can buy happiness MONEY
Money can spawn untold misery too, but it can definitely buy happiness. The key is how it’s spent.
Studies have revealed a secret about money: using it to buy stuff is not satisfying. That is not widely known because people who are loaded with cash — and all the material things they buy with it — are not eager to admit that all their expensive toys can leave them feeling shallow, empty and lonely.
On the other hand, people in desperate poverty are often no strangers to emptiness and loneliness either.
But researchers at Purdue University and the University of Virginia analyzed data from 164 countries, cross-referencing the earnings and life satisfaction of 1.7 million people to see if there was a correlation. As it turns out, fabulous wealth and
profound happiness are not exactly next-door neighbors. In fact, the study found the ideal income for personal satisfaction is less than $100,000 a year, and the optimal income for what the study called “emotional wellbeing” is even lower: $60,000 to $75,000.
If we dismiss visions of bliss from winning the lottery from our dreams, what can our modest incomes do for us?
A segment on CBS Sunday Morning not long ago offered one clue, reporting on an experiment by a Harvard Business School professor. She handed out money to two groups of people. One group was told to use the money to buy themselves something, the other group told to use it to pay someone to do a chore they despise, like cutting the grass or doing laundry.
The second group, those who
in effect bought themselves time, reported more happiness than those who bought things.
The Harvard experiment underscores a basic principle of happiness: doing is better than having. In other words, spending money on something that creates an experience or builds memories tops buying stuff. Taking art lessons, for example, beats buying a painting.
The ancient adage that there is more happiness in giving than receiving can be put into practice by anyone. One author wrote of an acquaintance who abandoned the standard 20% tip at restaurants in favor of a 50% tip. It makes him feel good. Maybe your choice would be different: setting up even a $5 monthly donation to a charitable cause can, in the words of one study, “predict greater happiness.”
#3 IN A SERIES
Not everyone in healthcare can be Florence Nightingale, right? Despite the long-running series on page 4, there are clunkers in medicine, and we will examine some of them in this brief series that should be briefer. Unfortunately, there’s enough material to keep this going for a while.
Sometimes good can come from even the most terrible and tragic circumstances.
Take the case of this man, Charles Cullen. He is enough of a monster that he is currently serving 18 consecutive life sentences is New Jersey State Prison (he was given six more life sentences by a Pennsylvania judge for his crimes in that state). He earned those sentences over a 16-year career in nursing during which he murdered as many as 400 patients (40 of which he confessed to. The remainder are suspected but can’t be confirmed).
The obvious question is, Why did it take 16 years for the trail of bodies to finally lead to this man? But a better question would be, how did he spend even one day in the nursing profession?
After all, the first of his many failed suicide attempts came
PARENTHOOD
by Dr. Warren Umansky, PhD
Your teenage daughter asks you to buy bottled water so she can be like her friends, who apparently bring bottled water to school. What do you do?
A. Tell her that when she gets a job, she can buy as much bottled water as she would like. Of course, she will have to keep enough money to pay for gas for her car and any other cost sharing you might assign to her. In the meantime, tap water at pennies a gallon is better than the high prices of bottled water
B. Offer to buy bottled water for her as long as it motivates her to do her chores without being asked and helps raise her grades.
C. Let her know that water wasn’t bottled when you were her age. Water from the faucet (or from an outdoor pump, well, or stream for her ancestors) was as good as it got and as much as you needed.
D. Sit down with her and talk about the challenges of trying to keep up with her friends.
If you answered:
A. This sends a pretty good message and communicates the differences between wants and needs and that money doesn’t grow on trees. If it also motivates her to get an after-school part-time job, that is even a more productive outcome.
B. Your daughter is likely to have been exposed to the concept of quid pro quo (literally, something for something) before, but it is a way to test her resolve. Is she willing to be more responsible in return for getting what she wants?
C. This presents the generational divide. No doubt, you have faced it already with your daughter with name brands and versions of electronics, makeup, shoes, and on and on. Where you draw the lines is important and may determine family financial security and adolescent responsibility. It might mean putting up with eye-rolling and short-term anger, but this strategy also should be paired with the next choice.
D. This should have been part of dinner conversation beginning when she was much younger. On the other hand, children also learn from their parents’ behaviors. Adults who are trying to keep up with their friends shouldn’t be surprised when their children do the same! In any case, the voyage to keep up with peers usually is a frustrating one and outcomes may be less satisfying than one had hoped. Dr. Umansky has a child behavioral health practice in Augusta.
since 1963
NEW SERIES!
ment of a family member or a friend (not the victim). Early detection, as with most conditions, offers the best prognosis. Unfortunately, studies show that most people with delusional order don’t get treatment until three years after it begins.
THOUGHTS ABOUT THOUGHTS THOUGHTS
DELUSIONAL DISORDERJEALOUSY TYPE OR OTHELLO SYNDROME
Editor’s note: Written by local mental healthcare professionals, this series shares thoughts on how people think and act when affected by common and not-so-common mental health conditions.
Hamilton just celebrated his 41st birthday and has been married to Jane for seven years. They’ve always had a good marriage, but out of the blue one day, Hamilton asks her, “Are you cheating on me?” Startled, Jane reassures him that she isn’t.
He seems to accept what she says but continues to ask. Soon, Jane realizes Hamilton is tracking her through her phone. He’s suspicious anytime she gets a phone call. He gets angry when she wears a nice outfit and heels to work. Finally, he tells her he thinks she’s having an affair with her boss. He starts to control her, telling her she has to come straight home from work and monitors all her calls. If she protests, he flies into a rage. Finally, he physically attacks Jane, and she leaves home immediately to stay at a friend’s house.
There are many types of delusional disorders where people can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imaginary. Delusional disorder–jealousy type is also known as Othello Syndrome, named for the Shakespeare character who is tricked into believing his wife is having an affair.
People with this disorder are hyper-focused on the belief that their spouse or significant other is cheating. The person may admit momentarily that they know it isn’t true, but their mind continues to fixate on this belief. Like most mental health conditions, there’s no specific cause, but it’s more common in men than women, and typically in men around age 40. Some risk factors include:
• Going through financial, career, or other major life
changes
• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety and depression
• Insomnia
• Having a history of being abused, bullied or growing up in a dysfunctional home
Delusional disorder doesn’t respond to logic, especially from the victim (“I’m not cheating, I’m just talking to my girlfriend” or “I had to look nice at work today”). It may start with a few remarks, then escalate to control and abusive behavior. Without treatment, a person with this delusional disorder could harm themselves or their spouse or significant other.
Treatment This Syndrome
The hardest part of treatment is making sure the person with delusional disorder follows through. Sadly, it sometimes takes a court order after physical violence has already happened. The best-case scenario is for someone with delusional disorder to get treatment early, usually through the encourage -
Treatment usually involves both antipsychotic medications and individual one-on-one therapy. This combination is the most effective: the medications suppress a chemical in the brain triggering the delusional behavior, and therapy helps a person understand and deal with what has happened in their past leading to their current behavior.
Individual therapy will also usually include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). For example, the person may tell the therapist, “I know my girlfriend is cheating because she wore lipstick to work today.”
The therapist might say, “I see. Does she wear lipstick every day?”
The person: “Yes, she usually does.”
The therapist: “I see. Let’s talk about why you see that as a difference this time.”
The goal of CBT is to help retrain a person’s thinking and understand how their thoughts and someone else’s actions don’t match.
Can Delusional Disorder Be Treated Successfully?
