NAKED 2020 ABOUT US THE NAKED CREW
BRIANNA GUILLORY
Adidas Adicolor Hi P 2 W “Fafi”
Editor in Chief
Letter from the Editor
Special Thanks to: The Las Positas College Foundation The Gill Family Deanna Horvath Rifka Several Kiara Jones Alena Fontanilla Ire Akinsola 2
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Dear reader, Welcome to the 14th edition of Naked Magazine. It is amazing how things can evolve in such a short amount of time. When the Naked staff and I first started conceptualizing this issue, we weren’t sure exactly which direction to go or what tone we wanted to convey. We wanted to send out something fun and entertaining, but we also wanted to be informative and thought provoking. I think the end result of this year’s issue meshes those things perfectly. Although we had a much smaller team this year and a much tighter deadline, the quality of Naked remains the same. Please enjoy heart-wrenching stories, fashion-forward photos and an overall fully-immersive design to take you out of your world, even if just for a second. Thank you for reading. We hope you enjoy. Sincerely,
Brianna Guillory, Editor in Chief of Naked Magazine
Mission
DEVIN BRADSHAW
NATHAN CANILAO
Air Diamond Turf 49ers (2017)
Air Jordan 11 Retro+ “Defining Moments”
Managing Editor
Deputy Editor in Chief
Naked is a student publication of Las Positas College. The purpose of Naked is to expose the diversity of Las Positas College students by digging deeper into their lives and stripping away the layers. The students who staff Naked run an editorially independent board. The magazine and its contents express the views of individual writers and artists and are not to be considered the views of the publication’s staff, editorial board, advisers, the associated students, the college administration or the board of trustees.
Advertising Naked solicits paid advertisements to help cover costs. Ads reflect the views of the advertisers only. For advertising rates and information, please contact the editor.
THIHA NAING
TANVEER GILL
Adidas Crazy BYW LVL 1
The Punjabi Jutti
Photo Editor
Staff Writer
IAN JONES
JENNIFER SNOOK
Skechers Black Mesago Alley Cats
Foot from “Venus, Cupid, Folly, and Time” by Agnolo Bronzino (1545)
Staff Writer
Design Mentor
MELISSA KORBER
MARCUS THOMPSON
Adidas Samba Classic - Black
Air Foamposite One XX ‘Royal’
Naked Adviser
Naked Adviser
© NAKED
Magazine
Reproduction in any form is strictly prohibited. Naked is a First Amendment publication of the students of Las Positas College. It is published once per year. Students retain copyright ownership of the content they create, including words, photographs, graphics, illustrations cartoons and other work. Naked retains copyright ownership to advertisements it creates. Naked retains the right to use all material in all forms in perpetuity.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
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WHAT IS YOUR HYPE SONG?
DIGITAL STAIRS
TRADITIONAL PUNJABI SUIT
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PAGE 6
PAGE 10
NBA FASHION
HOW HIP-HOP SAVED ADIDAS
BEAUTY AND THE BALL
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PAGE 20
PAGE 26
DISNEY’S [LACK OF] PRIDE
TOP 10 DISNEY MOVIES
HOW DO YOU EVEN ANIME?
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PAGE 32
PAGE 36
A GLASS FULL OF WATER FOR MY BROTHER PAGE 38
LIVING TOGETHER SEPARATELY PAGE 44
BEFORE YOU GO
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What is YOUR hype song?
Have a song that gets you pumped for the day? A tune that preps you for an intense workout routine? A melody that sets you in the study zone? Whatever jam gets you pumped helps you march to the beat of your own drum. To add to your playlist, here are the picks of the staff of Naked for the ultimate hype songs.
1. “Feel Good Inc.” by The Gorillaz 2.”Sohne Lagda” by Sidhu Moosewala 3. “Confident” by Demi Lovato
4. “Ambitionz as a Ridah” by Tupac Shakur
5. “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence + the Machine 6. “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
7. “Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City” by Kendrick Lamar 8. “Going Bad” by Drake
9. “O Fortuna - Carmina Burana” by Carl Orff 10. “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen
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Stripped Bare
A little slice of what it is like to deal with ableism in one of society’s least tame public platforms
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his was a guy who, by his own admission, didn’t give a shit. I should have known better. I know. I should’ve shut the computer down and let it go. It was completely useless. I spoke up anyway. When the adrenaline hit, my mindset became “there will be metaphorical blood,” and I hit Send before my prefrontal cortex had a chance to really review the situation at hand. (Remember Anger, the red guy from “Inside Out”?) Internet arguments never go anywhere. They just piss people off. Nobody actually wins. Ever. It doesn’t matter if facts are on your side or not. They’re simply a fool’s errand. But sometimes, like a siren’s call, you’re drawn in. Sometimes we can’t help ourselves. Humans like a good argument. Philosopher John Stuart Mill once said, “So long as an opinion is strongly rooted in the feelings, it gains rather than loses in stability by having a preponderating …. ” Zzzzzz … Huh? What? I’d better give you the short version. He said, “Don’t. It’s a trap.” And he was just talking about arguments in general. Internet anonymity wouldn’t exist for over a hundred years. The specific online argument I’m going to talk about here, I had with a guy I’ll call “Stanley.” Stanley had, on “Friend A’s” Facebook, referred to someone as a “retard,” a word that, while it once had a legitimate medical meaning, has been abandoned and now carries a heavy negative stigma. In its current use, the word is synonymous with “stupid.” It is considered a slur by many in the disabled community: An attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. So I guess I’ll refer to it as the “r-word” from this point on. I have had the r-word thrown my way a few times, despite my disability being physical. It happened mostly in elementary school. That was a long time ago, but I still encounter it from grown ass men like Stanley, and my reaction is always visceral. It’s unacceptable. Say what you want about me, but if you make blanket statements about the groups I belong to, I’m going to be pissed. Let’s take a brief detour and talk about words with similar histories. “Idiot,” “moron” and “imbecile” are better alternatives, but why? They were abandoned by the medical community when laymen started using the terms as synonyms for “foolish.” It took a lot longer for doctors to abandon the r-word, so there was a lot of overlap, and that’s how it picked up the stigma it carries. Anyway. The r-word is ableist. “Ableism,” a word coined sometime in the 1970s, is the same basic idea behind racism or sexism – discrimination and stereotyping – only it’s the disabled who are the targets. Sometimes it’s an unconscious thing that’s just overlooked – like with architecture. Of course, though, it can be conscious. Disability activists think of combatting ableism as the last civil rights battle. I managed to hold my Irish tongue, and simply replied with a link to a site explaining the word’s offensiveness. I felt that was the most polite response. The author of the article I posted says the r-word “is an exclusive term that furthers negative stereotypes about people with disabilities … it is equivalent to saying
The Original Conversation
