Military Press, July 1, 2017

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SPECIAL OPS LIFE LESSONS

By Elise Cooper MilitaryPress

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n a recently published book, “The Ranger Way,� Kris “Tanto� Paronto provides readers with extensive insight into what was going through his mind as he fought for his life and the lives of those around him on Sept. 11, 2012, in Benghazi, Libya, and also breaks down those experiences into the lessons learned. Kris’ resume is very impressive. A former Army Ranger from 2nd Battalion 75th Ranger Regiment and a private security contractor, he has been deployed throughout South America, Central America, the Middle East and North Africa. Many might know him as a member of the CIA Annex Security Team that responded to the terrorist attack in Benghazi. Previously he worked with the U.S. government’s Global Response Staff, the U.S. State Department High Threat Protection Program and the Blackwater Security Consulting firm in high-threat environments around the world. The book describes an important tool to thrive — take responsibility. This mentality should be relatable for any person, except if your name is Hillary Clinton. Kris describes her as “arrogant.� “I want to be a thorn in her side,� he said. “She sees herself as above the law. Yet, she leaked classified information, used open servers and left people to die in Benghazi. She can rationalize away anything, and puts herself before anyone else. I believe 90 percent of the national security people truly believe she would have made a terrible president.� Kris also blames the national media. A quote from the book emphasizes how they spun the facts to favor the Obama administration, “If you want to take CNN’s

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word over a Marine’s, go right ahead. I’ll take the Marine’s word 100 percent of the time.� This was in response to a question asked about the stand down order given by “Bob,� the CIA chief in Benghazi. Another life lesson, do not be afraid to ask a question. Kris believes good leaders “would be happy with questions.� “‘Bob’ should have realized he was out of his element and asked questions of us, the experts,� he said. “He pretended he knew what he was doing and it cost lives. I truly believe if we were sent out almost initially those at the compound would still be alive, instead of telling us we could not leave.� He realizes he is fighting a new battle. An important principle: Have a battle strategy that strives to reach a goal by defining the mission’s importance. “We have a new combat area where we must speak out against politicians, TV and news media personalities. Those of us in Benghazi were part of the Special Ops community and needed to be creative thinkers,� he said. “We went through a process of anger, where we watched everything spin out of control, to realizing we must develop a strategy to fix and counter the false narrative. We are done just sitting on the sidelines. Military personnel have integrity, honor, and are patriotic. Maybe the national security agencies should recruit from the military because our love for country is stronger than our political views.� In reading this book, Americans learn that Kris is definitely not a politically correct kind of guy. He persevered through the Benghazi tragedy and wants others to learn how they can succeed through life. Having integrity, courage and faith in God has allowed him to overcome life’s hardships, and he hopes his own life lessons can be helpful to others.

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OPTIMUS IS PAST HIS PRIME IN ‘LAST KNIGHT’ Yawn: Transformers story is old and tired By Jeri Jacquin MilitaryPress

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omeone, please, tell Michael Bay to stop. As if four iterations of the same “Transformers� movie weren’t enough, the director is back with a fifth installment, “Transformers: The Last Knight.� Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen) is still floating about somewhere in space while Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) is rescuing Transformers where he finds them. While roaming about, he comes across an ancient Transformer who entrusts him with a medallion. It comes alive and won’t let go of Yeager. It is a relic from the time of King Arthur (Liam Garrigan) and Merlin (Stanley Tucci). The Autobots were part of the round table helping the humans as they were needed. The medallion needs to seek out a knight that will help find the staff of immense power and keep it out of the hands of evil. While trying to save the Transformer he meets Izabella (Isabela Moner), a young

Michael Bay’s latest film, “Transformers: The Last Knight,� is the same story as the first four “Transformers� movies... and it’s getting old.

