Visiting My Lebanon

May Haddad

VISITING MY LEBANON Beirut: 1985-1999 Lebanon: summer 2006 I remember, Sabra & Shatila 1982 Khiam Diaries 2015

May Haddad

SHORT ESSAYS FROM BEIRUT Moments to share West Beirut, August 1985 3 events in 3 days West Beirut, Sep. 1985 Powerless Beirut, June 1999

MOMENTS TO SHARE WEST BEIRUT AUGUST 1985 Moments in Beirut seem to have different values, maybe because of the uncertainty that surrounds them, which makes us live them more thoroughly & affectionately.

It was 4:00 pm when someone knocked my door. I knew the tune, so I didn’t bother to change my clothes.

Najwa! May! It was a reunion after a separation (Najwa and myself have been separated several times because of situations related to the war in Lebanon).

We had lots to share: experiences from 4 months in Beirut, Greece, Syria, Nairobi and Cyprus.

A story from Kenya: Najwa enjoyed most one of my stories from Kenya: A visit to the Masai tribe in the middle of the jungle.

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The Masai, who lost their lands and were prohibited by law from hunting animals, made traditional dancing their way of living. At 4:45 pm, the tour bus showed up unexpectedly and we were asked to board. At 5:00 pm sharp, we found ourselves in gardens located in bigger gardens. A huge villa stood in the middle. An English lady carrying tea and biscuits came out. To our surprise, it was the 5:00 o’clock English tea time!

We learned later that the English family owned the land, were shareholders in the tour company and paid a little of their “profits” to the dancing Masai tribe.

A story from Syria: I liked Najwa’s story from Syria. “It is an explosion,” Najwa was sure of the sound. All people around her denied it and taxi-drivers claimed they never worked that hour. An official told the story: “Two big explosions occurred in the city, one directly hitting an army truck killing and injuring tens of soldiers”. The next day, a short note appeared in the local newspaper: “A gas container exploded accidentally and resulted in minimal damage”.

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Beirut then: During the days that we spent together, we enjoyed the sincere company of beautiful friends: Michael, Maia, Albert, Youssef, Mohamad, Dalal, Habib, Rolan, Malek, and Aref.

Often we came back at 1:00 or 2:00 am. No wonder that they kidnap only Christians at this time of the day, as no one else wonders around.

Beirut at night is very dark and certainly no one can complain of a traffic jam. Special treatment is still the rule in Lebanese restaurants: Service is quick and the food is always delicious.

Often the waiters offer you

roses or free houka!

The sea and the sun are always there: The sea embraces you with its refreshing nature while the sun ravishes you with its rays.

Snipers’ bullets sometimes interrupt this romantic setting. We hide behind what we think is a safe rock and wait.

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Sometimes, fear mixes with sarcasm. Four adjacent streets are described here, events occurring at the same time: The first was a battle-field for opposing militia; the second was a totally deserted area; families enjoying an afternoon walk in the third; the fourth street was very noisy because of the cars honking as part of a wedding celebration.

We also had crazy moments. Have you ever tried 104 ways of wearing a kanga?

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3 EVENTS IN 3 DAYS: WEST BEIRUT- SEP. 1985 You think that others are illogical, but is your logic logical?

What makes logic logical; at times when illogic dominates?

A search for a logical illogic or an illogical logic that is illogic…

We learnt that two negatives result in a positive i.e. an illogical logic that is illogic is quite logical.

I would like to describe 3 situations, maybe my confusion clarifies: Excited to be in Beirut again, Raja’ leaves the city just upon arrival! Instead of meeting her friends, she leaves us a note expressing her deep sorrow and the sudden feeling of the urge to get out immediately!

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O my friend, are you “insane” to go so soon, or are we “insane” to stay?!

Dozens of pieces of evidence were accumulating: Michael, Maia and Albert were missing!

In our eyes, we saw the fear that we suppress all the time! We spent hours searching. Fortunately, it was a happy ending.

However, Maia sharing our undeclared panic, refused to admit its validity… She blamed us for our worries and romanticised the situation- after all, who could kidnap three people together?

The three, incidentally happened to be an American, a Christian from East Beirut and a priest!

But is my

confusion related to being a “Christian”-or am I made to feel so? I wonder…

Caught in a street fighting on my way to visit my friend Mohammed- who injured his foot in a very non6

traditional way these days “playing tennis”- I became dominated by this logical illogic feeling.

At his place, Tony and Samia who thought they were to enjoy the peace of a walk by the sea-side, were seeking refuge from stray bullets.

The feeling took over! I needed to do something. What?

Yes, leave now! Why not? Where to? My place? Najwa’s?

But logically it was unsafe to go then.

Aref, a few blocks apart phoned. He seems conquered by a similar feeling though differently. He decided to spend the night at his office, where he was, though “logically” it was very safe for him to go out

A family seeked refuge under Cola bridge, Beirut 1985

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Powerless Beirut, June 1999 On June 26 1999, I shared the attached letter as an email with several friends.

