Faith Filled Family Magazine by Faith Filled Family Magazine

Fall 2010

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Fall · Volume 1 · Issue 1

Contents ©iStockphoto.com/ArenaCreative

5 Dating Versus Courting Explores what dating and courting look like in a relationship and what may be best for you/ your children

©iStockphoto.com/sdominick

12 To Have And To Hold Tips on how to have a successful marriage, and how to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

18 Purity 2010 Purity is possible. What does purity look like, and how can I remain virtuous.

©iStockphoto.com/asiseeit

His Saving Grace What it means to be saved, and why we should dedicate our lives to the Lord.

24 Testimonial Peer Pressure can be an awesome force. . .But it doesn’t have to be. One man’s victory over a Challenging environment.

20 What Does It Mean To Be Beautiful? How to be attractive inside and out.

Faith Filled Family’s Staff Publisher Michelle C. Danko

Editor Michelle C. Danko

Writers: Michelle C. Danko has had fifteen years experience in the media industry ranging from print to broadcast journalism. Michelle homeschools her eldest son. In her spare time, she enjoys chasing after her three boys, reading, and learning more about God’s word. She is also attending Bible School and hoping to finish her degree. Shawn E. Wiggins Sarah Kuepfer is a single mother of 3 girls, including a 7 mo old. She homeschools them and works from home. Sarah currently lives in Kitchener, Ontario. An interesting fact about Sarah is that she loves reading so much they keep running out of bookcases!

Linda Gharib Renee’ Matthews is very blessed to have a wonderful husband, Tim, and will soon celebrate 29 years of marriage. Tim, an ordained minister, serves as an Associate Minister and Board Member at Calvary Pentecostal Church, Villa Ridge, Missouri, while she serves as the Sunday school secretary and Organist. Renee is an avid reader. Her love of reading began as a very young child, while the desire to begin writing started in the later teen years. Like so many people, life happens and after marriage she worked in various clerical and administrative assistant positions to help with the household budget. Although her dream of writing was on semihold, she still managed to write some poetry, songs and articles, waiting until circumstances allowed the full-time pursuit of her writing.

Cover Photo tagovcom@istockphoto.com Photographers Arenacreative, asiseeit, Danielle71, ImagineGolf, jophil, justinkthornton, Pikkewyn, Claudiad, erikreis, frankoppermann, sdominick@istockphoto.com and courtesy of Microsoft Office.

Youth

Who Will The Winner Be?

By Michelle C. Danko

Imagine the first person that you dated was one that you would spend the rest of your life with. Imagine not carrying emotional scars from past relationships. Imagine never experiencing a bad relationship. Imagine that first kiss-first everything- being with your spouse only! Imagine the sparks between you. . . The chemistry! Imagine this being a possibility, because it can.

In terms of

dating, the media portrays relationships as very casual.

Characters typically date at a young age and are continually in and out of relationships. The objective of dating is to have fun, and if you find that special someone, then great! If not, then, no problem, just dump them and find someone else. To most people, it seems like carefree, harmless fun! However, what is this generation learning about life and dating? Are they being prepared

for

the lifetime commitment of marriage? What are the

downfalls to this approach to finding a spouse?

When most

teens begin to date, they usually crush on someone that

they find physically attractive. They may, or may not know much about them personality wise, their values, or if they should even be with this 5

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person. The relationship is largely on a physical level without a huge commitment factor because most teens think that dating is about seeing different people until you find the one that you can either “live with”, or “Prince Charming”.

Teens go through the turbulent ups and downs of dating, breaking up, and sometimes experiencing the pain of having your heart broken. It feels as if something is left behind every time a relationship ends (and it does), and /the other person experience(s) the anguish of rejection. Each time someone breaks up with them, they go through the anguish of wondering what was wrong with them. It becomes a process of self-evaluation.

Then they meet someone new, and the process continues. Most youth view marriage as a happily ever after scenario where you don’t disagree, where you are perfect for each other, and where the other person always remains the way they were when you were dating. They are surprised to discover, after getting married, that it takes a lifetime to get to know someone intimately, as life is always changing. You will have disagreements (God created you differently), and cohesiveness in a marriage exists with “oneness” which most couples work hard at. Marriage is hard work. Marriages that last are ones where you continually work at it, and where two people are committed to each other no matter what.