Studies show that 50% of people with this type of delusional disorder recover fully, 20% have decreased symptoms, and 20% have no change. What’s most important is for people with this disorder to get treatment early and that they stick with the plan of both medication and therapy. If the significant other wants the relationship to continue, family therapy is also essential to move forward. However, for victims of someone with delusional disorder, the first step always is to get out and get safe—to a safe house or other undisclosed location—then to contact a family member, friend or law enforcement so the person can get help. Daisy Hazel Drayton
24/7, free, confidential mental health hot-line that connects individuals in need of support with counselors across the United States and its territories. People do not have to be suicidal to call. Reasons to call include: substance use disorder, economic worries, relationships, culture and identity, illness, intimate partner violence, depression, mental and physical illness, and loneliness. +
and pick them up, and your high BP is history.
Or is it?
MEDICAL MYTHOLOGY
BLOOD PRESSURE MYTHS
There is a reason why most doctor visits include a blood pressure check as one of the first orders of business: it’s a crucial indicator of overall health and wellbeing.
Prolonged, undetected, untreated high blood pressure can lead to other problems. Everything is connected. The human body is a pretty big clan, and everybody knows everybody. What affects one member of the family ultimately affects all the rest. In the case of high BP, it can lead to heart disease, stroke, kidney failure, vision loss, and a host of other problems.
Naturally then, misconceptions about blood pressure can add to the danger, hiding or minimizing the need to keep the numbers where they should be.
One of the biggest is the It’s No Big Deal myth. INBD stems in part from high blood pressure’s street name: “the silent killer.” That, in turn, is borne of high blood pressure’s curious and sinister absence of symptoms — until serious damage has occurred, that is. It’s hard to ignore a stroke or kidney failure
So the takeaway for Myth #1 is: do not minimize the importance of knowing your blood pressure and taking action if it’s high.
Incidentally, there are a couple of myths that contribute to ignorance of BP numbers. One is the heredity myth. There are families where hypertension (another
name for high blood pressure) is passed from one generation to the next, like a precious heritage. But other people can accurately say “nobody in my family has ever had high blood pressure.” That may be true, but there’s a first for everything. The world we live in and the diets people consume today are not the same as they were 50 years ago.
Just because our parents or grandparents or brothers and sisters don’t have high blood pressure is no guarantee that ours is low too.
The other reason — more correctly, the excuse — many people have for not knowing their BP is the OWM, the Overpowering Weight Myth. As its name suggests, this is one of the most powerful myths in the entire world of health and wellness. Simply put, it holds that something close to ideal weight is the holy grail of health. Even more simply put: slender people are healthy, fat people are not.
Here is the truth: slender does not automatically mean healthy; overweight people can be awesomely healthy. In fact, one study found that 45% of people with normal BMI (Body Mass Index) had hypertension. The OWM is just that, a myth, even if it is almost omnipresent.
Getting back to taking action if our BP is high, the solution is simple, right? Pills will fix this. Your doctor calls it in, you go to the pharmacy
Actually, a recurring myth in nearly all of medicine’s many fields is that doctors can magically undo the effects of all the stupid stuff we as patients inflict upon ourselves. We don’t need to change our habits or do anything different; just let the doctor sort everything out and make the necessary repairs.
When we put a philosophy like that into practice, we’re actually fighting 24/7 against our doctor’s interventions. Taking a pill to help reduce our blood pressure when we use a salt shaker at nearly every meal is fighting against the medication, or at best canceling out its effectiveness to a certain degree.
A far better course is to work in harmony with the medicines we’re taking. One of the best ways to do so is to change the way we eat. That doesn’t mean giving up flavor. Some people subscribe to the Mediterranean Diet. Say no more, that sounds delicious. There’s also its cousin, the DASH diet, which is short for Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension. There are cookbooks aplenty available at bookstores and online that are loaded with tasty recipes that will actually cooperate with your BP meds instead of fighting against them. What a concept.
In closing, a few BP controllers that are non-mythical. Nobody thinks a sedentary lifestyle is going to help bring down their blood pressure. The same goes for smoking and leading a stressful life. These contributors to the potential for hypertension are well known and within our control.
Among the very best benefits of maintaining good blood pressure, and it’s a big one: longer life.
We could not agree more! How can someone be infected with a virus, but not get sick from that virus until maybe 50 years later? That would be like eating some bad sushi and then getting sick from it a year and a half later. It makes no sense.
Another weird thing about shingles is that its most common symptom — a raw red rash — usually doesn’t cross over the body’s midline. In the majority of cases the rash will either be entirely on the person’s left side or their right side. That’s just strange (but a topic for another day)
Strange as it is, shingles is a reality. How does it happen? How can it successfully hide from the immune system for years, and then spring a surprise raid when we least expect it?
For a long time the mystery was unsolved, but researchers have recently begun to unravel a few preliminary clues. As we all know, shingles strikes people who had chickenpox at some point in the distant past. A trace element of the varicella zoster virus stays behind after recovery from chickenpox. But the immune system attacks viruses, right?
It does, whenever and wherever it can find them. So why would this virus be present and yet have immunity?
University College London researchers discovered in 2018 that the latency or dormant period the virus enters into after a patient recovers from chicken pox causes supression of a gene that is necessary for viral replication. An inactive virus isn’t building and sending out viral structures to be recognized and attacked; instead it is just lying dormant in long-lived nerve cells.
The virus stays dormant indefinitely, but a person’s immune system might be compromised or overtaxed by illness, psychological stress, or perhaps immunusuppresive therapy, allowing the opportunistic virus to reawaken. When it fell asleep it was chickenpox, and when it wakes up it tries to be again, but the body already knows that enemy and attacks, meaning that only a few patches of chickenpox-like sores will result this time. Even a few are enough to cause great misery. Fortunately, a shingles vaccine is available.
Who is this?
There is a direct connection between this man’s noted work and that of another eminent medical scholar previously profiled in #220 of this series back on September 20, 2024. (Check it out at issuu.com/medicalexaminer.)
This man is Christiaan Eijkman, 1929 co-winner of the Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine “for his discovery of the antineuritic vitamin,” in the words of the Nobel Foundation.
Eijkman was born in the Netherlands in 1858, but spent important chapters of his career in the Dutch East Indies (what we today call Indonesia). He first traveled there, to Sumatra, in 1883 at age 25, but had to return to Europe in 1885 after catching malaria.
The unexpected turn of events was fortuitous because Eijkman spent time working with research pioneer and medical Hall of Famer Robert Koch (the 1905 Nobel Prize winner) at his bacteriological laboratory in Berlin. During his medical leave he also met two Dutch doctors, Cornelis Pekelharing and C. Winkler, visiting the German capital before leaving for the Indies.
As a result, Eijkman was named assistant to the Pekelharing-Winkler mission, sent by the Dutch government to investigate beriberi (shown right), a disease that was ravaging the region.
Not long after the three arrived in the Indies, Pekelharing and Winkler were recalled by the Dutch government for another assignment, leaving Eijkman in charge of a newly built research laboratory. He took full advantage of the situation and made a number of significant discoveries. One of which was establishing the simple truth that European are no different than people born and raised in the Indies. Previously it had been believed that for Europeans, basic measures of blood like the number of red corpuscles, specific gravity, water content and other factors were different than that of locals.
Eijkman’s greatest work, however, was discovering the cause of beriberi. The word itself is thought by some to have its roots in Sinhalese words for “I cannot, I cannot,” owing to the weakness it caused, along with rapid heartbeat, numbness in hands and feet, confusion, shortness of breath, and pain.
Initially, Eijkman believed the disease might be caused by blood contamination, respiratory metabolism, some unknown bacteria, or even perspiration or seasonal temperature variations. He was handed a major clue by chance when a new cook at the research station refused to allow government rice to be fed to “civilian” chickens used in Eijkman’s lab. The chickens developed beriberi symptoms which disappeared when their feed was changed, alerting Eijkman that diet and nutrition needed to be the target of his research. The result was the aforementiond “antineuritic vitamin,” in other words, a vitamin (B1) which prevents or relives nerve inflammation (neuritis).
