PARENTHOOD

by David W. Proefrock, PhD

Your 10 year-old son has become increasingly shy and fearful over the past few months. He doesn’t play with his friends anymore, he has to be forced to go to school, and he cries when he is separated from his family. He was never an outgoing child, but the situation seems to have gotten out of hand. What do you do?

A. It is not unusual for kids to go through phases of being shy. Give him a while to get through it.

B. These are rather serious behavior changes, but there is not much that can be done about it. Encourage him to become more socially involved, but he may always be shy and fearful.

C. If you don’t get tough with him now he may grow up to be anxious and fearful. Force him to become actively involved with other children his age. Don’t cater to his fearfulness now or it may be there forever.

D. Behaviors this severe are possible signs of emotional disturbance. Take him to a mental health professional.

If you answered:

A. It actually is very unusual for a child to go through a phase this severe. He has already been given time to get over it, and it is getting worse. He should be seen by a mental health professional.

B. You are correct that these are serious behaviors, but wrong in thinking nothing can be done about them. He should be seen by a mental health professional.

C. You can force a child to do many things, but you cannot force him to not be anxious or afraid. He should be evaluated by a mental health professional.

D This is the correct response. These are serious symptoms that have not only persisted, but have become worse. A mental health professional will be able to diagnose and treat the problem.

There are many effective treatments for children who are anxious, fearful, and withdrawn. This is no reason for him to suffer when they can be easily accessed.

Dr. Proefrock is a retired local clinical and forensic child psychologist.