With many young people being influenced by the media’s portrayal of what marriage and relationships look like, it isn’t difficult to see why divorce is so prevalent. It has been said that dating prepares you for divorce, and if you think about it, it really does. The continual breaking up and lack of perseverance in the relationship can teach your children emotionally what it is like to divorce someone. Anyone who has been through the pain of divorce can attest to the fact that it is difficult on many levels, and would not want to see their children go through the same experience.

Courting takes a different approach to finding your spouse.

Courting involves teaching your children

to wait for the person that God has chosen for them. If someone catches their eye, they pray and ask God if this is the person he has selected for them. They get to know the person before they enter into a relationship. I have known people who have used the “courting method”, and they claim that by getting to know members of the opposite sex personally before dating and it was instrumental is eliminating bad relationships. Courting also places an emphasis on remaining pure until marriage, and safeguards are in place to ensure that the couple does not fall into temptation.

If we rely on God to show us the one that he has chosen for our children, and teach them about courting and purity, then God will protect them against people that would bring pain to our children. As parents, we know that there are people out there that you do not necessarily want your child to become involved with, and you know that it will only end in pain - if it ends at all.

What I am referring to are the people that are abusive (mentally, physically, and sexually) and can 6

really destroy your child. No parent ever wants to see their child go through something like this. Then there are also those people that may pressure your child into a more “intimate relationship” which may result in pregnancy and all of the issues that coincide with that. Could it have been avoided? Sure. Is abstinence possible? Absolutely! But you have to use your faith, and have patience and this can be very challenging for your children who may desire to have a relationship.

From a parental standpoint, what is involved is teaching your children about courting at a preferably a young age (although it’s never too late). Courting is where you and your child pray faithfully about the person that God has selected for them- and God has selected someone to be their mate. You also pray that your child only notices the one that God has chosen for them.

Another thing is to make sure that your child is grounded in who they are in Christ and believes it wholeheartedly. This will ensure that their self-esteem remains high, and they will not become targets for abusive individuals.

If God knows all about us, and as scripture states: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalms 139:13-16) then he would have the perfect mate for us. He would choose someone that would be an encouragement, someone that would compliment us, someone that would be a help mate, and someone who would bring us joy rather than pain. If we believe that God wants the best for his children, then we have to believe that he will weed out people who will harm our children.

If your son/daughter comes home and proudly exclaims that they have found the person that they are going to spend the rest of their lives with, then celebrate! It is an important moment for them! They may have found that special someone! Also be sure to put some safeguards in place.

Make sure

that when they go out, they have a responsible chaperone. Preferably someone that

shares your belief system, and will ensure that your child will not fall into temptation. Group dates aren’t bad, but you can’t rely on other children, who may be involved in their own dates to watch your child. Church events are great though as long as it is supervised, and they have acceptable and enforced rules in place.

Set personal boundaries with your child. For example, it is fine to say, “I love you.”, but it is not o.k. to kiss because it can lead to further temptation. Explain why these rules are in place as well, so your child knows that it is for their own benefit.

I know many teens do not want their parents to read this article, and I understand all of the reasons why. However, if you want to avoid the pain of constantly breaking up with someone, of the emotional baggage that goes through breakups, if you want to have an exciting and positive relationship, then consider what I have to say.

Dating causes pain, and it has been said that it prepares teens for divorce.

Many teens breakup be-

cause they just don’t like the other person, or they made them angry. Dating should prepare you for marriage, and a reason for divorce should be because I don’t love him anymore. Love is a choice, not an emotion. Also, it was never God’s design for divorce. In fact, the bible reserves the right to get divorced to those who have committed adultery, which would have violated the covenant between man, woman, and God (Matthew 5:32). Also, God only commanded this out of the hardness of the people’s hearts. Anyone who has been divorced can attest to the pain that ensues. God doesn’t want this.

Also, when you date someone who God has not chosen for you, you may be preventing the one that God has chosen from you from entering into your life. You are also preventing the other person from being with the one that they were destined to be with, and that God has chosen to be a blessing in their life.

