Spring 2011 by Faith Filled Family Magazine

Spring 2011

Do You Know Jesus?

If the answer is no, or even if you are unsure, then just repeat this simple prayer. If you confess it with your mouth, and mean it t with your heart, you will be saved. Your name will be entered into the Book of Life. Please also let us know as we would love to rejoice with you! Heavenly Father, I come to You Jesus’ name. Your Word says, “Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved” and “If you confess with your mouth, and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (according to Acts 2:21; Romans 10:9). You said my salvation would be the result of the Holy Spirit giving me new birth by coming to live within me and that if I would ask, You would fill me with Your Spirit and would be evidenced by speaking in other tongues. (According to Luke 11:13; Acts 2:4). I confess that Jesus is my Lord and I believe in my heart that You raised Him from the dead. Thank You for coming into my heart, for giving me Your Holy Spirit, and for being Lord over my life. Amen. 2

Spring · Volume 1 · Issue 3

Contents 5 Life Or Death? Discussion on the effects our words have in both relationships, and in shaping our future.

10 But They Make Me So Angry! Should we let our anger get the better of us? What does the Bible say about anger in our relationships.

19 Overcoming Anger Is your anger righteous or destructive? Tips on overcoming the urge to “see red”.

23 Tears of Anger How anger and anxiety can play into depression. Also discusses the road to recovery.

16 Ask Beverley Our NEW advice column!

24 Testimonial Faith Filled Family Magazine’s publisher, Michelle Danko, shares her story about her past, and how she came to God. Michelle has been freed from anorexia, low self-esteem, and from a draw to the occult. She also shares about how God led their family through a house fire, and how he has blessed her life. 3

Faith Filled Family’s Staff Publisher Michelle C. Danko

Layout Michelle C. Danko

Writers: Michelle C. Danko has had fifteen years experience in the media industry ranging from print to broadcast journalism. Michelle home schools her eldest son. In her spare time, she enjoys chasing after her three boys, reading, and learning more about God’s word. She is also attending Bible School and hoping to finish her degree.

Sarah Kuepfer is a single mother of 3 girls, including a 7 mo. old. She home schools them and works from home. Sarah currently lives in Kitchener, Ontario. An interesting fact about Sarah is that she loves reading so much they keep running out of bookcases! Sebra Ferrell is a Christian wife, mother, and mentor, whose life passion is to help women live lives worth living. Having overcome anger, depression, insecurity, suicidal thoughts, to name a few, Sebra seeks to help other women find the freedom in Christ she now experiences. She also enjoys working with her husband of 14 years to mentor other married couples, especially those, who like her family, are blended. Passionate about God’s Word, she enjoys unlocking the many life lessons contained therein as she seeks to help women find their identify in Christ. As one how embraces learning, she currently attends Bible-school through correspondence and is also pursuing her bachelor’s degree in psychology. Velika Kapitanof’s love of writing began at an early age. She has written some articles which have been featured in online publications, a few unpublished short stories and is now looking forward to start writing a blog (or two). Her faith in God continues to be strengthened as she believes that The Will of God will never take you, where the Grace of God cannot protect you.

Cover Photo ©iStockphoto.com/Og-Vision

Photographers ©iStockphoto.com/ Digital Skillet, grandriver, John Moontz, mammoth, PeteWill, portishead1, Tomazi, audioundwerbung, erikreis, and Yuri_Arcurs. Also courtesy of Microsoft Office. 4

Written By Michelle C. Danko

he bible says that “life and death is in the power of the tongue.” Sadly, we are not mindful of our words and how they can hurt others or our situation. Society’s expression of anger has escalated over the years. We have become an impatient generation- we want things now, and we have too many things to do with not enough time to do them in. We don’t want to wait. We take out our anger on our loved ones because we’re stressed. We yell at that little old lady who can barely see over the steering wheel because we are in a hurry and she’s going WAY too slow. We exhibit every single “rage” you can think of, and we are not afraid to express it. Did you ever think about the effects of those words, and how they can impact not only other people, but YOUR future? Probably not. 5

We often don’t think about the power of our words. What can happen when you are often stressed and take out your frustrations on your spouse? Many people think that it doesn’t matter because their spouse will always be there, they understand, and they love them anyway- all of which they probably do. However, did you know that constant verbal assaults on your mate can cause death in your marriage. Phrases like “fine, if you don’t like it, then leave.”, “I wish I had never married you.”, “our marriage was a mistake.”, or “maybe we should get a divorce” all do damage to a marriage. We know that life and death is in the power of the tongue, so why are we speaking death? Do you really want to end your relationship? So why are you speaking it? If you think that your words don’t count, think again. God spoke the universe into existence- an example of the power of words, and how many things that you have spokenboth good and bad- have come to pass. Is it just mere coincidence? Not a chance!

