Parenting NH July 2017

parenting

COMPLIMENTARY

JULY 2017

NEW HAMPSHIRE

...AND

babies

INSIDE:

PLANNING FOR

BABY

MAKE SEVEN

22-PAGE SPECIAL SECTION

ParentingNH.com

Your Health, Our Trusted Experts...

...in Newborn Intensive Care.

Elliot Health System’s commitment to caring for you and your family is close to home.

As the only Level III Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in the greater Manchester area, the Elliot NICU has the high-tech resources and a team of neonatologists, nurse practitioners, nurses, and respiratory care therapists specializing in premature infant care. Babies in our NICU receive close observation, attention, and intervention for their very unique needs. Contact us to learn more about why expecting parents deliver their baby at Elliot Hospital and how the NICU plays a role in this critical decision.

Visit www.elliothospital.org or call Physician Finder at 603-663-4567.

Elliot Health System is a non-profit organization serving your healthcare needs since 1890.

NEW HAMPSHIRE

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PRESIDENT/PUBLISHER:

Sharron McCarthy, x5117 smccarthy@mcleancommunications.com EDITOR:

Melanie Hitchcock, x5157 editor@parentingnh.com GROUP ADVERTISING SALES DIRECTOR:

Kimberly Lencki, x5154 klencki@mcleancommunications.com PRODUCTION MANAGER:

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Barbara Gallaher, x5156 bgallaher@parentingnh.com Debbie Birch, x5133 dbirch@parentingnh.com OFFICE MANAGER:

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Morgen Connor, x5149 mconnor@mcleancommunications.com 150 Dow Street, Manchester, NH 03101 (603) 624-1442, fax (603) 624-1310

www.parentingnh.com Subscription: One year (12 issues) $15

ON THE COVER: Corrie and Keith Cook of Nashua have their hands full with son, Alex, 3, and quadruplets Hailey, Michael, Ellie and Benjamin. Photo taken at their home in June 2017 by Kendal J. Bush, Parenting New Hampshire’s longtime cover photographer. Check out more of her work at www.kendaljbush.com.

july 11

Stop and think 17 before you light Planning for off fireworks baby

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Keep your kids safe in the water

22-PAGE SPECIAL SECTION

departments 4

The Short List 6

I Want That 8 Cook with Your Kids 38

Dad on Board 40

House Calls 42 Raising Teens & Tweens 43

Out and About 44 Five for Families 47

From the Editor’s Desk

©2017 MCLEAN COMMUNICATIONS, LLC

Parenting New Hampshire Magazine® is published by McLean Communications, 150 Dow St., Manchester, NH 03101, (603) 624-1442. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher assumes no responsibility for any mistakes in advertisements or editorial. Statements/opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect or represent those of this publication or its officers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this publication, McLean Communications, LLC.: Parenting New Hampshire Magazine disclaims all responsibility for omission and errors.

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july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 3

from the editor’s desk DEFINING PERFECTION IN 2017 How would you describe your perfect day?

This is the question we want kids to answer as part of our third annual Young Writers Essay Contest. Who would they spend the day with? What would they do? Where would they go?

When I was growing up in Salem, my perfect day would be sunny and 90 degrees. I would go down the street to Canobie Lake Park, then across the street for a grilled cheese sandwich from Gateside – 75 cents, wrapped in wax paper and greasy. I’d ride my bike, build forts with my friends, and make sure I didn’t miss the ice cream truck so I could get Pop Rocks and a Chippedy Chocolately.

An entire day contained within a one-mile radius from my house.

Aside from reading the local newspaper, I didn’t know much about what was going on outside of my little world. I have to believe that my perfect day would have been different if the Internet, cell phones and social media had existed.

Also, my social life for the most part was comprised of hanging out with the next-door neighbors (without parental supervision until the streetlight went on). More often now kids engage socially outside their neighborhood. Whether it’s soccer practice, the Boys and Girls Club, dance class or an after-school activity, they meet many more people from different backgrounds, other schools and towns. Older kids meet those who share similar interests in the virtual world. They can play a video game or chat on Facebook with someone living across the country.

Has the world changed so much that a perfect day for a kid now would

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be completely different than what I described? Or are there things that never change about childhood – friends, adventures, ice cream?

I can’t wait to read the contest entries to find out if the more things change the more things stay the same. What is a perfect day for someone growing up in 2017? Let us know. Entries are due by Wednesday, July 14. The overall winner will appear on the cover of our August issue. For more contest information, go to page 6 or to www.parentingnh.com.

This essay contest is a great opportunity to prompt a conversation with your child. Talk with them about what your life was like growing up and how your childhoods compare. They will be both shocked and amused to hear there was a world before YouTube, iPhones and GPS.

Melanie Hitchcock Editor

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the short list ...TIPS, TRENDS & NEWS

parenting

COMPLIMENTARY

AUGUST 2016

COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

NEW HAMPSHIRE

This month on www.parentingnh.com:

Celebrate the Fourth!

Don’t miss our web-exclusive list that maps out the state’s best July Fourth celebrations, events and fireworks.

The fun doesn’t stop after July 4. If you haven’t yet planned out what you’ll be doing with your kids, check out our online Guide to Summer in NH. You’ll find information on summer fairs and festivals, bike trails, free events and more. Our online calendar is also updated daily with events throughout the state.

Also, if you have not picked up a copy of Parenting New Hampshire’s 2017 Family Summer Fun Guide at a Welcome Center or at one of our regular distribution spots, you can view the digital edition online.

Meet 2016’s

YOUNG WRITERS ESSAY CONTEST winners

Get the most out of your next parent-teacher conference PFOA: Is your water safe to drink?

ParentingNH.com

 July 4th celebrations, events and fireworks: www.parentingnh.com/Fourth-of-July-fireworks-parades-and-celebrations

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If you don’t see your choice while filling out the online survey, type it in. We will also be making editor’s picks, which — along with our poll winners — will be featured in our November issue.

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Teen leader Nakita Baht spoke at the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the YMCA Allard Center’s opening of the Center for Youth and Teen Leadership on June 5.

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Now in its seventh year, our reader poll at parentingnh.com opens on July 1, with voting continuing through Aug. 15. Readers can cast their votes for New Hampshire‘s best in more than 60 categories including Out & About, Baby Stuff, Birthday Fun, Shopping, Activities & Learning, Family Services and Restaurants. What’s the best indoor play park? What’s your favorite restaurant?

Where do you go on date night? We want to know!

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Hundreds of young people can now enjoy a safe and healthy place to call their own at the YMCA Allard Center of Goffstown. The Center for Youth and Teen Leadership provides a broad spectrum of services and programs aimed at youth, including leadership development, training, college and career support; healthy lifestyles; academic support, tutoring services and mentoring; and positive peer interactions.

Educational and exercise programs will be also be offered and the center will serve as a meeting place for the Teen Leaders Club and other groups. Other amenities include computer workstations, a game room and a kitchen.

For more information, visit www.graniteymca.org.

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Businesses and organizations play a key part in making the Granite State a fantastic place to live and raise your family. It’s time to tell us who you think is the best of the best.

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Parenting New Hampshire is hosting its third annual essay writing contest. If you are a Granite State kid who loves to write, we want to put the spotlight on you!

Winners will be chosen from three age groups: age 7 and younger; age 8-11, and age 12 and older. A winner from each of these age categories will have their essays published G WRIT N in the August issue of PNH. Additionally, an overall winner will be selected — their essay will also be published and they will be photographed by Kendal A J. Bush Photography for the Y CONT cover of Parenting NH’s August/Back-to-School issue.

The essay topic is: How would you describe your perfect day? You can write about who you might spend it with, what you would do, what time of year it is, what the weather is like, etc. Use your imagination and be creative!

If you’re the parent of a child who loves to write, this is a fun way for them to spend an afternoon after the school year ends. And teachers, this is a fun writing assignment for your class during the last days of the school year. Winners will be contacted via email or phone on Tuesday, July 11; the photo needs to be taken

by Monday, July 17, to make our print deadline.

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Also, don’t miss Parenting NH’s latest giveaway. Enter to win The Fun Pass from Breathe NH – a book of discounts and coupons for attractions, museums and amusement parks. You’ll find deals for more than 100 of New England’s favorite family attractions including Story Land, Canobie Lake Park and York’s Wild Kingdom.

Enter to win by Sept. 15: www.parentingnh.com/funpass

Enter our Young Writers Essay Contest and appear on our cover

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 Guide to Summer in NH, plus the digital version of the Family Summer Fun Guide: www.parentingnh.com/summer

Contest rules: • Essays must be 100 to 300 words.

• Submissions must be received via email or postal mail by Monday, July 10, at 5p.m.

Email to editor@parentingnh.com with Writing Contest in the subject line; or mail to Parenting NH Magazine Editor, McLean Communications, 150 Dow St., Manchester, NH 03101.

All essays must include the child’s name, age, grade level, name of school they attend (or home school), parent’s name, address and phone and email. For more information, go to parentingnh.com. Children of Yankee Publishing Inc. or McLean Communications employees are not eligible.

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Lock it up

I want that

Keeping your valuables safe while you are at the beach can be a challenge. Stash your stuff safely with SAFEGO, a stylish, lightweight lock box. With its heavy-duty lock and unique, flexible steel cable, SAFEGO attaches to a secure fixture such as a beach chair.

SAFEGO has a custom combination and key access. Available in several colors.

Available at www.safego.us and www.amazon.com; $39.95

COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

For your little star Purl Lamb is designed for little ones from infancy up to toddlerhood. In addition to the three star prints – perfect for the Fourth of July – sleeveless jumpers, sleeveless hoodies, shorts and shorties are available in a wide selection of cheerful prints. The line is ethically made by fair trade artisans with organic dyes and processes.

To view the entire line and for pricing, go to www.purllamb.com.

The ultimate carry-all for the beach Headed to the beach with kids in tow? The Beachmate is an all-inone storage system that consolidates multiple beach products in one easy-to-pack bag. Beachmate comes complete with durable buckets, shovels and a soft cooler, all packaged in a single tote bag with plenty of storage pockets. Monogramming options available.

Available at www.mybeachmate.com; starts at $78.50

Celebrate the beach year-round Pinkly Perfect celebrates trips to the beach with super cute tote bags that can be used all year, plus wristlets and pouches to keep

essentials sand-free, tanks to show and gorgeous beach-y designs. off sun-kissed skin and sweatshirts To view the entire line and for pricthat are perfect for late-night walks ing, go to www.pinklyperfect.com. on the pier. Pinkly Perfect uses catchy phrases

Ditch the bugs Summer means more outdoor adventures. Unfortunately it also means mosquitoes. Outdoor enthusiasts can avoid itchy bites and serious mosquito-borne illnesses with the Halo Repeller by Thermacell.

Halo creates a 15 foot by 15 foot mosquito protection zone, eliminating the need for sticky sprays, smelly candles or chemicals.

Available at sporting goods and home improvement retailers; $39.99.

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HAMPTON BEACHHNew Hampshire

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Fri., Aug. 18 Costume Parade: Every child wins a prize!

See Complete Schedule at www.hamptonbeach.org For FREE Travel Guide or to view our Beach Cam, visit www.hamptonbeach.org july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 9

THREE WAYS TO MAKE BIRTHDAYS SPECTACULAR! Choose from three birthday party packages to treat your child to a party that’s just right. Each includes all-day admission to the park, balloons and a Friendly’s Ice Cream Cake. Plus, they come with a special treat for you, the parent – we take care of the set-up and the clean-up, so you can forget about the details and actually have some fun!

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What you need to know about local laws and important safety precautions

By Rob Levey

F

ourth of July is just around the corner and that means fireworks – and fireworks safety.

“There are a lot of misconceptions about fireworks,” said Deborah Colby, owner of Champny’s Fireworks in Bow. “Because they are legal to buy for people, ages 21 and over, a common misconception is everything is safe—not true. Everything needs

to be handled with care to ensure everyone’s safety.”

She said one of the most important safety tips for those who plan to use fireworks, or firecrackers as they are legal now in New Hampshire, is to make sure there is a water source nearby -- a bucket or a hose. She also said fireworks should never be lit while in someone’s hand.