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people with disabilities are stupid. In addition, the real message of the sentence is lost because the r-word has a completely different meaning than the words ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb.’ There are many other words to choose from instead of the r-word that will better represent the intended meaning.” Why invoke a group of people who just want to be treated, as, you know, people? Cue Stanley’s witty reply: “Thanks for the social justice lecture no one asked for.” Oh, it’s on now. What is it about our brains that makes us jump into these messes? What neurons are responsible? “Maybe he’s the (r-word), Stanley,” another guy chimed in. I ignored the bait. My sights were set on Stanley. “Friend B” spoke up and apologized that I had to deal with idiots. Stanley replied to that with a middle finger emoji. It was obvious. Stanley was real mature. Sixth grade level, at most, which was surprising given the guy’s silver hair. “OK,” I said, and I still, somehow, felt I could reason with him. Don’t ask why. I just went all in. Let me tell you, I want to ask my prefrontal cortex what that’s about. I’m also interested in his mindset. What neuron fired in his brain that made him attack? Oh, I know! Reasoning! That always works, right? I likened it to using the n-word. Did he go around casually dropping that word? If yes, I knew all I needed to. If not, why pick on the disabled? I imagined one – or maybe even (probably) both! – of these two options must be true. He tried weaseling his way out by saying the n-word is a lot older than “ableism,” which wasn’t even the word in question. He also acted as though I had made up the word “ableist” right then and there. He also protested that he had nothing against the disabled, even claiming his wife was deaf from birth. You know that moment when someone says “I’m not racist, I’ve got a black friend?” Yeah. He was essentially pulling that card on me. I had also forgotten the “backfire effect” – where the other person’s beliefs are actually strengthened by arguing about it. The guy was clearly an ass, and I wasn’t going to change that. But it didn’t excuse the “r-word.” I was dealing with a hypocrite, I was not seeing the futility, and he needed to be shown how he was wrong. As a bonus, he dodged answering the question directly, which only added fuel to my fire. He didn’t confirm or deny using the n-word, so I really wondered about his character. Hence the pseudonym (I don’t want a defamation suit). He didn’t have much to offer in the way of facts. Just a bunch of personal attacks and silly emojis. Then someone I didn’t know spoke up and accused Stanley of lacking empathy. (Did you know lack of empathy is a socioand psychopathic trait? I’m not saying Stanley is either of those, but I found it interesting.) That couldn’t be. Remember, his wife had a disability? So, if he’s so empathetic, why use an insult that traces its roots to a period not long ago, that disparaged the disabled? “If you can’t see how (the word) is totally unrelated to your ‘physical disability,’ I can’t help you,” he said. I wondered what
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he meant by those quote marks. Was he implying my disability wasn’t just physical? How sixth grade can you get? I couldn’t get through to him that an attack on any disabled group is an attack on the entire disabled community. Ugh. I had to back away. You can only get so close to a brick wall before you bang your head against it. And you know what? He kept trying to bait me. I decided not to reply other than to say I couldn’t engage with a person whose best comeback was a middle finger emoji. I blocked him. Sleep that night was almost impossible. I resolved to move on. And that resolve lasted. For about a day. What can I say? I have a weak will. In the morning, I got a notification that someone had replied to the conversation. I decided that to keep context that I should unblock Stanley, to see his replies. My stomach churned as I hit the “Unblock” button. Ugh. It turned out the new reply was in my defense. As per the internet “rules,” Godwin’s law had kicked in. The “law” states that at some point in an internet argument, either Hitler, the Nazis or the Third Reich will be brought up. They insinuated that ol’ Stanley was a Nazi, which of course he denied. “You don’t know me or the struggles I’ve had in life,” Then, tellingly, he left with a sarcastic tone. “I can’t do this right now. I have work to do, but I’ll be back to talk about your ‘feelings,’ since that’s what’s really important in this world.” If you see a comment like that, it’s a white flag. “All I know about you is what I’ve read in this thread,” my new comrade replied. “When someone objected to a term they said was offensive, you lashed out.” Body blow! Stanley goes down. I kept waiting for him to get back up. Weeks have gone by, and Stanley’s been almost totally silent. I’ve been on the internet long enough to know that he’d probably, in all likelihood, been bested. Either that, or he continued to cling to his belief and decided to not go on with the discussion. Or, third option, Friend A had silently stepped in behind the scenes and told Stanley to knock it off. Do I wish I’d added more to the conversation, or do I wish I could’ve gotten the last word? Honestly, yes and no to both questions. It was sort of fun, but also incredibly aggravating in the same way that slamming your finger in a car door is aggravating. By some accounts English has over a million words. I’m sure your brain can find a less offensive term than the r-word. Lunkhead. Blockhead. Nitwit. Troglodyte. If you absolutely must get vulgar, even “shit for brains” or “fuckwit” are better alternatives. Hell, Shakespeare’s plays are chock full of insults so eloquent that most people won’t even know they’re being insulted. They’ll just think you know your Bard – and if they smell intelligence, they’re more likely to run off. There are plenty of awesome alternatives when it comes to insults. Get creative. I don’t think there’s a need to go nuclear and alienate an entire group when you’re aiming at one person. NAKED
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Dressed to Impress, Sew to Show
Traditional Punjabi Suit By Tanveer Gill
Punjabi suits are a very important part of our cultural. We wear them to the temples, parties and anything in between.. There are so many different types of suit. Every occasion has a different style of Punjabi suit. I will be showing you how to make a simple Punjabi suit you can wear to a house party or even the Gurdawara. This suit is a very casual style. want you suit to be. I Step 1: Pick out the fabric you ecially with prints on it, just usually prefer cotton fabric, esp to it. because it gives it a little touch If you want a thicker, fluffier Step 2 : Measure out the fabric. n get about seven yards of salwar, which is the bottom the I always get seven yards. Anfabric. I love fluffier salwars, so uld want your kameez to be, other thing is how ling you wo ht above my knees. which is the top. I like mine rig
Step 3: Now the fun part starts. Lay the fabric out, and start to cut it. You basically need two parts of the fabric. The first part is for the top, and the second is for the bottom. You have very specific measurements for this step.
For the kameez (shirt) yo
u would need to measu
re
The length for how long you want it to be. If you want it to be longsleeved, then you need to measure your arms. Chest sure Hip For the salwar (bottom) you would need to mea Shoulder Waist Wrist 10
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The length of your hip to legs Waist Ankles
Step 4: Get your sewing machine, and start sewing the outer area of the suit. Step 5: Leave the neck area open , and leave the bottom and the sides of the bottom unsewen as well.
Step 6: We are going to start on the salwar now. Make about 15 to 20 folds, just grabbing it and scrunching it up. Pin those down, and get the sewing machine and sew right over it so it can be held down. Step 7: For the bottom of the salwar, take an inch the fabric and start folding it up. Do about two folds then iron it down. Then do another two folds and iron it down, and then three more folds and iron it down.
Step 8: Start making stitches around the bottom of the salwar as whole. So start at one place and ends at the same spot.
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would be a Step 9: For the chunni, the best fabric for that ly. Get about chiffon fabric because its nice light and flow three yards of it and cut. would need Step 10: For the boarders of the chunni, you example, if to get something that goes with the suit. For blue, then a the suit is blue and gold and your chunni is good color for the border would be gold.
Step 11: Sew the b order onto all four sid the suit a es, and yo ll the way u’re done around .
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it and make sure it
su Step 12: Try on the
everything, so Step 13: Go resew
fits.
it’s very steady and
won’t rip. elry, and enjoy the
ing jew Step 14: Get match
night !!
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NBA FASHION WORDS BY NATHAN CANILAO PHOTOS BY THIHA NAING & NATHAN CANILAO MODELS ALENA FONTANILLA & IRE AKINSOLA
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he landscape of NBA fashion has changed so much over the years from Walt Frazier’s pimp suits to Allen Iverson’s chains and baggy sweat suits to Russell Westbrook looking like a confused construction worker. Regardless of public opinion, looking good has always been a part of the NBA culture, whether on the street or coming into a game. Most players care about how they look with some going as far as trying to make a fashion statement. With that in mind, here are some of the best and most iconic outfits the NBA has shown us in recent memory with a LPC twist.
