Rebuke the Mind & Debride the Flesh by matterhorn

REBUKE THE MIND & DEBRIDE THE FLESH M AY 2 0 1 4 > $ 5 < J K J AT L 1 0 0 PA G E S

COMICS, WRITING, D R AW I N G S , S E L F - C O L L AG E ; FOOTNOTES . MERZBAU & MARTYRS: KURT SCHWITTERS, KURT GÖDEL, SIMONE WEIL. S C R OT P U N C . R U M I N AT I O N S O N T H E R O O M & M O R E U N M O O R E D M AU N D E R I N G M I S C E L L A N Y O F M A L A D R O I T M I E N

SU M 2014 AT L J K J F IVE DOLLARS <> ONE HUNDRED PAGES OF SOLECISMS

D E B R I D E T H E S E C O N D B O O K BE.STILL

F L E S H KEEP.MOVING

R &D BITCOIN WISHING-WELL _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 1 CRAWLING FROM THE ACCIDENT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 1 CONTENTS_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 2 THE HATER_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 3 DR. HEXTABLE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 3 SONTAG QUOTE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 3 SIMONE WEIL QUOTES _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 4 B CAPITAL, PROFILE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 4 REMEMBER MAURY_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 5 NOSEBLEED SPARKS RIOT_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 6 TWO SAINTS _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 6 CLEARLY, I OBFUSCATE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 6 R&D NOTES BEGIN _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 6 V.H.S. UNIVERSITY ADVERTISEMENT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 7 SYZYGY_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 7 A JOKE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 7 OUR WORK ETHIC_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 7 B CAPITAL, CASTLE WINDOW, TIRESIAS_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 8 I CARRY MY HOUSE UPON MY BACK _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 9 DIRTY BOOTY BY GLUTEN MOB_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 10 WISHDASHER’S COMICS & STORIES _ . :_ . :_ . :_ 10 PINK PANTHER _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 10 HEAD _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 10 BENEDICTION_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 11 THE REAL REASON FOR THE FLOOD _ . :_ . :_ . :_ 12 IDENTITY IS THEFT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 13 WHAT ( ) _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 14 HERESIARCH _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 15 ANTHROPOMORPHIC AFTERTASTE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 16 THE EXTRAFACE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 16 THE SCROT PUNC MANIFESTO_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 17 WWWDD? WD. _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 18 OUT OF PRINT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 19 SIT ON MY FACE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 20 THE MURDER OF AN OUTLYING MARTYR _ . :_ . :_ 21 SWEATING AGAINST THE SUN _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 22 THERE’S NO I IN MEME_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 23 POINT A _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 24 POINT B _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 25 MALHEUR HIGH LIFE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 26 A TERRIBLE PRAYER _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 27 ASS EEN ON TV_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 28 THE GAPS IN MY UNEMPLOYMENT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 29 A WALKING TOUR THROUGH MY AUGMENTED REALITY_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 30 WINDY _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 31 DEAR PUBLISHER _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 32 GAMES, BOARD_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 33 KURT SCHWITTERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY _ . :_ . 34 ZIGGURAT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 39 THE MOUTH OF HELL _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 40 SKIN BODY OF SELF _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 42

SCREENPLAY AD _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 43 A PARTIAL KEY _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 44 WEST END POSTCARDS _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 46 THE FLESH AND ITS USES _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 48 WHAT I DO _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 50 TWIN SELF PORTRAITS_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 52 GUIDEBOOK TO MAPLAND _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 54 TYLER PERRY’S A DEVELOPER WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA & HIS KEN BURNS’ CIVIL WAR, CON’T_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 58 HANDPUPPET_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 59 WORDS FROM THE HEAD OF THE ADVICE-DEMON _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 60 A CLOCKWORK ORANGE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 62 EVENT FLYER_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 63 1987 _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 64 1988 _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 65 SELF PORTRAIT_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 66 CUL-DE-SAC _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 67 ZONAM SOLVERE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 68 SLOVAKIAN ARCHITECTURE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 69 FOOD: THE OPPOSITE OF POO _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 70 MJILASSE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 71 THE TALE OF DOGSBODY & LORD WHOPPER, JR. _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 71 R & D_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 72 A CARTOGRAPHY OF THE POSTHUMAN_ . :_ . :_ . 73 GRAPH _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 74 “IT’S THE ECONOMY!”_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 74 JESS & TOMMY_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 75 FIVE-FINGERED QUESTIONNAIRE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 76 THE FINAL DAYS OF GÖDEL ESCHERBACH _ . :_ . : 78 TRIUMV OF THE IRATE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 80 PICTURES FROM THE CRIME MUSEUM_ . :_ . :_ . : 82 TV GUIDE _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 85 DON’T, NOT KNOT, NOT_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 86 KURT SCHWITTERS IN 21C _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 87 “HEY, MISTER...” _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 88 22 CARDS _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . : 88 LOOSESTRIFE BROOMRAPE_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 89 TWO FUTURISTS _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 90 PLEASE READ WHAT YOU MEAN BY THE WORDS _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 91 LIBER BOOK CODEX _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 92 MURDER MYSTERY_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 93 COVERS _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 94 SCREENPLAY COVER _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 95 THIS SPACE..._ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ 96 PEOPLE ONLY BUY WHAT THEY ALREADY HAVE _ . 97 BIG UGLY ADVERTISEMENT _ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 98 THE TOWER_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . :_ . 99 PHOTOGRAPH OF JKJ BY ALLEN MUELLER _ . :_ 100

THANK YOU:

ALLEN MUELLER MELISSA ANTHONY REBECCA BLANKENSHIP N ATA L I A M I K L O S I K DANA M. DANIELS RIAN SHADOWHORSE LUWAN NGUYEN J U S T I N WAT E R S ROBYN CHAPMAN G AV I N F R E D E R I C K ROY PETER CLARK KEITH JOHNSON KEN & MARY ANN JOHNSON M AT T M A C E Y LISA HUNT THE WERE-HOUSE THE FISH MARKET

“ There are certain eras

which are too complex, too deafened by contradictory historical and intellectual experiences, to hear the voice of sanity. Sanity becomes compromise, evasion, a lie. Ours is an age which consciously pursues health, and yet only believes in the reality of sickness. The truths we respect are those born of affliction. We measure truth in terms of the cost to the writer in suffering—rather than by the standard of an objective truth to which a writer’s words correspond. Each of our truths must have a martyr.” Su san S ontag, from

a re v ie w o f a co llec t ion o f w r it ings by Simone We il

e still. “ Do only wh at you cannot help doing”

& “ The self

“ S eek ways to kee p on i ncrea si ng the nu mb er of thos e [ac tion s] wh ich you are u nable not to do.”

i s on ly the shadow wh ich si n and error ca st by stoppi ng the l ight of Go d , and I t ake th i s shadow for a b ei ng.”

keep moving. “I do not want

to be adopted into a circle, to live among people who say ‘we’ and to be part of an ‘us,’ to find I am ‘at home’ in any human milieu whatever it may be... I feel that it is necessary and ordained that I should be alone, a stranger and an exile in relation to every human circle without exception.”

“ The whole effort

of the mystic h a s always b een to b ecome such th at the re i s no part lef t i n h i s s ou l to say ‘ I .’ But the part of the s ou l wh ich s ays ‘ We’ i s i n f i n itely more d ange rou s sti l l .” S i m o n e We i l : 1 9 0 9 - 1 9 4 3

NOSEBLEED SPARKS RIOT SEWARD BURROUGHS MEMORIAL

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R &D

O N T H E WM.