“Things should be secured on or in the ground, including launching tubes,” she said. “You want to block your fireworks with bricks or blocks to secure them on the side. It keeps

them from tipping over and shooting at people.”

She said reloadable fireworks require additional safety precautions.

“Brick it, block it, nail it down or bury it 5 inches into the ground so it won’t tip over,” she said. “Never light a shell outside of the tube.

Make sure it is top-side up and light only one at a time. People need to wait three-and-a-half minutes or more between each shell being discharged to ensure the new shell won’t be ignited by a hot ember in the tube.”

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 11

Fireworks safety tips Other practical safety tips include not drinking alcohol while lighting fireworks, wearing protective eyewear and not wearing flip-flops, Colby said.

“When you light a firework never look down in the tube,” she added. “Make sure to always inspect the tube before lighting them, too, to make sure there are no cracks.”

One of the most common misconceptions pertains to the use of Roman candles. Colby said many people come into her store and think they can hold one in their hands.

“This could cause the loss of fingers and should never be allowed,” she said. “It is very important for parents to know safe handling so they know how to model proper safety and also what to look for when supervising others. Please ask questions about each item you buy so you can limit the risk of harm.”

According to Chris Wyman, an investigator with the NH Fireworks Safety and Enforcement Unit, the consequences for those who do not properly use fireworks are very real. In 2015 – the last year for which data has been released – there were about 12,000 injuries reported to emergency rooms in the United States. The majority of injuries take place in the two weeks leading up to and after July 4.

“Eight thousand injuries are reported between June 19 and July 19,” he said. “Fireworks are extremely dangerous – even the novelty things people think are harmless, like sparklers, are extremely dangerous.”

Colby said her recommendation for sparklers is that parents buy the tall ones and securely stick them in the ground before lighting them.

“Children can still enjoy and watch them,” she said. “If you do choose to give your child a sparkler, please make sure they are closely supervised by an adult…There are so many wonderful things that kids can enjoy watching – they get delight out of these items, but parents need to be responsible for their use.”

Wyman said that the tips of sparklers reach upwards of 1,200 degrees F. “They can easily set children’s clothing on fire,” he said. “We had a child in New

• Always display fireworks in a clear, open area free of overhead objects. Always provide for a safe distance between buildings and any viewing audience.

• Always light fireworks on a hard, flat and level surface to ensure stability of the device.

• Never extend any part of your body over the top of any device.

• Always ignite one device at a time.

• Never attempt to re-ignite, alter, or fix any fireworks device that has failed to fire.

• Be cautious of igniting aerial devices during high wind conditions.

• Never aim, point, throw, or shoot fireworks at another person.

• Always store fireworks in a cool, dry place and dispose of properly.

Illegal fireworks

- Courtesy of New Hampshire Department of Safety, Office of the State Fire Marshal

The following consumer fireworks cannot be legally sold, possessed or used in the state of New Hampshire: • Bottle/Sky Rockets/Missiles • Any device that produces solely smoke as an effect

Are fireworks legal where I live?

Be sure to check out the laws in your town or city. The following link provides communityspecific information regarding the use of fireworks: www.nh.gov/safety/divisions/firesafety/ special-operations/fireworks/documents/ CommunityRestrictionsList.pdf

Looking for a professional fireworks display near you?

Go to www.parentingnh.com to view our most updated list for firework shows and July 4 events in your town.

12 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

• Follow your local and state laws regarding the display and possession of fireworks.

Make certain to read and follow all directions, caution labels and warnings labels on each individual firework device.

Hampshire whose clothing came into contact with a tip and 20 percent of her body was burned – it was serious.”

“The safest way to enjoy fireworks is to enjoy a public display by licensed professionals,” he said. “Find out when your community is doing a professional fireworks display and go there with your family and enjoy.”

For those who choose to light off fireworks, Colby said, “Have a healthy respect for them; use the precautions that are recommended and only buy from a licensed fireworks store.”

Rob Levey is CEO of Exponential Squared, a marketing and organizational development company focused on helping small to medium businesses. Rob never strays too far from his roots – you will find his freelance writing in numerous publications, including Parenting NH.

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Be an effective Expert tips for keeping children safe in the water this summer

By Rob Levey

water

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ith summer officially here, New Hampshire’s numerous waterways—lakes, rivers, streams, and the ocean—will be popular recreation places for many people, especially families with small children.

By the numbers • Every day, 10 people die from unintentional drowning.

• One in five people who die from drowning are age 14 and younger.

• For every child who dies from drowning, another five receive emergency department care for nonfatal injuries.

- Courtesy of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

14 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

For parents, or anyone with children under their care, experts say there are guidelines and tips for how to become more effective “water watchers.”

Winning Swimming’s Carolanne Caron, an approved water safety presenter in the state, said the most important thing to keep in mind when children are in or around the water is to account for every child every 10 seconds.

“If a child is missing, look in the water first,” she said.

She encourages water watchers to rotate positions every 15 minutes so they do not get bored or inattentive. Also, Caron provided the following guidelines: • If your child cannot swim well, you should be within arm’s reach in the water with them.

• If your child is learning to swim, you should be in the water with him/her until he/she can demonstrate successful stroke technique.

• If you want a non-swimmer to be able to be independent in the water, have them wear a US Coast Guard certified life jacket in the water.

“Do not rely on inflatable toys, arm bands, or waist bands to support your child in the water,” she added. “They can deflate.”

Tyler Gray, co-owner of NH Swim School & Swim NH, added that water watchers should pay special attention to flotation devices, including puddle jumpers, water wings, swim rings and inflatable toys.

“Flotation devices do not make a child drown-proof,” he said. “Many accidents still happen when a child is wearing a flotation device due to tipping over, getting stuck on something, or accidentally taking it off.”

He said adults should supervise their children in the water regardless as to their ability or skill level.

“Do not overestimate a child’s swimming ability due to the fact that they are wearing a flotation device that supports them,” he said.

Caron said water watchers should also be vigilant in looking out for the dangerous “too’s.”

“Watch for kids who complain of being too tired, too cold, too much sun — you want to take frequent breaks,” she said.

Gray said if there is one thing every water watcher should know it would be to not allow oneself to become distracted.

“Don’t look at your cell phone or have conversations

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with others while your children are in the water,” he said.

It is best to designate one adult as the water chaperone and take turns if possible, he added.

“That way, an adult can still tend to their other kids or make lunch,” he said.

“Making one adult responsible will really emphasize the importance of focusing on the kids in the water.”

New Hampshire is full of different kinds of waterways — lakes, oceans, rivers, etc. — although that does not change Gray’s general advice.

“Many of the same rules apply at different bodies of water, but it is important to be aware of tides and rip currents and changing water depths,” he said.

Whether approaching a lake or the ocean, Caron said water watchers should be sure that children are only swimming in designated areas. She said it is also important to set clear rules for how far your child(ren) can go out into the water.

“Non-swimmers should not go in above their navel,” she said. “If you are swimming in a private swim area, check for underwater obstacles like branches, or large or sharp rocks before swimming…If you get caught in a rip current, swim parallel to the shore until you get out of the current or can get to land.

For those who like to jump into the water, she said they should go in feet first unless the depth is more than nine feet deep.

Gray cited additional statistics from the American Red Cross, which indicate that children age 1 to 4 have the highest rate for drowning. “In the United States, drowning rates are second behind motor vehicle crashes as a cause of death from unintentional injury in children ages 1 through 14.”

If parents and caregivers adhere to the following advice, they can avoid being a statistic, he said.

“Enroll children in swimming lessons, provide close and constant supervision, and use proper barriers around home pools,” he said. “Swim in a lifeguarded area, or receive some level of training yourself in a water safety course…Things can happen quickly and quietly in the water – and just a few seconds can make the difference between a close call or a call to 911.”

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Six rules for being an effective water watcher • Attentive, functional adults who are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol • In close proximity to the children • Providing constant supervision • Not distracted by phones or socializing • Accounting for every child every 10 seconds • Able to take a break when relieved on duty by another water watcher - Courtesy of Carolanne Caron of Winning Swimming

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We are proud to announce that Parenting New Hampshire was honored seven times by the Parenting Media Association at its 2016 Design and Editorial Awards Competition.

Parenting New Hampshire brought home gold awards for Humor Column, Special Series and Service Feature; silver awards for Editor’s Note/Publisher’s Note, Ancillary Publication Overall Design and Ancillary Publication General Excellence, and a bronze award for News Feature.

This marks the 10th year in a row that Parenting New Hampshire has been honored by PMA, and we are flying high.

7

7

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NEW HAMPSHIRE

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PLANNING FOR

Baby

NEW HAMPSHIRE

22-PAGE SPECIAL SECTION

And babies make 7 Baby on board — infant car seats Why can’t we have another baby?

How dads can bond with baby Essay: work/life balance I want that baby edition

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 17

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*2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC.

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And babies

EDITOR’S NOTE: Writer Pamme Boutselis started her reporting on the Cook family in November 2016, and followed the family through late May 2017.

make 7

Quadruplets have taken this Nashua family on the adventure of a lifetime

By Pamme Boutselis

I

n 2015, Nashua natives Corrie and Keith Cook took a leap of faith and headed west to pursue their dreams. Corrie had recently been laid off, and with a newly earned MBA from Southern New Hampshire University, she and Keith responded to the lure of a lower cost of living and new job possibilities. They packed up their two-year-old son Alex and headed to Arizona.

“We had friends that had lived there for a few years and they would tell about all of the opportunities and adventures there were out there,” Keith said.

Corrie said the job market seemed to be booming in Phoenix “and we decided we had nothing to lose and took the leap,” landing in Laveen, Ariz.

And new adventures did come their way – great jobs for them both, a four-bedroom house and activities for their son Alex. Life was good. Little did they know the biggest adventure of all was headed their way.

A surprising ultrasound Nearly a year into their new life in the southwest, the Cooks decided to try for a sibling for Alex. Before long they were expecting, and about seven weeks into the pregnancy Corrie had her first ultrasound.

“I was watching the ultrasound and noticed that something looked different from our ultrasounds we had with our son,” Keith said. “I saw more than one little circle on the screen and knew something was up. I was shocked and it didn’t really set in until the doctor also mentioned she thought she saw more than one.”

Corrie’s only reaction was to laugh. “I didn’t fully believe what the doctor was telling me or what I was seeing,” she said. “I asked if they were sure they didn’t count the same one twice by accident.”

It wasn’t a case of counting one child more than once, however; it was more like counting four babies. It was a big surprise, especially in a family without a history of multiples or the use of fertility drugs.

“The only multiples that are known in our family are on my grandfather’s side,” Corrie said. “He has a brother and sister that are twins.”

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 19

Heading back home again Suddenly life in Arizona seemed daunting, being so far away from the support of friends and family in New Hampshire. The couple once again packed up their belongings and made their way home.

Alex, who turned three last October, had no inkling of what was ahead. He was fully immersed in the big gender reveal, however, when in early November the family learned their newest members would come in pairs – two girls and two boys.

In December, Corrie said, “He understands there is a baby in Mommy’s belly but doesn’t fully grasp that there are four of them! He is in for a very big surprise when they come home.”

The Cooks, who first met in Nashua in the first grade, and reconnected years later through a mutual friend when Corrie was a junior in college, had quite a few surprises in store for them as well. Little did they know

what the months to come would bring. The couple that had been together eight years and married for four initially stayed with family as they prepared to go from a family of three to a family of seven in a few short months – shorter, in fact, than most pregnancies, given the time constraints of carrying quadruplets.

Corrie’s full-term due date was April 4, 2017, but her doctors would only let her carry the quads until 34 weeks – around Feb. 21 – and scheduled a C-section. Last December, Corrie said, “Our goal right now is to make it to 28 weeks and any days further are all the better. I am, of course, hoping to make it to 34 weeks.”

Carrying quads At that time, Corrie spoke to the differences between her pregnancies: “My first pregnancy with Alex was a breeze in comparison to this pregnancy,” she said. “I was

20 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

able to enjoy my pregnancy and all of the milestones that come along with the excitement of your first pregnancy.”

With the quads, she was considered very high risk. With four babies on board, her body was expanding at four times the rate she experienced with Alex, leading to a lot of discomfort and limitations on what she could do.