Satan does not know your thoughts- although he does like to plant ideas into your head. Demons can only act on your words. They can act on what you speak and wreak disaster on your life. Did you every stop to think that your confessions of “poor me”, “I’m always broke”, “I can never get ahead” are the cause of your lack of prosperity? The word says that we are to be prosperous, and God’s word does not lie. Our words are a reflection of what is in our heart, but how do they get planted there? They can take root either by Satan spewing lies in our thought life or by words/actions that have been internalized. Satan’s lies if not cast out can appear to be believable. If he says it often enough we start to believe it and meditate on bad thoughts. These thoughts take root in our hearts and cause offense or bitterness. Satan also twists the spoken word and again bombards our thought life.

We need to uproot these thoughts and recognize them for what they are: lies from the enemy. Chances are, your spouse doesn’t hate you, and probably doesn’t mean to start an argument over nothing. He/she may have been yelled at by their boss and felt humiliated in front of their peers. They may have been yelled at by a client. Their boss may have threatened to fire them out of anger. They can’t yell back at their boss- they have to exhibit constraint- but they are angry. They don’t mean to take it out on you, but it just happens. However, Satan will twist those words in your mind if you are 6

not aware of it, and have you believe that your spouse in an uncaring jerk who never loved you. If you knew the truth, would your response be different? Would you be so quick to quip back?

Bad thoughts that have been internalized take root in our heart. If not dealt with, offense, bitterness, and resentment can occur. These are more difficult to get rid of. Bitterness and resentment often cause death in a marriage. Words become heated and hearts become cold. The relationship becomes a battlefield where two people try to hurt each other. There are no winners, just deep wounds. God can work with a soft heart because it can be changed with the word. A hardened heart is difficult to work with because unforgiveness does not want to make it change. A hard heart believes that an injustice has occurred (an offense) and they want the offender to pay for what they have done. Often, no amount of “repayment” can eliminate the offense. Only genuine forgiveness can uproot the offense.

Mark 11:25-26 says, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also

But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings”. By the measure that you withhold forgiveness shall be the measure in which you will be unforgiven. By the measure of anger (unforgiveness) that we hold against another person, is the same measure that God withholds from us for our sins. Do we mean to sin? No, we don’t mean to do bad things. Do we have excuses for our behavior? Sure we do. Do we want God to forgive us? Absolutely! Was our behavior necessarily stellar all day towards everyone we encountered? Probably not. Do we always have good intentions? Yes. Are they always well received? No. The point? If we are to be like Christ, then we need to forgive like Christ. You wouldn’t want God to not forgive you for what you have done wrong, so why do you insist on not forgiving others? Imagine if God said that he couldn’t forgive you for what you have done wrong. God would never do this, so why should you? 7

“But you don’t know what they did to me.” That may be, however the word says in Romans 12:19:

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God's] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord.” You need to release it to God, and let Him deal with it. He always will.

By forgiving others, God can forgive you of your sins and your prayers are unhindered. If you are harboring offense, bitterness and resentment, ask God how you can overcome it. Ask him to soften your heart and how you can weed out unforgiveness. Forgive those who have done harm to you. Chances are, the other person doesn’t even know that they have done something wrong, and would apologize if they have offended you if given the chance. Too much energy is wasted on being angry, and the only person you are harming is yourself.

Negative attitudes often manifest themselves in physical ailments. Anger and stress have been proven to suppress the immune system and are often one of the causes of heart disease. Sometimes, we can also hold offense and not even know it. Ask God regularly to reveal any unforgiveness towards others. He will bring it to your memory and you can verbally forgive others. This also works in revealing where you may have offended someone else. You will feel much better once you do.

Choose your mood as well. Someone may have offended you, but don’t let their sin become yours. We can change our moods in a second if we have to, so why don’t we consciously choose not to express our anger. God has given you all of the fruits of the spirit, we do not have to live by the flesh. You can offer excuses, but they are just that- excuses. God has given you all that you need to live harmoniously with others. Fleshing out is your choice.