WALKWAY

NOTES:

U n l e s s o t h e rw ise in dicat e d, all w rit in g a n d d r a w i n gs are by me, J. K. J oh n son ;

most ly from my sketchbooks and/or writing n ote bo oks. I use Faber-Castell’s line of ‘Pitt’ art pe ns and the ‘G raphic 2’ art pens by

A JOKE

ix identifiable types of ethnic stereos walk into a bar, each one playing the theme song of its culturally-projected escutcheon of common identity. A question is put to each down the line, and the resulting values are compounded in a followup question that raises the scale in some notable fashion. This is done once more, and by now a certain tree of outcomes will have shed most of its autumnal cellophane, so the punchline, if it is to land home, must arrive before you see it coming; and of course the crux of the paradox at hand lies along the seething bleed between the quick and the dead, as it were. At which point, the tension in this room either ruptures like a bawdy boil of Beavis & Butthead bonhomie, or you turn on me like the unclean ingrates you more sorely resemble.

D O N â&#x20AC;&#x2122; T. O N P A G E 1 6

S a k u r a . I v a r y w i t h r e g a r d to t h e siz e an d ma k e of m y s k e t c h b o o k s. I ge n e rally h ave s e v e r a l i n p l a y a t a n y g i v e n time. I scan in

my draw in gs at 1200 dpi, process the art u sin g Ph otosh op, an d assemble my books w it h I n De sign .â&#x20AC;&#x201D;J KJ.AT L.SPR.014

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1 . ‘ R e b u k e t h e w i n d ,’ i s w h a t J e s u s d o e s o n t h e b o a t w h e n h e ’s trying to talk to his apostles but the wind keeps acting up. // The

hash goes to my bitcoin wallet. // ‘Crawling from the accident’ (in the crawl down there) was written in 1987. 2. Do tables of content

CARRY MY HOUSE UPON MY BACK.

But instead of having skin like boogers and a fancy, F i bo nac c i-brand spiral shell, my moving address is an offwhite box of uniform space and time sanctioned by contract to staunch a year’s worth of my ongoing bloodfeud. In spite of which, my room is my room is my room, with mortifyingly recognizable consistency, however far I fling myself across the country. It always starts the same: I arrive with the first carload, dishevelled and sleep-deprived, abuzz with an insufficient uptake of caffeine. An alternate reality keeps nominating itself from its static limbo; like a dying fluorescent bulb, it flickeringly winks an intermittent schematic of blue shadows over the feed of concrete programming officially sanctioned as ‘real.’ This palimpsest of rejected form persists as an afterimage for the first week or so after a move, reminding me that failure is always a no-foul fallback. Had I been here before? Sort of. A visit to the Platonic essence of this place will have almost certainly been paid some weeks previous, along with a levy against individuation. The caretaker will have accompanied my tour through the prospective rental property; but unlike Virgil, my guide will have had no way of knowing whether the lease was for my hell, heaven or purgatory. Before my tenancy, a dispiriting emptiness filled these chambers. A ghostly racket of hollow acoustics gave shape to the silence. Without mites from which to hide, dust motes flew freely in the warmth of the sun. But almost as soon as the last box was unpacked, the room was full of me, and had had its fill of me. And within a week it’s no longer recognizably rectilinear. Maybe here and there the floor peeks through a mangy coat of paper, cloth and plastic, but otherwise my kudzu choke of collateral trash has tagged every inch of surface in an alphabet of inchoate character forms. Of these are writ my papal bull for matter’s dark dispensation; its arrangement explodes my inner state for all to see and over which I despair. Entropic ore ceases to enrich at a certain level, according to an axiom known in economics as the point of diminishing returns. All of which encumbrance of diction is a cluttered code for: “This mess is the place where my mind wages war upon the world.” You see, my imposed-upon panel of peers— you see how I filter my clear light of truth through a Byzantine confusion of stained glass? I am that most graceless sort of page-filler: the self-hating

t r u l y g i v e s u r f a c e t o a r e a d e r ’s greater contentment? 3. The latitude and longitude refer to my location at the time of this writing.

stylist, garrulously grousing about the affliction that plagues me (the diagnosis is logorrhea, and it’s as gross as it sounds) even as I slog waist-deep through paragraphs of guiltlogged grandiloquence.

// The photograph is by Melissa E r i n A n t h o n y, w h o s e s h a d o w f a l l s upon the hexagonal sidewalk. // T h e h e x a g o n a l t a b l e i s n a m e d D r.

POO POO DANG POO POO DANG PISSING IN THE RAIN SHITTING DOWN THE DRAIN STUPID RAIN, STUPID RAIN TURD BRAIN! TURD BRAIN! ANALGESIC JESUS PARAFECAL SCAT SAUCE EAT THE REESE'S OR GET OFF THE POT PERISTALSIS ORGASM GOOGLE CAVITY SEARCH BUY OUR NEW ALBUM AND ALSO OUR MERCH GLUTEN MOB: ‘DIRTY BOOTY’

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Hextable, and it lives outside of the warehouse in which I rent a room. / / S u s a n S o n t a g w i l l l i v e f o r e v e r. / / If I’ve forgotten you on the stage-

right patronage list, know before you curse my name that I will never forgive myself for my slight. 4. The capital ‘b’ was drawn from a medieval

M e e t m e i n t he und e s p a i ri ng s e c re t c e nt ri f ug e o f t he e ve r-ri p e ni ng seedless w o rd . L o c a t e m e b y num b e r; a ud i t m y l i f e ’s re m i t ; m a rry m e t o t he i nf i ni t e a rra y. Follow m y f a i l ure s w i t h f o rg i ve ne s s a nd f i na l l y e nf o l d m e , O m o t he r o f p a t e rna l re t urn w i t hi n t he f um i ng w hi t e -ho t s p um e o f yo ur c hurni ng c o m m e rc e . 2.15.14

Benediction

source. // The painted profile has since been knifed and burned. 5. ‘Keep moving’ is from a traffic sign. The skull is drawn from a

drawing found online. 6. William Seward Burroughs wrote ‘Naked Lunch’ and other books. // I do, indeed, always feel like I’m being

the

real reason

for the

flood

“ Whe n I wa s a l ittle g i rl,” he ex plai ned to he r rat s , “the st ars d id n’t d ance w ith such j oyle ss f re ne tic pan ic across the backl it m ac robiotic sky. And al s o — “ He stopp ed h i m s elf b ecau s e he cou ld hear how he s ou nded . Ste ntoriou s , tu rg id b omba st s ee med e ve r sto ckpi led to plough sh are h i s britche s i nto p orridge. He muted h i m s elf, m ade a B el l ’s pal sy pl ayl i st the n ge nuflec ted b efore the w i s dom of youth , wh ich k nows not the sh ap e of it s ow n face nor k nows , a s ye t , the p e rs on al i z ed b o otpri nt of f i ne - t ai lored f ai lu re. “ To o bad ab out the carn al chu rl,” she snorted , al l an i m al hu s band r y plu s a leave - i n cond ition . Meanwh i le... Hi s w i ne sk i n of v u lg ar truth , re nt raw by ro de ntial g n aw, now shu she s the rat s’ wh ite coat s i nto the ruddy Unde ro o sp ec tru m of u nb earable feel i ng, wh ich bi nd s al l an i m al ic u lae (and ye s , e ve n he) by way of an u nde rcarria ge of sym me trical v i s cerae raptu rou s w ith hubri s and tickled to death w ith congen it al ly hu morle ss j oy.

