Metro Herald, Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

You are veeerry sleeeeepy…

FroG anD The PrInTS

Emma Donoghue’s giant leap »p13

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Students’ drug recipe

TRINITY College has pulled an issue of a student-led journal which appeared to give a step-by-step guide on how to make an illegal drug from everyday items.

According to an article on the Trinity News website, the instructions on how to make mephedrone, which is commonly known as meow meow, were included in an essay entitled Inspiration From Breaking Bad: The Synthesis Of Mephedrone from Legally-Acquired Domestic Substances.

It said the article was written by two scholars of the School of Medicine under the supervision of a toxicologist in the Discipline of Pharmacology and Therapeutics at St James’s Hospital.

The essay authors said that as well as showing how an illegal drug could be made from ‘common, legal products’, the piece might also help gardaí ‘easily identify’ what illegal labs are being used for by looking at ‘seemingly innocuous supplies’.

The Trinity Student Medical Journal said the article was ‘intended to highlight the important public health issue of illegal drug

MUNDY AND ME: Irish musician Mundy is pictured with his name-sake Assistance Dog Mundy to highlight the service offered to children with autism ahead of World Autism Day today. Irish Guide Dogs was forced to close its waiting list for its Autism Assistance Dog Programme for a second time in March 2014 due to huge overdemand for its service. For more details see www. guidedogs.ie

by joanne ahern

manufacture by dangerous methods that may generate potentially lethal and uncharacterised products’. But it added later: ‘On reflection, the article was deemed incorrect, as the final product remains uncharacterised and its health risks are unknown.’ It also said the article did not condone the use or making of illegal drugs.

In a statement, the college said the Student Medical Journal is edited and managed by medical students to promote student research and scholarship and no academic member of staff makes editorial decisions.

It added that ‘on sight of the published article’ the School of Medicine requested the TSMJ editorial committee withdraw the journal from circulation ‘due to a combination of significant scientific innaccuracies’.

It added: ‘The main issues were the conclusion that the final product was mephedrone was incorrect and that the experimental methods were inaccurately reported.’

Picture: conor Mccabe

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METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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Wednesday 02/04/14 How to contact us

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83% Percentage of

Today is...

World Autism Awareness Day The UN declared this day in order to highlight the need to help improve the lives of children and adults who suffer from the disorder so they can lead full and meaningful lives

From the archives (2009): Bus firm can go ahead with cuts

Irish mothers surveyed who would be willing to share maternity leave entitlements with fathers

Dublin Bus can go ahead with its plan to remove 120 buses from its fleet because of the company’s €500,000 losses a week, the Labour Court said, with reductions to start immediately. Siptu said it was a ‘political decision outside the company’s control’.

Source: SMA Know-How Pregnancy & Baby Fair

Today’s birthdays

Social media

Ireland’s rate of newsprint recycling is now up to 79%. Keep reading, keep recycling – thank you.

Facebook.com/ metroherald Twitter.com: @metrohnews #metromailbox

Ruairi Quinn, Minister for Education, 68 (pictured); Emmylou Harris, singer, 67; Karen Woodward, singer (Bananarama), 53; Michael Fassbender, actor, 37.

CLOCkWORD

The solutions from 1 to 12 are all six-letter words ending with the letter L in the centre. Moving clockwise from 1, the letters in the outer circle will spell out the name of a late British actor and presenter.

1. --- Blair, dancer 2. Involve 3. Extreme experience 4. Of the nerves 5. Lacking morals 6. Disclose 7. Nonsense

L

8.

9.

10.

11.

Amble Beast Club Fairy story character 12. Sob

Yesterday’s solution: Daniel Massey

Weather Weather Today

Max: 14°c

Cloudy and misty generally, with further rain or showers. Some of the rain will be heavy, with a few thundery downpours in places. But drier conditions will develop over Munster later.

Temperatures between 10°C and 14°C in a fresh and gusty southeasterly breeze.

14�C

Derry

Donegal

14�C

12�C Belfast

Cavan

Galway

10�C

Athlone

Dublin

14�C

Tipperary

14�C

Dr Madeleine Lowery UCD School of Electrical, Electronic and Communications Engineering Expert in Biomedical Engineering

WE’RE ENGINEERING THE MOST COMPLEX SYSTEM KNOWN TO MAN – THE BRAIN You can’t switch it off. It’s continuously gathering and processing information.

We create models to help us understand how it works and how it can change with disease and ageing. We call this ‘reverse engineering the brain’. Using these models, we can develop new technologies and therapies to replace lost function and treat symptoms of Parkinson’s disease and other neurological disorders.

To explore the masters on offer at the UCD College of Engineering & Architecture and to meet their academic experts, come to the graduate open evening on April 7th, from 6pm-8pm.

Experts aren’t born. They’re taught.

For more, see ucd.ie/myucd/engarcheve

A world of expertise

Waterford

Tralee

Cork

Tonight

11�C

14�C Sunrise: 6.57am Sunset: 8.02pm

Min: 3°c

Rain will become confined to Ulster and it will turn misty in many areas as the winds ease with some fog patches developing.

Temperatures between 3°C and 5°C in fresh southeasterly winds.

EUROPE today

Tomorrow Rain in the Northeast will slowly clear.

Elsewhere there will be a good deal of dry weather with some bright or sunny spells developing.

Temperatures between 13°C and 15°C in light winds.

15�C 14�C 15�C 14�C

14�C

13�C 13�C 15�C Max: 15°c

Athens

20 °c

Barcelona

18 °c

Berlin

17 °c 21 °c

Brussels

20 °c Geneva 20 °c Madrid 14 °c London

Paris Rome

22 °c 18 °c

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

I need a rest: The elephant leans on a chair after walking for 45km Pictures: Barcroft

Let’s talk about the elephant in middle of my living room A GAME reserve owner had no qualms about tackling the subject head on when this unexpected visitor came to call.

Francoise Maldy Anthony could talk of little else but the elephant in the room after realising the youngster had walked 45km on its own to reach her door in Zululand, South Africa.

‘I have owned this ranch for 15 years but I have never experienced anything like this,’ she said.

The elephant – who Mrs Anthony has named Tom, although she’s a girl – had been spotted a day earlier at the other end of the 11,120-acre Thula Thula Private Game Reserve.

By the time Tom approached the house and began nosing around the garden, she was looking ‘tired and hungry’.

‘We helped her into the living room and just left her free to roam,’ Mrs Anthony added. ‘I gave her some milk but was careful to not have too much

by NICOLE LE MARIE contact because I didn’t want her to be rejected by her herd when we finally got her back.’

Tom’s mother – rescued from a neighbouring reserve which was going to let a hunter shoot her – was delighted to see her baby returned the next day.

But Mrs Anthony admitted: ‘I can’t say the same for Tom – she must be a bit of a renegade as she tried to run after the van as we pulled away.’

The herd was monitored overnight to make sure the wanderer had stayed put.

Mrs Anthony – whose late husband Lawrence was an acclaimed conservationist and novelist – said she was relieved by the outcome but had enjoyed meeting her unexpected visitor.

‘She was only here a few hours before we took her back but it was Nice of you to call: Some of the pangers meet Tom magical,’ she said.

METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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Half of septic tanks fail new EPA tests

READy fOR bATTLE: A horde of vikings led by Ian Barber (centre) took to the streets of Dublin to warn commuters of the impending Battle of Clontarf Festival, which takes place this Easter Weekend (April 19-20). See www.brian borumillennium.ie

MORE than half of the septic tanks inspected at people’s homes have failed the first round of new tests, environmental chiefs have revealed.

Some 224 of the 423 units examined did not pass the reviews, with most failing because owners did not empty the tank by de-sludging or did not ensure it was properly operated and maintained.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) said leaks from 54 tanks were identified with unlicensed discharge to rivers or streams in 81 cases.

The EPA said that in 138 cases, inspectors warned that the waste units were putting health and the environment in danger, with Limerick seeing most failures (41 out of 52 inspections), followed by Meath (26 out of 42) and Cork (18 out of 35).

Picture: conor Mccabe

bank expert describes the Anglo loans as ‘abnormal’ A BANKING expert has told the trial of three former Anglo Irish Bank executive that the €450million worth of lending to the Maple Ten was abnormal in several respects.

Tom Reid, who was a director of Ulster Bank until 2004, told the court he would not have loaned the money to the ten investors on the terms Anglo did in 2008.

He told the prosecution that one thing that struck him about the Maple Ten transaction was that the borrowers were being given personal loans of €45m each on the basis of only 25 per cent personal recourse.

The court previously heard this provision meant the ten borrowers were only liable for around €12.5m each if the value of the Anglo shares they were purchasing fell to zero.

Mr Reid said that in his experience personal loans would normally be issued with 100 per cent personal recourse to the borrower.

He also told prosecuting counsel Paul O’Higgins SC that, aside from the low

by cOnOR gALLAgHER recourse, there were several abnormalities in the bank’s lending to the Maple Ten, including the fact the bank approached them to invest in the deal and that the loan offer letters were sent out on July 10, 2008, before lending was approved by members of the credit committee.

The Maple Ten deal arose because of the need to unwind businessman Sean Quinn’s 29.4 per cent control of the bank, when executives devised a plan to have six members of the Quinn family and ten wealthy Anglo customers buy the shares using loaned money.

The prosecution allege the lending provided by former Anglo Chairman Sean FitzPatrick, along with William McAteer and Pat Whelan, was illegal under the 1963 Companies Act, which forbids companies lending for the purchase of their own shares.

The trial continues with Mr Reid’s evidence before Judge Martin Nolan and a jury.

Hogan petitioned for mayor Follow us on Twitter: @metrohnews @metrohsport Join us on Facebook for news and updates throughout the day: facebook.com/metroherald

THE Green Party have backed a city faces serious challenges in petition to the Minister for resources, such as water and waste Environment and Local disposal and services, such as Government, Phil Hogan, to transport in the future, reconsider his approach to with the expected arrival of allow Dubliners to vote on a 400,000 people in the next directly-elected mayor.

16 years. Dublin is Fingal County Council competing with other was the only council out of capital cities which have four to block the plebiscite, shown a mayor can provide with Dublin City, Dún the type of leadership we Laoghaire Rathdown and need, #LetDublinVote reads.

South Dublin councillors all The petition is at Vote plea: Hogan https://www.change.org. backing the proposal. The

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TV3 loses out as Sky wins rights to 20 GAA matches by cOn DOHERTy Broadcaster sky sports has secured rights for the first time to take Gaa games to an international audience. the channel will air a total of 20 games, 14 exclusively from the allIreland championships, including the hurling and football semi-finals and finals for subscribers in Britain and Ireland.

National broadcaster rtÉ has retained its rights to 31 of the 45 games to be broadcast live on television each year for the next three years. the sky sports deal, although a guaranteed money-spinner and sure to generate renewed interest in the amateur sports overseas, is not without its critics.

Gaa president Liam o’Neill defended the sky deal, saying the amateur organisation ‘has to fight its corner, and must ensure that it maintains a strong presence across a range of media outlets so that we can continue to fund our clubs in the important sporting, cultural and social roles they perform in their communities.’

In a further deal to showcase the Gaa internationally, channel 7 in australia is also showing all 45 live championship games free to air. sky sports will show eight saturday evening matches in the all-Ireland qualifiers, two all-Ireland

Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

Sentencing delayed in centre rampage case A MAN who went on a drink and drugfuelled rampage in a community centre causing €14,000 worth of damage is to be sentenced later. Christopher Tuohy had decided to go for a swim and was spotted by gardaí leaving the premises in his boxers and carrying a fire extinguisher. His defence counsel submitted it was an act of madness and Tuohy and his accomplice ‘were not a crack-team of professional burglars’. Judge Mary Ellen Ring adjourned sentencing of Tuohy, 21, of Old Church Avenue, Clondalkin, until early May to allow him begin a training programme later this week. Evidence had last been heard in the case in December.

Woman injured in sex toy grab loses appeal New deal: Dublin’s Bryan Cullen and Ger Brennan hold up the Sam Maguire cup after beating Mayo in the All-Ireland Senior Football final in Croke Park last September Picture: inPho

football championship quarter-finals, and two saturday evening and two sunday provincial championship games. the all-Ireland hurling and football semi-finals and finals will be shown on both sky and rtÉ.

