Methodist Message: October 2021

THE METHODIST CHURCH IN SINGAPORE

ISSN 0129-6868 MCI (P) 027/11/2020

Vo l 1 2 3 N o 1 0 O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

METHODIST SOCIAL PRINCIPLES:

The sphere of social well-being

Contents 1

Bishop’s Message

2

Events—Coming Up

3

Church life—TRAC Highlights

4

Church Profile—Barker Road MC

5

News—The Faith We Sing

6

News—A holistic approach to mental health

8

News—Conversations about sexuality with your children

10

People—Jenny Teo and Josh Isaac Ng

13

People—Matthew Visuvsan

14

People—Carolyn Tan

16

Opinion—How we can pray for our youths

18

National Day Awards 2021

19

Reach Out—Welfare Services

22

Reach Out—Missions

25

Relationships—You & Your family

26

Hymns & Songs

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27 Opinion—Soundings 29

Methodist Message

What does being a Methodist mean to you?

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30 Opinion—THINK 34

Looking Ahead

Errata In the obituary of Mr Peter Joe Chia in the print edition of the August 2021 issue of Methodist Message, we mistakenly stated that he passed away in 2019. It should be 2021. We sincerely apologise for the error.

EDITORIAL BOARD

The official monthly publication of The Methodist Church in Singapore.

Published material does not necessarily reflect the official view of The Methodist Church.

Adviser and Publisher Dr Anthony Goh Chairperson Council on Communications

Editor Sheri Goh

Sub-editor

All Scripture quoted is based on the English Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

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Communications Executive

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Jason Woo

Proofreader Tan Sheng Ling

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BISHOP’S MESSAGE Bishop Dr Gordon Wong was elected Bishop of The Methodist Church in Singapore in 2020.

He served as President of the Trinity Annual Conference from 2013–2020.

God’s elusive presence “Surely God is with you…

Surely… a God who hides.”

(Isa 45:14–15) “Now you see me, now you don’t!”

Like the sudden disappearing act of a magician who delights an audience, God Who is with us suddenly disappears! The statement in verse 15 that surely God hides himself is preceded by the statement in verse 14 that surely God is with us! Now we see God, now we don’t!

presence and absence of God as, not just a peripheral, but indeed the primary theological description of God in the Bible. God is “the elusive presence” in our human world. 3 In a COVID-19 pandemic when we are discouraged by the apparent absence of God, let us encourage each other—with words and deeds of kindness and compassion—to walk on with hope and faith in the invisible God who is our “very present help in times of trouble” (Ps 46:1).

But unlike the magician’s stage performance, God’s

“I believe in the sun, though it be dark.

mysterious disappearance does not delight us; it

I believe in God, though (He) be silent.”

distresses us.

Kathryn Greene-McCreight is a pastor who suffers

—Inscription on the wall of a hidden cellar in Cologne where nine Jews hid during the dark days of World War 2.

from bipolar disorder. She describes her experience as “a cycling back and forth between painful lows and exhilarating or fearsome highs with a dramatic bungee-like effect that is never thrilling. It’s more like an ordinary tennis ball bouncing from floor to ceiling and back again”. 1 She finds some solace by reflecting on Isaiah’s Bible’s presentation of God as “a God who hides himself”. 2 This distressing and depressing experience of God’s presence—now found, now forsaken—is the experience of many faithful believers. Theologian Samuel Terrien understands this bewildering oscillation between the

Kathryn Greene-McCreight, Darkness Is My Only Companion (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 2015), 41–42.

Ibid., 32.

Samuel Terrien, The Elusive Presence (New York, NY: Harper, 1978), xxvii, 6.

4 https://humanistseminarian.com/2021/04/04/i-believe-in-the-sun-part-v-the-source/ 1 2 3

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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Events ¢ Coming Up

Generation to Generation 30 OCTOBER 2021

MCS Careers ¢ Join our team

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Do you love connecting with people, have lots of creative ideas, and want to help to tell stories of Methodists and Christians in Singapore?

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Check out details for this job opportunity at https://tinyurl.com/dmsatmcs or scan the QR code >> ABOUT MCS The Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS) is a connectional church comprising the General Conference, three Annual Conferences, local churches, and various agencies and organisations. The General Conference (GC) is the highest body of the MCS, responsible for legislation, policy, and the overseeing of its various agencies, including the programme agencies responsible for education, missions, and welfare services .

www.methodist.org.sg

Church Life ¢ TRAC Highlights Rev Benjamin Fong is Vice-Chairperson of the Young Methodist Leaders Conference (YMLC) Committee / Photos courtesy of YMLC

Young Methodist Leaders Conference 2021 A return to our roots

H

aving started in the year 2000, the organising committee for the Young Methodist Leaders Conference (YMLC) looked forward to planning a special 20th anniversary edition of the conference for the June of 2020, a YMLC that would revisit its original roots.

But with large-scale gatherings of any sort prohibited through much of 2020, much less overseas travel, the YMLC went on a year’s hiatus for the first time. Undaunted, the committee resolved to run the conference in June 2021. Amidst the prevailing measures of Phase 3 of the reopening, a plan was put in place for an in-person conference, and it appeared as though we were back on track. But a new cluster of infections emerged in May 2021, and Phase 2 (Heightened Alert) came knocking six weeks before the conference was scheduled to be held.

The conference had to pivot to an online programme, another unintended (and unwelcome?) first for the YMLC. Planning the conference amidst a pandemic has forced the committee to wrestle with hard questions about what the non-negotiables and distinctives of the YMLC are. Our soul searching led us to two distinctives that we felt were crucial to the YMLC brand: firstly, the intentional mentoring within mentor groups; and secondly, responding to the presence of God. These two distinctives served to crystallise many of the decisions that were being made, and to a large extent shaped the conference and its programme. Because mentor groups were non-negotiables, time and virtual space had to be carved out for sharing and fellowship within smaller groups rather than as a large plenary. The decision to keep the conference spread over three days, albeit without a night programme, rather than to squeeze everything within two days, was also to allow the group dynamics sufficient time to grow.

The second distinction of immersing delegates in the presence of God necessitated avenues for God to speak through His Word and prayer. The plenaries were crafted with this in mind, with speakers invited to draw the delegates into that conversation with God, followed by a time of individual prayer ministry with a pastor.

This year’s Conference centred around the Wesleyan doctrine of Holy Love—the love of God that perfects us and enables us to love the world. This two-fold step of experiencing the perfecting grace of God and then enacting it in our community was reflected in the plenary sessions.

Rev Wendy Tay, Chairperson of the YMLC Committee (left), with Rev Benjamin Fong and the YMLC participants

This included explorations into the Wesleyan doctrine and cultivation of Christian perfection, which served as the foundation for exploring the difference Christians are called to make in the world. Three young panellists were invited to share how they enacted holy love in the context of societal issues with whatever God had already given them. Guest facilitators were also invited to help the delegates dream and ignite conversations that opened minds to the realm of possibilities available to the Church in enacting the Kingdom of God. One consistent fruit of the YMLC has been the discernment of the call into full-time ministry, and this served as part of the broader call to live lives surrendered to God’s holy love. Breakout rooms were created and themed based on different aspects of ministry, and delegates were encouraged to wander these rooms and ask the questions they’ve always wanted to ask about full-time ministry.

The team serving on the livestream had to adapt to ministering over a camera than to a live congregation.

The ideation seminar pushed the online collaboration tool to its limits, and a few delegates experienced technical issues participating in the creative process. Some good conversations arose, technical limitations notwithstanding.

Despite the limitations of being conducted entirely online, God was still ministering to the delegates, and more time than expected was spent in prayer throughout the conference. Anecdotal feedback from the delegates has been encouraging, and I pray that the delegates will return to ministry in their respective local churches with a renewed sense of God’s purposes for this world He loves.

A version of this article originally appeared in the July 2021 issue of OnTRAC, a publication of the Trinity Annual Conference. Reproduced with permission.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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Church Life ¢ Barker Road Methodist Church Rev Dr Daniel Koh is a Pastor at Barker Road Methodist Church (BRMC). / Photo courtesy of BRMC

The church on the hill

M

ost of the time in The Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS), I recall that the decision to plant a new church is usually made by an established church or an Annual Conference. The new congregation first begins as a preaching point before it becomes a local conference, i.e. an autonomous local church. In many ways, the decision is top-down.

a large number of people have lost their jobs in various industries. Measures introduced by the government in response to the pandemic has upset the daily routine and rhythm of families. Practices like working from home have added stress to those with young children and aged parents at home where the boundaries between home and office, family responsibility and work commitment are blurred.

But the founding of Barker Road Methodist Church (BRMC) went against the “normal” practice. It was started from the ground, by a group of students of ACS in 1955. 1 The Music Room at the old Oldham Hall was used as the worship venue. Ten boys gathered for the first worship service on 20 May 1956. A year later, with 24 young members, the church was constituted as BRMC.

In the past year, BRMC has tried a combination of ways to promote greater awareness of mental health. A series of four sermons, preached in the first quarter of 2021, focused on “Emotional Well-being”. Pre-recorded testimonies of some members who had struggled with emotional issues and overcome their predicaments were shared during worship time. The various Small Groups of BRMC were provided with study guides which are aligned with the sermon emphasis. The church started two direct WeCare lines for members to call for help 24/7. There is also a WeCare email contact which members can use for advice and prayer. BRMC website carries Prayer Bulletins, published every Wednesday and Saturday, which carry short devotions and prayer pointers to encourage prayer for one another and to assist those who need help to pray. 2 Our Counselling Centre continues to provide care and counselling for those who need more specialised care.

The church, with a membership that has grown to nearly 3,000, now has a relatively large sanctuary and different halls and auditoriums in which members can gather for traditional and blended services in English and services in Chinese, Tagalog and Indonesian, as well as activities (when we are allowed to meet physically).

BRMC has been instrumental in giving birth to a number of other churches, among them, Covenant Community, Living Waters and Holland Village Methodist Churches. It also runs the Oasis BRMC Missions, a satellite outreach work at Bukit Batok that reaches out to heartlanders and oversees a learning centre offering tuition for children of migrant parents. These children are tutored in English and Mathematics to prepare them for enrolment into Singapore schools. BRMC is also very involved in overseas mission works and in other Christian social outreach works that care for the poor and elderly.

One current concern which has been widely aired in Singapore is the issue of mental health. The problem has been exacerbated by the impact of COVID-19 pandemic, which has threatened life and livelihood. Many businesses, including some well-established ones, have closed and

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

BARKER ROAD MC (Trinity Annual Conference)

The mental health challenge

4

BRMC has travelled through many rough roads to get to today. But God, who called this church into being, has continued to use her to preach the Gospel, bless life and be alert and responsive to the vexatious challenges of our unpredictable time. May God find us faithful, always shining as the Church on the Hill.

