Methodist Message: October 2023

God is in the valley with me: A trauma survivor shares her story TRAC Healing Ministry: Healing beyond the physical

Vol 125 No 10 OCTOBER 2023

ISSN 0129-6868 MCI (P) 031/11/2022

A HEALTHY THEOLOGY OF

HEALING

Contents

Editorial Board

/ Bishop’s Message /

Adviser and Publisher Dr Anthony Goh Chairperson, Council on Communications

/ News /

Communications Manager

3 We are forever one—

Lynn Tan

Fairfield Methodist Schools' 135th Anniversary

Managing Editor

7 Ablaze 兴起发光—

Alvin Tay

WFCMC 10th Youth Leaders' Conference

Editor Lianne Ong

/ Feature /

Communications Executive

10 Healing beyond the physical

Kathrynn Koh

Sub-editors

13 God is in the valley with me

Lucy Cheng Janice Khoo Tan Chiu Ai Elliot Soh

18 Soundings: A healthy theology of healing

Proofreaders

20 THINK: Image and faithfulness

Kenneth Lee Christabel Tan

/ Opinion /

/ Outreach / 23 A miracle of healing and resurrection 24 Learning to forgive was part of his healing process

/ Relationships / The official monthly publication of The Methodist Church in Singapore. Published material does not necessarily reflect the official view of The Methodist Church. All Scripture quoted is based on the English Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

70 Barker Road #06-04 Singapore 309936 6478-4793 | 6478-4763 methodist.org.sg/message www.methodist.org.sg

27 At The Well 32 You and Your Family:

Growing love that transcends countries and cultures

/ Worship / 35 The restorative power of worship

/ People / 37 Understanding the connectional church

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Email us at

communications@methodist.org.sg Layout by Londonbob Design Printed by Adred Creation Print Pte Ltd

COVER ART Based on the original artwork

by Paul Thumann published in 1886, "Jesus Raises the Daughter of Jairus" (Luke 8).

Even though my illness was a trial to you As you know, it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you, and even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn.

Instead, you welcomed me as if I were an angel of God, as if I were Christ Jesus himself.

Galatians 4:13-14 (NIV)

G

od brought physical healing to many

In other words, he often fell sick! And instead

through the prayers of the apostle Paul

of telling Timothy to pray more or exercise

(e.g. Acts 28:8). But sometimes even those

more faith to claim God's healing, Paul tells

with the gift of healing remain sick. This was

Timothy to take a little wine to soothe his

true for Paul when he was in Galatia. Evidently,

stomach troubles. The apostle Paul did not

in the Bible, God the healer does not always

think it un-spiritual to suggest a very human

physically heal every earthly illness.

act of drinking wine in order to promote physical well-being. I am sure that he would

The reality of sickness was true in New

gladly endorse the work of human doctors

Testament times as it is today. For example,

and medicine as part of God's healing and

2 Timothy 4:20 records that Trophimus, one

soothing process also.

of Paul's full-time Christian missionaries could not make the journey because of a

Paul was grateful that the Galatian

sickness. The illness is reported without any

Christians did not grumble or despise

theological surprise or shock. It seems to

having to look after him when he was ill.

have just been one of those realities of life

Let us be grateful to God for doctors, nurses,

that occur to all of us sometimes.

family and friends who do not despise us when we fall sick. Instead, they do what

Even the young pastor Timothy had

they can to bring God’s healing and comfort

"frequent ailments" (1 Timothy 5:23).

when we fall ill.

October 2023 Methodist Message 1

Coming up

THE HEAVENLY FATHER

& EARTHLY FATHERS

MFM 3RD ANNIVERSARY KEYNOTE SPEAKER BISHOP EMERITUS DR ROBERT SOLOMON The Methodist Fathers Movement is a place where fathers, as head of the home, can receive God’s impartation to be a blessing to their families and leave a fruitful legacy for generations to come.

Join us this year as we celebrate our 3rd anniversary with the theme “The Heavenly Father and Earthly Fathers”.

Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon will share how fatherhood speaks of identity, authority and intimacy as he speaks from Matthew 6:9-10.

14 OCT 2023 |2.00 P.M. - 5.00 P.M.

TAMIL METHODIST CHURCH (SHORT STREET)

2 FFF.indd Methodist 1 Message October 2023

REGISTER

tinyurl.com/3rdMFM

22/8/2023 11:03:35

News

By Chua Wei Wei and Choe Wai Leng, teachers at Fairfield Methodist School (Primary) and Fairfield Methodist School (Secondary), respectively. / Photos courtesy of Fairfield Methodist School (Primary) and Lightedpixels Photography

r

re forev a e e W

A moment captured in time— Fairfield’s 135th Combined Founder’s Day Service, graced

by Minister for Education, Mr Chan Chun Sing

I

n August 1888, a woman missionary,

population, the school relocated in 1983 to

Miss Sophia Blackmore, started a class

its current Dover campus. Concurrent with

for eight Nonya girls in a little rented

this move, the all-girls' school accepted

Peranakan house at Cross Street, which

its first batch of boys and became co-

became known as Telok Ayer Girls' School.

educational; at the same time, it separated

Through the years, it expanded and in

into two distinct schools—a primary school

1912, under the leadership of Miss Mary

and a secondary school. In 2009, these

Olson, it moved to Neil Road where it was

two schools rebranded themselves as

renamed Fairfield Girls' School in honour

Fairfield Methodist School (Primary) and

of a generous benefactor, Mr James

Fairfield Methodist School (Secondary), the

Fairfield, who donated the largest sum of

names our schools are known by today.

US$5,000 for the new school building. To

Nevertheless, our schools remain very

meet the growing needs of the student

much in one spirit, despite the separation.

October 2023 Methodist Message 3

We are forever one

This year, we celebrate our 135th

two all-time favourites, "Dunk & Splash"

anniversary with the theme "Flourishing

and "Horror House", provided plenty of

as ONE Fairfield". With Covid-19 somewhat

excitement and fun. The Carnival was

behind us, we were determined to

indeed a resounding success as we were

rebound with several celebrations to

able to raise over $500,000 in total. The

commemorate this momentous year!

funds will be used for improvement works for the secondary school, such as

To kick-start the celebrations was our

upgrading the audio system and seats,

long-awaited Oh! It's Fairfield Carnival

increasing seating capacity and replacing

on 29 April 2023. Organised once every

the parade square flooring. The primary

five years, the Carnival has served as

school will use the funds they raised to

a bridge between past and present

build an automatic irrigation system to

students and staff, and as a platform for

reduce wastage of water, replace the

connecting friends and family. It was a

school intercom system and revamp the

privilege for us this year to invite and bless

three existing IT hubs to provide more

beneficiaries of various organisations

spaces for students to do collaborative

such as the Singapore Association of the

work and develop 21st century skills.

Visually Handicapped, the South West Community Development Council (CDC),

Next up on the calendar was a musical

Grace Orchard School and residents from

play, titled Fairfield! The Musical, which

St John's–St. Margaret's Nursing Home.

was a collaboration by both Fairfield

Jubilant cheers and applause reverberated

Methodist Schools, to highlight our rich

when the Mayor of the South West District,

history, honour its past achievements and

Ms Low Yen Ling, graced the occasion as

inspire our future generations. The show

Guest-of-Honour.

was written and directed by Mr Dwayne Lau, with music composed by alumna Ms

The plethora of games and food stalls

Elaine Chan. Four sold-out shows were

planted across the schools, together with

staged on 28 and 29 July 2023 at the

4 Methodist Message October 2023

(Left) Guestof-Honour Ms Low Yen Ling tried her hand at one of the games stalls in the school field (Right) Students made coffee while Minister Chan spoke to award winners and their parents

Victoria Theatre. Our Guest-of-Honour

across both schools, and values such as

for the Gala Night on 29 July was Deputy

empathy and teamwork were called to the

Prime Minister and Coordinating Minister

fore as our students joined in performing

for Economic Policies, Mr Heng Swee Keat.

together as "ONE Fairfield".

