04/21/2015

The Miserable

LEWD

2014

Proposal: If the wind harp makes noise, finals are cancelled, students will receive 100% on exams ALEX TREBECK A Man with Answers

With final exams tugging at every student’s nerves, an alternative proposal by the Undergraduate Student Government to Michigan Technological University’s President Glenn Mroz may just be the breath of fresh air that some students may need.

The proposal goes a little like this. If the wind harp located in front of the Chemical Sciences and Engineering Building actually produces a noise by midnight on Sunday April 27, all final exams will be cancelled and all students will receive 100 percent for their grades on the exams.

President Mroz in an exclusive interview spilled the beans why he felt confident that he could accept the proposal. “There are three things I know for sure. Houghton is going to have snow in winter, bird is the word, and that wind harp is not going to make a peep more than a church mouse.”

The harp’s aesthetic qualities have never been questioned as several students have mistaken the sculpture for a work by Donatello, the promise of serenading students with a lively tune on a windy day has been the only downfall. The proposal by USG is an attempt to get students to rally behind the piece of art and look past it’s lone flaw.

Since hearing of the proposal by the USG, several Michigan Tech clubs are putting plans into effect to see if they can get the harp to sing. The Math and Physics Clubs joined forces and spent 72 hours last week trying to figure out the amount of wind that will be required in order to make the harp sing. The number they calculated was approximately 450 miles per hour, which is also the speed required to create a tornado with enough power to pick sharks up out of the ocean creating the mythical Sharknado.

Several engineering clubs have attempted to form a committee to produce a wind machine that will make the winds through the campus mall swift enough. Several problems have arisen though, including naturally the danger of producing a Sharknado.

So unless exams are just a high point of your year, feel free to go out and run some laps around the campus mall and get some winds a swirling and make that harp sing like a canary.

News:

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News:

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JUST LOOK FOR YOURSELF

How many people have actually heard the damned thing make noise? Not many.

Pulse: Scientist scramble to explain UFO

Photo by Thing 1

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Opinion: Beer prices rise

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Sports:

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Pavel Datsyuk assits Pearson in offseason training

NEWS

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The Miserable lewd

Michigan Tech scientists find correlation between harsh winter and Sasquatch sightings ALEX TREBECK A Man with Answers about Sasquatch

The effects of this cold winter are not done yet. According to Loren Coleman, renowned cryptozoologist and close friend of Michigan Technological University, the cold temperatures in winter will result in increased sasquatch sightings this summer in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

It has recently been discovered by several hardcore sasquatch researchers, such as several biological science professors here at Michigan Tech, that sasquatches suffer from cabin fever in the same way that humans do. Since the sub-zero temperatures kept the sasquatches stashed away in their winter caverns for so long there should be an increase in their movement in the spring due to the fact that extra rolls that have gathered around their waistline

as the beasts’ pursers like to call themselves, where the best locations in the Upper Peninsula are to spot these elusive beasts. Some of the hot spots include West Ridge Street in Ishpeming, Main Street in Dodgeville, and the stretch of M-28 that goes through the Ottawa National Forest.

In preparation of the summer, Michigan Tech’s very own Coalition of Sasquatch Advocates will have a “How to properly view Sasquatches” workshop April 26th out by the Tech Trails. Here participants will learn how to do some of the key tricks of the trade such as how to take blurry photographs correctly.

An introductory course on how to speak Russian will also be offered, as that is the native language of all Sasquatches, so that if the exchange of pleasantries is required during an encounter, the human is not caught off guard.

When the President of the organization was asked if he could

give a sneak peek about any of the tips that were to be revealed at the workshop he revealed the number one rule when someone finds themselves encountering a sasquatch. “If the sasquatch seems hostile don’t run, don’t move, don’t even breath, because that’s all the trigger a sasquatch needs to actually attack. The only proven way to diffuse the situation is to start singing some Justin Bieber, because as all living creatures do, sasquatches hate Justin Bieber.”

When summer hits the doldrums, do not just sit in front of the air conditioner wishing for the winter winds to start blowing off the lake again.

Grab some binoculars, a bottle of All-Sport, and the adventurous spirit of Ignaz Trebitsch- Lincoln and take part in what some astrologers are predicting to be the best sasquatching summer since Grover Cleveland was in the White House, the first time.

“If the sasquatch seems hostile don’t run, don’t move, don’t even breath, because that’s all the trigger a sasquatch needs to actually attack.”

-Coalition of Sasquatch Advocates’ President during the winter months and they need that off by the time mating season rolls around in late July.

The cold winter and so far the nonexistent spring will also reduce the moss yield this season. Moss is of course a main staple of the sasquatches’ diet. This is going to require sasquatches to traverse the Upper Peninsula far and wide in order to consume enough calories to support their gargantuan bodies when winter begins to take its hold back on the land.

By carefully evaluating where some of the hotspots have been in the past, there has also been several spots that call tell squatchers,

In this trail camera photo dated June 2011, a sasquatch can be seen in its natural habitat. Although the image is blurry, the anmial can be seen consuming moss.

Courtesy of the Colaition of Sasquatch Advocates

The Miserable lewd

NEWS

Houghton to be renamed Mrozville in 2015 TOM AITO Fruit or vegetable?

In a surprise move, the city of Houghton has decided to change it’s name to Mrozville effective January 1st, 2015.

The announcement has generated mixed responses among residents, students, and visitors to the city. Hampus Travernainen, a local resident was at first reluctant, but is now coming around to the idea. He said “At first, I was upset because I don’t know this Mroz guy. Then I thought about it more, and I never knew that Houghton guy either, so what’s the difference?”

A similar stance has been taken by city officials. The Assistant to the Town Hall Manager’s Secretary of the City of Houghton or the ATHMSCH as she likes to be called, said “The change will be good. We figure that more people who live here now have met Glen Mroz than Douglass Houghton.” She went on to say “We live in a what have you done for me lately society. Glen Mroz is the president of a large university in our town, and Douglass Houghton hasn’t made any significant contributions to society since the early to mid 1800’s. In fact, he’s down in Detroit right now just laying around, and not doing anything to help us up here anymore. Being dead is not an excuse in our fiercely competitive society nowadays.”

The ATHMSCH went on to comment on how the change hopefully will boost tourism. “Most people who step foot in Houghton during winter winter are

scared away forever. Who can blame them?” she said. “The ones who come back are the ones who are mentally mot quite there, and that’s not what we want up here anymore. We are hoping that all the people who swore off Houghton forever will be tricked into thinking this is a new city, and they will visit again.

We’re just hoping they decide to visit in the summer.”

