PARENTHOOD

by David W. Proefrock, PhD

Your 4 year-old daughter has absolutely no interest in traditional girl toys. She has dolls and other girl-oriented toys that she never plays with. When she plays inside, she usually plays with her brother’s toys. She loves to ride her bike, skate, and play ball. She seems to be happiest when she is outside running and playing. What do you do?

A. Tell her that girls are supposed to play with girls’ toys. Make her stay inside and play with her dolls.

B. Buy her the most attractive and most popular dolls and accessories you can find. She will then want to play with them instead of toys for boys.

C. Don’t do anything. Let her play the way she wants to.

D. There may be a problem with her gender identification. Take her to a mental health professional for an evaluation.

If you answered:

A. This will cause confusion and make her feel that there is something wrong with her when there isn’t. You will probably end up with a very unhappy child.

B. This probably won’t hurt, but it won’t change her play and it will cost you a lot of wasted money.

C. This is the best choice. There is nothing to worry about in this situation. At this time in her life, she seems to simply be an “outside kid” and there’s nothing wrong with that.

D. These preferences in play are not indications of gender identity problems and do not warrant evaluation by a mental health professional. Hopefully, you won’t be able to find one that would evaluate her for this reason.

Preferring to be outside and active is perfectly normal for both boys and girls. In fact, it is better for both than staying inside all the time.

Dr. Proefrock is a retired local clinical and forensic child psychologist.