“With this pregnancy, I have bed rest in my near future, which I did not have with my son,” Corrie said. “Everything about the quad pregnancy is harder, not to mention I also have a three-year-old to take care of as well!”

As the months progressed, Keith and Corrie reached out to other families who had experienced what they soon would.

“We went to a meeting in Nashua for parents of multiples,” Keith said. “I have friends who have twins so I’ve talked with them a bit. We have also been watching the shows

▼ Corrie and Keith, above, shortly before the quadruplets were born.

▼

The Cook quads, below and bottom right, had to spend time in the hospital until they reached certain milestones.

▲

The quads, above, enjoy skin-to-skin contact with their parents.

on TLC about families that have multiples together, which lets you see a glimpse into what our future will be like.”

While the couples with twins had some great advice for the Cooks, Corrie said there weren’t any quad families locally. But she did find a Facebook group for moms of quads. “I have found that very helpful as well,” she said.

Facebook played an integral role in keeping the public up-to-date on what was happening with their pregnancy, with more than 2,000 followers in a group geared specifically to the quads and the Cooks’ adventures as they awaited the babies’ arrival.

Challenges along the way In late December Corrie was hospitalized due to high blood pressure and physical discomfort. It proved to be an exhausting experience for Corrie, particularly after a treacherous ride into Boston in a snowstorm.

“It certainly opened my eyes to just how high-risk I am,” Corrie said in early January.

“Having to be monitored 24/7 was difficult.

Also, losing my privacy was hard. There is no shame at the hospital. Nurses constantly in and out, asking personal questions, measuring your urine outtake, constantly having your stomach out being monitored, not being able to wear clothes. It was all a shock at first because I had no idea what to expect.”

At this point, everything physical was hard for Corrie. She said, “Walking is almost nonexistent…as my hips and legs feel like they are going to break. Getting out of bed to use the restroom, shower, etc., is a task I dread each time.” She could no longer sit up straight, which made eating, sitting, walking – everything – very difficult.

“Due to the pain of everything being squished and stretching, I can only lay on my left side to sleep, which is difficult on my hips and has also started to cause some bruises,” Corrie said.

The couple was thankful to have family close by and willing to help. “They are truly our support system right now and have been taking turns taking Alex while I

can no longer chase him around and while I’ve been in the hospital,” Corrie said. Her grandmother made him a playroom at her house and had a bedroom set for when he stayed over.

While it wasn’t easy for Alex, Corrie said he took it all in stride as he loved seeing everyone, but some days were harder than others.

“It is hard to explain to him what is going on, so we try to make it exciting and on the weekend when Keith is home from work we spend a lot of family time together, just the three of us,” she said. “He knows there are four babies in mommy’s belly but when I ask, he tells me he’s only getting a brother, so we try to tell him he’s getting two brothers and two sisters.”

What was hardest for Corrie was the feeling she was losing her independence. “I now need to rely on others for normal daily things I used to easily do,” she said. “I know this is temporary and will all be worth it so I try to stay positive the best I can.”

The countdown begins Corrie was able to return home again after the brief hospital stay, but in a little over a week she was back in the hospital, and would remain there for three weeks prior to the quads’ arrival. Grateful the babies were continuing to show good health – and that she wasn’t experiencing any real health concerns – it was still difficult to be away from home and her family, particularly her son.

In her blog, Corrie wrote, “We try to Skype every night, which helps, but just isn’t the same.”

There was quite a bit of company and lots of medical procedures and tests. She tried to keep busy, blogging. “I pass the time in between by reading, watching Netflix, writing thank-you cards from the shower, trying to learn how to crochet, walking the halls and browsing the gift shop.” Corrie was still able to walk around a bit each day, not confined quite yet to complete bed rest.

As she entered into week three of her hospital stay in late January, excitement

started to build – perhaps a bit more excitement than they needed one Sunday afternoon. Corrie started having contractions.

She experienced a seesaw of emotions as the contractions persisted and grew closer together. She had a variety of medications and treatments to slow down the potential birth.

On the morning of Jan. 24, “My contractions decided to fizzle out,” Corrie said. “It was a two-day ride on the edge of our seats.

Of course, our friends and family were there for us and just waited for the word of when go-time was.” The Cooks were grateful to have an opportunity for the quads to delay their entry at least another day, if not another week – “The past few days showed me really anything can happen,” she said.

Time to meet the quads As the month came to a close, contractions were a daily occurrence, sometimes consistent and other times fleeting. But then it was go-time for real. On Feb. 2, Alex went from being an only child to the older brother of four siblings – Hailey Yvette, weighing in at 2 lbs. 11 oz.; Michael LaRue, 3 lbs. 7 oz.; Benjamin Robert, 3 lbs. 14 oz.; and Ellie Germaine, 3 lbs. 3. oz. Within two days, the quads were breathing on their own and just using a c-pap.

While the babies have experienced intermittent, but not serious, health issues, they were healthy overall and doing so well they were transferred closer to home before February was over. While each had milestones to pass to be able to leave the hospital, by early May all four babies would be home with their family.

Corrie, however, had a tough time recovering from the C-section and continued to bleed longer than usual.

“I had three bleeding spells and the last one resulted in a call to 911 and a ride to the ER by ambulance,” she said. “I was losing a lot of blood and passed out on the way to the hospital. Once I was at the hospital I was sent in for emergency surgery and warned that a hysterectomy may be inevitable.”

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 21

During surgery, a large piece of placenta was removed that was left over from delivery, which Corrie said is very rare after a C-section.

She didn’t need a hysterectomy, but required a blood transfusion. “It was honestly one of the scariest days of my life,” she said.

Life with quads

▲

Above, Corrie and Keith took a picture with each quad as they were released from the hospital to go home. The quads, born on Feb. 2, were all home by early May. Alex, top right, is a proud big brother to the quads, bottom right.

Now that the twins are home and Corrie is on the mend, it’s a whole new life for the Cooks as their family adjusts.

“It is such a relief to have them all in the same place to have our whole family all together,” Corrie said. “It is also quite intimidating as we are now responsible for five children 24/7 without the assistance of the doctors and nurses from the NICU.” As for becoming an instant big brother to a crew of babies, Alex didn’t initially take to the role at once.

“At first, he was not happy,” Corrie said.

“Benjamin was the first one to come and Alex realized Benjamin was still at home after the first night. He told me that Benjamin and I were in ‘time out.’ He has warmed up to them now and calls them ‘his babies.’ He is already the protective big brother that lets everyone know they are all his babies; that they can’t have them.”

The Cooks moved into their own place a week after Benjamin came home. Corrie said they haven’t fully unpacked because the babies keep them very busy.

What’s most surprising for the couple is how much work it is to take care of four infants. “I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but never fully grasped just how that would look,” Corrie said. “They like to eat at the same time, cry at the same time, etc., and there is always something or someone that needs your attention. Once I am done with one baby it’s time for the next one and so on. It is the hardest, yet most rewarding, job I’ve ever had!”

It’s tough to create a routine, but she said the most established routine is that the babies eat every three hours. “We feed whomever wakes up first and then trickle on down the line until all babies are fed. They are starting to sleep more at night, usually only waking once,” said Corrie.

Thanks to the help of friends and family, it’s been doable. “From coming along to doctors’ appointments to cleaning the house for us, to doing the overnight feedings, they have blown us away with the support and we are so thankful,” she said.

Big personalities The babies’ interactions, Corrie said, are varied and unpredictable, but when they do notice each other they stare and sometimes exchange smiles. “If they are lying on the floor next to

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each other, they will often hold hands and depending on how close they are, they will sometimes try to ‘kiss’ each other,” she said.

They each have distinct personalities, Corrie said. “Hailey is our firecracker.

She is the most expressive and loves to smile and ‘talk.’ She is also the feistiest. She was and still is the smallest, but that does not stand in her way of getting what she wants when she wants it.”

She said Michael is mommy’s boy – and the most sensitive. “He can hear my voice from a mile away and will do just about anything for me to hold and cuddle him. He has the biggest grin and knows just when to use it. He is very particular with what he likes and doesn’t like and loves to ‘talk’ to Mommy.”

Benjamin is the biggest of the four babies and their “laid-back dude.” “When everyone else is crying, Benjamin will just be hanging out wondering what the commotion is about.

He hardly ever cries,” Corrie said, “except for when he’s hungry and man, does he love his food!”

Then there’s Ellie, the “social butterfly.”

Corrie said she’s a tough egg to crack when it comes to getting smiles, but she’ll sneak a smile when you least expect it. “She loves the camera and getting her picture taken. She is also our nosy one and is very interested in who is in the room as well as loves to be a part of the conversations.”

Weighing in By late May, the quads had grown quite a bit, with Hailey weighing in at 7 lbs. 9 oz.; Michael at 8 lbs. 14 oz.; Ellie at 8 lbs. 10 oz.; and Benjamin at 10 lbs. even. Corrie said they have done relatively well given their early birth and being one of four babies.

“Hailey had an issue with eating and gaining weight, which is the reason her NICU stay

was so long,” Corrie said.

“We had to try many different formulas and medications to find exactly what would work for her.” Her weight is still monitored closely by her GI doctor and pediatrician.

“Michael has what they call a ‘soft airway,’” she said. “This is something that he will outgrow as he gets bigger and stronger. Currently with this condition we find that Michael is very noisy when he breathes and almost sounds like he’s squeaking.” Michael also was readmitted to the hospital for three weeks early on due to the flu.

Throw away the plan Just as Corrie and Keith once looked to others for advice, with the experience of her quad pregnancy behind them and an unexpected family of seven in such a short time, no doubt others will soon be looking to them for advice.

“My biggest advice would be not to panic and to just go with the flow,” Corrie said. “Before I had the quads I was a planner. I had everything planned out to the minute. When I heard I was pregnant with quadruplets my ‘plan’ went out the window. I never planned or imagined I’d have four babies at once and that was the day I learned to just go with the flow.”

She said every day is different with multiples. She is no longer fully in control of what their days look like as the demands for each baby changes daily – “and the fact that we are now officially outnumbered!”

The Cooks would like to thank everyone who has supported them through this journey. There has been an outpouring of support and offers to assist with donations and caring for the quads. They have been the subject of national news and have had widespread media attention, much to their surprise and truly appreciate the kindness and care that has been offered throughout.

Pamme Boutselis is the mom of four nowgrown kids, a serial volunteer and writer.

Follow her on Twitter @PammeB.

magine suddenly being uprooted from your job, the next day being put in a new building with a new group of co-workers and different expectations from your previous setting. How would you react? Would you immediately be able to jump right in and learn your new responsibilities or would you need time to get your bearings and make sense of what just happened? Now imagine only knowing some of the language being spoken to you or not being able to convey your feelings and emotions. That sounds terrifying, right?

If that sounds unsettling for you as an adult, imagine if you were only two or three years old. You just started being able to use the language (or maybe your second language) and you are being put into a new situation with other small people that you are supposed to be with all day… and they want your toys! Children being introduced into a child care or preschool setting have to learn to cope with a multitude of changes all at once: being separated from their parents, finding comfort and taking direction from unfamiliar adults, getting their needs met, being surrounded by a group of new children, an unfamiliar setting, a new routine – and that’s just to name a few!

Good early childhood educators understand this process, as they see it every day and are trained on how to make transitions easier. They see some children jump right in to a new setting and thrive, and conversely, they see others that are apprehensive or just flat-out cannot handle that many changes at once. The key to a successful start in school is in the preparation. Children at all levels, even the most fearless, need and crave to know what is happening to them. Proper transitioning from one activity or setting to the next helps children feel some measure of control. Just as an adult would flourish with warning before a major change is going to take effect, children can surprise you with how adaptable they can be when transitioned in the right way.

At World Academy, our Early Childhood programs, from Infants through Preschool Fours, begin in June. While earlier than a “typical” school-year, transitioning in the summer allows students to adapt and move into their new setting, meet their new friends and teachers, and explore at a slower pace to allow for their personal level of comfort and trust to be reached. The start of school at any age is an anxious beginning, but when facilitated by well-trained educators, both new students and parents can feel at ease knowing that all of their experiences are going to be individualized to meet everyone’s needs.