It was the tourism factor that allowed the name Mrozville to slightly beat out the other new name candidate, Snowton.

Sure it rhymed with the original name, but if anything it would just keep more

“Glen Mroz is the president of a large university in our town, and Douglass Houghton hasn’t made any significant contributions to society since the early to mid 1800’s.” people away.

City law officials have weighed in on the name change as well. “Anyone within the ciyy limits of Mrozville who refers to the city as Houghton is subject to a $100 fine, and either a written or in-person apology to Glen Mroz himself depending on the severity of the offense.”

Enjoy Houghton while it lasts, but The bronze statue at the center of town, entirely funded by students’ tuition dollars, will be modeled after this photo. living in Mrozville sounds like it’s shaping Photo courtesy of mtu.edu up to be a lot of fun in the future.

Michigan Tech student chosen as National Rock Trainer Student’s lifelong dream realized last week JOE KING Greg Lougani’s Look-a-like Michigan Technological University’s fame continues to spread as yet another member of this institution has reached national celebrity status.

Daniel Domitrovich, a second year engineering student and Ontonagon’s fabled son, the man whose eyes light up whenever such words as quartz or granite are thrown into conversation, has finally realized his lifelong dream of being named Head National Rock Trainer by President Suzanne Mahlburg Kay of the Geological Society of America last week.

Domitrovich’s journey to reaching such a rare honor began at a young age when he was bored in his hometown. While other kids were simply asking why, Dan

“While other kids were simply asking why, Dan was one to always ask why not.

This lead to Domitrovich not only learning how to communicate with what was once thought to be an inanimate object, but also eventually unlocked their psychic and self-inflation powers.” was one to always ask why not. This lead

to Domitrovich not only learning how to communicate with what was once thought to be an inanimate object, but also eventually unlocked their psychic and selfinflation powers.

Domitrovich was hesitant to share what was the toughest part of training rocks, but he reluctantly shared “Rocks are naturally hesitant, so the key is convincing the rock in order to achieve it first must believe. Once I figured that out Pandora’s box was open and I knew the world was changed for the better.”

Domitrovich has always tried to keep his passion for rocks low key, but it has still caught the attention of several big names in the television and movie industries.

Headlining these is DreamWorks who used Domitrovich’s New York Times bestselling autobiography “Rocks are Friends, Not Food” as the premise for

their 2010-hit How To Train Your Dragon and its sequel, which will be released this summer.

Domitrovich and his agent, Jay-Z, are also currently in negotiations with both National Geographic and MTV as both are bidding to get Domitrovich his own series, which would revolve around the idea of “unlocking the rock genius in all of us.”

HGTV is hoping to land Domitrovich as a potential consultant on a few landscaping shows as the rock gardens he has completed for such famous celebrities as actor and mustache aficionado Charles Bronson, former Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood, and jazz musician Thelonious Monk have received national awards.

Daniel Domitrovich, the man that proves with a little can-do attitude and some elbow grease even the impossible can become more or less realistic.

NEWS

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The Miserable lewd

Admissions to male students: “You’re Welcome” University to now accept “selfies” as part of the application process

KAROLOS PAPOULIAS Leader of the Free World The cries of Michigan Technological University’s men may finally be answered as Admissions is passing a new policy that is hoping to even up the guy to girl ratio that has been a running joke for the university since it was first established.

Tech has decided to throw the old way of admitting students by basing their acceptance on such pointless facts as their high school grade point averages and their ACT scores and adding a new factor to the process. This would involve having students including a “selfie” of themselves in their applications.

Admissions is still considering if it should only contribute 50 percent or 75

“But these unaccepted students should not fret, as Northern Michigan University will be increasing their incoming classes as they continue to do what they do best and get all of Tech’s leftovers.” percent in the overall evaluation.

Vice President for Student Admission Measures explained why this policy is going into effect. “The bottom line is Tech is sick and tired of hearing how it

is a great academic institute that attracts only the best and the brightest students.

That is just a ridiculous reputation to have. Tech is either going to up its overall “hotness level” or the integrity of the school will collapse.”

Athletic professionals at the University are also very enthusiastic about the new policy. Tennis coach said, “This new policy could not come any later. We have had many athletes on the hook, but the imbalanced ratio has just been too much for many of them to look past.

If this would of gotten past a couple decades ago, we are talking about some tennis greats like Andy Murray donning the black and gold. It’s about time the process was fixed.”

Students are also welcoming the new policy with open arms. Brent Marcuson, an engineering student, when asked about the change replied with gusto.

“More girls on this campus would be better than having free hamburgers for life and they don’t call me the Hamburgler because I go easy on the burgers.”

Admissions will not be increasing the number of accepted applicants though so spots to “traditional” Tech students will be offered to these “new age” students.

But these unaccepted students should not fret, as Northern Michigan University will be increasing their incoming classes as they continue to do what they do best and get all of Tech’s leftovers.

The new policy will hopefully be enacted with next year’s applicants and with the support it has been receiving there is no way this policy could possibly have any negative ramifications.

Even older individuals looking to go back to school took advantage of the new application process.

Photos by The Internet

IT releases captive students from basement after 25 years With the dawning of the Internet came a terrible secret two and a half decades old...

THING 1 Blue-haired weirdo Twenty-five years ago, employees of Michigan Tech Information Technology (IT) were sitting down to play with the new toy they received. The internet had been born, and the newly formed department needed to decide what they wanted to do with it and how it could benefit the university.

Ten minutes later, a group of unsuspecting students wandered into their meeting...

After that day, those five Computer Science students were never seen again. Last week, they finally emerged from the basement of the EERC. They are now breaking their

silence.

“They kept us on campus. I figured after they took us we would go somewhere else. I thought someone would find us eventually,” said one of the students. “Campus was the most obvious space to keep us. No one came for us. Not Public Safety, not the police, not anyone.”

Members of IT needed the fresh minds to concoct their strategy on how to use the World Wide Web. Being dinosaurs themselves at the time, they really weren’t sure about much of anything; the new technology was such a big leap into the future and with the ideas and optimism of the students, they felt it was only logical to keep those bright minds all to themselves.

No one goes down there anyway, so why should they move the students elsewhere?

The employees constructed a secret room in an office at the end of the hall. Using the cardboard boxes from the computer monitors, keyboards and mice, IT built a thinly walled hiding place for the taken students using magic markers and packaging tape.

Following their arrest, one of the captors gave this statement: “Although we sometimes forgot to feed them, hiding them was for their benefit. We just wanted to keep their ideas within the university. We didn’t realize they weren’t happy. We just assumed since they were surrounded with technology in a small, dark and smelly room with no women,

they should be fine.”

