“MASSEY UNIVERSITY HAS BETRAYED ITS STUDENTS”: PRO-PALESTINE PROTEST SIGNS ON DISPLAY
RAINBOW ROOM OPENS ON THE PŌNEKE CAMPUS
AHUATANGA
STRIPPING DOWN FOR SPORT: ARE FEMALE ATHLETES' UNIFORMS FOR SPORT OR SPECTACLE? I LOVE/HAVE/KNOW/AM DANCE
"NO MĀORIS - NO TOUR": THE TIME OUR COUNTRY PRIORITISED A RUGBY BALL OVER MĀORI
LOVE AT FIRST TEE OFF: SPORTSWASHING OF GOLF IN SAUDI ARABIA
22. RAMMING WITH FERGUS
OF
SEXCAPADES
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Disclaimer: The views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the editor.
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BEROCCA WOULD MAKE ME WIN THE OLYMPICS (NOT SPONSORED)
BEROCCA INGREDIENTS:
Vitamin B1 (Thiamine Hydrochloride) 15 mg POWER
Vitamin C (Ascorbic acid) 500 mg GAINS
Calcium (as calcium carbonate and calcium pantothenate) 100 mg WISDOM
(WARNING: Will make your piss neon by 10am)
The way it fizzes and bubbles in a glass of ice-cold water. The subtle noise it makes when bursting to life, like an Olympian rising up. The neon orange reflects off my table. Sweet citrus flavours bring my senses to life. The urge to gulp it down in one go takes over. I swirl the cup when I near the end to make sure I don’t leave anything behind. “Aaaaa,” I exclaim in relief. I am electrified, ready to take on anything. Perhaps even the Olympics.
Emma Chamberlain has her coffee. Hailey Bieber has her Erewhon smoothie. I have Berocca.
An orange and mango flavoured Berocca is how I start every day. This craze was built into me during my youth, with my father’s slogan being “Berocca fixes everything”. I always thought this was an exaggeration. But in the age of burnout, Uber Eats, Covid, and drinking, I know my father was right.
I’ve tried all the vitamins, supplements, immunity shots. But nothing compares to a simple Berocca tablet. Perhaps the invincible feeling it gives me is what is gaslighting me into believing I would win the Olympics.
You won’t find any missed three-pointers, weak butterfly strokes, or failed lifts with me and my Berocca.
Love, Sammy.
The NZ Media Council upholds complaint about spreading ‘misinformation’.
The complaint arises from a news article in Massive Magazine, titled Misinformation and flaky promises from Massey students’ association published on May 13, 2024.
Massey University Students’ Association General President Hennessey Wilson complained the article accused him of spreading misinformation, which he denied.
The article reported comments by Mr Wilson and other student representatives at a student forum. It said students left the meeting with misinformation about possible cuts to the College of Creative Arts, the planned size of the university's new Singapore campus and the extent of staff cuts last year at the College of Humanities and Social Sciences. The article also reported statements from university administrators rebutting comments made at the forum.
In upholding the complaint the Media Council said Mr Wilson and the other student representatives were within their rights to comment on university matters as they saw them. The Council expressed its support for student publications and said Massive could not be faulted for looking to balance the article by getting the university’s comment on points made at the forum.
However, Massive went further than just reporting statements from both sides which would have left readers to draw their own conclusions. Instead, Massive Magazine expressed an opinion that students had been misinformed by association representatives. That may have been acceptable in a clearly labelled opinion piece, but this article was tagged as a news story.
The full NZ Media Council ruling can be found the council's website.
POWER OUTAGE SHOCKS AUCKLAND STUDENTS (NOT ACTUALLY)
WORDS BY YESENIA PINEDA A SHE/THEY
Students are left questioning the quality of Massey’s electrical system after the Innovation Complex power outage caused a village-wide blackout on Monday July 15th.
Zach Hill, resident of Weka Hall and first year at South Seas Studios was confused by the outage.
“To have one building complex knock out the whole student village for an extended period of time is kind of ridiculous.”
Residents in the Auckland halls, apartments, and studios had no power from 11pm to 1am.
Chris Mills, first year in Business, suggested that the electrical system for the accommodation could be made stronger.
“It certainly seems a bit ridiculous that such modern accommodation facilities can have such a massive electrical failure.”
Updates were made via Facebook groups, but Mills said emailing residents may have been a better way to notify them.
A Massey University spokesperson said evening duty supervisor stayed on shift to ensure no one unauthorised came into the buildings.