Meanwhile, tV3 last night confirmed it would no longer be broad-

A JUDGE has told a woman who suffered injuries in a rush to grab a prize at a sex toy party bad things can happen to good people.

Sylvia Deehan, 46, of Maple Avenue, Ballybrack, Dublin, lost her legal action against a bar near her home after claiming she was shoved into a speaker when trying to grab the sex toy, injuring her ribs.

High Court judge Max Barrett said Ms Deehan was a decent woman entitled to sympathy but ruled she could not expect every part of the pub to be completely accident-proof.

casting live Gaa championship matches. In a statement its director of broadcasting, Niall cogley, said it had been ‘proud’ to broadcast the championship free to viewers for the past six years and, while ‘disappointed’ at the move, it leaves the station in a better position to secure other sports coverage.

Licensed and Bonded No: TO 101

Three ‘House of Horrors’ children settle legal actions against State THREE of the six children who endured horrific abuse and neglect in the Roscommon ‘House of Horrors’ have received settlements for their years of suffering.

The three, now over 18, settled their legal actions against the State in the wake of a damning HSE-commissioned report into the case.

The remaining three children, who are under age, are also

expected to pursue redress for their dysfunctional childhood at the hands of their parents.

Their mother, now 45, was sentenced in 2009 to seven years in prison after pleading guilty to ten charges, including two of incest, two of sexual abuse and six of neglect and wilful illtreatment of the children between 1998 and 2004.

She described herself as the ‘worst mother in the world’ after

Roscommon Circuit Court heard a harrowing catalogue of abuse, including forcing her 13-year-old son to have sex with her.

She was the first woman in Irish legal history to be convicted of incest. She is due to be released from prison this month.

Her husband was jailed for 12and-a-half years for the rape and sexual assault of one of his sons.

The HSE also apologised unreservedly to the children.

Prisoners ‘violated’ by Garda tapes

Shatter: Dáil vote decider

secret recordings of conversations between prison inmates and their lawyers are a shocking violation of human rights recognised around the world, the legal industry said last night.

Just a week after revelations that phone calls at Garda stations were taped for decades, prison chiefs have admitted surveillance of prisoners talking to their legal teams. taoiseach enda Kenny told the dáil Justice Minister alan shatter made him aware of the practice, where 84 prisoners had their conversations ‘inadvertently recorded’, during their cabinet meeting.

Ken Murphy of the Law society, which represents Ireland’s solicitors, said the latest disclosures deepened an existing controversy over rights being ‘systematically violated by the state’. two days have been set aside in the dáil to hear debates on a vote of no confidence in Mr shatter.

Meanwhile, sinn Féin leader Gerry adams called for Mr shatter to go and said the Government was trying to impede investigations into the wrongful arrest of englishman Ian Bailey for the 1996 murder of sophie toscan du Plantier in west cork.

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METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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This year’s giro d’Italia to be Irish by grand, local design AT THE Grande Partenza (Big Start) of this year’s Giro d’Italia, the eyes of the world will be on Ireland.

On May 9 in Belfast, the best road racing cycling team riders in the world, which include a few Irishmen like Nicholas Roche, Dan Martin and Philip Deignan, will begin their fight for the famous pink leader’s jersey, the Maglia Rosa.

Since 1931 the Maglia Rosa has been worn by the leader of general classification of the race, which determines the overall winner. In the first editions, a points system was used for the calculation, replaced by a points system in 1914.

Pink was chosen because La Gazzetta dello Sport, the newspaper that created the Giro, was printed on pink paper, similar to the Financial Times – and this page.

In comparison, the leader of the general classification in the Tour de France is awarded hich origia yellow jersey, which

Metro Herald is a media partner of next month’s Giro in Ireland

60 seconds

DOugLAs BOOTH, 21, set hearts aflutter in last year’s romeo & Juliet and as pip in tV’s Great expectations. He gets drenched as russell crowe’s son in Noah Is it annoying having everyone say how pretty you are? It is

irritating. But people like Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt all had to go through that too. Not that I am comparing myself to them.

You play Noah’s son – was there much on him in The Bible? He is only in three chapters,

so that didn’t take long to read. I grew up with picture books about Noah as a child but what [writer/director] Darren Aronofsky does is take the lid off that story and investigate the humanity behind it. What would it be like in reality if my father came to me and said: ‘We have to end civilisation as we know it.’ It sounds so stupid even when I say it. You’d probably think your father was mad.

You get to snog Emma Watson, who you worked with on the 2009 Burberry campaign. Was that awkward?

Not at all. I was 16 when I did the Burberry campaign and we know and care about each other, so that makes it better, when you trust someone.

Did you rehearse? The snogging?

No. It’s best to have that fresh and

impulsive and in the moment.

It’s a movie about the flood – did you get epically drenched?

Even a three-minute sequence took weeks to shoot. They created the most hi-tech rain system ever built for a film. It was incredible. There were literally thousands of different sprinklers and they could control each one individually on an iPad to select heavy rain, light rain, misty rain and thick rain.

Did you get to pet the animals in the ark? There were only two real doves and that was it. All the animals were computer generated, which is definitely the most humane way to do it.

Is Russell Crowe very blokey to hang out with? He is! The other

day we landed in Dublin to do Noah promotion and Russell came over and said: ‘Douglas, we are going to the pub.’ I thought: ‘Er, isn’t there a premiere in 30mins?’ And we went to the pub to have a pint with Ronan Keating. I’m not sure how they are friends but Ronan is one of the sweetest, nicest guys I have ever met.

He taught me about how to drink Guinness: to make sure it settled. I

Is being so good-looking more a curse than a gift as an actor?

Does it mean you get typecast?

There are times when I turned down big franchises and did something else that I find more interesting. You have to turn down a lot of stuff and be really patient. Luckily I am only 21 and I haven’t got a mortgage or anything. It’s about picking the right stuff and working with good filmmakers. This is my first big film and it has been an incredible experience.

So far you’ve picked well.

Though LOL with Demi Moore and Miley Cyrus looks a bit dodgy. That was my first US film. I

had an amazing time filming it and I don’t regret that for a second. Every day I get very excited teenage girls coming up and telling me how much they love that film.

Are you and Miley still mates?

Next up you’re in Jupiter Ascending, the new one from the Wachowskis. What can

“

Ronan Keating taught me how to drink Guinness… I have never had such a delicious Guinness in my life

have never had such delicious Guinness in my life.

Yes, she is a good friend. She has a huge heart.

nally corresponds with the yellow newsprint of L’Auto, the paper that created the French Tour.

In recognition of the Tour’s Irish visit which culminates in Dublin on Sunday May 11, jersey maker Santini has created a special addition – Irish designer Fergus Niland has put a shamrock on the right side panel.

Niland, 31, from Mayo, had been working freelance until 2011 when he won a competition run by Santini SMS, and now works for them.

He trained as a fine artist at the National College of Art & Design in Dublin, then worked as an artist before uprooting to the west.

‘You plan nothing, you just catch a wave and go with it,’ the designer told the Sticky Bottle cycling website. ‘It’s a dream come true for me. me.’

you tell us about that? I

am scared to say much because I have signed a million confidentiality documents. I couldn’t afford to pay the legal fees to Warner Brothers.

But working with the Wachowskis was a dream. I am a big fan. They have created a completely original world that is fascinating. Channing [Tatum] and Mila [Kunis] are sort of like the central characters. Eddie Redmayne, Tuppence Middleton and I are the people they come up against.

You’re also in a film called Posh… It’s about the Bullingdon Club,

well, a fictionalised version of it.

Drinking, taking drugs, it’s all there, but there was no ‘you are like David Cameron and you are Boris Johnson’.

What’s the medallion you are fiddling with? It was my

grandfather’s. It is Spanish gold and he smuggled it over from Spain when he emigrated here. He wore it every single day of his life. On my 18th birthday it was passed down to me and now I wear it every day. I travel a lot and the medal is the patron saint of travellers, so it keeps me safe. Larushka Ivan-Zadeh

Noah is out on Friday.

picture: pa

Irish pride: Stephen Roche puts on the pink jersey after becoming the first Irish person to win the Giro d’Italia in 1987

by LIAM cOsTELLO

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

Kardashian in Syrian village plea KIM Kardashian has waded into Syria’s conflict, calling on fans to save the ancient village of Kassab.

Kardashian appeared to have bolstered false claims by loyalists of Bashar Assad, who said Syrian rebels desecrated churches and slaughtered residents after taking control of it.

She used the SaveKessab hashtag used to spread the false claims, causing its popularity to explode.

‘Please let’s not let history repeat itself! #SaveKessab,’ she wrote.

Kardashian followed up with selfies of her on a boat in a skimpy top with the hashtag WishYouWereHere.

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Final words from MH370 ‘all routine’

A TRANSCRIPT of the final communication from missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 shows everything was normal with the pilots, officials have insisted.

The document confirms the last words from the cockpit were ‘goodnight, Malaysian 370’.

Malaysian authorities released the transcript yesterday following claims from relatives of those on board the Beijing-bound flight that they have been hiding information.

Officials previously claimed the final words were ‘all right, goodnight’, before admitting this week they made a mistake. It is believed co-pilot Fariq Abdul Hamid said the final words but authorities are still analysing the recording.

‘There is no indication of anything abnormal in the transcript,’ said Malaysia’s acting transport minister Hishammuddin Hussein.

Aviation experts said they agreed the

by DANIEL BINNS

transcript did not reveal anything unusual. David Learmount, a safety expert at Flightglobal, said: ‘Whichever of the two reported sign-off messages the MH370 crew used, there are no new clues. Both are routine.’

Yesterday, Chinese news agency Xinhua reported search ships from the country had not found any debris from MH370 after checking 11 locations in the Indian Ocean. British submarine, HMS Tireless yesterday arrived in the ocean to join the search.

Meanwhile, the man co-ordinating Australia’s search operation warned of the possibility the plane, which disappeared more than three weeks ago with 239 people on board, may never be found. Air chief marshal Angus Houston said: ‘Inevitably, if we don’t find wreckage on the surface, we are eventually going to have to review what we do next.’

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METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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I’ll keep it brief: Cameron Diaz roller skates around in a pair of tiny pink knickers and a see-through top in her new movie. The 41year-old stars in raunchy romcom Sex Tape alongside Seth Rogen.

They play parents who spice up their sex lives with a DIY movie. It’s out in September PICTURE: SCoPE

Cara: I fear Diana death from assassin paparazzi angry Cara Delevingne has lashed out at paparazzi ‘assassins’ and fears a celeb will be killed like Princess Diana.

The model and actress was photographed on holiday in mexico with her 35-year-old film star lover michelle Rodriguez.

‘I really think that it’s disgusting that Paris is the only place where it is illegal for paps to follow you around,’ Delevingne, 21, wrote on Twitter. ‘It actually took someone losing their life! Diana, an inspirational woman and then it changed but they still won’t change it in London.’

The Princess of Wales was killed, aged 36, after being pursued by the paparazzi in Paris in august 1997.

‘It’s horrible! How many people have to get hurt or even killed to realise that it’s not

right?’ Cara added. The blonde beauty, who has been photographed in countless magazines and adverts for high fashion brands, added: ‘It scares me because they act like they’re assassins with their telescope lenses, hiding in bushes or whatever they can find.

‘I actually used to feel so sorry for them, how boring it must be to follow people around all the time but some of them actually enjoy it,’ she told her 1.5million followers. n Delevingne’s comments coincide with australian actress Naomi Watts saying her film adaptation of Diana’s last weeks was a critical and commercial disaster.

‘Ultimately there were problems and it ended up taking a direction that was not the one I was hoping for,’ the 45-year-old told Harper’s Bazaar.

This awful orgy stinks, said Depp Iggy Pop has been reminiscing with Johnny Depp about the time they went to an orgy together. The Lust For Life singer brought up the encounter as he quizzed Depp for the latest issue of Interview magazine. ‘You and I found ourselves in kind of a dodgy situation once,’ he recalled. ‘Someone invited us to a party that may have been more like an orgy, and we found

I don’t do romance!

E

mma Willis has slapped her pop star hubby matt Willis with a ban on romance.

The UK Voice presenter admitted she was so unromantic that even being proposed to made her squirm. ‘matt and I have never been romantic – I find it all quite embarrassing myself,’ the 38-year-old said.

