PARENTHOOD

by David W. Proefrock, PhD

Your 4-year-old son, who has always been a generous and considerate child, has recently become very possessive. He has been refusing to share with anyone. You have been forcing him to share with other children, but this really upsets him. You are not sure that it’s the right thing to do. What do you do?

A. It’s just a phase young children go through. Ignore it.

B. Continue to force him to share and be firm about it. Unchecked, his actions may turn into lifetime personality traits, and it’s important to stop them now.

C. Put him in situations where sharing is necessary, like daycare, mothers’ day out, or Sunday school. With sharing being necessary, he will learn to do it more willingly and the problem will go away.

D. This is a phase that some children go through, but it shouldn’t be ignored. Encourage him to share and praise him when he does so willingly.

If you answered:

A. You are right that it is a phase, but how you deal with it is important. Ignoring it is not the answer. Encourage sharing and reward him when he does share.

B. Forcing him to share may eventually make him better at it, but not for the right reasons. You need to teach him to share because it is the right thing to do.

C. This may help, but it could also make the situation worse. The real answer is you teaching him to share because it is the right thing to do.

D. This is the best answer. This is a time when personality traits that will last a lifetime are being formed. He is likely to have a better life if he learns to share.

It is your responsibility as a parent to teach values and behaviors that will be useful throughout his life. Sharing, like honesty and compassion, is one of those values.

Dr. Proefrock is a retired local clinical and forensic child psychologist.