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the 39th and 40th april fool’s day satirical edition
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YOUR STIMULUS CHECK
Kelly Commons to be Renamed After Hot Dad K. McRockin Jelly
Bernie
sightings on campus
After much conflict conflict beAfter conflict bestands After at 6’4,much rocks much conflict between between Manhattan Manhattan College Colstutween College stustuhot pink and enjoys Manhattan College dents and lege administrators administrators students and due due addents administrators due a sprinkle of oregano and to the ministrators controversy due regarding to the to controversy regarding withthe hiscontroversy morning coffee. regarding the namesake controversy of Kelly Kelly regarding Comthe Kelly ComHowever, he is also datnamesake of Commons, there the namesake seems to of be demons, there seems seems tobebea Kelly aa deing a woman, so hetofalls there decicision approved Commons, by there all. Students seems cision approved byall. all. Students Students within preferred Lasalsion approved by sought to change be last alastdecision semesterapas sought semester as lian values. change semester as they returned proved by to campus all. Students from theyOfreturned campus from from course,toshifting campus summer sought of protesting protesting change police seaathe protesting police namesake to MGKlast summer of police brutality, mester as many as they did returned not find brutality, not find find will result in some as many did not it appropriate to campus to keep keep from the name sumit keep the name slight design changes at aname appropriate to the of thestudent NYPD mer ofcommissioner commissioner protesting police on of commissioner on thethe commons. NYPD on aaFor MC building. brutality, However, as many there did However, there thereHowever, will be there MCone, building. seems not to be be find an answer answer itonappropriate for this this seems answer for this an entire room thefor to an dispute. to keep the name of the dispute. fourth floor dedicated Finding NYPD common commissioner ground on Finding ground to 24/7 streaming common ofground through a one MC of building. the most Howevyoung through most young young High School Musical: one of the most and well-known er, there seems unproblemto be an and unproblemThe Musical: The Series well-known unproblematic-white-guys answer11-year-old for in this popdispute. culture atic-white-guys pop culture for MGK’s in pop culture today, MC Finding administration common has today, administration has daughter, Addi- has MC Casie. administration agreed ground to rename through the Kelly Stuone agreed rename Kelly Stutionally,toto there willthe be a Kelly rename the dent Commons of Commons the most after young Machine and dent Commons after Machine third floor cafe opened Student after MaGun Kelly, well-known renowned unproblemrecording Gun renowned recording with aGun balcony what chineKelly, Kelly,forrenowned reartist and atic-white-guys fashionista. in pop artist and fashionista. MGK calls “munchies cording artist and fashionista. Machine cultureGun Gun today, Kelly, MCborn born adMachine Kelly, born and puff.” Machine Kelly, Colson ministration Baker, stands has agreed at 6’4, Colson at 6’4, 6’4, For many Manhattan Baker, stands at rocks hot tostudents, rename pink and and enjoys Kelly rocks enjoys Collegehot thethe repink enjoys aaa sprinkle Student of oregano Commons with after his sprinkle with his his naming ofofthe commons oregano with morning Machine coffee. Gun However, Kelly, he rehe morning However, he will prompt attention tocoffee. However, is also nowned dating a recording woman, so artist he is woman, so so he he wards also MGK’s dating a certified woman, falls within and fashionista. preferred Lasallian falls preferred Lasallian homie, Petepreferred Davidson, within Lasallian values. Machine Gun Kelvalues. SNL star and inspiration Of ly,course, course, born Colson shiftingBaker, the Of shifting the for Ariana Grande’s shifting the
namesake stands to MGK MGK at 6’4, will rocks result hot in namesake to will result in namesake MGK will result some slight pink and design enjoys changes a sprinat some slight design changes in some slight design chang-at the student kle of commons. oregano For with one, his theat student commons. For one, es the student commons. there will morning be an an coffee. entire room Howthere will be entire For one, there will be anroom enon the ever, fourth he is floor also dating dedicaton room the fourth dedicattire on thefloor fourth floora ed to to 24/7 24/7 woman, streaming so hestreaming falls of High High withed of dedicated tostreaming 24/7 School in Musical: preferred The Lasallian Musical: School The Musical: of High Musical: School Musical: The The Series Series values. for MGK’s 11-yearThe MGK’s 11-yearMusical: Thefor Series for MGK’s old daughter, daughter, Ofdaughter, course, Casie. AdditionAdditionshifting old Casie. 