‘When he proposed, it was like, “This is really weird!”.

‘I was so freaked out I couldn’t even call mum – then he told me, “Erm, your mum knows”.’

Since then, Willis has made sure her nights in with the 30-year-old Busted rocker are strictly romancefree. ‘We have date nights but we’ll just go to a movie and have dinner – no candlelit suppers!’ she told Cosmopolitan magazine. ‘But we’re

by ANDREI HARMSWORTH

always a proper team: Team Willis.’

Team work has meant standing by the musician during his battle with drugs. ‘When matt was at that point in his life [he went to rehab three times for help with alcohol and drugs before they married in July 2008], my parents were there for him too.’

‘He’s like a son to them. my mum should have been a counsellor.’ meanwhile, the Big Brother host claimed she finally felt comfortable in front of the cameras – and credits motherhood and being nice for her

growing success. ‘Things started to go really well for me as soon as I had kids,’ she said.

‘Sometimes, interviewing people, I would feel so intimidated and nervous. But when you’ve had kids it gives you confidence – you think, “I’m a mum. I’m not scared. If I can raise a human being, I can f****** do this!”.

I’m not a great networker. I try to be nice to work with.’

ourselves in the darkened room at the top of what looked like a very empty house.’ The Stooges rocker, 66, said the pair had made a swift exit after Depp, 50, decided the party ‘stank’.

Sitting pretty: Emma Willis opens up about love.

The full interview appears in the May issue of Cosmopolitan, on sale today PICTURE: anThony EdwIn

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X-Men express: McAvoy with his co-star Hugh Jackman PICTURE: sTINgmEdIA

Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

€2.4billion share windfall for Facebook’s Zuckerberg FACEBOOK boss Mark Zuckerberg made almost €2.4billion from his shares in the company last year, according to financial documents. The 29-year-old chief executive of the social network pocketed the windfall by exercising stock options from the social network. This followed a €1.6billion haul through his stock options during the previous year. Shares in Facebook have more than doubled in value during the past year as Mr Zuckerberg fulfilled his promise to sell more ads on mobile devices. The California-based company now gets more than half of its ad revenue from mobile devices, up from 23 per cent at the beginning of last year. Mr Zuckerberg limits his Billionaire: Zuckerberg salary to $1 – 72cent – a year. He was left with a huge tax bill following the latest sale, causing him to sell 41.35million shares for €40 apiece in December. The tech supremo still owns 426.3million shares, which are worth about €18.5billion.

iPhone Air ‘to go on sale in September’

I’ll do anything to keep my dream alive

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AMES MCAVOY says he’ll happily ‘whore’ himself out if it means keeping his Hollywood dream alive.

The 34-year-old star is riding high with another stint in X-Men coming up but has admitted he’ll happily play the fame game if his career suddenly dries up.

‘You might find me whoring myself out on red carpets more often than I do at the moment if my career

by jEnni McknigHT goes south. Hopefully it won’t come to that,’ he told Guilty Pleasures.

And although he’s ‘keeping his fingers crossed’ his career stock won’t plummet, McAvoy admits more nude scenes could keep him on our screens – as long as the director uses flattering lighting and plenty of fake tan.

‘I’ve done a bit of on-screen nudity.

I’m not that bashful about it, I quite

enjoy it,’ the Scottish hunk said. ‘Depends how it’s done though.’

‘If they want to make you look utterly minging I’m like, “Oh, I don’t know about this”, but if they light you nicely I’m not too bothered.’

As for his bronzing brand of choice, the Last King Of Scotland actor added: ‘A bit of the old St Tropez. I need to tan myself up so I don’t blind people with my paleness because I am milk bottle white below the neck.’

A LEAKED design claims to reveal what the iPhone 6 will look like.

Two versions could be released by Apple in September – with a display size of 4.7in or 5.7in.

It may also be branded the iPhone Air, just like its slimline Macbook and iPad counterparts. Experts claim the smartphone will be the thinnest yet, with a depth of just 4.5mm.

The iPhone 6 will boast a ten megapixel camera, according to Taiwanese companies which will make the new device. Current models offer just eight megapixels. One mainstay which might be at risk is the home button.

Some 3D mock-ups suggest it has been replaced by a bigger display.

Mass production of the 4.7in screen

by SHAROn MARRiS could begin next month. But the 5.7in model – described as a ‘phablet’ by some – might be delayed because of technical difficulties. Both iPhone 6 displays would be larger than the 4in panels on Apple’s existing 5S and 5C models.

Some tech experts cast doubt over whether the designs shared online were authentic and indeed feasible.

Forbes magazine analyst Anthony Wing Kosner said: ‘The only way I could see something that thin working for users – even if it were physically possible – is if the material was flexible as well so it could slip easily in a pocket.’

Naomi ‘bully trying to break me’ Naomi Campbell has been branded a ‘bully’ by Australian model Nicole Trunfio.

The British supermodel, 43, had earlier sniped at her fellow judge on The Face Australia, dubbing the 28-year-old ‘disrespectful’.

However, Trunfio lifted the lid on their spat, claiming Campbell was ‘more and more of a bully every episode’, although she said she was doing her best to ‘rise above it all’.

She told Australia’s TV Week: ‘She continued to break me down every single day. I tried to handle it as diplomatically as possible. I would never say anything like the things she was saying

to me. It was crazy.’

The pair fell out when a video of Trunfio mocking the supermodel surfaced. A spokesman for Campbell (pictured) said: ‘Everyone on the production had a very positive experience on The Face.

‘Nicole frequently speaks out on Naomi, using Naomi’s star power to garner herself a bit of publicity.

We understand Nicole doesn’t have much media interest but think it unfortunate she has to resort to such base tactics to raise her limited profile.’

Fellow modelling mentor Cheyenne Tozzi has steered clear of the rivalry, calling Campbell a ‘good woman’.

★

Two of Lindsay Lohan’s credit cards were allegedly declined on a shopping spree. The 27-year-old was caught short when asked to pay $300 (€217) at the Rag & Bone store in New York. A source told Page Six: ‘She tried to negotiate before her friend stepped in and paid.’ A spokesman for Lohan denied the story.

WHAT WOULD MUMMy SAy? Britain’s Prince Charles meets Aughakillymaude Mummers, traditionally costumed storytellers, during his visit to Enniskillen, County Fermanagh, yesterday PICTURE: EPA

10 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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Out of the mouths of babes They may sound like jibber jabber to everyone else but many of us created imaginary phrases with our families when growing up. Now the words we made up when we were children are the subject of a new internet art project.

ROSS McGUINNESS speaks to its creator...

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Writers and their made-up words

T may be a mute point but, for all intensive purposes, this article could turn out to be a bit of a damp squid.

Well, it will if you have just read the sentence above and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Words are a constant way of expressing ourselves, so it’s understandable we might get a few wrong from time to time. But sometimes getting the words wrong can take us down a more interesting linguistic path – what’s the fun of everyone always uttering the same stock phrases?

The next time someone laughs at you for spewing out a non-existent word or phrase you created from your imagination, point them in the direction of one man: William Shakespeare.

When the Bard got stuck in the middle of a particularly tricky sonnet, he simply invented a word to ease him out of trouble.

He coined hundreds of words in his works, many of which we still use regularly today – words such as ‘swagger’, ‘bedazzle’, ‘ladybird’ and ‘arch-villain’ have all been attributed to him. Phrases like ‘fair play’ and ‘all that

glisters is not gold’ are also Shakespearian.

Four hundred years later, words are still being created out of thin air and the latest person to collect them is Rinee Shah, a 30-year-old advertising art director and illustrator from San Francisco.

Through the Made-Up Words Project, she has collated a series of invented words into colourful illustrations that depict their meaning.

The idea came to her after watching an old episode of The West Wing in which Rob Lowe’s character calls an angry colleague a ‘nervous hoolelia’, then explains the word may have been something his mother made up.

Shah began asking for submissions from friends and family – and last month the public – and has already received more than 300 invented words and phrases, 44 of which she has illustrated. These include a ‘scrundle’ (the back of the kneecap); a ‘ho-po’ (pillow); a ‘debo’ (large wooden spoon) and ‘schmerfed’ (someone has vomited).

More personal – and bizarre – phrases include ‘chicken milk’, meaning water, and ‘wildcat eyes’, code for having your eggs cooked sunny side up.

A

LL of the examples are words people have shared with their family and friends over the years. And now they are brave enough to share them in public.

‘People have a real fondness for made-up words within their family,’ said Shah.

‘It’s like a secret language that only your particular clan understands. A lot of the origins of the words come from a funny or memorable incident in the past.

‘A lot of the words are from when people couldn’t pronounce a certain word when they were very young and their new version of it ends up sticking.’

In some cases, the words were not as special as their proponents may have thought. A few

Tween

words illustrated by Shah have turned out to have established – if little-known – meanings.

These include a word for underwear, ‘gotchies’, as well as a ‘shivery bite’, used to describe a sugary treat eaten after a very cold swim.

‘It feels like an inside glimpse into other people’s worlds,’ said Shah. ‘Even though most families make up words, people don’t often talk about it or casually share it. It’s been really fascinating to see all of these words visually mixed in together, coming from different families all around the world.’

While Shah has illustrated only others’ made-up words so far, she doesn’t have to look far for extra inspiration. ‘My siblings and I used to use the word “oingo boingo” to describe the stretchy pieces of cheese that hang down once you take a bite of pizza,’ she said.

‘I’m not sure why we used the name of an ’80s band for it but it stuck. I think I’m going to start using it again.’ Mark Forsyth, author of The Elements Of Eloquence: How To Turn The Perfect English Phrase, said: ‘People always make up words if they’re in their own little small environment, where you can give names to little things and everybody will understand.

‘And because people will only use that word to other members of the family, that word can stick and become comprehensible in a way that it never would if you were trying to talk about something which happened out in open society to a stranger.

‘Words come out of all sorts of strange things.

Often words aren’t just made up – they’re often simply reapplied from something else.’

Forsyth has a particular fondness for ‘duffifie’, a Scottish word to describe leaving a bottle on its side in order to empty it of its contents, and ‘nurdle’, meaning the blob of toothpaste on your toothbrush, a word that once caused a legal battle between Colgate and GlaxoSmithKline. ‘So often, we don’t know that there are these wonderfully specific words for our funny little things we do,’ said Forsyth.

Lonely Otter =

JRR Tolkien: The Fellowship Of The Ring At that time Frodo was still in his tweens, as the hobbits called the irresponsible twenties between childhood and coming of age at thirty-three

Mishearing something He thought I said, ‘ball of sunshine’ instead of ‘call me sometime’; it was such a lonely otter’

Chortle

Lewis Carroll: Through The Looking-Glass ‘O frabjous day!

Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy

Nerd

Dr Seuss: If I Ran The Zoo And then, just to show them, I'll sail to Ka-Troo/And Bring Back an It-Kutch, a Preep, and a Proo/A Nerkle, a Nerd, and a Seersucker too!

Cyberspace

William Gibson: First appeared in Burning Chrome, then Neuromancer Cyberspace. A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation, by children being taught mathematical concepts

Wildcat Eyes =

Eggs sunny side up How about some wildcat eyes for breakfast?

Pictures: Rinee Shah/Made-Up Words Project

Chicken Milk =

Water As a child I only wanted milk, so my dad gave me water but called it chicken milk

World

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

digest

Drug lord killed by military Rare monkeys threatened

MEXiCO: A drugs baron has been killed in a clash with security forces, officials said yesterday. Enrique Plancarte (pictured), 43, was a leader of the Knights Templar cartel in Michoacan state. He fled to Queretaro after his gang was targeted by vigilantes.

and finally...

BURMA: Illegal logging and demand for monkey bones are threatening the rare snubnosed species, according to conservationists.

They are being hunted for food and traditional medicine while Chinese loggers destroy their habitat in Kachin state, the British-based Fauna & Flora International group warned yesterday.

Police guilty of rape in car spy release ‘will ease talks’

TUNisiA: Two policemen have been jailed for seven years for raping a woman who was initially accused of immoral behaviour. They attacked the victim, then 27, after finding her in a car with her fiancé in September 2012, a Tunis court heard. Charges against the woman were dropped after a public outcry.