Here is my message and some of the responses: *** From: May Haddad Date: June 26, 1999 Subject: Powerless I wonder if I will be able to finish this e-mail, not because I don’t want to, but because electricity may be cut off any moment. The schedule is 2 hours every 24 hrs and no one knows exactly when.

Madeleine invited me today to lunch. She cooked lots: chicken and potatoes, green beans, mloukhia and kabab.

Madeleine likes to cook lots, but not this time as she had to cook all food in the refrigerator otherwise it is wasted

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like everything that I threw away from my refrigerator today.

I walked in the streets of Ras Beirut, things looked somehow normal with the exception of puffy eyes of almost all because of the lack of sleep the night before.

It was a crazy night with Israeli airplanes roaming and bombing.

Flashbacks from the war came back: vivid, painful and depressing.

The feeling of powerless is haunting.

But whatever I describe does not compare to the story of the firemen who were seen by the Israeli pilot extinguishing fire at the power station after their first bombing...The pilot decided to go ahead with the second round of bombs , not only on

the power

station , but on the firemen as well.

4 firemen were killed and several injured.

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By the time I wrote this e-mail, electricity went off twice...good score.

This feeling of powerless is horrible.

Responses of friends and siblings

Aida H. (DC): Ikhti, Khayyi, I wish I were with you (well, let's not lie too much here), or you with me (yes, this sounds better)....

Do you want to consider it for a while? Come here and rest a little... Yes May, it is humiliating, you do feel powerless, but we are powerless... so what's the point of suffering?

I saw the pictures of the ďŹ remen... I remember, all too vividly.... how well I remember...

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Annette and Peter C. (UK): Dearest May Following on from our email of yesterday (Sunday) - we keep on re-reading your email, over and over. So simple, yet so moving.

If only there was something we could do.....

As we've all said before, the only hope is education for the next generation, so that they may possibly learn from the lessons of the past - our and your present.

Thinking of you - and all our other friends in Lebanon.

Love

Danielle M. (Montreal): Dear May, Thanks for letting me know your story, I think of you and hope this craziness will be over soon.

I beg you not to put your life at risk. If you need so, come over here. There will always be room for you.

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Dan W. (DC): I did worry. The press reports were minimal but what there was not good. There was a major story about the Lebanese firemen...what a tragedy.

Are you OK? How are you feeling? You mentioned the memories that the bombing brought back--I pray you will not let it bring you down. I could not begin to understand what you went through back then, even though I was there. You have been through a lot--more than many people Thinking of you and loving your inner child

Fadia H. (Toronto): I am truly sorry that you are so devastated by free of charge Israeli violence, as usual...BELIEVE ME HABIBTI, I have to finish writing up one chapter and can't get myself going AT ALL!!!!

I am living like an automate since Thursday night because of living these horrors time and again time and again and time and again...

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I saw the raids on TV as they were happening I have satellite TV and I could not live without it, it is my lungs and my oxygen to survive in Canada...or was it "Karata", that gadget that helps one to put your shoes on when they are tight...Canada like Karata helps us to put our life on as it has become very tight on us.... Sorry " Nakada" where Nakad is almost intrinsic to our lives , I mean Canada....

I was not surprised by the raids because I never expected anything of more humanity or class from a country of terror, a country which since its existence is the reason underlying the quintessence of suffering of my grandfather, father and mother, my generation and certainly the reason behind my children's generation suffering. It is the reason why I am an immigrant in Canada instead of being the granddaughter of an imminent Jerusalemite man....living happily ever after in my hometown... Israel is incompatible with a decent life for any human being not Israeli in the Middle East, or did you think otherwise???!!!

For the pilot the ďŹ remen are but Golems that do not deserve to live while he is safeguarding the interests of 13 Â

his chosen people, the people of God in his promised land, for them, the rest is trivial and human lives are but the fuel for the existence, and continuity of Israel.

When they sequestrated Gaza few years ago where 40% of productive men made their living as workers in Israel, they simply imported hand labor from Ceylon and Philippines in order to punish the Palestinians of Gaza.... For this state everything is the same, everything non -Jewish (the only religion in the world where you cannot convert... you have to be born Jew), so after they mobilized all the well meaning Jews around the Israeli state, a state built on falsehood of history and oppression of people a state of terror WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? What do you expect of a lobby which has been advocating the embargo on Iraq and has been the direct reason for the death of 1 million Iraqi children since 1990? Netanyahu goes Barak comes, Sharon talks different players of the same symphony, a symphony of horror and terror, a symphony of death a state of the devil that is what Israel is and has always been to me...

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and nothing is going to change that feeling in my heart and consciousness even across the exile of Canada...

So take a deep breath and be patient.... because that is the only way to survive Arab state hypocrisy, "Arab mowaten" endurance and helplessness and Israeli gifts!

With all my love to you and Madeleine God only knows how much I am sick from missing you I am cursing my ambition that made me start my Ph.D or coming to Canada.

Hani A. (Montreal): I did not realise that the situation in Lebanon is that bad. All what we get on the news these days is Kosovo.

My heart goes out to you and to the entire Lebanese population. I had lived similar situations, to a much smaller extent, in 1967 & 1973. I guess I will never understand how people can do that to each other. This forever war in the Middle East is, may be, my primary

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reason to appreciate where I am now even if it will never be like a REAL home.