They confirmed the power was off for a couple of hours, from about 11pm to 1am.
“MASSEY UNIVERSITY HAS BETRAYED ITS STUDENTS”: PRO-PALESTINE PROTEST SIGNS ON DISPLAY
WORDS BY SAMMY CARTER A SHE/HER
Activists display protest signs for all to see on the Wellington campus. They tell Massive, “Massey University has betrayed its students by investing $7,105 in Israeli government bonds while claiming a ‘right to remain silent’.”
Last Monday, the protest signs were found displayed in the Fine Arts glass box, previously being used at the All Out For Gaza national rally in June and again on July 19th when students marched through campus.
In a collective statement from Massey SJP (Student for Justice in Palestine) they said the display is in response to the “university’s complicity in the ongoing genocide in Gaza”.
The university previously painted over protest art in the Fine Arts stairwell in June, which led to much outrage. However, the new display has been going strong for a week.
On June 20th, Massey provost Giselle Byrnes released an article titled, Opinion: ‘A right to remain silent?’
Byrnes said, “Individuals may have views, but the institution itself does not have the right to state views; it is the role of the university to create the conditions where staff and students may exercise these rights.”
Students were frustrated that Byrnes repeatedly called the issue the “war” in Gaza rather than a genocide.
Massey SJP called their display, A Right to Remain Silent?, in reference to Byrnes article.
The students said, “Active investment in genocide is not silence.”
“The university is complicit in the incessant bombing and violence which has stolen the lives of more than 186,000 Palestinians.”
A Massey University spokesperson made similar comments to Byrnes. “The role of a university is to facilitate a safe environment for staff and students to express their academic freedom; it is not for the institution to make a specific statement or adopt a singular position on any particular issue.”
Massive asked the question: Does Massey University condemn Israel's genocidal war on Palestine? A spokesperson answered: “Massey University condemns violence of any nature. Genocide is a heinous crime that violates the fundamental principles of humanity and justice.”
Massey SJP invites readers to sign its open letter demanding Massey University “put their money where their mouth is”.
RAINBOW ROOM OPENS ON THE PŌNEKE CAMPUS
WORDS BY SAMMY CARTER A SHE/HER
Rainbow rep Fox Miles hopes queer students will feel at home in the new rainbow room that opened two weeks ago in the Wellington Co-Lab space.
The first rainbow room at Massey University was opened on the Manawatū campus in July last year. The second one was opened on the Albany campus at the start of this year.
Miles missed having something consistent like UniQ, a club dedicated to queer students that started to fall into neglect due to the pandemic.
While the club is starting to find its feet again, Miles felt a rainbow room would provide consistency.
“I keep encountering friends and classmates who are in the rainbow community and just don’t have any ways of reliably reaching each other.”
Miles said people often ask them questions about where to access gender affirming care, where to buy a binder, where are the gay bars, or where free testing can be found.
Miles felt resources are scattered around but wanted to centralise
them into one easily accessible place. Pamphlets have been put on display in the space to provide resources like this.
Queer students were encouraged to put up their own art and posters on the walls, “Use the space, be respectful, it's yours.”
Some of Miles’ own collection of queer books and comics can be found in the space. “I brought in a bunch of my own books thinking ‘I hope these don’t get stolen’, and instead I came back today and there's been three more left there.”
Feedback so far had been positive, with the room being soft launched at a rainbow lunch on July 19th. The official opening will take place soon, after consultation with tangata whenua.
It seems a rainbow room in Wellington is here to stay, “As long as I’m the rainbow rep I’m not gonna let them take it away.”
RE-O WEEK LEAVES STUDENTS WANTING MORE FUN
WORDS BY ELIZABETH MOISSON A SHE/HER
Manawatū students have been left wanting more events after Re-O Week arrived with free food, clubs day, and speed mates.
Anushika Prasad, Pasifika student rep was happy with how the week went, saying there were more students on campus than last year.
“Our main aim was student engagement and to get as many students as possible to all our events.”
Prasad said students were coming up to staff asking them to hold events like speed mates again during the semester.
“We had students coming up to us saying we are doing really great job.”
The speed mates event was one of the standouts, with Prasad saying the event ran on longer than they expected.
However, Prasad felt the turnout on Thursday and Friday events wasn’t as good, but they had no food left every time.
The Wednesday clubs day had many chances for students to get amongst it.
“We had a lot of students coming to our stalls asking questions about the events and what we do as the students’ association.”