The musical rekindled cherished memories

Guest-ofHonour, Minister Heng Swee Keat, interacted with the entire cast after the Gala Show

with stories of the past to the present day,

The 135th Anniversary celebrations

offering a captivating narrative to honour

culminated with a Founder's Day Service

the profound legacies of those who had

on 4 August 2023, graced by the Education

served selflessly, and likely inspired many

Minister, Mr Chan Chun Sing. He spent

in the audience to continue to contribute

time interacting with school leaders,

and pay it forward to future generations.

student leaders, award winners and

Many volunteers and stakeholders from

parents prior to the service. During the

the Fairfield community came together

service, the two principals of our schools,

to support the musical in various ways.

Mdm Law Li Mei (Primary) and Mr Wee Tat

Friendships were forged and deepened

Chuen (Secondary), delivered a combined

October 2023 Methodist Message 5

We are forever one

speech that highlighted the mission and achievements of both schools.

In a stirring message, Minister Chan encouraged all Fairsians to use their God-given talents and blessings to bless others "beyond yourself, beyond your school and beyond the here and now".

No matter how many years will pass, (Top) A scene that captured Fairfield's history as an all-girls' school with both primary and secondary students prior to 1983 (Bottom) The four houses of the school took centre stage in one scene of the musical

6 Methodist Message October 2023

our schools will continue to pursue the same mission, which is to provide a holistic education to nurture leaders of good character, equipped to serve God, nation, community and school, to the glory of God.

News

By CAC Communications Team. / Photos courtesy of CAC and Sabah Annual Conference

WFCMC 10th Youth Leaders' Conference

10th Youth Leaders' Conference Group

H

osted by Sabah Annual Conference,

For most of the team, this was their

the World Federation of the Chinese

first WFCMC YLC. It was heart-warming

Methodist Churches (WFCMC) 10th Youth

to witness that cultural differences did

Leaders' Conference (YLC) was held in

not hinder the forging of friendships or

Sabah, Malaysia from 6 to 10 July 2023.

prevent learning with and from each other.

More than 150 Chinese Methodist youth

Truly, the shared love for Christ made us

leaders from West Malaysia, Sarawak,

one in spirit.

Sabah, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Australia participated. The Methodist

The 10th YLC was themed "Ablaze 兴起发光".

Church in Singapore (MCS) Chinese

Through the sermons, talks and sharing

Annual Conference was represented by 20

sessions, participants were led to reflect

youth leaders.

on the posture of their hearts. They were

October 2023 Methodist Message 7

WFCMC 10th Youth Leaders' Conference

Participants also had the opportunity to explore Sabah through thoughtfully organised outings that were both fun and insightful. It gave us an introduction to Sabah's culture, history and in particular, their concerns over the population of stateless persons residing in their land.

The last programme item encouraged further cultural exchange among the participants, as well as put into practice the bearing of one another's burdens Conference speakers

through prayer. Cultural booths were set up by each region and equipped with creatively

reminded to prioritise things of greater

curated elements that showcased what

importance: worship over service, love over

made each region unique. As participants

duty, attitude over success, and action over

visited each booth, appreciating the

speech. They were exhorted to trust and

different cultures that God had made, it

seek first God's kingdom and will, and to

presented opportunities to pray for the

humbly avail themselves for God's use.

needs and concerns of each region.

TO READ the personal reflections from our CAC participants, check out the September 2023 issue of CAC News on CAC's

(Top to bottom)

Facebook @cac.singapore

Visiting El Shaddai Visiting Sabah State Museum Visiting KDCA Cultural Village CAC participants Instagram @cactogether

October 2023 Methodist Message 9

Feature

Rev Ling Kin Yew is the TRAC Healing Ministry chairperson.

He is also a pastor at Cairnhill Methodist Church. / Photos courtesy of TRAC Healing Ministry

Healing

beyond the physical

A

t TRAC Healing Ministry and Cairnhill

paralysed from chest down but continued

Methodist Church, we have seen God

to share the gospel on mission trips in a

heal all kinds of sickness, ranging from

wheelchair. He passed away in 2014.)

cancer, pain, gastrointestinal issues to deafness. At the most recent TRAC Healing

Some may even question God's mode and

Service in Aldersgate Methodist Church on

timing of healing. We really do not know

23 August 2023, we saw God heal arthritis,

as God's ways are higher than ours, and he

claw toe and knee pain; two persons on

may be healing, but not in the way or time

wheelchairs even started to walk!

we expect.

Does God heal all the time?

Perhaps God wants to deal with the

Yet there are some who may ask why God

root issue, as demonstrated by a recent

heals in some situations but not in others—I

encounter we had when ministering to

remember a man who came to a healing

a mother and daughter who were both

service held at Christ Methodist Church and

suffering from slipped discs. While praying

God healed him of his hearing problems but

for them, the word "stress" came to mind.

he still suffers from trigger finger. My own

Upon checking, they both admitted to

parents and sister were in a serious accident

being under stress, the mother would

in the US, when a train hit the car they were

even be in tears every night. At that

in. While God healed my mother's knee,

prayer session, God touched them and

protected my sister physically and healed

the mother broke down in tears while her

her of the emotional trauma, my father did

daughter felt lighter and fell under the

not receive physical healing. (He remained

power of the Holy Spirit.

10 Methodist Message October 2023

A time of prayer during TRAC Healing Ministry's service on 23 August 2023

The more important kind of healing

manage to walk the length of the hospital

Besides dealing with the root issues, it

ward when he was discharged. His son,

is also possible that God does not heal

Julian, wrote in a message, "His therapist

physically so that the more important

told me his physical recovery had plateaued

spiritual healing can take place.

and any further improvement would be a miracle." However, after prayers, God started

God heals physically, but the physical

to heal and strengthen David's legs at an

healing is only a means to something even

amazing rate. From first travelling the 750m

better—spiritual healing of our relationship

from Newton MRT to Cairnhill Methodist

with God. Physical healing on its own is

Church in a wheelchair, he is now able to

futile if it gives someone extra years of life

walk the full distance. On 25 June 2023, he

but the person continues to live that life

further defied the odds by walking up the

without knowing God. It is for this reason

three flights of stairs to the hall and playing

that TRAC Healing Ministry services invite

badminton! More important than the

all not just to receive physical healing, but

physical healing was the spiritual healing

to have the opportunity to receive spiritual

as Uncle David was drawn into a closer

healing through accepting Jesus and be

relationship with God.

drawn into a closer relationship with God. The more important healing is spiritual David Chia, who is 80 years old, first came to

healing—that persons be reconciled with

Cairnhill Methodist Church on 26 February

God and experience eternal life in Christ

2023 in a wheelchair. He had suffered a

Jesus. The more important healing is the

stroke the previous year and could only

healing of the body of Christ, that brothers-

October 2023 Methodist Message 11

Healing beyond the physical

and sisters-in-Christ all around the world may be the hands and feet of Jesus, showing love and bringing God's healing to all.

God can heal through you God brought healing through my parents to others.

Many patients and their caregivers that my parents encountered at the hospitals and at physiotherapy would ask them how they could still have joy after the accident.

My parents would share about Jesus and hence, bring spiritual healing wherever they go.

