Misc.04.06.23

The Miscellany News

VSA brings bike program

Speaker generates discourse

Jyotsna Naidu Reporter Olivia Selby Guest Reporter

The Vassar Student Association (VSA) plans to launch the Dynamic Bikes bike share program on campus in the Fall 2023 semester. Students will be able to check out a VSA-branded bike for a few hours and return it to one of eight magnetic bike docks across campus, at no charge, through the Vassar app.

The idea initially came from a budget surplus of $423,774.96, a result of conservative budgeting and miscommunication between the VSA and the College. “[The Executive Board] agreed we needed something that was visible and actually really benefited students and we had the money,” VSA Vice President Joe Mangan ’23 said. “It should be, as a first start, a pretty encompassing bike program and they’ll always be free to students.” The Bike Share program’s total cost amounts to $50,000.

The program is the culmination of the VSA’s Annual Comprehensive Survey taken in Summer 2022, in which 48.7 percent of respondents said they would use a temporary bike rental service. From the student opinions gathered, the VSA created advocacy goals for the academic year in its annual Priorities and Initiatives proposal. Initiative 5.6, “Expand bike program access to students,” pushes for a bike-share program

that increases bike access and parking.

“The main imperative was that we had surveyed students and there was interest. It's also a reflection of a general awareness that, while we're a small school, we have a pretty large campus, and it would be nice to be able to move around a little bit quicker,” Mangan said. He continued, “The survey helped a lot to put on the table an idea that was popular.”

The proposed program will be not only accessible, but convenient. “The bike racks are magnetically docked. You can use the [Vassar] app [to check a bike], the bike comes unlocked and it's yours. The bikes also have a lock of their own so you can take it somewhere, lock it up, hang out for a while and take it back to a rack,” Mangan said. The eight rack locations include the Farm, the three apartment areas, the Deece, Main House, New England Building and Kenyon Hall. 57 bike slots will be available for the 27 short term rental bikes. He added, “You'd have to put in a credit card when you sign up for it, just in case the bike gets lost or damaged significantly” in which case students would be billed.

Throughout the school year, Mangan met with various stakeholders to plan and implement the bike share program. The Dynamic Bicycles company’s bike fleet was chosen for its smaller size, specialization

Thisyear, the President’s Office selected Dr. Margaret “Peggy” Hamburg to address the Class of 2023 for the 159th Commencement. However, members of the Vassar Student Association (VSA), as well as other seniors, have voiced concerns about the choice of Hamburg as speaker.

Commencement—the moment when Vassar students cross the threshold between the shelter of the “Vassar Bubble” and the real world—can be filled with excitement, dread, anticipation, nostalgia or a jumbled mixture of all four. Each year, the Commencement speaker has the crucial role of harnessing these emotions and funneling them into feelings of inspiration, empowerment and hope.

When asked how the President’s Office chooses the Commencement speaker each year, President Bradley commented, “We look for speakers we think can inspire students—who can be inspiring based on their accomplishments and have insights to offer.”

Bradley explained why Hamburg was chosen: “[She] has had an exceptionally impactful career after decades of leadership in public health, most notably as the Commissioner of the FDA; she also has a special place in her heart at Vassar as her

mother is a graduate, and in fact the first person who was accepted as an African American applicant to Vassar.”

Rose Sosnowski ’23 and Sammy Solomon ’23 were concerned that just a quick Google search reveals Hamburg’s involvement in a 2016 lawsuit in which it is alleged that, during her time as FDA commissioner, she concealed safety information related to the drug Levaquin. Though the case was dismissed in 2017, Sosnowski remarked, “Having a Commencement speaker with a ‘legal issues’ section on their Wikipedia page doesn’t reflect Vassar in the best light.”

In addition, these seniors were concerned that Hamburg, who has dedicated her life to a career in public health, may largely focus her speech on how the Senior Class has persevered through the devastating effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. They felt that this might bring seniors back to a particularly dark period in their lives on a day that is supposed to be filled with hope and joy.

Sosnowski commented, “Myself, and the other students I’ve talked to, are concerned that Dr. Hamburg is going to focus on COVID, and how our class was impacted by the pandemic. It's something my class knows too well, and it’s definitely something we don’t need to be reminded of. The way the college handled COVID regula-

Campus band fowlmouth releases its debut EP

Vassar’s own campus band fowlmouth released its debut EP “Safety Last!” on Sunday, Feb. 26. The group, consisting of members Julia Maisel-Berick ’24, Rachel Ostrowski ’24 and Lauren Pacheco ’24, hosted an intimate release listening party on the day, complete with cake and handmade merch. The record itself is a fantastic slice of indie folk, with incredible production and beautiful songwriting to boot. The band adeptly combines singable melodies with hard-hitting lyrics and skilled instrumentation, which are especially clear on songs like the title track and closer “Ghosts on a Line.” All three members contribute their instrumental and vocal skills to the record, and their harmonies create a fantastic cohesion on the EP.

I was fortunate enough to be able to talk with the band members about their songwriting and production process, and what is next for them. This first EP was many years in the making—the bandmates said the first recording was in Maisel-Berick’s Raymond single during the 2020-2021 school year, when Pacheco and Maisel-Berick were podmates as the pandemic was in full swing. “We recorded with probably the worst mic money can buy, and a sock over the microphone,” Maisel-Berick said.

“We didn’t re-record any of the vocals,” Ostrowski, fowlmouth’s main producer, stated,

“Which meant that we did some gymnastics to make it all fit.” Ostrowski’s production, then, is wizardry—the music cuts clear and firm sometimes, and echoes and swirls others, all of which is done with remarkable capability. The original harmonies for the title track are also incredible for being sung on a dorm room floor, at once intimate and open. During the Summer of 2021, the band members recorded over email and Zoom, then moved to the recording studio in the basement of Chicago Hall for their sophomore year. “It took way too long,” Pacheco states. As for the production, it took place in three dorm rooms, two countries (the US and Hungary) and 12 states, with Ostrowski mixing while studying abroad and while on a roadtrip across the country.

The band also spoke about its songwriting process. “For most of the songs on this EP in particular, Julia has come in with lyrics, and we’ve built the instrumentals around that,” Pacheco said. “Julia’s been our main creative force.”

Pacheco shed some light on the meanings behind the songs, as well—“I feel like the first three songs [on the EP: “Safety Last!,” “Fairgrounds” and “Good Girl”] are about navigating uncertainty, and the last song [“Ghosts on a Line”] is a fantasy of complete certainty or contentment in someone,” they said. That theme of uncertainty seemed to echo for the other bandmates, as well; as Maisel-Berick elaborated, the title track deals with the

Inside this issue The Vassar baseball team is having its best season since 2003.

FEATURES

Madi Donat Humor Editor

Image courtesy of Bank Street Books.

O-fish-ial dating advice for all of the floundering romantics out there.

Freed from restrictive uniforms, columnist pens a love letter to Vassar fashion.

See FOWLMOUTH on page 5

April

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VSA bike share program brings eco-friendly option to campus

Continued from Bikes on page 1

in college campuses and custom branding. The Campus Master Planning Committee reviewed bike rack locations, Safety and Security discussed how to secure bikes over breaks and winter, Grounds Manager Dean Jaeger approved locations and finalized installation logistics and the Bike Shop agreed to provide bike maintenance as needed.

The VSA is looking to subsidize the Bike Shop’s cost of maintenance materials and hire additional workers to meet the increased needs of the bike share. The Vassar Bike and DIY Repair Shop is a student-run community bike shop, free for all Vassar students and community members. Currently, the Bike Shop's “Fix-It” program pairs mechanics with students to repair and then use the bike, open to Transitions students who are first-generation, low income, and/or undocumented.

“I think Fix-It is a good program but it does require a lot of time and it's kind of a small scale thing until we get more funding,” VSA Treasurer Max Nevius said. Last semester, Fix It loaned out 30 bikes. They also provide a few short-term rentals.

“[The bike-share] is a good step for getting people more involved in biking, there’s definitely a need to have it on this campus as a mode of transport that's more accessible,” Bike Shop mechanic Carmen Skinder ’26 said. “The difference between moving around on a bike versus walking kind of changes how you experience Vassar.”

“There's been a large discussion around

how our bikes on campus are operated, and who's responsible for it,” Mangan said. The Bike Shop works with Campus Safety to find abandoned bikes and loan them to students. Campus Safety also has an independent bike-loan program of 40 bikes. Yet 95 percent of the Annual Comprehensive Survey respondents were unaware of the program. “If someone you know is looking to have a bike, we're trying to get it all integrated [and] the front end of that operation done through the bike shop instead of through Safety,” Mangan explained.

In 2009, the VSA implemented a similar bike share program, “The Shared Bike Program” or PinkBike colloquially. By the end of the “Shared Bike Program,” only about half the bikes were rideable. It utilized a crude key locking system and altruistic maintenance, differing from the modern-day locking and storing technologies of the incoming bike share. Mangan added that when he and VSA President Julián Aguilar ’23 first entered the VSA in 2019, legislative process and an advocacy agenda were largely absent. Now, they are able to understand what concerns are important to the entire student body through the survey and take actionable steps to advocate.