As the first employees of the IT department, their main concern was the advancement of Michigan Tech and its soon-to-be influx of computers. Even though the university hired them based on their experience, they really had no idea what they were going to do.

The students were so changed after the 25 years that he couldn’t remember why the students, who were all between the ages of 18 and 20 at the time of the kidnapping, wandered into that part of the EERC in the first place. One recounted his experience, saying, “I hated it down there at first. You hear about it in the movies, like when someone is taken, they are so scared and want to go Continued on the page right next to here...

NEWS

The Miserable lewd

Captive students

Flight Enterprise takes off at Tech Fall 2014

Continued from page 4

home. After that, they become complacent and actually convince themselves that they may never get out. And then it becomes normal.”

Food was not the only thing lacking over the two and a half decades. Being in the

“There weren’t showers down there, we were all so pale and we sustained ourselves on the heat from the enormous computer towers. The levels of the vending machines from the first floor were our main food groups. We had to rely on leftover Domino’s pizza when we couldn’t sneak to the lounge refrigerator to grab what was left in there.” basement with a lack of windows, sunshine and Vitamin D were so rare they may as well

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have not existed. “There weren’t showers down there, we were all so pale and we sustained ourselves on the heat from the enormous computer towers. The levels of the vending machines from the first floor were our main food groups. We had to rely on leftover Domino’s pizza when we couldn’t sneak to the lounge refrigerator to grab what was left in there,” said Franklin.

Current students in the CS department have formed a support group to bring the victims of the kidnapping back to reality.

Discussions ranging in topics from hygiene, attracting women and being a productive and sociable member of society are in the works.

“We want to bring them back to society.

So much has changed over the last 25 years.

They need to understand that we CS students as a whole group have evolved,” said one supporter. “In some ways, we are the same.

In reality, the only difference is the way we spend our time. Instead of pacman and pong, we have WOW and D&D. The majority of us still live in our parents’ basements. We still don’t practice good hygiene. Nothing besides the technology has really changed.”

The IT employees are being held at the Houghton County Jail. Each of them is being charged with kidnapping.

BILL BOEING 777 Since antiquity, it has been man’s dream to take to the heavens in flight. While many have scoffed that this is impossible, some still search for ways to make this fantasy into reality. Their quest continues here at Tech starting in 2014 with the new Flight Enterprise, hosted in the Mechanical Engineering department.

Supervised by professors Dr. Wright and Dr. Wright (no relation), this new enterprise program is open to students of all majors, fulfills the Senior Design requirement, and seeks to develop methods for human flight.

This has been an area of passion for Dr. Wright for many years. He said, “The desire to fly is an idea handed down to us by our ancestors who, in their grueling travels across trackless lands in prehistoric times, looked enviously on the birds soaring freely through space, at full speed, above all obstacles, on the infinite highway of the air.”

The enterprise will focus on reexamining old models, such as the whirlybird of Michelangelo, as well as new ideas for vehicles with wings. Dr. Wright has created several sketches of working concepts,

including the “Model A Flyer,” and the “747.”

With such a rich diversity of design options, both Dr. Wright’s are optimistic that they may be able to unlock the secret to human flight soon. As Dr. Wright said, “If birds can glide for long periods of time, then… why can’t I?” Of course, the new venture does have its detractors. Most notable is the longstanding and successful Ballooning Enterprise (hosted in the Department of Economics due its plentiful supply of hot air). The Enterprise’s directors, Dr. Montgolfier and Dr. Montgolfier claim that devoting funding to some untested new method is a waste.

Instead, they claim that proven, reliable balloon flight should be the focus of new research.

The Ballooning Enterprise’s latest area of research has been navigation; that is, how to make a balloon go in a direction other than the wind. Dr. Montgolfier stated that new discoveries in this area will help future travellers avoid the fate of the previous directors of the enterprise, Dr. de Rozier and Dr. d’Arlandes, who still have not been located since their fateful ride of November 21st, 1783.

Are you interested in joining Flight Enterprise? Talk to your advisor about registering for “Kitty Hawk,” code ENT 1903.

IT Leaks Full Computer Lab Closure Plan TOM AITO Vegetable or fruit?

This school year saw changes to the way students compute on campus. Mechanical Engineers were no longer allowed to go swimming in their fishbowl, and Chemical Engineers were forced out of the basement and into the sunlight.

The ones that did not spontaneously combust due to their birch bark like skin achieved from so much time dwelling in the basement were able

to find their way to the Library where all the new computers had been set up.

IT had a vision, some would say a dream.

Where Mechanical Engineers, Math majors, and Forestry majors could live in peace and harmony.

That dream is comprised of the new computing stations at the Library.

The overwhelming question was why. Why move the computers out of the individual buildings? It’s a lot of work, and a bigger inconvenience. The question was answered just last Friday when Jenna Tulls, an intern at the IT

Michigan Tech Lode 106 Memorial Union Building Houghton, MI 49931 (906) 487-2404 www.mtulode.com

Boss ..............................Shiele wille MoneyBaagg.......................Tom Aito Delivera carrage.................Nicalo Pars Styiler............................Keylime SugerPie Selfie Sharer...........................Petlo Harmona News Cahnnel 8 caster..................Thing 1 MY Vowce...................Roman Lettuce Heartbeak editor.........................Bill Boeing Balling King......................... Cherri Poppinz

department, leaked some information they had hoped to keep under wraps.

The plan is actually a 20 year cycle. 10 years from now, IT will be moving the computers back to the individual buildings. 10 years beyond that, the computers will be moved back into the Library. “The students here have been getting frustrated with us over the past few years due to various issues with the network,” Tulls said, “We figured if we moved the computers into the Library, it couldn’t really make the public opinion about us much worse.” When questioned further

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Tulls revealed “In the future when the computers are moved back into the individual buildings, it will be a great PR boost. Then in 10 years when everyone starts disliking us again and 99% of the students have cycled through (1% being left out for students who have been trapped here and unable to escape), the cycle repeats.”

So take heart in knowing that even though the labs we all hold so near and dear to our hearts are closed right now, they will be open in the future to be thriving again. At least until IT decides to take them away again.

Opinions expressed in the Lode are not necessarily those of the student body, faculty, staff or administration of Michigan Technological University or the Michigan Tech Lode.

The Lode is designed, written and edited by Michigan Tech students and is printed every Tuesday during fall and spring semesters.

The Lode is available free of charge at drop-off sites around campus and in the surrounding community.

To the best of its ability, The Lode subscribes to the Code of Ethics of the Society of Professional Journalists.