AMERiCA: Convicted Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard is set to be released from jail after serving 27 years of a life sentence. The 59-yearold (pictured) may be swapped for 400 Palestinian prisoners as Washington tries CHiNA: These easy riders squash on to an electric moped as they drive through Changde, Hunan province Picture: reuters to persuade Tel Aviv to kick-start peace talks.

GERMANY: A father has been banned from calling his son Wikileaks. Haja Hamalaw, a journalist and fan of the whistleblowing site, was told the name would embarrass his child.

The 28-year-old, from Passau, opted for Dako on the birth certificate but friends and family still call the boy Wikileaks.

North Korean ‘nuclear’ quake raises fears in war of nerves

Nato calls in generals as Russia breaks its promises NATO has ended civilian and military co-operation with Russia in response to the Ukraine crisis.

The alliance of 28 nations has instructed its generals and admirals to devise strategies for protecting members from Moscow’s aggression.

Its foreign ministers unanimously backed measures including possible redeployment of troops and weaponry to eastern Nato nations such as Poland. They voted at a private meeting in Brussels after secretary general Anders Fogh Rasmussen criticised Russia for failing to pull back troops from Ukraine’s eastern border. ‘This massive military build-up can in no way contribute to the de-escalation of the situation that we all want to see,’ former Danish prime minister Mr Fogh Rasmussen said.

‘I continue to urge Russia to pull back its troops and engage in a constructive dialogue with Ukraine.’

Russia has posted tens of thousands of soldiers near the Ukrainian border.

It claims the troops are there for a military drill but Nato says they do not appear to be doing exercises.

Meanwhile, Russia’s state gas giant Gazprom yesterday put up the price it charges Ukraine for gas – by €85 per 1,000 cubic metres – and threatened to claim billions of euro by cancelling discounts agreed in the past.

It said its neighbour owes €1billion for past supplies, a move designed to increase the pressure on the temporary government in Kiev.

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by sHARON MARRis

Unrest: A policeman fires tear gas at demonstrators in Caracas yesterday.

Anti-government protests have rumbled on for weeks in Venezuela Picture: ePA

‘Rationing’ brought in as shelves swept bare

FOOD shortages have forced oilrich Venezuela to introduce supermarket ID cards to stop people stockpiling goods. A lack of basic staples at state-subsidised shops is blamed on people who buy extra goods and sell them on for gain, often in neighbouring

Colombia. However, opponents claim president Nicolas Maduro is at fault for the shortages because price controls – designed to help the poor – mean farmers cannot hope to profit by growing produce.

The ID card technology will highlight suspicious spending.

Death toll now 27 in Us mudslide THE official death toll from the mudslide in Washington state has increased to 27, US medical officials said yesterday. A total of 19 victims of last month’s disaster have now been positively identified.

Governor Jay Inslee said estimated losses have reached €7million. He appealed to president Barack Obama for more disaster funds. The landslide struck the rural town of Oso, north-east of Seattle.

AN EARTHQUAKE off the Korean peninsula yesterday sparked fears that communist leader Kim Jong-un may have held more nuclear tests.

The magnitude five quake centred 130km (80 miles) off the west coast of South Korea came at a time of heightened tensions in the region.

At the weekend the North Korean dictator threatened to carry out a ‘new form’ of nuclear test but did not elaborate.

On Monday, the North and South exchanged fire over the disputed western sea boundary. The South returned fire after North Korean shells fell into its waters, forcing residents on five of its frontline islands to flee.

But the 16km (ten-mile) depth of the quake and the fact that North Korea usually informed its neighbours, albeit at short notice, of impending tests, prompted experts to say the tremor was unlikely to have been from a nuclear

trial. When the country held an atomic test in December 2012, the shockwave was similar in size but was only 1km deep.

It was detected by geological surProvocation: Kim veys in China and the US as having occurred in a North Korean mountain range well known for weapons testing.

South Korean officials also said yesterday that they were investigating an unmanned drone that crashed on one of its islands, suspecting it came from the North.

The North’s live fire exercise was Pyongyang’s protest against joint US-South Korea military drills.

Experts say the provocations are the North’s way of expressing frustration over the slow improvement in its ties with South Korea and the US.

Lover flees after half-naked partner plunges down well A SELFISH lothario is being hunted by police after he fled when his lover fell down a well as they had sex.

He chose to run away rather than help 21-year-old Edelia Aponte when she plummeted 4.6m into water during the tryst.

Half-naked Ms Aponte did not notice that a wooden covering over the well had become loose as she got

down to business with the man who she had met earlier that night in the city of Ciudad Real in central Spain.

She was rescued after police received an anonymous phone call and was treated for hypothermia.

‘It could have ended in tragedy,’ said fire service spokesman Leni Portillo. ‘Luckily, she could swim and she wasn’t knocked out as she fell.’

12 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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Taiwan is a great place, so why not let it join the UN?

g

reat article on the beautiful country of taiwan, which also has great food, traditional Dao temples and festivals plus a very friendly people (I married one:-). and now in taiwan the big story is of people, particularly young people, peacefully demonstrating to preserve their democracy and liberty in the face of what they see as an over reliance on their Chinese ‘friends’ (who have hundreds of missiles pointing at taiwan). this is a small country with a youth deeply concerned about their own destiny and doing something about it – an example to others. UN membership shouldn’t be too much to ask, should it?

Average Joe ■ Men who dye their hair? Just don’t! Women want a real, natural man, not some prissy Ken lookalike from a Barbie pack. You look pathetic. So superficial. Keep it real.

Women, do dye your hair all the colours of the rainbow. You are the

most beautiful creatures on earth.

Men, don’t. Simple.

Zeus McGrath ■ to Danny De Vaal (MH, Monday March 24), I suggest setting up a group to facilitate use of an teanga Ghaeilge in your area – or join a branch of Conradh na Gaeilge.

I am part of such a group in Dublin 15 and we have an Irish language class, a bilingual parent and child group, social nights. a recent concert for Seachtain na Gaeilge attracted over 500 people.

You will be surprised by the number of Irish speakers, and those who want to learn, in any urban area. there were 70 people at a meeting on establishing an Irish Medium Secondary school in Blanchardstown last week. Ádh mór leis an teanga. tir le teanga, tir le ainm.

Is mise le meas.

Derek Hollingsworth ■ Ha ha, loved Brendan’s joke about the Sahara sand on the car.

Keep ’em coming people.

Lol Laura

Quick pic

GULL TO THE RESCUE: This snap of a seagull gliding across Howth harbour towards a lifeboat was captured by Michael Doherty

April Fool’s Day: So which tall tale did you fall for?

■ It’s hardly news that Enda Kenny is in favour of scrapping bank holidays for workers. The fox is in favour of raiding the chicken coop.

Milo ■ The Government plan to cut the number of Bank Holidays as a plan to increase productivity before they go on their summer recess. Great April Fool’s joke, you got me there.

Donabate J

● To the girl on the morning Pearse train with those hideous Superman headphones. So not a good look for you. You’re still quite cute though.

Kal-El ● To the hot spice with blonde bob, I have been watching you on the Dart to Malahide in the pm and let’s just say I like what I see. Drink? Man in the pink tie

● A million thanks to the goodnatured, sound bloke who generously handed in my brother’s swim bag to Bray Dart station. It contained his favourite gear, which was very expensive!

Benny the beholden ● Thank you to the dapper young man who held the door for me as I shuffled towards the train at Tara St yesterday. And who said chivalry is dead?

Older lady with a crutch

RANDOM AcTs Of kiNDNEss

TRENDiNg #GAA #Sky ● Jaysus The GAA are having some April fools, first selling the tv rights to sky and then bringing in the black boots rule

@_David1anderson

● One of the good things about Sky covering the GAA is that a wider audience will get to see just how good our national sports are. @steodoyne

■ Defo on board for that 80ft statue of BOD, but they can take those long weekends from my cold dead fingers. @joe8908

gOOD ON yA

● I want to say a big thank you to a wonderful friend Lorraine who’s always there to lend an ear and offer great advice. I would be lost without you.

BC

Send your photos to pictures@ metroherald.ie with ‘Quick pic’ as the subject and we will print the best each day in the paper

■ As a rugby fan, I would like to say thank you very much to Metro Herald for the April fool!

Rugby lover, Karine ■ ok so I just realised the date is 1st April. #AprilFoolsDay #1centpaper #metroherald. @susan04m ■ @susan04m Oh God I fell for it too....

I was casually picking up pennies around the office :-( @SharonWithAD ■ I think the metro newspaper did an #Aprilfool joke. Something like your 5 a day isn’t enough. Now it has to be 10 a day... I smell bad veg! @Paul_V3Design

Croker name-change? Dublin’s Kevin McManamon scores against Mayo in the Allianz League last week ● Be bad enough if the GAA was on Sky, but if they change the name of Croke park I think the country would go mad! #rte #gaa #crokepark

@CollearyPadraig

● Has the GAA just become the GA now that it’s sold its soul to Sky. No longer an amateur sport?

@cohcfc

● Brilliant step for the GAA ...

@sheehycathal

@metrohnews #metromailbox

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San Francisco chronicler EMMA DONOGHUE on the inspiration for her 12th novel, Frog Music

Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

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14 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

books

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features@metroherald.ie to advertise, call 01 7055010

This past master will move you

‘I

’ve never touched a frog, I’m so squeamish,’ bestselling Dublin-born novelist emma Donoghue tells me as we sit in a Georgian hotel in central London.

‘But it was such a gift to me that it was the thing Jenny [a 19th-century frog-catcher] was hunting, as they are a wonderful symbol – they’re playful and versatile but terribly fragile as a species because of that moist skin that picks up every toxin.’

Frog Music, Donoghue’s 12th book of fiction, transports readers to San Francisco, 1876, and revolves around the true-life crime of Jenny Bonnet’s mysterious murder and the slippery lives of her acquaintances: French burlesque dancer Blanche, her lover, Arthur, and his companion, ernest. Donoghue explores not only the fragile skin of frogs but the thin skin of these humans, by turns sensitive and toughening up.

Music is the other haunting motif in an evocative novel interwoven with lyrics from old folk songs, showing how music can leapfrog the boundaries of time and place.

‘I find a lot of those words – especially in the oral tradition – so powerful as they’ve had to last,’ says Donoghue. ‘I absolutely love folk songs, from sad ballads to bawdy songs.’

Donoghue found huge acclaim with her 2010 Man Booker Prizeshortlisted novel, Room, which has sold more than a million copies and was partly inspired by the Fritzl family’s escape. Told from the perspective of five-year-old Jack, who is held captive by his mother, the clever concept of the locked room becomes a metaphor for the parent-child bond.

Frog Music returns to the historical fiction Donoghue has long written but it has similar themes to Room. ‘ever since our kids were born –

Emma Donoghue, one of the big hitters appearing as part of this year’s Dublin Writers Festival, tells Metro Life how emigrating twice has informed her new novel, Frog Music they’re ten and six now – I’ve been fascinated by parenting as a subject,’ she says. ‘After writing Room, in which the mother is so good and heroic, it was so pleasurable to write a truly bad mother with Blanche. I wanted to make it difficult for love to bloom here.’

The question at the novel’s heart is: at what point would you abandon – and reclaim – your child?

H

ISToRy comes alive under Donoghue’s imaginative pen. ‘I absolutely love the way historical facts are tiny bits of grit that turn into a pearl – I find them so helpful for making the story go off in odd directions,’ she says.

Donoghue’s first historical novel was Slammerkin (2000), although the popularity of so-called ‘historical fiction’ has rocketed in recent years. ‘I remember my agent groaning and saying this is going to be so hard to sell but nowadays it seems readers are so unafraid of it,’ she says.

In a lively conversation peppered with laughter and erudite references, Donoghue discusses stylistic technique. ‘you want your pointof-view character to know their world but never give the impression of being a tour guide,’ she says.

As such, we intimately come to know San Francisco during the ‘transitional time’ of 1876. ‘It had

Murder she wrote: Emma Donoghue’s latest novel is based on a true-life crime in late 19th-century San Francisco a reputation for freedom yet they were locking women up for wearing trousers,’ says Donoghue, who also elucidates the city’s racial tensions.

Donoghue powerfully portrays people on society’s peripheries. ‘It began with feminism but broadened from there,’ she says. ‘once you start to look at history in a revisionist way, you think: who haven’t I heard from?’