Words do have an effect. Choose positive words instead of negative ones. Speak positively about your life. You may be broke right now, but instead of saying that you are always broke, confess that money comes, and that you are blessed (because you 8

are!). God will bless everything you put your hands to- it says so in the Bible. Confess what you want to happen instead of becoming angry at your circumstances. Our words should also edify and uplift others. If they don’t, they we need to ask for forgiveness and repent. Choose to also talk honestly and openly about problems. Wise counsel from a good Christian brother/sister can be helpful and eliminates misplaced anger. Don’t let seeds of bitterness and resentment take root, and don’t plant them in others. After all, we reap what we sow. Choose to sow positive seeds and see how your life can change. What have you got to loose?

Faith Filled Family Magazine is searching for people who have a passion for writing, and a desire to impact families with the word of God. If you are interested, please visit our website at www.faithfilledfamily.com for further information. 9

Written By Sarah Kuepfer

Anger

is one of the leading

causes of family breakdown, and always has been. The sociologists and anthropologists use terms such as “lack of communication” and “incompatibility” but what it boils down to is the feelings of displeasure, annoyance and antagonism as a result of a perceived wrong. One person thinks the other has “done them wrong” and resents it, holding it against them, and then does them wrong in return, and the cycle continues.

So what is anger? Anger, in and of itself, is not sinful. It is part of our God-designed emotional makeup, just as love, sorrow and joy are. It is, essentially, the instant displeasure at perceived evil. Unfortunately for humanity, sin has corrupted our anger just as it has corrupted everything else. We still feel that instant displeasure, but our viewpoint of “evil” is more often selfishly motivated than the godly anger we are called to have at sin and sinners. It is more often “He took my toy” than “He stole their innocence”. The petty annoyances and selfish trivialities we concentrate on cloud our sight to the true injustices of sin.

Anger only becomes sinful when it is without reason, excessive, or goes on longer than is reasonable. When we are angry over minor grievances, we sin. When we are furious at the slightest perceived wrong, we sin. When we hold a grudge, we sin. In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus compared our anger to murder, and warned that the punishments would be the same. Anger is most devastating in the family. Isn’t it always true that we hurt most the ones we love best? When 50% of marriages end in divorce because one or both partners are angry, we know there’s a problem. But anger has always been the root cause of family breakdown. Resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness – they are all rooted in anger.

It goes back to the first family, in Genesis. We see the first children, Cain and Abel, making offerings to the Lord. Abel understood the principle of blood covering sin, and offered the appropriate sacrifice while Cain, offering his best, did not understand. Yet instead of letting his jealousy motivate him to do better next time, he let his anger simmer. In his anger, causeless, beyond reasonable, and held on to long after the felt offense, he attacked his brother, and killed him. His punishment? Banishment from God’s presence and his family. Already, the first family, and the first family breakdown.

We see family breakdown again in the story of Abraham. That patriarch of our faith was a father in a dysfunctional family. He had an affair which resulted in a child. When his mistress lorded it over his wife, in his anger, he banished his mistress and his son. His anger, his wife’s anger, and his mistress’s anger all caused this dysfunctional family. The result? One angry young man, whose legacy to his descendants is anger and war. “Everyone’s hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.” (Genesis 16:12) “

My own family has been nearly torn apart by anger. My husband could not control

his anger, and every perceived fault was the cause for an extreme outburst. Finally, anger caused our separation, as our fighting led to a physical assault. The solution, however, is simple. God’s Word tells us exactly how to handle anger appropriately. First, when anger is being held against us, we are to be calm, gentle, and praying for that person. Second, repentance and forgiveness will erase anger. And third, we are not to be angry in the first place, except for what angers God. 12

First, how to handle someone else’s anger: Proverbs provides the key: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) “A gift given in secret soothes anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath.” (Proverbs 21:14)

Jesus told us to “love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matthew 5:44). He also said that when someone is legitimately angry with us, we are to immediately go to them and ask forgiveness:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)

As Christians, we are called to live in peace with everyone, as far as it is up to us to do so. (Romans 12:18) Second, when we perceive a wrong done against us, and we are angry, God gives us instructions. They are very simple. One word: Forgive. Do I need to repeat that? Forgive. Jesus gives us a reason in Matthew 6:14-15:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

He offered the story of the unforgiving debtor to illustrate this principle. (Matthew 18:23-35) The man who owed the king much was forgiven, but he turned around and did not forgive someone else who owed him a little. Interestingly enough, this story was given just before Jesus described marriage as being God-intended for life, without cause for divorce (except unfaithfulness). Forgiveness is simply giving up your right to hold the other person to account, your right to “prosecute”. When we give up our right to say “You owe me,” give that right to God, (who promised His own retribution in 13

Romans 12:19), we are forgiving the other, and saying to them, in effect, “you are free to go.” (By the way, forgiveness and trust are two different things. Forgiveness is NOT saying what they did is ok, just that you’re leaving it up to God to collect what they owe you, and letting them go.) Believe me, God is much better at holding others to account for their sin than we ever will be, and unforgiveness simply hurts us. Being angry here is self-destructive, and giving the one who hurt us way more power than they deserve. Give it to God, and let Him take care of it, and you will be and feel much better.