“It gives me good hope for the VSA in a couple of years ahead,” Mangan said. “Being well put together enough this year that we can even think about VSA mobilizing so quickly over the course of the year to start a bike share program this substantial is amazing.”

Concerns raised over Commencement speaker choice

Continued from Commencement on page 1

tions during our sophomore year negatively impacted many people’s mental health.”

They added, “Ending our time at Vassar being forced to think about those years will be really painful for some people.”

Furthermore, though Hamburg clearly has a special connection to Vassar because of her mother’s legacy as the first Black woman to attend and graduate from the school, students have expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that Hamburg herself is not an alumna. Sosnowski commented, “It would mean so much more to hear from someone who has actually walked across

the stage at Sunset Lake and been exactly where my class will be in May.” However, only one Commencement speaker from the last five years has been a Vassar graduate.

Although Bradley consulted VSA President Julián Aguilar when choosing Hamburg, Sosnowski and Solomon hope for more student involvement in the Commencement speaker selection process in the future. One possibility that Sosnowski suggested is to have Bradley consult a committee of seniors in order to gauge their enthusiasm for various candidates. They commented, “I know when departments

hire professors and such they have students on a committee and have them contribute to the decision-making process… I feel like there would definitely be students interested in helping her select a speaker.”

The VSA stated that it is presently taking steps towards achieving greater student involvement in the selection process. VSA

Vice President Joe Mangan ’23 noted, “We are currently working on a statement and intend to reintroduce proposals to establish a joint committee designed to review prospective Commencement speakers.” He added, “We hope that the College will take into consideration the feedback voiced by

many students in the past weeks and look forward to working with the College to solidify permanent, institutional solutions going forward—solutions designed to offer a direct and proactive student voice in the determination of Commencement speakers.”

This year’s concerns follow last year’s controversy with Jeh Charles Johnson as Commencement speaker for the Class of 2022. The VSA and other students are amplifying these efforts to ensure that Vassar’s Commencement speakers always reflect the values of the Vassar student community at large, according to Mangan.

Image courtesy of Izzy Rico ’23.

Students for Justice in Palestine recognizes Israeli Apartheid Week

Charlotte Robertson News Editor

The week following spring break, anti-Zionist activists across the United States, including Vassar’s student organization Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP), recognized Israeli Apartheid Week (IAW).

IAW is an annual international period of activism. This year, SJP sponsored four different events, including a screening of the 2021 documentary “Boycott,” in partnership with the Hudson Valley chapter of Jewish Voice for Peace. The film explores concepts of American free speech through three lawsuits against anti-BDS (Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions) laws. SJP also tabled in the College Center on Tuesday and Thursday following spring break. One member of the organization, who wished to remain anonymous, commented, “Tabling consisted of distributing articles and other literature about various topics relating to Palestinian

liberation, such as the murder of a Palestinian journalist last year, illegal Israeli prisons, US aid to the Israeli military and other significant facts and figures.” She further noted that tabling functions not only as a means of public education, but also as a way to maintain a visible presence on campus.

Finally, SJP held a teach-in on Friday, March 24. “The Israeli Apartheid teach-in, which boasted impressive attendance, was an opportunity for students to learn about the history of Zionist occupation, the subsequent expulsion of Palestinians from their native land, and the Israeli crimes of apartheid recognized by the UN, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch,” the student wrote. She expressed her satisfaction with student involvement during this year’s IAW, mentioning that student voices carry great responsibility in generating change. She concluded, “The South African anti-apartheid movement took protests, action, and advocacy from all over the world in order to be successful. We believe

that with the same commitment, Palestine will be free.”

In an email correspondence, Associate Dean for Campus Activities Dennis Macheska wrote on behalf of the Campus Activities Office: “Campus Activities works closely with all student orgs to ensure that their events are executed safely and successfully. In the event that a program is deemed to be potentially controversial, Campus Activities and Campus Safety partner with student leaders sponsoring the event to ensure that dialogue is respectful, safeguards are in place for peaceful debate, and discrimination of any form is not acceptable.”

He additionally commented that SJP complied with all procedures and expectations from both VSA and the College: “Additionally, some of the Jewish student leadership of SJP met with Rabbi Bryan and other Jewish professionals and students prior to Israeli Apartheid Week."

Vassar’s SJP is dedicated to promoting Palestinian rights through on-campus activ-

ism, a second member of the organization, who also wanted to remain anonymous, expressed in a written correspondence. “We understand that Palestinians are living in a state of apartheid and under military occupation of the Israeli government,” they stated. They explained that the organization responds to on-the-ground calls from Palestinians seeking university divestment from Israeli apartheid, in addition to demonstrating general solidarity for Palestine. As a fairly small student organization, SJP functions on a non-hierarchical basis, with volunteer work as its central mission. “Although we are small, all of our members are dedicated to the goals of SJP and the Palestinian liberation movement at large,” they emphasized. A third student, also anonymous, further contributed: “Our goal during Apartheid Week (and throughout the year) is to amplify the voices of Palestinians and educate the Vassar community on ways in which Vassar is economically complicit in apartheid.”

Maryam Bacchus/The Miscellany News.

ARTS

'A Doll’s House' inspires Vassar drama audience

As a drama major, seeing Broadway shows in New York City with the Drama Ticket Fund has been my ideal pastime this year at Vassar. The idea of watching performances that we study in class, free of charge, allows me to hone my theatrical craft in the way it is meant to be studied: up close and personal. This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of witnessing Amy Herzog’s adaptation of “A Doll’s House” by Henrik Ibsen.

As audience members sauntered into their seats 15 minutes prior to showtime, they weregreeted by Jessica Chastain, live and in the flesh, rotating on a turntable sitting completely still. Outfitted in all black with her red hair pulled back, Chastain stared straight ahead of her. Almost menacingly, all cast members then slowly joined the stage, but they never acknowledged one another. Each wooden chair faced in a different direction, and the year 1879 was projected onto the back wall. After watching this production, you might not have realized that year was when Ibsen originally wrote the play, as the minimalistic set suggested a more modern time. Or perhaps no time at all—it is all up to the audience’s interpretation. This lack of specific reference to time period, through set design, costume or dialogue, was my favorite part of this production.

In my “Sources of World Drama” class with Professor of Drama Amanda Culp, we studied Tanika Gupta’s adaptation of the play. Telling the story of a housewife slowly descending into dissatisfaction at the hands of her patronizing husband, this play brings to light issues that are still relevant to this day. Nora, the

inherent mystery of the end of a film you haven’t seen (and never knowing how you stand in the eyes of a lover); “Fairgrounds” navigates the emotional space of being certain a relationship is going to end poorly but still wanting to see it through; and “Good Girl,” while technically about Pacheco’s aggressive childhood dog who bit the mailman, could be about anyone who doesn’t see all the harm they’re doing to you or others. “Ghosts on a Line,” according to Maisel-Berick, was inspired by “Dawson’s Creek,” but also the folk music featured in the 1976 documentary “Harlan County, USA,” about a protest in a mining town.

Over spring break, the band went on a mini-tour around the Northeast. The band played in a variety of venues: “It was a range of shows—house shows, street busking, open

leading lady with a dark secret, is reimagined as Niru, a young Bengali woman married to Tom instead of Torvald, an English colonial bureaucrat. Similar to Ibsen's original, each husband treats his wife as something to be admired and toyed with, as opposed to an equal. They are kept as playthings for their husbands, yearning for a way to escape the madness that society has placed in their laps. Studying this play in Culp’s class was incredibly interesting for me, and after Sunday’s performance, I knew I needed to pick her brain to hear her thoughts on this new edition.

I've been reflecting quite a bit on the way the production's minimalist design really allowed Amy Herzog's terrific new version of Ibsen's text to shine,” says Culp. “By denying

nowhere for the director and actors to hide in this production, on this bare stage. Which means they can't distract us from the text with stage business or props.” Only the bare bones of the stage are visible. Even when various props are mentioned, the actors have made no attempt to pantomime them, so the audience is fully expected to immerse themselves in the spoken word. In fact, they cannot escape the dialogue—much like Nora cannot escape the confinement of her dollhouse.

able with characters Kristine and Dr. Rank, the audience catches a glimpse of her Machiavellian side.

us the trappings of middle class life promised by the play––the intricate design of Nora's home, the macaroons on which she snacks, the Cuban cigars her husband and Dr. Rank smoke––director Jamie Lloyd has left us with nothing but the language to live in. There is

mics, one college basement and a tavern for middle-to-late-aged farmers,” Ostrowski remarked. The tour was not only great for their friendship, but also for their music-making: “It’s so hard to schedule an hour a day to practice, so being able to wake up in the morning and play some songs if we wanted to was great,” Ostrowski said.

As for what’s next for fowlmouth, the band has a single coming out before the end of the semester called “Postcards.” They will be playing at The Loeb formal gala on April 21, Noise on Noyes and the Misc Music Fest. “Safety Last!” is now available on all streaming platforms as well as iTunes, and fowlmouth lyrics and merch can be found on bandcamp. I was so lucky to be able to chat with this band about its process and music-making, and I am sure you will enjoy this debut EP as much as I do.