Inspiration: Kenneth Faried
Former Houston Rocket
Inspiration: Kyle Kuzma
Los Angeles Lakers
Inspiration: Jimmy Butler Miami Heat
Inspiration: Javale McGee
Los Angeles Lakers
Inspiration: Serge Ibaka
Toronto Raptors
Inspiration: LeBron James
Los Angeles Lakers
how hip-hop saved adidas
HOLD UP, I AIN’T TRYING TO STUNT, MANBUT THESE YEEZYS JUMPED OVER THE JUMPMAN WENT FROM MOST HATED TO THE CHAMPION GOD FLOW I GUESS THAT’S A FEELING ONLY ME AND LEBRON KNOW I’M LIVING THREE DREAMS, BIGGIE SMALLS’, By Nathan Canilao
J
ason’s last name is unknown. But he is a self-proclaimed investor and devout Denver Broncos fan. And he was one of the lucky ones. Really, it wasn’t luck though. He was online at 4 a.m., waiting diligently, depriving himself of sleep. He earned this purchase of the coveted Nikes, and his son was going to be the beneficiary of his sacrifice. These weren’t just any shoes, either. They were the Travis Scott designed and endorsed Air Force 1s. The shoes that prompted millions to get up so early. The shoes that were so popular, the customers who won the online race that Nov. 16, 2019 morning didn’t necessarily get to buy them. They were instead entered into a raffle for the chance to buy them. That’s how exclusive the Cactus Jack Forces were. And Jason, unlike countless others who took to social media to post their rejection notice from Nike, actually got to buy a pair for his son. When he finished the purchase, it likely warmed his heart envisioning his son’s excited face when he opened the box and saw those coveted shoes. But fulfillment had fully morphed into desperation 12 hours later. Something happened with his purchase. It was traumatic enough for him to take to Twitter and beg from his @JayKris10 account. Right when Jason thought he had the precious pair of
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exclusive Air Force One’s in his cart, an alarming message popped up on his dashboard. All of his excitement, exhilaration and thrill went out the window when Jason got the notorious message from Nike.com: “We’ve encountered an error. Please try again later.” Jason was devastated. His son was going to be the freshest kid on the block while Jason would have bragging rights as the coolest dad. But that didn’t happen. The Nike giants only sold a limited amount of units, and the resale price on any Travis Scott sneaker is usually three times that of the retail price. “@Nike #travisscottairforce1 #CactusJack From #Canada sat online waiting for drop at 4 am. Purchased size 10 Cactus Jacks and then told the order didn’t go through. Please anyone in this world that can help a single dad out get Xmas gift for son. A decent price please.” Well, @Jaykris10 is in luck — to a degree. He didn’t avoid the markup common on the resell market. But Travis Scott came through on his promise to make his sneakers more available and affordable to the general public. On StockX and Goat, the two most popular resell sites, value of a Travis Jack and Nike collaboration is $565. That may seem like a lot but compared to other sneakers he’s sold in
the past. But the Travis Scott “AF100” Air Force 1 is reselling for an estimated $1,450. So the Cactus Jacks Forces are a complete bargain. Jason’s plight is common. Not the error on the purchasing, but the widespread clamoring for limited edition sneakers. Once a niche culture, the market for exclusive and unique shoes has hit the mainstream. The secret sauce, turning this from a weird and expensive hobby of sneakerheads to a popular pastime is the inclusion of celebrities into the mix. The history of sneakers’ popularity dates back to Michael Jordan in the ‘80s. He revolutionized, actually created, the sneaker culture. His pairing with Nike during the height of his career made his shoes coveted and, suddenly, athletic sneakers were all the rage. The model continued forward from Jordan. Shoe companies threw bags of money at popular athletes to get them to endorse shoes, and fans would eat them up like pancakes. In April 2003, the industry changed forever. Jay-Z, at the time the biggest rapper in the industry, signed an endorsement deal with Reebok. The first release of the “S. Carter” sneaker line came in April 2003. The 10,000 pairs sold out in hours. In November, Reebok signed the new most popular rapper, 50 Cent, and he came out with a line of “G. Unit” sneakers. Reebok saw an double-digit percentage uptick in sales. In 2009, Nike turned to Kanye West. The super producer-turned-rapper had recently released 808s & Heartbreak — the fourth of his seven consecutive platinum albums — and was one of the industry’s biggest names. The Air Yeezy sneakers had three releases in 2009 — one colorway in April, one in May and one in June — and all sold out immediately at $215 retail. In June 2012, the Air Yeezy IIs were released. Only 5,000 of each colorway were released, at $245 and all sold out. It was the first to sneaker to create a crazy resale market. They were going as high as $4,000 after retail. One of the colorways, the Red Octobers, re-released in June 2014 and sold out within seconds. Some sold on eBay for more than $80,000. Oddly enough, they came out after Kanye left Nike following a dispute over royalties. In December 2013, adidas signed Kanye West to a sneaker deal in which he would receive 15 percent in royalties for anything sold under the Yeezy brand. Adidas released the Yeezy 750 “Light Brown” on February 14, 2015 marking the first collaboration between West and adidas. They retailed at $350, which was exorbitant at the time, but still the limited edition sneak-
ers — only 9,000 were made available on the first launch — sold out on the adidas app in 10 minutes, according to Sneaker News. Since then, they have become a coveted classic. Four months later, the Kanye-adidas collaboration produced another instant classic. The Yeezy Boost 350 June 27, 2015. They retailed for $200, and you could only get them in New York, Los Angeles or Chicago. Vice reported people
camped out for more than three days for the black Yeezy 350 Boost “non-reflective.” A trend was born. Previously, sold out shoes just meant getting a different show. But the clout of the attached hiphop artist made them must-haves. It worked so well, adidas turned to another mogul from the culture: Pharrell Williams. The super producer, songwriter and performer with a grocery list of hits — including “Drop It Like It’s Hot” with Snoop, “Happy” from the Despicable Me 2 soundtrack and Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” — designed a pair of adidas’ most popular lifestyle shoe. The “Human Nature” edition of the NMD line debuted July 22, 2016, for $240. They were only available in 21 stores across the U.S., and 28 internationally, and all the stores had to hold raffles to handle the demand as each store was only given a certain number of shoes. These collaborations with hip-hop changed the profile of THE entire company. According to data released by the retail research firm NPD Group,
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every year from 2011 to 2015, adidas share of the sneaker market declined. But after linking with Kanye, things turned around. From May 2016 to May 2017, the company nearly doubled its share of the market, from 6.3 percent to 11.3 percent. In April of 2017, adidas accounted for 13 percent of the market, the highest in the company’s history. It was the first time it had gained on Nike in years. This wasn’t the first time the shoe company turned to rap stars. Kanye resurrected an old relationship between adidas and hip-hop. In 1985, the popular duo Run DMC made a song called “My Adidas” highlighting the shell-toes that were a staple of their wardrobe. The song blew up and went mainstream, taking the urban classic shoes with it. Eventually, adidas signed Run DMC to an endorsement deal. “I think that what Run DMC showed — in guerrilla fashion, it wasn’t something orchestrated by adidas — but what Run DMC showed was that street culture dictated fashion norms and trends,” said Dr. Ameer Hassan Loggins, a professor of African-American Studies and Sociology at Stanford and UC Berkeley, who also was half of the early 2000s popular Bay Area hyphy rap group Frontline. “By doing so, adidas was wise enough to capitalize on it. … Hip-hop artists, particularly, are important or key figures in sneaker culture because everybody sees Blackness as de facto coolness in the West. Not just in the United States. But the coolest motherfucka in Canada is Drake. The coolest person in most states usually comes from the African diaspora as far as forward-thinking fashion, music, arts.” Other hip-hop artists, and shoe companies, followed suit. Nike responded to losing Kanye by giving Canadian rapper Drake his own line of sneakers with Jordan Brand. In January 2015, Drake released his first official sneaker with the “OVO” Jordan 10s. In December 2014, Puma got into the action, but on the women’s side. The company signed platinum singer Rihanna to an endorsement deal and made her women’s creative director as part of the company’s re-branding. In September of 2015, the Fenty Creeper was released and became one Puma’s best-selling shoes. Sales went up 16.4 percent thanks in large part to Rihanna’s Fenty line.
