Parenting NH October 2016

parenting

COMPLIMENTARY

OCTOBER 2016

NEW HAMPSHIRE

LIVING IN THE

SANDWICH GENERATION ParentingNH.com

Halloween and fall events listing Healthy Families 20-PAGE SPECIAL SECTION

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contents october 44

departments From the Editor’s Desk

The Short List

I Want That

Five for Families

Cook with Your Kids

Dad on Board

Learning Curve

House Calls Parenting… in the Moment

Out and About

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NEW HAMPSHIRE PRESIDENT/PUBLISHER:

Sharron McCarthy, x5117 smccarthy@mcleancommunications.com

features

Tweens and teens: sking 44 the experts Halloween PART TWO OF A happenings in THREE-PART SERIES New Hampshire

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SPECIAL 20-PAGE SECTION

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The sandwich generation Healthy Families

EDITOR:

Melanie Hitchcock, x5157 editor@parentingnh.com

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ON THE COVER: From left to right (standing), Brooklyn Zielie (high school junior), Sandy Zielie (mom) and Bella Zielie (high school freshman); left to right (sitting), Gabriella Zielie (third grade) and Joanne Mitrano (nana), all of Wilton. Photo taken Sept. 8, by Kendal J. Bush, Parenting New Hampshire’s longtime cover photographer. Check out her work at www.kendaljbush.com.

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Parenting New Hampshire Magazine® is published by McLean Communications, 150 Dow St., Manchester, NH 03101, (603) 624-1442. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher assumes no responsibility for any mistakes in advertisements or editorial. Statements/opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect or represent those of this publication or its officers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this publication, McLean Communications, LLC.: Parenting New Hampshire Magazine disclaims all responsibility for omission and errors.

from the editor’s desk SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS HAPPEN The Internet and social media are akin to the Wild West — a place where anything goes and where the world is black and white, good vs. evil. Social media is a platform that can highlight the best of us. We crowd source to help families who’ve lost their homes to fires. We send birthday greetings via Facebook. We share that story that’s gone viral about the people who have done some good for someone somewhere. But it also can bring out the very worst in us. This past summer, two horrifying incidents happened – a small child fell into a gorilla cage at the Cincinnati Zoo, resulting in the death of a gorilla that could have killed the child, and a toddler was dragged to his death by an alligator at Disney World, despite his father’s efforts to try to save him. Instead of empathy and sympathy, the incidents brought out the online “blamers and shamers” who did not have all the facts. They accused the parents of negligence (the parents were not charged in either case). They said the parents should go to jail. Why weren’t they watching their child more closely? All the comments carried the undertone of "you got what you deserved." In the case of the gorilla, online commenters bereaved the death of the animal, while suggesting the gorilla should have been spared at the expense of the child because it was the mom’s fault. The mom, who had brought several children to the zoo that day, maybe took her eyes off the child for all of 30 seconds while he slipped through the security perimeter. The blamers and shamers claimed this could never happen to them. Why? Because they are good parents (read as they are good people.)

In the Wild West, you hid your identity under a hat and a kerchief across your face. Online commenters hide behind a screen name. Their weapon is their words, cutting and mean, thoughtless and clueless. They would not say these same words if they were standing in front of the parent who was mourning a child. They are cowards. And in part, they are cowards who can’t face one of the most difficult concepts in life. Accidents happen. In the crazy world we live in today, we try to assign order to the chaos. We believe we have the ability to keep our kids safe at all times and keep tragedy and sadness at bay by controlling the variables. If only we could do that. But bad things happen to good people. Tragedies happen to good parents. Parents don’t need your criticism or your analysis. They are deserving of your care and concern. Reach out to them instead of admonishing them. Even if you are online, as our parents taught us, if you have nothing nice to say …you know the rest.

Melanie Hitchcock, Editor

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 5

the short list ...TIPS, TRENDS & NEWS COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

This month on www.parentingnh.com:

Halloween and fall events

Do you want to know what fall festivals are happening this month? Or where the haunted houses are? In this month’s issue, we have you covered with pages of the Granite State’s best scary (and notso-scary) happenings for families. But that’s not all. We are always adding new, and updating, calendar listings on www.parentingnh.com. That’s also where you will find these lists exclusive to our website:

Where to pick your own pumpkins in NH: www.parentingnh.com/pumpkinsnh  Trick-or-treat times across the state: www.parentingnh.com/trickortreat



Granite State corn mazes: www.parentingnh.com/cornmazes Happy Halloween, boys and ghouls!

Voting ends Oct.7

For six years, the handsome fella (or gorgeous gal) has served as our Family Favorites mascot but sadly, we never named our favorite bovine. During August and September, we asked our smallest fans to submit a name for our cow. Then the Parenting NH team had the difficult task of narrowing the list down to the top five names.

The top five names are:

 Carli (submitted by Charlotte of Londonderry)  Fred (submitted by Oliver of Raymond)  Rocco (submitted by Angelina of New Boston)  Udderly Isaac (submitted by Isaac of Bedford)  Madam Moovelous (submitted by Emily of Nashua) We need your help! We're asking you to vote for your favorite name. The name with the most votes will be deemed the winner. Voting is through Oct. 7 at www.parentingnh.com. The child who submitted the winning name will have the chance to appear on the cover of the November issue (our Family Favorites issue) of Parenting NH! Family Favorites is our annual awards program, where our readers are given the chance to recognize the places, people and things that make New Hampshire a great place to raise a family. Look for the winners in our November issue.

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Region’s only expo for girls is coming to Bedford on Oct. 8 Girl Expo-New Hampshire, geared toward girls ages 5 to 18, is coming to the NH Sportsplex in Bedford. The expo includes more than 100 hands-on exhibits, workshops and stage performances. The expo on Oct. 8, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., is open to the public, and presented by Girl Scouts of the Green and White Mountains. Expo attendees can meet local children’s authors Jen Malone, author of “At Your Service;” and Lori Goldstein, author of “Becoming Jinn.” Those who like to stay active can learn how to Double Dutch, attend a high-energy fitness class, or try archery. Girls can also learn resume and interview skills, how to bake their own bread with King Arthur Flour’s Bake for Good Program, and enjoy a fashion show highlighting Girl Scout uniforms through the decades. “Techies” will love the Chop Shop Robotics demos and the SEA Perch underwater robots. Registered Girl Scouts can complete in “Top Girl Scout Pastry Chef,” a live stage competition that partners girls with culinary professionals to create Girl Scout cookie-inspired desserts. The list of activities continues to grow. For an updated listing or more information, go to www.girlscoutsgwm.org. Tickets are $5 and are available at the door.

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I want that COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

NH illustrator's art brings your child’s room to life B is for Bear! F is for Fox! Add a unique piece of local, handmade art to a child’s room with these wonderful animal alphabet paintings. Artist Kate Brindley of Derry has designed this series of watercolor paintings, each featuring a playful animal next to a letter of the alphabet. The paintings are available at Kate’s website or on her recently launched Etsy page. Signed and printed on archival stock that won’t fade or discolor. Kate can also create a custom personalized animal with your child’s name. Go to www.katebrindley.com for more information; $25 for an 8.5 x 11, $10 for a 5 x 7 (prices vary for custom projects)

No more hair in their face Violet Love Headbands are lightweight, eco-friendly and fashion-forward with styles for boys and girls in solid colors and bright patterns. The durable fabric is colorfast, absorbent and washable. Their unique “no headache-no slip” feature makes them perfect for keeping hair out of their face in class and on the playground.

Make your own candy

Available at www.violetlove headbands.com; $15

Mold your own delicious gummy candies using a natural, gelatin-like ingredient called carrageenan that comes from seaweed. Flavor and sweeten your mixture with two flavors and mold the gummy shapes in the included mold. You can even add citric acid to make sour gummies. Learn about the scientific properties of natural polymers. Food ingredients included. For ages eight and older. Available at www.thamesandkosmos.com; $19.95

Safe and fun for your kid’s next party The Goodie Gusher is an easy-to-fill, safe-alternative to a piñata, and it is reusable. Fill the Goodie Gusher with candy and prizes, hang it up, and kids (or parents) take turns trying to pull the Magic Key. Once the Magic Key is pulled, the Goodie Gusher releases a shower of party treats. This mom-inspired, dad-invented fun party game can even be used indoors. Available at Walmart and Amazon; $19.99

Speed up your nightly routine GLOV On-The-Go uses microfiber technology and water to remove makeup, dirt and grime. It makes getting to bed quick and easy. When you are done all you need to do is hand wash it with soap and let air dry. GLOV On-The-Go has a compact design that is great for home use or traveling. Available at www.ulta.com; $12.99

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the short list ...TIPS, TRENDS & NEWS COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

N E E T & S N E E W T G N R A ISI

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technology Q&A with Dr. Pru Cuper, Keene State College

QUESTION: What are reasonable limits to place on teenagers when it comes to technology (computers, phones)? ANSWER: While this is going to vary due to a range of factors (parental expectations,

school/homework expectations), I would say that computer and phone use for purely personal reasons (chatting with friends, using social media, etc.) could be reasonably limited to 1.5 to 2 hours per day. Talking this over with teens and establishing expectations together would be more likely to result in success, and less pushback and/or resistance. Q: What's a good age for teens to have smart phones and what would some reasonable usage rules be? A: I think it’s fair for a young person to get his or her own phone at about age 12

(seventh grade). A family discussion with parents/guardians and siblings about reasonable usage should touch on such topics as: • The cost involved in having a phone – this might include discussion of ways the teen can help pay for the phone by doing certain jobs around the house and/or in the neighborhood. • Responsible use (i.e., respectful interactions with appropriate others) • Time restraints in light of other obligations such as exercise, homework, helping at home, etc. • The pros and cons of owning a phone – the ability to be in touch with family members, as needed; the fact that friends and others can be on contact more readily and more often unless the phone is either taken away or turned off at certain times during the day. Q: How much screen time is good for a teen? A: I’m not sure this is quantifiable. I honestly think that teens’ lives can be readily

overtaken with screen time – to the point that face-to-face interactions become so rare that the teen loses out on some of the fun of spending time with others in the real world. I can see screen time for homework/research and occasional Face Time chats with others, but I’m not a fan of having anyone spend too much time online. Participating in online responses to readings or keeping abreast of world politics/events is certainly worthy screen time, but I’m not a big fan beyond that. Q: What warnings should parents give to teens when it comes to technology and in particular social media sites? A: I think it’s good for parents to have a frank talk with their teens about being critical

consumers of social media sites. Rather than starting out with a rant from the parent perspective, I’d ask my teens to talk to me about what they find both positive and not-so-great about social media. From there, it would be good to slide into topics related to the possible challenges. For example, when people engage with each other online, they can easily forget that they are talking to a fleshand-blood other person — someone with feelings and possibly without the finest of motives when they are “hidden” from direct/personal contact.

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Q: What's the best way to discuss this with teens? A: I think showing respect for the fact

that teens feel a certain amount of pressure to use social media, it’s important to let them speak first. When parents listen carefully without jumping in immediately with their own concerns, I think a richer and more beneficial discussion can ensue. Also, I think it’s very powerful for parents to state the concerns they have related to social media as something they’d like to problem solve with their kids. In effect, asking their teens, “How can we work together to come up with some guidelines around this?” Q: What's the best way for parents to keep up with the latest tech and social media teens might be using? A: Not being particularly tech-savvy,

I think I’d rely on discussions with other parents – whether they be family members, friends or neighbors who have similar concerns about tech use with their teenagers. I would also check with my teen’s school, which might have some support through the guidance or technology office. Finally, I’d keep an eye on news sources and do an occasional Google search on latest apps and programs. Q: What's an appropriate amount of monitoring of a teen's online and phone usage? A: After an initial discussion regarding on-

line and phone usage and the establishment of some baseline expectations, I’d touch base as needed. I think it would be good to keep an eye out for overuse by checking the monthly bills, but also by simply asking for a candid update from time to time. Q: How should parents address cyberbullying and what are some warning signs to watch out for? A: That’s another whole topic — and a

troubling one, particularly as teens don’t want to show their vulnerabilities to their parents. Open communication from the time the teen gets the device is so important. This communication needs to include the topic of bullying — what it looks like (it can be subtle, taking the form of micro-aggressions) and the serious damage it can do. Talking about group behavior and how important it is to think for yourself — and admitting that this is not always easy when you’re a teen — is also critical. Dr. Pru Cuper joined the Keene State College Education Department in 2003 after completing her Ph.D. in Curriculum and Instruction as a Kenan Research Fellow at North Carolina State University. Since her arrival at Keene State, Dr. Cuper has taught within the Elementary, Secondary and Graduate Education programs as well as within the College’s Honors program.