Eijkman died back in the Netherlands in 1930 at age 72. +
ADVENTURES IN
Middle Age
BY J.B. COLLUM
We middle-aged folks are like Rodney Dangerfield sometimes. We don’t get no respect (sic), as he often said. What do I mean? Well, I’m glad you asked.
To younger folks, let’s say anyone under thirty, we aren’t middle-aged. Nope, to them we are just old. Pretty much the only people who give us any respect are those that I consider on the precipice of joining our illustrious and august group. By that I mean 40-somethings. By some definitions, they too are middle-aged, since they aren’t exactly young anymore, but they also definitely aren’t old. That said, they have reached a stage where they can see where things are heading. It is like when you are driving to the mountains and although you aren’t there yet, you see the hazy outlines of the prominences on the horizon. 40-somethings can see the inevitable approaching and they start to have some trepidations. And what do we do when they talk to us about it? We tell them they aren’t middle-aged yet, and belittle them, though perhaps without meaning to. Maybe we are just trying to make them feel better with phrases like, “you’re still a kid to me.”
I patiently gave him my best long-suffering smile. As he continued his oratory I occasionally glanced back toward his poorly parked truck, thinking that someone might need that handicapped spot beside him. I thought about reiterating what I had said before, but then, remembering my experience in a parking lot back in Pigeon Forge, I decided not to push my luck (read about it here: https://issuu. com/medicalexaminer/docs/01-10-25).
{ I THOUGHT HE WAS 90, SO I GUESSED 59.
We middle-aged folks also deal with this when trying to commiserate with the folks who are beyond middle age, who have overstayed their welcome and are far past checkout time for their middle-aged phase. Despite this, they have still refused to exit the premises. I won’t put an age on it, but you probably know what I mean.
Just yesterday, I was in the parking lot of Academy sports with my buddy Louie and noticed that an older gentleman had parked so poorly that he not only took his space, but a significant part of a handicapped parking spot too. Being the idiot that I am, I thought I would try to help. I approached him in a friendly way and made a self-deprecating joke about how I too have trouble parking my big pickup truck at times now that I am older. I was trying to assuage any possible offense that might be caused by my words. He took it well, but then completely ignored what I said and got out of the truck and walked toward the store. He then decided to correct me by asking me how old I was. I told him, and he rolled his eyes. He then wanted me to guess his age. If I had been honest, I would have said 102. Truthfully, I was thinking the man was at least 90, so I said 59. He looked like he was insulted and corrected me. No, he proudly proclaimed, he was a few days away from 80. He then told me that I wasn’t old at all. Basically, he gave me the “young whippersnapper” speech (I need to look that up. I still have no idea what a whippersnapper is) while
Once he was satisfied that I knew my place and that I had no business including myself in his hard-won demographic, we said our friendly goodbyes and moved on. He was somewhat correct. I am not near 80 yet, but I know I’m getting close since the only thing I bought all day besides gas for the truck and food and drink was deer corn to feed the deer back at my house so I can watch them on my camera. I never would have done that before. So we exist in that middle place, a virtual no man’s land. To the young’uns we are old. To the golden years folks, we are not much beyond the aforementioned snappers of whips, whatever that is. (Okay, I just looked up the word and I must say that I am now very offended, but I’ll get over it.)
We should be much more welcoming to our new recruits. We need all the help we can get. We are constantly making room for new members as some exit into the next phase of life, while others, sadly, check out altogether before they can make it there. Instead of gate-keeping, I thought I would start to work on a “welcome to the neighborhood” kit for them. Here is my first attempt.
First of all, even if the new prospect is only in their forties, don’t turn them away. Everyone’s journey is different, and maybe they qualify. If they are fifty or older, then definitely do not push them away. If they are good enough for an AARP membership, who are we to reject them?
Secondly, we should make them a list of all the things they need to do and give them some warnings. Here is my first attempt at that list:
• At age 50, celebrate by getting your colonoscopy scheduled. When you get to the first appointment and get your instructions on how to get cleaned out before the big day, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION. I did not and the results were explosive. Trust me, you don’t want to get this wrong. Your spouse also does not want you to get this wrong. Better yet, bring your spouse or a friend. Hopefully, one of you will remember it correctly.
• Get your AARP, ASA, or AMAC card(s) on the way. Whichever organization you prefer. If
MIDDLE AGE
from page 4
for no other reason, the discounts!
• Go shopping for some pants that will sit high above your belly button. This will help you fit in.
• If you don’t already know how to play checkers, chess, backgammon, spades, hearts, and bridge, learn. Don’t bother to learn Uno. You will be required to play it, but nobody needs to learn it. It is idiot-proof.
• Make sure your car has a backup camera and use it. You should also back in to all parking spaces because this is what we do and the backup camera makes it easier to back in than to pull in. It also helps you to park straighter and you are less likely to run into someone when it is time to leave.
• Put a note on your dashboard reminding yourself to check your blinkers. Nobody needs to know about your eventual left in five miles.
• Put another note on your dash reminding yourself to look in your rearview mirror often and if there is a long line of cars behind you because you now drive slower than an Amish buggy towing a semi-truck, pull over and let them pass.
• Consider the left lane of all multilane roads as a forbidden zone. It is strictly for passing, and you know you have no interest in that.
• Go ahead and get your membership in a birdseed club started. Buy in bulk. Also, make sure you get birdfeeders that are safe from squirrels because if you don’t, you will get so frustrated with them that you will eventually turn into a serial squirrel killer as you merci-
lessly slaughter entire families and communities of them with your BB gun. But if you don’t they will bankrupt your birdseed budget. It isn’t pretty. You won’t like yourself.
• If the balance of your retirement account would be embarrassed if compared to a five year old’s piggy bank, start utilizing the laws that let older folks dump more money into 401Ks and IRAs so you can catch up.
• If your mortgage payments will go past the retirement age you are planning for, work on paying it off early or downsize.
• If you haven’t already and if you need to, start working hard on losing weight and getting in shape. The older we get, the harder it is and you might extend your life by a few years. If you don’t need to lose weight and are already in great shape, know that we are all happy for you, but we don’t want to hear about it all the time. Also, those of us not in good shape all secretly hate you. Learn to live with that. Well, that’s all for now. This will be a work in progress, but I think we made a good start. Please email your ideas for additions to our welcome kit at the email address listed at the end of the article. Thanks in advance for your contributions to our community. Let’s take care of each other.
J.B. Collum is a local novelist, humorist and columnist who wants to be Mark Twain when he grows up. He may be reached at johnbcollum@gmail.com
DREAM SHIFT
by Catherine Zickgraf
I’m back from taking our two to their schools, the house is ours and quiet.
It’s mid-morning. Seems the world has already left for work, so the neighborhood is mine and the day is ripe for the busiest among us.
He’s already sleeping calm in the room after finishing his shift at the ER. I’m grateful he got home safe.
I don’t resist kissing his forehead, tucking more autumn comforter around him, for he’s all soft breath and flannel— my sweet husband.
Bed is recovery for his body, where he labors to regrow his soul after holding death so often in his arms and sitting with those who seek out prayer.
I have things to do, but he lures me in. So I slide down beside him, wishing dreams upon his stillness to blanket our hibernation.
Inspired by the COVID pandemic and originally published in Bearings Online, September 2021
Catherine Zickgraf is an Augusta poet who finds joy in her family and community.