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watched; I know it isn’t true in the sense of being surveilled (and even if that were true, I’m not especially bothered [see elsewhere for my

observations on surveillance]. ); I’ve sought to refine my view of myself and of the world within the last two years, often imagining how

I’d appear from outside of myself, or how our movements on this little world would look to an eye in the s k y, s o i t s e e m s l i k e l y I ’ m j u s t

creeping myself out as an extra bonus side effect. 7. The text for the three videos is found from somewhere. // Con’t is used as an

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abbreviation for ‘continued.’ But in this case, it isn’t con’t. // Staper & Paples used be Paper & Staples. / / To n e r, n o t p a p e r, i s d e r i v e d f r o m

petroleum. // A syzygy is a lineup of celestial suspects; in the second panel is what we in the business call an ‘erect penis.’ Those not in

the business generally mind own. 8. The grey drawing window was executed in with Prismacolor pencils

their of a 1990 from

a photograph I took in a castle somewhere in the U.K. in 1989. 9. Fibonaccis are those numbers that m a k e n a t u r e g r o o v y. / / T h e f i r s t

ANTHROPOPOMORPHIC A F T E R T A S T E Duck Pants: Hey, Seamonkey. Are you prepared for the end credits? Seamonkey: I don’t think I have any keyframes left. What should I do, Partial Payment? Partial Payment: Go aggro on the grip. He’ll broker some reanimation for you if you heckle his rancor with knuckles.

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line refers to snails. // A palimpsest is like a used chalkboard where you can see layers of previous s c r a w l s a n d i t ’s r e a l l y p r e t t y

without ever meaning to be. // Plato taught us about friendship, geometric ghosts and shadow puppets. // Virgil guided Dante

REBUKE t hEeB MIND D RIDE

c o n t a i n s l e s s e n t r o p y, w h e r e a s m y room has a surfeit of it. [Surfeit means too much.] // Logophilia, a love of words, is more properly my

diagnosis, of which logorrhea would frequently be a symptom. 10. The square head on an incline is very m u c h a r e s p o n s e t o P h i l i p G u s t o n â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

painting of an upwardly mobile eyeball. [Philip Guston was a painter who, in the 40s, did a brisk trade in markmaking, then

gave it all up to be a discredited representationalist. Of course, we a r e a l l p r o u d o f h i m n o w t h a t h e â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dead.] // The Pink Panther image is

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from a photograph of the only painting I’ve ever bought from someone who wasn’t a crack b u d d y. F i v e d o l l a r s f r o m a g u y

o u t s i d e t h e 2 4 h r C V S i n t h e We s t E n d o f A t l a n t a . I t ’s b e t t e r t h a n a n y of my paintings, god damn it. // T h e m o n s t e r b e h i n d t h e P. P. i s f r o m

another room in this were-house, b u t h a s s i n c e b e e n p a i n t e d o v e r. / / The white spattery bugface in the lower right corner was drawn with

stick and ink circa 1987. 11. The grey background is from a book called â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Steel Square and its Uses.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Dana M. Daniels helped edit

REBUKE t hEeB MIND D RIDE

the ‘Benediction.’ 13. Down the street from me, there are a couple of beauty stores wherein you may buy beauty from kindly old Korean

shopkeepers. In one of these is a mannequin head which sports a mane of human hair; thusly it is e n d o w e d w i t h t h e h o n o r i f i c ‘ h u m a n ,’

for is not to be human in itself a sort of honorificabilitudinitatibus? [On principle, I never select words by trawling through a dictionary;

but I recently (finally!) obtained a certain dictionary Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always wanted (or half of it, at leastâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;no wonder it was only twenty dollars,

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haha yeah), so in honor of my A-M volume of the New Shorter O x f o r d E n g l i s h D i c t i o n a r y, h e r e ’s a beauty from the third column of

page 1256. Someday I’ll find out what happens after M…] 14. This one is my peen-packed paean to Kirbyesque dynamism. It self-

repeats, if you’ll note, because otherwise all that action is wearying. 15. A heresiarch is the o r i g i n a t o r o f a h e r e s y. / / ‘ T h e m e s s

in my room…’ is a self-reference to a piece among others in a muchused stretch of automatic writing from 1987. // The friend who frolics

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i n s o l i d s i s M e l i s s a A n t h o n y. / / ‘Why am I writing this?’ paired with the poor li’l dinosaur comprises another self-reference back to the

late eighties, to a comic called ‘ A l i c i a ’s A r m p i t s . ’ / / A r e n ’ t t h e s e notes delightful? 17. Sans Fil G is French for wireless, according to a

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known as. 19. Lazy drawings, s o r r y. 20. The original w r i t t e n c o m i c i s m u c h s w e e t e r. 21. Hawaii 50 is truth. // The

Elementary Particles is also a book b y M i c h e l H o u e l l e b e c q . / / To m m y i s m y n e p h e w. / / T h e H o l l o w M o o n i s a real place in my head. 22. In

high school, I lost a notebook containing a poem called this [Sweating Against the Sun], and I remember it being probably better

than it was. I phone booked [ancient Google] my Latin teacher and called the number over the weekend because I knew she lived with my

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art teacher [my Latin teacher had a more distinctive name than my art t e a c h e r, I r e a l i z e I m u s t e x p l a i n ] , in hopes of her having found the

notebook containing said poem, which she hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, and which was probably for the best, as it was about a hypothetical rape from the

hypothetical point of view of the rapist. 23. The layout shape of the computer looks sort of like the flock of circa-2002 ipods I

once shepherded. 24. AKA w/o, AKA without. 25. AKA within. 2 6 . S i m o n e We i l w r i t e s o f t e n o f ‘ m a l h e u r,’ w h i c h i s b e t t e r

jess.johnson.1970@ gmail.com

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translated as affliction rather than pain. Hence, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Malheur High Lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is deeply funny; please note that I r e v e r e M s . We i l . 2 7 . A g a i n l e t

m e s t a t e t h a t I r e v e r e S i m o n e We i l , and yet I have here given her a commemmorative plate set because she starved herself to death. Let

me explain. Revered writers, artists and thinkers deserve far better than our cheap reverence. I hope this will be understood. 28. Link

no longer there. 29. Only one new job since; one month of 2013 was well-paid. 30. So many of my conversations look like this. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m

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surprised anyone who can stand me can stand me. 31. The capitals m a k e a n L - s h a p e d a c r o s t i c : W I N D Y. Hooray for perpendicular acrostics.

32. Email listed is current and active as of this writing [03.25.14]. 33. ‘1d6’ is D&D-speak for a single die. 34. “Immortality is

n o t e v e r y b o d y ’s t h i n g ,” i s t h e q u o t e , i n c a s e i t ’s t o o s m a l l t o r e a d . 3 5 . F r o m H a n s R i c h t e r ’s lovingly evocative chapter on Kurt

Schwitters from his book ‘Dada: Art & Anti-Art.’ He writes of the Merzbau, having seen it on multiple visits; this description is far better

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than any photograph. // Merz was the last four letters of the German word for commerce. // Schwitters w a s a b a n k e r, a n d i t w a s i n p a r t

because of this that he was excluded from the Dadaist circle. So he made his own movement. // The Merzbau is 21st century art

stuck in the very craw of the 20th c e n t u r y. A s f a r a s I â&#x20AC;&#x2122; v e b e e n a b l e t o tell, no art historian has ever been able to apprehend it for what it

was. Here is not the place for me to say what it is that I think it was that no one else can see, but as I gather my storm of thoughts on the

urt Schwitters, or the cartoon of him that hangs out in my head, has provided support for my quixotic jottings in the margins of culture’s devastating interstates, lo these four years. From my monkish garret of antebellum medievalism, I am building a system of meta-collage (if you’ll pardon the buzzword) derived from an intuited handling of how I’ve chosen to interpret the hidden precepts that drove Schwitters to such furious exuberance when he tended the garden of his Merzbau. Instead of collaging from the junket of chattering ads that quash all conceivable intel in our screenlit immersive nursery, I’ve taken it upon myself to collect the mad dashes of sketchbook undead-studies that have accrued as a side effect of my unsporting refusal to tell it like it is (without also telling it like it isn’t [or, more precisely, the set of all things it isn’t] and/or decreeing to the ether a stronglyworded notion of what it should be, if we’d ever just, all of us, grow up and be human beings and not just mindless defaults of our own innate natures). Perhaps the most difficult aspect of Schwitters’ approach to his art was the fact that the work was both developmental and incorporative. He did not operate according to a fixed stratagem, but rather forged his material from events and circumstances as they presented themselves. Accordingly, there is no obvious fixed point or referent from which his overall approach might be apprehended. Rather, Schwitters’ approach required a seamless interplay between his life and his art. To this end, he was not exclusive, but resolutely inclusive, preferring the accumulation of affects and effects to critical speculation. This is not to say that the work he produced was not subject to critical insight and refinement; he was clearly capable of adjusting and readjusting an initial idea for the sake of the work’s efficacy. Yet he did not approach the work of art with a preconceived notion of what should be, but instead worked through the nature and use of materials and artifacts in terms of their intrinsic relationships. In this sense, Schwitters’ artwork was never about the object itself, but the dynamic of relations that appeared in the course of their making. from Elizabeth Burns Gamard’s KURT SCHWITTERS’ MERZBAU: THE CATHEDRAL OF EROTIC MISERY