girl without a family who has a knack for fixing Autobots. They all end up back at Yeager’s home station where Jimmy (Jerrod Carmichael), Bumblebee (Erik Aadahl), Drift (Ken Watanabe), Hound (John Goodman) and Daytrader (Steve Buscemi) hide from the government agency TRF. When they are discovered, Sir Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins) sends his “but-

ler� Cogman (Jim Carter) to take Yeager to England. Along with Vivian Wembley (Laura Haddock), Burton explains the history of the medallion Yeager has and how Vivian is the only one that can handle the staff of power. Which is more important now that a nasty wench named Quintessa (Gemma Chan) wants to return Cybertron to its former glory — but not in a good way. When Optimus Prime arrives to discover things are chaotic, he becomes part of Quintessa and Megatron’s (Frank Welker) plan to retrieve the staff and take over Earth. Yeager, Burton, Wembley, Cogman and Col. Lennox (Josh Duhmel) push themselves to save the planet once again. Because the Decepticons aren’t going to get it without a fight! Wahlberg as Yeager is, once again, running around without a story. His relationship with Bumblebee is an awesome one and there are humorous moments with the other Autobots. The thing is‌ I don’t really care about this character because it’s the same metal clanging, different day, but not really. There are quips back and forth with Hopkins, Cogman and Vivian that

are chuckle worthy, but not enough to sustain the story. Hopkins as Burton is a curious character, and I do love me some Anthony Hopkins, but really? Your giving one of our greatest actors a story to tell that involves King Arthur and the Autobots? I think I laughed more at that garbage because it was only a few weeks ago that I sat in the same theater watching Guy Richie’s version of “King Arthur.â€? Duhamel as Lennox is a character that is all muddled from beginning to end. I wasn’t sure what side he was on, but then again, does it really matter? He shows up guns blazing, hoping it all works out for the best. Moner as Izabella is, and I’m going to get crap for saying this, but a totally unnecessary character. Really? You’re going to throw this kid into a war zone and she gets out without a scratch? Suspension of disbelief‌ poof‌ gone. Haddock as Wembley is clearly a Megan Fox look alike, and that’s sad because it isn’t that her role is bad, just whatever. Cool to be related to a historic figure, but OPTIMUS, continued on Page 10

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The LINQ Promenade in Las Vegas has become the top attraction on the Strip.

Harrah’s, LINQ key to Sin City’s continued evolution

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y latest visit to Las Vegas was and specialty shops line the street of this an eye opener to the ongoing entertainment district. The centerpiece evolution of Sin City. Harrah’s is the High Roller, the world’s largest obHotel and Casino, located at servation wheel at 550 feet tall. Ride it at the center of the world famous Strip, re- sunset for spectacular views of the Strip, cently spent more $30 million renovating all of Las Vegas, the Spring Mountains in the distance, and to experience the 2,000its Valley Tower rooms and suites. Harrah’s Casino has it all: 80-plus tables plus flashing, colored LED light show including craps, blackjack, roulette and (www.TheLinq.com). Plan a couple of meals at the LINQ baccarat. There’s a keno lounge and a new state-of-the-art race and sports book, plus Promenade. Stop by Gordon Ramsay’s version of take-out fish more than 1,200 and chips. I tried slots and video the shrimp... they poker machines. were plump and There are five daily, perfectly fried, enlow buy-in tournaments in the Poker by Howard Hian hanced by a choice of dipping sauces Room. There is also a nice mix of cash games. Locals make (www.GordonRamsayRestaurants.com). up about 50 percent of the players — al- Virgil’s BBQ serves up first-rate sandwiches, plates and burgers influenced by ways the sign of a well-run poker room. Entertainment choices abound at the regional flavors of Carolina, Texas and Harrah’s: bars, musical venues and stage Memphis. There are 14 beers on draft to go shows. There is a small spa with a salon with starters like homemade potato chips and fitness center. A workout followed by and fried pickles (www.VirgilsBBQ.com). Information: Harrah’s is part of Caea whirlpool and spa treatment is a perfect sar’s Entertainment’s casino brands. Go to way to unwind. I frequented the Zagat-rated Fulton the benefits program and sign up for disStreet Food Hall every morning for a counts, specials and upgrades (www.Totalbreakfast that included freshly baked pas- Rewards.com). You earn credits whenever tries. There are interesting food stations you play, eat or shop at any of their properserving lunch and dinner. Toby Keith’s I ties worldwide. Harrah’s Las Vegas’ resort Love This Bar & Grill is a must for fans of fee includes premium Wi-Fi access, local country music and down-home food lov- calls and daily fitness center access. Logon ers. Live music begins at 9 p.m. with no to www.Harrahs.com for reservations and information. cover charge. Enjoy the journey‌ Right outside Harrah’s door is the No. 1 attraction in Las Vegas, the LINQ Promenade. It was voted the best family desti- Howard Hian is the managing editor of Travel nation in town. It’s as if a stage set were Savvy News, A Travel Writers Co-Op. For more, ripped from Disneyland and plopped in go to www.TravelSavvyNews.com and www. the middle of The Strip. Restaurants, bars Travels-with-Hian.com. 'PS BEWFSUJTJOH JOGPSNBUJPO DBMM t BEWFSUJTJOH!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