Ivy Cao, president of the dance club said 43 people signed up to join at clubs day.
After practicing a dance for a few hours last semester, the club performed for the first time at Re-O Week to Easy by Le Sserafim.
“I’m so happy about the performance despite having no practice during semester break,” Cao said.
The free tacos were a good start to the week, however, a huge line formed from the truck all the way to the Marsdon Lecture Theatre. Some students reported being in line for over an hour.
Third year finance student, Danielle Brown said, “I was waiting for 90 minutes.”
“I loved the tacos, I got a chicken taco, and it came with chips and a churro, and it was so yummy.”
SPORTS STRIPPING DOWN FOR SPORT
ARE FEMALE ATHLETES' UNIFORMS FOR SPORT OR SPECTACLE?
Fashion is not supposed to be one of the main talking points in the lead up to the 2024 Olympic games. However, recent criticism over Nike’s revealing uniform design for the USA 2024 women’s Olympic track and field teams, has posed the question:
Are women athletes' uniforms inhibiting their abilities?
Nike’s uniform designs for the field and track teams were posted on Instagram in April. The mannequin sporting the female uniform was dressed in what looked like a high cut bathing suit. In comparison, the male mannequin wore a tank top and shorts.
But Nike isn’t the only brand Olympians have issues with. New Zealand Olympic rower Jackie Kiddle tells Massive that she used to wear the brand 2XU. She says the restricted choice she had in uniforms due to sponsorship deals inhibited her ability to perform well on the water.
Kiddle says, “Previous sponsors have not designed our race suits to fit the shapes of rowers.” She says that these row-suits are often too tight around the chest, stomach and sometimes legs. Kiddle recalls a moment when her row suit was so tight around her legs that she had to cut it with scissors so she could race without restriction.
Going into this year's Olympics, Rowing New Zealand changed to a rowing specific apparel brand sponsor, 776BC, that designs uniforms based on body shapes typical of rowers. However, Kiddle still finds these tight around the chest and stomach. So much so that she will often stretch the top of her row suits over a chair to try and make them more comfortable. Both 2XU and 77BBC have been contacted for a response, however, did not provide one.
When it comes to women’s track uniforms, a Nike spokesperson claims they have offered female athletes briefs and shorts that can be worn over the unitards, according to The Guardian
However, US Steeplechaser Colleen Quigley says that even with the briefs or shorts, Nike should also offer the team custom tailoring. “Our bodies are all different and it seems silly to expect us to compete at the highest level of our sport without a properly fit uniform,” Quigley tells Reuters.
American long jump Olympian, Tara Davis-Woodhall, left an iconic comment on an Instagram post calling out the Nike track uniforms. She says: “Wait my hoo haa is gonna be out.”
A Massey University study, led by Dr Rachel Batty, examined the issues surrounding female sport uniform designs. Its findings indicated that uniform designs can contribute to “increased female athlete anxiety, particularly around body image, visibility of menstrual blood and visibility of underwear while wearing their uniform”.
On Facebook group Vic Deals, I ask women about their experiences regarding female sports uniform designs. The next morning, I wake up to over 50 messages, including one from a Massey University student.
Grace* who plays for Massey University competitively says that often the uniforms given to female athletes are too loose. She spends most of her sports games worrying her shorts will fall down when she starts running.
She has considered complaining to the university but worries about her concerns being shut down or disregarded.
A Massey University spokesperson says their uniforms come from a reputable sports brand Paladin and “undertook a comprehensive design process which included input from students and staff into the design and style of the items”.
“So far, we have had very positive feedback on the uniforms, with some students wanting to keep them or purchase items for themselves.” They have received some feedback about the “slightly looser fit”, saying they will look into this.
Another Vic Deals responder, Teresa*, a former competitive gymnast, says that the uniforms she used to wear were “unbearably revealing” and used to make her “dread competing”.
When her daughter began competitive gymnastics too at 7-years-old, Teresa was shocked to see that her daughter’s required uniform was a crop top and skintight speedo shorts. In comparison, the boys team wore mid-thigh length shorts and loose singlets.
Teresa says, “I questioned why there was a different uniform for boys and girls, because if the boy's performance wasn’t impacted by wearing looser, more covered clothes, why would the girls need tighter clothes with less coverage?”
Teresa’s daughter quit the sport at 14-years-old due to ongoing disordered eating after boys on the team started body-shaming and sexualising her in the uniform. Despite multiple complaints to the Gymnasium, no action was taken to educate or discipline the boys.