God can also bring healing through you. Let's lead the people around us to Jesus and if they are struggling with sickness, let's pray for them. It could be as simple as praying, "God, may your healing come upon them." Just the other day, my ears were blocked and I could not hear properly. My 9-year-old son prayed for me and moments later, I could hear well again. All thanks and praise to God!

Come for

TRAC Healing Ministry's service and invite your friends. The next healing service will be at Bedok Methodist Church on 28 October, 3 p.m. To learn more about how you can bring God's healing to those around you, you may join us at our TRAC Healing training. We welcome Methodist church members and friends from other denominations. Follow our Facebook page at David Chia in a wheelchair (top photo) and playing badminton (above, with racket)

www.facebook.com/trachealingsingapore to receive the latest news on healing services and training.

Property Manager To apply and view other Employment Opportunities at MCS, visit bit.ly/mcsjobs Alternatively, send your resume to hr@methodist.org.sg

Feature

God is in the valley with me A trauma survivor shares her story This is the true story of Jane (not her real name), who worships at a Methodist church. She shares this raw account

"You're a mental case! Mad! You need to go to the mental hospital!" My father has screamed these words at me many times since my youth. They have hurt me so much in the past, and I wish I could say I'm immune to it now, but in truth, these words still sting.

of her traumatic life as a victim of verbal, physical

I was born out of wedlock. When my mother confessed

and sexual abuse in the

she was pregnant, my grandfather—a strict, religious

hope that it will help any

and conservative man—sent her to a home for unwed

reader who is facing the

mothers as he couldn't bear the shame of keeping her

same ordeals. We have

at home. My father, a non-Singaporean, was unable to

used a pseudonym to keep

return to Singapore during that time. The only visitors

Jane's identity a secret. ~ Editor

my mother had were two close maternal relatives, whom I call my aunties.

October 2023 Methodist Message 13

God is in the valley with me

After I was born, my grandfather insisted on

The one year we spent overseas was fraught

putting me up for adoption but my aunties

with troubles. My father began having an

intervened and bore me away. Raised in their

affair and many times he did not come home.

Methodist household, I was brought to church

My mother, left to fend for two young children

on Sundays.

by herself, had to turn to my maternal family for financial support.

My mother continued living with her parents and siblings, visiting me when she was

Finally, the decision was made for us to return

allowed to. When I was a year old, my father

to Singapore. We moved house frequently as

managed to secure a job and returned to

we didn't own a home. My aunties, whom I

Singapore. As they were of different faiths,

had missed greatly, managed to enrol me back

my parents faced many hurdles in getting

into primary school.

married until my grandfather finally relented.

But problems surfaced again. My father, who The year after their wedding, my mother

was between jobs, fell prey to gambling,

gave birth to a son who was regarded as her

drinking and other vices, and the family's

"firstborn". My parents were living with my

debts mounted. I found solace at the

maternal grandparents then, and everyone

weekends when I was sometimes permitted

doted on my brother. My parents visited

to visit my aunties and accompany them to

me sometimes but it was my aunties whom

church. Permission never came easy though; I

I lived with, who lovingly took care of me

had to beg and plead.

until I was seven. Although they struggled to make ends meet, I never lacked for anything.

I vividly recall one Saturday when I was

They always trusted in the Lord to provide.

refused permission to go. In desperation, I

Those were the happiest, most carefree days

prayed and asked Jesus for a miracle. Shortly

of my childhood.

after, to my amazement, my father consented.

It was on that day that I accepted Jesus as my

I was seven when my father lost his job and

personal Lord and Saviour and went to him

had to leave Singapore again, this time,

for every problem I faced.

accompanied by my mother and brother. I missed my parents greatly. To be with them, I

It was during this time that the worst part

stopped schooling and very reluctantly parted

of my life unfolded. After gambling sessions,

with my aunties.

my father would offer to take me for car rides alone, in a car he often borrowed from friends.

Inside the car, he would sexually abuse me. As I was only nine, I didn't understand what was happening. I would push his hands away, but he wouldn't stop. "It's all right," he would say, and warn me not to tell my mother. His hold over me was violent and powerful. When I made mistakes, he would beat me and throw my belongings out of our home. He would forbid me to visit my aunties and threaten to cut off my ties with them. When my brother and I quarrelled, we would both be beaten, but I would suffer the brunt of it.

14 Methodist Message October 2023

When I was 15, my mother conceived

worked a few jobs, finally securing one

again. On the day she was admitted to the

which supported my family for more than

hospital for delivery, my father forced me

a decade. My mother had to work as well,

to sleep on the same bed with him. The

and we managed to buy a home.

sexual abuse went on until I was 18, but the physical abuse continued well into my 20s.

While working, I had two failed

I lived in constant fear of being alone with

relationships which left me devastated.

him and tried many ways to escape. Unable

Although I gave my all in those

to protect myself, I could only pray for it to

relationships, which were a form of escape

stop. Sometimes I prayed he would leave

for me, I was abused. I tolerated the abuse

the house and never return. Sometimes I

for the fleeting moments of happiness.

prayed he would die.

My second relationship landed me with an unwanted pregnancy. I begged to keep both the relationship and the baby, but instead, I was abandoned and forced to undergo an abortion.

I fell into depression and attempted suicide, consumed by thoughts that I had committed a grave sin and disappointed my aunties. Eventually I sought medical help and was put on anti-depressants. Only work and church kept me afloat. Family members in the know supported me, but others ostracised me. Still, no one knew the reasons behind my desperate need to find someone who would love me.

Although you have been forsaken

When he was intoxicated, he mocked me,

and hated, with no one travelling

making rude sexual comments about my

through, I will make you the

body in front of other men. I developed a

everlasting pride and the joy

hatred for my body and looked for ways to camouflage my imperfections. I still do that, even today.

of all generations. ~ Isaiah 60:15 (NIV)

I could survive those years only because

One evening, while reading my Bible, I

of the weekends when I could attend

came across Isaiah 60:15-22. I fell to my

Methodist Youth Fellowship (MYF), church

knees in tears. Although I had shed many

services and Sunday school. Church was

tears in private before, this time it felt

a balm to my troubled soul. When my

different. I asked God for forgiveness and

father did not object to my baptism and

thanked him for revealing those verses.

confirmation, I was overwhelmed with joy.

That day, I determined to put my past relationships behind me and move on. I

During my A-levels, my father lost his

prayed that in his time, I would be blessed

job, which forced me to leave school. I

with someone who would truly love me.

October 2023 Methodist Message 15

God is in the valley with me

I found the courage to tell my mother and

I prayed and decided I would inform him

brother about my father's abuse, although

of my past on our first date. As much as I

I was afraid they wouldn't believe me. To

feared rejection once more, I was shocked

my relief, they did. I never told my aunties

when he replied that he would accept me

though, to spare them from heartache.

for what I am, and not my past. He wanted to meet my family and introduce me to his.

On 30 December 1999, I was invited to a

We married five months later. A cord of

church I had never attended before. There, I

three strands, with God in the centre.

bumped into an ex-classmate. He offered me a lift home, which I accepted only after much

My father still verbally abuses me and does

persuasion. When we reached my home, he

the same to my husband and children. I've

asked for my number. I was very hesitant as I

realised that he gaslights us to prevent

wasn't ready to be friends with anyone again.

me from fighting back. When it happens

That night and the days following, he called

at family gatherings, we remain silent. My

me to chat. After a month, he professed he

husband and I have chosen the path of non-

had a strong liking for me and asked if I

confrontation, letting God be the judge.

was similarly keen to pursue a relationship.