Sex, dating and relationships Q&A with Emily Murphy, violence prevention educator, and Sarah Shanahan, training and outreach manager at Haven in Portsmouth

QUESTION: What are some tips for parents to help them get the conversation about sex and dating started with their teens? ANSWER: Establish open communi-

cation at an early age. Use biological terms or non-value based terms like private areas in conversations with children. It makes it easier to continue having those conversations with them as teenagers. When we teach young children that certain parts of their body are shameful or shouldn’t be talked about, we make it hard for them to talk about sex, relationships and their changing bodies. In fact, children who feel ashamed of their body or sexuality are less likely to report abuse and can be targeted as victims. When talking to teens about sex and relationships, talk about your values, expectations and concerns, but don’t make it “The Talk;” that makes everyone feel awkward and can make parents feel like they’ve failed if things don’t go perfectly the first time. Instead, incorporate conversations about their relationships into other conversations about how things are going for them. Be open to listening. Be educated about what affirmative consent is and the consent laws in New Hampshire. For example, the age of consent in New Hampshire is 16, meaning that if a teen is under 16 they are not legally allowed to consent to sex. Q: What should parents be sharing with their sons and daughters about what constitutes a healthy relationship? A: Respect. Teach children that respect,

honesty and communication are cornerstones of any relationship. Also emphasize that respect is a two-way street. They need to feel respected and show respect for their partner. Compromise is great when it comes to choosing what movie to watch or where to go for dinner, but no one should pressure you to compromise your personal boundaries, sense of self, feeling of safety, priorities, or your relationships with others. Media

can be a great conversation starter about relationships and expectations. Discuss the male and female stereotypes and positive or negative examples of relationships that you see in the media you watch together. Ask your teen what they think about what they just saw, and share your insights. Studies have shown that if an adult watching a negative media message with a child says nothing, it can be interpreted as approval. Using current events can also be a great way to weave in discussions about healthy versus abusive relationships. Maybe there has been a widely discussed story of a teen sexual assault; talk to them about what they think needs to change in our culture so we can have a violencefree community. Being curious about their point of view can encourage them to share with you, even when the topic is difficult. Q: What are some warning signs of an unhealthy relationship? And what's just sort of normal, awkward teen behavior? A: This can be hard to

overdrive and the judgement/decisionmaking portion of their brain is still solidifying. Emotional outbursts and changes in behavior don’t necessarily indicate that your teen is in an unhealthy relationship. Keep in mind that the overall sign of an unhealthy relationship is a big imbalance of power within the relationship — with one person having significantly more power and control over the other. An abusive relationship does not typically start with physical violence. For example, some behaviors you may notice early on that can be red flags for an unhealthy relationship: • If their partner is getting very serious about the relationship too quickly • If their partner is constantly jealous or “loves” them so much that they don’t want them spending time with other friends or family • If your teen abandons their previous interests and adopts all of their partner's beliefs and interests • If your teen suddenly begins buying in to strict male and female relationship roles

navigate. While teenagers are starting to look very much like adults, their brains are fundamentally different. Their emotional brain (limbic system) is on

ABOUT THE AUTHOR OF THE RAISING TWEENS & TEENS SERIES: Melanie Plenda, a longtime contributor to Parenting New Hampshire and other publications statewide, is a full-time freelance journalist and mother living in Keene.

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 11

• If their partner uses put-downs and belittling, even in a joking way • If your teen is pressured to engage in behaviors or activities they don’t feel comfortable with Many teens in abusive relationships report that the emotional abuse can be the most devastating and undermining to them. Q: What should parents do if they are concerned their son or daughter is in an unsafe or unhealthy relationship? A: Reach out for help. Talking to your

son or daughter about an unhealthy or abusive relationship can be challenging, and abusers frequently try to paint family members as barriers to the relationship to isolate their victims. Even if your teen has withdrawn from you, continue to let them know that you are there for them and they can talk to you about anything. Encourage them to speak to other trusted adults. Try to avoid demonizing their partner as this may push them farther away. Keep the focus on how much you care about them and how they have the right to be safe and healthy. If you suspect that your child is in an unsafe or unhealthy relationship, contact your local crisis center. Trained advocates are available 24 hours a day to talk. You don’t have to be in crisis to call. HAVEN is the largest violence prevention and support services agency in the state, providing services throughout southeastern New Hampshire. Through its Safe Kids, Strong Teens program HAVEN reaches over 10,000 students a year with programs on personal body safety and healthy relationships. Call 24-hours a day at 994-SAFE (7233). For the past 12 years, Emily Murphy has been a violence prevention educator for HAVEN (formerly known as Sexual Assault Support Services/SASS). During this time, Emily has been delivering Personal Body Safety, Media Literacy and Healthy Relationship programming to thousands of students in the NH seacoast. Sarah Shanahan, training and outreach manager for HAVEN, has been working as a violence prevention and media literacy educator for over 15 years. Sarah has delivered violence prevention programs to over 100,000 students and parents, and has also trained hundreds of Granite State educators through the Governor’s youth violence prevention initiative.

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Setting expectations Q&A with Melissa Davis, clinician with Child and Family Services of New Hampshire in Manchester

QUESTION: As a child becomes a teenager, what are some reasonable responsibilities teens should be expected to take on? ANSWER: Teenagers may have

more responsibilities around the house than school-age kids such as vacuuming, doing the dishes, emptying the dishwasher, laundry and yard work. Bear in mind that they need to learn these things before doing them successfully on their own. Encouraging their help at a young age will promote responsibility later on. Teens also have more homework and potentially more outside activities such as sports or clubs. Teenagers have a strong sense of responsibility and allegiance to their peers, which could cause less time spent at home or with parents and siblings. Helping them to find a balance in spending time with family and friends is a challenge and should be done carefully and in a way that does not make them feel as though you are discounting people or activities that are important to them. Q: What are some examples of house rules that may change for the teen? A: It is at the parent’s discretion what

chores need to be done, however, keep in mind asking a teenager to clean their room every single day is a tall order for someone overwhelmed with friends, sports, school and uncontrollable hormones. A weekly schedule may be more effective for parents to get what they need done around the house while still fostering

independent living skills. A variety of examples of weekly and daily chore schedules can be found online.. Screen time is hard to avoid but can be the best tool to use as a consequence when the teen is not meeting household or school expectations. Screen time should be avoided until all schoolwork and household chores have been completed. It also only be used as a tool to learn and not as something to keep the child occupied. This is an expectation that can be made during the school-age years and carried into the teen years. Q: What are some tips for talking to teens about what parents expect of them? A: Examples of poor decision-making

can be good learning tools for teens. Teenagers often believe that their parents don’t know what they are talking about and feel the need to experiment to know for sure, especially if their friends are encouraging it. It is good to know the people your teen is spending time with so that you can better assess who is and is not going to be a positive influence. Strategizing (with your teen) ways to leave an uncomfortable situation without making it seem awkward and are always a good way to help them avoid being trapped into a peer pressure situation. Unfortunately, your teen may be in a situation involving something illegal or uncomfortable, whether they plan to or not. It is better to have an exit strategy rather than pretend this is not a possibility. Encouraging them to be honest with you is more powerful and memorable than shaming them for the situation. Beginning conversations about peer pressure early on can assist in this once the teenage years arrive. Setting the tone at home that schoolwork is important can also start when kids are young. Some kids may struggle with one subject more than another. Offering them

support to advance in the areas they don’t excel at will help them to feel more confident about getting the work done. Schoolwork can be compared to employment. If we do well in school, we are awarded good grades. Similarly, if we do well in our job, we are awarded with a steady paycheck, a promotion and positive recognition. When creating household rules and expectations, it is important to keep consistent boundaries and limits on curfews and sleepovers. Knowing where your teen is and who they are with is not just realistic, but extremely important. If they are not willing to give up the information easily, simply explain that in the case of an emergency (illness, death, fire, etc.) you need to know how to get them back or plan for them to be cared for. Framing it in a way that makes it about their needs is more productive and successful than “Because I said so.” Q: What are appropriate disciplinary actions for a teen? A: Limits should to be set by parents

regarding the time spent with family vs. time spent with friends. For example, it is important to try to have one night each week that is a dedicated family night. If parents do not commit to this, teenagers won’t either. Parents should also set limits regarding all screen time coming second to school work and household responsibilities. For example, if homework is not completed, no screen time. If your room is not clean, no cell phone use for the night. It may be beneficial to determine what consequences are used for what behaviors. A teen refusing to clean their room may result in no cell phone for one night, two days, or until the room is clean, whereas, a night out long past curfew may result in a grounding for two weeks.

Q: How can a parent help give their teen the independence they need while still keeping them safe and following the rules? A: If the teen learns early on the expectations of

the parents and the consequences that occur when expectations are not met, they are more likely to be motivated to meet those expectations. It is up to the parents to decide what works most effectively for the family because ultimately the parents have to live with the consequences. Consistent follow-through on the part of the parent will not only increase the teen's ability

to follow rules at home and in the community, but will also foster their ability to be a responsible person once they are living on their own. Melissa Davis, clinician with Child and Family Services of New Hampshire in Manchester, has been working with children and families for more than 10 years in a variety of settings. Melissa has a background in assisting adolescents and their families with independent living prep, parenting difficulties, relationship issues and trauma.

Drug and alcohol abuse Q&A with Samantha Nolte, admissions director for Phoenix House QUESTION: What substances are popular now among teens? ANSWER: Adolescents have become more

engaged in the opioid epidemic and often engage in prescription painkiller use and heroin use. Cannabis has always been a leading drug with adolescents. Q: What are the newer drugs out there that parents need to be aware of? A: There are several new synthetic drugs such as

spice (called synthetic marijuana, but chemically very different), bath salts (a synthetic stimulant and hallucinogen), and dabs (super concentrated THC). They all cause different effects but are extremely harmful given the synthetic ingredients they are made of. They appeal to teens because they can be difficult to detect in drug screens. Q: What's the best way for parents to approach the topic of alcohol and other drugs? A: (Nolte referred to Phoenix House reference

materials, from which the following is taken) Discussions with your kids about substance use and abuse will differ based on whether you are trying to prevent them from starting to use alcohol and other drugs, stop them from experimenting, or seeking help once they’ve developed a problem. Here are tips to help you “parent for prevention” by discussing alcohol and other drug rules before your kids ever use. • Express an appropriate level of concern about alcohol and other drug use. Has there been a history of use by a family member? Do you simply want to make sure your family’s future stays drug-free? • Spell out your expectations regarding alcohol and other drug use, rather than waiting to bring up the topic after your teen has begun to experiment (most do) or after they’ve developed a problem. • Bring the family together for a meeting. State your position on issues such as alcohol and other drug use, sex and relationships, or even screen time (Internet, television, PlayStation/Wii, etc.). • Explain what is allowed, what is not, and what the consequences will be if rules are broken. Your teen may not agree with you, but it is fair for you to ask them to follow these rules. • Negotiate on less important rules. Buy-in now will make it easier for teens to follow the rules later.

Q: What are some warning signs of alcohol and other drug abuse? A: Maybe another teen’s parent has called

you, or maybe you’ve heard others talking. Maybe you’ve found drug paraphernalia or empty bottles in your teen’s room or bag again. Maybe your teen has come home drunk or high once too often. It’s time to take action. But what should you do? Don’t wait: While initial alcohol and other drug use may be a voluntary decision, as use progresses, it becomes less and less of a choice. Addiction is a chronic brain disease, and parents should never shy away from getting their child help as early as possible. You don’t ignore other health problems — like a sore throat that might be strep or a sore ankle that could be sprained. Given the potential consequences of addiction, signs of substance use and abuse should be addressed aggressively and early on. Talk to others: Let your social network know what is going on. Chances are, someone will help you connect with someone else who has “been there and done that.” Confirm your suspicions: Adolescence is a time of many changes — physical and emotional. Sometimes, behaviors or physical changes that seem like substance use or abuse can be symptoms of a medical or psychiatric problem. Confirm what’s going on by giving your teen a drug test or seeking out an assessment by a professional. Involve others: Consider letting your teen’s school know what is going on, especially if you think your son or daughter will not be penalized. The school is likely to recommend places for treatment. School counselors may be able to provide extra assistance or support to your teen. Don’t assume it will just stop: Some professionals believe that a small portion of young adults “mature out” of their problematic substance use and abuse, but this is rare. VISIT WWW. Don’t assume your teen will fall into this PARENTINGNH.COM TO READ MORE OF minority. While you are waiting for your THIS INTERVIEW. teen to “mature out,” they may suffer terrible consequences.

Samantha Nolte is an admissions director and former adolescent drug counselor for Phoenix House, which provides individualized, holistic, drug and alcohol addiction treatment.