“They have to understand every word meticulously, so that we can see the world around them through their interactions. I think this is why so many of my students responded to the play afterwards with shock and surprise—lines of the text that they didn't remember from reading the play, that sounded so fresh, so contemporary, that Herzog had to have added them. But she hasn't. She's made adjustments, to be sure (the first that really caught my ear was Nora's confession in Act I that she has a desire to just say f*ck it all. In most translations this sentiment is the more demure ‘to hell with it!’). But I think the biggest change is not the language, but the fact that the language is placed front and center. There is nothing to distract from it. And so, we hear it not as bound to the trappings of a foreign home over a century ago, but for how and where it feels uncomfortably close, uncomfortably contemporary,” explains Culp. Yet, in Herzog’s minor modernization of the dialogue, she creates an interesting character development in Nora that only a live audience can catch. For example, when she conversates with her husband Torvald, her tone is reminiscent of a bird—light and breezy. The couple frequently implement baby talk within their exchanges. Yet, when Nora is truly comfort-

Through cutting, uncomfortable and distinct language used by various characters within the show, Lloyd compares and contrasts agency between stifled women in a patriarchal society. This adaptation of “A Doll's House” depicts a world where women are disrespected and forced to sacrifice their morals, bodies and self-respect to fit into the mold society deems socially acceptable. Although at first Nora’s disaster appears minute, the sacrifices she made for her husband’s security came with a substantial price. By giving the audience a peek into the two spheres of a His and Hers world, they witness a life in which women suffer at the hands of people closest to them—their husbands.

Emma Lawrence Guest Columnist

Image courtesy of Emma Lawrence ‘25.

“Through cutting, uncomfortable and distinct language used by various characters within the show, Lloyd compares and contrasts agency between stifled women in a patriarchal society."

Image courtesy of Audrey Weaver ’24.

Image courtesy of Rachel Ostrowski ’24.

Continued from FOWLMOUTH on page 1

ARTS

Exploring musical boredom and discovery

Allen Hale Assistant Arts Editor

The internet age has made an immense amount of information readily available for our consumption, summarized by the often-parroted idea that we now have “the world at our fingertips.” Prior to recorded music, listeners would have to either watch live performances or create music on their own. According to the National Park Service, technological advances in the late 19th century began to enable sound recording; individual musical works would still need to be purchased in order for audiences to hear their favorite pieces. Similarly, radio provided listeners with a greater variety of options, although the choice in programming is not regularly picked by the individual. However, the advent of the internet age would transform our musical landscape in rapid fashion. As reported by the Michigan Daily, after foundations had been laid by services such as Napster and the iTunes Music Store, music streaming grew tremendously in the years to come, leading to industry giants such as Spotify, Apple Music and Soundcloud becoming the main mode by which we enjoy music.

With such a revolutionary resource readily available, it seems improbable that we would still suffer from boredom or grow tired of the content surrounding us. However, as a music listener I often feel myself falling into slumps where my reliable playlists and favorite albums become less engaging or interesting. Even though my shuffle playlist contains nearly 1,500 songs, I find myself skipping through dozens of tracks in search of something to satisfy my hyper-specific musical desires, pushing me to hunt for new sounds. In this piece I want to highlight the various means by which I attempt to find music, discussing the success and pitfalls of the internet’s enormity as a musical archive.

Beginning the discovery process can be an overwhelming task; there is no end to what we may access through the online world, and the sheer quantity of content becomes difficult to effectively sort through. One of my consistent starting places is RateYourMusic (RYM). Although one may initially be turned off by the archaic user interface of the site, RYM offers its users a highly efficient method of searching for releases. The charts section of the site enables one to sort through works by a number of quantifiers, such as year of release, highest average rating, number of ratings, release format, genres, descriptor adjectives, locations and languages. These quantifiers can be combined to form a highly specified search based on the user’s interests, enabling one to narrow down the vastness of streamable music into a list of options. Additionally, user-created lists enable fans to create a catalog of recommendations with detailed descriptions, typically based around a particular theme or style. Some of my favorites include “Strange Music Behind The Iron Curtain,” “Spacemo,” “Hypnagogic Pop: A Contemporary History of Underwater Pop Nostalgia (2006-’20)” and “500 Experimental and Avant-Garde Albums Everyone Should Check Out”. Whether you’re searching for classics and genre staples or obscure albums that seldom see the light of day, RYM’s charts and lists will help you more effectively guide your musical explorations.

Another avenue for new discoveries is YouTube. The website’s algorithm is surprisingly apt at recommending albums and songs based off of what one is currently listening to, presenting the audience with a sidebar of recommendations enjoyed by those who clicked on the same album as the listener. Although the ability to browse is far less specific than RYM’s search engine, YouTube’s recommendations are remarkably satisfying, providing listeners with a

more randomized, indeterminate means of discovery. Additionally, creators such as deep cuts and Polyphonic create in-depth, well-edited videos for fans of music to survey new styles, including pieces on genre introductions, music history and discography guides. Other channels serve as album archives typically focused on a particular style or genre, such as sweetbabyjaysus uploading ’90s alternative, independent and hardcore music. Finally, my favorite music channel Amoeba is home to the series “What’s In My Bag?” which features artists record shopping while describing the personal appeal or importance of their chosen albums. This is a fantastic way to understand a musician’s influences through the projects they recommend, enabling the audience to find new music by exploring their favorite artist’s highlighted purchases.

taking up your screen.

With a variety of resources at one’s disposal, it seems unlikely that musical boredom should ever be a consistent issue for a dedicated listener. However, it may be the vast amount of content consumed by music listeners that drives us to often feel tired or bored of an entire art form. Streaming offers us essentially any piece of music we want at a moment’s notice, with little active consideration on our part as to how this is both technologically possible and radically incongruent with music consumption in past centuries. One should consider the possibility that we do not need music in every moment of silence available to us; our listening burnouts may be brought upon us by an overabundance of options instead of a perceived lack of choices. Music will remain fulfilling and exciting if it is used to complement our lives and accompany us in moments of true want rather than simply filling a void without intent, a practice of reasonable moderation to combat cycles of musical boredom.

The final way in which I seek out new music is through the recommendation of others. In conversations, I often discuss recent listening with friends who I know are interested in the subject, taking mental note of their particular favorites at the moment. Spotify’s activity tab is another way of keeping up to date with the listening habits of your followers, which can provide a fresh influx of music for one to explore. Additionally, the mobile app also offers a listening party feature by which you and another person can queue up songs and listen alongside one another, found by clicking on the bottom left button resembling a speaker that appears when you have a song

“One should consider the possibility that we do not need music in every moment of silence available to us.”

Karen Mogami/The Miscellany News.

ARTS

Lana Del Rey pursues new directions on 'Ocean BLVD'

Catherine Borthwick Live Events Chair

Self-proclaimed coquette girls and Vassar students alike have long awaited the release of Lana Del Rey’s ninth studio album, “Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd,” which came out last week. Del Rey, whose curated old-Hollywood, Americana aesthetic proved formative for sad girls everywhere in the 2010s, takes a step into undiscovered territory with this album. With her distinctively aloof attitude, Del Rey delivers a charming but unusual record. It’s simultaneously playful and dripping with melancholy, and boasts an array of featured artists including Father John Misty, Jon Batiste, Bleachers and SYML.

“Her

In contrast to previous albums, where Del Rey draws listeners in with catchy pop hooks, “Ocean Blvd” adopts a more nonchalant style through its long instrumentals and serene ballads. One particular strength

of the album is its engagement with Black music, through gospel and by featuring several influential Black artists. Many songs on the album feel like digressions, with some lasting as long as six or seven minutes; there are also two songs designated as “interludes.” Instead of feeling overly-indulgent, however, these choices exude an air of subtle confidence; Del Rey knows that she has our attention.

Del Rey also isn’t afraid to replace some of her usual subject matter, like daddy issues and ephemeral feminine youth, with more existential themes, such as religious faith.

On “Grandfather please stand on the shoulders of my father while he’s deep-sea fishing,” she sings “God, if you’re near me, send me three white butterflies.” The fifth track, “Judah Smith Interlude” is a recorded Judah Smith sermon. Her religious uncertainty throughout the album elicits a sense of maturity and pertinence in the Ethel Cain age of indie music; it’s a theme not fully explored in previous albums.

This is not to say that she entirely forgoes themes that are emblematic to her aesthetic, however. For example, at the end of “A&W,” she repeats a line that feels classic to the Del Rey ethos: “This is the experience of bein' an American whore.” Del Rey also both directly and indirectly references previous work, such as through the final song on the album, “Taco Truck x VB,” which is a reimagination of her popular song “Venice Bitch” off her 2019 album “Norman Fucking Rockwell.” “Candy Necklace” also references the song “Cinnamon Girl” from the same album in its first line. The song “Fishtail,” too, feels like a sonic throwback to Del Rey’s brief toe-dip into hip-hop on her 2017

“Perfect for a rainy day or a long walk, 'Ocean Blvd' is a soulful and graceful ode to moving forward.”

album “Lust For Life.” Though this album feels like a rebirth, she makes it clear that the old Del Rey will never die.