Courting eliminates the baggage that comes with breakups.

It eliminates the “he/she said . . . about

me” and internalizing it. The courting relationship allows for better dating decisions, and helps in maintaining purity. Imagine that first kiss to be exciting- and it’s with your husband. You have saved everything about yourself for him and him alone. You don’t have to worry about him breaking up with you, and you will remember that special day for the rest of your lives. It is the most romantic and intimate relationship you can have with another person. You are also only tied to one person, not a whole bunch of others. This person, if they have the same values, hasn’t dated anyone else either, so they have no relationship baggage and can’t compare you to their “ex’s”

Presented with the facts, the choice seems obvious.

Yet it is the most challenging to walk out

as a teen. It is difficult when all of your friends are dating and you feel like a “third wheel”. It is also difficult when you have been waiting for sometime for the one that God has chosen and you start to wonder if you will ever get married. Don’t settle, in this case. If you want to get married, then chances are that God has put that desire into your heart, and he does have someone for you. They will come to you, just keep praying it forward. Courting isn’t something that the world approves of, or even understands. However, as parents, don’t we want the best for our children? We hurt when they hurt, and most parents don’t like to see their children experience the pain of a relationship ending. Help prevent that by teaching them about God’s way of dating. We need to rely on him to meet all of our needs. The results are so worth waiting for!

Salvation

By Linda Gharib

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I used to think I knew what it meant to be saved, but the longer I live and the more I see, the more I realize that being saved is one of the deepest, most precious gifts I can be given – more than I ever imagined.

We know that salvation is a gift from God through the death on the cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ. God made it to be a gift so no one could take credit for their own salvation. We see so many around us who struggle and work to please a God who seems unreachable. If we had to work for our salvation, then God is not God. Only He has the power to save, not us.

Growing up in a Christian family, I took salvation for granted. I was taught to pray in repentance for my sin and ask Jesus to forgive me and make me His own. At the age of 5, I felt the need to pray this prayer as I came to realize that I would not get to heaven on anyone else’s coattails. I needed to receive this wonderful gift. I have learned so much since then. The best explanation of God’s salvation is found in Ephesians 2:8-10: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast.

For we are God's work-

manship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” But how precious is this? What kind of a difference does being saved really make in our lives?

Growing up in a predominantly Christian society, surrounded by Christian friends and family, I never got a clear picture of just how meaningful this salvation is. It’s wonderful to know my future is secure and my eternal home is in Heaven. It’s comforting to know I have the Holy Spirit in me, around me, through me, who I can rest in through all that life brings me. I have confidence as I face each day, knowing that my Father in Heaven holds me in His hands and guards my every step.

When you spend your life safe in the comfort of the presence of God in you and in so many who surround you, it is easy to take this joy for granted. It’s easy to bask in the Light that guides your path without giving a second thought to those who know no such Light. 10

I am currently residing in a country whose foundation is not built on the principles of Jesus Christ. I am now surrounded by people who have no understanding of Christ. All they know about God is that they must “do” certain things in order to find His favour. There was no payment for their sins. There was no mercy beyond measure. There is no sure salvation.

The weight of this hopelessness is tangible. I feel the heaviness of a society without Christ all around me. I feel the pressure of those who believe that one must “do” in order to please God and want me to embrace their way of life.

My salvation has never been as sweet and precious as it is to me now. Now, I savour my walk with Him. Now I cling to the promises of Jesus, of His love and mercy, of His gift of salvation. His gift. Freely given.

Faith Filled Family Magazine is searching for people who have a passion for writing, and a desire to impact families with the word of God. If you are interested, please visit our website at www.faithfilledfamily.ipage.com for further information, or contact us at mcdanko@faithfilledfamily.com 11

Marriage

â&#x20AC;&#x153;For this reason a man will leave his father and mother a and they will become one fleshâ&#x20AC;?

Those words, sacred vows made to your spouse on the day that you two became one in the Lord, was not just mere words. They were a sacred vow spoken to your spouse and to the Lord. Those words cannot, and should not, be taken lightly and flippantly. These vows should take a supreme place of residence in our hearts and lives. Breaking this vow doesn’t only mean you break a vow to your spouse and their heart, but you break the vow you made to God and you break His heart.

