Nobody wants my mama’s china and other horror stories about downsizing BY LESA CROWE For The Oklahoman
Well, we did it. My husband, the KnuckleDragging Neanderthal, and I put the mausoleum up for sale and bought a condo. It was time. With the last two kids off to college, an entire wing of the house lay dark and fallow, devoid of the sounds of laughter and smelly socks. Everywhere I looked, I saw my babies’ faces — at 10 — at graduation — at birthday parties — and it just wound up ripping my heart out of my chest. Tired of living with the ghosts of my children’s pasts, I did the only thing a dedicated helicopter mom could do. I decided to follow them to college. Now understand, I did not want to move to their little college town. No, that would border on stalking and God knows, I am above stalking. I wanted to be close but live far enough away that a visit, either to us or to them, would require a phone call. ‘Face it, you need to move to a condo’ We’d been looking for a new, smaller house for several years, but every time I saw a large expanse of lawn and humongous square footage (which inevitably would have to be cleaned and maintained by me) I got all anxious and sweaty. Work, work, work was all I 2
could see. I just could not bring myself to pull the proverbial real estate trigger. In a fit of despair, my Realtor with neverending patience looked at me over a well-deserved martini and muttered, “Face it darling, you need to move to a condo.” A condo? All I kept getting were visions of sardine can-size pseudoapartments that should be leased for $750 a month and not bought. But since I had flat run myself (and my Realtor) out of options, I acquiesced and gave in to the inevitable. Our first few viewings were disappointing. Too small. Too close to a highway. No kitchen. I felt like Goldilocks — nothing was a right fit. I did eventually find one that had a lovely lake view with swans and two bedrooms, but was informed that the homeowner’s association would have to “interview” us before we could buy. If you want to really tick off the Marine Corps Neanderthal, tell him he must interview to live somewhere. The bellowing that followed this information was equal to that of the Running of the
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Bulls at Pamplona. It also included the throwing of nonessential items. I nixed that place, and quick. In a fit of pique, my Realtor suggested a condo in a neighborhood I had poo-pooed that was about $100K under our budget. (I just felt it was a bit too old for us.) Further investigation showed at 400 square feet less than our current home, with very reasonable HOA fees and no lawn, it could be a good fit. As I anxiously stepped inside, I knew we had a deal. The lady who owned the condo was meticulous — even fussy. She had spent loads of money refurbishing it that previous summer, only to discover that due to health reasons, she had to move. Quicker than you could say, “Honey, rent us a U-Haul” money was exchanged, promises made, credit reports pulled and lo and behold, a move date was announced.
sures — heirlooms, precious possessions — especially the pearl of all keepsakes, my mama’s china. Yes, mama’s revered china. Bought in 1956, platinum-ringed with 12 complete place settings, a full cadre of serving pieces and wine, Champagne, tea, and water glasses. I knew I couldn’t move it. I just didn’t have room. But who of my kids should get it? Would the others feel left out? I thought the first child I called would be so honored, so delighted, so happy that I called him first. But nooooooooooo. I was told that not only did he not want the china, he didn’t want any of the furniture, the drapes, cookware, the appliances. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Yeah. I imagined that going differently. So on down the line I went, speaking to all the kids and finally giving up and speaking exclusively to the daughters and the daughters-in-law, thinking they would be
About mama’s china... It suddenly sunk in. Now I had to move. Talk about sweaty and anxious. I started to wake up with palpitations. How was I going to take the contents of a huge house with a 750-square foot floored and shelved attic and move it to a condo? And then there’s the dispersing of my treaTHE OKLAHOMAN | NEWSOK.COM
more receptive to the cache, the veritable treasure trove I was offering to them. Crickets. You could hear my children sigh into the phone and then stumble around trying to explain why they didn’t want my, my mother’s and her mother’s precious treasures. The reasons they gave were many. No room. Young kids. Jez ma, I’m in college. The list went on and on. One even told me it wouldn’t fit their Ikea furniture. Turning rejection into a face-lift And so I bowed to the inevitable. I had the mother of all garage sales. I threw away. I shredded. I priced. I staged. It took four
weeks but eventually, I dunged out the whole house and spent an entire weekend selling just stuff. I made $9,000, which was quickly deposited into my face-lift fund. Don’t want my stuff? Fine. I’ll show you and buy a new face. And so, the move was made. All the boxes have been cleared, new furniture bought, rooms painted — it’s starting to become home. No regrets, no worries. Just perfect. Now, you might be asking yourself, what happened to mama’s china? Well, I did put it out at the garage sale. And I priced it reasonably — like $1,000 over what it was worth. Unbelievably it didn’t sell. Huh. Imagine that? And now it sits, beauti-
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fully shining — in my new dining room — in the condo. A word to the kids: Everything is a fad. In 30 years, my namesake granddaughter, Katherine Belle, will tell stories about how she got great grandma’s china. I can assure you little Mr. and Miss Missed Opportunity — soon — very soon — everything old will be new again. I know. I lived through the ‘80s. Lesa Crowe is the boss and head honcho of atomic.marketing. Mother of six and grandmother to 17, she blissfully has moved within 10 minutes of her newest grandchild, Khloe Jean. Please go to facebook. com/lesacrowe to view picture of this wonderful child.
