PASTOR KEION & SHAUNIE

WHISPERS of the Heart with Toni Emehel

Photography by Robin V.

Editorial Stylist: Joyce Sheffield

Collision of Two Histories

“I came with walls,” admits Shaunie O’Neal, one of VH1’s most notable executive producers, when MB Magazine caught up with her and Pastor Keion Henderson, Founder and Senior Pastor of Houston’s Lighthouse Church. Shaunie and Pastor Keion were in the midst of an interleaved conversation about their journey toward oneness, often beaming at one another, nodding and smiling at me, and riveting my heart with God’s remarkable whispers.

As Shaunie reflected on a conversation between herself and Pastor Keion in which she introduced him to feared acts that she would not tolerate, I was reminded of the prophet Elijah’s experience recorded in 1 Kings 19 when God spoke to Elijah in a whisper, asking, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” As if to say, Elijah, after all you know Me to be, how could you possibly be in this head space? Numerous parallels are found between the verses of 1 Kings 19 and the life experiences shared by Shaunie and Pastor Keion. From a spiritual perspective, God whispered to Shaunie, ‘What are you doing here?’ when she began introducing Pastor Keion to the walls that guarded her heart. Like Elijah, Shaunie found refuge from fear and uncertainty in a closed-off space. But when the right man showed up, Shaunie realized the walls she erected had the potential to separate her from the abundant life that God had planned for her.

In the profound words of Pastor Keion, “Your life is the sum total of your yes’s and your no’s. If you would have said ‘yes’ when you should have said ‘no,’ and said ‘no’ when you should have said ‘yes,’ we all would be somewhere different today. I hope that me and Shaunie sharing our story with MB Magazine readers not only helps someone get over the hump, but also helps people say ‘yes’ to the right places and ‘no’ to the wrong places.”

MB MAGAZINE:

“It is said that most little girls grow up with dreams of their wedding day. Is it the same with little boys? Meaning, what do young boys grow up thinking about in terms of marriage?”

PASTOR KEION:

“Young boys don’t. That’s [marriage is] not something that we are thinking about. When you are younger, you are thinking about sports [or] what kind of entrepreneur you want to be when you grow up … So, marriage is not so much embedded in our DNA. And if you add that to the fact that a lot of ‘our’ fathers, especially African American men, are missing from the home, then there is not much talk of marriage. I can speak from my home. My mother was single. So, there wasn’t much talk about it [marriage]. But, when I was a child, I thought as a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things. So, now as a man I can speak to that [marriage].”

“The best example I have heard to understand marriage is this: When a woman thinks about marriage, she’s thinking about beginnings. ‘Where are we going to get the house? What city are we going to live in? The dress, my friends, and the service.’ It’s the beginning. For men, marriage represents the end. No more searching. I don’t have to look anymore. I found exactly what I’m looking for. So,

SHAUNIE:

“That is a really good perspective. I can definitely see how men can think, ‘Okay, this is it. I’m settled. I don’t have to be out here.’ In the same way I can see how women, at this age especially, are thinking the same thing because the dating pool is not a good space to be right now. In a way, I am thinking the same way … like, ‘Okay, finally!’

“It feels so good to have the partner we all dreamed of. As the little girl you want your hero, your knight in shining armor, to come along and sweep you off your feet. It took a while to get there, but the fact that I am here now is a beginning for me as opposed to a settling end for him [Keion]. Which is actually kind of cool because I think it just meets each other and makes that perfect match of I’m thinking beginning; he’s thinking end; and we will fill in the middle.”

MB MAGAZINE:

“What would you say is God’s purpose for bringing the two of you together now for marriage?”

PASTOR KEION:

“For me to get to the next reiteration of me, God saw my need of a capacity that I did not possess. Shaunie is that capacity. She has everything that I don’t.

“The Bible says that Jesus is the ‘Way, the Truth, and the Life.’ If you are not careful, you will only have ‘Way’ and ‘Truth’ with no ‘Life.’ Shaunie helped me to realize that there is more to life than ‘Way’ and ‘Truth.’ So, I believe that the first purpose of this marriage is for me to realize that Shaunie is who she was before I met her.