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subject I feel I need to warn you t h a t t h e r e ’s a s t o r m c o m i n g . 3 6 . The penultimate panel shows [ c r u d e l y, h e n c e t h e n e e d f o r i t t o

be noted thusly] Schwitters on two turntables, thinking in his thought balloons: “And a DJ.” // Have I mentioned that I revere him, the

redoubtable Kurt Schwitters? Do not doubt it! 37. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Kurtchenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is o v e r l y f a m i l i a r, I c o n f e s s . / / T h e door pictured is on permanent

display as a real live utilitarian door at 691 Lee Street, minutes f r o m m y o w n d o o r. 3 8 . T h e bottom three-panel strip is

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available in color on a mug at a site called zazzle.com 39. I keep including and excluding this page. I like it and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like it. 40.

I never know if anyone likes this spread when I show it to them. 4 2 . N e v e r m i n d t h e e t s y. c o m c o p y. I w a s t r y i n g t o â&#x20AC;&#x201D; e h , f o r g e t i t .

43. ‘Screenplay’ is the name of a novel I’m writing. 44. This was a page from the failed ‘Apeiron’ project, which failed because—

oh, never mind. 46. Why does it seem like everything that is past in our memories was innately more innocent, inherently simpler?

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Entropy increases, Humpty Dumpty never regal eggywegg form, from that wall. // On a

I suppose. regained his once he fell related note:

Can one make an omelette without breaking a few eggs? Of course, yes. Just use the fake egg stuff t h a t d o e s n â&#x20AC;&#x2122; t c o m e f r o m a n y o n e â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

COMING SOON BEHIND YOU b o d y. / / D o y o u s a y a n y t h i n g i f i t ’s a n a n i m a l ? T h a t s e e m s h a r s h . // Which came first, the word for chicken or the word for egg?

Etymology homework: Let me know w h a t y o u f i n d . 4 7 . ‘ Ty l e r P e r r y ’s We s t E n d G i r l s ’ i s a s o n g o f s o r t s , spoken in my best Laurie Anderson

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tone of ironic auspice. 48. Butts. 50. ‘Less than three’ is the emoticon for love. 52. & 53. Destroyed by knife. Recorded on

video. Not currently available online, I don’t think. No, I really don’t think. 54. With frequent recourse to the aforementioned

Merzbau, I often ruminate upon the rooms within which identities breed, and upon the ancient maps upon which the sea-creatures of

our psyche still romp in flagrant mythologies of identity politics. // Are you really going to make me do this here, of all places? 55.

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O h h h k a y t h e n , f i n e a l r e a d y. 5 6 . The Merzbau was a daily selfcollage of fluid form that mapped the psyche of our dear Kurtchen

onto the architecture of his very apartment. It represents the schematic of an aspect of our inevitable near future, popularly

umbrella-ed under the general c l u n k e r o f â&#x20AC;&#x2DC; a u g m e n t e d r e a l i t y,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; which, though youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d never know it by the hamfisted way the business

end brays about it, will more or less mark the apotheosis and denouement of our two-millenia w e s t e r n c i v. p r o j e c t t o d e r i v e t h e

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essence of selfhood simultaneous inductive d e d u c t i v e e s s a y. A s m u c h a s Tu r i n g â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s l o v e s i c k e d i f i c e o f

from and Alan logic

portended the Age of Computation, the Merzbau houses our soon-tobe future world of congruence between geography and

c a r t o g r a p h y. / / N o t e s o n t h i s note (arg, I know!): [Apotheosis = deification; by which I mean its highest possible point] //

[Denouement = French for the g r a n d f i n a l e , w h i c h , o k a y, t h o s e are both also French words, but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to assume you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

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This is a print etched from plaster a n d p r i n t e d o n t o r i c e p a p e r, c i r c a 1992 printmaking class at the U n i v. o f G A . 6 0 . A d v e r t i s e m e n t :

Are you a criminal organization? H e r e ’s a n o f f e r w h i c h m a y i n t e r e s t you—if you register as such with the IRS and agree to pay a sort of

‘protection’ tax to our shadow dept. (under the table, of course!) for the current fiscal y e a r, y o u ’ l l p u t y o u r s e l f i n t h e

running for our monthly Cargo Cult giveaway! That means, once a month, a cargo car will be selected randomly from

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somewhere out there in the wide world, plucked from its due path, disappeared and diverted to you a n d y o u r c r o n i e s ! C a l l n o w, e t c .

etc. 61. In 1988, I c a l l e d ‘ Wa r m i n t h e Ice-Demon.’ 62. was poised between

wrote a story Hands of the My turntable two dressers,

as shown in the circa-1987 sketchbook entry presented here. // Once upon a time, cassette tapes were used to

temporarily store music as bits of dust made to dance in place according to a facile abuse of magnetism. // Along with many

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other books, ‘A Clockwork Orange’ was written by Anthony Burgess after he’d been given a terminal diagnosis. He kept writing and kept

living long beyond the beggaring span put upon him by the arrogant humbugs of the First Donoharm Church of Strict Materialism. // It

was made into a movie by Stanley Kubrick, who took it away from England after his movie incited riots, because he

realized, better than all the rest of the thinking folk of the world, that no amount of wishing it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so will make two truths

Tyler Perr y ’s Th e D e ve lop e r We nt D ow n to Georg ia

5:00 am

I ’m one week i nto what I ’m cal l i ng the Kill Wh it e y d ie t: wh ite rice riced i n the rice r, i nte g rated w ith s c rambled e g g s . In con s eq uence, th i s morn i ng’s b owl of snake s lo ok l i ke long, brow n rol l s of su sh i .

6:30 am

Smoki ng on the i n stitution al f ront p orch, watch i ng the d aw n steal forth , b old a s day. L o ok at it v iol ate parole b eh i nd s ome d i rty yel low su n l ight . Atlant a i n Aug u st i s a ste w of hu m id m i s e r y.

11:15 pm

Have you s ee n a pai r of i nv i sible hand s ? I can’t f i nd them any where. Noth i ng s ecede s l i ke succe ss , ble ss ou r heart s . Hu sh! I add ress America : Th rough a m an ifold stom ach we pa ss a g ross n ation al s e werflo o d of f i ne - d i ned ch i na wh ite. A ra z or y i sth mu s of i n he rited wealth ex tend s f rom an ob es e b el lg ut of profl ig ate wa ste. O u r bl anded ge ntr y bleats l ib erty al l the way to the ban k . O u r blo o d le ss lu xu r y ca ste, a barbaric k aki sto c rac y, item iz es its elf i ncre me nt al ly f ree of dut y, the n stup ef ie s it s elf e ve n f u rther by generation s of pharm ace utical ly - atte u n ated i mp ote nce. Sm i l i ng ste ward s of the ne w, hug g able st a si/klan st and a stride the e ntr y. Welcome one and al l to ou r ne w War - Mall !