It seems women face different standards to men when they enter the sporting world. This is something Kiddle believes can drive young women away from sport.
Kiddle says, “I do think societal pressure to look a certain way makes young girls feel self-conscious in sports uniforms.” She says designing uniforms with this in mind must be important going forward.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be part of an Olympics where I'm disadvantaged by a pair of shorts and top.
*Names have been changed
I love dance.
I Love /Have/ Know/ Am Dance
I love to dance, also.
I love to watch the movements of dancers far beyond my own ability, framed in the grand spectacle of a ballet. I love to feel my own body move in shapes and motions that mirror the turbulent thoughts within my mind.
I have suffered through dance. I have grown, through dance.
I have spent nights alone returning from lessons to ice feet broken in the pursuit of flight. I have learned so much more than I could ever have known without forcing myself to move.
I know friends who dance.
I know friends who dance, too.
I know my dance classmates and peers in the way only dancers can understanding their joy and anguish at this thing which makes us whole.
I know friends who have never set foot in a studio I see them nod their heads or bounce their feet to music.
I am my own dance.
I am me, so I dance.
I am the person I am because of dance tracing my path along as it winds through place and time, I keep its rhythm.
I am so besotted with my love for this sport I cannot help but pull my friends by the hands and show them what it means to dance.
THE TIME OUR COUNTRY PRIORITISED A RUGBY BALL OVER MĀORI " "
Hundreds gathered outside the bunches of barbed wire that decorated rugby pitches. Motorcycle helmets and shields on one side. Blows of police batons on the other. But no matter how many police there were, the protestors stormed and invaded the grounds. Havoc ensued for 56 days in Aotearoa, with protestors refusing proudly to end the riots until the Springboks Tour of 1981 was over. 150,000 of Aotearoa’s citizens involved in over 200 protests.
The 1981 Springboks Tour Protests were one of the largest times of civil unrest in modern Aotearoa history, with our nation divided on the subject of continuing to play against South Africa. Many condemn the apartheid system of South Africa and Aotearoa’s treatment of Māori. But many others believed that South Africa’s politics had nothing to do with Aotearoa and should be left out of sports.
But the argument that Aotearoa had no connection to South African views was a wilfully ignorant lie. The relationship of rugby and racism between the two countries was born decades before the confrontations of the 80s, when the Springboks arrived in Napier in 1921 for a game versus the All Blacks.
When Māori players performed the haka, the Springboks players turned their backs. This insult was made worse afterwards, when a South African journalist covering the game expressed disgust at Pākehā spectators “frantically cheering on a band of coloured men” to beat “their own race”.
This blatant racism went unaddressed for years. For decades condoning racism was the status quo for Aotearoa, at most offering a few placating words about how Māori and Pākehā were 'one in this country' (shoutout to our very own William Massey, who made this comment and many others contributing towards Aotearoa’s racism throughout his tenure as Prime Minister).
In 1948, South Africa formally established their apartheid system, which institutionalised racial segregation and banned Māori rugby players. The New Zealand Rugby Football Union (NZRFU) let it slide by only sending white players to play in South Africa.
The cherry on top arrived in 1970 when three Māori players and one Samoan player were dubbed ‘honorary white’ by the South African Government and allowed to tour the country.
For many rugby supporters, athletes, and government officials, this title was a victory. It relieved the guilt they felt about enabling the racist views of their opposition. Even some Māori accepted the title, as it allowed them to join in the sport. It provided a surface-level promise that they would be treated equally to their white counterparts.
The South African Government paraded the title like it was a prize. Like Māori rugby players should have been honoured to be viewed as a different race than their own.
But we Māori are historically notorious for our pride, for the mana we hold within our identity and culture. The suggestion to identify as anything other than Māori was kindling to the frustration they had felt for decades.
Joining Māori in their fury was the freshly formed Halt All Racist Tours (HART) group in 1969. HART’s main goal was opposing apartheid. They were concerned that accepting the ‘honorary white’ title would lead to Aotearoa adopting similar mindsets to South Africa. For the next decade they would speak out.
HART members wore badges that signalled their membership and hosted rallies with banners and signs. But when the union and the Government ignored public opinion and announced the 1981 Springboks Tour in Aotearoa, it was clear something provocative needed to be done.