Finally, the best way to deal with anger, is to simply not get angry at anything other than what God Himself is angry at: sin. In Proverbs, we are to stay away from those who get angry easily (Proverbs 22:24). In Ephesians, and Colossians, anger is listed as part of those character traits we are to get rid of (Ephesians 4:31, Colossians 3:8). Paul cautions us that in our anger we do not sin (Ephesians 4:26) by holding on too long. James tells us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19) and that “human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:20). Instead, we are told to “bear with each another, and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13) and to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

My relationship with my husband is improving daily because we have both learned to deal with anger God’s way. Forgiveness has done much to bring us back together, and learning patience, self-control and to bear with one another’s faults keeps us from getting so angry with one another, as we had in the past. While we are not perfect, our family is being restored, thanks to God and His grace. Anger, petty human anger, has no place in any relationship, much less the family. Our anger destroys. God’s love rebuilds, renews and restores. Follow His commands, and you’ll see it for yourself.

Caring Cross is a Christian Ministr y for women and men transforming their lives after loss or tragedy. Our goal is to be a refuge for the weary and broken hearted. We are an online retreat of connection in the healing of the heart with its many wounds. We offer healing for the mind, body and spirit. We believe in healing through Christ Jesus using creativity and the art of worship. We welcome you to ask the tough questions; the wonderings why and the sharing of the darker places of life, free of j u d g m e n t a n d condemnation.

Visit our website at www.caringcrossministries.com or visit us on Facebook ÂŠiStockphoto.com/sdominick

Dear Beverley, My friend recently lost her son to cancer. She is obviously grief-stricken and finding it hard to cope. Her faith in God remains, although she is questioning why this had to happen. During her son’s illness, she read Bible passages to him and prayed over him. Since his passing, she has confided in me that she finds it difficult to read the Bible and pray. What can I do to reassure her that this is part of her grief and to encourage her in God’s love for her? -Heartbroken Dear Heartbroken, My sincere condolences to your friend. Dealing with the loss of a child is not an easy matter, and your friend has to go through the many stages of grief in order to arrive at a place of healing. She is mostly likely finding it hard to read the Bible and pray because of the intensity of prayer during her son’s illness. Her focus has now become dealing with the reality of her loss and perhaps feels as if her previous prayers were unheard. Remind her that “Even when our eyes are dim with grief, we reach out to God” (Psalm 88:8-9), and reassure her of the Bible’s promise for the Kingdom of Heaven. Heartbroken, give your friend time to heal at her own pace. She may find it hard to open the Bible, but she may be willing to listen to a few comforting verses. Ask her what her favorite Scripture is and read it to her. Recite a comforting Psalm. Highlight the fact that God’s love will lessen her burden, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10). Seek out some grief counseling groups in her area or through her church and offer to go with her when she’s ready. Above all, keep supporting her through the journey of healing. 16

Dear Beverley, I am a 35 year old single woman. I’m not single by choice; merely out of circumstance. All of my friends are either married (with kids) or are getting married. I feel left out and lonely! If God created man and woman as mates for each other, then why is it that He hasn’t sent anyone for me yet? - Single Not By Choice Dear Single Not By Choice, Society places so much pressure on a woman to be married by a certain age that panacea sets in if “Prince Charming” has bypassed her front door. While it is true that God created man and woman because "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him" (Genesis 2:18), He also created us as individuals who are meant to serve God. It is our responsibility to live our lives in a way which is pleasing to God, and for some people that would not be possible with the obligations of looking after a family. In his letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul said, “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32). My advice is to enjoy the many blessings God has given you and to use your life in a manner which is pleasing to Him. He has allowed you to remain single for a reason. Perhaps He wants you to be free to follow your true passion, whatever that may be, without the restrictions of a family. Seek out your passion – acting, sports, travelling, singing, etc. – tap into it and use it to Glorify Him. When you do, I am confident that the disappointment or loneliness that you feel right now will disappear. God bless.

