RELATIONSHIP

TRANSFORM YOUR SELF-TALK TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

From the moment we are born we are in relation with ourselves, people, things, situations, concepts, etc.

All of these relationships are important to our survival and our ability to live the most fulfilled and meaningful lives. Of all these relationships the relationship with the self is most imperative. This relationship with self is, in essence, the most fluid and consistent relationship that each of us will ever have. How we treat ourselves and talk to ourselves becomes an important aspect of harnessing healthy loving relationships with all the people, elements and aspects of life. In the times were are living in; Change, Disruption, Uncertainty, Volatility, Complexity, Ambiguity and Diversity are constant and consistent aspects that challenge how we relate to others, situations and circumstances. Taking time to go within and nurture our relationships with ourselves is extremely important for how we show up to life in all its uncertainty and at times of turbulence. How each of us best celebrate our personal wins and lick our personal wounds in the places we have fallen is encapsulated in our self-talk. In my career and personal life experience I have come to find that a great way to harness a healthy and loving relationship with the self, and healthily navigate the times we are living in, is through deeper awareness of our self-talk. Self-talk is our internal dialogue with our selves. It is that inner voice that is influenced by our subconscious mind and is expressed through our thoughts, beliefs, values, ideas and unconscious biases. Self-talk can be expressed both in a positive and in a negative way. It is very personal and unique to each individual and can be reassuring and supportive or painful and diminishing. Along the journey of growing our relationship with ourselves the awareness of our self-talk needs to become a point of focus. It is in being aware of ourselves that we can shift our negative selftalk to positive self-talk and truly transform our lives. Positive self-talk is the key to transforming our lives and transforming our relationship with ourselves and thus our relationship with all aspects of our lives. We can say that positive self-talk is a powerful and effective tool for stress reduction and positive changes in our lives, especially in these times we are facing. We want to embrace and practice positive self-talk because it enhances our wellbeing and helps us to better manage our stress.

The effects of positive self-talk can present themselves through improved:

• Self-confidence • Self-esteem • Vitality in the body • Immune function • Life satisfaction • Mental health • Positive outlook on life • Stress symptoms • Pain release • Physical wellbeing • Mindset

To transform our relationship with ourselves we need to be mindful and aware of what negative self-talk is. Negative self-talk happens when we are in a state of selfblame. When we focus on bringing all our attention to the negative elements of a situation, circumstance or person and do not acknowledge or choose to ignore all of the positive elements of a situation. Negative self-talk also occurs when we expect the worst and are unable to bring logic or reason to persuade our focus. It can also show up in our outlook on life, seeing and experiencing the world in a linear fashion of black and white or good and bad without a middle ground for categorising or processing and adjusting to life events. • I am unable to change my mind • I am going to do badly at this • I disappoint everybody and myself • This will never work out for me • I am out of shape • I am not loved or lovable • I am a disgrace • I am a failure • Making decisions is hard for me • It is my fault • Nothing ever works out • I do not belong here

Negative self-talk shows up in scenarios and statements like:

Once we are aware of the negative inner dialogue that we are expressing to ourselves, we are then able to start the process of shifting the thought and feeling into a positive one. Below are four tips on how to improve your self-talk so that you can truly transform your life.

1. Become aware of and identify your personal negative self-talk triggers. Certain places, situations and people can trigger our subconscious into negative inner dialogue. Awareness of the frequency and circumstance of negative self-talk helps us to recognise patterns that arise, preparing us to shift our inner dialogue to positive self-talk. 2. Affirming yourself with positive affirmations daily. Affirmations are a powerful way to inspire positive thoughts and feelings about ourselves. 3. Have deep curiosity when it comes to your thoughts. Ask yourself; Am I being loving to myself? Is this thought good for my wellbeing? Am I spending quality time with me? Am I speaking to myself like I speak to someone who I care for and love? 4. Be kind to yourself as you start to adopt positive self-talk. Allowing yourself to feel and embrace scenarios and statements that are for you and your wellbeing with statements like:

• I am lovable • I am going to do amazingly at this • I inspire everybody and myself

Positive self-talk has the power to transform your life and is a beautiful way to express your magnificent self, grow your relationships with yourself and all aspects of your life. It takes commitment and dedication. When done well, your life can truly be transformed.