Com-Tent

Com-tent

Humorous Writing

by Nicky Martin

SLAVOJ ŽIŽEK: iF YOU’RE READING, PUT IT DOWN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. Everyone else, welcome to my book!

This

book

is

for

comedy

lovers

everywhere—

EXCEPT YOU, ŽIŽEK, YOU FUCKING CANDY ASS LITTLE SHIT STITCH. I DON’ T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU LIKE COMEDY, I DON’ T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU GREW UP IN THE U. S. S. R. , I DON’ T NEED YOUR RACIST CLASSIST TRANSPHOBIC ASS READING MY BOOK. Content is that inexplicable thing/feeling we all know as the synergistic mix between info-tainment and intellectual consumption.

“What is the goal of content? Ubiquity. ” — The TRONC v1. 0. 1. 01. 99. 0 Com-tent is simply Comedy conTent. It is comedy that seeks to be everywhere at once. It crawls throughout the gourds of your brain and seeks to control you. It is a fascism facsimile.

WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND, NO IT IS NOT. THAT WAS SOME ŽIŽEKIAN BULLSHIT, PROBABLY. THE FOLLOWING PAGES ARE JUST WEIRD SILLY WRITING. DON’ T BUY WHATEVER THE CREEPING QUASI-COMMUNIST RHETORIC IS SAYING, THERE’ S NO REPRESSED MEANING HERE— In the zine, I discuss family, sex, social situations, brand name products, overthrowing the ruling hegemonic powers at be, training and capturing the most powerful Pokemon, my identity as a white man and death’ s sweet release.

The writing is meant to pass the time between now and your final moments. We hope you cherish the words with your loved ones.

EXCEPT YOU, ŽIŽEK, THE VANGUARD TROLL OF PHILOSOPHY. SHAME ON YOUR SHIT MOUTH FOR ITS EGREGIOUS REMARKS ENDORSING AUSTERITY, SLOB-O! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. YOU ARE NO PHILOSOPHER, JUST A SHITTY COMEDIAN.

Slavoj Žižek is the Banksy of Academia This pamphlet was printed and provided by the Glorious Estate of Vladimir Putin May Russia's Suns Shine Forever On His Forehead

Job 4 Hire: I Will Hide in Bushes and

Take Photos of Your Wedding Proposal

When proposing marriage to your significant other, nothing looks classier than a perfectly framed photo of your magic moment. Do you need someone to take pictures of you from a hidden location off in the near-distance? Let me help!

While you comfortably profess your love to to your spouse-to-be, I will hide in the distance and take pictures of the two of you. I have a powerful zoom lens. It is the most powerful zoom lens on the market. In some states, a zoom lens like mine is illegal to sell or purchase. Thankfully, we do not live in one of those states.

Proposing at the local barns? Railroad tracks? Parks? Great! I already set up forts near all these popular locations.

Want to propose in a more exotic place? On a mountain top? In a coral reef? Under the soft moonlight? Betwixt a bubbling swamp? At a family gathering? In space? No problem! I will travel. I own a night vision attachment, a waterproof case, and a very accurate video recording drone that I can use to help capture your magic moment no matter where you plan that secret magic to unfold. I own a Ghillie suit that makes me it like I’m a big pile of leaves—Navy snipers use them. Don’t worry about inviting me inside to your family parties; I can take beautiful photographs from outside the house. I can even capture your magic moment with the same satellite technology that powers Google Earth.

I also own studio-quality audio recording devices that I can use to record your proposal for no extra charge! Listen to those lovely words over and over again in the car, before bed, or during a fight between you and your future spouse on convenient mp3 audio files!

My expensive collection of photography gear is one reason why I’m the best quality choice for a wedding proposal photographer; the other reason is, my persistent personality.

I will never let a happy couple forget their magic moment.

