Military Serving Active and Retired Military, DoD Workers and Civilians for Over 35 Years
RIP IT DOWN
– 9th Circuit Court of Appeals
free
Volume 38 • #3 • February 1, 2014
visit militarypress.com
“We are never defeated unless we give up on God.” – Ronald Reagan
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com
February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 1
BEAUTIFUL, SPACIOUS HOMES ON EXTRA-LARGE HOMESITES.
Hill Dr. DerbyDerby Hill Dr.
d. on R any dC a o r d. Rail on R any C d roa Rail
MENIFEE MENIFEE
One & Two-Story Single-Family Homes • Approx. 2,790 - 3,800 Sq. Ft. 3 - 6 Bedrooms • 2.5 - 5.5 Baths • 3 and 4-Car Oversized Garages First Floor Master Suites • Bonus Rooms • Outdoor Rooms
Newport Rd.
Newport Rd. Murrieta Murrieta Rd. Rd.
Rd Rd . etz oe.tz Go G
Introducing Big Sky at Audie Murphy Ranch, big beautiful homes situated on large homesites now selling in Menifee. Spacious, stylish and smart floorplan designs deliver on the Brookfield Residential promise of creating the best places to call home! We look forward to welcoming you.
REMARKABLY PRICED FROM THE HIGH $300,000s BIGSKYBROOKFIELD.COM 888.583.4348 N
MAP NOT TO SCALE
N 30535 Buckboard Lane | Menifee, CA 92584 Model Homes Open Daily 10a.m. - 5p.m. 1p.m. - 5p.m. on Wednesdays
MAP NOT TO SCALE
2 February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS
Copyright © 2014 Big Sky. All Rights Reserved. Plan, pricing and product information subject to change. Corporate BRE license #00991326. 1/2014
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
Rip it down...
REALLY?!? A cross atop Mount Soledad in California is an unconstitutional religious display on government land and must come down, a federal judge in San Diego ruled. U.S. District Judge Larry Burns ordered the cross, which honors veterans, must be removed within 90 days. A bill directing the Pentagon to transfer the Mount Soledad Veterans Memorial and its controversial cross out of the hands of the federal government was introduced in the House of Representatives by Rep. Duncan Hunter. Many other war memorials incorporate religious symbols, he said, and Mount Soledad should not have to remove the cross that the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled is an unconstitutional endorsement of the Christian religion on federal property. Continued on Page 4
JEWELRY
The Military Press February 1, 2014 Publisher Richard T. Matz
Production / Web Sandra Powers • Joe Yang
Customer Service Manager Carol Williams
Distribution Robert Wood
Advertising Manager Valerie Swaine
Contributing Writers Doug Aguillard Crystal Arriaga Mort Fretel • Art Garcia Howard Hian • Keith Angelin Jeri Jacquin, The Movie Maven Jessamyn Patterson
Account Representatives: Michelle Hull Victoria Wills Public Relations Lisa Matz
Contact Us: 9715 Carroll Centre Road, Suite #104 San Diego, CA 92126 • Tel 858.537.2280 www.militarypress.com editorsdesk@militarypress.com The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.
All advertisers in this newspaper are
100%
MILITARY-FRIENDLY! Visit or call them for great deals! For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com
February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 3
Malibu. If people want a creche, fine. The menorah a few hundred yards away is fine, too. I do not like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way. Where did the idea come from that we should worship presidents, politicians, money and greed and aren’t allowed to worship God as we understand him? I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where the America we used to know went to.
O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn’t want prayer in body our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school; the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself; and we said OK. Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s grandson committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he’s talking about. And we said OK. Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard
Ben Stein, lawyer, publicist, columnist, CBS TV commentator
RIP IT DOWN
Cont’d. from Page 3 Dismissing the Mt.Soledad Cross or any other symbol of faith or a belief in God is unjust. This reminds me (Richard Matz, publisher of The Military Press) of these two stories by Ben Stein (lawyer, publicist, columnist, CBS TV commentator) and Billy Graham’s daughter, Anne Graham Lutz.
Ben Stein
I am a Jew and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish, and it does
not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautifully lit-up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don’t feel threatened. I don’t feel discriminated against. That’s what they are — Christmas trees. It doesn’t bother me a bit when people say ‘Merry Christmas’ to me. I don’t think they’re slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. I shows that we’re all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother me one bit that there’s a manger scene on display at a key intersection at my beach house in
“Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. “
ENTERTAINMENT
Anne Graham Lutz, Evangelists Billy Graham’s daughter.
