TE AO MĀORI ILLUSTRATOR

KEELIN BELL

NGĀTI MANIAPOTO, TI POROU, NGĀPUHI

ILLUSTRATOR

JESS SKUDDER

SHE/HER

HE/HIM

ŌTEHĀ REPORTER

YESENIA PINEDA

SHE/THEY

STAFF WRITER

JESSIE DAVIDSON

SHE/HER

PĀMAMAO REPORTER

CAITLIN BINGHAM

SHE/HER

STAFF WRITER

KIRA CARRINGTON

SHE/HER

MASSIVE P*SSY POCKET

POCKET WOULD NOT PROVIDE PURRRNOUNS

if love is what i feel

WORDS BY NATALYA NEWMAN

give me your bad days your good your broken your smiling and i will give you mine

for love is the breakfast you made me the box of tea you picked up at the market because you know it’s my favourite it’s the brand of cereal i buy because our flatmate loves it though i hate the taste the framed picture hanging crooked on the faded drywall that we can’t bring ourselves to take down even though we look like fools and the glass is not glass it is plastic and cracked and imperfect

love is what i feel when i’m with you because with these people i am home and i finally feel like a person again