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Working up to paring down BY JEFF WUORIO Deseret News
Not very long ago, living with less implied money problems or a lack of professional success. No longer. From younger and middleaged professionals to retirees, more people are embracing the rewards of “downsizing” — a term that can mean anything from ridding yourself of unnecessary possessions to opting for a less spacious home. “Downsizing your home can make sense,” said artist and designer Pablo Solomon. “You can save on energy costs, insurance, taxes and upkeep.” But don’t cart stuff out to the dumpster or plant the “for sale” sign in the front yard just yet. First, consider the varied ways that downsizing can streamline your life. When downsizing, consider space, amenities and any associated costs from a budget-conscious perspective. [THINKSTOCK
Home, sweet (downsized) home One of the most ready targets for would-be downsizers is their home. Perhaps they’ve recently retired and want to retire extensive upkeep responsibilities as well. But downsizing is not the remedy for other issues, Solomon said, that need a different — and sometimes less costly — approach: “Don't downsize to be part of a trend or fad or to escape depression or make a ‘statement,’” he said. Approach downsizing your home as you would any sort of housing decision. Consider space, amenities and any asso4
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ciated costs — only from a particularly budgetconscious perspective. “Think about the long-term needs you will have for the next 20 to 30 years. Don't select a place to live temporarily — the costs of moving are high and the cost of buying and selling homes is also high,” said Linda P. Jones, host of the “Be Wealthy & Smart” podcast. “Think before you make a decision and be sure about the move you are making so you won't have to do it again.” Another way to approach downsizing a home is what Jodi
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Holzband of the selfstorage search website Sparefoot referred to as “rightsizing” — beginning with basic living requirements and, from there, thoughtfully adding on those features that are of genuine importance. “Focus first on your needs — essential living items like your bed, clothing and toiletries,” she said. “Then focus on what you love or value — the touchstones of life such as pictures, memorabilia from home, vacation souvenirs, high school pennants and varsity jackets. Look to the space you have and limit
what you take in this second category based on space.” Lastly, don’t ignore possible tax consequences of moving into a smaller space. For instance, retirees who have owned a home for a long time may have accumulated a great deal of equity. As David Reiss, a professor of law at Brooklyn Law School, noted, capital gains that exceed a certain amount (generally, $250,000 for one person, $500,000 for a married couple) are taxable. Check with a tax professional to gauge your situation.
All the other stuff Downsizing a home means a smaller living space that simply doesn’t have the room for all the goodies that filled your former digs. Don’t make the mistake of taking the proceeds from the sale of a larger home and sinking it into stuff that you have no place for. Instead, said financial consultant Winnie Sun, use the money to pay down consumer debt or to bolster retirement savings. “If you have neglected your retirement, now is a good time to sock away some savings. After 50,
you’re able to increase your 401K contributions by $6,000 annually,” she said. Even if you don’t spend a penny on new purchases, that may still leave a pile of stuff left over from your old home with no place to go. While storing those possessions may be one option, consider the possible attendant expense of storage. In the end, it may be time to go through your possessions and decide what you want to keep and what has to go, following Holzband's method above and this from life coach Amber Stephenson: “My family has moved multiple times for various reasons and we have used a lot of different strategies to downsize,” she said. “The most effective one is to hold each item one by one and ask 'Do I love this item?' If the answer is yes, keep it. If the answer is no, then thank it for the part it played in your life and let it go.” But it doesn’t have to be an exercise in deprivation. Treat downsizing of possessions as a form of refocusing on those things that can matter more than tangible items. “An over accumulation of possessions can sometimes serve as a barrier to moving forward. When we cling to the past through our things, we reduce our ability to grow and experience life’s new challenges,” Holzband said. “You want your stuff to serve you and your life, not the other way around.”