“Secondly, the Bible says, ‘and the two shall become one flesh.’ The word in the Hebrew ‘become’ is actually ‘becoming.’ The truth is, Shaunie and I were destined to meet for the purpose of becoming one. Destiny did not tap us on the shoulder and our directions changed. She was always heading in my direction, and I was always headed towards her. We were always in each other’s path, not knowing it. Neither of our lives have changed … we collided. We had to go through some things and let some things go along the way. But here I am with Shaunie sitting next to me, which is clearly in God’s plan.

“What every person who desires to get married should know is that you don’t become one the day you meet; you are becoming one through a process. There are people who have been married right now and have 30 years into it and have yet to become one. I have seen many people marry a person because of who they are and then spend the rest of their lives trying to change them. I am determined to allow Shaunie to be herself. The gregariousness, the entrepreneurial mindset, the philanthropic mindset, it’s what I fell in love with. It is what complements the destiny that I have. It’s an amazing journey with Shaunie by my side, and I am having the best time of my life!”

SHAUNIE:

“I feel as though people think church is new for me. Much like when culture meets faith, it’s like, ‘Oh, my God! This is so different.’ Yes, but no. I want people to understand that being part of the church is not a culture shock for me. I grew up in church. I sang in the choir. My mother was the pianist at our church [when I was] growing up. I was the church secretary when I was 18, 19 years old. So, church is not new for me even though most people assume it is. There is nothing about my role in this space that I am uncomfortable being.

“Did I ever see myself as a first lady? Not in my wildest dreams. Keion can tell you that when we were first introduced, I was like, ‘Do I qualify? Will I be judged? What are the expectations?’” (as the two chuckled). “I enjoy having fun. [For me] I was like, (sighing), ‘Okay, will we be judged for being human? You know how some church folk can be.’ Not that I live this crazy life, but you just never know what the expectation is. And it is not that Keion is not fun. He is human, just like anybody else. We have a good time. We enjoy life, and I think that that’s what makes people a little curious and interested like, ‘How do you do both?’ I think you can lead a thriving congregation and live a balanced life. One doesn’t have to cancel out the other in my opinion.”

Much can be said when God writes your love story. It is so deeply evident that God penned their story and set their life in motion to ensure the collision of their histories and thus establish wholeness. That is not to say that neither lived a life of wholeness without the other; however, through the process of becoming one, the two will create an entirely different existence.

Since the beginning of time, the number 40 has always carried with it spiritual significance. In fact, the number 40 is mentioned approximately 157 times in the Bible, symbolizing a period of testing, trial, and probation. In 1 Kings 19, the Bible says that Elijah traveled for 40 days and 40 nights before arriving at a place in his life where whispers from God became necessary. In fact, scripture

says that “… the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper” (1Kings 19: 11b–12). By contrast, how many of us have given up hope based on disappointments derived from the aftermath of the winds of life? Or severed relationships that shook our worlds and charred our hopes of what we “thought” would be our future?

Like Elijah, Shaunie and Pastor Keion both traveled 40-plus years on separate paths, experiencing the wholeness of life, which at times was affected by shifting winds, quakes, and fiery throws that put cracks in sound foundations and caused life-transforming separations. As with Elijah, God leaned into Pastor Keion and Shaunie with a whisper after each had crossed over into a new level of maturity gained through their respective 40-plus years of life experiences, ensuring that each listened attentively with their heart and not just with their ears.

MB MAGAZINE:

“May we go a little deeper into your journey to where you are now?”

SHAUNIE:

“Sure. I was single for 10 years and dated. [But] I knew within myself that I was not ever going to be with anyone I dated. It was just fun, but it was also lonely. Being 40-plus, I had gotten to a point in my life where I really wanted to be with somebody for the rest of my life. [Yet] I believed that marriage was just out of the question for me. However, as I got older, I was like, ‘Wow, my kids are getting older. Everybody is leaving, and I want that person.’ But it just was not happening for me. I just stopped thinking about it. I guess I gave up, not knowing that Keion “Even though there were so many things I said I wouldn’t do again and things that I didn’t want, Keion would tell me, ‘You have to let those things go.’ Keion and I coming together was clearly in God’s plan. And even though I’m stepping into a space that to others would seem unexpected … it’s our normal. Even though others may be looking at our relationship and asking, ‘How does that work?’ It’s our normal, and I hope that our example [will] give people who have been in our shoes or similar shoes hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.”