The protests of the 1981 tour would be the final victory after decades of struggle. This was the last time the All Blacks would officially play the Springboks while apartheid was in place in South Africa. For good reason, too, as these final protests were the most explosive feuds yet, sometimes literally.
Brawls between protestors and rugby supporters on the streets, invasions of pitches, damages to television transmitters to halt coverage.
When the protestors were met with brutality from the police and supporters of the tour, they let it fuel them even further. Even as the police’s feared Red Squad came down on them with the unsanctioned use of batons upon their heads and left some of them hospitalised, the protestors fought back until the very last game.
After three months of this, the protestors were successful in getting one of the first games cancelled due to rumours that they were going to fly a plane into Rugby Park. By the end they made good on the rumours, and the final game in Auckland was disrupted by smoke and flour bombs from a small plane.
another All Blacks tour of South Africa in 1985. The union was taken to court for their proposal, but found a way around the tour's cancellation by sending the Cavaliers a ‘different’ team that definitely wasn’t 28 of the All Blacks disguised.
However, many of these players faced severe backlash in Aotearoa, and the union was forced to barr them from rejoining the All Blacks.
After decades of Māori voices going unheard, a man locked away in a distant prison heard of a 1981 game in Hamilton being cancelled and felt as if “the sun had come out”.
This man was Nelson Mandela, South Africa’s first black head of state and lead the apartheid resistance.
After the apartheid was ended in the early 90s thanks to Mandela, he visited Aotearoa to shake the hands of prominent protesting figures and thanked them for seeing him in kind.
Protestors were told by rugby supporters that Aotearoa had no influence on the political occurrences of another country, but Mandela’s arrival proved them wrong.
Today sport is no longer put over the needs of Māori, and many Māori athletes are wildly successful. But Māori still hear platitudes about having 'equal rights, regardless of ethnicity' from figures such as politician David Seymour. This is while they actively inhibit initiatives such as the Māori and Pacific Admission Scheme which aims to mitigate Māori hardship.
If something is done for the justice of yourself and others then it is worth doing, no matter how long and hard others may try to silence it. Māori protestors learned this decades ago when there was no one to defend them but themselves. Older Māori make sure we remember this.
So today, I hope every Māori rugby player throws that ball as far as they can, leaving one less thing for Aotearoa to prioritise over us again.
WORDS BY SAMMY CARTER A SHE/HER
PHOTOS BY KARA GLASGOW KEENE A
SPORTSWASH NG OF GOLF IN SAUDI ARABIA LOVE AT FIRST
Welcome back sports fans to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia!
Here we have the LIV golf championships featuring world #3 Jon Rahm, who took a $500 million contract to play in this tournament.
What? Is that LGBT+ people being persecuted? Don't look at that!
Watch this football game between Premier League team Newcastle United, owned by us, versing Al-Nassar featuring Cristiano Ronaldo, also owned by us.
Huh? Are those bombs being dropped on Yemen? Look away!
Golf, boxing, motorsports, football, esports, tennis, chess, horse racing, snooker, mixed martial arts. These are the major sports that have seen huge investment from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, a dictatorship fuelled by oil and human rights violations. Teams, players, entire leagues you name it, they've bought it. To the tune of $6.3 billion USD, according to The Guardian.
Prime Minister and Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud, seems to have infinite influence over these sports especially golf.
Bin Salman has a plan for the future of his country, called Vision 2030. The vision organisation aims to make Saudi Arabia into a world-renowned nation where “tradition, innovation, and sustainability go hand-inhand". This looks to me like a massive PR campaign, with the capital Riyadh rapidly becoming a major sports capital, drawing fans from all over the world.
In an interview last year with Fox News, Bin Salman said he would continue sportswashing. “If sport washing is going to increase my GDP (gross domestic product) by way of 1%, then I will continue doing sport washing.” When asked specifically how he felt about the term, he said, “I don’t care … I’m aiming for another 1.5%. Call it whatever you want, we’re going to get that 1.5%.”
A heavy dose of PR would be needed to distract from the Government’s human rights abuses, including the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, the imprisonment of anti-government activists,
and its anti-equality laws for women and LGBT+. But Bin Salman has endless money to make this happen. His oil company, Saudi Aramco, is the sixth largest company in the world, worth more than Meta, Tesla, and Walmart.
In 2021, LIV golf was created by Bin Salman as a rival to the formally dominant league, PGA tour. You may remember PGA as that one golf game on PlayStation.
Newly formed league LIV lured away superstars like Phil Mickelson and Bubba Watson with unmatchable salaries, according to ABC News LIV golf started to offer players signing bonuses of over $100 million to jump ship from PGA.