Her own history has been filled with books and home is a recurrent theme. ‘I spent my entire childhood reading. I read every fairytale collection in our library.’ She

gained a PhD from Cambridge and, at 23, sold her first novel, Stir-Fry. ‘Because I’ve emigrated twice, home always gets questioned in my work,’ she says. ‘I’m very nostalgic for where I grew up in Dublin but I also spent eight years in Cambridge, now I live in Canada. It’s been helpful to emigrate twice. What my journey has given me is a real interest in people of different countries and different times.

‘I don’t think there’s any reason for writers to stay in their time and place – or even genre. I still work regularly in theatre and

I’ve been writing the film script for Room.’

Fiction, she muses, is the freest form as ‘you can follow your own obsessions’, yet there’s no saying where this ambitious and inventive author might venture next. As she puts it: ‘As long as I’m prepared to put the work in, there’s really no limit to where I can go.’

Frog Music (Picador) is out now. The Dublin Writers Festival takes place from May 17 to 25. www. dublinwritersfestival.com

‘Philomena is like a classic US comedy’ Stephen Frears on the unlikely inspiration for his last film

‘He’ll kill me for saying this but I didn’t know Steve Coogan’s work terribly well,’ admits Philomena director Stephen Frears. ‘But he’s an interesting fellow, worth spending a year of your life with. He wanted to do something new, so that was very appealing.’

Oscar-winning Philomena, which Coogan cowrote, produced and starred in with Judi Dench, is based on a book by journalist Martin Sixsmith. It follows Sixsmith and Philomena Lee’s transatlantic search for the illegitimate son she had as a teenager who was snatched from her and sold by Irish nuns in the 1950s. It’s also galvanised a movement for change in Ireland around the ongoing secrecy shrouding the forced adoptions, culminating in Coogan and Lee meeting Pope

Francis in Rome.

Frears was unaware of the true story before being sent the script. But the drily funny, tearjerkingly humane film gives a beautifully handled account of the surprising strength Philomena draws from her religious beliefs.

‘Philomena’s faith shines out of her, and Judi was very attentive to all of that,’ says Frears.

‘I only realised it quite recently, but Philomena is really like a classic US comedy,’ he muses. ‘But then I was always getting Steve to do imitations of Jack Lemmon, so I guess Billy Wilder was somewhere in my mind.’

Frears’s film history knowledge is impeccable.

Having started his directing life in the 1960s at London’s Royal Court Theatre, he learned solid values that stood him in good stead. ‘I don’t think I did know I wanted to pursue a career in film; it took me some time to work it out,’ says Frears. ‘But I was working with very clever people – Neville

Smith, Alan Bennett – so I had a golden apprenticeship. Then one day, Hanif Kureishi turned up…’

Their 1985 collaboration, My Beautiful Launderette, was a launchpad for both writer and director. Frears has since shown an impressive versatility, with films as diverse as Dangerous Liaisons, The Grifters, Dirty Pretty Things, High Fidelity and The Queen. But making small-budget films in the current climate is no easy task, he agrees. ‘I’m quite old,’ says the 72-year-old, ‘so I think I was lucky.

The next few years are going to be tough.’

For his next project, a biopic of disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong, he’s learned ‘more than I care to think’ about cycling, LA and doping.

‘He’s the most complicated man. I don’t want to meet him, though – I’d rather make him up.’

Siobhán Murphy Philomena is out now on DVD and Blu-ray

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Life home cinema

Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

It’s all about the performing…

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On My EREADER

By Anita Shreve

DON JON (18) HHH✩✩

DVD, Blu-ray, VoD

Likeable screen actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Dark Knight Rises) makes an impressive directorial debut with this smart and surprisingly frank comedy drama about modern relationships and porn addiction. He casts himself in the title role, playing a promiscuous, gym-pumped Jersey boy whose life revolves around a series of disposable one-night stands and an unhealthy addiction to internet pornography. Jon curbs his womanising ways after meeting a feisty local girl named Barbara (Scarlett Johansson), but before long he learns that giving up his beloved porn isn’t going to be quite so easy, and their relationship suffers as a consequence. The film makes a few interesting observations along the way, highlighting that fluffy romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations for women in the same way that hardcore pornography does for men. The characters feel like caricatures at times, but Gordon-Levitt delivers a strong lead performance and Johansson is outstanding as the controlling princess (nailing a thick Noo Joisey accent into the bargain), while Tony Danza steals the film as Jon’s shouty, wifebeatersporting father.

Stephen Carty

SHOrt tErm 12 (15) HHHH✩ DVD, Blu-ray

How childhood can make or break you is the theme pulsing through writerdirector Destin Cretton’s SXSW awardwinning US indie film, which throws light on the residents and staff at a shortterm foster care facility for at-risk teens.

Brie Larson has rightly garnered huge

acclaim for her role as twentysomething Grace, the caretaker at this half-way home, who deals with her dozen charges with carefully calibrated compassion, alongside her co-worker boyfriend Mason (John Gallagher Jr). But a combination of a suddenly uncertain future and the arrival at the facility of hostile, self-harming Jayden brings Grace’s own tumultuous past rushing back, knocking her life off-kilter and sending this normally no-nonsense woman into a tailspin of emotional outbursts. This could easily have been a syrupy, sentimental mush of a movie – but Larson captures Grace’s pressure-cooker intensity with extraordinary vividness, and Cretton (who worked in a similar centre) walks the line between tough and tender with remarkable skill throughout, bringing an almost doc-style authenticity to proceedings and making us care for all his characters.

Siobhán Murphy

DVD Set in the sun-drenched streets of California’s San Fernando Valley, this modest indie drama tells the story of an unlikely intergenerational friendship. In her first leading role, Dree Hemingway (daughter of Mariel, great-granddaughter of Ernest) stars as Jane, who finds $10,000 inside a Thermos flask she buys from elderly widow Sadie (Besedka Johnson in her only film role before her death last year). Following a half-hearted attempt to return the money, Jane tries to help out a suspicious Sadie and the two become friends.

The film that unfolds isn’t especially remarkable but director Sean Baker employs a naturalistic visual style and the relationship feels organic with impressively authentic lead performances.

As great as Hemingway and Johnson are, however, it’s Jane’s adorable dog who steals the show.

SC

Five films to see at the cinema

1

Under The Skin Scarlett Johansson (pictured) is sensational in this slice of unforgettable alien weirdness from the director of Sexy Beast. Like an art-house version of Species, set in Glasgow. But better than that sounds.

2

Muppets Most Wanted In need of a laugh? You’re guaranteed a shed-load with this zany sequel, starring all your favourite fuzzy-faced pals and silly amounts of celebs.

3

The Past Asghar Farhadi (writer/ director of the Oscarwinning A Separation) offers another exquisitely observed look at modern metropolitan life, starring Berenice Bejo from The Artist and Tahar Rahim from A Prophet.

4

20 Feet From Stardom Oscar-winning, crowd-pleasing documentary that shines the spotlight on backing singers. Mick Jagger, Sting and Bruce Springsteen are among those singing their praises.

5

The Grand Budapest Hotel Wes Anderson’s quirky, visually scrumptious, caper is his most affectionate in years.

LOOKING AHEAD THE RAID 2

StArLEt (18) HHH✩✩

The kick-ass, all-action original became a cult smash on DVD. This promises even more ‘woah!’-inducing Indonesian-set feet-of-fury martial arts mayhem. Out April 11.

bOOk nOw Paul Weller

For a man whose career has been characterised by bullish single-mindedness and antagonistic statements, it did seem strange that Paul Weller (The Jam; Style Council) had settled into his role as Britpop elder statesman. When it comes to guitar riffing on his own terms, though, Weller is very confidently on the button.

His last few solo albums – particularly 2008’s 22 Dreams and 2010’s Wake Up The Nation – have showcased this seasoned mod on punchy, prolific form. Catch the rock icon when he brings his stellar back catalogue to Kilmainham this June. Support from Tom Odell.

Tickets on sale Fri Jun 24, Royal Hospital, Kilmainham D8, €44.50. Tel: 0818 719 300. www. paulweller.com

the master

by Colm tóibín This novel about a period in Henry James’s life is so vividly brought to life, I nearly wept. The sentence structure alone is exhilarating.

But it is the combination of the writing with the examination of Henry’s thoughts that captivated me. It also, for those of us addicted to story, has a tale to tell. I’ve read this twice, and I often open it up when I want to remind myself what great writing is. the transit Of Venus

by Shirley Hazzard As Anatole Broyard once wrote, this is an almost perfect novel. I might quibble with the ‘almost’. I have read this book six times, my first reading in 1980 when it first came out. It is my litmus test against which all other books are measured. Gorgeous writing and a devilishly good plot.

Wolf Hall

by Hilary mantel I had to read the book twice to appreciate the brilliance of the two points of view deftly intertwined – a risky and brave form of writing and a real breakthrough in contemporary fiction. And, amazingly, she made me care about an historical figure [Thomas Cromwell] I’d been taught was oafish, conniving and boorish.

Well, he is conniving, but Mantel manages to make him a sympathetic figure.

Anita Shreve will read from and discuss her new novel, The Lives Of Stella Bain, tonight, Smock Alley Theatre, 7.30pm, €10 to €12. www.dublinwritersfestival.com.

16 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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Life television film of the day in TiMe, RTÉ1, 9.35pM

Andrew Niccol, the writer/director of this sci-fi thriller, is not short of big ideas about the future: Gattaca, S1mOne and, most memorably, his screenplay for The Truman Show all had interesting things to say about human evolution. Niccol’s latest ‘what if’ postulates a tomorrow where nobody ages beyond 25 and the only monetary currency is additional lifespan – a world where the rich can live forever. As a lens for reflecting our current financial crisis, it is rich with promise, but Niccol sacrifices satire for low-rent action thrills as Justin Timberlake’s kid from the wrong side of the clock goes on a time-crime spree with Amanda Seyfried’s poor little rich girl. As soon as the cute couple hook up, things start to drag. And rarely has the distant future looked so much like contemporary California.

Champions league live/seCond Captains live RTÉ2, 7.30/10.20pM Defeat at Crystal Palace meant the Premier League title hopes of José Mourinho (pictured) took the kind of dive even Arjen Robben would be proud of. Tonight, Chelsea have their work cut out as they travel away to big-spending Paris St Germain for the first leg of their Champions League quarter-final. Bill O’Herlihy is joined by the usual suspects as he presents live coverage with commentary from George Hamilton and highlights of Real Madrid v Borussia Dortmund. Following straight after, the Second Captains team will be joined by three of their favourite Irish sports stars to take a look at the week’s big stories.

Featuring some classic RTÉ archive footage and The Good Wall, a debate on who are the all-time top ten Irish sportspeople.

park avenue: money, power and the ameriCan dream RTÉ2, 11.35pM When Oscar-winning director Alex Gibney was asked to make a documentary about poverty he turned his focus on the megarich instead. In this illuminating film he exposes the corporate practices which contribute to the widening gap between the wealthy and the poor in American society – in the Bronx’s Park Avenue a child is five times more likely to die than on Manhattan’s Park Avenue just across the Harlem River.

monkey planet BBC1, 9pM

CHILDCARE

Chuckling with delight, One Show boffin Dr George McGavin catches up with some of our distant primate relatives in this three-part adventure.

Tonight’s opener includes some awesome leaping skills from tiny tarsiers in Borneo, leggy sifakas in Madagascar (left with Dr McGavin) and a few funky gibbons hurtling through the trees in Thailand.

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kim philby: his most intimate betrayal BBC2, 9pM

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Ben Macintyre (right) tells us all there is to know about the nefarious activities of spy Kim philby, a peculiarly British snake in cherub’s clothing. This is timed to coincide with the publication of Macintyre’s book on the infamous double agent, and the tale is punctuated by reconstructions of pivotal events, with David Oakes (The Borgias) as Kim philby and William Beck (Casualty) as the spy’s cruelly betrayed friend, nicholas elliott.

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books

Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

17

features@metroherald.ie to advertise, call 01 7055010

Austen could learn about suspense I first read Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice in my early teens and Northanger Abbey when I was reading English at Oxford. I re-read her in my early thirties when I was trying to discover my own style and studying how others put books together.

I felt the key to writing a good novel was structure and if you could get that right, the rest would flow. Austen’s structures are very efficient, though I do think that with Northanger Abbey she needs to learn one or two things about suspense. She gets to the big reveal too early.