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In 2017, Puma added Detroit rapper Big Sean as an endorser. Nike followed with Travis Scott in 2018. In June 2018, Puma announced Jay-Z as its creative director. All of this led to one of the most anticipated collaborations ever: adidas and Beyoncé. They announced their partnership in April 2019. In December, the pop singer, who is married to Jay-Z, nearly broke the internet by teasing to her new line. Her line, Ivy Park, was set to release her line January 2020 featuring unisex clothing and sneakers for both men and women. Beyoncé signing with adidas means that the sneaker giant will have three hip-hop juggernauts on its roster: Kanye, Pharrell and Beyoncé. Signing Beyoncé is a huge win for adidas for many reasons. The crossover appeal she has in both the music industry and fashion world cannot be denied. She is one of the world’s biggest pop stars and was birthed by hip-hop, coming up in an era where R&B and hip-hop were intimately linked and is the heart throb of the hip-hop community. The demand for hip-hop endorsed sneakers has produced a huge market. Out of it has come two major companies: StockX and Goat. The Founder of StockX, Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan
Gilbert, reached out to various hip-hop influencers such as Don C, Eminem, and the Wu-Tang Clan to be endorsers and ambassadors of the company. Footlocker, the athletic apparel giant, even invested $100 million in Goat, a sign of the viability of the exclusive sneaker market. Twenty years ago, two brands made people feel cool: Nike and Jordan Brand. (Nike owns Jordan Brand, but the latter is unique because under its umbrella are all of Michael Jordans shoes.) Fast forward to present day, with the influence of West and other artists, you can rock some dad shoes and some ripped jeans with a raggedy sweater and be considered fashion forward. That’s worth about 200 likes on Instagram. Now that adidas and other brands have added hip-hop artists to the payroll, it is “cool” to wear suede and velvet Pumas. Even clunky and futuristic Balenciagas, which at a time would’ve been considered ugly, are now coveted because the fashion eccentricities of hip-hop celebrities have bled into sneaker culture. “Kanye is a tastemaker. People value his taste,” Las Positas student Alvin Sin said. Hip-hop culture has turned the sneaker industry into a behemoth and made more brands acceptably fashionable than ever before. The sneaker industry valuation was $55 billion in 2015. It is expected to be a $95 billion industry by 2025. StockX claims the resale market alone is worth $6 billion. “For enthusiasts and collectors, who really drive the hype market, the key product segment should continue to be official exclusives,” Jacob Metzger, co-founder of popular resale menswear site Grailed, told Fashionista magazine in a March 2019 article. “Brands like Nike and adidas are smart and know that to control the top of the market they need to keep producing collaborations and oneoffs in small quantities.” Hip-hop artists created hype around their shoes like few other athletes or endorsers of any brand. People have lined up for sneakers before, but nothing has ever matched the craze for Yeezys or anything Travis Scott releases. And certainly the prices have never been so high. The influx of hip-hop artists into sneaker culture has taken the sneaker craze over the top and the sneaker culture is all for it. Sneakers made by rappers tend to be more valuable and in higher demand than sneakers made by LeBron James or Kevin Durant. “Is hip-hop euphemism for a new religion?” said West on his track “Gorgeous” from his 2010 album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Hip-hop has quickly turned into the most popular music genre in today’s society. One reason why adidas wanted to recruit more hip-hop artists to their roster was that they are, in some ways, more relatable than an athlete or actor with their own sneaker line. “People can relate to music artists over athletes or any other kind of celebrity for sure. Musicians like Kanye put their life into their work. Actors are just pretend, and athletes don’t really say anything,” said Sin when asked about the relatability of music artists as a whole. There is definitely a relatability factor that rappers have over the traditional athlete. Hip-hop artists
The sneaker industry valuation was $55 billion in 2015. It is expected to be a $95 billion industry by 2025.
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have more of a green light to what they say because of the creative space they’re in unlike athletes who have to always be careful of what they say because they are held to a much higher standard. A regular person can relate to a rapper or a singer who talks about their life struggles and the success they have now. People are definitely more in awe of athletes, but it’s hard to relate to someone who has athletic gifts that only a small percentage of people in the world have. Since the signing of both West and Williams, adidas sales have risen every year. In 2013, adidas made a gross income of $14.2 billion dollars. By the end of 2018, adidas made a gross income of $21.92 billion dollars. The big jump in sales could definitely be linked to West and Williams’ signings. The hype for both of their products was very high, and people were willing to spend hundreds of dollars to obtain these rare sneakers. According to Vox, the Yeezy 350 model would typically sell out in minutes online. Sneaker stores who were lucky to be able to receive a limited quantity of sneakers had lines that went around the block waiting for the chance to buy these limited and rare sneakers. “Reebok baby, you need to try some new things. Have you ever had shoes without strings?” said West on his feature for Jay-Z and Rihanna’s 2009 smash hit “Run This Town.” West is arguably the biggest reason why the sneaker game is so diverse today. West’s switch from Nike to adidas not only made people think about another brand other than Nike or Jordan, but also made people explore brands like Asics, New Balance and Timberlands. West stated that he got tired of wearing Jordans and that he wanted to create something new and fresh. When the first Yeezy 350 first released, it was praised for its sleek style and the overall design of the silhouette. Then, pushing the boundaries as Kanye has always done, he released the Yeezy 700 which resembled a “dad” shoe. The silhouette of the shoe would be considered ugly by any standard if Kanye did not design the sneaker, but since he did design the sneaker, many found ways to find the shoes stylish and attractive. The appeal of West and other rappers in the sneaker culture has never been in question with sneakerheads. When asked about the appeal of West and other rappers, Reyes stated “What’s appealing about hip-hop artists? It’s them. They are the ones who push boundaries musically and in the fashion world. They make everything exclusive and find new ways to transcend fashion.” “See, I invented Kanye, it wasn’t any Kanyes. Now I look around and there’s so many Kanyes,” said West on his song “I Love Kanye” from his 2016 album The Life of Pablo. Through all the outlandish things said by West, his public outbursts and questionable behavior, he is the one that elevated hip-hop to the place it is in the fashion world. West, the most influential creator in sneaker culture of recent memory, has influenced not only the brands, but the hip-hop artists as well. Now, almost every major sneaker company employs at least one hip-hop artist or has collaborated with one. Kanye West and hip-hop culture elevated Adidas to the upper echelon of sneaker culture. From Jordans to Air Force Ones. From Kobes to LeBrons, we all now have an excuse to rock some dad shoes all thanks to one man. Thanks, Yeezus. NAKED
A Tell-All of Beauty and the Ball Words by Devin Bradshaw Photos by Thiha Naing
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R
ainy skies covered the Las Positas campus. Dec. 12, opened Pandora’s boxes, creating many issues related to pri2019. The gloomy weather matched the mood of Kiara vacy, predatory behaviors and cyber bullying. Jones. She made a decision she didn’t want to make. But she Social media has come to require a new level of mental did it anyway. The women’s basketball team was practicing, fortitude. To take advantage of its many benefits means enbut the second-year forward was in street clothes. Her Hawks during its many flaws. Kiara Jones knows this all too well. uniform in hand. She made her way to the office of coach The Las Positas sophomore is a walking example of the Clarence Morgan, the day before the Hawks were due to play powers and problems of social media. It’s made her popular, at DeAnza. She turned in her uniform, both her white home given her opportunities to model, even served as a creative and red road No. 12 jerseys, resigning from the Hawks womoutlet for an artistry she didn’t know she had. But it’s also led en’s time, very likely ending her to anxiety and stress. It is promptbasketball career. ed her to walk away from the She wasn’t sad about walkHawks women’s basketball team. “I thought when I chose to ing away from hoop, which she’s Jones’ story goes to show how play for LPC it was going to played since she was six years old. social media is not always what it She wasn’t hurt because she was appears to be, a pathway to fame be about basketball-- but it missing the final 16 games, that and fortune. It can also break you was all about boys, jealousy she wouldn’t get another crack at down by setting a target on your Chabot or San Francisco again. back, and before you set off on and harassment.” This move, walking away from that journey you need to mentally the team, was closure. She was and physically prepare yourself actually prioritizing herself, for for the rigors that life presents. the sake of her own sanity and peace of mind. Still, the melIt all started for Jones as a little girl. She took a liking to ancholy was there. Because it wasn’t ever supposed to be like makeup and fashion very quickly. It was her art, her way of this. expressing her creativity, freely. Her mother, Tammy, would “I thought when I chose to play for LPC it was going to dress her and her sisters up, and she observed closely how her be about basketball,” Jones said. “But it was all about boys, mom handled her makeup and fashion. jealousy and harassment.” “My mom is super into that stuff (makeup) too I remember Social media is a boon for some, but it also can be a curse watching my mom do her makeup,” Jones said. “I remember for others. It’s a mixed bag of sorts. It has altered social norms in fourth or fifth grade matching my eye shadows to my shirts and revolutionized marketing and networking. But it has also and things like that. Since I was young, makeup has always