I was confused, not knowing if this came

I know my family and I will never be good

from the Lord, but after committing it to

enough in their eyes; despite that, we still

prayer, I eventually agreed. I decided to tell a

do our best for them. My relationship with

mutual friend about it and was immediately

my brother is sour as my mother favours

encouraged to go for it, being assured that

him as her "firstborn". My parents boast

he was a kind and God-fearing person.

about him and his children but accuse me

16 Methodist Message October 2023

of being filled with jealousy. They don't

Now, all I want to do is live for Christ and

see that I'm weighed down with hur t.

serve him. People come and go but Jesus

I love my youngest brother as I helped

is the only constant. My family serves in

to raise him; we share a close bond. He

the same Methodist church I attended

is willing to suppor t me to confront my

with my aunties and we have forged

father. However, I'm still praying, as I'm

many ties. I have since found the courage

not ready yet .

to fully share about my past with my husband and some close friends—not for

My aunties who are in their golden years

sympathy, but to glorify God for carrying

are my priority. I want to be there for

me through the years of untold pain. He

them to the end. It was a blessing to be

never let go of my hand.

nurtured by them as a Christian, and likewise, I am nurturing my children. My

I don't want my children to be burdened,

husband is my pillar of strength; he is

so I'll never tell them this part of my life

loving and patient with me even when I'm

story. My prayer is that one day, I will be

at my worst. God truly blessed me with a

able to forgive my father.

man after his own heart.

If you are facing physical or sexual abuse, and in immediate danger, call the police (999) or go to your nearest neighbourhood police station. Alternatively, you may call the 24-hr Photos by shutterstock.com

National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline (NAVH) at 1800-777-0000.

October 2023 Methodist Message 17

Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity.

A healthy theology of

healing

O

,

ne of the most influential voices in the

Christ on the cross and physical healing.

Word of Faith Movement is that of the

However, the question is whether this

late Kenneth Hagin, who has been described

passage promises that the benefits that

as the father of the movement.

come from Christ's death are to be fully realised in the here and now—before his

In his 1982 book, Must Christians Suffer?,

Parousia (second coming).

Hagin presents his clearest teaching on the relationship between Christians and sickness

The Church and her theologians have

based on his reading of the Bible:

taught that the full salvific benefits of the atonement—which includes healing—will be

"When the Bible talks about suffering, that

obtained only when the Lord returns, and

doesn't mean 'sickness'. We have no business

when God's kingdom is fully consummated.

suffering sickness and disease, because Jesus redeemed us from that." 1

Theologian Wayne Grudem explains this well:

Hagin believes that because of the death of

"All Christians would probably agree that

Christ on the cross, Christians are redeemed

in the atonement Christ has purchased

not only from sin, but from sickness as well.

for us not only complete freedom from sin but also complete freedom from physical

The Bible passage that Hagin often appeals

weakness and infirmity in his work of

to is Isaiah 53:4, "Surely he has borne our

redemption. And all Christians would also

griefs and carried our sorrows … and with

no doubt agree that our full and complete

his wounds we are healed." Many Christians

possession of all the benefits that Christ

have used this passage to claim immediate

earned for us will not come until Christ

and miraculous healing from God as they

returns … When people say that complete

pray for their loved ones who are ill.

healing is 'in the atonement', the statement is true in the ultimate sense, but it really

To be sure, this passage does make a clear

does not tell us about when we will receive

connection between the atoning work of

'complete healing'." 2

18 Methodist Message October 2023

The problem with Hagin's theology of healing

"Although we 'rejoice in God through our

is that it is premised on an over-realised

Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have

eschatology, which expects the fullness of

received the reconciliation', we also and at

the promised future to be a present reality. A

the same time 'groan inwardly as we wait

healthy theology of healing must, however,

for adoption as sons, the redemption of our

be based on a biblical eschatology.

bodies'" (Rom 5:11, 8:23). 3

Scripture teaches that the kingdom

A Christian understanding of healing must

which the eternal Son of God has come to

be governed by theological realism that

inaugurate in the incarnation will be fully

is grounded in biblical eschatology. Such

consummated only upon his return at the

a Christian theology of healing would be

close of the age. The period between his first

incomplete if it is not accompanied by a

advent and his second coming is one which

robust theology of suffering.

is characterised by the presence and absence of the kingdom.

Goldingay describes the latter as such:

Thus, although divine healings do take place

"Such a theology of suffering as we can

today, they are merely a sign of the presence

outline includes accepting that God may

of the kingdom of God. They point to the

leave us suffering, because of what can

new creation that God will bring about when

be achieved through this; that God may

Christ returns, where sickness, suffering and

give us the comfort of the crucified Christ

death will be totally eradicated (Rev 21:4).

in suffering rather than whisking us from suffering; and that final healing belongs to

This means that in this period between

the resurrection day, when 'he will wipe away

the first and second advents of Christ,

every tear from their eyes, and death shall be

not every Christian who prays for healing

no more, neither shall there be mourning or

will be healed. Furthermore, even those

crying or pain any more'" (Rev 21:4).4

who by God's grace are healed will one

Only a healthy theology of healing that is

day die.

shaped by the eschatological realism of the Bible will guard Christians against the

This incidentally highlights the flaw in Hagin's

harmful triumphalism of

logic: Christ did not only redeem believers

preachers such as

from sickness, but also from death itself. Why,

Kenneth Hagin.

then, do Christians still die (Kenneth Hagin died on 19 September 2003)?

The apostle Paul, who witnessed so many miraculous healings during his ministry, reminds the Corinthians of their frailty ("our outer self is wasting away") and the "affliction" they must experience and endure as they wait for their future glory (2 Cor 4:16-17).

1 Kenneth E. Hagin, Must Christians Suffer? (Rhema Bible Church, AKA Kenneth Hagin Ministries Inc., 1983), 2.

2 Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology: And Introduction To Biblical Doctrine (Zondervan, 1994), 1063.

John Goldingay, "Theology and Healing", Churchman 92.1 (1978), 30.

3

The Old Testament scholar John Goldingay puts it like this:

4

Ibid., 32.

October 2023 Methodist Message 19

THINK

Dr Mark Chan is the Earnest Lau Professor of Systematic Theology at the Trinity Theological College.

This article was first published in Trumpet (April 2023 issue), a publication by Trinity Theological College. It is re-published with permission.

Image and faithfulness

O

ur world is saturated with images.

Visual data crisscross the global cyber-

Visuals are ubiquitous. They grace

corridors 24/7, ensuring that the eyes of the

magazine covers and populate brochures

world stay riveted. Just think of the millions

and billboards.

and millions of digitised pictures and videoclips that zip back and forth every single

Images push and shove their way into

nanosecond of every day on the web.

our line of sight. From logos on T-shirts to tattoos and graffiti, from graphic novels to

The human love affair with the image is

flickering images on our computer screens,

of course not new. Peoples and cultures

everywhere we look we are inundated by

everywhere from time immemorial have

photos, icons, and graphics. Words may

fashioned visual products. From the

inform, but advertisers know that it is the

Palaeolithic cave paintings at Lascaux

image that sells.

in southern France to the exquisitely embroidered Japanese kimono to Leonardo

Thanks to the convenience of smartphone

da Vinci's Mona Lisa, visual expressions are

cameras and the ease of uploading photos,

as old as the human race. Homo sapiens

we now have an explosion of the visual.

have always been homo aestheticus.