I guess the worst part is that you will have to eat all of Madeleine's cooking at once or it will go bad without a fridge!

Take care of yourself.

Harry L. (Vancouver): I've been thinking about you and Nabil ever since the latest insanity in the Middle East. Is he alright? I recall that he took a job restoring the power system after the civil war ended.

I can only hope that, once Barak

becomes prime minister he and Assad can end this sordid business.

There will be no peace in Lebanon

until the Israelis and the Syrians settle their affairs in the Golan Heights.

The killing of the ďŹ remen was awful. I'll admit, I haven't been following the Middle East news much, so I did not hear about it. All I knew was that they were bombing the power stations and some highways.

Destroying 16 Â

infrastructure is bad enough, but to kill ďŹ remen is gratuitously cruel.

The raid appears to have been Netanyahu's last stand. It is scandalous that an outgoing prime minister would do something like this just days before leaving office. But that is Netanyahu for you. Stupid, arrogant, ignorant, and a poor loser.

Ever since he was elected his very

presence has been a provocation.

I wish that, one day, Lebanon can be a normal place for normal people.

Big hug,

Imad H. (Phoenix): Dear family members, Nabil: I bet you those airplanes were nothing like the day when you and I were home alone and started hearing the bombs falling closer and closer to the apartment and suddenly one hit the building and we found out later that few sharpnels entered into the

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bathroom. It was good you only took one shower per week at that time!

I also will never forget when our neighbor (the one that Ramadan and his son used to beat up) came down the stairs full of dust after a bomb landed in the room he was sleeping.

Love

Jane M. (Berkley): Jane shared my message with several colleagues and friends: For those who don't know her, this came from Dr. May Haddad, a long-time Hesperian consultant and friend.

She works with the Arab Resource Collective who have adapted and translated almost all our books into Arabic.

Ken H. (NYC): May, I am relieved to hear that you are well, despite the idiotic activities of the parties in your part of the world who insist on making more war. I have been out of 18 Â

touch with the news these past few days while at a retreat in the lovely city of Ann Arbor, Michigan. But I know that the Israelis are again bombing civilians and infrastructure, perhaps taking a page from the recent American stupidity in Kosovo.

What can I say? I wish there was something I can do to brighten your life amidst the destruction.

Mishka M. (Beirut): As long as we record it- as you have- as long as we remain angry - we are not powerless. They want us to resign ourselves to our lot. So we have the power of resignation...or not.

Why should my four-year-old, who was born after the horror of the war, cover in my bed in fear? Because she happens to be born Lebanese?! Because a sick bunch of people 100 kilometers south of here are so deranged that nothing will make them feel secure. Who feel their security is contingent upon terrorizing innocent civilians, upon exterminating them?

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Fight that feeling of powerlessness, May. Don't give in to it. Don't resign yourself: that is still your decision.

That is what they want and don't have. Don't give it away. Be angry.

Mounir F. (Boston): Dear May Since I was 5 years old or so, I remember my parents used to make us stand under the sill (?) of the doors in our home, to avoid any attacks by the hagana or stern or ... other Jewish terrorist groups, even before the establishment of Israel! Since then, I lived the Israeli terror with almost no break. As an educator, I saw it practiced on children in schools, streets, everywhere.

The most accurate description of Israel is that it is a terrorist state, from the beginning until now, and will continue to be so as long as it is rewarded for its crimes.

I never referred to anything as evil, but if I were to use this term, I would use it to describe Israel. I have been so angry and paralyzed since the last attack. Obviously, there is no quick and short-cut solution.

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But if I am going to think of one, I don't see an alternative to the one that was suggested soon after the 1967 war: a march of at least a quarter of a million people into Jerusalem!

My heart and my soul are with you and with all the beautiful people I know, and all the beautiful people I don't know, over there in Lebanon. I know exactly how it feels.

Keep up the hope and keep planting seeds for a different world.

We really have no other alternative.

Just

remember what someone has said, "We [meaning human beings] are much too clever to survive without wisdom."

Europe has been clever, but not wise. Does this tell us where we should put our energies in the long-term?

With love and hope Munir

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Nada C. (DC): Mayyoush, Your email touched me.

I have been thinking and worrying about you all living without electricity. It is just cruel.

This brings back memories of ugly days that we all are trying to put behind us and move on. I know the feeling of powerless and how horrifying and depressing it is. I can also imagine how people start looking at the positive side and feel blessed that water is still running!

I will stop on this note, not because of electricity cut.

LOVE

Nawal N. (Amman): Dearest May, I just returned from Petra. Believe me I was thinking of you all through that time in particular and around it.

I was telling colleagues in the office about Lebanon and how wonderful it is especially with the presence of a 22 Â

wonderful and great friend like you that I made them eager to visit (expats) nevertheless they are not allowed.

I know words will be meaningless & nonsense in this regard. But may God be with all of you to protect and provide you with inner strengths to face what you are going through.