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been fun to me, I’ve always thought of it as art to me.” Fast forward to today, art isn’t Jones’ forte; she was never going to be a Picasso, a Basquiat or a Frida Kahlo. But when she gets a makeup brush in her hand, that is her Picasso paint brush. When she has a makeup pallet in her hands it’s the same thing as Basquiat having his legendary paint pallet. Frida Kahlo’s art hits a canvas, Jones’ canvas is her face. She wears her art every day. It is her. It represents how she is feeling. It has deeper meaning to her. “There’s different types of moods and different types of makeup you have,” Jones said “Like sometimes I’ll go with a heavier glam look for an event or I’ll do a light makeup look for school. It just depends on how I feel when I wake up or when I start doing my makeup that day.” Makeup and fashion on social media have skyrocketed thanks to apps like Instagram and Twitter, Jones has full taken advantage. She has amassed over 4,300 followers, and that is an outstanding amount for a community college student in the hills of Livermore. But her success in that area of the world has torn down one of her other loves, athletics. Her social media accounts have placed a target on her back for bullies to attack. But bullies were never anything Jones thought she would have had to deal with when she started playing for Las Positas. Ever since Jones was a little girl, she’s had issues on her sports teams. Girls can be a bit jealous of her, about her being different, ‘too pretty’ per se. Catching eyes from guys drew the ire of other girls, especially from girls whose boyfriends were looking at her. ‘Pretty girls have it hard’ isn’t something you usually hear. Pretty girls are supposed to have it easy. They get everything they want, get more accessibility to things, they get the guys. But other girls don’t care about that, according to Jones. They banded together to attack her. She said they became jealous and used their words to berate and tear her down. “That’s what happened with the basketball team. The things they would say to me never had anything to do with bas-
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ketball. It was always about my body or my hair. It was more about the looks.” Jones had to deal with loving herself and having to develop that part of herself again to deal with her teammates. “I was at a point where I would cry to my mom telling her ‘I have no friends and what’s wrong with me?’” Jones said “I had to learn that it’s not about what’s wrong with me. It was more about the bigger picture.” Jones said they focused on attacking her double life. The fact that she’s a model didn’t sit well with her Hawk teammates. It took her by surprise because at the beginning of the season there were no issues like that. Then they started grouping together to attack her and the couple of friends she did have on the team. Jones had a strong support system behind her — her mom and her sisters were always there. She wants to be that for other girls. The one that they can go to when they don’t have anyone for themselves. She plans to use her Instagram and YouTube for that. “I just want to bring more awareness to this. So that there can be some type of change for these types of situations,” Jones said. “Because nothing was done for me. I was told I just had to deal with it. I’m glad I’m really close to my mom and have a good support system, but what if I’m the girl that doesn’t have that support system and felt like I was all alone. It’s the bigger picture for me.” There’s more to Kiara Jones than just makeup and fashion. She wants to make a change in her community, in the girls lives that don’t have anyone to fight for them. Jones wants to spread more positivity in a world that severely lacks that quality. To help other girls with self-esteem issues like herself. After her meeting with Coach Morgan, the next day Jones turned in her jersey. Fully committed to making a change in bullying within women’s sports. She believes Instagram and YouTube are the way. That’s the way she’s choosing, hoping her experiences and journey will help her accomplish that. NAKED
“I just want to bring more awareness to this. So that there can be some type of change for these types of situations...I’m glad I’m really close to my mom and have a good support system, but what if I’m the girl that doesn’t have that support system and felt like I was all alone. It’s the bigger picture for me.”
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AR and By Brianna Guillory
W
hen Walt Disney’s “Zootopia” premiered in 2016, the coat of political correctness. world took a step back and let out a giant “WHOA.” But one social issue that Disney has barely brushed tends Racism. Drugs. Political corruptness. This movie had all to tease society with ambiguity and blurred lines. It’s generthat? Disney was woke. al feelings of the LGBTQ community is faintly present with Then Pixar Animation released “Finding Dory” not long little Easter eggs of either confirmed or strongly speculated after, tackling another important social issue: disability. And moments. “Frozen” presented us with the shop owner Oaken with that, the studio even splashed in a scene that featured an and his supposed husband and children. Judy Hopps’ anteunconfirmed same-sex couple. OK, Disney. lope neighbors in “Zootopia” are possibly a same-sex couple. Two hot button takes in the same year, just months away Even further back, Pleakly from “Lilo and Stitch” is speculatfrom the controversial 2016 eleced to be transgender. tion. Was Disney starting a new age All hinted but not confirmed. of awareness that is digestible for all With it being a new decade audiences? The world was excited and just three years shy of the With it being a new decade and eagerly anticipated what chalWalt Disney Company’s 100th and just three years shy of the lenging script the animation juggeranniversary, it is time for the naut would come up with next. house of mouse to draw a line. Walt Disney Company’s 100th So we waited. Although Disney has representanniversary, it is time for the And waited. ed the LGBTQ community in house of mouse to draw a line. And waited. some of its live action feature Disney is the reigning monarch of films, including “Beauty and the the entertainment industry. Where Beast” and even “Star Wars,” it other studios have taken steps, Dishas yet to give any kind of spotney has taken leaps. It digs deep. It breaks molds. It takes risks. light in the medium it is most known for: animation. It is the golden standard -- or that is what the mainstream By crossing this threshold, Disney would cater to the denarrative to this corporation’s picturesque fairytale tells us. mographic that it serves the best: our kids. There is no doubt There is no question that Walt Disney’s bean of a compaof what pushback and protest the company would receive. ny sprouted to the giant stalk that it is today because of the But if any animation studio would and should be the first to cutthroat ideas that it spews out as fluidly as an overflowing put their foot forward and grant equal representation, the inbroken sprinkler. It has tackled many social issues, including fluencer that is Disney is it. death, poverty, racism and human waste, all sprinkled with When “Frozen 2” was officially confirmed in 2015, just its Disney stardust until everything is blanketed with an even two years after the original film’s release date, Disney fans
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Rant About Disney its [lack of] Pride were excited. Not just for the breathtaking animated sequencicon, at all. Only a brief hint of a friendship with a side chares and highly addictive musical numbers, but also for further acter named, Honeymaren -- which only ended up being a character development. Specifically, fans interests were peakbig fake out in the end, as she leaves the film almost as swiftly ed for the character development of Elsa, the elder of the two as she enters it. sisters who had no confirmed love interest in the first film. That may have been a bummer after years of speculation This was Disney’s chance to do something great. Kids and anticipation, but the energy was not completely wasted. loved the “Frozen” franchise so much, that the characters Emily VanDerWerff of Vox writes, “The upshot of FroAnna and Elsa were deemed too profitable to induct into the zen 2 is that Elsa remains canonically non-straight but also official Disney Princess lineup. These characters were popular canonically non-queer. And yet where the queer subtext for and influential, and one of them the character in the first Frozen very much single. seemed mostly to arise by acciFans took note and the hashtag dent, it feels more intentional in #GiveElsaaGirlfriend was trendthis movie.” The conversation is out there ing. The conversation is out there and progression has been made, Idina Menzel, voice of Elsa, and progression has been made, previously expressed interest in even if it is just in baby steps on even if it is just in baby steps on her character having a same-sex Disney’s part. We just need to hold Disney’s part. We just need to romance, having already been inout for a little longer. hold out for a little longer. volved in queer favorites “Rent” Because even Disney can’t and “Wicked.” Director Jennifer deny that the time for an openly Lee even acknowledged and gave LGBTQ character is nigh. her support of the fan base having Maybe they just need that little the conversation. extra push and assurance. Then hopefully a “Frozen 3” will But nothing was set in stone, and so the fans were forced grace us with its presence and give the world what it wants to see what Nov. 22, 2019, the release date of “Frozen 2,” and needs. would bring. So here it goes. *ahem* So we waited. Welcome to 2020, Disney. Society, our youth and, most And waited. importantly to you, your wallet can handle it. It’s time to aniAnd waited. mate that symbolic rainbow flag and go there. NAKED The opening credits rolled, and the ending credits crawled. No gay Elsa. In fact, no romance for Elsa, an adopted LGBTQ
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THE SCIENTIFICALLY-DETERMINED
Disney BEST
FILMS
OF THE DECADE By Jennifer Snook
D
isney is everywhere. Spurred on by their acquisitions of Lucasfilm, Marvel, and Fox, the 2010s have been a decade overflowing with Disney movies monopolizing the cultural conversations (and monopolizing the film industry, too). All told, Disney and its subsidiaries released over 120 feature films this decade, rough 1.3 times as many as the 2000s, and almost twice as many as the 1990’s. 24 of those films broke a billion dollars at the box office, making it Disney’s most profitable decade, as well. With all the Disney being thrown at us, only one question remains: What is, scientifically, the best Disney movie of the decade?