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Baby on

board W

ith everything you worry about while anticipating the birth of your child, a car seat may not be top of mind. But it should be. The tricky part? Ensuring it’s installed and used not only consistently, but correctly.

For more information  Car safety seat information: www.healthychildren.org  Safe Seats 4 Kids: www.safeseats4kids.aaa.com  More on child passenger safety: www.cdc.gov  Car seat recommendations: www.safercar.gov

24 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

The Journal of Pediatrics studied four years of data from the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration of crashes involving 18,000 children younger than age 15. Forty-three percent of children who were unrestrained died, and 13 percent of them were in the front seat.

There are many types of car seats meant for infants and older children.

A rear-facing car seat is a must for babies.

Used in the back seat, it has a harness. There are three types of rear-facing car seats: infant-sized, a convertible seat, and all-in-one seat.

Forward-facing car seats have a harness and a tether to limit forward motion in a crash. You can choose from convertible, combination and all-inone seats.

Booster seats are for older kids.

Buying the correct seat is only the first step. According to the Journal of Pediatrics, a study of parents exiting the hospital with newborns found that 95 percent had installed the car seat incorrectly, and 91 percent made a “very serious and life-threatening error.” About 75 percent of parents face car seats the wrong way.

Vehicle safety technology has made great strides over the years, and that includes child restraint systems, or CRS. But the seat, built to cradle your baby and protect their fragile neck and spine, is only as good as its installation.

The most common mistake, according to child passenger safety instructors, is not tightening the car seat belts enough around the child. People worry about buckling babies in too tightly. But in New Hampshire, where bulky snowsuits are worn in winter, not tightening the belt is a problem because the harness or belt isn’t snug enough to protect the tiny passenger from violent motion in a crash—or even from the jolt of a sudden stop.

Go to the experts We tote around baby carriers and car seats as big as Barcaloungers, but are they safe? Even with the highest safety rating, as little as a one-inch difference in installation can mean the difference between protecting your infant and disaster.

To ensure you got it right — that is, “the right seat, the right size, the right use”— there are “inspection stations” across the state at police and fire stations,

What you need to know about about seating children in cars and on planes

By Mary Ellen Hettinger

hospitals and AAA offices. Most of them operate by appointment. To find one near you, go to www.safercar.gov.

At the appointment, an actual CPS (Child Passenger Safety technician, certified by the government) will examine your car seat and how you are using it.

Positioning your precious cargo The best place for your infant’s car seat is in the middle of the backseat if there is a seat belt there, because it’s the farthest from areas of impact in a crash. The reason seats need to be installed with the baby facing the rear of the car is that they are five times safer, according to the Journal of Pediatrics.

Because of gravity, a baby in a car seat facing the front

is “much more likely to sustain a head or spinal injury if the car stops short.” (Picture whiplash.)

How to register your car seat Rear-facing seats should be used until toddlers are 2, or until they’ve outgrown the size limit (height and weight) for that seat. So keep the instructions and register your car seat in case of a safety recall.

Follow the instructions in the package. Similar to most warranties, registration can be done by filling out and mailing the postcard that comes with the car seat, or online at the manufacturer’s site. Do this before you forget, even before you send out all those baby-shower thank-you notes.

Babies on a plane Children up to 24 months can fly for free if held on your lap while traveling on commercial airlines. But that means they’re vulnerable to becoming loose objects in sudden altitude drops or turbulence.

For lots of reasons — exposure to germs, unpredictable lengthy waits on the tarmac or in terminals, painful air pressure on tiny eardrums, other passengers’ comfort — the best advice when it comes to air travel with infants or babies is don’t. Have grandparents visit you.

If you must fly, first find out that airline’s policy about using car seats on a plane. Although airlines will accept car seats and strollers as luggage on the plane at no charge, the Federal Aviation Administration and the American Academy of Pediatrics “strongly recommend” using an FAA-approved child restraint device. That means paying for a seat for the child.

The catch is not all car seats are approved for jets.

There’s also something called a CARES (Child Aviation Restraint System) harness for tots who are at least one year of age. See if your car seat is approved by the FAA (the seat should be labeled), confirm with the airline, and check out www.babycenter.com for more.

Also be aware that seats in coach are usually only 16 inches wide, so you need to make sure your seat will fit.

Also, a car seat can’t be used in an exit row or an aisle seat for safety reasons. So baby gets the window seat.

Remember: drive safely, always use a child restraint system that is installed properly, and make sure everyone is buckled in. Then relax. Before you know it, your tiny passengers will be waging wars in the back seat.

Mary Ellen Hettinger, APR is an award-winning reporter, editor and writer, and accredited public relations professional.

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 25

AdvERTISEMEnT

How-To Pack Your Emotional Suitcase

By Laura Lombardi, LICSW

R

egistries, birthing plans, hospital bags, and baby names. Preparing for a baby can be an exciting time for a new mother and the entire family. However, the physical and emotional demands during this time can be overwhelming. How could it not be? It is a huge life transition with additional responsibilities, increased financial strain, and the unwritten how-to guide for raising children. For mothers, the perinatal time, or the weeks before and after birth, are physically and emotionally demanding, and can be overwhelming. We have brought together some information to help you plan for this both joyous and challenging time.

Unfortunately, some of the demanding aspects of parenthood are not talked about, which makes it difficult if not impossible to prepare. Then, because no one else is talking about it, mothers and their partners feel that they must be alone in this. The reality is that you are not alone.

Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, including postpartum depression, are common, preventable, and treatable complications of pregnancy and the postpartum period.

Without preparation and treatment, mothers can suffer through this joyous time, feel guilty for the emotions that they experience, and feel alone and isolated. That’s why it is important to know yourself, the challenges you are planning to face, and options for prevention and treatment.

According to Wenzel and Kleinman (2015) as many as 80% of women experience “baby blues” following childbirth.i This transition period is characterized by tearfulness, mood swings, anxiety, and insomnia, which is attributed to hormone changes. Mothers are often physically exhausted and sleep deprived during this time, which contributes to the emotional challenges of being a parent.

These symptoms are usually self-resolving once

hormones settle, parents become more confident with caring for their child, and hopefully have been able to get some sleep.

Some mothers continue to experience symptoms beyond this time frame or suffer additional symptoms that are more extreme. These challenges can interfere with daily functioning, caring for their babies, even bonding. Some common symptoms of perinatal distress include:

• Depressed mood • Lack of interest • Change in appetite • Sleep disturbance • Low self-worth • Guilt • Concentration difficulties • Intrusive thoughts • Suicidal thoughts

Signs of psychological distress are as real and disruptive as any medical problem and require attention and treatment. It is important for mothers to know the risk factors and the options available for prevention and treatment help.

Risk factors for mothers include a history of anxiety or depression, a stressful relationship with their partner, financial strain, genetic predisposition, baby’s temperament, and difficulty with breastfeeding.ii These mothers are at a higher risk of experiencing psychological distress before and after having a baby. While being exposed to risk factors does not mean that a mother is guaranteed to endure perinatal psychological distress, it does highlight a need for awareness and attention for that mother. Many stressors that families can man-

30 Temple St., Suite 105, Nashua, NH 03060 603-880-9880 • www.hp-nh.com i ii

• Anxiety • Panic attacks • Psychosis • Obsessions • Compulsions • Increased arousal • Detachment • Trauma response • Rumination

age prior to the pregnancy or birth may increase or become overwhelming during this time. Keep in mind, partners are not impervious to the stress and changes involved in the perinatal transition.

They too may experience symptoms of anxiety, depressed mood, and stress requiring support and treatment as well.

When symptoms of perinatal distress occur and persist, effective medical and alternative treatment options for mothers and families include individual and/or group therapy, medication management, transcranial magnetic stimulation, acupuncture, and many other options. For treatment success, mothers and families must talk about their experiences and seek support.

The following tips help mothers and their families “pack their emotional suitcase” with the tools needed to recognize and manage the unique emotional challenges that come with welcoming a baby.

Accept help: It has been said that caring for a baby takes a village. Mothers and families are not alone. Small breaks from daily stressors can make a big difference: allow a trusted adult to hold the baby while the mother naps or accept a friend’s offer to help with housework.

Prioritize your health: Pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting are physical and emotional tests. Mothers and families must take care of themselves and the baby. Eat healthy meals and snacks, drink water, sleep, and engage in light physical activity with a doctor’s approval.

Be Proactive: Be knowledgeable about the emotional challenges of the perinatal time including the symptoms of psychological distress to be aware of for keeping mothers and families healthy.

Mothers should not allow fear of judgement to needlessly prolong their pain or their ability to seek help. Avoid crisis by taking steps to care for yourself every day.

Laura Lombardi is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker at Healthy Perspectives – Innovative Mental Health Services, PLLC. Her areas of interest consist of women’s issues (including perinatal mood and anxiety disorders such as postpartum depression), anxiety, depression, adjustment issues, grief and loss, relationship issues, family/ couples therapy, and PTSD.

Wenzel, A., & Kleinman, K. (2015). Cognitive behavioral therapy for perinatal distress. new York, nY: Taylor & Francis.

Screening for perinatal depression. Committee Opinion no. 630. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Obstet Gynecol 2015;125:1268–71.

26 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

Why can’t we have another baby?

Age and health issues can be contributing factors to secondary infertility

By Jacqueline Tourville

K

ate, a mom of two from Dover, and her husband, John, were eager to have another baby.

“The plan was three kids,” Kate said. “It’s the family size we always envisioned and it really looked like we were on the way to making this dream a reality.”

But as they tried to get pregnant with baby number three, Kate and John (last name withheld for privacy reasons) were having a different experience – they had trouble conceiving.

“Month after month went by…and no plus sign showed on the pregnancy test. It had been so easy before to have babies.

We couldn’t figure out what was wrong,” she said.

Eventually, Kate scheduled a check-up with her OB/GYN. She told her doctor she and her husband had tried to conceive for a year but were unsuccessful.

That’s when Kate learned about secondary infertility.

When getting pregnant isn’t so easy Secondary infertility is the inability to get pregnant naturally or carry a pregnancy to term after successfully conceiving one or more children, according to RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association. Secondary infertility affects as many as 12 percent of women in the United States and accounts for more than half of all infertility cases.

“It was shocking to hear my doctor using the word ‘infertility’…I had already had two successful pregnancies.

Why was this happening to us?” Kate said.

Infertility is diagnosed after one year of trying to conceive or after six months, if the woman is 35 or older. The underlying causes of infertility vary. In women, fertility delays can be related to problems with ovulation or other women’s health issues, like endometriosis or even an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism). In men, low sperm count and other sperm-related problems may be the cause.

But an increasingly common explanation for secondary infertility is age.

“We are seeing more infertility related to advanced maternal age. As women delay conception, they are finding it more difficult to conceive if they are in their late 30s and early 40s,” said

Kim Thornton, M.D., a reproductive endocrinologist at Boston IVF and a clinical professor at Harvard Medical School.

Simply put, as women age, so do their eggs. Older eggs may not be as viable for conception. For example, a 27-year-old has a 75 percent chance of conception after 12 months of unprotected sex; over age 35, the chance drops to 40 percent. By age 45, a woman’s chance of conceiving naturally is 5 percent.

Dr. Thornton also noted that certain environmental toxins can affect fertility, as well as lifestyle factors like obesity and smoking.

Help for secondary infertility If secondary infertility is an issue, help is available. Fertility may be boosted by losing weight, quitting smoking, and taking other steps like tracking ovulation to maximize fertility.

If these remedies don’t work, couples have the option of using assisted reproductive technologies, such as fertility treatments. Today’s fertility treatments are cutting-edge, with options ranging from medications that help stimulate ovulation to intrauterine insemination (IUI) to in vitro fertilization (IVF).

Some couples may decide to use a donor egg, donor sperm, or both.

If there’s a drawback to today’s assisted reproductive techniques, it is cost. Because insurance carriers in New Hampshire are not required to cover fertility care, couples may need to carefully weigh fertility treatment costs as they make decisions about their care. A single round of IVF, for example, can cost in the $10,000-$20,000 range.