Love - Nawal

Steve H. (Montreal): I'll be praying for you May, and for Beirut. These are dark times.

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May Haddad

LEBANON, SUMMER 2006 Cry the Beloved Country Israeli attack on Lebanon, summer 2006 Turning Relief into Self-Reliance Albero Guerra e colore rosso

“Cry the Beloved Country” Israeli’s attack on Lebanon Summer 2006 By May Haddad

“Cry the Beloved Country” Israeli’s attack on Lebanon Summer 2006 Extracts from an e-mail journal Lebanon: July 12-August 14, 2006

By May Haddad Edited Nov. 2015

My visit to the town of Khiam and S. Lebanon Nov. 3-6 2015, motivated me to revisit and edit my e-mail journal from summer 2006.

With gratitude to all the friends who helped me cope at the time.

Cover photo: At Khiam, Sep. 2006

My life froze on July 12 2006!

I looked at my calendar for that week‌ Just ridiculous! Nothing worked as intended!

I am not a war victim, I have not been Shot at, imprisoned, Tortured or raped I am an ordinary person, Who has become Forever, a witness

I compiled and reflected on my saved e-mail messages July 12 -August 14 2006, to help me understand‌

Solidarity e-mail messages Palestine: Ironically, the very first were solidarity messages from Palestine: “Our hearts and minds, and eyes and ears, are all tense, directed to what is happening in Lebanon”, Ghassan-Ramallah “May, my heart goes to you, warm hug and kiss, please take good care of yourself HASTA LA VICTORIA SIEMPRE”, Majeda-Khan Younis

“I am thinking of you and the people of Lebanon, our hearts with you; we are living in a very repulsive world. I am confused, depressed and deeply disappointed”, Umaiyeh- Jerusalem “Hope you are safe”, Heba -Gaza

Globally: Other inbox soothing e-mail messages from around the world: “I've been thinking about you a lot, May, and sending peaceful thoughts your way, love”, Jane- San Francisco

“Please be assured that our thoughts and best wishes are with you in these times”, Andreas-Berlin

“Thinking of you amidst this new outrage and insanity. Stay safe”, Chris -Oxford

“Solidarity acts for the Palestinian & Lebanese people from Salaam the olive tree children”, Elena – Trieste

“I am really worried about you.

Not very familiar with the locations of the bombings but Lebanon is so small, everything looks hellish,” Jamal – Vancouver “The pictures are so distressing and heartbreaking, and it's unconscionable that Bush and Blair refuse to broker a ceasefire.

Are you okay? Sending much love”, Cynthia

“Thinking about you and hoping you are safe amidst the Israeli madness and destruction. Love”, Nancy -Birmingham “What could one possibly say in the midst of this utter madness? I'm completely at a loss, and still I wanted to know you are in my thoughts, May. Take care of your wonder-full, dancing, spirited self”, SharryCairo

Some friends seemed to be shouting. Here is what Harry wrote: “May, May, I do hope you are not in Lebanon right now. I'd be happiest if you were somewhere where idiots are not firing guns and dropping bombs”, HarryVancouver

A day later, he wrote: “Get the hell out of there? I'm afraid this it going to be a lot worse than previous catastrophes. Of course, nothing will be solved - only more people are going to get killed and maimed. So do think of waiting it out, if need be in Cyprus…”

Others had different opinions than Harry: “Talking to you and hearing Jude's voice made it more painful... emotionally... may be feeling guilty that I am not there to share the pain with you... I don't know...”Aida-Washington DC

Hanady Salman (Al-Saffir newspaperBeirut) lived with us through her passionate daily e-mail diary and images.

Her messages that started just after the war, ended soon after the cease-fire. On August 15, Hanady wrote:

“This will probably be my last letter to you.

I will miss you all. Some of you I never met, but I feel that you are all so close to me.

More than that, you probably already know it — without you I would not have made it throughout this hell. You were there by my side and that made me stronger. Every day, you gave more meaning to all this — peoples’ stories were heard, peoples ‘suffering was shared. This was what I could do for my people: tell some of their stories. Knowing that you would listen, knowing that you would care made the whole difference’.

Note that Hanady’s e-mail diaries are posted at her blog: http://beirutjournal.blogspot.com

Through solidarity e-mail messages, I connected to virtual people whom I have never known or met. They became friends.

Chris with shaw.ca address wrote back to me when I thanked him for initiating a petition on line: “Thank you May, it's the very least I could do. I feel so helpless!”

Petitions and articles Petitions on line became an obsession: “The citizens of the Lebanon need your help.

The Israeli government has waged a relentless war in Lebanon and is committing crimes against humanity in defiance of international law.

Many civilians have been killed and Lebanon is being destroyed systematically under the eyes of the whole world.

To let this go on would be a historic crime.