Tyler Perr y ’s Ke n Bur n s’ Civ il War, con’t :

ee the g re y old s e raph i m , s abre s abl a z e w ith j au nty C alv i n i st j i ngoi sm . O L ord , how the y do f u ss ove r the i r fanc y u n iform s b efore thei r muddy march i nto ance stral ig nom i ny. Hi stor y w i l l red ac t thei r e th n ic fe ud al i sm a s many ti me s a s it care s to d ie. C apit al , steel and an a s - ye t healthy Con stitution u n ite to u su rp the te rm i n al l i ne s of force f rom th i s f iefdom of f armers . The st an k of racial u su r y w i l l ri le and ran kle for ge ne ration s . An exo du s th rough ti me, led by a Mos e s a s slow a s mol a ss e s . Wave a s you pa ss ; cou rte sy w i l l s ave you whe re h i stor y can’t . A d i me’s worth of d iplom ac y re tu rn s a to othy, s e r v i le s aw buck dow n here. S ee thes e prec iou s w re tche s up clos e : ch i n le ss rub e s al l a g ri n and ruddy l i ke ch arm less cherubi m , d ro ol i ng brow n che mtrai l s of tobacco f rom the i r a g ap e, yappi ng traps . Here’s what the y say : “ Y ’al l come back , ye exte nded -st ay carp e t- ba g ger b ehemoth s of dehu man iz ed capit al; come back s o on to s eed th i s sl aughterf ield w ith c u stom . At work or at t we rk , we the t y p e of p eople m ake the club ge t c ru n k . To o bu sy to love and to o p ol ite to h ate, we ai n’t af raid to bu rn ou r ow n c ity dow n if it’ l l put you r u n ion heart to the torch.”

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less true: 1. that popular media, when absorbed by an attentive mass of people culturally cued to receive its message, does indeed

affect those masses, much as brainwashing does, and 2. that it is still, notwithstanding the lesser human cost, nevertheless

worthwhile to the greater social body to pretend otherwise. // Not so charming, all of a sudden, these notes, are they? 63.

I have tried, and it has been recorded. Let the record show when and where it need be seen. 64. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d often stare at the

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stalagtite excrescences on the ceiling and let my eyes glaze over until they inverted. // Pictured in panel two is a print I used to have

of a Charles Burchfield landscape fantasy called ‘ C h i l d h o o d ’s Garden.’ // This guy was a movement of one, which is a status

that seems mostly deprecated by those who are charged with caring about art. He p a i n t e d t h e s e l o v e l y, v i b r a t i n g

watercolors of nature with an idiosyncratic aestheticâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a calligraphic expressionism in service to some inner

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circuitbending synaesthesia all his own. I wish I still had this print. // Among the books in panel two are a few sets of the old Another Rainbow

edition of the Complete Carl Barks. The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Comics & Storiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; sets were particular favorites. // Barks had every reason in the world to see

what he was being paid to do as the mere hackwork from which he would eventually be freed; if he were one of us

t o d a y, c e r t a i n l y h e w o u l d n e v e r have become what he became. // Freedom from ego bodes far more to s/he who labors between

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t h e p o l e s o f a r t ’s g o d h e a d / d o g s b o d y g l o b e . T h a t ’s a l l I ’ m g o i n g t o s a y f o r n o w. / / Tr u s t m e , r i g h t n o w i t ’s p u r e l a z i n e s s

that makes me lapse into c h a r a c t e r i s t i c a l l y c r y p t i c c o p y. I’m having fun with all this awful clarity; hope you are too. 65. It

makes sense, stomach was those days. those glasses,

n o w, w h y m y always sour in 6 6 . Yo u l i k e donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you? Oh

yeah. 67. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve hated this page ever since I finished it, but it actually works okay opposite the unoccluded drawing. 68.

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Found text from Google Scholar and Patents pages; court transcripts f r o m c a s e s n a m e d ‘ S e l f v. S t a t e ’ and a variety of transhumanist

papers. The ten titles are from a grammar textbook; they i l l u s t r a t e w h a t e v e r i t ’s c a l l e d t h a t happens when the same word

combinations mean two vastly differing things. // I’ve added my own phrases here and there, like ‘ t h e P o - P o o f M o - M o ,’ w h i c h i s a

play upon postmodernism, police a n d M o r r i s s e y. 6 9 . T h e t e m p l e of Herod is, I think, the right c o r n e r ’s a r c h i t e c t u r a l a n c h o r. / /

ZO NA M S O LV E R E [Latin; to loose the virgin girdle]

1 . M A I L S L I P S O U T. A m a n’s t h o u g h t s a r e h i s o w n ; h e m a y s i t i n h i s a r m c h a i r a n d t h i n k lustful thoughts, homicidal thoughts, ideas unlike what ideas they cho os e, f ree f rom the Po - Po of Mo - Mo. 2. SEAL ESCAPES. The essence of the sodomy statute is to prohibit certain contact which may be perceived by the sense of feeling. 3. MAIL SLIDES. Modern civilization and the economy of nations at large are hugely dependent on carbonation and bubblewrap. 4. CLUTCH SLIPS. W h i l e i t h o l d s m o n e y, P i g g y b a n k r a i s e s t h e q u e s t i o n o f w h e t h e r a n act is interpreted or can be sustained. 5. BEAR DOWN. It is immaterial whether there is any clothing or barrier between the anus and the penis at the time of the penetration. 6. TIME FLIES. Wa l k i n g i s a s e l f - a v o i d i n g a p p l i c a t i o n i n t h e m a t h e m a t i c a l m o d e l of statistical delights. Despite its simple definition—a path on a lattice that does not visit the same site more than once—it is difficult to arouse or gratify a sexual desire. 7. GUARD FALLS. Right is the beginning of freedom, and left must be protected against the government because the center is beginning to think. 8 . S TAT E F I N A N C E S FA I R . Radical posthumanism is characterized by the view that enhancement technolo g ies, by undermining the fixity of categories like “nature” a n d “ t h e h u m a n ”, h a s f a i l e d t o d e m o n s t r a t e h o w i n t e n t i o n a l conversations, sexually explicit in nature, with minors constitute protected speech. 9 . T O B O G G A N R A C E S O F F. T h e c e n t r a l r o l e f o r e t h i c s , l a w, a n d p u b l i c p o l i c y i n t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of robots and neurotechnologies will be in battling the widespread use of the Internet and technology as a tool for adults who prey on children, with the specific intent to arouse or gratify a furry judge. 1 0 . S H I P S I N K S I M M E D I A T E LY. Not a word crystal, transparent and unchanged , it is skin deep thought and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumference and the girth of its birthhole.

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Natalia Miklosik glowers gorgeously above all my contrivances and conceits. She has rendered unto me a gift of incalculable value

by reading the pages I put before her eyes almost as quickly as I can produce them; and with the insouciant, nimble assimilation

that only an unapologetically facile and quiescent mind can afford. Thank you again and again, Natalia. 70. Is food the

opposite of poo? Or is poo the opposite of food? Sometimes words are just other words digested. 71. Q: What Is Scrot

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Punc? A: There are these awful briars that grow between the sidewalk and the road where you live. Getting into the passenger

s i d e o f a f r i e n d â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s c a r, s o m e t i m e s they will hitch a ride on your socks. L a t e r, w h e n y o u t r y t o p u l l t h e m off, they dig into your fingertips.

Punctured Scrotum

She sat on my face from

across the room.

he said, “Did you know those idiotic aborigines believed childbirth was a form of involuntary ventriloquism on the part of the father? He’d mouth all the parts until the kid started to stray from the script. Therefore, madness invariably attended paternity. Most preferred not to bother, and instead stuck their dicks in the smallpox giftbags we had charitably left under their chairs.”