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Services can help seniors relocate
BY JIM MILLER
For The Oklahoman
DEAR SAVVY SENIOR: I need to find help with selling my elderly mother's house, where she's lived for almost 50 years, and relocating her to an apartment or condo closer to where I live. Can you recommend any businesses or services that specialize in helping seniors relocate? — Overwhelmed Daughter DEAR OVERWHELMED:
The process of selling a house and moving to a new home, or downsizing to a condo, apartment or senior housing facility, is a big job for anyone. But it can be especially overwhelming for seniors who are moving from a residence filled with decade's worth of stuff and a lifetime of memories. Fortunately, there are several specialized services available today that can help make your mom's move a lot easier. Real estate specialist To get help selling your mom's home and/or finding her a new one, you should look into hiring a Seniors Real Estate Specialist (SRES) or a Certified Senior Housing Professional (CSHP). These are Realtors who have received special training, making them better equipped to help seniors and their family members through the financial and often complex emotional issues that can come with selling a home and relocating. SRES and CSHP des-
ignees are educated and knowledgeable in such areas as downsizing, aging-in-place, senior housing options and reverse mortgages, as well as ways to use pensions, 401k accounts and IRAs in real estate transactions. And, if you need help from other professionals, a SRES and CSHP can put you in touch with qualified home inspectors, movers, attorneys, CPAs and other experts. To learn more or to locate a professional in your area, contact the SRES Council online at sres.org or call 800-500-4564. The council also offers a free “Moving On” guide that help seniors and their family members with the decisions and transitions that come with moving. And to find a CSHP, go online to seniorsrealestateinstitute. com. Moving manager To help your mom get packed up and move, you should consider hiring a “senior move manager.” These are organizers who assist older people with the challenges of relocating, and they can minimize the stress of this major transition by doing most of the work for you. They can help your mom pare down her belongings, decide what to take and what to dispose of, recommend charities for donations and help sell her unwanted items. They also get estimates from moving companies, oversee the movers, arrange the move date,
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supervise the packing and unpacking, have the house cleaned and just about anything you need related to her move. Costs vary depending on the services and size of the move, but you can expect to pay between $1,000 and $5,000, not including the cost of movers. To locate a senior move manager, visit the National Association of Senior Move Managers website at nasmm.org or call 877-606-2766. You can also search at Caring Transitions (caringtransitions. com), the largest senior relocation and transition services franchised company in the U.S. But, before you hire one, be sure you ask for references from previous clients and check them. Also find out how many moves they have managed, and get a written list of services and fees. And make sure they're insured and bonded. If you can't find a senior move manager in your area, another option is to hire a certified professional organizer who specializes in downsizing and relocating. To find one, check the National Association of Professional Organizers, which has a searchable database on its website at napo.net. Send senior questions to Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or go to SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC “Today” show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 2017
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Consider your grandkids when relocating said. “It’s only natural that all the family members will want to stay close together — not to have to go back to the hotel early for the children’s bedtime.” An extra bedroom can also come in handy for retirees who live near their grandchildren. “It’s special for small children to have a room at their grandparents’ place where they can keep their toys. But if you can’t afford a dedicated room, at least create an area in your new place with a corner shelf where they can keep their things,” Early said.
BY ELLEN JAMES MARTIN For The Oklahoman
A retired receptionist in her 70s lived in a senior housing tower for people of modest means. But her fondest dream was to buy a house a short walk from where her only grandchild lived with his parents. Unfortunately, health issues and budgetary limitations kept that from ever happening. The receptionist was hardly alone in her longing to purchase a property close to her offspring, said Joan McLellan Tayler, a longtime realty company owner who’s assisted many retirees in relocating near their grandchildren. However, she cautions that some retirement relocation dreams prove disappointing as they play out. Sometimes living close to the grandchildren isn’t enough to create the strong bonds older people desire. “These days many parents are so tremendously busy with their work that they have little time left for family interactions. Another problem is that lots of kids are into technology and their grandparents aren’t, which can make interactions boring for everyone,” Tayler said. Well before deciding to buy a home near your grandchildren, Tayler urges you to talk through your plans with their parents to ensure they’re supportive of your goal of seeing the grandchildren more. Here are a few pointers for retired homebuyers with grandchildren: 6
•Don’t assume that a resort area is your best choice.
Most areas offer sufficient leisure activities to keep the children interested without having to live near theme parks or ocean resorts. [THINKSTOCK PHOTO] •Disabuse yourself of the notion that you need a huge yard.
Tayler spends as much time as possible with her grandchildren, most of whom live in her immediate proximity. And although the condo she owns has only a small patio with a few flower beds, the youngest children always seem to enjoy visiting there. Of course, as toddlers grow into schoolage children they range more widely with their play activities. Even so, that doesn’t mean you’ll need a large yard to keep them happy. One good substitute is to buy a place within walking distance of a neighborhood park.
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•Find a house on a quiet street, if possible.
Tom Early, a veteran real estate broker who works exclusively with homebuyers, advises clients seeking to purchase a place near their grandchildren to think about the kids’ safety when pondering the street on which to live. “Consider buying on a cul-de-sac or dead-end street. If that’s not possible, pick a low-traffic street with few cars passing through,” said Early, a past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org). •Find out if a community you’re considering allows for extended visits.
Do you and your spouse plan to retire to an area
far from your grandkids’ home? In that case, Lee Tews, an independent real estate broker, said you’ll want to be sure the community you choose allows for extended guest visits. “Many new condo and town house communities, along with new detached home neighborhoods, limit the length of guest stays. And this can put a dent in family visits,” he said. “It’s not unusual for all the restrictions to run 200 pages long. But before you buy into a community, you’ll probably want to scan them for provisions that could hinder your lifestyle.” •Try to find a property with at least one extra bedroom.
If your married off-
spring live several states away, you likely hope to have as many lengthy and meaningful visits as possible from them. But will you have the accommodations to make them feel comfortable in the home you buy? “For this purpose, it’s wonderful to buy a house with an extra master suite that has its own private bathroom,” Early said. Perhaps you can’t afford a home with such fancy guest quarters. But it would still be good to choose a place with an extra bedroom for family visits, she said. “If your grown children and their kids are staying in a hotel, that means they won’t integrate as well when the family gathers,” Early
Some grandparents pick a community that offers easy access to recreational magnets, such as ocean resorts, swimming pools or major amusement parks. Others move near cities that provide unusual sightseeing opportunities, like a large zoo. They hope such lures will cause their offspring to visit more often. But Early said retirees shouldn’t chart their move on the basis of exceptional tourist attractions. That’s because most areas offer sufficient leisure activities to keep the children interested. “Remember that it’s vastly more important to have an intrinsically warm and loving relationship with the kids than to live near a beach or a glitzy theme park,” he said. To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail. com.