Anne Graham Lutz:
While interviewed on the Early Show, Jane Clayson asked Anne, “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding Hurricane Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?” In light of recent events (terrorist attacks, school shootings, etc.) I think it started when Madeleine Murray
All advertisers in this newspaper are 100% certified MILITARY-FRIENDLY! 4 February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS
enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with “WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.” Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through email and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is through suppressed in the school and workplace. Are you laughing yet? Funny how when you read this message, you will not share it to many of your friends because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sharing it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it, no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
THE NEW PARABLE OF ...
...the ant & the grasshopper Here are two versions of the same parable with different morals.
Old version
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
Modern version
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
he is cold and starving. CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green ...’ Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group. President Barack Obama condemns the ant and
COMMUNITY
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com
blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscat-
ed by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The entire nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2014 and 2016.
HOUSING
February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 5
Ronald Reagan 40th President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 1981 to Jan. 20, 1989
“A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take a civil-service exam.” — Ronald Reagan 1986 Cadillac Fleetwood
George H.W. Bush 43rd Vice President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 1981 to Jan. 20, 1989
World events
• Halley’s Comet reaches its perihelion, the closest point to the Earth, during its second visit to the solar system in the 20th century. • A bomb
many thousands more were exposed to significant amounts of radioactive material, vast territories in Ukraine and Belarus rendered uninhabitable. • Desmond Tutu elected Anglican archbishop of Capetown, becomes the first black to lead the Anglican Church in South Africa.
U.S. News
Desmond Tutu explodes on a TWA flight from Rome to Athens - 4 dead • In Ukraine, one of the reactors at the Chernobyl nuclear plant explodes creating the world’s worst nuclear disaster. 31 are killed directly by the incident,
• The first federal Martin Luther King Day, honoring Martin Luther King Jr. • Hands Across America - 6 million people hold hands from California to New York • Iran-Contra Affair: National Security Council member Oliver North and his secretary Fawn Hall start to shred documents impli-
cating them in the sale of weapons to Iran and channeling the proceeds to help fund the Contra rebels in Nicaragua. • Clint Eastwood elected mayor of Carmel, California • Georgia sodomy law upheld by Supreme Court (5-4) • Antonin Scalia appointed to Supreme Court • William Rehnquist, sworn in as Chief Justice of Supreme Court • White teenagers beat blacks in Howard Beach, New York
killing its crew of six astronauts and the schoolteacher Christa McAuliffe. • Voyager 2 space probe makes first encounter with Uranus • The Soviet Union launches the Mir space station • British surgeons perform the world’s first triple transplant (heart, lung and liver)
Sports
• World Series: N.Y. Mets 4 games to 3 over the Boston Red Sox • Super Bowl: Chicago Bears win 46-10 over the New England Patriots • NBA Finals: Boston Celtics win 4 games to 2 over the Houston Rockets
Technology
Popular culture
• Chunnel announced (tunnel connecting Britain & France under the English Channel) • Space Shuttle Challenger disintegrates 73 seconds after launch,
• The Legend of Zelda is released for the Nintendo Entertainment System. • Howard Stern radio
Howard Stern
1986 Mercedes Benz 560SL 6 February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS
Hulk Hogan and King Kong Bun
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
ndy
remember when...
6 8 19 AVERAGE COST OF LIVING
show returns to New York City morning radio (WXRK 92.3 FM) • Turner Broadcasting begins to colorize black and white movie classics. • Wrestlemania II at 3 locations, Hulk Hogan beats King Kong Bundy
BORN IN 1994: Above right: Daniel Craig. Above left: Jane Krakowski, Terry Crews, Jeri Ryan, Hugh Jackman.