Coping emotionally Dealing with infertility is stressful and as Kate and John began to explore their fertility options, Kate noticed the heavy emotional toll it was taking on them.

“Everywhere we took our kids, I saw other moms with pregnant bellies…and because we already have two healthy, adorable kids, I felt like it was ridiculous to feel so jealous.”

Some couples join fertility support groups to help them cope with the emotions of infertility. Individual or couples therapy may also be beneficial. Kate and John decided that the best course of action for them would be to take a break from worrying — or even thinking — about having another baby.

“I obsessed about fertility and pregnancy every day for three years, and it was making me crazy…so I donated all the baby clothes I had been saving up. We put our beloved crib on Craigslist, and now we’re focusing on having fun with our kids.”

Kate and John, 40, are still trying “the good old-fashioned way to” conceive, and if Kate gets pregnant, great. They are also squirreling money away for IVF and hope to undergo a round by the end of the year.

Whatever happens, Kate is at peace with it.

“What I’ve learned from this experience is that I still can be a happy woman and a happy mom even when things don’t go as planned. It’s going to be OK, no matter what.”

Jacqueline Tourville is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives on the Seacoast.

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 27

Bonding with baby

I

t’s different for everyone, but when it happens you know.

“For me, I felt that skin-to-skin was a good bonding experience for both myself and each baby,” said Al Dugan, father of two from Keene. “I could do without the sleep deprivation, but man, there's nothing better than your sleeping infant curled up on your chest, warm and peaceful as can be, while you stay up until the early morning hours watching endless TV. If it's her favorite spot and she can go several hours without waking up it is so worth it.”

“Hopefully this is not weird, but I always loved sniffing my baby's head,” he added. "I still do it to my 1-year old after bath time."

Moms can have bonding experiences with baby such as breastfeeding and, of course, the nine months or so the baby spends in her body, but there’s plenty of ways for dads to create strong and lasting bonds with their children.

In recent years there has been a push to emphasize the importance of dads being given the time and opportunities they need to bond with baby.

“I think this is a combination of social change that moves away from traditional gender roles and research demonstrating the importance of fathers,” said Janis Lilly, program coordinator for The Upper Room, a Family Resource Center’s Teen Information for Parenting Success Program (TIPS) and the resource specialist for Rockingham County for Child and Family Services Health Family America program.

Her inclusion and advocacy for young fathers through New Hampshire’s E3 Fatherhood Program has been a highlight.

“Many young adults,” she said, “are more

28 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

likely to be looking for partners who will share in both earning an income and taking care of the family.”

This is a departure from the traditional roles of the “breadwinner and homemaker,” she said. The research has also started to catch up with this notion, showing the importance of dads for children’s development. The upshot is children with warm and involved fathers, Lilly said, have better outcomes across the board.

“Children whose fathers are involved in positive ways do better in school, have fewer behavioral issues, and have healthier social connections,” Lilly said. “For fathers, especially for young fathers, being involved with children can help them avoid risky behavior, and boosts confidence and feelings of self-worth.”

Bonding with your baby, said Carrie Santos of Child and Family Services, is as simple as loving them. There are many ways to show your love, including feeding and caring for them, changing diapers and responding to their cues to provide emotional attachment.

All of this, Santos said, teaches baby that they can count on dad to care for them and keep them safe.

“Bonding is important because we know that healthy attachments provide the necessary foundation for children to grow and selfregulate their emotional temperature,” Santos said. “We want babies to grow up healthy and happy.”

Lilly said when children trust their caregivers very early in life they build a foundation for trusting others in future relationships.

But, bonding may feel different to each father, Lilly said. Dads can look for signs that their baby recognizes them and responds positively to them (making eye contact, smiling, giggling). That said, if a baby doesn’t do those things right away, that isn’t a reason to panic, as some babies are just a little slower to be social.

“Each baby and father will bond differently,” she said. “The key is to just keep engaging with the baby in positive ways: talking, singing, smiling, holding, bathing and feeding are all ways that fathers can bond with their babies.”

It’s also helpful for fathers to seek out a play group where they can take their kids and share their feelings and concerns with other parents. Lilly also suggests engaging in a program such as the home visiting programs offered by Child and Family Services or parenting support groups at local statewide family resource centers like The Upper Room in Derry.

“Dads can begin to feel isolated if they do not have someone to bounce these natural and normal concerns off of,” Lilly said. “These programs work with families and fathers as tour guides of fatherhood, not just travel agents who wish you well on your trip.”

Sometimes the bonding process is slow

to start. This occurs for a variety of reasons, Santos said, such as an extended hospital stay, mom and dad not co-parenting, a medical or developmental reason, or baby is colicky and just doesn't bond.

“It happens,” she said. “Our advice is to just keep trying and not give up. The more involved dads can be, the better. If dads have the ability to engage with their babies and establish a routine, just through repetition a form of bonding can occur.”

Lilly said it is also important for fathers not to compare their own bonding process to the one baby has with mom. Mothers who have carried the baby can – although not always – have a bond before the child is even born.

“The process of giving birth is also a powerful experience for many women,” Lilly said. “Men’s role in pregnancy and birth is different, so their bonding process may also be different. “ For example, she said, women sometimes bond through breastfeeding whereas men may bond by playing with their babies or engaging in other basic care such as bathing and soothing.

That was what the process was like for Westmoreland father of two Justin Barney.

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“I'd say that the bonding experience was gradual,” said Barney. “Although I hugged, cuddled, kissed, rocked, and changed diapers, our children relied heavily on their mom in the earliest stages of infancy. It wasn't until later, after they were weaned, that I was able to bond at another level. The experience of bonding was precious as a new dad.”

Paid paternity leave is still not universal and so dads early on find they have to make time for bonding.

“Traditionally we link that to financial support, which is absolutely a component,” Lilly said. “However, most people's best memory of their father or father figure is when they shared an activity or connected in common, everyday ways. Even if you are separated from your child or children, by minutes or miles, you can build a strong foundation in your relationship by being present and actively engaged when you do have that one-on-one time.”

Which means, said Santos, making time at some point during the day to see your baby.

Whether it’s the 3 a.m. feeding or the nighttime bath ritual, dads can be present, she said.

Reading to baby, using silly voices, blowing

“raspberries” on bellies — all endear dad to baby. If you have to be away, Santos said, try using a smart phone to record messages or video that others can play for baby to hear.

“Make the time you are together meaningful but most importantly make the time,” Santos said. “It sounds so trivial but the most important way for dads to bond with their baby is to just try.”

For Barney, bonding included long walks, "tummy time,” and playing music with his kids. As they’ve gotten older that’s evolved into, “regular dates out, camping with just me and them, and specific one-on-one time is part of my routine.”

Dugan suggests including the kids in favorite activities like biking.

“Once they are over a year old and have good-enough sitting posture, get yourself one of those little seats that attach to your mountain bike – the kind that attaches in front of you rather than in back of you. I find this to be a lot safer and more comforting for both toddler and dad. It's a ton of fun for both of you and a great way to bond.”

Melanie Plenda is a full-time freelance journalist and mother living in Keene.

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AdvErTIsEmENT

New Advice for Parents to Prevent Food Allergies

By Helen Poremba, M.D., F.A.A.P

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elaying the introduction of solid foods, or restricting the diversity of food in first year of life may actually increase the risk of your child developing a food allergy. For example, multiple studies have shown that early introduction of peanuts significantly decreases the likelihood of developing a peanut allergy, even among children at high risk for peanut allergy.

Here are some general guidelines to help parents understand how to safely introduce allergenic foods The list of allergenic foods includes eggs, soy, peanuts and tree nuts (in butter form), wheat, fish and shellfish, and milk products such as yogurts.

First, your infant should be at least four months old and developmentally ready to consume foods. Your infant should be able to sit with support, have good head and neck control, be able to learn forward and open his or her mouth to show interest in food, and be able to turn away when full or not interested.

Next, your infant should already have tolerated the more typical initial foods such as rice or oat cereal, pureed vegetables and fruits. If these two criteria are met, then the infant is ready for an initial taste of one of these foods at home (not at a daycare or restaurant) with an oral antihistamine like Benadryl available. If there is no reaction, the amount of food can be gradually increased. It is important not to introduce a new food and then not offer it again for a month. Avoiding the food after having success with the first introduction can actually increase the risk of a child becoming allergic.

Certain infants should be seen by an allergist before introducing allergenic foods: infants with moderate to severe eczema that is difficult to control, and those infants who have already reacted to a food or a suspected food allergy. Check with your pediatrician if you have any concerns.

Enjoy trying new foods with your baby!

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The seemingly impossible task of balancing two full-time jobs

By Melanie Plenda

Stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom

T

his assignment is late. I’m sitting on my couch. It’s 10:30 at night and my boys are asleep upstairs in their beds and did I mention that this assignment is very late.

Asleep in her bassinet, my littlest stirs and draws my attention. She giggles and then honks like a goose – the latter due to a floppy glottis, the former due to good nature—and wakes herself up. Now she’s staring at me. It’s 10:40 p.m. This assignment is still late, but at least now I have company while I write it.

And so it goes. I’m a full-time mom of three, a full-time journalist, all of it done from the comfort of my home and usually without ever having to put on pants. My husband is also self-employed. He watches the kids in the morning and works in the afternoon. We switch in the middle.

I feel so bad, this is so late. My littlest starts to fuss and I pick her up.

She lays her head, soft like a pony’s nose, on my shoulder. Late, late, late. I feel guilty for taking the time away from my story, for letting myself get closer to sleepy and farther away from finishing my work, but my baby’s only two months and she needs me.

So I compromise. I rock her while my mind multitasks, alternating between coming up with some solid phrasing for the story and planning out my day tomorrow: 6 a.m.: Wake up, have some coffee, watch a little news.

6:30 a.m.: Enjoy a nice hot shower, get dressed, do my hair, and hey, maybe even throw on some makeup. Why not? Let’s live a little.

7 a.m. to 2:45 p.m.: Turn a phrase, rake some muck, churn out the prose and otherwise be a brilliant journalist until it’s time to mom again.

3 to 8:30 p.m.: Make cookies with the kids; clean my house according to the three-ring organizer I keep stashed in that Pinterest household control center I totally had time to make; build a fort for my kids in the Usonian style of Frank Lloyd Wright; take them for a walk in the woods where we have a tender moment watching a tiny butterfly emerge from its cocoon; make dinner devoid of carbs, gluten, fats, fillers, and yet full of flavor; teach the kids Mandarin and get everyone bathed and in bed by 7 p.m.

In the cool, dark quiet of my house at almost midnight, the schedule fits together so neat, so tidy.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

But here’s how it’s actually going to go down.

4:30 a.m.: Wake up to finish the story I convinced myself the night before I would have time to finish in the morning before my editors get into work, so technically it’s like getting it in the day before.

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 31

Family photos courtesy of Melanie Plenda

5:15 a.m.: Really, I’m getting up. I’m really going to finish that story.

6 a.m.: GAH! I overslept. Rush to get into the shower, husband is in there, run downstairs to warm up yesterday’s coffee, wait for the shower.

6:10 a.m.: Run back up to the bathroom. Oldest son is in there! Start computer.

6:15 a.m.: Make an outline for story – wait! Is the bathroom free? Nope, my other son just snuck in. Keep writing. Showers are for suckers.

7 a.m.: Husband asks where oldest son’s red shirt with the blue stripes is.

In his drawer. Back to work.

7:10 a.m.: Oldest son comes in to ask where his red shirt with the blue stripes is. Still in his drawer.

7: 20 a.m.: Husband, “babe, are you sure—“ 7:21 a.m.: Retrieve red shirt with the blue stripes. It was in the drawer.

7:55 a.m.: Realize there’s no way I’m going to finish my story in time.

Throw myself on my editor’s mercy.

You see where this is going, yes? The time I set aside for my kids typically isn’t much smoother. Some days, by the time I get to that part of the afternoon, I’m so exhausted that together time consists of all the babies laying on me while I sleep and they let me. Power Rangers on a loop usually gets the job done.

Now it’s 1 a.m. and I’m very sleepy, but I have to finish this story. The baby finally finds that just right spot beneath my chin and falls back asleep. Afraid she might wake up, I let her sleep while I balance my computer on the arm of the couch and wrap my arms around her and type.