11-year-old Casie. ally, there the will namesake be a third to MGK floor ally, there willthere be a will thirdbe floor Additionally, a cafe opened will with result a balcony in some for cafe opened with a balcony third floor cafe opened withfor a what MGK MGK slight calls design “munchies changes and at what “munchies and balcony forcalls what MGK calls puff.” the student commons. puff.” “munchies and puff.” ForFor many one, Manhattan there willColColbe For many Manhattan ColFor many Manhattan lege students, an entire the room renaming on the of lege students, lege students, the therenaming renamingof the commons fourth will floor prompt dedicated attenthethe commons will prompt attenof commons will prompt tion towards towards to towards 24/7MGK’s MGK’s streaming certified tion certified attention MGK’s cer-of homie, High Pete School Davidson, Musical: SNL homie,homie, Pete Pete Davidson, SNL tified Davidson, star and The inspiration Musical: The for Ariana Series star and for Ariana SNL star inspiration and inspiration for Grande’s for “Sweetener” MGK’s“Sweetener” 11-year-old album. Grande’s “Sweetener” album. Ariana Grande’s Of course, course, daughter, Davidson Casie. has AddialOf Davidson has alalbum. Of course, Davidson ready put tionally, forth a there large will donation be ready put forth has already puta large forth donation a largea for the third previously floor cafe mentioned opened for the previously mentioned donation for the previously third floor with cafe. a balcony for third floor cafe. mentioned third floor cafe. what For MGK our sound callsstudies studies “munchies stuFor our our sound sound studies stuFor students, and MGK puff.” is planning to dents, MGK MGK isis planning planning toto dents, oversee a For new many music Manhattan studio oversee aa new new music music studio studio oversee built in inCollege the basement basement students,ofof of thethe the rebuilt in the basement the built the commons, naming which of the will commons feature commons, which which will will feature feature commons, an impressive impressive will prompt collection attention ofguiguitoan impressive collection guian collection ofof tars, slushie wards machines MGK’s certified and the tars, slushie slushie machines machinesand andthe the tars, latest homie, recording Peteequipment. equipment. Davidson, latest recording equipment. latest recording MGK’sSNL agentstar also shared and shared inspirawith MGK’s agent also shared with MGK’s agent also with The Triangle tion for that Ariana Davidson Grande’s is The Triangle Triangle that that Davidson Davidson isis The
WE’RE SORRY, THE TRIANGLE CANNOT GO OUT WITHOUT ITS MASK
After much conflict between Manhattan College students and administrators due to the controversy regarding the namesake of Kelly Commons, there seems to be a decision approved by all. Students sought change last semester as they returned to campus from a summer of protesting police brutality, as many did not find it appropriate to keep the name of the NYPD commissioner on a MC building. However, there seems to be an answer for this dispute. Finding common ground through one of the most young and well-known unproblematic-white-guys in pop culture today, MC administration has agreed to rename the Kelly Student Commons after Machine Gun Kelly, renowned recording artist and fashionista. Machine Gun Kelly, born Colson Baker, stands at 6’4, rocks hot pink and enjoys a sprinkle of oregano with his morning coffee. However, he is also dating a woman, so he falls within preferred Lasallian values. Of course, shifting the namesake to MGK will result in some slight design changes at the student commons. For one, there will be an entire room on the fourth floor dedicated to 24/7 streaming of High School Musical: The Musical: The Series for MGK’s 11-yearplanning “Sweetener” on periodically periodically album.visitvisitplanning on vis-Of ing the course, commons Davidson with extra has ing itingthe the commons commons with with extra exSNL tickets, already and put will forth give a them large SNL tickets, and and will give them tra SNL tickets, will give away to donation whichever for student the previperaway to whichever student perthem away to whichever stuforms ously the best mentioned Dobby the third elf forms the bestthe Dobby the elf dent performs best Dobby impression. floor cafe. impression. the elf impression. The Triangle Triangle For ourinterviewed sound interviewed studThe Triangle interviewed aa number number ies students, of students MGK to see is number of of students students totosee see what they planning thought to of oversee the new what they they thought thought ofofthe thenew newa updates. new Katelyn music Hall, studio a junior built updates. Katelyn Katelyn Hall, Hall,aajunior junior engineering in thestudent student basement at the of