PASTOR KEION:

“I think there’s another barrier that is also being shattered because it’s always positioned as if Shaunie is coming into my world. I believe that there is another narrative that is unfolding. I grew up in a Baptist church, and this is the Scripture that all preachers used: ‘Be thou faithful unto death.’ Meaning you only had to preach, and if you did anything other than preach, you could be stepping outside of the will of God. But I am an entrepreneur. I own my own businesses. I’ve got my own nonprofits. I’ve got some other things going on in my life outside of preaching the Gospel.

“So, what I hope our example will also be representative of is the intersectionality of what Shaunie and I are both doing. Shaunie took faith to the marketplace, and I am bringing the marketplace to faith. There’s this intersectionality, like the time when Jesus found Peter. Peter was a fisherman; we are all disciples in some way. So, people have to be comfortable with the fact that all preachers don’t preach in churches … and all evangelists don’t have a pulpit … and that we’ve got to be sharing the Gospel through our own ways, in our own spaces, and that it is not always through a sermon. Sometimes

it’s through a lifestyle. God needs wealthy people. He’s got to have smart people. We need saved engineers. We need saved people who own production companies. We cannot shrinkwrap ourselves into a 4x4 building with walls and a steeple and think that that’s [the only] representation of the church.

“My God is so big that when I hear people talk about the church, it almost seems like there’s a microcosm of a bigger expression, and He’s much bigger than that. So, if anything, I want people to see how big our God is through our union — how vast He is and how He can use anybody to do anything at any time.”

MB MAGAZINE:

“It is awesome that the two of you have accepted the invitation to allow others to get a glimpse through the lenses of your personal life of just how big God is. What has God revealed to you about marriage during the process?”

PASTOR KEION:

“If I were to give you the definition of marriage [as] the collision of two histories … that’s all it is. The collision of two histories and the magic that happens when two worlds collide. Could you imagine what’s in her planet that my planet doesn’t have? And what’s in my planet that her planet doesn’t have? And that the fertile soil is ready to reproduce in the intersectionality of those worlds to create a super planet that more people can survive in?

“Our union, I hope, actually expands the church and will allow others to know, ‘You’re safe in here. There is room for you at the cross. Jesus loves you, too, no matter what you did yesterday; no matter where you were yesterday; no matter how you talk.’ I want people to understand our God is not this depiction of the dictatorial mindset that some people have painted God in [or] is this evil, callous guy. He is so loving and so open. He is so free and so kind.

“We [Shaunie and I] merged together to become what it is that God desires us to be. But also understanding that there’s a groundedness, there’s a yieldedness, to bringing forth His purposes in the earth. It’s an amazing thing.”

SHAUNIE:

“I’m excited about what God is doing in this space. Sometimes I sit back and just look at God move in our lives collectively. I can just see God’s hand on every part of this. I love that Keion makes me cognizant of being a better person every day. He truly makes me want to be better. I am a person who came with walls up. I don’t let people in very easy at all because it’s just been an easy way to maneuver through life for me. Keeping walls up allowed me to keep things where ‘we’ don’t get too close. ‘You can’t hurt me because I’m not going to let that wall down.’ Keion helped me break those walls. Internally, Keion makes me want to have a better heart and improve on how I approach things.”

When God whispers to the heart of a believer, our response should be whispers of faith manifested through a changed heart. This is exactly what we see in 1 Kings 19 with Elijah and now in the modern-day testament of Shaunie and Pastor Keion. God has shown His presence in both stories at the crossroads of choice, when Elijah — as well as Shaunie, and Pastor Keion — faced the risk of derailing God’s plan for their lives. While we can’t talk to Elijah about the steps he took to change his heart, Pastor Keion and Shaunie did share the steps they took.

MB MAGAZINE:

“We recognize that everything that has occurred in your life has prepared you for this moment in time. You acknowledge that, based on past disappointments, walls had been built to guard your heart from undesirable/recurrent experiences. But, at some point God spoke to you, and you both realized that a change of heart was needed to move forward in your current relationship. How did the two of you get to the point of changing your heart, and what steps did you take to make the shift?