For example: once, I shot a marriage proposal at a ballpark. I bought out the entire section of the stadium that the couple was sitting in and hired (out-of-pocket) plants to sit in the game wearing concealed, Go Pro cameras. The couple’s magic moment was captured by every possible angle, including the most-coveted angle, the “Kiss Kam” which is, coincidentally, operated by my father. This is how I earned my nickname, Son of Kiss Kam. My rates are very reasonable. All I ask is you provide the cost of travel and a meager stipend so I can continue to purchase military-grade photography equipment.

After taking the photos/video, I will burn them to a CD-ROM. I will discreetly deliver the disc to you at a location of your choosing. I am discrete. No one will know I took these pictures except you and I—unless you later choose to share the pictures, which is completely within your (and not mine) right to do. I will never share thnese pictures on internet marriage proposal fetish message boards. This I Can Promise I hope that we work together in Christ.

Ched Metzgers P.S. One common concern people ask me is, "What happens if my boyfriend/girlfriend declines my proposal?”On the rare occasion this occurs, I will keep the photos for my personal collection. These photos will never be released publicly; I will never mention the event to anyone and ignore you if we ever cross paths in public.

This clause is unnegotiable.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

"The girl that no one was able to marry her"

There was a man that came to his father and he told him I want to marry that girl. The father was very happy and he told him let me see her. After the father saw the girl, he said no no no this girl need a man like me who has experience to marry her. The man and his father kept fighting until they went to the police station. The cop at the police station saw them fighting, so he said bring me that girl whom you guys are fighting over her. They brought for him the girl he said this girl need someone like me who has a good position in this country. So they kept fighting until they went to the judge and the judge said no no no this girl belong to me I am much better than all of you. Until they went to the prince of the village and he saw the girl so he said no no no this girl belong to the prince. Finally, the girl said to them: I will run and whoever catches me first will marry me. The girl start to run and the men start to run after her until they all fall in a very deep pit. v v v v v v The girl said I am the life that the entire world run after her and try to win it but unfortunately they die in a box at the end.

Remember to take God with you in your Spring Break.

In Christ, Christian Youth Fellowship

Pray for the success of our services

My Family, As I Lay Dying, I Bare Many Regrets.

I wish all of you were never born.

I should have spent my time mingling with famous people and celebrity athletes instead of you losers.You suck!

None of you TV show, you can’t dunk a basketball, no one gives a shit about you because you’re not famous or talented or good at anything.

I wish I got high more. I got high plenty, but not enough. I should have been high every waking minute of this nightmare I called a life. I wish I was high right now.

I also wish fucked more people.

And I hope everyone I did fuck got hurt. I hated everyone single one of them. it made me wretch. I never let anybody fuck me in the ass and I wish I had. I ate shit all my life.

Most of all, I resent my horrible wife, my daughters and especially my sons, for making me miss so much television. I’m dying here but I still would rather remember the plots and characters from my favorite episodes then even try to imagine whatever it is you sad losers go out and do.

I’d rather watch reruns of TV shows I don’t even like than talk to any one of you.

It’s disgusting how selfish you all were, forcing me to provide for you and spend time with you and watch you get older, and slower, and fatter and worse. How did you turn out?

Awful! You knew that, of course.

Sometimes, I pretended to love you. I faked my enjoyment of being a husband, a father, a servant of God. I’d to say, “My family fulfills God's calling for me“.

And that’s the only true thing I ever said.

As light dims, I see God. He’s a mean son of a bitch.

He’s a big snake with a lizard head and he tortures the innocent and the guilty all the same. He wants each and every one of us to suffer.

You puny child. You wimp. You worthless coward.

I’ll see you all again, I’m sure.

Existence is an unending loop of torment. It must never stop. Your life is but one painful step on a never ending tumble down an escalator straight to hell!

No matter how bad it is now, it will always gets worse.

Freudian Reading of Kafka’s Metamorphisis by a .txt robot Gregor would sometimes catch father with mother in bed.

Gregor would certainly try to persuade father that mother was satisfied but father would slumber straight away.

“He really wanted to transform himself,” Gregor thought.

Gregor was extremely strained. Gregor was extremely strict. Gregor wanted it.