Now, I’m not exactly rooting for the PGA here, as they do exercise a huge monopoly over pro-golf competitions. Some players may be on the same page because in 2022, 11 golfers were suspended from PGA events after playing in LIV tournaments.
So, the players sued their own league. LIV became a plaintiff in the player’s suit, leading to most of the golfers dropping the case. But the fire under PGA had already been ignited. So, a month later PGA sued LIV for encouraging players to breach their contracts. In the suit they argued that the Saudi’s coming in flashing all this cash was “malicious interference”.
Just when it all seemed to be devolving into a messy legal battle, in June last year LIV golf and PGA announced they would be ‘merging’, to the complete shock of the entire golf world. The leagues later pulled back that announcement to an 'alliance', but all opposition to the Saudi takeover of golf vanishes.
But some players may see through the money, as esteemed golfer Tiger Woods reportedly turned down $800 million to join LIV golf. In 2022, before the merger was announced, Woods said as far as the players who have chosen to go to LIV, "I disagree with it.”
Woods said, “I think that what they’ve done is they’ve turned their back on what has allowed them to get to this position.”
Woods is one of six player directors on the PGA Tour's policy board. At the PGA Championships this year he said there’s a "long way to go still" in the PGA Tour's ongoing negotiations with Saudi Arabia's Public Investment Fund, which finances the LIV Tour.
Another player on the PGA Tour’s policy board, Jordan Spieth said, "If you're in the room, it's very obvious that players are not dictating the future of golf and the PGA Tour ... You have a lot of strategic investors that know a heck of a lot more than any of us players.”
It seems that the investors have a lot more say over this merger than the players. But the decision of which leagues and which competitions to join gives golfers some power. And fans aren’t oblivious to this.
Golfer Phil Mickelson received backlash after joining LIV in 2022, as the Saudi Arabia's Public Investment Fund had been called out for ties to the 9/11 attack. Mickelson responded to criticism from the 9/11 families during the 2022 U.S. Open, "We feel the deepest of sympathies for those who have lost loved ones, friends, in 9/11.” Mickelson later told Sky Sports Golf, "I don't condone human rights violations, I don't know how I can be any more clear.”
Criticism of players is where it starts. But criticising the Saudi Arabia Government is where it ends. Fans get to decide which players to root for, which tickets they buy, which merch they purchase, and which sports channel they watch. Shiny golf clubs and firework displays can only distract so much from human right violations.
A.
Q. MY MUM HAS BEEN TALKING TO MY CRUSH'S DAD, I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A STEP BRO SITUATION. WHAT DO I DO?
I know I never talk to you guys about my parents. And it's for good reason. But I’ll be open with you for the sake of helping a friend.
When I was a ram teenager, I had a huge crush on this hot mare in the paddock across the road. We loved to flirt with each other. She would neigh at me, and I would snort at her.
My ram dad wasn’t around much, as he had a lot of sheep mums to tend to. So, when I was a teenager, my mum started fooling around with the stallion in the paddock across the road. I had no idea. Until one day when I went over to the fence side for my daily flirt with the mare, my mum was already there baaing at the stallion. I could see my crush trying to hide behind an old barrel. I could see the red-hot shame through her shiny coat.
I felt angry. Very angry. I wanted to piss in my mother's hay. But then I looked into her eyes, and I could see how happy she was. I turned the other way and could see my dad ramming someone in the distance. And in that moment, I decided my mum needed that romance more than me.
And if I can do it, so can you. I have to put my hoof down on this one. The chance, even just the possibility, of dating a step sibling is fucking rank. Almost as rank as eating piss-covered hay.
Your mum is older and wiser. If she wants to date your crushes dad, she should. You on the other hand are young and hot you have so many options!
PICK A NEW CRUSH.