The singer with whom we were collectively infatuated in high school will forever be preserved through albums such as “Born to Die” and “Ultraviolence” (and, of course, in her famously atrocious performance on SNL in 2012). A decade later, instead of chasing her lost youth (Del Rey is now 37), she gives us “Ocean Blvd:” a meandering, purposefully anticlimactic record infused with her characteristic melancholy.

Perfect for a rainy day or a long walk, “Ocean Blvd” is a soulful and graceful ode to moving forward. By swapping sickly-sweet pop songs for more thoughtful, sprawling tracks, Del Rey seems to acknowledge that her previous albums represent her bygone era of heroin-chic, youthful rebellion, and that this record represents a new era of growth. And still—with her signature vintage, nostalgic flair—Del Rey does so by glancing backwards (through thematic and lyrical references to previous work) before taking this bold step in a new direction.

The Philaletheis Society presents 'Almost, Maine'

OnMarch 31 and April 1, The Philaletheis Society, a Vassar student theater group, presented “Almost, Maine,” a play written by John Cariani that first premiered in 2004. Directed at Vassar by Lou Griesman ’24, “Almost, Maine” is comprised of nine vignettes exploring love and loss in a small town in northern Maine.

A unique rom-com, “Almost, Maine” has become one of the most produced plays in the last 10 years, per the production’s website. Throughout the vignettes, the ideal of love sometimes takes on an absurdist, physical form. A character carries around her broken heart in a paper bag, another one

tries to give back her partner's love, gathered up in stuffed trash bags. Griesman remarks, “This play shows so many different kinds of love, and so many different paths to love… that I love!”

Griesman was drawn to the sweet, wholesome tone of “Almost, Maine,” believing that there haven't been enough light-hearted Vassar productions recently. Griesman says, “We don’t need any content warnings for this, and that’s so nice because that means people can sit and just enjoy themselves. I want people to feel like they’ve had a really unique experience. I want them to feel warm and welcome.”

“Almost, Maine” is the first play Griesman has directed at Vassar, though the process has been made smooth by a great team and support network. Griesman comments, “It’s really nice to be able to work with people who are your creative soulmates.” Griesman also pulled from their experience writing plays to inform their directorial decisions.

Cast member Avery Nahf ’26 commented on their acting experience in the play, saying, “I really enjoyed the variety that I got from playing all these mini scenes rather than only one character.” They also said that Griesman really pushed the cast as actors and helped them with their technique, spending some rehearsals focusing on acting exercises. Nahf explained that this was especially helpful in a show where every scene includes only two characters, saying that this intimate acting experience helped them grow as an actor.

Assistant stage manager Grayson Bullard ’26 also remarked on Griesman’s interest in cultivating a good environment for the cast and crew, noting, “I think with this show, more than others I've been involved in, our

director was more interested in the journey than the destination.” Nahf added, “It was one of the most friendly casts I’ve ever had. It was an overall very positive experience, both in what we created and the community we created along with it.”

The play was originally planned to be presented in Blodgett Courtyard. Though setting up and taking down the set every rehearsal was an added challenge, Griesman was committed to the location because of the play’s connection to the outdoors, with some scenes taking place under the stars. They added, “One thing that I really love about Vassar is that there are a lot of spaces that we can use for theater that wouldn’t typically get used for theater.”

Bullard explained that when the production crew saw rain in the forecast about a week before the show, their first plan was to string a tarp over the courtyard. Yet with predictions of high winds, on the morning

of the first show day “Almost, Maine” was moved to the Villard room. Griesman commented on the move, saying, “I like that [the Villard room] is definitely more enclosed and can feel a little bit more cozy than the outside, but I do miss the external facade of Blodgett courtyard and I do miss the feeling of being outside.”

On their performance days, the Villard room was transformed into an intimate venue, with lights strung around the room. Audience members sat on couches and blankets spread on the ground, and were welcomed into the space with a hot cocoa station and homemade stickers. During the play, audience members were as engaged as you might be watching a rom-com in your living room with a friend: They held their breath, looked across the room at friends, laughed out loud and let out a collective “awww” at the moment when two people you were rooting for finally get together.

Clara Alger Guest Columnist

religious uncertainty throughout the album elicits a sense of maturity and pertinence in the Ethel Cain age of indie music; it’s a theme not fully explored in previous albums.”

Image courtesy of petercruise via Wikimedia Commons.

Image courtesy of Clara Alger '26.

Image courtesy of Alisha Arden '25.

Image courtesy of Alisha Arden '25.

FEATURES

Rockin’ around Death Valley with Vassar Earth Science

I’venever been farther West than suburban Houston. You can probably imagine this South Carolinian's excitement when he managed to get a spot on the Vassar Earth Science Department’s trip to Death Valley and the Mojave Desert.

Our group of 16 students and two professors saw a variety of rock features, so I’ll pick my favorites to highlight. Our first stop: the Charlie Brown Outcrop. Named after the Charles Brown Highway directly next to it, The Charlie Brown Outcrop is a beautiful canvas onto which volcanism, metamorphism, faults, tectonic motion and many more geologic forces had a turn with the brush. These forces painted an excellent story of various events over geologic time—from deluges of volcanic ash, fissures in the North American plate, pressure from lava flows, tilting and faulting—all creating a beautiful scar of obsidian and tuff in the mountain side. I am certainly a rock nerd, but you don’t have to be one to recognize it was pretty freaking cool.

Another one of my favorites was the Badwater Salt Flats, famously the lowest point in the United States at 282 feet below sea level. The geologic story behind this wonder-

ful location is all because of tectonic plates, as Visiting Professor of Earth Science and volcanologist John Zayac taught us with his frequent catchphrase: “Let’s talk tectonics!” This chunk of earth got so deep thanks to an upset underneath an unstable portion of the North American tectonic plate. The plate is currently stretching apart in the beginning stages of what eventually (in millions and millions of years) will be a divergent plate boundary, much like the mid-Atlantic ridge. This causes pieces of the ground to rise and fall as the plate fragments, creating faults. The falling pieces make places like Death Valley, and the higher portions make the Panamint Range and Black Mountains on either side of the valley.

The last place that I’ll highlight is Amboy Crater, a dormant volcano in the Mojave Desert that violently erupted about 10,00010,000 years ago. This was a monogenetic eruption—what I like to call a one-and-doner. This means the volcano exhausted the magma chamber that created it and will not erupt again. We got to hike up the volcano and stand in the crater, making observations about what could have happened. We deduced that lava had filled the interior of the crater, causing the wall of the volcano to collapse from pressure and allowing us to hike up into it. The volcano had a beautiful

labyrinth in its center, formed from pieces of basalt rubble from the eruption. Also, since it wasn’t a national park, I got to take rocks with me! Why would you buy a plastic gemstone in a gift shop when you can pick up a hunk of vesicular basalt from the very crater of the volcano that produced it?!

Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” or “Voulez-Vous” in Vancano with my classmates. There’s no experience quite like interrupting the chorus of “Mamma Mia” to ogle at a good alluvial fan.

While the places we went were awe-inspiring, the community was just as spectacular. We had two vans, lovingly named “Vancano” and “Death Vanley National Park.” I had the privilege of riding in Vancano, driven by Professor and sedimentologist Jill Schneiderman (though when she was driving, we called her Jill Schneidervan). Some of my favorite memories from the trip are “Gimme!

And our community in the vans came together at camp. We were split into three tents of four to five with two people sleeping in the vans. We had a fourth tent, but Murphy’s Law and a wind storm had other plans. Over the course of four nights, we made s'mores by the fire, ate surprisingly good food (Zayac’s plantain and black bean chili is something else) and all became fast friends. People I had previously been entirely unacquainted with have become friends that I now hug on sight around campus. From each gorgeous sunrise to each gorgeous sunset, I felt more at home. I would be entirely remiss to not mention my extreme gratitude for this experience. I owe my thanks to the Mary Laflin Rockwell Fund and the generosity of the Rockwell family for helping the Earth Science department put on these great trips. As a low-income student, I had no vision of being able to have an experience like this, and it’s thanks to their support that I had such a great time. I hope to go on similar excursions again, reuniting with familiar faces and making friends with the new ones. Who knew that looking at rocks could be just so cool?

"These forces painted an excellent story of various events over geologic time—from deluges of volcanic ash, fissures in the North American plate, pressure from lava flows, tilting and faulting."

Image courtesy of Harrison Walker '26.

Image courtesy of Harrison Walker '26.

Image courtesy of Katherine Wu '25.

Harrison Walker Guest Columnist

Image courtesy of Alex Murphy '25.