I’m not special in this, nor am I alone. I see you. The ones who do both, stay at home to care for the kids while also continuing a career. There are lots of us out there. I get asked sometimes how I do it. But the answer is, I don’t know, I just do. We have to.

When you get a call that there is a crime scene or a fire you need to get out to but you’re home alone with your baby. What do you do? Do you say no and stay home? No. You get creative. You strap that baby to your chest, go to the scene and start asking questions of sources and then be like, ‘What? That’s just my partner.’ Totally works.

I mean, you haven’t lived until you’ve run after one child while breastfeeding another and conducting a phone interview about the scourge of bullying in schools.

You do what you gotta do. You learn to type one-handed. You learn to enjoy taking showers at night and invest in a lot of dry shampoo. You learn to adapt, to think quickly and to make it work. Because at the end of the day your kids are counting on you, you may have a partner counting on you, and you are counting on you.

32 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

There are days where that is overwhelming. You worry in your bed that you did your best as a parent and did your best as an employee and still no one got what they needed, least of all, you. There will be those days, but take heart. You really were enough and I guarantee you did better than you think you did.

You will make mistakes and sometimes not everything will get done.

Sometimes you will just be too tired to play or do just what your kid wants you to do and you will feel guilty.

Stop. Just, stop.

First, guilt is a real time-suck. And you already don’t have enough time. So really, stop.

Second, know this about children – even if you took your kid to an amusement park wearing candy pants to ride unicorns that shoot rockets out of their butts, at the end of that experience they would still ask you, “Can we do something fun today?”

Yes, they want to go do fun stuff, but they also just like being with you. You know how I know? My sons are never more cranky than when we run out of time in the day for “cozy time,” which is the 30 minutes before school and at the end of the day when we all sit together on the couch as a family under a blankie.

That’s it. That’s what does it for them. No rockets needed.

Lastly, give yourself permission to say no. You can spend your day seeking perfection in your work and parenting and be forever frustrated, or you can go easy on yourself and decide that some things can wait until tomorrow or ditched altogether. There is no prize for being perfect. It’s true, I checked. And no one actually cares if you are perfect. They are all too busy worrying you might find out they are not perfect (I’m looking at you all on Pinterest).

So if you need to finish something for work instead of volunteering at school this time, that’s OK. If you need to watch Nature Cat with your son instead of doing that one more thing for work, that’s OK. If you need to wash-the-car-do-thelaundry-clean-the-dishes-mow-the-lawn-vacuum-grout-the-tub, that can wait, too, and it’s more than OK. In the moment you might worry it will never get done, but I assure you, you will get to it. The world won’t end; your prize won’t go to someone else.

My baby is lying next to my leg on the couch. She’s got one peeper closed and is eyeballing me with the other one.

She’s a bit suspicious I might up and leave. I smile at her and that seems to do the trick.

She settles into my thigh and lets her eye close. The sound of keystrokes lulls her to sleep.

Melanie Plenda is a longtime contributor to Parenting New Hampshire.

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our birth experience is impacted by many, many things. It is impossible to predict the outcome of any birth. Preparing for birth by learning about your place of birth, your choices, and by taking classes to get ready can help you explore and alleviate some of the worries that come up. One way you can do this is by becoming an “educated healthcare consumer” by learning about birth options in your community. You have a choice.

Becoming an active participant in your health care options It used to be that when a woman became pregnant (or thought she would like to become pregnant), she would choose her OB based on suggestions of family or friends, word of mouth, personal experience, or even proximity to the home. Then, the hospital where her OB delivers babies is where she would deliver her baby.

New research indicates that where a mom delivers her baby can have a significant impact on her birth experience, even more so than her health care provider. Where a woman gives birth can impact her risk of cesarean birth and how supported and informed she feels during the birth process. Neel Shah, MD, an obstetrician from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and Harvard Medical School in Boston, found in his research that more than 70% of women emphasized choice of OB over choice of hospital, but that choice of hospital had a greater impact on their birth. This allows healthcare consumers to more fully understand the complexity of the healthcare system in deciding about their prenatal and birth care. Most healthcare consumer information available is not specific to childbirth related care. However, below are some good places to start for information. Families should also consider calling the hospital, going for a tour and asking specific questions, and asking if quality information if publicly available, for example on quality boards inside the unit.

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Our award-winning care, continual quality improvement efforts, choice of prenatal care providers, comprehensive childbirth preparation and familycentered model make CMC a hospital of choice for families across the region.

Compassionate excellence at CMC From prenatal care, through delivery, special needs, and postpartum follow up, families who deliver at Catholic Medical Center benefit from personal attention, and the highest level of evidenced-based care available for women and infants. Families who have their babies at CMC have a variety of prenatal care choices: access to the most comprehensive childbirth preparation program in the state, a familycentered midwifery hospitalist model, a first in the nation level II Special Care Nursery and coming soon – a personalized app to help support your prenatal and postpartum journey.

CMC has one of lowest cesarean birth rates in the state and current quality improvement initiatives focus on increasing vaginal births. Our focus on patient experience means that our families report they feel nurses are compassionate, explain things in ways they understand and are attentive to their needs. Our Special Care Nursery is prepared to care for infants who deliver at 32-weeks or greater and, if an infant needs more

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What is Newborn Screening?

By Jillian Ozmore, MS, LGC

N

ewborn screening is a public health program that is designed to identify babies with treatable medical conditions to prevent or lessen health problems. Babies with these conditions often look healthy, but still have a serious disease. Early diagnosis through newborn screening allows treatment to be started as soon as possible, hopefully before complications develop.

Every state in the United States has a newborn screening program, including New Hampshire.

Newborn screening in New Hampshire tests babies for several groups of medical disorders including metabolic conditions, endocrine conditions, hemoglobin conditions, congenital hearing loss, critical congenital heart disease and other genetic conditions that do not fall into the above groups.

Metabolic conditions are caused by problems with enzymes. Enzymes are special proteins in our body that help us process and breakdown food and chemicals. When the enzymes do not work, proteins that our body needs may not be made or toxic chemicals can build up. This can lead to serious medical problems including difficulties with growth, seizures, developmental delay and even in some cases death. Often with early diagnosis, metabolic conditions can be treated to avoid serious health problems. Medicine or changes in diet are often necessary for treatment.

When babies make too much or too little of certain hormones this is called an endocrine condition. Hormones are chemicals that control activities in our body. One example of an endocrine condition is congenital hypothyroidism. If a baby with congenital hypothyroidism is not treated with medication they can develop growth problems and developmental delays.

Hemoglobin is the part of the blood that carries oxygen to all parts of the body. Hemoglobin disorders, such as sickle cell anemia, are also part

Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center Genetic Counseling One Medical Center Drive Lebanon, NH 03756 (603) 629-8355

34 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

of newborn screening. Sickle cell anemia is an inherited blood disorder characterized by chronic anemia and episodes of pain. Many treatments are available for hemoglobin disorders to help symptoms and prevent complications.

Critical congenital heart disease is another condition screened for in New Hampshire. Sometimes a baby’s heart does not form normally, which can affect how the heart is able to pump blood. Heart problems may not be found before a baby is born and sometimes they do not become a problem until after the baby is already home from the hospital. Critical congenital heart disease can be life threatening if is not treated so it is recommended that all babies are screened shortly after birth.

It is also recommended that newborn babies are screened for congenital hearing loss. There are many reasons that a baby may be born with hearing loss. Sometimes things happen during the pregnancy that affect a baby’s hearing and sometimes babies may have a birth defect that causes the ear to not form normally. Most commonly the hearing loss is caused by a genetic condition.

Regardless of the cause without early identification and treatment, congenital hearing loss can cause delays in speech development.

Lastly there are other genetic disorders that are part of the newborn screening program that do not fit into the groups mentioned above. One example is cystic fibrosis, which is a disorder that affects the lungs and digestive system. Babies with this condition have problems gaining weight and chronic lung infections. Another example is a condition called severe combined immune deficiency or SCID. SCID is a condition that causes problems with a baby’s immune system. Both of these conditions can be life threatening without medical treatment.

Almost all of the newborn screening tests,

Dartmouth-Hitchcock Manchester Genetic Counseling 100 Hitchcock Way Manchester, NH 03104 (603) 629-8355

except for the screening for congenital hearing loss and critical congenital heart disease, are performed with a blood test. A few drops of blood from the baby’s heel are placed onto a special filter paper.

This is usually done when the baby is 24-48 hours old before they leave the hospital. The blood is then sent to the laboratory for testing.

The results from the newborn screening tests will be sent to your baby’s doctor. If your baby has a positive newborn screening test you will be contacted by your baby’s doctor or someone from the state newborn screening program and they will explain what you will need to do next. Newborn screening is not perfect, so not every child with a positive screening test will have the condition. Usually further screening and testing is needed after a positive screen to make a diagnosis.

It is important to remember that most of the conditions that are tested for as part of the newborn screening program are very rare. Most babies identified by newborn screening with one of these conditions do not have any other affected family members. Many of the conditions are carried by parents with no symptoms. Newborn screening is performed on every baby so that babies who need treatment are found as soon as possible. Even though most babies are born without any of the conditions tested, if your baby has one of these rare conditions, newborn screening could save your baby’s life.

Jillian Ozmore, MS, LGC is a Licensed Genetic Counselor for Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock. She has particular interest in newborn screening and has served on the NH newborn screening advisory committee since 2007. Ozmore offers services for both pediatric and adult patients at DartmouthHitchcock Manchester, Dartmouth-Hitchcock Nashua and Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. For more information visit CHaDkids.org/genetics.

Dartmouth-Hitchcock Nashua Genetic Counseling 2300 Southwood Drive Nashua, NH 03063 (603) 629-8355

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 35

I want that ...SPECIAL PLANNING FOR BABY EDITION COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

A comfortable way to carry your baby

Diaper change on the go Baby Change-N-Go is a portable diaper changing station that hangs from public bathroom stall doors and walls and folds up to fit in your diaper bag or stroller when not in use. This convenient, sanitary, and safe solution for changing your little one is a necessity for crowded restaurants, airports, rest stops and more.

Holds up to 40 pounds. Available in three colors.

Available at www.babychangengo.com; $99

The Woombie Wrap and Go is ergonomically designed to ensure comfort for baby and caregiver. This cotton and Spandex baby carrier is a hands-free wrap ideal for multi-tasking and moving around while keeping baby safe and snuggled. Holds babies from two to 15 pounds and comes in five different colors.

Available at www.woombie.com; $44

Redesigned onesie With Skadoosie's super-soft, Velcro fastener at the center of the chest, you can avoid all that over-the-head hassle. There’s also a bottom flap that fastens at the sides like a diaper. With no front snaps or stiff fabric, your tiny tot will be at ease in this improved onesie.

Listen to your baby’s heartbeat anytime My Baby’s Heartbeat Bear is an adorable stuffed animal that comes with a heart-shaped recording device to capture the sound of baby’s heartbeat during an ultrasound appointment. My Baby’s Heartbeat Bear was created by an ultrasound technician who wanted to help moms-to-be listen to their baby’s heartbeat whenever they want. A variety of animals is available.

Available at www.skadoosie.com; $26 to $48.50

Available at www.mybabysheartbeatbear.com; $39.99

Keep food off the floor The Tray Buddi attaches to most high chairs, booster seats, strollers and wheelchairs to keep food, cups, toys and objects on the tray and off the floor. An ingenious solution that keeps messes to a minimum, the Tray Buddi can be easily cleaned with soap and water and is top-rack dishwasher-safe.

Available at www.traybuddi.com; $34.99

36 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 37

cook•with•your• kids COOL DOWN WITH A FRESH SALAD ON JULY 4TH

By Susan Nye

T

he Fourth of July celebrates our Declaration of Independence. In 1776, we broke free from tyrannical England and mad King George. Americans began celebrating the Fourth the very next year.

We celebrate Independence Day with parades, patriotic music and fireworks. And casual cookouts and picnics with family and friends rule the day. Enjoy these salad recipes and be sure not to miss the fireworks!