WHO IS THIS
when he was nine years old. He joined the Navy right after graduating from high school and was committed to a Navy psychiatric ward after another suicide attempt. Shortly after receiving a medical discharge from the Navy he enrolled in nursing school, where he was elected president of his class. He graduated in 1987 and went to work in the burn unit of Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston, New Jersey. It was there in 1988 that Cullen killed his first victim, administering a lethal dose of an IV medication to a patient. An internal investigation later determined that was the first of dozens of patient deaths at that hospital alone for which Cullen was responsible.
The next 16 years followed a predictable pattern: suicide attempts by Cullen; brief stays in hospitals and psychiatric wards; hopping from one healthcare job to another; and murder. Repeat.
How could something like that happen? At the time there was a severe nationwide shortage of nurses. Employers were desperate enough that they routinely ignored red flags. Suspicions sometimes arose, and sometimes they were given a cursory investigation, sometimes they were ignored. There was no reporting system at the time to allow employers to document concerns and warn others. Employers feared lawsuits from departing employees if they gave them a bad review. And hospitals handled problems internally to avoid bad publicity. At times, rank and file employees were the only proactive group: when Cullen was hired at Sacred Heart Hospital in Allentown, PA in 2001, nurses who knew of his reputation threatened to quit en masse if he was not fired immediately. He was. After one nurse who was a co-worker of Cullen’s alerted police about her suspicions, someone finally listened. She had a conversation with Cullen while wearing a wire, leading to Cullen’s arrest and ultimate conviction.
He told police he committed his crimes to spare the victims from pain and suffering and prevent them from being dehumanized as their conditions worsened.
from page 1 + +
Now age 64, Cullen will be eligible for parole June 10, 2403.
LOUELLA, LOYALTY, AND LOGISTICS
Part 2 of adventures in Las Vegas with Louella
Another time we sat by the pool at Caesar’s Palace resting between sessions and soaking up a few rays in the 115° August weather.
Telly Savalis came out with a body guard/handler. He shed his robe and settled onto a pool recliner about 20 feet away. His handler rubbed oil on Telly and re treated to the shade nearby. Two ladies recognized Telly and approached for auto graphs. The handler shooed them and told them Mr. Savalis would see them after his sunbath.
arose and slipped into the snow-white robe held by his handler. The handler waved the ladies over. After signing autographs, the handler took the ladies camera and had them face the sun, one on each side of Telly. Louella and I watched from behind.
BASED ON A TRUE STORY (most of the time) A series by Bad Billy Laveau
ladies, move in close. Smile on three.”
They positioned themselves in an utterly gleeful
have such surprised expressions. Or maybe, they brag to their bridge club friends about Telly’s ass-grabbing stunt. Their surprised expressions made for good photography without a doubt.
Suddenly Luella and I understood why so many celebrity-guest pictures had such radiant smiles on lady’s faces.
We did not go back to the
year. “Mr. Rizzo would like to speak with you.”
“I haven’t seem Mr. Rizzo in a long time. Hope his health is good.”
No answer or acknowledgement.
We dutifully followed him back to Rizzo’s office, my mind going 90-to-nothing. I had heard about the back room for cheats. I didn’t want to go there.
Not wanting to look like a complete coward, I managed to say. “We haven’t had dinner, yet.”
Without emotion, he wrote out a comp slip. Mr. Rizzo had tired of us. Our departure might ease his headache. Dinner was quick. Our departure, safe. Good-bye, Vegas Hilton.
would help them forget us, or
Mr. Rizzo was much less cordial and more matter of fact than last time. “Doctor, I told you and Louella to not come back.” How did he know her first name? We had not told him, nor had she registered anywhere in Vegas.
“Oh, I though you meant for that trip last year. It’s a new year. Different strokes for different folks.” He did not seem to recognize or be amused by the line from Sly and the Family Stone.
“No. I meant permanently. So I got a new deal for you. You sit at one of my Black Jack tables again, and we will take you ... and Louella ... out behind some grocery store, strip both of you buck naked, and tie you to a garbage dumpster. We’ll call a couple of our cops.
“But before they get there, we’ll take a few dozen Polaroid photos of you. We’ll mail them to every church and bank and civic club in both your hometowns, along with the newspaper story about you two getting busted for indecent exposure. One of our guys here writes the crime beat, and he loves juicy stories. You’ll be famous back home. You might even make the national wire service, you being a doctor and all. Now, you wouldn’t want that, now would you?”
He paused long enough for his seriousness to soak in. “We could take you in the back room and break a few fingers. Mess you up real good. But Louella’s too beautiful for that. And you’re ugly enough already. Doctors can’t operate with broken fingers, can they?”
He need not repeat himself. I understood. My soul quivered. Maybe it shivered. My fingers reflexively curled up as if to protect themselves. Louella was motionless, waiting for my next move, if I had one.
But our story was not over. Casino employees change jobs frequently and move on to other casinos. Over the next few years we were gradually barred from every major casino in Vegas and Atlantic City. Previously, we never paid for a plane ticket, a suite, a meal, or a show. All such niceties were gone with the wind. Out-of-pocket expenses soared. Profits went down And because of teams like us, the casinos changed the game. It is no longer blackjack. It is 21. They took away surrender. An Ace and Face (blackjack) pays 3 for 2 rather than 2 for 1.
They cut a third to half off the back of the shoe. If they cut the shoe in half, I cannot win. If they cut a third off, I break even. No fun in either. If they cut a fourth off, I can win. If they cut less than a fourth off, I can win the casino. Casino mathematicians tell them where to cut the shoe. Some joints use continuous shuffle machines to make counting irrelevant and winning impossible.
I retired from blackjack when the easy money evaporated. I never liked the game anyway, just the money and perks. I am not an action junkie.
Unfortunately, Louella and I found our way into the dreaded Griffin Black Book. Griffin is a detective agency that specialized in gambling cheats and counters. Casinos pay them to provide photos and information on people who cheat or count. Griffin detectives haunt casinos looking for people who take casino money, legally or otherwise. Casinos classify counters as cheats even though they do nothing wrong other than win and take money. Casinos do not want to gamble, they want you to play and systematically lose your money. By counting, blackjack was the only casino game where
TRYTHISDISH
by Kim Beavers, MS, RDN, CDCES
Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, Chef Coach, Author Follow Kim on Facebook: facebook.com/eatingwellwithkimb
PROTEIN-RICH OVERNIGHT OATS
There are many recipes out there for overnight oats, but none of them have enough protein for me. Or they have too much sugar and calories. I finally came up with a formula that suits my nutrition parameters and palate. I hope you will also enjoy this protein packed breakfast.
Ingredients
• 1 large over-ripe banana
• 1½ cup plain nonfat Greek yogurt
• 2/3 cup oats
• 1½ cups nonfat or 1% milk
• ½ teaspoon vanilla
• 3 tablespoons chia seeds
• 1 cup berries of choice
Directions Place the over-ripe banana in a medium bowl and mash with a fork until kind of smooth with only a few chunky pieces. Mix in the yogurt, oats, milk and vanilla. Gently stir in the chia seeds and berries. Allow the mixture to sit overnight and eat in the morning.
Yield: 3 servings (serving size: 1 cup)
Nutrition Breakdown: Calories 290, Fat 6g (1.5g satu-
rated fat), Cholesterol 10mg,
Carbohydrate 42g, Fiber 8g,
Protein 19g.
Percent Daily Value: 6% Vitamin A, 8% Vitamin C, 30% Calcium, 4% Iron
Carb choices: 2½ carbs
Diabetes Exchanges: 1 carbohydrate, 1 fruit, 1milk, 1 lean meat, 1fat
Blue Breakfast Oatmeal
No more Blue Mondays, this oatmeal is packed with nutrients to help you take on Mon-
day or any day of the week.
