Massive Magazine Wellington Issue 08 2018

Est. 2012

Wellington | July 2018 | 08

NURSING STUDENTS SPEAK OUT IN EXCLUSIVE SURVEY “I know she has lips, but she can’t speak” - How to stand up for your vagina Massive’s Florence Cohen offers a rare glimpse into sexism in the workplace Google vs God – To keep, or not to keep

Be a part of the next mawsa executive MAWSA is on the look out for students who want to be college and cultural repersentatives on the 2019 Executive.

The Executive represents Massey’s Wellington students, making sure student welfare and education needs are being met.

Interested? Check out what Executive positions there are and how to apply at www.mawsa.org.nz/elections Applications open 13th August

Th

is

Fr

Presents

The

Winter Ball 03.08.18 r18 | westpac stadium | $60 www.mawsa.org.nz

id

ay

Cover Image: Luca Rosseels

Editorial Hi everyone, Welcome to issue 08 of Massive Magazine, we now have just four magazines left for the year. Time sure does fly.

Earlier this month Massive carried out a survey of 50 students from Massey’s School of Nursing. According to the survey, most students are not happy with changes to the school’s programme, including moving some papers to a digital environment and cutting clinical hours. In response to results, staff from the school intend to hold a forum with students to talk about changes and discuss any issues or concerns. It is good to see staff are wanting to engage with students, who have been concerned about the future of the school since national media reports rolled in at the beginning of the year.

On a lighter note, Massive staff have also compiled their favourite ‘cheap eats’ for each campus in this issue. In this list you will find several places where you can eat for just $10. Head over to page 26 to check it out.

If there is anything you would like to see in the magazine, you would like to contribute, or you have any feedback, feel free to shoot me an email, editor@mawsa.org.nz Nikki

facebook.com/massivemagazine @massivemagazine massivemagazine.org.nz

E V I S S A M

Features

12 18 21 26 31

Nursing students speak out in survey Vape nation - your guide to the e-cig Sexism in the workplace Cheap eats on your campus Greetings from the seasonally affected

Column

Humour 11 36 46

New News: History Good Cop, Bad Cop Horoscoping you out

Managing Editor: Nikki Papatsoumas editor@mawsa.org.nz

Media Manager: Sarah Grant-Wang 04 9793763 ext. 63763

Design/Layout: Aria Tongs massive@mawsa.org.nz

Wellington Reporter: Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Assistant Designer: Luca Rosseels assistantdesigner@mawsa.org.nz

09 10 35 30 37 38 41 43

Pinch of Politics On the Line Unlonely woman Shower Thoughts Google vs. God Lit Fam or Shit Scam Booked in Cool Beans

Contributors: Peri Miller Lydia Hill Christina Kirk Wilson Aria Tongs Kasharn Rao Leilani Baker Emma Rzepecky Florence Cohen Chris Glavovic Blair Teesdale-Moore

Regulars

06 40 44 45

Local News Reviews Puzzles Hot or Not

Te Paea Hoori Samantha Stokes Jack Mayo Ruth Bateson Natasha Tziakis Todd Murray Chantelle de Boer Zoe Jennings Simone Borgstede

5

Local news

Survey shows nursing Students conflicted students concerned over recent with cutbacks in courses bus discounts Nikki Papatsouma editor@mawsa.org.nz

Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Most nursing students are concerned about cutbacks in their courses due to restructuring of the nursing programme, a Massive survey has found.

Students don’t like the shift of their courses online, and only a third like the chop to their clinical hours.

The survey carried out by Massive Magazine this month was to gauge feelings amongst students about changes to the school, which have seen many staff leave and students voicing their concerns in national media.

Massive Magazine surveyed nursing students from Massey’s Wellington and Albany campuses, using three Facebook pages, seen by 300 nursing students.

Of the 50 respondents, 66 per cent said they didn’t support a shift of certain courses offered by Massey’s School of Nursing to online. Fourteen per cent said they supported a shift and 20 per cent said they weren’t sure.

When thinking about online courses, 92 per cent of those surveyed said they got more value out of face-to-face learning with a teacher, while just four per cent said they got more value out of an online course.

Meanwhile, 38 per cent said they agreed with a reduction in the number of clinical hours offered, 34 per cent said they disagreed and 28 per cent said they weren’t sure.

To read more, head to Nursing students speak out in survey on Page 12 of this issue of Massive Magazine.

Students are enjoying discounted fares on all bus services but are unhappy with changes to timetables.

Earlier in July full-time tertiary students in Wellington received a 25 per cent discount on all bus, rail and ferry services.

This follows a ‘Fairer Fares’ campaign led by Victoria University Wellington Students’ Association and supported by Massey at Wellington Students’ Association.

Although the discounted fares mean more money in the pockets of students, feedback from students has been mixed.

Massey Communications student, Ashlea Bicknell lives in Paparangi and takes two buses to get to university.

Bicknell says the discount has made a significant difference in her day to day travel and it was easy to load the discount onto her Snapper card.

“I am using the discount because I want to save money on travel because it can get expensive living as far away as I do.

However, Massey Visual Communication Design student, Aria Tongs, says she hasn’t found the discount beneficial at all.

“I don’t think it’s discounted enough and it isn’t enough for me to put the effort in to load the effort on to my Snapper card,” says Tongs.

She also says the new bus routes means there’s very few buses that travel past Massey now.

“Buses are far and few between to get to Massey,” Tongs says.

“There used to be three buses that passed Massey frequently and now one comes every ten minutes.”

Massey Communications Director, James Gardiner, says that 500 Massey students have received the new discount for bus and train services.

M

6

local news

Years go by and marae still lies unfinished Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz Issues surrounding the weather seals on the newly built marae on Massey’s Wellington campus have stalled the opening of the building once again It was announced the Te Kuratini Marae, that sits in the centre of the Wellington campus, would undergo a $1.8 million revamp in 2014 and an opening date was initially set for 2015.

Three years later the marae still sits incomplete and opening dates continue to be pushed out by Massey University staff.

Earlier in the year Massey Communications Director, James Gardiner, said the construction work could possibly be completed by Matariki 2018.

“With the marae very close to completion the opportunity to coincide the opening with upcoming Matariki celebrations, marking the Maori new year and a new era for Massey University is an exciting possibility,” Gardiner told Massive in an email in March.

However, Matariki has been and gone, the work has not been completed and the Marae still sits unused and empty on campus.

Gardiner also confirmed earlier this year that issues with weather seals on the Marae’s western doors had stalled opening dates.

Gardiner said these weather seals had not been fixed and there was no date in sight for such work to be completed.

“Once we do resolve that, we can install the whakairo (art work) and final building finishes, which is estimated to take three months,” says Gardiner.

He says that once this work is underway the university will set an opening date for the Marae.

Constant stalling and a lack of communication around opening dates is leaving students thoroughly unimpressed.

Massey at Wellington Students’ Association Maori Executive, Bryah-Rose Rauhihi, said communication between students and staff regarding the Marae has been shocking.

“I think that the Marae is a very poorly communicated issue within the university, with months of disrupted building, to periods of time with no progress,” said Rauhihi.

She said no one has contacted her about the Marae construction and she hasn’t heard any updates about its completion.

“I think Massey needs to really take charge and get the Marae sorted,” she said.

Massey at Wellington Student’s Association President, Emma Pearce, said Massey need to be more transparent about the Marae.

“I think the way Massey communicates with students as a whole needs to be improved dramatically,” said Pearce.

She said she hadn’t spoken to any Massey staff about the Marae opening and is surprised building of the structure was not organised years ago.

Why the hold up?

2014 – $1.8 million revamp of the Marae is announced.

2015 – Massey University staff say the Marae will be completed by November, but work is stalled.

March 2016 – Massive Magazine reports significant delays have affected the Marae development and university staff say work will be completed in July 2016.

July 2016 – Work still isn’t completed.

2017 – Massive reports that work is still not completed, and the Marae lays unfinished for Orientation Week.

March 2018 – Massey Communications Director James Gardiner says an opening date will be set soon and could coincide with Matariki.

June 2018 – Matariki arrives and the Marae remains unopen.

July 2018 – Gardiner says weather seals on the Marae’s western doors need to be fixed and cannot provide a date for completion.

7

local news

“Too many superheroes not enough losers” Jamie-Lee Bracken wellingtonreporter@mawsa.org.nz

Massey lecturer Bryce Galloway and his book – available from the Massey bookstore.

Nursing hangovers and family disruption are some of the hilarious anecdotes that CoCA lecturer, Bryce Galloway, illustrates in his latest comic.

Galloway says the comic, Incredibly Hot Sex with Hideous People: Diary Comics is made up of more than 65 diary comics which were created over almost a decade.

Each diary comic explains a progression in his life.

He says the comic is a personal fanzine, or perzine (a personal diary), which normally isn’t the work of a middle-class, middle-aged man.

“I try to make something great out of very little, just a few well observed mishaps, some copier paper and a couple of staples,” says Galloway.

“This is a book of wiggly-assed drawings that picture me arguing with my wife, chastising my children, nursing hangovers… just the bad stuff, which seems to make for better reading.

M

8

“Showing those little ruptures in our everyday plans.”

Galloway says the comics poke fun at what he describes as his very “unexceptional” life, whether it’s an argument with his wife or telling his kids off. “[There are] too many superheroes, not enough losers,” he says. “Too many dangerous barometers of success out there, too few warts and all measures.”

Galloway, a senior lecturer, has been teaching at Massey for many years.

He says his students are supportive of his zine narratives.

“It feels a bit weird presenting myself as a schmuck and then asking students to heed my counsel, but I do it anyway, and most students seem to cope.

“Some even like my work,” says Galloway.

Pick up a copy from any Massey bookstore, or online.