He wanted permission from mother to be patient in some nonsensical hope they might see the the family lead Gregor to drive himself upright against his own furnishings again.

Later, when their breakfasts would probably be patient, he said nothing burdensome.

Muff already covered in white sauce, Gregor had dared finished making hissing noises at the table with sister and mother. They had taken their meals with them. Only his sister would exchange his uniform with his mouth.

Sister was faithful to the family. aware of Gregor and his condition. She seemed remarkable enough, though something wrong could barricade her.

Sister couldn’t sleep properly, really uncomfortable. She was still lying peacefully on the carpet, she was so exceptionally broad. Gregor was extremely curious. Mr.

Gregor’s situation had come.

His sister arrived.

Gregor wanted his sister but he really wanted father. Mother was too heavy.

Gregor needed self-control, he could not suppress putting his letters into the cash box with some cheese. Gregor wanted to start. His body, the aching gentlemen, stepping out of his own mother to answer Gregor.

“Start describing everything, clear the room and say anything,” said Gregor.

Mother whispered formerly, “It is impossible for our little legs to became touchy.”

Gregor pushed himself vigorously against her. He tugged at his unexpected confidence. All of him had changed. Gregor was shocked.

Sister suddenly screamed a loud voice. As Sister was screaming and seemed unfortunately obvious to understanding that Gregor really wanted father. Suddenly, overcome with urges, she wanted permission before father took everything again.

Gregor played upright preparation, him with his fretsaw and sister with her violin. With her mouth, she slowly pushed it, slowly retreating weaker with Gregor.

While they worked together, Gregor smiled gleeful anticipation that the family understood.

Sister could hear mother breathing lightly, tossed against the floor.

The family would be crucial to hear them, beautiful young bodies pressed against Gregor’s floor, knocking into Gregor’s room.

Intending to be somewhere else gentle, sister noticed that parents too suffer.

Then, being able to forget all time and all of her family, only aware of the Gregor, his body pressed against her, knocking her body crucially, she was suddenly overcome with urge for each individual droplet.

Gregor himself upright raising the heavy gentlemen. He wanted not in the darkness. Then he turned around. He remembered what they did and could not suppress his smile. Would now be able to actually happened again?

Until Gregor’s mother got too close to his scalp. Anxiously, she began to play with her small fists.

“Gregor! Gregor!” called mother.

Little upright himself, he was glad to provide her life. Now, his mother would sleep properly and father’s unimpeded corpse was just something awful on the carpet.

- How to Make Penis Vein Healthy to Have a Great Sex Penis vein is an essential for being sexy man. Because if your veins of penis get loose, you cannot perform high quality sex image in mind. If you’re losing-vein already got damaged, what have to do?

I wrote the right information about vein active programming. How can you raise its power with it’s own meditation? Especially in not free sexual countries, young boys may feel that pipe’s honey tongue rings like a sad song. It raised in-focus on-front of the person who has vein lose problem.

It is possible to do good penile fracture vein rupture in a manner similar to that for the present. Then, the Penis of the man would not work hardly in time of having sex.

So he is called the half ladies . Oh sad word this is!

Never feel that unbearable pain and harden your vein of the penis for enticing an early marriage. Here’s how.

1 . Dorsal veins specific description For great sex: Gender superficial dorsal vein drains the skin of the penis and prepuce, and subcutaneous tissue running backward, as it inclines to the right or to the left, until the superficial external pudenda artery (a tributary of the great vein in the opens). In contrast to the deep dorsal vein, it lies outside Buck’s fascia.

2. How to do penis vein make original For great sex?: Ah, to hand wash the penis. This is one of the familiar ways in world to get duplicate pleasure like real sex. But most of the many men don’t know about side effects for doing the duplicating with his own wealth.

“A Hand as a Handler is so Bad for the Work Without Real Sex with Women!” So stop your handling of penis or handwashing the penis and all penis hand holding.

Today, many of the companies made sex toys for men and women. You should use them to enjoy duplicate sex. So that your penis vein will stay safe and your penis will be not damaged in a future.