The Lode is funded in part by the Michigan Tech Student Activity Fee. 1. lodeads@mtu.edu for submitting ads to the Lode.

2. lodesubmit@mtu.edu for submitting articles and letters to the editor.

Work submitted to the Lode should be submitted with the understanding that it may be printed by the Lode and/or posted to the Online Lode, www.mtulode.com.

The Lode reserves the right to edit submissions for length, clarity and potentially libelous material. Submissions should not exceed 500 words.

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Tuesday, April 21

AC RODNEY

PULSE

Michigan Tech Lode

Scientist Scramble to Explain UFO

Lode friter Recently, there were reports all across the nation of a massive UFO. This object seemed to emit brilliant light, but make no noise or emissions as it slowly made its way across the sky. The object also had odd effects on the weather of the region, the heat of its light melting away large amounts of snow and ice.

What could this phenomenon be, and what could explain it? The best minds at Tech and around the world have been looking for answers.

There were several witnesses of the

UFO among the student population.

When asked, one student had this to say, “The light, it burns!” This was immediately followed by the student retreating into the calming darkness of Rekhi. Startled students could be found across campus as the snow melted, revealing green growths and brown matter which have been posited to have a relationship with the UFO. Scientists have been trying to identify the object, which made several passes from horizon to horizon. These passes occurred once per day, and always brought the heat and light with them.

One scientist, a certain Dr. Dozent Ekcist, said that he thinks that the craft

could be making repeated attempts to overheat the environment in order to facilitate a coming invasion of giant kaiju monsters lead by the lizard men. When it was pointed out that the good doctor’s degree is in science fiction literature, he made a swift exit.

“Recently, there were reports all across the nation of a massive UFO.” Another prevailing theory is that the object may actually be an enormous ball of hydrogen and helium. The light and heat being provided by the compression

of this matter to a point that it fuses. This novel idea has been given the name of a “star”, with this specific instance being dubbed a “sun”. Obviously this idea will need more time to prove itself as a viable explanation, but it sound at least as likely as Dr. Ekcist’s theory, if not slightly more.

While we may not know much about this UFO, the prevailing agreement is that it will make its return in coming months, with greater energy. This should be a good time to get further information on this mysterious “sun”. Perhaps we can harness it, and then ensure that the snow can’t conquer us again.

Michigan Tech Lode

PULSE

Caught ya!

Keep calm and Snapchat on

Tuesday, Aprl 21

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KNEE SLAPPERS

Miserable Tech Lewd

SELFIE TIME

Miserable Tech Lewd

FUZZLES

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Sudoku

Rules: Fill in the grid so that each row, column and 3x3 block contains 1-9 exactly once. Yes, there are lines here. If you can’t see them then I guess you’re blind. Get some glasses.

Last Week’s Solution...

Guess that Feel!!!!

Close your eyes, feel each hole and guess what is in it! No cheating

A fluffy bunny tail.

Be careful it’s alive.

It may feel gross and lumpy, but this is just an orange peel.

Nice warm water, Fianlly!!! except that share in coming your way so don’t feel for too long!

SNow!!! We all know that feeling! Too bad you can’t see that this spot is yellow.

Pssst.... All of these just feel like paper, but nice use of your imagination.

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OPINION

2015

Students complain of LACK of cold weather

MiserableTech Lewd

Letter to the editor NAMEV

ROMAN LETTUCE Opinion Editor

Students of Michigan Technological University are becoming more irritated than ever before, with the increase in the temperature.

Most feel as though they were cheated when they were told how crazy the winter can be here. “It’s so not cool” one student remarks. “I came up here to be buried alive by torrential downpours of snow. Why didn’t we get that?”

Other students are complaining that the wind chill never dropped below -75. “The wind chill hit -40 earlier this year, but that was boring” a sophomore remarked. “I want to be able

to go outside and completely freeze, but no, that can’t happen. It’s been way too warm out here.”

Some students began calling for drastic measures to combat this horrible plague. Some suggested importing snow from other areas of the United Statesthe city of Fargo was brought up as a potential candidate, even though it is incredibly far away. Others offered suggestions of relocating the campus of Michigan Tech to the Arctic. “If we all just push the different buildings to the north, eventually it will get colder.” However, the government of the state of Michigan alerted Michigan Tech that it cannot relocate to a new place outside of

Michigan, so the idea was scratched.

Even though students were unable to experience the massive winter that they wanted, they are looking forward to getting a break to go home and recover from the school year. They also are excited for next year, because the meteorology department of the local news stations are suggesting a winter that looks much more promising.

Only time will tell if the students will get to experience the devastating winter that they came to this university to see, before Al Gore’s Global Warming plan takes it all away from them. The students here may be crazy smart, but they are also crazy for snow.

Student discovers that video games are bad for his grades, maybe?

A local Michigan Tech student is currently ROMAN LETTUCE facing large projects, exams, and stress from his exOpinion Editor tended family about forgetting to send of Christmas cards. In a daring attempt to save his sanity, he is returning to the world of online gaming, fleeing his duties and responsibilities for just a few more hours.

“I just need to get away” the student expressed to me as he strapped on his headset, fired up his computer, and then proceeded to log into various games including, but not limited to, World of Warcraft, StarCraft, League of Legends, and some indie game that no one has ever heard of. “If I play for only a couple of hours, I can get back to my normal life later.”

Sources later confirmed that the student’s roommate ran out of the dorm hall screaming, since he was overtired and could not sleep due to the load mouse-clicks and sudden outbursts caused by the game-addict.

The next day, students reported that our gamer was semi-conscious, standing in the shower, softly muttering, “Must… get… ten more… points…” Some of his neighbors were a bit concerned for him, but stated that, “He’s done this kind of stuff before, and he usually is fine after.”

After taking a brief three hour nap, the student was awake, and ready to go. Coffee in one hand, and a pen in the other, he sat down at his desk prepared to accomplish some of his work. “I can be so productive now!” But moments later, a Skype message came in from a friend, and soon, he was headed out of his room to go play Magic the Gathering. “Trust me, I’ve still got time to get stuff done later.”

Sources never confirmed if he ever ended up getting any work done over those two days, or if the Christmas cards ever got mailed out.

O O

T

News Editor

Dear Editor, I’ve been at Michigan Tech for a long time now.

As a student who started in 2006, I am an eighth year. When I tell people my year in school, I most often get a strange look and then they ask me why I haven’t graduated yet. The truth is, I’m afraid to leave for a number of reasons.