FERGUS THE RAM IS MASSEY UNIVERSITY'S LONG-TIME MASCOT. HE IS ALSO A SEX GOD, ALPHA RAM AND HORNED UP FUCKBOY. GOT A QUESTION FOR FERGUS? GO TO MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ
RADIO CONTROL 99.4FM IS A STUDENT RADIO NETWORK STATION BASED ON THE MASSEY UNIVERSITY MANAWATŪ CAMPUS. MASSIVE X RADIO CONTROL
Live in the Lounge
Sports Dreams
WORDS BY CAITLIN A SHOWPONI MUSICIAN
Following the recent Sports Dreams gig in the Massey Manawatū Student Lounge, I realised that this was a difficult performance to describe. If I were to try, I would draw attention to the damply reverbed drums that provided a rigid framework for the swirling, kaleidoscopic synth layers. This synth work then blended effortlessly with wide shoegazeesque guitar tones. That formed a backbone for strong, earnest lyricism, and one of the most subtly powerful vocal performances I have ever seen live. While this is certainly an attempt, I don’t think I could ever do justice to describing Sports Dreams. To describe Sports Dreams is to describe feelings that escape my command of the English language, to describe a part of yourself you left on the roadside and can’t get back, to describe the jersey that is stained and motheaten that you would rather die than part with.
showponi
WORDS BY FRASER A SPORTS DREAMS MUSICIAN
showponi was supposed to play before us but ended up playing last, which was good because it meant we could park up and bliss out. While the beats and pitch-shifted vocals were sick, my favourite parts were the happy accident outros where all the delays and left over loops were bleeding all over each other. In the Radio Control Live Session which was filmed during this set, it may look like I was asleep, but I was just astral-planing with showponi as my guide. Thank you, showponi.
doesn't know… I’m taking this as a chance to clear my conscience. I hope he reads this.
This all happened a few months ago. I got really fascinated with the idea of squirting, so I watched a couple videos on how to do it. I thought I knew what I had to do. One night when my boyfriend was over, I told him about my desire and he was all for it. After a while of him eating me out, I felt like it was time and I felt an overwhelming pressure and figured it was the squirt. He got more aggressive with it and pulled me closer into his face. I let out a huge moan as it all rushed out of me, and the sense of relief escaped me.
But it didn't quite feel right. When I went to the toilet after to pee (which I usually do) only a little pee came out. We cleaned up and I tried to not worry about it as I figured there was pee in a squirt anyway, right? So, all seemed well until the next morning.
I went to the toilet and just assumed it was my boyfriend's facial hair giving me a rash. I didn't think anything more of it until he woke up the next day with a bad eye infection, then it clicked. I realised I may have had a UTI and that's why he had an infection.
I went and got tested without telling him and it came back positive. I was too embarrassed to say. A week later when I cleaned my sheets and saw the slightest yellow stain, that confirmed I peed in my boyfriend's eye and gave him a U.T.EYE injection.
I felt so guilty, I broke up with him that day without telling him the truth.
ARIES TAURUS GEMINI
You need to watch your temper this week. You’ve been stressed recently, and it’s going to bubble over. Make sure you don’t catch your friends in the metaphorical splash zone.
You’ve been feeling a bit down on your luck, so now is the perfect time to step out of your comfort zone. Once you’ve broken from your routine, your luck will be on the rise again.
Find the reason for your stress and do something to fight it. A long contemplation session in the shower will help you figure it out.
Where has your Scorpio loyalty gone?! You’ve screwed someone over and you can’t come back from it this time. Be responsible and face it head on.
You’re going to push someone’s boundaries too far this week. Don’t bombard them with lots of apologies after. Just take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
You’ve forgotten something important. Is it a birthday? Something you borrowed and never gave back? You’d better find out soon before you hurt someone you’re close to.
CANCER VIRGO
Writing a to-do list means
Someone in your life is feeling neglected, Leo. You’d better check in on them before they start to think you’re abandoning them for someone new.
AQUARIUS
This week is the perfect time to achieve a personal best! You’re going to take a step in the right direction in the upcoming days.
seen for a couple of hours. You’ve been feeling restricted lately. Ruled by Saturn, you love doing things on your own terms. Embrace the things you can’t control this week and go with the flow. It might not feel like it now, but something amazing is coming your way this week. Use that water sign intuition and keep an eye out for the colour blue –trust your gut instinct.
DITCH IT!
DOWN ACROSS
5. A modern Pentathlon includes fencing, swimming, running, shooting and ____ (5,7)
6. 2005 American biographical sports film (5,6)
7. Racing which involves plummeting head-first down a steep ice track on a tiny sled (8)
10. Futsal translated (6,8)
12. Boston basketball team (7)
13. Activewear brand for yoga and pilates girlies (9)
15. NZ large sport goods and equipment shop (5,5)
18. South Africa national rugby union team (10)
19. Popular English journalist who specialises in cars (6,8)
20. 2024 tennis film (11)
FIND ALL PUZZLE
1. A biathlon combines crosscountry skiing and ______ (5,8)
2. Another word for a baseball bat (6)
3. Watersport similar to basketball and soccer (5,4)
4. 80s martial arts film (3,6,3)
8. Where in England does the infamous cheese rolling race take place? (10)
9. A sport making its debut at the Olympics this year (13)
11. Number of Olympic rings (4)
14. Wellington’s rugby union team (10)
16. All Blacks captain (3,4)
17. Brand founded by Bill Bowerman and Phil Knight (4)
21. Men’s golf tour owned by Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund (3)
22. Piece used to hold a horse's saddle on (5)
NICHE NICHE
WHAT SPORT ARE YOU?