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9 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU RELOCATE So if you’ve started thinking about relocating in retirement, make sure you ask yourself these nine questions before you pack up and move: 1. How does the cost of living compare? There will be a vast difference between, say, Beverly Hills, Calif., and Boca Raton, Fla. So take a hard-nosed look at what you can afford. Will you take out a mortgage or will you rent? Can you handle the price of gas and food? And don’t just consider essentials. Price out the activities that are dear to you in particular. Are golf green fees affordable? “That could be a big factor depending on what your interests are,” says Jean Dorrell, president of Florida-based Senior Financial Security Inc. “Look for retirement communities that offer incentives.” 2. What’s the income tax burden? Federal taxes won’t differ much no matter where you live, but your state and local tax will. Nine states, for instance, have no income tax at all, while others can take a real bite — California, for instance, charges 8 percent on taxable income over $38,004. 3. Are pensions taxed? A number of states, such as Alabama and Massachusetts, exempt federal, military and in-state pensions from income tax. See Kiplinger’s 14 most pen-
sion-friendly states to get started. 4. How about other taxes? Property taxes may help determine where you relocate, since they fluctuate from state to state. And many states will tax your estate. All in all, says Hannon, it’s a smart decision to move from a high tax state to a low tax one. 5. Buy or rent? It’s easier to rent, and it requires less of a commitment from you. But you may want to set up your home the way you want to, and perhaps leave it as an inheritance to a family member. Consider whether you’ll have to sell your current home before you move to a new one. Or would it make more sense to keep it and rent it out? That may mean hiring a management company. “Have a plan for your first house,” Dorrell says. 6. What’s Mother Nature like? This is far from trivial, especially if you dream of coastal living. “People worry about hurricanes in Florida, dust storms in Phoenix and earthquakes in California. Think about your destination,” Dorrell says. Consider, too, whether your health would do better in a warmer or cooler place. While there’s no scientific proof, some arthritis patients say their joint pain waxes and wanes based on
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changes in climate. 7. What about doctors? Don’t plan on traveling a long distance to go to a doctor you like. Make sure you’re moving to a place that has a reputable medical community close by. And check your insurance coverage to ensure it’s accepted. Two good places to find information on a particular community’s medical care are the federal website Medicare.gov and the website of the state’s department of insurance, Hannon advises. 8. Can you get a decent part-time job? You may want or need to work in retirement to supplement your income. If the cost of living in your new place is lower, your wages will be, too. If you’re going to work part time, where will you get an acceptable paycheck doing what you want to do? Check it out in advance. 9. How far will you be from your family? “A lot of retirees I talk to in Florida love it for the benefits, but they go up north a lot to be with the grandkids,” Dorrell says. “It’s an added cost.” Keep this in mind as you plot your potential retirement spot. How much will you spend for car, bus, train or plane for holidays and other Hallmark moments? — AARP
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SMALLER HOMES
Short supply Options are numerous for those willing to be flexible Affordable housing
BY MELISSA HOWELL Staff Writer
Older Oklahomans who are looking to downsize will find options, but in some areas, those options are limited. “There are three distinctly different types of (older) movers,” said Nikki Buckalew, CEO and co-founder of Mature Moves OKC Real Estate Services. “One is boomers who are moving because they want to. The second is the anticipatory move — they’re not necessarily excited about it, they just want something smaller. The third type of mover needs support … assisted and independent living. It’s the middle mover that we really need to help.” Buckalew, a certified senior real estate specialist and senior real estate coach, said that boomers and traditionals who are burdened with “too much house” and are looking to buy something smaller in a traditional urban setting may be looking for a while. “I coach Realtors all over the country,” Buckalew said. “Every month, I say, ‘What is your biggest challenge?’ They always say there aren’t enough properties. Builders build where the money can be made. Suburbs do a better job, 8
Julie and Stephen Peter stand in their new home in Oklahoma City. [PHOTO BY STEVE GOOCH, THE OKLAHOMAN]
but Oklahoma is really lacking in what we have available. We have a shortage of land to build on (in the cities).” But the solution may be a matter of rethinking what downsizing really means. Same size, different house Julie and Stephen Peter wanted to downsize. In the end, they moved into a house that was just a little bit larger, but a
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much better fit. “We’d always been unhappy with the previous house. (We realized) waiting would never get us the house we want,” said Julie Peter, 72. The couple’s former house sold within three days. It took two or three months, but eventually they found exactly what they were looking for. “It has two bathrooms and an enclosed sunroom. That’s what sold me,” Julie Peter said. It also has an office, library,
guest room and master bedroom. “It’s not that much bigger than the other one, but it’s all one story.” Looking to rent For those who don’t mind renting, Oklahoma City offers numerous 55-plus housing complexes and independent living centers, Buckalew said. “(Seniors) don’t necessarily want to pay for a pool and a park. Those
properties are kidfriendly, but not seniorfriendly. Seniors don’t want all the bells and whistles. They want to make sure that they can access the counters and cabinets,” she said. But the cost for these types of homes and apartments is about $1,300 to $1,850 per month. “That’s where people struggle,” Buckalew said. “They’re worried they’re going to spend their nest egg — spend their kids’ inheritance.”