FEATURES

Columnist writes a love letter to Brewers and their outfits

Yaksha Gummadapu Columnist

Ihavea lot of jeans. Some thrifted, some gifted and some recklessly purchased. And I love each and every single one of them. Not in a "I don't let anyone wear them" way or a "freak out when I drop food on them" way, I just enjoy wearing them. I like pairing them with my sister's crop top I stole or a sweater my aunt bought me. And this isn’t because I am a materialistic teenager with a crippling shopping addiction. It’s because owning clothes that I genuinely like and will style in various ways for years to come is a form of expression I truly prioritize. I suspect this love for clothes has something to do with the fact that I spent most of my grade school days hidden in a uniform that consisted of a navy blue skirt of abysmal proportions and a scratchy white button-down with navy polka dots to tie to the top of the skirt. If that wasn’t stifling enough, I had to wear my hair in two braids and wear black non-marked shoes with white calf-length socks.

A school uniform, as once defended by my eighth-grade math teacher, was an equalizer. No one should come to school decked out in the latest designer pieces and make those who could not afford the same clothes feel inferior or left out. It was interesting to hear this come from a teacher at an exclusive private school that offered no scholarships or financial aid. But I thought that it was the principle that mattered; I accepted that my ugly uniform served a purpose and that my hatred towards it was just my privilege getting in the way. But as I got older, I realized it was being enforced as a means of policing us rather than creating equity. Girls with skirts above their

knees were publicly shamed in front of their peers. They were forced to put their hair in two braids using rubber bands if one of their hair ties snapped. I remember my friend was told to wear neutral colored bras that couldn’t be seen through the thin material of the school shirt. We were in the sixth grade. Every rule felt like an oppressive burden that both weirdly sexualized and dehumanized me. But I was scared of teachers hating me and detentions after school, so I wore neutral bras and bought my skirts one size too big and carried extra hair ties in my bag. My love for clothes and fashion was saved for outings with friends and organized neatly into Pinterest boards, filed away for a time when I could wear what I wanted every single day.

It wasn’t until the first day of international orientation at Vassar that I realized there was no uniform folded in my dresser that I had to wear. I could pick from the clothes I had meticulously curated when I was waiting for days like this. I went into autopilot. I had made so many outfits in my head over the years that making one for a relatively lowstakes occasion was a breeze. Within 10 minutes, I had laid out my outfit and a backup. At that moment, I was so confident in my own fashion sense that I could style Rihanna for the Met Gala. For the first time in my teenage life, I was trusted with the ability to dress myself to intermingle with peers and administrators at an educational institution that I had gotten into on my own merit. I was and still am the same smart and capable woman in high school regardless of what I was wearing: my shorts were well above my knees, my hair was down.

Being at Vassar has only reassured me of that. This campus is filled with smart, kind,

talented and incredibly well-dressed people. It makes me feel more certain that I am in a place where individuality is respected, and individuals themselves don’t shy away from wearing their hearts on their sleeves. And contrary to the worry of my eighthgrade math teacher, I haven’t seen many people prance around in Miu Miu ballet flats or vintage Vivienne Westwood Jewellery. I have seen hand-painted red hearts on bleached hair on Valentine’s Day; traditional garments from all around the world paired with Doc Martens (after all, we still are lib-

eral arts kids); grandfathers’ sweaters stolen over Thanksgiving break protecting us from the Hudson Valley cold. Everyone is wearing what they want. This campus is a living, breathing, self-rolled-cigarette-smoking reminder that everything I was told about the correlation between my body, clothes and my worth in high school was false. And so every morning, I put on my silly little outfit and go to my classes and invest in both my future and my own identity—just like everyone else here. In that sense, I have never felt more equal to my peers.

Weathering the seasonal changes with quality movies

2. Better Days (2019) (TW/CW: This movie contains abuse and suicide)

As the winter snow makes way for spring flowers, the weather continues to get considerably better. To commemorate the warmer weather and the changing season, here are some movie suggestions for the spring. This is the second part of a two part series. Spoilers ahead!

1. Hotarubi no Mori e (2011)

To kick off the spring list of movies, we have “Hotarubi no Mori e” (蛍火の杜へ, known in English as “To the Forest of Firefly Lights”). Don’t let the short runtime of 45 minutes fool you. This Japanese fantasy flick directed by Takahiro Omori does an excellent job of curating an amazing story with its limited runtime. I was also apprehensive about the short duration and wondered if the film would have time to develop a compelling story, but I was proven very wrong. Based on a manga of the same name by Yuki Midorikawa, the story follows a young girl named Hotaru and her blooming relationship with a forest spirit named Gin whose human form resembles a young man with a mask. Every summer after their first encounter, Hotaru returns to the forest to spend time with Gin, enabling their relationship to flourish. However, as Hotaru continues to age while Gin does not, complications in their already complex relationship start to arise. The animation perfectly personifies the cheerful essence of youth and innocence with its ultra-realistic and breathtaking portrayal of nature. “Hotarubi no Mori e” is an exceptional coming-of-age tale that anyone can enjoy. If you’re looking for something short to binge, this is the right movie for you.

High school is an experience that many people never forget, for reasons good and bad. This film is a glimpse into the bad. Derek Tsang’s “Better Days'' takes viewers into the world of Chen Nian, a bullied Chinese schoolgirl, as she balances studying for the infamous gaokao exam, dealing with relentless harassment from her peers and managing a budding romance with Xiao Bei, a teenage thug she met after experiencing a terrifying gang fight. This Chinese romantic drama film tackles very sensitive topics such as suicide, abuse and bullying. Thanks to the phenomenal acting from the cast, the important message that bullying shouldn’t be taken lightly in schools is brought to life. As a Chinese student at Vassar, I found this movie incredibly thought-provoking as it taught me more about the Chinese education system and how a student’s life outside of class can influence their success. I saw my own background represented by Nian and some of the other fantastic characters in the movie. If you want to learn more about the extreme exam culture in China while also indulging in a worthwhile drama, “Better Days” is your film to watch.

3. Midsommar (2019)

(TW: this movie contains gore and upsetting themes)

Wrapping up this catalog of movies is the horror-thriller film “Midsommar,” directed by Ari Aster in collaboration with wellknown Swedish filmmakers Lars Knudsen and Patrik Anderrson. This film follows a couple, Dani and Christian, as they travel to rural Sweden with a few other friends to attend the Hårga commune’s midsummer

festival. Although the festival begins normally enough, viewers soon find the protagonists trapped in the clutches of a sinister cult practicing a twisted form of paganism. I remember sitting on my bed and clutching my bed sheets tight as the nightmare began to unravel itself. After watching the film in full, I can definitively say that it isn’t for the faint hearted. The movie depicts cultism in action and the dangers that it poses to society. It also tackles the ways in which cults prey on emotionally vulnerable individuals such as Dani who saw the trip to Sweden as

an escape from her traumas. The juxtaposition between the gorgeous Swedish meadows and the cult’s evil tendencies throughout the movie is very unsettling as well. If you want to see something horrifying and dark, then you should definitely watch “Midsommar.”

There you have it: three amazing movies to watch as we enter the last stretch of the academic year. As finals creep up, please remember to study hard but also to take time for yourself. Good luck, and have fun streaming!

Richard Lu Columnist

Image courtesy of Vanaja Gummadapu.

Kai Speirs/ Miscellany News.

Breaking News

From the desk of Madi Donat, Humor Editor

TikTok ban comes as real shock to the Doom Scrolling for Hours Until You Feel Like Death community

Carpe DM: Top dating tips for single fish

Oliver Stewart Fish Bish

It’s springtime again, and love is in the air. And the water. That’s why we at The Miscellany News consulted all the relevant experts and collected five of the hottest dating tips for all you single salmon, lonesome lampreys and cichlids craving companionship out there.

#1: Don’t act the clownfish around a potential match

According to numerous experts, one of

the biggest turn-offs for a potential fishy love interest is immature behavior such as blowing bubbles, unnecessary fin-flapping and other forms of silliness. Dr. Cornwall B. Eelfucker, author of “The Pleasurable Fish: A Beginner’s Guide to Navigating Connection, Sex and Intimacy With Your Aquatic Companion,” believes that most fish in the proverbial and literal dating pool are looking for a more mature finny friend to settle down with, and fry-like antics just won’t fly.

#2: The remora the merrier

Nobody likes a date who shows up dirty and ill-kempt, and fish are no exception. According to Dr. Cornwall B. Eelfucker, leading light in the burgeoning field of marine sexology, making a trip to a cleaner-fish like a remora beforehand could make the world of difference. “Personal hygiene is everything, and that doesn’t change once you go beneath the waves,” Dr. Eelfucker says. “Before your next trip to the sandbar, get cleaned up. It’ll make a bigger difference than you expect.”

#3: Don’t be afraid to shell out

Going on a date can be a nervous experience, and many fish are reluctant to splash the cash on a relationship that may not go beyond the first date. However, according to Dr. Cornwall B. Eelfucker, who has spent

thousands of dollars on fish-related Amazon purchases, nobody likes a cheapskate.

“Keeping the purse strings tied tight on a first date is a signal to potential matches that you’re not ready to commit to a serious relationship,” Dr. Eelfucker claims. “Show your dates that you vmean business by spending a few sand dollars on your first night out. Spoil them, or I will.”