Realizing the seriousness of marriage, I determined I did NOT want my marriage to be just another statistic in someone’s book. I wanted it to last, to endure and to thrive. But how? Just how could I go about keeping my marriage the loving relationship it had begun?

I am still learning and growing even after nearly 29 years. Those who have been married 40, 50 and

and be united to his wife,

60 years know even more than I could at this stage, but here are the

Genesis 2:24

things I have learned over the years to keep your relationship with your spouse vibrant and healthy. 13

©iStockphoto.com/sdominick

Tips To Affair Proof Your Marriage The first thing we discussed as husband and wife was to set down the rule in our home that we would not go to bed angry with each other thus allowing the hurt, pain and anger to fester and become more than it should have been. Once I remember staying up past 3:00 a.m. discussing a problem and still going to work later that morning. Though tired in body, we were so happy we had taken the time to put our marriage first. It was well worth the few hours sleep we lost. “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:25-27

Focusing on the last portion of that verse, “Neither give place to the devil.” Be aware and don’t place yourself in the way of temptation. By allowing the anger and hurt to continue to grow and fester in our lives, it can easily swing open the door of seeking counsel and solace elsewhere, such as a helpful neighbor or a friendly co-worker. Although begun innocently, this could be just the right opening needed to allow the seeds of sexual sin to be planted in our hearts and minds.

Let’s look at the example of King David. In 2 Samuel David seemed to be restless. It was time for him to go to battle, but where do we find him? Verse 1 states “…at the time when kings go forth to battle . . . but David tarried still at Jerusalem.” David by all rights should have been in battle with his men, in the frontlines at war. Instead, he chose to stay in Jerusalem. Why? The Bible doesn’t expound as to the reason, but whatever the reason, he was not doing what he should have been doing and he was not where he should have been. If he had been, this temptation would not have happened. He placed himself in reach of the tempter, and unfortunately, he was snared.

By not fulfilling his duty as king of Israel in battle, he was putting himself in a precarious position without his even realizing it. David did not intend to commit adultery, he didn’t seek after an adulterous affair, but he fell into the tempter’s snare by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. We too, can put ourselves in dangerously seductive temptations if we do not follow the leading of the Lord, or if we choose to ignore His leading in our life. 14

Temptations are everywhere. Advertising agencies discovered many years ago the power of sex and sexual suggestion in selling their products and today they exploit it on every hand, billboards, television, internet, and even radio ads. Modesty has been thrown out the window and is considered old fashioned. Just going to the grocery store, the mall or even walking the dog can be fraught with situations that can become temptations in our lives. How can you preserve your personal purity and the sanctity of your marriage under such an onslaught?

Though David should not have even been in Jerusalem, when he first saw Bathsheba he could have made the choice to turn away, walk back into the palace and shut the door. Instead he chose to continue looking at her. The Bible states she was beautiful and David became mesmerized by the beautify of Bathsheba. As he looked, he began a lustful longing that ended in an adulterous affair, pregnancy, murder and the death of the baby. All of this was unleashed by being out of God’s will and being in Jerusalem at the wrong time.

Knowing that small things become snowballs that continue to grow until it become a devastating avalanche, we choose to keep everything in our marriage open and honest with each other at all times. We keep no secrets from each other; no hidden letters, no secret email, texting or FaceBook accounts of any kind. That type of secrecy always leads to disaster. Keeping secrets from each other is a sure sign of a problem in the marriage. Everything we do is open and honest with each other at all times.

Keeping Your Heart Pure We must be strong enough to turn away from that

©iStockphoto.com/JustinKThornton

which can tempt us just as Joseph did day after day until one day things got so out of hand he physically ran from Potiphar’s wife leaving his coat in her hand (Genesis 39:713). In order to have the necessary restraint and strength to resist the temptation, you must be praying and reading His Word daily. Personal prayer time is necessary, family devotions and prayer is essential, but setting aside time together as a couple to pray and talk, away from the children, is an absolute must to keep your relationship alive.