20 Methodist Message October 2023

Our image-making capacity and inclination

and clients around the world. Scientists

is hardwired into us at the dawn of

and medical researchers collaborate online

creation when the Creator God made us

to develop vaccines against the latest

in his image. Scripture is not against the

infectious disease.

image or image-making per se. The Lord himself inspired image-making among his

Yet the same digital highway that enables

people, specifying, for instance, the kind of

family connections and makes possible

decorative art needed for the Tabernacle.

online worship also facilitates human

Christ's teaching is replete with pictorial

traffickers and scammers to deceive,

examples from everyday life. And when

damage and destroy. Cybercriminals paint

we turn to the Book of Revelation, we find

attractive pictures of job offers to lure the

there a feast of fantastic visual imageries.

unsuspecting into bondage. Corporations seek to monetise the human gaze by

While visual objects can be God-inspired

offering up an array of attractive goods

and God-honouring, they can also

aimed at loosening our purse strings.

be objects of idolatrous worship. The bronze serpent in the wilderness, built

Sins often enter through the gates of the

at the instruction of God, served to heal

eyes. The fruit in Eden was a "delight"

Israelites bitten by "fiery serpents". But the

to Eve's eyes. So was the comely form of

golden calf worshipped by the Hebrews

Bathsheba to the prying eyes of King David

represented their spiritual apostasy.

from his rooftop. Little wonder that the apostle John, in cautioning his readers

Images, three dimensional or otherwise, can be consecrated to God's purposes; but they can also be portals that lead to spiritual infidelity.

against worldliness, warns about "the desires of the eyes". Given the decadent moral arc of our times, we shouldn't be surprised to find tempting sexual images aplenty on the digital airwaves.

Christians living in such a highly sexualised

Today's "golden calves" are more

environment certainly need to discipline

sophisticated and persuasive. Modern

their consumption of images.

technological wizardry makes enticing images readily available. We have what

But Christian faithfulness in our visual and

Tim Wu calls "attention merchants" who

digital culture is not exhausted by steering

are highly skilled at arresting our attention

clear of lurid images. To begin with, it must

and redirecting it to whatever it is that

be mindful of the effect our visual culture

they want us to buy, feel, think, or sign up

has on how people perceive themselves.

to. And integral to that power to capture

Constant exposure to pictures of seemingly

attention and sway opinion is the ability to

perfect human specimens, all good looking

manufacture, manipulate and mass-market

and with impeccable skin and well-toned

images; particularly the pixelated kind

bodies, can lead one to despair of the way

that can be instantaneously transmitted to

one looks. And judging by the many happy

mobile devices across our planet.

photos of perfect lives displayed on social media, one's life seems downright dreary.

To be sure, the opening of the digital

The self takes a battering and is held ransom

highway and the ease with which content

by the perceived perfection of others online.

is delivered and accessed do bring benefits.

Toddler Emily in Serangoon Gardens can

However, what is not always apparent is the

now "FaceTime" her dad away on business in

way images of perfection on social media

Tokyo, while her mum works remotely and

are severed from the reality they purport to

communicates on Zoom with colleagues

represent.

October 2023 Methodist Message 21

Image and faithfulness

The hegemony of the image tends to

and deepfake videos are part and parcel

lead to the prioritisation of

of the arsenal in the contest for votes and influence. Rather than serve the purposes

perception over substance.

of truth, images are manipulated and

What meets the eyes is not necessarily the same as what is there. Photoshopped reality always looks more pristine than the real thing!

weaponised for political gain.

Living as we do at a time when the image tends either to conceal, distort, or ignore the truth altogether, it is imperative that followers of Christ bring truth to bear

This disconnect between image and reality

on our image-making. After all, our Lord

is evident not only on social media but

himself is both imago and logos, the

also, unfortunately, in the mass media.

expressive image of the invisible God and

Particularly in the politicisation of our

the revealing word of truth from the Father.

media outlets, seen, for instance, in the

The imago of perception needs the logos

eroding of the line separating news

of truth. We need the discernment of the

from opinions. It is not so much bearing

Spirit to help us navigate our way through

witness to the truth that matters; it's about

the constantly evolving maelstrom of our

winning. Staged events, fake news reports

image-laden digital world.

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A miracle of healing and resurrection I am the resurrection and the life.

Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.

John 11:25

I

t was early spring and the temperature was

That night, Sister Z had a dream. In her

unusually cold for this time of the year.

dream, she saw four evil spirits around her.

They were waiting to snatch and drag her

Sadly, we had received a request to arrange

away. As she was dying, a tall, bright, white

a funeral for Sister Z, an 87-year-old church

figure appeared to her. This bright figure

member. She had been suffering from

began to kick the evil spirits from her. After

liver failure and the doctor told her family

these evil spirits ran away, a bright light

that she had only a few days to live. Her

overwhelmed her, and she felt a warm

son, who is also a Christian, and a doctor,

feeling in her spirit.

wanted a grand funeral for her. We were told to prepare for the worst. Immediately,

When she woke up in the morning, the

we mobilised the church to pray for her and

doctor was surprised to find that all her vital

arranged to visit her before she was called

signs were back to normal. All the tubes

back to the Lord.

were subsequently removed from her body.

Miraculously, she was well enough to be

When we visited her in the hospital, she had

discharged from the hospital the next day!

many tubes inserted into her, including a feeding tube. She could not talk. Looking

We visited her again, this time at her home.

at her condition, it appeared it would be

She was able to walk and was in high

only a matter of time before she passed on.

spirits. She told us how Jesus had healed

Together with some church members at

her. Apparently, she had passed away that

the hospital, we prayed over her and held

fateful night but was revived two hours

fast to our faith. We prayed for a special

later. We believe that God has given her a

healing for Sister Z, although it looked like

new lease of life to share this testimony of

her condition would only deteriorate. After

her miraculous resurrection and healing.

praying, we went home and contacted the undertaker to prepare for the funeral.

It is summer now. So far, we have not heard of any need for funeral arrangements to be made. Sister Z has regained her health. We praise God for the amazing healing she has received. Glory to God!

This testimony was first featured in Project Metamorphosis.

Check out other lifetransforming testimonies at www.mms.org.sg/ projectmetamorphosis

October 2023 Methodist Message 23

By the Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) Communications Team. / Photos courtesy of MWS

Learning to forgive was part of his healing process New beginnings When Mr Teo, now 59, was first admitted into the Nursing Home in May 2019, he was in a bad place emotionally. "I was bitter and resentful over how my life had panned out, and filled with hatred towards my ex-wife as I blamed her for my plight," said Mr Teo, who relies on a wheelchair to get around, and a dedicated care team to tend to his medical and nursing needs.

During that time, cutting a friendly figure in the hallways and wards of the Nursing Home was MWS Chaplain, Rev Chua Chiew Poh, recalled Mr Teo. "Chiew Poh often went around greeting the residents. Back then, I was very demoralised and she spent a lot of time ministering to me, and encouraging me to let go of all hatred and anger."

Mr Teo Kim Seng (right) with MWS Chaplain Rev Chua Chiew Poh

W

hen the SARS epidemic swept through Singapore in 2003, Mr Teo Kim Seng's packaging business took such a hard hit that he ended up filing for bankruptcy and switching to a taxi driving career. Soon after, cracks formed in his marriage, which wound up in divorce in 2015.

"I plunged into work to numb the pain of my failed business and marriage, and not being able to see my children often as the courts had granted care and control to my exwife," recalled Mr Teo. "I also started to drink heavily as I was very depressed. I reached a point where I wanted to give up on life, and even stopped taking medication for my high blood pressure."

Long-term neglect of his health resulted in Mr Teo suffering a stroke, and his eventual admittance to MWS Nursing Home – Yew Tee (YTNH).

24 Methodist Message October 2023

Mr Teo soon began attending the Nursing Home's weekly pastoral care services. Over time, under the support and counselling by the pastoral care team, Mr Teo began to heal from his brokenness. "I experienced inner peace and joy, and started thinking more positively," he said.