2

48 Barker Road S(309917) www.brmc.org.sg admin@brmc.org.sg 6256-4298

According to the publication to celebrate BRMC’s 50th anniversary in 2006, p. 23. http://www.brmc.org.sg/category/ministries/prayer

News ¢ Amelia Leo is a Programmes Executive at the Methodist School of Music, Worship & Church Music Department. / Screenshots courtesy of MSM

The Faith We Sing 2021 For Every Season

O

rganised by the Methodist School of Music (MSM), The Faith We Sing (TFWS) is an annual singing retreat that provides an opportunity for congregants to go deeper into the songs of the church and understand why we sing them. It is also a platform for songwriters, both local and regional, to present their original compositions.

This year, TFWS, which was held online via Zoom from 10 to 11 Sep, featured songs by several Singaporeans and one Indonesian. The retreat was attended by 110 participants from Singapore, Malaysia, Myanmar and the Philippines.

On Friday evening, the participants experienced the Psalms in a unique way. Through an evening worship, the original psalm settings were organised into various themes that mark every believer’s journey of faith.

Through the songs, participants felt pain and anger over the state of the world, distress over sin, the wonder of repentance and receiving forgiveness, the greatness of God’s mercy, and a believer’s endless hope. And just like in the book of Psalms, Friday’s journey ended how it began—with praise, albeit marked by the bittersweet nature of the faith journey.

On Saturday morning, Dr Martin Tel (C. F. Seabrook Director of Music at Princeton Theological Seminary, USA) expounded on the Psalms for seasons of distress and grief. Together with his assistant Dr Melissa Haupt, Dr Tel showcased several Psalm settings from Psalms for All Seasons: A Complete Psalter for Worship. Dr Tel demonstrated how lament psalms were sung and spoken, and how they could be included in various parts of a worship service. Participants joined in by reading portions of Scripture, doing sign language and singing along.

Subsequently, two breakout sessions were held: “Praying the Psalms” by Dr Debra Rienstra (Professor of English at Calvin University, USA); and “Setting Psalms to Music: A Sharing by Local Songwriters” (moderated by Rev Daphne June Lau from Eternal Life Assembly). Dr Rienstra shared why we should pray using the Psalms and how we can pray like the psalmists of old. Participants were given three minutes to draft one prayer in a Collect form (i.e. starting with a name for God, followed by one’s petition) and another three minutes to draft another one in a lament form. Prayer after prayer was shared, edifying and enriching everyone in the class. One prayer that moved the class was a prayer by a participant from Myanmar: Oh! Judge or the earth!

You are judge and your ways are righteous.

See our unjust situation here in Myanmar So that our country may be healed and live in the right path again. Amen.

—Based on Psalm 94, by Salai Nay Lynn Htun (Myanmar)

At the songwriters’ workshop, Rev Daphne Lau had local songwriters Nigel Goh, Eileen Lau, Paulo Caperig and Justin Chan share the stories behind their songs and their creative processes, as well as tips for budding songwriters who are keen on building their craft. The songwriters all agreed there was the need to go deep into Scripture for inspiration, have a wide listening diet, use the voice memo app ready to record ideas as soon as they materialise, and have objective third parties to evaluate song revisions with constructive criticism.

This year’s TFWS was very well-received by those who attended, many of whom appreciated the space given to lament with new songs, prayers and Scriptures from the book of Psalms. Perhaps this is what our congregations need in a time of pandemic, climate change and political turmoil.

Want to hear more locally-composed

Dr Martin Tel leading a session on the second day 1 Martin Tel, Joyce Borger, and John D. Witvliet, Psalms for All Seasons: A Complete Psalter for Worship (Grand Rapids, MI: Faith Alive/Brazos Press, 2012).

Christian songs? Come register as a user of our resource portal today!

Visit portal.msmusic.edu.sg for more details. Registration is free.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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News ¢ Sheri Goh is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Screenshot taken from YouTube

A holistic approach to mental health Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon delivered the opening address at the Christian Mental Health Conference, which was held online from 15 to 16 July 2021. The conference was organised by Christian Mental Health Advocates, Association of Christian Counsellors Singapore & Promises Healthcare. Recordings of some of the proceedings, speakers’ slides and a mental health resources kit are available at >>

W

hen Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon was

He brought up these two cases in his opening address

doing his doctoral research at Edinburgh

at the Christian Mental Health Conference to emphasise

University from 1991 to 1992, he decided

that there is much common ground between pastoral

to focus on the topic of demon possession. He wanted

care, mental health professions and psychiatry. They are

to make sense of what he had seen as overlaps in his

not mutually exclusive.

training as a medical doctor and experience as a pastor.

His research included field studies in Singapore as well

Psychiatry, he pointed out , comes from “the medieval

as the examination of literature in theology, pastoral

Latin word psychiatria, which means healing of the

care, psychiatry, psychology and cultural anthropology. 1

soul. The Greek equivalent helps us to understand this even better: psyche, meaning soul, and iatreia,

He recalled how, after he returned to Singapore and while

meaning healing. Etymologically, the psychiatrist

teaching at Trinity Theological College (TTC), two cases

is the modern healer of the soul, a function that

were referred to him.

performed by the clergy and the healers in the Church for many centuries.” While the healing or

The first was a pastor with a thriving ministry who had

caring

suddenly became very depressed. Although this pastor

recent decades, the clinic and the Church should work

attributed his condition to spiritual causes, Bishop Emeritus

together even while they have different orientation,

Dr Solomon’s training as a medical doctor helped him to

methodology and perhaps even outcomes.

deduce from his symptoms that this pastor was actually suffering from severe depression and needed medical intervention. Although the pastor was initially unwilling, Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon managed to persuade him to see a psychiatrist, who subsequently prescribed medication for depression and for obsessive-compulsive disorder. He then slowly began to recover.

The second was a man who was suffering from strange symptoms, which included feeling numb and “unreal” and seeing things that were not there. His symptoms were so severe that he was not able to function properly and lost his job. He sought help from a psychiatrist as well as from deliverance ministry. Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon realised in this case that there was demonic activity, and helped the man by counselling him to keep his focus on Jesus.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

ministries

have

been

professionalised

in

Working together as clinic and Church

As such, there is a place for collaboration and teamwork,

Firstly, Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon suggests a return

such as when psychiatrists, counsellors, social workers

to the Bible. “The Bible,” he reminded the participants,

and pastors work together, consulting and cooperating

“diagnoses the human condition and it has broad wisdom

with one another.

on human nature, human behaviour and motivation, and human relationships. We must understand the authority of

Finally, there needs to be a way to build up referral

Scripture and its relevance for today.”

networks so that people can get the help they need.

That is why collaborations, such as this conference, are

“Centrally, the Bible speaks about God and His grace—it is

important, so that those in different areas of secular or

so important to appreciate, understand and apply this in

church helping ministries can work together to help those

our pastoral or healing craft. Without God’s help and His

in need to connect with appropriate resources.

grace, we would not make any major headway in bringing healing to people.”

No clear-cut lines One of the participants asked: “What are the differences

Secondly, he says, “there must be a mutual appreciation

between

of each other”. He explains: “For pastors, there must be an

professional counselling? How do these differences play

pastoral

care,

pastoral

counselling

and

appreciation of medicine, psychology, sociology and so on. It

out in shepherding the different people of the Church?”

is in appreciating those areas of knowledge that perhaps we can understand how we can work together.” And for mental

Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon acknowledged that the

health professionals, “there must also be an appreciation of

differences are not—and do not need to be—so clear-

Christian theology and pastoral care, the role of sacraments,

cut. While secular professional counselling has a much

the role of worship and the Christian community”.

more focused perspective, such as dealing with specific presenting problems, such as anxiety or marital issues,

Thirdly, there must be “an integrated and holistic approach

pastoral counselling might involve a more personal

to helping people”—we are at the same time “embodied

relationship between the pastor and the one being

beings, social beings and spiritual beings”. He used an

counselled. Pastoral care, in his opinion, takes a broader

analogy of a bad-sounding piece of music: “The piano

and more spiritual perspective in shepherding the soul.

strings might need turning, or there could be something wrong with the score, or the pianist might not be a skilled

“But,” he emphasises, “we must not go away with neat

player. A presenting problem may have to be looked at

silos for each.” This, he says, would dissuade us from

from different angles.” Different people, he says, need to

working together to help those with complex issues.

work together to try to resolve the presenting problem.

In secular situations, when it may not be possible to share the Gospel or refer to Scripture, Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon reminded the participants, “you may not be able to be overt in testifying or using words to mention God, but you can in your deeds, exemplify Christ. We can still be ambassadors of Christ in different ways. If you can’t speak, you can act; you can show in your attitude.

Even if you are in a secular setting, it makes a lot of difference if you have a prayerful attitude before the person comes in, while you are speaking to the person and after the person leaves.”

“In the way that you pay attention, in the way that you exercise kindness, generosity and gentleness, I think that we are representing God, and I am sure it will have an effect.”

His thesis was subsequently published as Living in Two Worlds: Pastoral Responses to Possession in Singapore, Studies in the Intercultural History of Christianity (Frankfurt, Germany: Peter Lang, 1994).

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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News ¢ Jason Woo is the Communications Executive at MCS Comms.

Breaking the silence Conversations about sexuality with your children

I

f the thought of your child asking you questions about the human genitalia makes you squirm, you are not alone. You would be a parent who would have benefited from the talk , “Breaking the Silence: Conversations about Sexuality with Your Children” by Dr Cheah Fung Fong on 14 Aug 2021.

According to Dr Cheah, even though most youths would prefer to confide in friends and peers, parents remain important adult figures whom they would approach. “Of those who speak to the adults, mothers account for 33 per cent of those who youths would turn to while fathers take up 16.8 per cent,” she said.

Dr Cheah, Vice President of the Trinity Annual Conference and a medical doctor by training, conducted the hourlong Zoom presentation in an event organised by the Chinese Annual Conference (CAC) Board of Family Life (BoFL). No stranger to talking about the birds and the bees to her three children, Dr Cheah not only masterfully packaged the topics into bite-sized and easy-to-comprehend pieces but also weaved in a biblical perspective that Christian parents would find invaluable when engaging their kids on sexuality matters.

However, Dr Cheah advised parents to start early as anecdotal evidence shows puberty is now starting at a younger age. In fact, girls may experience it as early as 11 or even younger. It does not help either that the mass media, social media, the internet and even video games bombard children with unsavoury messages that either give a distorted picture of sexual relations or hypersexualise the genders.

Matters of sexuality, according to Dr Cheah, cover a broad spectrum from puberty, boy-girl relationships, masturbation, casual sex to subjects like gender identity and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) issues.

Being comfortable, connected and consistent

Some statistics Dr Cheah shared were both eye-opening and startling.

In 2009, The Straits Times reported that the average age when youth in Singapore had their first sexual encounter was 11, and more than half of them had three or more partners. More than a decade later, the youth sexuality and premarital sex scene has grown worse. Dr Cheah highlighted that 4 per cent of 13- to 15-year-olds had encountered pornography when they were nine or even younger; 88 per cent of them accessed such content through smartphones.

The exponential rise of youths in Singapore who are saddled with their own sexuality doubts and issues is cause for alarm. It has made the need to engage our children on such matters more urgent by the day.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

So what is the Christian parent to do?

In this age where information is readily and easily available with just a Google search, Dr Cheah reminded her audience that there are few barriers to getting facts relating to teen or youth sexuality.