Don’t make the mistake many do and try to “find” the time. You must MAKE the time. If you have made your marriage the priority in your life it should be, then making time for the priority is mandatory. Set it aside and guard it jealously. Unless the house is on fire, do not let distractions take you away from these precious times together. 15

Here are some other things has served us well through the years: Be mindful of the small things. Little things like reaching out to take your mate’s hand and hold it, leaving a little love note in their lunch, texting or emailing them a message just to say “I love you”, the glance between you, and even a wink can speak volumes to the other person’s heart. Buying flowers is great, cards are wonderful, but the touch of my husband reaching over just to hold my hand or reaching up to touch my cheek softly means so much more than flowers ever could. Love is the spice of life, so pepper your words and actions with affection for each other. Don’t forget to use endearing terms like “honey” or “sweetheart” and “I love you” when talking to your spouse. Also, don’t forget your manners, using “please” or “thank you” to each other. And whether you believe you were wrong or not, using the words “I’m sorry” goes a long way to healing hurts and strengthening your relationship. Remember what love really is. I still sometimes get the feelings I felt when I first fell in love with my husband. Whether you call it butterflies or goose bumps or by any other name, remember that the “feeling” isn’t love and the lack of that feeling doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore. It is a reaction to the love you have. For example, if a loved one dies and you cry, the tears are only the outward expression of what you are experiencing on the inside. Likewise, the goosebumps you felt when you first began to fall in love are only the outward expression of what you are experiencing on the inside. True and mature love is an act of your will and a choice you make each day. It’s more than just the good “feelings”, because even when trouble brews and the feelings aren’t there, there is a deep-seated love within you for your spouse. Always keep the Lord #1 in your life. True love in a Christian marriage is a triangle. The closer you both move to the Lord, the closer to each other you will become. The Lord should be the only 3rd party ever SPOUSE allowed inside your marriage triangle.

GOD

YOU

Cultivate your friendship. You should be each other’s best friends, sharing joys and sorrows. When my dad passed from this life unexpectedly, I was at the hospital with him, alone. My first call was to my husband. He was there for me emotionally and took over many tasks I wasn’t prepared to handle. He is my husband, my confidante and my best friend.

Guard your personal testimony as if it were your most precious asset, because it is. If you or your spouse hold a job or position that could place you in a compromising (or seemingly compromising) situation, take Jesus’ words to heart as recorded in Matthew 10:16, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” As a minister, we made it a rule that he would never meet with a woman alone and likewise I would never counsel a man alone. Of course, there are times when this is not always possible, such as during hospital visitation. But even then, we are mindful to leave the door open to avoid not only temptation, but also the gossip that could arise. Even though you may be innocent, a gossiping tongue can cause injury to your testimony that can take years to heal and can cause undue hardship to your marriage. Be each other’s biggest cheering section and best critics. Be fast to cheer them on to victory publicly and in private and when needed privately critique them, wrapping it in love and compassion at all times. Don’t tear down your spouse to others and always find fault with them, but speak well of them, building them up and encouraging them. When your spouse is sharing with you, drop everything and really listen. In today’s hurry up world, many times we hear but we do not listen. Sometimes we completely tune out and do neither. If your spouse wants to discuss something, focus on what they are saying, do not try to finish the dishes or the laundry. Drop the wrench or the golf club, sit down, and take the time to not only hear what they are saying, but listen to them. We as humans convey so much by the tone of our voices and the way we say things. If you are focused and really listening, you will pick up on the unspoken tidbits of communication. As you practice really listening to each other, you will get better at this. Lean on each other when needed. When your faith is down, your spouse’s may be soaring. When you are strong, they may be feeling weak. We can lean on each other and gain strength and faith that can help us through the tough times. This is normal and a wonderful way Lord provides for us to help each other and by helping each other we grow closer to each other.