Please help stop the massacres.�

I was signing all the relevant petitions that I found on line, such as: o The citizens of the Lebanon need your help: Petition to US Government http://www.petitiononline.com/50600/petition-sign.html? o Save the Lebanese Civilians Petition: http://julywar.epetitions.net o Justice for Lebanon Petition to UN, UN Security Council, EU and International NGOs working in the Human Rights and Peace field http://www.petitiononline.com/Jul06Leb/petition.html o Academics against Israeli Aggression on Lebanon and Gaza http://www.PetitionOnline.com/caracas/

My efforts at disseminating the petitions on line to all my contacts, networks & groups were rewarding: “May, hope you are fine - a lot on my list have signed the petitions -that is reassuring - although what I see on TV is horrific. Be well”, Yasmeen -New Delhi

“Of course I signed, naturally. But dear May how are U. It must be hard now history is repeating again”, RuudAmsterdam

Soon I expanded to include: o Sites & blogs such as: www. ElectronicLebanon.net, http://sanayehreliefcenter.blogspot.com/ http://lebanonupdates.blogspot.com/ etc., o Images such as beirutjuly2006.assafir@gmail.com, www. fromisraeltolebanon.org, o Appeals, press release, Cultural statements, such as Roger Assaf’s: Nous allons bien, et vous? Articles & links, Calls for action including vigils & protests around the world.

Indeed I was screaming loudly:

Stop War on Lebanon NOW! Everyday, I was communicating by e-mail for long hours.

I was uncertain that I could continue to do so as I was concerned that the phone lines would be cut off any moment and we would loose internet connections (as was happening with electricity cut off).

E-mails were also a venue for circulating articles. Here are selected titles: o o o o

The West must recognize that Israel's agenda is in conflict with its own Lebanon: the world looks on Why Is Israel Destroying Lebanon?

Cluster bombing of Lebanon 'immoral' UN official tells Israel etc.…

Humor E-mail messages were also humorous; here are two examples from my e-diaries: On July 19, I e-mailed my friend Hossein, whom I was to pick up from Beirut airport: “I guess that it is obvious I will not pick u up from the airport at 6 pm today, because u will not be in the flight, the flight has been cancelled & the airport is closed…. What a situation!”

Nabil, my brother e-mailed Imad on July 17 who was thinking of us during his vacation in Costa Rica: “Imad, if the sun in Costa Rica is not hot enough, consider Lebanon, IT IS HOT this summer”.

Juliano Juliano was one new virtual friend I met through e-mail.

I wrote then: “Juliano. I have no idea if you were a man or woman, older age group or younger; your messages touch my heart. I find them sensitive, genuine and often you say what I want to say... I know for certain, you are A FRIEND- in solidarity” Soon I realized that I was communicating with Juliano Mer-Khamis himself, the freedom fighter in Israel/Palestine. Juliano was a peace activist and theater actor/director living mostly in the refugee camp of Jenin, where he established the “Freedom Theater” http://www.thefreedomtheatre.org/ On July 26, Juliano wrote to me: “While whole families are being wiped out in Lebanon a small girl, five years old and a nine month old baby were killed in Gaza today. Who says Israel is not facing a cruel enemy?”

Aida On the same day, Aida commented on Juliano’s message: “Actually they are cruel... their faces will haunt their killers every moment, hour, and every single day for the rest of their lives...”

E-mail messages with Aida helped me reflect…

On July 24, I responded to Aida’s title of “Cry the Beloved Country” that she used to describe the situation. My title was This Cursed Region: “This cursed region...is it really beloved?

I always wanted the khalehiyee (gulf) tourist to be away, they are....

I hated ugly concrete buildings; many have been demolished (one with 23 tons of explosives, how many tons do you need to destroy a building?)...

I disliked highways, always romanticized about old roads, now both are not functional.

I hated traffic jam, well none exists these days...

I always wanted equity and that the poor can access places in the growing rich Ras Beirut area, now Ras Beirut's population has changed again...

BUT, I never wished this level of destruction, killings, suffering...

However, I also feel the pain of people living in North Palestine/ Israel...

It seems as if we are in a situation where all feels terribly squeezed.

Most likely, this nightmare is ending, only to start a new one of a different nature�

Aida responded: “Read this several times...

A meaning beyond the meaning...

Encompassing so many feelings That are conflicting, diverse, But surprisingly one...

That of pain... your pain...

Anybody’s pain... regardless Beyond borders...

Beyond understanding...

I choose another book as title then,

"Of Human Bondage"...

Somehow I cannot think for myself...

Titles come in handy.

Sonia Solidarity with Lebanese and Palestinian people:

Stop the Brutality This was the slogan that Sonia developed and printed on T-shirts and pins.

Friends across the world immediately translated the slogans into German, Dutch, Italian, Mandarin, and French etc. Here are two selections from the translations:

Solidarietaet mit den Libanesen und Paelestinensern: Stop die Gewalt SolidarietĂ con il Popolo Libanese e Palestinese: Ferma la Violenza

“Of Human Bondage” Responses of friends - By 18 11 15 This is important work, May. Our attention span is so brief these days -with 24-hour news cycles, FB and Twitter -- what happened in 2006 (and 2014, and 1948 and, and) mustn't be forgotten. loveNorbert- London You are so attuned to circumstances, I love to see your impressions, insights…

Thanks for sharing and just being you.