Mr Teo mused on how his newfound faith has anchored him in hope and boosted his resilience to weather life's inevitable ups and downs. While Mr Teo used to rely on anti-depressants to stabilise his mood swings, he has since stopped medication.

"My temper has mellowed, and I'm a lot calmer now," he said.

Part of that inner peace has come from learning to let go. "Recently, I lost a sum of money in an e-commerce scam. The 'old' me would have gone out of my way to seek revenge. But I've learnt the importance of forgiveness, so I now let bygones be bygones," he said.

"Forgiveness and letting go of past hurts are recurring themes during our pastoral care services," shared Chiew Poh. "Many residents struggle with unprocessed feelings and if they don't let go, it can affect their physical and mental well-being, and their relationships with others."

the community, together with his children when they turn 21. While he is still estranged from his ex-wife, he no longer harbours hatred towards her. "I've learnt to let go and forgive," he said. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift of God. So, I focus on the present and look forward to the future with faith and hope."

Caring for the whole person Pastoral care is a critical piece in the puzzle of MWS' holistic approach to whole-person care which caters to the physical, socioemotional, psychological and spiritual well-being of our beneficiaries. At MWS YTNH, this is delivered through a suite of services by a multi-disciplinary team which includes doctors, nurses, therapists, medical social workers and chaplains. Holistic care is central to our providing a home-away-fromhome for our residents.

Through engaging our residents in a variety of purposeful and meaningful activities, we hope they will maintain their physical and cognitive skills, socialise more, and enjoy fulfilling lives. Volunteers play an important role in such engagements and help foster a sense of community belonging among our residents.

For Mr Teo, activities like bingo games and dog therapy have provided him with the all-important emotional and social support.

A band of church volunteers and pastors also regularly visit and minister to him.

"They are like my good friends. Sometimes, they surprise me with my favourite food like curry puffs and salted eggs," he said.

Dog therapy is one of the many programmes and activities run at the Nursing Home to support the residents’ overall well-being

At

MWS, delivering

holistic care and enriching lives are anchored on our

While Mr Teo is still unable to walk for long distances, regular therapy and rehabilitation programmes have helped to improve his lower limb strength, balance and mobility.

"The physiotherapists here built my confidence to walk by myself using a walking aid. Now, I can walk short distances and can go to the toilet by myself," he said.

mission to extend the love of

With his HDB flat due for completion soon, Mr Teo looks forward to returning to live in

more or scan the QR Code to

Christ to the disadvantaged and distressed in our community. If you share our passion, we invite you to partner with us.

Visit mws.sg to find out make a financial contribution.

October 2023 Methodist Message 25

14

METHODIST MESSAGE, JULY 2013

Benny Bong has over 40

years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars.

Benny has helmed MM’s You & Your Family column for more than 16 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Rev Tay Li Ping is currently

pastoring at Christalite Methodist Chapel. Trained as an Industrial-Organisational Psychologist before becoming a pastor, Rev Tay is particularly interested in the intersection of Psychology and Theology. She is married and has five sons.

Koh Ai Jin is a registered

clinical counsellor with extensive experience in marriage and family counselling, mental health concerns and psychological trauma. She runs her own practice and currently serves as Vice-President of the Association of Christian Counsellors (Singapore).

Need advice? Scan the QR code or visit https://www.methodist.org.sg/mm-atthe-well/ to submit your question. Due to space constraints and repetition of topics, we may not be able to feature all questions submitted.

Dating & Marriage

I can't seem to end my affair I have surprised myself by having a relationship with someone outside my marriage. I have tried to stop it but somehow it keeps continuing and sometimes I even feel that I have stopped loving my spouse.

But my children are very dear to me, and I don't know how they can manage all of these. Jan

Benny says Dear Jan, When you say that you do not know how your children "can manage all of these", exactly how are you expecting them to respond? They are not in control of what is happening and may have little choice in the matter. Their response will be dependent on what your plans for the future are. Are you planning to exit the marriage, continue your relationship indefinitely or end it?

Having discovered that you can feel romantically for someone outside of your marriage may be somewhat of an unexpected "surprise". But continuing to develop and stay in this relationship involves a series of choices and actions.

It sounds that some attempts to end it before it became too serious were made, but I suspect that the cost of ending it was considered too much to bear, given that October 2023 Methodist Message 27

At The Well

your marriage is not in a good way. To put it plainly, the desire to salvage the marriage is not compelling, whilst the pain of ending the relationship may seem too costly.

To complicate matters, sometimes having the relationship may "allow" parties to hang on longer in an unfulfilling marriage. In such cases, the marriage may only exist in name.

Unless you are in a physically abusive relationship and the children's lives are in danger, do not use your children (and how they would feel) as the deciding factor on whether to end the affair. Finally, do not take too long to decide as I fear that the consequences of the affair being discovered can be devastating.

Dating & Marriage

My husband's gaming addiction is affecting our family For more than 20 years of marriage, my husband has struggled with addictions of different kinds. Currently (and for the most prolonged period), he is addicted to a mobile game that results in him having a device in front of him, at work, during meals or family game time. Even though he claims that the game is just "running in the background", I feel it makes him less "present" and is affecting his ability to keep up with conversations in the household. It makes the children and me feel less valued. How can I help him to break this addiction without being a nag?Gamer's wife

Benny says Dear Gamer's wife, Being perceived as a nag is the least of your problems. You and the family have long felt secondary to your husband's interests and needs. His continued preoccupation can prove a threat to his job productivity and stability. Finally, you mentioned your

28 Methodist Message October 2023

husband had years of various "addictions of different kinds" which leaves me to wonder if he has some psychological challenges that need to be diagnosed. Addictive patterns tend to take various forms and when one ends, another arises to replace it.

As with most habitual behaviour, its existence serves to meet some need for that individual. Trying to end the habitual behaviour requires addressing the need(s) that are met by it. The needs can range from boredom to a compelling need to escape from feelings of loneliness, personal inadequacy, fears, etc. So they are solving one problem with another "more manageable" behaviour.

Stopping the habitual behaviour invariably involves acknowledging the costs of the addiction. This is often experienced more so by others around them than themselves.

Your family may have to agree to confront your husband about his behaviour that has grown out of proportion. Be prepared to list in detail how his behaviour has affected the family in terms of family happiness, functioning and even its finances.

It may also be necessary for your husband to seek counselling. The counsellor should also work closely with the family to monitor his behaviour because such behaviour exists and persists because of a pattern of denial and minimisation of its negative effects.

Family

It's unfair that my brother is doing well when he does not know God Why does it seem that things are going so well for my brother even though he doesn't have God in his life? He has a stable job, enjoys his time going out with friends and has found a life partner (albeit a nonChristian), while I spend most of my free time on church activities and have yet to find a life partner. It seems unfair to me. Alice

Li Ping says Dear Alice, Your sentiment of woe that those who do not know God seem to be doing well has been expressed by God's people through the ages.

As Jeremiah laments, "Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?" (Jeremiah 12:1b NIV). You have discovered the difficult truth that knowing and serving God does not guarantee a particular desired outcome, such as finding a life partner.

At the same time, Scripture encourages us not to deny our desires, but to commit them to God instead. While I commend the whole of Psalm 37 to your meditation, allow me to highlight two verses: Verses 1 and 2 says not to be envious of those who do not have God because they will soon fade like grass. Your brother may seem to be doing well now, but this may not be the case in the final analysis. What about his eternal destiny?

