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INSIDE
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8 Device anxiety? Page 6
Lesa Crowe takes a look at choosing to live in the present and making memories with her husband. Page 3
If the “fight or flight” response is an evolutionary adaptation to help us cope with a crisis, why does stress make us feel so bad and why is it so bad for us? Page 8
Neuroscience research explains attraction to spiritual retreats. Page 5
We're all so 'mindful' these days, but what the heck does that mean? Page 10
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If it is inner peace for which you are searching, then you must begin by understanding you may be creating your own chaos. Page 11 Adult coloring books are not just a fad; for some, they are a lifesaver. Page 12 Your dog can make you feel better, and here's why. Page 13 THE OKLAHOMAN | NEWSOK.COM
Wear the good nightgown. Eat the steak. Drink the Champagne. Buy the boat. BY LESA DEASON CROWE For The Oklahoman
I will always remember helping Mama pack away my step-grandmother’s home after she had died. I couldn’t have been more than 10. Maudie was a little tiny woman who lived in a little tiny house with a “½” number, far behind a bigger house in a questionable
neighborhood in Ponca City. Covered with trees and vine, her humble home could be described more as a cottage than a house. THAT WOMAN LOVED JESUS AND ERNEST TUBB The inhabitant was just like her home — modest and sweet and
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kind. She was one of those ladies who was standing at the church door when it opened on Sundays, with her white purse and good, black walking shoes. Her prized possession was a black and white, 11-by14-inch photo inscribed TO HER and TO HER ALONE from the Texas Troubadour himself, Ernest Tubb. (Yes, the
actual Ernest Tubb.) It sat in a place of glory on top of her console television, next to her Bible and small pictures of her children. It dominated the room. Really, it dominated the whole house. That woman loved Jesus and Ernest Tubb. As we packed up her belongings, imagine our surprise as we opened the dresser in her bed-
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room. It was full of every gift her children had given to her for the last 20 years, including beautiful nightgowns, still wrapped in their department store wrappings. I remember her pleasure at Christmas, smiling at each adult child and saying that they were too nice for her to wear. As always, her adoring children would say that nothing was too nice for their mama. Little did they know, she meant it. I wonder, did she ever plan on wearing those nice nightgowns one day? When was that day and what would have made her pull one out of a drawer and say, “Today is the day I live?” The impression it left was enormous seeing those untouched, unworn night-gowns. They were like ghosts, shimmering in the dark. Moments neglected and lost never to be had, never to be treasured. Fleeting and never found. LIVING AT FULL THROTTLE Seeing those made me so sad. I told myself then my 10-year-old self that life was to be lived and not to be hidden away in a drawer, not waiting for another day. It was to be savored-plundered enjoyed to the fullest. This incident probably did more to shape the me of today than almost anything that ever happened to me. You see, I’ve always been a particularly intense person. I haven’t meant to be — I’ve always wanted to be that person who listens calmly to conversations and doesn’t butt in who has a middle of the road approach to work, politics, money and religion. 4V
The one who thinks the best of everyone and has patience and kindness and sweetness in everything they do. My sister Kelly? Maybe. Me? No. I’m the black and white girl. There is no gray in my vocabulary. A thousand miles a minute is my speed. Forever, unceasingly, unendingly passionate about life, kids, clients, business, husband! Don’t say no. Vocal and authentic, ask me and I'll tell you. Push me, I’ll push you right back. Living every single moment to the fullest? Yes. That’s my philosophy. There’ll be nothing left
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in this old husk when I’m gone because I’ve used it all up. That is … until I hit 60. That magic number. 60. And the Knuckle Dragger (my husband, Norman) hurt his back. Years of military service and just good old bull-headedness caught up to us two years ago when the hub’s back completely and totally collapsed. They put him back together again with rods, screws and to my knowledge, wood filler. He’s more bionic than flesh. A radiologist took one look at his X-rays, turned lime green and demanded to know, “Girl, how is he still walking?” Other than stubbornness,
I have no idea. While it’s been constant, unending, hellish pain for him, it’s been a real wakeup call for me. It wasn’t my mortality that was so much in question (I’m going to live forever) but HIS. All I asked when I married him was that he outlive me. Why? Because it would kill me (literally) if he died before me. I couldn’t face life without his face in front of me every day. CHOOSE THE MEMORIES As time goes on, his back gets a little bit worse every day. There’s no end in sight. But being the world explorer, roll-
ing stone, U.S. Marine, Renaissance man that he is, he still hungers for the road. My problem was, how do you give him the road while hauling around a walker? We tried an RV, but he balked. Driving is not one of his favorite activities as it is. Wait. I take that back. He loves driving he just abhors other drivers! Add to that a tin can you tie to the back of his beloved F150 and that is a recipe for destruction. I gave up and sold the sucker. A few months ago, as I was having a talk with my good friend, adviser and accountant, I came up with the idea about buying a boat. Could we, should we, try to swing
it? She reminded me that retirement is coming — 60 is here in a few months, and while we have good pensions, it’s always best to save for a rainy day. As I considered what she said, suddenly, Maudie came to mind. Sweet Maudie and those nightgowns. I could wait and put money in the bank, securing a strong financial future, or I could savor the moment with my dearest love, throw caution to the wind and make memories with him right this minute. I chose the memories. I found an actual yacht in Hot Springs a Carver 3207 (32 feet, 36 with swim platform), 18 feet high with two staterooms (bedrooms), heads (bathrooms), galley (kitchen) and salon (living room). We’ve moved it to Lake Tenkiller, inside his beloved Cherokee Nation. It’s named “Dances with Blondes.” As I’m writing to you, I’m up on the flybridge in a spacious captain’s chair in 78-degree weather, shorts and bare feet, waiting for him to wake up and see what today holds. Tonight? It will be steaks. Cold Champagne. A new, very, very expensive red nightgown. Music and my love under the stars. Please. Don’t wait. Go find your nightgown. Put it on. Right now. Lesa Crowe is the owner of atomic.marketing and an occasional writer for The Oklahoman. Sitting on her boat drinking coffee, she really is waiting for her husband to wake up. To find out more about Lesa and her exploits, pictures of the boat and additional tales of the absurd, find her at facebook.com/Lesa. Crowe.