Me, I just sputtered out something about how I liked how much of a mess her labial mascara made as it wept for our lost humanity. Of course, I did still want to fuck her, because our body bags were each tight with blood. It occurred to me later that I should’ve said: “I’m not a racist, but I can’t seem to look beyond your skin. But think of this: Toulouse Lautrec never danced, but he painted dancing like he’d invented the Can- Can, so maybe it’s not so bad to be stuck in your head doing the Can’t-Can’t all your life.

And they’re i n s u f f e r a b l y, insultingly painful. A reminder that nature gives us no special place in her heart. So, what do

y o u d o ? Yo u c a p t u r e a s m a l l bushel of these evil buggers and a t t a c h t h e m t o y o u r b a l l s . We l l , don’t you? I’ll agree to let you

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d i s a g r e e . B u t y o u ’ r e w r o n g . Yo u attach them to your balls and then, a b i t l a t e r, y o u d i s c o v e r w i t h i d i o t i c shock that they’ve broken the skin

a bit, and you kind of freak out in an embarrassing but hopefully endearing way before the internet t e l l s y o u i t ’s n o b i g d e a l , a n d t h e n

after a couple of days your skin affirms the same thing: “No, you b i g d u m m y, i t ’s n o b i g d e a l . B u t look—you are a fucking wacko-

b r a i n , y o u k n o w ? Yo u d o k n o w that, don’t you? Look at me!” A n d t h a t ’s t h e s t o r y o f S c r o t Punc. // The face on the left is

creatures made of mayonnaise pantomime an anhedonic a l p h a b e t o f s e x u a l b u f f o o n e r y. // The composition of the lower

panel has been stolen from the aforementioned Carl Barks. I t â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a l s o u s e d t w i c e i n t h i s b o o k , w h i c h I â&#x20AC;&#x2122; m g o i n g t o a l l o w,

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because I like it. 73. Someone is going to make tens of hundreds of dollars with my throwaway invention of ‘Pizza Chess.’

7 4 . Ve n n d i a g r a m s f a v o r t h e overlapping circles look. // I used to live in Greenpoint, where a large Polish community didn’t embrace

FIVE-FINGERED QUESTIONNAIRE 1 . W H AT I S YO U R FAVO RI T E P OS IT ION ? a.) UNIV E RS A L T URI N G MA CH INE b.) FORT RE S S O F S O LI T UD E c.) MO O N S O V E R MY HA MMY d.) MART I A L LAW

2 . W H E RE DO YO U SEE YO U R S EL F F IV E YEARS AGO? 3 . AN IN T E RVI E WE R’ S Q U E S T ION P R E S U PPO SES A PO L A RIZ ED D IV IS ION B E T W E EN T WO A BST RA C T ION S IN A D ICH O T O M Y WHI CH YO U B EL IEV E TO B E FA L SE ; DO YO U : a.) PLAY A LO N G A N D A N S WE R, OR b.) ARGUE T HE P O I N T ?

5 . S ER IOUS LY, A N D H O N E S TLY: is it more

4 . TH E PHO NE RI NG S at the same time the doorbell rings, and your chat application alerts you to a message from a flirty new friend—the latest volley in a lively, ongoing debate about whether the NEW CONNECTIVITY enriches our interactions or buries us beneath a bureaucratic pile of polite obligation. Simultaneously, your ipod begins to play a song which you hate, and which you could’ve sworn you deleted like 20 times already, and just as you’re cursing the name of the rotten app to blame for this annoyance, the software update thing pops up to nag you about ITUNES’ newest upgrade downwards.

me as one of their own, which is as it should be because I am not, according to the strictly local and/or ethnic tenets of

Also, the smoke alarm goes off as the slice of pizza you threw in the oven and then totally forgot about blackens and sizzles; and just then, you remember a useless piece of trivium which tantalized you last night while having a spirited conversation in the bathroom of that bar with your co-worker and occasional cocaine buddy (and WORDS WITH FRIENDS nemesis!) and so of course you take that moment to bite down hard on the tip of your tongue (it having dislodged the elusive item with such impeccably cruel timing it seems impossible not to conclude that part of your brain hates you) and you really want to write it down so you can email it to that smug idiot who thinks her Master’s in the PHILOSOPHY OF SCIENCE puts her above you, just because your desultory academic career of seven years and a blur of dual majors left you unmatriculated and a bit unhinged. Speaking of which, you realize it’s time for your medication. What’s your first move?

important to satisfy one’s own lust for beauty when masturbating to one’s inner muse (i.e., when creating ART as defined by the self in its hermetic shell); or, is it the higher, more worthy goal to communicate effectively, to hit the social vein with a culture-changing dose of one’s own poison? In other words, is it enough to write one’s book to meet one’s own standards (regardless of sales, or publication at all)--or does one need a mediaapotheosizing movie success story made from said book, which will bring the cultural validation of celebrity, with all its attendant curses? Wait, don’t answer. Shh!

t r i b a l e x c l u s i v i t y. / / L e g e r w a s a Futurist painter whose figures appear to be at least partly made of cylinders, which geometric

T h e

F i n

a l

“I

t’s a j u ngle g ym i n here,” he said , tapping a f i nge r to h i s sku l l. “ I don’t th i n k the y have thos e anymore,” I de mu rred . “ Pl ayg rou nd s are s o d iffe re nt nowad ays . The g rou nd i s m ade of s ome sup er-s of t p olyme r ; the y shou ld j u st pave the whole pl ane t w ith it . And the s cience of mak i ng you rs elf d i z z y h a s i mproved va stly ! Viv if yi ng h a s ne ve r b ee n s o synonymou s w ith n au s eati ng.” It wa s to o much, I k ne w, and m i les away f rom the topic at h and , but I wanted s o desp erately to meande r along by ways of wh i m sy, a s we always h ad done. I s c rambled to ge the r a q u ick addendu m , j u st i n ca s e he wa s right ab out ‘the authorities’ l i ste n i ng i n : “ I ’ve v i sited a fe w playg rou nd s recently w ith my brothe r and my th ree - year- old n iece ; it’s not a s if I make it a habit to lu rk arou nd pl ayg rou nd s , j u st to b e clear.” His grey head lolled inattentively to my m e a n i n g l e s s c h i r p i n g . Wi t h s l o w, m e t h o d i c a l s w e e p s , h i s radar brought me back into the circle of his awareness. His gaze lightly sketched a cage around my head , the closest he ever came to

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essence our unholy pole most resembles. // Butt, Carr & Cass: ‘Butt Carcass’ will go unexplained to protect one of our brave gamers,

D a y s

o f

meeting my eyes. “ L i ste n, kid , I appreci ate the fo o d you brought me, although I ’m sti l l mystif ied at how it’s al l comp os ed of Pl aton ic s ol id s , not w ith st and i ng you r f u mbl i ng attempts to explai n it to me. But I won’t b e eati ng it for the same rea s on I have n’t eaten any th i ng the la st fe w days : I ’ve made mys elf a t arge t for the Need le Q ueen, and she always ki l l s the same way, and she always ge ts her m an .” Th i s wa s the i mp ene trable wal l wh ich h ad lately ri s en to shut h i m off f rom the world . He wa s p oss ess ed of an i nexpl icable cert ai nty th at he wou ld d ie of p oi s on i ng at the hand s of s ome absu rd a ss a ssi n k now n on ly a s the ‘ Need le Q ueen.’ No amou nt of arg u ment cou ld u n s eat th i s notion. Neither wou ld he le t sl ip a si ngle word to de s c rib e th i s ph antom a ss ai lant . Apparently she had an al l- access pa ss to the hand of e ver y fo o d - pre parer e ve r y whe re, i nclud i ng m i ne. It was shocking to h e a r h i m s p e a k s o . Ho w could this intellectual giant, one of the great mathematicians of our time, and a mercilessly incisive all of whom sacrifice their leisure time to collectively sculpt a template of a particular sort of s o l d i e r, a s y e t u n k n o w n t o m a n ,