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 13

The sandwich Reduce stress by knowing where to look for help By Mary Ellen Hettinger FOR MORE INFORMATION:  AARP Home-Family Caregiving: From tips for self-care, senior care, end-of-life care, and financial, legal and insurance issues, see www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/ or call the Concord office at 866-542-8168. They also offer occasional CAREversations, free events open to the public about family caregiving.  Caring Companions at Easter Seals: To help people stay in their homes, Caring Companions offers in-home help with everything from household chores to home health care and medication management. There are also day programs, and free online webinars for caregivers and families. Go to www.caringcompanionsnh.com or call 866-553-3939.  Concord Regional Visiting Nurse Association: The largest home health and hospice organization in the Granite State, the CRVNA also offers respite home care. Regular presentations for caregivers include a six-week series on caring for older adults and selfcare. Go to www.crvna.org or call 224-4093.

ith her mother in and out of hospitals since Tracy’s second daughter was born, and with the first still a baby, Tracy Gillick has spent much of her adult life smack in the middle of the “Sandwich Generation.”

 ServiceLink: New Hampshire’s Aging & Disability Resource Center. See www.servicelink.nh.gov or call 866-634-9412.  Village Network: Part of the national Village to Village Network (www.vtvnetwork. org), the Village Network is a nonprofit that offers vetted concierge, nonmedical services (transportation, housekeeping or outdoor chores, many more) to enable those 62 and over to “age in place,” i.e., live safely and independently in their own homes. An annual membership is less than a dollar a day. Go to www.villagenetworknh.org or call 891-0008. Some senior centers and faith communities offer drop-in programs and respite care, so caregivers can get a few hours or even a day off. 2-1-1 NH provides information and resources to NH residents. It is an initiative led by Granite United Way, an organization that represents the seven United Ways across the state, in partnership with Eversource and the State of New Hampshire. www.211nh.org

14 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

Dorothy A. Miller, MSSW, a social worker, coined the term to describe women in their 30s and 40s acting as primary caregivers for their children and their parents. “Adult children of the elderly, who are sandwiched between their aging parents and their own maturing children, are subjected to a great deal of stress. As the major resource and support for the elderly, this group has a need for services that is only beginning to be met by the helping professions,” Miller wrote in a paper for the National Association of Social Workers in 1981. Though her father continues to work full-time at 76, Gillick’s mother has been housebound for 10 years. It’s been Tracy’s responsibility to shuttle her to medical appointments, deal with bills and insurance, and hire caregivers. “You try to be everything to everybody, but somebody always gets the short stick,” Gillick said. “A lot of times it was my kids.” One time Gillick’s 16-year-old had to go to court alone for a speeding ticket because her mom had to be at the nursing home to learn how to transfer the immobile grandmother. “You do what you have to do,” she said, “but it takes a toll on you.” For Gillick, whose mother-in-law also needed care in recent years, doing what you have to means getting up at 4 a.m.; “I can sleep when I’m dead.” Gillick’s firsthand experience now informs her work as director of Caring Companions, a program of Easter Seals in Manchester.

generation Caring for aging parents while raising kids

SIGNS YOUR PARENT NEEDS MORE HELP

• • • • • •

“Caring Companions can go in and assist when family can’t be there, so they don’t have to worry, even if just two hours a day, or once a week,” Gillick said. “This is a huge bonus to someone trying to care for someone else 24 hours a day. They can go shopping, see friends, get their hair done.” Clients of Caring Companions include a lot of widowed women, veterans, and some couples.

Stress on top of stress Things are even more complicated if you have a child with special needs or chronic illness, if you’re ill, or if a parent has dementia. Keliane Totten is vice president of community engagement at Concord Regional

The following are signs it’s time to call in reinforcements: A lack of food in the refrigerator, or spoiled food Confusion about medications, inability to explain what they are for Unpaid bills and unopened mail Deteriorating hygiene Deteriorating balance: difficulty getting up and out of chairs or holding on to furniture while walking Serious signs of forgetfulness: repeatedly leaving the stove on, dressing inappropriately (summer clothes in the winter) or getting lost in familiar surroundings “These are basic reasons to have services, but there are others,” Totten said. “If someone has been newly diagnosed with a chronic condition, or has been in and out of the hospital and is having difficulty managing their illness, home health care can help.” Home health providers can reinforce physicians’ orders for self-care, help manage medications, and may recognize the signs of a worsening condition. Having a professional check in regularly means that a problem can be spotted early. “Steps can be taken to interrupt the symptom cycle and avoid another hospitalization,” Totten said.

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 15

IS PAID FAMILY AND MEDICAL LEAVE IN OUR FUTURE? The Family and Medical Leave Act is a federal law that allows eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for serious health conditions, to bond with a new child, or to prepare for military deployment. Your job is “protected,” meaning you can return to your position after the leave. The FMLA affects employers with at least 50 employees who worked at least 1,250 hours in the past year. That means that 41 percent of the workforce is left out, and millions of Americans can’t afford to take time off without pay. In New England, we’re ahead of the country: Connecticut offers longer leave; Vermont and Maine apply the FMLA to even smaller companies; and Rhode Island offers paid family and medical leave. Granite State companies with at least six employees must allow eligible employees to take time off work for a disability relating to pregnancy, childbirth, or related conditions, and their jobs are protected. Also, health insurance can be continued while on leave, for the same cost. Employees may also take up to 26 weeks of unpaid leave in a year to care for a family member in the military who is injured. Thanks to a U.S. Department of Labor grant, the state Department of Employment Security, the Carsey School of Public Policy at UNH and the New Hampshire Women’s Foundation are working as a team on research to start the conversation about what paid family and medical leave insurance might look like. One hypothetical model has it working like insurance, with employee-paid payroll deductions as a percentage of their earnings. The median income in the Granite State is about $66,000 a year (2014). According to Kristin Smith, a family demographer at the Carsey School of Public Policy and research associate professor of sociology at UNH, the model shows that for approximately $5 per week, an average worker could possibly get up to two-thirds of their salary for a number of weeks to care for a seriously ill spouse, child or parent, or for their own extended illness. Author J. Heymann, in Why America’s Working Families Are in Jeopardy, said paid family leave promotes family well-being, especially for children and seniors. It also lets dads get more involved, and lowers infant mortality rates. A survey last winter shows that 82 percent of NH adults support paid family medical leave.

Visiting Nurse Association, which serves 40 communities. The CRVNA, the largest home health and hospice organization in the state, offers home care from infants to elders, and gives presentations for caregivers. “Community health programs rotate throughout our service area,” Totten said, “so people don’t have to travel to Concord. This saves time, and makes help more accessible.” Programs such as memory-loss support groups and the Memory Café provide an opportunity for caregivers to bring their relative with dementia. While caregivers learn about resources and enjoy peer support, the elders participate in engaging activities and socialize. There’s a six-week program for caregivers of older adults, “which gives participants powerful, evidence-based tools,” Totten said, including resources for self-care. There’s also a maternal/child health program for pediatric patients. Caring Companions has four different programs for dementia care, depending on the level of care needed. They also help with people with strokes and traumatic brain injuries, and other high medical needs. Gillick noted that dealing with someone with dementia can be particularly challenging: “Caregivers can really come to their wits’ end and get burned out. They need help to cope.” There are free webinars online at the Caring Companions website with tools for caregivers, but you have to contact them to get the password.

Caregiver, heal thyself Totten said one of the hardest things for people caught between caring for a young family and elders is taking care of themselves. Because it’s easy to get overwhelmed and neglect your own health and wellbeing, “self-care is very important. You need to protect your sense of self, take time to do something that brings you joy,” Totten said. That means prioritizing and including yourself in day-to-day health care needs. Easier said than done, right? “Being organized is extremely important, since there are only so many hours a day. Look at your time and how you’re spending it,” Totten said. Another important thing is being willing to ask for and accept help when you need it. “Ask yourself, who might be able to help me accomplish this so I’m not overwhelmed? Asking for and accepting help is a challenge for many people, but so important.” Can siblings do grocery shopping or pick up prescriptions? Can someone do the cleaning or the yard work? “Take care of yourself first, or you’re not going to be good for anybody,” said Gillick. “That’s a difficult thing for people to come to grips with. They feel guilty and they shouldn’t.” It’s the “put your oxygen mask on first” analogy. She makes the gym and yoga a priority for her own well-being. Mary Ellen Hettinger, APR is an award-winning reporter, editor and writer, and accredited public relations professional.

16 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

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22 A closer look

at coffee 25 Taste the rainbow 29 Social media and

cyber-anxiety 32 Pumpkin: not just

for pies anymore

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editor’s note Here’s to your health! Like us! facebook.com/ gymnasticsvillage

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Welcome to the fall/winter 2016 edition of Healthy Families, our 20-page special section dedicated to providing you with information about keeping your family healthy. In this edition, we take a look at two of our favorite foods: coffee and pumpkin. We explore the health benefits of the tasty, caffeinated beverage and we have a guide to different pumpkin concoctions you will find throughout the Granite State. Also, we take a closer look at the real problem of social media anxiety — a trending issue with teens and adults. Lastly, we give you some great tips on how to eat healthier — and it starts with buying your produce close to home. Parenting New Hampshire Magazine continues to be the only and best source of information for parents and families throughout the state. More than 20,000 copies are distributed to about 600 locations, including major supermarkets, statewide. We also publish the Family Resource Book, Family Summer Fun Guide, NH Next: Your Guide to Life After High School and Stepping Stones NH: A guidebook for people with disabilities, their families and the professionals who support them. You be sure to check us out at www.parentingnh.com. Look for our spring/summer edition of Healthy Families in April 2017.

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A closer look at coffee Does a cup of joe a day keep the doctor away? By Andrea Bushee

t gives parents something to look forward to in the morning and it keeps moms and dads going throughout the day.

Coffee is a favorite beverage of many adults and it is something we don’t have to feel guilty about. To a point. For those with some gastrointestinal problems or sleep issues, coffee may not be a healthy choice, but for most people, coffee could have some health benefits. “Studies have shown that coffee may have health benefits, including protecting against Parkinson's disease, type 2 diabetes and liver disease, including liver cancer. It also appears to improve cognitive function and decrease the risk of depression,” according to the Mayo Clinic. Shilpa Bhupathiraju, research associate at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, said coffee has been shown to lower the risk of several chronic diseases, gallstones, and some forms of cancer. “When I say coffee I am referring to black coffee; a lot of added sugar is not good for you,” she said. And she is also talking about coffee drinkers with a healthy diet and lifestyle who drink up to three to five cups per day. Overall, Bhupathiraju said, coffee has not shown much harm even in amounts greater than five cups, but the benefits are not higher with increased consumption either. Susan D. Engle, registered dietitian/nutritionist at Nutrition Matters in Exeter, said one to two cups of coffee per day for those who can handle it will bring benefits. “I think people have to assess personally how sensitive they are to caffeine,” she said. Some people don’t do well with any caffeine at all and others with acid reflux may find coffee will aggravate and cause symptoms. There is also an association with too much coffee and miscarriage in pregnant women, Bhupathiraju said. According the Mayo Clinic website, large amounts of “unfiltered coffee (boiled or espresso)” has been linked with “mild elevations in cholesterol levels,”…“And some

22 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

studies found that two or more cups of coffee a day can increase the risk of heart disease in people with a specific — and fairly common — genetic mutation that slows the breakdown of caffeine in the body. So, how quickly you metabolize coffee may affect your health risk.” If you are sensitive to coffee, or just don’t like the taste, there are other ways to get the healthy advantage coffee can give you. “The benefits that you get from coffee are primarily due to antioxidants found in fruit and vegetables,” Bhupathiraju said. Magnesium and whole grains are good substitutes and “eating a overall good diet you will get the same benefits,” she adds. Glen P. Miller, professor and chair of chemistry at the University of New Hampshire, has even found a way to infuse coffee with resveratrol, a natural antioxidant found in red wine. Red wine has been touted as “heart healthy,” and Miller adds, “studies suggest that it slows age-related cognitive decline, increases the healthful benefits of exercise, and even acts as an anti-depressant.” The product is called CoffVee and is made by Vera Roasting Company. It combines the benefits of coffee with the benefits of red wine. “Until last year, the only way to introduce bioavailable resveratrol into the diet was to drink red wine. In December 2015, we launched CoffVee, which is infused with Resveratrol. CoffVee drinkers receive the same amount of resveratrol in their cup of CoffVee as in a typical glass of red wine, Miller said. As with most things, even if there are benefits to a particular food or beverage, moderation is key. “I would encourage people to reduce their guilts about food… we are allowed to get pleasure, but it matters how much and how often, including coffee,” Engle said. Andrea Bushee is a freelance writer and mom to Jackie, Justin and Julie in Pembroke.