Above all, show compassion for each other. Jude 1:22, “And of some have compassion, making a difference:” Compassion isn’t something reserved for your neighbor or a friend, but for each other as well. Compassion shown to each other can make a difference in you, in your spouse, and most of all in your marriage. 17

Teen

©iStockphoto.com/asiseeit

By Michelle C. Danko ©iStockphoto.com/jophil

Does purity exist at all anymore? If you asked a person in their teens, they would probably say no, that everyone is “doing it”- whatever “it” implies. “It” can be sex, drugs, or any myriad of topics. My question is, if everyone else is doing it, why do you have to? I understand the influence of peer pressure, and the fear of being ostracized, but at what point do you take responsibility for your own actions? We can blame our friends for pressuring us, but the reality is that we are an individual, and we are capable of making our own decisions. The easy way is to go along with your friends. The hard way (at first), is to do the right thing and not defile our bodies. Ultimately, we are responsible to God for our actions. What would God say about your choices, and how would you respond? Most of us would not be proud of what we have done- and we shouldn’t be- because we are willfully going against God’s word.

Sexual purity is probably one of the rarest gift to find in an individual. A survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation concluded that 47% of teens from grades nine to twelve have had sexual intercourse, and the percentage increases with each grade. The Guttmacher Institute reports that this number rises to 70% by the age of nineteen. Even more shocking are the statistics for eleventh graders and oral sex. Sexualityandu.ca has found that 53% of eleventh graders have had oral sex. Sexual purity involves abstaining not only from intercourse with a member of the opposite sex, but from oral and anal sex and masturbation. It is the saving one’s entire self for your spouse.

The reason for total abstinence is for the mind, body, and spirit to remain undefiled. Masturbation usually involves fantasizing about someone else in a sexual way, and participating in self-gratification. It has been said that self-gratification leads to the idea that you do not need a spouse to 18 give you pleasure and can indeed take a husband/wife completely out of the picture (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

Oral and anal stimulation is still sex, and the bible is very clear on the subject: “For this is the will of God, that you should be consecrated (separated and set apart for pure and holy living): that you should abstain and shrink from all sexual vice, That each one of you should know how to possess (control, manage) his own body in consecration (purity, separated from things profane) and honor, not [to be used] in the passion of lust like the heathen, who are ignorant of the true God and have no knowledge of His will.” 1 Thessalonians 3-5 (Amp) “Beloved, I implore you as aliens and strangers and exiles [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges (the evil desires, the passions of the flesh, your lower nature) that wage war against the soul.” 1 Peter 2:11 The message is clear: to flee from all sexual immorality. It is all forms of sex, otherwise the bible would have simply said fornication. Masturbation, anal/oral sex, fantasizing, and sex outside of marriage all include forms of lust which would defile our bodies rendering them impure.

Drugs (including smoking) and alcohol all defile the body. They intoxicate the body, and take you into an altered state of reality. They have very little to no positive effect on the body, and long-term use harms your body. When you are under the influence of drugs/alcohol, you have no control over your mind or body. It gives Satan a foothold in your life. It is also very addictive, and often habitual users will continually meditate on their next “fix”. The only thing that we should meditate on is God. In fact, the bible urges us to demonstrate self-control in all areas, and to be sober in mind/judgement (Titus 2:4,6; 1 Thessalonians 5:6;). Drugs and drinking don’t allow for this.

Purity in all forms is best summed up by the following scripture: “Let us live and conduct ourselves honorably and becomingly as in the [open light of] day, not in reveling (carousing) and drunkenness, not in immorality and debauchery (sensuality and licentiousness)..” Romans 13:13

It is clear that the bible tells us to remain pure. Purity involves self-restraint, and not giving into fleshly desires. Remaining pure is not an easy task. It involves not even entertaining thoughts of sexual immorality, or defiling your body with intoxicants. We are to give ourselves to God in mind, body, and spirit, and present ourselves as a holy sacrifice (1 Corinthians 6:20). If our bodies are a temple to God, then what is yours saying to Him?

Kaiser Family Foundation; http://www.kff.org/youthhivstds/upload/U-S-Teen-Sexual-Activity-Fact-Sheet.pdf. 2005

Guttmacher Institute; Facts on American Teens Sexual and Reproductive Health; http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FBATSRH.html; January 2010. Boyce, W., Doherty, M., Fortin, C., and Mackinnon, D. (2003). Canadian Youth, Sexual health and HIV/AIDS Study: Factors influencing knowledge, attitudes 19 and behaviours. Toronto, ON: Council of Ministers of Education.