Despite this, Dr Cheah emphasised that what needs to change is the parents’ level of comfort and confidence when discussing sexuality matters with their children.

Rather than shying away from such conversations, parents must be on a lookout for teaching moments to bring their messages effectively across to their kids.

Another area that Dr Cheah recommended for parents to work on is being connected and current with whatever their children are interested at that point in time.

Meaningful communication can then take place since parents would be able to speak to their children on their level and hopefully impress on them a wholesome biblical framework which can then act as their guide to life.

An example that Dr Cheah brought up was the movie adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, which included a gay character. If the children are equipped with a sound biblical worldview, they would then be able to be guided with an appropriate Christian response in the face of such influences.

Listen, listen and listen Traditionally, the Asian family structure featured a topdown communication dynamic between parent and child.

This has to change in response to the times, particularly when children enter their teens.

Co m m u n i c a t i o n S k i l l s

“I always tell my audience there are three important things that make up effective communication. First, it is to listen. Second, it is to listen. The third, you guessed it, is to listen,” emphasised Dr Cheah. She went on to illustrate the GLAD model of “Give full attention. Listen with eyes and ears. Ask questions. Don’t lecture”.

G ive full attention L isten with your eyes and ears A sk questions D on’t lecture

Ear King

to start the journey early to seed God’s positive messages on sex in their children’s lives.

She offered three Ms that parents can instil into their kids’ minds: “Master, Mission, Mate”. With this, the young ones will come to know and acknowledge God as their Master who has given each of them a Mission or a purpose in their lives and that He knows it is not good to go it alone so to each one He would send a Mate to journey with them in fulfilling that Mission.

In this way, children will have a coherent structure that will be of help in looking at sexuality issues like the sanctity of sexual relations or how to engage the opposite gender through God’s eyes.

More importantly, according to Dr Cheah, what parents must ultimately do is to have their children ground their individual identities in God. Young people must grow up with a clear picture of their relationship with God and how God sees them—as His children.

“Ephesians 1:5 says, ‘And before the world was made, God decided to make us His own children through Jesus Christ,’” said Dr Cheah. “And once our children know who they are, and that they belong to Christ, then all the other things will flow from their lives.”

For updates and information on similar events and talks, follow the Chinese Annual Conference Board of Family Life’s Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/CACBOFL/

Ten Eyes:

Love, Sex, an d Marriage

Are you wor ried about the messages you absorbing from r child is the media and or she is exp pop culture osed to? Yet, that he at the same inadequate time, you feel and unsure of how to talk love, sex, and to your chil marriage from d about a biblical wor ldview?

In this booklet , Dr Cheah Fung Fong and practica offe rs a biblical l approach to starting con children abo versations with ut key issues our like puberty marriage, and , infatuation, pornography love, .

100% attention, focus

One Heart: Wholeheatedly

Cheah Fung Fong is a med ical doctor speaker at Chr and frequen istian parentin t g workshops conferences. and A firm believe r in faith form families, she ation in is deeply invo lved in chil in the Method dren’s ministri ist Church in es Singapore and Ministry. the D6 Fam ily

The GLAD model

For more pare nting resource s, visit biblical -parenti

ng.org.

“Very often, despite what we think, our kids already know what are the right things to do. As parents, we should play the role of a mirror that asks them questions and allows them to think and reflect upon themselves. As a result, you will be surprised that the solution that you wanted to offer them will actually be coming out of their mouths,” said Dr Cheah. “And when it comes out of their own mouths, it becomes so much more effective because they will take their own advice.”

Seeding God’s messages “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Parents should do likewise when it comes to schooling their children on how God views their sexuality. Dr Cheah advised parents

BIB LIC AL WIS DOM FOR PAR ENT S

Help!

How Do I Ta lk My Child Ab to out L ove , S e x , and M arriage

V922 3

Cheah Fung Fon g

For a more detailed read on Dr Cheah’s advice on how to engage your children in conversation over sexuality matters, you can download a free copy of her Help! How do I Talk to My Child About Love, Sex, and Marriage.

Scan the QR code for your copy >> 1

Straits Times, 25 Oct 2009.

Touch Cyberwellness Study that included 921 students aged 13 to 15.

The report was quoted in The Straits Times, 8 Sep 2019.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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People ¢ Sheri Goh is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Photos courtesy of Jenny Teo

“Where does it hurt? And how can I help?”

IN MEMORY OF

Josh Isaac Ng

Jenny and Josh

O

Josh’s baptism when he was 12 years old

n the morning of 25 June 2018, Jenny Teo woke

also interested in making movies—he enlisted his school

up to find her only child, Josh Isaac Ng, lying

friends, his mother and their domestic helper to act in

lifeless on the sofa in the study of their home. He

his amateur films, which came with sound and visual

was barely 21, and he had taken his own life.

effects that he, as an avid amateur movie producer and director, added himself.

Jenny’s pain is palpable as she relates how she found her son’s body; how she called for an ambulance; how

He was a funny and humorous child who never failed to

she was instructed over the phone to do CPR on him

make his mother laugh. “He was my Mr Bean,” she recalls

while waiting for help to arrive; and how, when he

with a laugh. That was also why she chose the name

was pronounced dead, she was so distraught the whole

“Isaac” as his baptism name, as it means “laughter”.

neighbourhood could hear her wailing. But she bravely shares this difficult story over and over again because

When he was 12, he experienced a traumatic incident

it is what drives her in her mission, as a suicide loss

during which his father scolded him for two solid hours

survivor, to educate the public on suicide prevention.

over his exam results. That distressed him so much that he fell sick with high fever, and after that, he refused

Josh: strong and courageous

to go to school even after he had recovered. Instead,

Josh was a miracle baby who was conceived after much

he started hiding behind sofas and in his wardrobe.

difficulty and born on 13 Nov 1997. When Josh, who was

Jenny started seeing a drastic change in his personality

named Bradley at birth, was baptised at the age of 12,

and behaviour. His mental health deteriorated; he did

Jenny chose the name “Joshua” because she wanted him

not do well for his Primary School Leaving Examination

to be strong and courageous like the Joshua of the Bible.

and struggled with his studies in secondary school, particularly in Mathematics and Chinese. Jenny decided

He was a playful and active toddler, and enjoyed music

to quit her job to stay home and care for him.

and rhythm, so Jenny enrolled him in a drum class. One of her fondest memories of him is when he performed

Fortunately, Josh did fairly well in his Secondary 4

a New Creation Church worship song for his drum school

N-level examinations. He qualified for the ITE Higher

performance and received a standing ovation. He was

Nitec course, where his creative side led him to pursue a course in games design and development.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

Losing Josh By then, Jenny’s marriage had fallen apart and she, too, struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for two years as she went through a difficult divorce. Josh had started dating a schoolmate, but following their first breakup, he fell into a depression. An extremely reserved and introverted young man, he did not talk about his feelings even though he was overwhelmed with having to deal with the breakup of his family, his own relationship issues and his enlistment in National Service, among other things. At the time, Jenny was herself struggling to stay afloat mentally and could not support him emotionally.

About a year after they first broke up, the girl initiated a reconciliation. But after she broke up with him a second time in Dec 2017, he was utterly devastated. In Feb 2018, he attempted suicide for the first time. Even though he had been consulting a psychiatrist and was prescribed antidepressants, by the middle of 2018 he was in so much unbearable psychological pain and felt so depreciated as a human being that he wanted to put an end to that pain—suicide was the only way he knew how.

“When you lose someone to a disease or an illness, the doctor treating the patient will have to answer many of your questions. But when you lose someone to suicide, who do you ask?” Jenny recounts. After she lost Josh, she was tormented with sorrow, guilt and unanswered questions. It had taken her two years to recover from her earlier depression, and she says it was only by the grace of God that her grief did not cause her to fall back into it.

In Dec 2018, she was connected to a TV production company who wanted to make a video about suicide loss. The video, “Silent Cry”, was uploaded to various social medial channels on April 2019. In September the same year, at an event for caregivers by Caregivers Alliance Ltd (who had supported her after her son’s first suicide attempt), Jenny spoke about the loss of her son to suicide to a live audience of about 80 people. “I shared that the best thing I ever did for Josh as his mother on earth was to get him saved and baptised, because that’s the only hope that I can cling to now—knowing that I will be reunited with him again one day.”

The day after that talk , God spoke to her. “What are you grieving?” He said. “Your son is still with you.

Every time you open up and share, he’s with you. He’s alive in you.” She then realised that to her Josh was not “lost”—he has become her silent partner now whenever she shares about suicide prevention based on her lived experience in educating the public on suicide intervention.

In order to better understand more about the suicidal mind and behaviour, and what Josh went through, Jenny started doing intensive research into suicidology and found correlations between the textbook answers and her “lived experience”, which eventually led her to start Stigma2Strength Singapore In Memory of Josh Isaac, a ground-up educational initiative that aims to increase awareness of suicide prevention by helping people to understand the suicidal mind and behaviour, and reduce the social stigma surrounding the topics of suicide.

Healing while grieving In the immediate aftermath of Josh’s death, Jenny had to go through the motions of identifying his body, planning the funeral service and his cremation. She also had to write a eulogy and place his urn at the columbarium.

Being divorced and Josh being her only child made everything all the more difficult. She cried almost every day for many months.

When she was going through his things, Jenny realised that Josh had left her several suicide notes: some were audio notes, others on his phone and some written on paper. He spoke about how tired and exhausted he was, and how he wanted to end the pain. In the adjustment stage of her grief journey, Jenny began to meet face to face with his friends, one by one, because she wanted

Stigma2Strength Singapore, the suicide prevent initiative that Jenny founded after her son Josh’s suicide

to find out more about what her son was like when he was with them. Talking to Josh’s friends about him also helped her as she struggled to find closure while living with the indescribable pain of losing her only child.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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In memory of Josh Isaac Ng

“How can I help?”

Most people do not want to talk about depression and suicide because they are considered taboo subjects. But Jenny believes that “the primary prevention of suicide lies in public education. One needs to understand the 10 commonalities of suicide. These commonalities tell us what suicide is like on the inside and what is sensible about it to the person who does it at the moment of its doing. It’s an aspect of thought, feeling and behaviour that occurs in almost every suicide—95 out of 100— based on contemporary suicidology. Knowledge of this is crucial in empowering the parent, caregiver or anyone in suicide intervention during crisis situations.

For example, a common stressor of suicide is frustrated psychological needs. To help a suicidal person, you need to fulfil those needs. In the case of unbearable psychological pain—the common stimulus of suicide— you need to reduce the pain.”

“Suicide is so complex,” she explains. “It’s not only multi-faceted and multi-dimensional, it’s also multidisciplinary involving elements that are psychological,

it may not always work for the suicidal mind or for a person who is in clinical depression. It will simply cause them to feel more alienated. “And if you don’t try to understand what they are going through and listen with empathy and compassion, they will stop opening up to you.”

Josh is the focal point in the suicide prevention work that Jenny does now. “This is my second closure,” she says.