• 1/3 microwavable steel cut oats
• 1/4 cup banana slices
• 1/3 cup frozen wild blueberries
• 1 cup water
• 1/3 cup Greek yogurt
• 1 tablespoon almonds
Place oats in the blender and blend until they are chopped fine. Add the remaining ingredients and sweet additions if desired.
+
EVERYONE HAS A STORY
by Laura Elois Merriett New Ellenton, SC
My story is one that I should have shared long ago. When I was 3 years old I had pneumonia. At the time my Daddy was in the infamous Angola prison in Louisiana. Mama was the parent on hand, caring for my older brother and sister and me with no means to pay a doctor. But one came anyway and gave medication to us, and here I am today, 88 years old, having survived many bouts with illness over the years.
I have birthed 4 children and adopted 7 others. I have had skin cancer, female cancer, and colon cancer, along with several other health problems, including dental issues and eye surgery.
These days I employ several caregivers 24/7 and am able to enjoy good food and fellowship.
I have been hospitalized
with COVID and pneumonia twice, and a hiatal hernia with bleeding ulcers once.
Presently I am in tip-top shape, with my next doctors appointment coming up in June.
I fell and broke a hip for lack of a night light 6 years ago, but I use a rollator now and walk about a mile daily, weather permitting.
My only prescription medicine is for blood pressure, and I take vitamins and eat healthful food.
This is sent to you to give due credit to the medical personnel — doctors, nurses, dentists, physical therapists, and caregivers — who spend countless hours helping us folks, from babies to elders, stay above ground and happy!
I thank the Lord that I have had some of the best!
TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE?
by Ken Wilson Steppingstones to Recovery
One of the rules of engagement for professional counselors is to never give advice. Counsel and advice are far apart, and many come to counseling to be advised on what or what not to do. The downfall of many a therapist is not keeping themselves in check and going down the advice-giving road. Over the years when my clients have asked for advice, I jokingly reply “I don’t take advice so I don’t give any!”
One of the questions I’ve been asked a thousand times is, “My spouse is an addict –should I get a divorce?” Now do you see why I don’t give advice? If not for being a professional alone, I don’t need to be the object of wrath for an offended spouse!
These few paragraphs are not meant to be complete
(entire books have been written on the subject), only a few thoughts if you’ve been thinking of separation from an alcoholic spouse, especially if they tried Dry January and didn’t do well. Many of us in the south have strong religious/spiritual feelings about divorce. They run across the entire spectrum. First, examine your personal religious/ spiritual beliefs and ask yourself if you want to live within them or abandon them, depending on your circumstance. If your beliefs are opposed to splitting up, determine if you are willing to live with guilt if you leave or divorce.
Religious beliefs aside, next ask what the price of staying together is on an emotional level. How long can you go with poor sleep? Verbal onslaughts? Lack of emotional connection?
I know of several spouses who were hospitalized with a mental breakdown over their loved one’s alcoholism or addiction. This happens in final stages, when a sober spouse mirrors the symptoms of the other one. Crazy, I know.
Third, are you being affected physically by your spouse’s addiction? Some people develop ulcers from stress. Even worse, physical violence sometimes accompanies the illness of alcoholism. If so, most counselors I know would cross over into advice and recommend leaving for your own safety. Locally, calling Safe Homes for counseling would be a first step toward making such a decision.
A book I have used for years is Friedman’s Fables by Edwin Friedman. I highly recommend getting a copy and absorbing its truths (yes,
that’s advice...oops) It’s full of stories a psychiatrist used during his career to help people “get it” on their own. I’ll summarize one of the stories:
A woman is standing on a bridge over a deep valley when a man ran onto the bridge with a rope tied around his waist and asked the unsuspecting woman to grab the other end of the rope which he handed her. Aghast, she complied as he jumped over the handrail of the bridge and dangled below while yelling to her, “Whatever you do, don’t let go of the rope!” She could only hold on for so long and the rope kept slipping through her hands. Her flesh began to be burned by the rope slipping through her grasp. She inched closer to the rail, then her upper body was bent over it as she tried to save the man below who
kept yelling “Don’t let go of the rope or I’ll die!”
She finally realized that if she kept hanging on, they would both fall on the rocks below and die a brutal death. Or she could let go of the rope and only one would die.
So, she… Well, get a copy of the book and find out! I promise, I get no royalties from your purchase. The other stories are so very compelling on this subject as well.
To let go, or not let go… THAT is the question.
WE’RE BEGGING YOU
We’re never too proud to beg. What we’re begging for is “Everyone Has a Story” articles. With your help, this could be (should be) in every issue of the Medical Examiner. After all, everybody has a story of something health- or medicine-related, and lots of people have many stories. See the No Rules Rules below, then send your interesting (or even semi-interesting) stories via e-mail to Dan@ AugustaRx.com or by mail to the Medical Examiner, PO Box 397, Augusta, GA 30903. Thanks!
“And that’s when I fell.”
“He doesn’t remember a thing.”
“I was a battlefield medic.”
“It was a terrible tragedy.”
“I retired from medicine seven years ago.”
“She saved my life.”
“I thought, ‘Well, this is it’.”
“They took me to the hospital by helicopter.”
“Now THAT hurt!”
“OUCH!” NOTHING SEEMED TO HELP, UNTIL...
“The cause was a mystery for a long time.”
“The nearest hospital was 30 miles away.”
“He was just two when he died.”
“I sure learned my lesson.”
“It seemed like a miracle.”
“We had triplets.”
“It was my first year of medical school.”
“It took 48 stitches.”
“The ambulance crashed.”
“I’m not supposed to be alive.”
“This was on my third day in Afghanistan.”
“I lost 23 pounds.”
“At first I thought it was something I ate.”
“My leg was broken in three places.”
“Turned out it was just indigestion.”
“The smoke detector woke me up.”
Everybody has a story. Tell us yours.
FOODISMEDICINE
Tasty tips from registered dietitians with the Augusta Dietetic District Association
BE SWEET TO YOUR HEART
WITH SOLUBLE FIBER
by Valerie Lively, RD, LD, CDCES
February is Heart Health month so let’s take a closer look at soluble fiber, a heart healthy addition to our daily diet.
There are two types of dietary fiber: soluble and insoluble. Soluble fiber helps with cholesterol control. This type of fiber forms a gel in the digestive tract, and this helps reduce cholesterol absorption. Soluble fiber also helps good bacteria grow in the colon. It is also helpful with digestion and preventing constipation.
Insoluble fiber passes through the gut in a more intact form and helps prevent constipation.
The daily target for dietary fiber is 25-30 grams for adults, with about 10 of those grams coming from soluble fiber. Most foods have a mix of fibers. For example, a ½-cup serving of starchy beans (like pintos, black or kidney beans) provides about 6 grams of total fiber, with 3-5 of those grams of fiber coming from soluble fiber.
Research shows that people who increase their soluble fiber intake to 10
grams each day (the minimum National Institutes of Health Therapeutic Lifestyle recommendation), saw their LDL cholesterol decrease by about 5%. Increasing soluble fiber even more, to around 15 to 25 grams a day, would be even better.
When you think of a plant food such a bean or an apple, the outside often seems kind of shiny and the inside kind of mushy. This is a good way to think about the types of fiber. The outside of the plant is insoluble fiber and the inside of the plant is soluble fiber.
When reading food labels, only total dietary fiber is usually listed. Let’s take a look at food categories and the amount of soluble fiber we find in some typical servings.
Beans and legumes – 4 to 5 grams soluble fiber per serving of the following: ½ cup cooked beans (lima, black, kidney, pinto, white/ cannellini); ½ cup edamame (soybeans); ½ cup cooked lentils; 1 cup chickpeas/garbanzo beans; or 1 cup split peas.