Well, wonder no more, because we have catalogued and ranked the 10 best — scientifically. These rankings are based on aggregate audience and critical scores from Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic, as well as box office numbers and major award nominations and wins. Combined, this gives us a pure, unbiased numerical score that tell us what the best Disney movie of the decade truly is, as well as the worst, and a few other interesting tidbits. Please keep in mind that while this list was created before all the major award ceremonies had been held, all the nominations had been announced and included, and remaining wins will only have a minor influence, if any.
#10 Box Office: 1.15$ Billion 1 SAG nomination
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
91 75
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
89 8.3
#9 Box Office: $1.27 Billion 2 Oscar wins 1 BAFTA win 2 Grammy wins, 3 nominations 1 Golden Globe win, 2 nominations
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
90 74
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
85 7.5
#8 Box Office: $807 Million 2 Oscar wins 1 BAFTA win 2 Grammy nominations 1 Golden Globe win, 2 nominations
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
93 81
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
87 8.3
#7 Box Office: $2.06 Billion 5 Oscar nominations 1 BAFTA win, 4 nominations 1 Grammy win
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: 93 MetaCritic: 81
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: 87 MetaCritic: 8.3
#6 Box Office: $2.8 Billion 1 Oscar nomination 1 BAFTA nomination 1 SAG win 1 Grammy nomination
Box Office: $1.35 Billion 3 Oscar wins, 7 nominations 1 BAFTA win 2 SAG wins 2 Grammy wins, 8 nominations 3 Golden Globe nominations
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
Critical Scores Rotton Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
94 78
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
#5
97 88
Audience Scores Rotton Tomatoes: 79 MetaCritic: 6.4
#4 Box Office: $1.02 Billion 1 Oscar win 1 BAFTA nomination 1 Grammy nomination 1 Golden Globe win
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
97 78
90 7.8
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
92 8.7
#3 Box Office: $1.07 Billion
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
2 Oscar nominations 1 BAFTA nomination 2 SAG wins 1 Grammy nomination 1 Golden Globe nomination
97 84
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: 94 MetaCritic: 8.0
#2 Box Office: $858 Million 1 Oscar win, 2 nominations 1 BAFTA win, 2 nominations 1 Golden Globe win
Box Office: $1.07 Billion 2 Oscar wins, 5 nominations 1 BAFTA win, 3 nominations 1 Grammy win 1 Golden Globe win
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
Critical Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
98 94
99 94
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: 89 MetaCritic: 8.7
Audience Scores Rotten Tomatoes: MetaCritic:
#1
89 8.7
How Do You Even Anime? I
nterested in taking a deep dive in the vast world of Japanese animation but don’t know where to start? You’re not alone. In fact, according to animelist.net, there are nearly 15,000 anime titles in existence with dozens of genres that may mean gibberish to the average westerner. So we’ve done our best to find you a few starter anime titles to ease your way into the fandom based on your interest in American shows.
IF YOU LIKE... The Bachelor/Bachelorette
The Good Doctor
THEN YOU MIGHT LIKE... Love Hina
Ouran High Host Club
Keitaro accidentally moves into his aunt’s hotel-turned-girls-dorm.
Haruhi finds herself forced to join school host club posed as a male.
Cells at Work! “Osmosis Jones” with an anime twist. Anthropomorphic cells do their work to keep the human body healthy. The story focuses on a rookie red blood cell and a fighting white blood cell.
Game of Thrones
Fate/Zero The ultimate battle royale for the Holy Grail. Masters and their summoned heroic spirits battle each other to the death for a relic that grants the wish of the winner of the Holy Grail War.
Law and Order
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney A criminal defense attorney spends his time defending the innocent by gathering evidence and finding contradictions in the prosecution’s argument with a 72-hour window per case.
Nashville
Nana Nana Komatsu and Nana Osaki are both new to Tokyo and decide to become roomies. Nana K. tries to find her place in life while Nana O. works hard to launch her music career.
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IF YOU LIKE...
THEN YOU MIGHT LIKE...
Vikings
Rurouni Kenshin Set in Japan’s Meiji Era, this series follow Kenshin Himura, a former samurai assassin that now vows to never kill again. But his past seems to follow him wherever he goes.
The Office
Aggretsuko 25-year-old red panda Retsuko spends her days working in a Japanese firm tolerating micromanaging bosses and annoying co-workers and spends her nights karaokeing death metal.
Big Bang Theory
Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun Chiyo ends up helping her crush, Nozaki-kun, create his female genre comic book series (created under a female pen name) and meets his other art assistants along the way.
This is Us
Fruits Basket Tohru finds her life intertwined with the Soma family when she moves into their household after her mom dies. Upon staying with the Somas she learns the family’s dark secret.
Top Chef
Food Wars Soma gets enrolled in an elite culinary school after his dad closes the family diner. There he battles many other chefs with unique cooking abilities. Did we mention all the food porn?
Walking Dead
Attack on Titan This series is a story of survival, set in a post-apocalyptic fantasy world where a reduced humanity is enclosed and plagued by giant man-eating humanoids referred to as “titans.”
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Stripped Bare
A Glass Full of Water for my Brother
By Tanveer Gill
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I
t all started in 2011 with my brother. Technically, he was my cousin. I have two real brothers. But we grew up with several of our cousins. So we are more like siblings. Our family went to India for a wedding in Punjab. Out of nowhere, he got sick. They took him to the doctors in India, but that didn’t really do much. They lived in a village, not the city. The normal hospitals, like the ones we’re used to in America, are in the city. We go to village hospitals, which are much smaller operations, more like a clinic. And at this one it seemed their primary concern was the money. Doctors at these village hospitals have been known to keep a patient hospitalized for days without much of a reason, just to charge for the bed being occupied. When my brother went to the hospital, he actually had a problem. The so-called professionals there panicked. They didn’t know what to do. That was the least bit comforting because we didn’t know what the problem was, either. We went to them for answers. We thought he caught a really bad flu. Or maybe he wasn’t used to the food and water in India. We had no idea at the time his kidneys were failing. One started to go. Before long, the second one started to shut down. The fear and desperation parked in my gut. I was heartbroken and terrified for my brother. We all felt that way. Nothing like this had ever happened in our family. Thankfully, he figured it out himself. See, my brother was a medical student. In excruciating pain and debilitated from his illness, he still put the pieces together. He suggested his kidneys were failing to the doctors, and they confirmed through testing. So when we got back to America, we took him to the hospital in Tracy, and they quickly started him on dialysis and added his name to a list for a “new” kidney. Years passed. I saw my brother get weaker and weaker. Mentally, though, he was so strong. So strong. I don’t know how he found the strength to smile. Or from where he got the energy to think about others and have hope. But he did. I was just always worried. We all were. Everyone made sure he didn’t eat too much salt or foods that weren’t good for him. It was our part to get him to survive another day, stay with us a little bit longer. My brother could not even drink a whole glass of water because it was bad for his kidneys. He would always say, “I can’t wait until I drink a full glass of water.” It crushed me every time he said it. Everything was getting scary. It was crazy. I couldn’t shake the reality that my brother being alive tomorrow was not guaranteed. With all of this going on, pressure was building in his head. The doctors said they would have to release the pressure
by doing surgery on his head, but it was very risky because of his kidneys. Before the surgery, they tested his organs to make sure they could hold up for sure. The results stunned everyone. His heart was functioning at only 37 percent capacity. Our hearts dropped when we learned what that meant: There was a good chance he wouldn’t make it out of surgery alive. The doctors put it at a 50-50 chance he survives, but they went through with it. Hours later, he emerged from surgery alive. He looked better than ever. He made it. It was the first time in my life I tasted tears of joy. He was getting healthier and better, which was all we ever wanted. Then the family got a phone call. They found a match for the kidney. Surgery was in two days. Life was like a movie. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. The intensity was maxed. We literally had life-or-death stakes hanging over us for years. The emotions were so high and so low. And this day was a high. Everyone was so happy. All of the pain and praying paid off. I saw him the day before he left to San Francisco. He told me to come visit him the day after the surgery. My brother and I are both in school, so we all decided to go after school. Before he went into surgery, in January 2019, they checked his heart again. It was still very weak, at 30 percent. A couple of hospitals even rejected him due to his heart condition. But the San Francisco hospital said they could handle it. I didn’t know what grateful really felt like until he went into surgery. I was in Wal-Mart thinking about him, so I sent him a text: I love you. I can’t wait to see you. I wanted to pour him his first full glass of water. My mom called me when I was leaving Wal-Mart. She told me to come home. I didn’t think much of it. Instead, I went to the temple to pray. Then my dad called me. He told me to come home. I started to get annoyed. I’m 23 years old and they’re ordering me around. It was just about 1 p.m. Why were they bothering me? I had a few more errands to run, so I finished them. But then my brother called. He told me to come home. I was headed to put my gas in my car, but I decided to do it later since they were all wanted me home so badly. As soon as I walked in, I saw my brothers crying. My mom and dad were just standing there. They looked lost, confused. I did not want to ask what was wrong because I had an idea. My dad looked at me, told me to have a seat. I did. I knew what was coming. I didn’t want to hear the words. I didn’t
Life was like a movie. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. The intensity was maxed. We literally had life-or-death stakes hanging over us for years. The emotions were so high and so low.