COLUMN

Join Massive’s Natasha Tziakis as she dissects New Zealand politics and offers her sharp and savvy opinion in this fortnightly column.

The Opportunities Party (TOP) was the brain child of Wellington economist Gareth Morgan, who prior to picking up a career in politics was the infamous and vocal advocate of treating stray cats as pests in cities. Gareth Morgan’s vision for TOP was to present the party as being in a ‘kingmaker’ position so that the established major parties would come to them after the election to form a coalition, much like Winston Peters and NZ First. TOP had very idealistic and focused policies aimed at people who wanted a major shift in New Zealand. This made them a very unpopular party with some demographics and very popular with others.

One of such policies was the proposed overhaul of our current superannuation scheme which meant the testing of those old enough to receive a super and only giving it to those who met the testing threshold. While this helped fund the party’s other policies, such as increasing education spending, protecting the environment and a universal benefit income (UBI) for the average university aged student, it meant they alienated a large portion of New Zealand voters.

In the lead up to the 2017 national election, TOP went up and down the country holding talks for people to become familiar with who they were as a party. These talks were held in community halls, function centres and more.

The party appeared not to contest all the seats in parliament, but instead they devised a plan to stand for certain seats where there was a possibility of them winning that seat.

All that sounds so precise and considered, although the same cannot be said for Gareth Morgan and how he managed to find himself at the centre of more than one media frenzy. One such frenzy was when he said Jacinda Ardern was just 'lipstick on a pig'.

This was received very poorly in the media for several reasons. Jacinda was the newly ascended leader of the Labour Party, she had managed to drum up a large amount of support behind her. This meant those working under her experienced a unity within the party which they hadn’t seen for years. Gareth Morgan tried to defend himself against harsh criticism by saying he was just asking whether Jacinda was changing the Labour Party or whether she was just a new face for the same policies with a more youthful exuberance.

Once the comments, and defence, had been poorly received by the public, Morgan made it worse by doubling down on his comments and not apologising. The writing was on the wall for TOP when they failed to win any seats in the 2017 election. Morgan soon stepped down as leader.

The final nail in the coffin was when the person they had lined up to replace him as leader pulled out. There have been speculations by various Kiwi media outlets on who this person could have been, but no-one has been officially confirmed. The party now no longer exists with members announcing the news to the public earlier this month. This may be the end of The Opportunities Party, but hopefully it isn’t the end of idealistic policies, because those are the hard conversations that need to be had.

9

COLUMN

ON THE LINE Writer: Leilani Baker This fortnightly column stays true to its name by discussing all things sports including controversies on and off the field. Whether you enjoy a casual brew whilst watching the rugby, or your inner demon emerges when the football comes on, this column is dedicated to you, the sport-lovers of Massey.

The Rise of Esports When you think of Olympic athletes you probably don’t picture gamers. And you probably wouldn’t call League of Legends, Call of Duty, or Fortnite 'sports'.

But competitive video gaming or eSports is a billion-dollar industry that’s only getting bigger.

In April it was announced eSports will be a medal event at the 2022 Asian Games.

It is even now being considered as a demonstrative sport for the 2024 Olympics in Paris.

An eSports competition looks a little bit like a international netball match. You enter an arena with tiered seating but instead of there being a court, there are a row of computers and desk chairs sitting on a stage, and towering over those are huge LED screens.

The atmosphere is similar to a concert or stage show. Lights, camera and a whole lot of action. Video game journalist Baz Macdonald explains that if you understand eSports, and the level of skill involved at a professional level, it makes sense that it could be considered for the Olympics.

“When you strip away all the fantasy and mayhem of an eSport, there are the same types of rules and strategy as you find with any sport,” he says.

Sure, gamers don’t spend hours at the gym, or have a strict nutritional plan. But, they do require extremely fast reactions and the ability to strategise on the go.

Some professional players practise for 14 hours a day. One Massey student knows all about this lifestyle. Communication Student Murphy Cater competes at eSports tournaments every Sunday.

M

10

“Gaming is what I do most in my life outside of uni, it’s become the equivalent of a sport for me,” he says.

Murphy recently competed in Crush Counter Capital in Wellington run by his sponsor and owner of Expansion New Zealand, Jackson Bradly. Earlier this year he also travelled to Melbourne for the Battle Arena Melbourne tournament. He believes the introduction of eSports to the Olympics is well overdue considering how big the industry is becoming.

“Everyone either plays or has played a video game so promiting eSports as a potential career is fantastic and I can’t wait to see how it’s recieved at the Olympic games,” he says.

However, some aren’t convinced.

“I don’t know much about it, but how can people sitting on thier butts, moving their thumbs possibly be at the same event as the world’s greatest sprinters, swimmers, and gymnasts,” one Massey student said.

Macdonald agrees that the general population may not be ready for eSports to be part of the Olympics.

“My concern is that the inclusion could result in a backlash against the medium which could further engender this gamer versus non-gamer mentality.”

Esports is only set to be a demonstrative sport at the games meaning it is not yet an official Olympic sport. The International Olympic Comittee want to promote the trend and showcase that they are in touch with the modern world. They have already included surfing and skateboarding as official sports and in doing so, will attract a different audience.

The Olympics exhibit fair play and inclusion so its fair that these evolving sports are promoted at the world’s largest sporting event. But whether or not eSports is infact a ‘sport’ is still up for debate.

In an interview on Radio New Zealand earlier this month Sport New Zealand Chief Executive Pete Miskimin summed it up when he said, “if you’d had said to me five to 10 years ago was skateboarding a sport, there’d be a lot of people saying no it’s not and yet now it’s at the Olympic games. And I think we are in that phenomenon with eSports”.

Pass or play: Skateboarding Like snowboarding many view it as a hobby as opposed to a sport. But skateboarding is taking the world by storm. Now officially an Olympic sport, more people are hitting the streets and giving skateboarding a go.

Competitive skateboarding has many spheres including freestyle skating, downhill skating, and vert/transition skating (skating in a half-pipe).

There aren’t many official skateboarding clubs in New Zealand and instead it’s a community formed on the streets and at skate parks. Most skaters meet at New Zealand’s biggest skating competitions including Bowlzilla- a half-pipe skating competition in Wellington which attracts skaters from all over the world.

Ponder that: Football fans said it had been 28 years since England qualified for the world cup quarter finals, but it has actually only been three. It’s just been 28 years since the men made it in.

SATIRE

history Writer: Chris Glavovic

History is much more than a boring subject taught by a smelly school teacher from the Stone Age. I am going to throw some names at you... Josef Stalin, William Shakespeare, Anne Frank, Julius Caesar, George Washington, Mother Teresa. I know what you are wondering — what do these people have in common?

They all have an 's' in their name (apart from Anne Frank). Additionally, they appear to be rather famous historical figures. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "we are not makers of history. We are made by history". If we are made by history, does this mean that there was an abundance of apathetic and immature 20-something year olds in the past?

Or does this mean that it is important for us to recognise the lessons we can learn through studying history? The New News is excited to bring you some of the most important anecdotes and concepts from history.

On October 8, 1784, a fierce battle raged between the troops of the Imperial Holy Roman Empire and the Republic of the Seven Netherlands. A single shot was fired from a Dutch ship. The shot knocked over a kettle of soup aboard one of the invading Imperial ships, rendering the troops exceedingly scared and drenched in soup. Bereft of soup and utterly miserable, the Imperial troops surrendered immediately. What can we learn from this? As Gandhi once said, "he who has the soup, has the victory".

Everyone knows of the Pope — The Bishop of Rome, the dude with the pointy hat, the head of the Catholic Church, you know? Do you know how a new Pope is elected? It's called sanctorum certamine — a Holy contest. Put simply, it's a Holy

wrestling match between prospective Popes. Pope Francis, the current Pope, beat out other contestants with extreme speed and ferocity. His famous finishing move, the Consecration Chokeslam, could not be undone by the other contenders. The few people lucky enough to witness a sanctorum certamine say that the athleticism and aerial acrobatics are unparalleled in modern sport. The long line of Pope wrestlers dates back to Saint Peter, the first champion of the sanctorum certamine. His finishing move, the Saint Peter Piledriver, still sends shivers down devout Catholics' spines — in a good way.

The Cold War presents itself as an interesting period of history. What the Cold War teaches us is that nuclear warfare is mostly just a "who has the biggest missile" contest. What can we learn from this? Men have always been fascinated by having the biggest rocket, and probably always will be.

It is said that Helen of Troy was so beautiful that her face could launch a thousand ships. The problem with poor Helen was that her launching abilities had no inbuilt navigation or GPS. Following her abduction, a fleet of a thousand ships set out to recapture her — hence the saying. However, it is a little-known fact that barely 50 ships made it out of the harbour. Some ships were launched into space while some were launched miles into the sky, just to come crashing down again. However romantic the saying is, it was an utter disaster. Beauty is said to be a blessing and a curse — here it just seems impractical.

World War I and II ravaged the entire globe and sent millions of people to

early graves. There aren't many positive messages to take from the two wars — but there are some. The heroic defense of a small cabbage patch somewhere in Central Europe by the Tanzanian Expeditionary Force is still modelled as a "perfect defense". It is said that they held off a herd of rabbits for almost three days without supply or reinforcement.

Alternatively, the bombardment of the fortress in Bellendgrad by the British Homing Pigeon Division is remembered as a remarkable success. The defenders were covered in pigeon poo from head to toe and could not possibly defend Bellendgrad adequately. This, of course, was a preliminary manoeuvre to rout the remaining defenders who were waiting up in a small tree-house not allowing anyone to come up and play.

Whether these stories influence an abstract motivational poster — or whether it is an inspirational narrative to tell your kids at night — history is full of fun little tales that can have a resounding effect on today's society. Here at The New News we firmly believe that learning from the past is at least somewhat beneficial. Learning about history helps in pub quizzes, it helps you converse with older people, heck, it even makes you unique — no one else seems to study it.