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 23

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Taste the

rainbow

Eating whole food and vegetables grown locally will help keep you healthy By Rob Levey

hile ‘eating healthy’ sounds great in theory, many parents admit that they struggle to implement the concept in everyday life. According to nutrition experts, though, there are basic eating healthy principles that are not only easy to understand, but actionable. Eat local Eating local is not a fad, but an important aspect to healthy nutrition backed by substantial scientific evidence, said Melissa Snow, a registered dietitian nutritionist at Whole Life Health Care in Newington. “Locally grown food has a higher nutrient content due to decreased time from harvest to table,” she said. “Over time, the bioactivity of vitamins and minerals decreases in fruits and vegetables due to their delicate nature. In other cases, some locally grown produce is intentionally allowed to mature and ripen longer for improved flavor and texture, which perhaps results in increased bioactivity of nutrients.” Jen Desrosiers, holistic health and wellness coach and owner of Laney & Lu Café in Exeter, agrees and referred to locally sourced products as being “nutrient dense.” “No matter how you choose to eat — vegetarian or as a meat-eater — what you want is to eat foods that are packed with the most micronutrients,” she said. “When you purchase kale directly from a farm, for example, it is loaded with a lot more nutrients than kale that might look the same from a supermarket, but took two weeks to get here from somewhere else.” Noting she works with several local organic farms to source ingredients for

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 25

WATER SLIDE CHALLENGE

Laney & Lu Café, Desrosiers said the “eat local” movement includes much more than the concept of “farm to table.” “You need to think about ‘seed to table,’” she said. “Organic farmers are not farming vegetables, they are farming the soil.” According to Heidelberg Farms’ Steve Phillips, an organic landscaper, soil is the key to a healthy life. “There are one billion bacteria in one teaspoon of healthy soil,” he explained. “That’s just the beginning — there are fungi, nematodes and protozoa, too. Knowing how a farmer is farming the soil and where is really important.”

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“Eating healthy is just as much a mindset as it is what you eat, which is why I like the concept of ‘vibrant,’” she said. “Colorful foods are vibrant, and for some families that means stepping outside their comfort zone.” Cohen said colorful foods are also fibrous and can stimulate the growth of probiotic organisms that can contribute to a person’s well-being in multiple ways. “The concept of prebiotic fiber is a fairly new development in our understanding of good nutrition,” he said. “It’s just another great reason to eat with color.”

How to eat healthy

Desrosiers said she advises people to keep eating healthy simple. “Shop your local farmer year-round,” she said. “Whether they employ organic farming methods or not, you will be getting much more nutrients out of your food.” When dining out, Desrosiers said parents should not be afraid to have frank conversations with restaurant staff either. “Ask questions and feel free to work off the menu,” she added. “Choose restaurants that are in alignment with your values. Fundamentally, you should spend just as much time planning your meals as you do your entertainment and be willing to make that financial investment.” Snow suggests parents make a commitment to eating more vegetables and fruits. She said parents should also invest in a good knife and cutting board and prepare vegetables in different, tasty ways. “Use the internet or a cookbook like Vegetable Heaven by Mollie Katzen for different ideas,” she said. “Using fresh or dried herbs, olive oil, and lemon juice with your vegetables, either roasted or grilled, enhances the flavor and texture, too.” She said the after-school hunger period also presents an opportunity to provide kids with raw vegetables and hummus or a healthy dip using yogurt or legumes. “Along with vegetables, put out other healthy snacks that are more satisfying — like half-asandwich and a glass of milk, nuts and fresh fruit, toast with peanut butter or a homemade smoothie with yogurt and fruit,” she said. “Get Eat with color your kids involved, too — make your own According to Cohen, eating whole often granola or energy bars, smoothies, or healthy equates with eating colorfully. Deeply colorful muffins.” fruits and vegetables indicate a richer content of Cohen said he tells his clients to follow the phytochemicals that are thought to work with concept of “Clean 15 and the Dirty Dozen.” vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients. Referenced throughout the Internet, this eating “So many families tend to eat the same tool lists the cleanest and dirtiest fruits and vegetables in terms of low versus high pesticide things over and over again,” he said. “Adding kiwi, melon, mango, and berries to the usual levels. He also urges people to actively utilize apple, pear and grapes will create a richer different spices, such as turmeric, garlic, cumin, rainbow of color. In the vegetable world, addthyme, oregano and ginger, which are all ing winter squash, asparagus and dark-leafed known to have anti-inflammatory and antioxigreens such as Swiss chard and beet greens to dant potential. the usual vegetables in salads, soups and stir-fry “You can think about cooking as medicine will be advantageous. for better health,” he said. “Introducing new Desrosiers said she advises her clients to flavor profiles into how you cook can promote “eat vibrantly,” which she believes is an impor- better health in very practical ways.” tant lifestyle concept as well as one related to nutrition. Eating whole foods complements the eat local strategy that Snow said helps to supply all the chemical pathways involved in energy production, hormone balance, immune function, and production of neurotransmitters. “Optimizing digestion and absorption of nutrients by eating whole, natural foods is essential in providing the building blocks — vitamins, minerals, enzymes, amino acids and fatty acids — involved in these pathways,” she said. “Without them, the human body starts to break down, energy production decreases, and weight gain, diabetes, and mental health issues occur.” Desrosiers said eating whole to some extent equates with eating raw, which is a concept that also supports how she designs her menu. “I don’t exactly promote our menu as raw and whole, but that’s a big part of what we do and what’s happening in a lot of restaurants and cafes,” she said. “Eating raw, whole foods is definitely a big part of eating healthy.” Echoing sentiments expressed by Snow, Ranan Cohen, a clinical nutritionist at Whole Life Health Care, said eating whole means avoiding as many processed foods as possible. “Americans love pizza, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers and hot dogs, and so on. It is not what is in these foods that is unhealthy, but rather what they lack,” he said. “Namely, processed foods lack sufficient plant chemicals, also known as phytochemicals, which protect us via anti-inflammatory and detoxification action.”

It's never too late ... or too early! By Debra Bushman-Morales

2016-2017 Community Education Events Join us.

Home Health & Hospice Care has 2016-2017 Community Education Events

partnered with Mt. Carmel Rehabilitation and Nursing Center and St. Teresa Rehabilitation and Nursing Center to offer

Join Home Health & Hospice Care (HHHC) with partners Mt. Carmel Rehabilitation and Nursing Center (MTC) and St. Teresa Rehabilitation and Nursing Center (STT) each month for free

Join Home Health & Hospice Care (HHHC) with partners Mt. Carmel Rehabilitation and Nursing educational seminars ranging from caregiver resources and dementia tours to Medicare benefits Center (MTC) and St. Teresa Rehabilitation and Nursing Center (STT) each month for free and home care safety.ranging Each month/topic will be presented bydementia various community experts. benefits educational seminars from caregiver resources and tours to Medicare and home care safety. Each month/topic will be presented by various community experts.

free educational seminars! DATE

LOCATION

TIME

DATE September 21, 2016

LOCATION St. Teresa

TIME 4-6:30pm

What you need know about home protection in our community: September 21,to2016 St. Teresa

s a nurse liaison in long-term care, I often meet patients that have not begun the process of planning for healthcare needs for an emergency or to access future care needs. This situation can be very distressing for the family members or care providers that inherit the responsibility of initiating the healthcare plan or gathering the information necessary to execute the plan. Contrary to popular belief, rehabilitation admission to a nursing center is not an automatic admission to long-term care. In most cases, rehabilitation is covered by Medicare and/or Managed Care Insurance (Cigna, Anthem, etc.) and long-term care is covered by private pay funds or Medicaid. Here are a few things that families and caregivers should discuss and put into place: • Who is going to speak for you if you are unable to speak for yourself? (Known as durable power of attorney for Healthcare.) • Who is going to handle your financial matters if you are not able at any given time? Think about the monthly bills: mortgage payments, utility bills, insurance coverages (Known as Durable power of Attorney for Finances.) • What is your desire for resuscitation? Full Code (CPR, breathing machine, antibiotics, feeding tube?) or Do Not Resuscitate • What facilities (hospitals, rehabilitation centers, nursing homes, home health agencies) would you want to provide services? Know before you go! These decisions will be made by someone. Wouldn’t you want the healthcare provider to know who that trusted individual will be if you can’t speak for yourself? Accidents, serious illnesses or events such as a stroke are not planned but happen all the time without warning. Recovery may take months. Don’t leave your family in doubt. It’s never too early to start this conversation. Healthcare planning takes time. Start now, have the TALK so you are prepared on that day when I need to sit down with your loved ones and ask them: How can I help?

Mt. Carmel Rehabilitation and Nursing Center 235 Myrtle Street Manchester, NH 03104 St. Teresa Rehabilitation and Nursing Center 519 Bridge Street Manchester, NH 03104

For information and tours please contact Debra Bushman-Morales: 603-493-9648

Debra Bushman-Morales, RN Debbie joined Catholic Charities in 2015 and serves as the clinical liaison nurse for admissions to Mt. Carmel and St. Teresa in Manchester, NH. She is a strong advocate for patientcentered care, putting the patient first — body, mind and spirit.

4-6:30pm

Officeryou Mark Ampuja of about the Manchester Police Department What need to know home protection in our community: Officer Mark Ampuja of the Manchester Police Department

October 12, 2016

Mt. Carmel

October 12, 2016 Healthy, Quick and Easy Meal Ideas:

Mt. Carmel

4-6:30pm

Healthy, andDietician Easy Meal Ideas: Catholic Quick Charities Jessica McSheffrey and Mt. Carmel chef Tom Jeffrey Catholic Charities Dietician Jessica McSheffrey and Mt. Carmel chef Tom Jeffrey

November 9, 2016

November 2016 Winter Safety9,and Fall Prevention:

St. Teresa

4-6:30pm

Mt. Carmel

4-6:30pm

St. Teresa

Winter Safety Rehab and Fall Prevention: Meg Calvert, Program Manager at St. Teresa Meg Calvert, Rehab Program Manager at St. Teresa

January 11, 2017

4-6:30pm

Mt. Carmel

4-6:30pm

Accessing Medicare benefits, Questions and Answers: Accessing Medicare benefits, Questions and Answers: Denise Rivard, BA, LPN Senior Community Nurse Liaison for Home Health & Hospice

Denise Rivard, BA, LPN Senior Community Nurse Liaison for Home Health & Hospice

February 8, 8, 2017 2017 February

St. St. Teresa Teresa

4-6:30pm 4-6:30pm

March 8, 8, 2017 2017 March

Mt. Mt. Carmel Carmel

4-6:30pm 4-6:30pm

April April 12, 12, 2017 2017

St. Teresa Teresa St.

4-6:30pm 4-6:30pm

May May 11, 11, 2017 2017 -- Blood Blood Drive Drive

St. Teresa Teresa St.

1:30-6:30pm 1:30-6:30pm

June June 13, 13, 2017 2017 -- Blood Blood Drive Drive

Mt. Carmel Carmel Mt.

2:30-6:30pm 2:30-6:30pm

Celebrate your your Healthy Healthy Heart, Heart, Maintenance Maintenance and Celebrate and Up-Keep: Up-Keep: Lisa Beaulieu Beaulieu APRN APRN for for St. St. Teresa Teresa & & Mt. Mt. Carmel Lisa Carmel

Living Wills Wills & & Advanced Advanced Directives, When do I need to make Living make these these arrangements? arrangements? Presented by by Home Home Health & Hospice Presented

Palliative Palliative vs vs Hospice, Hospice, Myths & Truths: Denise Nurse Liaison Liaison for for Home Home Health Health& &Hospice Hospice Denise Rivard, Rivard, BA, BA, LPN LPN Senior Senior Community Community Nurse

To RSVP and inclement weather update, call presentation site: St. Teresa 668-2373, Mt.Carmel 627-3811

Catholic Charities New Hampshire Rehabilitation & Nursing Centers Independent & Assisted Living – Memory Care

We are here to help.

St. Vincent de Paul Rehabilitation & Nursing Center Berlin, NH • 603-752-1820 stvincentrehabcenter.org

St. Francis Rehab & Nursing Center – Independent Living Laconia, NH • 603-524-0466 stfrancisrehabcenter.org

Mt. Carmel Rehab & Nursing Center – Memory Care Manchester, NH • 603-627-3811 mtcarmelrehabcenter.org

St. Teresa Rehab & Nursing Center – Independent Living Manchester, NH • 603-668-2373 stteresarehabcenter.org

St. Ann Rehabilitation & Nursing Center – Independent Living Dover, NH • 603-742-2612 stannrehabcenter.org

Warde Rehabilitation & Nursing Center – Assisted Living Windham, NH • 603-890-1290 wardehealthcenter.org

Good Shepherd Rehabilitation & Nursing Center Jaffrey, NH • 603-532-8762 goodshepherdrehabcenter.org

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 27

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Cyber-anxiety

The excessive use of social media can lead to anxiety and depression By Mary Ellen Hettinger

ou’d never put a pack of cigarettes in your child’s hands. It’s not only dangerous, it’s addictive. But according to a study from the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business, social media can be just as addictive — or more so — than cigarettes.

As reported in Digital Journal in February 2012, “The strong desire for electronic communications appears to trump” cigarettes and alcohol, a study of adults showed. So imagine how much more vulnerable our children are to the temptations of texting, obsessively “checking in” at favorite sites, documenting their meals and lives on Instagram, and, even more tempting because of its fleeting nature (here today, gone in 24 hours or less), Snapchat.