If you are in need of good Christian counsel, please feel free to email Beverley at askbeverley@yahoo.com 17

A Time To . . . Author: Ronald Louis Peterson

Rating: 18+ Mild language. References made to gangs, smoking, sorcery (psychic, fortune-teller, magic), drinking and gambling. A Time To. . . is a captivating book right from the beginning. The authors use of words draws readers directly into the story and captivates their interest by making them feel as if they were there. The book begins with a reference to the song (and psalm) Turn, Turn, Turn, and this theme is woven throughout the novel. It opens with a description of the lives of five different characters, and what they were doing on the morning of 9/11. The lives of these characters are integral to the plot since they play a key role in the life of the protagonist, Al. Al is a risk manager in the Twin Towers and was at work when the plane hit on 9/11. The story describes the atmosphere in great detail down to the smell of the jet fuel and what it was like to be in the Twin Towers at this moment in history. As Al tries to escape the demise of the buildings collapsing, his exit is somewhat too late. Just as he is about to reach the exit to freedom, the tower collapses rendering him unconscious. It is at this point that he is drawn back in time to events that shaped his life both positively, and negatively. The theme of Turn, Turn, Turn comes into place as Al is transported back to the innocence of grade two followed by the turmoil of adolescence, and the challenges of adulthood. It highlights the seasons of life and Ronald (the author) cleverly weaves in each character that is mentioned at the beginning of the story and relates how they impacted Al’s life. It also shows, through the “voice” Al hears, how God is always with us throughout our journey – even when we are far away. The story shows how God intervenes in our life and how He uses people to draw us back into His arms. Overall, A Time To. . . is well written, and relatable. It is the best, most original book that I have read in years. It is cleverly written, and well thought out. I would highly recommend it. 18

Written By Sebra W. Ferrell

Many emotions can be destructive to any relationship, most especially to a marriage. Yet, is there any more destructive feeling than anger? As I contemplate some of the emotions that have created conflict in my marriage, insecurity, fear, and rejection immediately rise to the surface. Moreover, each of these emotions usually resulted in an outburst of anger, which Scripture teaches us we are not to practice (Galatians 5:1721 NASB). By the time I got married, I had been having angry outbursts for over 20 years. It took me at least another 10 years to finally overcome my anger. My first real step toward healing was to recognize feeling anger is a response; staying angry is a choice. In life, God gives us choices, day-by-day and moment-by-moment. He has also given us His Word to help navigate lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s choices. Because it teaches us how to navigate choices, the parable of the sower and the seed is the most practical passage of Scripture I know of to overcome any issue in life, including anger.

The parable and its interpretation can be found in Luke 8, Mark 4, and Matthew 13. In interpreting the parable, Jesus tells us the seed is Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Word and the soil is our heart! He goes on to describe the four different types of soilâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;wayside, rocky, thorny, and good--and what happens to the seed planted therein. I highly encourage you take time to read this parable in each gospel, because understanding the condition of our heart is paramount to overcoming anger. In the meantime, let us take note that each of these soils teaches us an important principle in order to live victorious Christian lives! Let us begin with the wayside. 19

To overcome anger (or anything else for that matter), we must begin by accepting the truth of what God’s Word says about it. The truth we are to accept will depend on where we are in our relationship with the Lord. My truth was two-fold. One, I was choosing to be angry; two, if I wanted to inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:21), I could not continue practicing outbursts of anger! Therefore, in overcoming anger, the wayside is the season when we must seek God for truth, ensure what we hear lines up with the truth of God’s Word, and then accept God’s truth. Once we have accepted God’s truth in the wayside, we are now ready to proceed to the rocky ground. The rocky ground is the season where we are to obey the truth of God’s Word that He has now planted in our heart. Regarding anger, we are no longer to fulfill the lust of the flesh by having an outburst. Instead, we are to choose to walk in the spirit. What walking in the spirit looks like depends on the individual and what the Holy Spirit is teaching them. In my case, any time I felt anger rising, in order to quiet my flesh, I had to do something loving for my husband. In other words, I had to choose to walk in the spirit and not choose to give into the lust of the flesh. Therefore, the rocky ground is a time when we learn to quiet our flesh and, regardless of what we feel on the inside, we obey God’s Word, because what He has spoken is truth. And, that truth will set us free from anger or whatever other bondage the enemy has us in! However, walking in love only lasted for so long, which takes us to our next season—the thorny ground. The thorny ground is when life’s never-ending circumstances cause us to get weary and give up (i.e. have that outburst we’ve been holding back). As the Scripture says, we “go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity” (Luke 8:14 NKJV). By learning to recognize our stumbling block—cares, riches, or pleasure—we are then able to go before the Lord in our quiet time to discover what we need to offer as a sacrifice to Him. My stumbling block was cares. I had a hard time dealing with rejection, so it frustrated me to no end when my husband and I would argue, and he would then get quiet and withdraw. 20