Note the above: just ½
cup of beans provides about 40% of the daily soluble fiber target (10 grams). They are a great source of soluble fiber!
Starchy vegetables – 1 to 3 grams soluble fiber per serving of ½ cup peas or 1 medium potato (sweet or white).
Fruit – 2 to 5 grams soluble fiber per serving of: 1 medium banana, apple, orange, or pear; 1 cup strawberries; ½ cup blackberries; 4 medium dried apricots; 2 medium plums; or 4 medium prunes.
Non-starchy vegetables – 1 to 2 grams of soluble fiber per serving of: ½ cup broccoli, asparagus, green beans, carrots, kale, squash, zucchini, or Brussel sprouts
Whole grains – 1 to 2 grams of soluble fiber per serving of ½ cup of cooked grains such as oatmeal, barley, quinoa or oat bran contains
Healthy fats – 1 to 3 grams soluble fiber per serving of: 1 ounce of nuts; 2 Tbsp avocado; 1 Tbsp chia seeds; or 2 Tbsp of ground flax contains Be sweet to your heart by increasing soluble fiber intake!
Three-Bean Chili with Chunky Tomatoes
Prep time: 10 minutes, Cook time: 20 minutes, Yield: 4 servings
Ingredients
• 2 Tbsp canola oil
• 1 C onion, coarsely chopped
• ½ C celery, rinsed and chopped
• 1 C green bell pepper, rinsed and diced
• 1 can (15½ oz) low-sodium black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (15½ oz) low-sodium red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (15½ oz) low-sodium pinto beans, drained and rinsed
• 2 cans (14½ oz each) no-saltadded diced tomatoes with basil, garlic, and oregano
• 1 Tbsp ground cumin
• 1 Tbsp chili powder
Directions 1. In an 8-quart soup or pasta pot, heat the oil over medium heat until hot but not smoking. Add onion. Cook and stir until
onion starts to soften, about 5 minutes.
2. Add celery and green pepper. Cook and stir another 5 minutes, until all vegetables soften.
3. Add drained and rinsed beans to pot.
4. Stir in tomatoes, cumin, and chili powder.
5. Bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 10–20 minutes to blend flavors.
6. Serve immediately.
Calories 443
Total fat 8 g
Saturated fat 0 g Cholesterol 0 mg
Sodium 331 mg
Total dietary fiber 16 g
fiber 6 g
22 g Carbohydrates 73 g
Potassium 1,411 mg
Serving Size – 2 cups chili
https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/Your_Guide_to_ Lowering_Your_Cholesterol_with_TLC.pdf
https://healthyeating.nhlbi.nih.gov/recipedetail.aspx?cId=0&rId=42
CRASH COURSE
More Americans have died on US roads since 2009 than in World Wars I & II combined
hen it comes to crashes, children are much safer than they used to be. The rate of motor vehicle crash deaths per million children younger than 13 is less than a quarter of what it was in 1975. The rate at which children die as passenger vehicle occupants has decreased 56 percent, while the rate at which they are killed as pedestrians and bicyclists is less than one-tenth of 1975 rates
cent reduction from 1975.
Proper restraint use can help reduce deaths even more. Although the majority of children ride restrained, 212 children killed in crashes in 2020 were unrestrained, and others were improperly restrained.
LET’S KEEP KIDS SAFE TOO
Proper restraint use can reduce crash deaths and injuries even more. Appropriate child safety seats provide significantly more protection in a crash than seat belts alone.
Choose the right restraint for your child’s age and size, and always seat kids in the rear.
All infants and toddlers should ride in the back seat in rear-facing seats until they reach the height or weight limit of their child restraints, which may not be until age 2 or older.
Once they outgrow rear-facing restraints, children should ride in a harness-equipped forward-facing child restraint until they reach the height or weight limit of the child restraint. Top tethers should be used whenever a child restraint is installed forward-facing. When children outgrow child restraints, they should use belt-positioning booster seats until adult seat belts fit properly.
By the numbers
Motor vehicle crashes remain a leading cause of death for children. A total of 845 children younger than 13 died in motor vehicle crashes in 2020; nearly three-quarters of these deaths were children riding in passenger vehicles.
The number of child passenger deaths has declined by more than half since 1975. The rate of child passenger deaths per million children also has fallen dramatically to 11.8 deaths per million children in 2020, a 61 per-
Transporting children safely
Children are safest when they ride in the back seat in the right restraint for their age and size, until they are big enough for adult seat belts to fit properly. That means starting out in a rear-facing restraint before moving up to a forward-facing restraint and then a booster seat.
Restraining children in rear seats instead of front seats reduces fatal injury risk by about three-quarters for children up to age 3, and almost half for children ages 4 to 8 (Durbin et al., 2015). In the front seat, children, particularly infants in rear-facing child restraints, may be at risk of injury or death from an inflating front airbag.
Any restraint is better than none at all, but an appropriate child safety seat provides the best protection in a crash until children are large enough for adult seat belts to fit properly, usually when a child is about 4 feet 9 inches tall and 80 pounds.
Appropriate child safety seats provide significantly more protection in a crash than seat belts alone. Harness-based child restraints reduce fatal injuries by 58-71 percent for infants (younger than 1) and by 54-59 percent for 1-4 year olds compared with no restraint (NHTSA, 2009). In comparison, adult seat belts reduce the risk of death in a crash among 1-4 year-olds by 36 percent.
Source: The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (iihs.org) +
EVERYONE HAS A STORY
PET scan Q&A
by Dolores Eckles Evans, GA
In March 2024, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I never smoked, but I was exposed to second-hand smoke for years.
The subject of this article is one of many procedures I have endured and researched over the past eleven months.
According to the National Library of Medicine website recommended by the medical tech when I asked for information on this topic (medlineplus.gov) a PET (positron emission tomography) is a type of imaging test. “It uses a radioactive substance called a tracer to look for disease (like cancer) in the body.”
Because I am an insulin-dependent diabetic, and the tracer is similar to glucose, my blood sugar was tested. Had the reading been high, I would not have been able to have the scan. Fortunately, my reading was 112, normal.
The IV inserted into a vein on my forearm took the tracer about 45 minutes to reach the organs and tissues in my body. The tracer helps the radiologist see areas more clearly. Cancer cells have a higher metabolic rate and show up as large, dark-colored spots.
The scan is not painful, but you must remain still and can breathe normally while inside the large tunnel-shaped scanner. It is best to drink plenty of fluids after the test to flush the radioactive tracer out of your system
I have selected some of the instructions from the website listed and from a list of instructions provided by the doctor’s office.
• Wear no metal during the test
• Follow your doctor’s advice if you are a diabetic on insulin. My physician reduced my long-acting insulin and said not to take the short acting insulin before the test
• Bring a list of the medications and supplements you are taking
• Wear warm clothing or a hospital gown. The temperate in the room is cool. You can ask for a blanket and a support under your knees
• Drink water for hydration prior to the scan. I have found it is easier for the tech to find a suitable vein on the first attempt. My veins “roll” and sometimes do not cooperate
• Avoid wearing make-up, deodorant, lotion or creams which may affect the results of the scan
• Ask your doctor questions you may have regarding food or drink prior to the day of the scan
Many persons are praying for my recovery, and I am grateful. Life goes on, day by day.
The blog spot
— posted by Shanice Spence-Miller, MD on Feb. 10, 2025
YOUR SPARK THIS YEAR
The start of a new year is a time for reflection, renewal, and resolve. For physicians, it often comes with an unspoken question: Do you still remember the spark that first lit your path into medicine? In the endless churn of shifts, charting, and late-night calls, that spark can dim. The burnout we push to the margins of our consciousness slowly edges its way into the center of our being. And yet, the heart of medicine — the reason we chose this calling — remains within reach.