colthe engineering student at the colat the college, is commons, specifically which interested will lege, is is specifically specificallyinterested interested in the the proposed feature proposedan piercing impressive and in the proposed piercing and piercing and tattoo shop collection for the fifth of guitars, floor. tattoo shop for the fifth floor. “Look slushie man, I’ve machines been trying and “Look man, man, I’ve I’vebeen beentrying tryto get inked the up latest since recording last year,” to up since last year,” ingget to inked get inked up since last Hall said. equipment. “It’s just that lost MGK’s my Hall said. “It’s just that II lost my year,” Hall said. “It’s just that license, agent and also then shared my phone, with license, thenand my phone, I lost my and license, then my and the The lady Triangle asked that me Damy and the lady asked me my phone, and the lady asked me birthday vidson and I is forgot, planning and the on birthday andand I forgot, andand the my birthday I forgot, whole thing periodically was such a visiting mess. whole thingthing was such a mess. the whole was such a I went wentIthe next commons door to the with tattoo exImess. next door to the went next door totattoo the place place and tra SNL got tickets, pretzel and place and got pretzel and tattoo and aagot a pretzel danced will a little give and them my away license danced a littlea and license and danced littlemy and myto fell out whichever of my shirt student which perwas fell out of shirt was license fellmy out of which my shirt cool, but forms then the I remembered best Dobby it cool, I remembered whichbut wasthen cool, but then I re-it doesn’t the have elf impression. my real birthday doesn’t have my realhave birthday membered it doesn’t my on it and I The still couldn’t Triangle rememon it and I still couldn’t real birthday on it andrememI interstill ber it.” it.” viewed a number of ber couldn’t remember it.” Hall students continued to this see story what Hall continued continued this this story story for quite quite they some thought time, of but the unfornew for some time, but unforquite some time, but untunately updates. The Triangle Katelyn cannot Hall, tunately The fortunately TheTriangle Trianglecannot can- a afford that junior much engineering ink. afford thatthat much ink.ink. stunot afford much Overall, dent at however, the college, thestustuis Overall, however, however, the stuthe
old daughter, Casie. Additionally, there will be a third floor cafe opened with a balcony for what MGK calls “munchies and puff.” For many Manhattan College students, the renaming of the commons will prompt attention towards MGK’s certified homie, Pete Davidson, SNL star and inspiration for Ariana Grande’s “Sweetener” album. Of course, Davidson has already put forth a large donation for the previously mentioned third floor cafe. For our sound studies students, MGK is planning to oversee a new music studio built in the basement of the commons, which will feature an impressive collection of guitars, slushie machines and the latest recording equipment. MGK’s agent also shared with The Triangle that Davidson is planning on periodically visiting the commons with extra SNL tickets, and will give them away to whichever student performs the best Dobby the elf impression. The Triangle interviewed a number of students to see what they thought of the new updates. Katelyn Hall, a junior engineering student at the college, is specifically interested in the proposed piercing and tattoo shop for the fifth floor. “Look man, I’ve been trying to get inked up since last year,” Hall said. “It’s just that I lost my license, and then my phone, and the lady asked me my
birthday and I forgot, and the whole thing was such a mess. I went next door to the tattoo place and got a pretzel and danced a little and my license fell out of my shirt which was cool, but then I remembered it doesn’t have my real birthday on it and I still couldn’t remember it.” Hall continued this story for quite some time, but unfortunately The Triangle cannot afford that much ink. Overall, however, the students seem to be ready for these new changes, and feel that the renovations will help the college start fresh after a year of COVID and other struggles. The Triangle tried to speak with administrators, but literally no one would pick up the phone. Unfortunately The Triangle is like that guy you said hi back to that one time and WILL NOT stop calling you and thinks you must be in love with them. President O’Donnell has repeatedly denied this. Now, back to the commons. The MGKelly Student Commons will be the freshest college building in all of New York City. With the latest technology, top of the line herbal therapy and plenty of new resources, students will be better equipped for their students than ever before. Stayed tuned for the new renovations, which are planned to take place June 2021.