First, I love my beard. Its been a part of me and my life since my fifth year, and I can’t seem to find the heart to get rid of it. Those pube-like hairs that cover my face and neck are as much a part of me as my toenails. I know that when I start interviewing for jobs I’ll have to shave it off. Career Fair comes and goes (I’ve had opportunity to attend 16 of them) and I never shave or cut my hair. I just don’t want to have to do that.

I figure that if a company can’t handle me at my worst, smelly and disheveled, they don’t deserve me at my best.

Second, my people need me. I am an active member of the Pep Band and they literally can’t even go on without me. I wear my f ’n stripes to bed and IN bed. Since I couldn’t buy a small enough pair at the bookstore or University Images, I ordered a tiny pair of the coveralls for my beard. Its my livelihood, and that’s how dedicated I am.

H C

Third, and lastly, I just don’t think I’m ready for the real world. Michigan Tech has been my home. My people are here who understand me.

They know why I wear a funny hat and parade around. They know why I can’t shave my beard and understand that it is just as much of a person as I am. This campus accepts me for who I am. Since I wasn’t really forcedly or properly taught the social skills I need for the real world after college, my time here shouldn’t come to an end.

U M

I write to you because I hope to find some sympathy. Many other students here scoff at my lengthy college career because they don’t understand. This is my way of making them understand.

Sincerely, The Striped Dragon (gamertag: neckbeard4lyfe)

MY Vowce

MiserableTech Lewd

Beer prices rise

I WANT MORE Lode Writer

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For many Michigan Tech students 21 and over this is news may cost them. New FDA rulings that pushed for safer handling of spent grains in the beer making process are mandating that it should be classified as animal feed, something it currently isn’t. These grains mostly accumulated as a byproduct of the beer making process that the brewers have little use for, they are normally shipped to local farms and used as feed for cows and other farm ani-

! ! !

mals.

So why the change? A recent bill, “Food Safety Modernization Act” is the root of the cause, this bill was signed in early 2011 (Congress has never been known for their speed) and pushed to make the food supply chain safer. The current situation is usually that farmers get cheap feed and breweries get a cheap way to dispose of unneeded waste product. However the new regulations enforce a need to process the waste for shipping causing rising costs that will ultimately affect the price of beer.

However the problem is more then just a bit more expensive beer, many farmers are looking for other ways to remove the unused grains, ways in which they won’t have to pay to process it. These options are farm from better though, many farms are looking to simply send it to the landfill causing many landfills to get full event faster and with trash that could still be used to feed farm animals. With this and other proposed solutions the farmers who are use to using this feed lose out as well having to go elsewhere to replace the missing food and most likely it won’t be nearly as good a price. The bottom line is this, brewers, farmers, and drinkers will all be hurt. Now is that worth the supposed safety? At least with the current feed we weren’t getting mad cow disease. Just be ready for any beer in the summer to be more expensive.

X E

! !

T

Mrichigan Trech is Schmart STEVE BRULE

T

Hi there, My name is Dr. Steve Brule! I’m a doctor, one of the smartest people on the planret Earth, manag de ads ya dingus. Srometimes its tough to talk to all the dummies that are around you, so you want to talk to the other people whos is as smart as you! Where do you go? Mrichigan’s Trech, course ya do!

Here at Machigan Trechnological Universitras, all the people are as smart as doctors. Even those people who have letters on their clothes, ya know the old letters that they use in the maths problems? Who needs old letters anyways, its just maths, who cares?!

But the smartest people at this schrool are the Enginers! They make all the stuff in the world work. Lots of folks are here learning to be Enginreers, they wanna make lots of money to buy broats and go to the crasinos. I tellem that if they want money, all they needa do is play the crasino machines where ya win every time, but they dont like ta listen.

When I first got to Machagars Trech, I thought I heard what the call the wild brack bear, but it turned out to just by my stomach. So I stopped at the foods crat in the TUB. They had mini prizzas, but I got 3 of them because I’m regular size. I’m not young and tiny like these crollege students. They also had these things called cheese turds, but its just cheese with grease and bread on it. They were the best turds I’ve had since my cousin Jeffrey visited my house.

Once I was all full, I decided to go check out the swimming pools in the middle of crampus. There were lots of guys and gals at the prools, but they didn’t have any water in them!

Can’t go swimming with no water, ya dingus! They were chasing around ball made of blue and rubber, and they all forgot how to walk normal. I jumped in the pool to show them, but I fell and couldn’t get up. Stupid pool with no water, everyone knows you need water in it. The lady with the whistle got really mad at me, but I just told her “Hey, it’s a public pool lady! Lemme go!” She made me leave the prool. Fine, I didn’t feel like swimming anyways.

Then I went up the hill to the DDC. It’s a big hill between it and camprus, ya gotta know how to hike in this town! It took me a long time to get there, but it was worth it. The SSC is a big bruilding where all the kids go to play games like shruffleboard and kickball. I walked in and there were all these pictures on the walls with peoples names on them. I didn’t see my name, which is dumb cuz I’m a doctor, don’t they know that doctors are famous? Anyways, there was big letters that say “Jack McDingus Student Ice Riviera”.

He was a pretty cool hunk, so I went inside. There was an ice hrockey court inside!

So that pretty much sums up what its like at Mrichigans Tek. I might go back, but I might not. We’ll jst have to see how it goes. You can visit they’re in the mean times. Check it out!

Obama’s Visit to Pyongyang and the beginning of World War III JUDY P!!!

Lode Writer

Today the Doomsday Clock ticks even closer to midnight as tensions rise between North Korea, South Korea, and the United States. This is due to the President Barrack Obama’s latest visit to Pyongyang in which Kim Jong Un was left outraged. In response to Obama’s unpleasant visit to what Kim Jong Un calls the “true Korea,” many North Korean soldiers have been seen making ridiculing facial expressions to South Korean soldiers.

Sources in Pyongyang confirm that this hostility does in fact come directly from Kim Jong Un himself. When questioned about Kim Jong Un’s ill feelings towards the United States, Kim Jong Un replied that President Obama’s “blatant disrespect” has gone unopposed for the last time. Un further explained that the cake President Obama brought was not “large enough to suit a man of his stature.” The fifty foot long Mickey Mouse shaped cake, which was hand-baked by President Obama himself, was eaten by Kim Jong Un in less than thirty minutes. The cake gifted to Un from the United States fared even worse than England’s cake, which was eaten in forty-two minutes, making it the worst cake gifted to North Korea.

After this horrible turn of events it’s very unlikely that relations between the United States and North Korea will ever recover. South Korea is taking the brunt of Kim Jong Un’s hostility towards America due to its proximity, and with the jeering of North Korean soldiers, full out nuclear war is inevitable.