“As a mother, my identity has been redefined. I have a new purpose in life—I can still do something for my son, by being his mouthpiece and helping him to say what he couldn’t when he was still alive. And I am passionate about saving lives so that they can live long enough to hear the gospel of Christ and be eternally saved, if they haven’t already, because it is not God’s will that any should perish.”

That is why, for the Stigma2StrengthSingapore, Jenny has chosen a slogan based on the parable of the lost sheep: “One life lost is one too many, one life saved is all worth it”.

biological, sociological, epidemiological, philosophical, pharmaceutical, theological and physiological… There is no single cause. Suicide prevention starts with understanding the suicidal mind, and especially on behavioural clues.”

For young people who are struggling, Jenny implores, “Please stay. Even if it’s just for one more day, every day.” Suicidal thoughts are transient; they last for hours and days, not months or years. But it is difficult for the suicidal person to “see” beyond the day or, for that matter, the next half an hour. They need someone to help them to get through the crisis, to widen their mental blinders and not dwell on their constricted mind of thinking that suicide is the only solution to their intense suffering.

And if someone asks for help, she says that the best thing we can do is to ask them: “Where does it hurt?

How can I help?” The way to help is to address the pain, reduce the pain and then redefine the pain. We need to empathise with them instead of rationalising their pain or telling them to pray more, read the Bible more, speak in tongues more, pray more or go to church more as

https://youtu.be/s7D4dlv0ldw Suicidology is the scientific study of suicidal behaviour, the causes of suicide and suicide prevention.

3 www.facebook.com/S2SJJ 1 2

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

Jenny, Josh and his grandmother

People ¢ Ashley Ho is the Social Media Executive at MCS Comms. / Photo courtesy of Matthew Visuvasan

To walk by faith , not sight

M

atthew Visuvasan, 66, was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, a debilitating eye condition, in 2012. Matthew, who worked as a teacher’s aide at Anglo-Chinese School Junior, realised then it was hereditary as his late father had suffered from blindness.

Matthew’s vision issues slowly compounded as he became colour blind. He was referred to the Eagle Eye Centre where Dr Julian Theng, the father of one of his students, went out of his way to help Matthew and he underwent eye cataract surgery.

Even with the operation, Matthew’s condition did not improve and he soon found himself losing his night vision. Eventually stricken with night blindness, he was forced to retire earlier than he expected.

Matthew was only 58 when he lost his livelihood. It was extremely tough on Matthew as he was the family’s sole breadwinner. His wife was a homemaker while their two children were polytechnic students.

Matthew broke down and cried for many days because of his financial situation. He had some savings, but they was not enough. He felt lost and stranded.

However, God was with Matthew all the while. As one door closed, He opened another through the Singapore Association of the Visually Handicapped (SAVH).

Going to the SAVH day-care centre from Mondays to Fridays, Matthew re-learnt everyday activities, such as recognising currency notes through touch and learning where and how to place his utensils.

Matthew also received encouragement and help, not only from SAVH volunteers and staff, but also from members from his home church, Cairnhill Methodist Church. His church mates would bless his family by buying and delivering groceries as well as giving him lifts home. Matthew felt comforted that his church family kept a lookout for him.

Meanwhile, the Lord constantly provided for Matthew through monetary aid from different organisations that often came in time to alleviate his financial pressures.

Matthew shared that although his eyes have not got any better despite regular medical intervention, God has sustained his poor eyesight for the past six years in contrast to many with similar eye conditions who have totally lost their vision, some within a year.

“During the difficult times, I go to the Lord and draw closer to Him. I cannot read the Bible, but I have a hearing device to listen to the audio Bible. As I approach the Lord, I feel joy and see wonderful things, that the angels of the Lord are with me wherever I go. That is when I feel closest to God,” Matthew testified.

“There was once the Lord prompted Hebrews 13:5 to comfort me. ‘Never will I leave you or forsake you’ is the verse that I hold on to till today.”

In parting, Matthew would like to encourage others who are going through tough situations. He said, “When one is desolate, you can get depressed easily and the thoughts can kill. Ask the Lord to overcome the evil one, to overcome your unbelief and take out all those negative thoughts. Run to Him, for He is where you can find peace that surpasses all understanding.”

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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People ¢ Carolyn Tan is a teacher and mother to two boys, Dylan and Conrad. She worships at Kampong Kapor Methodist Church. / Photos courtesy of Carolyn Tan

, Dylan With her sonsand the , ad and Conr ber of newest memGrogu their family,

Carolyn at the KKMC

organ

A breast cancer story

W

hen I awoke on Saturday, 5 Sep 2020, the sun had been in my room for quite a while. It was the start of the week-long September holidays, and it made all the difference to me as a teacher and mother. I savoured the luxury of just lying in my bed without worry of traffic or school bells to heed.

I stretched out in bed, then tossed and turned a little. One side of my body seemed stiffer somehow. On performing a self-examination, I found a palpable lump in my left breast. I wasn’t too worried; many of my friends had had lumps that turned out to be benign. Besides, both my parents and my husband had passed from cancer—surely it wouldn’t hit my family yet another time.

Nonetheless, I arranged for a full medical health screening.

It had been some time since I’d had one done.

On 23 Sep, my doctor, a breast cancer specialist, examined the mammogram scans and performed an ultrasound. He gently informed me that from its irregular appearance, it was highly likely that I had early stage breast cancer. A biopsy sample sent to the lab later confirmed his suspicion. PET and CT scans helped assure us that it was Stage 2A .

I couldn’t believe it. I told God that He had a bad sense of humour.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

Keeping busy to pass the tim during chem otherapy trea e tments

Sharing the difficult news It was difficult to break the news to my two boys. Their father had passed just three and a half years earlier from late-stage stomach cancer. They also clearly remembered my father, their maternal grandpa, who had passed from the same cancer the year before; and for my older boy, my mother’s three-year journey with colon cancer which ended in 2010. We were all too familiar with cancer in our family.

In all, I waited nine days to speak to them. I needed time to understand the extent of the disease, the prognosis and the treatment for the months ahead. When I finally told them, I took extra effort to explain that my disease was distinctly different from their father’s and grandparents’.

They remained calm and we all shared a good hug after that. Since then, they have remained objective and strong, trusting in God for the positive outcomes of my journey.

Chemo begins I was familiar with what a chemotherapy treatment room looked like, having supported my mother and husband during their time in those rooms. Now that it was my turn, I did not feel that it was anything fearful, but there was quite a bit of administration to see through, detailed briefings on side effects of each drug, and advice for managing my diet. Though I had some of my closest Christian friends present with me, and my phone saw constant messages

of care and prayers from various loved ones, I felt sudden pangs of longing for my husband to be around, to be a second ear, and to see to the administrative matters.

The first treatment took longer than expected because my veins were thin, and constricted. As such, the infusion could only be done at a slow pace so as not to cause pain and distress in my arm. I was so grateful for the presence of friends. The gratitude I had continued upon returning home when some church friends brought a sumptuous home-cooked dinner for my boys and me.

The chemotherapy treatments were rough because they brought so much fatigue, which meant a lot of rest was needed. I also felt nausea and lost my appetite for much of the first part of each cycle, and was prone to diarrhoea. During the second cycle in particular, I lost so much water my body got dehydrated. I awoke one morning feeling like I was falling through the middle of my bed. I had to clutch the sheets with my hands and feel the pillow under my head in order to realise I was on the verge of hallucinating. It was totally disorientating. Eventually, my doctor was better able to prescribe specific medications for the side effects that affected me in particular, and things stabilised in the subsequent cycles.

Feeling the ill side effects definitely caused me misery. At my lowest moments, I wondered why God hadn’t let me fall ill with my husband by my bedside. Why couldn’t He have allowed my mum’s presence, or my dad who would readily buy any foods I would want? God hasn’t given me an answer but I suppose I will find out the reason one day.

But most of all, I clung to God. He made Himself real to me so many times. I treat God as a person near me, a constant companion. My prayers are more informal like conversations, and I can start one at any time and anywhere. When the worries come, I surrender it to God, or ask Him to lessen the pain.

Taking care of our temples I’m happy to say that I’m cancer-free now. I’ve got a few more cycles of targeted treatment to go. The final one takes place in January 2022. This treatment has few side effects, but those from chemotherapy still linger. I have constant aches in my hands and feet, and my strength and stamina are significantly less than before my diagnosis.

I’m trying my utmost to ramp up exercise and keep well so that I can return to feeling more like my normal self.

I would encourage everyone to go for routine health checks as recommended by the experts. The earlier cancer is detected, the more treatable it is.

We should take care of ourselves, eat well, sleep well, and get some exercise in between. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit within us. If we don’t take care of our bodies, how can we do the work God has entrusted us? When chronic illness strikes, at least I know I’ve done my best to take care of the body God has given me. I hope you do too.

Helping myself, and allowing others to help me I started a blog to keep track of the progress of my treatment, and to record thanksgivings. I stayed open to visitors coming in regularly because even though I was often tired, they would always bring comfort and cheer, and sometimes say a prayer.

During the times I felt frustrated with what God was putting me through, He surrounded me with his army of angels—my sons, siblings, cousins, friends and church mates and colleagues—to remind me that He was in charge, and that He would see me through.

Photo by Jemanci Portrait

This army of God provided all sorts of help. My older boy administered booster shots for immunity. My younger one gamely experimented in the kitchen, whipping up meals for us. Apart from visits to my home and to the hospital, other family and friends accompanied me for walks, wig-shopping, art-jamming and even a photo shoot. Most of all, they shared with me their precious time and companionship and so I never did feel that God had abandoned me.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

(Isa 41:10)

This article originally appeared at https://kkmc.org.sg/a-breast-cancer-story.

Reproduced with permission.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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Opinion ¢ Deputy Senior Pastor Chua Seng Lee (Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Church) has spent more than two decades working with youth and young working adults.

He was the Chairman of National Youth Mentoring Steering Committee for four years, and the co-organiser of the inaugural Christian Mental Health Conference in July 2021. Ps Chua first spoke about the above topic at a prayer meeting on 24 July 2021, organised by praying parents concerned about the youths of Singapore. The content has been adapted for clarity.

The heartbreaking truth

about the emotional state of our youths —and how we can pray for them

I

’d like to highlight some statistics on the numbers of cases of suicide among the youth in Singapore.

There were 30 recorded suicides last year among those aged 10 to 19—the highest figure in 29 years of documentation by the Samaritans of Singapore. There are signs that the figures for 2021 could be just as high.

There’s obviously a link between the mental health of our youth and suicide. When the mental health of our youth is not good, they will be more susceptible to suicide ideation.

In a charity I’m involved with, we did a survey of more than 1,000 young people. In one of the questions, we put forward this statement: “Taking my life is not an option for failure—I will not take my life because of any problem.”

Of the young people who responded, 21 per cent did not agree with this statement. That means that one in five respondents consider that suicide is an option.

To check the findings, we redid the survey and pumped the sample size up to 8,000 young people in Singapore—and the percentage remained the same.