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ADDAE’S RETURN SOLIDIFIES SAFETY POSITION CHARGERS REPORT

by Art Garcia Jr.

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ahleel Addae has come a long way since he made his way onto the Chargers roster as an undrafted free agent out of Central Michigan in 2013. After making a name for himself on special teams, Addae quickly established himself as the hard-hitting strong safety the secondary has been lacking since Rodney Harrison. Despite missing more than half of last season with a broken collarbone, General Manager Tom Telesco inked Addae to a four-year, $22 million contract ($8 million guaranteed) in March prior to the NFL Draft. MP Reporter Art Garcia Jr. caught up with Addae to ask him few question following the team’s last practice in San Diego. Art Garcia Jr.: The franchise really upgraded the secondary over the off season, how are things looking out there so far? Jahleel Addae: Good man. It’s been a good off season for us and it’s a great start to the new year. We have a lot of competing going on — a lot of communication and work getting done — a lot of new stuff where we have really gelled since the last time we were on the field. AG: Aside from the team, you had a pretty good off season yourself. Were you surprised the team offered you that big money contract? JA: I wouldn’t say I was surprised‌ it’s always what I thought about myself, I just had to prove it to those who didn’t believe in me or what not. I mean, it’s a blessing but it doesn’t stop there, that’s just more motivation (to prove myself ). AG: Having signed that contract, did

Chargers safety Jahleel Addae signed a 4-year, $22 million contract after missing more than half of last season with a broken collarbone.

you train any different over the off season, or did you stick to the same regimen that got you this far in your professional career? JA: No, I’ve stayed with my guy down in Tampa, Fla., where I do a lot of beach work — the beach work takes a lot of pounding off my legs. So I’m going back out there this week to start the program again over the next six weeks. AG: With this being the last practice in San Diego, what is your thoughts about moving to Los Angeles? JA: It’s an opportunity. I’m thankful for San Diego for the past five years I’ve been here. They were the first organization to take me in and give me the opportunity to become the player I am today. So we’re excited for L.A, excited for our families and we’re excited to make our presence up there.

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a Charger? JA: It was awesome. I love this organization — Tom (Telesco), Mr. Spanos (Dean) and the coaching staff for believing in me. I’ll be here for another four years to do my part to help this organization and program take off. AG: Do you want to say anything to the Chargers’ fans out there who have supported this team for the past 56 years? JA: Thank you San Diego. We love you guys for all your support. You know, this is all I’ve known my whole career in the NFL and it’s sad to leave, but it’s what is next in our chapter. We appreciate you guys, we still want you to come up about two hours north to support us like you have over the past so many decades in this beautiful city of San Diego. The Endzone: In a recent article, Pro Football Focus (PFF) posted its 2017 Season Record Predictions. Among the 10 teams listed to make a significant improvement, PFF ranked the Chargers number four. “Los Angeles Chargers (10-6). Maybe the biggest surprise on this list would be the Chargers doubling their 2016 win total. On offense, they welcome back Keenan Allen, who missed most of last year due to injury. He has a 72 percent catch rate since 2013 when he joined the league, which is the best for a wide receiver who doesn’t primarily play in the slot. “Mike Williams was also added to the offense as well as a reworked offensive line. On defense, they get back one of the best cornerbacks when healthy Jason Verrett. Since joining the league in 2014, he has only missed two tackles in coverage, leading him to have the best pass-tackling efficiency. “With other starts on defense who are either ascending or in their prime like Joey Bosa, Melvin Ingram, and Casey Hayward, this Chargers team has far too much talent to have another losing record.� XXX NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN t OFXT!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