Furthermore, Kim Jong Un is refusing to speak with any of the United States’ negotiators. Kim Jong Un states that the only American or South Korean citizen he will speak to is the former US basketball player Dennis Rodman, who Un refers to as his “BFFL” (Best Friend For Life). This chaos leaves much uncertain, but the one thing that is for sure is that the continued nonaggression between North Korea, South Korea, and the United States rests on entirely on Rodman’s shoulders.

12

# the By

s r e b m nu

2

Quality teachers in the entire MEEM department

50

Years it seems that some of the technology on campus has been around

0

People who enjoyed having their department computer labs taken away in the fall

1

Number of snow days this year, but it was called at 2:00 p.m. when everyone was already on campus (crazy smart #not)

10

Percent of smokers who still smoke on campus (the ban actually kind of worked!)

-40

Temperature at which school will supposedly call a cold day; apparently -38 wasn’t cold enough

SPORTS #followthehuskies

Michigan Tech Lode

ATHLETE OF THE WEEK

BlizzardT.Husky CHERRI POPPINZ Sports Editor Most Michigan Tech students would agree that our mascot Blizzard T. Husky ranks pretty high on the “our mascot is better than yours” scale. From his superior dance moves out on the soccer pitch at half time to his ability to skate during the pre-game entertainment at home hockey events, it’s evident that he is no ordinary Husky.

What may be news to everyone is that Blizzard has been quite modest throughout the years. He’s never exactly revealed all that he is capable of until now.

After years of training on his own, Blizzard laced up his spikes and made his athletic debut at the Al Owens Invitational last weekend with the men’s and women’s track and field teams. Not only did Blizzard place first in each of his events, he also broke three school records. This husky can run fast, throw big and jump high.

Blizzard took first in long jump (23’ 10”) and shot put (55’ 2”). In doing so, he broke two school records which dated back to the 1980s.

The Husky also broke the school’s 400-meter dash record with a first place finish in 47 seconds flat. Apparently distance does not matter for this super athlete because he also took first in the 5,000 meter run with a time of 14:57.8.

Blizzard was bedazzled with hardware and overcome by gawking spectators following his track meet debut.

The mascot shared some of his secrets with the Tech track squad after the meet; heavy lifting, protein, sleep and lots of school spirit seemed to be key to his success. Eligibility issues may prevent Blizzard from competing in the future, so he is expected to join next year’s coaching staff. Don’t worry, the Husky will still have time for his mascot duties.

Blizzard’s performance this past weekend only gives him more credibility when it comes to being the best mascot around.

Photo courtesy of Michigan Tech Athletics

Tech tennis player calls for rule changes RICHARD SHERMAN Sports Lover

Michigan Tech’s number one singles player for men’s tennis, Felipe dos Santos, is trying to change the rules for the sport. Among his proposed revisions are larger rackets and balls and a taller net.

According to Felipe, the current system makes the sport too hard.

“They expect us to hit a ball that size with a small racquet?” commented Felipe. “Sometimes you get lucky and happen to hit the ball. And sometimes it just happens to land inside the court.”

While most people think that tennis players are skilled, Felipe would disagree.

“It’s a game of luck. Pure luck,” stated Felipe.

He argues that larger rackets and balls would make the game less about luck, and more about skill. “That way, we can actually control what goes on,” he added.

The other proposed revision, taller nets, would also make the game favor those with skill.

“Right now, we just whack the ball right above the net. A lot of times it goes too fast for us to react.”

A taller net would require players to hit the ball further up, which would make the ball travel more slowly and help players return it more often.

Felipe hopes the NCAA will take his requests seriously. His eight page proposal is still awaiting a reply from the collegiate governing body.

“These changes would improve the sport drastically and I see no reason not to implement them,” commented Felipe.

“These changes would improve the sport drastically and I see no reason not to implement them.”

-The FAke Felipe dos Santos

Michigan Tech Lode

SPORTS #followthehuskies

Title: Tech Basketball Makes Program Histo ry

Title: Tech Basket ball Makes Progra History m

implemented was go test for the new sy ing to be the first real the game be came a race again stem, and followi By: Lizzie Willette st the clock ng a to see who two game road se would win. ries with Tech wi nn both games, the ing A ch allenging part of th team was confid e game occurred Word Count: 486 they could contin ue this winning str ent when Tech dunked the bask etball and it eak. got stuck in The anticipation of th Pull Quote: The st participating parti the crowd and the could be se e rim. Many Tech players be reevaluated for rategy will electricity to the air es added a lot of ball, attem en jumping up to slap at the pting to dislodge next season. “W . it and sc e were too excited some points. Afte r the opposition jo ore , an d ev The Michigan Tech en ga th ve em th ined in e , ba at ll to start the game tempting to knoc basketball progra k ju recently visited th e carnival, and cam m it would work,” said Cameron st to see if game started getting ou the ball out, the , and work it ev e out did. The op t of hand. The ball of the experience wi entu po th to aid the defens a brand new strategy Tech decid sition got off ten shots before frien ally fell, aided by our ever-loving ed to try their hand d gravity, in favor of ive minded prog ram Following the lead the Huskies. at scoring, It was a good thin of the basketball ga s. making absolutely none of g that ball eventu them, with fell, mes seven boun for magnificent pr ally ize cing off of th as Tech ended up squash the rims to s, Tech has decided to winning 30-31, Tech pulled out to e rim. in on make it harder to e of th e an clo early lead, 29-0 at sest and lowest sc make the half, se baskets. oring games in program nding a frustrated hi op po “We are a defens ne nt th to eir locker rooms. This we were able to un story. “I was just glad ive program, and is when do the problems be wanted to try to de we flaw of the M fore cr ichigan Tech Huski the fatal our game,” said Kevin Lu ke, the Men’s head as possible,” said ease scoring as much light. The te es came to coac h. ams switched sides Co They even went a women’s coach. Th ach Cameron, the had to play , on their rigged rim and Tech expanded the rim to little too far, and ere was a lot of de . a near imposs bate about whether to “I guess we to miss size, mar sta king one of the hi ible whether it was ev rt this new plan, and shoot at bo just forgot that we had to scor ghest en ing games in the M th sides of the co en’s history, a 158but with overwhelm legal in NCAA rules, Cameron af ter the game. The urt,” said 122 win. The strategy ing support from bo will be reevaluated other team for ne teams, it seemed du th came out str mb not to do so. xt season. ong, frustrated wi th The first game th e fir ha st lf, an d playin in which this wa s game. They qu g an extremely physical ickly began catching up, and