HEIRLOOM TOMATOES WITH BALSAMIC REDUCTION Serves 8

• • • • • • • • • •

1 c. balsamic vinegar 2 T. minced red onion 1 small clove garlic, minced 2-3 sprigs fresh thyme 1 bay leaf 1 T. Dijon mustard 1 tsp. or to taste honey 1/4-1/2 c. or to taste extra virgin olive oil Sea salt and freshly ground pepper to taste 3 lbs. heirloom tomatoes

Put vinegar in a small, heavy saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer until reduced by half. Stir in onion, garlic, thyme and bay leaf and cool to room temperature, about 30 minutes.

Using a rubber spatula to press on the solids, strain vinegar through a sieve into a bowl. Season with salt and pepper then whisk in mustard and honey. Continue whisking; slowly add olive oil to taste until well combined.

Core and slice tomatoes or cut into wedges. Arrange on a large platter or individual plates and sprinkle with salt. Drizzle sparingly with balsamic reduction and serve.

Cover and store any extra balsamic reduction in the refrigerator.

You can also try a drizzle of balsamic reduction on raw or grilled veggies, grilled meats and chicken.

Susan Nye writes for magazines throughout New England.

She shares many of her favorite recipes and stories about food, family and friendship on her award-winning blog, Around the Table, at www.susannye.wordpress.com

38 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

GRILLED POTATO SALAD Serves 8

• • • • • •

1 T. Dijon mustard 2-3 cloves garlic 1-inch chunk red onion, chopped 1/4 c. champagne or white wine vinegar Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste Extra virgin olive oil Make vinaigrette: Put mustard, garlic and onion in a small food processor and pulse to combine and finely chop. Add vinegar, season with salt and pepper, and process until smooth. With motor running, add extra virgin olive oil to taste and process until smooth.

Meanwhile, preheat grill to medium high. Brush or toss the potatoes with enough olive oil to lightly coat and season with salt and pepper.

Put potatoes cut side down on the grill and cook for about 5 minutes or until the potatoes have grill marks. Turn potatoes; transfer the spuds to a cooler part of the grill or turn down the grill to low. Continue to cook for 10-15 minutes or until potatoes are tender.

Transfer potatoes to a cutting board and cut into bite-sized pieces. Working quickly, put the stillwarm potatoes in a bowl, sprinkle with rosemary

• About 2 lbs. medium potatoes, red or Yukon gold, halved • Olive oil • 2 tsp. finely chopped rosemary • 2 tsp. finely chopped thyme • 2-3 scallions, thinly sliced and thyme, drizzle with enough vinaigrette to lightly coat, and toss gently. Tossing from time to time, cool to room temperature.

When the potatoes have cooled to room temperature, sprinkle with scallions. Add more vinaigrette if necessary and toss again.

Can be made ahead, covered and stored in the refrigerator. Remove from the refrigerator 30-60 minutes before serving. Cover and store any leftover vinaigrette in the refrigerator as well.

VEGETABLE SLAW Serves 8

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

3 T. apple cider vinegar 1 T. Dijon mustard 1 tsp. honey 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste 1/4 c. extra virgin olive oil 6 oz. coleslaw mix or cabbage cut in thin ribbons 6 oz. broccoli slaw 4 radishes, finely chopped 1-2 carrots, grated 1/2 cucumber, finely chopped 2-3 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced 1-2 T. parsley

Make vinaigrette: Put vinegar, mustard, honey and Worcestershire in a jar with a tight-fitting lid. Season with salt and pepper and shake to combine. Add extra virgin olive oil and shake until smooth.

Put vegetables and parsley in large bowl and toss to combine.

Drizzle with enough vinaigrette to lightly coat and toss. Let slaw sit in the refrigerator for two to four hours to combine the flavors.

Store extra vinaigrette in the refrigerator.

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 39

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Friends of Áine 5th Annual

KID’S TRY-ATHLON swim • bike • run

Sunday, August 13, 2017 • Bedford, NH A fun family event promoting the health & wellness of our children!

Proceeds from this event go toward bereavement support services for children. Our goal is to establish a Center for Grieving Children in Áine’s name.

Friends of Áine is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization.

REGISTER TODAY! www.friendsofaine.com • facebook.com/friendsofaine Swim, Bike Run Event for Kid’s Ages 4-15

Sponsors, volunteers and donations are welcome!

dad on board From before she was born to being on her own

I

MARKING THE PASSAGE TIME THROUGH OUR (MANY) TRIPS TO DISNEY

t’s been opined that the only reason I had a child was so I wouldn’t look so weird going to Walt Disney World so often. And while that’s not strictly the case, I won’t deny that she makes a great excuse.

We pile our Disney excuse/laundry helper/dog walker into the plane seat next to us and head to the vacation kingdom whenever we can. But walking through the massive resort, especially during our past few vacations, has become strangely bittersweet – and that’s before I discovered the $17.04 margarita cart in Disney’s Hollywood Studios theme park. (Note: Yes, seriously.) (Also note: I never told my wife how much it cost, so… surprise, Amy!) Walt Disney World is a fun, happy place. So maybe it’s just me – half-sentimental, halfsappy and half Disney-obsessive (also half math-idiot) – but there’s a growing element of sadness when we visit there. Looking at the passage of time through the prism of Walt Disney World provides a startling impression of how quickly time passes. Every section we walk by provides memories of trips when we were all a little younger and these years, and vacations, were still ahead of us.

Our trips started before we were parents. Many Disney vacations ago, my wife and I were walking through Epcot when we sat down on a bench near a group of kids splashing around in a fountain. As we watched them play, we started to dream about starting a family. We wondered if we’d have kids (we did), how many (one), and if we’d take them to Walt Disney World (people who know me are laughing right now).

Every time we walk from Futureworld to the World Showcase, we pause at that bench and remember when our family was just a dream.

Now that’s all in the rearview mirror. Around every corner there are reminders that the years are slipping away. I see my daughter at three-years old, a little scared of the Winnie the Pooh attraction; then she’s five hugging Cinderella; next we’re sitting on a sidewalk waiting for a parade and she’s 10. Now, she’s 14 and on her own.

On our most recent trip, a group of musicians from her high school band traveled there to perform. She asked if she could go off for the day with her friends. Not a big deal, but up to this point, Walt Disney World was our place. I told her, “sure,” but she had to pass a quick test.

“Go over to that booth and order something to eat. Pay for it, pick it up, and then bring it back over here.”

It wasn’t exactly the Kobayashi Maru, but I didn’t want my mugshot to end up in the Orlando Sentinel for abandoning my kid at Disney. Of course, she passed. The friends arrived, we took a few pictures, and she was gone. It felt like a Disney rite of passage. It was just yesterday we were wondering what our future looked like, and now here we were, watching it walk away.

How did we handle it? Fine, really, because frozen drinks at the Mexico pavilion are known to possess magical qualities that soothe such aches. But from there, it was just a short walk to a bench in front of a water fountain where a group of kids splashed and played.

Bill Burke is a writer who lives in southern New Hampshire with his wife and daughter. They go to Walt Disney World a lot. No, like, a lot. Imagine an excessive number of trips to Disney. Now double it.

You’re getting close. He’s also the author of the “Mousejunkies” series of books and managing editor of custom publications for McLean Communications.

40 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

BY BILL BURKE

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Parenting New Hampshire’s

FAMILY FAVORITES The award program that recognizes familyfriendly businesses, services, places and more.

Winners are chosen by YOU! Here's your chance to recognize those places, people and things that make New Hampshire a great place to raise a family. Cast your votes for N.H.‘s best in over 60 categories!

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All voters are entered to win great prizes! july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 41

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Your child and anesthesia WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT IF YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO BE ‘ASLEEP’ FOR A MEDICAL PROCEDURE

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BY DR. HEDWIG SCHROECK

COMPLIM

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Stepping Stones NH

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A

n upcoming procedure that involves anesthesia can cause anxiety for children and their parents and families.

However, it is important to remember that anesthesia is administered by highly trained physicians and nurses following rigorous safety standards. Therefore, anesthesia is actually among the safest of medical specialties and, of course, it is what allows children to “sleep” through procedures without pain.

What can you expect if your child needs anesthesia? Usually, the child should not eat eight hours before the procedure to avoid potentially dangerous problems related to having a full stomach, but clear fluids such as apple juice or water can be given until two hours before.

After you check in for the procedure, the anesthesiologist will perform a history and physical exam. This is to make sure that your child is healthy, or appropriately treated in case of a chronic health problem, because some conditions, especially a cold or a history of wheezing, can increase anesthesia risk.

Of course, children with asthma and other health conditions can still safely undergo anesthesia; your anesthesiologist will discuss with you if and how this affects the procedure. He or she will also inform you about possible side effects.

Depending on the procedure, a scratchy throat, some discomfort or pain around the surgical site, queasiness, or a brief episode of confusion and agitation (“delirium”) may occur. Usually, these side effects are mild and readily treated. Serious or dangerous side effects, such as an anaphylactic reaction, are incredibly rare. However, your anesthesia team is trained to immediately recognize and treat these conditions.

When it is time to get started the child will be brought to the operating room or procedure area. Often a parent can be present until the child is asleep. The anesthesia team and sometimes a Child Life Specialist – a person with special training to help children and families cope with the hospital environment – will engage the child in age-appropriate conversations and distractions.

This ranges from reading stories to arts and crafts to playing games on the iPad (who said you can’t have fun at the hospital?).

Some particularly anxious kids may get a sedative before entering the operating room. For most children younger than 10, anesthesia will initially be given in gas form through a plastic face mask, and an intravenous line (IV) is placed after they are asleep. Occasionally, a child may need an IV before they are under anesthesia, NH especially for emergency procedures. If this is the case, a numbing medication known as a local anesthetic can be applied before the needle stick.

After the procedure, your child will be brought to the recovery area. Parents are typically allowed to be around when the child starts to open their eyes. Some children may need a while to “sleep it off,” but many are ready for a Popsicle soon after the procedure.

While far from your usual routine, a procedure under anesthesia does not need to be a scary experience for you and your child. Knowing what to expect helps families and children to prepare. Many hospitals offer informational materials including photos and video clips featuring the local practice. And you can always request to talk to an anesthesiologist ahead of time.

Stepping Stones NH

Published in partnership with the New Hampshire Council on Developmental Disabilities, Stepping Stones NH is packed with inspirational articles and resources, and provides businesses and organizations a direct link to disabled NH individuals, their families and the professionals who support them.

A guidebook for people with disAbilities, their fAmilies, And the professionAls who support them

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Hedwig Schroeck is assistant professor of anesthesiology at The Geisel School of Medicine at Dartmouth. For more information on pediatric anesthesia services at the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock, go to www.chadkids.org.

42 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

raising teens and tweens

Be on our cOVeR!

Enter the Young Writers Essay Contest and you could appear on our cover.

Submissions must be received via email or postal mail by Monday, July 10, at 5 p.m.

YOUNG WRITERS ESSAY CONTEST winners

Get the most t out of your nex parent-teacher conference PFOA: Is your water safe to drink?

ParentingNH.com

More information at www. parentingnh.com or turn to page 6 of this issue!

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ll teenage girls have mood swings and have times when they are emotionally off-balance. But sometimes these mood swings become longlasting and impede all aspects of a teen girl’s life. Depression and anxiety can be debilitating, but it can be easily treated if caught soon enough.

Know the signs What we tend to see with depression is a general withdrawal from activities they formerly enjoyed doing. For girls who are depressed, they tend to spend hours by themselves rather than with their family or peers. Long bouts of irritability and anger are also very common. In extreme cases, girls can develop eating disorders, such as bulimia or anorexia and they may also have suicidal or self-harming thoughts.

Anxiety disables the young girl from engaging in activities she would not usually struggle with—for instance, academic scenarios where there is a lot of stress, such as papers, tests and finals.

Anxiety can also present itself in ways that appear controlling on the girl’s part and can make it difficult for them to function in social and academic settings given their overwhelming feeling of failure. Many girls struggle with the need to be perfect in both academic and social settings, which makes it impossible to maintain a healthy perspective on learning, growing and developing their emotional and academic skills.