OUTDOORS OR INDOORS?
OUTDOORS
WOULD OTHERS DESCRIBE YOU AS RECKLESS?
ARE YOU WILLING TO ENDANGER YOURSELF IN ORDER TO WIN A COMPETITION?
INDOORS
DO YOU LIKE SURPRISES?
IN AN APOCALYPSE, WOULD YOU PREFER A LONG RANGE OR SHORT RANGE WEAPON?
DO YOU FIND IT HARD TO MAKE DECISIONS?
LONG RANGE CLOSE COMBAT MULTITASKING ONE THING TEAM ALONE
INDIVIDUAL OR TEAM SPORT?
ARE YOU BETTER AT MULTITASKING OR FOCUSING ON ONE THING?
CHEESE ROLLING RACE
YOU HAVE A REMARKABLE LACK OF SURVIVAL INSTINCTS, AND A STUBBORN STREAK PERFECT TO COMPETE IN THIS UNCONVENTIONAL SPORT. CHASE A WHEEL OF CHEESE DOWN A 180M LONG, MUDDY HILL, THROWING YOUR BODY DOWN AND IGNORING ANY INJURIES. REMEMBER TO TAKE PAINKILLERS WITH YOU.
HOBBY HORSING BUNGEE FITNESS
A COMBINATION OF AGILITY AND IMAGINATION, YOU’VE TAKEN THE NOSTALGIA OF CHILDHOOD AND RAMPED IT UP INTO A PROFESSIONAL SPORT. OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD, WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IS TO JUST ENJOY YOURSELF WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT HOW EXPENSIVE THE REAL THING IS.
IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE WORKING OUT, THEN YOU’D BETTER MAKE IT FUN! YOU’RE FOCUSED ON BUILDING UP RESISTANCE AND ARE ALWAYS UP TO TRY SOMETHING NEW! WITH BUNGEE YOGA, DANCE, FITNESS, AND MORE TO CHOOSE FROM, YOU’RE READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD.
A JACK OF ALL TRADES, YOU’RE FULL OF SURPRISES BUT UNASSUMING ON THE OUTSIDE. LIKE YOU, THIS SPORT IS A LITTLE BIT ODD, BUT WELL-LOVED BY THOSE THAT KNOW IT. A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE BALANCE BETWEEN BRAINS AND BRAWN, AND ALSO SHOWS HOW FAST YOU BOUNCE BACK AFTER BEING PUSHED DOWN.
AARIA HUNIA
EDITOR IN CHIEF
SAMMY CARTER
SHE/HER
TE AO MĀORI EDITOR
NGĀTI AWA, NGĀTI RANGITIHI
SHE/HER
MANAWATŪ REPORTER
ELIZABETH MOISSON
SHE/HER
STAFF WRITER
JESSIE DAVIDSON
SHE/HER
HEAD OF DESIGN
SUB-EDITOR
LUKA MARESCA
HE/THEY
TE AO MĀORI ILLUSTRATOR
KEELIN BELL
NATALYA NEWMAN
NGĀTI MANIAPOTO, NGĀTI POROU, NGĀPUHI
ŌTEHĀ REPORTER
YESENIA PINEDA
SHE/THEY
STAFF WRITER
KIRA CARRINGTON
SHE/HER
ILLUSTRATOR JESS SKUDDER
MASSIVE P*SSY POCKET
POCKET WOULD NOT PROVIDE PURRRNOUNS
MEANWHILE GALLERY IS IN NEED OF YOUR HELP.
DONATE THEIR FINANCIAL SITUATION IS CRITICAL AT THIS MOMENT. WITH UNCERTAIN FUNDING OUTCOMES, THEY'RE RUNNING A BOOSTED CAMPAIGN TO ENSURE THEIR SURVIVAL AND CONTINUE SUPPORTING ARTISTS.