s t r a t S y b Tech Rug m e t s y S w e N y r a n o i t u l Revo

not to as high am USA, though ted to play Te g in ud cl in r ve op in fo overwhelming w ckle a degree as Tech. They ha ns on televising an as w up ed tio am has show d. “They just didn’t want to ta dos, citing restric Tech Rugby te s, also in spee es as the reason to stay away from e squa th on ni Ru ve . gi J.P The Michigan to id sa gy ” gam bold new strate atches, us at all. It was great, ore was their started taking a am. The final sc eir m perior strategy. te th su e is in th th ethod is on ge ly ed er ed ay e ct pl th a pe es ex lv u un say that this m e bold se “a an to em an 0, th fe 8of sa r 13 is d vo te fa It en hing in preced has mad forsaking all clot They have seen many an un sult. here to stay. Tech the strategy . re to llrm od in fu ifo s go en de un ri be st natural” this bold has not w downsides to of the game, even The new system field injuries from benefits, and fe n O . er having wev 2011 proof, ho ve increased a significant ic approach. or st hi e th in ha ed rn Originally propos s been floating this turf bu “You have to sacrifice to . ha nt ou am te am e th e is clearly th on seas embraced ly al Crane. This team kes to fin id ve sa ha ” , t in w r ei th it -Enni r in idea since, bu ve ta nefits of playing ared to do whate o Cra overwhelming be ody wants to tackle a prep ne t ob ns “N . ai . in ag its w su up ay ch on birthd the mat , a player so ne al ra C as o w ni . s re En ed ct he ct id T impa t h e l as expe naked guy,” sa n at didn’t go as wel It actually o th n, er th or N There is d. they the club. level. e entirely unfaze to play,” said international ly benefit that er on w e ge y th he t “T no is s al s Thi ay illeg in colle our will rm cost Saving on unifo r other made us lose a little of aged to scrape out talk of making nude pl eased attendance . ed iv ce re ve ha cr an at sports, but with the in ve been largely e quality of thei ons. Tech still m ha has increased th creased the amount Runi ory, being the all mighty force th s lk ta e th st re . in te and inte ct play mandatory equipment and team can rent. Heat the vi e, but it was a close one. Despi de nu g r of makin e ng ar on th vo ro y ey fa st e lic g th in po in tim r go d ld ila is an fie , of team past yet on a sim ght setback, the w a thing of the There is no word exhaustion is no ted facing issues with this sli eir new strategy. . am te ’s star th ted omen they have even ame attendance has also with zations have star , the w ni ga or r he ot e G an Som playing too cold. troduction. revolutionary pl in ing in with this in jo am te e tripled since the in which th The first game

“Nob tackl ody wa e a na n ked gts to uy.”

13

Sidelines

Spring intrasquad football game ends in brawl Last Saturday, Michigan Tech’s varsity football team competed in what was supposed to be a friendly instarsquad scrimmage. Given a snowless turf field and temperatures in the mid-30s, the outdoor game was a go. From the beginning, the tension on Sherman Field was practically tangible. The Huskies’ coaching staff watched from the sidelines thinking the players were just excited to be out competing once again after a long winter. From the first tick of the clock, it was noticeable that these teams were out for blood. The intensity was a high as ever.

With less than a minute to play, yellow was up 21-17. Black made a drive from their 30 to the yellow team’s 15. It was fourth down and ten with five seconds to go, and black was going to attempt running the ball. Before the quarterback could finish the snap count, there was a brawl on the field. Ten players suffered injuries. The cause of the spontaneous fight is currently under investigation, although it appears to have something to do between the two teams’ quarterbacks. Suspensions are likely, which could affect the squad come GLIAC play in the fall. More information is to come as the details of this outbreak unfold.

Student-athlete scholarship protest Last Saturday, Michigan Tech’s varsity football team competed in what was supposed to be a friendly instarsquad scrimmage. Given a snowless turf field and temperatures in the mid-30s, the outdoor game was a go. From the beginning, the tension on Sherman Field was practically tangible.

The Huskies’ coaching staff watched from the sidelines thinking the players were just excited to be out competing once again after a long winter.

From the first tick of the clock, it was noticeable that these teams were out for blood. The intensity was a high as ever. With less than a minute to play, yellow was up 21-17. Black made a drive from their 30 to the yellow team’s 15. It was fourth down and ten with five seconds to go, and black was going to attempt running the ball. Before the quarterback could finish the snap count, there was a brawl on the field. Ten players suffered injuries. The cause of the spontaneous fight is currently under investigation, although it appears to have something to do between the two teams’ quarterbacks. Suspensions are likely, which could affect the squad come GLIAC play in the fall. More information is to come as the details of this outbreak unfold.

SPORTS #followthehuskies

14

Michigan Tech Lode

“Michigan Tech will be dropping eleven varsity sports.”

-Boss Women, Athletic Director

Sports Lover In a press release earlier last week, the Michigan Tech Huskies Athletic Director, Suzanne Sanregret, announced that changes will be coming to the current Michigan Tech Varsity programs.

“Our difficult decision comes after months of meetings with university and NCAA officials,” stated Sanregret. “Michigan Tech will be dropping eleven varsity sports.”

The idea started last academic year. The extended winter and large snowfall received complaints from students and athletes at the University, but also from athletes from other schools.

“Winter was wreaking havoc on many of our programs,” commented Sanregret.

As a result, the Michigan Tech Athletic Department will be dropping several sports. In fact, the only varsity sports for the 2014-2015 academic year will be men’s and women’s Nordic skiing and mens’ ice hockey.

Coaches and athletes shared mixed opinions on the University’s move. Kevin Kalinec, head coach of the former tennis teams, was shocked. “We have indoor facilities! I can’t see how playing indoors is affected by our long winters,” stated Kalinec.

The head coaches of women’s volleyball and both basketball teams expressed similar opinions. “The only impact the snow has had on our schedule is potentially increasing travel times,” stated Kevin Luke, head coach of men’s basketball. “We’re not the only school with problems like this, but this is relatively minor compared to other programs.”

The recently formed women’s soccer team feels the impact of the winter. With their schedule extending until mid-November,

snow poses a late season problem. “With the snow, there’s no chance we will ever be able to host a GLIAC tournament game,” said head coach Michelle Jacob. “If we can’t host the important later-season matches, what’s the point?”

Joe Haggenmiller, head coach of Nordic skiing, and Mel Pearson, head coach of hockey, were hesitantly supportive of the decision. With fewer varsity programs, Michigan Tech will be able to focus more time, money and energy on their teams.

Additionally, the lack of other varsity programs will encourage more students to attend their events, since there are less sports available to watch.