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New neuroscience research helps explain our growing attraction to spiritual retreats BY CINDY LAMOTHE Special to The Washington Post
As she walked along a New York City street on an October night seven years ago, Katie Kozlowski was so upset that her boyfriend had stood her up that she didn’t even notice the taxicab before it hit her head-on and threw her across the road. She was able, amazingly, to pick herself up from the gravel, deeply startled but completely unharmed. The accident prompted Kozlowski to reflect on her life. After suffering through a string of abusive relationships and bouts of heavy drinking and depression, she
knew something had to change. “I wanted to go somewhere so I could figure out how to stop having all of these negative experiences,” she said. Not long after, she packed her bags and boarded a plane to gather with over 200 people on a weeklong spiritual retreat in the heart of Ireland. While there, Kozlowski learned to meditate and listen to herself, experiencing moments of awe and transcendence. She loved the feeling of deep calm and inner peace the group meditations gave her. “It brings awareness to what goes on inside of your subconscious mind,” she explained.
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As Americans report feeling more stressed, more people are turning to spiritual retreats as a way to unplug and reset. [PHOTO PROVIDED]
She has since attended the retreat three more times. In a recent study published in the journal Religion, Brain & Behavior, scientists from The Marcus Institute of Integrative Health at Thomas Jefferson University have discovered that there are actual changes that take place in the brains of
retreat participants. The findings, although preliminary, suggest that engaging in a spiritual retreat can have a short-term impact on the brain’s “feel good” dopamine and serotonin function — two of the neurotransmitters associated with positive emotions. Researchers studied the effects
of attending a weeklong retreat involving silent contemplation and prayer based on the Jesuit teachings of Saint Ignatius of Loyola. They scanned the brains of 14 Christians who participated in the study, ranging in ages from 24 to 76, before and after the retreat. The study subjects showed marked improvements in their perceived physical health, tension and fatigue, as well as reporting feelings of self-transcendence. Though more research is needed, the co-authors highlighted the strong emotional responses that have long been associated with secular and religious retreats such as “reduced stress, spiritual transformation experiences, and the capacity to produce life-changing results.” Not everyone is able to access or afford to attend
a spiritual retreat, but a growing body of research has found that a daily practice of mindfulness meditation at home can also help reduce anxiety and bolster good health. Psychologist Anjhula Mya Singh Bais experienced the benefits of meditating during a 10-day Buddhist retreat last year. “My body started regulating itself ... I could feel the stress and cortisol melt away.” Prior to her trip, Bais had been struggling with several personal relationships and was unsure of how to move forward. By the end, she said she felt more in control of her thoughts. “After the retreat, one becomes simultaneously calm and exhilarated,” she explained. “I was in a better position of not only enhancing my own life but [also] serving others.”