Verse 4 speaks of delighting yourself in the LORD and trusting him to give you the desires of your heart. This means delighting in your relationship with him and his love for you, and serving him out of gratitude, rather than obligation. It means being willing to entrust your desires to him and allowing him to refine them and give you what he knows you need and most deeply desire.

Family

Dealing with my mother's bipolar disorder I've had to deal with my mother's mood swings for the past 16 years since she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and prior to that, with her depressive episodes since my father passed away in my teens. Often, to preserve my own sanity and protect my children from the toxicity and negativity, I've chosen to keep a distance as each visit leaves me emotionally drained. I continue to care for her and maintain constant contact via text. But I am often made to feel guilty by well-meaning friends who feel I should spend more time with her. Where do I draw the line between honouring my mother, and caring for myself and my family? Sandwiched

October 2023 Methodist Message 29

At The Well

Li Ping says Dear Sandwiched, From your long and difficult experience, it sounds like you already know what the needed boundaries to protect your family's and your own mental and emotional health are. In terms of the guilt that you feel, allow me to share some perspectives.

Firstly, your friends neither know what you are going through nor do they fully understand the ramifications of what they are suggesting.

Treat their remarks as well-meaning, but not necessarily the gospel truth.

Secondly, we all have multiple, and often, competing demands in life. This means needing to prioritise some responsibilities over others. In your case, it is not wrong to prioritise your immediate family and that involves being healthy enough yourself to care for them well.

Thirdly, only God can determine if we are guilty. If you have been allowing God to lead you in how you should honour your mother, and have been obedient, you do not need to feel guilty, for there is no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1). At the same time, continue to be sensitive to the Lord's convicting of ways that you may have been dishonouring your mother, such as in your thoughts, or in your words about her to others. When he does convict, seek his forgiveness and cleansing.

30 Methodist Message October 2023

Friendships

Must old friendships end when new friends appear?

I have a close friend from secondary school whom I used to hang out with a lot. Recently, she seems uninterested in spending time with me and has started spending more time with her colleagues. She told me that I need to look for new friends. I feel hurt because I thought we were friends and we had supported each other through several difficult times in our friendship.

I do have other friends, but I don't understand why some friendships have to end just because new friends appear. Lonely

Ai Jin says Dear Lonely, As you spend less time together, you feel that you and your close friend are growing apart and it saddens you. And when she tells you to look for other friends, you can't help but feel hurt and aggrieved that she does not seem to regard the friendship the same way you do.

I would like to encourage you to view the matter with more optimism. Firstly, telling you to look for new friends may not necessarily mean that your friendship with her has ended. Perhaps she has a direct and straightforward approach, and her intent is to encourage you to meet new people, and that can be beneficial for you.

Secondly, hanging out less frequently does not mean less familiarity. While you have less time for each other in this season, you'll never know that what you both have shared through past struggles could endure in years to come. Thirdly, how about perceiving her decision to spend time with her colleagues as a good thing for her, work wise? Finally, you can view these changes in life as opportunities that bring new growth for everyone.

Friendships may change but they need not end if you each continue to keep in touch.

Let her know that your friendship with her means a lot to you and you hope that you can both continue to support one another through each endeavour in life.

Dating & Marriage

A more hands-on husband in the home please I wish my husband was more handson in the home. We both work outside the home, but meal planning and household chores always fall on me.

I'm not sure how it came to be like this, but I suppose I had always taken on this responsibility before the kids arrived. I have voiced my frustration, but his efforts are never consistent or sustained. What should I do? Frazzled

ask, for it to be consistent and a sustained effort, he must first receive the task as his responsibility to begin with so that he takes ownership.

I wonder if it would be possible for you and your husband to go back to the first premise to see household duties as a shared responsibility to begin with.

Together, take stock and make a list of all daily household and parenting tasks, and discuss who does what. For example, household chores can be divided based on interest, skills or traditional husband/ wife roles. Outsourcing household chores is another option. I hope you will be able to have such a conversation about sharing and working as a team.

Li Ping says Dear Frazzled, It seems that you and your husband may not have discussed how household responsibilities are to be divided between you. If so, this may be a scenario that when you first got married, each of you fell into the unconscious roles based on the families you each grew up in. Your personal convictions may also have influenced this outcome. For example, if both of you grew up in homes where meal planning is done by the wife/mother, this could be why it became the default in your household. Or, if you like cooking, you naturally slipped into the role of being in charge of meal planning.

If you have been the one doing the household chores and are now asking him to help, it can be perceived as telling him to do something that has always been regarded as "your job". Even if he is very happy to help you whenever you

October 2023 Methodist Message 31

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 16 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Growing love that transcends countries and cultures

O

ne statistic that recently caught my

Coming together in marriage requires a

eye is the number of transnational

fair bit of adjustment. What more for those

marriages registered in Singapore in 2022.

from different countries and cultures?

Such marriages, between a citizen and

As the extended family or even the

someone hailing from another country,

community, what can we do to help them

account for about one out of every three

build a love relationship that lasts?

unions. This means that of the nearly 30,000 marriages last year, 10,000 were

Firstly, if, as the saying goes that opposites

transnational.

attract, should not the likelihood that the partners have many differences bode well

Why this fact should have surprised me, I

for them? The important question, though,

do not know. A quick glance within my own

is not whether differences or similarities

family would remind me that my parents'

abound but how they are perceived.

marriage was a transnational one (albeit a

Differences (e.g. in patterns of behaviour,

Singapore-Sarawak combination) while one

customs or values) seen as being

paternal uncle married a Shanghainese and

complementary, interesting, or even quaint

another a Japanese.

can be sources of delightful conversation.

But if the differences are seen to be at

At a broader level, seeing that Singapore

odds or in conflict, or if one's background

is a young nation which has grown rapidly

is felt to be "superior" to the other's, then

with migrants coming from far and wide,

conversations can lead to clashes.

transnational marriages may be expected to be the norm rather than the exception.

Hence, the first rule-of-thumb is to try not to place a negative value with respect

This topic holds more professional than

to any differences. Differences should be

personal interest for me. As a family and

treated as distinctives to be acknowledged

marital therapist, I see a high number of

and perhaps understood as being

marriages in distress where the spouses are

appropriate to the country or culture from

from different nationalities or ethnicities.

which they arose.

32 Methodist Message October 2023

Secondly, the couple would do well to try to

who are usually away from their family,

draw from both their cultures, be it in the

friends and all that is familiar. Knowing

preparation of meals or family practices.

that they are accepted in their new social

Collaborating and synergising to draw the

environment can be very reassuring.

best from each other requires the couple to communicate, communicate and

Letting the couple know that there is a

communicate.

listening ear and supportive shoulder to lean on can help them tide over stormy periods.

Thirdly, what oftentimes drives the need to

Offering to help in practical ways, such as

cooperate is the realisation that establishing

looking after the kids for an evening, can

a relationship, building a home and raising

give valuable respite and time for the couple

a family are all tasks that no one partner

to catch up on their love needs.

can excel in, much less do on their own.

The sooner they view the relationship as a

With the community's support and

partnership, the sooner are they likely to

acceptance, together with the couple's

arrive at a workable arrangement.

striving for mutual accommodation in their relationship, transnational marriages can

Fourthly, it would help for the spouse who

perhaps be more firmly rooted.

is part of the host (and therefore dominant) country and culture to make special effort to know and appreciate their spouse's national identity and culture.

Getting to know your in-laws is a powerful way of showing your spouse that his/her culture is welcomed and respected.

Fifthly and finally, know that moving to a foreign land may be not only a step out of one's comfort zone but also a loss at many levels. Notwithstanding that the choice to live in Singapore may be driven by good and practical reasons, such as for work and educational opportunities, the foreign spouse would miss their family and native land. The sense of loss and emptiness may be experienced as deep profound sadness.

