The Advice Doctor

Early one morning a mother went into her son’s room as usual to wake him up. “Wake up, sleepyhead!” she said cheerfully as she threw back the curtains. “Time to get ready for school!”

“I don’t want to go to school,” her son said.

“Here we go again. Why I should let you stay home?” his mother asked.

“Because all the kids hate me. And so do all the teachers.”

“I’m sure that is not true,” she replied. “Now come on! Get up or you’ll be late.”

“No, mama! Give me two good reasons why I should go to school today,” he said, pulling the covers up even tighter.

“Number one,” his mother said, “you’re 52 years old. You’re old enough to understand your responsibilities. And number two, do I need to remind you again? You’re the principal of the school!”

Moe: Picture this scenario. You’re riding a giraffe as fast as it will go, but a lion is on your tail and a tiger is right in front of you. How would you escape?

Joe: I would get off the merry-go-round.

Moe: Why were you arrested?

Joe: All I did was go see the doctor about my insomnia.

Moe: That’s no reason to arrest someone.

Joe: Well, in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have gone to his house. At 3:00 a.m.

Moe: Do you get much exercise?

Joe: I walk 5 miles twice a day.

Moe: Uh, that’s not going to work with me.

Joe: What do you mean?

Moe: I know your dog’s name is 5 Miles.

Moe: Is there a specific name for the procedure to remove someone’s adenoids?

Joe: Yes, it’s called subtractenoids.

Two blonde guys went on a fishing trip, and after three long days all they had to show for their time and trouble was two scrawny fish.

“If you do the math,” said the first guy, “these two fish ended up costing us more than $500 apiece.”

“When you put it that way,” said the second guy, “I’m sure glad we only caught two.”

Dear Advice Doctor,

My son is taking a summer school class in advanced calculus. He is constantly asking me for help, which is crazy because math of any kind — even basic arithmetic — has never been my strong suit. Do you have any suggestions on a source of basic information that might allow me to help him?

Dear Things,

— Things Just Aren’t Adding Up

Thank you for sending me this question. I hope the answer will be beneficial to many people.

It should be freely acknowledged at the outset that very few people are probably interested in calculus. But hopefully that won’t apply to anyone after they read this article.

You see, calculus is hardened dental plaque that can accumulate on our teeth. Note: can accumulate. It doesn’t have to; calculus buildup is preventable. More about that in a moment.

First, though, what happens when plaque (also known as tartar) builds up due to neglecting oral care? This list starts with bad breath, and nobody wants that. Calculus often forms along the gumline and in between teeth and gums. This is like attacking a tree at its roots, and it can lead to receding gums (which are officially known as gingiva) and chronically inflamed gums (gingivitis). From there, the specialized tissues that surround and support the teeth (the periodontium) can be affected next, and prolonged inflammation there leads to bone loss and weakening of the gingival fibers that anchor our teeth. Patients with periodontal disease nearly always have significant calculus deposits. Once plaque is on our teeth, it’s so strong and hard that brushing can’t touch it. It takes a professional cleaning with specialized tools in a dentist’s chair to remove it.

How much easier to regularly floss and brush after meals, and get regular dental checkups!

A couple of side points in closing. Preliminary research has suggested a link between dental plaque bacteria and both cardiovascular disease and low birth-weight babies.

Finally, you might be wondering why dental plaque has the same name as a complex branch of mathematics. Both have the same etymology, a Latin word meaning small pebble or stone. In math it harkens back to the days when small stones were used in counting, such as when using an abacus, and in dentistry it’s a reminder of the rocklike nature of mineral deposits we want to prevent through regular dental care.

Thanks again for writing. I hope I answered your question. Do you have a question for The Advice Doctor about life, love, personal relationships, career, raising children, or any other important topic? Send it to News@AugustaRx.com. Replies will be provided only in the Examiner.

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