By Sarah Kuepfer ÂŠiStockphoto.com/danielle71

What does it mean to be beautiful, both in the eyes of others and in the eyes of God? Through some study and meditation, I believe there are three ingredients to true beauty: Holiness, Righteousness and Humility, otherwise known as purity, integrity and modesty.

True beauty is discovered when one realizes their identity and value in Jesus Christ. When one is sure of their identity, and builds their life on that unshakeable foundation, one has a confidence that shines. When you know who you are, and when you see yourself as God sees you, you are truly beautiful!

Every human being has value â&#x20AC;&#x201D; value as a human being, a creation of God. This 20

intrinsic value is not based on what we’ve done or said, or what others think of us or assign to us. It’s just there. Just because God made you, you are valuable! Every believer has value — value as a child of God. He chose you, He saved you — obviously there is value in you, or else why would He have sacrificed so much for you? We were created for a specific purpose and a specific function. We are valuable and beautiful, because God made us that way. He declared us “good”!

The first ingredient of beauty is purity. True beauty shines pure. Emotional, verbal, physical, sexual and spiritual purity are required to have true, God-given beauty. Purity is an ingredient of beauty as it reflects God’s holiness. We are called to be holy as God is holy. Our body and mind is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and as such should be treated with respect. We can’t sully our bodies with abuse of drugs, laziness or overindulgence. We can’t poison our minds with negativity and bitterness, pornography and violence, or humanistic philosophies. And we can’t defile our spirits with chasing after things of this world rather than “living in the light of eternity,” as the song says.

Holiness is the ultimate purity. It is more than just cleanliness, it is sanctification. We are cleansed of “all unrighteousness” and therefore blameless before God. We are to present ourselves as living sacrifices in worship to God. How can we do that without being holy? And this is a very doable thing: If it were not, God would not require it of us. He is incapable of leading into temptation, but instead He “delivers us from evil.” He promised that there would be no temptation too strong for us to bear, and that there would always be a way out. We are called to be pure. As purity flows through our lives, we shine with God’s beauty, and become truly beautiful.

The second ingredient of beauty is integrity. True beauty shines real. Our actions must match our beliefs and attitudes. Integrity is an ingredient of beauty as it reflects God’s righteousness. We are called to live rightly as God is righteous. Do we say we believe one thing, and then act differently? Do our mouths spout off platitudes of discipline and devotion to our friends or on our blogs, but if people were to observe our days, the majority of them is spent in front of a computer screen, ignoring the things (or people!) screaming for our attention. Our appearances must match our heart, and we need to be real! 21

Honesty is a major part here. We need to be honest with ourselves and with others. God looks at the heart and He knows what we really believe, no matter how much we try to deny or fake it. And no matter how much you try to fake it, it will show. People can sense when someone is being fake. You can come across as fake, even if you don’t mean to, because we can be really good at lying to ourselves. If we will be honest, God can lead us to be righteous. It is a commandment not to lie, and to live a lie is a sin against God’s righteousness. Integrity and righteousness go hand in hand. The Bride of Christ will be clothed in “linen of righteousness”. Righteousness is not merely “good deeds” but the willingness to live rightly with God, the genuine desire to obey. Integrity is a part of someone’s character, not just their behaviour. In being righteous, and godly, we are genuine in seeking His kingdom, not our own whims and wants.

The third ingredient of beauty is modesty. This may seem strange, that true beauty is modest. But its true. Modesty shines as Jesus shone. God is a gentleman, and true beauty requires this gentle Spirit. We are called to live humbly, meekly, with modesty. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5) Gentle spirits and modesty do not mean weak. Humility is not weakness. It takes more strength to stand firm, unresisting, fighting the urge of fight or flight, than to react to provocation. Jesus was a meek man, but no one would have called him a weak man. His anger cleared the temple. His strength so impressed the captain of the Roman guard, that upon Jesus’ death, the captain declared that he must have been the son of God. Modesty is a strength that comes from our confidence in God. Modesty is uncomplaining, gives rather than demands, serves rather than commands, and gives up the need to control others. It is self-control, not arrogance. Modesty comes from a confidence in who we are and how much we’re worth, so that we don’t need to flaunt our assets or prove our attractions.