AG: It’s been five years since you signed with the Chargers as an undrafted free agent, do you remember what your initial goals were? JA: My initial goals were to make the team, number one, then to make my mark on special teams and to show my skills on defense once I was given an opportunity. AG: As a rookie did you see yourself not only signing a lucrative contract, but also still being in the league five years down the road? JA: I did, I’ve always had a lot of confidence in myself. Like I said, I wasn’t drafted for whatever reason, but that was out of my control‌ I’ve always believed in myself, and I still do to this day. AG: With that being said, how satisfying was it to get the call from the team telling you they want to keep you here as

6/5/17 3:05 PM

Navy relaxes uniform rules for women WASHINGTON — Women serving in the Navy can now wear their hair in a bun through the opening of Navy ball caps, thanks to a question posed by a San Diego sailor in June. The Navy announced the change and several other uniform changes that are effective immediately. Officially authorized in the message is the decision by Chief of Naval Operations Adm. John Richardson to permit women to wear a hair bun through the rear opening of a command or Navy ball cap. The change was prompted by a question from a San Diego Sailor June 6. “Effective immediately you can now wear your cap with the bun through the hole in the back above the strap,� Richardson said in a Facebook video to the Fleet announcing the change June 8. “I think this will be more comfortable and will look a lot better. Thanks to the Lt. j.g. out there for making that known to me. We promised to fix it and now it’s fixed.� The other grooming standard change for women announced in this NAVADMIN authorizes the wear of white pearl or white synthetic pearl earrings with Dress Uniforms and round cut white diamonds or white synthetic diamonds with Dinner Dress Blue and White Jacket uniforms. Earrings must be 4 millimeter – 6 millimeter (approximately 1/8 inch – 1/4 inch) in size. Additionally, pregnant Sailors now can purchase the NWU Type III maternity uniform if the Type I version is not available. This change is in response to the reduction in the production of the Type I uniform. For complete information on the updates to uniform policy, see NAVADMIN 146/17 at www.npc.navy.mil.

Discounted, free summer activities for military families There’s always a lot to do in the summer. That’s especially true for military families, who can often find discounts and free admission to all sorts of entertainment thanks to the sacrifices they make to keep us safe. Here are some of the special deals you can find this year: Blue Star Museums: Nearly 2,000 museums and centers across the country offer free admission every summer to activeduty service members and their families, including National Guard and the reserves Through Labor Day, you can check out the latest art, technology or cool wild animals at many science, music, nature and children’s museums. More than 20 local museums participate. For a complete list, go to www.arts. gov/national/blue-star-museums. Summer Reading Program: Research shows that students who join summer reading programs do better on reading achievement tests the next school year than the students who don’t. That’s why DoD-MWR libraries want to make sure kids get the resources and experiences they need to retain the knowledge they’ve learned at school during the summer gap. The annual summer reading program is called “Reading by Design� this year, and it includes various activities, crafts, reading lists, incentives and more for children, teens and adults. Taking a road trip? Learn some new games to play in the car! Military One Source has lots of options for you to check out. Compete with each other on scavenger hunts, look for license plates from all 50 states, hold state trivia contests or play some backseat bingo. Even classic car games like “I Spy� and “20 Questions� will keep your kids entertained for hours. Find the list at https://goo.gl/xiT2NC. Installation Youth Centers: If you live on or near your military installation, you’re probably aware that they have tons of youth programs available to kids and teens throughout the summer. To find out what’s available at your installation, go to https://goo.gl/DYgYNW, then pick “Youth Programs/Centers� out