TALKING TO A PATIENT, I REMEMBERED
Medicine is not just a career; it is an intimate contract with humanity. It is found in moments small and sacred: the squeeze of a hand as reassurance, the careful explanation of a diagnosis that changes everything, the quiet hope you offer when science can no longer cure. But in the noise of deadlines and metrics, these moments are often drowned out. We forget to look for them. We forget to hold them.
This year, let us resolve to rediscover them.
Rediscovery is not a single grand gesture. It is a practice, a discipline of seeing the world and our patients with renewed clarity. It might begin with a journal kept in your pocket, ready to catch fleeting moments that remind you of the privilege of being trusted with another’s life. It might involve finding a mentor to guide you back to the values that led you here, or taking five minutes between patients to breathe, to reset, to remind yourself of the meaning in your work.
For me, rediscovery began during a particularly grueling rotation. The weight of sleepless nights, critical decisions, and endless notes felt unbearable. But then, during a quiet conversation with a patient — a woman with metastatic cancer who wanted nothing more than to speak about her grandchildren — I remembered. I remembered that while medicine is filled with knowledge and skill, its true essence is connection. That moment, simple and unassuming, reignited something within me. I saw my purpose again: to bear witness, to care, and to heal where I can.
Burnout tells us that we must endure. But rediscovery reminds us that we can rejoice. Rejoice in the patient whose test results bring relief. Rejoice in the colleague who helps you laugh after a long shift. Rejoice in the moments of quiet when you sit with your coffee and reflect on the privilege of this life, however hard it may feel.
Let this be your New Year’s resolution: to notice; to feel; to rediscover. Not every day will feel purposeful, and that is OK. Purpose does not demand perfection; it asks only that we pause long enough to see it, even in the midst of chaos. Medicine is hard, yes, but it is also beautiful — so long as we allow ourselves the space to find its beauty.
This year, let us resolve to hold onto that spark, to protect it fiercely, and to let it guide us forward.
Shanice Spence-Miller is an internal medicine resident.
You look tired this morning.
I didn’t sleep well. Police were pounding on my door in the middle of the night.
ACROSS
1. Type of apple
6. Lincoln’s bucks?
10. Mountain range
14. Prince of India
15. Unlock
16. Hawaiian goose
17. Large wading bird
18. Breathe hard
19. Pre-Masters Week org.
20. Messenger
22. Large black beetle
23. Slippery fish
24. A small amount of somthing
26. Bird symbol in heraldry
28. Seasickness (French)
33. _____ scan
34. Willow genus
35. Artists’ ______
37. Lowest pulse location
41. Tinged with a slight trace (abbrev.)
42. Might
43. Wear away 44. Tidal bore
45. Where the Wild Things ___ 46. Indian tent
47. A canon has two
Grating, harsh 51. Exercise regimen 55. _____ air 56. Lyric poems
57. SEC rival
59. Produces (in farming)
64. Wife of a 14-A
65. Former MCG head
67. Bay window
68. Lean 69. Hint
70. Pale green mossy lichen
71. Tune
72. Blood prefix
73. Sordid and disreputable
by Dan Pearson
I don’t even believe it was really them. They yelled, “Open up! It’s the police!” I yelled back, “Prove it!”
THE MYSTERY WORD
DOWN
1. Rivalry lead-in
2. Challenge 3. Partly open 4. ________ from heaven (var. spelling)
5. Portable canvas refuge
6. Dandy 7. Apple product 8. Snake poison 9. Catch
10. Poorly or self-educated 11. Drive back
12. One could be acute or right 13. Smallest 21. Block up 25. Skin root 27. Monotonous; unvarying 28. Small particle 29. Huge continent
Lisa on CNN 31. Becoming less 32. Lion sounds 36. Artist Andrew
How would they do that?
I yelled back, “Sing Roxanne!” What? Why?
The Mystery Word for this issue:
CAENVCTIA
Simply unscramble the letters, then begin exploring our ads When you find the correctly spelled word HIDDEN in one of our ads — enter at AugustaRx.com
We’ll announce the winner in our next issue!
38. Very good (in slang) 39. Capital of Yemen
40. Historical English court
48. Rescue partner
50. Mr. Rogers
51. Harbor towns
52. Northwest state
53. Russian revolutionary leader
54. One can be tipped 58. Pal 60. Scottish Gaelic 61. Type of dancing 62. Feat 63. Kill 66. Natal beginning
DIRECTIONS: Every line, vertical and horizontal, and all nine 9-square boxes must each contain the numbers 1 though 9. Solution on page 14.
DIRECTIONS: Recreate a timeless nugget of wisdom by using the letters in each vertical column to fill the boxes above them. Once any letter is used, cross it out in the lower half of the puzzle. Letters may be used only once. Black squares indicate spaces between words, and words may extend onto a second line. Solution on page 14.
Use the letters provided at bottom to create words to solve the puzzle above. All the listed letters following #1 are the first letters of the various words; the letters following #2 are the second letters of each word, and so on. Try solving words with letter clues or numbers with minimal choices listed. A sample is shown. Solution on page 14.
THEBESTMEDICINE
ha... ha...
Aguy’s phone rang and the screen said Unknown. When he answered he heard a voice he didn’t recognize say, “I’m a hacker and I know all your passwords.”
“You are a godsend!” said the man. “Let me grab a pen and paper!”
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a five?
Soldier: Sure buddy, no problem.
Officer: That is no way to address an officer! Let’s try that one more time, soldier. Do. You. Have. Change. For. A. Five?
Soldier: No, SIR!
Waiter: Box for your leftovers, sir?
Diner: Can we arm wrestle for them instead?
Moe: If womb is pronounced “woom” and tomb is pronounced “toom,” then how should bomb be pronounced?
Joe: BOOM!
Moe: What is the definition of irony?
Joe: Using words to convey the exact opposite meaning for emphasis or humorous effect.
Moe: Can you give me an example?
Joe: Sure. Hyphenated and non-hyphenated.
Moe: How is that sick dog of yours?
Joe: Much better.
Moe: Does he still have a high fever?
Joe: No, the vet told me to put mustard on him, and that did the trick.
Moe: Mustard? Why?
Joe: Not sure, just that he said it’s the best thing you can put on a hot dog.
Moe: I have a friend who is... they used to call them midgets...
Joe: Moe, that is offensive. The preferred term these days is little people or dwarf.
Moe: Okay, so I have this friend who is a dwarf, and she has been working in a corporate job for more than five years. She gets excellent annual reviews, but never once a raise or a promotion. Not one.
Joe: Sounds like she’s being overlooked.
Moe: This yo-yo weather is crazy.
Joe: Tell me about it! Two days ago it was 80, and then this morning there’s ice on the roads.
Moe: It was so cold this morning I saw a punk kid pull his pants up.
Moe: So...no more pennies.
Joe: That’s what I hear.
Moe: The Treasury Department has been instructed to dump all remaining pennies into the Potomac.
Joe: What will that accomplish?
Moe: Increase cash flow.
Staring at my phone all day has certainly had no Effect on ME!
By popular demand we’re making at-cost subscriptions available for the convenience of our readers. If you live beyond the Aiken-Augusta area, or miss issues between doctor’s appointments — don’t you hate it when that happens? — we’ll command your mail carrier to bring every issue to your house!