There are a lot of people seeking help today, because many people are affected, emotionally and mentally.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

You can see this in the long queues to see a counsellor in schools. I spoke to a university student recently, and he told me that to make an appointment with a school counsellor, there’s a two-month wait list. There’s also the same long queue in our hospitals, and in private practice.

There was a school where a student committed suicide. We asked the classmates how they felt about the person who had passed on. They shared with us that they felt that she was so brave to dare to take her life.

This saddened us. To the minds of some young people, suicide is being glorified, such that they think that suicide is a good thing.

To compound the situation further, COVID-19 has imposed severe constraints on people globally, leading to isolation and depression. Mental wellness has become an important issue, and it will be even more so going forward.

Do watch out for our youths. With what happened at River Valley [High School], there will certainly be some impact on other school-going students as well. Do look out for them, and for one another.

If you know anyone struggling, you can direct them to: Hotlines: • SOS 24-hour hotline: 1-800-221-444 • Care Corner Counselling Centre: 6353-1180 • Care Corner Parenting Support: 6235-4705 • IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222 (24-hours) These helplines are to refer those who need immediate attention. But there is another thing that we can and must do for them: We need to pray for them.

HOW SHOULD WE PRAY FOR OUR YOUTHS? 1. Pray that they will embrace the will of God for them What the Lord laid upon my heart when thinking of all these mental health conditions among the younger generation is that we need to pray for young people – that they will discover their calling.

“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives.”

(Col 1:9) This is what God told me: People will suffer when they find life meaningless, purposeless. The scheme of the devil is to come to steal, kill, and to destroy them; to make them feel hopeless, to make them feel meaningless.

Instead, they need to discover the will of God in their life, with spiritual wisdom with understanding, because knowing the will of God will help them to be fruitful, rather than struggling with the meaning of life.

They need to discover the destiny they have in Jesus.

They need to know that they have a purpose. That there is meaning in life. Not to pursue the agenda of the world, but the agenda of God, the will of God. Oh, that they will not live for the petty things of this world, but that they will arise to answer the call of God for their generation! That they will live life with a sense of destiny and purpose as they embrace His will for their lives!

That’s what will give this next generation hope—yes, hope.

We are praying for hope for them.

2. Pray that they will experience the healing of God Of course, in particular, we need to pray for those in River Valley High School traumatised by the incident. Not just in River Valley High School, but in every school and campus, where many are feeling the pain of the incident.

But this incident is just the tip of the iceberg, especially during this period where mental health issues are on the rise. We need to pray that God will heal our youths, body, soul and spirit.

They need emotional healing. We need to pray for God to heal those who are stressed out.

The sources of stress that young people are facing come from three sources: One is themselves, their selfperception, their expectations of themselves. The second is from others—from parents or peers or teachers or tutors.

The third source would be external: Events, circumstances, breakups, cyberbullying and so forth.

I want to highlight the stress from parents, which can have a huge impact on the mental health of young people today.

There was a study published in 2016 that showed that children with pushy parents—tiger mums and dads—are at much higher risk of developing depression, or anxiety. Many of the children of our younger generation are suffering from this.

So pray for healing, pray for reconciliation. Pray for parents—even yourself—to relearn our parenting styles and not be a pushy parent.

3. Pray that they will enjoy the presence of God We need to pray for a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit to usher in the Presence of God into every school in Singapore.

We need to pray for a great response to the Presence of God, calling forth faith among believers, resulting in real salvation of our youth.

4. Pray that they will encounter God with open hearts We need to pray for a new openness to God. Both for those who never knew Him, but even for those who once believed in Him. The 2020 Census suggests that many young people who grew up in church are leaving the Christian faith. The church needs to pray that many of those who grew up in church will be open to God again. They need to encounter God afresh.

We need to pray for a new openness of heart to see that God is faithful even in their pain and struggle. We need to pray that youths will come to the knowledge of Jesus as Lord and Saviour, as the only true source of hope and salvation.

Salvation—hope not just in eternity, but even in the here and now. Hope knowing that they can find peace in His Presence, that they can find help by His healing, that they can find purpose in His will.

Will you join me in praying these prayer pointers regularly for this next generation?

They need help, hope and healing in a confusing world that is full of pain. Most of all—they need to know Jesus for themselves. https://saltandlight.sg/news/pastors-and-mental-health-professionalsto-gather-for-first-ever-christian-mental-health-conference/

1

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/kids-of-pushy-parents-facehigher-risk-of-depression

2

This article was first published at https://saltandlight.sg/education/the-heartbreaking-truth-about-the-emotional-state-of-ouryouths-and-how-we-can-pray-for-them. Republished with permission.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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National Day Awards 2021 ¢ Congratulations!

Methodist Message congratulates the following who have received the 2021 National Day Awards:

CHURCHES

SCHOOLS

Mdm Jansen Maureen Anne The Long Service Medal

Aldersgate Methodist Church

Anglo-Chinese School (Junior)

Geylang Methodist School (Primary)

Mr Leong Jenn Yeoong

Mr Richard Chris Chia Chee Weng The Public Administration Medal (Bronze)

Mr Kim Seah Teck Kim The Public Service Star

Ms Teh Meijie, Jerine The Commendation Medal

Ms Lim Chew Yen Joylynn The Commendation Medal

Ms Tan Su-Ping The Long Service Medal

Mdm Loh Puay San The Long Service Medal

The Commendation Medal

Ang Mo Kio Methodist Church Mr Chan Meng Piow The Public Service Medal Mr Kim Seah Teck Kim The Public Service Star

Christ Methodist Church Mdm Jennifer Teoh Boon Pei

Mr Koh Boon Hock Colin The Long Service Medal Mr Lim Fong Twong The Long Service Medal

Geylang Methodist School (Secondary) Mr Tay Yew Kuan Kelvin The Commendation Medal

The Public Administration Medal (Silver)

Anglo-Chinese School (Barker Road)

Mdm Norhamidah Bte Hassan The Commendation Medal

Ms Chan Pao Yin

Mr Ng Kok Foo The Commendation Medal

Mr Yeo Wee Pung The Long Service Medal

Mr Wong Chiew Mun Timothy The Long Service Medal

Mdm Khoo Siew Huay Doris The Long Service Medal

Mr Lim Jit Peow The Long Service Medal

Mr Wee Tat Chuen The Long Service Medal

The Commendation Medal Ms Woo Lai Wan Rita The Long Service Medal Mr Chua Wee Kiat The Long Service Medal Ms Yeo Pei Lin Phyline The Long Service Medal

Mr Tan Whye Wee Jeffrey The Long Service Medal

Methodist Girls’ School (Primary) Mdm Foo Yin Ping Grace The Commendation Medal

Faith Methodist Church

Mr Ho Chin Han Alexis @Lee Vincent The Long Service Medal

Ms Cheng Siow Yee

Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)

The Commendation Medal Ms Lim Soh Tee Eunice

Mr Foo Kam Meng The Commendation Medal

The Commendation Medal

Anglo-Chinese School (Primary)

Ms Ho Wai Mun The Commendation Medal

Mrs Soo-Ng Geok Ling

Mdm Chan Wai Kin The Commendation Medal

Mr Ho Siew Mun The Long Service Medal

Mdm Norharyati Bte Harun The Long Service Medal

Mdm Chua Gek Chun Elaine The Long Service Medal

Anglo-Chinese Junior College

Mr Edmund Wong Kok Wai The Efficiency Medal

The Long Service Medal

Pasir Panjang Tamil Methodist Church Mdm Gnanamany d/o Yacob The Commendation Medal

Tamil Methodist Church Sounthira Pandian s/o Muthuraj The Commendation Medal Adeline Eesvari d/o Ramakrishnan The Long Service Medal

Toa Payoh Methodist Church Mr Yeo Kirk Siang The Public Administration Medal (Silver)

Mr Leong Jenn Yeoong The Commendation Medal Mdm Ong Chim Buan The Commendation Medal Mdm Rofiah Binti Saleh The Long Service Medal Ms Jayaram Ganga The Long Service Medal Mr Lim Chee Hong The Long Service Medal

Mdm Rita d/o Ramanathan The Long Service Medal

Methodist Girls’ School (Secondary)

Paya Lebar Methodist Girls’ School (Primary) Mdm Ong Poh Geok The Commendation Medal Mdm Josephine Wong The Long Service Medal

Paya Lebar Methodist Girls’ School (Secondary)

The Public Administration Medal (Bronze)

Fairfield Methodist School (Primary)

Mr Tan Tiah Hui The Commendation Medal

Trinity Methodist Church

Mdm Hou May Wah Sandra The Commendation Medal

Mdm Kuppa Balarishnan Durka The Long Service Medal

Mr James Chong Kok Chiang The Long Service Medal

Mdm Nor Shana Bte Abdul Aziz The Long Service Medal

Dr Wong Weng Hoa

Dr Fang Mei Ling The Long Service Medal

Listings of recipients and awards were as provided by the churches, schools and agencies. All information accurate at the time of printing.

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

Reach Out ¢ Welfare Services By the Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) Communications Team / Photos courtesy of MWS

Help more like Miko

believe in tomorrow

J

Josephine and Miko

for 44-year-old Miko Lew, a single mother supporting

Helping the low-income group find a way out of poverty

three children and elderly parents-in-law, to be where

The MWS FDP is a proprietary poverty alleviation

she is today. Her husband had walked out on the family.

programme focused on asset-building, and targets low-

Without a job or savings back then, her debt mounted

income families in the bottom 10 per cent household

and Miko spiralled into depression. Unable to deal with

income group in Singapore. The primary aim of the

the pressure, she approached MWS Family Development

programme is to create sustainable positive change by

Programme (FDP) and met Josephine Lim, a volunteer.

increasing the net worth of families through debt and

ust two years ago, it would have been unimaginable

savings matching. The programme provides holistic “Miko used to avoid opening her mail. She was afraid of

support through counselling and casework, befriending

seeing bills because she had no way of paying them. I

and financial literacy training.

worked with her to prioritise the ones to pay, and sought waivers wherever possible,” said Josephine.

For every $1 contributed by the families to reduce debt or to add to their savings, MWS will match with $2.

With the help of MWS through Josephine, Miko gradually

Since the programme started in April 2016, MWS FDP has

cleared $2,000 in debts within seven months. She then

empowered over 500 families. Those families who have

progressed to saving, receiving $2 from MWS for every

been released from debt have experienced significantly

$1 she saved on her own.

less stress and anxiety, and gained emotional capacity and cognitive bandwidth to plan for the future.

Her resolve was further tested in mid-2021 when her salary as a receptionist in the wellness industry was

While we celebrate the growing number of families

affected due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When her

we have the privilege to empower, available funds

youngest daughter was issued a quarantine order, Miko

for this programme are projected to run out by April

had to take two weeks of unpaid leave to isolate with

2022. As there is no government funding for this

her daughter. With Josephine’s support, Miko not only

programme, MWS relies entirely on donations to keep

stuck to her savings plan but also managed to pay all

this programme going. Let us love our neighbours

her bills punctually despite the financial and emotional

and be a blessing by donating generously today. Your

pressures she was facing.

support is critical to helping more individuals like Miko build a sustainable future—through MWS FDP and other

“Being on the MWS FDP has given me great peace of mind

life-empowering programmes run by MWS.

because I have Jo to journey with me, and emergency savings to fall back on should I ever need. There will still be challenges in the days ahead, but I believe I will be able to secure a brighter future for myself and my

Scan the QR Code or visit https://mws.sg/

children because I’m not alone,” shared Miko.

product/let-more-believe/ to find out more.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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ACS (International) Admissions Seminars for 2022 ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an allround English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP).

