APRIL DANIELS & THE GIRLFRIEND'S CORNER

“His scent never left me. The way hiswords touched me embodied the waya man was supposed to love his wife,the one God had given him. His presenceleft me full … nothing like the relationshipsI had prior, but of course,it wasn’t supposed to be because Godcreated him to be different. He wasmy one as I was his.”

Those words I wrote still carry somuch life, even after his was takenaway. Leaving my heart scarred —like I had traveled through a bitterdivorce — yet whole, with the hopethat, someday, in some miraculousway, I might possibly love again.This notion still hasn’t completelyescaped me.

Guilt taps me on the shoulder often,interrupting that thought, but theconversations my one and I onceshared would remind me he wouldonly want the best for me.

Those same conversations confirmedthat he would understand howdifficult it is to cut through the manylayers of our love story to even considerthe possibility of a new chapterbeing written with someone otherthan him.

Yet, my prayers are like stop lights, anillumined place of receiving directionto the next destination God has forme. He is the Master Navigator,directing me to be still, to keepgoing, or not to make U-turns — totake me on this new journey in His

timing. My conversations with Godare loaded, like overpacked luggage,but I want to be prepared, not findmyself lost at any intersection due tomy failure to listen to His voice.

Your friends will champion for you,wanting to help you find a trace ofwhat your happiness once resembled.Respectful of your boundaries butalso intentional, knowing that whenyou are ready, all you have to do is saythe word and they’ll recruit and vetlike nobody’s business.

I’m not even mad, because yourfriends aren’t supposed to be comfortablewith you staying stuck. Aroundhere, we fix each other’s crowns andpour strength back into the areaswhere we face the most opposition. Ilove them all for their honesty, humor,and hearts. But I’m not even surewhat any of my future chapters looklike or how long it will take me toget there. Even with the way I misseverything about being a wife, aboutsharing my life with a man who feltlike my one in a million, even on hisworst day.

I look around at other women whohave walked in similar shoes: thosewidowed, divorced, or broken up,and (without judgment) didn’t missa beat. Then there are others whohave decided not to pursue any sort ofrelationship and are okay with beingalone. Depending which day you ask,either could be my answer. But on mymost confident days, the ones where

his words are my reminder, I wrestle with the thought of “when will it be okay to love again?” A question no one can truly answer, and if they did, they all would come from a different perspective … as if there’s one real answer.

People can be so loud in a space they aren’t qualified to speak in. Everybody with limited information feels like they know what you should do, or not do, when they’ve never been remotely close to where you’re standing.

My written expression may never occupy a page in any of your chapters. I never thought it would be so relevant in mine … until it was. But if this hits close to home and there’s a familiarity of apprehension concerning the idea to love again, know it’s a natural thought. Who doesn’t want to be loved? And who said you only get one great experience in a lifetime?

God is able to do all things, and the last time I checked, no case study has cracked the code to precisely define this process. The goal should never be set on replacing what was lost but focused on being prepared for what’s to come regardless if it includes love.

Loneliness is real when someone who occupied a large space no longer resides there. But what’s also real is your ability to make poor choices if you aren’t allowing God to be who He’s supposed to be in the journey and the process. He holds the answer and the promise to what’s unfamiliar, so let that be what’s definitive in the spaces that remain empty.

Don’t rest with guilt about any feeling you are experiencing surrounding the heart, especially if you were left with beautiful memories of a love that once lived there.