NAME
Choose six months for $24 or one year for $42 . Mail this completed form with payment to Augusta Medical Examiner, PO Box 397, Augusta GA 30903- 0397
Dear Too,
The Advice Doctor
You are certainly not the only person who grapples with this issue. We live in a fast-paced world, and many people eat on the run, in a rush, while driving, at their desk, etc. Anyone trying to eat in a hurry is at risk of biting off more than they can chew in the interests of speed. Another related problem in rush-rush eating is not chewing food adequately.
Why are these matters of concern?
The process of digestion is how our bodies access the nutrients in the food we eat. Shortchanging that process is like stealing from our own body and shortchanging our own health.
It’s easy to forget that digestion is not something that starts after we swallow. There are chemicals and enzymes in our saliva that start the process of digesting food as we’re chewing it. What you describe is one of two ways people interrupt this important step in digestion. First, what you do: take bites that are too big. It’s almost impossible to properly chew a huge bite of food, which leads to the second issue: chewing too fast and too briefly. For many people, this is how they eat all the time, big bites or small.
There are all kinds of ridiculous strategies offered as solutions, like counting how many times you chew each bite of food. Can you imagine? You can’t even have a conversation with friends or family because you’re counting your chews!
A better answer is to focus on the enjoyment of eating. Slow down. Savor the flavor. Set your fork or your sandwich down after every bite. Take your time. Don’t talk on the phone or do work while eating that divides your attention. Your job for those few minutes is eating, and doing so mindfully (not mindlessly). Bon appetit!
Dear Advice Doctor, I’ve always had a hard time saying no. It’s a skill I need to learn, but so far, it’s still mission impossible. Take a neighbor to a doctor appointment and wait with them for two hours when I’m already slammed? Sure. Provide snacks for the kids’ entire class? No problem. Do a co-worker’s job for them and then watch them take credit for it? Just ask. I know what I need to do. But I knew that five years ago and here I am still biting off more than I can chew almost every day. What’s the secret to making this change? — Too Agreeable +
I hope this answers your question.
Do you have a question for The Advice Doctor about life, love, personal relationships, career, raising children, or any other important topic? Send it to News@AugustaRx.com. Replies will be provided only in the Examiner.
4 2 6 3 1
THE MYSTERY SOLVED
The Celebrated MYSTERY WORD CONTEST
...wherein we hide (with fiendish cleverness) a simple word. All you have to do is unscramble the word (found on page 12), then find it concealed within one of our ads. Click in to the contest link at www.AugustaRx.com and enter. If we pick you in our random drawing of correct entries, you’ll score our goodie package!
SEVEN SIMPLE RULES: 1. Unscramble and find the designated word hidden within one of the ads in this issue. 2. Visit the Reader Contests page at www.AugustaRx.com. 3. Tell us what you found and where you found it. 4. If you’re right and you’re the one we pick at random, you win. (Winners within the past six months are ineligible.) 5. Prizes awarded to winners may vary from issue to issue. Limited sizes are available for shirt prize. 6. A photo ID may be required to claim some prizes. 7. Other entrants may win a lesser prize at the sole discretion of the publisher. 8. Deadline to enter is shown on page 12.
QUOTATION PUZZLE SOLUTION Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen. — Author unknown
WORDS BY NUMBER
The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never fell — Author unknown
PROFESSIONAL DIRECTORY
ACUPUNCTURE
Dr. Eric Sherrell, DACM, LAC Augusta Acupuncture Clinic 4141 Columbia Road 706-888-0707 www.AcuClinicGA.com
L. Carter, MD 1303 D’Antignac St, Suite 2100 Augusta 30901 706-396-0600 www.augustadevelopmentalspecialists.com
116 Davis Road Augusta 30907
706-860-4048 Floss ‘em or lose ‘em!
LOUELLA from page 6 the player can actually have a mathematical advantage. Casinos don’t go for that.
But I was done and would devote full time to my medical practice.
What was to become of Louella? I refused to leave her stranded. She was loyal. She had made me money. She refused to count with those she did not trust. Finally, I hit upon a suitable strategy and logistics for her.
Her wealthy father had memberships in two Atlanta Country Clubs. Louella lay out by country club pools in her pearl white bikini that contrasted seductively with her golden tan and black hair. She sipped club soda and rejected all advances until someone asked her to play cards. Then her face would light up. “My Daddy taught me to deal blackjack for money, nothing big though. I don’t have a lot of money to risk. $25 a hand.”
No hound dogs on the hunt would admit $25 a hand was too rich for his blood. They figured acting flush with cash would score panty points with Louella. They had no idea how wrong they were. A hound dog’s ego could not believe how lucky he was just to be seen in public in Louella’s company.
Louella dealt the first hand where he had an even chance of winning. The second hand was iffy. If the count was negative after two hands, Louella had the advantage, so she dealt a third. And a fourth. And a fifth if the count remained negative. When the count turned positive, the player had the advantage. Louella shuffled nonchalantly and with intended clumsiness while talking in her flirty voice and flashing her friendly, but semi-innocent smile. She was devastatingly good. Her body language could entice men to run naked across an eight-lane freeway at midnight blindfold-
ed to get to her.
After she won half the money she estimated he could afford to lose (you never take it all; you lose the player.), she suddenly remembered a prior appointment, apologized for the interruption and for taking his money, but gave him her number.
When he called - and he would call - she went anywhere he wanted to go, so long as it was a group gathering. She hung on his arm like an expensive mistress, smiled and cooed just enough to make him proud and everyone else jealous. She told everyone how good he was to her and how fortunate she felt when he asked her out. She made sure he was in earshot. She was a master at ego stroking.
Back at her place, she dismissed him at the door with a peck on the cheek and a heartfelt, “Thank for you for a wonderful evening. We must do this again sometime.”
Then she refused every invitation he offered … until he asked her play cards by the pool again. After that card game, she would go out again. The cycle repeated itself endlessly. She frequently had more than one on her program. No one was allowed in her apartment. Her panties never came off.
Her safe deposit box gradually filled with Ben Franklins.
When I was in town and she was not “working,” we went out. Our relationship was not carnal. It was business, even though we had slept in the same bed many times to maintain our image in the casinos. (Yes, back then casino managers wanted to know who slept where. If a man was alone, they would put a girl on him. Information is power.)
On our last outing, Louella said she was engaged to be married and moving to Texas with her business executive
husband-to-be. She handed me an engraved wedding invitation. I earnestly wished her well. We thanked each other for the wonderful ride.
We marveled at our record of 27 consecutive trips to Vegas without a loser. Sometime we only broke even, but no losers. We have more memories than most.
At the wedding, I met the lucky husband and gave them a sterling silver serving tray. Engraved on the bottom was our secret prayer: May Aces and Faces Forever Fall Upon You.
I doubt he ever noticed it. Men don’t routinely inspect the bottom of serving trays. And I doubt he ever knew about the Benjamins in Louella’s safe deposit box.
You don’t have to tell everything you know. A girl always needs some mad money tucked away for a rainy day.
From time to time, I see the History Channel program about the MIT blackjack counting team. Louella and our counting days flow gently through my mind. We were miles ahead of them. We lasted seven years before getting barred everywhere. They lasted about two. And none of the MIT girls look as beautiful as Louella. Nor did they make the money she made.
Occasionally, I train people to play in blackjack home games where rules allow you to win. It takes an hour a day for six month with an expert teacher to master the game.
You must give up gambling and playing hunches. If you like action, you will never be successful in blackjack. Gamblers lose big time at blackjack in the long run. That is how they build casinos.
Always go for consistency and cash, never bash and flash. And remember: It ain’t what you got that counts; it’s what you do with what you got that counts.
To quote Kenny Rodgers, You gotta know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em.
And you never, ever gamble or play the other man’s game. And you certainly don’t play blackjack by the pool with Louella.
You will lose your britches and never get in hers.
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