Read more: thenewnewsworldwide.wordpress.com/ *The New News analyses the most critical issues of modern society. Leonardo Da Vinci once said, "it is important to read The New News because it'll make you smart—or something..." Keeping with tradition, we inform our readers on a wide range of topics including religion, politics, and ingrown toenails.

The New News brings the most satirical, and most important news events into the spotlight.

11

FEATURE

Nursing Students Speak out in survey Writer: Nikki Papatsoumas

Fifty students from the School of Nursing have responded to a survey carried out by Massive Magazine, which shows they still have concerns surrounding the future of the programme.

Most nursing students are concerned about cutbacks in their courses due to restructuring of the nursing programme, a Massive survey has found.

Students don’t like the shift of their courses online, and only a third like the chop to their clinical hours.

The survey, carried out by Massive Magazine this month was to gauge feelings amongst students about changes to the school, which have seen many staff leave and students voicing their concerns in national media (see Just how mant staff are left in the School of Nursing?).

Massive Magazine surveyed nursing students from Massey’s Wellington and Albany campuses, using three Facebook pages, seen by 300 nursing students.

Of the 50 respondents, 66 per cent said they didn’t support a shift of certain courses offered by Massey’s School of Nursing to online. Fourteen per cent said they supported a shift and 20 per cent said they weren’t sure.

When thinking about online courses, 92 per cent of those surveyed said they got more value out of face-to-face learning with a teacher, while just four per cent said they got more value out of an online course.

Meanwhile, 38 per cent said they agreed with a reduction in the number of clinical hours offered, 34 per cent said they disagreed and 28 per cent said they weren’t sure.

Massey at Wellington Students’ Association Nursing Executive Megan Hammond says the survey results speak for themselves.

“From the survey, it is clear students do not want online courses even though those making the changes argue it is what students want.

“I think students need to be heard and their wishes finally respected by those in control of the nursing course.”

Hammond says she respects and entirely agrees that every student learns differently.

“But by only having online options it narrows the learning opportunities for a wider range of individuals,” she says.

M

“The online delivery is from my experience the same as the already existing online supplementary information 12

massive

offered with courses taught by lecturers. So, they are simply removing an additional and rich resource of information and support, our lecturers.”

Hammond says she intends to share information uncovered by the survey at the next College of Health board meeting she attends.

“I will also relay it during our end of semester forum to provide well rounded feedback and critique to the nursing school management team.

“Changes are always tricky to implement but changes also need to be for the better and enrich not diminish student learning.”

Acting Head of the School of Nursing, Annette Huntington, says in terms of the data from the survey, and considering the number who responded, she has some concerns that perhaps staff could have provided more information for the students in relation to the issues.

Just how many staff are left in the School of Nursing?

Last year Massive Magazine reported that eight of 11 School of Nursing staff on the Wellington campus were set to leave by June 2018.

But getting a clear idea of exactly how many actually have gone, not just in Wellington but at Albany and Manawatu, turns out not to be so straightforward.

Earlier this year, Massey Vice Chancellor Jan Thomas told Radio New Zealand that those numbers representing changes in Wellington were not accurate.

“There are between three and four, yet to be confirmed on the fourth, individuals that the university is talking to about voluntary retirement at the moment,”

“To address this, I will hold a forum in Wellington for all students in the Bachelor of Nursing programme, so they can discuss these issues with me directly and I can respond to their concerns.

But, in an interview with Massive Magazine this month, Acting Head of the School of Nursing, Annette Huntington, confirmed that eight full time academic staff had left the capital’s campus.

“If the students on the other campuses would also like to have this engagement I am very willing to organise such events.”

Huntington said it was difficult to answer exactly how many had left.

She says she wants to ensure students feel confident in the programme Massey offers as she thinks students are at the heart of the school.

“Students are at the heart of the enterprise… I think that is so important for the students not to feel that their quality of learning has been in anyway disrupted,” Huntington says.

“It’s a bit tricky because we have a lot of contract clinical teachers,” she said.

“When our students go out into practice we employ contract clinical teachers. So, when you pull data, they all leave at the end of the year, so they are seen as resignations.”

Hunitington returned as Acting Head of School in February this year.

“The whole focus for me coming back into this position was the future and to ensure that the students were able to confidently undertake their study and be successful, because this school has been one of the top performing schools in New Zealand on just about every indicator."

To see survey data and comments head to page 14.

13

FEATURE

your comments Massive Magazine asked students to share their thoughts on changes to the School of Nursing programme.

The change in placement hours that saw us having Friday off our medical/surgical placement was an extremely helpful change. Attending the tutorial for Individualised Learning Objectives (ILOs) with all the students was also beneficial as we learnt from other students presenting their ILOs. The only thing that could have been done better during these changes and particularly in semester two was more communication and far better organisation. Such as having our timetables earlier than the week before starting semester two.

The four-day weeks on placement has taken a lot of stress off us. This means we can have more time for assignments, study and any extra work. I would not like it to be cut down any less than what we have done this year. I think it has been perfect, but I wouldn’t like our hours to have been cut down anymore.

So sad to see so many amazing lectures leave. If I was looking at going to Massey to study nursing next year, I don’t know if I would make the same choice

The reduced hours during the three-week med surgical placements were beneficial as it allowed specific time for placement paperwork. Also having Friday tutorials was great as it meant more time on the floor instead of being taken away by our Clinical Teaching Associates.

I feel that there needs to be an improvement of communication between staff members and that of staff and students.

Some courses such as the research and writing papers I do agree with to go online but I think the Maori (Hauroa) paper should have been in class. I really do think that proper preparation and resources for the online papers should be in place before making the course online. For example, having narrated slides instead of a PowerPoint with no detail (had this in the Hauroa paper).

The reduction in clinical time allows for more time to complete assignments and better looks after students’ health. However, the move to put more courses online in my opinion will not facilitate proper learning and the skills needed are not able to be effectively taught online.

M

14

Students skip lectures or don’t pay attention anyway.

I think the course changes won't have a large impact on the quality of the degree so long as the casual teachers are of high quality such as Shelley Van Der Krogt. My main concern is how long they take to get marks back and the lack of feedback they provide.

I probably don't get as much out of an online course, although there is some face to face courses that I feel I've got very little from previously. But the online courses offer flexibility that face to face courses don't. And when you're a mature student juggling work and children, flexibility can be the thing that gets you through your degree.

So unsupported I want to drop out.

MASSIVE

Survey results Massive Magazine surveyed 50 students from the School of Nursing to find out what they thought about changes to the programme Massey's School of Nursing offers.

Below are the results.

Do you agree with proposed changes to the number of clinical hours offered by Massey's School of Nursing?

Do you support a shift of certain courses offered

by Massey's School of Nursing to online?

Do you get as much value out of an online course as you do from an on campus course run by a lecturer?

28% Don't know 34% No 34% Yes

20% Don't know 66% No

92% No

14% Yes

4% Don't know 4% Yes

15

FEATURE

procrastinate and educate

Check Checkout outeverything everythingMassive Massivehas hasto to offer offerfrom fromthe theconvenience convenienceof ofyour your lecture lecturetheatre theatre––mid midlecture. lecture.

M

16

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

massive

17

FEATURE

Buying swimwear in winter is something I can get behind - no crowds and great bargains just for thinking six months ahead of everyone else. “Only a pleb would wait until summer to purchase such a crucial seasonal piece!” I thought as I headed out on a crisp Wellington morning, the smugness radiating from my very being.

Unfortunately, my mission was stopped short.

My favoured swimwear outlet had moved, with a vape shop now occupying the prime CBD space.

The shop was hardly an assault on the eyes - in fact, it was extremely aesthetically pleasing in a minimalist sort of way, all polished glass and exposed concrete with a very boutique-y vibe. Not being a vaper myself, I have been interested in the number of these shops springing up, dedicated to the practice of vaping.

Writer: Blair Teesdale-Moore

The spread of shops selling vaping paraphernalia seems to have boomed in recent months. In my hometown of Wellington it feels like there’s a vape shop on every street corner, as well as numerous online shops. A quick Google search of “vaping NZ” brings up over 10 different online stores that stock a comprehensive range of products. Clearly there is a market to sustain such an explosion of vaping goods and services, so, casting aside my swimwear mission, I made it my task to find out what is behind this explosion in the number of vape shops and visibility of vaping as a subculture (sorry to those who wanted a story about buying swimwear).

For those not in the know, vaping is the practice of breathing in and out vapour (a smoke or steam-like substance) which is heated within an electronic device to simulate smoking.

Multiple high-profile organisations have recently thrown their weight behind the benefits of vaping as a way to quit smoking, particularly with New Zealand’s Smokefree 2025 goal creeping closer, and highly touted research suggests e-cigarettes to be 95 per cent less harmful than regular cigarette smoking. Vaping with nicotine only became legal in New Zealand in May this year and it was an uphill battle all the way. It was previously a legal gray area, with a loophole that banned consumers from purchasing vape products, like juices and devices,

M

18

MASSIVE

containing nicotine on New Zealand shores, but allowed the same products to be imported from overseas for personal use.

it brings. I think Wellington is up at around 15 vape stores now - I can’t even find that many shoe stores.”

So, general agreement from health organisations about the benefits of vaping to quit smoking, better regulation, and a new online shopping tax that is soon to be introduced, gives local vape retailers more of a chance to succeed with physical stores dedicated to their products. Stores also create a tangible place for community support and advice, and vaping is rapidly growing as a visible subculture with a recognisable aesthetic. With this, vaping is also steadily gaining cultural acceptance in mainstream society and, unlike cigarette smoking, it is allowed in some workplaces, schools, early childhood centres and on some planes. Even Leonardo DiCaprio and Jack Nicholson have been snapped puffing on that e-cig.