Pre PSLE Seminars

1 October, 2pm

RSVP admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

Senior Leadership Team

Post PSLE Seminars 24 November, 2pm & 4pm

Mr Gavin Kinch Principal

Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Vice-Principal

25 November, 9am & 2pm

26 November, 9am & 2pm

27 November, 9am Mr Christopher Hayward Vice-Principal

Dr Kristopher Achter Vice-Principal

RSVP admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

Seminars will be held on Campus with school tours where possible.

Virtual seminars and tours will be organized instead if there are social gathering restrictions.

Attendance is limited and by reservations only.

Venue: Oldham Chapel, ACS (International) 61 Jalan Hitam Manis, Singapore 278475

For earlier appointments, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

Reach Out ¢ Welfare Services By the Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) Communications Team / Photo courtesy of MWS

MWS at 40

A couple give thanks for the privilege of empowering others.

This year, Methodist Welfare Services celebrates 40 years of empowering life to the full. This is one of a series of stories from people who felt empowered to empower others through MWS over the years. Get involved and join MWS in empowering lives. Learn more by visiting https://mws.sg/mws40th/

S

peaking with retired couple 83-year old Danny and 74-yearold Lois Goh, one cannot help but feel simultaneously inspired and curious at how they can keep up their zeal for volunteering.

The couple first learnt about Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) from reading its magazine, Uncommon Voices, and decided to step forward and volunteer.

In the beginning, they conducted exercises for the seniors at MWS Charis ACE – Geylang East (MWS Charis ACE), one of the senior activity centres under MWS. “Quite immediately, we began to also reach out and befriend the seniors we met at the Centre. We believe no one is too old to serve, or to be a friend to those in need,” said Danny. The couple’s friendly disposition and love for people also endeared them to the quiet and shy seniors, and made many felt more at home.

They subsequently joined MWS Charis ACE’s Community Befriending Service to visit frail home-bound seniors

as part of its collaboration with community partners. “Some seniors no longer know what happiness is. They experience loneliness and isolation because they have lost their mobility, or because their social circles became smaller over the years. When we meet these seniors, chat with them, sing and play our ukulele, we see how their faces light up and fill with joy,” shared Lois.

Even when the COVID-19 pandemic struck and home visits were suspended, the couple learnt how to keep in touch online with Anne Tan, one of the seniors they had befriended. Anne is in her 70s and recovering from cancer, osteoarthritis and depression.

“We have known Anne since 2019.

She enjoys beadwork and she’s really good with her hands. She also likes singing and music and wanted to learn from Danny and me, so we gave her vocal lessons. She was so enthusiastic that she even brought a keyboard! The vocal lessons eventually moved online but she made sure she never missed any,” Lois shared.

Over time, Anne confided that the pain in her legs had disappeared. Even her counsellor attested to Anne’s improved mental well-being. “Danny and Lois

are a wonderful couple. I used to feel very lonely and was rather inactive.

Not only did they welcome me as a friend, they also invited me to join their Zoom vocal group lessons and treated me like family,” Anne added.

Danny and Lois’ sincerity and genuine compassion have supported many like Anne, and helped them to spend their twilight years better. “For us, we’re simply blessed to be able to bring companionship and comfort to the seniors in our community,” Danny said.

Get Involved Since May 2021, MWS Active Ageing Centre – Kebun Baru has been piloting a new Eldercare Centre Model developed by the Ministry of Health. The focus is to reach out to every senior living in the housing blocks assigned to the Centre, to understand the profiles and needs of the seniors, and to encourage them to age actively in the community.

We urgently need more befrienders for these extensive outreach efforts across our Senior Activity Centres.

Keen to volunteer? You can do so on a regular or ad-hoc basis—all it takes is two hours each time. Email volunteer@mws.sg today to learn more.

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Reach Out ¢ Missions Dr Christopher Cheah is a member of the MMS Exco and Chairman of the MMS 30th Anniversary Task Force. / Photos courtesy of MMS

MMS Celebrates 30 years of God’s faithfulness “In my faithfulness I will reward my people and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples.

All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

T

hese words of the prophet Isaiah written almost 3,000 years ago are being fulfilled among the peoples

and

nations

with

whom

Methodist

Missions Society (MMS) has been working since it was established on 30 Sep 1991 as the missions agency of

(Isa 61:8b–9)

the Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS).

MMS is planning for a 30th Anniversary Thanksgiving Service on 28 Nov 2021.

It will be similar to the one we had for our 25th Anniversary

MMS currently works in Cambodia, East Asia, Laos, Nepal,

30th Anniversary Thanksgiving Service

Thailand, Timor-Leste and Vietnam. We praise God for

In view of COVID-19 restrictions, instead of a fund-raising

peoples brought to the saving knowledge of our Lord

banquet, a Thanksgiving Service will be organised to

Jesus Christ, pastors trained, churches planted, schools

celebrate God’s faithfulness to MMS over the past three

established and community development projects started

decades. It will be held at Faith Methodist Church on the

in these nations.

first Sunday in Advent, 28 Nov 2021. Bishop Dr Gordon Wong will bring words of exaltation and the three Annual

We also praise Him for mobilising our local Methodist

Conferences will be invited to present items to celebrate

churches to pray, give and send short- and long-term

the partnership of their local churches with MMS over

missionaries and volunteers to these peoples and nations.

the years. There will also be sharing from the mission

Looking back over the past 30 years, the Lord has indeed

fields to testify to His goodness and faithfulness, as well

blessed MCS through MMS, and in turn allowed His

as opportunity to give towards the Little Candles School

blessings to flow to these peoples and nations. They are

Building Project and the MMS General Fund. Stay tuned

truly people the Lord has blessed!

for more details regarding how you and your church can be part of this celebration.

In gratitude for His blessings and to celebrate our 30th Anniversary this year, a task force comprising MMS staff

30th Anniversary Leaders’ Summit

and Exco members has been formed to plan a year-long

To round off the year-long celebration, key leaders of

celebration from Sep 2021 to Aug 2022.

MMS including staff, Exco members, chairpersons, and representatives of sub-committees will gather in August

30th Anniversary Testimonies Project

2022 for a time of retreat and vision casting as we look

To kick off the celebration, 30 testimonies and stories

back on what the Lord has done and look forward to what

from retired MMS missionaries and long-time volunteers

He will do in MMS over the next decade and more. We

will be compiled into a Singaporean picture of God’s

pray for a fruitful time of worship, prayer, sharing and

faithfulness in missions over the past 30 years. Many are

planning as we spend time hearing from the Lord of the

untold stories of how MMS started and MMS’ pioneering

Harvest on His heart for MMS and the nations.

works in these nations. The articles will appear on the MMS website over the next few months before being

The prophet Isaiah concluded Chapter 61 with these

compiled into a book or a digital format. Do look out for

words: “…the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and

these inspiring and heart-warming stories!

praise spring up before all nations.” As we remember His blessings on the nations through MMS over the past 30 years, may this be our prayer for the nations where MMS will be involved in for the next 30 years and beyond!

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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METHODIST MESSAGE, JULY 2013

Relationships ¢ You & your family Benny Bong has been a family and marital therapist for more than 30 years, and is a certified work-life consultant. He was the first recipient of the AWARE Hero Award, received in 2011, and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Calming

the storms and stress of adolescence

T

he psychologist G. Stanley Hall coined the phrase “storms and stress” to describe the intense interpersonal and intrapersonal turmoil that adolescents typically experience.

No longer children but not yet adults, adolescents are neither fully dependent on nor totally independent of their parents. One of the challenges of this in-between stage is around the task of identity formation. The teenage years are a time of experimentation with notions of “Who do I want to become?” and “How do I want to live my life?” Moreover, hormonal changes as they mature physically may cause many adolescents to experience mood and emotional swings. They may become more temperamental and impatient. They argue with their parents over staying out later and about pursuing certain activities in search of novelty and excitement.

When I recall my own adolescence, I felt rather ordinary and felt no need to be exceptional. This is perhaps one difference I see with today’s teenagers. Somehow, in a social media-soaked age, where we are the focus of cameras big and small, real or imaginary, many feel pressure to be exciting, engaging and certainly not lame or boring. Teenagers measure themselves constantly by tracking how many “followers” they have on social media.

The ever-present, all-seeing eye of social media and the collective commentary of others can be very crushing.

In this article, I want to focus on how we can all try to make the teenage years less challenging. What about the role of parents? When our children encounter difficulties, many a parent will begin a soul-searching examination of whether they had somehow failed their children. Some may look to assigning blame to the like of negative influences of friends and the media, etc.

A good starting point for parents is to remember that no-one gets it right all the time. The task and demands of parenting are challenging; we do not have to be nor will ever be perfect. If we as parents are imperfect, so too will our children be imperfect. We all make mistakes; let us learn through them.

The second point is: Let us get the basics right. A parent’s core responsibility is to love and care for our children. Caring includes nurturing them with the right beliefs and values. This outweighs teaching them how to do well in school. Academic success is important but if children know that they are loved and valued for who they are rather than for what they achieve, then their sense of self-worth will not depend on their next success or accomplishment.

Finally, I mentioned that we ALL can contribute to making adolescence less stormy and stressful for our young. Whether a parent, a teacher, a concerned adult or a friend, we can all do our part to be more accepting and supportive. For instance, praise like “Good try!” or “Good effort!” can cheer on a struggling teenager.

Also, we should not just recognise accomplishments in studies or sports but also in the domains of the arts or caring for others.

It is all about what we value. If we value material possessions, then we would tend to want to get ahead of others to amass more and more. But if we value our humanity, then all the more would we strive to make the world a more humane place. Surely, living more humanely will help everyone deal better with the storms and stress of life.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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Hymns & Songs ¢ Amelia Leo is a programmes executive at the Methodist School of Music, Worship & Church Music Department. She ministers through music at the Chen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home and has a one-and-a-half year old daughter, Faith.

Jesus Strong and Kind

The Methodist School of Music (MSM) equips and edifies both the individual and the church through music and the performing arts.

Find out more at msmusic.edu.sg.

The message that our children need

I

recently came across a video interview of young adults whose parents had divorced. All the interviewees were either fresh out of school or just starting to work, yet the memories of their parents’ divorces (which had happened when they were in primary school) were as clear as day. All the stories were different, but they had one thing in common—the divorce dealt a big blow to the mental health of these children. In one case, a young girl struggled with depression and self-esteem issues for a long time, because her mother disliked the fact that she looked like her father.

In an era where more than one in five marriages end up in divorce, the suffering of a broken home will become the norm for many children. So many of the mental health issues that our generation is facing can be traced back to a dysfunctional homes. Why? This is because the family is God’s ordained place where we learn about and form our identity. In God’s plan, it is the place where we first learn and experience God’s love, and through this, know and experience God Himself.