As I asked the Lord to help me deal with my feelings of rejection, He revealed my husband was an idol in my heart. In order to take my husband off the throne of my heart and put God on it, I had to sacrifice my feelings of rejection to the Lord so I could learn how to let my husband withdraw into his cave while allowing the Holy Spirit to comfort me. My turning point came when my husband was gone for an entire week, during which he did not speak to me, and upon his return, I was able to lovingly greet him without any animosity, bitterness, or strife in my heart.

While each person’s turning point will be

unique to what God is doing in their life, they will know it when it comes, because they will have willingly given whatever is creating the anger to God in order to allow God’s love to transform their heart. Thus, the thorny ground is learning to identify what is causing us to feel the anger and then giving that cause over to the Lord so that our obedience comes from a heart of love, and not just because God said so! We must keep in mind each of the soils represents different seasons in our lives. As we navigate our way through each season, there are lessons we can learn to help us overcome the urge to respond with an outburst even when we feel the emotion of anger. It is very important to note that anger is like any physical symptom we feel in our bodies. It is an alarm that says something in our soul needs to be addressed before the Lord. When we learn how to address our soul’s issue instead of responding with an outburst, we have reached our ultimate goal in this journey—the good ground! In overcoming anger, the good ground represents that season when we can embrace the feeling of anger and yet not respond with an outburst. It is when we can identify the truth of God’s Word, obey that truth and sacrifice anything and everything to the Lord that would hinder us from walking in the spirit rather than fulfilling the lust of the flesh. That doesn’t mean there will not be times when we have to walk through this entire process again as we grow in the Lord. That also doesn’t mean there might not be times when we find ourselves stuck in any given soil when dealing with a specific issue. What it does mean is we are now equipped for the journey! 21

Written By Velika Kapitanof

Sitting across Jade (not her real name) in her small, comfortable home, I am mesmerized by her journey of healing. She previously confided in me about some personal issues she was experiencing and now, in what seems to be an eternity later, she is ready to share the rest of her story with me. “I cried when someone hurt my feelings. I cried when things didn’t go my way. I even cried when I was not able to stand up for myself,” Jade continued. “I ended up making myself vulnerable in front of people who hurt me, which in turn made me feel worse.” As she is talking, I notice her expression change into what seems to be sadness and regret. I reassure her that she doesn’t need to continue if it will bring up bad memories. “No,” she insists. “The sadness is for the person I was and the regret is for the times I was not able to defend myself when others hurt me. That is in the past. I am much stronger now. My faith in God has been reaffirmed sadness and regret no longer define me. They are fleeting emotions.”

The relief she felt from having the burdens lifted was etched all over her face. “How did you get from there to here? What was it that made things better for you?” I asked. Her answer did not surprise me. “After a lot of prayer and self-reflection, I realized that I started crying in situations where I should have been angry. Why was I crying instead of expressing rage or anger? Is anger an unacceptable emotion or is crying more suitable?” I always knew Jade to be a deeply spiritual person whose faith in God had carried her through many trials and tribulations. In a way, I think God keeps testing her because of His great love for her – He wants to ensure that her faith keeps getting stronger and stronger. Up until now, she has never failed His test.

What does God say about anger or expressing our anger when we are hurt? In James 1:1920 we are given the following advice: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” We are instructed to think very carefully before we let our anger out. It does not mean that we cannot be angry, only that we should pay attention and not let anger rule our lives.

Besides, anger is a human emotion given to us by God. If used carefully it can be powerful in a positive way; however, if abused, it has the potential to destroy people and relationships. It made me wonder if society conditions us to suppress our anger instead of allowing us to be “slow to become angry.” If that is the case, then what are the consequences of suppressing our anger? If our anger is not allowed to be expressed in the way God allows, where do we store it? How long do we suppress it? How does it manifest itself in our lives?