When it comes to affordable housing, the need is even more acute. “If you’re looking at folks who don’t have asset base, they have waiting lists a mile long. Some we’re talking two to three years. And the people a lot of times will wait too long, and their health has declined too much,” Buckalew said. A good place to start to find available properties that are subsidized or rent assisted is to visit the Oklahoma City Housing Authority at www.ochanet. org and look under public housing-senior developments, said Wanda DeBruler, a development professional who works with the Oklahoma Coalition for Affordable Housing. Another resource is to go to www.gosection8.com to view subsidized rentals for those 55 and older. The Oklahoma Housing Finance Agency also has information on tax credits available that the Legislature is considering extending to those who are 55 and older rather than those who are 62 and older, DeBruler said. Finally, Oklahoma Tribes also receive funds to provide senior housing. Go to the Housing and Urban Development website at hud.gov and search for tribal housing to see about qualifications.
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Going through the motions Tackling the emotional and overwhelming aspects of downsizing BY MELISSA HOWELL Staff Writer
Wading through dispersal of Grandmother’s sugar bowl, Christmas decorations from 1966 and treasured letters from those who are no longer with us, is overwhelming for most. And it’s often a task that makes retirees and emptynesters put off downsizing. But help is out there. Thinning out the clutter Often people don’t know where to start when it comes to clutter. Darlene Broderick founder of Oklahoma City-based Clutter Buster, says start in the room where the storage is — a garage, mudroom or attic. “If there’s no shelving, get what you need to organize at that time. Figure out where it’s going to live first before you start sorting,” she said. Next, start an area for donation, for what you are keeping and what you’re throwing away. “Give yourself a time limit and start sorting in your area. Set your alarm half way through, then put everything away that you’ve sorted,” said Broderick, who started her company 19 years ago. “If you stay controlled, you can cut your time in half.” Broderick said sentimental items can be the most difficult. To work through those things, she interviews her client to find out what’s been meaningful in his or her life and match that with a charity that takes dona-
Oklahoma City resident Judy Cawthon with Mature Moves owners Chris and Nikki Buckalew [PHOTO PROVIDED]
tions. If a client has had a long military career, Disabled American Veterans may be a good fit. If it’s a single mom with her grown child’s baby clothes, giving to Infant Crisis Center may ease the sting of letting go of those things. “If it goes to underprivileged children or the battered women’s shelter or the Toby Keith Foundation … When you tell people that, it starts flying out the door. There’s someone else who needs it,” she said. What are the most common culprits? Shoes, magazines, genealogy, trophies and old sports equipment, she said. And for boomers, Broderick says now is the time to start paring down. “If you’re a boomer, now is the time to go through it, getting VHS tapes switched over. If your daughter comes to you and needs a turkey platter, give it to her now.
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Leave it to the professionals As the U.S. population ages, move managers who are trained to work with older adults are becoming more numerous. At the real estate firm Mature Moves OKC Real Estate Service, owners Nikki and Chris Buckalew have found having a move manager on staff has been a significant benefit. “A move is two moves: physical and emotional,” Nikki Buckalew said. “Even for people who are perfectly healthy … leaving behind their social network is difficult. Especially for people who are widowed. I had a client in Edmond. I walked in the door and she started crying. She was still struggling with getting rid of (her husband’s) clothes to move to Denver. There are things to process.” Stephen Peter, 73, with
his wife Julie, recently worked with Mature Moves OKC to downsize and find a new home. Part of the service was the use of the firm’s move manager. “Just the professional guidance they provided was very important to my wife in particular,” Peter said. “There really was quite a bit of stuff. They very effectively helped Julie pick and choose, and that would never have happened if that were just the two of us. This was maybe the fourth move in our married life and was by far the smoothest. A lot of things were purged and they were the right things. A manager steps in when seniors can’t downsize alone, or would rather not, or when the sorting and moving process gets too contentious, or when adult children live hundreds or thousands of miles away or are otherwise unavailable, said Mary Kay Buysse,
executive director for the National Association of Senior Move Managers. In 2006, when Buysse became executive director, the association had 66 senior move manager members. Today, the Hinsdale, Ill.-based group has about 1,000 members throughout North America. Buysse credits the age wave, actually an age tsunami rise in Senior Move Managers. Between 2010 and 2030, the U.S. population aged 65 and older will jump by 80 percent. After working with this population for a decade, Buysse offers these insights and pointers to make senior moves go more smoothly. • Bring in an outsider. Parents, no matter how old, will always see their children as children. When the adult child takes control, that upsets the equilibrium. “It can get messy,” said Buysse. Couples often resort to blaming each other for the excess. Having an unrelated objective party helps a lot. • It gets easier. Start with the easiest places, Buysse said. Clear out the basement, the garage, and the kids’ bedrooms. Over time you get desensitized to the downsizing process, so it gets easier. • Attitude is everything. Moves to downsize are easier when seniors choose to move, as the Switzes did, rather than when the move chooses them, which happens when they become too frail, have an accident, lose a spouse who made independent living pos-
sible, or start having cognitive issues. • Find the silver lining. “At first glance, moving into a smaller home or into assisted living may seem to seniors like their independence is shrinking, but it’s actually expanding,” Buysse said. “Going to the right level of care can expand independence and quality of life, and extend life.” • For a fee. Most senior move managers charge between $25 and $60 per hour, according to a study by the National Association of Senior Move Managers. Most (82 percent) spend between 17 and 33 hours total per client. • Allow time. It took 40 years to build a home. You don’t have to dispose of it all in two weekends. Give the process the dignity it deserves. But do keep moving. As daunting as it may seem, in the end, downsizing is a pre-emptive move. It has to happen sometime. It might as well be sooner rather than later. “When I think about downsizing, I would have one piece of advice,” Buckalew said. “Begin to liquidate personal belongings. That’s what ends up keeping people from making a move. At the very least, be open to the idea of simplifying your lifestyle. When people have to do it after the loss of a spouse, it is exponentially harder.” To find a Senior Move Manager, visit www. nasmm.org. Syndicated columnist Marni Jameson contributed to this story.