When one thinks of modesty, one thinks of modest dress. Modesty has more to do with attitude than appearance. Women can be covered from neck to toe, and be more provocatively dressed than a woman dressed in more skin-revealing clothes with an attitude of modesty. Modesty has a confidence that has no need to flaunt or embellish. 22

We are called to be modest as it reflects us, how can we devalue ourselves? How God’s love. Love has no need of boasting can we declare “ugly” and “worthless” in itself. Love is genuine, aware of others’ what God declared “good” and “very opinions, but not willing to bend to peer good”, and worth the biggest price: the pressure. Modesty in love leads rather sacrifice of His Own Son?

calls God a liar. We

than follows.

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done in secret, and letting God reward made you. And that’s all you need to them. Modesty shares, and is generous, know. True beauty shines out of this confinot self-serving. It is a respect for others, dence, reflected through purity, modest and integrity. May we all be beautiful in the and a respect for oneself.

Beauty is found in confidence in God. sight of God. When we know the value God placed on 23

Testimonial

Shawn Emory Wiggins – A Faith Story...

Violence, pain, and lies – I grew up with those as everyday items. I had no clue that those are not what we were supposed to experience.

Sounds funny to me now, but

God was holding me while in the middle of it all. Even though I was molested as a child, and watched numerous family succumb to various addictive vices, I was held back somehow dealing with it in prayer and always praying for freedom.

When I was in grade five, my Mother dropped a bomb on me emotionally. She was getting a divorce from my Father – she 24

had met another man. I felt betrayed and let down—but that was life. This stress created even more turmoil in my life since I was already being picked on at school. Things worsened over the next two years.

By junior high I was full blown suicidal. I was stuck between teasing at school every day and an destructive home life. I would sit for an hour a day in the bath tub with a knife asking God why I should not do it! God was readying me for something; He was talking to me in those times.- asking for just one more day – and I would listen. Grade nine I met a friend who showed me life, and what real family was. As much as he and I fought, God knew we needed to be friends.

Grade ten was a huge year – I was in my first play, Handel’s Messiah. I played hackysack back stage with Jesus, fun!! That was also the year I found a youth group, and was in awe of the holy people I had met. Those high school years introduced me to church as family, humbleness and unity, and most of all God as my father.

In my early twenties I worked with youth and summer camps – most of which was at Camp Arnes. God has shown me I can do whatever he asks of me – and I took on challenges I was never “trained” for. His holy spirit guiding me helped me grow, he showed me that his Love could comfort and stretch me. In September two thousand and one I met a woman at a Christian school and we talked. By June God had us married. After a year of marriage, my wife was expecting and so we moved back to her home town in rural Manitoba. We have a daughter who has been raised by a family that loves her, and that’s more than I had ever dreamed possible. I pray that my short comings do not ruin the wonderful ground that is in my daughters heart.

Abba YAHWEH as it would be said in Hebrew has never let me down, and given me so much. I hope only to grow into the name God inspired my mother to give me – Shawn Emory Wiggins, that is: God is Gracious to his Industrious Holy One!

Do You Know Jesus?

If the answer is no, or even if you are unsure, then just repeat this simple prayer. If you confess it with your mouth, and mean i t with your heart, you will be saved. Your name will be entered into the Book of Life. Please also let us know as we would love to rejoice with you! Heavenly Father, I come to You Jesus’ name. Your Word says, “Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved” and “If you confess with your mouth, and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (according to Acts 2:21; Romans 10:9). You said my salvation would be the result of the Holy Spirit giving me new birth by coming to live within me and that if I would ask, You would fill me with Your Spirit and would be evidenced by speaking in other tongues. (According to Luke 11:13; Acts 2:4). I confess that Jesus is my Lord and I believe in my heart that You raised Him from the dead. Thank You for coming into my heart, for giving me Your Holy Spirit, and for being Lord over my life. Amen. 26