Alia- Washington DC Your photo expresses signs of helplessness, despair, loss, beyond words, making sense, trying to accept, finding peace, staying strong, waiting… in the midst of madness... evil, love survives, and love endures. And your collection of the messages is hopefilled… …

Nancy- Vancouver Dear May, it is awful to realise that such a beautiful country and all the people, in your homeland, must suffer, for so many

decades. I think a lot about U and the people in Lebanon. In my heart I dream that you will live in peace once. And I believe that dreams come true. With love.

Ruud- Amsterdam While reading your thoughts Dr May, I can hear the helicopters roaming the sky of Jerusalem…Same oppressors Amirah- Jerusalem ‫شكرااااااااااااا تشوام تشوام‬ ،‫م‬++ ‫عال‬++ ‫طني وال‬++ ‫ن فلس‬++ ‫ك م‬++ ‫بة ل‬++ ‫ل االح‬++ ‫ائ‬++ ‫رأ رس‬++ ‫دأت أق‬++ ‫ب‬ ‫رب‬++ ‫لك الح‬++ ‫ن ت‬++ ‫ك ع‬++ ‫الم‬++ ‫ن ك‬++ ‫د م‬++ ‫زي‬++ ‫رأ امل‬++ ‫ود الق‬++ ‫اع‬++ ‫يد س‬++ ‫واك‬ ‫نفس‬++ ‫كن ب‬++ ‫ ل‬،‫ما‬++ ‫قيض رب‬++ ‫ن‬ ‫ي‬++ ‫رف‬++ ‫ن ط‬++ ‫ا م‬++ ‫شناه‬++ ‫تي ع‬++ ‫ال‬ . ‫ محبتي‬،‫الرعب والخوف من هوالت الحروب‬ ‫ن‬++‫ك ع‬++‫الم‬++‫ك‬ ‫ي‬++‫ م‬.‫ميلة‬++‫ك الج‬++‫عادت‬++‫ع ك‬++‫ن رائ‬++‫م‬ ‫ثر‬++‫مل اك‬++‫ع‬ ‫لك‬++ ‫ن ت‬++ ‫ي م‬++ ‫ات‬++ ‫ري‬++ ‫ة ذك‬++ ‫كتاب‬++ ‫دأ ب‬++ ‫جعني إب‬++ ‫وع ش‬++ ‫وض‬++ ‫امل‬++ ‫ه‬ 2006 ‫الحرب الصعبة من حيفا صيف‬

Denise- Haifa

Hello, May, Your feelings shine through your memories - and all I can hope for is an end to these mindless tragedies.

Yasmeen- New Delhi

May Haddad

Turning relief into self reliance?

Tribute

To people living in Lebanon for the resilience, dignity and solidarity that they have manifested during the latest Israeli war on Lebanon, July 12-Aug. 14, 2006

War on Lebanon July 12 marks the beginning of unacceptable, extremely brutal & violent 5 weeks1: One million people (almost one third the population) flee their homes2, 1184 civilians are killed & 4059 are injured3, many children are among the victims4, tens of massacres are reported5 , tens of thousands homes are destroyed & damaged, 73 bridges are bombed all across the country, tens of fuel stations are burnt, & a major breakdown occurs in the public health infrastructure including water & sewage, power supply & generators etc. More than one quarter of the health facilities are badly damaged & dysfunctional6; two hospitals are destroyed as well as hundreds of schools. Oil spill on more that 150 km of shore, damage not limited to Lebanon but threatens all Mediterranean Sea. Gigantic mine fields are created with over one million unexploded cluster bombs7‌ People living in Lebanon demonstrate solidarity & spontaneous support to each other despite their religious, political & class differences: 735,000 people find refuge with families, schools, and centers located in relatively safer areas in Lebanon8. Almost everybody offers help within

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During the campaign, Israel's Air Force flew more than 12,000 combat missions. The Navy fired 2,500 shells, and the Army fired over 100,000 shells [43], destroying large parts of the Lebanese civilian infrastructure. 400 miles of roads, 73 bridges and 31 targets such as Beirut International Airport, ports, water and sewage treatment plants, electrical facilities, 25 fuel stations, 900 commercial structures, up to 350 schools and two hospitals were destroyed, as well as some 15,000 homes. Some 130,000 more homes were damaged, Wikipedia 2 According to High Relief Commission about 130,000 people found shelter in about 760 schools, more than half a million found shelter with families, friends, churches, mosques, etc and about 270,000 fled Lebanon to neighboring countries (mainly Syria).

3 GOL & Higher Relief Council, Aug. 24, 2006 4 As one example, 28 of the new Qana massacre (July 30) are children 5 Many massacres happened when Israeli planes bombed people who are fleeing their homes, includes caravans that The Israeli themselves have authorized 6 WHO, Oct. 11, 2006 7 The most disturbing act was that 90% of these bombs were dropped in the last 72-hours of the conflict when it was clear that a cease-fire was eminent (UN report) 8 230,000 person fled to neighboring countries Gesundheit Berlin (Hrsg.): Dokumentation 12. bundesweiter Kongress Armut und Gesundheit, Berlin 2007 Seite 1 von 6

May Haddad: Turning relief into self reliance?

his/her capacities9. Civil society, NGOs & humanitarian agencies form platforms & coalitions to complement each other & meet basic survival needs10.