What comes first? Teens and tweens are driven to check their mobile phones incessantly because of FOMO (the fear of missing out). Being afraid of missing out can create anxiety around social media. But there’s also research showing that kids with anxiety are more likely to use social media instead of interacting in person. According to Lynn Lyons, LICSW, co-author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents (Health Communications, Inc.), “Anxiety is common. Research shows that as many as one in eight children have a diagnosable anxiety disorder, and the number is rising.” Virtually all kids, diagnosed or not, experience some anxiety, but factors such as genetics, temperament and stressful life events increase the risk of developing anxiety, Lyons said. The good news is, it’s treatable. Lyons has a private practice in Concord specializing in anxious families. “What happens in terms of social skills and communication skills,” she said, “is that you miss out on tone of voice, intonation and other subtle cues” with social media. “This can be a real problem as kids develop the ability to communicate honestly and openly, because they aren’t learning how to

pick up on social cues.” This disconnect gets in the way of developing empathy. In a conversation, according to Lyons, “You can see if you’ve said something that hurts someone’s feelings by the expression on their face,” and say “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Then you can rephrase it or change your tone. While the numbers vary slightly from study to study, experts agree that approximately 90 to 93 percent of all communication is nonverbal. According to the book Silent Messages, 7 percent of any message is conveyed through words, 38 percent through tone of voice and intonation, and 55 percent through facial expressions, posture and gestures. With social media, said Lyons, “Kids are bolder. They’re not in front of somebody, so it’s easier to say something when you’re not there

watching the person’s reaction.” Andrea Paquette, APRN, a holistic nurse practitioner and pediatric mental health specialist at Choices Counseling in Londonderry, noted that typical anxiety about fitting in with peers is heightened with social media, “because it’s 24/7. Kids are tuned in all day and half the night, instead of just after school, or at home. Now they can be ‘with’ their friends without being physically present,” Paquette said. “Kids would much rather interact virtually online than in person,” because it’s easier. “But this constant connection has really made more kids more anxious when they have to interact with others in person, because

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 29

For more information: they just don’t have the in-person experience.” Hand in hand with anxiety, in some children, is perfectionism and the urge to compare, Lyons said. “Socially anxious kids compare a lot.” This can exacerbate anxiety around social media. A kid who is not as “connected” or in the loop in the social media milieu at school — who learns via Instagram, Snapchat or text that “everyone” is at a party except him or her — wonders, “How come I wasn’t invited?” Or, “I didn’t know everyone was going there after the game.” Result: epic FOMO. It used to be that you didn’t know that you weren’t invited to a party. Now kids know almost instantly. Then there’s the “mistaken assumption that other people’s lives are more perfect or interesting than yours,” that’s no longer just a perception. “Now you know what you’re missing out on,” said Lyons. Kids who are already feeling disconnected and who don’t have a lot of friends aren’t imagining it; they’re seeing it. Adolescence, a typically awkward and sometimes agonizing passage of life, is made even more awkward.

Phone-y security blanket Some kids get so dependent on talking to their friends that the phone is like a security blanket, Paquette said. “There has to be a happy medium,” she added, “but it can be a tough thing to figure out.” Kids feel like they have to be in touch with their friends all the time, and “everything gets very dramatic and overblown because they talk about it over and over and half the night. They feed off each other.” Then there are multiple platforms such as FaceTime and Skype. Teens are so tech savvy, Paquette said. They can be on group chats, and three or four platforms, at 10 p.m. and midnight. “Then they start following people they don’t know, and it gets really messy. Then a lot of their life is online instead of in person.” Before social media, kids would be

sleeping. They couldn’t have a friend over on a weeknight. If they had a problem, they could talk to a parent. For anxious and depressed tweens and teens that spent a ton of time with their phones, it’s easy to find a group of like-minded kids who are also depressed. They also feed off of each other’s anxiety. Social media isn't all bad, according to Paquette, if you can find a good balance. It can help kids take care of themselves, for example, a quick text to check on homework, or getting rides with one another. “But especially in the early tween and teen years, social media use needs to be monitored. It’s so easy for them to get caught up in it.”

Danger lurking in cyberspace There are a number of reasons to be concerned about giving your child unlimited access—through computer and a mobile device that now acts like one—to the worldwide web. Girls who used to exclude others from cliques now cyberbully. Shy boys and girls who used to exchange notes in class can now sext each other. Everyone—grownups included—feels anonymous and entitled to reveal what they really think online. The worst part? It’s virtually permanent, and can go global in seconds. “It’s ten-fold or worse now,” Paquette said. “There lots of sex stuff going on and a lot more online because you’re not face-to-face with anybody. Kids say mean things. If a child has anxiety and can’t manage conversations in real life, they do it online.” And vulnerable kids are targeted online. Paquette has seen kids in her practice who “have ‘relationships’ online across the country, having whole relationships online with someone they’ve never met, because there’s a lot of pressure to be paired up, and they don’t have any experience talking with a girl face to face.” Of course, who knows whom that tween is “chatting” with, or where they are. It could be a predator sitting in a car outside their home. Because they’re young, kids do stupid, impulsive things. But the consequences can be dire. We’ve seen the headlines: teen charged with child pornography, having to register as a sex offender, because of trading inappropriate photos with others. “Sending pictures can get way out of hand online because you’re not in person. It’s not someone your parents know or that your family goes to church with,” said Paquette.

30 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

 Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson, PhD and Lynn Lyons, LICSW  Playing with Anxiety: Casey’s Guide for Teens and Kids is the companion book for children to Anxious Kids and is available on Amazon.com or as a free, downloadable e-book at www.PlayingWithAnxiety.com.  Common Sense Media: You’ll find up-to-date research and more information on social media use at www. commonsensemedia.org/social-media.  More on social networking safety from the National Crime Prevention Council: www.ncpc.org/topics/ internet-safety/social-networking-safety

According to a CNN study of 200 eighth-graders over six months whose social media use was monitored by child development experts, 60 percent of parents “underestimated how lonely, worried and depressed their kids were.” The study, made into a documentary called #Being13, also showed that 94 percent of parents underestimated the amount of fighting that goes on through social media.

It starts with you Parents need to model a healthy use of social media, versus a chronic dependence on their phone or tablet. Once a child has a mobile device, rules need to be set. Primary for the entire family should be no devices at meals and turn off all “screens” an hour before bedtime, Paquette said. “I recommend at any age that kids don’t have any screens in their room, especially at bedtime. Ideally, we all want to stop using devices an hour before sleep so our brains can shut down.” Studies show that unplugging occasionally helps relieve stress— if you can do it without having a panic attack. And you can always catch up with ICYMI (in case you missed it). Mary Ellen Hettinger, APR is an awardwinning reporter, editor and writer, and accredited public relations professional.

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Not just for MPKIN? ENOUGH PU CAN'T GET lists of where ve web-exclusi r ou t ou ck Che d pumpkin n pumpkins an ow ur yo ck to pi ss the state at festivals acro . tingnh.com www.paren

pies anym

n 2006, the pumpkin was named New Hampshire’s official state fruit. And for good reason: our beautiful, bountiful autumns yield quite the sought-after gourds.

But despite pumpkin’s appeal, it is usually only found in pies or iced coffee syrups. Fortunately, restaurants and bakeries across the state have taken notice of our beloved fruit’s versatility — and are using it in everything from sweet to savory dishes (and drinks). Read on to see where you can get your pumpkin fix through a variety of seasonal treats.

32 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

PUMPKINFEST MARTINI The Stage Restaurant & Café 30 Central Square, Keene 357-8389 www.thestagerestaurant.com Why it’s worth trying: Named after Keene’s former Pumpkin Festival, this seasonal martini was originally added to The Stage’s menu about a decade ago. Made with real pumpkin purée, vodka, RumChata, pumpkin liqueur, and pumpkin pie spices — and served with a dollop of whipped cream — this is one fall-friendly treat (for the adults). “It is creamy and delicious, and served in a big 10-ounce martini glass — not one of those teeny ones!” said Eileen Benik, owner.

Satisfy your pumpkin cravings with these treats found around the Granite State By Michelle Lahey

MAPLE-ROASTED PUMPKIN & BRIE RAVIOLI Valicenti Pasta Farm 11 Monument Square, Hollis 459-3627 www.gimmiespaghetti.com Why it’s worth trying: This savory dish is comprised of local, seasonal ingredients including Ackerman Maple Syrup from Cabot, Vt.; Brookford Farm’s Brie from Canterbury; and pumpkins from Kimball Fruit Farm in Pepperell, Mass. Available through the winter, it’s the ideal comfort food treat to cure all your pumpkin cravings. PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE Ceres Bakery 51 Penhallow Street, Portsmouth 436-6518 www.ceresbakery.com Why it’s worth trying: When it comes to pumpkin-filled baked goods, Ceres is the place to go. From pumpkin bars to pumpkin-oatmeal cookies to pumpkin bread, there is something to cure every autumnal sweet tooth. But if you’ve never had the iconic combination that is tangy cheesecake and sweet, spiced pumpkin then you’re in for a treat. (Bonus: Pumpkin cheesecake will also make a delicious unique addition to the Thanksgiving dessert table.) SWEET MAPLE PUMPKIN FRENCH TOAST Sweet Maple Café 80 Main Street, Conway Village 447-6020 www.sweetmaplecafenh. com Why it’s worth trying: This dish is what autumn breakfast dreams are made of: housemade pumpkin bread dipped in eggs and cooked until golden brown, then served with a side of butter and pure New Hampshire maple syrup. Available year-round at Sweet Maple Café, this treat is worth

the indulgence any season. But there’s something about the initial chill of fall that makes anything pumpkin taste that much better. PUMPKIN PIE FUDGE The Mill Fudge Factory 2 Central Street, Bristol 744-0405 www.themillfudgefactory.com Why it’s worth trying: No weird ingredients here — just pure pumpkin, The Mill Fudge Factory’s own secret blend of pumpkin pie spices, cane sugar, Cabot butter, milk, and a touch of pure New Hampshire honey. “We knew that pumpkin fudge was popular, so we had to develop our own version,” said Noah Munro, co-owner. “We just didn't realize how well our rich, buttery, caramelbased fudge would pair with the deep pumpkin flavor and spices.”

PUMPKIN BAGELS Ani’s Bagel Café 12 Hampton Road, Exeter 580-5363 www.anisbagelcafe.com Why they’re worth trying: Pumpkin doughnuts are fine, but for a lower-insugar treat it’s all about the pumpkin bagel. Ani’s seasonal creation is best when slathered with cinnamon-apple cream cheese, and for the coffee drinkers, paired with a pumpkin pie latte for good measure. PUMPKIN ICE CREAM Jake’s Old-Fashioned Ice Cream & Bakery 57 Palm Street, Nashua 594-2424 www.jakesoldfashioned icecream.com

Building Champions

Why it’s worth trying: Ice cream is meant to be enjoyed year-round, not just during the humid summer months. So when the craving hits for this cold treat come foliage season, head to Jake’s. Their seasonal, housemade concoction blends sweet cream with real pumpkin, brown sugar, and warm spices — basically, pumpkin pie in ice cream form. Michelle Lahey is a food writer who was born and raised in New Hampshire. She also blogs about food at www.ahoppymedium.blogspot.com.

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xpanding what we know about college students mixing alcohol with energy drinks, investigators from dartmouth’s norris Cotton Cancer Center and the Children’s Hospital at dartmouth Hitchcock (CHad) found teens aged 15-17 years old who had ever mixed alcohol with energy drinks were four times more likely to meet the criteria for alcohol use disorder than a teen who has tried alcohol but never mixed it with an energy drink. the team, led by James d. sargent, md, with first author Jennifer A. emond, msc, Phd published “energy drink consumption and the risk of alcohol use disorder among a national sample of adolescents and young adults,” in Journal of Pediatrics. “these findings are concerning,” said emond. “they highlight that mixed use of alcohol and energy drinks may signal the development of abusive drinking behaviors among adolescents.” several studies have documented a link between consuming alcohol mixed with energy drinks and the increased rates of negative outcomes while drinking, including binge drinking. However, most studies to

date have been conducted among undergraduate college students. sargent’s team looked at a sample of 3,342 adolescents and young adults aged 15-23 years old recruited across the U.s. they found that 9.7% of adolescents aged 15-17 years old had consumed an energy drink mixed with alcohol. Analyses showed that group to have greatly increased odds of not just binge drinking, but also clinically defined criteria for alcohol use disorder. “Abusive alcohol use among adolescents is a dangerous behavior that can lead to injury, chronic alcohol use and abuse, and even death,” said emond. “identifying those most at risk for alcohol use is critical. Given that this is a sensitive issue, it’s possible that clinicians, parents, and educators might open dialogues about alcohol use with adolescents by starting the discussion on the topic of energy drinks.” Looking forward, the dartmouth team will consider how the marketing of energy drinks may influence an adolescent›s perception of use of energy drinks, including the acceptability of mixed use with alcohol.