Those around transnational couples, whether family or friends, can also help them establish their relationship. This is especially more so for the foreigner spouses

October 2023 Methodist Message 33

ACS (International)

ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an all-round English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP).

Senior Leadership Team

Building Through Belief, this school of choice provides • Exceptional examination results, strong value-added achievement and an all-round holistic education • 50:50 mix of local and international teachers who uphold the dual Methodist ethos and ACS heritage • Small class sizes with overall student-teacher ratio of 8.7 : 1 • 40 different CCAs – 16 Sporting, 12 Visual and Performing Arts, 12 Special Interest Groups • Over 200 formal student leadership positions • Scholarships for four Singaporeans to undertake the IBDP

Mr Gavin Kinch Principal

Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Vice-Principal

Achievements include • Students with perfect score of 45 points in IBDP • 23 “Top in the World” awards in IGCSE examinations over each of the past twelve years • Students accepted to Oxford and Cambridge universities for the past eight years

Mr Christopher Hayward Vice-Principal

Dr Kristopher Achter Vice-Principal

For more information, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

• Admissions to top universities in the UK, the US, Australia and Singapore • PSLE and GCE ‘O’ Level students obtaining outstanding value-added examination results for the IBDP and improved pathways to good universities • Successes at national level in Athletics, Touch Rugby, Debating, Orchestra, Volleyball, Taekwondo, Ice Hockey, Fencing, Swimming, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Wushu.

Judith Laoyan-Mosomos is the Director for Worship & Church Music at the Methodist School of Music and a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Worship

The restorative power of

worship T

he world is currently facing urgent

most profound spiritual needs and concerns.

challenges related to inequality, poverty,

This is where the congregation can express

discrimination, and fractured families. Amid

their collective yearning for a God who is not

these difficulties, we have a responsibility

only compassionate but deeply empathetic

to fully understand and tackle the complex

to their individual struggles and the broader

issues affecting our communities. The rapid

challenges faced by society.

advancement of technology has brought both opportunities and revealed problems

Through these words of prayer, the

that affect people of all ages, particularly in

congregation is reminded that their faith

the realm of mental health. It is crucial that

community is a sanctuary where all are

we address this issue head-on.

welcome, irrespective of their circumstances.

It emphasises that God’s love transcends

The Sunday worship services we attend

worldly distinctions and that the act of

have the potential to seamlessly incorporate

worship is a collective journey towards

healing. Doing so, worship creates a natural

healing, hope and transformation. The

space for restoration, offering comfort

pastoral prayer becomes a beacon of hope,

and hope to the congregation. Worship

reassuring those who are “not OK” that they

extends far beyond mere words. The words

are not alone in their struggles and that their

can convey a profound sense of hospitality,

faith community stands beside them, offering

reaching out to both individuals who are

solace, support and a sense of belonging.

emotionally stable and those who may be struggling. This moment of worship offers an

Thus, the role of the pastoral prayer in a

invaluable opportunity for the congregation

Sunday worship service extends far beyond

to find assurance that the God we gather to

a mere ritual; it serves as a conduit for

worship is a divine presence who accepts

expressing the inclusive, compassionate

us as we are, regardless of our current

nature of the divine. By thoughtfully

emotional state or life circumstances.

including the concerns of the marginalised and oppressed, the worship leader ensures

One of the critical moments during the

that the congregation is reminded of their

service is the pastoral prayer, also known as

shared humanity and the boundless love of

the prayers of the people. This sacred act

the God they gather to worship. In this way,

goes beyond the surface level of petitions

Sunday worship becomes a transformative

and supplications; it is an opportunity to

and unifying experience that speaks to the

delve deep into the hearts and minds of the

deepest needs of the soul and the broader

congregation, seeking to connect with their

issues facing society.

October 2023 Methodist Message 35

Walking alongside you with compassion and care

ESTABLISHED SINCE 2000

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38–39

HOSANNA BREAVEMENT SERVICES PTD LTD

Stanley Chang is a Board Member of Witness & Evangelism in the Chinese Annual Conference. He also serves in the Lishi Service Fellowship Ministry at Bukit Panjang Methodist Church. / Photo courtesy of Stanley Chang

Understanding the connectional church

A

s a former Malaysian, I served in the West Malaysia Chinese Annual Conference under the Methodist

Church in Malaysia as a part-time journalist for their bimonthly publication, Southern Bell. I also had a work stint in Hong Kong for about five years and served in one of the oldest Methodist churches in Hong Kong—the famous red brick church at Hennessy Road. During the World Federation of the Chinese Methodist Churches (WFCMC) in 2014, I met with several pastors from Taiwan. Today I worship at Bukit Panjang Methodist Church.

What struck me about worshipping alongside and working with Methodists in different countries over the last few decades, is that despite these geographical differences, it is the connectional nature of Methodism that links us all as a denomination. We are not just connected to our sister churches here in Singapore—we are connected to Methodists all over the world!

In the Witness & Evangelism board where I've served for four years, we've noticed that people can be very eventfocused but not evangelism-focused. We can invite the best evangelistic speakers and check all the boxes for a successful event. But it is important to carry out postevent follow-up. We need to come back to the heart of

Stanley, with his wife, Jade, and daughter, Isabelle

evangelism. Sharing the gospel should be a way of life!

Kopi kakis by Lau Peng Leong, Yen Tun I and Zachary Yong

October 2023 Methodist Message 37

MFM 3RD ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION: THE HEAVENLY FATHER AND EARTHLY FATHERS 14 October (Saturday), 2.00 p.m. – 5.00 p.m.

Tamil Methodist Church (Short Street), 8 Short Street, S188214 Registration is required. Register by 10 October via https://tinyurl.com/3rdMFM Admission is free The Methodist Fathers Movement (MFM) is a place where fathers, as heads of the home, can receive God’s impartation to be a blessing to their families and leave a fruitful legacy for generations to come. Join us this year as we celebrate our 3rd anniversary with the theme "The Heavenly Father and Earthly Fathers". Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon will share how fatherhood speaks of identity, authority and intimacy as he speaks from Matthew 6:9-10.

Organised by Methodist Fathers Movement

DATE WITH DAD 11 November (Saturday), 2.00 p.m. – 5.00 p.m.

Hilton Singapore Orchard, 333 Orchard Road, S238867 Registration is required via https://events.family.org.sg/date-with-dad/ $240 per pair The father-daughter relationship influences the way a young girl sees herself and her approach to future romantic relationships. Nurture the unique bond between father and daughter at this carefully curated session organised by Focus on the Family Singapore where fathers affirm and celebrate their teen daughter’s milestone and journey to becoming a confident young woman. Invite your daughter on an unforgettable date.

Father-daughter pairs can look forward to: - A 3-course high tea at Hilton Singapore Orchard - Meaningful engagement through activities and games - Honest conversations facilitated through conversation starters - Deepened connections through a special affirmation and presentation of handwritten letters Organised by Focus on the Family Singapore

ART OF MARRIAGE WEEKEND RETREAT 17 November, 9.00 a.m. – 18 November, 5.00 p.m.

Changi Cove Hotel, 351 Cranwell Road, S509866 Register by 29 October via https://mde.cru.org.sg/event Tickets priced from $399 per couple Take time off to enjoy a special weekend with your significant other. Discover the heart behind the art of marriage at this retreat. Includes six video sessions based on biblical principles.

Highlights: - Expert interviews - Real-life stories - Humorous vignettes - Couple projects - Time with spouse (minimal interaction with other couples) - Full-colour manuals in choice of English or Chinese language Organised by Cru Singapore