For many people suppressed or unexpressed anger can turn into depression, especially if they have a genetic predisposition or are highly susceptible to any of the factors responsible for depressive episodes. Jade suppressed her anger for so long that it eventually turned inward and she was diagnosed with major depression. “I remember the first time I suspected I might be depressed” Jade continued, “I was having difficulty completing mundane, everyday tasks. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and my mind seemed to be racing all the time. Although I had so many things occupying my thoughts, I couldn’t motivate myself to do any of them.” Her face turned pensive as she recalled that point in time. “I went to my family doctor and he diagnosed me right away. He recommended a combination of medication and psychotherapy which he referred to as “talk therapy”. I told him I had to think about it because like so many others I was predisposed to the notion that this was not a medical illness and I should be able to do this with sheer willpower. I prayed about it over the next few days and I realized that God doesn’t want me to go through this alone; He put me in this situation for a reason and He will give me what I need to heal from it.” I listened intently as Jade continued her story. “I went back to my family doctor and told him I was ready. He gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and told me to come and see him every week. I was in Dr. Moe’s office every week for the next six months. I started looking forward to my weekly visits because not only did he make me laugh, but he offered sage advice that I could implement in my daily life as soon as I left his office. He gauged my progress based on our conversations and he beamed as a proud father when he could see the dark cloud lift from my thoughts. The interesting part is that Dr. Moe is a family doctor, not a psychiatrist. He referred me to a psychiatrist who I also saw on a regular basis, 23

To this day, I believe that Dr. Moe was God’s earthly helper. God put him in my path so that I can complete my journey of healing without ever feeling alone.” Jade believes that Dr. Moe exemplifies the advice offered in the Bible, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad” (Proverbs 12:25).

Do Christians suffer from depression? Is it their weak character or lack of faith that causes their depression? To put it bluntly, yes, Christians suffer from depression just like they suffer from any other illness, and no, their depression is not caused by a lack of faith or weakness in character. As people of faith we have to understand that depression (or clinical depression or mental illness) is an illness that can strike anyone, and when it does, it is our responsibility to show compassion and help in any way we can. Sometimes a kind word or a shoulder to lean on will do wonders for someone in need.

As Jade and I continue talking, she takes out her Bible and turns to Psalm 143 which she credits as her source of strength and guidance during her darkest hours. I notice that she has highlighted verse 8, “Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee,” and it seems that part of the page is well-worn. “Yes, that is my favorite verse” she says catching me eyeing the faded page, “And I have read it over and over again. I have read it with tears streaming down my face, and it has always given me a peaceful knowing in my heart.” She is quick to point out that this time the tears were not tears of anger, but tears of gratitude at God’s loving kindness.

Two years later and Jade is still on medication, although a significantly lower dosage, and occasionally seeks professional advice if she feels overwhelmed by certain situations. The one thing that has not changed is her faith in God and her daily reading of scripture, especially Psalm 143. If you suspect that you or someone you love may be suffering from depression, speak to a medical care professional as soon as possible. For more information, visit the Canadian Mental Health Association at www.cmha.ca or the National Institute of Mental Health at www.nimh.nih.gov .

A Prayer for Everyone Psalm 143 1

Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me,

and in thy righteousness. 2

And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be

justified. 3

For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground;

he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. 4

Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.

I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy

hands. 6

I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Se-

lah. 7

Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like

unto them that go down into the pit. 8

Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me

to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee. 9

Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.

Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land

of uprightness. 11

Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul

out of trouble. 12

And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I

am thy servant.

Testimonial Written By Michelle C. Danko

Looking back on my life, I have come to see all of the ways that God has blessed me, and all of the ways that he has protected me – even when I didn’t really know Him. Also, when I became born again, I saw the ways that He helped me when I needed it, and surrounded me with the most amazing people. He also blessed me beyond what I could have imagined, and just for being obedient. Every day, I learn that God loves me more than I could ever fathom, and instead of looking back at what could have been, I am excited at what is yet to come.

Growing up, my dad attended church, and my mother stayed at home. She said that she believed but didn’t want to attend church. I never knew why, nor did I ever ask. On Sundays, I would sit at home and watch church on television. I wanted to go to Sunday School very badly, and wanted to be baptized even more. I would ask my dad, and he would always respond with “we’ll see”. He would tell me that he wanted me to choose my own religion, and that he wanted me to be sure that I wanted to attend church with him.

In grade two, I finally got my wish to attend Sunday school. However, I wasn’t baptized until I was fourteen, and finished Confirmation.