“[The business] is consistently growing month to month. We are on our third office space / warehouse in 12 months as we just keep outgrowing our space. We have just launched our new e-liquid manufacturing facility and dispatch centre here in Wellington last month – it’s growing faster than we can sometimes keep up with.”

Business is booming for local retailer Caktus Vape, who are an online store selling e-cigarettes, liquids, coils, tanks and more to customers in New Zealand, Australia and the Pacific Islands.

Owner Jo explains how he got into the business.

“My brother and I lived overseas, mostly in London, for 10 years as touring musicians. We were introduced to a number of vape brands and stores who sponsored the stages we were playing on and we got to learn a lot about the business and vaping in general. We eventually transitioned ourselves from a 15-year cigarette habit to vaping. When we got home to New Zealand we realised New Zealand was a little bit behind the rest of the world for vaping, and there weren’t that many online stores to purchase from with a wide variety of products for affordable online prices, so we jumped at the opportunity to start caktusvape.co.nz.”

As for what is behind the industry’s growth, Jo thinks it’s a mixture of a demand for product in a relatively new industry.

“Because of the demand for vaping products, and it being a relatively new industry with no clear market dominance yet, people wanting to start a business are excited by this and the potential opportunities

However, vaping still has a long way to go in terms of legislation and social acceptance. I’m sure you all remember the “we get it, you vape” joke that circulated a few years back, insinuating that if you ever meet someone who vapes you will immediately know as they don’t shut up about it (similar to jokes made about vegans or people who join the gym). “If you vape and don’t talk or post online about it every five minutes, are you really a vaper?”

It’s understandable when the quintessential vaper image is of a steampunk-esque, Reddit dwelling, obnoxious young male who knows more about vaping than you do and needs you to know it. They blow unnecessarily large smoke clouds and throw around jargon about coils and drips. It can be intimidating to adopt the practice if you don’t fit in with this stereotype, but it is just that - a stereotype.

There are plenty of people of all ages, genders and skill-levels using vaping as a tool to quit smoking who don’t accept the niche “vaper” mold I’ve just described. A 2016 study by our own Massey University found the majority of people who vape do so purely as a way to reduce or quit smoking, rather than taking up vaping as a lifestyle or to be part of the ‘vape community'. Vaping is still in the early stages of its identity building and for it to really take off, it needs a more inclusive image and, like any subculture, this will come as it moves into the mainstream.

It also appears that some of the social stigma of smoking has been passed down to vaping.

National MP Nicky Wagner is pushing a bill that will regulate e-cigarettes and aims to make them more readily available, which can only be a good thing for those trying to quit smoking. However, she was quick to clarify that the aim is not to 19

FEATURE number of cigarette smokers around the world.

A reason for some people's reluctance to start vaping is that there remain a lot of unknowns, as vaping is still a relatively new practice. The Ministry of Health is considering taxing “alternative nicotine products” and bringing in initiatives that we see with cigarettes, like un-branded packaging and graphic health warnings (vape products are already not allowed to be advertised). This is partly a response to criticism over nicotine juice packaging, where it is trendy to have bright colours and images on the labels - all part of vaping’s #aesthetic.

Doesn’t ‘strawberry cookie milk’, ‘butterscotch’ or ‘choco donuts’ sound appetising, or like something a child could mistake for food? Aiming vaping products at people under the age of 18 is also a violation of the Smoke-free Environments Act 1990, which regulates the promotion of tobacco products. Many are also reluctant to start vaping because the long-term impacts on health are still being researched and there is not yet consensus for users, or for those who inhale ‘second-hand smoke’ from vapers. What we do know is that vaping is infinitely better than smoking for your health, wallet and the environment. As for image, smoking seems indestructible. It appears nothing can stop people from associating a casual, sexy, coolness with smoking (and it apparently feels great too).

The challenge now for vaping is to attain something similar and shake off its own stigma.

“normalise vaping as a socially acceptable habit and ensure that it is seen as a tool to help people quit”.

While not worded particularly well, her point is that vaping with nicotine can still be harmful and it’s better not to start if you don’t need to. The idea is that non-smokers, like me, don’t start vaping and form an unnecessary nicotine habit. However, her comments further entrench a persistent stigma surrounding vaping, with many already reluctant to try it due its negative social image. Normalising vaping could be a way to significantly reduce the

M

20

Like cryptocurrencies, I see vaping as existing in a ‘golden age’ at the moment. There is currently little to no regulation around the products and practice, which can be great for retailers who can shift product with relative freedom from bureaucracy.

And, as Jo from Caktus Vape says, there is no one brand dominating the market yet so there is plenty of room for new retailers to make their mark.

However, once more regulation is inevitably in place, it gives vaping the opportunity to widen its audience to include those who are put off by its 'newness' and the lack of research about it (my one marketing paper taught me these consumers are called the late majority). And finally, I have to let you all know that thanks to this story my Google algorithm is ruined, and I will receive targeted advertising about vaping forever more. It was worth it.

Feature

Sex ism in the workplace

Is sexism still rife in the hospitality industry?

Do male workers 'rate' their female co-workers?

On the heels of the #MeToo movement Massive's Florence Cohen provides a rare glimpse into sexism in the workplace. The following interviews took place, but names have been changed.

One late afternoon over coffee, Robert* was briefing me about a new game, perfect for a lad’s night out. Knowing his workmates, the hospoboys club, I was expecting something involving tequila and glad-wrap. Having been the tag-along token girl for long enough now, I thought I was about to be let in on the biggest secret since Handle Club ended. More of a lad than one of the girls, and more of a girl than on of the lads, I had finally proven myself to be feminine enough, flirty enough, super chill enough and witty enough to be let in on the secret.

21

FEATURE “I guess it’s something to do with the girls?” I said.

Robert continued, holding his cooling espresso in both hands.

“So, how are the girls talked about?” I said.

“How fuckable they are, in comparison to one another,” Robert laughed before he could get the words out, an anxious laugh.

“They’re rated?” I said.

“Yup, and this is by management. How much makeup one should wear, and they talk about how to dress and how appropriate that is as well,” Robert said.

“And this is also management?” By now I realised my emotions were way above Robert’s. He poured another cup of espresso as he answered.

“Yup. Guess the most I’ve ever heard them talk about is what they look like, or how much of a chance management has with them.”

Wait, what?

I had always considered Robert’s co-workers to be my friends. We were a tight knit group, the first to call for a spontaneous flat party or for help when your washing machine goes bust. We had been there for each other through breakups, makeups, surgeries and recoveries. I had known them for a long time, and this felt like a betrayal. They were young men I considered to be decent, kind hearted and genuine. But if they were choosing to sexualise their most vulnerable employees and coworkers, how could they be trusted to be good people in any situation?

Feeling hurt and desperate to leave I took a sip of my cold espresso. Less than half an hour ago I was so keen to be associated with the Hospo Boys Club, and now I couldn’t wait to get any further away from it. Before I could leave I had only one question left for Robert.

“Why do you think no one tells these young women what’s really happening?”

Robert paused, his coffee mug held in both hands as a distraction.

“They’re not unsafe (the girls). I don’t think anything bad would happen.”

He trailed off and looked away. All of a sudden, he put his coffee cup down with a force, knocking the table as he uncrossed his legs.

M

22

“No, scratch that, the reason why they haven’t been told is that they’d quit! There’d be a lot of drama. I think it happens in hospitality quite a bit.”

Robert was right. Employees in the hospitality industry are particularly susceptible to sexual harassment. Not surprisingly, most of the management and senior roles in the industry are occupied by men. This means that your typical front of house or barista is young, female and will be working under male management. Women in the ‘hospitality industry’ (however you look at it) have always been expected to use their appearance as part of the service. Robert had said something about this earlier.

“I think there’s really old, dumb rules around ‘sex sells’ and girls get put into positions because of the way they look because it creates revenue,” he says.

“People want to come into the bar, and they want attractive people behind that bar.”

“Why do you think no one tells these young women what’s really happening?”

Ironically, management in the hospitality industry often issues strict uniform and makeup rules, limiting lipstick and the sight of bra straps, calling for modesty. There’s more than a hint that a woman who is sexually harassed must have done something to deserve it – perhaps she broke the rules, looked a bit too pretty or her skirt was higher than it should be. But women walk a tightrope.

There’s the finest of lines between feeling good because your customers respond well to your charms (and if they buy more, you just might get promoted), and feeling uncomfortable because a customer wants you to measure his inside leg more than once.

Needing someone to vent to, and possibly a shoulder to cry on, I talk to Katy*. A former shoe shop worker, Katy and I had crossed paths one Christmas retail season at the Queensgate Mall.

Massive We both understood what it was like to plaster on a smile until your cheeks, temples and neck hurt simultaneously, the importance of wearing comfortable shoes because you’re standing for hours on end, and which cafe did the best coffee deal. We also both understood what it was like to work late-nights at the mall. Katy’s story sounded like a typical Queensgate Friday after 7pm.

“A group of guys came in, and they were trying stuff on. They clogged up the changing rooms and I think I went in and asked if they were OK. I came out because one of the guys was getting changed outside of the fitting room with all his mates, and I think there was that laughing hint that I was walking in on them half naked. I don’t think that was meant to be directly uncomfortable towards me, but I felt weird about it, like ‘we’re just earning a living’, and that happens!”

I asked Katy if she told anyone else about this story.

“Well, there I was by myself with a group of guys who take up the whole changing rooms and they’re joking around, I feel awkward about it. They leave, and I tell my co-worker when she comes back that this has happened, and she says, ‘oh, that must’ve been nice to see!’ And you feel like they don’t get it, like I didn’t think about them being hot guys, I wish they didn’t make me feel awkward. It was like they targeted me because I was alone in the shop."