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Filmmaker Aviva Kempner on creating a forever home BY ANNIE GROER Special To The Washington Post
WASHINGTON — While many baby boomers downsize as they grow older, documentary filmmaker Aviva Kempner counter-intuitively went bigger. Way bigger. She gained 800 square feet of living and party space, not including the basement and attic she finished later, by moving from a duplex to a Colonial large enough to contain her multiple collections, her filmmaking enterprise and her wide circle of friends, family and colleagues. The Northwest Washington house and its nearly quarter-acre lot, bought with an inheritance from an uncle who survived Auschwitz, met all of her exacting requirements. “First, I wanted to age in place and never move again. They’ll have to carry me out of here in a box,” says Kempner, 68, citing the new elevator that links her lower-level office to the first and second floors, and the outdoor ramps, front and rear, to be used when she can no longer navigate stairs. Kempner also wanted expansive entertaining spaces. A frequent host of gatherings large and small, she can now welcome 100 guests inside or outside, at events as disparate as book parties, bar mitzvah receptions,
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The kitchen with cabinets hand-painted by Kempner’s landscaper, Donald Redditt, and Spanish and Armenian tiles. [PHOTO BY JOHN MAGOR/WASHINGTON POST]
political meet-andgreets, potluck buffets, seated dinners, movie screenings and even a memorial service. There had to be enough wall space for the oversize abstracts by her late mother, artist Helen Ciesla Covensky, along with Kempner’s own impressive collection of photos, etchings, drawings, sculpture, ceramics, paintings, tiles and textiles by numerous artists, nameless to famous. Her filmmaking enterprise, the Ciesla Foundation, had to fit into the basement that she finished to include a surprisingly bright threeroom suite where young staffers research, edit and schedule showings of her films. All five of Kempner’s documentaries, including a well-received biopic about baseball great Hank Greenberg, have some connection to Judaism. Her recent release, “Ros-
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enwald,” which scored a 95 percent positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes, focuses on former Sears, Roebuck president Julius Rosenwald of Chicago, who worked with Booker T. Washington to help African-American communities build more than 5,300 schools in the brutally segregated South (several of the interviews were shot in Kempner’s living room). In addition to copious living and exhibit space, Kempner wanted custom metal- and tilework that would pay homage to Antoni Gaudi, the Catalan architect famed for his use of sinuous ironwork, intricate mosaic and stained glass throughout Spain, and to the vivid colors of her mother’s art. Kempner also sought to showcase handmade tiles from the Middle East, Europe and the Americas. The eight-month renovation was suffi-
Aviva Kempner’s Colonial house in Washington, D.C., and its nearly quarter-acre lot are large enough to contain her multiple collections, her filmmaking enterprise and her wide circle of friends, family and colleagues. [PHOTO BY JOHN MAGOR/WASHINGTON POST]
ciently complete in 2011 for Kempner to move in and start to decorate and curate what easily could be an intimate house museum: elaborately carved antique French china cabinets and sideboards, and charming primitive folk pieces, modernist leather furniture and carefully chosen pieces of Judaica, baseball and political memorabilia. For those who dwell at the beige-and-pastel end of the spectrum, and for minimalists who believe less is more, Casa Aviva can be overwhelming. But the blunt-spoken chatelaine has always lived out loud, and the
house reflects its owner’s many passions. Katja Tenenbaum, a friend from Rome, was struck by Kempner’s style, which reminded her of the way artworks and artifacts are grouped at Philadelphia’s Barnes Foundation. “When you fix your attention here, you realize how things are arranged, and you are surprised by the unity of the personality and spirit of Aviva and her collections. You have to concentrate, and you need more than one visit.” Candidate Raskin called the house “completely enchanting. It was like the first time I saw Mardi Gras, full of
color and pizzazz and exuberance.” In her tony neighborhood, where a 1994 mansion near Kempner’s home carries a $22 million price tag, not everyone delights in the transformation of her grassy front lawn into a Gaudi-esque sculpture garden complete with a five-foot painted hand meant to promote D.C. voting rights. “It’s very different than the neighborhood,” comes the occasional murmuring. “It stands out. It’s not subtle.” “If anyone is unhappy, they’ve never told me,” said Kempner. The daughter of a Polish mother who passed