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namesake to MGK MGKLasallian will result resultvalin preferred namesake to will in lian values. some slight design changes at ues. some design changes Of slight course, shifting the at the student commons. For one, course, shifting the studentOf one, namesake tocommons. MGK will For result there will will be an an entire entire room the namesake to MGK there be room in some slight design changon thewill fourth floorin dedicatdedicatresult some on floor es atthe thefourth student commons. ed to 24/7 streaming of High slight design changes at ed to 24/7 streaming of High For one, there will be an enSchool Musical: The Musical: the student commons. School Musical: The Musical: tire room on the fourth floor The Series Series for MGK’s MGK’s 11-yearFor to one, there will be The for 11-yeardedicated 24/7 streamold daughter, Casie. Additionan entire room on the old daughter, Casie. Additioning of High School Musical: ally, there there will floor be aa third third floor fourth dedicated ally, will be floor The Musical: The Series for cafe opened with a balcony for to11-year-old 24/7 of cafe opened with streaming a daughter, balcony for MGK’s what MGK calls “munchies and High School Musical: what MGK calls “munchies and Casie. Additionally, there will puff.” The Musical: The Series puff.” be a third floor cafe opened Forfor many Manhattan ColMGK’s 11-year-old many Manhattan ColwithFor a balcony for what MGK lege students, the renaming of daughter, Casie. lege the renaming of calls students, “munchies and puff.”Addithe commons will prompt attentionally, there willColbe a the For commons will prompt attenmany Manhattan tion towards towards MGK’s certified third floor cafe opened tion MGK’s certified lege students, the renaming homie, with Petea balcony Davidson, SNL for what homie, Pete Davidson, SNL of the commons will prompt star and inspiration for Ariana MGK calls “munchies star and inspiration for Ariana attention towards MGK’s Grande’s “Sweetener” album. and puff.” Grande’s “Sweetener” album. certified homie, Pete DavidOf course,ForDavidson Davidson has alalmany Manhattan Of has son,course, SNL star and inspiration ready put forth a large donation College students, the reready put forth a large“Sweetdonation for Ariana Grande’s for the thenaming previously mentioned of the commons for previously mentioned ener” album. Of course, Dathird floor cafe. will prompt third vidsonfloor hascafe. already attention put forthtoFor our sound studies stuwards MGK’s certified For our sound studies stua large donation for the predents, MGK is planning to overhomie, Petethird Davidson, dents, is planning to overviouslyMGK mentioned floor see aa new new music studio built in in SNL star and inspirasee music studio built cafe. the basement of the commons, tion Ariana Grande’s the For basement of the commons, ourforsound studies which “Sweetener” will feature feature an an impresalbum. which will impresstudents, MGK is planning toOf sive collection of guitars, slushcourse, Davidson has sive collection of guitars, slushoversee a new music studio ie machines machines andforth the a latest latest already put large ie and the built in the basement of the recording equipment. MGK’s donation for previrecording equipment. MGK’s commons, which willthe feature agent also shared with The Triously mentioned agent also shared with The Trian impressive collection third of angle that Davidson is floor cafe. machines angle that Davidson is guitars, slushie
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