Both Haggenmiller and Pearson however, expressed sympathy for the other programs. “It’s terrible that it had to come to this,” declared Haggenmiller.

Pearson commented, “I can’t even begin to understand how it feels to have your program cut with this short of a notice, but at the same time I understand the school’s logic.”

Michigan Tech says that overall, the change is for the better. “Whenever something isn’t as good as it should be, we like to reevaluate it. This was just one instance of our dedication to ensuring our sports programs are the best they can be,” explained Sanregret.

Hockey will be one of the remaining two programs that manages to avoid termination.

When the AD was asked why they were one of the teams to survive the cut she replied that the Hockey boys would be back by the demand of Tech’s 17 women on campus. “It’s really an effort to serve our minority (women) and an attempt to even out that ratio. The ladies seem to really appreciate the essence of their charm. It’s an unexplainable phenomenon,” said the Boss Women.

LANCE ARMSTRONG

Photo by A Cheerleader

MichiganVarsity Tech Athletics Rethinks Program

Varsity Events Schedule: September 3-9 Tuesday, 3

Wednesday, 4

Thursday, 5

Friday, 6

Home Game Saturday, 7

Sunday, 8

** Conference Match Monday, 9

No time, get your butt to the library and put your head in a book. #now Football

Cross Country

Women’s Tennis

**Vs. Tiffin @ 3 p.m.

Women’s Soccer

Va. Minn.Crookston @ 7 p.m.

Women’s Volleyball

** Vs. Ohio ** Vs. Ashland @ Dominican @ 12 10 a.m. p.m.

Vs. Wis.-Parkside @ 1 p.m.

Vs. Minn. St. Moorehead @ 9 a.m.

Vs. Upper Iowa @ 3:15 p.m.

Vs. St. Joseph’s Ind. @ 9 a.m.

Vs. Winona State @ 3:15 p.m.

Michigan Tech Lode

#followthehuskies SPORTS

Pavel Datsyuk assists Pearson in offseason training CHERRI POPPINZ Sports Lover “First trick I do called keep-away. This fun for me because I dangle Petan so hard he break both ankles.”

“The way game work is we go to locker room and I take from my bag two half gallons of five o’clock vodka and shot glasses with my face etched into them.”

Hello, this guest Load writer Pavel Datsyuk. You know me because I magic man (ask your eye phone who magic man is) on Detroit Red Wings, I put puck in net and score many goal, I wish others score goals too but that whole different story. I hope baby Huskies can learn to be more like me after I help team. I speak English not good but we see how this goes.

My job while here in Houghton besides freezing ass off (and I thought Russia cold!) is to assist Coach in training of baby pups.

Your hockey team okay but no look like me, so I help.

First trick I do called keep-away. This fun for me because I dangle Petan so hard he break both ankles. I apologize for this because now he is out for next season. I told Coach Mel Gibson I would be tough on kids but he insisted I come up last weekend.

Stebner lucky he bailed to California or I burn him so hard he need hospital.

My next trick was don’t-be-Crosby, or as I like to call, diving school! I sit team down for half hour showing cry baby Sid videos where he complain and dive all across ice like child. This good teambuilding exercise. The boys understood. Afterwards they exchanged laughter about how the penguin boy can’t grow

beard like them.

Third and final trick I do was one this team very good at already, best strength by far. I bring it back from motherland, it is vodka race! This fun for everybody until end of game. The way game work is we go to locker room and I take from my bag two half gallons of five o’clock vodka and shot glasses with my face etched into them. Shots poured for everyone and we finish both handles.

Everyone but me and Swedish boy (I think last name Holmstrom) on team passed out. Now locker room needs much cleaning because smell like old pasty in there. Side note, I had pasty for first time during trip to Houghton. I like pasty!

After weekend of fun with Huskies I think this team be much better next season. I need to catch private jet back to Detroit now. Big game against Boston today. Maybe I shoot past big Charra man again and score I hope.

A big thank you to Mr. Mel Gibson for allowing me in beautiful town, remind me much of Russia with all this snow. It very humbling to come to the birthplace of professional hockey.

Until next time!

“First trick I do called keep-away.

This fun for me because I dangle Petan so hard he break both ankles.”

-The Magic Man

15

Looking back on the Moments

Upcoming

Events April 21 - SUMMER VACATION Senior Walk-Senior class

Friday, April 24. 7 p.m. - ??? $$$ Beautiful downtown Hancock/Houghton

Seniors, join your classmates this Friday to celebrate surviving your time here at Michigan Tech! It will be a great time to socialize with friends and share all kinds of memories and fun stories before taking your finals and walking across that stage at graduation. The celebration kicks off at 7 p.m. in dowtown Hancock. Be there or be square!

MEEM3000 Final Exam-MEEM Department

Tuesday, April 28.

5:30 - You walk out with an A p.m.

DOW 641

Calling all smart mechanical engineers! Feeling up to a challenge? Take a crack at the MEEM3000 final next Tuesday, April 28 starting at 5:30 p.m. Meet everyone in DOW 641, and make sure to sit in the L02 section. Here’s your new M-number: M123456. You won’t even have to take the DAQ test, just thermo and vibes. A’s are prefferred.

STUDY STUDY STUDY

Friday, April 24.- SUMMER

Your place, my place, the library, a hammock, whatever

Let’s be real, you’ve procrastinated all semester long and have A LOT of studying to do before your five final exams next week. It’s time to go hit the books. This event’s page is useless. You don’t have time to go and do fun things...unless procrastination strikes again!

End of year bonfire-Tech students against recycling

Saturday, April 25. 7:30 p.m. Breakers

Hey, Tech students, interested in burning ALL OF YOUR USELESS SCHOOL THINGS? Old exams, homework, worksheets, yeah that stuff. There will be THE MOST EPIC bonfire out at Breakers this Saturday, April 25 and we need YOUR papers to fuel the fire. The festivities start at 7:30 p.m. Only the non-ecofriendly, the anti-recyclers are encouraged to attend.

Place your ad here for the first Fall 2015 issue!

Special rates on events page advertising. Contact us at lodeads@mtu.edu or for more information call (906) 487-2404.

ASK TECH Prasad Soman “I would love to have the ability to read minds. That would give me a chance to know this world better.”

Amruta Kulkarni “Definitely invisible. It would be like having Harry Potter’s cloak and all the fun that comes with it.”

Would you rather be invisible or be able to read minds and why?

-Ninad Mohale

Gayatri Jagtap “Invisible because that way I would get my own space whenever I want.”

Nishal Khopade “Reading minds because then you’d know what people are thinking about. The good things, the bad, also the dirty things...if you know what I mean ;) “