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A New Diagnosis: ‘Post-Election Stress Disorder’ BY JENNY GOLD Kaiser Health News
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ally Pfingsten has always been a news junkie. But since President Donald Trump was elected, he’s been so anxious about the political tumult that even just having the TV news on in the background at home is unbearable. “It’s been crippling,” said the 35-year-old San Mateo, Calif., resident and political moderate 6
who has supported both Democratic and Republican candidates in the past. “I feel angry, really, really angry, far more angry than I expected to be.” He’s tried hard to quell his anxiety. First, he shut down his Facebook page to limit his exposure to the daily soaking of news from Washington. But not knowing the goingson made him anxious, too. He found himself sneaking onto the Facebook account he made for his dog. “I felt like I
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was cheating,” he said. Pfingsten is not alone in his politics-induced anxiety — it’s so common it’s been given an unofficial name: Post-Election Stress Disorder. Mental health professionals around the country, especially those working in Democratic strongholds, report a stream of patients coming in with anxiety and depression related to — or worsened by — the blast of daily news on the administration. In the past, thera-
pists say it’s been fairly uncommon for patients to bring up politics on the couch. “It is big money to talk about politics with me that is not what we do!” said Maria Lymberis, a psychiatrist in Santa Monica, California. But that was before “fake news,” “alternative facts,” “repeal and replace,” contested confirmations, travel bans, protests and suits over travel bans, suspicions about Russian influence and the departures of the
communications director, press secretary, chief White House strategist and the chief of staff. Among others. Requests for therapy appointments to Talkspace, an online therapy portal based in New York City, tripled immediately following the election and remained high through January, according to the company. In particular, Talkspace has seen a steady increase in requests from minorities, including MuslimAmericans, African-
Americans, Jews, gays and lesbians. “In my 28 years in practice, I’ve never seen anything like this level of stress,” said Nancy Molitor, a psychologist in the Chicago suburbs. She says the vast majority of her patients — from millennials to those in their 80s — are bringing up politics in their therapy sessions. “What we’re seeing now ... is a huge uptick in anxiety.” Many of her patients say they are having trouble sleeping and focusing
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at work or are fighting more with family members, she said. “I have people who’ve told me they’re in mourning, that they’ve lost their libido,” Molitor said. “I have people saying the anxiety is causing them to be so distracted that they’re blowing through stop signs or getting into fender benders.” The anxiety appears to be widespread. Fiftyseven percent of Americans report that the current political climate is a very or somewhat significant source of stress, and 40 percent say the same about the outcome of the election, according to an online survey of 1,019 adults conducted by the American Psychological Association after the inauguration. Between August 2016 and January
2017, the overall average stress level increased significantly for the first time since the Stress in America survey began 10 years ago. And it’s not Democrats: a quarter of Republicans report that the outcome of election is a significant source of stress for them. “I’m seeing lot of anxiety and anger on both sides,” says Elaine DuCharme, a psychologist in Glastonbury, Connecticut. “People who are Republicans are afraid to tell anyone. They’re afraid that everybody thinks that every Republican thinks exactly as Trump does, and support every single thing he does.” She says some of her patients are particularly concerned about maintaining civil relationships with friends and loved
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ones who have different political opinions. “People are walking on eggshells,” DuCharme said. Karri King, 56, who lives in Buckeye, Arizona, and voted for Trump, says her experiences on social media have left her feeling sad and hopeless. “There’s so much negative from all these stupid Facebook posts acting like the world is going to end. And it’s false. And I can’t do a thing about it.” King said she’s tried to engage civilly with people online who disagree with her, but “every time [Republicans] turn around, we’re bashed.” When you say “a bunch of idiots” voted Trump in, “you’re talking about half of all Americans! We were hopeful at first, and now we’re angry and tired of being blamed,”
said King. “Nobody wants to listen anymore, and that’s where my sadness comes from.” Of course, in some parts of the country, especially those that are overwhelmingly Republican and outside big cities, people seem relieved if not uplifted by the new president’s flurry of executive orders and appointments. Kristin AddisonBrown, a psychologist in rural Jonesboro, Arkansas, says before the election, some of her patients were voicing concerns about a possible Clinton victory. But since then, “it’s pretty much been crickets for my patients. They got their guy, so they’re not stressed anymore.” Nancy Cottle, a Trump supporter in Mesa, Arizona, has been riding high since the election.
“We got to go to the inauguration, and, oh, it was a wonderful experience!” Cottle, 64, has been struggling to understand the public outcry about Trump. “It’s like the sky is falling but a lot of that is just drama,” she said. “I feel encouraged, I feel hopeful. I can’t wait to wake up and see what the day’s going to bring and what else is going to happen.” That same daily dose of news and the uncertainty of what will happen next rattles many Trump opponents. But, like Pfingsten, they can’t seem to quit their news consumption cold turkey. “Part of the brain wants to know what’s going on, and you’re drawn to watching CNN or reading the news. And then the other part of you
is saying no, no, this isn’t good for me!” says Molitor, the Chicago psychologist. “It’s unfortunately like driving by a car accident they know it’s not good for them [to gawk], but it’s hard to stop.” Molitor recommends patients stay engaged but limit the time they spend on Facebook or watching the news. Focus instead on other things you enjoy, she advises calling a friend, taking a walk or reading a book. “I never read the Harry Potter books, so I’m reading Harry Potter,” says Matthew Leal, a 34-year-old San Francisco resident who found himself sinking into a depression after the election. “Someone could see this and say I’m being totally escapist right now, but I feel like it’s kind of what I need.”
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Chilling out Ways to stop stress before it ever gets started BY MELISSA HOWELL Staff Writer mhowell@oklahoman.com
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f the “fight or flight” response is an evolutionary adaptation to help us cope with a crisis, why does stress make us feel so bad and why is it so bad for us?