James D. Sargent, MD is a pediatrician at CHaD. He holds the Scott M & Lisa G Stuart Professorship in Pediatrics, and is professor of Community & Family Medicine, at Dartmouth’s Geisel School of Medicine, and professor of The Dartmouth Institute. Jennifer A. Emond. MsC, PhD is an instructor in Community & Family Medicine at Geisel. Their work in cancer is facilitated by Dartmouth’s Norris Cotton Cancer Center where Sargent is co-director of the Cancer Control Research Program.

brain injury

Need an evaluation or speech-language services? Contact us at 603-862-2546 www.chhs.unh.edu/speech-language-hearing Located on the UNH campus in Durham, New Hampshire

34 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

Lebanon | Concord | Manchester/Bedford | Nashua Keene | Dover | Exeter | Plymouth | Bennington, VT www.CHaDkids.org “Energy drink consumption and the risk of alcohol use disorder among a national sample of adolescents and young adults,” was supported by The National Institutes of Health through grants CA077026, AA015591, and AA021347. Additional funding was provided by Norris Cotton Cancer Center. © 2015 Dartmouth-Hitchcock. Reprinted with permission.

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36 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

five•for families

COMPILED BY JACQUELINE TOURVILLE

Milford Pumpkin Festival: Carve out time in your family’s schedule for the 27th annual Milford Pumpkin Festival held in historic downtown Milford from Oct. 7-9. The family-friendly event includes a pumpkin catapult, pumpkin painting, scarecrow building, pumpkin weigh-in contest, carnival rides and bounce houses, a haunted trail and zombie walk, and the eagerly awaited Pumpkin Festival Talent Show. Also, food and free entertainment. www.milfordpumpkinfestival.org

Halloween Hoot N’ Howl: On Oct. 15, the Squam Lakes Science Center in Holderness invites families to take an eerily entertaining 40-minute guided trail walk to watch nature-related Halloween skits with a spooky and often humorous twist. Come in costume and dress suitably for outdoor weather. After your walk, warm up with Halloween games and tasty treats. Tours start at 6 p.m. and leave every 10 minutes until 7:30 p.m. www.nhnature.org,

Frighteningly Fast Fun Run: Burn off some of this month’s sugar overload at the Farmington 500 Boys and Girls Club’s first-ever Frighteningly Fast 5K on Sunday, Oct. 23 in Farmington. The day begins with a Kids' Fun Run at 9:30 a.m.; the 5K Run/Walk is at 10 a.m. Runners, walkers and spectators are encouraged to dress up in their favorite Halloween attire. Special prizes awarded for the best costumes. www.farmington500.org

Pumpkins and colorful leaves and spooky fun. It’s October in New Hampshire! To celebrate this colorful and creepy time of year, here are five ways to make this month a fun treat for your family.

Build a scarecrow: Help Jaffrey decorate for Halloween at Scarecrows on the Common, an annual community event held to make the dozens of scarecrows that are displayed around the picturesque Monadnock village throughout the month. Families are welcome to “build a crow” ($5 for all the materials), then stay for free games, face painting, an award ceremony for best scarecrows, and a pie-eating contest for kids 11 and younger. Scarecrows on the Common is Oct. 8 from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. For more information, call 532-7168 or email teamjaffrey@myfairpoint.net.

Halloween Town: For a late afternoon and evening of just-spookyenough Halloween fun, head to Camp Tohkomeupog in East Madison on Oct. 22 when the summer camp transforms into Halloween Town. Beginning at 3 p.m., follow the trick-or-treat trail as it winds through the decked-out camp to visit a series of 25 themed cabins. After you fill your candy bags head to the kids’ carnival, which features a bouncy house, face painting, petting zoo, food and more. Admission is free, but donations are gladly accepted with all proceeds going to The Laura Foundation for autism and epilepsy. www. halloweentownnh.org

Jacqueline Tourville is a freelance writer and PNH’s travel and tourism expert..

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 37

cook•with•your• kids HEAD OUT TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH By Susan Nye

fter Halloween costumes and trick-or-treating, the best part of October is the pumpkins. Big ones, small ones, fat ones and even a few skinny ones — there are countless varieties and they’re all good. Pumpkin is as suitable for the soup pot as it is the roasting pan or dessert tray. Throw roughly chopped or puréed pumpkin

into your favorite soups, stews and chili. Add chunks of pumpkin to the pan with your roast chicken, pork or beef. Or you can whip pumpkin into fall pies, cakes and custards.

Susan Nye writes for magazines throughout New England. She shares many of her favorite recipes and stories about food, family and friendship on her award winning blog, Around the Table, at www.susannye.wordpress.com.

FRESH PUMPKIN PURÉE Your pumpkin treats will go from good to outstanding with homemade pumpkin purée. It’s easy to make, but plan ahead. Unless you want soupy purée it needs to drain overnight! Makes about 3 cups

• 2 pounds fresh pumpkin • Melted butter Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line colander with overlapping coffee filters or cheesecloth. Set over large bowl. Cut pumpkin(s) in half; scrape out seeds and membrane. Cut pumpkin into wedges and brush flesh side of the pumpkin pieces with melted butter. Arrange flesh side down in large roasting pan and cover with foil. Bake for an hour. Turn the pieces, cover and return to oven. Cook for another hour or until pumpkin is very tender. Remove foil and cool pumpkin in the pan. When pumpkin is cool enough to handle, scoop out flesh and discard the skin. Purée pumpkin in batches in a food processor. Transfer purée to the prepared colander and cover the pumpkin with plastic wrap. Set it in the refrigerator and let drain overnight NOTE: If you use a lot of pumpkin during the fall and winter months, particularly over the holidays, double or even triple this recipe. Divide the purée into one-cup portions and freeze.

38 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING • 8 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature • 1/4 c. (1/2 stick) butter, at room temperature • 2 tsp. pure vanilla extract • Red and yellow food coloring (optional) • About 4 c. confectioners' sugar Put cream cheese and butter in bowl and beat with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. Add vanilla extract; beat to combine. Slowly add confectioners' sugar and beat until smooth. Beat in red and yellow food coloring a few drops at a time until you get a nice orange color. Increase mixer speed and continue beating for two to three minutes or until the frosting is light and fluffy.

PUMPKIN CUPCAKES Makes 24 muffins

• • • • • • • • •

2 3/4 c. all-purpose flour 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 tsp. ground ginger 1 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp. ground cloves 1/4 tsp. nutmeg 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 c. brown sugar

• • • • • • • •

1 tsp. vanilla 1/2 c. canola oil 3 large eggs About 2 c. pumpkin purée or 15-ounce can of pure pumpkin 1/2 c. maple syrup or molasses 1 c. sour cream Cream Cheese Frosting (recipe follows) Decoration: candy corn (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line muffin tins with paper liners and set aside.

pumpkin, maple syrup, sour cream and vanilla. Stir in dry ingredients.

Put flour in a bowl, add the baking soda and spices, then whisk to combine.

Fill paper liners about two-thirds full with batter. Bake until toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Transfer cupcakes to a rack to cool completely. Frost cupcakes and decorate with candy corn.

Using an electric mixer, beat together sugar and oil in large bowl. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Beat in

SWEET AND SALTY TOASTED PUMPKIN SEEDS Makes about 2 cups

• 2 c. pumpkins seeds (from two medium-large pumpkins), rinsed • 1-2 T. butter, melted Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicon mat. Shake off any excess water from seeds and spread them on the baking sheet. Bake seeds for about 45 minutes.

• 2 T. brown sugar • 1/2 tsp. kosher salt Let pumpkin seeds cool for a few minutes. Add butter and toss to coat. Sprinkle with sugar and salt and toss again. Return seeds to the baking sheet and bake until golden, about 15 minutes.

Remove seeds from the oven and transfer to a bowl. Increase oven temperature to 350 degrees.

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 39

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40 www.parentingnh.com october 2016 Parenting NH September 2016 1/4 page: 4.38” X 5.42”

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y daughter started her freshman year of high school recently, and I’m freaking out. I want to know how the little girl with light-up sneakers and a Minnie Mouse headband ended up in a classroom sitting next to some kid with a beard. In my head she’s eternally 6-years-old, and that is absolutely not the case. In fact, it’s been eight years since she was that squeaky-voiced moppet. She’s growing into a whip-smart teenager with a hilarious sense of humor and a strong sense of self, which is why I should have no reason to be so anxious. But I am. (Achievement unlocked: Wicked bad dad.) The way I see it, we only have four summers left with our daughter before she either goes off to college or starts working toward some kind of career. Three short breaks and it’s done: Waking her up for school, dropping her off at orchestra practice, picking her up after a sleepover. I don’t even want to blink for fear I’ll miss something. I tried. My eyes bleed if I don’t. Here’s some proof I seem to be perpetually stuck in 2008: Tuesday nights are movie nights. Last summer I took her to see “Finding Dory,” “The Secret Life of Pets,” and “Zootopia.” She did mention “Jason Bourne” one time, but all I heard was “Pete’s Dragon.” She laughs about it, but she also assured me that no matter how old she gets, she’ll always go to family movies with me. That freaks me out even more, because she has a firm grasp on nostalgia and how time is slipping away. Luckily, we have some close friends whose son is a couple years ahead of our daughter in the same school, so I just watch them to see how things go. On the surface they seem to be handling it with more grace than I am. But I’m not known for my grace. My reputation runs more along the lines of twitchy, sentimental, and weird. So with that in mind, dear Beard Kid: Be nice to her. She’s a good kid. She’s very cool. She plays a Rickenbacker bass guitar and can quote “Caddyshack.” (Achievement unlocked: Awesome dad.) I’m not one of those dads who threatens boys and is weirdly overprotective, because I was a freshman boy once and I think I was nice. My brother has about a billion kids (six) and some of them are boys. They’re really good kids. Our graceful friends have a son and he’s an excellent kid. I always assume the best in people, so I greet you in peace, Beard Kid. Also, are you in Mumford and Sons? Anyway, high school is going to fly by. When I look back four years and see how quickly time has passed since fifth grade, it’s jarring. In that same amount of time, she’ll be a graduating member of the class of 2020 and moving on to the next chapter of her life. So if you could help make her time more pleasant, that would be great. (Achievement unlocked: Deep sigh.) Bill Burke is a writer who lives in southern New Hampshire with his wife and high school-age daughter and thinks it’s really weird to type that phrase. He is also the managing editor of custom publications at McLean Communications.

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Check in on your child’s reading skills IF YOUR CHILD IS FALLING BEHIND, ALTERNATIVE TEACHING METHODS MAY BE NEEDED

BY ELIZABETH FEINGOLD

t’s time to start thinking about carving pumpkins and planning your child’s Halloween activities, and that means it is also time to make sure your early learner is on track with developing basic reading skills. Even though I was a special educator teaching in the school district when my children were heading off to elementary school, I was not a parent who believed in pushing either one of them to enter school with developed reading skills. My husband and I read to our children all the time, every day. We are both great lovers of books, and they were – and are – in many bookcases, on shelves, on the nightstands, in the attic, and just about everywhere else in our home. We worked hard to create a literacy-rich environment at home, though we didn’t formally instruct them in reading before they started school. Ben started first grade with terrific pre-literacy skills. He was a great listener, loved to be read to, loved sitting with his books, turning the pages and “reading” to himself, and enjoyed writing and drawing, and weekly visits to the library. But he wasn’t an independent reader when he set off for first grade. At our October parent-teacher conference, we asked Ben’s teacher how he was doing with reading. She believed in the “whole language approach,” which meant to this particular teacher that reading skills would organically evolve over time. We could see that that wasn’t working for Ben and we were concerned. When I asked about different approaches, mentioning that not all children learn the same and some might need alternative instruction, she disagreed. I asked about a phonetic approach, wondering if that might work for Ben, as he had a very logical approach to most tasks and liked to learn through sequencing, analysis and applying rules. She scoffed at me and told me that if I wanted that to happen, I needed to figure that out for myself. What did we do? Because I knew what services were provided at the school I reached out to the reading specialist and asked if she could spend a few sessions with Ben to assess his needs. After meeting with him, she told me he didn’t have underlying learning issues, but would benefit from a phonetic approach. She worked with Ben for a few short sessions per week, and lo and behold he quickly developed reading skills. By the end of their time together, Ben was reading well above grade level. While that was not the goal, it indicated that Ben just needed a different approach. And with that different approach, he thrived. If you think your child isn’t getting what she or he needs at school in terms of instruction or attention in early literacy, meet with the teacher and ask to discuss different approaches. If that isn’t forthcoming, find out what’s offered in the school, and seek that out for your child. Many of these supports are listed on the school’s websites, and you can also ask to meet with the school support team and/or administration to find out what’s available. For early learners, there should be a myriad of Response to Invention (RTI) supports that can be put in place. I will never forget either teacher – both the one who wasn’t willing to try a different way of teaching my child, and the one who was. We are forever grateful to Ben’s reading teacher, who saw him as a unique learner who soared once under her care and instruction. Every child deserves this opportunity. Elizabeth Feingold retired from Kearsarge Regional School District, where she worked for over 30 years as a special education teacher and coordinator at the elementary, middle and high school levels. She is now a consultant and advocate. Reach her through www.seacservices.com or email seacsvcs@gmail.com.