Katy said she hadn’t told management that story, or any other stories (she had a lot to tell). She said she wouldn’t have been taken seriously. She said it was because the stories didn’t sound serious enough.

But, I thought, how serious should harassment have to sound?

Other friends, similar stories. A workplace had decided to phase out an employee who had been touching up female staff, rather than tell him he had done something wrong. A girl resting on her knees after helping customers try on umpteen pairs of shoes was told ‘that’s the perfect position for a woman to be in’ by a senior employee, and no-one believed her when she reported it. A start-up cafe isolated its only female employee with lewd gestures, and she didn’t say anything, just quit the job.

Everyone I had spoken to was young, studying and working part-time. They were politically minded, socially conscious and outspoken. Yet when it came to harassment in the workplace, most of them

did nothing – except for those who tried to get themselves out of the situation by leaving. Some who left found it difficult to get another job. How do you tell a prospective employer that you left your previous job because you felt unsafe?

When I asked my interviewees ‘what do you see changing in the future for workplace sexism?’ I expected to be writing so much my Bic would break. Every time, without fail there’d be a long pause. I’d prompt with ‘are gender quotas enough?

Would they benefit your workplace?’ and the pause would continue. Sometimes a leg would cross over, uncross and re-cross as if the leg was also thinking.

The eventual answers, punctured by ‘um’ and ‘I don’t know’ were limited, but the word ‘respect’ was used by most.

Surely in order to move forward, we have to be better than we are now. And right now, we are combatting the lewd gestures, inappropriate touching and sexual comments by willing them to go away. For those of us lucky enough not to be in the firing line, we are turning our heads and looking away long enough until the trouble subsides.

Behind our screens we are feminist superstars, paving the way for the future by ‘going’ to every rally, protest and fundraiser this side of Cuba Street. If I continue to scroll through my Facebook feed I can find at least one story on the #MeToo movement. The international movement against sexual harassment would have welcomed the stories collected for this article, but fear and timidity prevailed again.

We need to be braver, put our necks on the line for everyone who has ever experienced sexual harassment in the workplace – or we and our sisters, mothers and daughters will continue to suffer. We understand that in those threatening gestures and charged comments there is not an iota of respect, and although we can hope that society will change and take care of the issue, in the end it’s up to us to say when we feel uncomfortable, to support our colleagues when it happens to them, and to take courage from people who, at last, are starting to speak out.

But right now, I just don’t see that happening. *names have been changed 23

MASSIVE

Artist: Samantha Stokes

FEATURE

Cheap eats ny Alba

Albany Village Bakery & Cafe

Cafe Torte Deli

Another contender for the loveliest customer service are the friendly couple in the Albany Village Bakery and Cafe.

The highlight of their offerings are their $4.50 pies, a crispy, flavoursome experience that leaves servo pies in their shadow. They also have a variety of sandwiches for under $10, and a reasonably priced dine-in menu that includes a flavoursome burger range.

No matter whether you order above or below the $10 mark at this bakery, quality food is guaranteed, making it clear why it’s the go-to for the engineering students on the campus next door.

If you venture into Albany Village near the Engineering Campus, you will bump into the ultimate cheap eat, Cafe Torte Deli. You get a regular sized coffee for $3.50, saving a solid dollar for an above par flat white. The real bang for your buck though is their $10 Eggs Benedict, a price that in no way diminishes its deliciousness or how much bacon they put on your plate. In so many other places, the addition of hollandaise sauce turns $7 eggs on toast into a $25 situation tainted with bank account guilt. That’s why Cafe Torte Deli is the ultimate student treat-yourself.

Scholars Cafe

Sushi Lounge

The peaceful Haven of Scholars Cafe is a stark contrast to its neighbour, the campus pub. You are welcomed by classical music and greetings from some of the loveliest cafe staff you may ever have encountered. Honestly, these ladies can brighten the day of any stressed student, never failing to be warm and kind. On to the cheap part. You can get a coffee and as well as a selected cabinet item for only $6. The coffee doesn’t even have to be a small size, and while the cabinet options are mostly muffins (which are fluffy and delicious), there are still a variety of more substantial options like a sausage roll. As far as standard coffee prices go, this means you are getting a food item for $1.50, which is some serious value for money. You can find Scholars in the side entry to the Recreation Centre.

Starting at just $1.20 per piece, you can get a decent lunch under $10 from the Sushi Lounge. For their size, they have a good variety of sushi types including tofu and eel, and they do a delicious miso soup (in a regular size coffee cup) for just $2. While sushi outlets are usually rather reasonably priced anyway, the convenient location of the Sushi Lounge means you save money by not having to venture far from your classes. You can find the Sushi Lounge between both of the Quad buildings, and directly on the way to the Massey Business School, making it the perfect pre-class lunch.

Writer: Massive staff reporters Want a delicious feed but only have a cheeky $10 in your pocket? Massive has got you sorted. Our reporters have compiled some of their favourite places to eat from all three of Massey’s campuses across the country.

M

26

MASSIVE

Cheap eats atu Manaw MUSA Shop

Saigon Corner

The MUSA shop is a go to for pies, sandwiches, paninis, and other classic winter warmers, and it’s right in the middle of campus on concourse, a good jogging distance away from most lecture theatres. Croissant runs during class breaks are sure to sustain you for hours.

If you’re after something sweet, the wide range of bars and cookies are always a great option and a great energy boost for those late lectures. Most of these options range from $5 to $8 if you’re looking for a quick hunger fix, and word on campus is that the vegan pies are popular and particularly tasty.

Visit Saigon Corner on 54 Princess Street in Palmerston North for tasty, cheap and nutritious street food style Vietnamese cuisine. The banh mi Vietnamese baguette is always a great option, with a range of options like roast pork belly, grilled chicken, lemongrass beef, fish cake and tofu – all for only $8.50 each. There’s also grilled pork or chicken sticky rice available for only $10.50 (so just a little over $10) and a whole range of noodle salads, or soups for those cold winter days.

Turkish Delight

Wharerata

Turkish Delight - Turkish Delight on 15 Fitzherbert Ave is a classic choice for kebabs, pitas or a full Turkish spread. I would not recommend the “Gunpowder” combination of sauces on your kebab, but they’re packed full of flavour and will do the job of keeping away colds due to the amount of garlic in the hummus. Or go for a delicious open pita and be prepared for it to fall apart in a delicious mess as you eat, whether you go for chicken, beef or the classic lamb. Also, if you’re a falafel fan then this is the place for you.

Tired of dining hall food? Want to switch it up a little bit without blowing the budget? Wharerata Cafe is Massey Manawatu’s hidden gem, nestled amongst the rose gardens near the Registry building. Not only do they make the best coffee on campus, they have a generous buffet available. Fill up your plate from a wide range of options, whether you want a hot meal, sushi, vegetables or more. Otherwise there’s plenty of tasty cabinet food to go for, including scones, quiches and pies.

Opening hours are from 8am to 3.30 pm.

27

FEATURE

Cheap eatsn Wellingto

M

28

Auntie Mena's Vegetarian

Capital Market

Perfect for all you vegans and vegetarians Aunty Mena’s is a popular spot on upper Cuba Street. It has some of the capital’s very best veggie and vegan food so is worth checking out - even meat eaters will enjoy the delicious menu. Make sure to try the veggie nuggets and pick up one of the delicious curries on offer. Aunty Mena’s proves vegetarian food doesn’t have to be boring.

Experience the flavours of the world at Capital Market on Willis Street. A crisp $10 note will get you far here with a mixing pot of cuisines to choose from. Massive recommends the popcorn chicken from Miss Kangsta (bonus it’s gluten free, in fact the whole menu is) or a Vietnamese banh mi from Where’s Charlie. There is also a variety of curries, tacos and even pizza to choose from. Even better the food court is open for lunch and dinner so make a move.

Preservatorium

Satay Kingdom

This one is just a stone’s throw away from the Wellington campus, so it’s easy to round up a group of friends and head there for lunch. On a Tuesday you can nab yourself a burger AND fries for just $10, it’s a Burger Blitz! Burger flavours change up every week, you can check out what’s on offer on the cafe’s Facebook page. If burgers aren’t your thing there is also a delicious variety of cabinet food to choose from.

You can’t count yourself as a true Wellingtonian until you have grabbed a meal from Satay Kingdom, which is located on Left Bank off Cuba Street.

This is another place that isn’t too far from campus and residential halls. Best part is most things on the menu are dirt cheap. They might lack in price but they certainly don’t lack in flavour. The roti chenai is delicious and comes with loads of roti bread to mop up all that yummy curry sauce.

2019 CONTIKI

Europe UP TO

15% OFF

STA Travel Wellington 130 Cuba St 105 Willis St 106 Courtenay Place

APPLICATIONS ARE NOW OPEN for the 2018 Massey University Foundation Grant and Student Advancement Grant

*Terms and conditions apply. Ask instore for details.

massive

we want you illustration writing photography opinion

The Massey University Foundation Grant can be used to support travel costs, technology or books associated with academic study at Massey University of up to $5,000 Applications to the Student Advancement Grant will be considered for projects that support students at Massey University up to a value of $20,000 FOR ELIGIBILITY, CRITERIA, AND APPLICATION FORMS, GO TO:

https://foundation.massey.ac.nz/ scholarships CLOSING DATE:

9 September 2018

Column

Entry 7: Veritable views from the vet tower (and other campus quirks) How many of you have tried ascending to the top floor of the vet tower?

They say curiosity killed the cat, but curiosity never killed a Massey student (I hope).

For those of you fortunate enough to reside in Palmy Nought, and attend the lovely Turitea Campus, you may have noticed a few quirks about the place.