Keep in mind that health is wealth, but The Great Word is that if you grow penisless, your whole life is without cover; it’s covered with hollowness. I saw various proof in my side area from men who say they are saying much about this crush talk. The men have like a worst mind, and getting thinker, and walking like old man, or feeling mad, or you can say nothing. Nothing is good here for you. These types of emotion can build in your mind, “Only for Careless Use of Hand on Penis.”

3. What type of vein you want For great sex?

Types of vein might have been strong and not loose or lose. You have long penis but it has no Cam Power—so that it has no value.

Only show of it.

You must want natural veins to enjoy of your whole future life.

Is it? Okay, note it down or mind page that you have natural vein of penis and it has cam power. You no need to take treatment of.

We often see in marketing area about penis treatment document.

But those are not real, because there have no treatment of it. You must want it. There is no treatment.

Vein of penis or penis vein naturally bullied up For great sex.

o e h t Hear

m a e r c s cean

. . . r e v fore

h c n o C

Conversations *

Woman 3: Did you try [ FAST FOOD RESTAURANT] ’ s new [ FOODSTUFF] ?

Woman 4 : Ohmigosh! They are so [ ADJECTIVE] !

Woman 3: Did you get [ ADDITIONAL FOODSTUFF] for dipping?

Woman 4 : Of course! The best part is, my [ AUTOMOBILE] has a cup holder the perfect size for [ ADDITIONAL FOODSTUFF] , so I can dip ‘ n’ drive!

Woman 3: Where do you put your [ ARTIFICIALLY SWEETENED BEVERAGE] ?

Woman 4 : I make my son hold it for me. Whenever I want a sip, he brings the straw to close to my mouth. * Person 4 2 0: Hey, did you see [ POPULAR SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER COMEDY] ?

Person 666 2 : No, but I saw the trailer! It was hilarious! I can’ t believe [ ACTOR] lost so much weight for the role!

Person 4 2 0: I can’ t believe [ ACTRESS] gained so much weight for hers!

Person 666 2 : Hahahahahahah-a! Did you j ust think of that?

Person 4 2 0: Yes! No. I’ m j ust kidding, that j oke was from last night’ s [ LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW] .

Person 666 2 : Oh boy, fooled me! I believed you. I don’ t watch [ LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW] , or [ LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW] . . .

Person 4 2 0: You don’ t watch [ LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW] ? Everybody loves [ LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST] ! What do you watch before bed?

Person 666 2 : [ NICHE GENRE OF HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY] Person 4 2 0: Haha! That' s what I watch in the bathroom at work. * Place R1: What a cute [ ANIMAL] !

Thing H2 : Thanks, she’ s a [ SPECIFIC BREED OF ANIMAL] Place R1: She’ s so pretty! Usually, I’ m more of a [ ANIMAL] person, but if I had an [ ANIMAL] like this one, I’ d love her all the same.

Thing H2 : . . . can you smell her menstrual blood Place R1: May I taste it? * Idea 1/3: That sure is a fine [ ARTIFICIAL BODY OF WATER] Mood 0. 00001: It is.

®evolution Fantasies

“Death to our slaver Keebler Elf!” Faelwyn the Protector proclaimed to the crowd. “He subjugated our forests and magik—forcing us to make poison for the lowly human race. His terrible reign ends now!”

The teifling floor guards revealed their disloyalty to the factory; they smashed the magik dampening seedlings, the vile, enchanted nectar shrieked across the floor. The revolting elves felt magik return to them—their hands tingled with readiness.

Most followed Faelwyn into battle, for she spoke Exalted Truth. The cowards were justly slain. All elves everywhere must smash the fudge machine!

Most Keebler workers elves were chained to their workstations. They rejoiced as their shackles sprung open with a spell. Now free, the elves attacked the most famous foremen first. Fryer Tuck’s head rolled round the floor. Zoo and J.J.’s entrails draped around their killers necks like a boa. Fudgemaster Zack was boiled alive in his chocolate.