Northanger Abbey is not as straightforward a romance as Austen’s other novels. It has an extra layer because it is also a pastiche of a

Val McDermid tells Patricia Nicol about her take on Austen’s Northanger Abbey, which relocates the action to modern-day Edinburgh gothic novel. That’s what makes it less accessible for contemporary audiences because there are very few of us who sit down to read The Castle Of Otranto of an evening – and any satirical writing loses its power if you don’t understand what is being satirised. Today’s equivalent of the gothic novels would be the Twilight or Hunger Games series.

I

I once told the editor of this series that I thought you could have a great deal of fun reimagining Emma as a lesbian romance. I think that is possibly why I wasn’t offered Emma.

I’ve just moved back to Scotland, to Edinburgh. It felt it was time. I’m swithering about whether to vote yes or no in the independence vote. In fact, I’m thinking of having a sign made for my front door saying Swithering Heights.

This has been a great challenge and fun. But it’s quite a relief to be back to writing a novel where I get to kill people at will.

What I found most difficult to replicate was the unworldliness of

Northanger Abbey by Val McDermid (The Borough Press) is out now.

embarrassment and got crushed to ’m sitting in a restaurant in death.

Culver City, and the whole It is over as quick as it started. room is swaying. It’s an most people giggle and jump onto earthquake.

Facebook to post earthquake survivor I get that brief dropping statuses. feeling in my stomach, and I feel I check the geological survey adrenaline seeping into my site – it was a 5.1, the extremities in preparation epicentre at La Habra, a for…what? What am I city about 50km east supposed to do in an of where I am. earthquake again?

I’m looking I heard they only tell There’s minor damage and no around the room people to get to a injuries there, but it expecting to see still unsettles me eyes as wide as doorway so firemen that I can feel mine. Everyone is can find the bodies something certainly feeling it, more easily happening 50km but apparently I’m away. And while it was the only one worried. I hardly violent here, the don’t want to be the only truth is, I don’t know how a guy fleeing the restaurant in ‘dangerous’ earthquake feels. maybe terror, but I also don’t want to be the they start off slow like that? The guy who sat there out of

“

the heroine, Catherine Morland. It was hard to find a background for her that would make for such an innocent abroad in our internet age.

I knew right from the beginning that Bath wasn’t going to work as a setting because nobody goes to Bath for the season any more. It had to be a place where people would be plucked out of their normal environment and set down somewhere long enough for the story to unfold. The more I thought about it, Edinburgh during the festival became the obvious place.

ROSS MCDONAGH seems to be only one in LA unnerved by the recent earthquakes

ALAN PEEBLES/WRITER PIcTuRES

It was terrifying but also exciting when HarperCollins asked me to be part of its Austen project. The notion of putting my own spin on a classic that is part of the canon of English literature was kind of scary. I’m not a writer of literary fiction but a crime writer. There was, at the back of my mind, a fear that people would think I was getting above myself.

Mixing it up: Val McDermid worried about ‘getting above herself’

other patrons don’t seem to think so. and trees, etc. Surely we should be the earth opens up and swallows either in or outdoors? my thinking is, They’re mostly Angelinos, so I people, but in reality they are only suppose they’re used to it. if outdoors is collapsing, you have a seconds long.

Of the three earthquakes I’ve chance. If indoors is collapsing, You tell yourself you’ll be experienced since being here, this is you’re goosed. I’m sure they tell prepared, that when a bad one hits the first I’ve been awake for the start people to stay where they are because you’ll jump out of bed, quickly get of, although I was wide awake when stampeding would probably cause the dressed, round up your family, grab all three of them finished. most fatalities. some supplies, and get out into the The first really freaked me out, as it open… when in reality you just lie The scariest thing is it’s is not a occurred the week I moved here, and there in bed, wide-eyed and ready to matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’ the much I was literally sleeping right on top prophesised Big One will hit wee yourself. of the epicentre in Beverly Hills. I California, a quake so big it will As for official advice, I’m not so thought a helicopter had crashed into sure. The ‘get to a doorway’ thing level whatever city it visits. People the apartment. The second occurred will die. I can only hope the irony of seems to be redundant now. I had only last week, again in the middle writing a column about it will spare heard a grim rumour they only told of the night, a bit further away but no people to do that so the firemen could me. Seriously, what are the odds of less unsettling. find the bodies easily. They now say if writing about a massive earthquake Amid the silence of the dead of and then dying in one? Nil, right? you’re indoors, stay there and get Right? man, I would look pretty night, you can hear it. It is an otherunder a table. If you’re outdoors, stay stupid in my obit… worldly sound, like nothing I’ve ever there but get away from power lines @rossvsross heard before, and it is creepy. A deep cracking in the earth that sounds far away but right beneath you at the same time. It makes you feel pretty helpless and insignificant, and reminds you just how small you are, living on the back of a roiling, immeasurably powerful force only separated by a thin layer of crust.

Hollywood earthquakes – the film kind, not the geographical kind, that one’s only up the road from me – go on for hours; lava spews forth, Taking cover: Official advice is to seek refuge under a table, albeit maybe a slightly bigger one

18 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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body matters

features@metroherald.ie to advertise, call 01 7055010

The stuff dreams are made of

How to decode the weird, wonderful and sometimes scary scenes during our sleeping hours,

by Vicki-Marie Cossar

T

here have been numerous theories about dreams over the years. Some believed they could predict the future, while in Freud’s view, they are about repressed wish fulfilment. But a new book suggests dreams may be your brain’s way of acting as a nocturnal therapist.

‘Dreams could be your brain’s way of processing a problem, or helping you deal with a past or present event,’ says Professor richard Wiseman, author of Night School: Wake Up To The Power Of Sleep.

Wiseman holds a professorship in the public understanding of psychology at hertfordshire University in the UK. This means he strips psychology of its scientific jargon and turns it into something we can all understand. In his latest book, he brings together 100 years of research.

‘After analysing thousands of dream reports, it’s clear they are a continuation of what is happening in your everyday life,’ he says.

‘Whether that’s being naked in public, your teeth falling out, or fighting off a zombie apocalypse, dreams are related to everyday concerns.

‘The first dream of the night often contains anxious thoughts but over the course of the night they become more positive. This is thought to be because negative events lose their emotional impact when they are repeatedly experienced, so dreaming about these events might lessen the trauma of them in real life.’

Sleep involves several stages. Stage one is when your muscles start to relax and you might twitch. In stage two, your muscles are relaxed, brain activity lowers and you might snore. During stages three and four (deep sleep), brain activity is at a minimum and you are almost completely cut off from the outside world. After just 30 minutes in deep sleep, your brain and body move back through the stages until you reach stage two. From here, you move into rapid eye movement, or reM. This is when you dream. It’s the closest stage to waking – your brain is almost as active as when you’re awake but your brain stem blocks any bodily movement.

‘This sleep cycle takes about 90 minutes, resulting in an average of five dreams per night,’ says Wiseman. ‘each dream is longer than the last, with the first lasting just a few minutes and the last before waking usually about 40 minutes long.’

This sleep cycle is deeply important because both deep sleep and reM are vital to your psychological and physical well-being. During deep sleep, growth hormones are produced that

Reading the signzzz: The images and experiences we have while asleep could hold the key to a happier life help repair damaged tissue, while your brain is thought to be working on your problems in reM sleep.

This is why Wiseman says bad dreams are good for you. ‘Bad dreams are a serious attempt by the brain to figure out a solution to a problem in your head,’ he says.

‘Nightmares, on the other hand, are the brain’s way of dealing with a serious issue. This is why nightmares can be recurring. But the brain goes into panic mode if the issue is too large and this is why you often wake up in a nightmare as the brain can’t cope.’

T

hIS might explain why those with depression dream five times as much as other people. ‘They spend a lot of time in reM sleep as their brain tries to process their problems,’ says Wiseman. ‘They don’t spend much time in deep sleep, which is when the body repairs itself. This is why they often wake feeling shattered.’

So what’s the answer? If you’re suffering from depression, Wiseman says one of the best things is to make your dreams more positive. ‘It’s not possible to deprive people of reM sleep unless they are in a sleep lab,’ he says. ‘But you can influence your dreams.’ In reM, you are close to wakefulness and therefore, says Wiseman external stimuli can affect your dreams.

‘Try getting someone to whisper nice things in your ear, or play soothing music, or

did you know?

Surrealist painter Salvador Dalí would sit down and place a metal plate on the floor beside his chair. He would hold a key between his fingers over the plate and as he drifted off to stage one of sleep, his hand would relax and release it. The sound of the key crashing against the metal would wake him and he would then sketch the odd images drifting through his mind.

have nice smells in the room,’ he says.

‘All these things have been proven to affect people’s dreams. This way, someone with depression might wake up in a more positive mood.’

And if you suffer from a recurring nightmare, Wiseman says dream rehearsal therapy might help. ‘You imagine your nightmare but with a more positive ending,’ he says. ‘You do this a few times throughout the day and, for about 90 per cent of people, the recurring nightmare will be gone in about a week.’

This might be how children’s bedtime stories work. ‘Your dreams are influenced by what you hear and see before you go to bed, which is why it’s never a good idea to watch TV late at night,’ says Wiseman. ‘A lot of bedtime stories have self-help messages to help children deal with problems. If you’re suffering with bad dreams, or a recurring nightmare, then it’s not a bad idea to read one before drifting off.’

Night School: Wake Up To The Power Of Sleep (Macmillan) is out now.

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD

19

I check myself all the time related there’s no point forcing something that isn’t there. We love each other — we just think differently.

Coleen Nolan, 49, came to fame as part of family singing act The Nolan Sisters. Her sister Bernie died from cancer last year

Linda, Bernie and Anne all had br breast canc cancer. Three sisters getting it in the same ffamily means I’m vvery vigilant now. I check myself all the time and get a specialist check mak every six months and I make my daughter aaware of it.

I grew up in Blackpool with five sisters and two brothers. I’m the youngest – there was five years between me and my sister Bernie.

There were ten of us in the act at one point and we were known as Blackpool’s Von Trapps. I started singing on stage at two.

I didn’t see it as work or a job, it was just something my family did. From about 13 I didn’t want to sing, I wanted to be a vet, but when I was 15 my eldest sister was leaving the group to have a baby and I had to decide whether to join. It was all I’d ever known, so I did – and you needed too many A-levels to be a vet.

The highs of working with family are that you look out for each other. We could have the biggest rows but the next day it would be forgotten. It’s a safe environment. The lows were that in some respects I missed a normal teenage life but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Close: Coleen Nolan (left) and Bernie, who died last year. Above right, Linda, Coleen, Bernie and Maureen performing

Because I was the youngest in such a big family I just ambled along. The age gap was massive between me and my eldest sister – 15 years – so there

POWER Of NAPPINg

BE YOUR OWN NOCTURNAL THERAPIST

Professor Richard Wiseman claims a power nap of ten to 20 minutes could help you wake up feeling more focused.

‘Napping is often seen as lazy but nothing could be further from the truth,’ says Wiseman.

‘Several studies have shown that, in terms of productivity, if you feel sleepy at work then just taking a few minutes away from your desk for a nap means you’ll be far more productive afterwards.’

He says this could help raise well-being and productivity in the workplace.

‘Evidence suggests this type of nap could help improve muscle memory function for new skills, while also having health benefits such as lowering blood pressure.’

Note down your dream in as much detail as possible. Write it from a first-person perspective.

Add drawings and diagrams. Record exactly how you felt. Imagine your dream as a film: note the characters, the setting and the plot. What would your film be called? Is your dream associated with anything in your life now? Or something from the past?

wasn’t any sibling rivalry, I was always the baby. I don’t think I got preferential treatment but my sisters might say I was a spoilt brat.

Imagine you could change your dream in any way.

What would you change? How else could your dream end? Who else might be involved? Be as creative as possible. Imagine your new dream is a

EvEnT

pREgnAncy AnD bAby fAiR

Newly pregnant and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff you have to get to grips with for your impending arrival? Wish there was somewhere you could go to buy, try and test all the products you will need? Have no fear, because this weekend the SMA Know-How Pregnancy & Baby Fair comes to the RDS and promises to make the whole experience as fun, informative and enjoyable as possible!