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want them spoken. Maybe they wouldn’t be real if they were left unsaid. “Your brother did not make it through the surgery.” I did not feel anything for about two minutes. Just numbness. I was in total denial. Tears were flowing, but only a little and only because everyone else was crying. I still didn’t believe he was dead. I still had it in my mind he was alive and OK. It was so confusing to hear those words and still feel my certainty contradict those words. An hour into the surgery, the doctors had the bad kidney out and were ready to put the new one in. But then complications had started. His heart rate was dropping while they were about to put the new kidney in. Then, as my dad put it, pausing to wrestle the words from his throat, “His heart gave out.” Nah, dad. That couldn’t have happened. We sent him there because the doctors said they would take care of him. We didn’t take him there to do. The doctors have to bring him back. That’s what doctors do, right? My brother is going
to live. Right? I was physically shaking. But that was only a slight tremble compared to the turbulence going on in my head and my heart. I wanted to be strong for the family, to not completely fall apart on the spot. We were all leaving in 15 minutes to go to the hospital. But I couldn’t just stand there. So I left. Don’t ask me why I ended up at the gas station. One of my brothers, who was in college, called me while I was trying to get my bearings after my whole world was rocked. No one else was answering his calls. We were all told not to tell him. They didn’t want him to lose it while he was away from us. I was trying to hide my brokenness from him, but he could sense it. He kept asking “what’s wrong.” I just quickly changed the subject and told him we were picking him up so we could all go to dinner. When I returned home, everyone was waiting outside for me. I parked my car and got into the SUV. This was the longest one-hour drive of my life to my brother’s school. We picked him up from San Jose State, and he still had no idea
I was physically shaking. But that was only a slight tremble compared to the turbulence going on in my head and my heart. I wanted to be strong for the family, to not completely fall apart on the spot.
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what had happened. We stopped in the parking lot of a pizza place and broke the news to him. He lost it. He was screaming and crying. He was trying to hit anyone in his way. I knew exactly how he felt. I wanted to explode the same way. I felt the same crushing hurt, the consuming rage, the burning anger. My younger brother grabbed him and calmed him down. “We all love him. He’s still with us.” I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I broke down. I still didn’t understand. How could this happen? We were finally getting a kidney. We were finally about to win this battle. And suddenly we lost? I didn’t care about the people staring at us in the parking lot. I was so filled with anger. I felt like just beating everyone’s ass. I kept my cool, though, and got back in the car for the new longest one-hour drive of my life. This time to the hospital. My brother was on the second floor. It was really late at night, so there were not many people in the halls. I couldn’t feel my
knees. I could hear crying. I knew we were getting closer. I felt weaker and weaker. The tears were streaks of warmth down my cheeks. We turned a corner in the white, sterile halls, and I immediately saw the rest of the family. Everyone was crying. I gave myself a minute to get it together before turning the corner. When I finally did, everyone was already in the room with him. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I’m sorry. I couldn’t. “You need to see him,” one of my brothers said, imploring me to come in the room. They knew I was still in some denial. I whimpered for them to wait, to give me two minutes. Yet, two minutes later, I could still barely move. Eventually, finally, I found enough composure and courage to walk in. And there he was, laying so peacefully on the bed. I inched closer. First I couldn’t bring myself to see him. Now I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I inched closer. Close enough to touch him. I started shaking him. I begged him to wake up. I shake him some more.
Life was like a movie. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. The intensity was maxed. We literally had life-or-death stakes hanging over us for years. The emotions were so high and so low.
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He’s not moving. He’s not waking up. So I yelled louder, screamed at the top of my lungs. Wake up. Please, brother. Wake up. My brothers grabbed me. I was so mad at them I started hitting them. I needed him to wake up, and they were trying to pull me away. Wake up. Wake up. Next thing I knew, I’m sitting down. I’m calm and exhausted. The doctors come in and ask if we want to do a postpartum, to see if the doctors had messed up. What? What do you mean? It might have been their fault? My dad and my uncle left the room with my older brothers to talk to the doctors and figure out the process. I stayed with my brother. I kept waiting for him to move, just take one breath so the sheets would move a little. But nothing. He remained perfectly still. I kept looking at him, wondering where it all went wrong. It was time for us to leave. They gave us his phone and clothes. I looked at all of the messages my brothers and I sent him. They were so full of hope, so optimistic. Nothing like the devastation I felt in the moment, how nothing was right, and nothing would ever be right. Everything just felt fucked. That’s the feeling that’s hardest to shake. This was over a year ago, and it’s still there. I still remember the finality of the funeral. I was depressed all week leading up to it. I couldn’t sleep the night before it. I used to talk to him every day, and suddenly I was on the eve of seeing his face for the last time. When we got to the funeral home, I was the first one in the room to see him. In the casket. He had on a red turban and cream kurta. I stared at him for as long as I could. As people came in for the funeral, my brothers and I just stood around the casket. Praying. Staring. Crying.
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We helped, pushing his casket to the back, where he was to be cremated. And that was it. That would be all I ever see of my brother. All that are left are the memories. I knew I couldn’t be sad forever. It was his destiny. That didn’t make it easier to take. It took me months to be functional again. I am still coping but doing a lot better than I was back in the beginning of 2019. This trauma has taught me a few things. Never take anything for granted. Live every day as if it’s the last because you never know when your last day is coming. Life always goes on. Things happen, but life goes on. But the main thing it taught me: Grief is a powerful force that must be dealt with. The natural reaction is to ignore it, to try to power through it. Many people treat it like a headache or a strained muscle, something that will just go away. But grief is something you have to work through. It is going to take its chunk of flesh, leave you with hurt and scars. But it does even more damage when you hoard it inside of you. That’s what I had to learn, to not just sit there waiting for something or someone to help me. I had to make myself feel better. I had to love myself enough to climb out. The pain is still there. I still cry for him. I still need to talk more, open up about my feelings. My brother wouldn’t want his death to mean the end of my ambition and happiness. He’d want me back in school, back hanging out with friends and cherishing family, back loving life and chasing dreams. I’ll drink to that — a full glass of water, of course. For my brother. NAKED
Stripped Bare
By Brianna Guillory
I
Living Together
haven’t been sleeping much these days. Balancing my crazy work schedule and being a mom of two, while letting my friends know that I am still alive from time to time will kind of do that to you. But my bed is soft and so comfy. It’s like laying on a cloud. You’d think that alone would be enough to make me have a restful slumber. Except my moment of bliss is often interrupted by the loud personified bulldozer that is my ex-husband lying next to me. When he gets revved up and starts his chorus of snores, I fight the powerful urge to smother him with the body pillow I usually have between us. I know. I know. It sounds weird. It’s even more awkward to explain. But let me try. I have known the father of my children since middle school. We grew up in the same circle of friends, graduated from the same high school together and eventually went to art school together. We definitely considered each other besties. By sophomore year of college, and after some poking and prodding on my part, we started dating. Nine years flew by, and before you knew it, we were your typical married couple with two kids and two fur balls. Without getting into the tearful dramatic details of what went wrong with this seemingly perfect picture, I’ll just say
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this: two people having compatible personalities doesn’t always equal a lifelong relationship. Some people grow together. Some people grow up together and then grow apart. At some point on our journey, my ex and I stopped functioning productively as a couple. And after some time of trying to fix what was broken, we’re here where we are today. We are no longer romantically engaged, but we are still intimately connected. We are separated but our lives are intertwined. Separated couples who live together are more common than people may think. Although it may seem detrimental to live in the same home as the person you no longer want to spend your life with, for many it is the best option at the time. In fact, the number of articles online from mom blogs to legal advice that give tips on how to cohabitate after separation makes me surprised to find that there is no hard data out there about how many people this phenomenon affects. Just an unspoken statistic for a social subculture on the downlow. Sure, the situation may seem taboo, but it is a circumstance that very commonly exists. A part of mine and my ex’s relationship ended, but it didn’t mean the entirety of it was severed. So much ties us together and keeps us bonded, some of which cannot be helped and some of which is a conscious choice on our part.