#4: Nobody likes a largemouth bass

We all overshare at times, but according to Dr. Cornwall B. Eelfucker, against whom all swordfish somehow have a restraining order, this impulse may scupper your chances of landing a second date with the

bream of your dreams. “There’s nothing less attractive than a fish who blabs on about themself for the entire date without asking you anything about yourself,” he says. “I would never do such a thing. I would gaze deeply into your beautiful eyes and fulfill your wettest, wildest fantasies. Please message me on Fishtian Mingle, because I’ve fallen for you hook, line and sinker.”

#5: Call Cornvwall B. Eelfucker at 871-800-****

This information has been deemed unsafe for our readers. Please contact the editors at misc@vassar.edu for more information.

The Love Queen on getting next-level gains

I’ve decided it’s time for me to go get that gym bod I’ve always wanted. The only problem is… I don’t know how to work out, and every time I go to the gym I see cute guys there. How do I avoid looking stupid while trying to figure out the machines?

Hey, queen! First, cute guys at the AFC?? Where?? Asking for a friend… If you could let me know what days/times you have been going, that’d be great. Second, I feel you. When I started working out, I too thought I looked stupid—I mean, it’s hard not to after you trip and fly off the treadmill, or sit on a bike seat that’s way too tall, feet flailing trying to reach the pedals. But you know what, from one girlie to another, I’ll let you in on a little secret: no one cares what you do in the gym, so don’t worry—no one’s watching you! (Actually, probably everyone is watching you, lol, but the key is not caring.)

Don’t worry, for the most part, the machines are pretty easy to figure out. They all have pictures with instructions on how to use them. It’s kinda like inserting a tampon for the first time: awkward until you do it enough that it stops being scary. If you want guidance though, you could also watch TikToks or YouTube videos beforehand (@nataleebfitness on TikTok has great content and is the confident

gym queen we should all aspire to be, like honestly). And in terms of weights, try everything on a low weight, and once you have the movements down, go heavier until it feels challenging enough. Eventually,

you’ll find the one or two machines you feel really comfortable on, so when a cute guy does arrive at the gym (or you sense one watching you), you can show him just how good you are (well, at least at that one

machine). Alternatively, you could stand there and look so confused, or actively be trying to use a machine so incorrectly that the cute guy feels obligated to come to your rescue. Good luck, queen!

The Love Queen Cupid's Little Helper ;)

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

Oliver Stewart/The Miscellany News.

Nina Ajemian/The Miscellany News.

Land the job as a thumb-sucking dolt!

It’s job hunting season once again, and that can only mean one thing: Most of the senior class now has to find gainful employment out in the mysterious, confusing, utterly terrifying Real World. This is a real challenge, especially considering that most of us can’t show up anywhere less than half an hour late, holding an iced coffee and reeking of weed. But unless you’ve decided to dodge this horrible process via grad school, which obviously comes really cheap and is a total breeze to get into, you’ll have to figure something out.

Luckily for you, I’m here to help. I’ve been named Forbes’ Most Employable Woman for four years running—since I never had an actual job during any of those four years, I was eligible for employment the whole time—and a number of career counselors have referred to me as “a very special case.” With my brain, charisma, wits and daring, and your…uh…other useful qualities, there’s

nothing the two of us can’t do together. So let’s get started!

My First Hot Tip: Apply for great jobs! I know—it seems obvious, right? But so many people are only applying to the worst gigs on the market, all because they don’t actually know what’s out there. So many people think that it’s a great move to get into investment banking or law or medicine or that kind of nonsense, when in reality you couldn’t do much worse. Instead, apply to those intriguing listings on LinkedIn, the ones written in broken English and offering high salaries for positions with companies that, according to Google, don't actually exist. Make work work for you!

Secondly: Widen your net! Tons of folks are incredibly closed-minded about where they’d like to work and live. Unfortunately, with the way the world is today, 99 percent of entry-level positions in 99 percent of cities around the country require ten years of related experience—so unless you started work in middle school, you’ll have to get creative!

Maybe you can’t become a brand marketer in New York City, but look abroad—there could be a great position for you in exotic cities like Mombasa, Jakarta or even Peoria. With a little searching, you could even find yourself in Spain without the S!

Thirdly: Be curious! You need to be careful out there: Not everything in the working world is as it seems. When a job offers a high salary, that’s often because it has terrible working conditions. When a job has a high salary and great working conditions, that’s usually because it’s located in Skeeterville, TX. And when a New York City job has a high salary and great working conditions, that’s a sign you need to give those shrooms a chance to wear off!

A fourth and final tip: Seek alternative employment! Think: Do you really want to work 80 hours a week as a paralegal for a piddling $50,000? Do you really want to go deep into debt in med school and then make just slightly more than that as a resident at a hospital that wasn’t even on “Grey’s Anat-

omy”? Just look to alternative models of employment for an inspiring new direction. Avid players of the documentary video game series “The Sims” will know that there’s no need to work any job at all when you can simply stand at an easel for 18 hours at a stretch, cranking out masterpieces for ten thousand simoleons a pop. Or turn to OnlyFans and sell feet pics for a living! Really, the possibilities are endless, and even broader if you don’t mind starving to death along the way.

So there you have it: a foolproof, failsafe plan for a fruitful working life. Nailing down a job is easy once you know how, which is why I’m currently weighing a spate of offers from Goldman Sachs, NASA, McKinsey, HSBC and the Club Penguin pizza parlor. But for all you mere mortals out there who actually have to look for work, I hope this helps. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have enormous stacks of coins to dive into like a porpoise, just like Scrooge McDuck. See you next time—and get a job, you hippies!

Alyssa Willeford No 1 Most Employable

HUMOR

HOROSCOPES

Madi Donat Astral Projector

ARIES March 21 | April 19

TAURUS April 20 | May 20

GEMINI May 21 | June 20

CANCER June 21 | July 22

LEO July 23 | Aug. 22

VIRGO Aug. 23 | Sept. 22

Manducate. Contumulate.

Extravage.

Obnubilate.

Cachinnate.

LIBRA Sept. 23 | Oct. 22

SCORPIO Oct. 23 | Nov. 21

Lucubrate.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 | Dec. 21

Witwanton.

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 | Jan. 19

Prevaricate.

Festoon. Nemn. Skirl.

Ensorcell.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 | Feb. 18

PISCES Feb. 19 |

March 20

HUMOR

STICK FIGURES OF VASSAR

Morgan Miller

Tori Kim/The Miscellany

OPINIONS

Acceptance of military violence against women must stop

Britt Andrade Columnist

[CW: This article discusses sexual assault and death.]

In 2012, I joined the United States Army. During basic training, the two female drill sergeants assigned to my company rounded up all of the women to explain the standards we would be expected to maintain while we were there. We learned about hairstyles that would work best for us based on different hair types, they gave advice on the best feminine hygiene products to use in the field and they ended the crash course with a conversation about perception. In the military, perception is everything. How people saw you was how you would be treated and, according to these drill sergeants, women had two choices: We could be a bitch, or we could be a hoe. Both meant being hated, just for different reasons. It was a harsh thing to hear at 20 years old, especially from the women who would be training me over the next two months. I wish I could tell you that they were wrong, that my experience in the military wasn’t made more difficult because of my gender identity, but that would be lying. Worse, it would be feeding into a narrative about women’s military service that allows for the violence against women to continue to be swept under the rug.

Why am I writing about this topic though? I got out of the Army in 2019, and I’ve been a college student for the last three years. Why am I speaking out now about violence against women in the military? Because last week, during a mindless scroll through TikTok, I came across a video about Private Second Class (PV2) Ana Basalda Ruiz, a 20-yearold active duty Army soldier who was found dead at Fort Hood, TX. The video was short and simple: Basalda Ruiz was dead, the military police claimed that there were no signs of foul play and she had complained to her family shortly before her death that she was being sexually harassed at work. I went to the internet to verify, and there in blackand-white was NBC reporting the same thing. Ruiz was found dead at the same base that made national news in 2020 when Private First Class (PFC) Vanessa Guillén went missing and her body was later recovered. Guillén’s family had to demand an investigation—they had to beg for answers, and now another family is being asked to do the same.

It would be easy to say that this is a Fort Hood problem. That we should shut the base down and let it fade away into nothingness. But the issue isn’t the base. Fort Hood is an inanimate object, a plot of land with buildings and roadways and planes. It's the people that make Fort Hood a hellscape assignment. Its leadership from the top all the way down

convinces people that they can get away with mistreatment. According to Futures Without Violence, less than 14 percent of the more than 19,000 estimated sexual assaults in 2010 were reported. Of the reported 3,192 cases, only 191 led to a court-martial conviction. One in three convicted sex offenders remains in the military. Those numbers are bleak. If I had known them before I joined, we’d be having a different conversation right now.

Women are afraid to speak out. The bestcase scenario is to be the stick in the mud who can’t take a joke. During my last year in the military, I was told on at least three different occasions that I didn’t need to report the guys in my shop for inappropriate language because that’s just how guys talk, and it was a compliment that they felt comfortable being themselves around me. Never mind that their “being themselves” made me feel uncomfortable and worried about the safety of their wives and children. The worst-case scenario is reporting the abuse and being killed as a result.