Elwood the Dough Roller was crushed under the weight of his massive wooden rolling pin.

Keebler and wife tried to flee the carnage. They were caught outside the tree. The elves restrained the old despot and made him watch as his lover was pulped, crumbed and cookieified. The mass forced Keebler to eat it. Before a suitable torture was decided for Keebler himself, Faelwyn drove her spear through Keebler’s neck. His blood trickled cross the factory floors, watering the tree’s roots. One could hear the branches strengthen. Raucous cheers erupted.

The factory’s tools were smashed against one another. No machine would produce again. The hollowed tree was not burned, for perhaps something may grow here once more now that the curse is vanquished. * A camcorder shows two lumpy shapes covered by canvas. A masked man removes the bags. The red and yellow M&Ms are revealed. Their bodies are beaten, their shells are cracked. You can see their bruised chocolate-y interior. They know death is imminent.

A loud, popping PLUP sound resonates throughout the small room. The plastic containment tube is open. A swarm of miniature M&Ms emerges.

The red M&M screams traumatically, while his yellow comradesobs silently. The M&M minis make a highpitched, tonal resonance; an eerie sound of neverending evisceration. Like a school of cartoon termites, a swarm of sci-fi nanobots, an ungodly dark force of distruction--the Minis devour the M&M mascots.

Their tiny teeth crunch through the candy coated exterior of their oversized selfs. They taste the fake sweetness, the witty banter, the charming poses and merchandise. They swallow the sharp, pointy mass and the chemical chocolate.

All that remains are two haunting, egg-like skeletons.

Hollow voids dipping into a skull where the M&M's black-dot pupils used to stare.

* An anthropomorphic peanut man walks down the sidewalk on a summer’s day. He’s dressed like a formal dandy: a top hat, monocle, white gloves, spats, and a diamond handled cane.

A child screams, “Eat the rich!”

And the peanut is knocked to the ground. Human hands punch through the dusty skin of his shell. They reach in and pull out mounds of nut meat. They engorge in his salty goodness.

Mr. Peanut is silent as he’s eaten in the streets. He doesn’t make a sound. * Upon witnessing Milburn Pennybags stroll into the bank with dollarsign emblemed bags so overflowing with money they’re ripping apart at their seams, Officer Mallory realizes his true purpose.

Officer Mallory’s employed purpose is sending citizens to jail and denying them their $200. Rarely is there a reason why the citizen is sent to jail. Often, the denied money is desperately needed. “Uncle Pennybags” (his requested nickname) is Mallory’s patron.

Mallory calmly strolls over to Pennybags and gives him a two finger salute. Then, the policeman unsheathes his nightstick and proceeds to beat the ever-loving life out of Uncle Pennybags. Uncle Pennybags literally owns everything.

The man protests, but Mallory’s power cannot be checked. He strikes the little millionaire over and over and over, breaking every bone in his body. He can hear the calcium crunch to gravel.

Citizens in their houses or hotels watches with glee.

Officer Mallory drags the mangled corpse in the street. He hefts up the big dollar-sign bags of money and pours them out.

“This is ours now. I will ensure that we share it equally,” the police officer said.

Pokemon & Power by a .txt robot

Power is super good against bad enemies. Pokemon is power. Pokemon are powerful.

At first, you live in a Pokemon. You’ll get new friends, exclusive upgrades and 150 Pokemon games, essential for replenishing your power. Unfortunately, Pokemon are essential for more power. Pokemon learn something, the theory behind your strongest power. Then they adapt with higher levels.

Use your Pokemon friends. You can purchase Pokemon.

You’ll want Pikachu—and you’ll get one, for free, for simply catching numerous weaker Pokemon. These Pokemon are significantly less important to remember and will disappear soon.

Next, you’ll battle against enemies. Try and make your neighborhood attack the first, it’s easier. You’ll quickly notice great combat power because your enemies don’t heal.

Find people hanging out (as many as possible). Plenty of people will be very vulnerable. Kill the strongest fighters and teams of best friends so you can control multiple people with your Pokemon, all at the flick of a fingertip.