Many times, I have ventured to the top floor of the vertical vet tower, and by jove, what a view. It is just amazing the sights one can (not) see from the impervious blacked out windows. Why would the views from the top floor be inaccessible for us mere mortals? Many people I’ve asked have suggested varying ideas, ranging from innocent archive-space to a Breaking Bad type of situation. Is there a crack-lab in the vet tower?

There are many other quirks around campus, one in particular that comes to mind, is the stop sign by Japan Lecture Theatre. Upon this sign lies the words ‘Hammer Time’. If one were to stumble across this sign during the dark hours, it would be rather sketchy. The amazing thing about this statement, is the way that it’s painted on the sign. It’s almost as if someone has held a stencil to the sign, while a bird has swooped in and excreted upon this stencil. I’m not joking, it even has the leaking effect. Very dodgy.

M

30

Another, rather odd quirk, are the owls attached to the science towers. These owls have a strange habit of remaining unnaturally stationery whilst my eyes are fixated upon them. I wonder what their purpose is? Do they cast wisdom upon the lurkers on concourse?

The one that trumps them all, are the ambiguous push and pull doors scattered around campus. These fiendish specimens haunt me every time I trek down a corridor. Although they appear to be innocent on the exterior, they will make a fool of you. The worst offenders are the ones that have the handle on your side, yet they say ‘push’. The majority of the time, I end up pulling the handle and being disappointed to the point of collapse.

Putting the handle on the push side is about as logical as dipping Weetbix in rice wine vinegar. These doors are a cruel way of exponentially lowering your level of self-respect.

All of these small quirks add to the character that Massey has. We love the place.

I urge you to explore these nooks and crannies. They lead to some interesting contemplation.

Until Next Time, Todd Not Your Average Ponderer

Feature

Greetings from the Seasonally-Affected

Writer: Te Paea Hoori

I often credit it to being born in the unusually temperate Western Coast of Australia, but I get the winter blues bad. Like real bad. In all honesty, this past month was the first June I’ve ever spent in Wellington. In the past I’ve utilised the semester break to flee back to my parent’s place in the “winterless north” (which is a misnomer if I ever heard one, but at least Whangarei has the decency to serve you up a little humidity with your bleak torrential downpour)—or further afield if I still had a little course related costs left to abuse.

One of the fun things about post-grad, however, is that you don’t get scheduled uni breaks. So, this winter I’m sticking it out with my fellow Wellingtonians in an act of [academically enforced] solidarity. I can already hear my southern friends rolling their eyes at my delicate sensibilities. But this article isn’t for you. This one’s for all of my fellow peers who, too, are prone to feeling down when the sunshine forsakes us, as well as all the freshers not yet climatised to grey, miserable and borderline-cyclonic.

31

feature 1. Immerse yourself in a show set somewhere super tropical. Or failing that, set somewhere that looks fucking freezing. We may be down to single-digit temperatures but I take a little comfort knowing that I’m not having to fight giants and wildings in literal ice and snow.

2. Batch-complete your errands. Now is the time for optimised efficiency. No ducking out just for milk, you’ve got to make each campaign into the wilderness worth it. Heading out to load up on scrumpies? You may as well stock up on toilet paper, buy more foundation, and post that letter to your grandma while you’re at it.

3. ‘Werk it’. Though not applicable to all cases, Harvard makes a really strong case that walking for 35 minutes, five times a week can help greatly in reducing systems of moderate depression for many people. Personally, I would rather put my face out with a campfire than add any semblance of cardio into my weekly routine but I’m totally on board with the concept. Keep in mind that foregoing the Uber home from town, getting down to Dakota’s shitty excuse for country music, and vacuuming the house will all get your heart rate up if you’re anywhere near as aerobically challenged as I am. Lots of dance studios, kickboxing gyms, and yoga studios also do free introductory sessions too if you’re after something a little different.

4. Plan a holiday. A study published in the Netherlands reported that just planning or the act of looking forward to a holiday can give you more happiness than the trip itself. This research probably appeals to me particularly as an intensely type-A personality, but if planning is your vibe too — treat yo’ self to a study break and spend some time on TripAdvisor or Lonely Planet. If you plan ahead, shop the pop-up sales, and stay at hostels, friend’s houses or house-sit you might be able to cobble together a trip away next winter that fits with your student budget.

5. Bring out the hot water bottle and familiarise yourself with the concept of hygge. Known by the Danish word ‘hygge’ or the Swedish word ‘lagom’, there’s a reason why Scandinavian countries get two mentions in this piece. Both terms loosely translate to mean cosy, and you best believe these nations know a thing or two about seasonally-induced depression, goddamn freezing temperatures, and

M

32

Massive well-funded research. Pour yourself some tea, break out the wheat-bag, put on some woolly socks, and do a little googling into the plethora of articles that exist to help you make your house ‘hygge’ on the cheap.

6. Call a flat meeting and start a ‘heating bill’ jar. In case you weren’t already getting a major 'mum-advice' - type vibe from this piece, I’m here to remind you that while it might seem like a good idea to skimp on heating the house — you pay for it in the long run. Medical bills, unpaid sick leave, and increased comfort-eating can add up quick and really take a toll on your overall wellbeing. And don’t forget to get sassy with your landlord. I know it’s a sellers’ market out there with housing right now but ‘student gets chest infection from mould ridden house’ isn’t good for business and its worth reminding your property manager of that every once in a while.

7. Utilise places where someone else foots the heating bill. Whether it’s your great-aunt’s house, the local museum or the campus library, make use of the fact that cities are just full of free spaces that are kept toasty at someone else’s expense. It’s a great excuse to get out of the house, and a new environment will help reduce the temptation to mope that comes with extended periods of time at home.

8. Adopt cat-like behaviours. Take advantage of sunshine and daylight. Follow that shit around the house. Schedule your whole day’s activities around it. Seriously, just ask anyone from a Norse country — exposure to sun (or lack thereof) and mental wellbeing directly correlate and it is one hundred percent worth stopping what you’re doing or pleading with your manager for an extra smoko break, for a little time taking in some rays when they do appear.

9. If you were already thinking it was time for a counselling session, now is the time to book it. Game of Thrones references aside, winter really isn’t great for those of us prone to bouts (or more ongoing cases) of anxiety and depression. This time of year calls for extra self-care, extra accountability and extra self-awareness. Massey has great student health facilities and if you’ve been noticing a trend towards more down days than up ones be sure to do yourself a favour and hit those services up.

33

FEATURE

L k at the

Look at the moon I meant to tell you, look at the moon your moon is my moon and it will be safe we have yet to harm that planet even our footsteps cannot last forever.

But isn’t that so? our footsteps, mine fast, your slowing mine coming, going, bared, growing yours, who knows, I suppose you’ve grown too.

Before I left I wanted to tell you look at the moon I will look at the moon and think in a few hours it will make its way to you and then you could look at the moon and think of me.

And at the same time, yet different times, we could lean out our windows and think of each other growing older how romantic.

But I forgot to tell you or something like that.

Writer: Ruth Bateson

M

34

mo n

COLUMN

the UNLONELY woman Orgasms

Ahhhh orgasms. Nothing beats an orgasm. Male orgasms are often talked about and made out to be something that always happens and that is so important, yet we very rarely place an emphasis on the female orgasm. Why is this? Are vaginas not as important?

Do we live in a world where woman having an orgasm is simply not important?

I’m sorry but no. Let’s talk about this because for a long time I thought mine didn’t matter because we didn’t learn about it in sex ed, and to be honest, growing up my friends were embarrassed to talk about masturbation. I remember when I told my mates I masturbated, and they looked at me in disgust and gave me shit. They orgasm shamed me. However last year I found out they were doing it to.

A woman’s orgasm is just as important as a mans. No ifs or buts about it.

So, what’s my experience with men in this field? As you can probably tell I’m an extremely open person, so I really have no problem with pulling a boy up on his shit. Up until September last year I never had a one-night stand and I had

never pulled a man up on not getting me off, even though I got him there.

So, let’s get down to it. I had been talking to two men for a bit. We went on a date (two separate dates), things were great. I decided to go home with them both individually. We start doing the deed. No warm up what so ever. They had finished and then these mother fuckers rolled over. Now, I don’t know about you, but I won’t stand for that. So, I laid there in bed for a couple minutes working myself up to say something. I turned to them and said, “so do you not normally ask if the woman finished or at least offer?” Both boys’ responses were “oh I don’t know”. I said, “you either do or you don’t”. They both replied, “I don’t know”. Fair to say I never heard from either of these guys again.

Like come on now are you that selfish that you can’t just finish a sis off? Like since when is sex a one-way thing.

Ladies grab yourself by the ovaries and stand up for your vagina. I know she has lips, but she can’t speak.

I have had a friend tell me her sex stories. It’s the saddest thing. Let’s call her Mariah. Mariah told me that her

boyfriend and her have sex, but he never ever offers to go down on her or even just use his fingers. She puts in all the work. Another friend of mine has never had an orgasm from a guy, ever. She can get herself off, but a guy has never got her there. If you are in a relationship with a lady like this, you should at least try! Don’t do any half ass shit. Go in there and figure out what works. A vagina is complex at the beginning but once you know what works, you’ve got this. I feel like this is such an important point, but if you expect a woman to go down on you, well you best be willing to go down on her.

If your man isn’t doing shit pull him up on that. Imagine if you marry this person and you never have an orgasm because you never stood up for your vagina? Men if you are reading this and are one of these men who only care about getting their dick wet. STOP. You know how you love to orgasm. Well guess what? So do woman. Stop being so one sided with this stuff. Put in the hard work and it can be something beautiful.

If you want to read more like this head to www.theunlonelywoman.com.