Up until I was fourteen, I felt close to God. However, for some unknown reason, my relationship dwindled. Church was something that we did on Sunday, not who we were. We lived in the world most of the time, and I never understood that Christianity is a way of life until I was much older. 26

I gradually drifted away from God over the next few years. I was fascinated by horror movies, ghosts, and anything in the spiritual realm. I tried witchcraft, and I was heavily into the occult. I didn’t know at the time that I was entering into Satan’s realm. I just thought that it was fun, and I wanted to be in control of my own life. I wanted to know what was to come, and to be able to always get what I wanted. I didn’t realize that God should be the one in control.

I went through thoughts of suicide and episodes of anorexia. All my life people had commented negatively about my weight. I also had really low self-esteem from verbal abuse that I had suffered growing up. I believed that I was ugly, and when I looked in the mirror, that was all that I saw. I began to cut down on what I ate- if I ate- and counted every calorie religiously. If I over ate, then I would exercise to the point of exhaustion. My destructive pattern continued until my second year of University and ended when I passed out from lack of proper nourishment.

I did loose a great deal of weight, and looking back, I was pretty. I just never knew it. In my mind, I could never be thin enough, pretty enough, or good enough.

Things changed when I graduated, and really changed when I met my husband. Early in our relationship we began to attend church together. We became saved at a really impactful play that contrasted what hell and heaven were like. I decided that I wanted my name to be written in the book of life, and I was uncertain if it was. It scared me not to know where I was going when I died. All I knew was that my life was missing something, and I didn’t want to live this way anymore. As a result, I burned all of the horror movies, books, tarot cards, and anything that was part of the occult. I turned my back on it completely. All of the hurts from my past with my parents I had received healing from. I forgave them for many things. I began to realize that they tried their best, and never meant to hurt me. My relationship with my mother improved, and we became very close. I began to see myself as attractive and stopped starving myself. Most importantly, I began to bless others because I was blessed, and I wanted to make others happy.

Our twins were three weeks old at the time. My husband and eldest son were out, and I was at home with the babies. I had finished all of the housework, and was ready to enjoy a day to myself when the fire alarm sounded. I went to investigate where it was, and discovered that it was in the basement.

I ran downstairs to see flames reaching almost up to the ceiling. Our rabbit was close to the blaze, but I knew that I couldn’t rescue her because I had a C-section from the twins and couldn’t carry anything that heavy.

The phone rang and I knew it was our alarm company. It was a miracle that I could answer, because our phone line was tied into the alarm line and would never pick up after the alarm had been sounded. I was able to talk to them and tell them that there was a fire, that I had babies, and to send help.

I gathered the twins, and the dog (so I thought) and headed outside. I prayed for our house, and the fire engines roared down our street within ten minutes. Our neighbors took care of us. Some of them tried to find our ‘missing dog”, and one of our neighbors took care of us in their home. Another neighbor went out and bought diapers for the boys, and anything else we needed. The firemen found our dog hiding in her crate, and the rabbit resuscitated herself when she was brought outside. Everyone on our block took care of us.

The damage was so severe that we were relocated for five months. Friends helped us find an apartment with housekeeping while our house was being restored. The restoration company was wonderful, and insurance covered everything that got damaged. We didn’t loose much of anything that had great value. We had favor at every turn. We moved back into our house two weeks before Christmas and it looked even better than it did before the fire.

About a year after we moved back in, God told me to start a magazine. He gave me the name, and I was obedient. I started Faith Filled Family Magazine in April 2010, and launched in October. God has gifted me with amazing writers, and marketing ideas that could only come from Him. He has taken our hits from 10,000 on the first issue to over 15,000 on the last- without marketing. We continue to expand exponentially as new people step forward. Our feedback is positive. 28

In my mind, we are successful because we are making an impact worldwide and hopefully changing lives which was all that I ever wanted to do. I learned that God can turn your life around, and can be there in your darkest hour. He will send people to help you. I learned that you can be fulfilled just by following His plan for your life, and that He is in control of my life. I could not do anything on my own. I could not run this magazine on my own strength. There is too much to do, and I would burn out. It is God that is making Faith Filled Family Magazine strong- I am just doing His will- and He will guide people to it. All I have to do is listen, and obey. I do want to seriously thank my writers and readers because you are what continues to make this magazine great. I want to be a blessing to you always. My writers are awesome. They do what they do out of the goodness of their hearts and know they will be rewarded for it. And in case you are wondering. . . No, this is not my good-bye. I still have much to accomplish.

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