Lebanon witnessed a humanitarian shortcoming with departure of senior UN staff from Lebanon & delay in emergency response (The UN response comes after two weeks of crisis initiation). It is to note that international relief agencies (who are new to Lebanon), parachute into the country with different agendas without proper consultation/ coordination with local counterparts.

My life froze…

My life froze on July 12; all activities that I have planned become irrelevant…

I am devastated with the killing, massacres, bombing & massive destruction happening. Additionally, I fear other unseen bombs that can be masked under Relief.

Despite the need for relief, we have not been prepared for such emergency nor have we mechanisms to coordinate the efforts of the different stakeholders. Lebanon does not have national policies, protocols nor plans for emergency operation despite the fact that this has not been the first catastrophe of the kind.

This implies that relief can be chaotic, unplanned & haphazard. People in charge can inflict harm despite good intentions…

Indeed, my fear proves real…

To date, the Ministry of Environment is still unable to disperse tons of expired medicines that have been dumped into Lebanon.

Pharmaceutical dependency is a known issue in Lebanon with over-prescription by physicians & demand by clients. The magnitude of the issue has most likely worsened during the war in Lebanon with the irresponsible availability of the Relief medicines & the desired demand of clients to store more & more quantities fearing of shortages. Unfortunately, the risk & damage inflicted by the pharmaceuticals that have been widely distributed is been assessed (to note that many of these drugs lacked instructions; & when present have been in languages that very few can read11).

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People would draw sign maps next to bombarded bridges to show people fleeing their towns relatively safe roads, artists & educators organize workshops & sessions with children of displaced families, people donate clothes, food to other etc.

10 Such as Samedoun, NGO platform of Saida, Civil Campaign for Relief, the Collective of NGOs in Lebanon etc.

11 I have seen many pharmaceuticals with instructions that are unreadable to many including Italian, Spanish & Greek. Additionally, many drugs lacked instruction papers Gesundheit Berlin (Hrsg.): Dokumentation 12. bundesweiter Kongress Armut und Gesundheit, Berlin 2007 Seite 2 von 6

May Haddad: Turning relief into self reliance?

Additionally tobacco & cigarettes donations have been included in the relief items. The magnitude of the issue is under study12.

Promoting & disseminating infant milk formulas goes on unchecked for weeks after the initiation of the crisis without noting its’ hazardous impact on breastfeeding; it is to be noted that multi-national milk companies hook mothers to using infant formula during its’ distribution through relief 13. Aid workers immediately handle the formula to the displaced mother who thinks that her milk has turned bad because of the war & related tension or has experienced a decrease in its’ flow; without counseling or advise that the mother can & should continue giving her child the best, her own milk14. Mass distribution of infant formula has been reported15. Sarcastically, the GOL & respective UN agencies succeeded in issuing a joint statement in mid. Oct. after the damage has been incurred…

Relief agencies can create dependencies. Families, who initially have been reluctant to receive aid, request it as a right over time.

Turning relief into self reliance?

Minimizing the potential long term damage of relief & maximizing its’ short term benefits has been an issue to many of us involved in community health actions during the war in Lebanon.

With the delay in action (or its’ absence at a policy level), many of us developed strategies that are people centered…

Here is a synopsis from one experience16:

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Researchers from Public Health Department at AUB have recently paid attention to the issue The consequences of these in decreasing breastfeeding together with the low availability of clean water contribute to increased incidence of diarrhea 14 Many organizations were reported to be involved in infant formula distribution to all mothers under their catchment’s area. The magnitude of this distribution is not fully clear, although HRC was one of the main agencies involved in this, and the consequences of such activity is not clear. Such practice, in addition to the stress caused by the war, may have affected infant feeding practices. Thus, the incidences of breastfeeding may have decreased and the low availability of clean water may have contributed to an increase in the incidence of diarrhea, UNICEF report, Distribution of infant formula during the Lebanon Crisis, 2006 15 UNICEF report, Distribution of infant formula during the Lebanon Crisis, 2006 16 Emergency response: Mother & Child Health, implemented by ANERA in partnership with IRAP, Najdeh, Palestinian Women Humanitarian Organization, Amel, Jaber, & LFPA, July-Oct. 06. This intervention succeeded in reaching out to over 15000 mothers & their young children through dissemination of under three kits & mothers kits & providing educational sessions whereby mothers learn practical skills such as home based oral rehydration mix & other.

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May Haddad: Turning relief into self reliance?

It is becoming obvious to us: The scale of the crisis is incredibly huge; most of the agencies adopt traditional approach in distributing food items & non-food items; with minimal attention to the inherent resources of people themselves. “We do it for them…when we can… and with what we have” has been a mainstream approach in relief delivery.

We decide to pay attention on the needs of mothers, infant & young children as we know of their vulnerability & that other are not paying attention. We also decide to build on the assets & to enhance partnership with mothers themselves.