Where the home has failed to reveal God to children, we—as Christ-followers—need to become part of their lives, so that they can learn and experience God’s love for them. They need to grow up in the security of Jesus, the One who is always present, always strong and always kind. He is the only One who can satisfy.

When I first led CityAlight’s “Jesus Strong and Kind” at the chapel service of Chen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home earlier this year, it was during the brief period in which congregational singing (with masks on) was allowed.

The older children, who were typically reticent during chapel services, started singing along as soon as they had learnt the tune. The chaplain noticed this and asked me to lead the song again at the end of the service. Initially, I thought this was because of the accessible tune. But on hindsight, it might also have been the message of the song that spoke to the children: “You can always run to Jesus, He will not let you down or turn you away. He will bear you up even when everything around you is crumbling.”

Each year, we celebrate Children’s Day in October to remember what joy and blessing a child brings to the world around them. But in the midst of the celebrations, let us also remember the children who are not recognised or valued for who they are. May we emulate our Lord Jesus Christ, who opened His arms to these children and said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 19:14).

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

JESUS STRONG AND KIND Jesus said that if I thirst, I should come to Him. No one else can satisfy, I should come to Him. Jesus said if I am weak , I should come to Him. No one else can be my strength, I should come to Him. For the Lord is good and faithful, He will keep us day and night.

We can always run to Jesus; Jesus strong and kind.

Jesus said that if I fear, I should come to him.

No one else can be my shield; I should come to Him. (Chorus) Jesus said if I am lost, He will come to me.

And He showed me on that cross He will come to me. (Chorus)

Words & Music: Rich Thompson, Jonny Robinson, Michael Farren, Colin Buchanan (© 2019 CityAlight Music) Scan the QR code to listen.

Opinion ¢ Soundings Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity (http://ethosinstitute.sg).

Into the depths “Soundings” is a series of essays that, like the waves of a sonogram, explore issues in society, culture and the church in light of the Gospel and Christian understanding.

T

he coronavirus pandemic has presented immense challenges to people all over the world. COVID-19 has ruined the lives and livelihood of scores of people. Necessary public health measures such as social distancing have made many feel isolated and lonely, thus increasing the incidents of stress and anxiety.

An article published in March by the Straits Times reports that mental health professionals here are attending to more cases during the past year as the Covid-19 pandemic persists.

Christians are not spared or immune from the anxieties that the pandemic has brought in its wake. However, they can draw from the inexhaustible spiritual resources found in Christianity that would enable them to cope.

(In fact, numerous studies have shown that religion or spirituality play an important role in mental health.)

Since the dawn of Christianity, Christian writers— theologians and pastors alike—have stressed the importance of spiritual activities such as prayer and Bible study in the Christian life. In his important work on the spiritual disciplines, Richard Foster explains their significance thus: The classical Disciplines of the spiritual life call us to move beyond surface living into the depths. They invite us to explore the inner caverns of the spiritual realm.

It is this grace-enabled capacity to see reality more deeply and truly, to penetrate the surface and the superficial, that would give the Christian the strength and fortitude to remain steadfast in the midst of great uncertainties.

Without doubt, prayer is one of the most important of the Christian spiritual disciplines. As the conservative Norwegian Lutheran theologian, Ole Hallesby, has so beautifully described it, Prayer is the breath of the soul, the organ by which we receive Christ into our parched and withered hearts. As air enters in quietly when we breathe, and does its normal work in our lungs, so Jesus enters quietly into our hearts and does His blessed work there.

In some mysterious way, God hears and answers our prayers, changing the present as well as the future according to his unfathomable will.

But prayer does not only change things. It also changes the person who prays, transforming him in subtle but profound ways as the Lord does his work in the inner recesses of his soul.

One of the defining features of stress and anxiety is the transient or even stable loss of the sense of meaning and purpose as one’s life is tossed to and fro by the current of events that are beyond one’s control.

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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Into the depths

Faced with such circumstances, it is quite natural to be assailed by existential and theological questions. Why is this happening to me (to us)? Where is God in all of this? Why doesn’t he do something to rescue us from this tribulation?

penetrate the depths of the reality that engulfs us, we find the God whose name is Emmanuel there. And the presence of the Almighty alters our vision, heals our astigmatism, and enables us to see the things that are visible only to the eyes of faith.

In prayer, the believer brings these vexing questions before God. But he does so in a posture of humility as he kneels in the presence of the God who is at once sovereign and loving. In prayer, the Christian is not only reminded of his own sinfulness and frailty, but also of God’s faithful presence even in the midst of life’s darkest moments.

This is the experience of Jeremiah, who in the midst of the desolation of the once glorious city of Jerusalem, could declare: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lam 3:22–23).

Prayer can reduce the stress and anxieties endemic in these uncertain times. By this, I don’t mean that the act of prayer itself is therapeutic. This would reduce Christian prayer to just one of the many exercises for stress relief or mindfulness.

When these words were uttered, nothing on the surface has changed. The city still lay in ruins, her population ravaged and killed (2:12; 2:21; 4:10). But the prophet was able to “move beyond the surface into the depths.”

Christian prayer reduces the stresses of life because it brings us into the presence of God, in whom alone we can (re)discover the meaning of our lives. In ushering us into the presence of the almighty and sovereign God, prayer slowly changes our perspective. It enables us to “see” the things that we were unable to see before because our vision was clouded by anxiety and confusion.

And there he saw the merciful God, whose nature is unconditional love—the God who is ever in control.

To recall the words of Richard Foster, prayer enables us to “move beyond the surface into the depths”. And as we

Eliz Wong and Natalie Tan, “More needed help during Covid-19 pandemic, say mental health experts”, Straits Times, 16 Mar 2021. https://www. straitstimes.com/singapore/more-needed-help-during-pandemic-saymental-health-experts.

1

See The Mental Health Foundation, The Impact of Spirituality on Mental Health: A Review of the Literature (London, 2006).

2

Richard Foster, The Celebration of Discipline (London: Hodder and Soughton, 1980), 1.

3

4

Ole Hallesby, Prayer (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg, 1931), 12.

People ¢ Raquel Cardano is a member of Paya Lebar Methodist Church (PLMC), where her children, Rianna and Ryan, are involved in youth ministry and worship, and she and her husband, Chris, are core leaders of PLMC’s Filipino Ministry, which reaches out to unchurched Filipinos in Singapore. / Photo courtesy of Raquel Cardano

M

y grandfather was a Methodist pastor, and I grew up as a Methodist. At a very early age, the Bible, Sunday school,

worship services, hymns and choir were a way of life for me. These brought our family together and I enjoyed them all.

But it was only when I had experienced God in my life first-hand and accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour that all these became more meaningful to me. Just as John Wesley felt his heart “strangely warmed”, and his life was never the same after his Aldersgate experience, there was something supernatural that happened in my life that continues to transform me from insideout. And that is what being a Methodist means to me—the personal experience of God being real in

What does being a Methodist mean to you?

my life, having the presence of the Holy Spirit and a lifelong desire to pursue Christ-likeness.

Being a Methodist also means trying to make a difference in society and in the people around us. The saving grace and love of Christ we have received should overflow in our lives, to inspire others and point them to Jesus.

We are not able to do this alone. We need a community to help us along the journey. My church, PLMC, is one that loves and honours the King, His kingdom and His people. The PLMC vision is to be “a family blessed to bless the community and the nations”, and I am part of this family that lives up to our calling as Methodists.

Opinion ¢ THINK Vivienne Ng is the Chief Psychologist at the Ministry of Social and Family Development. She is married to David Mok and they have three sons.

They are also foster parents, and have six foster children and provided respite for two babies over the past 13 years. She worships at Wesley MC.

The mental health

of our children

S

everal times every month, someone calls me seeking a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist for their child or a friend’s or relative’s child. The presenting problems are usually school refusal, suicidal or selfharming behaviour and, on occasion, violent behaviour.

These are likely due to or exacerbated by an underlying depression, generalised anxiety, social anxiety, problematic internet gaming or a developmental disorder. These issues preceded COVID-19 and the recent school incidents, and I know that mental health professionals like myself, as well as government agencies, are concerned.

Before going on, please let me point out that this phenomenon is happening in many developed countries around the world, so we should not play the blame game here. Let us not fall prey to the fundamental attribution error by assuming it is simply a weakness in the child or the parent. Neither should we point our finger at our schools, because they are merely microcosms of society itself. The aetiology of youth mental health problems is complex and multi-factorial. It is often a string of events or a confluence of factors that results in mental health issues for a particular vulnerable child.

While many children from the families we work with at the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) experience a multitude of adverse childhood experiences like abuse, neglect, poverty and family criminality, many of the kids my friends call me about come from loving Christian families and hail from high-achieving schools. True, some children are experiencing significant family conflict and questionable parenting; yet others have caring parents and seem to have led sheltered, non-eventful lives before the onset of their emotional problems. So, what happened?

What can affect our child’s mental wellbeing?

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METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

Being immersed in a high-achieving environment Societal pressure to succeed is reflected in the school environment. In the US, children from high-achieving schools have been categorised as a high-risk group in terms of mental health, along with children from impoverished families. US studies have found that children in highachieving schools have higher rates of anxiety, depression and rule-breaking behaviours compared to the national average. These children experience greater pressure from

multiple sources, including self-oriented perfectionism which reduces their sense of autonomy, sense of motivation due to personal wishes, and satisfaction with achievements.

Perfectionism is a two-edged sword: it helps push one towards greater heights, but it also makes it very difficult for a child to handle failure. It can feel like all or nothing, do or die. In addition, in high-achieving schools, social comparison, envy and perceived parental criticism have been found to be linked to students’ emotional maladjustment.

Existential questions During last year’s Circuit Breaker, a 13-year-old girl I am supporting called me on the phone out of the blue, sobbing in anguish and repeatedly asking me, “What is the meaning of life?” Kids caught in the neverending cycle of schoolwork , tuition classes, exams and competitions will inevitably question: “Is this all I have to live for? Is there more to life?” Beyond solving our immediate problems and achieving our goals, we all need a meaning for our existence. As Christians, do we discuss the deeper questions of life with our kids?

Family relationships Family attachments form the foundation of our safety and security from which we venture out to explore the world. Family relationships are as much about marital relationships as they are about parent-child relationships. Psalm 68:5 says, “He sets the lonely in families.” But what if we are lonely in our own families?

Many parents work long hours in high-pressure jobs.

If they barely have enough time to sleep, how much time can they carve out to spend with their children?

Also, parents who are facing relationship issues (e.g. marital conflict, adultery, divorce) often lack emotional availability and are less responsive to their children’s needs. Research has shown that exposure to marital conflict and divorce puts a child at risk for emotional and behavioural problems.

Parent-child communication problems Many parents are not comfortable talking about feelings or tough topics with their children. Most of our communication centres around studies (“How was your test?”), nutrition (“Did you have your breakfast?”), instructions (“Say hi to auntie”), facts (“There is homebased learning next week”) and warnings (“Better not do that or you will get into trouble”).