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2017 | VANTAGE
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The answer is “overload.” Experts agree that despite technological advancements to make life easier, those advancements have just made it faster. With all the time we save sending emails from our cars and using robots to vacuum our floors, more is expected of us. And that doesn’t take into account the stress from stagnant wages, political upheaval and health care costs that are spiraling out of control. The result? Weakness, dizziness, sweating, shortness of breath, stuttering, and increased smoking and alcohol intake, to name a few. And with sustained long-term stress comes stress-related illnesses such as fibromyalgia, gastrointestinal ailments, insomnia, hypertension, anxiety disorders and others. Your brain’s stress response In order to understand why stress is so bad for us — and what we can do about it — we need to understand the brain’s response to stress. The stress response begins in the brain’s amygdala — an almond-shaped structure in the temporal lobe, says Melanie Greenburg, Ph.D., a practicing psychologist and former professor at the California School of Professional Psychology. “(The amygdala) reacts by initiating a cascade of neurotransmitters and hormones — like adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol, that prepare your body for ‘fight or flight,’” Greenburg writes in her blog The Mindful Self-Express. “If your brain perceives that you can’t fight the stressor, the parasympathetic branch of your autonomic nervous system may initiate a ‘freeze’ response. … The ‘fight, flight, freeze’ response is adaptive to help you survive an immediate danger, but is problematic when you’re dealing with THE OKLAHOMAN | NEWSOK.COM
more complex, interpersonal or chronic stressors. When your amygdala ‘hijacks’ your brain, you may say things you later regret, send off an angry email, scream at your partner, colleague, or child, drink too much, or behave in other impulsive, destructive ways.” So, if it’s a hijacking, how do you deal with it? Reinforcements and a stealthy ambush. To counter the amygdala, we need to coax a “more reasoned” response from the prefrontal cortex, or the brain’s executive suite, Greenburg said. “The prefrontal cortex is like the CEO of your brain. It can send a message to the amygdala telling it that everything is safe now so it can switch off ‘fight, flight, freeze.’ It can also send messages to other parts of your brain to direct a mindful, effective response to the stressor,” she said. It’s a technique that has its American roots back in the 1960s when Dr. Herbert Benson, a pioneer in mind-body medicine, began developing the “relaxation response.” It is designed to counter the negative health effects of stress and the stress-related illnesses that accompany it. Benson is currently director emeritus at the Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital, which works with patients to use mindfulness to promote healing. “The relaxation response is a physical state of deep rest that changes the physical and emotional responses to stress ... and the opposite of the fight or flight response,” Benson says in his book of the same title. So instead of releasing cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline into the bloodstream as a response to stress, the relaxation response causes the brain to release a whole host of chemicals that bring down blood pressure, cause muscles to relax and the slow down the body’s systems. The technique centers on muscle relaxation, clearing the
STEPS TO ELICIT THE RELAXATION RESPONSE
mind of everyday thought and by choosing a word, sound, phrase, prayer, to focus breathing on. Steps to achieving the relaxation response are listed at right. It has worked so well that that patients who participated in Benson-Henry Institute programs reduced their medical visits on average by 43 percent in the year after taking part, according to a 2015 study published in the journal PLOS ONE. Set the stage for outcomes Another way of side-stepping stress can come not in what we do, but what we say — particularly to ourselves.
The words we select to describe conditions or events often create a context for stress, said Georgette Clark, an Oklahoma City-based coach and trainer focusing on stress in the workplace. “Words can alter our physiology,” she said. “When you say, ‘This is making me sick’ or ‘I am feeling really, really tired,’ … it sets up an expectation. When one develops an expectation, it initiates a series of events that causes the expectation to come true. A self-fulling prophecy. “If you prepare for the worst, the worst is going to come because your behavior is going to make it happen on a subconscious level,” she said. “You have to choose words and behaviors that lead to a positive outcome.”
1. Sit quietly in a comfortable position. 2. Close your eyes. 3. Deeply relax all your muscles, beginning at your feet and progressing up to your face. Keep them relaxed. 4. Breathe through your nose. Become aware of your breathing. As you breathe out, say the word, “one,”* silently to yourself. For example, breathe in ... out, “one,” in … out, “one,” etc. Breathe easily and naturally. 5. Continue for 10 to 20 minutes. You may open your eyes to check the time, but do not use an alarm. When you finish, sit quietly for several minutes, at first with your eyes closed and later with your eyes opened. Do not stand up for a few minutes. 6. Do not worry about whether you are successful in achieving a deep level of relaxation. Maintain a passive attitude and permit relaxation to occur at its own pace. When distracting thoughts occur, try to ignore them by not dwelling upon them and return to repeating “one.” With practice, the response should come with little effort. Practice the technique once or twice daily, but not within two hours after any meal, since the digestive processes seem to interfere with the elicitation of the Relaxation Response. * It is better to use a soothing, mellifluous sound, preferably with no meaning or association, to avoid stimulation of unnecessary thoughts a mantra. SOURCE: “The Relaxation Response” by Dr. Herbert Benson, M.D.