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Just outside the kitchen is the mosaic console encasing a Big Green Egg cooker. Byron Vasquez designed the structure tiled by his brother, Axel, based on folk motifs from their native Guatemala. [PHOTO BY JOHN MAGOR/WASHINGTON POST]
as a Catholic in a German work camp, and a Lithuanian-immigrant father who served in the U.S. Army in postwar Germany, the Berlinborn Kempner arrived in Detroit at age 3. By 1973, she’d moved here to attend the Antioch School of Law (now part of the University of the District of Columbia) but switched to film after failing the bar exam. Along the way, the vocal social justice activist worked hard to bring major league baseball back to Washington and continues the uphill battle for D.C. statehood. To help execute her singular vision of home, she gave much-appreciated creative license to three artisans who have worked for her over the years, including Axel Vasquez, 25, and his brother Byron Vasquez, 31. After Kempner showed them books of Gaudi’s work, especially Barcelona’s Park Guell, Axel, a self-
taught mosaic master, tiled parts of the walkways, stairs and retaining walls built by Byron. Meanwhile, her longtime landscaper, Donald Redditt of Accokeek, Maryland, came alive when Kempner asked him to paint her kitchen cabinets the same steely, tealy sage of a primitive Amish cupboard. Instead, he faux-finished them in what seems like 50 shades of blue. “Clearly he had other ideas, and I loved it,” said Kempner. The trio’s handiwork starts at the curb, where Axel’s mosaics are sunk into Byron’s brick and concrete pathways, which then wind past Redditt’s flowering shrubs, trees and potted plants, to continue around the house to the back. There, more mosaics brighten walkways, walls, tables and birdbaths. Enter the bright-blue front door and the first
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thing one sees is a curved staircase that spirals up two levels. On the ascending wall are three of pro baseball’s most famous Jewish players catcher and coach Moe Berg, southpaw pitcher Sandy Koufax and, of course, super slugger Greenberg — rendered in wool by fiber artist Leslie Kuter, who lived in Washington from the 1970s to the ‘90s. To the right of the stairs, a pair of intricate wrought-iron gates from Kempner’s childhood home opens to the living room. Cream walls are trimmed in red, the better to show off a fireplace framed in contemporary American tiles made to look as if they’d been rescued from some grand art nouveau mansion. The Gaudi homage is repeated at the rear of the living room: swirling ironwork visible through windows and custom wooden doors that create a visual link to the patio.
The living room includes family antiques and abstract artwork by Kempner’s late mother, Helen Ciesla Covensky. [PHOTO BY JOHN MAGOR/WASHINGTON POST]
To the left is the dining room, its walls and ceiling painted a muted blue. The table can seat 14 in a pinch but is more often laden with food brought by friends content to eat potluck fare while ogling the interiors. The adjoining kitchen, with its cream walls, boasts a navy sink and lighter blue tiles trimmed in florals and geometrics on the counters and floor. One set of ceiling-hung blue-hued cabinets has glass doors on both sides, through which handglazed Armenian dishes, most in patterns of azure, are visible. Outside the kitchen is a Big Green Egg cooker, set into a tiled framework that draws heavily on folk motifs from the Vasquez brothers’ native Guatemala. Kempner spends much of her time in a cozy green study to the left of the entrance. But the second floor is her refuge, with the master bedroom painted a deep rose and cream, and filled with Victorian, art nouveau
Antiques, art in the master bedroom of Aviva Kempner’s house. [PHOTO BY JOHN MAGOR/WASHINGTON POST]
and art deco furnishings and lighting. A door at the far end of the room opens to reveal another salute to Gaudi, a wrought-iron Juliet balcony overlooking the back yard. Here, “I lie in bed and feel like I’m in a treehouse,” she said. The adjoining master bathroom, which features large Armenian tiles depicting nature motifs on the floor and walls, offers passage to yet another bedroom that she converted into her dressing space. A guest room
and a study complete this level. One flight up is a finished attic that could become a sitting or sleeping area, were it not crammed with unpacked boxes. The elevator, too, is filled with papers “and will probably stay that way until I can no longer walk and actually need to use it.” And she intends to use it. “This is the house I always wanted,” Kempner said. “And this is the last place I plan to live.”
