R
The 34th Annual Triangle, Our April Fool’s Satirical Edition
GL
MC Renamed O’Malley College
April 1, 2015
Dante’s Den Repurposed for MC’s Emcees Mike Dropper Editor
Sue Flay Editor
The Office of the President announced Tuesday that Manhattan College will be renamed Thomas O’Malley College after a historic donation from repeat benefactor Thomas O’Malley. The donation of $100 million is the largest in the school’s history from a single donor. “The decision to rename the college after Thomas O’Malley was one that required contemplation and discussion by myself and the Board of Trustees,” President Brennan O’Donnell said. “But O’Malley’s outstanding dedication to Lasallian ideals and continued support of the college made renaming the school after him the obvious choice.” The college’s new name will be implemented at the start of the upcoming fall semester. That is when the school will replace its name on the entrance sign of the college, all promotional and internal materials and campus merchandise. The school’s website
and social media accounts will be renamed over the summer, giving Information Technology Services (ITS) time to search for an available domain name. “The goal is to essentially wipe the slate clean of any previous existence of Manhattan College,” O’Donnell said. “Some of that $100 million will go towards the finances associated with accomplishing that.” O’Malley said that he is honored to be the namesake of the school. “This is the single distinction I am most proud of,” O’Malley said. “It’s truly amazing what money can buy.” The rest of the $100 million will be used to purchase 10 lots in Fieldston, bulldoze them and begin to implement the recently announced campus master plan. Head basketball coach Steve Masiello will also receive a raise in order to prevent him from accepting offers at other institutions like he tried to do last year. But some students are concerned about how the name change will impact their future careers. “It’s one thing to walk into an engi-
neering interview in New York and say you’re a Manhattan College graduate,” junior Elle Ectrical said. “It’s another to say you’re from O’Malley College. No one will recognize it and I probably won’t get the job.” Others students are confused as to why the college is being renamed after one of the main characters in the hit 1970 Disney animated film, “The Aristocats.” “It was a great movie, don’t get me wrong, but Thomas O’Malley wasn’t even my favorite character in it,” sophomore Aaron Tartar said. “Duchess was the best cat hands down.” Parents and alumni are frustrated. “I paid $50 dollars for this Manhattan College sweatshirt and now you’re telling me they renamed the school?” Manhattan College parent and alumni Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen said. Administrators assure that the transition to becoming O’Malley College will be a smooth one. “The future for O’Malley College is bright and full of promise,” O’Donnell said. “And money.”
Once a popular spot for students to hang out in-between classes and chat with friends, Dante’s Den in Thomas Hall has been silent with the completion of the Kelly Commons. However, a recent decision by the college’s space allocation committee will soon be bringing back a different kind of sound to the currently empty room. The former dining location complete with grab-and-go food items will now serve as the home for Manhattan College’s little known underground rap society, MC’s Emcees. “They had petitioned for use of the space. To be honest I wasn’t familiar with the group, but nobody else put in for it so they got it,” Andy Ryan, vice president for facilities, said. As their name suggests, MC’s Emcees is a collection of students on campus who meet regularly to participate in rap battles and cyphers common to the hip-hop musical style. Previously, they have operated in secrecy. However, the group saw the open space as an opportunity to move forward and make their presence known to the college community. The current student leader of the organization who would only be identified by Big Ja$per is excited to bring MC’s Emcees to the forefront of the college scene. “It’s time for people to know who we are and hear our sick rhymes,” he said. “I hope they turned off the smoke alarms in there because we will be spitting straight fire.” The group plans on holding nightly rap battles that students and the public can
Continued on page 8
Freshman Orientation Moved to Cannon’s
Tina Turnupe Staff Writer
While many potential members of the incoming class of 2019 may not have even sent in their enrollment deposit, those that do will experience a brand new freshman orientation this summer. Rather than attending a two-day session on campus, freshmen will begin their transition to college by spending a Friday night at the popular Upper West side bar known as Cannon’s. “We just felt it was the best possible venue for incoming students to get a taste of what life at Manhattan College is all about,” Vice President for Student Life Richard Satterlee said. “And of course we couldn’t schedule it for a Saturday night because that’s when
all the Columbia kids go,” he said. While some may be surprised by the change in location for orientation, members of the administration highlighted several features of the bar that make it a prime setting to welcome students to their collegiate experience. For one, the bar has gained notoriety as a site for messy and drunken hook-ups. This will offer real-world examples for administrators to begin a dialogue with students about consent and the definition of sexual assault, a topic that has been previously relegated to presentations during orientation and freshman move-in weekend. “Here at Manhattan we are always championing experiential learning that moves beyond the classroom. This is just an extension of that,” Satterlee said.
Continued on page 8
As freshman orientation moves to a bar this summer, incoming students will be bringing their own beverages when they move in.