G ø

d e l

E s c h e r b

debu n ker of othe r p eople’s bu l l sh it , fal l pre y to such a fl i m sy web of delu sion al paranoia ? Unti l now, I had ne ve r worded the q ue stion f rom the f rontmost voice of my m i nd , but h av i ng done s o, I i m med iately heard the an swe r f rom the ver y back : B ecau s e he sits at the ce nte r of it . I wa s a sh amed at how slow I ’d b een to arrive at th i s triv i al a ss essment . I felt u nb earably defl ated . My m i nd , s o m any de g rees th i s m an’s i n fe rior, wa s d i m i n i sh i ng a s h i s d id , and w ith a d izzyi ng sw if tne ss . My dele te riou s decl i ne remai ned a con st ant f u nc tion of h i s u nti l the e nd . I fol lowed h i m to the do or of death, and wa s on ly stopp ed f rom goi ng f u rther by my th robbi ngly f it flesh . For month s af te r the f u neral , I wa s u nutte rably b eref t . But ove r ti me, my ment al ac u ity re tu rned , a s I learned how to mou rn the pa ssi ng of my me ntor. How i s it th at such k nowledge, acq u i red by cou ntle ss m i l l ion s b efore me, can re m ai n , for al l pu rp os es , sh rouded i n s ec rec y ? It’s an i neff ic ie nt syste m wh ich req u i res that each m an u ndergo h i s ow n exhau stive, exclu sive i n iti ation i nto the

who may kill or be killed with indifference. // Milton Friedman was an influential economist i n t h e l a t e 2 0 t h c e n t u r y. / /

a c h

myste rie s of g rief. But I stray once more f rom my th read . Sk i n ny, s elf - st ar ved Gø del E s che rbach h ad sl ipp ed the k not of ti me, af ter a l ife ti me of prov i ng the nonexi stence of ti me. And he’d es cap ed the reach of the ‘ Need le Q ueen’ for go o d , an a side wh ich I wa s able to make w ith w r y, affec tionate mo cker y when, f i n al ly, I wa s able to reconci le h i s abu nd ant est ate of s en s e w ith the smal l bu nd les of non s e n s e he’d ke pt h idden w ith i n it . As it h app ened , th at dark w i nter g ave way to my l ife’s most f ru itf u l s ea s on, i n wh ich I enj oyed a fortu nate, fortu itou s relation b e tween my work and the world ; I wa s re warded accord i ng to the de g ree to wh ich I le t my pa ssion s g u ide me. Two decade s of bless ed su n sh i ne pa ss ed u nder th i s b ene volent re g i me, w i n n i ng me a b o ok de sti ned to dwel l up on the shelve s of m an for centu ries to come, a b eautif u l f am i ly, and a bucke tf u l of gold s o that we cou ld enj oy l ife w ith m i n i mu m h i nd rance. O f cou rs e, al l of th at ended the day the Need le Q ueen came lo oki ng for me.

Supposedly a suicide bomber gets 72 virgins when he dies; b u t i f t h a t ’s t h e c a s e , h o w i s anyone supposed to know how to

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do sex when he gets there? // Don’t jihad me, bro. 75. I held m y n e p h e w ’s t i n y h a n d ( h e ’s o n l y two, so his tiny hands are normal)

like a pen and we Ouija-ed the fundamental lines of this drawing t o g e t h e r. 7 6 . T h e b a c k g r o u n d nature scene comes from a 1950s

B o y S c o u t M a n u a l . / / A f o u rhundred year old Austrian house is hidden in the foliage, along with s o m e o t h e r e r r a t a . 77. I f y o u

answer all five questions and send to: jess.johnson.1970@gmail.com with the word: questionnaire as the subject youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll receive a no-prize.

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78. K u r t G ö d e l [ p r o n o u n c e d like ‘girdle’] developed the incompleteness theorem of mathematics which put paid to

the notion advanced by Bertrand Russell that mathematics was a system complete unto itself. // My fictionalized Kurt Gödel has been

renamed Gödel Escherbach, which refers to the Douglas H o f s t a d t e r b o o k , ‘ G ö d e l , E s c h e r, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid.’

80. The title ’Metaphor as Illness’ which appears here and elsewhere in my papers is a meager mirroring of ‘Illness as

YOU HAVE OPINIONS? IS IT ESSENTIAL THAT YOU SHARE THEM? CAN YOU THEN SUPPORT YOUR OPINIONS? COME AND JOIN US FOR A NIGHT OF SNOOTY V. SAVVY AT OUR SALON IN WHICH WE WILL BE SETTING ASIDE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HIGH & LOW CULTURE, SETTING ASIDE SUCH ASSUMPTIONS AS WILL ONLY IMPEDE FREE SPEECH, AND LEAVING EGO BEHIND ALTOGETHER TO TALK AND LISTEN TO EACH OTHER AS WE EACH EXCAVATE THE INSIDES OF OUR HEADS TO RESCUE THE TINY CHIMNEYSWEEP

WE’VE CONDEMNED TO DIE IN THE HIDDEN CORE OF OUR STUPID HEDGE MAZE OF BLUBBERING SELF. PARTY A WILL LISTEN TO PARTY B’S ARGUMENT AND THEN COUNTER WITH AS EFFECTIVE AN EXPLICATION OF A’S POSITION AS POSSIBLE; BACK AND FORTH LIKE A TENNIS BALL A & B WILL HAMMER THEIR EMOTIONAL REACTIONS INTO PERFECT GROUNDSTROKES. YOU WILL KNOW THE VIOLENCE OF THEIR PASSION BY THE INTENSITY OF THE SPIN WHEN YELLOW MEETS GREEN; OTHERWISE, THE CONVERSATION WILL BE LEVEL AND AFFABLE AND NO ONE WILL GO HOME WITH DISGRUNTLED GUTS FULL OF DISMANTLED RAGELETS. SO JOIN US

82. T h e riders has finding it deserted

drawing of the bicycle been in my care since on a table of recently p i z z a c r u s t s . F e l l i n i ’s

Pizza, Candler Park, Atlanta. // The word of God translated into a modern vulgate [The Message] overlaps other text, scanned from

[ A N D W E F E E L I T ’ S I M P O R TA N T F O R Y O U T O K N O W T H AT A N A R G U M E N T I S A D E B AT E B E T W E E N P E O P L E W H O H O L D D I F F E R E N T O P I N I O N S ; I T I T N O T A ‘ F I G H T; ’ T H E R E W I L L B E N O F I S T I C U F F S H E R E ; T H I S I S N O T A R A P C O M P E T I T I O N W H E R E T H E H U R T I N G O F F E E L I N G S I S A C C E P TA B L E ; T H I S I S N O T A Z E R O - S U M G A M E , B U T A C O L L A B O R AT I V E AT T E M P T T O T R I A N G U L AT E T R U T H ]

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an instruction pamphlet; another part comes from the title page of a book named ‘Pictures From the C r i m e M u s e u m ,’ a v o l u m e w h i c h

has given me its blood in Preposterous provokes me,

more than a pint of collage material. // Facebook exchange but as usual, I don’t

have a light for my ire. 83. Supported by an upended Babel, the collective I is lulled into static. 84. H a w a i i F i v e O h t h e m e s o n g .

85. TV Guide cover with Dean M a r t i n a n d J e r r y L e w i s . / / Wa r- M a l l is the name of the next book in this series. It will be all in color on

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glossy paper like a real magazine, printed by way of one of those print-on-demand clearinghouses of the damnably undemanded. 87.