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at more than 600 locations throughout the state! Or visit us at parentingnh.com. It’s the premier source of articles, information and resources for families in the Granite State!

october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 41

house calls How you can help your kids reduce stress BREATHING TECHNIQUES AND VISUAL IMAGERY LETS THEM RELAX NATURALLY

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42 www.parentingnh.com october 2016 PARENTING NH MAGAZINE OCTOBER 2014 4.38” x 5.42

BY STACEY A. KOPP, MD

tress is a normal part of children’s lives, just as it is for adults. It can arise from everyday experiences including social and academic challenges at school, performance in sports, and relationships with peers and family members. Children are also affected by over-scheduling and by being aware of their parents’ stress and other difficulties at home. Signs your child may be stressed include moodiness, irritability, complaining, arguing, crying or whining, no longer wanting to participate in activities, school avoidance, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, as well as physical complaints such as headaches and stomachaches. There are many ways to help your child manage stress. Because kids have such busy schedules, it is important they have unscheduled time for free play. Spending time together as a family without being distracted by cell phones, video games or TV will also help your child feel more secure. There are also techniques your child can learn that will allow them to feel in control when stressful situations arise. These techniques are also useful at bedtime when many kids have difficulty “turning off their brains.” Have your child try the following: Breathing techniques: These are easy to learn and can be used anytime. Older children and adolescents can practice the 4-7-8 breath. While sitting upright, inhale through the nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7 and exhale completely through your mouth making a whoosh sound to a count of 8. Repeat this cycle three more times. Younger children may find it easier to do “square breathing.” There a several variations in which kids envision one side of square for each part of the cycle, either breathing in, holding, breathing out and holding, each for two seconds, or just breathing in for four seconds and out for four seconds. Other activities for younger children include having them imagine they are blowing up a balloon in their tummies, or to take a deep breath and sigh. Blowing bubbles is also a fun way to practice breathing slowly. Progressive muscle relaxation: This involves tightening a set of muscles for several seconds and releasing the tension. This causes the muscles to relax, which helps the whole body and mind relax. Have your child start with tightening both hands into fists, holding tightly for five seconds and relaxing. Then bend the arms at the elbows and tighten the biceps, hold and relax. Continue on with other body parts including the face, neck and shoulders, torso and legs. Younger kids can try giving themselves a big hug and squeezing tightly before letting go. Visual imagery: Have them picture themselves on a beach, hearing the surf and feeling the warm sun, or sliding down a rainbow, or having their stress melt away like ice melting and turning to water. They can also imagine a special place or thought that makes them happy and practice “going there” when they get stressed. Aromatherapy: A few drops of plant essential oils such as sweet orange, mandarin, bergamot or chamomile can be placed on a cotton ball and inhaled to produce a calming effect. Even comforting smells of home such as that of a favorite food can be effective. Other stress reducers include spending time outdoors, getting regular exercise, stretching, yoga, meditation, humor and laughter, playing with pets, eating healthy foods and having regular meals together as a family.

Stacey A. Kopp, MD, is a pediatrician at the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock in Nashua. Dr. Kopp recently completed a fellowship in Integrative Medicine from the University of Arizona, which focuses on combining evidence based natural approaches with traditional medicine to treat the whole person. For more information, please visit www.Dartmouth-Hitchcock.org.

parenting in the moment One size does not fit all RAISING A SOCIALLY ENGAGED KID WHEN YOU’RE AN INTROVERTED PARENT

EASTER SEALS NEW HAMPSHIRE

“Not-So-Ordinary” Pumpkin Patch

Every Saturday, Sept. 24 - Oct. 15 11:00-12:00 & 1:00-2:00 Unplug, Relax, and$7.50 Connect Nature year- Farm) ($6 towith Members of Prescott

round at Prescott Farm Environmental Education Center!

Joinforour tour of 30 unique varieties, • Summer Camps (day camp) agesnaturalist-led 4-15 from newly developed hybrids to hard-to-find heirloom • Naturalist-led walks and workshops pumpkins. Pick your own from our traditional pumpkin • Hands-on educational programs for all ages patch after the tour. • Natural Playscape A fall tradition to enjoy with family and friends. • 3 miles of woodland, pond and field trails Registration (open to the public daily from dawn till dusk for FREE!)required, go to • Vegetable, Herb & Flower Gardens to explore (Children’s Garden & www.prescottfarm.org Garden tours)

or call 366-5695.

Visit us online to find out what’s going on today!

BY TRACEY TUCKER

s parents there is a whole host of dilemmas we face when it comes to raising our kids. We parent by how we were parented, what we want different for our kids and our own temperament and personality. It can be difficult raising a socially engaged child when either you or your child (or both) are introverts. Some parents have this play date thing down from the beginning of their child’s life. These parents are able to connect with other parents and experience the joys and challenges of parenting as a group effort. These are the parents who know more than half the class and whose kids run over to all of their friends on the first day. Then there are those parents that choose a more individual pathway because they are uncomfortable connecting with parents or scheduling the myriad of play dates it takes to create a peer group for themselves or their children. These parents are typically the ones coming to kindergarten, walking as shyly as their child and processing through their anxiety as they interact with other parents. Many of these same parents that struggle with their parental peers feel judged or worry about their child’s behaviors and how those behaviors will be perceived. They fear that their children will not fit in. In addition, the culture around having kids “fit in” and socially educating them through set-up play dates and parent-negotiated parties are easier for some. Introverted parents already find it difficult to schedule adult time with friends or family so the idea of setting up play dates can feel overwhelming and exhausting. And add in if their child is introverted, play dates just may too much to accomplish. But the lack of play dates does not spell doom and gloom for kids, While parents are constantly given the message that socialized kids are healthier, happier and more successful in school, the reality is that healthy development comes in many shapes and sizes and can be adapted and changed from year to year through healthy communication. There are many pathways to a healthy, happy, well-socialized kid. Play dates and constant parent connection are not the only ways toward this outcome. Kids need to feel as though they are good at something, whether that is a hobby, or through engaging with other kids and friendships in and out of school. Parents should support where their children are emotionally, physically and mentally — whether we think that place is good enough or not. Placing kids in scenarios where they are highly uncomfortable or unprepared can set them up for failure and make them fear those scenarios. Kids are never stagnant, so over time we can add on more difficult tasks, environments or activities that push them past their comfort zone and allow them to engage in a broader array of environments. Ultimately, all of these issues involve healthy communication between parents, educators and children. Talk to educators or other professionals that work with your children to understand how your child prefers to interact. In this way, you can understand your child’s strengths and challenges. Providing educators and professionals insight into your child will enable all of you to use the same strategies to set up him or her up for the best outcome. Talk to your child about your feelings around who they are and what they prefer. Help them understand their temperament and personality and offer them ideas on how to work past their fears and worries. There are many ways to surround your children with other peers — whether that is teams, music or acting groups, or after-school activities.

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october 2016 www.parentingnh.com 43

FOR ALL AGES Saturdays, Oct. 1 and Oct. 8; Sundays, Oct. 2 and Oct. 9; Monday, Oct. 10 Pumpkin Festival CANDIA – Charmingfare Farm, Route 27. Spend a day at the farm and celebrate the mighty pumpkin. Bring the whole family and join in all the festivities. The kids will love the Pumpkin Festival games, including sack races, pumpkin spoon races and a pumpkin-rolling contest. Test your skills at the Cow Pie Fly or Cow Milking Contest. Be part of a team and see if you can Out Pull The Oxen. Face painting, pumpkin art ($3 additional fee), tractor train rides, horsedrawn hay rides, pony rides. $19, children; 23 months and younger get in free. 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. 483-5623; www.visitthefarm.com Various dates in October Corn Maze and pumpkin fun MEREDITH – Moulton Farm, 18 Quarry Road. Get lost in the maze! Admission to the corn maze is $7 per person and $5 for children 6 and under. The last admission is one hour before the farm closes to allow explorers to enjoy getting lost and playing the trivia game that is part of the maze. Make sure to visit the pick-your-own-pumpkin patch. For more information and times, go to www.moultonfarm.com/corn-maze. Friday, Oct. 7-Sunday, Oct. 9 Great Pumpkin Festival MILFORD – Downtown Milford. The 27th annual Great Pumpkin festival is a fun-filled, family event that features a talent show, beer and wine tasting, scarecrow competition, pumpkin painting, a haunted trail, arts and crafts show, pumpkin lighting, giant pumpkin weigh-in, pumpkin catapult, live music, children’s activities, pumpkin carving and more. For complete schedule, go to www.milfordpumpkinfestival.org. 249-0676

Various dates in October Corn mazes at Beech Hill Farm HOPKINTON – The 2016 Corn Mazes are open every day (weather permitting) through Halloween at Beech Hill Farm & Ice Cream Barn from 11 a.m. to dusk. There are different mazes every year. This year the themes are National Parks’ 100th anniversary and New Hampshire’s endangered species. The mazes are approximately four acres in size and take about 40 minutes to find all the answers. The cost for adults and children older than 3 is $6 for all three mazes. Each maze includes a brochure with a scavenger hunt. 223-0828; www.beechhillfarm.com Saturday, Oct. 8 Pumpkin Fest SOMERSWORTH – Somersworth Plaza. This family event celebrates all things pumpkin. Pumpkin carving, Pumpkin Pie Baking Contest, pumpkin painting, pumpkin catapult, pumpkin bowling, hay rides, scarecrow making, family photo shoot, live entertainment, and loads of pumpkinthemed games and more. Children are encouraged to wear their costumes and take part in the parade at the end of the day. Wrist bands are $12 per child, adults free only when assisting a child in activities. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. 817-9751; www.nhfestivals.org Sunday, Oct. 30 23rd annual Family Halloween WOODSTOCK, Vt. – Billings Farm & Museum, Route 12. Pumpkin carving, doughnuts-on-a-string, wagon rides, cranking pumpkin ice cream, plus “not-too-scary” Halloween stories, pumpkin games, and animal programs will be featured. Costume parades around the field at noon and 2 p.m., led by the Billings Farm's friendly Southdown sheep; all children will receive a ribbon. Admission: Adults, $14; age 5-15, $8; age 3-4, $4; age 2 and younger: free. Children in costume admitted free when accompanied by an adult. 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. 1-802-457-2355; www.billingsfarm.org

44 www.parentingnh.com october 2016

Dates through October Coppal House Farm and Corn Maze LEE – 118 North River Road. Marvel at this agricultural feat of engineering as you make your way through living walls of corn more than 10 feet high. The corn maze will delight and challenge all ages. The maze is professionally designed and cut by a company in Missouri. This year’s theme is the toad and there are three mazes to explore. Check website for events held throughout the month. Public flashlight mazes in 2016 are Saturday, Oct. 8 and 29. Night mazes are 7-9 p.m., $10 each all ages 5 and older. Bring your own flashlight. Includes bonfire and complimentary cider and donuts while supplies last. Daytime corn maze admission prices are 13-plus, $9; ages 5 and older, $7; free for children younger than 5. Go to www.nhcornmaze.com for more times and dates. 659-3572 Saturday, Oct. 22 Pumpkin Festival 2016 LACONIA – Downtown Laconia. A day full of pumpkin-themed activities including pumpkin bowling, kids costume parade, pumpkin tower, haunted attractions, pumpkin alley, pumpkin express train, food and craft courts. 10 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. For more on the festivities and schedule, go to https://www.facebook. com/NHPumpkinFestival.

Friday, Oct. 28 and Saturday, Oct. 29 Ghosts on the Banke PORTSMOUTH – Strawbery Banke, 14 Hancock St. Come and meet the Ghosts on the Banke at Strawbery Banke’s famous Halloween celebration. Long-dead sea captains, 17th-century shopkeepers and wayward pirates haunt the streets and houses of Portsmouth’s oldest neighborhood as you trick-or-treat safely from house to historic house. $8; children 1 and younger free. 5:30 to 8 p.m. www.strawberybanke.org; 433-1107 Saturday, Oct. 15 and Sunday, Oct. 16 Giant Pumpkin Weigh-off and Regatta GOFFSTOWN – Goffstown Village, Main Street. NH Giant Pumpkin Growers Association and the Goffstown Main Street Program join forces in hosting the annual Giant Pumpkin Weigh-off and Regatta. Don't miss this chance to see gargantuan gourds competing for prize money then get turned into boats and raced down the Piscataquog. New this year: Goffstown Pumpkin Regatta 10k Run & Kids Relay. For more information, go to www.goffstownmainstreet.org.