But if parent and child do not talk about what is happening in our lives, share feelings, resolve conflict or discuss thorny issues on a regular basis, how can we expect our children to turn to us when they face a serious problem or a crisis? How do we usually react when they tell us bad things?

Peers, social interactions and real/perceived rejection Adolescence has never been more fraught with complex social challenges. Today’s teen has to cope with social comparison with peers, fickle friendships, and possibly bullying, shaming, isolation, loneliness, rejection and betrayal, often in full voyeuristic view of peers through social media.

Some kids, lacking the social communication skills to handle the complexities of teen relationships, escape into the world of Internet gaming. I have come across teens who, after one bad incident with peers or a series of innocuous exchanges, become self-conscious and experience social anxiety. They subsequently withdraw from real life and retreat to an online life instead, some skipping school for months.

Boy-Girl Relationships One of my sons previously received a call from a friend who was at the top of a block of flats, thinking of jumping after a breakup with his girlfriend. Thankfully, we were able to notify the boy’s parents and he is fine now. At that age, a breakup feels like the end of the world. Teens may not understand that bad feelings do eventually go away and a future without their loved one is not as bleak as they think. These first experiences of heartbreak , coupled with an underdeveloped frontal lobe, can cause teens to sometimes make impulsive, risky decisions without thinking fully about the consequences.

Technology Research shows that problematic gaming in children is associated with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, poor academic performance, lack of friends and poorer family relationships, among other variables. Longitudinal studies have found that parent-child connectedness and positive perceptions of the family environment are protective against later problem gaming.

Escaping into gaming is an easy way for youth to distract or numb themselves against negative feelings.

But what starts off as a way to self-regulate emotions may become addictive, setting off a vicious circle. If a teen trying to avoid unhappy peer relations at school starts gaming late into the night, he is likely to experience

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The mental health of our children

sleep deprivation, exacerbating his already low mood. His sleep-wake cycle disrupted, he may find it harder to wake up and pay attention in school, leading him to fall behind academically and become more socially isolated. This only provides greater impetus to keep escaping into gaming.

Strengthen your communication with your child.

The channel of communication needs to be opened up during “peace time”, so that it is functioning when we need it most. How can we do this?

•

Preach less, listen more. Listen not just to what she is saying but to what she is not saying. Try to identify what she might be feeling. Reflect her feelings (“You feel hurt by your friend’s betrayal”) and empathise with her emotions (“That’s really tough”). Let us not minimise what she is going through just because we do not understand. (Do not say things like “That is such a small matter, why should you feel bad?”)

•

Praise more, criticise less. Kids need to know we are pleased with them. Use descriptive praise by pointing out what we are pleased with, e.g., appropriate coping or help-seeking behaviour (“I am glad that you thought it through carefully and walked away from that situation, even though you were tempted to do otherwise. That really takes strength,” or “I like it that you came to me to discuss this issue first”), Praise effort rather than ability, performance or results. (“As long as you put in the effort to study and did your best, you should be proud of yourself. Let’s leave the final exam results in God’s hands.”)

What can we do?

The best advice I can offer to parents in general is the following: Strengthen your relationship with your child and hone parenting skills. This does not happen overnight; it requires effort, skills, time and patience.

•

•

Adopt evidence-based positive parenting practices.

Let us arm ourselves with knowledge and skills on how to correct and shape our children’s behaviours without damaging their self-esteem or our relationship with them. We cannot rely on the ways on which we were raised, believing they might work now. Let us have the humility to learn new strategies and grow our parenting skills.

Show unconditional love. It is important that our kids know our love for them. They need to see, hear and feel that they are precious in our eyes and that we hold a positive view of them despite their misbehaviours, mistakes and misguided notions.

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•

Repair ruptures. Ruptures in our relationship with our children are inevitable, particularly when we discipline them, take away privileges for their own good, or when we lose our cool with them.

Rupture and repair must go together. Repairing a relationship may mean apologising if we behaved badly or explaining our actions once everyone has calmed down. Based on research, Gottman Institute recommends five positive interactions to off-set every negative one. When one of my sons was going through an oppositional phase, I had to work hard to ensure that every interaction did not end up as a scolding, but that we would have fun and funny interactions as well.

•

Be approachable. Children often do not turn first to parents with their problems because they are afraid of our response. We need wisdom as parents to sit calmly with our child, hear them out and not over-react. Easier said than done, I know.

•

Be authentic. Kids need to hear more than just our success stories; they want to hear about our authentic struggles, mistakes and self-doubt, how we overcame them, and how God saw us through our darkest moments. But again, the general principle is more listening and less story-telling (bite-sized anecdotes unless they ask for more details).

“Serving families for a decade and more...”

of their own. I cling to our Father in heaven, who loves them more than we as parents ever could and knows what is best for them. I cry out for their souls to be saved first and foremost , whatever it takes. So that the Holy Spirit who is the best Counsellor of all can speak into their lives. So that they can experience how deeply God loves them and has a plan for them, beyond their immediate failures, disappointments, or shortcomings.

Work on ourselves and our relationship with our spouse. Remember all the communication skills I mentioned earlier with regards to our kids? Let us use them with our spouse too. Our kids learn a lot from us, especially if they witness us showing affection to our spouses, or see us model good conflict management.

Attending courses on managing marital conflict can provide us with the right skills. If you have serious personal, mental health or marital issues, please do seek professional help for yourself, bearing in mind that our kids are affected by us. We are all imperfect and broken in our own ways, and we owe it to them to work through our own issues. The metaphor of “putting 24-HR on yourHOTLINES own oxygen mask before attending to your PAUL & DANIEL child” applies here.

+65 8321 3355 TOLL-FREE

1800-777-2422 Encourage a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Research www.AmazingGraceFunerals.com has shown that sleep,

exercise and nutrition strongly impact children’s physical, emotional and mental Be invested in their spiritual walk. Have agenly one life, a few brief years, wellbeing. Where we can exercise authority, and appropriate discussions about existential questions,hopes, and appropriate Each with its burdens, and fears; to the age of our child, it is important to set about our spiritual walk with Each God aswith wellits as days, their journey limits e.g., how much computer time, and what time I must fulfill, with the Lord. Have discussions about living for the selfmeaning or in Hisofwill; they need to go to bed. life; why there is suffering andOnly evil one in the world; life, ‘twillwhy soon be past, there is hypocrisy even in the Church; what Christian Monitor your child and seek help early. We can read Only what’sa done for Christ will last.

C.T. Studd worldview is; what it means to live out our faith, etc. up - about the symptoms of depression or anxiety so Teens are looking for something bigger than themselves that we can recognise early signs and seek help. For and for a deeper meaning in life that transcends the family and parenting issues, MSF will be scaling up grind of schoolwork and pressures of life.

FAM@FSC , which is currently being offered by Care Corner Singapore and Fei Yue Community Service.

As Christians, we are so blessed because we indeed Online resources for parents include CPH Online have the answers. However, our teens have to explore, Counselling (for parenting , marital and divorce challenge and eventually find their own answers to issues) and Mindline.sg , while SOS’s Care Text was nly one life, a few brief years, personal and spiritual questions like “Why did God set up recently for youth to text anonymously for with its burdens, and fears; allow this to happen to me orEach my friend?” and “Can hopes, help.

Some social service agencies offer counselling Each with its days, I must fulfill, I count on Him when things go wrong?”. As parents, services for mild mental health issues in children. For living for self or in His will; we need to sit patiently with them in their pain, invite children with more serious mental health issues, we Only one life, ‘twill soon be past, their views and not just give one-sided lectures. can take them to see a psychiatrist or psychologist Only what’s done for Christ will last. in government facilities such as the Child Guidance - C.T. Studd Pray. Let us intercede for our children daily and pray Clinic; in restructured hospitals with child and with them as often as they allow us to. I have spent adolescent mental services (e.g. KK Women’s and countless nights interceding in tears for my children Children’s Hospital or National University Hospital); while they were growing up and navigating challenges or in private practice.

O

O

METHODIST MESSAGE October 2021

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OCT

Events ¢ Looking Ahead

Scan to see events online!

TURNING HEARTS OF CHILDREN TO FATHERS 28 Oct 2021, 8 to 9.15 p.m.

Online via Zoom https://tinyurl.com/FamLifeWebinar (Registrants will be emailed the Zoom link before the webinar)

Jason Wong, Chairmain of Focus on the Family, will be sharing in English on the role of fathers in shaping the family towards godliness and serving God. This talk is part of the Chinese Annual Conference (CAC) Board of Family Life’s (BOFL) Family Life Webinars 2021, “Building Up Your Family: Step-by-Step”. It features a series of talks by CAC pastors and experienced speakers covering the areas of: marriage; parenting children; parenting teens; fathering; and mothering.

OCT

Organised by the Chinese Annual Conference Board of Family Life

THE GIVING METHODIST 2021 Till 30 Oct 2021 tgm@mws.sg https://thegivingmethodist.sg

Every year, The Giving Methodist, spearheaded by The Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS) and Methodist Welfare Services (MWS), provides a platform to galvanise all Methodists for acts of love. Against the backdrop of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, we encourage every Methodist to “Persevere in Doing Good”.

You may join the campaign in these three ways: •

Give Time Be a Befriender to a child, a senior or a family in need, from a participating MWS centre or Methodist church ministry today!

•

Give A Donation Uplift those whose circumstances remain dire with a regular giving of $40 a month, or an one-time donation.

•

Give Voice Encourage someone to give or get involved. Pray for the last, lost and least.

NOV

Organised by Methodist Welfare Services

TEACHING WITH STYLE 3, 10, 17, 24 Nov 2021, 8.00 p.m. to 9.30 p.m. via Zoom Register at: https://bit.ly/3ntRg7M (ZOOM details to be provided separately) $55 per head (early bird price before 8 Oct) / $65 (after 8 Oct). Registration required.

Calling all pastors, ministry & cell group leaders, teachers and parents! Come and discover how the Teaching with Style seminar can not only help you apply practical communication skills more effectively in your teaching, but also develop a foundation to teaching, training and presenting to your audience that is based on Biblical values.

Be equipped and learn how you can: • • • •

Project integrity, genuineness and enthusiasm Find the right mix between humility and assertiveness Use entertainment and humour appropriately Shed stiffness and become more natural with your audience

NOV - DEC

Organised by Sower Insitute for Biblical Discipleship

ANGEL TREE MOVIE: SKID ROW MARATHON Nov to Dec 2021 https://70x7.saltmedia.asia (movie website, for donation with movie pass) https://www.giving.sg/70x7 (for donation without movie pass)

This year, 70x7 seeks to raise $750K with the Angel Tree Movie (and Angel Tree Run later in Nov) to support inmates, ex-offenders and their families.

We invite you to Journey Together with us by participating in our movie campaign to provide a helping hand towards our beneficiaries’ reconciliation efforts with their loved ones.

For donations of $100 and above, you’ll receive one online movie pass to catch this inspiring true story, Skid Row Marathon. A second movie pass will be matched by us to gift and uplift an Angel Tree beneficiary.

Organised by 70x7