Mt. Loser is a real mountain. // The link http://www.tin y url.com/kurtsmug takes you to page on the site â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;zazzle.comâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; where you can buy a

LOOSESTRIFE BROOMRAPE A w i r y f ig u re i n a black leot ard spi n s d iz zy pi roue tte s across the s ou nd st a ge. Hi s lovely g re y f right w ig catche s l ight and k i l l s it . An e rrant e ye, st atic - c ra z ed a s a neon l i nt trap, f i nd s it s w r y Matte rhorn atop yon pal sied alps . “ Frayed and splayed by laps e and sl ap, love’s f i ne st ai r slake s cola flat .” Fou rtee n thou s and , s e ve n hu nd red and e ight y fee t tread one by one on my s ore to e, e n route, at 3 :3 0 i n the morn i ng, to play the nu mb e rs at C he v ron .

Kurt Schwitters mug for $15.95. I t ’s a c o l o r i z e d v e r s i o n o f t h e strip on page 38. // w/o [without] was a name I used when I would

modulate sound incrementally in quantized space. I played twice (or thrice?) at an event wherein chance would determine musical pairings

he told me she wa s a l ice n s ed f utu ri st . My w ri st s te n s ed a g ai n st the straps but I j u st l aughed ne r vou sly. “C los e you r e ye s for th i s part , d arl i ng,” she co o ed , and a s she leaned ove r me to g rab the to ol s of he r trade, a ti ny bi rd hou s e fel l out of he r cleava ge and l anded right i n the rif t whe re my ste rnu m wou ld ’ve b ee n , h ad not the che st - spl itte r b ee n i n pl ace.

he told me she wa s a l ice n s ed f utu ri st . My w ri sts ten s ed a g ai n st the straps a s I l aughed ne r vou s slu rps th rough a deluge of d ro ol. “ You k now whe n the de nti st says to rel a x , it’s j u st a pi n-prick ? And the n a g i ant prob os c i s ru m m a ge s arou nd i n the c ro ok of you r j aw, l i nge ri ng a sick ex tra fe w mome nt s pa st you r d i re st proj ec tion b efore it s eed s you r s of t ti ssue w ith the fou l fl avor of it s ble ssi ng ?” He r breath, warm and i n sipid , i n s e m i n ated na s ce nt pan ic i n my s oupy ice - c ream b owel s . “ You k now ? ” she prompted , appare ntly wanti ng an an swe r. She g ri n ned i n my face l i ke a wou nd sl a shed ear to ear. My tong ue sl ithe red l i ke a head le ss eel , spl it i nto h arm le ss fork s by he r su rgeon’s s calp el . I cou ld but tri l l an i l l ite rate a ss e nt , though I longed to e ntreat he r not to d i s card me. I wa s s o much b e tte r th an the othe rs , who wou ld conti nue to e nj oy the i r p osition s i n he r re ti nue for anothe r th ree years at lea st . If she’d on ly s ee n my worth; if on ly I ’d b ee n a ssig ned a f u nc tion more f itti ng to my form . If on ly I h ad n’t le t the fl a g d rop

REBUKE t hEeB MIND D RIDE

between the five or so people i n v i t e d t o p l a y. I ’ m n o t s u r e w h y I put this on the page. // ‘Fumetti’ is an Italian term for comics made

from photographs. Cartoonists hate fumetti. // The background of this page shows the same structure from different angles, all rendered

Wi l f r e d Fu n k , In c . 1 0 0 Fa i r B l u ff s March 18, ?

Mr. Jam R . com Man vs . E ditor The L ar St ar L aramie, Yomi ng

Dear Mr. Nor, … PL E ASE RE AD wh at you mean by the word s . Si nce rely You , Harold Pe n n (i s sp ec i al )

in a 3D modelling application. 88. The bottom of the first p a n e l ( ‘ H e y, M i s t e r,’ ) i s a m o d e r n paraphrasis of the Shelley poem

about a pair of stone feet which s a y, “ M y n a m e i s O z y m a n d i a s , k i n g of kings: Look on my works, ye M i g h t y, a n d d e s p a i r ! ” / / ‘ P a s s e n g e r

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Pilot’ is another outtake from the 80s. // Butt Carcass = Allen M u e l l e r. / / ‘ O b l i q u e S t r a t e g i e s ’ i s a deck of cards by Brian Eno and

Peter Schmidt, formulated to help artists deal with creative blockage. 89. The words ‘loosestrife’ and ‘broomrape’ each refer to types of

weeds, according of encyclopedias. enumerated in the third paragraph is

to a 1950s set // The number beginning of the the elevation of

the Matterhorn. 90. Copied and pasted from Wikipedia: â&#x20AC;&#x153;A frenulum (or frenum, plural: frenula or frena, from the Latin frenulum, â&#x20AC;&#x153;little

REBUKE t hEeB MIND D RIDE

bridle”, the diminutive of frenum) is a small fold of tissue that secures or restricts the motion of a mobile o r g a n i n t h e b o d y. ” T h e r e ’s o n e

on the penis. 91. The text on the letter is found; from whence I w o n ’ t s a y. 9 2 . T h e s e a r e i n d e e d the approximate dimensions of my

COMING SOON ENOUGH

r o o m . 93. C o p i e d f r o m a medieval drawing. 94. Michael Moorcock wrote a shitload of fantasy and science fiction

books in the 60s and 70s, the preponderance of which were about different manifestations of his â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Eternal Championâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; archetype.

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Elric, Jerry Cornelius and Corum a r e a m o n g t h e s e . / / ‘ Ti m t h e P e s t ’ i s a r i f f o n S h a k e s p e a r e ’s ‘ T h e Te m p e s t . ’ / / ‘ F o r w a r d L o o k i n g

Statement’ is a mini comic I made. ‘ ’ ‘ Yo u A r e H e r e / s i a r c h ’ i s t h e f i r s t volume of the series ‘Be Still, Keep M o v i n g ,’ o f w h i c h t h i s v e r y i t e m

yeah

you see before you is the second; it is also the worst title I’ve ever devised (I pride myself on my t i t l e s ) . 95. ‘ S c r e e n p l a y ’ i s m y

novel disguised as a script. 96. I miss snail mail. 97. In other words, people tend to only buy things which fit readily into the set

B I G

U G LY

A D V E RT IS E ME NT

If you’re interested, the following books a r e a v a i l a b l e AT C O S T f r o m t h e s e l i n k s :

$10. 14 h t t p : / / t in y u r l . c o m/ a u t o d a f e - 1234 $8. 85 h t t p : / / t in y u r l . c o m/ s a d b r a t

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of things they already own. 98. I c a n ’ t g i v e t h e s e a w a y, b u t y o u m a y buy them. 99. This is my drawing of ‘the blue tower’ across the

street from where I smoke, done up tarot-style. 100. This is me, i n t h e b a s e m e n t o f A l l e n M u e l l e r ’s erstwhile home, prone upon its

bedlike brick hearth, peeking up the skirt of its flue to see the u n i v e r s e â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s f u l l d a r k b u s h h i d d e n between the stars. //// Writing

these exhaustive notes has been e x h a u s t i n g . Go in peace but come out fighting. J K J AT L 0 4 . 1 0 . 1 4

E V E RY E F F O RT H A S B E E N M A D E T O N O T B E B O R I N G . IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER AN OPINION WITH REGARD T O T H I S O R A N Y O T H E R M AT T E R , Y O U M AY C O N TA C T T H E A U T H O R A T J ES S .J O HN SO N .1 9 7 0 @ G M AIL.C OM

C an you bu i ld a f i re i n you r l ap and not bu rn you r pant s ? Pro ver bs 6.3 0-3 1 M SG

PHOTOGRAPH OF JKJ BY ALLEN MUELLER

H A N K Y O U F O R Y O U R T I M E & AT T E N T I O N .

THIS GOES TO MY B I T C O I N WA L L E T