Separately OUR KIDS Co-parenting reminds me a lot of competing in tag team fighting tournament. Except, the will of your child is the opponent. Can’t handle your daughter’s resistance to common core math? Tag, other parent. You’re it. Toddler fighting nap time? Tag, mom. You’re it. Need to brush Raggedy Anne’s hair? Tag. Poopy diaper? Oh, that is sooo not mine. Tag. My ex and I pretty much have this routine down to a science. The thought of reworking the experiment is a haunting thought that we would like to try to avoid doing for as long as we can. Neither one of us ever wants our kids to experience being raised in what feels like a broken family. So, when it comes to our two clones, we both are all in. Doctor visits, academics, clothes, extracurricular activities — we make the bulk of these decisions together. And we still go on outings and certain functions as a family. It’s easier for us and beneficial for our children. According to the Institute of Family Studies, children of cooperative co-parents have better outcomes than those in-
volved in a situation where one parent has sole custody. We can use my childhood as an example, as I was raised with three of my older sisters in an unconventional living situation. For the earlier part of my childhood, my mom and I lived with her ex-husband and their daughters. So my half sisters had the privilege of having both parents raising them together despite the adult couple’s emotional separation. To this day, my mom and my sisters’ dad are really good friends and still co-parent their adult children, doing things like taking trips together as a family and celebrating all the important milestones. The end result: my sisters are three very successful, educated women in healthy, committed relationships. One has a master’s degree and a Big Ten record in the sports world. The other two are career-driven homeowners. Their baby sister, the one who grew up with just her mom, who had sole physical custody, took a little longer to hit her stride. Her biological father wasn’t such a steady presence in her life, which very likely plays a role in the delayed stability. While she is successful in her own right, she is still in the process of trying to put her life together. Yes, I’m talking about myself. Although my sisters and I were raised together, we grew up
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very differently. A big part of that had to do with me having one parent and them having two. Not to say my stepdad was neglectful in any way, shape or form. He definitely treated me as his own as much as he could. But little things like attending a father-daughter dance, making decisions on my behalf, feeling an undeniable obligation to ensure I felt love and stability –– that wasn’t his lane. To deny my own kids that same luxury that my sisters were able to have — simply because the idea of two separated parents living together is “too weird” to grasp — just doesn’t seem like a good enough reason.
MONEY In 2018, the Department of Housing and Urban Development calculated that a single family living in the San Francisco Bay Area with an annual income of $117,400 was considered “low income.” Although both of us work full time with additional parttime side hustles, my ex and I still fall below that low income standard, even while living in what has been dubbed the “Outer Bay Area.” Rent, car payments, insurance, food, phones, gas, shoes and clothes for our human trees —- it all adds up, especially for a family of four. Keeping our finances together is not only practical for our situation but imperative to my family’s survival. Getting a promotion with a significant pay increase upgraded us from being “regular poor” to “California poor.” And moving further outside the Bay Area bubble in search of
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more affordable housing would only contribute to the already horrific congestion on our over-crowded freeways. It would be counterproductive to the familial relationship we want to create because we’d both spend less time with our children and more time commuting.
DEPRESSION & SEPARATION ANXIETY So, it is actually quite emotionally painful for me to be away from ex. Some of our routines, like work lunches together or heading to the premier of an anime theatrical release we’ve been highly anticipating are favorite pastimes of mine. I get FOMO on a level of over 9000 when these minuscule moments get disrupted. I know. I know. That’s also weird. Again, let me explain. I am one of the 17 million people in the U.S. who suffer from depression and anxiety, with a little sprinkle of PTSD. I was diagnosed with mental illness as a teenager and have been battling it all the way into adulthood. I have experienced hospitalizations, intensive outpatient programs, group therapy, listening to “I’m Walking on Sunshine” on a loop –– OK, maybe not the last one. Long story short, I am sick. As a result of my mental illness, I developed a strange juvenile quirk when my ex and I first started dating: separation anxiety. There were many instances throughout the years when I just could not handle it if my ex had to leave. I would be hysterical the second he would start getting ready to go to school
or leave for work and, sometimes, even if he just had to make a short trip to the store. The anxiety and panic attacks were debilitating for me and harmful to my ex’s social life, his academics and his job security. Because, more often than not, he would cancel any plans he had that required him to walk out the door and live his life. Thankfully, years of medication and cognitive restructuring have taught me healthy coping mechanisms to help mitigate my once-severely threatening symptoms. I can now be away from my ex for periods of time. Still not entirely. I still have many bouts of symptoms that arise when my anxiety is triggered. Instead of hysterics, however, the symptoms are more muted. And, currently, only my ex can recognize them. I stall. I tense up. I become unnaturally silent and apathetic. All this happens before my breathing starts to become labored and accelerated. This is definitely hard on both of us. Moreso on my ex who feels the need to take care of me whenever I get like this. Though he knows now not to always give in and to sometimes just leave me to my own devices, every instance is a wager. Is the mother of his children displaying symptoms that seem life threatening? This is a question he always has to ask himself. Being now separated, my anxiety challenges my ex and me with new, uncharted territory to try to navigate. On the surface, it just doesn’t make sense. How could I want to be near my ex but not want to be with my ex? One of the sure things is that there are no plans to try to reconcile our marriage due to me having this irrational attachment. But this quirk does solidify the importance of our rela-
tionship and long-standing friendship. When romance isn’t a factor, my ex and I actually get along really well. It isn’t too surprising since we started our initial relationship off as just friends. So partaking in a nerdy discussion dissecting the newest Disney animation (cue my nineyear-old’s eye roll) is slightly inescapable. The two of us just naturally share a lot of the same interests. We’ve also just known each other for a very long time, so we’re used to each other’s antics. And this isn’t going to change in any foreseeable future. The thing that has changed, however, is my love life. That’s right. I am in a new romantic relationship. It is currently the elephant in my household and is the cause of a lot of tension between me and my ex. With this new factor in the equation, my ex and I both know that the solution we came up with for our kids and our family has definitely become a temporary fix, as we will both have to move on with our lives. And, honestly, the uncertainty of it all is kind of scary. From how this will eventually affect our kids that we’ve tried so hard to raise together to how this will also affect our dynamic and us individually is something that sends my mind into an instant panic –– and I’m sure my ex’s as well. Although the change is inevitable and planning ahead is the best plan of attack, it is instances like this, for our sanity, that it is best to live in the present. Focus on what we can control and let our cooperation and mindfulness dictate on how we do the rest. So for now, this is what works. And it is nothing to be ashamed about. NAKED
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Before You Go
“When we are saying this cannot be accomplished, this cannot be done, then we are shortchanging ourselves. My brain, it cannot process failure. It will not process failure. Because if I have to sit there and face myself and tell myself ‘you are a failure,’ I think that is almost worse than dying.”
– Kobe Bryant