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We’re all so ‘mindful’ these days, but what the heck does that mean? like so many of society’s ills, on the smartphone, which makes people — and stress — available at any time. Hence, the need to be more present and calm, and the proliferation of all things mindful. And, yes, there’s an app for that. Actually, there are plenty.
BY KAREN HELLER The Washington Post
Jon Kabat-Zinn is Mr. Mindful. He’s been mindful since the Johnson administration, for five decades, long before mindfulness was a movement, a mantra, a mayonnaise. Also: a tea, the motto of a chain of Chicago burger joints, a diet. Kabat-Zinn, 71, founder and former executive director of the University of Massachusetts Medical School’s Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care and Society, is widely considered the father of the modern mindfulness movement, a practice derived from Buddhist meditation. He is invited to speak all over the globe about mindfulness, which he defines as “the awareness that arises by paying attention on purpose in the present moment nonjudgmentally.” So Kabat-Zinn seems the man to ask how “mindful” became the buzzword of the moment, applied to clothing, tea and adult coloring books — mind you, a whole series of adult coloring books. The Epic Burger chain produces “a more mindful burger,” because lettuce, tomato and Epic sauce weren’t enough. To which Kabat-Zinn responds with a shrug, “It’s a mystery to me.” An increasing number of academic studies, nearly 700 in 2015, have examined mindfulness’s positive effect on stress, brain connectivity and chronic medical condi-
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tions, according to the American Mindfulness Research Association, which pleases KabatZinn. The ubiquity of the adjective, however, is another matter. “I don’t feel particularly good about it,” he says. “When something becomes hot in our society, everyone is an expert and wants to commodify it and make money from it.” Why have we become so mindful now? “Stress in the last 35 years has gone through the roof,” says Kabat-Zinn, who has a doctorate in molecular
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biology. “We’re multitasking continually, juggling a thousand things. Mindfulness is a way to maintain sanity.” Haven’t humans always been stressed? The Depression, the plague, the Inquisition, revolutions, beheadings — all stressful. Perhaps the difference is that we’re aware of the stress, and we’re mindful of the time and sleep lost worrying about the stress. Also, appearances to the contrary, we have time to stress about the stress. Perhaps our mindful moment can be blamed,
Tara Healey is the program director for mindfulness-based learning at Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, which has counseled 150 New England businesses and more than 10,000 workers on becoming more mindful. “I am kind of happy and excited that this word is out there in the culture in a way that it never has been,” she says, “though I so worry about it getting watered down and losing the integrity of the word. It’s everywhere.” Pat Croce is energetic, fit, voluble. He made his fortune in sports medicine outlets, served as president of the Philadelphia 76ers (the Allen Iverson years, not the what-are-they-doingin-the-NBA 76ers), opened a Florida pirate
museum and a chain of pirate-themed bars and restaurants. You know, typical resume. Now, Croce spends five hours a day on mindfulness. It’s almost his full-time job: meditating, journaling, intentionally breathing, reading, drawing Chinese characters, getting Chinese character tattoos on his wrist. “For 60 years, I trained my body,” he says. “I never did a frickin’ thing for my mind.” In February, Croce and his wife, Diane, donated $250,000 to his alma mater, West Chester University in suburban Philadelphia, for mindfulness study at the school’s Center for Contemplative Studies. “It sounds a little ‘woowoo,’” Croce said when he announced the gift, “but truly, we’re all here. We’re all mindful.” ‘Woo-woo’ or not ‘woo-woo’? Mindfulness means so many things to different people. It takes Barry Boyce nearly a quarter-hour to define mindfulness — and he’s the editor of Mindful, a website and bimonthly magazine
dedicated to the subject. “The range of interpretations is huge,” he says. “We’re pretty open about letting people discover for themselves what mindfulness means. We’re just talking mindfulness here. I haven’t even gotten to defining mindful.” But he is not a “mindful” minder. “I don’t care. I don’t own the English language,” he says. “My job is that we keep giving a meaning for people that is meaningful in a particular context in their lives.” He notes that “there are some people who think it’s woo-woo” — there’s that technical term again — “but it doesn’t have to be woowoo.” Kabat-Zinn, Mr. Mindful, is “resigned” to mindful burgers and tea, “the ubiquity being an inevitable side effect of something as important as mindfulness,” he said. “In a year or two, the fad element will blow over and people will be on to the next next thing.” Meanwhile, you can find Mindful magazine at Whole Foods, along with the Earth Balance Mindful Mayo — original, organic and olive oil.
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A life of peace hinges on the choices you make If it is inner peace for which you are searching, then you must begin by understanding you may be creating your own chaos.