We challenge Relief as an opportunity to build the capacity of relief /community workers to understand better the health issues & develop skills of community health activists…

We challenge Relief as a time to reach mothers with doable actions that they can do to protect/promote health.

We challenge Relief by creating opportunities for change within structures, attitudes & practices.

Providing commodities that are useful, safe & culturally sensitive & that mothers & young children need has not been a straight-forward task. It means that we need to continuously reflect on our actions, examine the truth of our criteria & modify17. It also implies that we need to undo the damage of multinational companies & the impact of media in promoting expensive & un-essential commodities & brand names. We discover in the process that community workers themselves are un-sensitized & that there is a need to develop with them critical thinking that helps them examine the impact of every relief commodity on mothers & children. In addition to carry on the same process with mothers themselves…

We also discover in the way, that relief can be an experience that helps us realize real needs; & that we can succeed in transforming relief into development, by simply paying attention to what we do & how we do it.

We also realize that with minimal capacity building efforts, we can succeed in empowering community workers & mothers. We note that interactive, participatory & hands on learning process is effective in enhancing our capacities as community health activists & that of mothers.

We are to examine our working principles that guide our work.

We list: cooperation, partnerships, building on assets, reflect & improve sensitivity to values & traditions, hope, seeking better life, caring, love & respect.

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As an example, when we have decided to include thermometers in the under three kits based on feedback that mothers provided, we have been faced by new dilemmas; the available mercury thermometer in the market can be unsafe to distribute & we are better off replacing them with digital thermometers that proved to be non-existent i in the market.

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May Haddad: Turning relief into self reliance?

The following are actions that help us maintain achievements18: We are to establish platforms for continued communications, networking, sharing & learning new skills among each other in a similar spirit to this experience Developing & disseminating a production on our experience in learning helps us refresh our information, adapt/apply contents to our community actions & provides a reference to help other peers learn We are to continue supporting mothers & children through many interactive approaches We have developed best practice list of doable actions that mothers can do. We can use such lists to plan our activities/interventions We are to continue recruiting youth (both male & female) & volunteers (include mothers/housewives themselves) in community actions & enforce their vital role in wider coverage & outreach We are to integrate children in our community actions both as activists and as beneficiaries.

Doctors & nurses are to be addressed with an update of scientific health information particu larly in infant nutrition & breastfeeding Delivery/Birth facilities are to be updated with best practices to support breastfeeding.

All primary health care clinics within the reach of our structures are to be encouraged to advocate best practices that mothers can do & create supportive environments to promote breastfeeding We need to actively work in identifying/researching inexpensive /affordable /useful alternatives to medicine, processed & canned food, infant food etc.

We are to explore creative approaches in our work, we can organize festive activities such as health festivals/campaigns & present skills through entertaining & engaging skits, theater & games. We can also utilize special events/dates to conduct entertainment education happenings etc.

Developing/disseminating appropriate publications targeting mothers & community members & engaging mothers themselves in developing learning materials are useful approaches.

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Summary of Reflect & Improve Process that engaged over 150 decision maker & community workers from 7 partner NGOs working in emergency mother & child health intervention during the crisis in Lebanon (paper by May Haddad, Putting the element together, Towards Effective Actions in Community Health, Nov. 06) Gesundheit Berlin (Hrsg.): Dokumentation 12. bundesweiter Kongress Armut und Gesundheit, Berlin 2007 Seite 5 von 6

May Haddad: Turning relief into self reliance?

NGOs are called upon to enhance cooperation among each other towards better health, wider coverage & better outreach We are to enhance networking among each other & among local groups & communities.

And finally, to conclude; as one community worker said:

‍ ŮˆŮ† ! ﺥ آ Ůˆ ‏#$ ‍ ا‏... ‍ؼ ŮŠ Ůƒ

ه‏ ... & ' Haddad, May People’s Health Movement Libanon Kontakt: Mail: may_haddad@hotmail.com

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Albero, Guerra e Colore Roso Mixed media

By May Haddad 2006

I remember Sabra and Shatila

By Dr May Haddad

Sep. 2013

The first week After Sabra-Shatila Massacre Sep. 1982

A memory of a scene Toys scattered in the camp's streets, No child will pick them up

A second scene

She asked me to ask the Italian soldier To stand just by her door

Note: the soldier was standing less than 10 meters away from her

Third scene Photo of an axe that was used during the massacre From Dr. Mohamed al-Khatib collection The Museum of Memories- Shatila camp

Khiam-S. Lebanon Diaries

By May Haddad

The images are about: Red roses’ struggle with blue garbage bags Concrete construction replacing the houses shelled in summer 2006 Syrian refugees in tents, here and there Sufferings at Khiam prison during the Israeli occupation 1978-2000

May Haddad Red rose and garbage bag Khiam, November 2015 Water colors 30 x 21 cm

May Haddad Construction Khiam, November 2015 Water colors 30 x 21 cm

May Haddad Khiam prison Khiam, November 2015 Water colors 30 x 21 cm

May Haddad Khiam prison Khiam, November 2015 Water colors 30 x 21 cm

May Haddad Red rose and garbage bag Khiam, November 2015 Water colors 30 x 21 cm