Popular films
• Top Gun • Crocodile Dundee • Platoon • The Karate Kid, Part II • Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home • Aliens • Ruthless People • The Color of Money • The Money Pit
Popular TV shows
• Magnum, P.I. • Falcon Crest • Hill Street Blues • Cagney and Lacey • The A-Team • Murder, She Wrote
Born in 1968 • Will Smith • Aaron Eckhart • Naomi Watts • Josh Brolin • Lucy Liu
• Income per year .... $22,339 • Minimum wage ........... $3.35 • New house ............ $89,463 • New car .................... $9,281 • Gallon of gas .................. 93¢ • Dozen eggs .................... 87¢ • Gallon of milk ................. 93¢ • Loaf of bread ............... $1.10 • First-class stamp ........... 24¢ • Movie ticket ................. $2.75
Popular music
• That’s What Friends Are For, Dionne and Friends • Say You, Say Me, Lionel Richie • I Miss You, Klymaxx • On My Own, Patti Labelle and Michael McDonald • Broken Wings, Mr. Mister • How Will I Know, Whitney Houston • Party All The Time, Eddie Murphy • Burning Heart, Survivor • Addicted to Love, Robert Palmer • Kyrie, Mr. Mister • Greatest Love of All, Whitney Houston
• Molly Ringwald • Gillian Anderson • Brendan Fraser • Owen Wilson
1986 Chevy Camaro For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com
February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7
READER INPUT
LETTER TO THE EDITOR I am shocked and appalled at the cartoonist picture of your Commander in Chief and the disparaging remarks in your Jan. 1, 2014 edition. That is traitorous. YOU are a disgrace. — From Beth Mocklin-Davis via Facebook
Reply from the Publisher
Beth, I respect your opinion. Naturally you have a right (free speech)… but so does the Military Press. As far as being traitorous… we feel that If any Administration — Democratic or Republican — covers up the killing of American personnel as they have in Benghazi, the leader should be Impeached or the responsible party should be exposed and fired. Wouldn’t you think that this act is more traitorous than a mere photo? — Richard Matz, Publisher, Military Press Newspaper
‘Lone Survivor’: From a Marine Corps spouse perspective Firstly, no spoiler alerts but if anyone has yet to see this movie please do! Ladies, do not think this is just another ‘war-manly-movie’ because it’s not (even though Mark Walhberg is enough reason to watch). If you or your loved one has sensitive PTSD triggers, be forewarned and research the reviews a bit. For the civilian masses, it’s an excellent display of what our military today endure. I became so enveloped and invested in this movie to the point of being shocked, speechless and moved to tears. What was even more relevant as a military spouse was how it portrayed a tidbit of the spouses’ perspective of war in the movie. No, spouses do not pick up rifles, endure the physical or mental hardships or enlist like the service members do. What we do see in “Lone Survivor” is their ladies’ unwavering and dedicated love and strength to these men while waiting at home. As Marine Corps spouses, we take classes to acclimate ourselves to this lifestyle and learn everything possible, from military lingo to traditions and customs of holidays and events. We try to keep family informed of big deployment changes, send packages and necessary equipment or motivational photos to make our service members feel
make sure the men are resolute so they can do their jobs to the best of their ability. We signed up to love these men through absolutely everything that they see and do in battle whether they of the Corps come back all in one piece or not. We as spouses also get to witness By Crystal Arriaga the ups and downs before, during and at home when they’re in a third world after deployments — whether they are country far from American soil. combat or non-combat. Sometimes as Being gone even for a short time a helpless bystander to this life, we can be a hard thing to endure for any watch as they change each and every healthy relationship. For the ladies time they’ll be gone for six months to who support and maintain a marriage a year. We know it will happen; it’s just with an infantrya matter of how man, special opmuch. Sometimes We signed up to love these men erations guy, Navy it’s a great experithrough absolutely everything that SEAL, etc., this they see and do in battle whether they ence, like “absence isn’t a cakewalk. makes the heart come back all in one piece or not. The men are traingrow fonder,” and ing six months out of the year for the sometimes we notice other changes deployment and even when they’re that weren’t there before. “here,” they’re not “here” because As much as I’d love to chat with the they have to be focused and learning. spouses of “Lone Survivor” for their Then they turn around and are on the wisdom and opinions, I’m thankful it deployment for six months or more gave the nation a good look at what obviously even more focused because some of our perspective has been for sometimes it’s for the safety and wel- the past 10+ years. fare of their brothers and themselves. Questions or comments? Email us Even though we’re fully aware of the at Military Press at keepinformed@ peril and vulnerabilities out there lurk- militarypress.com! You can also follow ing around every corner, we Spartan- my blog @ http://marinecorpswives101. esque spouses do whatever it takes to wordpress.com/.
Steel
Magnolias
COMMUNITY
Making Military life easier.
The Armed Services YMCA of the USA supports young, enlisted service members and their families with low-cost and no-cost programs and services to make military life easier.