BY CHARLOTTE LANKARD For The Oklahoman
I am a time in my life when peace is a priority. That means being aware of the way I spend my time, and with whom, and being willing to step away from an activity or a person where there is chaos and strife. When I look for a “place of peace” I am talking about a resting place away from the city noises and a busy schedule both of which I enjoy, yet now and then relish a break from them. But living a “life of peace” is something dif-
Charlotte Lankard
ferent. It cannot be found by traveling to a different geographical location. Inner peace has to do with choices you make. So if it is inner peace for which you are searching, then you must begin by understanding you may be creating your
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own chaos. To lessen the inner turmoil may not be about adding anything to your already busy life; it may be about a willingness to STOP some things. STOP putting your own needs last. Do what is best for you. As long as you are trying to please everyone around you and neglecting yourself, you are attempting the impossible and the feeling of failure will nag at you. STOP explaining yourself to everyone. The only person who knows what is best for you, is you. In the same way, you STOP telling some-
one else what is best for them. You are not an authority on anyone else’s behavior. STOP being afraid of “what might happen.” Change is a given. You give up your peace of mind when you endlessly worry about the “what ifs” that may never occur, and you miss the here and now. STOP dwelling in the past. The past cannot be changed. Instead use your energy to make the changes necessary to live a life with fewer regrets today. STOP the negative self-talk. It is not
helpful, and it may not be accurate. Negative self-talk is typically what someone else has said to you when you didn’t do what they wanted, and you continue to repeat their words to yourself. STOP over-thinking everything. It is wasted energy to be indecisive for a long period of time. Make a decision based on the best information at the time. If it is a mistake, learn from it and go in a different direction. STOP thinking you are supposed to be perfect. It is not possible. Learn to be a human being flawed, but improving,
for as long as you live. STOP making excuses. If you make a mistake, own it, because whatever you say or do is never someone else’s fault. STOP looking the other way when something or someone is hurtful to you. If you do choose to look the other way, then you can never again say you didn’t know. Charlotte Lankard is a columnist for The Oklahoman and a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@oklahoman. com
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Adult coloring books are not just a fad; for some, they are a lifesaver BY NORA KRUG The Washington Post
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On what would have been her son Obed’s first birthday in 2012, Dee Ledger colored this Mandala from Suzanne F. Fincher’s Coloring Mandalas book. [PHOTO BY KATHERINE FREY/WASHINGTON POST]
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ee Ledger can remember exactly when she found solace, if not salvation, after the death of her 10-week-old son, Obed. It is where she found it, and how, that surprised her: in a coloring book. Ledger, a former English teacher and hospice chaplain, had always been able to use words and prayer to find peace in difficult times and to help others do the same. But after her son died in April 2011, she needed something more, something different, to calm her nerves and help soothe her grief. “I was looking for something quiet that could get rid of this restlessness,” she says, to help quell the churning thoughts that made it hard for her to focus or sleep. Back then, coloring books weren’t the phenomenon they are today. Ledger found hers in a spiritual catalogue. Now, of course, adult coloring books are ubiquitous, crowding bookstores and bestseller lists. Coloring-book groups have sprouted up everywhere in cafes and libraries, on Facebook and Instagram. In 2015, an estimated 12 million adult coloring books were sold in the United States, according to Nielsen Bookscan. There are adult coloring books for hipsters, “Dr. Who” fans, cat lovers, Taylor Swift
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devotees, and admirers of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg pretty much anyone with a niche interest and a need to relax. In other words, everyone. “It’s easy to poohpooh coloring books as just another fad,” Ledger says. But maybe, she says, we shouldn’t be so dismissive: “Anything can be a fad, even prayer.” For Ledger and others, coloring books offer a real elixir, a way of getting past hurdles mental, physical or both that can’t be replicated by more-traditional approaches. Joanne Schwandes, a 67-year-old Silver Spring, Maryland, resident, says that coloring books have boosted her confidence in fine motor skills weakened by a tremor in her arm. A Virginia mother says that coloring has helped her stay calm in the face of her son’s violent behavior. On one Facebook coloring group, members share their creations along with their stories of healing using coloring as a tool against selfharming or as a way to manage the effects of physical illness or fend off depression and other difficulties. Coloring books work like other mindfulness techniques such as yoga and meditation, says Craig Sawchuk, a clinical psychologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Such approaches work “almost like a volume knob to turn down the sympathetic nervous system, the stress response.” Coloring can help slow down heart rate and respiration, loosen muscles and stimulate the brain,
Dee Ledger flips through some of her coloring books in her home office as one of her sons, Griffin, plays in their condo. [PHOTO BY KATHERINE FREY/WASHINGTON POST]