Often times, we see girls struggle with both depression and anxiety, as these disorders lend themselves to one another. Feeling sad and overwhelmed and not really knowing how to handle these feelings can lead to feeling anxious about their daily existence. Girls consequently feel anxious about every area in their lives and can feel an extreme sadness.

How to treat anxiety and depression in girls Find a therapist that will work with your teenager using cognitive behavioral therapy.

Most anxiety and depression disorders can be treated by talking through the feelings, understanding and recognizing their source, and working out ways to cope and handle them.

For adolescents, so much of what they do is for the first time, so they do not have a “bag of tricks” they can use to help them cope in difficult times. Therapists can help through validation and help them to process these issues.

It is important to find a therapist who not only specializes in adolescents, but also one who has a good rapport with your girl. Girls need to feel accepted, understood and validated, as many say they do not feel that way either at home or school when they are dealing with depression and anxiety.

In some cases, the symptoms are so debilitating that medication may be the best option. It is important parents seek out clinicians who work closely with psychiatrists so that if medication is necessary, the therapist and psychiatrist are working in tandem.

Most girls work through brief bouts of depression and anxiety, but it is important to recognize those times when the symptoms become long-lasting and impede their normal lives. We all know that adolescence is a difficult time, but it does not have to be absolutely miserable for them – or for you.

Meet 2016’s

ES

BY TRACEY TUCKER

NEW HAMPSHIRE

• YO U

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR TEEN GIRL IS DEPRESSED OR ANXIOUS

parenting AUGUST 2016

COMPLIMENTARY

Is it a bad mood or something else?

Y CONT

Sharpen your pencil and Share your ideas!

Tracey Tucker is Executive Director of New Heights: Adventures for Teens and a licensed mental health counselor at Tradeport Counseling Associates in Portsmouth.

july 2017 www.parentingnh.com 43

out about y photo

Courtes

july

CIRCUS SMIRKUS PRESENTS THE 2017 BIG TOP TOURS 23 SUNDAY – 24 MONDAY

MILFORD – Keyes Field. Vermont’s award-winning international youth circus is back on the road with its 2017 Big Top Tour, celebrating 30 years of bringing joy and magic to towns in the northeast. The traveling youth circus will perform nearly 70 shows this summer; budding circus stars ages 10 to 18 show off polished circus skills from all parts of the country and the world. The show is full of aerials, acrobatics, wire-walking, juggling, rola-bola, clowning, live music and brilliant costumes. This year’s tour continues the tradition of Smirkus’ theme-based shows with Midnight at the Museum. For more information on additional show times throughout New England, including Hanover, Keene and Bartlett, N.H., go to the website. Tickets: Adults, $25; children/ seniors, $20; kids younger than 2 get in free. Shows at 1 and 6 p.m.

1-877-SMIRKUS; www.smirkus.org

AN AMERICAN CELEBRATION

1 SATURDAY, 3 MONDAY AND 4 TUESDAY PORTSMOUTH – Strawbery

Banke, 14 Hancock St. An American Celebration is Strawbery Banke’s annual salute to America, Independence Day and the joys of summer.

The 15th annual American Celebration extends the festivities all weekend long.

From maritime art to a 1940s-style swing dance, each day’s events add something new to Independence Day traditions. Visit the website for a full schedule of events, including an old-fashioned Field Day, a reading of the Declaration of Independence, and a naturalization ceremony.

Admission: Adults, $19.50; age 5-17, $9; Under 5, free; family, $48 (2 adults/ 2 accompanying children under 17). Active-duty military and their families, and veterans, are free. www. strawberybanke.org

KIDZ BOP KIDS IN CONCERT 3 MONDAY

GILFORD – Bank of New

Hampshire Pavilion, 72 Meadowbrook Lane. The No. 1 music brand for kids is hitting the road with the all-new Best Time Ever tour. The new live show features the best pop songs of the year and KIDZ BOP fans will be introduced to the new class of kids as they take the stage for the first time.

Kids and parents will be sure to sing and dance along during

Photo courtesy of kidzbop.com

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44 www.parentingnh.com july 2017

this ultimate family-friendly live concert, which includes brandnew choreography and an eye-popping set design. Tickets: $29.75-$61.75. 6 p.m. www. banknhpavilion.com

MAGICIAN B.J. HICKMAN PERFORMS

5 WEDNESDAY – 6 THURSDAY MANCHESTER – Palace

Theatre, 80 Hanover St. Famous for his dazzling

deceptions and mind-reading miracles, B. J. Hickman has entertained family audiences nationwide with his unique blend of humor and magic.

Tickets: $9. Shows each day at 10 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. 6685588; www.palacetheatre.org

FAMILY DAY AT THE WRIGHT MUSEUM 9 SUNDAY

WOLFEBORO – Wright

Museum, 77 Center St. Enjoy family day at the museum.

Ride around Wolfeboro in a World War II-era vehicle, talk with WWII era re-enactors and tour the museum.

Other activities include face painting, caricatures, balloon artist, magic show, live animal show and music.

Admission: Adults, $12; children 5-17, $10; members, $9. 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. www. wrightmuseum.org

Logo courtesy of shakers.org

2 p.m. Admission: Adults, $19; youth ages 3-15, $14; kids 2 and younger get in free. 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. 968-7194; www.nhnature.org

CANTERBURY BIRTHDAY BASH

GROOVE ALLIANCE IN THE PARK

9 SUNDAY

11 TUESDAY

CANTERBURY – Canterbury Shaker

Village, 288 Shaker Road. Come and celebrate the 225th birthday of Canterbury Shaker Village with cake and ice cream floats. Join the festivities as Canterbury Shaker Village kicks off the next 200 years of the Shakers' legacy. Presented in partnership with the Canterbury Historical Society. Admission: Adults, $19; youth 6-17, $9; children 5 and younger get in free. Also free admission for all Canterbury residents. 3 to 5 p.m. 783-9511; www. shakers.org

DERRY – McGregor Park, 64 East Broadway. Well-known for their outstanding four-part harmonies, seriously groove-infused rhythm section, and all-star three-piece horn section that continues to be unmatched. Groove Alliance is a throwback to a better era of music.

Their sound and vibe embodies the likes of Motown Records, Classic Rock icons and the funk bands of the 1950s to the 1970s. For additional dates and information on concerts in the park, go to the website. Free. 7 p.m. 4326136; www.derry.nh.us

POLLINATOR PARTY

MR. AARON

11 TUESDAY

13 THURSDAY

HOLDERNESS – Squam Lakes

CONCORD – Capitol Center for the Arts, 44 South Main St. Count on a thrilling musical adventure with Mr. Aaron. With great grooves and an up-tempo folk-pop sound, his latest

Science Center, 23 Science Center Road. Squam Lakes Natural Science Center is hosting a Pollinator Party to teach about pollinators such as bees, butterflies, and caterpillars – creatures that help to ensure full harvests and a healthy ecosystem.

Visitors can take part in activities including learning about native bees and their houses at Kirkwood Gardens, speaking with local beekeepers about raising live honey bees, and enjoying music by the NH Music Festival featuring the "Three Bs" - Braham, Beethoven, and Bach. Visitors will be able to make a Wildflower Seed bomb and use it to plant a pollinator garden at home. For an additional fee, you can participate in The Caterpillar Lab from 10 a.m. to

album, “All My Friends Are Giants” tells stories – of a tea party for giants, of Ali Baba, who won’t listen to his poor camel, of a duck who likes to think – and features some outlandish instruments, like the bass clarinet, the cajon, and more. Kids and grownups dance and laugh along to pop favorites, kids’ classics and more.

Tickets: $7; family four-pack, $22. 11 a.m. 225-1111; www.ccanh.com

Photo courtesy of nashualibrary.org

NASHUA LIBRARY COMICFEST

22 SATURDAY NASHUA – Nashua Library, 2 Court

St. Lady Gwyn, host of the popular Radio Westeros podcast about Song of Ice and Fire, will be a special guest at this year’s ComicFest. Comic dealer John Cimino will show off the rare 1964 Spider-Man costume of comic creator Roy Thomas. Also, cosplay contest, video game tournament, anime screenings, board games and artists’ alley. Free. 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.

589-4600; www.nashualibrary.org

YANKEE BARN SALE 22 SATURDAY

DUBLIN – Yankee Field, Route 101.

The 36th annual Yankee Barn Sale will feature attic treasures from local residents and employees of Yankee Publishing, Inc. 80 selling spaces.

Great bargains, good food and fun.

Rain date is July 23. Parking is $1; parking entry will be from Monument Road. 8 a.m. to 1 p.m.

FAIRY HOUSE FESTIVAL AND TEA PARTY 30 SUNDAY

NEWBURY – The Fells Historic Estate and Gardens, 456 Route 103A. This celebration of fairy houses connects children to the natural world. It includes a reading by renowned Fairy House author Liza Gardner Walsh, book-signing, crafts, whimsical tea party on the veranda, and fairy habitat creation in The Fells Fairy Village. Children are invited to dress in their finest fairy or gnome attire. Admission: Adults, $10; children $5 (members); adults, $20; children, $10 (nonmembers) Includes site admission. Tickets in advance or at the door. 1 to 4 p.m.

763-4789; www.thefells.org

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It’s here!

FROM

NEW HAMPSHIRE

Don’t miss our award-winning Family Summer Fun Guide. This full-color magazine is the ultimate resource for parents looking for things to do and places to go in New Hampshire. Whether planning a day trip or your family’s next vacation, this guide will ensure blue skies ahead for all of your summer adventures!

Available at more than 800 select locations throughout the Central, Southern and Seacoast areas of New Hampshire, as well as NH Welcome Centers in Hooksett (North and South), Lebanon, North Conway, Salem and Seabrook.

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five•for families

COMPILED BY JACQUELINE TOURVILLE Seaside Fourth of July: For spectacular July 4 fireworks, spread your blanket in the sand at Hampton Beach and watch the sky erupt with patriotic flair beginning 9:30 p.m. Before the fireworks, take in a free show by The Continentals, a Hampton Beach favorite. At 7 p.m., the band will sing the hits at the Seashell Stage. If the crowds at Hampton Beach aren’t really your thing, the view from quieter North Beach is just as awe-inspiring.

Children’s Day on the Farm: Visit the New Hampshire Farm Museum on Sunday, July 16, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. for the museum’s annual Children's Day celebration. Go on a wagon ride, take part in crafts and games, feed the animals, and compete in a scavenger hunt. At noon, watch American Folk Tales, a live theater production that brings some of America’s most-loved traditional stories to life. www.farmmuseum.org

Summer Children’s Theater: For a rainy day treat, take in a performance of the Peterborough Players’ summer theater production of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Based on the classic children’s book by Judith Viorst, this musical adaption is fun for all ages, and a good reminder that even bad days can have happy endings. Performances are July 1, 7, 8, 12, 14, 15, 21, 22, at 10:30 a.m. www.peterboroughplayers.org

July is jumping with kid-friendly fun. From fireworks to free concerts, here are five things to do during the peak month of summer.

Free Kids’ Summer Music Series: UNH Manchester invites kids and their families to laugh and learn at its annual Summer Music Series, which features some of New Hampshire’s most beloved children’s performers. On Friday, July 14, UNH’s Little Red Wagon traveling theater troupe brings Aesop’s Fables to life; Judy Pancoast and Judy Crew Dancers gets kids up and dancing on Friday, July 21; awardwinning children’s musician Steve Blunt and friends take center stage on Friday, July 28, with a high-energy show filled with catchy tunes and lots of silliness. On Friday, Aug. 4, the series concludes with Treasure Island, performed by Little Red Wagon. Free admission; online RSVP required. www.manchester.unh.edu/blog

27th American Independence Festival: On Saturday, July 15, the American Independence Museum’s annual festival in downtown Exeter celebrates the nation’s Colonial and Revolutionary War beginnings with such exciting offerings as a reenactment of the horseback delivery of the Declaration in 1776; a Colonial artisan village featuring demonstrations of coopering, blacksmithing, basket-weaving, and granite splitting; and children’s activities, traditional music, and a chance to eye the first printed copy of the Declaration of the Independence and an original draft of the U.S. Constitution. www.independencemuseum.org Jacqueline Tourville is PNH’s travel and tourism guru. Check out her work in the 2017 Family Summer Fun Guide available now.

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