Donate / Volunteer / find a Branch near you asyMCa.org
8 February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS
Making Military Life Easier™
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
Veteran groups worry cuts to retirement is only first step Sabbaticals may help military keep women in ranks
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Navy Cmdr. Valerie Overstreet wanted to start a family. But her job as a Navy pilot and the fact that she and her husband, also a naval officer, were stationed in different parts of the country made it complicated. So she decided to take advantage of a fledgling Navy program that allowed her to take a year off and return to duty without risking her career or future commands. Now, three years later, she’s got a 2-year-old daughter and a 9-monthold son, she’s back at work at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., and her promotion to captain has been confirmed. For Overstreet, the year off gave her precious time to have her daughter and get started on her master’s degree. The Navy retains an officer it considers promising without requiring her to sacrifice her family life. Across the military services, leaders are experimenting with programs that will give valued officers and enlisted troops, men and women, the incentive to stay.
Sears sets goal of hiring 6,500 vets in 2014
Sears Holdings Corp. is anticipating hiring 6,500 veterans and military spouses in 2014, the company announced. Sears hired 6,000 veterans and spouses in 2013 and currently employs 30,000 veteran associates company-wide, many of whom are actively serving in the National Guard and Reserve forces.
Navy’s Acting Undersecretary forced to resign
The Navy’s acting undersecretary resigned under pressure from Navy Secretary Ray Mabus following allegations of sexual misconduct with a subordinate, Pentagon sources said. Mabus asked for the resignation of Robert Martinage, who has been serving as undersecretary of the Navy since last June, “following a loss of confidence in Martinage’s abilities to effectively perform his duties,” Mabus’ office said in a statement. Mabus acted after allegations surfaced that Martinage had engaged in inappropriate conduct with a woman who worked for him, a Pentagon source said.
By Leo Shane III, Stars and Strips WASHINGTON — With Congress back this week, veterans groups are vowing to resume their fight against trims to military retirement benefits. But what they’re really fighting for is relevancy, and to make sure the country hasn’t forgotten about them. Military advocates worry that Congress’ willingness to attack veterans’ retirement checks shows that lawmakers — and perhaps the public — have already moved on from the wars of the last decade, and that the sacrifices and promises made will be forgotten. “This is what happens when you have an unengaged population whose focus starts to shift away,” said Tom Tarantino, chief policy officer for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. “When times get tough, people say everyone has to sacrifice. But not everyone has been sacrificing for the last 10 years.” The cut is a 1 percent trim on costof-living increases for working-age military retirees. Veterans 62 and older won’t see any changes. But those younger — including medically retired servicemembers — will see their annual increases trimmed starting in January 2016. The move will save about $6.3 billion over 10 years, and was included as part of a budget deal designed to avert another government shutdown. Lawmakers who backed the deal bemoaned the military retirement changes but said fixing the problem later was preferable to jeopardizing budget harmony now. At least 14 separate bills to repeal the cut have been introduced in the two weeks since the deal passed. In the last week, editorial boards at USA Today and the Washington Post have called the veterans’ opposition out of touch, noting that the military’s generous retirement benefits aren’t comparable to any private sector pen-
Ray Kelley, director of the Veterans of Foreign Wars legislative division, argues against plans to trim military retirement increases as part of a comprehensive budget deal, during a Capitol Hill news conference in December. Photo by Leo Shane III sions. The Post called it a “dishonor” not to change a military retirement system long overdue for an update. But veterans groups argue that work is underway, in the form of a compensation commission reviewing large-scale changes to military pay and benefits. They thought lawmakers had agreed not to make any changes until after that panel’s recommendations were completed by February 2015, and had agreed that only changes to new retirees’ benefits would be considered. “This caught us by surprise,” admitted Jack Klimp, president of the National Association for Uniformed Services. “And that’s always the danger we face, that politicians will forget the promises they made.” The budget deal was the culmination of two months of work by budget committee chairmen Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., and Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash.
Ryan said last week that Defense Department leaders proposed the retirement cut. Murray said she disliked the retirement cut, but believed that averting more fiscal brinksmanship and another government shutdown was the top goal for all Americans, including veterans. Both lawmakers have promised to find fixes in coming months, including exempting disabled veterans from the cost-of-living trims. In the days before the budget deal vote, a number of the veterans group leaders were agitated at having been left out of the budget discussions, railing against lawmakers in news conferences and muttering stronger insults from the sidelines. Last month, lawmakers also OK’d a 1 percent military pay raise for 2014, the lowest annual bump since the start of the all-volunteer force.
proves vets and their families access to services ranging across employment, education, housing, mental health care and more. California veterans face a number of critical challenges. More than 400,000 veterans are stuck in the VA backlog, including about 10,000 each in the Los Angeles and San Diego Regional Offices and more than 12,000 in the Oakland Regional Office. Suicide remains a top concern for new veterans: at least
22 veterans commit suicide every day, and a new study has found that the suicide rate among young male veterans rose by 44 percent in the past three years. New veterans are also now facing a cut to their retirement as a result of a bipartisan budget deal. Veterans can contact a RRRP case manager by calling 855-91-RAPID (855917-2743), emailing transition@iava. org, or visiting www.IAVA.org/RRRP.