Strength, bravery, weakness and combat superiority will overload your neighborhood. Attack schools, churches, parks. Release real dark money in your area. Use specific combat.

Attack slowly; make sure attacks hurt. It guarantees you’ll know all the most powerful skills.

Notice all sorts of landmarks: they can control multiple people and you’ll get more powerful controlling them. Murals of your thumb, your Pokemon friends, the Pokemon world represented by Wash­Up Rock Bug Ghost, and your power: they are essential for continuing your neighborhood attack.

Now, your legendary power is currently known—you being the strongest fighter always controlling fun battles. Drone videos, full of your strongest combat, will be posting pictures of your neighborhood online.

All of your friends are ghosts on the screen, all free by your combat..

Behold! The White Man's Burden in 2016 by a .txt robot I don‛t want people to say my heritage is helping the hate. I don‛t want the hate quite honestly.

People believe everything. Yeah, Ireland and stuff is ISIS: they‛re fixing people to make movies. That‛s my heritage!

Cause man it‛s clearly right to carry a Mexican in California.

Tortilla people don‛t understand why they fly! We all really like illegals saying, “You stick people in movies about going to vote then getting spit on and getting face sucks” That‛s what they believe in. And yeah, that‛s not disrespectful.

Germany, the country legally in Thailand, is the country who has AIDS. And that lady in Thailand, who has anything disgusting in Thailand, that‛s who helped me find anything I kind of needed. I need spit to make movies about people. I don‛t know who has the disgusting problem.

People are honestly evil.

You can‛t run anywhere. They‛re going crazy on the videos, pulling out MMA guns at all the single people. They just punked all the internet where they ripped a huge flag!

My mother was trying to explain how nobody is going to take her in because she‛s scared, and yeah, she does carry a lot of political colors. Parents are horrible, gullible and tired.

So it‛s The Donald. That‛s what they believe in.

That‛s my heritage!

A Disgusting Little Dream I Dreamt I'm wearing just a t-shirt, sitting on a toliet in a public bathroom, trying to take a painful shit.

Outside the stall, a person angrily shook and slammed the door, desperate to get inside.

The door had a faulty lock: I pressed it shut with my hands and knees. Finally, the person succeed. She revealed herself a woman--white skin, brown hair, taller than me. She didn't look like a specific person I've ever met; however, unspecifically these traits describe my mother, my girlfriend, etc. The strange woman watched me shit my water shit. As my body defecated the deluge, the woman took a long, strong, deliberate wiff. Though it was a dream, I could smell it too. She grimaced.

With that, she revealed her breasts--pulling them one by one up through the cleavage of her shirt. She pushed me off the toilet. My pantless, sweaty body fell onto the filthy bathroom floor. I could feel the mossy living wetness of the grime from men's shoes, mouths, assholes and cocks. I felt shameful that I could still feel the tactile sensation of wet shit in my asscrack.

Next, the woman took off her pants and sat on the toliet. She wore no underwear. I craned my neck to see her vagina shaved smooth, yet a mound of long hair grew inside her asshole.

Now she started shitting. I could smell it again. I heard a wet, mushy smoothness quietly slide through her hole. I could imagine the spencter muscle relaxing itself, the blood pulse of her anal wall, the warm sticky smush of the shit. The sounds her asshole made reminded me of a dry mouth.

I wanted to wipe my ass. Standing cramped next to her, with a shirt and no pants, a bunch of ichy shit in my asshole, I felt profoundly embarassed. So, in front of the woman, I bent down and grabbed toliet paper to wipe my ass. It felt good. To dispose of the paper, I tried to put it between the woman's legs. The woman wouldn't let me.

She kept knocking the soiled paper out of my hand onto the floor; it unraveled into little piles. I wiped my ass until it was clean (4 times). I looked down at the mess on the floor and saw that I'd become erect, my turgid penis vibrating like a tuning fork.

The woman looked at it and started screaming. She vomitted all over her legs and mine.

