The Keys to Happiness

The keys to happiness v.3

by @BromMindfulness

Before we can understand happiness, we ďŹ rst need to discover what it is that is stopping us from being happy This little presentation will try to explain this.

First a bit of history

1,500 million years ago, we shared a common ancestor with trees.

We are more similar than we may think.

Even now, 1,500 million years later, we share 60% of our genes with bananas.

320 million years ago, humans and reptiles also shared a common ancestor.

This is a picture of a distant cousin.

We share 98% of our genes with our closest relatives – Chimps.

Our common ancestor lived 7 or 8 million years ago.

Chimps and humans are closer genetically than Indian and African elephants.

Since then humans (homo-sapiens) have evolved

Human beings as we are now, have been largely the same genetically for 200,000 years

But why does this stop us from being happy?

The problem is, that although we live entirely dierent lives to our distant ancestors, to this day, we share many characteristics with them.

We have not evolved to live in the world that we have created!

It is these ancestral characteristics that can make life so diďŹƒcult for us.

We are primeval hunter gatherers that recently shared nature with our distant relatives but now live in a crazy, artiďŹ cial, hightech world.

We simply aren’t compatible with the world that we have created

The main incompatibility is with our brains

A simple model of the brain splits it in three • The basal ganglia (similar to a reptilian brain) deal with instinctual responses like fight or flight and responding directly to pain or shock.

• The limbic system (similar to a Chimp brain) manages emotions such as anger, fear and anxiety.

• The neocortex (the distinctly human brain) is where our higher functions such as logical thought and speech reside.

At a very simple level these brain functions can be compared to the brain functions of our distant cousins; reptiles and chimps.

Basal ganglia - in black - (reptiles): • Fight and flight • Instinctual responses Limbic system – in white - (chimps): • Anger • Fear • Anxiety Neocortex – in blue – (humans): • Higher brain functions

Our brains are equipped for a far more dangerous natural environment

When we encounter a new situation, we search our memory to find something similar. This is known as memory association. If we find an association with something stressful, our brains release fight or flight hormones to prepare us to combat the danger.

This creates anxiety and stress.

As many of our ‘bad’ experiences get repeated, we are often left with the following scenario.

Situation

Anxiety

Unhappiness

Stress Hormones

Bad Association

The only point in this cycle where we have control, is in how we view our memories.

Situation

Anxiety

Unhappiness

Stress Hormones

Bad Association

The only point in this cycle where we have control, is in how we view our memories.

Situation

No Anxiety

Happiness

No Stress Hormones

Not a bad Association

Bad Association = Unhappiness

Situation

Anxiety

Unhappiness

Stress Hormones

Bad Association

Not a bad Association = Happiness

Situation

No Anxiety

Happiness

No Stress Hormones

Not a bad Association

Association (Conditioning) Association of memories with events is also known as conditioning.

We become conditioned to associate bad experiences with new events and so many new experiences become bad ones.

Experience

Badness

Commuting

10

Work

8

Her/His Parents

10

Monthly Sales Meeting

10

Sunday Afternoons

1

Traffic Jams

9

Holidays

1

Tax Returns

10

Coffee

2

Once we have learned that certain things are ‘bad’, our ancestral defence mechanism swings into action whenever we encounter a similar experience.

So how do I stop feeling like this?

• Anxiety and stress doesn’t happen because of how we deal with events. It happens because of how we remember events which then affects our response to future similar events.

• It is the level of scariness and significance of an event that determines how we react to anything similar in future.

• If we can intervene in the way we condition ourselves by storing memories as bad events, then our future experiences will be less stressful.

• Left alone, our brains and bodies can respond to events as if they are life-ordeath.

• The vast majority of the time, the ‘bad’ things we worry about are simply not lifeor-death problems.

• What we need to do is to make our ‘bad’ experiences less significant by putting them into perspective. Then our minds will not view them as dangerous in the same way that an attack by a wild animal would be, and we will not spend our lives swimming in stress hormones.

The key to happiness is how we view what has happened to us in the past Fortunately, there are some ancient tools that have been passed down to us that can help us to

put it all in perspective

Tool No. 1- Gratitude Being grateful for what we have, increases the signiďŹ cance of the good things in our lives, which then reduces the signiďŹ cance of the bad ones.

This helps us to put everything in

perspective.

“But I don’t have anything to be grateful for!”

If you think like this, here is a quotation that may help:

“Each morning when you arise, think what a precious privilege it is to live, to breathe, to enjoy, to love.”

- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus, Emperor of Rome AD 161-180 - from his book - Meditations.

Here are some things that almost all of us can be grateful for: • We have shelter, water and food • Someone cares about us or even loves us • We have people we can care for and love • There is a wonderful natural world that we can all experience even if it is just the sun, the moon and the stars from a prison yard!

• We all have freedom of thought • And most of us have much more than that!

Tool No. 2 - Forgiveness When we harbour grudges or resentments, we build up the negative signiďŹ cance of the events that caused them. This then conditions us to respond to any future similar events with stress.

Forgiving frees us of this.

Forgiveness is a difficult thing to do for many people • Forgiveness is not about letting bad people get away with doing bad things • Forgiveness is about releasing the negative emotions which make us feel like victims • Forgiveness also gives the perpetrators a chance to reconsider and change their ways which is of course what we actually want. Isn’t it?

Tool No. 3 - Meditation If we ďŹ nd the time to sit quietly and still our racing minds, we can experience the present moment as it is, without the baggage of our worries, and ďŹ nd our way back from the despair and distress of negative past events.

Happiness from stress.

Is it possible?

• These ancient tools; Meditation, Forgiveness and Gratitude have stood the test of time in many cultures throughout the world.

• People throughout history, religious and secular, have used, and continue to use them, to navigate through the darkness and confusion of the insane world we have created for ourselves.

• They are a helping hand from our recent ancestors that solves a problem created by our distant ancestors. We should take this helping hand if we want to live a sane life in a crazy world.