DELIRIA stephen richter
Deliria or What you will not
a Shakespearean Transposition
Deliria 2
[ NAMES OF THE ACTORS
JAMES I THE CONQUEROR, King of Aragon - leader of La Reconquista española BROTHER INQUISITOR CARAMELO MACCHIATO IBÁÑEZ, sworn to prevent any mistranslation of the Bible and to punish heresy CARDINAL SAMBUCA, emissary from the vatican sent to observe the reconquest of the Balearic Islands ORSINO, Duke of Illyria. SEBASTIAN, brother of Viola. ANTONIO, a Sea Captain, friend to Sebastian. MALVOLIO, Steward to King James I FABIAN, Servant to Olivia. FESTE, Servant to Olivia. OLIVIA, a rich Countess. VIOLA, Duchess of Illyria. Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and other Attendants.
Scene Illyria] *
Deliria 3 I.1 The docks at the Illyrian waterfront. [Enter Fabian] FABIAN Malvolio! A pox on this mist. ‘Tis thick as broth. Malvolio where art thou? The Duke sends his most heartfelt greetings on this thy return. Our ceremony double blessed shall now be triple. [Enter King Jaime, Brother Macchiato, Cardinal Sambuca, Malvolio and a hoard of soldiers. Feste and Antonio, bound in mantacles and gagged, follow behind them. ] KING Seize him! FABIAN What treachery is this?! MALVOLIO ‘Tis a servant to the lady Olivia, my liege. MACCHIATO Pagan, fool, or both, Malvolio? MALVOLIO Hedonist, this one. A most impudent hedonist and accomplice in the vile, unnatural union betwixt Sparta, Lesbos (and god only knows what else) there in yon alcazar of Duke Orsino. CARDINAL SAMBUCA A stronghold of Moors? MALVOLIO Less moor than christian yet greek in deed, your eminence. CARDINAL SAMBUCA [smiling] Indeed? KING Speak plainly, sirrah. MALVOLIO Christian heretics, golden calves, a veritable Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mare Nostrum. KING ‘Tis most foul. We are thus justified in our reclamation of the island. God wills it! EVERYONE EXCEPT FABIAN God wills it! [Soldiers draw their swords, staring at Fabian] FABIAN God be praised! O glorious deliverance from iniquity! Huzzah! MALVOLIO [to Feste] Only the Penitent Man Shall Pass, Sir Topas. Who wears the gag now, my fool? CARDINAL SAMBUCA Malvolio, art thou certain this unholy Duke joins in wedlock with his man Cesario?
Deliria 4 MALVOLIO Nay, your eminence. ‘Twas once a man, Ceario, Orsino’s best man. Till he sought to woo lady Olivia by her back door, unbeknownst to the duke. Then arrived Cesario’s brother, a most covetous Pollux with the mark of Cain upon his lusty brow. The fraternal impostor deceived Lady Olivia, marrying her in secret by taking on the person of his brother Cesario. KING A twofold villainy! Just like mine uncle in Salamanca. MALVOLIO Threefold, my lord, and t’was a trifle compared to what followed. MACCHIATO O thou stokes the fires of righteousness indignation, Malvolio. Confess to what followed and wet our appetite for holy retribution. MALVOLIO Both Orsino and Cesario learned of the hasty marriage. Thus in an act of unholy rebellion, the Duke proclaimed before all present that he would then take Cesario to wife instead. Beard to beard, Orsino and Cesario embraced with unbridled passions and demanded a woman’s weeds be brought forth - a maid’s garments to be sent for the duke’s future bridegroom, posthaste. MACCHIATO Blasphemy, ten thousand blasphemies! CARDINAL SAMBUCA O wretched soul. I must be granted his confession personally, your highness. This Porcino seems a veritable Agathon. In Rome I chanced upon the poetry (by chance mind you) the poetry of young Pausanias in the rectory and found it to be quite loving inKING Lead on, Malvolio, lest we all catch wind of these strange aires blowing about Illyria. Hasten us t’ the passage thou spake of. Such brazen wantonness! We must breach this infernal keep and pluck the berries of discord and abomination from the infertile soil to which they were sown. [Exeunt] I.2 Duke Orsino’s Castle [A feast is being served. The hall is filled with the nobility and citizens of Illyria. Enter Orsino, Viola, Sebastian, Olivia. The four take their seats at the head of the great table] DUKE If food be the music of love, play on, my friends! VIOLA My love, dost thou not find me not strange in thy apparel with our wedding a fortnight past? DUKE A capon’s meat is rightly sweet to dress a king’s table as any hen or pheasant might a duke’s table grace, and thus on capon we feast with fraternal love and brotherhood in Illyria this night which is neither base nor profane in its dressing.
Deliria 5 VIOLA Good, my lord? DUKE Verily ‘tis good. VIOLA [pointing to her upper lip] And this? DUKE Thy moustache? ‘TisVIOLA false and most strange, my love. I know not why thou insistDUKE Sebastian, my brother and sworn protector of Illyrian valor! SEBASTIAN Good, my lord? DUKE Dost thou find CesariDost thou find thy sister’s disguise for safety’s sake or thy disguise thus strange? SEBASTIAN I know not why the need for such disguises, my lord. DUKE Assassins, thieves and knaves, my brother. Thou wert present when the threats were cast. If they mark thee for thy sister and thy sister for thee then my love is safe from the thief in the night, who would stain the bed of noble matrimony with mutinous grudge. OLIVIA And I, Sebastian with thy smooth face and shorn thigh, find thee a most agreeable bedfellow, my love. For the sake of safety ‘tis worth such tender sacrifice is it not? SEBASTIAN Thy dress and corset become me not, my lady, nor do they support a manhood most strange and verily on the wane, thus prolonged and publicly pronounced. Hear’st thou not the murmuring withal? MALVOLIO This murmuring, madam, has come to avenge itself on the whole pack of you! [Enter, Malvolio, King Jaime and the Spanish Inquisition] KING Bring them all forward! If they resist put them to the sword! MACCHIATO God wills it! OLIVIA Malvolio! Why hast thou betrayed us thus? We sent for thee in good faith and friendship to heal old wounds and vengeful hands. Should jest beget murder? KING Purify the city and these prisoners with fire. Bring me the head of the duke and place the nobility in the hands of Brother Macchiato.
Deliria 6 MALVOLIO I... I loved thee and thou mad’st me a fool, my lady... O my lady! CARDINAL SAMBUCA Yes, bring us the fool, sirrah. Music ‘tis the food of the soul that drowns the sounds of suffering. [Enter Feste] [The guests are herded offstage by soldiers. Malvolio is taken as well. The Duke kneels before Cardinal Sambuca. A priest gives Feste a Lyre. Tears run down Feste’s cheeks as he sings] Exeunt [all but Feste]. FESTE Reckoner, you can't take it with yer Dancing for your pleasure. You are not to blame for Bittersweet distractor Dare not speak it's name Dedicated to all human beings Because we separate Like ripples on a blank shore Because we separate Like ripples on a blank shore Reckoner Take me with yer Dedicated to all human beings1
1
Reckoner by Radiohead (In Rainbows – From the Basement) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLVA7Ap1vkQ