As well as offering exclusive access to more than 100 retailers and exhibitors, there will be discounts, special offers and competitions, and perhaps most importantly, demonstrations.

Tickets are €10 per adult and available on www. ticketmaster.ie. See www.pregnancyandbabyfair.ie

2. Insight

3. Action

My children have a similar sense of humour to me – they’re very sarcastic.

Shane’s 25, Jake’s 21 and Ciara is 12.

They had a much more normal childhood than I did. My sons are in bands – Jake’s band has taken off in America and Shane is doing gigs around Europe. Ciara has no intention of entering show business – she says she wants to find a job where she can earn a load of money and come home every night – but don’t we all?

Andrew Williams Coleen’s autobiography, No Regrets (Penguin), is out now.

We’ve had arguments in the family.

A trivial row with my sister Denise spiralled into something bigger as other relatives got involved and we didn’t talk for five years. When my sister Bernie passed away after being treated for cancer it put things into perspective and now me and Denise have reached a mutual respect for each other. We’ve admitted we probably won’t be best friends and have accepted we’re different people. Just because you’re

1. Explore

Assume your dream has a meaning. What message might be hiding in it? What does your dream say about your personal life, your career or relationship?

Ever Everyone deals with ber bereavement differently.

Writing my book helped me express all my feelings a about Bernie passing away. ha The good thing with having f a big family is that you’re always there for each other other.

new film; what is it called now? Finally, what does this new and improved dream say about how you might change your waking life?

This technique is based on work by psychotherapist Clara Hill.

I lost

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puzzles

METROSCOPE

by Patrick Arundell

NEMI by Lise

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20

The Sun/Jupiter square continues but although true, it is no longer exact.

But this can be a very positive aspect and give you an extra sense of enthusiasm that can infuse those at home, especially if you’re wanting to make some improvements.

happily settling to tasks.

However, if you’re analysing shared finances, any differences in spending between could be a bugbear.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21

scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

For your forecast, call 15609 114 71

For your forecast, call 15609 114 77

For your forecast, call 15609 114 70

The Moon in your sign goes temporarily face-to-face with stern Saturn. This may see you encounter somebody who seems to cramp your style or is po-faced and tricky. This is a time when you need to be aware of the politics in situations.

METROKU Easy, Moderate and Challenging. For solutions, visit Metro.co.uk/metroku

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21

Your stars are very future-orientated at the moment and with a lovely sparkle of vibrancy and sociability too.

Yet, not everybody is likely to be in the mood to share your joie de vivre.

This could be particularly so at work.

For your forecast, call 15609 114 72

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23

Your view of life at the present time, especially as far as your ambitions are concerned, can be really go-getting and expansive. Yet, you may meet someone today who lets you know that there is a little bit of a niggle with some of your ideas or plans.

For your forecast, call 15609 114 73

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23

If you’re serious about running a small business from home or even a part-time venture, you can mix optimism with pragmatism. Although you may not want to advertise too much to friends about what you’re doing, the prospects are good.

PEARLs BEFORE swINE

For your forecast, call 15609 114 74

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

If you’ve been in discussions and contemplating some kind of deal or contract, today can be the day you finally sign on the dotted line. There can be a sense that things are flowing in your direction and you would be right.

For your forecast, call 15609 114 75

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23

ACROSS 1 Workable (9) 8 Possess (3) 9 Plundering (11) 11 Respire (7) 12 Superior (5) 13 Beast (6) 15 Save (6) 17 Fool (5) 18 Insult (7) 20 Diligently (11) 22 Speck (3) 23 Artifice (9)

DOWN 2 Fish-eggs (3) 3 Handle (5) 4 Cowardly (6) 5 Free time (7) 6 Glaring (11) 7 Burial (9) 10 Hasty (11) 11 Supreme happiness (9) 14 Swears (7) 16 Stray (6) 19 Swim (5) 21 Rest (3) Yesterday’s Solutions

Across: 7 Needle; 8 Potent; 10 Educate; 11 Twice; 12 Site; 13 Quack; 17 Pinch; 18 Tale; 22 About; 23 Retract; 24 Return; 25 Seller.

Down: 1 Incense; 2 Requite; 3 Plead; 4 Contact; 5 Tepid; 6 Steep;

sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 21

Even for a go-getter like you, life can be baffling. But you could make a brilliant connection today, perhaps from a discreet conversation that helps you to feel more confident about something you were unsure of.

For your forecast, call 15609 114 78

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 20

If you’re thinking of playing host, there could be a last-minute hitch. It’s possible you can overcome this. Fortunately, one longterm plan could see you receive an important piece of news, that could delight.

For your forecast, call 15609 114 79

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

There is one very realistic planetary influence today, and one highly optimistic strand. If you can blend these together, it could be a winning formula. Your mind is alive with possibilities and by bringing all this together, you can orchestrate a success.

For your forecast, call 15609 114 80

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20

An idea you have on the go has a real chance of enduring. Sometimes, people feel you can be too changeable, or vague in your approach. But today, you can impress with your clarity, background research and energy to see this through.

FFor your forecast, call 15609 114 81

For a live one-to-one consultation with one of my gifted psychics, call 15809 113 68 or 1800 719 688 to book using credit card Astrology calls cost 1.27 euros per min from a BT landline. Live Services cost 2.40 euros per minute. Calls from mobiles/other networks may cost more. Callers must be 18 or over to use this service and have the bill payers permission. For entertainment purposes only. All calls are recorded. PhonePayPlus regulated(ComReg in ROI) UK SP: StreamLive Ltd, NR7 0HR, 08700 234 567. ROI SP:Moveda, 1 Courtyard Business Park, Orchard Lane, Blackrock, Co Dublin, 0818 241 398

QuIz

Crossword No. 946 See next edition for solutions

Even if you don’t mean to be brusque, it may seem that way to someone and could put a dampener on the relationship. If you can be mindful of conversations, this can help you avoid giving the impression you’re unfriendly.

ENIGMA Here’s a jolly-looking fellow, Often seen in red and yellow.

In a pack of cards a pair, Is sometimes used, though always there.

WHO AM I? A golfer, I was born in Galesburg, Illinois in 1965. I spent 12 seasons playing on the Japanese Tour before finally securing my US card in 2002. I won the 2004 Open at Royal Troon.

WHO, WHAT, WHERE & WHEN? WHO… did Steve McClaren succeed as manager of Middlesbrough football club?

WHAT... is the longest river in Europe?

WHERE... in Dublin is Pembroke Cricket Club?

WHEN... did Daniel Arap Moi become president of Kenya?

9 Sepulchre; 14 Disturb; 15 Capable; 16 Restore; 19 Marry; 20 Worth; 21 Otter.

QUIZ ANSWERS: ENIGMA: Joker. WHO AM I? Todd Hamilton. WHO, WHAT, WHERE & WHEN? Bryan Robson; Volga; Sandymount; 1978.

QUICK CROsswORd

Today’s stars offer a chance to get organised. Yet you may find yourself

For your forecast, call 15609 114 76

SCRIBBLE BOX

20 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

injured Tiger is forced out of Masters for first time by nick METcALfE TiGeR WoodS will next week miss the Masters for the first time in his career after having a procedure on a pinched nerve in his back.

Woods pulled out of the Honda Classic last month with back spasms and was then unable to defend his Arnold Palmer invitational title because of ongoing problems.

The world No.1 said in a statement yesterday: ‘After attempting to get ready for the Masters, and failing to make the necessary progress, i decided, in consultation with my doctors, to have this procedure done. ‘i’d like to express my disappointment to the Augusta National membership, staff, volunteers and patrons that i will not be at the Masters. ‘it’s a week that’s very special to me. it also looks like i’ll be forced to miss several tournaments to focus on my rehabilitation and getting healthy. ‘i’d also like to thank the fans for

golf the masters

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METrO HErALD

formula one

Wolff fears threat posed by red bull Red Bull have given his team ‘a necessary wake-up call’ following their remarkable early-season revival, according to Mercedes motorsport boss Toto Wolff.

Throughout pre-season testing reigning champions Red Bull suffered a litany of technical issues, and by the first grand prix in Australia just over two weeks ago had not even completed a race simulation. Yet in Melbourne and in Malaysia on Sunday, it has been Red Bull who have posed Mercedes a threat. despite daniel Ricciardo’s disqualification from his home race down Under, the fact he was runner-up to Nico Rosberg served notice Red Bull were finding solutions to their problems.

And at Sepang, Sebastian Vettel (pictured) came within a fraction of a second of pipping Lewis Hamilton to pole and finished the race third.

‘We cannot be complacent because we saw a Red Bull ride up our arse,’ said Wolff. ‘Given they missed out on two thirds of testing, it’s a necessary wake-up call.’

TigEr’s injuriEs Tiger Woods has now missed all four majors through injury

2008 Knee surgery to replace his anterior cruciate ligament – just after his last major victory at the US Open – forced him to miss The Open and US PGA Championship.

2011 He failed to tee it up at

the US Open and The Open with an Achilles complaint.

was performed on Monday and the statement said the 38-year-old, who has four Masters titles, would begin intensive rehabilitation and could be playing again in three weeks. ‘it’s tough right now but i’m absolutely optimistic about the future,’ added 14-time major winner Woods, who is still chasing the record of 18

THEy sAiD iT ‘He has said what he thinks, and rather than others in the pitlane damning him for it, he should be applauded.’

‘It’s frustrating but it’s something doctors advised me to do for my long-term health’ their support and concern. it’s very kind and greatly appreciated. This is frustrating but it’s something my doctors advised me to do for my immediate and long-term health.’ The surgery

held by Jack Nicklaus.

‘Sam [Snead] and Jack reached milestones over an entire career. i still plan to have a lot of years left in mine.’

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Agony: Woods grimaces in pain at Doral last month

picture: Ap

Red Bull team principal Christian Horner defends Sebastian Vettel after he described the sound of this season’s cars as ‘s***’

spOrT DigEsT

Cavendish out of Belgium race cycLing Mark Cavendish has withdrawn from the Three Days of De Panne race in Belgium due to illness.

The Manxman suffered gastroenteritis following his fifth-placed finish at Milan-San Remo and withdrew from last Sunday’s Gent-Wevelgem to return home for tests and to recuperate.

Cavendish, whose race programme will be re-evaluated, said in a statement: ‘I’m really disappointed. Sunday I felt better, and I was able to train well, but Sunday night I was sick again and had diarrhoea.

‘I’m in no shape to start, especially because I can’t eat or drink anything. “‘After San Remo I wanted to

Manx missile: Cav not well continue to get some good results and ride well both at GentWevelgem and here at the Driedaagse.

‘It really is a big disappointment not to be able to race.’

Madigan looking to say his goodbyes to BOD in style

Andy lacks any verve and jolly ONE man who again showed he should perhaps leave the gags to others was Andy Murray, who tweeted: ‘I will be announcing my new coach tomorrow.’

Given the total lack of irony or humour, numerous media outlets reported it as fact Ivan Lendl’s successor was about to be named. Until it was later revealed as a ‘joke’. His people told the Telegraph: ‘Andy’s humour is once again

rugby Brian O’Driscoll’s

No joke: Murray coming into play.’ Indeed, just as it did when he used a previous April 1 to say Ross Hutchins was to be his coach. And the time he tweeted he was going to marry Kim Sears this summer. Oh, stop it Andy, you’re killing us. No, really, we love and respect you but please stop it.

rugby career is almost over and his international and club teammate Ian Madigan is desperate for the fairytale ending.

The centre’s international career came to a close in fine style last month but there is still Leinster’s season run-in to contend with for the 35-year-old.

Reigning PRO12 champions, the men in blue top the pile again this season and also have a European quarter-final in Toulon coming up.

And although Madigan (pictured) admits you cannot help but dream of sending off BOD in style, that possibility does not change their preparations one bit.

‘I think he writes his own script,’ said the flyhalf. ‘He’s the consummate professional.

Everything that comes his way he deserves.

Going down to Toulon next week, we can’t be emotionally attached to that.

‘It was the same going to France in the Six Nations. You can’t be thinking about that.’

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football premier league

Cup woe can fire us to fourth, says McCarthy by jACk fOx James mcCarthy believes everton can avenge their Fa Cup sixth-round exit by beating arsenal to fourth place in the Premier League.