Saturday, Oct. 31 Harvest Festival LITTLETON – Main Street. Community members and visitors alike are encouraged to enjoy the Littleton Harvest Festival jamboree by attending plenty of fun events including the annual Gathering of the Jack O’ Lanterns on the Ammonoosuc River, a chance to savor family-friendly Trick or Treating on Main Street, a haunted walk along the Ammonoosuc River and more. Free admission. For more information, go to www.littletonareachamber.com.

FOR YOUNGER KIDS Friday-Sunday, Oct. 21-23 and Oct. 28-30 Pumpkin Patch Express NORTH CONWAY – Conway Scenic Railroad, 38 Norcross Circle. All departures are from the North Conway Station for a leisurely roundtrip train ride aboard vintage coaches to the White Mountain Cider Company in Glen, where each child can visit the “Pumpkin Patch” and select their own pumpkin. Costumes are encouraged. Reservations also strongly encouraged. For more information on fares and departure times, call or go to the website. 356-5251; www.conwayscenic.com Saturday, Oct. 29 Not-So-Scary Spooktacular DOVER – Children’s Museum of New Hampshire, 6 Washington St. Come in costume and enjoy a not-so-spooky celebration that's focused on treats rather than tricks. $9, adults and children; $8, seniors; free for children younger than 1 and museum members. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 742-2002; www.childrens-museum.org

Saturday-Sunday, Oct. 15-16, Oct. 22-23, Oct. 29-30 Children’s Trick or Treat CANDIA – Charmingfare Farm, Route 27. Charmingfare Farm's Children's Trick or Treat is perfect for little ghouls and boils who don’t wish to be frightened, but still want the excitement of wearing their favorite costume and having a fun-filled Halloween adventure. This event is merrynot-scary! Six special attractions featuring candy stops for trick or treating. $19; children 1 and younger, free. Check-in times are 10 a.m. through 1:30 p.m. Go online to reserve your time. 483-5623; www.visitthefarm.com

FOR OLDER KIDS Fridays, Oct. 7, 14, 21, 28; Saturdays, Oct. 8, 15, 22, 29 Harvest of Haunts CANDIA – Charmingfare Farm, Route 27. The fields are full of unthinkable sites, decaying crops and creatures that will make your blood run cold. They’re waiting for all those who dare experience the four terrors of the Harvesting. You’ll encounter four heart-pounding scares. Tickets: $25. Go online for check-in times. 483-5623; visitthefarm.com Friday-Sunday, Oct. 14-16; 21-23, Thursday- Saturday, Oct. 27-30 Haunted Overload LEE – DeMeritt Hill Farm, 66 Lee Road. Consistently ranked one of the top haunted attractions in the country. Haunted Overload blends astounding handmade sets, gigantic monsters and spellbinding characters with spectacular sound and lighting to create a twisted, terrifying Halloween experience like no other. This haunted attraction is a pre-ticketed event, so buy your tickets early. Tickets: $25; available at hauntedoverload.com. For more information on times and attractions, go to www.hauntedoverload.com

Sept. 24, 25, 30; various dates in October Screeemfest SALEM – Canobie Lake Park. Enjoy your favorite rides and venture into the haunted houses. Entertainment and Saturday night fireworks. Discount coupons available. Live entertainment. Free parking. Prices and times vary. For more information, go to www.canobie.com. Sept. 23-25, 30; various dates in October; Nov. 4 Nightmare New England LITCHFIELD – Mel’s Funway, Route 3A. Nightmare New England is a massive Halloween Scream Park. The scale and variety of the park offers something for even the boldest of Halloween fanatics. Five terrifying haunted attractions, and multiple sideshow attractions are featured. Carnival concessions, live entertainment, zombie paintball, tarot card readings, fire pits, go-karts, batting cages, and more. Selected as one of America’s Top Haunts. Prices and times vary. Go to www. nightmarenewengland. com for details.

at the Ghoullog! The approximate 50-minute haunt features more than 15,000-square-feet of indoor space through a series of dark rooms, scary mazes and unknown places, plus an outdoor element which leads the unsuspecting through the dark woods with all of the scares and screams you’ve come to expect. Will you be able to make it out unharmed? Don’t miss the food court and Haunted Playground. 6:30 to 10:30 p.m. Go online for ticket prices. 1-800-SUN-N-SKI; www.theghoullog. com

Various dates through October Haunted Acres CANDIA – 224 Raymond Road (in the woods next to Candia Springs Adventure Park). Five attractions, including ¼-mile nightmare walk. Monster Midway area with bands, beer garden and 1,000-foot zip line. Open rain or shine. Free parking. Tickets: $28 (online). Date night on Thursdays, two for $42. For more information on open and close times, go to www. hauntedacresnh.com Various dates in October, Nov. 4-5 Ghoullog at the Cranmore NORTH CONWAY – Cranmore Mountain, 1 Skimobile Road. Enter 10 years of fear

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out about

october 140TH DEERFIELD FAIR 29 THURSDAY – 10/2 SUNDAY DEERFIELD – Deerfield Fairgrounds, Route 43. Check out one of New Hampshire's biggest and most highly anticipated annual fairs – The Deerfield Fair. The Deerfield Fair has tons of entertainment including amusement rides, horse and oxen-pulling, horse shows, a pig scramble for kids and the annual Miss Deerfield Fair Pageant. Free parking. Admission: Adults, $10; children 12 and younger get in free. Thursday-Saturday, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Sunday, 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. www.deerfieldfair.com

DERRY ART FAIR 1 SATURDAY DERRY — Downtown Derry, 1½ E. Broadway. The first-ever Derry Art Fair will be held in downtown Derry. It features fine artists whose works include paintings, collages, watercolors, sculpture and photography. Admission is free. Noon to 5 p.m. 785-2395

POWDER KEG BEER AND CHILI FESTIVAL 1 SATURDAY EXETER — Swasey Parkway, Water Street. Sample more than 40 breweries along with many New Hampshire restaurants’ chili at the Exeter Powder Keg Beer and Chili Festival. All-youcan-eat chili is included in the price of the ticket. Admission: $30; $15 designated driver/ youth. 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. www. powderkegbeerfest.com

HEALTHY KIDS RUNNING SERIES 2 SUNDAY DOVER — Shaws Lane Athletic Fields, 1 Shaws Lane. The Healthy Kids Running Series is a nonprofit youth running program for kids in pre-kindergarten to eighth grade. Each race series takes place once a week and offers age-appropriate running events including the 50-yard dash, the ¼-mile, the ½-mile and the one-mile run. Kids compete each week of the series for a chance to earn points. At the end of the series the top boy and girl with the most points in their respective age division receive a trophy. All participants receive a medal and gift bag for their achievements. HKRS was created to combat childhood obesity by providing kids with a positive, educational, and fun experience in the world of running. Parenting NH is a proud sponsor and supporter of this event. Registration

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ends Oct. 2. A $35 registration fee covers the entire five weeks of the series. 3 p.m. each Sunday through Oct. 16. http://runsignup.com/Race/ Events/NH/Dover/HealthyKids RunningSeriesFall2016DoverNH

‘NOT-SOORDINARY’ PUMPKIN PATCH 3 SATURDAY LACONIA — Prescott Farm Environmental Education Center, 928 White Oaks Road. Join us for a naturalistled tour of our “Not-SoOrdinary” Pumpkin Patch — an experimental examination of the natural history and taxonomy of pumpkins

including about 30 unique varieties of pumpkins that highlight newly developed hybrids and extremely hard-tofind heirloom varieties. Also, plan to pick your own pumpkins from the more traditional pumpkin patch after the tour. All pick-your-own pumpkins are Jack-O-Lantern varieties and can be purchased at the Education Center. Event also held Saturday, Oct. 10. Admission: $7.50; $6 for members. 11 a.m. to noon and 1 to 2 p.m. 366-5695; www. prescottfarm.org

MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN 7 FRIDAY – 9 SUNDAY CONCORD — Hatbox Theatre, 270 Loudon Road. Hampstead Stage Company’s original adaptation of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein explores Victor Frankenstein’s maddening journey of creation and failure, with just two actors playing multiple characters. Dr.

Frankenstein, delirious from chasing his creation across the world, recounts his tragic past as a warning to humanity. This dark tale comes to life with a spark, revealing the truth behind Dr. Frankenstein’s creation and the irreversible horrors that unfold quickly after. This production of Frankenstein is “alive” and certain to leave you with chills. Recommended for ages 13 and older. Go to website for ticket prices. Friday and Saturday at 7:30 p.m.; Sunday at 2 p.m. Performances also Oct. 14, 15 and 16. 715-2315; www. hatboxnh.com

VOICES OF THE (603) 7 FRIDAY CONCORD — Capitol Center for the Arts, 44 South Main St. From the lush chords of barbershop harmony to the classic sound of traditional a cappella music, and from the rocking sounds of contemporary a cappella to the tight jazz

singing, you are in for a treat. The Voices of the (603) concert is three hours of a cappella goodness. Featuring some of New Hampshire’s most talented students, this concert is sure to amaze. If you’re looking for instruments, keep looking. Tickets: $10. 7 p.m. 225-1111; www.ccanh.com

HALLOWEEN HOOT N’ HOWL

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW

15 SATURDAY

26-31 WEDNESDAYMONDAY

HOLDERNESS – Squam Lakes Natural Science Center, 23 Science Center Road. Enjoy an eerily entertaining 40-minute guided tour around the Science Center grounds. Trail walks feature live skits with a seasonal theme and depart every 10 minutes from 6 to 7:30 p.m. Come in costume and dress suitably for outdoor weather. After your journey warm up with Halloween games and tasty treats. Admission: $8 members; $11 non-members. 6 to 8:30 p.m. 968-7194; www.nhnature.org

SESAME STREET NH FALL FESTIVAL LIVE 19 WEDNESDAY 8 SATURDAY

PORTSMOUTH – Strawbery Banke, 14 Hancock St. Strawbery Banke’s NH Fall Festival, presented on Columbus Day weekend since 2009, creates a traditional New England country fair, complete with demonstrations from craftspeople, heritage breed and farm animal exhibits, farm animal and livestock demonstrations, presentations on heirloom seeds and food preservation tips, fiber arts, demonstrations and exhibits on historic crafts and industries, coopering, candlemaking workshop in the Horticultural Center, garden tours and demonstrations. Each year the NH Fall Festival welcomes dozens of traditional craftspeople and heritage livestock breeders. Admission: Adult, $19.50; child (5-17), $9; under 5, free; family, $48 (two adults and accompanying children under 17). 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. 433-1100; www.strawberybanke.org

MANCHESTER – SNHU Arena (formerly Verizon Wireless Arena), 777 Elm St. No matter where you’re from or where you’ve been, everyone is special – so join in! Elmo, Grover, Abby Cadabby, and their Sesame Street friends welcome Chamki, Grover’s friend from India, to Sesame Street. Together, they explore the universal fun of

friendship and celebrate cultural similarities, from singing and dancing, to sharing cookies. Tickets: $20-$35. 10:30 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. www.ticketmaster.com

THE BIG PUMPKIN PARTY

ENCHANTED FALL FESTIVAL

22 SATURDAY

MILTON – New Hampshire Farm Museum, Route 125. Join the folks at the farm museum for pumpkin games and stories. Pick out your own pumpkin and carve or paint it at the carving station. You can roast pumpkin seeds over the fire and kids will love the pumpkin trail in the woods. A free pumpkin with each paid admission. Admission: $7 adult; $4, age 4-17; members get in free. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 652-7840; www.farmmuseum.org

AUBURN – Massabesic Audubon Center, 26 Audubon Way. The annual event features a tour that walks you through the Enchanted Forest and presentations about spooky animals. Visitors will also be able to enjoy live bluegrass music, a bonfire, live animals, face painting, games and crafts, refreshments and much more. Feel free to come in costume. Pre-registration required to sign up for a tour time. 4 to 8 p.m. Admission: $5 members; $10 non-members; families $15 members/$25 non-members. 668-2045; www.nhaudubon.org

ROCHESTER – Rochester Opera House, 31 Wakefield St. Give yourself over to absolute pleasure in this humorous satirical tribute to the science fiction and horror B movies of the late 1940s to early 1970s. This dark comedic favorite tells the story of a newly engaged couple, Brad Majors and Janet Weiss, seeking refuge from a storm in the bizarre home of a mad transvestite scientist, Dr. Frank N Furter. The unsuspecting couple arrives just in time for Frank to unveil his new creation, a muscle man named Rocky Horror. For adult audiences; patrons under age 18 must be accompanied by an adult. Cash bar. Tickets: $16-$20. Wednesday-Friday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday, 7 and 10 p.m. 335-1992; www. rochesteroperahouse.com

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