Guillén reported the harassment, PFC Denisha Montgomery reported her assault in Germany to her family and swore that she was reporting it to the Criminal Investigation Department (CID) the next day and Ruiz reported sexual harassment to her family. All three women are dead. Only one has

had any form of justice, and her justice never saw a courtroom. Guillén’s killer, a Specialist in her unit, committed suicide when military police arrived to question him about Guillén’s death. Military service comes with isolation. Service members are away from their families, without support systems, often for the first time. In a male-dominated industry, women become especially vulnerable. Sexual Harassment, Assault and Rape Prevention (SHARP) training doesn’t mean anything if the military community treats it as a joke. Providing reporting options doesn’t mean anything if the accused can run their mouth with impunity and win in the court of public opinion. Perception is reality in the military, and right now it is creating a deadly environment for women, trans women, nonbinary people—basically anyone who isn’t perceived as a cisgendered man.

The experience of women in service isn’t unique. The military is often the perfect demographic for sociological understanding in America due to the diversity within its ranks. If this is how women are treated in a highly respected field, then what does that say for the rest of the women in our country? Demanding accountability and change in the treatment of one woman is to demand it for us all. To paraphrase one of my favorite poets, Jasmin Kaur, scream now so future generations never lose their voice.

AI art isn’t exploitative—and that’s the problem

With the advancement of artificial intelligence (AI), the computer science world has collided with the visual art world— and it’s not pretty. AI-generated art has progressed to the point where it is barely distinguishable from human-generated art. This presents an issue: Many artists may soon be out of a job. Why invest in human work when a computer could do a similar job in a fraction of the time and for a fraction of the cost?

In response to this looming crisis, artists and non-artists alike have attempted to halt the current path of AI art development. Their efforts are commonly supported by the claim, echoed in Nicholas Tillinghast’s Feb. 8 article in The Miscellany News, that AI image generators don’t actually generate anything new; AI art is only the result of the art that is fed into them. So when an AI is trained on an image without the creator’s consent, that’s allegedly theft and exploitation. I believe this claim is misguided.

AI image generation is often based on artificial neural networks, modeled after biological neural networks, like the human brain. According to IBM, artificial neural networks are made up of interconnected nodes, which are mathematical or computational functions. The first products of an AI will be pretty bad, but as the AI is given more data of labeled and unlabeled images, it can identify its errors and change its network to attempt to fix them—this is called “training.” According to AssemblyAI, AI art generators are typically trained via diffusion models, which feed the AI an image of Gaussian noise (static made according to a normal distribution) and train the AI how to denoise the image. This means that engrained in the image generation is a level of spontaneity, because there are nearly endless images of static that can each be denoised in a unique way.

When you ask DALL-E 2, a leading AI image generator, for “a dog riding a skate-

board in the style of a Van Gogh painting,” it isn’t blending together images of dogs and skateboards and Van Gogh paintings. The AI doesn’t even remember the original images; it only “remembers” the modifications its neural network made after being introduced to those images. It can learn that “the style of a Van Gogh painting” denotes certain colors and textures, “skateboard” represents a roughly oval shape with some circles connected below, “riding” means that the dog will be above the skateboard and so on, albeit in its own language.

An AI being trained on works of Van Gogh is actually very analogous to a human viewing and comprehending Van Gogh. Similar mathematical patterns are also developed in our minds, except using organic matter. So is an AI generating Van Gogh-esque images at request any more exploitative than a human generating such images at commission?

Obviously, this similarity presents a problem: If this “innovation” can be justified, real human artists will be harmed. There are a few ways to respond. As detailed by TechCrunch, the art-community website DeviantArt has introduced a new option for artists to prevent their work from being used for training AI. I would argue that preventing AI from processing your work makes about as much sense as preventing fellow human artists from viewing your work. All that changes is that the credit of the “inspiration” doesn’t go to a fellow artist—it goes to a programmer. And, of course, the programmer can produce new art much more efficiently.

I believe the appropriate and effective way to respond is to differentiate the values of human-created and AI-created art. But to do this, we need to consider a more fundamental question: Why should we value art in the first place?

This is obviously a complex issue. Currently, according to The Art Story, the art world is largely dominated by a postmodern conception, in which the value of art lies in the viewer’s own subjective experience of it rather than the creator’s objective intent.

This empowerment of the viewer is meant to be democratizing, and in some ways it is. But when placed in our current socioeconomic context, it promotes the commodification of artworks. The creators are alienated from their creations, and all that remains are investments with mere monetary value.

If we only recognize the end result as valuable, human art as we know it is over, since AI can replicate it through a benign process. But if we also emphasize the intent and context of the art, and how that manifests in works of art, we can establish a key distinction: A human artist has a life of their own from which they can be inspired. Human art is uniquely valuable because we, as viewers, can view our lives from a new perspective: the perspective of the artist. We can learn, from the source, experiences impossible to convey in words alone—or in prompts alone. The human artist can produce new revela-

tions as a result of their life experience.

An AI image generator does not have a life—at least not a life that we, as human viewers, care about. It has only experienced past works, so it can’t generate novelty of this kind (at least until AI gets much more advanced). I concede that the prompt of AI art can have intent, but only in the same way that the commission of human art has intent. In its most transactional, capitalistic form, the real artist of a commissioned work is the client; the human “artist”—like the computer—is only a tool.

If we want to save human art, attempting to halt the progress of AI is not the answer. That’s a futile exercise; we cannot close Pandora's box. Instead, we have to change how we think about artworks themselves—not as empty commodities, but as the creations of artists embedded with life experiences and intent. Robots can’t take that away.

Edward Welch Morgan Copy Staff

“A dog riding a skateboard in the style of a Van Gogh painting.” Image courtesy of DALL-E 2.

Vassar baseball off to best start since 2003

Nick Villamil Assistant Sports Editor

WithCOVID-19 restrictions on athletics in the rearview mirror, the Matt Righter era at Vassar is finally hitting its long-earned stride. In Righter’s sixth season as Head Coach, the Brewers are 137, the baseball program’s best start since 2003, when the team posted the same record through 20 games, according to Vassar Athletics.

This fast start is a welcomed turnaround from last season when the Brewers started 8-12 in their first full season since 2019.

“I felt we were good last year too to be honest. We just didn't win,” Righter told The Miscellany News through email correspondence. “The pandemic took away opportunities from our senior class which delayed some of their [Class of 2023] development and leadership.”

Now, the Brewers are starting to win. After splitting a two-game road series with Purchase College to open the season and posting a 5-4 record at the RussMatt Central Florida Invitational over spring break, the team has won seven of its last 10 contests, including a series victory over Bard College to open conference play.

“I think the experience of last year helped and now we're seeing the fruits of our labor as a team,” said Righter. “At Vassar, you’re not going to just add transfers like other

schools to fill holes or add leadership. Development is key in those areas and I think we're starting to see everything come together like we expected.”

Offensively, the team has been prolific with a complete arsenal of hitters posting impressive averages. Vassar’s nine most commonly used starters are batting .353 as a lineup, with five batters posting an even better average individually. Among the five is Andrew Kanellis ’23, the only Brewer to appear and start in every game this season. Kanellis is hitting .395 with six home runs, 27 runs batted in and 32 hits. His on-base percentage plus slugging percentage (OPS) is a staggering 1.244. The only two Brewers with higher batting averages are Daniel Laderman ’25 and Ty Murray ’24, who are batting .486 and .456 respectively. Along with Reid Lapekas ’24, Adam Talwalkar ’23 and Ezra Caspi ’23, Kanellis, Laderman and Murray are among the six Brewers posting an OPS better than 1.000.

Ryan Harris ’23 and Addison Lee ’26 have led the way on the mound for Vassar with two wins each and earned run averages of 3.51 and 5.64 respectively. In the Brewers bullpen, Collin Donnelly ’25, Zach Magee ’23 and Jack Blau ’25 have all earned saves.

Righter is pleased with his team’s performance to date, but sees potential for growth across the board: “We've been hitting well as a team but we've left some runners on base because of momentary lapses

in approach. On the mound, we need to cut down on walks.”

He continued, “If we can continue to take small steps in each of those areas, I feel like we'll be hitting our peak at the end of the season when it matters most.”

the guys.”

Also leading the Brewers is Associate Head Coach Blayne Fuke, who has been at Vassar since 2014 and was a decorated fouryear standout for the University of Rochester, another Liberty League program. Righter called Fuke a pillar of the program: “He's consistent, hard working, loyal and knows the game inside and out.”

Righter sees his seniors, whose first collegiate season was canceled after only eight games, as the leaders so crucial to a team, regardless of how effective the coaching is.

With such an experienced coaching staff, progress in all of the aforementioned areas can certainly be expected in the following weeks— and has already been apparent compared to last season. Righter, a two-sport standout at John Hopkins in baseball and basketball, was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in the 21st round of the 2004 MLB draft and played as high as AAA professionally before focusing on coaching, which runs in the family. Rigther’s father is the all-time winningest basketball coach at Clarion University with 402 wins over a 26-year career.