Sgt. 1st Class Travis Griffith, with the Army Evaluation Center, smiles as campers at Operation Purple Camp at Elk Neck State Park in North East, Md. practice their camouflage painting skills.

of the drop-down box where it says “Looking for specific program or service?� You can pick your installation or add in your zip code, and it’ll pull up all the relevant information for youth centers in your area. You can also search for open swimming pools at your local installation. Operation Purple Camps: There are several Operation Purple camps that military children can attend. The National Military Family Association runs several of these camps each year, which give military kids a free week of camp so they can connect with other kids like them, as well as learn how to adapt and overcome stressors that are unique to military life. The program, which began in 2004,

has served nearly 60,000 children in that time. Operation Purple’s website provides an area where you can see what camps are available for your children. Other military child-supporting camps like Operation We Are Here (www.operationwearehere.com) might be available in your area. Then there are usually summer programs offered by your local military installation, as well as National Guard youth programs. You can also check out regular children’s camps near you, as some of them provide military kids with discounted rates or special programs. No matter what you choose to do with your kids this summer, make sure to have a lot of laughs and make lots of memories!

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‘The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.’ Franklin D. Roosevelt 32nd. U.S. President Served March 4, 1933 – April 12, 1945

John “Cactus Jack� Garner

The Hindenburg explodes

32nd U.S. Vice President Served March 4, 1933 – Jan. 20, 1941 Nazism’s views on race and other matters

World events

t The Soviet Union executes 31 people Jan. 31 for alleged Trotskyism. t The League of Nations Non-Intervention Committee prohibits foreign nationals from fighting in the Spanish Civil War on Feb. 21. t The encyclical “Mit brennender Sorge� (“With burning concern�) of Pope Pius XI is published in Germany in the German language March 10, condemning breaches of the 1933 Reichskonkordat agreement signed between the Nazi government and the Catholic Church, and criticizing

incompatible with Catholicism. t A police squad, acting under orders from Governor of Puerto Rico Blanton Winship, opens fire March 21 on demonstrators protesting the arrest of Puerto Rican Nationalist Party leader Pedro Albizu Campos, killing 17 people and injuring over 200. t Frank Whittle ground-tests the world’s first jet engine designed to power an aircraft April 12, at Rugby, England. t In Germany Volkswagen Group is founded, to build a “people’s car� May 28. t Amelia Earhart and navigator Fred

in Lakehurst, New Jersey.

“Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs� hits theaters.

Noonan disappear July 2 after taking off from New Guinea during Earhart’s attempt to become the first woman to fly around the world. t The Soviet Union commences one of the largest campaigns of the Great Purge, to “eliminate anti-Soviet elements� Aug. 5. Within the following year, at least 724,000 people are killed. t The Great Hong Kong Typhoon kills an estimated 11,000 people Sept. 2.

U.S. News

t Howard Hughes sets a new record by flying from Los Angeles to New York City on Jan. 19 in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25 seconds. t The first issue of the comic book Detective Comics is published March 1. Twenty-

seven issues later, Detective Comics introduces Batman. The comic goes on to become the longest continually published comic magazine in American history. t The New London School in New London, Tex. suffers a catastrophic natural gas explosion March 18, killing 295 students and teachers. t The animated short “Porky’s Duck Hunt� featuring the debut of Daffy Duck, is released April 17. t The German airship Hindenburg bursts into flame May 6 when mooring to a mast in Lakehurst, New Jersey. t The Golden Gate Bridge opens to pedestrian traffic May 27. The next day, President Roosevelt pushes a button in Washington, D.C., signaling the start of vehicle traffic over the bridge. t A guard first stands post at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Washington, D.C. on July 2; continuous guard has been maintained there ever since. t Hormel introduces the canned precooked meat product Spam on July 5. t The Senate votes down President Roosevelt’s proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court on July 22. t Ernest

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The Golden Gate Bridge opens in San Francisco.

Hemingway’s novel “To Have and Have Not� is published Oct. 15. t Walt Disney’s “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,� the first feature-length animated cartoon with sound, opens Dec. 21 and becomes a smash hit.