he says. Coloring has a “grounding effect” he says, a benefit that can be amplified with deliberate focus on the process “the gentle pressing of the crayon or pencil on the page, the texture of the paper across your hand, and the soft sounds of the coloring instrument moving back and forth in a rhythmic fashion,” he says. Although there have been no large clinical studies of coloring books, the benefits of coloring are comparable to those of mindfulness practices, he says, which have been studied. And coloring can help with more-severe problems beyond stress; Sawchuk spoke about one patient who used coloring books to stop an obsessive habit of picking at her skin. Indeed, art therapists have been using coloring books for years. “There’s a self-soothing meditative benefit because you are doing the same
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motion over and over, especially with symmetrical drawings,” says Lina Assad Cates, a psychotherapist and boardcertified art therapist in Washington who uses coloring books as part of her practice. “The books help create boundaries the literal boundaries of the lines and the metaphorical boundaries for drawing healthy boundaries in relationships. There’s also the potential benefit of just mastering something you’ve created.” This reflects Ledger’s experience. “As a pastor, I am fascinated by how easily coloring becomes meditative,” she says. “By selecting colors and working with the design, I find that I can lose myself in ways that are healing and creative.” Ledger, who lost her husband to cancer in 2013, less than a year after giving birth to twins, spends about three hours a week coloring, mostly at
night, when her children are asleep and she can sit quietly in the kitchen of her Rockville, Mary-
land, home and gather her thoughts. (Her sons, Griffin and Eli, have their own coloring books.) Now pastor at Bethesda United Church of Christ in Maryland, Ledger approaches her hobby with a mix of pride and self-deprecating humor. “I’m not an artist,” she says as she spreads out her works on her bed. Some she keeps in a hardback binder, others in a small journal that fits in her purse. In a small office carved out of a second bedroom, her pencils and markers are neatly organized in plastic containers that once held Cascade detergent. Ledger, 46, has colored her way not only through grief but also through physical pain. When she had back surgery a few years ago, she asked the doctors to make sure that the intravenous lines were in her right arm so
that she could use her left, her coloring arm, as soon as she was awake. “I literally colored in the recovery room at the hospital,” she says. Still, she understands that coloring is neither a panacea nor for everyone. “If someone was grieving, I wouldn’t just pay a visit on them and say, ‘You should color, and that would take your grief away,’ “ she explains. “I don’t believe that.” But coloring has given her a sense of power in a life that has spun wildly off plan. “Being able to sit there and actually control that little world” inside a coloring book has been “really instrumental in my starting a new chapter of my life,” she says. “I don’t know if you ever fully heal from loss and trauma. But coloring has definitely helped me start a new life again.”
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Animal magnetism Your dog can make you feel better, and here’s why BY MARLENE CIMONS Special to The Washington Post
W
ayne Pacelle has a demanding job as president and chief executive of the Humane Society of the United States. This is one of the reasons he brings Lily, his beagle mix, to work with him. He is convinced that animals “are a necessary ingredient in our emotional well-being,’’ he says. “I deal with many stressful issues, and I see terrible cruelty,’’ he adds. “But when Lily puts her head on my lap, it calms me.’’ Pacelle can’t scientifically document the positive effects he gains from his connection with Lily (and Zoe, his cat). But his experience supports what researchers who study human/ animal interaction have concluded: Pets, especially dogs, seem to be good for our health. “Dogs make people feel good,’’ says Brian Hare, an associate professor of cognitive neuroscience at Duke University, who points out that dogs are found now in some courtrooms, exam study halls, hospitals, nursing homes, hospice-care settings, classrooms, airports and elsewhere, “and their only job is to help people in stressful situations 14
feel better. Many people seem to respond to dogs in a positive way.’’ Scientists believe that the major source of people’s positive reactions to pets comes from oxytocin, a hormone whose many functions include stimulating social bonding, relaxation and trust, and easing stress. Research has shown that when humans interact with dogs, oxytocin levels increase in both species. “When parents look at their baby and their baby stares into their eyes, even though Denise Harris takes an afternoon nap with her Irish wolfhounds, Fearghus, left, and Carrik, right, in Columbia, Md. When the baby can’t talk, Harris is feeling ill, she likes to take a nap with her canine companions on the family room floor. [PHOTO BY LINDA DAVIDSON, parents get an oxytocin WASHINGTON POST] boost just by eye contact,’’ Hare says. “Dogs have somehow hijacked this oxytocin bonding pathway, so that just by making eye contact, or [by] playing and hugging our dog, the oxytocin in both us and our dog goes up. This is why dogs are wonderful in any kind of stressful situation.’’ Miho Nagasawa, a postdoctoral fellow at Jichi Medical UniverLulu accompanies her sity in Shimotsuke, owner, Matthew J. Fiorillo, Japan, has found that at the Ballard-Durand mutual gazing between Funeral Home in White humans and their dogs Plains, N.Y. [PHOTO COURTESY increases the owners’ MATTHEW J. FIORILLO] oxytocin levels. This helps decrease anxiety and arousal levels, and Humane Society executive Wayne Pacell at home with his dog, Lily, and cat, Zoe. slow the heart rate. “The Research has shown that when humans interact with dogs, oxytocin levels increase in positive interaction Healing through both species. [PHOTO BY LINDA DAVIDSON, WASHINGTON POST] between humans and mutual affection dogs via mutual gazing million households have book, a publication of numerous stories — may reduce stress activAbout 43 million cats, according to the the American Veterinary some of them probably ity for each other,’’ she American households 2012 U.S. Pet Ownership Medical Association. apocryphal — of the says. have dogs and about 36 & Demographics SourceHistory provides therapeutic benefits