SHAUNIE:

“First, you have to be aware that the walls are there. If you are not aware, you function through it. I don’t know that I knew the walls were there until I met Keion. I kind of was aware that I kept walls as far as friendship circles and social circles, and I was comfortable there. But as far as relationships, I did not realize that I had these walls until it was like a eureka moment when I was having a conversation with Keion. I don’t know what he was thinking, but while I was saying these things out loud, I was also thinking, ‘That’s a turn off. Like, you come with this list of things that you will not tolerate or that you will not forgive.’ I don’t know how Keion was receiving it, but I was saying it and thinking, ‘Yeah, that’s

gonna be kind of miserable.’ If you go through life expecting this new relationship to come with these rules that you’re setting and that will be a happy place, but you’re giving it all these limitations and all these fears, like ‘You do this and it’s over; or you do that and it’s over.’ So it was that moment for me when I realized that I have these walls, and that [because of the limitations I had set] there wasn’t going to be anything that could possibly be a positive for going into a happy relationship. So, awareness is where I think it starts.

“Then you have to be willing to recognize that [living in fear is] a problem that you need to fix, that you need to work on, and that it is not okay; and then you have to do something about it. Not only did I break the walls down, but I also realized that it [fear] was something that I didn’t want. I didn’t want to think like this. I came into this relationship with Keion thinking, ‘I’ve worked on myself. I’ve recognized what was wrong with me.’ But you don’t truly recognize what your challenges are until you are challenged. Until that bear is poked, you don’t know if the work you’ve been doing really has worked or not.

“I was poked in those spaces that I thought I was working on. Areas I thought I had fixed. It wasn’t until Keion came and challenged me in those spaces that I was like, ‘Oh, girl, you got a little more work to do.’ That’s what Keion and I do together. And that’s what we have to recognize about each other. It’s those things that we might’ve brought in [into our relationship] that we didn’t intentionally bring in, but we are aware of … let’s put them on the table. ‘I need to know that’s some trauma you had. I need to know that this is a trigger for you. You need to know that about me.’ And we put that work into all. I mean, every day.”

PASTOR KEION:

“You must understand that everything you will or will not achieve in life will be a result of the position of your heart at the time of the opportunity. So, when your heart is in the right place, you’d be amazed at what God could do with somebody who feels inadequate. Because I don’t always feel like I’m good enough to do what He’s calling me to do. I don’t always feel like I have the skillset to do what He’s asking me to do, but I know what I’m going to bring to the table every time: ‘Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.’ If I bring my heart to the table purified every time, I may not always have the language, may not always have the speech, may not always have the connection, but my heart has gotten me through every door that I’ve ever been through. And I refuse to allow anything or anyone to short circuit the electricity and power that a pure heart brings. A pure heart can help you achieve anything you desire if you could just not This is such an incredible love story! The unmasked sharing of Pastor Keion and Shaunie during this interleaved conversation offers a perfect testament to the power of a clean heart and renewed spirit guarded by God’s Word. In Proverbs 4:23, King Solomon encourages, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Guarding one’s heart involves controlling the thoughts that you allow to rule your mind. Shaunie gives us a great example of this when she quickly realized that she was poked and challenged to change her thoughts.

Faith and fear cannot coexist in the same space. When fear is allowed to replace the walls of faith that is intended to guard our hearts, God’s whispers come to purify us, renew our minds, and set us on the right path. To get more out of this text, ask yourself:

What walls have I built around my heart? What areas in my life have I replaced faith with fear? How have these walls kept me tied to my past and separated me from my desired future? What change(s) of heart need to take place in me to transition from God’s permissive will to His perfect plan for my life?

Our prayer for you is that you listen for God’s whispers as He continues to direct your path. We are grateful for the enlightenment shared by Shaunie and Pastor Keion on their journey toward oneness.

To stay connected and witness the hand of God through this incredible love story, follow Shaunie O’Neal at iamshaunie.com and Pastor Keion Henderson at lhhouston.church

by TONI EMEHEL photography by ROBIN V. styling by JOYCE SHEFFIELD