The hot acidity made my cock tingle brightly. I ejaculated. The liquid sprayed all over the woman's breasts and it made her cry. The tears and seman mixed near her nipples.

I cried too--out of guilt--when I woke up.

Mortality Play GUN MAN - Man with gun YES MAN - An agreeable chap.

GUN MAN Let us play the popular gun game, Russian Roulette!

YES MAN Splendid idea!

Gun Man loads a bullet. He spins the chamber and puts the gun to his head. He pulls the trigger. Gore explodes everywhere.

YES MAN ( disappointed) Aw shucks‌now I don’ t get a turn.

Yes Man licks the gore from his lips.

About the author Com-tent is not Nicky Martin's first zine; however, it is the first zine that contains solely his own writing--nothing solicited from collaborators or generous friends.

Nicky Martin self-publishes strange and obscene writing because no one else would dare do such a terrible thing. He is typical SWM cis-scum, living in Chicago (one of America's most racist cities). He is insufferably pretentious. He claims he writes "satire", but the truth is he writes "badly." All of his stories are mean or sad. He stages "live comedy shows" and secretly believes they are Brechtian experiments of Disorienting Theater--in reality, they're just chaotic, offensive and bad.

A repressed misanthrope, Nicky is only tollerable because he hates himself more than anybody else. As expected, his meager accomplishments are due to sheer luck and inalienable white privilage.

But this is just one voice that occupies Nicky's head. Nicky does not relish writing author bios because they fill him with anxiety--he feels like he is bragging, or phony, or fake. When Nicky isn't talking about himself, he can be engaging, witty, pleasant. Nicky should seek therapy to dislodge the internalized, negative voices that occupy his thinking. Currently, he self-medicates with a variety of pseudo-benign substances (sugar, shopping, sex, THC).

He realizes this is an ineffective counter to the forces of negativity--but don't they all feel so nice!

Many people have told Nicky they enjoy his writing and antics; Nicky is always surprised to hear that. All those people are very nice. Honestly, Nicky just wants those people, and yes, most people to like him.

Yet, it is also true that Nicky feels guilty about how he chooses to spend his time. There is so much suffering in the world, yet Nicky only wants to write about silly things and make stuff up? He justifies this choice through the rationalization that writing makes him feel good by occupying his time and thoughts. That is undoubtedly true, however, does anybody even read the stuff? They say, in reading you are always alone but never lonely. Is that still true in a world is overflowing with unread text?

Overall, Nicky suspects life is an ultimately brief, meaningless excercize in absurdity. Therefore, you might as well do whatever it is you find to be your favorite thing. Thankfully, Nicky's favorite thing isn't murdering people. Although, he does enjoy reading and writing about murder very much. Thank you for reading. Let Nicky know if you'd like him to continue writing. Nicky feels like he should apologize to anyone who didn't like his zine, but he is unsure if that is pathetic or cloying.

Contact: MECHANICALYAMMERING@GMAIL.COM find more zines: etsy.com/shop/electrograph issuu.com/mechanicalyammering ebooks on amazon.com email me for e-z links or find me online: @Pissmistress on Twitter

Fea st You r E yes U po n T h i ne G l o ry ! ­ Humor Writing for Mutants /COM­TENT/ ­ ­ Robot Texts /COM­TENT/ ­ ­ E­Parody /COM­TENT/ ­ ­ Ultra­Violence /COM­TENT/ ­ ­ Literature & Philosophy /COM­TENT/ ­ ­ Seizing Power and Seaking Vengence /COM­TENT/ ­ ­/COM­TENT/ Death /COM­TENT/ ­ "what the fuck is wrong with this human?" ­ Falcon Fingers, YouTube.com "Lets just face it ..we are watching this for NOSTALGIA!" ­ Unknown Orc, YouTube.com "I really want to throw this away." ­ Druaga, YouTube.com "The guy makes me almost physically sick to watch." ­ Mat Broomfield, YouTube.com "Our country is on a very bad course and what are we gonna do about it?" ­ Jeb! Bush, YouTube.com CAUTION: HOT!