Rapid response program for California vets expanded Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA) has announced expansion of its Rapid Response Referral Program (RRRP) to the Los Angeles and San Diego areas to support California veterans. RRRP is a new approach to supporting post-9-11 veterans by directly connecting them and their families to local resources and to one-on-one support with IAVA’s Veteran Transition Managers. It helps cut through red tape and
Bills open military to some illegal immigrants Lawmakers meeting with military recruiting officials recently said they support efforts to open up the armed services to men and women who were brought into the country illegally, but as children. Reps. Mike Coffman, R-Colo., and
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com
Jeff Denham, R-Calif., both have bills that would give this group of men and women a chance to serve and go on to legal permanent residency and apply for citizenship, the Congressmen testified at a hearing of the House Armed Services Committee’s military person-
nel panel. Denham said he joined the military at 17, while still in high school. In the military he met a number of Filipinos who joined up and later became citizens.
February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 9
Second opinion no better than the first
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils got to come out. Patient: I want second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you’re ugly, too.
Just for Laughs Kid’s too smart for you
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.” The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!” The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver!”
Coordinating color
PUZZLE PAGE
A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
ACROSS 1. Melancholy 6. Schnozzola 10. Aquatic plant 14. Female internal reproductive organ 15. Not under 16. Standard 17. About a US quart 18. Roman emperor 19. Brother of Jacob 20. Disarrayed 22. Collections 23. Female chickens 24. Main course 26. Grasped 30. French for “Summer” 31. Comes after Mi and Fah 32. Wings 33. Desserts 35. Discourage 39. Biggest 41. Captive 43. Ceased 44. 365 days 46. Colored part of an eye 47. Excluding 49. Actress Lupino 50. Outlay 51. Movie house 54. Devil tree 56. Smell 57. A type of craftsman 63. Of higher order 64. A period of discounted prices 65. Dish 66. Shopping place 67. God of love
What is the answer?
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.” “Yes, sir,” the boys said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “’It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
How bad could it be?
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?” The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to describe pain.” “I know, but can’t you give me some idea?,” she asks. “Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little...” “Like this?” “A little more...” “Like this?” “No. A little
68. Female demon 69. Away from the wind 70. Focusing glass 71. Construct DOWN 1. Valuable metal 2. 57 in Roman numerals 3. Horse feed 4. Chocolate cookie 5. Gift of the Magi 6. A person of no influence 7. Supervise
10 February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS
8. Arid 9. Wears away 10. Painkiller 11. Unsuccessful person 12. Grille 13. Entertain 21. Oceans 25. Gestures of assent 26. Fit 27. Distinctive flair 28. Piecrust ingredient 29. Pervert 34. Of questionable legality 36. Tropical tuber
more...” “Like this?” “Yes. Does that hurt?” “A little bit.” “Now stretch it over your head!”
You picked a fine time to tell me… Bob
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. “There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” he asked. “No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear. “Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.”
Still cray-cray
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society. “So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?” The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That’s still a good field,
37. Auspices 38. A musical pause 40. Biblical kingdom 42. Give a speech 45. An apparition 48. Anagram of “Steals” 51. Punctuation mark 52. Something to shoot for 53. French for “Our” 55. Enough 58. Container weight 59. Winglike 60. Identical 61. Ear-related 62. Tidy
good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.” Dr. Leroy nods and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.” The patient replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.
Rundown runaround
A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. “Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday,” she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. “I can’t,” says the woman. “That’s the only night I’m home with my husband.”
You had to ask
Boy: Baby tell me something that makes me happy and angry at the same time. Girl: You’ve got a bigger one than all your friends.
Date envy
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church… everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.
This week’s solutions:
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com
February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 11
Southern California’s Provider of Career Computer Training!
BE CAREER READY IN JUST 6 MONTHS OR LESS!
GI BILL
Approved Financial Aid Available*
www.CTA.edu
• Distance Learning Available • Financial Aid Available *for those who qualify* • Voc Rehab • EDD/WIA • TRA • VA Voc & GI Bill • Corporate Training Available 12 February 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS
EDD/WIA/VA FAFSA Approved Courses! www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com