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 2017
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Tiny house, big benefits: Freedom from a mortgage — and stuff Renee and Greg Cantori have built a “tiny house” that they plan to relocate to West Virginia. [PHOTO PROVIDED]
BY NINA PATEL Special To The Washington Post
America is having a big love affair with tiny houses. There are television shows: “Tiny House Nation” and “Tiny House Hunters.” There are movies: “Tiny: A Story About Living Small” and “Small Is Beautiful: A Tiny House Documentary.” Pinterest has more than 900 boards devoted to tiny houses, and design website Houzz showcases thousands of tiny- house photos. “Many Houzz readers have been fascinated by the idea of a portable home they can pay off quickly and personalize down 14
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to the smallest detail,” says editor Sheila Schmitz. And you know a concept has arrived when “Portlandia” skewers it: Check out the “Microhouse” episode. Why are Americans, whose homes average about 2,200 square feet, so obsessed with tiny homes? Perhaps they are responding to the benefits tiny-house owners cite: financial and emotional freedom, a greener lifestyle, the satisfaction of building one’s own refuge. The phrase “‘tiny house’ put a name to the movement that was already there,” says Thom Stanton, a tiny-home builder
in West Virginia. Stanton says two groups are fueling the movement: millennials, because their college loans have put traditional houses out of reach, and retiring baby boomers looking for affordable homes with minimal maintenance. Meanwhile, traditional homeowners are contributing to the trend by building tiny houses on their properties to shelter guests, family members or caregivers, or putting them on vacation land. But there’s one big drawback: Many municipalities haven’t made room literally or legislatively for tiny residences. It’s a
challenge to find a place to park a tiny house if you don’t own land. And they often fall into a legal limbo. “Tiny houses exist in sort of a legal gray area, neither explicitly allowed nor expressly forbidden,” says tiny-home owner Jay Austin of Washington. Though the District of Columbia recently banned “camping” in tiny-houselike structures, Austin says he has been told the provision is unenforceable. In Maryland, tiny-house legality will likely be handled at the local level as a zoning or building code issue, according to Wiley Hall, acting
communications director for the state’s Department of Housing and Community Development. In Virginia, a home built on a foundation has to meet the Virginia Residential Code. But most tiny houses are built on wheeled platforms, and there are no code standards that govern recreational vehicles, says Amanda Pearson, public relations director for the Virginia Department of Housing and Community Development. To further complicate matters, placement on a property is determined by local zoning and land use regulations. Sorting out these issues will be a crucial test for tiny-house THE OKLAHOMAN | NEWSOK.COM
dwellers, who recently formed the American Tiny House Association. THE RETIREMENT COTTAGE ON WHEELS Pasadena, Maryland, residents Greg and Renee Cantori have had a tiny house parked to the side of their 1,400-squarefoot 1970s ranch home for three years, awaiting their retirement. The Cantoris, who believe in collecting life experiences rather than material things, have had long careers in the nonprofit sector. They added green features such as a composting toilet, graywater garden, programmable thermostat and LED bulbs to their main residence. And Greg, 55, has been bike commuting on and off for 30
years, currently cycling 50 miles round trip for his job in Baltimore. Greg and Renee, 53, even opted against installing a dishwasher in their kitchen because they appreciated the family time the task provided as their two daughters were growing up. “Conveniences create isolation,” Greg Cantori says. So it’s not surprising that the couple has chosen a post-career tinyhouse lifestyle. “We will be doing things that we enjoy and spending time together doing it,” he says. A tiny house “becomes your launchpad,” says Raleigh, North Carolina, architect Sarah Susanka, author of the “Not So Big House”series who promotes building homes that are small but higher
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quality. “It’s a lot easier to live in a tiny house when you’re in a beautiful place,” she says. “A version of this is the micro units in cities where the city itself becomes your living room and dining room.” The Cantoris’ 238-square-foot tiny home sits a few hundred yards from their 39-foot sailboat, which is docked on a creek that feeds into the Chesapeake Bay. After they retire, they plan to sell the main house and spend time on the boat and in the tiny house — a lifestyle Greg Cantori dubbed “surf ‘n’ turf.” Many retirees travel the country in RVs, he says, but a tiny house “feels like a real house.” The cottage-like blue house with white trim is a light-filled space with
dormers and beadboard ceilings and walls. It has a large loft that fits a queen-size bed and a smaller loft for a twin; Cantori split a stepladder in half to create rungs for each loft. On the main level, the house has a sitting area, kitchen and bathroom. The house has a shower/composting toilet on the far end. The original builder fitted it with a combo washerdryer, but the Cantoris plan to remove it; they’ll hand wash clothes or use a small manual washer. They also want to buy solar panels and a rain collection system. The Cantoris bought the $19,500 house three years ago in preparation for the retirement plan, but also because they needed a guesthouse and office. Greg and his brother towed the house
from Ohio to Maryland, once parking in an Ace Hardware parking lot and returning to find a line of people waiting for a tour. The couple’s land in West Virginia, where they will base the house, is within biking distance of a town for access to supplies, groceries and entertainment. If they move it, they’ll tow it with a U-Haul truck. Greg Cantori wants to find a place for these homes in society, and asked the executive director of Civic Works, a Baltimore nonprofit organization, to set up a project in which kids in its YouthBuild program would construct tiny houses. (Students of the Academy of Construction and Design, a trade school at Cardozo Education Campus in Northwest Washington,
have been building a tiny house on a lot owned by Micro Showcase, a D.C.based nonprofit that highlights micro building.) Cantori, who serves on the advisory council for the youth project in Baltimore, hopes to find a way to use the completed structures to house the homeless. MORE RESOUCES FOR TINY-HOUSE LIVING •Tiny house plans: http://www.houseplans.com/exclusive/ lester-walker •Tiny house blog: http://tinyhouseblog.com/ •Comet Camper blog and downsizing course: www.cometcamper.com www.cometcamper. com/e-courses
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 2017
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