“Coaching at the college level was always one of my dreams,” said Righter. “I grew up as a basketball coach's son and absolutely loved watching my father on the court with

“I couldn't be more proud of this senior class,” he said. “Captains Andrew Kanellis, Ezra Caspi and Adam Talwalkar have led the charge and really helped to transform this team into a winning program. Top to bottom, this class has been fantastic and I'm really fortunate that they stuck it out during some tough years.”

With strong leadership and an encouraging start to the season, Righter has clear ambitions for his squad this season. “Our goals remain at the highest level. Win the conference and make a run at a World Series. In my opinion, we have the talent.”

Righter also recognizes that while seasoned in difficult situations, his team is one that does not have playoff baseball experience. This could be a roadblock but not decidedly a deterrent. As he put it: “If a team is playing with confidence, anything is possible."

MLB season gets underway: Who and what to watch

Spring is in the air, and the 2023 Major League Baseball (MLB) season is underway. With just a few of the 162 games in the books, it is way too early to accurately predict what will happen. But, there are some exciting things to watch out for this year, no matter how the games end up going.

The biggest headline of the offseason and spring training is the new rule changes implemented by MLB. These changes were made in an attempt to speed up the pace of the games and increase the action. With ratings declining in recent decades according to Statista, MLB is trying to adapt. Many believe that the decline in ratings can be attributed to the lack of balls put in play. When a batter puts a ball in play, there is immediate action. So many possibilities exist: It could be a clean single, an extra base hit that sees the batter charging around the bases, an out, an error by a fielder and even more possible outcomes. In recent years, the MLB has seen strikeouts go way up, as well as home runs. For example, before 2010, there had never been an MLB season where the league averaged 7.0 strikeouts per game or higher. Since 2016, there has not been a season where the league averaged below 8.0 strikeouts per game. This number

ratings declining in recent decades according to Statista, MLB is trying to adapt. Many believe that the decline in ratings can be attributed to the lack of balls put in play."

reached as high as 8.81 in 2019, according to Baseball Reference. In terms of home runs, six out of the top seven highest home run rates came from the 2016 season or later, with data dating all the way back to 1871, Baseball Reference reported.

So how does MLB plan to fix this? They have implemented a number of changes that they hope will both increase action and shorten games. After a month of spring training, the results are quite encouraging. The two biggest rule changes are the elimination of the shift and the implementation of a pitch clock. The defensive shift has been eliminated because MLB believes it will raise batting averages. The new rule states that when a pitch is thrown, all four infielders must be on the infield dirt or infield grass, and there must be two fielders on either side of second base, according to ESPN. The biggest change though is the pitch clock. With the bases empty, a pitcher will have 15 seconds to throw a pitch, and 20 seconds when there is a runner on base. Hitters must be in the batter's box with eight seconds remaining on the clock. If the pitcher takes longer than the pitch clock allows for, he will be penalized by adding a ball to the count. If the hitter violates the clock, he will be penalized by adding a strike to the count, according to ESPN. There is evidence from the minor leagues (where these rules were implemented last year) that these rules will have a big impact, so executives in MLB are excited about them.

Aside from the rule changes, there are lots of exciting storylines to follow heading into the season. Here are some of the big ones. Can the Mets deliver?

The Mets made some big splashes in free agency this offseason by signing or extending players such as Justin Verlander, Edwin Diaz and Brandon Nimmo. Although their crosstown rivals, the Yankees, are the team that is historically known for “buying” championships by grossly outspending all the other teams, this season the Mets have taken that

role. According to Spotrac, the Mets have a 2023 payroll of $336 million. That is over $67 million more than the team with the second highest payroll, the aforementioned Yankees, and well over twice the league average payroll. It is also over $100 million greater than the MLB Competitive Balance Threshold, a kind of “soft cap” that is meant to be followed by teams in order to keep the league competitive (but in reality, the only penalty for crossing this threshold is a tax, which doesn’t stop the richest teams anyway). This lack of equality among team payrolls has long been criticized by fans and undoubtedly puts the teams with less rich owners or smaller markets at a huge competitive disadvantage. So with these numbers in mind, there is no doubt that anything short of a World Series title would be straight up embarrassing for the Mets. It would be like if the rich kid who has had everything handed to him on a silver platter his whole life still failed to be successful. But the Mets have a rich history of ineptitude. Not only have they not won a World Series since 1986, but they had incredibly high expectations the last few seasons and have not made it past the first round of the playoffs since 2015. In fact, they failed to make the playoffs in all but two years during that timespan. They had a huge division lead at the halfway point of last season and choked it away to the Braves in the last game of the season, forcing themselves to be a wildcard where they then immediately got bounced out of the first round by the San Diego Padres. They have already lost closer Diaz for the season to a knee injury, so they are well on their way to blowing it yet again.

How will Aaron Judge follow his historic season?

Last season, Judge not only won the American League (AL) MVP award, but he hit 62 home runs, a new AL single-season record. He was rewarded with a huge new contract from the Yankees worth $360 million over nine years, per The Athletic. So the expectations are clearly sky high. Everyone is

wondering how he can follow up his historic season. It seems unreasonable to expect him to hit 62 home runs again, but how close will he get? Will he justify the huge new contract, or will the Yankees quickly have buyer’s remorse?

Can Shohei Ohtani keep it up?

Judge may have been the AL MVP last season, but Ohtani has been the best all-around player in baseball over the last two years. After having injury problems his first couple seasons, Ohtani was able to stay healthy in 2021 and 2022, and he did things that no one has even dreamed of doing since Babe Ruth. He put up all-star worthy numbers as both a hitter and a pitcher. Over the last two seasons, Ohtani has hit 80 home runs, driven in 195 runs, stolen 37 bases and has an on base plus slugging percentage (OPS) of .917. Simultaneously, he went 24-11 as a pitcher with a 2.70 earned run average (ERA) over 296.1 innings that included 375 strikeouts according to Baseball Reference. So can he keep it up yet again? And, even more intriguing, where will Ohtani end up? With free agency impending, there are plenty of rumors that Ohtani wants out of Los Angeles, where he has spent the last five seasons on an underperforming team that has not made the playoffs in his tenure.

Can the Padres win it all?

Similar to the Mets, the Padres had a big offseason. They extended star pitcher Yu Darvish on a six-year deal, and they acquired shortstop Xander Bogaerts on an 11-year deal in free agency. Not only that, but they made it all the way to the NLCS last year without Fernando Tatis Jr., who will return from suspension this year. They also acquired Juan Soto, arguably the best hitter in baseball, at the trade deadline last year in a blockbuster trade with the Washington Nationals. The Padres are overflowing with all star talent, and it is not an understatement to call them a super team. Anything short of a World Series title should be considered a huge failure for them this season.

Doug Cobb

Sports Editor

“I think the experience of last year helped and now we're seeing the fruits of our labor as a team."

“With

CROSSWORD

The Miscellany Crossword

"Did the Joke Land?"

By Sadie Keesbury

ACROSS

1. Movie which won Best Original Song for its “Naatu Naatu”

4. Jansen of elementary school novels

7. “Man” who runs from ghosts in a maze

10. Belonging to that guy

13. Take to court

14. Grp. for lawyers

15. Gene messenger

16. Number less than two

17. MTV yearly honor

18. Type of arts including Taekwondo

20. Purpose

21. Undercover cop

24. Most common English conjunction

25. Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby

27. California mega-tree

31. Messes up, as ink

33. Genre for My Chemical Romance or Fallout Boy

34. Baby louse

36. “OK, I've had it!”

37. Bugs

39. Government grp. protecting the Earth

41. Boston sports radio

42. Pertaining to a Sicilian volcano

45. _____-Mo

47. Year after Jr.

48. Tired, perhaps by a long journey

50 .Actress Bening

53. Robo-caller

55. Logan International Airport, on a departure chart

56. What a 21A might wear to the airport?

60. College, to a Brit

62. Chadwick of Black Panther

63. Fitting

65. _____-eds (what we don't have at Vassar)

66. Baton Rouge sch.

67. “Twilight” Volturi leader

Answers to last week’s puzzle:

"This Is A Good One"

By Sadie Keesbury

68. Uncle, in Oaxaca

69. Big pig

70. “Yikes!”

71. OpenOffice file type

72. Cash dispenser

DOWN

1. Cold-like sickness, for short

2. Behind

3. Not fake

4. El _____ (“Breaking Bad” movie)

5. Leave behind

6. Jacobs of fashion

7. Previous criminal convictions

8. European beauty brand

9. Seventh vice president

10. They might require an extra set of clean towels

11. Opposite of outs

12. Take a look

19. “No Scrubs” band

22. Sound of adoration 23. Donate 26. Interim royalty

27. Novel, again

28. App for communicating with prisoners

29. Canine crime

30. Cease to live

32. Middle-earth region

35. Pranks with two-ply

38. Intermediate ecological stage

40. _____ mode (pie option)

43. Able to be directed

44. Western Pennsylvania slang for a snoop

46. Orient, as a boss to a new hire

49. Makes fancier

51. Double negative

52. YTA or NTA alternative

54. Cancer-causing substance, for short

57. “HAHAHAHA!!!”

58. I could _____ horse!

59. Saliva

60. Sound of annoyance

61. The One, in “The Matrix”

64. Male cat