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of dogs, both physical and psychological. In ancient Egypt, for example, people believed that a dog’s lick could heal sores or lesions (there may be a basis in fact for this, because dogs’ saliva contains antibacterial and antiviral substances, as well as growth factors); in 19th-century mental institutions in England, pets were used to calm residents; in 1880, former Civil War nurse Florence Nightingale wrote that a small pet “is often an excellent companion for the sick, for long chronic cases especially.’’ In modern times, science has stepped in to provide a clearer link. A 1980 study found that more heart-attack victims with pets survived beyond the one-year mark than those without, a finding that was reproduced 15 years later. Other studies have shown that pet ownership seems to decrease coronary disease risk factors involving blood pressure, cholesterol and triglycerides, among other things. A 2009 study, for example, looked at 4,435 people, more than half of them with cats, and found a significantly lower risk of heart-attack deaths for the cat owners. Another study, which looked at 240 married couples, found lower heart rates and blood pressure among those with pets than among those without. The pet owners also experienced milder stress responses and a faster recovery from stress when they were with their pets rather than with a spouse or friend. As for staying healthy in general, it’s no surprise that having a dog can help you stay more active. One study involving more than 2,000 adults found that
dog owners who regularly walked their dogs were more physically active and less likely to be obese than those who didn’t own or walk a dog. Another, which looked at more than 2,500 people ages 71 to 82, found that regular dog walkers tended to walk faster and for longer periods each week than those who did not have dogs to walk. They also showed greater mobility inside their homes. Some research suggests that childhood exposure to dogs and cats can protect against developing allergies and asthma later in life, possibly because the contact with pet microbes occurs while the immune system is still developing.
U.S. Humane Society employee Crystal Moreland brings her dog Andre to work. [PHOTO BY LINDA DAVIDSON, WASHINGTON POST]
them. “And I can always count on Fearghus for a hug when I’m feeling down,” she says. Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health are interested in the potential health value of having pets. NIH first raised Creature comfort the human/pet connection nearly 30 years ago, recommending that Denise Harris of scientists take pets into Columbia, Maryland, account when conducthas had rheumatoid ing health research, and arthritis for 30 years; the agency has funded a when she’s feeling ill, number of studies into she often naps with her the impact of pet ownerIrish wolfhounds, Carrick ship. and Fearghus. She says Lori Kogan, an associFearghus mothers her ate professor of clinical when she’s getting sick, sciences at the Colorado sensing what’s coming State University College before she does and herd- of Veterinary Medicine ing her to the bed or sofa. and the editor of the “Sure enough, a couple of Human-Animal Interachours later, I’m running a tion Bulletin, says that fever,” she says. “He then pets can be especially literally watches over me helpful for people facing till the fever breaks.” emotional difficulties. She calls Carrick her “Dogs have a positive crutch. “When I fell in the impact on depression and blizzard last winter, he anxiety,’’ Kogan says. ran to my side, stood over “When someone loses me until I could sit up, let a spouse or partner, for me use him to pull myself example, having a dog up, then supported me, provides a reason to get letting me lean against up and be social,’’ she him all the way into the says. For many older house and to the sofa.” people, “it’s the only Of course the hounds relationship they have.’’ are good for her health, In one study, researchshe says. For one thing, ers concluded that she takes long walks with women living alone
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were “significantly more lonely” than those who were living with pets, and noted that having a pet might “compensate for the absence of human companionship.” This may explain the value many people find in therapy dogs, which are trained to help people deal with worry, unhappiness and anxiety, and have been found to even
reduce the perception of pain. While dogs are most frequently used for therapy purposes, says Mary Margaret Callahan of Pet Partners, the group’s registry of available therapy animals also includes cats, horses, rabbits, guinea pigs, llamas, potbellied pigs, birds and domesticated rats. Therapy dogs are widely used to help veterans cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and have been used to help calm children with autism. In June, therapy dogs were brought in to relax swimmers competing in the U.S. Olympic trials in Omaha suffering from pre-race jitters. Therapy golden retrievers from Lutheran Church Charities were sent to Orlando in last year to comfort survivors as well as those who lost loved ones in the
Pulse nightclub shooting that left dozens dead. A New York funeral home provides mourners with a dog that even “prays’’ with them. A recently released study found that therapy pets can help first-year university students suffering from homesickness and possibly help in lowering college dropout rates. Of course, there are times when the emotional interaction with pets can be difficult. When they misbehave, or are sick (or worse), we feel it. “Dogs are just like kids: They can be the sources of enormous joy and enormous worry,” says Hare, who has two children and two dogs. “But overall, despite the worry and pain, most dog owners I know, including me, would say that there is overwhelming benefit.”
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