35

COLUMN

Hi there, my nephew is currently undertaking a Bachelor of Aviation on the Palmerston North Campus. However, he has been watching quite a lot of Air Crash Investigation and writing down heaps of notes whilst doing so. He could either be studying or planning something deadly. I am concerned, what should I do?

Hi, you should talk to your nephew and see what he is up to. It is quite a good show to watch anyway.

Maybe you could join him for an episode and see what he is up to. I wish him the best with his studies - GC

Well shit, I just returned from Super Cheap Auto, where I saw my mate had his leg stuck in one of the display exhaust pipes. He bet me thirteen dollars that it would fit, I knew that it wouldn’t but somehow, he made it happen. We both have now been barred from our favourite shop and now have no clue where to go to buy our car parts?

Hi, what a fuck head, my new-born son went through the same ordeal a few months back at McDonalds when he thought he would shove his arm in a straw! The thing is that sometimes people think they can do something, but it is a dumb thing to do. Maybe try out Repco or even Trademe for your car parts - BC

DISCLAIMER: While our Good Cop and Bad Cop have your best interests at heart when playing Agony Aunt, remember they are no experts. So, if you are after serious medical or legal advice, please consult a professional.

M

36

COLUMN

Google vs.

God Issue TWO: To keep or not to keep In an ever-expanding global community of acceptance and knowledge, two opinions remain.

Left vs right. Agnostic vs Christian.

Science vs spirituality. But what happens when these opinions collide, and the two sides agree for once? Two students, both alike in career vision and identity, but from opposing upbringings and households, discuss a different topic each issue from both perspectives, ‘Google vs God’.

Profiles:

Google Female

Middle-class family

Studying Design at Massey Agnostic

God Female

Middle-class family

Studying Design at Massey Christian

Next Issue: We discuss medical Mary-Jane, Google vs. God style.

baby, baby, baby...oh.

google

god

Abortion. It’s one of those topics that comes up when you and your mates are four wines deep and everything gets a little bit philosophical at 5.30pm. Would you keep your child if you were still in uni? What if you had been with the same guy for nine years already - but you were only 20? What about if you had a one-night stand with Cole Sprouse? For me, these questions are easy. Right now, in my life, even though I’m in a happy long-term relationship, a baby is just out of the question. I’ve had a pregnancy scare or two in my lifetime and I’ve done my research via the Family Planning website to know that if I needed to, I could get out of a situation that would lead to struggles for both myself and a potential baby. The concept of being denied this basic human right due to the religious viewpoints of people in power absolutely blows my mind. Yes, abortion is a huge decision and not a form of birth control, but I don’t think anyone considering an abortion would take it lightly. Therefore, why the fuck should I have to carry a baby to full-term just because Bill English wants me to? If he can continue wearing cotton and eating bacon because it’s the most convenient way to live his life, I’m pretty sure I should be able to have an abortion. I think having a baby at age 14 would be a pretty big inconvenience. But ya know, if a dusty old book thinks it knows better…

OK.

I have sinned many a time in my life, including not wearing a seatbelt in the car, and more recently getting my first tattoo. Whatever degree of sin you consider the worst (every sin is equal for your information – that tattoo may determine whether I get into the good place or not), abortion is a difficult topic for me to build an opinion on. It is undeniably controversial, particularly when it comes to religion. Until I find myself knocked up at an inappropriate time in my life plan, I will never know where I sit. As life goes, I was asked the question, “what do you think I should do?” by one of my close friends, Pistachio.* There are two ways I can look at it – from a biblical ‘old dusty’ perspective, and a moral one. It states in the bible, “thou shalt not murder,” (duh) and I think that applies to the idea of a fetus. I believe that by aborting, we are playing God – choosing who should live, and who shouldn’t. After a phone call to the Lord via direct line: 0800 PRAYER, I decided to have the talk with Pistachio. After discussing her decision, I found myself agreeing with her. I disagree with the act of abortions, but in many cases it’s the right thing to do. Who am I to tell someone that what they are choosing to do with their life is wrong?

That mini pistachio is better up there with God. And hopefully I’ll meet them up there with my tattooed soul. *made-up name

37

Column

Lit Fam or Shit Scam?

Mr Go's Writer: Kasharn Rao

As I sit here at 11.43 pm in my underwear, eating three-day old chicken salad, surrounded by the clutter of a madman, it suddenly comes to me. The perfect introduction to this issue of my insufferably named column. Unfortunately, as I begin typing this exquisite intro, a second realisation hits me, strong enough to erase that extraordinary sequence of words from my mind forever. Matt Smith is just the next Pokemon evolution of Tom Holland.

So due to this untimely epiphany, you’ll just have to make do with this intro instead.

38

I took a mate with me to Go scope it out. I was shocked to learn that this tiny nook could seat over a hundred people, and that every night it was practically overflowing with customers. We took seats at the bar and decided on what to order.

We can’t all live off chicken salad, especially since it has a life expectancy of two days, involves forking over booze money for ridiculously priced poultry and veg, and Trump probably eats it.

As an amalgamation of Asian and Western culture, you’d expect this busy place to have some mighty fine eats. We ordered a chicken gua bau each, Taiwanese popcorn chicken, and the locally famous kimchi loaded fries.

So, we make do with grotty noodles and toasted sandwiches that could kill a rat and hope for a future where maybe we can eat at least two of the five food groups on a weekly basis.

The popcorn chicken came first, which is so damn tasty it’ll make you forget KFC even exists. You can alternate dipping it between the hot chilli sauce and the fresh basil mayo for a love bomb in your mouth.

But sometimes it’s a good idea to treat yourself, and Wellington has a plethora of questionably decorated yet reasonably priced venues. It is within this plethora that you will find Mr Go’s, a little restaurant at 59 Taranaki Street. This gem of a place was established in honour of Mr Ah Go, a Chinese market gardener who lived on Tasman Street in the 1880s.

Next, we got our baus, steaming hot, with dough softer than my legs (last issues’s hair still hasn’t grown back btw), and the only way I can describe it is if a taco fucked a burger on a bed of hopes and dreams.

The owner of what were probably very nice gardens, Mr Go was approached by the council, who wanted to build upon his land for the ‘undeniably noble

M

cause’ of building houses for Western folk. Despite his proposition to develop his land to accommodate both the settlers and his family, the council flattened his land anyway. It is not known what happened to Mr Go, but it is entirely possible that he took up painting.

Around this time, they brought out the kimchi loaded fries. This messy dish is ranked in the top ten fries in Wellington and was an interesting experience. I’m used to kimchi tasting like grumpy pickles, but this kimchi was much milder, and soaked in something very buttery. The result was a tangled soppy mess of fries,

massive

vegetables, and sauce, but who needs presentation when you’ve got hot, buttery fries sliding down your gullet.

We finished the food pretty fast, and it was pleasantly filling. What made the experience even better was knowing that we weren’t going to blow the bank. At $9 each, the baus are an insanely affordable splurge on a night out. I’d recommend getting a bau for yourself and splitting a side with a mate. Then you can both Go home with happy bellies for only $15 each.

Even if you’re one of those weirdos that only eats compost, you’ll be delighted to know that Mr Go’s has Vegetarian, Vegan, and Gluten Free options. In fact, options are a loose term considering they make up over half of the menu.

Go on, I hear you say.

If you like grumpy, unfriendly staff then I’m sorry, you won’t find a shred of that here. If you take warm and lively attitudes, a-grade professionalism, and large quantities of physical attractiveness, baked at 180C for 30 minutes, you have yourself the staff of Mr Go’s.

Serves a hundred.

The only critique I can make is that dark green and pink clash worse than Elastigirl and skinny jeans, and I have often been skeptical of this colour scheme as I Go past this place to and from work. However, as I have said earlier, presentation is irrelevant when you provide such a quality experience. Besides, it’s nicer on the inside anyway, with a furnished bar, deep red lights, and a

row of cheeky Maneki-neko cats. I do think it can feel a little cramped during peak hours, but when your influx of customers threatens to exceed your seating plan, sometimes you’ve got to accept a little harmonious in-between.

You’ll find it hard to book here, Mr Go’s doesn’t reserve for less than four people, but you shouldn’t have any troubles rocking up and squeezing in. Go grab some mates, get out of that mouldy flat, and reward yourselves for all the hard work you’re supposed to be doing that you’re putting off until Monday.

If you’re still not convinced, then let me put it another way. Experiences come and Go, and if you don’t Go in the direction of those experiences, you’ll find that as the years Go by, your world will become the worst thing that has ever existed in human history.

Ordinary.

If you’re ever unsure about something, the answer is always give it a Go. I rate Mr Go’s 5/5 Resene Swatch Palettes, therefore it’s Lit Fam.

Next Issue - Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping in 39

REVIEWS

Movie Review Ideal Home (2018)

TV Show Review Love Island UK (Season 4)

I cried. I laughed. I cringed. I groaned. I yawned. Ideal Home had it all – from boredom to excitement to a feature-length advertisement for Taco Bell. The film stars Steve Coogan and Paul Rudd as a boogie couple running a lifestyle television show. Lots of Steve Coogan acting like Steve Coogan. The film is based on the premise that Erasmus (Coogan), the older one in the couple, has a grandson he didn’t know about to his deadbeat dad of a son. The older couple must take him in, despite never showing intention to have kids. The first 40 minutes of the film were a massive bore, but I did somehow find myself connect to the characters over the film. It must also be mentioned that the film shows a brilliant homosexual relationship throughout. It was great to see this representation, as the lack of stereotyped portrayal allowed you forget about gender and just see it as a human relationship. A film I would recommend to viewers with patience, as if you push through the start, you get to a great film that makes you feel something – Emma Rzepecky.

Love Island UK is probably one of the lowest lows of reality television I have ever witnessed.