Movies t t t t t t t t t t

“Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs� “The Prince and the Pauper� “La Grande Illusion� “The Man’s Here Again� “Melody for Two� “Lost Horizon� “Heidi� “The Good Earth� “Draegerman Courage� “The Awful Truth�

BORN THIS YEAR: Dustin Hoffman, actor (Aug. 8). Above left: Merle Haggard, musician (April 6); Madeleine Albright, diplomat (May 15); Morgan Freeman, actor (June 1); Jane Fonda, actress (Dec. 21).

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Rhythm Orchestra t “It Looks Like Rain in Cherry Blossom Lane,� Guy Lombardo t “September in the Rain,� Guy Lombardo

Music

t “Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing),� Benny Goodman t “One O’Clock Jump,� Count Basie t “Sweet Leilani,� Bing Crosby t “They Can’t Take That Away From Me,� Fred Astaire t “Caravan,� Duke Ellington t “Marie,� Tommy Dorsey t “Goodnight, My Love,� Ella Fitzgerald t “That Old Feeling,� Shep Fields and His Rippling

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HANGING UP THE SKATES High school senior swaps hockey for Marines By Sgt. William Hester 12th Marine Corps District

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ARLSBAD — Many high School athletes strive to be good enough to make it to the next level. A small fraction of them earn collegiate scholarships, let alone make it to a professional league in their respective sport. Jagger Denys paved his way for multiple opportunities to continue playing the sport he loves after high school. However, along the way he discovered another opportunity that swallowed his interest in his first love, hockey. “I remember waking up at five o’clock in the morning when I was 13 to go to practice,� Denys said, a senior at Carlsbad High School. “Then, I would have a workout or another practice in the evening.� Denys’ drive from an early age lead to a strong work ethic that developed his skills enough for the opportunity to play for a junior team in Los Angeles, the Jr. King’s 16U AAA team. The Jr. Kings compete within the Tier I Elite Hockey League, which he participated in his junior year of high school. “After high school, you go play for a junior team to develop for college, unlike most sports,� said Denys, referring to the

Jr. Kings. “I moved to L.A. for my junior year instead of commuting (from Carlsbad). It was different living by myself, and L.A. is hectic as it is, but it definitely helped me grow up.� He lived in L.A. for several months at sixteen years old, juggling his school work, hockey and other responsibilities that came with living away from his family. Jagger was invited to move to Canada to play in the Western Hockey League, a prestigious junior level hockey league that often feeds into National Hockey League organizations in the U.S. and Canada. He also received an invitation to play in Russia for the Minor Hockey League, which often sends players to the Kontinental Hockey League, considered to be the premier professional hockey league in Europe and Asia, but after researching his options in the military, he was ready to hang up his skates. “They would have paid me pretty good,� Denys said. “But hockey took a backseat after I got (the scholarship) process started.� Denys is one of seven students in San Diego who will receive a Naval Reserve Officers Training Corps scholarship worth $180,000 for being an exceptional student, athlete and citizen. “I applied with no expectation and was very excited when I found out I won,� he said.

Jagger Denys grew up playing hockey most of his life, but decided to take the opportunity to attend the University of San Diego in the fall to pursue a career as an officer in the Marine Corps. He received a Naval Reserve Officer’s Training Corps scholarship for $180,000 for being an exceptional student, athlete and citizen.

Jagger wants to stay close to home, and is going to attend University of San Diego in the Fall. Upon graduating college and finishing the Officer Candidate School, he will be commissioned as a second lieutenant in the Marine Corps. “I love what the (NROTC) program entailed,� Jagger said. “Hockey was always a path to college, and I won’t say I’m not go-

ing to miss it, but this is what I want to do.� Mario Denys, Jagger’s father, said that hockey, and the discipline that comes with the sport, had a big part in molding him to make his decision. “I’ve played hockey since I was four years old, but this scholarship changed everything,� said Denys. “When I talked to the Marines, it was done.�

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four grown children, and seven grand- for a good cause.� children... and you told her she was preg“Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my nant?� mind. I have one more question...� The woman’s doctor smiled smugly as “What is that, my son?� he continued to write on his clipboard, “Do I have to tell him the war is over?� “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t I?�

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A woman went to doctor’s office for her annual examination. Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about. A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman’s doctor and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has

Military Press storage west 1-4 pg horiz_02-16.pdf

Three girls escaped from jail and were being followed by the cops. One was a brunette, one was a red head, and the other was a blonde. They saw an abandoned barn and went inside. They saw three potato sacks and decided to hide in them. When the cops came in, they tapped each sack to make sure they weren’t in them. The first sack they tapped had the brunette in it and she yelled,� Meow! Meow!� The cops thought it was a cat and moved on to the second sack with the red head in it. When they tapped it she yelled, Wartime hideout It was about a month ago when a man “Woof! Woof!� The cops thought it was in Amsterdam felt that he needed to con- a dog and moved on to the sack with the blonde in it. fess, so went to his priest: The cops tapped and the blonde yelled “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.� back, “Potatoes! Potatoes!� “Well,� answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.� Calming the tempest “But I made him agree to pay me 20 A man goes to the doctor, worried about Gulden for every week he stayed.� his wife’s temper. “I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.� The doctor says, “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.� Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The man says, “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?� The doctor says, “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that 1 2/12/2016 11:00:10 AM does the trick.� “Jill,� a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?� “Like,� the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like I really don’t like think like that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.� “It’s English class, isn’t it?� replied the smiling teacher.

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Potato sacks

OPTIMUS Continued from Page 2

I didn’t buy it for a second — which means, yep, don’t care about her character in the slightest. Carter as Cogman is hilarious and his recognizable “yes my lordâ€? brings back the heady days of “Downton Abbeyâ€? Sundays and good television over crappy film. His language was a little testy, but I don’t think it’s going to stop parents from bringing their kids. The recognizable voices of Goodman, Buscemi and Watanabe are funny, especially since they argue and wrestle around like metal-brothers-from-another-Autobot. Bumblebee still wins hands down, and the storyline brings in some weird “he once was a soldier for Englandâ€? story which just falls flat. Not your fault B! Other cast includes Santiago Cabrera as Santos, Martin McCreadie as Lancelot, Rob Witcomb as Percival, Marcus Fraser as Gawain, John Hollingworth as Tristan with Stanley Tucci as a drunken Merlin and John Turturro as Agent Simmons. “Transformers: The Last Knightâ€? is a two and a half hour metal clanging story that gives Bay a reason to waste $217 million dollars. That’s right folks, enough to save a small town or educate thousands of kids. Of course, if it doesn’t do well here there is always the overseas market waiting to gobble this up. Look, I’m tired‌tired of a story that lasts into five films, that tells the same story beginning and ending with Optimus Prime’s boring monologue about how the Autobots are there to save the human race. Didn’t Wonder Woman just do that? Or Batman, Superman, the Justice League, Thor or any of those others? It was easy to entertain myself with thoughts like “Doesn’t that robot look like Darth Vader’s fighter?â€? and “Wow! They used pieces off the alien ship from ‘The Abyss’ for decorationâ€? and “They stole an Imperial Walker — I wonder if Grand Tarkin knows?â€? and “Is Robocop going to show up?â€? and “Stonehenge? Oh the Queen isn’t going to like this.â€? I swear, if I listen to Optimus go into his spiel, I’m going to strain my eyes from the constant rolling and the hand gestures of “blah! blah! BLAH!â€? Honestly, I lost interest once Shia decided to exit stage right, though the film does touch on the Witwicky family tree. He brought comedy of a different kind that broke the monotony of the metal banging. Seriously, I miss the cool rantings of Mom and Dad‌ and I miss Mojo the dog! Oh well, I can always not wait for “Transformers 6.â€? Trust me, someone will give Bay the money to do it. In the end — they have been here forever‌ and ever‌ and ever‌ (yawn)‌ and ever!

Jeri Jacquin is the Movie Maven. For more on films and television, go to http://moviemaven.homestead.com. XXX NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN t OFXT!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

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