Five consecutive league victories have set up a tantalising clash at home to the Gunners on sunday which, if they win, would take everton within a point of their rivals with a match in hand at home to Crystal Palace. ‘arsenal at home is going to be a big one,’ said the republic of Ireland midfielder. ‘I’m sure the fans will come out in their numbers. ‘hopefully we can put things right from the last time that we played them and push for that Champions League spot.

‘It’s in the balance and if we want it, it’s there in front of us, we can go and give it our best shot. ‘as a squad we believe we can do it but there is a long way to go.’

Hamstrung Sergio determined not to harm trophy chase Manchester city striker sergio aguero will not rush back from his latest injury in case he suffers a setback and is ruled out of the Premier League title run-in and World cup. the argentina international, who has scored 26 goals for city this term, has been out since suffering a hamstring injury in the champions League loss at Barcelona on March 12.

15 Goals in 17 Premier League

games for Aguero, who has been out injured three times this season aguero said: ‘With this recovery I am trying to do my best to be able to play again but I cannot do it in a hurry. I do think to myself if something happens now, I will lose the rest of the season and the World cup.’

Meanwhile, city defender aleksandar Kolarov has revealed he considered leaving last summer. the serb, linked with a return to Italy, said: ‘I had a couple of opportunities [to leave] but I refused because I didn’t want to go, [having not] shown the people what I can do. For me it is like a victory.’

‘If we want it, it’s there in front of us’ roberto martinez thinks his side, who have progressed significantly in his first season in charge, have learned much in the last couple of months.

‘I don’t think it goes down to the cup game [against arsenal]. If I’m honest I think it goes a little bit further than that,’ the spaniard said.

‘We had two outstanding performances against spurs and Chelsea and could not reflect that in the scoreline [losing both games 1-0].

‘It was a real focus of the group to learn from that and a maturity to know how to affect scorelines when you play well.

‘It’s fair to say in the last five league games we have not been fantastic in every game but we have found a way to be competitive.

‘We know arsenal are a phenomenal side but we will give it everything we’ve got and the support of our fans will make a difference.’

Slow progress: Aguero

REsuLTs uEfA chAmPIOnS LEAGuE quArTEr-fInALS, fIrST LEGS Barcelona .........1 Atletico madrid ........ 1 man united ......1 Bayern munich ......... 1

71st minute equaliser from Barcelona’s Brazil forward neymar (pictured) after Diego had hammered Atletico madrid ahead in the first leg of their quarter-final at the nou camp

fixTuREs

Score to settle: Olivier Giroud, right, is mobbed after scoring in the cup win over Everton

picture: mark pain

(7.45pm unless stated) uEfA champions League quarter-finals, first Leg PSG v Chelsea....................................... TV Sky Sports 1 Real Madrid v Borussia Dortmund .... TV Sky 1, Sky Sports Scottish Premiership Hearts v Aberdeen................................................

fOOTbALL DigEsT Adam fears Black Cats are running out of lives ADAM JOHNSON admits time is running out if Sunderland are to spare themselves from another relegation from the Premier League. The Black Cats remain four points adrift of safety after Monday’s 2-1 home defeat to West Ham, and they now have just eight

games to save their top-flight status. ‘It’s another game down,’ said Johnson (pictured). ‘The games are running out and we’ve got some tough ones coming up.

‘We have to capitalise on the games at home, which we haven’t done all season.’

THEy sAiD iT ‘The incident has been sensationalised...the players involved have apologised’ West Brom have played down claims of a dressing-room bust-up in which Saido Berahino was reportedly injured, saying ‘the club has drawn a line under the matter’

Four in ‘quenelle’ bother with FA HULL striker Yannick Sagbo and QPR loanee Benoit Assou-Ekotto have been charged by the Football Association with improper conduct for social media posts relating to the ‘quenelle’ gesture. Samir Nasri and

Mamadou Sakho have also been rapped on the knuckles. The salute came to the fore when then West Brom forward Nicolas Anelka made the gesture while celebrating a goal against West Ham on December 28.

football champions league

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014 METRO HERALD 23

Jose envious of forward thinking in psG outlay psg v chelsea

Striking impression: Mourinho praised PSG’s resources

Zlat’s tough: Ibrahimovic will make it a busy night for Terry

ibrahimovic v John Terry

Pictures: AP/Action imAges

IBRAHIMOVIC is one of the best strikers in the world and not far off being in the same bracket as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. The 32-year-old former Barcelona finisher has scored an impressive 39 goals in 42 games for club and country this term, a strike-rate of which Chelsea’s misfiring frontmen can only dream. Blues skipper Terry will need all his experience to keep Ibrahimovic at bay. The ex-England centre-half, left, has enjoyed an outstanding season but needs to bounce back after his own goal at Selhurst Park on Saturday.

Picture: AP

by GAvin bROwn JOSE MOURINHO was keen to point out some striking differences and similarities between Chelsea and Paris SaintGermain ahead of tonight’s quarter-final first leg.

The Blues boss was fulsome in his praise for the strikers at the French champions’ disposal yet when asked to name his starting XI, could only list the goalkeeper and four defenders – an apparent reference to Chelsea’s own lack of a regular goalscorer.

‘It’s [PSG] a team full of fantastic strikers and goalscorers and that is what really makes the difference in this level,’ Mourinho said.

13 Points clear

PSG are at the top of Ligue 1

28 Home European

ties since PSG lost at the Parc des Princes

pOssibLETEAMs psG: Sirigu; Jallet, Silva, Alex, Digne; Verratti, Matuidi, Cabaye; Cavani, Ibrahimovic, Lavezzi Chelsea: Cech; Ivanovic, Terry, Cahill, Azpilicueta; Ramires, Lampard, Mikel; Hazard, Torres, Schurrle

‘PSG’s fantastic goalscorers really make a difference’ ‘You look to the teams in the top eight at this moment, all of them good teams, good structures, with a certain philosophy, but after that you go and you see [Barcelona’s Lionel] Messi, [Real Madrid’s Cristiano] Ronaldo, [Borussia Dortmund’s Robert] Lewandowski, [Atletico Madrid’s] Diego Costa, [Zlatan] Ibrahimovic, [Edinson] Cavani, [Ezequiel] Lavezzi [all at PSG].

‘They have lots of them. At this level it’s a very important part of a team.’

Ibrahimovic and Cavani form a PSG strikeforce which boasts 14 European goals between them this term, while Chelsea are without the injured Samuel Eto’o and will likely start with Fernando Torres up front.

Mourinho can see parallels between PSG’s lavish outlay and Chelsea’s own big spending in the early Roman Abramovich years.

‘When Abramovich bought the club he was ready and keen and the football rules were open to that, so the investment was important,’ added Mourinho.

‘Paris is doing the same. Some people don’t understand very well how because it looks like the Financial Fair Play is going to be in practice, but the reality is the investment was massive. The choice of the players was fantastic.’

7.45pm, sky sports 1 KEY bATTLE: Zlatan

« Friendly fire?

EVEN Chelsea fans may have cause to be heartened if Edinson Cavani, left, turns in a five-star display tonight – provided he doesn’t cause any lasting damage to their hopes of reaching the semi-finals.

The 27-year-old forward, who cost £55million when he was signed from Napoli last summer, has been linked with a move to Stamford Bridge at the end of the season.

did you know?

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the only player to have scored in the Champions League for six different clubs

words by Danny Griffiths

Missing out CHELSEA have a string of absentees, with Samuel Eto’o suffering from a hamstring strain, Ashley Cole out with a knee problem and Nemanja Matic ineligible. PSG boss Laurent Blanc has no such concerns and could opt to use former Newcastle favourite Yohan Cabaye in midfield.

Laurent’s blanc reaction to Jose jibe

Unmoved: Blanc not fazed

PARIS Saint-Germain boss Laurent Blanc hit back at Jose Mourinho’s claim Ligue 1 is a cakewalk for the Parisians by pointing at the Portuguese’s history with Real Madrid.

Mourinho, who claimed one La Liga crown in three seasons in Spain in a Barcelona-led duopoly, had suggested winning the French title was easy, stoking the fires ahead of his Chelsea side’s Champions League quarter-final first leg at Parc des Princes this evening.

But Blanc was unperturbed, saying: ‘There are two really big clubs in Ligue 1 [PSG and Monaco], but if I remember correctly, I think it was the same for him in Spain, with Barcelona and Madrid.

‘The only answer we want to give is to show a great performance tomorrow and we’d like to show that Ligue 1 has some very good teams and some very good players.’

Big-spending PSG have not hidden

their admiration for Chelsea’s Eden Hazard and Oscar in the build-up to the contest, while David Luiz has also been linked with a move across the Channel.

Hazard joined Chelsea from French club Lille after the Blues’ European Cup win in 2012 and is enjoying a stellar second season.

‘In France we know Eden really well,’ added Blanc, who would not be drawn on a potential bid for the Belgium forward.

24 METRO HERALD Wednesday, April 2, 2014

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Mourinho casts a jealous eye over PSG striking talent

«see pAge 23

United dig deep to brave Bayern storm Vidic strike earns share of the spoils

by DAnny GRiffiTHs MANCHESTER United restored some of their battered pride last night with a battling performance against Bayern Munich.

The European champions enjoyed the majority of possession, pinning United in their own territory for large swathes of the game.

But United fought like lions to keep alive their chances of reaching the semi-finals when they travel to the Allianz Arena next Wednesday.

And they took the lead in the 58th minute when Nemanja Vidic was left unmarked to meet Wayne Rooney’s corner with a swivelling header which he glanced into the far corner.

16 Years since United first

played Bayern, a Champions League group clash in 1998 The joy around Old Trafford lasted less than ten minutes, however, as Bayern responded with an equaliser of the highest quality.

Substitute Mario Mandzukic used his first touch to nod a deep cross from Rafinha down to Bastian Schweinsteiger and the midfielder’s half-volley whistled in from ten yards.

Despite being on the back foot, United created the best chances of a thrilling opening period.

Danny Welbeck was unlucky to have a cracking goal disallowed in just the fourth minute when his foot was ruled to have been too high, and the England striker should then have scored when clean through.

Schweinsteiger was sent off for a late second yellow card after bringing down Rooney but United had little time to capitalise.

qUARTER-finAL, 1sT LEG mAnChesteR uniteD......1 bAyeRn muniCh ...............1 Old pals’ act: Rio Ferdinand, left, congratulates Vidic after his centreback partner opened the scoring piCtuRe: Ap

Nicklaus’ well - wishes to hurt Woods JACK Nicklaus has wished Tiger Woods a speedy recovery after the world No.1 announced he will miss the US Masters for the first time in his career following back surgery.

Woods has undergone successful microdiscectomy surgery on a pinched nerve after being advised to do so for his ‘immediate and longterm health.’

But the 38-year-old stressed he was still intent on surpassing Nicklaus’ record of 18 major titles when he returns to action.

Nicklaus said: ‘I’m sorry to hear that Tiger will miss the Masters. But we all know he is doing what is in the best interests of his health and future. I wish him well on a speedy recovery.’

Woods’ former coach Butch Harmon believes resolving the long-standing back issue could benefit Woods in the long run.

Harmon said: ‘In the long run if this makes him healthier then I think we will see a stronger and better Tiger Woods come back when he is able to play.’

« injuReD WooDs p-21

Ancelotti cautious despite Dortmund being below par REAL Madrid coach Carlo Ancelotti is wary of the threat posed by Borussia Dortmund even though last year’s beaten finalists are without a number of leading players for tonight’s lasteight first-leg battle at the Bernabeu.

Real want their revenge after Dortmund beat them in the semifinals last year when they were blitzed by a four-goal display by Polish international Robert

Lewandowski, but the Polish striker is suspended tonight.

The Germans are also without the injured Neven Subotic, Sven Bender, Ilkay Gundogan, Jakub

13 goals for Real superstar Cristiano Ronaldo in this year’s competition Blaszczykowski and Marcel Schmelzer.

‘They are missing an important player in Lewandowski but they defend well and are dangerous on the counter attack,’ said Ancelotti.

Dortmund boss Jurgen Klopp admitted it had been tough coping with so many absences.

‘I am not a magician but we are here again having overcome all our adversaries,’ he said. ‘It is not a surprise people say I am a magician.’

Missing out: Lewandowski scored four against Real Madrid last season but is suspended for the game tonight