The show is a contest where the hottest singletons in Britain traipse around a Spanish villa in their bikinis and shorts. They ‘couple up’ and have to sleep in those couplings each night, even if they don’t like each other romantically – or don’t have “a connection” as they all like to say. People are kicked out if they aren’t chosen in the ‘recoupling ceremonies’ or are voted out by the British public. Despite the low rating given above, I have watched every episode of season four since my British friend introduced me the show earlier this month. It is strangely addictive and I’m not sure how because it is utter rubbish. Some contestants are totally going to need counselling after the manufactured dramatic situations the producers put them through. Still haven’t seen a crushed man cry yet though... weird. Overall, it is a terribly made, over-produced reality show with a small budget but it is also strangely addictive so proceed with caution when jumping onto TVNZ OnDemand to try it out – Emma Rzepecky.

THE YEAR THE OILS INSPIRED A NATION

OPENS 9 AUGUST

PH: 385 3337

WWW.LIGHTHOUSECINEMA.CO.NZ

COLUMN

Booked In: Chapter Eight You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me

Having last year read Sherman Alexie’s young adult novel, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, I was very interested to read the true absolutely true diary — Alexie’s memoir, You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me. In a plenitude of fashions, I got more than I bargained for. Spokane-Indian author and poet Alexie’s memoir was written in response to the death of his mother, with whom he had a troubled relationship. A quilt of personal essays and poems, You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me’s pages are filled with grief—for Alexie’s mother, for his impoverished childhood, and for his people.

I wish I’d prepared my emotional hardhat, because this book is depressing.

Alexie doesn’t seem to hold back, discussing his alphabet of mental illnesses; his father’s alcoholism; his rollercoaster relationship with his mother; physical and sexual abuse from other m embers of his home reservation; and, naturally, racism from all corridors. Alexie approaches his life in retrospect with a mix of fatalism and self-pity. He focuses in on his suffering. On one hand, fair enough.

But the reader is at times distanced by the unspoken accusation, “you couldn’t possibly understand,” rather than, “I will help you understand”.

how to feel. Alexie’s supposed tell-all certainly didn’t mention the part where he tried to pressure women who were not his wife into having sex with him.

He does briefly discuss his own experiences of sexual abuse, putting it down to the cycle of violence—those who abused him were themselves abused by abused people, likely all the way back to Colonial times. This cycle of broken people breaking people can be recognised within mistreated indigenous communities the world over.

That was the first thing I thought of when I learned of the allegations.

Maybe that’s presumptuous, but You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me never did feel like story of overcoming, like many memoirs (which, lets face it, are often falsely triumphant).

Controversy notwithstanding, my worldview has been shifted and broadened by this book, and its circumstances. There’s no excuse for sexual harassment (or adultery, for that matter), but all the same, I can’t say I regret having read You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me - Peri Miller.

It wasn’t until after I’d read You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me that I found out about the recent sexual harassment allegations against Alexie — one of a number of men in the publishing industry who have come under fire. And I wasn’t sure 41

COLUMN

Music Review Chelsea Jade Personal Best

Chelsea Jade, a pop artist from New Zealand, has just released her debut album Personal Best after releasing a slew of singles. You may know her from her Silver Scroll Award nominated song Life of the Party, or from her old name Watercolours.

I first knew about her as being in the same friend group as Lorde and found that she was an art school drop-out and an ex dancer, which has come in handy in her live performances, with two backup singers dancing with her in unison.

I think she is very under-celebrated. Her lyrics are perfect and poetic for pop music and her songs have a unique sound, while being extremely catchy and familiar. My favourites would have to be Pitch Dark and Colour Sum where her light, whisper vocals are shown off beautifully. The song Laugh it Off has an intro that sounds very much like a 1975 song, but then jumps into a Chelsea Jade-esque song.

My taste in music is forever changing, and it seems Jade’s is too. In 2014 she released Beacons as Watercolours, a silky, alternative pop EP. Now she is a fully-fledged pop artist.

If you like Lorde, Tove Styrke, Broods or Sigrid, you’ll probably like Chelsea Jade. – Zoe Jennings.

M

42

COLUMN

FROM THE

PREZ

Aaaaaaaand we’re back!!

I hope you’re all settling back into uni life; 2 min noodles, bloody thin toilet paper, procrastination, cheap wine… who needs to go back on holiday when you’ve got this on the daily.

To help you get your shit together, MAWSA has got a new wall planer for this semester. Just pop round to MAWSA (two levels above Tussock) and grab one from the free shelf.

The ball is coming up real soon! If you haven’t got your tickets yet, make sure

COOL BEANS

Spicy Salmon Pasta with Lydia Hill

Ingredients: 1 cup smoked salmon 1-2 bunches of fresh spinach 1 red capsicum, cut into strips 1 red onion, finely chopped

1 tbsp olive oil 1 pinch of red chilli flakes spring onion to garnish salt/pepper to taste

you grab them sometime soon. For those of you in ya final year, make sure you buy a ticket, it’s probably the final chance you’ll get to attend a ball –gather your flatties and friends together for a sweet time to dance the night away together.

The MAWSA team and I are excited with all the things we’ve got planned for this semester (elections whoop), so stay tuned for announcements of what we’ve got going on so you don’t miss out.

Em xx

This warm salad is super easy to throw together and provides you with a decent amount of fibre, protein and carbohydrates to keep you going throughout the day. Try mix up the vegetables with whatever you have on hand, as it is one of those meals that you can use to get rid of the odd veg in the fridge.

Directions: In a pot, boil one serving of fettucine pasta per the instructions on the packet. In a pan, heat up olive oil on medium to high heat. Add the finely chopped red onion and chilli flakes, cook until onions are translucent and the chilli is fragrant. Add in chunks of smoked salmon and capsicum, and sauté until the salmon is slightly crispy on the edges and a lighter shade of pink, three to four minutes. Stir through the spinach and cook until wilted. Add in the cooked fettucine and stir to combine and coat the pasta in the flavours. Garnish with spring onion.

Enjoy.

43

Puzzles

MASSIVE QUIZ

Settled into uni life yet? Up your Semester 2 skills by taking on this quiz...

1. Who was the legendary Benedictine monk who invented champagne?

2. Name the world’s biggest island.

3. Which is the only American state to begin with the letter ‘p’?

4. What colour is a Himalayan poppy?

5. Name the three primary colours.

6. What is the painting ‘La Gioconda’ more usually known as?

7. If you were painting with tempera, what would you be using to bind together colour pigments?

8. What famous wizard has the initials HP? 9. What is sushi wrapped in?

10. Fried tarantulas, eggs boiled just before they’re due to hatch, live octopus, and puffin hearts eaten raw when still-warm are all traditional foods—true or false?

Can you SUDOKU? Signs lie in numbers. What number will you finish on?

Odd or even? Determine your fate by completing these puzzles (I went easy on you this week, don’t worry).

Odd = Get an A+, Even = High electricty bill. Sorry.

Odd = Bad luck for seven years, Even = Happiness

1. Dom Perignon, 2. Greenland, 3. Pennsylvania, 4. Blue, 5. Red, yellow, blue, 6. The Mona Lisa, 7. Egg Yolk, 8. Harry Potter, 9. Seaweed, 10. True

GUESS? WHO

Guess who answer: Shawn Mendes

M

44

HOT OR NOT? HOT: Drake

HOT: Hot chips HOT: Hanmer Springs

HOT: Mamma Mia, Here We Go Again

NOT: Rugrats Reboot

NOT: High electricity bills

NOT: Justin Bieber & Hailey Baldwin’s engagement

humour

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23

Horoscoping you out.

How are the signs coping this semester?

If you’re an arts student you’re going to have a critique that changes your life, but I can’t say whether it will be for the better or worse, let me know?

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23 Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

You’ll get the highest grade of your academic career and start worrying that you’ve peaked too soon.

You slept through tutorial sign up and now your timetable is a mess and you’ll spend the whole semester being ghosted by people who you’re begging to switch with you.

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20 You’ll request to print all your readings and then lose them to your flatmate’s pet rats and refuse to print more because you feel guilty about the environmental cost.

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23 Prepare to fail your first ever assignment but then ace the next one because variety is the spice of life.

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 23

You’ll catch a cold from the ice inside your soul/flat and miss a solid two weeks of class but your lecturer will be super understanding and you’ll realise there is some good left in the world.

You’re going to go to the ball and say something embarrassing to someone in your tute and never make eye contact with them again.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21

46

You’ll fall in love with the person sitting in front of you in your lecture theatre but never actually speak to them.

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

Still stubbornly refusing to buy textbooks after three years.

Group assignments have always been your downfall but this time you might realise it’s you who has been the slacker. Beware the feedback form.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

You’re going to sign up to be a class rep for the fourth time because why not.

You’re going to accidentally match with your lecturer on Tinder and delete the whole app.

breeandclint

INTRODUCIN

G

BREE CLINT WEEKDAYS 4-7PM

Want to support women and families?

Become a

midwife

Benefit from our blended delivery programme and study from one of our satellite regions in Palmerston North, Wellington, Whanganui, Dunedin, Central Otago or Southland.

Apply now for our 2019 Bachelor of Midwifery.

www.op.ac.nz/midwifery

J03338

Text “NORTH” or “SOUTH” to 9696 to find your frequency

Wellington Combined Taxis Presents

NIGHT OWL Helping You Swerve The Surge On The Weekend With

20% off and no surge pricing.

WCT MOVR Your App For Safe, Smart Travel

Book simply by selecting the Night Owl option in the WCT MOVR App, Call 384 4444 & request a Night Owl car or simply look for the Night Owl taxi’s around Wellington.

The Discounted Night Owl service is only available between the hours 7pm - 4am Friday & Saturday’s in sign written Wellington Combined Night Owl Taxis.